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> Care Bears Meet Digimon: Digital Champions, My second solo mock, pretty obvious what it's about. Here we go...
Post #1

Mocking Apprentice

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post Feb 28 2012, 07:47 PM
Looking back on the bounty board, I saw this train wreck waiting to happen. Digimon meets Care Bears in what can only be described as a TV show of the late 90's wrapped up in a shit tortilla in...

Care Bears Meet Digimon: Digital Champions

By: Indigo Dragoness

A/N: All righty, here's the first chapter in the first feature-length fic that brings together the Care Bears & Digimon, this is a trilogy like the Lord of the Rings and the Star Wars films (prequels & originals). This can also be found on DeviantArt, I based the 3 kids on the first 3 Tamers from Season 3, the song used is "Good Day, Sunshine" from the Beatles. Also, some elements are from the first Care Bears Movie.

Aw shit, I didn't like season 3 of Digimon! That was when...Renamon...came into existence. The world has never been the same since.

Disclaimer: Care Bears belongs to Nevada, MGM, American Greetings and anyone else. Digimon belongs to Bandai, Saban, Fox Kids and (probably) Disney. Oh and please, if you want to give me criticism, make it constructive critique and make it polite, okey-dokeys?

Not a chance! Any and all criticism will be directed with flaming hatred!

And if you wish to bug me about a stupid rule, do so through e-mail or private message, not the reviews. Now, on with the show!

Have courage, PAF, I will show no mercy for this crossover fic!

Part 1, Wizardmon Remembers that Care Bears would NEVER go with Digimon no matter the circumstances!:
Our story begins in a little house that belongs to a short character wearing a zipper jumpsuit, brown gloves, brown shoes w/crescent moons, slightly ragged dark purple cape w/ stars & symbols on the inside and a pointy steeple hat w/ a skull on the front. He comes into his living room with a tea set on a tray, that's when he sees the readers/viewers.
He slowly grabs a lead pipe from behind his chair...

Wizardmon: Oh. You surprised meHow the fuck did you get in here? I was never in season 3!. I wasn't expecting visitors. But please, come in get out before I call the cops!, make yourself at home. I had just put tea on.

He sets the tray on a coffee table and sits in his armchair.

I can tell we're in for a weird one, the fact that a season 1 digimon is telling things with season 3 plot elements.

Wizardmon: My name is Wizardmon, and this is where I live. Welcome to the Emotion Islands in the Digital World where everyone cuts themselves while listening to emo rock. Well, this isn't the first time some folks from anywhere but the DigiWorld came here. If I remember correctly, they're still in my basement, but the screaming stopped a few days ago... You see, it was about a year & a half ago, but seemed only like yesterday. You see, it all started with a special group of friends known as the Care Bears.

The audience then got up, stormed out, then set the place on fire.

Their mission is to help people share their feelings, and they live in a magical place called Care-A-Lot.

Flashback, in Care-A-Lot, the Care Bears are minding their own business with background music.

AW SHIT! I better do something about this...OK everyone, please disregard the lyrics and instead replace it with THIS!

Good day sunshine
Good day sunshine
Good day sunshine

Funshine Bear is in the park with Champ Bear.
They're going into the restroom...

I need to laugh, and when the sun is out
I've got something I can laugh about

Love-A-Lot & Bedtime Bear are shopping together.
They head into a shop called “Derriere Care”...

I feel good, in a special way
I'm in love and it's a sunny day

At the same time, Wish Bear is looking down on Earth through her Star-o-scope. That's when she sees 3 children in a disagreement.
They're arguing over which of their spoiled-kid stock options is better!

Good day sunshine
Good day sunshine
Good day sunshine

Wish Bear goes off to tell the other Care Bears that NO ONE CARES ABOUT THIS FIC.

We take a walk, the sun is shining down
Burns my feet as they touch the ground

She passes by Share Bear having an ice cream cone crammed into his ass.

Good day sunshine
Good day sunshine
Good day sunshine

She also passes by Friend Bear & Secret Bear helping Grumpy Bear with something.
His anger management class?

Then we lie beneath a shady tree
I love her and she's loving me
She feels good, she know she's looking fine
I'm so proud to know that she is mine

Wish Bear shows the other 3 the problem with his skin rash.

Good day sunshine
Good day sunshine
Good day sunshine

Friend Bear takes it upon herself that she, Secret & Grumpy will go down and set things right with the three kids.
Sure, because leaving a friend with anger issues is just the thing to do.

Good day sunshine
Good day sunshine
Good day sunshine

So, Friend, Secret & Grumpy Bear all take a cloud car down to Earth, right where the three kids are.

Good day sunshine
Good day sunshine

(Song ends) FINALLY!!!

The three Bears come to Earth, right where the kids are. The Asian boy with goggles over his head notices and screams like a little bitch.

Boy: What the FUCK?
The other two notice.

Boy 2: Why, you're the Care Bears.

How the hell did he know that? Why is he NOT shocked to see talking teddy bears?

Bears: Hi.

Girl sarcastically: Wonderful.

Read my mind, girly...

Friend: Now, what seems to be the trouble?

There won't be any trouble once I knock the stuffing out of you, LITERALLY!

Girl: This goggle-head here says we met before but I never saw his face. In fact, all Asians look the same to me.

Boy 1: I'm not saying we've met, I'm just saying I saw you before in a dream I've had last night. Oh, and he was there, too.

Uh...this kid has some weird dreams. Don't ask for details!

Boy 2: I saw them fighting, they were about to hit each other and I was trying to break them up.

You STOPPED them? I wanted to see blood!

Wizardmon VO: You see, Yoshi has moved to the U.S. from Japan and has forgotten how to make friends. And Rita was a good kid at heart, but she's had some serious issues in her past and took her anger out on anyone who talked to her. While George has always been a peaceful, gentle guy who hated fighting.

And now they form a rag-tag team of “heroes”, don't they? Seen this ALL before!.

Friend: Everyone needs friends, Rita. Including Yoshi.

Only thing Yoshi needs is a plumber and lots of stuff to eat!

Rita: I'm not his friend.

Yoshi: How do you know our names?

Grumpy: Friends are supposed to know stuff about each other.

Aw shit, quoting from the movie now, are we? Too lazy to write your own dialogue?

Friend: Like George here, likes to read books and dreams of being a lawyer. And Rita, you stopped caring since your father passed away and your mother longs for you to be a ballet dancer like her.

Grumpy: That could make anyone grumpy being made to wear a tutu.
Rita: That's right. But, how?
Friend: Like we've said, friends are supposed to know about each other's hopes & dreams we've been through all your stuff without your knowing.
Secret: (Whispers into Friend's ear)
Friend: Secret Bear says not to worry I forgot to mention the panty raid.
Grumpy: Yeah, 'cause no one can keep a secret like he can.
Secret: (Whispers into Grumpy's ear)
Grumpy: And speaking of dreams, Yoshi, tell us about these dreams you've been having Well, fuck you too!.

Yoshi: Well, it's been happening since I left Japan, my recent one happened just like what's going on now except we're all fully clothed and I have all my teeth.

Wizardmon: Yoshi's been having strange visionary dreams for the past few days. He wasn't aware of it yet, but they seem to mean something. But that brings me to another part of the story that took place here on the Emotion Islands.

That's part 1 folks. We're in for another weird crossover experience, but I promise you one thing, I will mock this to the best of my ability! Until next time, fellow mockers!

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Post #2

Mocking Apprentice

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post Feb 29 2012, 02:45 PM
A/N: Here's part 2, where we get to know some of the Digimon, also some future Care Bears & Care Cousins from the South. You'll need to Google Image search for what these new Care Bears look like since I'm too lazy to use descriptive words. The villain told in the legend isn't Dioboromon under his Japanese name, actually this villain looks like Venger from "Dungeons & Dragons". Enjoy!

Trust me when I say there will no NO saving grace for this fic.

Part 2, Emotion Islands:

Shows a map-view of the Emotion Islands, zooms into Middle Finger Island in one of the villages. Where Digimon, colorful bears & critters (that look like Care Bears & Cousins but without symbols souls) live together peacefully. That is, until racial inequality forces each side into a gang war.

Wizardmon: Some of these folks look like Care Bears & Care Bear Cousins but minus the tummy symbols they are actually cheap rip-offs since our project budget went to shit. They lived on Middle Finger Island and lived peacefully with totally despised the Digimon of some villages.

A lavender bear named Best Friend With Benefits Bear comes out her door and sweeps up the step. There, she sees Wormmon.

Hold on a second! Wormmon was from Season 2! The author said it was Season 3 where this shit takes place...FUCK!

Best Friend: (flirtatiously) Oh, hi there, Wormmon.
Wormmon: Hi there Piss off, Best Friend With Benefits Bear, I'm getting out of this story
Best Friend: How's it going?

Wormmon: Can't complain. Looking forward to tonight's festival Until you showed up, that is..

Best Friend: Yeah, along with Wizardmon & Sorcerymon's annual story.

A story within a story? Quick, readers, grab your totems!

Gotsumon comes by and hears their conversation, then looks at his watch.

Gotsumon: Oh, speaking of which, they'll be starting soon in a few years.

Wormmon: Better get a move on. I don't remember speaking to you, asshole!

Wizardmon VO: Ah, here's where I come in. Every year, my partner Sorcerymon & I tell the story of how the Islands came to be and how they were saved by just me because I like to fluff up myths about me. Did I mention how important I am?

The trio heads to the village square where Wizardmon & Sorcerymon have gathered around many other bears, critters & Digimon.

They're all bunched up...anyone got any grenades?

Wizardmon RE4 Merchant Guy: Welcome, welcome What're ya boi-yin'?.

Baby Hugs: Oh, goody-goody gosh, I love hearing Wizardmon & Sorcerymon tell stories.
Baby Tugs: Especially this one.

Hmmm...can I kill these two early and save us all the headache?

Sorcerymon: All right, everyone, settle down, please.
Everyone takes their seats riots like an unruly mob of soccer fans

Wizardmon: All righty. (clears throat) Long, long ago, there were the 4 Great Digimon that wanted to rule the world.

Flashback, 4 Mega-Level Digimon are traveling the Digital World.

Wizardmon: There was Pheonixmon, whom was in charge of the east starting wars, she represented air, wind & sky. Saxonmon was in charge of the south, he represented fire the Confederacy and the Ol' Southern Way. Baleenmon was in charge of the west dehydration, she represented water. And Kodiakmon was in charge of represented Earth.

Ha! He's just a representative of Earth. Guess he got the short end of the stick.

While traveling together with Pheonixmon & Saxonmon flying and Baleenmon in the sea, also being the smallest and therefore the weakest and least tolerable, Kodiakmon was on Saxonmon's back, they then came upon an empty place in the middle of the ocean.

No one would find Kodiakmon's body if they dumped it here!

Wizardmon: One day, they came together and formed 4 islands; Pheonixmon formed East Island and gave it mountains reality TV shows and high places people. She also gave to all the islands daytime, the sun, nighttime, the stars & moon plenty of space to grow pot. Saxonmon formed South Island and gave it deserts & volcanoes tons of plantations and rich white guys. And he brought fire & its many uses. Baleenmon formed West Island and gave it a tropical theme, beaches & palm trees with lots of digi-hotties for the sick fanboys. She also brought the wonders of the sea like amphibious sharks. And Kodiakmon formed North Island, snowy lands & forests also known as “Skyrim” because why not rip off of ANOTHER subject? Also brought life, peace & harmony.

Each of the Great Digimon form each island, rising their arms, flippers & wings then raising the islands from the sea, having trees, volcanoes & stuff grow and bestowing the things they brought by touching a certain place.


The DigiGnomes fly around dozens & dozens of Digi-Eggs.
Now we have Gnomes? WTF?

Wizardmon: For many years, the Islands lived in peace with one another. But one day, an evil Digimon named Diablomon came and brought darkness, even creating his own island and made many of the inhabitants his slaves.

If this starts ripping off the Diablo series I'm going to get EXTRA pissed...

Diablomon: (Laughing evilly)
He releases a bright red force of light from his fingertips which turns all inhabitants his slaves with red eyes.

Hmmm...this bears striking resemblance to the Dark Rings from season 2. Well they've ripped off a bunch so far, why not AGAIN?

Wizardmon: The Great Digimon go in to attack but he was too powerful with his army. That's when the Great Digimon enlisted the help of the last group of Digimon who weren't corrupted, also a group of brave, colorful bears & critters.

OK the lame-o-meter just hit 10, don't push it any further!

Between the Mega Digimon army appear colorful bears with armor, their fronts have the signs of the astrological zodiac, also colorful critters whom are the same animals as the Chinese zodiac even though China doesn't exist here.

Wizardmon: The Zodiac Warriors, the bears representing the astrological zodiac and the critters the Chinese Zodiac. Together, the Mega-level Digimon & Zodiac Warriors were able to fight against Diablomon.

OK but what was the motivation of this adversary? Not much backstory on him. Did he just wake up and say, “You know, I want to be evil from now on.”?

With the bears & critters riding most of the Mega Digimon, they go into battle against Diablomon and his army.

Send them to the Cow level! They'll never defeat us there!

Wizardmon: Through the combined power of friendship, kindness, courage & love, the enslaved Digimon were free and Diablomon was defeated and his data banished to the dark dimension. But in the process, his island remained but purified.

When you use “but” in this context, you're implying there was a negative side effect and...You know what, FORGET IT! This fic was doomed from the get-go, so whatever!

Returns to reality with Wizardmon & Sorcerymon in front of the group that has fallen asleep over how boring it was.

Sorcerymon: And that's how Middle Finger Island became along with Mt. Eternity. Though, it doesn't have its own guardian, the 4 Great Digimon watch over it together, at least that's what we are supposed to think because we're all ignorant and dumber than a bag of hammers. Though, the Zodiac Warriors are no more, their descendants are still around concerned only with themselves. Also, the reincarnations of the Mega Digimon who fought against Diablomon don't give a shit about us.

Wizardmon: Nobody knows who or where the Zodiac Warriors' descendants are nor the reincarnations of the Digimon Army. But if they ever came back here, they'd probably want to start over.

Hawkmon: Oh, that gets better worse every year. Don't you think, Clever Heart?

Oh no! Another season 2 character!

Clever Heart southern accent: Sure does, Hawkmon, sugar.

Potentially Creepy Dialogue Exchange! Whenever this happens in the future, I'll use “PCDE” whenever the fic starts pushing the envelope.

Wizardmon VO: Of course, not to brag, I tell the best stories on the Emotion Islands because they're all about me and me is what I like talking about. Of course, none of us realize about a few uninvited guests how poorly this fic is written.

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Post #3

Mocking Apprentice

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post Mar 2 2012, 10:39 AM
A/N: Here's part 3, one or two things maybe from the first Care Bears movie, also the Falcomon featured here is the original version not the one featured in "Digimon Data Squad"/Season 5, for I personally wasn't impressed with the fifth season so I'd rather not have any connections to that season.

How about no connections with this POS crossover too?

Well, the goggle-wearing kid and the main girl in Data Squad are both named Yoshi, but I don't think that really counts.

I think if 2 characters share the same name, you're either too lazy to think up names or asking for trouble.

This is a twist on Seasons 1 (Adventure 01), 2 (Adventure 02) & 3 (Tamers), but also some references to season 4 (Frontier). This also features the original theme song. Say, have you ever wondered why Treat Heart Pig, Grams Bear and Hugs & Tugs weren't featured in the second Care Bears movie? Well read on to find out. And enjoy!

Have you ever wondered why I don't give a shit about what you think? Because you make bad fanfiction, enough said!

Part 3, New Friends & New Enemies: and by enemies we mean all of PAF
Wizardmon VO: Now, back in Care-A-Lot, the other bears & cousins were not minding their own business and instead were accusing each other of not caring in a “Salem Witch Trial” sort of way. But soon, they notice that the ones who went down to Earth have brought back visitors returned, but why they're heads are impaled on pikes is anyone's guess..

