No More Heroes: Naruto's Story, No More Quality: Waffleman's Return Options

[Waffleman]

Hey guys, you know what's awesome! No More Heroes! You know what else is awesome? Naruto! Let's combine them and make double awesome!

Yeah, no. Ol' Cross177 here thought it would be great if he retold the story of Naruto with the structure of No More Heroes 1 as a loose framework. This also involves making Naruto more like Travis Touchdown, which ironically turns him into the opposite of Travis Touchdown. I'll explain later.

It doesn't go very well. Let's see!

As always, the fic is in white, and I am in orange.

----

Warning: This is rated M for a reason, this fic will be filled with F-bombs and cussing, blood and gore, and in the possible future, some sexual innuendos. Lemons, mmmmaybe, but we'll see.

I don't see how blood and gore matters in an entirely text-based medium.

I know all you people out there has heard some crazy shit, at least that's what Ichiro at the bun stand, off of Ichiraku told me. All my life my days were crap, most of the villagers tried to kill me for Kami's sake; they call me a demon monster and all that fucking shit. And I think to myself as I take their daily beatings before the Hokage shows up, what the fuck did I do get this shitty ass treatment.

Get ready, this is basically the one paragraph intro from the game bloated up into SEVEN. There's a lot of backstory here. Here, I'll try to make it more authentic.

So at the age of six, I go asking the Hokage about this and told him everything that's happened after getting kicked out of the fucking orphanage, from the scraps I've been getting, to the assassinations where they stop after he and the ANBU shows up, that's when I think he thought, enough is enough and hands me some paper that allows me to claim my inheritance and my family mansion.

Yeah, Naruto has a mansion and an inheritance here as opposed to the apartment and the nothing he had at the beginning of the actual series. This is just the beginning.

As he shows me around he tells me why, that being the Kyuubi that attacked on the day of my birth, who by the way is very sexy when she's out of the animal form and looks like a red headed furry of my dreams, damn she's hot.

You know what Naruto needed? Furries. Sure, he describes the Kyuubi as a traditional just ears and tail type of fox girl later on, but he used the F word here, so we know his true intentions.

Aside from that I finally get a mention as to who my parents are, Kushina Uzumaki, the Red Death, bitchin' title mom, and Minato Namikaze, my fucking father who sealed the Kyuubi within me, and the Yellow 'fucking' Flash. But I'm a little understanding as to why, I mean the guy was noble, who the fuck could ask someone to use somebody else's kid to seal that vixen in me, not that I mind anymore.

And we just fast forward things to tell Naruto what he won't know until like a decade later in the series' run, get that shit out of the way. Also, those titles are dumb.

Evidentially I find my mother's katana; apparently it has a safety mechanism on it leaving the damn thing useless for the wrong person. Long ago after the Hokage took his job again, he was curious of my mother's sword and tried to unsheathe it, but all he got was a hilt. But I surprised his ass when I opened it, and when I took it out of its sheath and there it was; the blade of how my mother got her name. The blade was humming with chakra with a red crimson color.

And this is our answer to the beam katana, the chakra katana. You'll find that it makes absolutely no sense given what I remember of how chakra works in the Naruto world.

So for the past few years aside from the academy, I trained my ass off to make my parents proud, as both an assassin and a ninja.

As if they're different things. Oh wait, this is Naruto. Carry on.

By the age of fifteen and my last year as an academy student, I was confronted by the Drifter who came to assassinate me. This cat, all well dressed and cool, couldn't tell if he was the shit, or plain ol' shit that the assholes of the Civilian Counsel hired.

And of course Naruto can't fight Helter Skelter of his own will by taking the job. The Drifter has to come and assassinate Naruto himself. And you'll find out more about the Civilian "Counsel" soon enough.

Yeah, so he's stylin, fast, aggressive, and packing heat, badda bing. That is until this guy come up, some asshole who was an associate of my mothers. Both of them were part of this assassination whatsit. His name Tetsuyo Uchikami, he judged some of her rankings fight. "Impressive, now that you have killed him, you are now the 11th best hitman. Why don't you go for the ten killers above you and aim for the top."

And the UAA representative is a man now. Well, there's that sexual tension gone.

At least I hope so.

Now I don't just wanna be the Hokage, I wanna be No.1. How's that? Detailed enough for you? It's gonna be a long hard road. Who knows, could kick ass, could be dangerous, and maybe it could totally suck. Waddaya say people; join me on my story, let's see how far we can take this. And those of you on your computer boards right now, just keep scrolling.

LET THE BLOODSHED BEGIN!

PLEASE.

The tumbling rolls of a cart moves down hill of the road that leads straight to the Academy where on could see the gates locked and guards in the front door. On top was a spiky blond haired teen riding the cart like a board down a slope armed with his sheathed sword in his left hand.

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Various civilians and few of the clan heads were clamoring at the front gates.

Earlier today the academy was taken over by an army of freelance ninjas, no affiliations, just mercs, and five of them the stood in the front gates. Only a few had escaped, that includes the majority of Chunin instructors, and the clan heirs. "Oh man, this doesn't look good," Kiba said. "You think, out of all of the students, were the only ones who actually got out," Ino snapped.

