Hotsauce's Foalin' around with the CMC, A sweaty, fat, pedophile neckbeard molests a toddler pony. Options

[TheSpaih]

Oh Jesus, first riff everyone. Don't be surprised if it sucks. Today's story is from Godotian author Hotsauce, except with less cannabilism and torture fetishism and... Something else. Let's get this over with, on with the (freak)show! (Note, fic is in orange text,, I use normal text.)

A human, accidentally transplanted to Equestria by a misfired spell, does his best to help the CMC find their cutie marks.

Quick, we need a heart transplant stat!

"What the hell have you guys been up to this time?" I cried as the three Cutie Mark Crusaders slinked into the Carousel Boutique covered from ear to tail in mud.

Ah yes, the classic technique in MLP: FiM fanfiction of using constant swearing to try and get people to take your horrible Fallout ripoff seriously.

Apple Bloom looked chagrined and started to babble an explanation. "We're really, really sorry! It'sjus'thatwethoughtwe'dtrymudwrasslin'andseewhetherweweresupposedtabeCutieMarkCrusa derMudWrasslers!"

Now, you might know that some people get their jollys off to hot chicks mud wrestling. THIS IS NOT A COINCIDENCE, READING ANY FURTHER MIGHT BE DAMAGING TO YOUR SANITY. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

Scootaloo considered me with a bored look on her arrogant little face. "We were just trying to find our special talent – what's so wrong with that?" I recognised that gleam in her purple-gray eyes – she had absolutely no respect for me, and was by far the most troublesome of the three.

Well, it's kind of hard to respect somebody that misspells "teleport" as "transplant".

Sweetie Belle, on the other hand, had her gaze glued to the floor in shame. "We were just trying to find out what our special talents are, so we could get our cutie marks..." she sniffed. She looked up at me, her huge green eyes on the point of tears, and she added: "We're really, really sorry!"

No amount of pleading can ever make me forgive you for being in this fanfic, especially since you are the "female lead", as described by Hotsauce himself.

I had my hands on my hips, ready to let loose with a loud scolding – but the look on the little unicorn foal's face made my anger melt right away. Who could stay angry at something so adorable!

Get used to Hotsauce here constantly describing Sweetie Bell as "adorable". Yes, even during you know what.

I'd been living in Equestria for several months now ever since one of Twilight Sparkle's spells had gone awry and brought me here. The nerdy little pony was still looking through her library for a spell to send me back home so I was stuck here, essentially, and had to make the best of things. As a human male, I'd been a curiosity for the first few weeks, but soon everybody – sorry, everypony – had gotten used to me. In a land full of manticores and dragons and hydras, I guess a hairless monkey was only a temporary novelty. So now I was largely left to my own devices, and I tried to be as helpful around town as I could be to earn my keep – which usually meant I landed the jobs no other pony wanted to do. And this was what I was doing now – babysitting the CMC while Rarity was out of town at a fashion show in Manehatten.

Ignoring the blatant bullshit pony naming thing (IE: MANEHATTEN SOUNDS LIKE MANHATTEN DUR HUR) this is my main gripe with this kind of fanfiction. Inside the show it's made obvious that Twilight Sparkle is the most powerful unicorn of her generation, not to mention the whole protege and friend of god thing. I highly doubt she would ever screw up a spell so badly it would bring a 300 pound neckbeard pedophile to Equestria. Also, what self respecting guardian would leave the kids alone with some strange ape creature from another dimension?

It wasn't so bad, really. The worst thing was that I had been forced to become a vegetarian – but the hay fries were starting to grow on me!

Oh, don't worry Hotsauce old buddy old pal. You'll be eating some meat soon enough!

"Look," I said. "I know you kids want to find your cutie marks, but you've got to be more careful! You've got mud everywhere, and I'm going to have to clean it up before Rarity gets home..."

Says the man that's about to get something else all over the place.

Scootaloo smirked at me – a bad habit she'd gotten from hanging around Rainbow Dash. "Just ‘cause you don't have a cutie mark!" she chuckled. "I've seen your flank. You're an adult – and it's as blank as ours!"

Foreshadowing: J.R Tolkien would be impressed. And horrified. But mostly impressed horrified.

I glared at the little orange-coated hell-raiser. "I've already explained about that Scoots..." I liked to call her Scoots, but she hated it – and she grimaced when she heard it pass my lips. "I'm a human. We don't get cutie marks!"

Show, don't tell. Also, last time I checked I could get a tatoo on my ass just fine.

