i was gonna do this mock with haley but well, things. i decided to finish it up on my own!!!

every fandom has it's weirdos. it's a fact of life. i personally don't even think one fandom is better or worse than another since every single one has their own levels of weirdery!!

homestuck's got a lot of weird fans.

this was a johnkat request story, where, well, john stuffs karkat full of food. stuffing fic.

i gotta say stuffing is one of those fetishes i will never, ever understand

++


Ever since Karkat moved in with John on Earth to star in his own Broadway musical and finally live his lifelong dream of wearing spandex, there had been a huge difference in his body. Not only because the only things John and his dad ever cooked were baked, but because he absolutely couldn't get enough of those sweet things. Everything on Alternia was bitter, so he claimed it was somewhat addictive for their troll bodies and savored each and every bite of something with sugar in it.

Fun fact: Most, if not all, foods have some form of sugar in them! However someone with a fetish for only the fattest of asses probably didn’t pay attention in health class.

And there were a lot of bites. And as one can imagine, Karkat had been getting pretty heavyset with this new human diet.

Ooh, I know that feel. Human really messes me up, I feel like I can't shit for days.

It was difficult to go out anywhere with Karkat, because there were so many stares. Every time they were asked, John had to give a lengthy explanation that it was a cosplay from a popular series. People seemed to believe it, but, of course, it was a stretch. It was, of course, a very life-like costume.

WHY WOULD I EVER WEAR A HOOD AND GLOVES TO COVER MY GRAY SKIN AND HORNS, WHEN I CAN JUST TELL EVERYONE I’M A HIPSTER COSPLAYER?

So they didn't go out much. But that was fine.

The only time they ever really went out was going to the movies or going to dinner at the buffet down the street. John liked to be the one to serve Karkat, doing all the errand running and grocery shopping for him. His alien boyfriend could just do whatever he wanted all day long.

John had to learn to be accepting, as with every passing day he found more and more drunken hookers in his bedroom.

But today was Friday, and John and Karkat both knew what that meant, and the minute John came home from school, he raced downstairs to the den.

Karkat was lounging on the couch he had immediately claimed as "his" when first arriving to the human boy's abode. He was wearing tight grey skinny jeans

I just love how the author specifies that not only are these skinny jeans, but tight ones at that, as if they are tighter than your normal skinny jean. Like, Karkat had to special-order these extra tight skinny jeans that probably only your little sister could fit in.

and favorite black knit turtleneck, which, to his dismay, had become very stretched out over his enlarging body and particular his growing tummy. Still, it was his favorite shirt, as he said the fabric reminded him of his home planet.

But the skinny jeans were a different story.

Oh, John could get completely up and going if he barely even gave it a thought. They were so tight on Karkat, incredibly tight.

But can he even dance in those pants?

They had fit him 5 sizes ago, that's what John said anyway. Karkat didn't really pay attention, but he had looked up sizes online at Hot Topic's website, and apparently he was now a 2XL, with a 41 inch waist and growing.

I wonder if the writer knows that Hot Topic only has clothing for very short stick people nowadays.

When John had first met Karkat, he had a 36 inch waist and didn't have nearly as much on him as he did now.

But John refused to buy Karkat new clothes. Especially new skinny jeans. Because he absolutely adored seeing Karkat's grey belly being stuffed into those, forming that adorable muffin top, and he was sure he'd pop the button on them soon anyway. They had become "too small" [as Karkat would not admit that he was the one getting bigger, though it was undeniable by this point] to wear them where they were suppose to be, under his belly button, since his belly had rounded out, so he began wearing them underneath his tummy. This showed off his new belly even more, for his favorite shirts could barely cover it anymore, and you could see the taught skin poking out of the bottom of the shirt, resting on his lap often. Especially when he was laid out like this.

I’m sorry I don’t have anything to say to that last paragraph other than, “Jesus Christ what a fatass.”

John stopped staring and realized he was getting caught up in his thoughts. "Movie night!" he cried, plopping next to Karkat on the soft, leather couch that Karkat had rested on all day.

Karkat sat up with a little struggle, grumbling. "That was stupid of you. Now who's gonna turn it on?"

John smiled, getting up with extreme ease. His body was the complete opposite of fat, in fact, he had been teased almost all his life for being so frail and skinny.

"It's easy to get up, Karkat! It's not a hassle or a problem or anything like that. In fact, I don't even think about it. I just do it!"

John was known for being a smug asshole to everyone he knew.

He turned his back to Karkat, smirking, and went over to the DVD player, looking at their options for tonight.