Friend, Grumpy & Secret Bear return to Care-A-Lot with Grumpy & Friend in the cloud car and the kids in the back seat.

Redundancy much?

Also Secret in a rainbow roller. The other Care Bears & Cousins do not take notice.
Share: Oh, you brought visitors. Can we eat them?

Grumpy: Yeah. It's gonna take a lot of us to help them with their problems.

Because I'm sure they're aren't some Palestinian kids out there who have problems that are 100 times worse than this.

Friend: C'mon guys, we'll give ya a tour of my ass.

Rita: I still say this was a lame idea.

At least Rita has the right idea.

George: Relax, Rita.

Yoshi: Yeah, this will be fun. (pulls onto Rita causing her shirt to tear)
Rita: Oh you're dead!

They come and are given a tour of Care-A-Lot also show the kids a bit of fun.
Uh...no comment...

Wizardmon VO: Well, for those 3, their problems just seemed to float away. But for another human, his problems had just gotten a step deeper because he had stepped in shit. But before I get to that…did I mention how egotistical I am about me and me alone?

Fades to a dark dimension that's opposite to the Digital World where 5 shadowy characters are plotting.

Female voice: Yes. This is the perfect time to reveal ourselves in the story without proper introduction.

Male voice: (Evil chuckle) Yes, putting our plan into action.
Is it to rule the world?

As one of them throws a few switches & knobs, the sky around the Emotion Islands turns darker. The Digimon, bears & critters notice.

So these dark figures are the stage lighting crew?

Veemon: Did it turn night already?

Gatomon: Impossible.

Oh no! A season 1 character now? Is nothing sacred to you, author?

Take Care Of That Rash Bear: It's only 3 in the afternoon morning.

Elsewhere, the Great Digimon notice this as well, they go up to investigate. There, they find great evil.
Well that seemed a bit rushed.

Baleenmon: You asshole!

Saxonmon: I thought you were banished to the dark dimension.

Evil Digimon 1: Life is just full of surprises, huh?

Guess you should have made sure this evil guy couldn't return. That or you should have killed him. Irony has a strange way of coming back to bite you in the ass.

At the same time, out of the sky, comes a Digimon that looks like a court jester with teal & dark purple shirt, green & lavender sleeves, emerald pants, green shoes w/bells at the toes, white ruffed sleeve-tips & collar, dark red mask w/black swirls, and a dark purple/teal/blue jester's cap.

If you think this fic is in need of cheap jokes, you've got another thing coming.

On his shoulder is a doll that looks like its head is a piece of broccoli. In his hands is a yellow staff with a white sphere on the top w/2 masks (one happy, one sad) and a smaller version of his hat. His name, JesterLame-and-Uncreativemon.

Jestermon: (Chortling)

He's “chortling”? Shit just got REAL!

Hawkmon: Jestermon.

Do-Your-Best Bear: I thought the Great Digimon banished you to the Realm of Darkness.

Welcome to Ignoramus-ville. Population: YOU!

Jestermon: Oh yeah. 'Bout that, see, Lilithmon, Sauromon & NeoDevimon were able to combine their power to open a gateway to here. And now, as we speak, the three of them are holding the Great Digimon hostage.

Wait a sec, “Sauroman”? The white wizard from Lord of the Rings?

Agumon: Then we'll stop you, you're outnumbered.

When did ANOTHER season 1 character get in here? Someone leave the door open?

Jestermon: Oh, but you're not. (turns over, whistles)

Out of nowhere arrive dozens & dozens of Fugamon.

Fugamon: (Snarling)
It's then that Wizardmon & Sorcerymon notice this.

Oh sure, NOW they notice. Not like anyone decided to start fighting or anything.

Wizardmon: I was afraid of something like this.
Sorcerymon: Me too, we have to get everyone out of here.

But you two didn't do ANYTHING! You're useless.

They go out and see many of the villagers getting taken away, but others are fortunate to evacuate.

Wizardmon: This way!

Best Friend: We can't just abandon our friends.

Sorcerymon: We don't have a choice, Best Friend. The Fugamon & Jestermon are too powerful Watch me.

Wizardmon & Sorcerymon lead them to a Trailmon (Worm) in Mount Eternity, where many other refugees from the islands are, such as those from Primary village; the many, many Digi-Eggs, Elecmon & Grams Bear, also Baby Hugs & Tugs Bear. The bears include; Daydream, Forest Friend, Sea Friend, Take Care, Thanks-A-Lot & Best Friend. The critters to escape are Treat Heart Pig, Early Heart Rooster, Creative Heart Goat, Clever Heart Rat, Peaceful Heart Ox, Wise Heart Snake, Mighty Heart Tiger & Groovy Heart Dragon. The remaining Digimon: Agumon, Biyomon, Tentomon, Palmon, Gomamon, Patamon, Guilmon, Wormmon, Terriermon, Colormon & Falcomon.

Holy shit we are in for one bad story when you have ALL these characters! Show some restraint, author, seriously.

Biyomon: Is everyone here?

Wise Heart (Boris Karloff voice): I don't know about everyone. But this is all that's left.

So no one decided to gang up on that 1 hostile? You all suck!

Peaceful Heart: I'm not sorry we couldn't save the others.

Falcomon: It's not your fault, the bad guys are too strong.

Wizardmon: Trailmon, you must take us to somewhere that will help even though such a place may not exist.

Trailmon: Yeah, I just got word from Baleenmon. She said, you must find the defenders of feelings and Kodiakmon hid the Shining Digivolution somewhere that even Lilithmon wouldn't think twice to find.

She couldn't give you a straight answer? Your world is at war and she talks in riddles without giving you sufficient help? Not even a MAP? What a bitch!

Wizardmon: Then some of us must find these defenders of feelings and the Shining Digivolution.

Thank you for stating the painfully obvious!

Who's coming?
Agumon, Wormmon, Tentomon, Palmon & Terriermon step forward, along with the remaining critters, Daydream, Forest Friend, Take Care & Sea Friend the rest just cower and probably won't contribute anything to this horrid plot.

Sorcerymon: You should go ahead, Wizardmon, the others & I'll stay to hold off any bad guys that find us that way if they kill you, we'll just stay here.

Wizardmon: Please Fuck you, Sorcerymon, take care.

Sorcerymon: I'll do my best, you should get going.

Wizardmon: Right.

The rescue party enter the Trailmon car (along with 2 stowaways named Baby Hugs & Baby Tugs) and have a seat.

So this creature has train cars growing out of it? Man these things are weird...

Trailmon: Hang on, tight.
He starts off and heads onward. With background music.

It's not a show, idiot! We don't need your idea of background music!

Digimon, Digimon
Digimon, Digimon
They go through colorful light and beams.
Digimon, Digital Monsters
Digimon are the champions (x2)
Change into Digital Champions
To save the Digital
There are also ups & downs & loopy-de-loops, like a rollercoaster.
Digimon, Digital Monsters
Digimon are the Champions

All: (Yelling)
Palmon: I'll never look at a rollercoaster the same way again even though I have no clue what a roller coaster even is!

They hold onto each other as some tighten their seatbelts.

Digimon, Digital Monsters
Digimon are the champions (x2)

They notice a white blinding light.

Agumon: What is that? The sun?

Clever Heart: The afterlife club?

Digivolve into Champions
Digivolve into Ultimate

Shut this background stuff up!

Trailmon: Hang on tight, everybody, I'm going in dry!
Change into Digital Champions
To save the Digital

He goes strait through the light and before anyone knew, they were souring above the clouds.

How the hell does that thing FLY when it's a WORM?

Digimon, Digital Monsters
Digimon are the champions (x3)

Wizardmon (who's completely been keeping his cool shit his pants the whole ride) notices the ride stopped.

Wizardmon: You guys can open your eyes now, the ride's stopped, just don't come near me for a while.

Agumon: Thank Heaven. Whew, thank Heaven even though there has been no mention of heaven existing in this world.

Colormon: (Pants) Let's do that again!

Almost everyone: No! We're out of this stupid fanfic!

As you can see, a very poorly executed work of fiction. It only seems to worsen as the story continues with more holes than a wedge of Swiss cheese. I will continue to mock this abomination in the coming days. I hope all you readers out there like what I'm doing to this thing.

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Post #4

Mocking Apprentice

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post Mar 4 2012, 07:23 PM
Part 4, Digimon in Care-A-Lot: Not a good combo.

Briefly returns to this messed up version of reality where Wizardmon hears the tea kettle the C4 charge under his chair going off.
(Tea kettle whistling) BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Wizardmon: Oh shit! The tea's ready.
He goes to his kettle and in a second returns with the hot water for tea, he pours it in the teapot down his pants then resumes his seat.
Wizardmon: Now, where was I? Oh, yes, (sips tea) see the 3 kids mentioned earlier had just had a tour of Care-A-Lot and were having the time of their lives.

Let me guess... “and they've never felt this way before”?

Flashback, the kids have just surfed puked rainbows, blew & popped pink heart-shaped bubbles and played catch the stars. Having a great shitty time in general.
Kids: (Laughing) Crying, “Can't we just go home?”

Yoshi: Oh, that was incredible unpleasant.

George: The next awesome worst thing to Disney World & Sea World.

Rita: Yeah. I take back meant everything I said about this being lame.

Tender Heart: It's O.K. I hate you, Rita.

Cheer: You should follow your own dreams, not someone else's.

Lotsa Heart: And that's the truth. Although the cake is a lie.

Yoshi: Hey, what's that?

They look up and see Trailmon, but they don't presume who it is, exactly.
(Whistle blowing)

Brave Heart: Aah! A ghost train drug-induced hallucination!
He tries running away but just runs in place for Tender Heart holds onto his tail. That's when Trailmon stops in a far distance.

If you're trying to be funny here, author, it's NOT working!

(Chugging sounds) (Frat boys cheering on some drunk idiot!)

Trailmon: (Sighs farts of relief)
The doors to the cars open and from out of it comes Wizardmon & the rest of the Digimon. At that time, Funshine has come to investigate.

Colormon: Whew! We made it with only sustaining 75% casualties.

Tentomon: Yeah, another few minutes and I would've wet my seat.

Agumon: Ah…ah… (sneezes)
He accidentally releases a Pepper Breath right when he sneezed and it nearly hit Funshine.
Funshine: (Gasps)
She goes off bursts into flame, sustaining severe burns.

Palmon: Did you say something, Terriermon?

Terriermon: I didn't say anything. Did you, Wormmon When the hell did I get here?

Wormmon: No, not me.
Funshine returns to the others.

Funshine: Bad Good news, everyone! I'm ripping off Futurama now!

Tender Heart: What is it?

Funshine: I went to investigate the ghost train and we're being invaded by monsters!

Oh boy! Time for retaliatory action!

Share: Monsters?

No, giant flying pineapples with horns, WERE YOU EVEN LISTENING?!!?

Harmony: Are you sure they're invading?

Funshine: Yeah, one of them tried to barbecue me.
Terriermon appears behind Grumpy.

George: Grumpy! Look out Get the fuck down!

Grumpy: Huh?

He notices he's surrounded by Tentomon flying & Terriermon floating on the breeze by his ears. He ducks out of the way as they go towards him and end up crashing into each other. Meanwhile, George pulls out a sawed-off and blasts the two!

Both: Oof!

Tentomon, Terriermon, Agumon, Palmon, Colormon & Wormmon stand opposite to the Care Bears (Tender Heart, Funshine, Cheer, Friend, Secret, Grumpy, Brave Heart, Lotsa Heart, Proud Heart & Swift Heart) as the Bears & Cousins get in defensive position.

Tender Heart: Care Bears, countdown! Four, three, two, one, Stare!

I've wanted to use this for a while now.

They fire a Care Bear Stare at the Digimon, it hits most of them, except Agumon, Tentomon & Wormmon.

Digimon: Yeow!
Tentomon: You guys O.K.?

Colormon: Y'know that tingly feeling you get when your foot's recuperating from being asleep My flesh is melting off and I'm fusing with the ground. Do I look ok?

Agumon: Yeah.

Colormon: That's how I feel in my abdomen head.

Terriermon: Look out!

All: Whoa!
They all dodge as another Stare comes towards them. They then decide to fight back.

Yes! It's war, I tell you! Let's see how many fall before anyone tries stopping them!

Agumon: Pepper Breath!
Tentomon: Super Shocker!
Palmon: Poison Ivy!
Wormmon: Silk Thread!
Terriermon: Bunny Blast!
Colormon: Color Sting!

Why announce your attacks? I don't yell out “GROIN SHOT!” whenever I'm fighting someone!

They unleash their main attacks as the Care Bears continue their Stare. After a moment, Wizardmon & the others come by to stop watch the fighting.
Wizardmon: Everyone, please stop let me grab the camera!
But they continue attacking.

Wise Heart (as Boris Karloff): I don't think this is going to well.

Go on, fight! Fight that which you don't understand! >:D

Forest Friend: This isn't what Baleenmon meant by find the Defenders of Feelings.
Groovy Heart fires from his mouth a fireball at the ground breaks out his sweet disco moves and everybody ceases from fighting.

Wizardmon: Everyone! Please stop continue!

Treat Heart: Please, don't hurt our friends.

Brave Heart: We're not going to hurt anyeveryone.

Tender Heart: But you were the ones invading.

Agumon: We weren't invading, you were attacking first This is our territory now.

Funshine: Were not, you attacked me when I came by your train.

Agumon: Oh, I didn't see you and I didn't attack, I just sneezed.

You expect them to believe that?

Harmony: I think there's been a slight misinterpretation.

Colormon: Yeah, I think you're right wrong.

Wizardmon: All right, let me explain everything. You see, my friends & I have come to you for help.

Tender Heart: You can explain the rest in the Hall of Hearts eat shit and die for all I care.

Wizardmon VO: And so, the Care Bear Family took us into the Hall of Hearts, but at the same time, a couple of stowaways have made their way out of the Trailmon car.
While Trailmon naps, Hugs & Tugs come out of the car and look out.

I was hoping those two died in the initial attack!

Hugs: What is this place, Tugs?

Tugs: I'm not sure, Hugs. But let's look around shut the hell up.

Hugs: Yeah.
They go off and explore. Meanwhile, inside the Hall of Hearts, Wizardmon begins to explain everything.

Wizardmon: My name is Wizardmon, they're my friends; Agumon, Tentomon, Palmon, Wormmon, Terriermon and Colormon…

Agumon: We're Digimon, short for Digital Monsters.

OK readers, the next few paragraphs are utterly useless. Basically a recap of last chapter.

Wizardmon: They are Daydream Bear, Forest Friend Bear, Take Care Bear, Sea Friend Bear, Treat Heart Pig, Early Heart Rooster, Creative Heart Goat, Clever Heart Rat, Peaceful Heart Ox, Wise Heart Snake, Mighty Heart Tiger and Groovy Heart Dragon. You see, my friends & I came from a place called the Emotion Islands in the Digital World. We lived peacefully with one another. That was until great evil came and took over the Islands and made many inhabitants their slaves, very few of us were able to get away while others have stayed to protect what remains of the Islands.

Guess you decided to flee instead of ganging up on so few hostiles. Idiots...

Brave Heart: Do you know what this evil is?

Wizardmon: Jestermon said the ones behind this are Sauromon, NeoDevimon and Lilithmon. But I feel there's another evil with them. Also, the Shining Digivolution, the source of all Digivolution which makes us change form and become stronger, was hidden in a place even Lilithmon wouldn't think twice to look.

And so they came across the boundaries of time, space, and cinema. Not exactly believable, is it?

Tender Heart: This looks like a job for all of us you. Why should we even care? Some all of us will return to the Digital World to confront the evil Digimon and free as many as we can remain here. While others you go to find wherever the Shining Digivolution is.

Yoshi: We can help you find it. Right guys?
Rita: Yeah, that's right.
George: Agreed.

Oh yeah, as if the three humans in this group can do ANYHTING! No powers, no weapons, just 3 kids...