Sweetie Belle looked at me in pity and shook her head."That's sooo sad!" she said, her eyes glistening. Sweetie by name and Sweetie by nature! The adorable little unicorn was definitely my favourite of the three. I ruffled her curly mane and smiled at her. "Aw, it's not so bad," I said.

Sweetie Bell is Hotsauce's favorite pony, but not just in a platonic sense.

<!--coloro:#FF8C00Apple Bloom looked at the two of us jealousy in her orange eyes But we still didn#39t get our cutie marks#33 she muttered in dismay We#39re never going to get them#33

Oh don#39t worry about that I said I#39m sure that in time you#39ll find out what your special talent

Scootaloo snorted That#39s what grownups always say#33 And then she flapped her little baby wings and splattered the mud that had been covering them everywhere on the already mudtracked floor on the reams of expensive materials hanging on the wall on the ponyquins and even on me#33
--><span style="color:#FF8C00Apple Bloom looked at the two of us jealousy in her orange eyes But we still didn#39t get our cutie marks#33 she muttered in dismay We#39re never going to get them#33

Oh don#39t worry about that I said I#39m sure that in time you#39ll find out what your special talent

Scootaloo snorted That#39s what grownups always say#33 And then she flapped her little baby wings and splattered the mud that had been covering them everywhere on the already mudtracked floor on the reams of expensive materials hanging on the wall on the ponyquins and even on me#33

"><!--/coloro-->[/color]

Without context, that last bit almost exactly like the- oops, spoilers!

"God damn it!" I shouted, furious. "Now look what you've done! If Rarity comes back and sees this mess, she's going to kill me!"
You know, I'm surprised they didn't use that S.A.T.S bullshit or whatever the fuck it is and killed you the moment they knew you wanted to fuck their young.

"Yeah – godammit!" mimicked Sweetie, trying not to laugh at the funny, meaningless word I often used when I was angry.
See? Even Hotsuace here knows that swearing My Little Pony fanfiction is pointless.

"Godammit! Godammit!" the other two foals chorused, running in a circle around me as I tried to wipe the mud from my clothes. They started to chase each other around the room, leaping and rolling and smearing mud absolutely everywhere.

Sweetie in the Middle.

"Alright!" I cried. "All three of you upstairs now! We need to get you guys cleaned up." I sighed, looking at the CMC-created warzone. It would take ages to clean! And Rarity was not a pony you wanted mad at you.
So, the CMC are responsible for Fallout Equestria! Looks like that code actually did have significance.

The three little ponies, bored of their chasing game, trotted upstairs obediently and I followed. I took a sponge, a scrubbing brush and basin from the cupboard in the corridor and brought them with me into the bathroom where the three foals were already clambering into the deep porcelain bath. Rarity's bath was appropriately huge – she was a pony addicted to luxury after all – and it could fit all three of the CMCs at once with more than enough space to spare.

And I'm ending here, why? Simple. This story is so damn long I'm splitting it up into three parts, tune in tomorrow or tonight (whenever I gain the morale to press onward) for more horrific epic babysitting action! Same TheSpaih time, same TheSpaih channel!

EDIT: I have no idea what happened while I was spacing in the middle of this fic, but I am not going through that again just to fix it. You can understand what it's saying perfectly well.

This post has been edited by TheSpaih: Jul 4 2012, 05:03 PM

[Agnitio Ex Machina]

Needs more spacing. Noone likes a wall of text. Also watch the tags, they can be tricky.

Also it's usually the sporker that has coloured text.

This post has been edited by Agnitio Ex Machina: May 23 2012, 04:23 PM

[TheSpaih]

Needs more spacing. Noone likes a wall of text. Also watch the tags, they can be tricky.

Also it's usually the sporker that has coloured text.

Tell me about it, and I'll work on spacing.

[Agnitio Ex Machina]

Tell me about it, and I'll work on spacing.

Once you space out stuff, it's far easier to check the tags. You can, in the future, just copy the color coding and then paste it wherever you, the sporker, will make a mark.

[Paragon]

Yep, what Agie said, space out your comments so it doesn't look like a wall of text.

Personally, I've been using two distinct marks to wrap my comments in while typing it in Word, and then replacing the marks with the code tags.

Takes me about three seconds to format it all, now.

A good start, Spaih.

This post has been edited by Paragon: May 23 2012, 04:32 PM

[T_K_17]

Why more people don't just use the bold formatting, I'll never know.

[Agnitio Ex Machina]

Why more people don't just use the bold formatting, I'll never know.

Honestly, it's harder to differentiate than with colours.

[Nihilistic One]

Honestly, it's harder to differentiate than with colours.

