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> One Less Lonely Gurl, Wherein I have a noble first attempt
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Professor Pineapple

The Ultimate Gentleman

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Posts: 660
Joined: 18-November 11
From: Britain
Member No.: 568
Gender: Male

post Nov 19 2011, 04:56 PM
Finally! My first mock can begin. And I must say, this is a true atrocity against any semblance of good taste, entitled "One Less Lonely Gurl" by one "Monica Gilbey-Bieber". The chapters themselves are absurdly short, so I will be able to have several in a single post. Tally ho! I shall be in bold.

AN: I donut own this spongebob thiny. dis is just a fanfic OK!

Oh, dear, what have I gotten myself into?

It wuz jazz an ordnary day when I dove deep into the dark azure hue of hte ocean.

Wait, who is this?

I was tasked to gether some samples of some rare, newly-discovered specimen of coral reefs to send back to the lab for furhter examination.

What lab? What specimen?

As you can see, I am a marine biologist.

Stop this nonsense at once, author! Please, explain what is happening! I have not even the vaguest semblance of an idea whatsoever! This is frankly uninterpretable!

But then...

You drowned? Oh, I bequeath of you, please tell me you drowned.

what I thought was the tip of a huge coral reef...

Well, it was worth a try anyway.

I discovered Atlantis. It was shiny anf oh so beautiful. It's huge.

It’s only a model.


So I wanted to dive deepter into the murky waters to get to see if I was right, if this IS indeed Atlantis./
And yes, it is. A huge neon sign lured me to the the deep which ewas ebony black background...

Well, it doesn’t get much more obvious than that, I must say.

and it says "welcome to Atlantis."
I was right. I wonder what is in here...

Let’s find out!

From down the iridescent light of the 'coral reef' I discovered came the ebony darkness Dementia Raven Way, anf from the darkness came a bright, flashing light from the neon sign that led me to the inner depths ot the 'coral reef'. This is a most fascinating discovery that I have looked at through my cerulean orbs surrounded with abundadnt lashes.

Oh, for the love of God, just say “blue eyes”, you great twit. There is no reason whatsoever to make your prose this nauseatingly purple.

Inside was a huge sity just as I read in mystery books and surprisingly, there were people in it.

What mystery books? “Look here, Holmes, a great underwater city!” “Excellent observation, Watson, let us investigate without any breathing apparatus whatsoever!”

I never knew that atlantis has albready been riscovered but maybe it's just that mo one would ver bother to go back to the land because of the filth there and perhaps because of the fact that atlantis is supposed to be a utopia.

Very subtle commentary, my good sir, very subtle indeed.


You drowned?

Everyone was staring at me.

Unending damnation! Why did I think that would work?

They all stopped whatever they were doing.

Including breathing. There were no survivors.

"She's beautiful!" someone said.

I mean, we’re all fish people, so that might be somewhat insulting, but still!

"Ans she has all curves in right places," said anohter.,

Cease, author. She’s already a garishly obvious Mary Sue, please don’t try to state what we already know to be there.

Even down here, I could have been called someone beautiful, just like back in the land where I came from.

"Where I’m from, everybody has gills and fins."

I have supposedly perfect, blonde hair with pink and green streaks that wave along with the waters down below.

Blonde hair with pink and green streaks? Who came up with that, a Hasbro executive?

"Not really," I replied. "I just came here by accident and am pretty much lost. Can someone give me some dirsctions?"

I would, if I had any idea what you just said.

"Sure," a man with blonde hair, fair skin, and hughe, blue eyes said.

You are in Nazi Germany! HEIL HITLER!

He was wearing a white button-up sirt with a red tie, brown pants, and black shoes.

Oh, please don’t…if you dare to ship Spongebob Squarepants with your awful Mary Sue, I will burn the world.

"This is Bikini Bottom, a city within this entire state known as atlantis, located underneath the Bermuda triangle.

Wow. Watching the show for even a moment would immediately tell you that is wrong in every conceivable way.

THat's why many ships and aircraft mysteriously disappear when passing there. THis is a place that must never be known to man because of their sins.