Friend: We appreciate the offer, guys, we'll need as much help as we can.

Mighty Heart: Right But you 3 can't even fight!.

Brave Heart: Well, what're we sitting around for? Let's get moving! Charge!
He goes off, out the door but stops in his tracks and turns back to the others.

Brave Heart: Uh, just how do we get to the Digital World anyway is now a bad time to chicken out and just say, “fuck you all”?

Wizardmon: We use the transportation that brought us here.

Brave Heart: The ghost train?
Colormon: It's no ghost train, it's Trailmon.
Friend: Trailmon?

Wait, I thought it was a giant worm, not a train!

Tender Heart: All right, Friend Bear, Secret Bear, you take Clever Heart, Terriermon, Yoshi, Rita & George to find the Shining Digivolution go on a suicide mission and most likely die. The rest of us are going to the Digital World staying here.

Agumon: Then let's go!

Everyone goes out toward Trailmon. Most of the Care Bear Family & Digimon get into the Trailmon cars, except Peaceful Heart, Mighty Heart & Sea Friend.

Friend: Good luck, guys!
Peaceful Heart: We're counting on you If you ever get into trouble, don't expect a rescue!
Trailmon gets started up and then heads off in the direction he took.
Wizardmon VO: And so began the adventure non of us will ever forget.

Unlike how the author forgot to proofread this thing...

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Post #5

Mocking Apprentice

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post Mar 5 2012, 01:37 PM
A/N: This part has references to the first Care Bears Movie and the first ep. of "Digimon Adventure 01".

Look, you've already referenced TOO much, just lay off OK?

Also, Nathan is a reference to both Ken Ichijouji of Adventure 02 and Nicolas of Care Bears Movie 1. Nathan's brother has a slight reference to Ken's brother Sam. Oh, I haven't really determined what the kids should look like, also I can't draw humans anime-style. sad.gif Well, hope y'all enjoy!

I swear this author is addicted to crossing over EVERY possible subject!

Part 5, Kuwagamon Attacks even though he was in season 1 and not 3!:

Wizardmon VO: Taking a break from our heroes & their friends, brings me to another human who I'm chucking into the story for no real reason and the fact we don't have enough characters as it is. One I have mentioned earlier but said I'd get to him later. And here he is now.

Does he contribute to the plot in any way? So far, NO ONE HAS!

Fades to Earth where a young boy, 'round the kids' age (12 or 13), gets a package left in front of his condo door. It's making a weird ticking noise...

Wizardmon: Nathan here, has never had any actual friends. And ever since his beloved cat passed away, he thought he'd never love anyone ever again.

All because he lost his CAT? And they say pet owners live longer.

He brings the heavy box inside, but he's also being watched by a small white Digimon with purple points on his feet & ears, bright green eyes and a red triangle on his forehead a dark-skinned Scotsman with an eye-patch. Inside, Nathan's brother Andrew (older by 2 years) is reading watching porn when he notices Nathan coming in.

Andrew: Hey! Close the door, you're lettin' the AC stank out!

Nathan tries to close the door but the heaviness of the box makes him lose his balance and he ends up crashing head first into the bookcase, leaving a huge bloody mess and the box partly crushed. As Andrew goes to his brother, the little Digimon Demoman sneaks in and hides behind a potted plant.

Nathan: Oops I think I brained my damage.

Andrew: (Groans) It's always "oops" with you, Nathan. Every time, I give you a simple task to do, you end up breaking something!

Nathan: But I've lost a lot of blood

Andrew: And now the package I ordered for school is partly crushed! Mom & Dad will be back from their trip tomorrow night and the least you can do is make things pleasant-looking for when they return.

Aren't they a bit young to be left alone for so long?

Nathan: I'm not sorry, Andrew.

Andrew: I don't want to hear anymore of your apologies! (sighs) I have to study watch porn, while I do so, clean up this mess!

Andrew goes into his room as Nathan begins to pick up but he stops and goes into his room where he slumps into his desk chair and turns around as the little Digimon sneaks over to his doorway and covers his ears.

Nathan: (Sighs) screams in terror

Wizardmon VO: Nathan has been doing all the work nothing since their parents were out for the weekend while his brother just bosses him around, the truth is Andrew makes him do 20 things at once. He'd look for any excuse to get out of housework such as meeting friends saying he's been drafted or something, it is also Andrew who blames Nathan for their cat's death since Nathan did, after all, super glue the cat's paws to his model rocket. So, Nathan stopped caring long ago.

Nathan: I wish… I'd give anything to do things my way.

Would you give the author a swift kick in the head so they would STOP this fic?

That's when a dark force is in his computer, it hears what he said.

Sentence FAIL!

Dark voice: Anything?

Nathan: Huh? Who said that?

Obviously an evil entity willing to make a seemingly sweet deal with you which may or may not end up dooming you or the human race. Pretty normal stuff nowadays.

Dark voice: In your computer. I found the porn!

Nathan turns over to his computer and sees a silvery metal face talking to him. Unknown to him, it's Sauromon!

Hey, I didn't know the Seeing Stones from LOTR were windows compatible!

Nathan: Who are you? Why are you here?

Look kid, it's just a computer virus, just wipe your hard drive and it'll be fine!

Dark voice: I am a spirit, Nathan. I can help make your deepest desires come true.

Nathan: My deepest…

Dark voice: All you have to do is type in the code.
The code appears on the screen.

Digimon whispers: No, don't.

Relax, it's just Contra.

But Nathan naively types in the code, the next thing he knew, he was sucked into his computer. The only witness is the little Digimon.

Digimon: Oh deer shit.
The little guy goes out through the open window falling several stories to his death.

Wizardmon VO: I bet you're wondering why the Care Bears haven't noticed Nathan before and who the little Digimon is. Well, they'll be revealed later since I'm too lazy right now.

Back in Care-A-Lot, the remaining Care Bears, critters, bears, Terriermon & the kids are in the Hall of Hearts, using the Rainbow Rescue Beam to search for the Shining Digivolution.

And how exactly is that thing supposed to help them?

Sea Friend: Oh, where could Baleenmon have hidden the Shining Digivolution?

Mighty Heart: I wish I knew.

Too bad no one bothered to ask him! On that note, he never told anyone to begin with! They're all idiots...

Wish: (Looking through Star-O-Scope) Any idea what it looks like?

Terriermon: No one really knows 'cause no one's really seen it except the Great Digimon.

Well that helps us out a lot...

That's when Wish Bear spots something through her Star-O-Scope.
Wish: Huh?

Through it, it looks like a red blip from very far away, she cleans the lens and looks again. But still unclear as to what it is.

Wish: Oh my stars.
Yoshi: What is it?
Wish: I saw something, but I can't quite make it out.

Is it, oh I don't know, a STAR? Since it's a “star-o-scope”?

Terriermon: We'd better go see, I have a bad feeling about this.

My opinion since I started this thing!

Yoshi: Ditto sucks.

Everyone goes out to see about this red blip. But shortly after they leave do Hugs & Tugs appear and see the monitor of the Rainbow Rescue Beam.

Hugs: What's this thing, Tugs?
Tugs: It isn't a thing, Hugs. It's a… a… Thingamadooey psychotic death beam.
Hugs: (Giggles) You know everything nothing, Tugs. (hugs Tugs, then releases awkwardly) What's it do?

Tugs: Uh, it makes… bubbles. Different shaped & colored bubbles kills stuff.

Hugs: Shapes & colors? Ooh, wee! Make it kill things pretty shaped bubbles, Tugs.

Tugs: Any special shape & color?
He presses the heart, clover & star-shaped patterns, the screen gets all static.

Screen: Self-Destruct Initiated...all personnel much reach minimum safe distance!

Hugs: No bubbles, Tugs. Not even normal ones.
They notice the crystal above the platform shining.

Hugs: I think you broke the thing.

No shit.

Sea Friend: Baby Hugs! Baby Tugs! What are you doing here?

Sabotaging your efforts, what does it look like?

A rainbow appears atop the crystal and it comes down onto the platform, from it appears the little white Digimon from earlier.

Digimon: Huh? How the hell did I get here?

Wish: Oh my stars, who are you?

Digimon: I'm Calumon, prepare to suffer my wrath.

Terriermon: Calumon?

(High-pitch roar from distance)
See? I told you he had wrath!

Yoshi: What's that noise?

Friend: It's coming from outside.
They go out the front doors and see what they thought was the red blip from a moment ago, turns out to be a giant red beetle!

Giant ladybug?

Beetle: (High-pitch roaring)

Giant ladybug with a muscle cramp?

Wish: Who is it?

The red beetle Digimon lands about 20 feet from them.

Terriermon: His name is Kuwagamon, he's one seriously bad Digimon, even when he's in a good mood.

Why is his roar “high-pitched”? Have his balls not dropped yet?

Clever Heart: What in tarnation is he doin' here?

Why not go over and ask him? I'm sure he's harmless...

Mighty Heart: Hugs, Tugs, you stay here with Peaceful Heart are in SO much trouble, we'll check this out.
The group heads out and find Kuwagamon!

Yeah, he's only 20 feet away, not much searching required!

Kuwagamon: (Roaring)

Friend: Leave this place, Kuwagamon!

Oh yeah, that'll work...

Wish: I don't think he's one to reason with.

Terriermon: Yeah, Kuwagamon is vicious & ruthless.

Kuwagamon: (Roaring)

Wish: Care Bears, Stare!
She, Friend & Secret Bear use the Care Bear Stare on Kuwagamon.

Sorry folks, not enough of them for a “taste the rainbow” moment. Plus I already used that.

Kuwagamon: (Roars)
He knocked over, but gets back up a second later and turns his attention to the kids.

Kuwagamon: (Growling)

Rita: Aah!

Terriermon: Bunny Blast!
Terriermon fires his attack which has some no effect.

Kuwagamon: (Groans, roars)
He grabs Terriermon in his claws and eats him.

Terriermon: Aah!

Mighty Heart: Terriermon!
The Bears give Kuwagamon another Stare which makes him release Terriermon.

Oh come on! Just kill off one, that's all I ask!

Terriermon: All together, everyone! Bunny Blast!
The Care Bears use a Stare as Terriermon releases his attack multiple times.

Didn't exactly work the first time, WHY try again?

Kuwagamon: (Roaring)
Kuwagamon falls over, he digitigrades into dust and then is transformed back into a Digi-Egg.

Aw come on! Why was he such a pansy? Back on the show it took 7 opponents do anything, and even then he didn't die!

Wish: Ohh, what happened?
George: Is he… destroyed?

Terriermon: No, Kuwagamon's turned back into a Digi-Egg.
That's when the Grim Reaper with beady green eyes and an hourglass necklace appears from a white vortex and takes Kuwagamon's Digi-Egg, he then goes back into the vortex which disappears.


Friend: Who was that?

Terriermon: His name is Faunchemon, he's the Grim Reaper among Digimon and a servant to the Great Digimon, Saxonmon. See, Digimon never really die since we're made of data, so whenever a Digimon ends up like Kuwagamon or is about to, Faunchemon takes their data or Digi-Egg to be reborn.

Do digimon need a Grim Reaper? Back on the show they would just disappear into data! There was NO need!

Yoshi: My dream.

Friend: Huh?

Yoshi: This is just like what happened in my dream, a giant beetle attacked me, Rita & George in a cloudy environment and then it's turn back into an egg which is when the Grim Reaper shows up, takes the egg and leaves. Except this time I'm not late for work or not wearing any underpants.

George: Yoshi, I think your dreams are some kind of future visions seriously messes up.

Yoshi: Yeah, I think so.

Sea Friend: Why would Kuwagamon be here?

Clever Heart: I dunno, honey-bear, but I think it may have some connection with our little visitors here.

This story just keeps getting worse and worse...

Hugs, Tugs, Peaceful Heart & Calumon come out and meet up with the others.
Peaceful Heart: I feel we should return Hugs & Tugs to Grams Bear back in the Digital World.

Because going back into a war zone sounds like a great idea!

Mighty Heart: I'm with Peaceful Heart. Calumon, any idea where you came from or why you're here?

Calumon: All I know is, I came from the DigiWorld and landed in the Real World, and then here. Although how that's possible, I have no idea...

Yoshi: Then, to the Digital World it is.

Wish: Let's go.
They come to the harbor and the Cloud Kipper appears, they board and head out to sea.

Rita: You sure this'll take us to the Digital World?

Yeah, how can a boat get you there anyway?

Sea Friend: No, but I'm not sure how else to get there aside from Trailmon.

So they're going off in a boat which may not get them to their destination? Seems like a great plan! When do they die?

Terriermon: Which aren't around at the moment.

Sea Friend: Exactly.

Wizardmon VO: Well, speaking of the Digital World, let's check them out now.

Thankfully the chapter ends here, we'll pick this up again later, I need a Sunset Sarsaparilla...

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Post #6

Mocking Apprentice

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post Mar 11 2012, 10:43 AM
A/N: Here's the next part, based on the second episode of Adventure 01, this is also the first Digivolution in the first movie. Enjoy!

Ever think about doing something original for a change?

Part 6, The Birth of Greymon: He came out feet first

Wizardmon VO: Me & the others have returned to the Digital World where we meet some familiar faces. The “Digi-IRS”

Trailmon lands and everyone exits the cars, they then meet some Digimon that were left behind.
All are severely injured and wishing for death to take them.

Agumon: Sorcerymon, everyone! Someone ease my suffering!

Sorcerymon: Agumon, Wizardmon, we're so glad you're back.

Wizardmon: What happened, my friends?

Biyomon: We were helping the Trailmon get the Digi-Eggs to the safe haven of the third Digital Moon and while many were captured.

So you evacuated into space? Digimon don't seem to possess space suits so how are those eggs going to survive if they hatch on the moon?

Tender Heart: Who was captured?

Guilmon: The last of the Bears and Falcomon. They were cooked and eaten 3 days ago.

Brave Heart: Then we must save what's left of them.

Agumon: All right then, Tender Heart, you & I'll take Biyomon, Tentomon, Gomamon, Palmon & Patamon and go that way. The rest of you go get captured.

Tender Heart: Right, we'll take Cheer, Good Luck, Champ, Grumpy, Funshine & Share.

Brave Heart: The rest of you, with me.

Everyone: Right! WRONG!

Everyone goes in their separate directions Wizardmon with Tender Heart & Agumon's group and Sorcerymon with Brave Heart's group. Soon, the first group get to a nude beach.

Gomamon: All right, the beach!

Tender Heart: Gomamon, this is hardly the time for a vacation.

Gomamon: I guess your right. Fuck you! I was a useless character unless I evolved. My best friends are FISH!

(Bubbly growling)

Grumpy: What's that noise?

Biyomon: Trouble.

A geyser erupts a few feet from the heroes, they go off as it goes around. Then a sandstorm brews as a giant conch shell comes out of the sand twirling the top of the shell.

Just like the season 1 episode...man this is going to SUCK.

Tentomon: Shellmon!

Good Luck: What's a Shellmon?

Tentomon: Something that gets mad for no reason.

Word for word! Seriously, this author is just asking for trouble!

The top of the shell stops spinning as Shellmon comes out of his shell.

Shellmon: (Roars)

So he sounds like “Roars in parenthesis”?

Grumpy: Everyone, up here!

He tries climbing the ledge of a rocky cliff but Shellmon fires from his head a blast of sea water at Grumpy which knocks him back down to the others.

So he's a digital fire hose...

Gomamon: Grumpy!

Shellmon: (Growls)

Agumon: Digimon, attack!

The Digimon go in towards Shellmon.

Agumon: Pepper Breath!

Wizardmon: Thunderball!

Agumon fires a fireball from his mouth at Shellmon and Wizardmon fires from his fingertips an electrifying ball. It effects Shellmon.

Still announcing attacks...and what do you mean it “effects” him?

Biyomon: Spiral Twister!

Tentomon: Super Shocker!

Gomamon: Marching Fishes!

All three of their attacks didn't do anything.

No shit, they attacked with fish!

