Ooh, what is this? A distraction from The Ambassadors? I'll take it!

After being sucked into the magical land of Equestria, YOU find yourself as the legendary Brony Hero in this exciting interactive adventure. Will you find the Time Orb and restore peace to the land? Or will you marry Fluttershy? Will you defeat the evil demon king Tirek? Or will you marry Luna?

I'll prefer to wake up, thank you very much.

With 21 endings to choose from, only you can decide your fate!

Yup, we get to decide the fate of the manbaby. I expect you all to get him killed.

You wake up as the warm rays of Celestia’s sun shine through your bedroom window. No, not Celestia’s sun! You narrow your eyes in hatred at the pale imitation hanging outside your window, shackled by logic and physics, shaking your fist at it from the comfort of your bed.

Yeah, damn you to hell, physics!

From downstairs, you can smell bacon being fried as your mum cooks breakfast. You lick your lips and pull on the pair of boxers that looks least used as you prepare to start the day.

You are a brony. Or as you prefer to call yourself, an ‘Animated Equine Enthusiast’. Standing in front of the mirror, you flex your toned brony muscles and admire your physique. Like most bronies you are a closet intellectual, spending your time between the appreciation of great works of literature, promoting the ethos of ‘love and tolerance’ through your myriad charity work, and working a twelve hour shift at McDonalds.

...

I already fucking love this story.

“Darling, it’s breakfast time! Num nums!” your mum calls up sweetly. You ignore her, wading through the bin-bags that litter the floor of your bedroom and collapse onto your swivel chair. Your computer sits in front of you, that glorious glowing rectangle through which you experience the full richness of life.

A typical brony.

“If only it was real…” you murmur sadly, as you stroke the Fluttershy hugging pillow that sits propped by your desk when it’s not in use. “If only…” You look at your computer and then at the pile of empty Mountain Dew bottles that cover the floor.





Well... after THAT horrific image that I'll never get out of my head oh god why visualizing in my brain, we might as well get to the meat and potatoes of this fic. That's right, it's time for

READER

INTERACTION!

So, should we:

Browse the internet for pony

Go shopping for ten gallons of Mountain Dew

Or seduce the Fluttershy pillow?

Voting time is two days, we'll keep going untill we hit the best ending.

This is a parody jesus christ.

Voting for Mountain Dew, except if this is the story where the guy gets eaten alive by the plush at the end.

That's the point, Al.


Never heard of it.

I second the Mountain Dew option.

You're supposed to riff bad fanfiction.

If the mods don't think this is appropiate they can close it.

That's because it (probably) doesn't exist and was made up by Shmeckie when My Little Dashie was making its rounds around the place.

I remember that, sad that it doesn't exist though.

You can do whatever you want, but I'd like to point out that this is the only fanfic in history which has gotten universal acclaim here on PA.

It's not that it's against the rules or anything. My philosophy on mocking is that the story needs to be funnier riffed than not riffed, and here that's not the case.

That's just my opinion, though. If you want to riff this then by all means, go ahead.

I actually enjoyed this, but I can read mocks of things I like. I'll go with seducing the Fluttershy pillow to go against the grain.

I've actually talked with the author blueshift, he seems like an ok guy. I've actually read some of his stories and they seem pretty good actually. I've never read this though because my little fetish completely and utterly annihilated interactive stories for me.

as for my choice, i choose Mountain dew, because everyone else is doing it.

Seduce the pillow, because fuck sanity.

Don't worry, there is no penis stump-fucking in this story. It's just a satire on Bronies and how creepy/obsessive the fanbase is.

Seduce the pillow. SEDUCE IT!

Screw the Mountain Dew, let's get the crazy started early. Seduce that pillow!

Well, you all voted for it. Let's seduce that pillow!

You look down at your Fluttershy pillow, smiling at it sweetly. “Oh Fluttershy!” you cry. “When will you be mine?” You turn coyly away, covering your eyes. “I have said too much for your beautiful ears!”

You stand up, striding across the room. “Fluttershy pillow, we have known each other for a long time, ever since I bought you off that scary man on the internet. We have had good times together, very good, and we get on very well. Me, with my wit, charm and sentience, and you with your inanimate pillowness. I think we should take our relationship to the next level!”

Marriage?

You wait for a while, but the pillow does not respond. You take this to be a shy ‘yes’ and laughing with joy, sweep the pillow into your arms. “Oh Fluttershy!” you cry!

Racing downstairs with the pillow tucked under your arms you pass your mum. “Can’t stop mum!” you shout out. “I’m taking Fluttershy pillow out on a date, we’re going steady!” Your mum calls after you to put some more clothes on, but you ignore her – going on a date with Fluttershy pillow is a dream come true, you don’t want to waste a second!

Oh lawdy.

You decide to need to take her somewhere classy, so you walk to the nearest Subway. “Do I need to book a table?” you ask the staff hopefully, but luckily they tell you that you do not. You decide to splash out, and order two Subway Melts, one for you and one for Fluttershy. You sit her in the seat opposite and gaze lovingly into her eyes as you devour your twelve inch sub.

“Oh Fluttershy, how I’ve longed for you!” You put your sub down and lean over to the table to kiss Fluttershy pillow on her soft lips. You are thwarted in your attempt at romance by the voice that cuts across you.

“Excuse me sir, but I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to leave!”

You turn to see the manager, standing over you with a look of anger on his face. You clench your fist – will this brony persecution never end?

Well folks, we appear to have reached a pickle. Do we

Stand up for Fluttershy pillow and refuse to leave

Or go home and play on the internet?

Fuck the establishment! Stand up for yourself and tear the system to the ground, you bitch!

Go home and play on the internet.

Fight the power.

FIGHT THE GOVERNMENT! BRING ANARCHY DOWN ON THEIR HEADS! REFUSE THE MANAGER AND LET CHAOS REIGN!

I want to see what happens if he stands up for his pillow!
Wishful thinking on my part hopes that he ends up outside in a "and stay out" sort of way.
Regardless, I want to see a fight!

Manager vs Weird Brony Guy: place your bets, everyone!

I already know who wins. Can I still place a bet?

changing my vote to internet



i have no fucking idea what the fuck that gif is supposed to be. just wanted to finally use it.