I can read it just fine.

Oh, and The Spah? Paragon is right; if you fix the formatting, this mock has potential.

[Max-Vader]

Not bad, but the warning sign for the thread seems kinda attention-whorey. To me, at least.

Why more people don't just use the bold formatting, I'll never know.

Because it sucks.

[TheSpaih]

Well, I think I can do the second part now.

"I'm going to get the mud off you guys first," I told them, "And then you can enjoy a nice long bath." The three foals obediently sat down as I took the extendable showerhead and rinsed the worst of the mud off with blasts of warm water while they giggled and jostled each other.

I immediatley regret my decision.

With the mud mostly gone, I ordered the three foals out of the bath and ran it, making sure it was nice and hot.
Notice how Hotsuace has this strange focus on words like "obedience", and "obey". I think this might actually be linked to deep mental problems.

"Oh! Can we have a bubble bath?" asked Sweetie as she leaned over the edge of the bath and stared at the steaming water that was filling it up.
The foreshadowing in his words makes me want to slap him in the face, pay for him to have many therapy sessions, and cry deeply at the same time.

"Of course, Sweetie," I replied. How could I say no? I took a bottle emblazoned with Derpy's face off the shelf and squeezed a generous portion into the flowing water, and bubbles immediately foamed up in a huge, pink pile.

So Derpy owns a soap company? No wonder she has bubbles on her ass.


"Yay!" cried Apple Bloom, clapping her hooves in joy. "Cutie Mark Crusader bubble-bath cannon-ballers go!" She took a flying leap into the bath, with Scootaloo following close behind, and when they struck the water a huge wave crested with cherry-scented bubbles spilled over me.

Again, the perverse, twisted foreshadowing in the wording makes me hate the author even more.

"You little brats!" I screamed, my clothes totally soaked. "Now look at what you've done!"

"We're not brats," said Scootaloo, poking her head out of the mountain of bubbles. "We're FOALS. Foooooaaaalllllsss..." She repeated the word slowly, as if I teaching someone mentally handicapped.

Well, to be fair she is.

Apple Bloom poked her head out next. "An' jus' who wears clothes in a bathroom anyway?" she said, rolling her eyes.

Anything to delay the underage beastiality.

Standing next to me and sopping wet herself, Sweetie watched curiously as I wiped the water from my hair and tried to squeeze it out of my jacket. "Yeah!" she said. "Why do you wear clothes all the time? Ponies only wear clothes on special occasions!"

Probably because ponies are animals, and being attracted to them when you are a human being means something is very, very wrong with you.

Scootaloo chuckled. "It's ‘cause he has no coat and he'd catch a cold!"

But I thought he was HOTsauce!

"I have a bit of a coat," I said. "Just not all over my body like you ponies. And I think I'm going to catch a cold anyway, seeing as how I'm soaked to the bone!"

"Catch a cold?" Sweetie gasped. "Oh no!" Then she had an idea. "Why don't you get in the bath as well? Then you'll be nice and warm!"

Oh, god.

The other two ponies didn't seem to care either way, and I was starting to feel cold. "OK," I decided. "Besides, I need to make sure you guys are extra clean before Rarity gets home!"

No, please.

Sweetie Belle had just finished clambering into the bath where Apple Bloom and Scootaloo were already pushing and wrestling and blowing foam at each other. As soon as the little unicorn slid in, she looked back at me and said shyly "Come on ! Get in the bath already – there's lots of room!"


My heart skipped a beat. Could... could I actually get away with having a bath naked with these cute little foals? The other ponies of Ponyville had gotten used to my insistence on wearing clothes, but they still viewed it as an odd affectation. I'd been naked in from of a few ponies – the first time when I'd just arrived and Twilight Sparkle had insisted on examining me in order to write a report to Princess Celestia. It had been a singularly unpleasant experience involving electrodes, metal caps and telekinetic prodding. The second time had been when Pinkie Pie had gotten it into her crazy pink head that she wanted to know what my coat felt like, and she had literally torn my clothes off and her plump pink hooves had felt me all over in a far more pleasurable experience than the earlier one with Twilight.

I don't know what's worse. The pedo overtones, the (thankfully) undescribed anal probing, or the implied pony sex.

I shrugged and thought "What the hay!" Even if Rarity were to come home I could probably find some ridiculous explanation to excuse my behaviour. I decided to risk it – who knew when I'd ever get another chance? – and I slipped out of my sopping shirt and took off my pants, leaving only my underwear on. Apart from my jacket I'd been wearing clothes that Rarity had been kind enough to make for me, and it was in return payment for this that I'd volunteered to babysit the CMC in the first place. They were certainly comfortable – the fashion designer knew her craft, even though she had been baffled initially at how to take my measurements accurately – but there were altogether too many jewels stitched into them. But, when in Ponyville...!