That's when Shellmon attacks them, but only Agumon & Wizardmon are able to fight back.

Patamon: Boom Bubble!

He tries firing his attack but it doesn't work, then Shellmon whacks him with his tentacle-like hair.

Patamon: Whoa!

Palmon: Poison Ivy! Huh?

Her attack doesn't work, then Shellmon head butts her.

Palmon: Oof!

Just like in the TV show...except this sucks harder.

Agumon & Wizardmon continue attacking Shellmon.

Champ: Go get him, Agumon!

Good Luck: You too, Wizardmon! Quit standing around like an idiot!

Tender Heart: Why is it only Agumon & Wizardmon are strong enough?

Because you're all useless and don't amount to a hill of beans in this world!

Tentomon: The rest of us used too much energy protecting the Digi-Eggs.

Too bad they aren't battery powered.

Share: Of course, and remember the tea & cookies we made?

In the middle of battle you think of tea and cookies?

Grumpy: Yeah, only Agumon & Wizardmon in our group had food. They didn't share with the rest of us! ASSHOLES!

Patamon: The rest of us are just too hungry from saving the Digi-Eggs.

Yeah, you just said that a couple sentences ago.

Cheer: That explains it, we suck.

Agumon: Champ, we need a diversion!

Quick! Grab a boom box and play “Every day I'm Shufflin'!

Champ: You got it, sports fan! (to Shellmon) Hey Shellmon, ugly! Over here!

Shellmon crushes him instantly

Cheer: Be careful, Champ!

While Agumon & Wizardmon continue to attack Shellmon, Champ finds a long, thick stick.

Champ: This'll do the job. (hits Shellmon's shell with stick) How do ya like that!

A stick? Why not throw sand in its face while we're at it?

Just then, Shellmon grabs Champ with his tentacle and he grabs Wizardmon with another.

Champ: Whoa!

“Whoa”? You're getting constricted to death and all you say is “whoa”? Someone took acting lessons from Keanu Reeves.

Wizardmon: Aah!

Agumon: Hold on, guys!

Shellmon: (Roars)

He raises his hand up towards Agumon.

Agumon: Whoa, whoa, whoa!

He's doing his Shia Labeouf impression!

He tries getting away but is slammed down by Shellmon's hand.

Shellmon: Aqua Blaster!

The mollusk Digimon fires his attack at everyone on the beach. soaking them in water...yeah not a very good attack...

Champ: Watch out, he's going to get everyone!

He already did, moron!

Wizardmon: There isn't anything we can do because we're all just pointless characters!

Agumon: Champ! Wizardmon!

Meanwhile, on the Cloud Clipper, the red triangle on Calumon's head starts glowing.

Calumon: Whoa I'm trippin'!

It fires a red beam in the sky, which comes to Agumon's position, everyone sees a red light in the sky. This is just the thing that gives Agumon more power!

Agumon: Agumon, Digivolve to… Greymon!

OK wait a sec...in the show the digimon needed the kids in order to change, but now a red forehead beam has the same effect? What kind of shit is that? It makes no sense!

The newly Digivolved Greymon rises from under Shellmon's hand as he releases Champ & Wizardmon.

Champ: Aah!

OK, enough with these useless interjections!

Wizardmon (whom can fly on his staff and why he didn't use this before, we'll never know) grabs Champ before he hits the ground, they land gently.

Champ: Agumon transformed.

Ya don't say!

Wizardmon: Now he's Greymon.

Yes, he shouted it as he transformed! WE GET IT!

Greymon faces off to Shellmon, the mollusk Digimon charges at Greymon but he grabs onto his head.

Both: (Growling)

Author, we just assume they're growling because they're fighting, quit beating us over the head with it!

Shellmon fires his Aqua Blaster but Greymon is able to dodge and breathe fire at Shellmon's water, which turns into steam. Shellmon runs out of water in a second then Greymon flings him into the air with his nose.
Greymon: Nova Blast!
He fires from his mouth a gigantic fireball at Shellmon which hits him, blows up and Shellmon was blasted back into the ocean about 100 yards away. Greymon glows then changes back into Agumon.

Champ: Agumon!

Wizardmon: Unbelievable. Yet somehow completely pointless.

The orange Care Bear goes to Agumon, whom lies there.

Champ: Agumon! Oh, Agumon, are you O.K.?

Agumon: Hey Champ. Got anything to eat?

Champ: (Chuckling)

Agumon then takes a chunk out of Champ's hand.

So, Share, Cheer & Funshine use their tummy symbols to set up a picnic for the Digimon with all kinds of goodies.

And they didn't think of this earlier?

Cheer: If anyone wants more, just say so.

Tender Heart: Shellmon wasn't destroyed, he was just removed from where we are.

Grumpy: I say we get outta here before he wants to come back for round 2.

I've played fighting games before, it's usually best of 3 rounds.

Champ: I agree.

Tentomon: We'll just pack everything up and leave this stupid story.

Agumon: Yeah.

So, Biyomon & Tentomon fold the blanket up in a sack with all the goodies inside and off the heroes go.

Wizardmon VO: And it was then that Agumon could now temporarily Digivolve to Greymon but only when the plot would allow such a convenience. And let's check out another group.

I hope they don't rip off any more TV show episodes. This story has been a rough one since the get-go, but I will persevere!

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Post #7

Mocking Apprentice

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post Mar 12 2012, 06:50 AM
A/N: Here's the next part, 2 new Digivolutions in one. This one is a reference towards Care Bears Movie 1 and the Digimon Adventure 01 ep. 2. Hope y'all enjoy!

Trust me when I say “enjoy” is not even close to the sensation the readers will experience.

Part 7, New Digi-Allies: But they come with a price

Wizardmon VO: And now, we come to those whom found Calumon and are now heading toward the Digital World. Unaware that they're already near West-Side Story Island.

Wish: There's nothing ahead to tell us where we are.

Well, you're on a boat, did you expect street signs?

Love-A-Lot: Bear overboard! Bear overboard!

Wish Bear turns from her place on the bow but realizes she's standing on mid-air! She grabs onto the bow in time.

Well that bit was pointless.

Love-A-Lot: Bedtime Bear went to sleep and fell overboard.

They look over and see Bedtime Bear asleep in the water but is taken aboard a wooden raft crafted by Gabumon, whom pulls him on.

Did he take so much Ambien that he didn't realize he fell into the water?

Gabumon: I believe this belongs to you. You should cut back on those sleeping pills.

Love-A-Lot: Oh, thank you so much. why did you not let him drown?

Gabumon hands them Bedtime whom is still asleep.

Love-A-Lot: I'm sure Bedtime Bear would thank you too, when if he wakes up.

Terriermon: Gabumon!

Gabumon: Terriermon? How are you still alive?

Yoshi: You know each other?

Gabumon: Sure do.

Apparently digimon are “tight like that”...

Terriermon & Wise Heart help Gabumon get on board.

Terriermon: What happened?

Gabumon: While those whom weren't captured went into hiding, I was partly in hiding, and also made an escape raft and went looking for help. Then you guys showed up.

So you made an escape raft but took no one else along in case you got hungry? Not a sound plan...

Wise Heart: We'll need as many allies as we can get.

Even though you could've ended this a few chapters ago.

Proud Heart: He's right, if we're going to beat the bad guys and save the Islands which are being completely ignored by the enemy.

Terriermon: And the rest of the Digimon.

Uh yeah, good luck with that, uniting the REST of the digimon? That could take years!

Treat Heart: Right.

But little do any of them realize the danger that awaits them. Something in the water starts spinning around the Cloud Kipper, creating a whirlpool.

Oh I hope it's Hydra from the first God Of War!

Bright Heart: We just need to find Tender Heart, Brave Heart & the others and then we… Hey! Something's messing up the wheel!

Just turn cruise control off.

Wish: Bright Heart, why are you turning here?

Bright Heart: I'm not, the boat's turning by itself!

The GPS has become self-aware and has integrated with the boat.

Sea Friend: We're caught in some sort of whirlpool washing machine.

The whirlpool gets more violent by the minute, the ship is nearly sunk!

Birthday: Somebody, do something like end this horrific fic!

Groovy Heart (surfer accent): Yo, throw me a rope, little buddies! I got 'dis!

Gabumon: Do as he says!

Yeah, because no one else is going to do anything.

George throws him a rope, Groovy Heart Dragon ties one end around his waist and the other onto the mast. With all of his strength, he flies the Cloud Kipper out of the whirlpool.

How the hell does that even work?

Creative Heart: You did it, Groovy Heart!

Love-A-Lot: We're saved!

Yoshi: But not for long! Look!

There was a 2nd whirlpool right next to them?

From out of the whirlpool bursts out the very one who started it, Seadramon!

Seadramon: (Roars)

Aw man it's not Hydra, it's ANOTHER rip off from a season 1 episode of digimon!

Friend: That sea dragon must've started the whirlpool!


Peaceful Heart: Oh no, Seadramon!

Terriermon: And I don't think he's himself!

He's going through a midlife crisis?

Seadramon whacks the boat with his tail, which makes George fall off!

George: Aah!

Friend: George! Can I have your stuff after you're dead?

Gabumon: Hang on, George!

Gabumon dives in after him as Terriermon opens his ears and drifts towards him.

George: (Coughs)

So George can't swim? Why was he even on the boat?

Gabumon: Blue Blaster!

Terriermon: Bunny Blast!

Lame Announced Attack!

They fire their attacks at Seadramon, it does some effect but not much.

George: Gabumon! (grunts) Who tied this cinder block to my feet?

He's then dragged underwater by Seadramon whom grabs him with his tail. He then holds him up above the water, trying to squeeze him.

George: Aah!

I'm ACT-ing!

Terriermon: George! Hey, what's that?

He spies a black, shiny object sticking out of Seadramon's lower back.

Oh no it's a black gear from the TV show is it?

Terriermon: There's something in his back!

Gabumon: I'll save you, George!

Calumon: Oh dear! Ohh! I just shit myself...

The red triangle on Calumon's head glows which gives Gabumon and Terriermon great power, enough to Digivolve!

Again, this makes no sense! Just quit ripping off the tv show and try something else! It's NOT entertaining!

Gabumon: Gabumon, Digivolve to… Garurumon!
Terriermon: Terriermon, Digivolve to… Gargomon!

Garurumon & Gargomon charge in and attack Seadramon, which makes him release George. He's then helped back onto the boat.

George: (Pants) The fuck took you so long?

The water Digimon whacks them off him with his tail but the two are able to fight back. With Gargomon on Garurumon's back, they swim around him.

Gargomon: Garurumon, we gotta attack the thing that's in Seadramon's back!

Garurumon: Right.

Do they know its his weak spot? This isn't the Legend Of Zelda.

Seadramon then fires his Ice Blast attack at the two, Gargomon jumps off to dodge but Garurumon ends up getting frozen.

Gargomon: Gargo Pellets!

He fires from his Gattling Gun at the iceberg trapping Garurumon, freeing him.

Garurumon: Howling Blaster!

He fires a blue stream from his mouth which gets Seadramon. As Gargomon then whacks the thing in Seadramon's back.

Gargomon: Bunny Pummel!

One he smashes it, it blows into itty-bitty pieces, freeing Seadramon.

Oh great, the author's IQ just dropped 20 points in one sentence.

Seadramon: (Roars) but sounds incredibly bored...

The 3 Champion Digimon then revert to their Rookie Levels, Terriermon, Gabumon and Betamon. They're helped back aboard.

Terriermon: Whew! What a battle.

That was about 30 seconds! Hit the bricks, runt, you're weak!

Gabumon: I'll say. When I go in water, my fur begins to stink.

George: Thanks, guys. I owe ya one.

Gabumon: Anytime, my friend. Anytime. Damn right, you do! Now get me a drink!

Betamon: Could someone explain what happened? I was below deck not giving a shit.

Clever Heart: Y'all were under an evil spell, Betamon, sugar-cane.

Betamon: That explains this backache I have, but why do I itch in weird places?

Terriermon: It looked like some sort of black, metallic thorn.

Wise Heart: Of course, anyone could be grouchy with a metal thorn in them.

Really? Instead of a black gear it's a black thorn? Sounds like an emo rose just wanting to hurt people.

Harmony: Betamon, why don't you join us?

Betamon: Sure. It's the least I can do to repay ya for saving me and I want to make up for attacking you guys. Fuck NOOOOOOO! I have other places to be!

Rita: That wasn't your fault, Betamon. The thorn made you do it You were having your midlife crisis.

Betamon: You're right. (chuckles)

Sea Friend: All right, 3 new allies.

They sail off.

Wizardmon VO: With 3 new allies and a new mystery about the black thorn. The heroes sail off towards Middle finger Island.

Another chapter down, but the suck factor is still cranked up to 10.

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Post #8

Mocking Apprentice

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From: The Forgotten West
Member No.: 582
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post Mar 15 2012, 01:39 PM
A/N: here's the next chapter. I made references to the first & second eps of "Digimon Adventure 02". Also, I was lazy and didn't feel like putting in the lyrics for the song "Run Around". I love that song and started putting in lyrics but then I thought I was too lazy. Well, hope you all enjoy! I'd appreciate constructive critique so long as it's polite.

For once, I'm glad you got lazy. The last thing this fic needs is a musical number!

Part 8, Mystery of the Black Thorn: Chances are it came from a giant black rose

Wizardmon VO: Now, we come to Sorcerymon, Brave Heart & their group. They had just gotten attacked by a bunch of rabid badgers.

Sorcerymon, Brave Heart Lion and their group consisting of Lotsa Heart Spaghetti, the Italian Elephant, Day Wet Dream Bear, Swift Heart Rabbit, Forest Friend Hippie Bear, Cozy Heart Penguin, Take Care Bear, Loyal Heart Dog, Guilmon, Wormmon and Colormon who has the worst name in existence. They come across a meadow clearing with absolutely nothing in it.

Swift Heart: Y'know, it seems quiet.

Forest Friend: Yeah man, too quiet. Bad karma's about...

Lotsa Heart: And that's-a the truth-a.

Voice: Hey guys! I found the body!

All except Sorcerymon: (Scream)

Audience Reaction: (Lame)

They all look to see Veemon coming their way with Gatomon.

Just when you thought we couldn't shove any more characters in this.

Sorcerymon: Oh relax you cowards, it's just Veemon and Gatomon.

Loyal Heart: Friends of yours?

Day Dream: Sure are Hell no. Hey Veemon, Gatomon, how the hell are you two still alive?

The two Digimon come to our heroes.

Veemon: It's great to see some unfriendly faces.

Gatomon: Sure is, who're your friends?

Sorcerymon: Meet the Care Bear Cousins; Brave Heart Lion, Lotsa Heart Elephant, Swift Heart Rabbit, Cozy Heart Penguin and Loyal Heart Dog.

Right... “cousins”? Talk about a messed up family tree.

Veemon: Nice to meet you all How the fuck are you all related?

Just then, a giant shadow looms over our heroes.

Wormmon: Look! Something big and ominous is blocking the sun! I was first to notice!

They all look up as a giant praying mantis Digimon appears, he has a dark thorn in his stomach.

Digimon: (Roars)

All: Aah!

Yeah, we get it...just stop with this failed attempt at drama!

They all duck as he flies over them but turns back at them.

Swift Heart: Who the heck fuck is that?

Colormon: Snimon. He can cut through anything with his Twin Sickles attack.

Snimon: Twin Sickles!

Gee, didn't see that coming did we?

He fires his Twin Sickles attack and everyone dodges because it's more predictable than a nintendo boss, but the Digimon jump into action.

Colormon: Color Whips!


Wormmon: Silk Thread!

Also lame

Guilmon: Pyro Sphere!

Would be ok, but I know what this one sounds like so...STILL lame.

They fire their attacks but Snimon dodges at every attack. She leaps up, punches Snimon in the head but he just bats her back on the ground.

Wait, who just got hit? Wouldn't they be sliced in half instead?

Loyal Heart: We'll take care of things from here. Uh-oh. I just shit myself.

