Ascend Through Darkness, SM2142 takes on his first solo mock where MLP meets COD Zombies. Options

[SM2142]

Hello, Project AFTER! After I teamed up with Shockwave S08 on “The Furry's Revenge” I decided to hit up the bad fanfic bounty board and see what my first solo target was going to be. Little did I know of what was in store when this poorly-executed crossover reared its ugly head. Basically, COD's Zombie mode meets My Little Pony. Please pause for a sec to let that sink in...OK, not let us dive into...


Ascend Through Darkness
By: Plague Upon Man

Ascend Through Darkness Ch. 1: Introduction Through Massacre Abandon Hope All Ye Who Read

Doc, we have to get out of here! We've already freed Gersch and the zombies are breaking in. Haven't you found all the info yet?"

Notice how we get no establishing details here, what are we supposed to think?

"If you would stop screaming for a moment, Dempsey, I would've explained to you the way out of here!"

How about explaining what's going on!

"How will we go about this, Doctor Richtofen?"
"No need to rush, I have plenty of vodka."

Actually, that's a good idea, I'll need some liquid courage for this...

"Before Gersch ascended, he told me to go into his office and look inside the drawers of his desk. There are coordinates here that will allow us to use his device to teleport us out of this Soviet Cosmodrome. It only says that it will take us “to a galaxy far, far away”. It is strange for a scientist of his magnitude to be so vague about it…"
"Hmph, as long as we can resupply, I don't care where we go."
"Of course you wouldn't care about the genius of a portable teleporter, Dempsey. Your brain would surely never comprehend it. Now, give me a few minutes weeks. It will take a while before I can type the whole code in."
"You got one minute. Those freak sacs sacks of old sacks are starting to come in!"
"My ammo may be low, but my honor shall see us through this dark hour!"

Try telling yourself that when a Zed has its teeth in your neck...

"Oh please, Takeo. Can you use your honor to make a new barricade? Step aside, this Russian bear will show you how it's done."
"Will you hurry up with that Gersch Device, Doc? "
"Do not rush perfection, American! I'm already halfway through I lost the code."
"They are approaching now! Banzai!"
"One by one, they will fall to the might of Nikolai!"
"Argh, these maggot whores are annoying! Get off my boots!"
"Hm, and then this big thingie goes here like the other thingie… There! I got the coordinates. I don't know where this 'Ponyville' is, but its better than here! Everyone, jump into the singularity!"

Not like they have much choice, but something tells me they're headed to a FAR worse place...

Dear Princess Celestia, THANKS FOR NOTHING!
It has only been a few weeks since this epidemic has started. The infection has already spread around Ponyville. What used to be a quaint town filled with happy pony folk is now a warzone.

Sounds like a definite improvement.

Sirens would often blare out across the town to alert the citizens of attract the incoming onslaught. Houses and pathways have become barricaded. We are trying our best to simply survive. The zombies are starting to outnumber the living. To be honest, I don't know how long the Pegasus guards can handle this before they become exhausted. Although we are supporting them in whatever way we can, we cannot go on like this forever. I will continue to hope for you and Princess Luna's success in finding a cure to this madness.

Oh, if only there was some MAGIC that could help here! Guess limitless powers of magic isn't so limitless now is it?

Sincerely, Your Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle

P.S. Conjure us some guns FFS or we're all screwed!

Satisfied with the lack of grammatical errors, the unicorn rolled up the scroll and handed it to Spike. With the letter resolved, she turned towards her friends who were sat around the living room table to discuss the matter at hand; Why they all felt they were in some horrible fanfiction.

"Girls, our situation isn't getting any better. The zombie ponies are becoming too numerous and the attacks are happening more often than usual. Our supplies are beginning to dwindle gone and Canterlot can only give us so much support. We may have to abandon Ponyville soon." Her plan had been met with disdain.

Honestly, I'm surprised they lasted as long as they allegedly have...

"Ya know I can't do that, Twilight. I just can't abandon my family trade like that! Where would we go anyway?" Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy murmured their agreements with Applejack.
"I can't just leave Mr. and Mrs. Cake to defend themselves. That would be so mean!" Pinkie added.

With a name like “Cake” are they REALLY worth saving?

"I still believe we have a fighting chance against these uncouth undead. My vote's with Pinkie and Applejack. Fluttershy, what say you, dear?"
"Um…I think we should stay as well." Although the consensus agreed on staying, Twilight felt that she had to add her two cents in.
"If we remain here, our supplies will eventually vanish. The Weather Pegasuses can't give us the proper storm for our crops to flourish while they're under attack. We nearly lost Rainbow Dash the last time we tried that."
"Don't remind me," she piped up. "It was an awful night. Who knew rotting flesh can fly?"

We might want to start betting on who they're going to eat first. If anyone has heard of “Cupcakes” then I think you know which one will resort to cannibalism first.

"Which is exactly why we need to make our move soon. We can move to neighboring cities and fortify our positions there. Right now, we need numbers and I do not like our odds of survival against the hording undead. I know its incredibly difficult easy for us to simply leave our beloved town behind. But Ponyville won't be dead as long as its citizens survive." Despite all the logic and evidence backing her plan up, Twilight still noticed a glint of doubt in her friends' eyes that no one gave a shit. They wouldn't stare at her directly when she looked towards their direction out of fear of retribution. They knew Twilight was right. But the idea seemed so ludicrous! This time, Fluttershy spoke her peace.
"But… what about the sick and the elderly?" Twilight visibly cringed at the Pegasus's inquiry. She knew the question would eventually pop up, but it still hurt to give the answer that no one wanted to hear.

Wouldn't they be the first to fall victim to the zombies?

"I, I'm afraid we will have to leave them behind use them as a distraction. They won't be able to travel under these conditions. And they would slow down everyone, which puts everything at risk." Her friends were stunned by what she had just said. Applejack was the first to recover from the shock.

Survival of the fittest, idiots! DEAL WITH IT!