What happens in Ponyville, stays in Ponyville.

I'd started to take off my underwear when I noticed the three foals had stopped horsing around and were watching me intently. I'm not a shy guy, but I couldn't help but blush at their huge, colourful eyes regarding my pale, almost naked body and I stopped.

Thank god.

"See! I told you!" said a triumphant Apple Bloom to Scootaloo. "He does have a coat! A black one!"

Scootaloo snorted, unimpressed. "That's not a coat! It's all patchy!"

I didn't know whether to be annoyed or embarrassed or angry – so I settled with trying to educate them. "Everyone... I mean, everypony looks like this in my world," I explained.

"Yeah, everybody back in my world weighs 300 pounds, is a pedophile, and is addicted to pocky and loli animus." Hotsauce said.

Sweetie looked at me blushing in discomfort and the dear little unicorn decided to try and save the situation. "Well, I think it looks cool – just like a sea-otter's!"

See? Even the characters are starting to notice how fat he is.

Scootaloo rolled her eyes, but Apple Bloom nodded. "Yeah, it does look like a sea-otter's coat... or maybe a seal's!"

Ladies and gentlemen, I behold to you the single greatest grade school insult since "Your just a chicken, bock bock bock!"

I appreciated Sweetie's attempt at sparing my feelings, but I didn't know how I felt about being called a sea-otter – so I decided I'd better just get into the bath. I clambered in next to Sweetie Belle and made myself comfortable. The water was hot and sweetly-scented, and I lay back and relaxed. Now masked by the bubbles I took the opportunity to strip off my underwear and tossed it discretely out onto the tiles next to the bath. When I turned back, the three foals were back to playing around, their coats mostly clean now and glistening in the hot soapy water. I sighed, and started to wash myself.

It was exactly at that moment that the CMC noticed the water getting warmer, and a strange, light yellow substance coming from the crotch area of the morbidly obese seal monkey hybrid creature.

But no sooner had I stopped paying attention to the mischievous little foals than they got themselves into further trouble. Bossy little Apple Bloom had ordered Scootaloo to balance on Sweetie's back so that she could climb up on top of the two of them and practice their "Cutie Mark Crusader Totem Pole".

Now use his skull as the top.

"Hey, be careful!" I said, looking at the already tottering pony-pile.

"We'll be OK!" said Apple Bloom mid-climb. "We've done this like twice before!"

"Although we did fall over the first time," said Sweetie Belle.

"And the second time as well..." added Scootaloo.

Sadly, this gullibility is foreshadowing to how Hotsauce is going to take advantage of them in a few paragraphs.

Everything seemed to going fine and Apple Bloom had reached the top and seemed to be doing quite a good job at balancing when an errant soap bubble floated across onto Scootaloo's nose, making the little Pegasus sneeze – and the reverberations this caused brought the whole tottering tower of foals collapsing down on top of me, and I found myself wedged under a pile of three soapy, slippery, squirming little ponies.

Hahahah! Look at the innocent, childish antics! It's not like the mood is going to suffer severe whiplash when you start writing about you fucking them!

Dazed, and my face covered in foam, I tried to extricate myself from under them – but Scootaloo was lying across my legs and I couldn't budge. Apple Bloom had fallen backwards right on top of me and had knocked the wind from my lungs, and gripping her around the hips with my hands I tried ineffectually to lift the little rose-maned pony off me – but she was too heavy. Apple Bloom's haunches were splayed open as her little hind legs tried and failed to find traction on the bathtub on either side of my chest, and all she succeeded on doing was slide herself up higher along my body until her rump was almost touching my face.

Oh sweet jesus no.

And there, right in front of my eyes as if we were involved in a 69, was Apple Bloom's little baby slit! Her tail was sopping wet and lying across her rump, so I had a clear view of everything. I was dazed and winded, but I was still able to get a good look – and the more I looked, the harder I got.

I'm pretty sure the 69 position doesn't work like that. Also, ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Her little mound was puffy and immature-looking, and her slit was a single delicate pencil-thin line of pink that gently parted as she tried to lift herself off me and above it, just under where her now sopping-wet little rose-coloured tail began, an adorable little pucker winked at me. I stared in astonishment, still holding onto her hips and trying to lift her off me. But then she slipped, and she sat right back down on my face and I felt that gorgeous baby pussy pressing and rubbing against my lips and it felt impossibly soft and hot – far hotter than the bath water itself!