He notices the ground shaking under him and a large hole appears, Brave Heart slips in!

Brave Heart: Yeow!

He fell for hours...

Veemon: Brave Heart! Mel Gibson's suing your ass when you reach hell!

He grabs onto a piece of the ledge then sees a giant purple & white mole Digimon with a drill for a nose. He also has a black thorn in his wrist.

Wormmon: It's Drimogemon!

What were they on when they named him that?

Colormon: And he's trapped killing Brave Heart!

Veemon: Brave Heart, I'll save you!

That's when another Digimon appears, who looks like a grey & white dinosaur, whom also has a dark thorn in his back.

ANOTHER? Does the author forget just how much stuff they're pushing into this story at once?

Wormmon: Monochromon.

Monochromon: Volcanic Strike!

He fires several flames from his mouth which Veemon dodges but loses balance over the hole.

Veemon: Aah!

Well, 2 are dead now so things are looking up!

Brave Heart: Veemon!

He's able to grab him by the tail but they both end up falling down the pit.


Both: Aah!

To which Drimogemon grabs them and goes back through the hole.

Something tells me they're going to die a slow, painful death.

Day Dream: Oh no, the ground just opened up then swallowed them whole.

Author, using a comma after the interjection implies weaker feeling in the sentence. Are we safe in assuming he doesn't care about what happened?

Guilmon: Brave Heart & Veemon went bye-bye.

Oh great, now we have a digimon with a mental defect. Since their digital, can't they download a patch to fix it?

Take Care: But where'd they go?

Hopefully somewhere we'll never find them!

Sorcerymon: I don't know but we must find a way to protect ourselves.

Lotsa Heart: But what about Brave Heart?

Forget him! He's useless!

Colormon: Color Whips!

Wormmon: Silk Thread!

Guilmon: Pyro Sphere!

Deja vu much?

They fire their attacks as Forest Friend tugs on Gentle Heart's hand while she stands there.

Forest Friend: Brave Heart will be fine, he's got Veemon with him. Hey man, am I just hallucinating all this shit? I had some good stuff before we got here...

Sorcerymon: And we're outnumbered in strength, we have to leave surrender and start begging for mercy!

The group then takes off for the woods. Soon after, Brave Heart finds himself strapped to a mountain side.

So wait, do the ropes go all the way around the mountain? That's a waste of rope, you know?

Brave Heart: (Moans) Aah! Where am I? How'd I get here?

Voice: Just hanging out, pussy cat?

He looks up and sees some strange-looking character wearing a black cape, yellow framed sunglasses with purple lenses and spiky hair.

It's one of two possible options. One: It's a digimon dominatrix who likes mountains. Or two: It's that guy from season 2 of digimon and this is ONCE AGAIN an almost exact copy of ANOTHER episode!

Brave Heart: Who are you?

Character: Your worse nightmare come true. Frankly, I'm rather disappointed that I was able to catch you so easily. Oh, that reminds me.

A wall in the canyon opens to reveal Veemon strapped.
Veemon: Brave Heart!

Brave Heart: Veemon!

There, you see? It was number two!

Veemon: Hey, great view, isn't it?

Brave Heart: I haven't had time to look!Fuck you! This is no time for jokes.

Character: Now you're trapped like rats, or in your case, trapped like a cat. (evil laugh)

How does he find this funny? He's high on pain killers?

Brave Heart then gets an idea, he uses his tummy symbol to shoot out a signal high in the sky. At that time, the group comes upon a large temple.

And I bet it works out of convenience.

Wormmon: Hey, what's in there?

Sorcerymon: Beats me, but I feel a strong presence inside that temple. let's just ignore it entirely because the chance of it leading us to our lost friends is low enough to warrant such actions.

Day Dream: I vote we check it out.

Swift Heart: I do too.

Sorcerymon: This is no democracy, you giant stuffed animals! I said we ignore it and that's what we're going to do!

The group goes up the stairs, but Swift Heart is already at the top!

Forest Friend: How does she do that, man? And why is everything else in slow-motion?

Guilmon: I don't know, but whoever built this, haven't they ever heard of escalators?

Did they fix his speech problem?

They finally get to the top but there's another set of stairs!

All: (Groan)

You mad?

Sorcerymon: Wait a minute, look who's up there.

They then notice 2 characters they recognize, one a brown-red hawk Digimon with a white head & belt around his head with a feather sticking up. The other a yellow armadillo-like Digimon with a purple belly, a darker yellow shell and a red diamond on his head.

Oh NO!!!! MORE characters?Seriously?

Hawkmon: Oh! Greeting, my name is Hawkmon. Some of you already know me but for those who don't, it's nice to make your acquaintances.

Quick, cook it and eat it!

Day Dream: Good to see you again, Hawkmon.

Cozy Heart: Nice to meet you.

Armadillomon: Hi, I'm Armadillomon. Who're the rest of you whom I don't know?

Once again, ripping off the show and not even trying to be original!

Forest Friend: Oh, meet the Care Bear Cousins, Cozy Heart Penguin, Loyal Heart Dog, Lotsa Heart Elephant and Swift Heart Rabbit.

Colormon: What're you guys doing here?

They were dumped here due to the author's lack of restraint.

Hawkmon: As soon as the Digi-Eggs were shipped off…

Armadillomon: We hid out here 'til reinforcements came.

Oh sure. I bet no one knew you were even here and you were waiting for help that would never come!

Loyal Heart: Do you know what's happening to make other Digimon act weird?

Hawkmon: No, but now that you mention it, I've noticed weird pointy things flying around then striking the Digimon.

Armadillomon: That's probably what's making them act weird. emo.

Take Care: What exactly are these pointy things?

Hawkmon: I'm not sure, they were too far away to make out with us.

Loyal Heart: But we can't wait any longer, we have to find Brave Heart & Veemon.

Sorcerymon: He's right wrong. What do you say, Hawkmon, Armadillomon? We find the others. I still say we ignore that obvious signal and just go in random directions.

Armadillomon: Let's go!

Hawkmon: Agreed.

The good guys head off and see Brave Heart's signal.

This just gets worse and worse...

Swift Heart: Look, a signal.

Cozy Heart: It's from Brave Heart.

How the FUCK does he know that?!?

Colormon: It's coming from the canyons.

Sorcerymon: Let's go not go over there!

At the same time, the weird character on the cliff looks down upon the trapped Brave Heart & Veemon.

Brave Heart: Please, release us! We did nothing to you!

Actually, you exist, therefore, you're asking for it.

Character: That's what you think, Care Cousin. For now, let's say you watch Veemon as he becomes my slave.

Explain to me why Brave Heart would even care?

That's when a Black Thorn appears and floats towards Veemon.

Brave Heart: Veemon! I hate your guts!

Veemon: Don't waste your time, buster, why don't you just destroy me now and get it over with?

Character: You asked for it.

Veemon: Hey man, I was just kiddin', y'know, funny joke. Ha-ha. Can't ya take a joke?

The character pulls out a gun and unloads the clip into Veemon.

Character: I don't hear anyone laughing, Veemon.

OK not really...

As the Dark Thorn comes closer to Veemon, something blasts in and destroys it.

Character: What?

Turns out, it's Hawkmon flying in, his Feather Strike attack destroyed the Dark Thorn. The rest of the good guys appear on a rainbow or flying.

Words cannot describe how stupid that must look.

Lotsa Heart: Brave Heart!

Brave Heart: You got my signal.

That's when Swift Heart zips over the canyon walls and frees Veemon and Brave Heart.

Swift Heart: You two O.K.?

Veemon: Yeah, I think so. just lost about half of my blood.

Brave Heart: Yeah.

That's when Gatomon faces the weird guy on the canyon cliff.

Gatomon: This litter box ain't big enough for the two of us.

And this is important, WHY?

That's when another Digimon appears in front of the weird guy, whom looks a lot like Gollum of the "Lord of the Rings" films (is even named after him) with big yellow eyes, pointy ears, pointy nose and a scrawny appearance, also wearing a brown loincloth.

Gollummon: Keep claws to self, big bully!

OK, now the author is just making shit up! Seriously, this is pissing me off!

Gatomon: Lightning Paw!

She punches Gollummon which makes him crash into the shady guy, he falls on his butt.

Both: Oof!

Character: Watch it, Gollummon! Snimon! Monochromon! Drimogemon!

You'd think he'd change their names so it wouldn't take all day to summon them.

As he calls out the enslaved Digimon, they each appear. At the bottom of the canyon, the good guys are together.

Sorcerymon: All right, let's say we take care of things here.

Veemon: Yeah. Thanks, Captain Obvious.

Sorcerymon: Colormon, Hawkmon & I'll handle Snimon. Guilmon, Wormmon, Veemon & Gatomon will take care of Monochromon while the rest of you free Drimogemon.

All: Right!

(Music starts)

Just be glad there's no lyrics!

Everyone goes off in each direction, Monochromon shows up about 15 ft away. As background music starts.
("Run Around" plays)

Monochromon: Volcanic Blast!

Gatomon: Lightning Paw!

He fires his attack but Gatomon uses her Lightning Paw to dissolves them and is then flung into the air by Monochromon's horn. But she lands on her feet.

Gatomon: Everyone, attack!
Guilmon: Pyro Sphere!
Wormmon: Silk Thread!
Veemon: V-Head-butt!
Gatomon: Lightning Paw!

Enough with calling out your attacks! We get it! You only get one and it makes you predictable!

As Wormmon uses his attack to hold onto Monochromon's foot, through their combined attacks, they destroy the Dark Thorn.

Day Dream You did it! You destroyed the dark thorn! While we just stood around with out thumbs up our asses!

Snimon: Twin Sickles!

He twirls his sickles, releases pink crescent-shaped beams but Sorcerymon deflects them off by twirling his staff.

Sorcerymon: Crystal Barrage!
Colormon: Color Whips!
Hawkmon: Feather Strike!

Hawkmon & Sorcerymon launch their attacks and then make a sharp turn as Colormon does her attack which destroys the dark thorn.

Colormon: All right, we did it!

You don't say...

At that moment, Drimogemon races underground and into a cave where he find Armadillomon & the Care Bear Cousins.

Armadillomon: Everyone ready?

All: Yeah!

Armadillomon: Diamond Shell!

He curls into a ball then rapidly spins towards the black thorn.

Brave Heart: Care Cousins, Call!

All: (Animal noises)

As they call out, they fire blue lights with musical notes from their symbols. Through their Call & Armadillomon's attack, they get the black thorn and destroy it. Back on the cliff…

Wait a sec! How does calling do ANYTHING other than make a whole lot of noise? This fight makes no sense!

Character: They're more powerful than I thought. Retreat!

Taking acting lessons from Megatron?

(Song ends)

He uses his remote control to make him & Gollummon teleport back to Sauromon's headquarters. As the heroes say good-bye to the freed Digimon.

Veemon: Sorry we had to fight you guys, but remember we had to get rid of the dark thorns. kicked you asses and we'll do it again!

Drimogemon: Nah, it's understandable. Thanks a lot for saving us. Next time, I'm killing you all!

As the freed Digimon leave, the group turns to each other.

Take Care: Hard to believe that the Dark Thorns can turn such nice Digimon into nasty beasts.

The show needs some way to discourage killing.

Veemon: Yeah. And who was that guy on the cliff with Gollummon?

Brave Heart: I don't know but he thinks we did something to him.

Did you spy on him trying to be his friend too?

Sorcerymon: Well, whoever he is and whatever he thinks, he's got us wrong.

Forest Friend: Yeah, but let's say we go find the others. get baked!

Sorcerymon: Yeah.

The good guys all head off with that strange character in mind. to smoke a whole shit-load of weed!

Wizardmon VO: Who might this strange character be? And what does he mean after Brave Heart said they did nothing? We shall find out soon enough. But for now…

By the way, Wizardmon died back in season 1! How the hell is he narrating this? Must be his eternal punishment...

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Post #9

Mocking Apprentice

Group: Members
Posts: 747
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From: The Forgotten West
Member No.: 582
Gender: Male

post Mar 16 2012, 03:57 PM
A/N: This chapter is a based on the third ep. of Adventure 01 and the "General" is a reference to the Digimon Emperor, I couldn't come up with a good monarch term so I used a very high military rank. Oh, the General talking to Sauromon is based on a part in the Little Ponies pilot "Rescue at Midnight Castle". Enjoy!

So we have 3 rip-offs for the price of one! Do you even have independent thought, author? Or are you just a stupid machine with no freewill?

Chapter 9, Biyomon Gets Firepower: And if you watched the show you'd see this is going to suck from beginning to end.

Wizardmon VO: Now, we come to me & Tender Heart's group, we had just finished our picnic we made earlier. We had just gone from the beach and into a forest.

Because having a picnic while your fellow digimon suffer is always a good thing to do!

As the group is going along, Funshine Bear accidentally steps onto a root on a ledge.

Funshine: (Shrieks)

Me: (Yawns)

Good Luck: Funshine, are you O.K.?

Funshine: Yeah, it just scared me half to death.

Grumpy: Just be more careful, you klutz. Could've been a snake or something. I wish one would bite me so I could be rid of you all!

Funshine: Biyomon, are there any snakes here?

Biyomon: No, just giant killer bugs & other unpleasant Digimon.

See? Nothing to worry about.

Grumpy: Yeah, thanks for the heads up, Biyomon-Bitch.

Biyomon: Always glad to help I'll peck your eyes out, asshole.

They continue on until coming to a desert.

Please let them stumble onto some trigger-happy NCR soldiers!

Tender Heart: Whew! Has it gotten hotter all of a sudden?

Well you're in a desert, so WHAT DO YOU THINK?

Champ: Whew! Yeah, I just felt the sweat drop down my side.

Grumpy: This is what I get for having a fur coat. Anyone got a razor?

Tentomon: I think we'd better find some shade & water soon, or our furry friends will become overheated.

Wizardmon: Yeah, I think you're right That's the idea, Tento.

Agumon: But we're O.K. for now, right Cheer?


Cheer then collapses of dehydration...

The camera zooms out as she yells out for help. At that time, a black thorn has found its way to a mountain in the desert where a fiery Digimon is. The group still wonders the desert.

Palmon: (Pants) My head is baking, if this goes on much more, I'll look like a wilted salad.

Or you could just download a shade-building addon or something! Your world is DIGITAL for crying out loud!

Cheer: We have to stay positive, everyone. Let's just pretend it's raining.

Not a paragraph ago you were screaming in despair, NOW you're positive again?

Biyomon: Yeah, I simply adore the rain.

Champ: Same here, but it's time for a reality check.

Yes, you're in a desert and no one brought any water. You all suck!

Wizardmon: Yes, it maybe a good idea if we get out of this desert ASAP.

Really? I thought the best thing to do was put Crisco on your heads and walk under giant magnifying glass lenses!

Tentomon: Before we have a power outage? I'm for that.

That doesn't make sense!

Funshine: Wait, what's that over there?

Everyone turns while Funshine murders Cheer and starts draining their water...

They all see in the distance what looks like tiny huts.

Tender Heart: It looks like a little village.

Agumon: And… (sniffs) I smell stagnant water.

Cheer: Water? Really?

Grumpy: That's perfect, if it's a village, there must be people.

Even though they should all know humans are from the real world and NOT this one.

Palmon: And hopefully shade. Wonder if they'll have hats for sale.

Oh great, Palmon officially joined the TF2 community.

Funshine: I'm so thirsty, I could drink an entire lake.

Oh just drink your piss!

Wizardmon: Then it's official, let's get out of this desert.

All: (Cheering) (Panting from lack of water)

Wizardmon VO: As we walked over towards this village, we weren't aware of a black thorn finding its way towards its next victim.

As the dark thorn darts through the maintain side, the fiery Digimon turns over and sees it.

Digimon: Huh? I'd better not do anything to dodge this incoming projectile.

Before he can make out what it is, it zooms in and strikes him in the back which sinks in there.

Digimon: Aah! (moaning in pain) I hate irony!