"I h-h-hope everyone is o-o-okay," the Hyuuga heiress Hinata stuttered. "Hn, just shows how weak they are, chances are they'll die," Sasuke simply stated before he walked off to the Uchiha. "Hey you bastard, where the hell are you going?" Kiba yelled at him. Sasuke stuck his nose in the air, "I'm going home, and this isn't my problem." Ino was shocked to say the least, to see her crush just walk out like it was nothing, "How can you say that, you're an Uchiha, you can save us from these guys." But the last loyal Uchiha (my ass) just walked off past the civilians not even noticing them.

I'll give you three guesses who the author's least favorite character who's going to be written as a dickish punching bag for the Mary Sue is.

Ino just stood there staring at Sasuke's retreating form, "Forget it Ino," she turned to look at the Inuzuka heir, "despite your overly estimated fantasies of the guy being a knight in shining armor, he's just a selfish bastard that doesn't give a crap about anyone else but himself."

Yeah, it's Sasuke. And he's not even going to be sympathetic like the Mary Sue punching bags in NXE. He's just a tool. Now, I don't really like Sasuke that much, but he doesn't deserve the characterization he gets in this fic.

Ino kept standing there, tears nearly falling out and turning to the academy with her thoughts mixed up about her crush while the other heirs were looking at the Uchiha with disgust(yes, even Hinata).

WE GET IT. SASUKE SUCKS.

Kiba with his sharp sense of hearing heard something fast and heavy tumbling as Hinata's Byakugan saw somebody riding on a cart downhill towards them. "Everyone move!" Kiba yelled as Choji pulled Ino out of the way of the gate while Hinata moved and pulled a few civilians out of the gateway in process as a wooden cart busted through the gates slamming two of the mercs into a wall.

One of my favorite video game moments ruined in 3....2....1...

The person who was on the cart jumped as his ride hit the mercenaries. He landed behind another two of the merc nins. "FUCKHEAD!" Their heads were lopped off making their bodies into blood fountains as the figure held out his crimson Chakra Katana in his right holding the sheath in his left.

And there we go. Pretty much ripped wholesale from the game.

All of the heirs stood speechless as they recognized the blond spiky hair and cerulean eyes. "NARUTO!' the heirs thought as they looked at the clothing he wore. No longer the orange piece-of-shit jumpsuit, no he wore blue ninja pants with a kunai holster on his right leg, a black t-shirt with the red swirl on his chest, a vest that was similar to the jounin or chunin wear, over it was a white overcoat with orange flames embroidered at the bottom and sleeve ends of his coat. Same face, but a near replica of the Yondaime.

Sorry, but it's not No More Heroes without moe moe anime shirts.

Naruto walked up to last merc nin clinging onto the door, like it was a safe haven for him, practically looking like he was about to shit his pants. "Hey, you know where Mizuki-teme is here?" Naruto demanded. The merc gulped and shook his head frantically, Naruto sighed, "Wrong answer." He sliced the nin through diagonally in half along with the door the dead man clung to in the building. He kicked the other one in to get through. He watches the ninjas that filled the hall armed with knuckles, swords, and various other ninja equipment they had. The 11th rank assassin could only smirk gripping his weapon, "Its game time!"

This trend of ripping shit straight from the game does not stop.

He storms through blocking and parrying various hits and strikes. Naruto rolls to the side, and starts to slash through one of them. As he gave the finishing blow, others thought it was wise to actually try and strike, Naruto on the other hand couldn't believe their stupidity as he cut through them in a bloody mess.

Seeing them gone, he ran towards the stairs in the hall going through several baddies one at a time, each of them ending up in a bloody mess. Once he killed them there was one more at the stairs, this one had a Chakra Katana like himself. Both charged each other, parrying left and right. Strike for strike, blow for blow until they both end up in a power struggle pushing one another.

*frantically spins Wiimote*

In the end, Naruto came out victorious with the opportunity to kill off guard. And with a flip, the now dead merc was bisected.

But as Naruto killed the guy, he could have sworn he heard in a whiny echo, "But I'm still a virgin." "Well asshole, go fuck yourself in hell." With that he walked up to the second floor.

Boo.

(CUE POWER CHORD)

HE WROTE IN THE LOADING SCREENS. I'd commend the attention to detail if the final product wasn't so awful.

Upon entering the second floor he's stopped by a chakra barrier in his way to his class where Naruto figured where Mizuki holed himself up. Without any other choice he entered though the nearest classroom only to be ambushed by ten mercs. One of them appeared behind him grabbing Naruto in a stranglehold, Naruto struggled as his captor tries to prevent Naruto from his breath. So Naruto thought fast with whatever oxygen he has in his head, "AHHHHHHH!"

I don't think that's how thinking works.

Naruto stabbed his captor's crotch leaving the man a eunuch…for about ten seconds until Naruto bisected him from the bottom up. At this point, something awoke in Naruto, and it wasn't from the Kyuubi.

"Strawberry on the Shortcake!" Naruto bellowed as his Chakra Katana had glowed into an even brighter crimson and grew into a bigger width. And in a matter of seconds he decimated them leaving the room to a bigger bloody mess.

Come on. Why would Naruto know the Strawberry on the Shortcake? The author probably thinks that's the name of the technique passed down through the ages like the Kamehameha, but it's really just something Travis named after a magical girl anime. And Naruto does not watch anime in this story, so it just doesn't make sense.

Then he came into two options, one being hacking through the walls and get to Iruka's room, or run along the outer walls and confront him there.

"Option two it is."