Jesus Christ how horrifying.

"Whoa!" I said at last, pushing her off unwillingly – for her little pussy had been an absolute delight against my mouth, and I had just begun to get a hint of her sexy little girl-scent – but I had to breathe sometime! And at the same time Scootaloo had been pulled off my legs by Sweetie Belle and I could breathe more easily.

"Sexy little girl scent"

As I sat up, Sweetie looked at my flushed face and she frowned. "Sorry ! Things kinda got out of control again. Did you get hurt?"

This is hurting my brain, does that count?

I shook my head. "Everything's fine, Sweetie – I'm just a bit dazed is all."

Still taking in her specific scent, I see.

Apple Bloom, who was now sitting at my feet with Scootaloo beside her, suddenly turned to the Pegasus and whispered loudly. "Part of him was sticking out!"

What.

"What do you mean?" asked Scootaloo, curious. "Sticking out?"

Well, here we go. You all knew what you were getting into by clicking this thread, I even made a fancy warning and everything!

"I felt something hard poking into my chest," Apple Bloom continued. "And it wasn't a hoof!"

Well, it was probably his gut that is more than likely taking up the entire tub.

Uh oh! It was at that moment that I realised I still had a hard-on and that it was sticking right up in plain sight of the little foals – so I quickly slipped down lower into the water so that it would be hidden by the bubbles. But that mischievous little Pegasus Scootaloo realised I was trying to hide something and she started to paw at the foam with her fore-hooves, searching for the "sticky-out bit".

Daring-Do and the Fat Manchild's non-existent Girth!

"I just saw it!" she said. Then her little hoof touched it, and she slap it a couple of times, still hidden by the veil of bubbles and she laughed. "Wow, what is this thing?"

A death stick, obviously.

"Hey, cut that out Scoots!" I yelped, bringing my hands down and covering my hard-on to protect it from her less-than-gentle handling.

No no no, Hotsauce! Derpy is the mailmare, you silly freak of nature!

"Why?" asked the perverse little Pegasus foal. "I wanna see it!" And soon Apple Bloom was helping her search for it as I thrashed left and right to keep it out of the way of their enthusiastic hooves.

I fail to see how that could in any way be perverse since she doesn't know its your dick, pal.

"No!" I said. "It's really sensitive!"

"Sensitive?" Scootaloo's eyes went wide, and she turned and whispered to Apple Bloom, who went red and giggled.

AND IT TOOK HIM SAYING IT WAS SENSITIVE FOR YOU TO REALISE WHAT IT WAS, NEVER BEFORE HAVE I SEEN A CHARACTER IN A FANFIC BE SO OOC WHEN IT COMES TO BASIC FUCKING INTELLIGENCE RAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

"It's his WHAT?" she repeated, looking at me with a mixture of curiosity and mischievousness.

"It's his traveling companion, like how in LoZ: OoC all of the Deku children get a fairy."

Sweetie had been watching the whole time, a look of confusion on her dear little face. "What are you guys talking about?" she demanded, feeling left out.

One of the few times it would be a smarter decision to be left out.

The other two didn't bother to answer her, for they'd started hunting around in the foam in front of me again as I struggled to avoid getting an enthusiastic little hoof in the balls. And at last I cried out "Hey, hey, hey! Wait!"

Ponies, I will love you forever if you remove the ability of this man to pass off his genes.

Scootaloo and Apple Bloom stopped – although Scoots did splash the water one last time in her own petulant little way.

"Look, if I show you it, will you promise to just take your bath and let me get some peace and quiet tonight?" I asked in desperation.

Oh MY.

"We will!" said Apple Bloom, turning on her most adorable, moist-eyed expression.

Those tears were not of joy, for Sweetie Belle had read ahead in the fanfic.

"Sure, whatever," agreed Scootaloo dismissively.

But I thought you wanted to see it, sport!

"Show us what?" asked Sweetie. Scootaloo turned and whispered in her ear and the baby unicorn went bright red. Seeing her embarrassed made me even harder, so I decided I might as well show them what they wanted to see. I mean, kids had to learn about sex sooner or later, right? So I got the three foals to sit down in the bath quietly while I got out. My body was still discretely covered in foam and the three of them leaned forward over the edge of the bath to get a closer look.

Yes, but not by being molested by a being from another dimension, you idiot.

"Aw, we can't see anything!" complained Scootaloo. "The foam's in the way!"