"I can't believe you would say such a thing! Of all the ponies to say such words, I'd expect you to be the last first one." The backlash was painful, but the unicorn had to say it . There was no point in hiding any detail from her friends.
"I'm sorry, dear morons. But if you suggest we abandon defenseless ponies, then I simply cannot abide by your plans. It may very well be a sound idea, but it goes against every fiber of our being to commit such acts of selfishness."

So the stuck-up, high-class one grows a conscience when the shit hits the fan?

Everypony agreed with Rarity's little speech. Twilight merely sighed. In the face of adversity, logic will not triumph. Apparently, no one in Ponyville has heard of that yet. But, she knew when she was defeated.
"I'm sorry for suggesting such a thing, girls. I just want what's best for the general public."

Funny how politicians say the exact same thing and...yeah...

"Its okay, Twilight," Pinkie Pie beamed. Even in such a dark situation, she somehow remained positive. Though, of course, laughing at the zombies wouldn't make them disappear. "We're all still pals! We simply have to think of a better plan of attack." Twilight couldn't help but smile. Pinkie's happy-go-lucky demeanor was rather infectious. Perhaps the magic of friendship will prevail through the darkest of times after all. That or ignorance truly is bliss...

Suddenly, a horde of zombies broke down their door and proceeded to eat all inside!
THE END


As the quartet travelled through the wormhole, they noticed that it was taking a little longer than usual for them to reach their destination. Once they reached the other side of the wormhole, they pushed through at once, which unknowingly created a violent reaction causing all to evacuate their bowels. As they were warped back into the third dimension, a loud explosion ringed in their ears and a bright flash of light blinded their eyes. Dust filled their lungs as they tried to get a grip on where they had just appeared.
"Ugh, I don't feel well…" Said Takeo, the Imperial Japanese soldier.
"Suck it up, Tak. At least we don't have to deal with those freak bags." Dempsey replied. The quartet climbed out of the crater and began to take in their new surroundings.

All four responded at once, “WHAT THE FUUUUUUU~”

Though some of the town was ravaged from the fighting, the rest of Ponyville still maintained its colorful luster and bright hues. After being surrounded by death and decay for so long, the humans had a hard time registering it. "Whoa, where the hell are we?"

If it was hell it'd probably be nicer.

"I don't know Dempsey. But that's not important right now! Where's my vodka bottle?" Nikolai dove back into the crater, frantically looking for his beloved drink. The Marine merely rolled his eyes.
"What a peculiar shitty environment," inquired Doctor Richtofen. "I must look further into this Gersch Device. If it has the ability to travel through different realities, who knows where we might end up next?"

How about a reality where bad fanfics don't exist, can you take us there?

Dempsey ignored the Nazi's ramblings. He and Takeo turned their attention to a group of ponies, who were staring at them with a mixture of fear and curiousity. There was something unnatural about this batch of equines. For one, two of them had a single horn coming out from the head, much like a unicorn. One was suspended in the air by the flapping of its wings. And the color of their pelts were eye-popping way too bright, to say the least.
"Either I'm drunk, or that pony over there is freakin' pink! And to whom it may concern, yes, I did find my stash." Although they were incredibly wary of these odd creatures, Twilight still felt that they should welcome them.

That first sentence that actually seems like a legit response.

"Hello. My name is Twilight Sparkle. And the place you just…uh, appeared in is Ponyville."
"Whoa HOLY SHIT, a talking horse! This is almost as cool as that Wonder Waffle Kill it with fire!" Richtofen shuddered at Dempsey's butchered pronunciation of his greatest invention, the Wunderwaffe DG-2. Before anyone else got a chance to introduce each other, the sirens blared out their deafening call attracting every zombie within 10 miles to their exact location. The ponies were immediately on alert while the humans remained muddled.
"Oh no, not now! Pinkie, Fluttershy, I need you to guide our guests to the safe house with the big red door. The rest of us will fight off these zombies. Sorry, guys. Introductions will have to wait." When Twilight looked towards the quartet, she noticed an odd look of annoyance in their eyes. Well, stranger than what she was used to in seeing a human, anyway. She couldn't help but question their sudden silence. "We're kind of in a middle of an undead crisis here. Can you please cooperate?"
"Cooperate? Oh, we'll do one better Hell no. I haven't taken such a long break from destroying these nasty squags in quite a while."
"I would dare not sit out of a battle. It would be most dishonorable!"
"As much as I would like to sit and drink, those zombies are really pissing me off. Always following us wherever we go…"
"Ja, I am quite interested in seeing these pony zombies. Maybe a dissection of them will prove beneficial to my research…" Although Twilight did not know how skilled these new arrivals were at killing zombies, any help would be appreciated by the townsfolk. No matter how sick in the head they sounded.

Why do I get the feeling that we're in for something terrible?

"If you guys insist so much, I can't force you to change your mind. Alright, follow us! We're going to split up and defend key places. Once all is done, we'll guide you to the town square and talk some more. Until then, good luck, everypony!"

We'll need it if we're going to make it through this story.

AN: In the next chapter, we will see what happens at Sweet Apple Acres.

I'm hoping for some scorched earth! We'll pick this smelly turd back up next time.

This post has been edited by SM2142: Feb 12 2012, 08:14 PM

[SM2142]

Bit of a longer chapter this time, but I got through it nonetheless. Let's hope you can too...

Ascend Through Darkness Ch. 2: Takeo and Applejack

Ponyville was once again under the attack of the undead. But this time, things were different going to shit a LOT faster. With the arrival of Tank Dempsey, Nikolai Belinski, Takeo Masaki, and Doctor Edward Richtofen, the town had zombie slaying experts on their side. Though most all of the ponyfolk were doubtful of their usefulness, the humans knew exactly how to deal with zombies, be it human or animal. Takeo decided to team up with Applejack and protect burn down Sweet Apple Acres from as well as the dead. He felt that this farmer pony would be the most practical and down-to-earth character out of the group. Rainbow Dash's attitude reminded him far too much of the American. An overbearing personality was something he wanted to escape from purge from the world. Rarity's overall prissiness got on his nerves made him want to go out like a headless kamikaze. Her attention to even minute details was remarkable aggravating, but she would usually go overboard with it. Fluttershy gave off a weak and nervous aura; something he did not appreciate or respect out always made fun of on the battlefield. Pinkie Pie's random nature was, strange disturbing, to say the least for Takeo. It gave him a headache just trying to comprehend the pink pony's actions.