He broke open the window and used his chakra to stick to the wall. 'Thank kami for those tree climbing exercises.'

Then out of reflex he caught some thing. It was a communication earpiece with a not saying to put it on. He did so and heard a voice, Tetsuyo's to be precise, "Hey Naruto, this is it, the final stretch to No. 10. Hope you survive, but considering who your mother was, you may as well." Naruto felt that this was gonna get into a monologue.

Even Naruto knows that Tetsuyo's not as interesting as Sylvia.

"Don't worry about it; keep your mind on other things till you get there. Look, sorry about the monologue, but this is standard procedure. As the challenger for the No.10 spot, I give you a motivational speech yadda, yadda, you get the idea. I can't take sides, but I can tell you a few things about him.

Let's see, this guy is a chunin, of course you know that, with low jounin skills. Oh wait, there's more, few years ago the guy went on a mission that prevented him from being a jounin, some shit about a fellow chunins death. Here's the funky part, that chunin was told to the med teams that the guy died from a leg wound which probably would have hindered the mission unless they left him. The actual reason that guy died was from strangulation. And the person who told that team was Mizuki himself.

Well, that's all I know, oh yeah, and there was also this thing between him and some snake looking guy at that time. Don't know if they butt buddies or something. So as my final words of endearment, go for the gold. Beat him down like a bitch. Trust your force, and head for the Garden of Madness."

So the #10 assassin is this dipshit from the first episode instead of Death Metal. You might think from this that all the assassins have been replaced.

You'd be wrong. The author just bumped Death Metal up to 9 because he doesn't like Dr. Peace.

'So, he's a traitor in short. And that thing with the snakes, that hot chick Anko comes to mind, but I don't see her and my so called 'sensei'… Wait, Anko, sensei, Anko's sensei, shit the guy works for Orochimaru.' "Well that motherfucker has another reason to die,"

Now THIS is how thinking works. For Naruto anyway.

With this knowledge and pep speech, he was walking near the window of his class, and from the looks of things, it didn't look too good for one of the students, a pink haired one at that.

(Power Chord, add in stamps)

*Sound of disc chugging in Wii*

Sakura Haruno, bookworm and total Sasuke fangirl, still expecting her 'Sasuke' to save the day, well that plan is fucked 'because she was being cornered by a perverted merc on the chalkboard, "Hey Mizuki, mind if I have some fun with this one?" Sakura could only whimper as she looked at Mizuki for his answer. "Sure, she's not even important, just cannon fodder," Mizuki smiled sinisterly.

Raaaaape Minions. Also, more on how Sasuke sucks.

Sakura couldn't move due to fear as the thug's hand got closer to her seeing that no one would even move to try and help her out fear for their own lives. She could on turn away and shut her eyes as she waited for her horrible fate.

*CRASH*

The window broke and all she heard was a blood gurgling scream.

"Hey Mizuki-teme, I found you, now prepare to die you bastard."

Sakura knew that voice, that familiar annoying voice that had always constantly asked her out in the past and was always rudely rejected by her. Opening her eyes she saw Naruto, out of that gaudy orange jumpsuit and in clothing that she only saw the Yondaime wear in pictures.

And then her panties got wetter than Niagra Falls.

On the ground was what shocked her most, her attempted rapist was dead with the top half of his head removed from the jaw line. "So the demon shows his true colors," she heard Mizuki say only for Naruto to chuckle, "And was the one who allowed one of his former students to be raped."

What.

Mizuki could only scowl at the Yondaime look alike. "Besides, I'm just here for two things, to kill a traitor, and take your place as No. 10." The No. 10 assassin could only widen his eyes, "You're ranked, but how, when?"

"You can thank the Civilian Council for that one, if they hadn't sent Helter Skelter after me; I wouldn't be the 11th best assassin in the Elemental Nations."

Majority of the class was shocked, that the Civilian Council who some of their fathers/mothers were on had actually ordered a hit on Naruto. For what reason would they try and kill the class dobe, he may prank the village often but that's no reason to send a professional killer after.

KAMI. TEME. DOBE. AM I JAPANESE YET, MOM?!

"And just to tell you, the Hokage is probably listening in on us as we speak right now, so even if you do survive this fight, you're a wanted criminal in the eyes of the village. They may be happy about me being dead, but not so much as you holding the students hostage in exchange for the Forbidden Scroll to sell it to the highest bidder, or is it your meeting with Orochimaru your reason for treason."

"H-h-how do you know all that?" Mizuki stammered.

"Just some rumor going around, but you just confirmed it with me,"

ICE....burn?

the bond shifts his head upward to the ceiling,

Shit, this is a 007 crossover now!

"Hey Hokage-ojii, ya hear that, I'll try not to kill him for you, Anko, and Ibiki."

MOM, I THINK I'M FEELING NIHONGO NOW.

Mizuki was seething, all of his secrets and affiliations were exposed by the brat he was itching to kill, and he'll get his chance right here and now. With a pop the silver-haired traitor grabbed a giant shuriken that was strapped to his back and lunged at him with a slash. Naruto blocked it with the scabbard of his katana. He pulled out the chakra katana itself and attempted to slash at Mizuki which only grazed him since Mizuki pushed away from each other.

Mizuki couldn't believe that the brat in front of him had actually blocked at that. He had the lowest grades and statistics in the whole of the academy, so how could he be this strong.

He trained as a Mary Sue. There's no chance you'll win.