"Why not wipe it off?" I asked, stepping close to the edge of the bath. A little gentle hoofing might bring me over the edge, I decided, and a perverse part of me wanted to come all over that sassy little Pegasus's hoof. But it was Sweetie who leaned forward. "I...I'll do it!" she said. My heart skipped a beat as she brought her little hoof up to the foam around my crotch and pelvis and started to bat it away.

Holy shit, do I even need to say anything?

"Uh...uh, just try wiping it gently, Sweetie," I said, concerned that she might break something.

Sweetie nodded, and she stuck out her tongue in concentration as her soft little hoof wiped the foam from the length of my dick. I bit my lip to prevent myself from moaning, as I was sure the little foals would soon cotton on to the perversity of the whole situation if they knew I was enjoying it.

Why would any sane human being enjoy this.

I was getting close now... a few more strokes and little Sweetie Belle would soon have my sticky goo all over her hoof. But suddenly Scootaloo piped up.

"What has been seen, can not be unseen."

"Aw, Sweetie – you're taking too long!" The Pegasus grabbed the showerhead in her mouth and nodded to Apple Bloom, who turned on the tap with her nose and a sudden spray of cold water struck me between the legs, making me fall backwards onto the tiles with a gasp.

As I lay there, the three foals stared down at my now naked crotch.

"Aw, it's gone down!" said Apple Bloom.

"What did it feel like, Sweetie?" asked Scootaloo.

Sweetie was blushing red. "It felt... hard, but kinda soft like velvet at the same time." She looked down at me with a strange expression on her face. "It was pretty cool."

And pretty nightmarish for any sane human being, but don't let Hotsauce and his legions of fanboys hear you say that!

I got to my feet, rubbing my butt. "OK, guys – show's over. Remember your promise!"

"OK!" chorused the three foals in disappointed, sing-song voices.

"But first I want to check that you guys are really nice and clean everywhere!" I knew I couldn't let the chance to have a bit more fun with the soapy little foals go by and I'd decided to go for broke. "Auntie Rarity will scold me if she comes home and finds even a speck of mud on you – isn't that right, Sweetie?"

"She sure will!" replied the little unicorn, nodding furiously.

She'll also be pretty angered by the fact that you molested her little sister, but whatever!

So I picked up the scrubbing brush and said "I want you little fillies to bend over and show me your backs so that I can scrub the places you guys had trouble reaching! I'm sure I saw some mud there."

The little foals did just as I ordered – they'd seen me help Pinkie Pie with an itch that would otherwise have needed a good roll in the grass to alleviate by leaning over her and scratching her with my nails, so my request made sense to them.

Note that this probably has to do with the undescribed implied sex scene from earlier, which will probably get its own fic at one point.

The three turned around and lay down next to each other on all fours with their rumps over the side of the bathtub. I lathered up the scrubbing brush and got to work. Scootaloo and Apple Bloom kept themselves amused by blowing bubbles in each other's faces, while Sweetie just looked over her back at me while I washed her– she seemed to be enjoying the attention, and so I gave her a wink as I scrubbed the small of her back and one of her little hind legs started to shake up and down in pleasure.

"Do you like that, Sweetie?" I asked.

Remember folks, Hotsauce and his fans are perfectly normal, sane human beings!

"Uh huh!" she said, closing her eyes and sticking out her tongue. But the other two foals had realised they were missing out by this time, and they both demanded I scrub them next. They both seemed to enjoy it as well, but Scootaloo especially – her little baby wings stiffened and stood up off her back as I scrubbed her particularly hard.

And since this involves ponies, it has to mention of the many annoying as hell memes the bronies spawned from the darkest abyss of 4chan.

"I think you guys need some more lather!" I said, taking a handful of body soap and massaging it onto their backs. Their coats felt gorgeous and soft under my hands, and I had the chance to feel along their sides and up onto their little rumps as well under the pretext of washing them all over. Their bodies were firm with that delectable fleshiness of childhood, but delightfully soft with puppy fat at the same time, and little Sweetie had more of that than the other two, and I made her giggle as I ran my soapy fingers along her ribs. I gave Apple Bloom a good lathering as well, paying special attention to her rump, which was particularly well-rounded and cute, and I even risked running my hands down her haunches – but she soon covered herself with her tail in girlish modesty, so I decided not to force the issue.

Hotsauce might be a criminal, but he's a smooth criminal.