Trust me Takeo, this place is just going to get weirder...

Twilight would have been his next worst choice were it not for the Doctor. His evil presence and lack of sanity nearly threw the Japanese over the edge in the fire. He can only hope that Richtofen's dark influence won't would get a hold of the unicorn. As the duo made their way up a dirt path, he noticed the strong scent of apples shit. It seems they were close to what was left of Sweet Apple Acres.

"So, Applejack-san, your family owns this whole plot of land can you tell me how to get the hell out of here?" Takeo gestured the middle finger towards the rows of trees in the distance. It seemed to stretch beyond the horizon author.

"That's right. Been in the family for too as long as I could remember. Its somethin' anypony could shouldn't be proud of. Say, I know you're itchin' to get into the Super Smash Bros. brawl, but you don't look so good." The earth pony had been referring to the numerous bandages and bloodstains that covered the human's uniform and body. There were also fresh wounds strewn across his back from his previous skirmish with the undead a bachelor party. It was true that he was hurt and tired, but he refused to show weakness to the ponies. It would have been most dishonorable of Takeo to even think of doing such a thing and if he did, he'd never hear the end of it.


"Hmph, I will show you what an honorable cowardly warrior is truly capable of. Leave it to Takeo to bring light into this dark place!" “For I am the flashlight of justice”

Warrior Poets, have I ever mentioned they can get on my nerves sometimes?

"Ya got, confidence balls of steel, I'll give you that. I reckon you're the type that won't would always do somethin' stupid anyway. We'll head to the barn so I can bring you up to date with what's been going on around Ponyville." The duo quicken their pace towards the large red building to find that Big Macintosh, Applejack's older brother, was already waiting for them within.

Oh no, after reading “Friendship is Kinky” on PAF, this is just awkward...

"Howdy, Applejack. Who's the newcomer? Eeyup" He cautiously walks closer to the human, who was surprisingly taller than him.

When did we change tenses all of a sudden?

"Takeo, allow me to introduce you to my brother, Big Mac. He's here to help us push back the zombies." The crimson pony's stoic expression changed to one of happiness constipation.

"Well, I'll be. Mighty glad to have ya here, Takeo. Eeyup" He merely nodded. He was still trying to wrap his mind on how a family of ponies can own farmland the fuck a crossover like this was even possible.

"Alright, y'all. The three of us are gonna patrol the orchards and make sure that these undead marauders get what they deserve! We've already got the rest of the Apple family protecting starving inside the buildings, so we don't need to worry about that. Splitting up may sound like a good idea, but we'd be at greater risk of dying. So we gotta watch each other's back let's just split up anyway. Everypony got that?" Her question was met with nods clueless expressions from the others. Although Takeo did not enjoy being ordered around by most people, let alone ponies, he had to keep his mouth shut if he wanted these allies let them all know how stupid it was to be stuck there. Besides, it was refreshing to get away from that drunkard, Nikolai. Absentmindedly, he reached for his weapon, an AK74-fu2, and lamented raged over the lack of ammo. He only had three clips to spare before the gun itself becomes useless. Despite the absence of a light source, it still gave off an eerie irradiated glow. This was attributed to the element "115" which caused the gun to become even more powerful than its original counterpart, the AK74-u.

Well Takeo, I bet you're not going to find a single bullet in this place. Sucks to be you!

"Since we are here, I wonder if we will see the Pack-a-Punch Mr. Soylent machine somewhere…"Takeo quietly said to himself. He looked up to the stares of the Apple siblings.

"Whatcha got there, Takeo?" Applejack asked. They had never seen such an odd contraption before. Nopony before today knew what a gun is.

I rest my case.

"This, this is one of the many overpowered tools I use to slay the unholy. It is a devastating weapon of destruction only meant for the most honorable of warriors leet hackers. You will see it in action soon enough."

Test it on the ponies, just to see if it's jammed!


"I hope those fancy words aren't just for show! Alright fellas, let's get to it!" The trio exits the barn to be greeted by the wide expanse of the Sweet Apple Acres. As they began their patrol of the acres, they noticed something in the far distance. At first, it was nothing more but dots in the sky. Then, it became clear all too soon. Zombie Pegasuses Combine Dropships can be seen flapping their wings towards the farmland. A legion of pony zombies loomed over the horizon, marching to feast upon the living. Takeo looked to his allies only to find they had abandoned him and were laughing from their compound. Although they were visibly trembling shitting themselves in fear, they stood their ground in their own excrement. He could see a multitude of emotions in their eyes. Anxiety, determination, hatred for the author of this fic, fear, they were all present. Slowly, Takeo has come to the realization that he no longer felt honor bound to protect these ponyfolk so he decided to make a break for it leaving the ponies to fend for themselves. It was no longer an obligation, rather an impulse to not help those in need. It was an alien feeling for him. Normally, he would've fought for himself. He could care less if the other humans were taken down as they only teamed up to merely survive. However, these ponies have proved to be an altogether different these ponies were no different.

"I will not allow these damn beasts to cut into our flesh," Takeo stepped forward. "They will bow down before us! Big Mac, allow me to ride on your back. I'll be sure to protect your flanks."

"Eyup, sure thing, partner." He wasn't given much of a choice paying attention as the human had already mounted himself on top of his back.

Uh oh...this could be bad...

Once there, Takeo pulls out his...

O_O

katana

Oh thank goodness...

and points it to the sky.

"We will fight through the scourge! Banzai!" Yelling out his signature battle cry, the ponies charged towards away from the undead horde. Applejack readied her lasso, tying up groups of zombies together in an effort slow them down. She would then finish them off with a powerful rear kick, splattering gore and pieces of brain everywhere.