While the traitor was in his thoughts, they clashed with each other, hitting strike for strike, chakra against metal, getting Naruto racing with his thoughts. 'This is it, my first official battle, showing all these people not to fuck with me, proving them wrong of whom I am. Today is the day the idiot mask comes down.'Naruto chuckled outwardly, infuriating Mizuki even more provoking him to attack even more, 'I bet that those idiots are gonna have a field day after this. And after my lineage comes out, they're gonna be kissing my ass, showering me with expensive shit and such. Well today is my time, my time today is when I awaken, as the son of the Yellow Flash and the Red Death. Today, I won't take shit form ANYBODY! '

Blah blah blah I'm Naruto I'm so cool blah blah blah. Also, all the cursing. Travis wasn't a good character just because he cussed a lot. But I'll get into that later.

Mizuki came with a downward slash of his shuriken with Naruto coming to an upper power slash to a power clash. Of course Naruto won, successfully breaking Mizuki's weapon in two. 'Even with my spares on my back, he'll come at me fast.' Naruto sheaths his blade getting ready for a dashing slash, that's when Mizuki eyes someone behind him; it was Sakura edging her way to get out of the door. 'Perfect distraction,' Mizuki shunshined front of Sakura then grabbed her and tossing her to Naruto.

Naruto saw her coming right for him, so he retreats his attacking stance to catch her, he caught her with his free hand, but she was going at him with so much force he was pushed back. Mizuki then came at them fast with a roundhouse kick, so to protect her from the blow he turned in front of her and took it in the back pushing the two of them out of the third story window.

There's really nothing to say in these fight scenes.

Sakura was screaming her head off 'cause she thought they were both going to die as they fell, and half way her life flashed before her, all the friends she made and lost due to a silly crush, every time she rudely rejected her savior Naruto with punch to the head when he didn't even deserve it, she cried knowing she wasn't going to have the chance to even apologize to him for all the wrongs she had done.

I LOVE YOU NARUTO-SAMA YOU ARE SO SUGOI.

That's when everything turned for the better, feeling Naruto hook her legs with his sword hand, he used his chakra to cushion the fall for the both of them. He rolled to the ruined gates with Sakura still clinging onto him.

As he placed Sakura on her feet, Naruto turned to Mizuki who was looking at him with unbridled fury, Sakura was about to say something to the blonde but Naruto beat her to it facing her, "Save it Sakura, we'll talk later, right now, I got a traitor to punish, now get to the others." She did as she was told and running to her friend/rival Ino. With Naruto, he placed his hand to the hilt of his sword, and once again pulls it out throwing the scabbard to the side; both hands are on the glowing katana, raising it to a high defensive stance.

I was lazy, so I never used the high stance unless I had to. Which really wasn't very often. Odd mechanic that.

Mizuki jumped out and threw his second Fuma Shuriken at Naruto as he went to try and bat it back at him in a power clash only to be split in half as well.

With Mizuki and his last shuriken in hand, both were in a stand-off, that is until Mizuki smirked, "Hey you demon, you wanna know why all these people hate you so much to the point of killing you."

Is that a question or are you telling him that he wants to know?

Naruto quirked an eyebrow thinking of how Mizuki will try to psyche him out, "Sure, why not," Naruto spoke back with Miuzki taken back from the bored tone of his voice, but he still smirked.

"Well, you know how the story goes of the Kyuubi being destroyed by the Yondaime, well it was a lie." Mizuki said getting gasps from the populous watching the fight. One of the ANBUs in the crowd was about to execute Mizuki to prevent the truth from coming out only to be stopped by a stranger he has never seen before, "You might want to hold off on getting him, I have a feeling you guys might want him alive, plus I want to hear how Naruto is taking this."

Naruto only like at the man with a bored look on his face, "And let me guess, the Yondaime couldn't kill it, so he did the next best thing and seal it within a child, that child being me. And so my generation doesn't shun me, the Sandaime had forbidden everyone else from ever mentioning about the sexy vixen



that's in my gut. Is that what you were gonna tell me to psyche me out before you killed me to make yourself look like a fucking hero? Think again, I found out from Hokage-jiji after a mob tried to kill me again when I was six, along with telling me of my inheritance."

The traitor was shocked beyond all belief to hear that kid already knows of it, godammit, the brat was supposed to have been shaking in shock, and inheritance. "Wait, what inheritance, you're an orphan!"

Of course Naruto already knows. He's perfect.

"Come on, how long have you been a ranked assassin? You should recognize this weapon as it's previous wielder was legendary," Naruto said holding up the crimson Chakra Katana to his face.

Mizuuki's eyes widened even further as it donned on him whose weapon that was, "That's right Mizuki-teme, this katana was how she got her ninja reputation, getting the name, the Red Death, for assassins, she was called the Red Queen, to friends, Kushina Uzumaki, to me, MY MOTHER!" Naruto charged with Mizuki following the same suit, Naruto dragged his blade creating an increasing fissure in the ground, Mizuki glided towards the blonde assassin with the spinning shuriken in his hand.

I don't understand how people don't realize the guy with the same last name as a famous assassin is said assassin's son. Maybe Uzumaki's just a common name.

Then blood was drawn.

Mizuki's blood to be precise.