Last of all I lathered up Scootaloo – and as I ran my hands up and down her back, I decided to lather up her little wings as well. I laced my fingers through the stiff little digits, enjoying the sensation of the downy feathers as I did so, and rubbed and massaged them until Scootaloo was muttering in pleasure. Then I stopped, and she turned her head and looked back at me, a mixture of annoyance and frustration on her face.

"What the hell is wrong with you!?" Scootaloo screamed, bucking him in the testicles and flying out a window to get help.

"That's all for now," I said, slapping her playfully on the rump.

She gets her's in the sequel. To whoever gets assigned the sequel: Have fun!

I took the basin I'd brought with me and filled it with warm water, and rinsed the little foals off until their coats were sparkling.

They sparkled with such intensity, Hotsauce was forever blinded and thus robbed of his ability to molest underage horses.

"OK you guys!" I said, grabbing up the sponge. "Just one last spot to do! I need you to poke your little butts out a bit more."

With the three little butts in a row before me, I ran a hand along the top of them, across the hills and valleys of super-soft foalish flesh until I came to Sweetie. I put my hands on either check of her adorable rump, but the bashful little unicorn swished her tail between my face and her girlyparts, making it difficult to see anything.

That exploding green hipster has nothing on the real king of creepers.

I took her tail gently in one hand, and lifted it to one side. "I promise it won't hurt, Sweetie," I told her, a big reassuring smile on my face as she looked back at me in alarm. She nodded, and so I went ahead and did everything that I wanted to do.

You would think that would be a big tell to start screaming for help.

First I took my time enjoying the adorable sight of a little foal's pussy and butt hole. Sweetie's pussy was just as undeveloped as Apple Bloom's and resembled a baby's – there was almost no sign of any inner lips and her little clit was hidden. It was an absolutely enchanting sight and I would have given years of my life to have been able to just lean forward and tongue-baste that perfect slit and tiny little pucker. But I knew I couldn't risk it, so instead I took the sponge and started to wash her between her haunches, gently running the edge of the sponge along her pussy, and when I touched the end of her slit closest to her tummy she gasped and I stopped.

Notice how Hotsauce's true attention to detail only comes out when describing baby vaginas.

"Did I hurt you Sweetie?" I asked in mock-concern, taking the sponge away.

"Nuh uh," said the little unicorn, shaking her head.

"Oh, I don't know," I said. "I'd better have a closer look and make sure!" I put the sponge on the edge of the tub and placing my hands on either side of her slit I gently parted it until the tiny pink inner lips became visible with her little clit at the bottom. They glistened, stuck together with a few little threads of liquid that gave off a spicy scent, the smell of an excited little filly. I brought the sponge back up and dabbed the liquid away and she moaned a little.

Am I the only one horrified by the implications of Hotsauce knowing what the vagina of a little girl smells like?

"Oh, come on Sweetie!" Scootaloo was obviously annoyed with the attention her friend was getting from me. "It can't hurt that much – it's just a sponge!"

Damn, Spongebob has really gone down hill.

I decided not to push my luck. My cock was so hard now that I felt I'd almost be able to come hands-free, so I shifted my attention to the little Pegasus. Scoots was the more developed of the three – her mound was less pronounced, her little inner lips had started to blossom out and her clit poked out from its hood at the end of her slit. I decided to pay her back for squirting me earlier, so as I washed her I made sure that her naughty little clit got a few hard dabs from the sponge. Scoots gasped, and a few more dabs later stickiness started to drip from her. The smell of her excitement was far richer and muskier than Sweetie's had been. But there was no way I was going to get that little hellion off! I teased her a little more and then I slapped her lightly on the rump and moved on to Apple Bloom. Scootaloo had been looking back at me with halflidded eyes, but when I stopped she turned away and snorted in annoyance, the foam near her muzzle puffing into a little cloud of bubbles.

If you know so much about un-developed vaginas, why don't you write a book? Actually, don't! WAIT!

I'd seen little Apple Bloom up close before, of course, but now under the pretence of washing her I had the opportunity for a nice, leisurely examination. I gently parted her little slit as I had the others', and I noticed that she was already excited. Little Apple Bloom had been clearly enjoying the naughty experience! I brought my face closer to her pussy and breathed in the exquisite scent – it was a mixture of sweetness and spiciness, not as rich as Scootaloo but spicier than Sweetie's ‘sweet' fragrance. I suddenly got an insanely strong compulsion to taste her, and I decided that there was no way I was going to just look at some little foal pussy and then go and beat off like a loser without getting a taste of it. I moved my face closer and sneaked a quick lick from the base of her slit to her clit, immediately covering it up with a swipe of the sponge as I did so.