"Heh, just like buckin' fuckin' apples!" Big Mac used his size advantage and superior strength to trample and ram into the zombies. It was odd to have a rider on his back while he was fighting, but he soon got used to it.

And then his spine couldn't take Takeo's weight, he collapsed in agony.
While we're at it, how big are the ponies in comparison to humans anyway?

The duo quickly adapted to each other's way of fighting. Takeo was slicing heads off incoming zombies who dared to try and feast on them. Though it had been a while since the Japanese soldier had used his blade, it had not rust or dull in the slightest since he was from a video game. It was refreshing for Takeo to finally use a proper blade. As interesting as the sickle and the bowie knife were, they could never hold a candle to his katana a crowbar. What was left of the fear and anxiety earlier had all but vanished multiplied, replaced with adrenaline and a sense of accomplishment inevitable death. With the combined efforts of the three, the undead didn't stand a chance. And Takeo didn't even have to use his gun! However, it wasn't long before the zombie Pegasuses swooped in from the skies, nearly knockng Takeo off of Big Mac.

"Ergh, annoying flies! I need you two to cover my back so I can get a clear shot at them!" He jumped off of Big Mac before either he or Applejack could ask what he meant. A sword would not do well against an opponent with great mobility. He placed his sword back in its sheath and pullrf out his gun to deal with the circling vultures.

Spell check didn't catch that “pullrf”?

Conserving ammo was not Takeo's specialty. This, in turn, meant that he was the best at not getting headshots and ensuring the kill. Now oblivious to the carnage around him, he moved his sights to the spot he predicted the fliers would not be at. All his concentration was on the flying zombies WWII era boobies. With the pull of a trigger, he opened fire, somehow dropping the zombies from the skies with each successive burst. He turned towards the Apple siblings to find that they had just been finished off by the last of the horde.

"Well, no rest for the weary," Applejack said. "Let's get to the buildings to check up on the rest." Though she didn't show it, the earth pony had many questions swimming in her head concerning Takeo. What was his past like? How did he get here? And what was the loud, strange mechanism he held in his hands the point of this stupid story? Was it some kind of powerful sorcery that didn't belong in Equestria? But, there was no time for a Rush Limbaugh interview. She had to ensure the future of the Apple family by surviving this apocalypse first. The three broke out into a sprint, hoping that their home was secured. As they drew nearer, the sounds of conflict can be heard, growing louder with each step taken. This only urged the trio to further quicken their pace using speed hax. It wasn't long before they saw the battlefield. The zombies were engaged in a fierce battle with the Apple family. Unfortunately Luckily, some of the family members had already fallen; their limp bodies lay dead on the floor. This only deepened Applejack's hatred towards the undead. Without a word, she charged headlong into the fray, oblivious to the cries of her big retarded brother.

"Damn that foal! She's gonna end up killing herself like this. Sorry Takeo, but I'm going after her Eeyup." Big Mac ran after his sister to ensure her safety. He was now alone in the midst of the chaos, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

Takeo didn't care, he watched the bloodbath from a safe distance.

"For glory!" Once more, the bushido warrior drew his katana, ready to tear the zombies asunder. His closest target was a rather large group of zombies who were slowly cornering some of the Apple family. With a mighty cry, he charged at them, slashing his way through the numbers. With each swing of his sword, limbs and flesh would fly everywhere, bathing the ground in their festering blood. Soon, there was nothing left of the enemy Takeo. With the smaller group of earth ponies saved, Takeo ran towards more zombies, carving a path through the carnage. He came upon another small gathering of the Apple family; though this time they were not putting up a good fight. He raises his sword in the air, ready to slice through the sinews of the undead marauders. There were nothing but clean cuts from the samurai; a testament to his swordsmanship.

I swear these tense changes are giving me a headache!

Though there were more allies to rely upon in battle, the enemy ranks have also considerably grown in size. Fatigue soon began to affect Takeo. His movements were incredibly slightly sluggish and his vision became somewhat blurred. To top it off, his body hasn't fully recovered from his last encounter with Nazi zombies back on earth where he actually wanted to be even more. Still, he pushed onward headlong into a tree. For an honorable warrior such as himself, the only path is to move forward. There is no such thing as going back. Warriors have a hard time with turning...


"Do not be so anxious to cross swords with Takeo," he called out even though no one else had one. "I cannot be defeated by the damned!" His words unknowingly brought inspiration looks of regret to the Apple family, effectively boosting finishing off their morale. Though they were all tired, they knew with this strange creature on their side, victory would be ensured near impossible. His authoritative presence was so strong, that the others couldn't help but rally around avoid him, as if he was their new leader. Taking notice of this, he gave them one simple order.

"Their numbers are diminishing! All we must do now is push them back. Drive them back, away from Sweet Apple Acres! sacrifice ourselves like the bunch of useless lemmings we are! Banzai!"
With Takeo at the helm, he and the Apple family charged at a furious pace in an effort to destroy the zombies in one final attack. He was ready to die for any honorable cause but he didn't sign up for this shit. After all, life was light compared to honor. The tables were turning in the zombie ponies' favor as more of the zombies remained dead. Everywhere around him was some sort of conflict between the living and the dead. He needed to end the fight quickly before casualties can mount up. After killing a few more zombies, he placed his sword back in its sheath and pulls out his trusty AK74fu-2. With precise a complete lack of accuracy, he was able to kill many more with just a few bullets in his clip. Even in the heat of battle, the gun's echoing fire rang out in everyone's ears.

"For the Emperor!" With his last clip, he fires wildly at the remaining zombies, effectively killing them. Once the gun was empty making an audible "click," he straped it around his back and pulled out his katana once more. He waited and waited with baited breath, feeling that battle might not be over just yet. Silence ensued, and not a single creature stirred for that tense moment.

Tension? When was I supposed to feel that?

Sensing that all the zombies were gone, he let out a sigh huge fart and placed his sword in its sheath. Their victory over the zombies was met with a barely audible cheer from the whole group. It was only now that he noticed that neither Applejack nor Big Mac was present in the crowd.