His shuriken arm flew off along with the shuriken on it embedding it in the entrance wall. And not a second later, he started trembling trying to feel his missing arm. His face became red in anger and charged Naruto once more with a spring loaded knife in his right shoe. The hidden weapon was half way of connecting only for the traitor's foot to be amputated from his knee.

Mizuki lost his balance and fell on his chest with his bleeding stumps still spurting out of blood, "Come on Mizuki, I suggest you concede. You have no chance in beating me at this point, and you're gonna be going with the ANBU then end up in jail and/or a bodybag." "You demon brat, you're just relishing in my agony," Mizuki glared at the teen. "No, if it were up to me, I wouldn't leave your head intact. No, I didn't kill you because you got info that you will give to the ANBU one way or the other," Naruto said in a seemingly happy tone before Mizuki's blood loss sent him unconscious allowing ANBU to prep him for some heavy interrogation.

It's funny because he's probably going to die before he gets there.

Everyone looked at Naruto, minds racing from what they heard about him, he could just only sigh before any of them could possibly get the wrong idea, "Look, I know you guys might be afraid of me with Kyuubi in me, and all. But I'm not the fox, I'm just Naruto Uzumaki only hoping to fulfill the Yondaime's wish as to being the hero of my home, in Konoha which the majority of you decide not to listen and convince you're kids to pick on me." The next generation of Konoha nins heard some of their gasps.

"And let me tell you guys, I don't care what you think, I'm not gonna take anymore of you shit, whispering , 'Oh there's the Kyuubi', 'Eat shit and die', and being your little target practice," Naruto glared at the civilians who were silent and shivering in fear of what he is willing to do now.

The last two paragraphs can be summed up like this: "STOP PICKING ON ME, I'M AWESOME."

But when they heard laughter behind them, they thought somebody among them was mocking the person that could easily be their deaths, that is until they heard a clapping applause with it, "Well done Uzu, well done." The man who was applauding in laughter was in a business suit, black hair all slicked back on his head, with a briefcase to the side, and easily identified to be in his twenties.

"I have to say, the dismemberment was a nice touch, but if it were me, I would have just made him a torso," the business man spoke. "You got something for me Tetsuyo," Naruto groaned. "Hey, hey, ease up kid, just congratulating you and informing you that you are now 10th in rank. As we speak the survivors are being returned to their homes and all the blood and gore left around is being cleaned and all the bodies are being disposed of as we speak," Tetsuyo explained pulling some money out of his coat, "And here is your money prize, 50,000 ryou, and with bonuses included, that comes to a total of 107,997 ryou."

Ha ha, fake currency! I'm not sure, is this the actual currency in the series?

At this moment another ANBU poofed next to them, "Pardon me Uzumaki-san, but the council wishes for your presence." Naruto just groans, "Alright I'll be there." "Allow me to assist you," the ANBU offered, but he was cut off by Tetsuyo, "Excuse me, but I'll take him to your Council chambers, I have been asked to be there along with him by the Hokage himself," the ANBU nodded and poofed away.

By now the civilians walked away save for five the six heirs and pink-haired civilian talking amongst themselves as to what happened and the actions of the 'Last Uchiha', and how that is gonna bite him in the ass. And apparently the Hyuuga heiress left for her home. "Naruto, walk with me," Tetsuyo offered. The Uzumaki nodded taking the offer and exited the academy grounds to talk as they walk to the Council meeting.

And we can't end without more of how SASUKE SUCKS.

Well, that wraps that off. Those of you who played NMH, will know that Death Metal was No. 10, well that's cause I'm making him No. 9 and taking off Dr. Peace off the record in the Naruto verse, as well as replacing No. 6 in the rosters as well, if you can guess who before then, you get a cookie. I know I haven't done anything to hint at who in this chap, but I'll hint at it more and more in upcoming chapters. Those of you expecting the new Naruto/avatar cross, expect it by tomorrow night. Would have been today along with this, but I accidentally deleted the final draft when I was writing it, and I already had this done, so it's no big.

Is it because Dr. Peace has guns? You kept Helter Skelter, he has guns. Why?

It is a very stupid reason.

Until the next chapter: UAA, Councils, Surprises, and...Sushi?

And it is all stupid.

[Max-Vader]

Wow, this is one of the most blatant Mary Sues I have ever seen.

You know what else is awesome? Naruto!

Funniest joke in the entire mock, right there.

So the #10 assassin is this dipshit from the first episode instead of Death Metal. You might think from this that all the assassins have been replaced.

You'd be wrong. The author just bumped Death Metal up to 9 because he doesn't like Dr. Peace.

Wow. That's amazingly retarded. Besides, everyone knows Dr. Peace is awesome.

as well as replacing No. 6 in the rosters as well

And what did Holly Summers do to him?
Well, at least that means that at least two awesome NMH-characters won't get ruined by this garbage.

[Waffleman]

You think he's Sueish now? Wait until the next chapter. Characters literally talk about how their daughters will be all over Naruto. No lie.

The next author notes reveal that he axed Dr. Peace because he thought the Dr. Peace fight was too easy in the game.

EDIT: Fun fact: I actually thought Mizuki was an original character until I was typing up the mock and got to the point where he pulled out his shuriken. Then it all came back to me.

This post has been edited by Waffleman: Oct 2 2011, 11:30 AM

[Waffleman]

Two in one day? Why the shit not?

