Digiball Z: A New Era Of Power!, Dakari-King Mykan (Again, again, again) Options

[Al_Cone]

Holy cats, it IS SMLoZ Day! In honor of this, I've written a short biography of His Majesty--flattering, of course.

AHEM.

Mykan Mykanson was born on September 15th, 1986, a humble son of a bricklayer, and an insurance salesman. Though he had a happy childhood, watching cartoons and Power Rangers and making many friends, his life would not be so idyllic for long.

His classmates began to blossom, as children often do...and as children often do, they began to take a change for the worse. Smoking...drinking...and even saying words that young Mykan had never heard before!

Mykan was deeply troubled by these events, and took further solace in his beloved cartoons, and the then-developing internet (instead of simply making new friends, like any other child would do).

Over the years, as Mykan grew, he found that he had a commanding authority within him. Along with this discovery was his enlistment in the Dakaris--a group of peons who get butthurt when Davis doesn't make out with Kari in every single damn episode of Digimon. Finally amongst his brethren, Mykan was able to thrive...

...until THEY came.

Like ants to a picnic swarmed the alien Takaris, infesting Fanfiction.net with their writings--CLEARLY inferior to the Dakari writings.

Nobody knows who fired the first salvo. But the dam was bound to burst inevitably, and indeed, the Takaris and Dakaris soon found each other embroiled in a furious war that swept across ff.net like wildfire, before consuming the entire whole of the internet in its fury.

The Dakaris, though valiant, could not hold out against the vast Takari armies, and their mighty weapon of "Canon." Until one day...Mykan cast his lot into the war.

Rallying the Dakaris around his banner, he routed the Takaris repeatedly, in such epic battles as the LiveJournal Skirmish, the Second Battle of Newgrounds, the Siege of the Blogosphere, and the MediaMiner campaign. Though atrocities were committed on both sides--when the Takaris brutally flamed a 600-word Dakari lemon on FicWad, the Dakaris responded with the Massacre at SomethingAwful--the Dakaris kept the moral highground, and behind their bold, spandex-clad leader, they swept the Takaris from their websites, and banished them from the series of tubes forever!

Overjoyed, Mykan established Planet Dakari, where he and his people could live miserable, angsty, completely sexless lives (romance and happiness is not allowed on Planet Dakari, unless it's Dakari fanfiction--because as we all know, happiness is horrible, and Dakari-power is drawn from stronger feelings like HATE and RAGE and SADNESS).

But a second tragedy would soon befall Planet Dakari...the Takaris, under the vicious, brutal tyrant TK, detonated a nuclear device in the planet core of Planet Dakari, killing all the denizens of the planet--even the omnipotent, all-powerful DAVIS MOTOMIYA!!!!!111!!1!!1!!!2 bit the dust.

But Mykan, encased in an ice crystal by his lover...uh...Patamon, was able to survive...until he drifted to the Earth and crashed, where, over the course of 9000 years, he thawed, hatched, and learned to become a whiny, obsessive prick with a knack for bad fanfiction.

Mykan blended in easily with society. He had no need to go to school or learn a trade, because he was overqualified in dramatic and writing talents. Though success followed him wherever his fanfiction was posted, he never forgot his inner torment from losing his homeworld, and his fellow Dakaris. He thus resolved to write, to spread his tale of woe, and to remind the world of the proud race that once roamed the stars...and the internet.

Mykan never regained his following...yet nevertheless, he remained a beacon, a shining star, warding away Flamers, and shallow Critics, and the dreaded, sinister, demonic, soulless FANFICTION MOCKERSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

So remember...if you feel him coming round, he's sure to disappear, but you know...Mykan...is near!!!

And thus ends the Mykan Era. Honoring our agreement, no further Mykan story will be mocked henceforth. It's a shame, because he's still writing crazy-ass shit, like a cyborg fighting the British and killing King George, or a shameless ripoff of the film/play Twelve Angry Men, but we did make a gentlemen's agreement, and I intend to honor it.

And so it...ends!

[T_K_17]

I can think of no finer way for it to end.

[Badass Overlord]

It's OVER! I can't believe it's over! Nice job guys! You guys deserve some kind of award. I loved the No. 1 Mykan quote! It proves he knows less than a 5 year old kid who goes to church. I can finally say goodbye to this canon rape of all canon rapes! Though I hope Morbo reappears again.

[T_K_17]

I just realized that yesterday was the first anniversary of this mock. To celebrate the somewhat-but-not-really significant occasion, I made a few edits to chapter one, including a long overdue Morbo caption. You can check it out on page one (obviously).

EDIT: I've also gone over several other chapters (mostly older ones) and given them minor face lifts as well.

This post has been edited by T_K_17: Mar 12 2009, 01:32 AM