Again, very subtle.

And by the way, I'm Bob. And you are?"

Enough about this incredible discovery that will change everything we know, what’s your name?

"I'm C'ren Amethyst LeHeart-Bieber.

Oh, good lord. Must every original character have an incredibly preposterous name?

Just call me C'ren. I'm not related to Justin Bieber-"

"But I’m about as annoying and easily loathed."

"Justin Bieber?" Bob replied eagerly, interrupting me. "How do you know about him? He's, like, the biggest star here in all Atlantis."

"We’re all completely deaf, but still."

"Wait..." I said. "If you just said that land himans are not allowed here because of theis sins, then why the heck is Justin Bieber well-known here?

Or anywhere, for that matter?

He is, like, the biggest star in the land above where I come from."
"Wha... !:" he said loudly. "You are from the land above!"


[AN: who the hell is Ebony and why the heck am I even like her?

You’re phenomenally obnoxious and your story is terrible?

She's an emo fag. I hate emo's. I love rainbows and I hate rock songs.

This confliction prevented her from enjoying My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic ever since it’s induction.
Please do not crucify me.

I simply hate that dark stuff. Goths, punks, and emo's creep me out. I'm blonde, I like pink, and I love Hilary Duff! She's one of the best singers ever! Justin Bieber is ah-dorable!]

And here I thought C’ren was the one I wanted to die the most.

"Yes, yes I am. I was tasked by them to go down to the ocean and collect coral reefs from here to bring back to the land. I just came by here accidentally."

"How convenient! Hee hee!"

The people stared at me again in deeper admiration and put out some papers and pens. They wanted an autograph from me.

Why? It’s been established that these people hate humanity, why would they suddenly admire this woman out of all-
Oh, yes, of course. Mary Sue. Carry on.

"Thank you, thank you so much," I said as I signed their papers, handkerchiefs, and even shirts one by one.
As soon as that commotion was over, Bob took me to his home that was shaped like a pineapple.
"So about Justin Bieber, he is actually like me, also from the land above. What I don't know for sure is how he even got well-known doen here in the first place.May I know why?"

The author is a complete failure?

"Dude, we have computers and TV's down here. Unlike you landlubbers, we have access to both land and undersea channels and websites. My friend Pearl is like, so totally in love with him.

Boys Who Cry is so yesterday.

And she even gave me these concert tickets. Do you want to go with me?

Every sentence this damnable story sputters out makes me loathe existence more and more.

I'll also take my friend Patrick along, but he happens to like those rock bands such as Stingray 5000 and Ned and the Needlefish...

Random references to the series do not a proper fanfiction make. In fact, nothing a proper fanfiction makes.

Oh, and yeah,. Bieber will perform alongside Boys Who Cry."

Oh…I was kidding about that.
I believe the correct term is “Called it!”

"Really? That's awesome.

That is completely the wrong use of that word.

If you said that only the worthy are allowed here, then Justin Bieber IS worthy.

They must have a very low standard for that. Next thing you know, they’ll be letting in bronies and Irishmen!

And that's why I love him and worship him.

I even have some of his hair…and skin flakes…and semen…
Good lord, that was foul. I apologize.

I've always known that he was superhuman," I replied.

Only if we are referring to Satan.

"I think I know this place..." I sad as soon as we got there and I looked around.
"Pardon?" Bob said. "I thought you only have been here now. What do you mean you already know this place?

“I’m a Mary Sue. I know everything.”

That's just deja vu you're feeling. Maybe you just need some sleep."

Talk about instinct!

"Maybe," I replied.
"You sleep upstairs, while I stay down here in the sofa," Bob said. "Goodnight."

And goodbye. I’ll have the next few chapter mocked and ready to upload soon! Assuming this story doesn’t give me a cancerous tumour in my brain, of course.