Naruto and Tetsuyo entered upon the Two Councils, the Clan council, in charge of the shinobi affairs, and the Civilian council, those who take care of the civilian affairs and the majority of them being responsible of the treatment of Naruto's shitty life for the past fifteen years. "Let me do the talking, this is gonna feel like a trial to get you executed, talk only when necessary."

And this is where Naruto gets revenge for his shitty life.

Within the front center are the Sandaime Hokage and his two advisors, Kotaru and Homura, among them as well was Danzo. "Excuse me, but we specifically called for Naruto Uzumaki, who are you?" Homura asked. Tetsuyo only smirked as he gave a gentleman's bow, "Tetsuyo Uchikami, and I was called by the Hokage himself. I am Uzumaki-san's associate for the UAA, as well as a contractor for assassinations and fights, and a part time lawyer. So if introductions are done, let us begin this meeting, shall we."

Why is the UAA such public fucking knowledge, anyway? Part of the point was that they were hidden in the shadows, away from proper society. At least in the first one.

"Yes, let us begin why we are here in the first place," the Hokage agreed along with rest of the council members who nodded their heads.

The first to come up was a fat council member who looked pretty smug about himself with financial status, "Uzumaki Naruto, we have confirmed that you have killed a visitor to the leaf over a year ago, is that true, and you had better tell the truth." Uzumaki just scoffed, "I don't plead innocent on that one, but I can say that he was the one who attacked first. I just killed him in self defense. And just to tell neither you nor anybody here is in their right to demand anything from me."

Helter Skelter was over a year ago? What the fuck was Naruto doing during that time? Travis didn't waste that much time between 11 and 10. Also, again with the self defense. Come to think of it, Mizuki had taken the school over last chapter. Naruto may be an assassin, but he never really starts the fight. I guess it's because he's so PERFECT.

"Are you telling the truth, Uzumaki-san?" Said the fat councilman as he squinted his eyes at him as Naruto answered, "Yes, why do you ask oh great fat man?" Said fat man growled, "Because I say you're lying, you probably killed him in cold blood you little demon." "Excuse me councilman, but is this the man whom you are talking about?" Tetsuyo asked in Naruto's defense holding up Helter Skelter's photo. "Yes, yes it is," the fat man said confidentially

Sssssh. It's confidential.

with his arms crossed over his arms. "I thought as much, so this little accusation is by no means viable for use," Tetsuyo stated. "WHAT DO YOU MEAN!" the fat man shouted in anger only to be knocked down by a wave of Killer Intent, everyone else felt it and the shinobi in the room trailed it to the business man in front of them. He stared at the fat councilman who seemed to be having trouble to breathe, it looked like the man foaming at the mouth, going all red faced. Then all of a sudden he started to breathe again, the fatty (not Choza)

Who?

looked at the man, "Wha-wha-what the hell did you do?"

"I may be a businessman, but considering where I work, I've had my share of kills in the thousands, what you felt was an aura of a man who has done such feats. To answer your exclamation, our assassins of the UAA are guaranteed to kill their targets, and as per UAA regulations, if the assassin assigned to the hit is killed, his/her position is replaced by the one who killed them or the assassin ranked below them if his/her killer does not accept. Thus made my client Naruto Uzumaki, whom I am paid to defend in this pseudo trial because of your incessant stupidity to not see past whom he is jailing from killing you, put into our organization as the UAA's No. 11, and as of over half an hour ago, our No. 10 assassin, I am a nice person at heart, but I have no patience to those who get mad just because something doesn't go your way," Tetsuyo explained.

Never introduce this man to DJ Croft.

"YOU PIECE OF SHIT, I OUGHTA EXECUTE YOU RIGHT NOW FOR YOUR INSOLENCE!" shouted the councilmember pointing at him with his index. The room was silent; they saw Naruto and Tetsuyo look at each other chuckling and stifling giggles.

"Hehe, he's fat."

"May I ask, what is so funny?" another council member asked. "We're just laughing at the man who nearly shit his pants to Tetsuyo-sempai here, then claiming that he could execute him when Tetsuyo-sempai said it himself that his kill count is in the thousands," Naruto explained.

That was a very awkward sentence and I think I might am dumber for read it.

Tetsuyo stopped his chuckle and put on a serious face, "Wild claims aside, I would like you to apologize and put down your finger you foolish man before I sever your digits and give it to you as an appetizer on a sushi platter. And don't take my words lightly, cause I will fulfill my claims and I will make you eat them, like it or not."

You know, Tetsuyo seems like he'd be a pretty cool character in anything but this.

"Ha, as if you could do anything, we of the civilian council have the real power; even the Hokage is under our control," the fat man cried hysterically, "Excuse me," the Hokage spoke up, "I'm under your control?" "That's right you old fuck, the civilians are in control, you old fool, so suck on this," the fat man flipped the bird laughing in the most annoying manner possible.

So let me get this straight. This world is full of magic-using ninjas. This world is BASED around magic-using ninjas. And the leaders of each country are magic-using ninjas. And the normal-ass civilians are the ones in control? I see something wrong with this picture.

"Hokage-sama, May I have permission to punish this man?" Tetsuyo asked. "Granted," As those words left the Hokage's lips, the laughing fool saw his hand become a palm and started screaming, he looked at Tetsuyo and eyed his now gloved hand with some shimmering limes coming from it, wires, razor wires to be exact.

One Walter from Hellsing special, please!

