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> CCC Special: Unseen Horrors Showcase
Post #1
Master of AFTER


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post Jan 17 2012, 01:45 AM
Seeing as the upcoming forum software upgrade is delaying the debut of the next Cosplay Caption Contest longer than expected, I thought it would it be fun to use this break in the regular schedule to show off a handful of cosplay photos you folks wouldn't normally see in this section. Believe it or not, I have fairly demanding standards for images that wind up in the CCC, and not every nerd's failed attempt at playing dress-up makes the cut. That said, I'm not one to discriminate; while they might not all be accepted as subjects for the internet's favorite bi-weekly caption contest, I believe anyone with a sufficient lack of self-respect deserves to be laughed at.

Note: After you've finished viewing the parade of misery that waits below, feel free to share any captions that may come to mind—just be aware that they won't be entered into a competition this time around. General comments and helpful recommendations for relieving the inevitable nausea are also welcomed.

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Here we see an example of a costume that's bad, but not quite CCC bad. I run into a TON of images that occupy this boringly crappy territory, but the stupid pose this guy decided to bust out for the cameraman was enough to get me to at least save this one for future consideration. Even though it didn't make it in the end, I thought Captain Failcon still deserved a moment in the roasting-hot spotlight.

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I usually make it a point to avoid using pictures of cosplayers who make themselves look ridiculous on purpose (hence the reason you'll never see a snapshot of Man-Faye on this board), but I almost broke down and ran this one anyway because it's actually pretty damn funny. A black dude dressed up like a Cardcaptor Sakura character is a great premise already, and the fact that the guy vaguely resembles Eddie Murphy makes it that much better.

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This image has been sitting in my Bad Cosplay folder for so long I don't even remember when or where I found it. I've told myself I'm going to use it in the CCC a number of times now, but I never get around to it for some reason. Looking at it now, I think the crappiness of the "costume" is outweighed by how boldly half-assed it is. It feels like the person under that rug is telling me to make fun of them, and I don't take orders from anyone who crawls around a convention hall on their hands and knees.

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Al_Cone sent me this shot last year, presumably after pleasuring himself to it. At the time, I told him I'd feature Pinkie Pie-Eating Contest Champion in the CCC at some point in the future; after further consideration, however, I ultimately decided she was one guest the party could do without. While the concept makes me want to suck on the barrel of a shotgun, the execution is only marginally awful. Also, I have to give the subject here some credit for at least going with an outfit that was tastefully modest. An alarming number of overweight cosplayers seem fond of wearing as little clothing as they can get away with, as if they're trying to get revenge on the world for mocking their appearance...

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Case in point. Note that the original version of this image didn't come with a censor bar; I threw that in there as a favor to any viewers who enjoy engaging in sexual activity and/or eating. I don't feature pictures that have been digitally altered in the CCC, and I opted not to use the uncensored version since I saw no point in trying to judge a bunch of captions that were just typed-out horrified screams.

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Lousy image quality and an intrusive watermark saved these Twilight Princess cosplayers from joining the ranks of those publicly ridiculed in the CCC. It's a shame whoever originally uploaded this image had no idea what they were doing, because I'm confident you folks could have come up with some excellent jibes aimed at Drunkard Link, Devil Child Midna, and/or Presenting Furry.

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More technical issues were responsible for this image going unused. Had the quality and resolution been better, this would have been another no-brainer. There's so much to make fun of here that I could've used this picture a training dummy for newcomers who wanted to practice their mockery skills on easy target before participating in the one of the contests.

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Nope, you had the right idea. Just keep on scrollin' down right past this one.

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Ho boy. As much as I'd like to believe the members of this community would've been mature and taken the high road, let's be honest with ourselves here: there's really nowhere to go with this one except straight into the heart of blatant racism country. As bad as I felt robbing Two-One-Five of the opportunity of a lifetime, imagining the possibilities just made me too uncomfortable to go through with it.

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Even after spending some time in Photoshop adjusting the levels for better visibility, the lighting in this shot is so terrible that it simply makes the subjects too difficult to make out. Even so, what you can see of the stooges pictured above should give you a good idea why I briefly considered using this in a contest despite the brightness being so poor. The Juggalo jokes write themselves.

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Thanks for joining me on this little tour through the cosplayer rejects pile, folks. Aside from giving you nightmares forever, I hope this excruciating exhibition has given you all a better idea of how much work goes into selecting only the finest cosplay disasters for the CCC. Because I truly believe PA fans deserve the best of the worst that the internet has to offer.


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"The urge to destroy is also a creative urge."
Pablo Picasso
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Post #2
Waffleman


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post Jan 17 2012, 03:10 AM
QUOTE


NO! COME ON! DON'T SHOW ME ANYTHING!

QUOTE


She's been eating too many cupcakes.

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"Help me, this costume is made of paper mache and I can't get out!"