I hope they're zed chow!

Takeo opted to walk away from the group in favor of finding the ponies that he was familiar with. However, he did not get very far when he was stopped by a filly with a pale olive coat and a brilliant crimson mane with an equally bright ribbon adorning the top of her head. She looked up to him in a mixture of awe and curiosity disgust. He merely raised his eyebrows at her gaping and kicked her away.

"Is there something I can do for you, little one The fuck are you staring at, bitch?" He was beginning to fear that he may be trying to converse with a mute pony until she finally spoke up.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she said with a notable southern accent. It seemed to have run in the family. "I didn't mean to stare. Its just that you're so different from anything I've ever seen. My name's Apple Bloom. What's yours?"

Just try to imagine how little I care...

"My name is Takeo Masaki. I am a captain of the Japanese Imperial Army eat ponies like you for breakfast." He didn't really know why he added that last part. After all, do these ponies even know what Japan or Earth is? The humans had never of Equestria before this.

Never of? This is getting worse!

Then again, Richtofen did mention something about Gersch's coordinates taking them to Ponyville before they jumped into the black hole…

"Hee hee, that's a funny stupid name. You look mighty tired. Why don't you come inside and we'll get you fixed up?"
"I would like that very much. Domo." It had been so long since either he or his team had a proper establishment to rest in. Even a basic shack with simple bedding would've been great.

Um...Takeo, aren't you forgetting a toilet? Or does your digestive tract just go in an infinite loop?

"Alrighty then! Follow me, Applejack and Big Mac are inside. Although, you may want to avoid my sister for a little while few years, she's a real bitch."

"Why is that? Did something happen?" He noticed a slightly glum expression had appeared on the filly's face.
"Well, they got into an argument, and big sis usually likes to be alone afterwards. Its sort of a family thing. Here, let me get the door for ya."

Wait, how can she...AW FORGET IT!!!


As both filly and human enter the household, he noticed how spacious the interior was. Even for one of his stature, the house proved to be large enough to comfortably fit him but just him. Judging from the ovens and the pantries, they were most likely in the kitchen. "You can take a seat over there in the dining room. I'll be back with you in a bit." Following Ignoring Apple Bloom's instructions, he sat on top of one of the haystacks that acted as chairs for ponies. Admittedly, it was also quite comfortable for the posteriors of humans as well. Suddenly, a bull snake was woken up by his sitting causing it to bite Takeo! He did not have to wait long for the filly to return with a tray of cupcakes and a bottle of apple juice.

"Here ya go, mister! Its all for you. They're made out of my dead relatives." After saying his thanks, she got up and left, saying she had other things to attend to. It was at this time that he was finally able to fully comprehend his surroundings. Never in his wildest dreams would he ever talk with ponies that could casually strike a conversation with him. Hell, as far as he knew, his team was the first humans to ever set foot in Equestria!

And hopefully the LAST.

Despite this, there were some frighteningly similar things between human and pony culture that he took note of. Farms, towns and cities were the first similarities that he noticed. Even the architecture in some of the buildings he had seen bore a great resemblance to earth. But, how did they manage all this construction and carpentry? They only had hooves with no hands, let alone opposable thumbs to hold on to objects.

Takeo, it's best to let those questions slide and think about how you're going to get the hell out of there!!!

Before he could rack his brain more on the matter, Big Mac entered the dining room.
"Hey there, Takeo. If its alright, I'd like to speak to ya Eeyup." The large retarded pony situated himself on another haystack across from the human, who patiently waited.
"Is there something troubling you, Big Mac?" he inquired.

"Yes, there is. Its about my sisters. Ever since all of this fightin' started, I fear for their safety we may have to inbreed again. More so than usual."
"Which was why you ran after Applejack."
"Eyup. As much as I hate to lose family members to conflict, I'd never be able to live with myself if I let any kind of harm fall on any of my sisters. What kind of a big brother would I be?"
"And you wish to ask me a favor pertaining to your younger siblings."
"You catch on quick, partner. No wonder my sister has taken a shinin' to ya. Anyway, if anythin' were to happen to me, I want you to protect them in my stead."

This could potentially be bad. Please don't let this be creepy foreshadowing!!!

"Why would you trust a stranger with the lives of your loved ones?"
"I, I don't know. There's just somethin' about you that makes you incredibly trustworthy Maybe I'm just stupid. You seem to know how to deal with the zombies, at the very least."

"Hm, reasonable. How will you know that I simply won't turn my back to them in their time of need?" Big Mac took a moment to consider his answer, before settling on one word.

"Honor." At this, Takeo raised his eyebrows at the crimson pony. For a while, he stared at him square in the eye, unnerving him in the process. Then, he started laughing at how stupid that sounded. It started low, but grew louder and louder, echoing throughout the empty dining room.

Ponies talking about honor? Yeah right!

"Very well! I will NOT do you this favor. Rest assured, my equine friend. No harm shall fall upon us while I'm around I look after me and no one else. I'll stake my honor and life on it."

"Thanks a bunch, Takeo. I knew I could count on you. Well, I'd better get goin'. I still have some unsorted business to finish up."

"Oh, there is one more thing I would like to say."
"What is it?"

"Give my regards to the chef. These are the best damn cupcakes I ever had in my life! FUCK YOU!"

AN: Up next is the misadventures of Rainbow Dash and Tank Dempsey!

We're on a collision course with EPIC FAIL. No way to evade!

[SM2142]

Ch. 3 Second Impact, Third Strike and yer' outta there!

"Man, why did you have to have a rainbow colored mane for? That just screams out fruity."

Dempsey mocking the fic for me? WOW! Has my luck changed?

"Excuse me? I happen to be born this way and for your information mister; I am not a fillyfooler!"

What now?

"Whatever you say, Butch Bitch."

"Ha, say what you want Tank. But we won't be in need of your services at the moment. So why don't you just go back to whatever planet you're from and get the hell out of my face!"

Trust me he'd love to but the dumb German brought them here!