"ANBU take this man away to Ibiki, and give this to him, he'll know what to do," the Hokage commanded handing the two ANBU that appeared a scroll before disappearing off.

By now the majority of the Civilian Council was in hysterics, "Hokage-sama, he can't do this." "Of course he can, as he has my permission. I foresaw this coming and paid the man before you for the contract that was given to their former No. 11. Imagine to my surprise that nearly half of my civilian council had signed for this."

"YOU BASTARD, WE PAID YOU YOUR CONFIDENTIAL FEE!" one of the guilty civilian councilman yelled. "You did, but you didn't pay for the full confidential fee, the Hokage outbid what you guys have paid me to keep quiet. So in other words, your contract was up for grabs for the highest bidder," Tetsuyo smirked, "Didn't you read the fine print?" By this time, Sarutobi was naming off the names who signed for this contract, "ANBU, take the names I have called out to Ibiki."

Cambot!

Gypsy!

Tom Servo!

Crooooooooooow!

Now with over half of the Civilian Council members, things became quieter, but now most of them were scared shitless, with majority of them being Naruto haters while the others were neutral or supportive to Naruto.

It's a good old-fashioned witch hunt! Also, I'm surprised that the people who don't hate Naruto are neutral or supportive. I'd imagine they'd be something like cake to Naruto.

"Let us come to the next item at hand on the assault of Mizuki Touji," Danzo announced. "Assault?" Naruto questioned, "With all due respect, that bastard Mizuki is a traitor to the whole of Hi no Kuni as well as a subordinate for Orochimaru, and allowed one of his men to go and try to rape one of the civilian students, a pink haired one to be exact."

Not to defend Naruto, but the dude WAS fucking shit up.

"How can you prove this?" Danzo challenged, Naruto was about to say something until Sarutobi spoke up, "What he says is the truth because I saw the conflict between Uzumaki and Touji. So I suggest you cease your attempts in slandering the boy." "Sarutobi, you're obviously showing favoritism to the boy," Danzo countered.

Who DOESN'T in this fic?

"Unfortunately for you Danzo-san," The lawyer spoke once more, "I could back up his reasons."

"Explain," Danzo glared where Tetsuyo smiled, "Gladly." Tetsuyo stood straight as he cleared his throat, "Ladies and gentle men, I would like to motion of Naruto Uzumaki's treatment within the village."

And here. We. Go.

"When I first met the child after killing Helter Skelter, introducing him within the ranks, I took a look around his personal life and was appalled and impressed at his sanity control for his number of hospital visits to life or death situation. Tolerance in crappy living conditions in where he used to live, and resourcefulness on his outdoorsy survival skills.

Looking at his social life, he was charged for double to nearly triple the amount for his necessities at the grocery store where you're average civilian and ninja was given regular prices for the same items.

And I even noticed attempted sabotage in his school life; genjutsu's on his tests, rusted and/or blunted weapons on his target practice, sent out class for absolutely nothing except answering questions correctly whenever Umino-san was out. I can go on and on about this. Especially it's about conversations for Naruto's 'He's a demon' talks

Oh, and let's not forget the unauthorized watches of unfamiliar ANBU agents with the word 'Root' on their forehead."

Naruto's life is almost as shitty as Beast Boy's in a Mykan fic.

The Hokage raised an eyebrow, "Root huh? I thought I disbanded that group Danzo."

"Yeah, I even have a souvenir," Tetsuyo said holding up ROOT member's head up.

Looking at all of them, Civilians Councilmen that were opposed to Naruto's existence were shaking as they had done just that, while the Shinobi Council had various thoughts for the blonde's treatment.

How does the CIVILIAN Council have control of the SHINOBI special ops group?!

"And what I can't figure is that why they don't think of their own kid's position, I bet they're thinking about that now since they possibly know already."

"What do you mean?" said a conflicted Satoshi Haruno, who could presume the pink haired near-rape victim mentioned was his own daughter.

"Another reason for Mizuki's treason, he let loose the village secret in a class full of next gens," Tatsuyo answered. "I bet a majority of you are gonna get a talk from your kids."

Everyone there knew they were going to have to do just that.

Another one of the councilmen stood up to bring up the next item of the council, "The next thing we want to bring up is that sword you have, Uzumaki-san." "Yes, what about it?" Naruto asked suspiciously. "Where did you get that?"

eBay.

"It's a family heirloom from my mother's side of the family." "What family? From what we understand you are an orphan," Homura stated. At that moment, Naruto looked at the Hokage inconspicuously who nodded in giving him the okay. "That family would be the Uzumaki clan of Uzu no Kuni," Naruto answered.

"Impossible, there has been no record of that country in our records," Kotaru argued. "Excuse me, but I can argue against your own argument," Said the local weapon-smith, Tenchu Higurashi, intervening this time, "because you see, that sword belongs to the greatest kunoichi since Tsunade, Kushina Uzumaki, I should know, me and my wife had helped with that."

Even his mom is a Sue.

Most of everyone there was surprised because they forgot about one of the most beautiful and deadly female ninjas to ever exist.

HOW?!

And apparently the UAA lawyer knew her too, "Ah, Kushina Uzumaki, our ex-No.1 assassin, nice to see her son is attempting in taking her mantle as No.1."

This didn't please the Civilian Council at all, "You saying this little de-," the shimmer of wire from Tetsuyo's still equipped gloves made him choose a different word to describe the blonde not wanting to wind up like the fingerless fat-ass, "…brat is the son of Kushina. Impossible, besides her surname, they are nothing alike."