This is exactly the kind of thing a serial killer writes on the computer of their victims, then kills them when they finish or try to get help.

The sheer satiny softness against my tongue, coupled with the clear, intense flavour of her excitement was like a weird sexual drug that started my dick throbbing even more, and I had to stop myself from bringing my hand down and stroking myself until I came all over the side of the tub. I refused to bring the evening's fun to such a lame anticlimax. I bit my lip and told myself that there'd be further opportunities for naughty games with the three sexy little foals in the future. I'd just have to be patient.

"OK you three!" I said, grabbing the pile of fluffy towels and tossing one to each of them. "Get dried quickly and then it's time for milk and cookies and off to bed!"


And with that, we finish part two of the epic. Expect part three some time later today.

This post has been edited by TheSpaih: May 24 2012, 05:22 PM

[T_K_17]

Because it's the best.

ftfy

[TheSpaih]

Not bad, but the warning sign for the thread seems kinda attention-whorey. To me, at least.


Because it sucks.

I saw it kind of necesarry because Hotsauce goes beyond your typical egotistical attention whore on FF.net, something is seriously wrong with him.

The fact that he knows how the vaginas of little girls smell and can describe them in extensive detail should be a massive tell.

But lesson learned, I won't use the warning tag again.

This post has been edited by TheSpaih: May 24 2012, 07:35 AM

[Agnitio Ex Machina]

You missed a spot.

"OK you three!" I said, grabbing the pile of fluffy towels and tossing one to each of them. "Get dried quickly and then it's time for milk and cookies and off to bed!"

"Get dried quickly and then it's time for milk and cookies and off to bed!"

it's time for milk and cookies and off to bed!"

milk and cookies

off to bed

This immediately disqualifies the self-insert of ever being a babysitter...other than by being a creepy fuck who needs to be caught with his CP and arrested.

The fact that he knows how the vaginas of little girls smell and can describe them in extensive detail should be a massive tell.

And how would you know if he is bullshitting or not?

This post has been edited by Agnitio Ex Machina: May 24 2012, 08:20 AM

[TheSpaih]

You missed a spot.





This immediately disqualifies the self-insert of ever being a babysitter...other than by being a creepy fuck who needs to be caught with his CP and arrested.

OH CHRIST HOW DID I MISS THAT

And no troll would go to the length of the crusades he has pulled against his critics, and the long winded details of the smells of their vaginas are too much like the prose an actual pedo would write.

This post has been edited by TheSpaih: May 24 2012, 08:24 AM

[Agnitio Ex Machina]

And no troll would go to the length of the crusades he has pulled against his critics, and the long winded details of the smells of their vaginas are too much like the prose an actual pedo would write.

I believe that you or someone else brought up that he's bragged about having a CP collection. That would explain part of it. The other part, "the smell", is probably bullshitted unless this guy's actually done something. Too bad that even if he was a criminal, we wouldn't be able to prove anything against him while making a report with the FBI without definitive evidence that he has something to hide. Sure, the CP is most certainly illegal, but unless someone gets some logs from his PC via hacking, it's a moot point.

This post has been edited by Agnitio Ex Machina: May 24 2012, 08:28 AM

[TheSpaih]

I believe that you or someone else brought up that he's bragged about having a CP collection. That would explain part of it. The other part, "the smell", is probably bullshitted unless this guy's actually done something. Too bad that even if he was a criminal, we wouldn't be able to prove anything against him while making a report with the FBI without definitive evidence that he has something to hide. Sure, the CP is most certainly illegal, but unless someone gets some logs from his PC via hacking, it's a moot point.

I guess we can't ever really know, but theirs more proof here than hints that he's just a troll (IE: Him and his gangs of fanboys running Deermouse off of Youtube.)

[MissSarcastic1013]

What the fuck did I just read? I'm going to cry in the corner, and try to forget about reading what a girl's vagina. That's some creepy twisted guy.

[Nihilistic One]

What the fuck did I just read? I'm going to cry in the corner, and try to forget about reading what a girl's vagina. That's some creepy twisted guy.

You can't have a mental breakdown yet; there's still one part left of Spiah's mock.

This post has been edited by Nihilistic One: May 24 2012, 10:06 AM

[truthordeal]

I guess we can't ever really know, but theirs more proof here than hints that he's just a troll (IE: Him and his gangs of fanboys running Deermouse off of Youtube.)

Who's Deermouse and how did she get run off of Youtube?

[MissSarcastic1013]

You can't have a mental breakdown yet; there's still one part left of Spiah's mock.

There is?! NOOOOO!!! WHY GOD WHY?!!!