"You're one to talk, Rainbow Bitch! You've got fuckin' wings, for Pete's sake! Why don't you fly away from me so that I can kill in peace?"

Tank, you're a hero now.

This close. He was this close to breaking the pegasus's jaw shut with his fists. He didn't care what anyone else would've thought of him. All the Marine ever wanted was for her to shut up as did the rest of the audience. Their incessant arguing had distracted them so much that they haven't even realized they had reached their destination Megaton. It was the western bridge that connected Ponyville with the Everfree Forest of High Taxes. Nearly as wide as an airfield strip, the bridge itself was incredibly spacious. Made out of cobblestone, it gave off a rather antiquated feel with its arced design.

Normally, it would've been free of debris and clutter. But, since it was a key area to defend, barricades of since the street sweepers went on strike, all sorts were strewn across the bridge as a last line of defense. Stationed along the bridge were some of the Royal Pegasus Guards of Canterlot. Unlilke most ponies, these soldiers were clad in golden armor and were quite large for pegasuses. One of them walks up to the arguing pair and immediately silenced them by stomping the ground shouting “Shut the fuck up!!!”

TENSE FAIL!
Rainbow Dash and Dempsey turned their attention to the offending pony only to be met with a glare. This caused Rainbow Dash to straighten up, as if she were in boot camp. Dempsey, however, remained pissed off.
"Rainbow Dash," he began. "who, or what is this?" he gestured towards the human who gave him an annoyed look the double finger.
"Oh, him? Uh, he's just here to help us with the infestation, Captain. That's all." Not satisfied with her answer, he walked up to the human, staring him straight in the eye. Dempsey's scowl only intensified socked him one right in the face.
"Hmph, if he wishes to help us, then he would do well in following my orders," he turns his attention to his men. "Alright, colts! I want three squadrons circling the skies around Ponyville. If you see anypony in need, do not hesitate to give them assistance. Let's get the hell out of here! The rest of you shall remain here with me to defend the bridge. Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes No, sir!" His whole unit, including Rainbow Dash shouted. With that, they flew to their stations, leaving about 20 2 pegasuses on the bridge.
"You there! What is your name, creature?" He wasn't the type of pony to welcome any newcomer into his unit, especially if the newcomer in question wasn't a pony. If it wasn't clear that the Captain didn't like the Dempsey, he did his damn best to clarify his hatred now.
"Ha, isn't that cute? The little pony thinks he's a badass!"

Dempsey's making this easy!

"Don't even think of trying anything funny, cretin. Otherwise, you may just find your skull beneath my hooves." With that, he walked away while Dempsey taunted him and began giving more instructions to his men. Rainbow Dash hovered up to Dempsey and began to speak.
"Whoa, you shouldn't have pissed off Captain Storm like that."
"And why is that? He's gonna make a bitchfest out of everything now, or what?"
"Actually, that's exactly it. Things are just going to get harder from here on out."
"Well guess what? Since I'm here, this little zombie outbreak is gonna be over with pretty damn soon in a few decades. That pussy captain of yours can sit on his ass and watch as I mop the floor with those bone junkies!"

Almost a self-mocking chapter...

Dempsey prepped his double barreled shotgun dubbed Hades for the upcoming fight. Originally, it was an Olympia, a shotgun meant for skeet shooting. After going through the process of the Pack-a-Punch machine, it was able to fire incendiary rounds. The mare looked at his mechanism in awe. Her eyes sparkled at the Charlie sheen it reflected.

BLAM! Oops, it went off...
"Oooh, that looks pretty cool, actually!" She almost felt like Pinkie Pie for wanting to touch the shotgun so bad. Thankfully, Dempsey had pulled the gun away shot her which brought the pegasus out of her trance.

"Sorry, missy little miss bitchfest. No one but me gets to touch my guns. Still, you do have an eye for good weaponry." Quickly reverting back to her old self, Rainbow Dash crossed her hooves across her chest and looked at the Marine cautiously.

"So? What the heck is it suppose to do?"

"Oh, you'll see what it does soon enough Kill stuff." Dempsey quietly chuckled, which unnerved the mare. Captain Storm returns to the pair with an unimproved mood and new orders.

"I want you two at the frontlines. Everypony's already at abandoned their stations. I suggest you hurry before I get drastic." Rainbow Dash saluted Captain Storm before she and Dempsey depart. With the Captain's back to them, the human gave him the finger again, which caused the rainbow mare to roll her eyes. Arriving at the front part of the bridge, Rainbow Dash was surprised to find that nobody else was there with them. Everyone else had called it quits and left the game.
"H-hey, where is everypony? Don't tell me its just us two!" Panic had begun to encroach within her mind. The Marine, however, remained nonchalant to the situation mocked her.
"Who cares? We don't need pussies getting in the way. At least, I don't." Rainbow Dash looks at him with an incredulous expression.
"Are you nuts? Before you came along, the zombies would easily outnumber us. Now that its just you and me, shit's gonna get worse!" Normally, the mare would hardly ever use such foul language. Perhaps it was the American's influence on her behavior.
"Hm, let's see here… a thousand zombies versus one Dempsey. Yeah, that sounds about fair."

At least they kept his American bravado.

"Are you even listening to me? What the hell is wrong with you?"

How about what's wrong with this fanfic?

"Listen here, Butch. I've just about had it with your constant bitching. If you're so concerned about dying, why don't you go cry to Captain Storm for reinforcements? It would make both of our lives a helluva lot easier! Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to feed the maggot whores some hot lead."


The one redeeming quality for this chapter: Dempsey

Before the pegasus in question could retort, he dashed off into the forest. Rainbow Dash was never a coward, and she would definitely never always run away from a fight. But why had the Captain abandon the two at the frontlines? The battle hasn't even started and the disloyalty became clear.

Guess who was deemed expendable...

She didn't really enjoy his presence, but she knew he was a colt of honor total bullshit. He would never always do something like this to her! Perhaps it had something to do with the arrival of Dempsey in this world do with the fact that no one cared if she lived or died. It was then that she decided to confront Captain Storm about this issue another time. Right now, she had some zombie ponies to slaughter. And she wasn't about to leave Dempsey all alone in the Everfree Forest. No matter how aggravating he was. But on the other hand...