"Well you're just a little dumbass stick. Of course it'd be no problem for a pussy like you.." muttered Karkat, crossing his arms and putting his bare feet up on the foot rest.

John picked out 'The Family Man', a Nic Cage film he was sure Karkat would love, since it was classified as a romcom, and set the disc inside the player.

The number of JohnKat fics where they watch movies together will soon surpass the population count of the entire Homestuck fandom, all ~700,000 of them.

"I'll go get the stuff." John said, and he kicked his backpack to the side of the entertainment room in the den, and ran back up the stairs. He greeted his dad and then asked him for help bringing all the stuff downstairs he wanted to bring.

John's Dad never really asked questions. He was just happy his baking was going to good use now.

He and his father brought down a whole cake, brownies, chips, Faygo, popcorn, KitKat bars, and a bag of Reese's cups.

Please note this is just for one movie.

With a "You have fun boys", his dad was back upstairs, closing the door behind him. John ran back up the stairs, locked it, then ran back down, smiling at Karkat.

"Hey, I'm not ready yet!" he whined, as he saw Karkat already opening a KitKat bar.

"Who cares?" he grumbled, taking a bite of the chocolate already.

John frowned and grabbed the popcorn bag. He went over to the popcorn maker they had in their den, and started to make it. He took out the squirt bottle of butter and stared at it. He had an idea, but he wasn't sure how much Karkat would like it. He bit his lip with his buck teeth, thinking it over, then just decided he'd give it a try.

When the popcorn was done, he made sure to put a lot of butter, just how Karkat liked, on it, but in addition to bringing over the huge bowl of fresh popcorn, he brought over the bottle of butter. He sat down next to Karkat, grabbing the remote and pressing play.

Let us look at the scale of butter on popcorn:
No butter – Wow that’s bland.
Some butter – Oh, yum.
More butter – I’ll get diabetes, but it’s salty, delicious diabetes.
Bringing over the entire bottle – I’m sending you to Brookhaven Rehab.

He wanted to relax, but he had to do the weekly routine correctly. While Karkat was munching on his favorite candy, that was when John would do all the boring work. He knew it was worth it though. Every last minute of Fridays spent wasted at school thinking about that night instead of paying attention to class were worth it.

Woah woah woah. Hold on one cotton-pickin’ second. This is a weekly occurrence?

John sighed, starting to cut up first the cake in 12 small pieces, then the brownies into 6 tantalizingly huge portions. He then proceeded to start unwrapping all of the Reese's cups. They were the extra big ones, just like Karkat liked, so it wasn't as much of as a daunting task as when they just had a big of the little ones.

He let out a breath of relief, finally finishing all that boring work, leaning back on the couch and looking over at Karkat, who was finishing up his eigth Kitkat bar.

Sweet Jesus. I’ll have to get over how much he’s eating if I want to mock this properly.

"Are you ready to start?" he asked. Karkat was just staring at the movie screen, though, and he didn't answer John.

John set aside both two liter bottles of orange cream Faygo. They both knew that those bottles meant serious business, and that neither of them was allowed to drink them leisurely. They were strictly for bloating purposes,

I can’t get over how this is a weekly ritual. Bloating Karkat up is a weekly ritual.

and could only come at the middle and end of their movie, no matter how thirsty either of them would get.

"What do you want first?"

Karkat glanced down at the food. "Those things." he pointed the brownies. "Even though they look like shit."

"I think you'd like them." John replied as he smiled, picking up the first piece and holding it up to Karkat's mouth. They learned long ago that utensils weren't needed and would most likely be discarded right away anyway.

It’s all finger food, too? This just gets worse and worse.

Karkat looked down at John. "Jegus, Egbert, don't look so fucking needy. I know I'm heaven on the eyes, but seriously. It looks like you're gonna eat me."

A 13 year-old has an overeating fetish: the fanfic.

John just kept smiling. "Eat this?" He held the brownie up to Karkat's mouth again. Karkat leaned forward and bit it, trying not to bite John's hand off.

"Let me hold it, fuckass."

Okay personal pet peeve here. The word fuckass. In fact the overuse of the word fuck in general, by Karkat. People seem to think he screams that word constantly and he's said it once but people still write it and uuurrrggghhh.

Fuckass.

he growled after awhile of fumbling, snatching the brownie from John and beginning to devour it. The chocolate treat was gone in a few seconds.

John frowned. "You know I like to be the one to feed you."

hey yo dats creepy

"Who cares." Karkat spat, some chocolate crumbs flying out of his mouth.