QUOTE


"DO YOU THINK I'M SEXY?!"

QUOTE


Fuckin' cosplay, how does it work?

This post has been edited by Waffleman: Jan 17 2012, 03:11 AM


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Post #3
Viashino_wizard


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post Jan 17 2012, 04:14 AM
QUOTE (Master of AFTER @ Jan 17 2012, 02:45 AM)
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Apparently that guy in the middle is what you get if you put Black Jack and Jay Leno in a blender.


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Post #4
Max-Vader


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post Jan 17 2012, 05:48 AM
QUOTE (Master of AFTER @ Jan 17 2012, 11:45 AM)
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And people thought Pluto Nash was the ultimate low for him...

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CHRIS-CHAN, IS THAT YOU?!


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I have had a vision. It has been revealed to me by the secret chiefs of the world that I am sexier than Buddha and harder than Jesus. I cannot die.
Joan (requesting my drawings): I'LL PAY YOU
IN ORAL SEEEX
Paragon: I will literally pay you in oral sex if you go on a call and sing that entire song [Little Girls by Oingo Boingo] for us and record it
Scream: Welp guess its my turn to owe Max a IOU blowjob
Paragon: I think Max is rapidly becoming the new pimp of PA
Shane: Max for realest nigga of 2013
TigerEyes: No means yes and yes means anal.
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Post #5
9@Night


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post Jan 17 2012, 07:43 AM
QUOTE (Master of AFTER @ Jan 17 2012, 05:45 AM)
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Hey guys, I can see inside my own sinuses if I try really hard. HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURGH.
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Post #6
Kvitne


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post Jan 17 2012, 09:29 AM
QUOTE (Master of AFTER @ Jan 17 2012, 04:45 AM)
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Holy shit, Stephen Fry is a Black Jack fan?!
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Post #7
DeanTheAdequate


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post Jan 17 2012, 12:00 PM
I've seen the cardcaptor dude at Otakon several times before. He actually did works as a comedian in the getup often, usually to warm up the Masquerade. He was, kinda funny. Far too specifically fan-based to get any other kind of gigs, but it's a given in that getup.


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Winner of CCC #107- I've decided to let it all go to my head, then my pancreas, then a short trip to the gonads for release.
Winner of CCC #129- Took me a while to push this rock back up the hill and... whoops.
Winner of CCC #136- Whoo-Hoo! Whiskey and hookers on me! Seriously, drape them upon my slumbering mass.
Winner of CCC #137- Two in a row! Do you believe in Miracles?! No seriously, the hell was up with that Jackie Chan flick?
Winner of CCC #143- I'm so drunk on power now! I've sold all my tanker trucks full of Baily's Irish Creme to balance things out.
Winner of CCC #147- Comrades! Rejoice in the conquering of the bourgeois pigs with this caption of dressing down weeaboos!
Winner of CCC #164- Yes another one in the win colu... Who am I kidding? Dr. O deserves this one.
Winner of CCC#165- Victory is mine! Dudes, line up on my right for high fives. Ladies, line up on the left for make-outs.
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Post #8
Protto


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post Jan 17 2012, 08:06 PM
QUOTE (Master of AFTER @ Jan 17 2012, 02:45 AM)


Case in point.  Note that the original version of this image didn't come with a censor bar; I threw that in there as a favor to any viewers who enjoy engaging in sexual activity and/or eating.  I don't feature pictures that have been digitally altered in the CCC, and I opted not to use the uncensored version since I saw no point in trying to judge a bunch of captions that were just typed-out horrified screams.



AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAcan'tstopscreamingAAAAAAAAUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH--

QUOTE (MoA)


Here we see Gene Simmons congratulating the titular star of production "The Arabian Chimney Sweep" following the opening night's curtain call.


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Post #9
Badass Overlord


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post Jan 17 2012, 08:16 PM
QUOTE (Master of AFTER @ Jan 17 2012, 02:45 AM)
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The hyped up remake of the cult classic "The Creeping Terror" did not live up to expectations.

QUOTE (Master of AFTER @ Jan 17 2012, 02:45 AM)
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I...can't even come up with anything. I'm sorry but I just can't stop laughing. Maybe later...


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"Patience and penance. For millenia I have yearned to inact this vengeance! I am the end and the beginning! By my touch shall your wretched lives be blessed!" - Sephirot, the Fiend
"The unenlightened come...know you the full weight of death. Come forth, Scales of Revelation! I would know the weight of your souls. Can you bring... equilibrium?" - Sophia the Goddess
"Mine age of slumber is at an end. A thousand thousand suns may set, but the insult of mine imprisonment hath been etched upon mine eternal memory. I am come to mete out justice. To bestow the blessings of victory unending. I am Zurvan. He who standeth above all other gods. He who shall bring slaughter and ruin!" - Zurvan, the Demon
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