"Ka-fucking-boom freak bags! I can't believe you nasty squags thought you stood a chance against me!" Tank Dempsey was a man of action. To him, there was no such thing as a before or after a war. Give him a loaded gun, a good woman and something to shoot at and he'll be happy.

And bacon. LOTS of bacon...

As of now, all he needed is a lady friend. Primarily using Hades Fire-Stick of Boom-a-Licious, the scent of burning flesh made him puke gave him encouragement for more slaughter. Although somewhat cumbersome to reload, double-barreled shotguns were some of Dempsey's favorite weapons to use. Due to his liberal Republican usage of the incendiary rounds, he had set the surrounding trees on fire, creating a thick, black smoke around the area. Smoke inhalation might have been an issue, but Dempsey's inhaled so much smoke he's mistaken for a tank engine.

It was only a minor annoyance to him, having been surrounded by flames before. But, the fire did little to impede the zombies themselves. They would simply walk through, igniting themselves in the process. It would melt the flesh in some areas of the body, exposing the bone and releasing a noxious fume that could only compare to festering road kill stagnant piles of bum-bum butter. All of this amounted to a good time for the American. Suddenly, a flash of blue streaked passed him followed by a rainbow. The sheer force of the shockwave nearly knocked Dempsey off his feet. Then, a loud explosion-like noise rippled across the battlefield, leaving dead zombies and a giant rainbow overhead. The hurricane-like winds that ensued fanned the flames into nothing but dying embers even larger. He shielded his eyes crotch as debris began to encircle the battlefield. Somehow, he had a feeling that this was all a certain pegasus's doing.
"What the fuck was that?" He shouted.
"My signature move, the Sonic Rainboom!" A familiar voice replied. He saw Rainbow Dash descending from the skies with a large smile plastered on her face.

Guile called, he says quit ripping off his moves before he gives you a Flash Kick to your face.

"You know, you could've given me a warning before you go off like a freakin' nuke!"
"It wouldn't have mattered. I was breaking the sound barrier so you would've heard the boom before me." Refusing to show his astonishment, he shields it by casually berating beating her.
"Geez, what the hell is with you and rainbows? Why couldn't you pick a cooler color like red or something?"
"Rainbows are most certainly cool! You just haven't realized it yet. Although red could make for an interesting display…"

How about a black “THE END” title card?

"Hmph. By the way, why were you so concerned about losing the fight? I mean, you've got that sonic boom shit."

"Well, I guess I'll have to come clean. You see, I haven't actually perfected the technique use hax. I've been able to do it a couple of times after the competition, but its still pretty damn hard easy to nail it perfectly. And I couldn't just leave you alone to fend off these creeps. Nopony gets left behind, even if they're not exactly ponies in the first place."

I liked it better when they were arguing...

"You know, you remind me of Tak. You're loyal, honest and reliable to boot annoying as hell. Hell, the flyboys back at base would've not loved to see some of your fancy maneuvers. I gotta admit, you're a badass pansy, despite being associated with rainbows." The mare couldn't help but blush at the first nice thing the Marine had said about her. But, there was something else that he had said that caused her ears to perk up.
"Wait, you mean there are some of you guys that can fly?"

It's called “noclip”.

"Heh, not exactly on their own accord. You see, we've got technology on our side and pilots would fly on an airplane…" Their conversation about his home planet continued on as they strolled back to the bridge to report the good news to Captain Storm.

Thankfully we get to skip it

Despite the battle being over, the Captain was still ordering his colts around, ensuring that the barricades are to his liking had wide open holes in them. Never in his wildest dreams would he ever think of meeting a human. The colt had only heard of humans through fairy tales “biased liberal media”. With them in Equestria, it felt like their problems had only just begun. He had feigned ignorance to those two to keep them off of his back. Only the royalty needed to know about these humans. The rest were to be kept in a constant state of ignorance about everything. As he checked the perimeter, Storm ushered one of his men to him.

"Take this note," he commanded. "Dear Princess Luna, I am afraid we are going to have bigger problems than zombies. We've got four powerful humans in our midst. Though they may seem helpful, I fear they may grow too strong for us to handle. When will you accept my offer for that dinner date? For now, I will await your further orders."

Why? Why of all ponies did it have to be her and Fluttershy who had to deal with a drunkard?

Because karma's a bitch?

This was the single thought that had been going through Rarity's mind ever since Nikolai tagged along. She was no stranger to alcohol what with her being a mean drunk, but this strange man takes drinking to a whole new level! Poor Fluttershy could barely stand his abrasive attitude smell. Nonetheless, the unlikely trio had their orders from the Mayor; protect the shopping districts and assist anypony who hasn't made it to the safe house yet the rich and leave the lower classes to die. Much to the relief of Fluttershy, she was able to get away from the Russian to help a few stray ponies here and there. The pegasus was almost reluctant annoyed as hell to return to Rarity, but she did not want the unicorn to deal with him alone.

Aw, what's the worst that can happen?

Nikolai himself had become unusually silent violently smelly lately. At first, he thought his vodka had gone bad and he was having hallucinations about brightly colored, talking ponies. Unfortunately, he knew Russian vodka was the best at making weird shit appear. It never went bad (in his opinion). In an effort to get his mind off of the subject of horses, he blearily grabbed a hold of his weapon, the FN FAL. Of course, like his other comrades, it went through the Pack-a-Punch machine, turning it into the EPC WIN. Instead of a single-shot mode, the EPC WIN was a three-burst rifle which ended up wasting 2 rounds per squeeze. It also came with a reflex sight which comes with a nifty reticule of a smiley troll face. Rarity couldn't help but stare at the gun in Nikolai's hands. The intricate designing in the metal gave it a foreign, almost Celtic look to it. The wooden parts of the gun remained unchanged, giving a nice, stark contrast to the gun that was simply appealing to the eye.