John just watched as the Cancer

He's not a Cancer. He made the Cancer symbol, to be honest! His birthday of 6/12 actually makes him a Gemini. The more you know!

grabbed another brownie, shoving it down his throat. It was extremely hot to watch his boyfriend stuff himself like this, but John felt lonely.

"Come on, let me do something, too."

"You can rub my gut for me." he replied, staring at the TV screen as engorged on the chocolate.

I am mocking this in class and the last few lines made me scream in laughter what the FUCK SHIT AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

John bit his lip. It was hot, but he had been looking forward to this all day...though he knew Karkat did whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. He should have just assumed plans wouldn't go as planned, because with Karkat, they never do.

THIS IS THE SECOND TIME THEY'VE SAID HOW HOT IT ISDSIUBGFIGJB I'M GONNA KEEP COUNT

Karkat's feet got off the foot stool and planted themselves firmly on the floor, spreading his legs. His distended stomach rested on the couch, rather than his legs, then.

He is now the size of the state of Rhode Island, roughly.

John stared nervously, hesitantly reaching forward and rubbing the part of his stomach that was showing. Then he quickly pulled up Karkat's shirt up to his growing man boobs

Click to view attachment
Click to view attachment

, tucking it under them so he knew it would stay up.

Karkat grunted.

"Well, you seem too busy to take it off." John whimpered, leaning forward and trying to give Karkat a shy kiss.

Karkat gave a big gulp, swallowing, and then kissed John. His mouth was full of chocolate, but John didn't mind. He reached down and started to rub the big, grey tummy as he kissed him. "I want you so big, Karkat." he whispered.

screams

"How big?" he muttered in response, his eyes half closed, staring at John, who then moved into his lap.

John settled himself on Karkat's lap, but was pushed away considerably from him because of his belly being in the way. He just kneaded it and played with it more, enjoying the soft feel of all the settled fat inside it. "Really big." he leaned forward, whispering into Karkat's pointy ear.

JESUS

"That doesn't fucking tell me anything, Egbert."

The smaller boy kissed Karkat's ear then, licking around it while whispering. "I want you so big that you won't even want to move anymore."

"Stupid, I'm already like that." Karkat growled, then kissing the other's ear, as well.

John giggled, pulling away. "Then I want you so big you CAN'T move anymore."

HELP ME I'M DYING IN MY LAUGHING SCREAMS

Karkat groaned a little, closing his eyes and opening his mouth, waiting for more.

John leaned back and grabbed the cake, pulling it up onto the couch into the space next to them. He grabbed a piece carefully with his hands, then held it up to Karkat's mouth. With cake, this was simply the best method.

Karkat would just keep eating it, and John would just movie it

how does one movie it

more and more forward until the piece was done. It made Karkat rush and eat faster than he normally would, confusing his body, making it think it wasn't as full as it really was. And they always had to hurry with this kind of thing, anyway.

He took all of the slice in eagerly, feeling quite hungry. It lasted for almost 20 minutes, just eating that cake, because Karkat was starting to slow down, his belly getting really full.

Seeing as the fanfic is only half over, I doubt that.

"I really want the Faygo." he whimpered, frosting all over his grey lips. His face had a faint blush of red already on it.

"Fine, then you're gonna eat all of the peanut butter chocolate on your own."

He nodded in agreement, and tilted his head back, waiting for one of his favorite parts. John popped the cap off of the big bottle, then kissed him, licking all of the frosting off. He then pressed the open bottle up against his rough lips and tilted the bottle back, watching as the liquids rushed into his mouth and down his throat. He had never seen anyone chug soda like Karkat could.

Click to view attachment

y tho

He struggled to swallow fast enough, but yet always swallowed on time. It was amazing to watch. John just rubbed his big tummy until Karkat made a noise, and he pulled the soda bottle away. He looked at it. It was about half gone.

"Good job." John grinned.

"Shut up..." Karkat rubbed his own tummy, his hands ontop of John's, and after awhile gave a loud burp.

It got John so he kissed him again, continuing to help comfort his tummy. There was still a lot of food to eat, so he hoped that the troll could keep eating. He looked down and touched the stretch marks that were on his tummy. Karkat wore them like a scar of pride and honor and John took them as confirmation that he was doing his job well.

Be proud of your stretch marks, and be proud of your really fucking creepy teenage stuffing boyfriend.

"You're growing so nicely..." John muttered, getting on his knees infront of Karkat, inbetween his thick calves, and kept rubbing his belly, lifting it up off his lap once in awhile, and giving it nice squeezes.