This post has been edited by Professor Pineapple: Dec 6 2011, 07:22 AM

Current Mocks:
One Less Lonely Gurl: Complete
My Brave Pony: Star Fleet Magic II: Complete
Teen Titans and the Yu-Gi-Oh! Card Game: Complete
The Seventh Art: Part the Third of the Necromancers of China Saga: Complete
Calvin and Hobbes in Kingdom Hearts: Complete
The Time Rift: Part the Fifth of The Necromancers of China Saga: Complete
The Witching Hour: Cancelled
The Rise of Darth Vulcan: In Progress

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Posts in this topic
- Professor Pineapple   One Less Lonely Gurl   Nov 19 2011, 04:56 PM
- - Max-Vader   This got to be a troll-fic. GOT TO BE. Because the...   Nov 19 2011, 05:36 PM
- - oneluckyduck   I am of the furm opiniuon that this is a troull fi...   Nov 20 2011, 06:02 AM
- - Professor Pineapple   Well, here are the next few chapters. They get a b...   Nov 20 2011, 12:04 PM
- - Akasu   I've never wanted to murder a fan fiction auth...   Nov 20 2011, 11:11 PM
- - Professor Pineapple   Oh, god. I think I actually am getting a cancerous...   Nov 22 2011, 11:10 AM
- - Max-Vader   The author is one of the biggest bitches I have ev...   Nov 22 2011, 12:41 PM
- - The_Hot_Zone   God, what a bitch. She deserves every single flame...   Nov 22 2011, 02:28 PM
- - The_Hot_Zone   Also, I just read this girl's profile. She HAS...   Nov 22 2011, 02:34 PM
- - Professor Pineapple   Here we go. This is not going to be very fun. CHA...   Nov 24 2011, 07:59 AM
- - Professor Pineapple   It just goes on…and on…and on! CHAPTER 15 The...   Nov 27 2011, 12:53 PM
- - The_Hot_Zone   Good mock. Can't wait for the next chapters, a...   Nov 28 2011, 06:37 PM
- - KillerLoli   I hope at the end of this fanfic Mr. Krabs turns C...   Nov 30 2011, 08:48 PM
- - Professor Pineapple   CHAPTER 17 Since the Krusty Krab is closed during ...   Dec 3 2011, 02:37 PM
- - The_Hot_Zone   LOL, is this bitch seriously THAT delusional that ...   Dec 3 2011, 03:46 PM
|- - Professor Pineapple   QUOTE (The_Hot_Zone @ Dec 3 2011, 11:46 PM)LO...   Dec 3 2011, 04:34 PM
- - Rika Furude   I think her brain died because an evil time travel...   Dec 3 2011, 11:15 PM
- - Professor Pineapple   CHAPTER 19 We started to work on the renovation wh...   Dec 10 2011, 08:08 AM
- - The_Hot_Zone   LOLOLOLOLOLOL there's no way anyone could EVER...   Dec 10 2011, 02:52 PM
- - Professor Pineapple   I should not have drank so much alcohol…good lord....   Dec 15 2011, 05:42 AM
- - Professor Pineapple   CHAPTER 23 The entire day just passed without any ...   Dec 17 2011, 02:44 PM
- - The_Hot_Zone   Someone should send this bitch to therapy or somet...   Dec 17 2011, 04:11 PM
- - R1NGmasterJ5   Ugh...you got to the chapter where she name-droppe...   Dec 17 2011, 04:55 PM
- - shiroamasa   I really, really want to kill this bitch.   Dec 17 2011, 09:44 PM
- - Professor Pineapple   CHAPTER 25 Loud noises of terror woke me up the ne...   Dec 20 2011, 04:17 PM
- - The_Hot_Zone   For anyone who's still curious about this fic,...   May 19 2012, 11:55 AM
- - Max-Vader   Well shit, now that that mystery has been laid to ...   May 19 2012, 12:11 PM
- - P Dot Alex   ...I want that British guy back her...   May 19 2012, 12:55 PM
- - Professor Pineapple   Greetings, my friends. I am fully aware that it ha...   Aug 20 2012, 06:39 PM
- - Professor Pineapple   Greetings, my friends. It is time to end this nons...   Aug 24 2012, 07:11 PM
- - JamesGBieber   Oh, hey! It's me, the writer of One Less L...   Sep 4 2012, 04:03 AM

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