"I would like to differ," Hiashi, the Hyuuga patriarch, had come to defend the boy's lineage being the Namikaze Hokage close friend in the past, "From what I remember, Kushina had the same demeanor and attitude at his age."

Inoichi, the Yamanaka clan head, spoke this time nodding his head in agreement, "I concur with Hiashi-san, while he may not have the same hair color, he does have her attitude, which does make me question who his father is."

HAIR COLOR IS THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS IN GENETICS.

"If that isn't fucking obvious," Naruto said. "You will watch your words Uzumaki and show some respect," Danzo demanded. "Oh don't worry, that wasn't to the clan heads, it was to you and the civilian council, considering he shows up nearly every day encased in stone on the far right," Naruto retorts.

"What are you talking about?" one of the civilians asked. Such a question caused the Haruno and Higurashi councilmen, as well as the clan heads to groan with the Hokage and Tetsuyo pinching the bridge of their noses in utter annoyance at the sheer stupidity of these civilians.

"HE'S A NAMIKAZE YOU DUMBASSES!" shouted Tsume Inuzuka.

And how is this a surprise? The 4th Hokage looked EXACTLY like Naruto.

This got the civies and advisors to rabble about in opposition of this claim, "SILENCE!" Danzo commanded much to Sarutobi's displeasure, "Naruto Uzumaki, for lying of your lineage, we demand that you give up your sword and expel you from the ninja academy."

What.

Then silence came as one thought came to mind, 'What the fuck is this guy thinking?' "Tetsuyo, may I have the honors and papers?" Naruto asked making Tetsuyo smile, 'Hope you know what to do kid.' "Sure, go for it."

Naruto took the stand and stared down Danzo with such seriousness no one has ever seen before, "Listen her you old one-eyed fuck, I know you along with the majority of civilians here are out to get me. But looking at how you were eyeing me, I could say you're either a desperate man or just want me as your personal weapon for being a jinchuriki, so let me get this clear to you guys as I did with the villagers earlier today. I'm not going to be your punching bag, the mask comes off and I'm going to retaliate to the next person who attacks me for it is within my rights as a person and as a clan heir. I am Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze, son of the Yellow Flash and the Red Queen as my associate Tetsuyo calls her. This sword is the rightful weapon for me and anybody of Uzumaki blood. Even if you strip this weapon off me, you won't be able to get it to work for, like I said, the wielder has to be of Uzumaki blood. So no, you can't give this to that pussy Uchiha." "Show some respect for the Last Uchiha," Interupted a councilmember. "I'll show my respect when he deserves it, so shut the fuck up," that got him to quiet down. "Now where was I, oh yes. If you got any other problems, here's my parental documents signed by the daimyo himself. So if you or anybody else has a problem with me, you can just shove it. And being the last of my clan I know I fit under the CRA act. I know the rules for that, but if any of you try and force your girls on me will be given a very severe ass kicking and I swear to Kami-sama, her hotness herself will bring my father's vengeance to every one of you."

TL;DR "I'M NARUTO I'M AWESOME FUCK YOU." Because I know you didn't read it either.

Everybody was surprised, not only at his preparation, but also that very lengthy speech he gave to the council members. Everybody was practically speechless.

-Hiashi: Definitely their son.

-Inoichi: Ino's probably gonna have to learn to share. Ahh, the privileges of invading one's daughter's privacy.

-Tsume: Hana's gonna like him and his dominant attitude. Ohh, if only he were olde- wait, bad thoughts, bad thoughts.

-Tenchu: If Tenten's sword fetish is as bad as her mother's then he will be in trouble.

-Satoshi: Sakura, honey I hope you're alright.

MY DAUGHTER IS GOING TO WANT TO FUCK NARUTO. I like to think that some of them are just resigned about it. Like, "Oh boy. The Uzumaki boy's a Sue. I know what's coming next."

Sarutobi decides to break the silence, "Well, if no one has anything to object, I think this meeting is adjourned."

Outside the council chambers

Tatsuyo could only smirk as he remembered the looks of surprise and shock to that damning piece of evidence at his lineage, "Kid, prepare to have some major ass kissing for you," Tetsuyo warned.

"First up is some guy named Cross177.

"Hey, you saw them sempai," Naruto retorted.

"Hm, so where are you going to go Naruto-kun?" Tetsuyo asked. "Gonna surprise Hinata."

"Hm, you have fun with that, I'll go and hit up fatty for his last meal in the I/T Division with Ibiki," Tetsuyo said rubbing his hands together.

"Ooookay, you have fun with that," Naruto sweat dropped.

Hyuuga Compound

Hinata was in her room looking at her various pictures she's taken of Naruto in her scrap book, holding some of the special pics for her private night time. (Hehehehehehe)

Shut up, Cross.

"Oh, Naruto, if only I can muster up some courage to tell you that I love you so I don't have to masturbate to you at night," Hinata said to herself in her loneliness of her room

Okay, this is pretty much the most hilarious sentence I have ever read in a fanfiction.

"Wow, I would never expect that from a shy girl who faints around me say that," said a voice out of nowhere earning a silent 'eek!' from her. She turns around and sees Naruto inches away from her face with a sultry grin from him upside down as he was standing on her ceiling.

"Naruto! I-I-I…um...uh…" