Tales from the Friendzone: Spikeljack, A rare fan comic mockery! Options

[Al_Cone]

Fan fiction is a written medium, not a visual one, and so fan comics often get overlooked when it comes to mocking badly made material. It either gets lumped into the Comic Releases or the Fandom Rape thread, but never with the kind of point-by-point deconstruction and mockery that Project AFTER devotes to written fiction.

Well, here I'm going to depart from tradition a little and take a shot at a sickeningly maudlin fan comic drawn by Mulp Fim community member "The Weaver." Known for crude MSPaint drawings of ponies, The Weaver is an artist who is relatively well respected and received over on Ponibooru (yes, there is a Ponibooru), despite lacking in critical levels any appreciable ability to create a quality artistic piece.

Now, I'll be the first to admit that a webcomic with bad art can succeed by virtue of its writing.



But The Weaver's shit is not of that sort of quality, gravitating more toward Family Guy-style shock humor. Some of his pieces might (if you are really fucking generous) give you a laugh or two, but there is absolutely nothing funny at all about Twilight Sparkle masturbating with a petrified Celestia's horn. And while cartoon horses getting off with improvised phalluses isn't even slightly sexy, the art style pushes it even farther away from sexiness, so it can't even be justified as pornography. It's just a terrible, terrible joke.

And no, I will not be posting that particular comic. This is a SFW mock, dagnabbit.

Unfortunately, I do not have any of The Weaver's more disturbing material to share. This is, rather, an analysis of a comic wherein Applejack gets friend-zoned by Spike. Yeah, people ship those two; who knew? I did, but hopefully, you didn't. This is a horribly overwrought piece, and it would have been horribly overwrought even if a competent artist had a hand in its creation. It just wouldn't be (as) badly drawn, that's all.

*****



"Whah, Ah'm sow 'cited I c'n hardly chewz whut barnyard phrase t'complimen' y'all with! Aw, shewt, whah nahwt youze 'em both, dagnabbit?"

Spike, you're a naked dragon. Don't you think you should put a bit more effort into dressing up for your big date than just slapping on a tie? You don't even have a shirt to wear it over! You're trying to impress Rarity into sleeping with you, and your plan is to wear the bare minimum amount of clothing, which will do nothing more than make you slightly less nude? Does Twilight know about this?!



"I've been perfecting my airplane impression for months for just this occasion; it's sure to knock her dead! Wheeeeeeerm, wheeeeeeerm, vroooooooooooooom!!!"

Applejack's trying to keep things in perspective by reminding Spike that he's only considered attractive among the denizens of Ponyville. Apparently, on the other side of the Everfree Forest, they have standards.



Applejack is the one creature in all of existence who can sneeze with her eyes open. Unfortunately, not closing her eyes means that she gets hit with the full recoil of the sneeze, which causes her to partially transform into Hikaru Gosunkugi.




"No need t'stay with the pony what's got Pony Parkinson's Disease! Naw, you go off an' get'cher anatomically impossible reptile pole waxed, an' I'll jes' sit here'n wait 'til my shakin' dies down!"

Where the fuck are they in that second panel? Applejack's sitting on steps? I thought Spike was in front of a mirror. Suddenly, they're outside? Being an MSPaint artist must be so damn easy when you don't have to worry about silly shit like backgrounds, or context, or keeping the environment consistent. No, you can just slap some crudely drawn stairs and a mirror against a blank space and it'll make perfect fucking sense.

I don't know what entertains me more about Spike in the second panel--his outrageously long tail, which makes him look like Dino the Dinosaur, or the idea that he's strangling himself with his tie. He's probably going to perform auto-erotic asphyxiation while Rarity goes down on his non-existent dragon cock.

Hey, chin up, Applejack. At least your Gosunkugi Syndrome's cleared up.



Whoops, spoke too soon.

"Applebloom! Wut've Ah told y'all 'bout inneruptin' me when Ah'm plankin'?!"

God, Applebloom, what happened to your face? Did Picasso mug you on your way home from the clubhouse? Did the doctor who reconstructed your disfigured face have a degree in Cubism? "Now, don't you worry, little filly. I'm just going to move this one over here and attach it to the side of your nose. Won't that be lovely?"

What the fuck is her cutie mark supposed to be? Is that the lightning energy sign from the Pokemon card game I see? Her special talent is electric broccoli? Wait, no--it's a trident. Gasp! Applebloom's super special talent is being POSEIDON, MIGHTY GOD OF THE SEAS!!!

Look at Applejack. No plot on her whatsoever. Rarity, on the other hand? Mm, dat is one faaaaahn flank, I tell you whut. Der's a reason dey callin' dat ho da marshmallow. An de marshmellow, nigga? It all in two convenient packages. Can't blame Spike for being an ass man, can you, Applejack? You've got nobody to blame but yourself for toning your hindquarters to the point where there is nothing there at all.

That bedpost is flipping me off. Betta run, bitch!



Spike, get away from her! Her Gosunkugi Syndrome is communicable!

Her hat is like six sizes too small for her head. Why would you even buy a hat that fits you so poorly? Maybe she's borrowing one of Applebloom's for the day.