At that time, the heroes come to the village and find it inhabited by pink radish-like Digimon with blue flowers on their heads. Also a light blue bear and deep green bear (whom look like Care Bears but minus the symbols).

Digimon: (Laughing)

Grumpy: Who are these little guys? Can we eat them?

Funshine: They're so cute & tiny!

Biyomon: They're Yokomon. I was one before Digivolving to what I am.

Deep green Bear: I'm Earth Friendly Bear, I'm solar-powered.

Light blue Bear: And I'm Not-Surprised Bear.

Tender Heart: Now, does anyone here know where we can get a drink? If not I'll have to drink my own piss!

Grumpy: There's no way we'll be able to fit into this place. We're too different and I'm a biggot!

Good Luck: Aw relax, Grumpy. At least the natives here are friendly.

Until you give them disease-infested blankets, then we'll see how hospitable they are.

Patamon: I'm suddenly tired & hungry again.

And suddenly, I don't remember asking for your opinion!

Share: You're not the only one.

Biyomon: Good news, everyone. The Yokos, Earth Friendly & Surprise have invited us all to dinner.

Everyone: (Cheering)

Now the bad news, two of them are the main course, who's it going to be?

Grumpy: Raise your hand if you want my “homemade” lemonade!

Funshine: I wonder what Yokomon eat.

Well since they look like radishes, I'm thinking either Miracle Grow or Brahmin shit.

Tender Heart: I'll have a cheeseburger with fries & a shake.

Did you happen to see a McDonald's anywhere or did the sun fry your brain?

Good Luck thinking: I wonder what will be served, maybe big juicy ham or lettuce topped with fish or… I have to get out of here while I still can!

Funshine: Water!

Good Luck: Water?

Could it be “water”?

Funshine: A fresh water fountain.

The group comes to the fountain which has fresh spring water.

Funshine: Ohh, fresh water.

Yokomon: Oh, the water's piped in from a spring at Mihirashi Mountain. It's the best water in DigiWorld once we use the chlorine.

Tentomon: Forget the DigiWorld, Mihirashi Mountain water is the best in all the known galaxy.

Funshine: Where's Mt. Mihirashi?

All Yokomon: Over there, idiots, you passed it on the way in!
They all point to a big volcano just east of the village.

Tender Heart: That's a live volcano.

That somehow has water in it?

Earth Friendly: Yeah, but the heat boils away all the bacteria.

Back in Mihirashi Mountain, the fiery Digimon's eyes turn from normal blue to glowing red and the water he's standing by boils up. That's when the water in the village starts to evaporate then blows fire into the air.

All: Whoa!

Champ: What's going on?

Water just became combustible! Our lemons are useless!

Surprise: The water evaporated.

The water controller chip is busted, we need to find a new one within 180 days.

Yokomon: That's O.K. because the lake is always full of water.

They go by the lake and there's no water in it.

Cheer: Goodness, where'd the water go?

Share: Someone pulled the plug.

Or maybe you just used it all up! Did you think about that?

Wizardmon: All right, we mustn't panic.
Translation: PANIC!

Tender Heart dumps a bucket down the well but there's no splash.

Tender Heart: Dry as a bone.

Wizardmon: This is too peculiar.

Tender Heart: But we can't give up.

Look, there's no water! Why try again?

He pulls the rope back but the bucket was scorched off the rope. That's when another eruption of fire appears out of the well. And Tender Heart starts dancing in a weird way. bursts into flame.

Tender Heart: (Yelping)

Palmon: Tender Heart, are you doing a rain dance?

No, he's on fire, douse him with something flammable!

Agumon: Now that I think about it, I did see a weird arrow-shape fly through the sky earlier and crash into the hillside.

Champ: Yeah, I saw that too but didn't bother telling anyone until now. And of all the hillsides, it crashes into Mt. Mihirashi.

Good Luck: That's where the water comes from.

We know that, moron.

Yokomon: That's right, the water comes from a lake on top of Mihirashi Mountain.

Redundancy much?

Yokomon 2: So, a weird shape crashing into the mountain could effect the water supplies.

Yokomon 3: But we don't dare go up Mihirashi Mountain for it's guarded by a fiery Digimon named Meramon. He's hideously dangerous.

So just because he's different from you he's “hideously dangerous”? You digimon are so racist!

Grumpy gets out some binoculars that he stored up his ass, looks over to the mountain and sees something coming down.

Grumpy: You say this Meramon is a fiery Digimon.

Yokomon: Yes.

That's when Grumpy zooms in with his binoculars and sees Meramon!

Grumpy: Tall guy, made entirely of flames, wavy hairdo, small dick, hatred against all who call him “hot-headed”?

Surprise: Yeah, that's him. Why?

Grumpy: He's coming this way! Oh, nothing...

Yokomon: He burns up everything he touches!

Sounds like the government when it comes to money.

Yokomon 2: But he never comes down off the mountain of endless porn, this is very strange behavior for him.

Meramon: Argh! I'm burning, too hot! (crying)

The Pyro got to him and his stupid teammates are hogging all the medkits.

Tender Heart: Weird, he's crying.

Cheer: He sounds like he's out of his mind with pain.

Set yourself on fire, you'll get the idea.

Champ: What do we do now?

Meramon: Burning, burning, BURNING!

Never a medic when you need one.

Share: He's coming strait towards the village!

Earth Friendly: Hey everyone, we'd better decide what to do. I've never seen Meramon move so fast.

No shit.

Yokomon: He's already reached the foot of the mountain and now he's entered the forest.

Well so much for the forest...

Cheer: Everybody, freeze! Stay very still.

Uh...why? You'll think he'll just go away if you stay still?

Everyone freezes as Meramon runs through the forest.

Meramon: You're gonna need more than sunscreen to stop me! Ha-ha-ha!

See? He knows you're there, staying still won't do anything!

Cheer: Don't move a muscle.

You have got to be kidding me!

Gomamon: I have an itch in my ear.

Meramon then runs out of the forest and into the desert.

Meramon: (Roars) Burn, burn, burn! (roars)

Flame Boomer: BURRRRRN!!!

Meramon runs through the desert, coming closer & closer.

Wizardmon: Everyone, unfreeze! And run!

Took ya long enough!

Meramon: (Laughs evilly)

Wait, first he's in pain, now he's psychotic?

All: (Yelling & panting)

Everyone in the village runs off as Meramon comes in closer.

How much “closer” can he get?

Meramon: (Roars, laughs)

Everyone runs into the ship at the bottom of the lake, as all the Yokomon come down the edge. Because there's so many, it looks like a waterfall.

Just like in the show...someone do something original for a change!

Tender Heart: Keep Stop moving, everyone!

Cheer: Everyone to the rear!

Now that just sounds creepy.

Champ: All right, settle down. There's room for everyone. Will you please quit squirming?

So they're stuffing the yokomon into Cheer's ass?

Cheer: I feel someone's missing. (gasps)

She realizes that Biyomon is missing! As she has some flashbacks…which never happened!

Biyomon: Heh-heh. Ha-ha-ha! The Yokos. I'll take care of them.

Returns to reality…or not.

Cheer: Oh heavens.

She then sees Biyomon on a cliff, helping the Yokomon.

Biyomon: Everyone, keep going, just follow the one in front of you one gets a rifle, the other gets ammunition!

Cheer: Biyomon! Save yourself, come down from there!

Biyomon: I can't leave here until all my people are safe, Cheer!

Cheer: Then I'll just have to come after you.

She starts running towards Biyomon on the cliff.

You know she can fly away at the first sign of trouble, right?

Good Luck: Hey, where's Cheer going?

Grumpy: Cheer, you'll never make it with that many yokos up your ass!

The last of the Yokomon get off the cliff.

Biyomon: Oh good, they're all safe now.

Cheer: Watch out!

That's when Meramon appears on the cliff before Biyomon!

Yeah, guess she didn't see him or sense his intense heat...

Biyomon: Go away, Meramon! We're not bothering you!

Oh yeah like that's going to work...

But he knocks her off the cliff and she starts tumbling down.

Biyomon: Whoa!

Told ya!

Cheer: Biyo! Biyo! I'm coming, Biyo!

She uses her tummy symbol to make a rainbow appear, then rides it as she catches Biyomon on it.

Cheer: Gotcha! Are you O.K.?

Biyomon: Yeah I broke a rib. But I hope I don't do that again, it wasn't fun. Thanks for coming to rescue me.

Cheer: It's not a problem, that's what friends are for.

Biyomon: You can say that again. My friend.

But their reunion is cut short when Meramon gets ready to attack!

Forget about him already?

Biyomon: Cheer, you stay here. It's my turn to rescue you!

She flies up and faces Meramon.

Biyomon: You think you're really hot stuff, Meramon, well you're in big trouble now! Spiral Twister!

Bad flame jokes get you nowhere!

As she flaps, a green flame appears spiraling at Meramon.

Oh sure, because the best way to fight fire is with MORE fire!

Meramon: (Groans)

Biyomon: All right, big shot. Take that, and that, and that!

She continues her attack a few times, but Meramon feels no effect.

I wonder why.

Meramon: Is that the best you got, weakling?

Wizardmon: We have to help her, he's too big for her to handle alone! Let's all stand here and point dramatically!

Agumon: Yeah.
Meramon: Fireball!

Biyomon: (Screams)

Meramon throws a fireball at Biyomon which knocks her down, that's when Wizardmon, Agumon, Patamon & Tentomon show up and start pointing.

Cheer: Oh no, she's hit! Biyomon.

Agumon: Don't worry, Cheer, we'll take care of this guy! Pepper Breath!
Tentomon: Super Shocker!
Wizardmon: Magical Game!
Patamon: Boom Bubble!
Everyone fires out their attacks, but Meramon is barely effected, in fact, he keeps growing!

Good Luck: We need a fire extinguisher!

Grumpy: That made him bigger!

So Meramon's getting aroused by this? Oh shit...

Meramon: (Moaning) Why do I suffer so?

AND he's emo?

Tender Heart: If we knew why he was crying, it might help to stop him.

Funshine: Fire's not effecting him, so it's obviously not heartburn.

And if he's aroused?

Meramon: (Roaring)

Meramon is growing bigger by the second.

+1 for the dick jokes

Champ: Maybe this guy has growing pains.

Make that 2.

Good Luck: Growing pains?

Grumpy: Champ, I don't think this is the best time to joke. He's got one hell of an erection!

Meramon: Better get ready here I come! (laughing evilly)

OK, I'm sorry, folks but I couldn't resist!

He jumps off the cliff as Biyomon starts coming around.

Biyomon: We're all in trouble now, Meramon cannot be allowed to win. My friends need me big time!

As if on cue, a red beam appears in the sky and gives Biyomon more strength, enough to Digivolve!

Once again we get NO explanation!

Biyomon: Biyomon, Digivolve to… Birdramon!

Before Meramon can hit the ground, the newly Digivolved Birdramon flies him on her back and back onto the cliff.

Meramon: (Groaning)

Birdramon: (Squawking)

Judging by the sounds, this seems so wrong...

Wizardmon: We should be safe now, Biyomon Digivolved to save us.

Meramon: What's wrong, Birdramon, afraid of me? Let's fight! Here, have a my balls!

He throws a fireball at her, it hits her.

Birdramon: (Groans)

Cheer: Don't turn your back, idiot!

Birdramon: (Squawking)
Birdramon swoops back in and attacks Meramon, as the fiery humanoid Digimon continues to throw fireballs at her.

Cheer: Birdramon! Where'd you learn to dodge?

That's when Birdramon flies high into the air.

Birdramon: Meteor Wing!
She folds her wing across her front for a moment then opens them up which releases several fireballs, they strike Meramon.

Meramon: (Groaning & roaring)
As the fireballs hit Meramon, he comes down to his knees and the dark thorn is released from his back, flies into the air and poofs away.

So now fire hurts him?

Champ: It was a thorn, it made him crazy.

Grumpy: I suppose you'd act pretty grumpy too if you had a big black thorn stuck inside you. The poor guy.

Funshine: Yay, Biyomon did it! We don't know how, but you did it!

Birdramon returns, glows then changes back to Biyomon, whom flies down to Cheer whom embraces her.

Biyomon: Are you all right? Oh, Cheer Bear!

Cheer: Oh Bi, I was so worried. You're great, you can't imagine how proud I am of you.

Wizardmon VO: Everything had turned back to normal as the fire faded down from the volcano, the well and the fountain.

But you lost the forest, way to throw nature out of balance!

As the sunsets, everyone is back in the village, everyone is with Meramon whom sits there.

Yokomon: Meramon, why'd you attack our village?

Meramon: I was so horny I couldn't stop myself.

Earth Friendly: That must've been awful for you.

Surprise: If you couldn't control yourself, who was controlling you?

Meramon: The last thing I remember is being struck by that thorn.

Yokomon 2: Well, we're just happy to see that you're back to normal. I hope nothing like this happens again, you're needed to protect Mihirashi Mountain.

Everyone watched as Meramon leaves back for the mountain.

Surprise: Good-bye Meramon, may you always stay well. Stay away from us from now on, OK?

Yokomon: And please, try not to burn down our village again. We wouldn't want to hunt you down in an act of revenge!

Tender Heart: Aw, Meramon's not so bad once ya get to know him and his insecurities.

Biyomon: Hey, that reminds me. You didn't get that dinner we promised you. You must be starving by now.

Good Luck: Yeah, my tummy's ready for some action.

No comment.

Yokomon: (Chattering)

Soon, our heroes were given dinner; green seed-like things.

Grumpy: What is this?

Share: Beats me, but we shouldn't insult our hosts' cooking. Miracle Grow.

Funshine: I can't tell if it's even been cooked.

Biyomon: Eat up and if you're still hungry, there's plenty for seconds.

Good Luck: (Tries a couple) Mm, mm, tastes like sesame seeds.

Cheer: Ooh, I like sesame seeds on buns only.

The Care Bears heed his words and have the strange food, which isn't half bad.

Champ: Mm, could stand to be toasted and deep-fried.

Wizardmon VO: And so ended our day's adventures. One thing's for sure about Biyomon, for someone so little, she has a huge heart. Another thing's for sure, that's not the last we'll see of the black thorns. Which brings us to another part…

ANOTHER PART? Does this plot have ADD?

In a secret base in Mt. Eternity, the weird guy whom the Care Cousins, Sorcerymon & their group met comes before a shadowed character. From what we see is a metal gauntlet on the armrest of his thrown.

Guy: Lord Sauromon, I have failed you.

Sauromon: Have you forgotten something, General?

The "General" as he is called, kneels to him on one knee and lowers his head.

Sauromon: That's better bitch. You say you failed me, but do tell how.

General: I had captured one of those Care Cousins and put a few Digimon under the dark thorn, but those furry defenders had come, freed my slaves and my prisoners. Also defeated Kuwagamon.

Sauromon: No, it is not you who have failed, it is those gootsy puffballs and their friends whom thwarted our plans. Also, Kuwagamon was but a mere pawn, there are plenty more where he came from. We need the Uru-Kai!

General: (Evil chuckle) Many Digimon are friends. But very soon, everyone in the Digital World will be just like me. Friendless.

Sauromon: Exactly. And those puffballs will pay for never coming to you when you needed them. You will send more thorns among the Islands and prepare another raid Shut the fuck up, General. Now!

General: (Gets back up) As you wish, My Lord.

The General leaves.

Sauromon: That is precisely what I wish. I need to get that stupid ring...

Wizardmon VO: I'm sure some of you are wondering who this "General" guy is and what Sauromon is talking about. Find out next time.

All I wonder is how much worse this story can get.

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Post #10

Mocking Apprentice

Group: Members
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From: The Forgotten West
Member No.: 582
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post Mar 18 2012, 11:08 AM
A/N: Here's the tenth part of "Care Bears Meet Digimon: Digital Champions" and the last for now, I decided to take a break from the action and decided to reveal some things about the kids.

10 chapters in and NOW you give character info?