Oh no, is she getting turned on by the gun?

Feeling eyes boring into him, Nikolai turned to Rarity with a silly grin fixed look of disgust on his face.
"She's pretty, no?" He asked, gesturing towards his gun.
"Uh, yes, gorgeous," The unicorn replied rather nervously. She still did not know what humans were capable of. But if they were so willing to fight, perhaps they were stronger than they look. "What exactly is 'she'?"
"You mean you don't know? Bah, I hope this place has vodka, then! If you guys don't know what a gun is, we're probably gonna be fucked later on."

Yeah, lack of ammo and you with a burst fire weapon...

"Gun?" She repeated, hoping to have pronounced the foreign word properly.
"I'm probably not the best person to ask for knowledge. You know, because I'm so drunk and all that,"

But that's what makes him so fun!

For someone who was constantly drunk, he was surprisingly logical able to pass most sobriety tests. "Hey, what's up with your flying buddy? He's been awfully quiet. Maybe he need drink of Nikolai's vodka." But, he was still inebriated, no matter what anyone said. The pegasus in question merely squeaked at the sudden attention. She tried her best to shrink behind Rarity's form while the unicorn tried to explain to Nikolai that her "flying buddy" was a pegasus and was indeed a female. Unfortunately, her sophisticated vocabulary fell on deaf, drunken ears as Nikolai truly tried his best to listen to ignored every word of what the unicorn had to say. Suddenly, the Russian pointed his gun upwards and fired three rounds into the sky, startling both Rarity and Fluttershy.
"Sorry about that. I had to make sure I'm hearing things correctly I saw a pink flying elephant."
"Well, you could've given us a little warning! If the zombies don't kill me with their stench, your frightening mechanism will! Can't you make it quieter or something to that effect?" With his headache getting worse with each word coming out of her mouth, it would only be a matter of time before the Nikolai's short fuse lit.
"I think someone should put a silencer on your muzzle! All this bitching and moaning, like my third wife!"

BURN!

"Um… guys?"
"How dare you speak to a lady like that! Have you no dignity? Somepony should show you your place!"
"Sheesh, what is it with you women and your elegance shit? And here I thought my fourth wife was the biggest bitch."
"…Hello? I think we should-"

Arguments are pretty fun when it's not my ass on the line.

"And what is that suppose to mean, you drunken cur? I have a mind to turn that 'gun' of yours into cashmere!"
"You touch me or any of my belongings, I kill you now! Sounds like fair trade."
"I really think that-"

BANG BANG BANG!!! Sorry, had to at least try...

"Ha, I wouldn't dare touch you with a 10 foot pole! You are that atrocious to me."
"That's fucking fantastic because Nikolai won't be coming to save your ass."

"ZOMBIE PONIES!" Fluttershy's sudden outburst brought both Rarity and Nikolai out of their heated argument. They turned to see the zombies already closing in on the town from the hills. Taking the initiative, the trio charged onwards the other way in an effort to cut off open up the entrances from the incoming attacks. With the engagement now outside of Ponyville, they went all out. While Fluttershy took to the sky to combat them, Rarity engaged the closest group of zombies with her limited offensive magic.

Ha! Magic with limits! Sucks to be them.

Meanwhile, Nikolai picked off the undead crowd from afar by the dozen watched from a nearby lawn chair. Though their numbers were enormous to the ponies, Nikolai knew this was nothing compared to his previous fights with the living dead. Admittedly, he can understand didn't care about their desperate struggle as their technology was not as advanced as the humans. From as much as he knew, only unicorns had the power to use magic which left the rest with close quarters combat he truly hated being here. This makes them even more vulnerable to the infection, which only made things harder. It was only now that the Russian truly appreciated the worth of a gun, even if he did have a sickle for those close encounters.
"Ugh, this is worse than mud and dirt combined! Can't these maggots explode a little more neatly? Its times like these that I wish I was born a pegasus so that I can be above this mess." Even in the heat of battle, Rarity had tidiness to complain about.

Life and death struggle < tidiness ?

"You know, these hell pigs are almost as bad as your whining, Rarity."

Thank you!

"I am not whining. I am complaining. If you want whining, I will gladly show you during a more appropriate situation." He merely groaned shot her in response. As the fighting continued on, both the ponies were becoming exhausted, as they were still not used to the hard labor.

AND they're lazy! How have they made it this long again?

Nikolai, on the other hand, was barely breaking a sweat. This provided comfort to the ponies himself, yet it aggravated Rarity all at the same time. She did not like being bested by someone as uncouth as Nikolai, even if she is in his home field. It wasn't long before Fluttershy descended to the ground, landing next to Rarity.
"I'm sorry," she began. "I just can't keep this up. There weren't this many before."

That's what she said!

"I understand, dear. Just stick close to me and we'll get through this. I know you're exhausted, but I'm going to need you to watch my rear. Can you do that for me?" Feeling somewhat energized by her friend's words,

AW HELL NO!!! She did NOT just say that!

the pegasus gave a slow nod. Once more, they resume the carnage. Despite their efforts, it almost felt like all was for naught. Which it was! Wave after wave of undead came at them in an endless fashion. Rarity was beginning to feel the stress of constantly using magic and resorted to kicking them, much to her chagrin. She would have to bathe in her most luxurious bubble bath if she can get out of this mess alive. Fluttershy was not faring well either. The constant fighting took its toll on her health. It didn't help that she wasn't use to the constant strenuous activities that fighting brought either. She was becoming weary, keeping her eyes open was becoming a cumbersome task. She knew that if she fell asleep here, she'd be dead for sure.

Sleep is REALLY on her mind right now? Whatever...

Then, the ponies' most horrible scenario came to life as Nikolai cursed out loud.
"Fuck! Out of ammo AND BOOZE!"

AN: Hooray for cliffhangers. And if it wasn't evident, Dempsey and Rainbow Dash aren't my favorite characters.
Cliffhangers suck, this fic sucks, therefore YOU, author, suck.

This post has been edited by SM2142: Feb 17 2012, 07:46 PM