"I loved her so much that I styled my head to look like Sonic the Hedgehog! Do you have any concept of how uncomfortable this is, Applejack?!"



"Sometahms, the set pieces in yer comic randomly rearrange themselves and ya find yerself wonderin' whut weird-ass position yer gonna be in nex'."

Ew, she's spitting on him. Look at that. That's disgusting. And it's orange, too. What were you drinking, Applejack? Yuck.

Her hat should be falling off of her head right now. That isn't how you wear a hat, Applejack!



"Giving you oral sex is strangely therapeutic. *snarf snarfle om nom nom slurp* Mmm, it really IS just like hot apple pie...!"



Of course, with his face buried in her chest like that, his words probably sounded more like "Strr wrf mr er lrrlle lrngrg Errpplejrk"

By a smashing combination of bad art and perspective, Applejack's expression has gone from "tearfully introspective" to "mildly weirded out verging on disturbed." All you'd need is a single arched eyebrow to turn that into a textbook "excuse me, but wtf r u doin" face.

That bottom-left bedpost realized that I saw it flipping me off and it fled in fear of my righteous justice. Smart.

This post has been edited by Al_Cone: Mar 28 2012, 02:10 PM

[JakAttack]

Melodramatic, a whopping three characters present, stupid plot, characters that I want to strangle...

It's the webcomic version of Bittersweet.

[xoxjoanxox]

That bottom-left bedpost realized that I saw it flipping me off and it fled in fear of my righteous justice. Smart.

I love you so much Al.

But not in a creepy way. _{Is it weird that I brought that up without provocation? Oh well.}

[Al_Cone]

I love you so much Al.

But not in a creepy way. _{Is it weird that I brought that up without provocation? Oh well.}

Oh hey, someone else finally commented on this! I guess you have some sort of affection from me too.

[T_K_17]

Oh hey, someone else finally commented on this! I guess you have some sort of affection from me too.

I somehow completely missed that joke when I first read this.

[Lizard-Man]

I'd just like to say, that art is so bad it's kinda funny. Seeing AJ's super depressed look gives me a smile for some reason.

[Projectkulu]

As bad as the comic is, you do have to give The Weaver credit for not doing the same applejack/rainbowdash pairing that has been done hundreds of times (each being in the same way).

[Sumner Sturgeon]

^ Agreed; AppleDash is so played out it's not even funny. Not that this is any better...horrid art aside, I still completely fail to see the logic behind this Spike/Applejack pairing. Weaver's definitely not the only person I've seen who likes it, but it just doesn't make any sense to me...

[Al_Cone]

^ Agreed; AppleDash is so played out it's not even funny. Not that this is any better...horrid art aside, I still completely fail to see the logic behind this Spike/Applejack pairing. Weaver's definitely not the only person I've seen who likes it, but it just doesn't make any sense to me...

It's because of that one moment in the Diamond Dogs episode, where Spike's fantasizing about kissing Rarity and he winds up almost kissing Applejack. Then an (admittedly amusing) bit of photomanip cropped up where they do kiss, and then suddenly shipping.

I've always thought that Applejack was extra affectionate toward Spike, and their friendship seems a tad closer than the ones between Spike and the other members of the cast, but the logic train stops right there. People can and will ship whoever and whatever they want together, but if you're going to ship, ship something sensical, at least.

Curiously, I've also noticed an affinity for Spike/Apple Bloom, which makes even less sense.

[xoxjoanxox]

Oh hey, someone else finally commented on this! I guess you have some sort of affection from me too.

[Projectkulu]

It's because of that one moment in the Diamond Dogs episode, where Spike's fantasizing about kissing Rarity and he winds up almost kissing Applejack. Then an (admittedly amusing) bit of photomanip cropped up where they do kiss, and then suddenly shipping.

I've always thought that Applejack was extra affectionate toward Spike, and their friendship seems a tad closer than the ones between Spike and the other members of the cast, but the logic train stops right there. People can and will ship whoever and whatever they want together, but if you're going to ship, ship something sensical, at least.

Curiously, I've also noticed an affinity for Spike/Apple Bloom, which makes even less sense.

Even then, I never see shipping of either of those two pairings (although there was quite a bit of spike/applebloom when people first started shipping it). While I see lots of rainbowdash/applejack or pinkiepie shipping. When I try asking someone who ships either lesbodash pairings (that's what I call them) they almost always either try to (very poorly) explain it or they just link me to a single frame picture from an episode that looks somewhat sexual and say that it's canon.

EDIT: after thinking about it, while this comic is bad, it doesn't seem bad enough to deserve a mock, unless I'm missing something.

This post has been edited by Projectkulu: Feb 1 2012, 01:00 PM

[Lizard-Man]

We had tons of stupid pairings back when Teen Titans was on the air. Same thing with Digimon. "Oh my God two characters seem to like each other! They must be in love!" There's no line that isn't crossed.