Some parts came from an ep. of Digimon Frontier "Welcome to my Nightmare" and Yoshi's dream is inspired by the MLP pilot "Rescue at Midnight Castle" which will be a later part. Hope you all enjoyed!

Constructive critique would be appreciated but I just ask you to be polite. Okey-dokeys? And if you really want to pester me about a dumb rule, do so through e-mail or private message not the reviews, okey-dokeys?

I think I hate this fic more with each passing minute!

Chapter 10, Campfires, Memories and Walking Nightmares:

Oh I hope zombies invade the camp at night!

Wizardmon VO: Now, taking a break from the action, those on the Cloud Clipper shaver arrive on West-Side Story Island by night.

The Cloud Clipper Shaver docks onto a shore on West-Side Story Island, where the group ties it to a tree and everyone boards off.

Groovy Heart: Unless I miss my guess am totally high out of my mind, I'd say we're on West-Side Story Island.

We must be in Jet territory.

Yoshi: Hey, how long 'til we get to the next Trailmon station?

Unless the Trailmon went on strike again.

Creative Heart: The nearest is station is not far from where we are.

Rita: Remind me again why we're looking for a station?

Because we need plot filler! Now go stall for time!

Sea Friend: We're to send Hugs & Tugs to the third moon of Endor.

Hugs: Aw, do we have to leave?

Wise Heart: I am afraid so, Hugs. What we do is dangerous work We're all sick of you two so we're sending you to live with the Ewoks.

Tugs: Well, those bad Digimon don't scare me. I got some fight in me.

Mighty Heart: I'm sure you don't, lad, but Grams Bear must be worried sick.

Or she's dead.

Hugs: Ohh. I didn't think about her.

Tugs: Me neither, now I miss hate her.

George: You can tell us about Grams Bear as we make camp.

Friend: It's been a long day for all of us walking around doing nothing to help the plot.

Love-A-Lot finds a green apple on the ground.

Love-A-Lot: Hey, look what I found. Is it edible?

If it's not 200 years old or irradiated, a lot of stuff can still be called edible.

Gabumon: That's a meat apple, apples that have meat flavors.

Birthday: Wow, sounds good too weird to be true.

Early Heart: Where'd you find it?

Love-A-Lot: On the ground.

Oh sure, just eat anything off the ground!

Betamon: If there are apples around, there must be a tree somewhere.

No shit!

Yoshi: Sounds great, I'm starving for some koopas.

Rita: Yeah, I haven't eaten since lunch this afternoon last Tuesday.

Treat Heart: Then, some of us will gather food.

Bedtime: And some of us will gather firewood. I'm too tired to do anything.

Terriermon: And the rest of us will guard the spot.

Rita, Love-A-Lot, Harmony, Wish, Friend, Gentle Heart, Proud Heart, Treat Heart, Creative Heart and Rita go to get meat apples while Secret, Birthday, Sea Friend, Bright Heart, Early Heart and Groovy Heart set off to get firewood.

Bedtime: (Yawns) I'll set up beds for when we're ready. This story sucks.

Soon, everyone's back with meat apples, fruits and firewood, George & Birthday set the firewood up in a spot.

George: There, now how're we gonna light it?

Groovy Heart: Like this, man.

He uses his fire breath fart to light the fire.

Yoshi: That was sick, but thank you, Groovy Heart.

Groovy Heart: Don't mention it. Now how about some Mary-J?

As some others put the meat apples on sticks.

Yoshi: Ahh, apple Fireballs YUM!.

He bites into it, but a second later does he spit it out.

Yoshi: (Spitting) Disgusting!

Terriermon: You don't eat 'em raw, silly.

Yoshi: Cripes, I must be retarded.

As the group roasts their meat apples at the fire, they swap stories.

George: Say Gabumon?

Gabumon: Yeah?

George: When you & Terriermon transformed to save me. What exactly is the deal with that the hell was I smoking?

Terriermon: Well, when we transform, that's known as "Digivolving".

Yoshi: Digivolving?

Creative Heart: Basically, it's when Digimon advance to the next level and become more powerful.

It'd be more believable if a digimon explained it and NOT A FREAKING BEAR!

Gabumon: Yes, but natural Digivolving for most is very difficult for it takes a lot of effort & power.

Bright Heart: So, how were you guys able to Digivolve like (snaps fingers) that.

Betamon: Even we don't know everything anything.

Treat Heart: I think the apples are ready now.

The gang takes the meat apples away from the fire and eat some.

Yoshi: Mm, mine's like nikuman.

You've got to be kidding...

Proud Heart: This one tastes like chicken.

Friend: I think I'm eating prime rib.

Betamon: Makin' Bacon.

Rita: Mm, delicious. Say Yoshi, what's nikuman?

Yoshi: It's a Japanese dish, it's like a bun made from flour dough filled with cooked ground pork or other ingredients. I can make you into one if you want.

Treat Heart: Mm, sounds good.

Yoshi: Yeah. (sighs) Now I miss my old place in Japan.

Love-A-Lot: How come you moved?

Yoshi: My dad got a new job in the U.S.A. I miss helping my mom make Thursday night dinner, when we'd do sushi.

Now it's all fast-food and Starbucks, kid. Welcome to America!

George: I've only been gone for a few hours and I already miss home.

It's because you're in a stupid fanfic.

Rita: Yeah, same here. I wonder if our folks notice we're gone.

I bet they're just thrilled you're not around!

The kids, Sea Friend & critters begin swapping stories of their lives and whatnot.

Yoshi: It was 4 days years ago that my family & I moved from Japan to the U.S.A. I live with my mom, dad and older sister, Miyuki who pins everything on me. I can still get in touch with my Japan friends through E-mail & phone, but it's just not the same when I need my fix.

Friend: It's not that hard to make friends, Yoshi. Just be yourself. Even though it's probably creepy as hell.

Love-A-Lot: Also to be courteous towards others.

Yoshi: (Smiles) Yeah, right.

Rita: I guess I haven't been fair to anyone, especially you, Yoshi. But I don't care.

Yoshi: It's all right, Rita.

She didn't apologize, you fool!

Love-A-Lot: It's understandable that you're frustrated with your dad's death and that your mom is forcing you to be a ballerina. Overbearing parents are the new norm.

Rita: Yeah, but I was wrong right to take out my frustration on other people. I'm sorry.

Secret: (Whispers in Rita's ear)

Rita: Thanks I hate you, Secret.

Mighty Heart: What'd he say?

Rita: He said it's O.K. to express my feelings but I should remember to not lash the negative ones out on others so I just wanted to let him know how much I hate him for spying on me.

Wise Heart: Your emotions are like a bottle of soda, if you shake it up and keep it covered, it'll build up too much pressure which will soon explode.

And when it does, shit gets messed up big time.

Bright Heart: That's exactly right, I can see why you're called Wise Heart.

Wise Heart: It usually helps to just let it all out, violently if possible.

Wish: What about you, George?

George: Well, I have an older brother & older sister, they basically gang up on me for the taunting. Like Patty & Selma. Our house blew up at the beginning of this tripe.

Terriermon: It's tough being the youngest.

Yoshi: Tell me about it. But I have a plan...

George: I thought I could suck it up and deal, but it's not that easy when they bully you every now & again. That's why I intend to turn them against each other!

Love-A-Lot: Ohh. Well, you could try telling them how you feel.

George: Yeah, I could try that or I could tell my mom but I don't want to be accused of tattling. Like that will work, you retarded bear!

Harmony: You won't be tattling, George. It's wrong to tell on others just to get them in trouble, but it's the right thing to do to tell on others if they're causing trouble.

George: (Smiles) Yeah. Thanks Harmony. Gives Harmony an evil glare.

Harmony: You're welcome.

Bedtime: (Snores)

Gabumon: Judging from Bedtime Bear, I'd say it's time to get some rest.

Oh sure, just follow like a bunch of lemmings.

Tugs: But we don't want to rest.

Terriermon: Sorry Tough shit guys, but it's been a long day and we each have a long journey ahead of us, getting rid of you two.

Hugs: But we're not a (yawns) bit sleepy.

Early Heart: Terriermon is right, since it's a long journey, early to bed, early to rise.

So, everyone starts getting settled in, with Gabumon, Bright Heart & Terriermon keeping watch.

All: (Snoring)

Yoshi: (Breathing heavily due to a creepy night terror)

Wizardmon VO: It was then that Yoshi begins having another dream.

In his dream, Yoshi is in a village of various Digimon, at first they welcome him with fruit.

Yoshi: Ooh, thanks thank goodness I still have pants on.

Digimon: (Chattering)

But a second after he bites into an apple, the village is under attack by several black gargoyle-dragon creatures (unknown to him, Devidramon) as they swoop in and try to capture many villagers.

Devidramon: (Screeching) Dragons! Call Duhvakin!

Yoshi dodges one as another flies off with Rita!

Yoshi: Rita! I never liked you, you stuck-up bitch!

In real life, Gabumon notices Yoshi tossing & turning in his sleep.

Gabumon: Yoshi? Yoshi!

He goes to the boy as he shakes him awake.

Yoshi: (Groaning) “No mom, I'll use all the gel I fucking want!”

Gabumon: Yoshi, Yoshi, wake up! You're having a nightmare and creeping us out! Wake up!

Yoshi: Aah! (panting)

He snaps awake as he sits up and realizes his back in reality.

And his front isn't?

Yoshi: (Feels ground which is wet) Hope this is sweat.

It's not...

Tugs: (Awakes) Ugh, Yoshi? You pissed yourself.

Yoshi: Sorry Tugs, I hope I didn't wake you up.

Tugs: No, you didn't, I was asleep anyway. But what happened?

Yoshi: I was having a weird dream. I was late for class and was giving a speech on high-altitude algebra.

Gabumon: More like a nightmare, you were tossing & turning. What happened?

Yoshi: Oh that..., I came to a little village, the Digimon welcome me with a fruit basket, but then we were attacked by a swarm of black gargoyle-dragon creatures that snatched some villagers also took Rita but Wish Bear climbed on a Pegasus wearing a red ski mask, Rita's captor dropped her and some weird guy riding a dragon saved her by grabbing her then dumping her on the ground off a cliff. After he landed, he told Rita to leave go to hell but she just yelled at him. Then I woke up.

Bright Heart: Gee, that's some dream.

Yoshi: Yeah. I feel it may come true sooner or later. Just like the last ones.

If it ends this fic, I'm all for it.

Bright Heart: Well, I wouldn't worry now. Please, try to get a little more rest.

Terriermon: We'll leave when Early Heart crows.

Yoshi: I'll try.

Yoshi shuts his eyes and in a second falls asleep. Hours later, dawn approaches and…

Early Heart: (Cock-A-Doodle-Doo!) Cock-A-FUCKING-DOODLE, YOU ASSHOLES!

As he crows, the group awakens.

All: (Groaning & yawning)

Bedtime: Morning already? Where's my Ambien?

Early Heart: Sure is. Better get a move on if we're to get to Middle Finger Island.

Everyone gets up and heads towards the nearest Trailmon station, where a Trailmon (Angler) is just waking up.

Angler: (Yawns) Good morning, everyone. Sorry, folks...on strike.

Clever Heart: Anger, sugar. We need a favor to ask of y'all.

Angler: If you stop trying to seduce me. Name it.

Treat Heart: We need you to take these two (shows Hugs & Tugs) to the Third Moon.

Angler: Whew, that's a long ways away. But I'll get through. I can't exactly go into SPACE, ya know?

Hugs: Bye, everyone!

Tugs: Bye-bye, good luck with fighting the bad guys!

Terriermon: Thanks. Give my regards the middle finger to Grams Bear!

Hugs: We will, Terriermon! Bye!

Hugs & Tugs board a car as Trailmon sets off.

Mighty Heart: Well, I'd say we should be heading off too. Wherever the hell we're supposed to go.

George: Yeah, I agree.

The group returns to the Cloud Clipper and set off.

Wizardmon VO: Now that Hugs & Tugs are returning to Grams Bear, our heroes continue towards Middle Finger Island.

Hang in there, folks, we're actually close to the end!

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Post #11

Mocking Apprentice

Group: Members
Posts: 747
Joined: 16-January 12
From: The Forgotten West
Member No.: 582
Gender: Male

post Mar 19 2012, 09:26 AM
A/N: I didn't realize this wasn't on here until a little while ago, but this one here is based on the Adventure 01 episode of the same name. I don't think much happens here as the episode, but you people decide. I don't own Care Bears or Digimon, they belong to their rightful owners. However, I did make up Earth Friendly Bear.

So out of ALL this shit you were able to piece together 1 original character? Wow. I didn't think you were capable of such a feat.

Oh, I would to thank my reviewers. BlackGatchaman, thank you so much for your great review. biggrin.gif And Two-Tone Dearly, Thank you for reviewing, and I'm not the pairings type so there won't be PataGato in here. Sorry.
But enough of this crap, enjoy!

This thing got positive feedback? How is that possible? This has got to be one of the most boring things I have ever read!

Chapter 11, Kabuterimon's Electro Shocker: Hardly an original thought in the bunch.

Wizardmon VO: After spending the night at the Yokomon village and having Surprise Bear & Earth Friendly Bear join, my friends & I continue on our way.

The group is trekking onward.

Grumpy: Didn't we already pass here? Being in this desert almost makes you wish for a nuclear winter.

Good Luck: We didn't just walk around the entire world did we?

More than likely you've been going in a circle.

Wizardmon: I seriously doubt it.

Funshine drops to her knees.

Funshine: I just can't go another step further, I'm so tired.

Look who forgot to resupply! Suckers!

Palmon & Gomamon also collapse as Patamon lands.

Patamon: I just felt my sweat glands drop against my side.

Wizardmon: I'd say we're taking a break. But I want to see how much more you guys can take before dying.

Cheer: Not like we have someplace to be.

Tender Heart: Yeah, I don't think there's a hurry.

They look over in the distance and see black smoke streams.

Earth Friendly: Hey guys, look. You see that smoke over there?

Sounds like the Legion hit another town...

Champ: Yeah, I'll check it out and get first dibs on good loot.

Agumon: I'll come with ya.

The two go off as the others just stand there like idiots.

Wizardmon: The attention span of a gnat.

Grumpy: shit happens.

Champ: Hey everyone, check this out! I'm gonna hit Grumpy across the face with this cactus!

Cheer: We're coming, Champ!

Let me grab the camera!

Everyone runs over to where Champ & Agumon are, at the top of a hill where they see at the bottom a large factory.

Good Luck: It looks like a giant factory.


Tender Heart: I wonder what they make in there.

If the Mojave has taught me anything, factories are usually full of psycho robots still trying to do their jobs.

Share: I don't know.

Wizardmon: I don't think there will be any harm in checking it out.

I'm hoping they run into some hostile Robobrains!

The group begins touring the place, which appears to be deserted.

Grumpy: There doesn't appear to be anyone here.

Cheer: There's gotta be someone working all this equipment.

Any sign of security turrets?

Earth Friendly: I don't know, it appears to be working fine on its own.

They see on a conveyor belt some weird gadgets being put together by the machines.

Share: What do you suppose the machines are making?

Surprise: I don't know, maybe parts for robots or spaceships.

Aha! So it's making Mr. Handy units!

Good Luck: There's gotta be someone working those belts and people gotta eat! So is there a cafeteria around here? 'Cause we can really use a good meal!

Ripped right from the show...

One half of the group continues on through the factory; consisting of Champ, Agumon, Cheer, Biyomon, Good Luck & Gomamon.

Champ: Hello! Is anyone here?

They hear a low reply, “No! Quit asking!”

Biyomon: Hold it; don't go any further in this direction.

Good Luck: Why the fuck not? It's as good as any other direction.

Biyomon: No, wait.
Cheer: What's the matter, Biyomon?

Biyomon: I'm not sure, I heard something. There's a landmine down the hallway, see the light on top?


Champ: Doesn't sound good.

At that time, the rest of the heroes find a supply room.

Patamon: I wonder what's in here.

3 fission batteries, 4 conductors, and a few scrap metals?

They open the door and Grumpy & Tentomon go in. They find a giant battery.

Grumpy: Whoa, look at the size of that battery. Wonder if there's a way to access the power.

Good luck taking it along.

Meanwhile, the first group runs down a hallway and Agumon stops to look into a room.

Agumon: Hey, look here! I think I found a dead guy!

They all look in the room he points to and see a big robotic Digimon.

Champ: What do ya suppose happened to him?

Cheer: I don't know, but let's see if we can help him.

They go in for a better look and see the Digimon stuck in the gears with just his top half sticking out.

Someone partied too hard.

Champ: It's a busted robot.

Gomamon: It's no robot, it's Andromon.

Good Luck: What? This big clunk is a Digimon?

To androids, “clunk” is a derogatory term.

Agumon: Yeah, and incredibly advanced too.

He runs on Windows?

Cheer: Poor thing, he must've got himself stuck in the gears.

Biyomon: Maybe if we work together, we'll be able to get him out of there.

OK, stop forcing the whole teamwork thing on us!

The group starts pulling Andromon, trying to get him out.

All: (Grunting)

Audience: (Leaving)

Try as they may, they can't get him to budge.

Good Luck: He won't budge!

Yes, we ALREADY knew that!

That's when Champ slips and falls over backward into a big switch which makes the gears rotate.

Cheer: Hey, I think something's happening. I broke something.

Good Luck: He's coming loose.

Unknown to them, a dark thorn sinks into Andromon's organic leg right before they pull him out.

So he's a cyborg now?

All: (Cheer)

Andromon: (Grumbling)

Agumon: I think he's slowly coming to.

Champ: He needs a few whacks for a jump-start!

Cheer/Good Luck: Don't!

As they hold back Champ, Agumon already bops him as he turns on.

Always works.

Andromon: I am Andromon. Primary directive: Party. Secondary Directive: Find the meaning of life.

He opens his eyes and sees them with a target on Cheer.

Good Luck: I once saw this movie where this robot came to life and ate everyone.

Uh...what movies do you watch?

Cheer: He seems friendly enough, and I'm sure if we're nice to him, he'll be nice to us.

“Hostiles detected! Lethal force authorized!”

However, Andromon grabs her by her foot and hold her up as he stands.

Cheer: Aah! Then again, I could be wrong!

Andromon: I shall punish alien intruders! Skynet directives activated. Proceeding with organic extermination!

Champ: Let's give him all we got!

Biyomon: Spiral Twister!

She fires her attack, which affects him enough to release Cheer, whom is caught by Champ & Agumon.

Good Luck: Too bad we didn't catch him on a good day.

Gomamon: Maybe this is a good day.

Obviously you've never seen a cyborg party.

Good Luck: This is not good!

What gave you that idea?

The android Digimon draws closer to the group.

Champ: What do we do now?

Just shout a paradox at him! Just say, “This statement is false!” That should slow him down.

Agumon: I have an idea! Pepper Breath!
He shoots a fireball towards the roof which torches some cords and drops several metal beams on Andromon.

Andromon: (Groaning)

Champ: He's gonna have an ugly headache.

He's already hungover, he's pissed now!

Cheer: I'll say.

Champ: Now, let's get outta here!

The group runs off. Back in the factory, the other half of the group is watching the machinery put parts together.

Share: This would probably be more interesting if there was a tour guide to explain it.

Too bad you're all too dumb to comprehend it!

Also Grumpy, Wizardmon & Tentomon find a door to inside the battery.

Grumpy: Whoa.

Tentomon: What do you suppose it is?

Grumpy: I don't know, but is this what the inside of a battery looks like?

Batteries aren't hollow! If they were then how could they store their power?

Wizardmon: No, but this is what's running the factory, the markings are some kind of programming.

Grumpy: Really? Whoever thought of markings programming something?

Is it HTML code?

Wizardmon: It's complicated to explain.

Grumpy leans against the wall and accidentally wipes off a bit of one of markings. Which turns off the power.

Emergency protocols kicked in, sealing all doors in the process.

All: Huh?

The power in the entire factory turns out, the group watching the machinery notices as does the group getting chased by Andromon.

Good Luck: Hey, who turned out the lights?

Champ: Ya got me, sports fan.


Andromon: (Growls)

The group turns and hears heavy footsteps coming their way.

Champ: What's that?

What do you think it is? You're being chased by a cyborg and you wonder what has heavy footsteps? You're all hopelessly stupid!

Cheer: I hope it isn't Andromon.

Exhibit A, ladies and gentlemen.

Good Luck: It maybe a smart idea to keep moving.

When did you stop running away?

Champ: I vote for that.

Good Luck: Or we could stand here 'til Andromon gets us.

Actually that's a better idea.

Cheer: Let's sneak away.

Oh SURE! That'll work...

Andromon stops as he uses his night vision to find the heroes, he sees them 10 ft. away, sneaking off.

Good Luck: Someone want to explain why we're tip-toeing rather than running for our lives?

Dramatic effect?

Andromon: Intruders sighted, and Andromon doesn't like intruders.

Looks like he has the “Talk in 3rd person” programming activated.

His right hand twirls fast until it turns into a blade.

Andromon: Lightning Blade! (yells)

He hurls a buzz-saw shaped electric current at the heroes; they notice and dodge just in time. Meanwhile, Grumpy, Tentomon & Wizardmon figure out what happened to the power.

Tentomon: It looks like the program was deleted. But how do we un-delete it?

Ctrl + Z ?

Grumpy: (Looks at fingers, sees ink) Whoops, I think some got wiped off when I leaned against the wall.

Tentomon: That explains it. (sarcastically) Smooth move. You're fucking useless.

Grumpy: I'm sorry, I just…

Wizardmon: It's not O.K., Grumpy. It was an accident and it can be easily fixed but you're still a useless character and should go die in a car fire. I have something… Ah! Here we go!

He goes through his bag and pulls out a tube of metallic touch-up paint, which he strokes to complete the marking. It turns the power back on!

When did he think he'd need that? He packed a metallic paint tube but no water?

Grumpy: That did it!

Tentomon: The power's back.

Every notices the power turning back on, in the working facility…

Earth Friendly: They didn't pay their power bills, did they?

Tender Heart: Probably not.

That or some dingus stuck his dick in the fuse box.

Also the group getting chased by Andromon! They're chased across a bridge.

All: (Screaming & panting)

Good Luck: This. Is. Not. Good. I. Don't. Like. This. At. All.

The same reaction of anyone reading this.

Agumon: C'mon, you guys!

Andromon: Lightning Blade! And fire!

He fires his attack at the heroes.

All: (Scream)

They dodge by holding onto the railing.

These attacks are WAY too slow! WTF?

Andromon: Hear me, intruders. Andromon will exact his vengeance. Stop moving so I can kill you quickly!

Champ: Vengeance? We're the ones that jump-started you!

Back in the factory, the others notice something odd about the work.

Surprise: This is so weird; the factory puts pieces together and then takes them apart again.

Sounds like FEMA.

Palmon: Huh, you're right, how strange.

At that time, Grumpy, Wizardmon & Tentomon leave the giant battery.

Grumpy: A giant battery, markings programming a factory, this place is frying my brains.

Suddenly, part of Grumpy's head exploded from all the thinking.

Tentomon: Like Wizardmon said, it's complicated to explain. And none of us are smart enough for rational thought.

Grumpy: Well, if Bright Heart were here, he'd figure this out in a huff. HURR PAMCAKES!

Wizardmon: I'm not sure he would what you just said.

Tentomon: I wonder how the others are doing. I hope they're not getting chased by some weird attacker.

At that time, Andromon is coming closer to the heroes.

Andromon: Andromon will exact his vengeanceterminate...then party!

Champ: Oh yeah? Just try it, ya tin can!

He leaps onto some controls down below the bridge as Andromon draws closer to the others.

Champ: C'mon!

Agumon: It maybe wise to not taunt the deranged android!

No one brought any pulse grenades so your options are indeed limited.

Champ pulls a lever which makes a hook on a cord move towards Andromon and it attaches onto his back, to which Champ pulls up.

Andromon: (Roars) Dammit, giant hooks, my one weakness!

That's when the heroes escape.

Andromon: Ground interrupt, altitude reading abnormal.

At that time, the others whom were in the factory step out.

Earth Friendly: O.K., now it's getting dull. What are we still doing here anyway?

You were all dying of exposure but you seem to have forgotten that already.

Tender Heart: To find out what gets built in the factory, so far all it does is put things together and then take them apart.

When was that a main priority?

Funshine: I hope they designed it with a door.

Well you got IN didn't you? Just head back that way!

Surprise: There isn't one, it's based on perpetual motion, nothing ever stops or leaves this place.

Then how did you...AW FUCK IT! We're almost done...

At that time, Andromon cuts himself free.

Andromon: Fire! (grunts)

He taking a dump now?

Also, Grumpy, Tentomon and Wizardmon reunite with the others.

Grumpy: Hey everyone! I GOTS LESS SMARTS NOW! DERP!

Surprise: Grumpy, Tentomon, Wizardmon!

Andromon: Vengeance Communism is a lie!

At that time, Andromon is wandering around looking for the good guys. Also, Champ, Agumon and the others come to the rest.

Champ: Hey sport's fans, listen up! March Madness is underway!

Share: I don't like his tone, shit-for-brains.

Cheer: We gotta get out of here, now!

Grumpy: Why? What's the problem?

That's when Andromon bursts in through the floor.

That's why.

All: (Scream)
Andromon: Capture intruders, sensing hostility. Bring intruders into firing range.

He sets his target sensors at the other group.

Share: Uh, Mr. Whatever-your-name-is-mon, are you talking to us?

Do you REALLY have to ask that?

Andromon: Bring missiles to position.

From his chest appear two fish-shaped missiles.

Andromon: And fire!

So he shoots missiles out of his robo-nipples? That's...creepy.

They fire as the others run but Funshine is frozen with panic.

Funshine: Aah! I forgot how to dodge!

Grumpy: Funshine!

Wizardmon: Magical Game Press A while moving sideways, you retard!

He fires blue lightning from his staff which destroys one missile. But another missile fires little bullets at another group of heroes.

All: (Yelping)

But Agumon steps in as another red light appears from the sky, giving him enough power to Digivolve!

And again, NO explanation.

Agumon: Agumon, Digivolve to… Greymon!

He whacks the missile with his tail and destroys it.

Andromon: No one challenges Andromon. Bitches!

Wizardmon and Greymon go in to attack but Andromon overpowers them.

Andromon: Impudent weaklings NOOBS!

Everyone looks down to the next floor where the 3 Digimon battle.

Tender Heart: Get him, Greymon!

Grumpy: Be careful, Wizardmon! Recycle that hunk of tin!

Andromon: You puny ones dare to challenge me I'm 15th Prestige, you think you have a chance?

Wizardmon: (Struggling to get up) Andromon, I would rather reason than war with you, but I see you suggest otherwise.

Oh sure, because talking has helped you loads up until now!

Andromon: Lightning Blade! And fire!

He fires his attack but Wizardmon is able to dodge since it takes a full minute to fire.

Greymon: Nova Blast!

He fires a giant fireball but Andromon phases it out, easily.

Wizardmon: Magical Game!
He fires blue lightning but it's phased out by Andromon.

Good Luck: He's more powerful than any of our Digimon.

No shit.

Earth Friendly: It's mostly because he's all machine and has Digivolved a step beyond the others.

And he knows this HOW?

Champ: Is it possible that he could lose?

Since “he”'s been kicking your asses all this time, no.

It's then that another beam from the sky appears and gives strength to Tentomon, enough to Digivolve without any explanation!

Tentomon: Tentomon, Digivolve to… Kabuterimon!

Just when Wizardmon & Greymon appear to be defeated, Kabuterimon flies in to join. He tries attacking Andromon but the android dodges. Kabuterimon goes back but Andromon pushes the insect Digimon's head and releases him.

I just thought of something. Since this adventure takes place AFTER the TV seasons, wouldn't the original digimon have a severe case of deja vu? Aw forget it, this story is a mess...

Andromon: Bring nipple missiles to position. And fire!

He fires his chest missiles and Kabuterimon outruns them.

Grumpy: Doesn't Andromon ever run out of gas?

More than likely he's powered by atomic batteries.

As Wizardmon weakly gets back up, he notices Andromon's organic leg acting up with blue circuits flying.

Wizardmon: Kabuterimon! Fire at his right leg, it seems to be his energy source!

All: Whoa!

Figure that out so suddenly?

They all duck as the missiles explode and Kabuterimon turns around.

Kabuterimon: Electro Shocker!

He folds his arms to generate a giant electric ball then opens his arms as it flies at Andromon's right leg, then hits it.

Do we really need detailed explanations of firing attacks?

Andromon: (Screams)

That's just the thing to drive the dark thorn from his leg and into the air.

Champ: He stripped a gear.

Grumpy: More like a thorn.

Cheer: That must've hurt, big time.

The thorn vaporizes as Andromon drops to his knees and his eyes turn normal. Later, everyone's together with Andromon.

Andromon: That dark thorn reprogrammed my circuits; I'm normally a non-violent Digimon.

A non-violent digimon with an electric buzz saw and nipple missiles?

Tender Heart: Well, you sure could've fooled us.

Cheer: That's for sure. I told you he's a Digimon and not an android.

Andromon: I never always intended to hurt anyone.

Champ: Don't give it another thought, we all make mistakes.

Wizardmon: Besides, it was the dark thorn that made you do it, you couldn't help it.

Andromon: I cannot tell you how this place came to be or what it's for, but I can be of some help. The best way to escape is through the underground waterway. The labyrinth begins just beyond this point. There are probably super mutants down there but I don't care about you guys.

Tender Heart: Thanks for your help Andromon.

Andromon: I hope you succeed in you mission to save us all from the evil taking over the islands and to remember the big guy who turned out to not be so bad. all die in a horrific and slow way.

Wizardmon: There's one thing you can count on, we'll never forget you, Andromon.

Our heroes begin trekking through the sewers. With lots of raw shit everywhere.

Cheer: Am I the only one who finds strolling through the sewers the slightest bit disgusting?

Wizardmon VO: And so ended another adventure for us. But we still had a long way to go to defeat Sauromon.

Well folks, believe it or not, the fic ends here on this sort-of cliffhanger. It hasn't been updated since 2009 so by the looks of things, I once again have to put this thing out of its misery and make up an ending! Don't worry, folks, I have something special saved up for this and I'll end this the only way I know how. By destroying the author who created it!

As the author started watching the digimon show to rip off yet another episode, the doorbell rang. Not knowing who it could be, the author opened up without checking to see who it was. What greeted our poor fanfic writer was this...

It was the Vagineer, and he looked PISSED! Not knowing what to do, the author slammed the door in Vagineer's face and proceeded to head out the back door. Once outside, the author tried to jump the backyard fence, but was unable to do so due to lack of exercise from writing shitty fanfiction. Having to go around the entire house to escape, the author thought they were in the clear, only to be confronted with another dangerous pursuer!

It was Painis-Cupcake! The author was now between a rock and a hard place! Vagineer and Painis-Cupcake looked at each other and laughed at the author's poorly executed escape plan. Thinking the two were distracted, the author tried running back into the house. Vagineer quickly shot out his forearms on ropes, grabbing the author by the ankles. As he slowly reeled his victim in, the author began screaming knowing the end was near, trying to get a grip on the ground. Painis-Cupcake grabbed the author's wrists and then looked at Vagineer. Vagineer nodded with a “HALAMU!” and then they pulled. Each got a half of the author and decided here was as good a place as ever to enjoy their meal. After unfolding a couple lawn chairs, the two sat down and feasted on the author, bring this story to a violent, and happy, conclusion.

Well, folks, I still have a team mock with Shockwave to help with but I'll be back on the fanfic bounties in the not too distant future. Until next time, PAF, I need to head over to Gomorrah and hit the blackjack table.

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