I'm just imagining this and i....?????? dude are you forgetting THE MOVIE

While John busied himself with Karkat's stomach, he got relaxed once more and started eating the giant Reese's cups.

"Egbert. Take off my jeans."

He giggled. "Are they getting too tight?"

"Shut up. I don't want to break them."

"Well, lazybutt, you're gonna have to get up." John stood up and held out his hands to help Karkat stand up.

Karkat groaned and let his head roll to the side. "I don't wanna, fuckass."

"Well then you're gonna have to keep your jeans on." John sat next to him and looked into his yellow eyes.

Karkat looked back at him.

"You're the laziest being I've ever seen, Karkat." John said with a derpy grin.

god the word derp

"I wasn't until your stupid food started doing this to me."

"But now you don't even want to get up anymore." John played with Karkat's shirt, trying to pull it over his head to get it off so he could fully see his moobs. But Karkat was really embarrassed of them.

Click to view attachment

"Stop it, Egbert." he batted his hand away.

"It's not like I haven't seen them before, Karkat..." John bit his lip, smiling.

"You look so fucking stupid right now I want to punch you and break your stupid buckteeth off."

"That's very sweet of you." John replied, still smiling, and succeeding in pulling the shirt over the unwilling Cancer's head.

Karkat blushed a darker shade of red then before and looked away. "Don't stare at me like that."

John loved Karkat's vulnerable side. He kissed his reddening cheek then stood up again, holding out his hands once more. "Stand up so we can take off those jeans."

"I'd feel stupid if I was the only one in my boxers."

"Fine." John said with a sly smile, taking his shirt off with ease and throwing it aside by Karkat's turtleneck. He then played with the rim of his khaki shorts, making Karkat stare and almost drool.

"Just take them off, Egbert!"

"Don't be so loud, jesus." He slid off his khaki shorts, leaving him in his green slime boxers. "I don't want Dad to hear us."

Stick-thin John and he's in his boxers and then there will be morbidly obese Karkat wearing the same thing. Help.

Karkat just stared.

"Okay, now up you go." John said, slightly annoyed at his boyfriend's laziness, grabbing both of his hands and pulling him up, grunting. "Ugh. You're getting heavy."

Karkat sneered. "Shut up." He reached under his gut and with some struggling, unbuttoned his jeans and then started to pull them off. It was a slow process. The skinny jeans were meant for a much skinnier Karkat, and they were literally skin tight now. John helped him pulling them off his legs and then finally threw them into the clothes pile.

Nicholas Cage had never been more ignored.

Click to view attachment

John stared at Karkat's body. "You look beautiful."

He made a face of disgust. "Don't say that, Egbert! That's a fucking girly word! And if anyone's the girly one here, it's you!"

John pushed him back down into the couch and knelt between his legs again. Karkat spread them willingly as John began to rub up and down his tummy again. "Keep eating."

Karkat sighed, feeling a little tired from all that work that just ensued, and grabbed the Reese's cups. He ate them one by one, getting a little bored of the movie.

This is a weekly occurrence.

This happens all the time.

John stared at Karkat's grey belly, moving both of his hands underneath it. He was amazed that they'd fit under, now. He grew hotter yet. He shook it and watched it jiggle and bounce as he did, staring up at the double-chinned Karkat.

That's hot, number three.

"The peanut butter in those should be nice and fattening, Karkat. Don't slow down now." he reminded.

Karkat made a face and kept forcing himself to eat the rest, thinking only about the results and John's massage.

John's pale hands explored curiously, dipping into all the nooks and crannies of Karkat's new, bigger, better body. He especially liked playing with Karkat's belly button, dipping his finger into it and moving it around. It felt so deep, lately. Almost his entire finger disappeared in it. He hooked his thumb in it and used it as a tool to shake Karkat's whole tummy. He moaned slightly and John looked up at him. The troll was staring down at his own stomach and John's fingers.

Personally, this paragraph always made me cringe just because... ugh. I don't know. It made me cringe the most.

John smiled and kept rubbing slowly, squeezing sometimes. "You're gonna be so big." His hands then moved to the Cancer's thick love handles, wrapping his fingers around them as Karkat gave another burp from the Faygo earlier.

Click to view attachment

Karkat finished the last Reese's and relaxed on the couch, just staring down at John. But John stopped immediately. "I can't continue until you eat. Eat that popcorn." he ordered. He reached over and grabbed it for him, handing it to him. Karkat hesitantly took the big bowl and started to eat. The popcorn was literally dripping in butter, so he had to keep licking it off his fingers, almost constantly.

John couldn't wait for the next part. He knew butter was pretty fattening, and hoped that it would taste good enough for Karkat to eat it by itself.

guys the grand finale is coming up

He shook his love handles hard, causing his entire belly and moobs to flap and shake. He whimpered but John just smiled and kissed his belly reassuringly. He moved up to his breasts and slowly started to kiss them too, fondling them and squeezing and pinching gently.

Click to view attachment

"Stop..." Karkat whined. The one thing he didn't love about his new body were those stupid moobs. But they were one of John's favorite things about it.

"There's nothing to be shy about, Karkat..."

"I hate them. They look stupid." he spat.

"No, they're incredibly -sexy-."

f uck

John made sure to watch his word choice this time. He continued to shake them, watching the grey skin jiggle some more, and then he decided he couldn't wait any longer. He grabbed the butter bottle and Karkat stopped eating.

"What're you gonna do with that..." he asked cautiously.

"You're gonna drink it." John got up on the couch next to Karkat, curling up against his soft, fleshy body.

yeah

"What?! I'm not a human grub, Egbert!"

John leaned up to his ear, whispering with a smirk, "It's pure, liquid fat, Karkat." And his hand moved back down Karkat's hardening stomach. "Don't you want that in you? I do..."

Click to view attachment

Karkat swallowed and put down the bowl of popcorn. He was afraid it wouldn't taste good, but he remembered that butter was the same thing he was licking off his fingers. He nodded hesitantly.

He held it up to his mouth and squeezed the clear bottle, watching all the liquid butter go into Karkat's mouth. The troll willingly opened his mouth and drank it. At first it tasted pretty bad, but he told himself what it was and kept drinking it. Troll drinks were pretty bad, anyway, so he didn't mind the taste as much. His grey hands slowly moved down to his belly and rubbed it while he downed the popcorn topping.

at this point my lungs have died, shriveled up. i have laughed and screamed far too much. i'm dead.

John's free hand joined him in rubbing, smiling from ear to ear. Karkat looked very sexy like this, in his opinion. "You look so hot." he muttered in his ear, being honest. Karkat couldn't retort because he was busy swallowing down that sweet liquid.

Hot count number 4.

"John, I don't think I can fucking put another piece of shit down my protein chute...seriously..." the troll whimpered, rubbing his tummy desperately. It was starting to hurt a lot.

John cuddled up against Karkat's side, continuing to rub his tummy, after setting the butter aside on the coffee table in front of them. "It's okay, Karkat..." he kissed his neck and then his cheek, then finally his buttery lips. Karkat wrapped his arm around John and held him close, and they watched the rest of the movie in almost silence.


John ran up the stairs with all the garbage in his arms with the intent to simply return the baking trays and to go back downstairs and cuddle more with Karkat.

"Son!" his father exclaimed when John walked into the kitchen. John looked up at him.

"Go get your friend, dinner's ready!"

John smiled

Click to view attachment

Click to view attachment

Click to view attachment

Still as god-awful as I remember it.

i just noticed my slow and steady downfall into laughing and screaming is really easy to notice in my commentary

i tried to stay serious but

but

moobs

love handles

WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN

WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA

Probably this guy.

I first thought that Karkat would somehow turn into a female and then have sex with John, oh how wrong I was.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, THAT IS NOT A THING I JUST READ, WHAT THE FUCK I DON'T EVEN LIKE FAT FICS.

I'm not eating for the next three days, holy shit. I'd just vomit it all back out.
This fic is worse than that Harry Potter furry-transformation-gay porn I mocked.

LOVE HANDLES, what the fuck is this. If the author was trying to make me nearly vomit my dinner, well. Well-played, you fucking bastard.

Oh, but I gotta ask: WHAT THE FUCK MUST GO WRONG IN SOMEONE'S BRAIN TO FIND ANY PART OF THIS AROUSING?!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go read Karkat/Terezi fics for the next 48 hours in order to cleanse my now-traumatized soul.

I lol'd the whole way.

Click to view attachment

Here you go. :3c

I'm sorry for the man boobs.

It's not your fault that there are sickos who somehow get off on people getting fat.
And man-boobs. I can't believe I actually read the whole damn abomination. Almost vomitted, but I did it!

But shipping heals all wounds, I think.
Thanks, man. :3

This "fanfiction" is one of the many reasons I hate homestuck and it's fandom.