Although I will admit, when it comes to Ponies I am guilty of one pairing at the very least... Pinkie Pie and Braeburn. Well they're both hyperactive and seem to be extremely fun loving. Even then though, this is a little girls show. I know it's just something stupid that's never gonna happen. I learned long ago not to take pairings seriously. I still get pissed off when people INSIST that their ship is superior or "Fated" to happen like with the Zutarians. But if they just love the pairing cause they like it I can't touch them.

Which reminds me, I really should consider doing that Zutarian intellectual dummy video for some kind of little riff or something. I may not be able to do the whole series... what with half the videos being deleted and all, but I can get at least a few.

[Al_Cone]

Braeburn's been in, like, one episode.

Don't people ship him with Big Macintosh? Because nobody in Mulp Fim is allowed to be straight?

[Lizard-Man]

They ship Big Mac with everything. And yeah, I know, he's only been in one episode. Like I said I don't take it serious or actually believe in it happening. It's for laughs.

Right now I'm trying to think of ways to pick apart ZEFID to be honest despite the fact practically all the videos are removed and dead. There have been people who have picked it apart before, but they're not very good. They haven't really written out a script and they're too bias in giving the dumb bitch credit when none is due. We don't let factually incorrect shit just slip by where I come from. Stupidity must be corrected! If it isn't then we grow up with a generation of people like the AppleDash fandom. (Although to be fair, I honestly think that's just a big in-joke that's been around since a stupid feminist magazine declared Rainbow Dash was gay because she shoots out rainbows and stuff. Then it went too far.)

[T_K_17]

Don't people ship him with Big Macintosh? Because nobody in Mulp Fim is allowed to be straight?

Well there's Spike, and I've seen Big Mac shipped with just about every female on the show at least once, so I wouldn't say the fan base is completely allergic to het shipping.

I'd say the reason lesbian ships are the most common is because most of the main cast is female and few male characters get a lot of screen time. Generally looking at the ratio of male to female characters is a decent method of determining which direction the ships will skew. That's why all my Magic is Believing ships are mad gay.

[Al_Cone]

Well there's Spike, and I've seen Big Mac shipped with just about every female on the show at least once, so I wouldn't say the fan base is completely allergic to het shipping.

I'd say the reason lesbian ships are the most common is because most of the main cast is female and few male characters get a lot of screen time. Generally looking at the ratio of male to female characters is a decent method of determining which direction the ships will skew. That's why all my Magic is Believing ships are mad gay.

I ship Grand Ruler/Rosia Leonhart, myself.

That doesn't really explain all the post-apocalyptic gay in Fallout: Equestria though.

[Lizard-Man]

Well if your fandm attracts a lot of femslash shippers naturally it's gonna creep over to other stories, even if they are original works. It happens a lot.

[Sumner Sturgeon]

I ship Grand Ruler/Rosia Leonhart, myself.

That doesn't really explain all the post-apocalyptic gay in Fallout: Equestria though.

Oh, there's no rhyme or reason to it; it's just gratuitous lesbianism for the sake of...gratuitous lesbianism. Most "prominent" brony writers simply cannot do without it. Look at all the fics where Twixy or PinkieDash or whatever are just kinda there without really contributing to the narrative.

Although I will admit, when it comes to Ponies I am guilty of one pairing at the very least... Pinkie Pie and Braeburn. Well they're both hyperactive and seem to be extremely fun loving. Even then though, this is a little girls show. I know it's just something stupid that's never gonna happen. I learned long ago not to take pairings seriously. I still get pissed off when people INSIST that their ship is superior or "Fated" to happen like with the Zutarians. But if they just love the pairing cause they like it I can't touch them.

So, there's another unashamed fan of het MLP crack pairings here, huh? I like your attitude; I'm pretty much the same with my support of ships like Twilight/Doctor Whooves (they're both smart and science-y!), Pinkie Pie/Pokey Pierce (both associated with parties and balloons, plus pink girl/blue boy motif!), Rainbow Dash/Soarin' (they're both great at flying and Dash wants to join the Wonderbolts!), and so on-- I acknowledge that there's nothing to them and don't try to tell anyone else otherwise, but enjoy them all the same. Besides, I had the misfortune of pretty much burning out completely on yuri right before entering a fandom that practically runs on it, so I'm content to do anything to stay clear of it.

[Lizard-Man]

Like I said the femslash is there as a in-joke that's gotten out of hand I think. People who weren't fans claimed Rainbow Dash was gay, people ran with it and made fun of it, a number oft hems tarted to take it seriously. I just let them be, they're not really hurting anyone and I think they all know, or at least most know, that as a kid's show nothing will come of it on screen.

Actually I hit upon the idea of Big Mac and Twilight to be honest, nerdy girl, strong jock type. You know those sorts of romance stories. Cheesy I know, but I'm not much for pairing up background characters much with the mains. Again, I don't really give a crap, I'm just doing it for fun and I don't feel like making fanfics centered around them anyway. It's just for my own personal amusement more or less.

[T_K_17]

Okay guys, that's enough discussing of your favorite pony ships. I think we've gone far enough off topic.

Pinkie <3< Dan

This post has been edited by T_K_17: Feb 1 2012, 07:38 PM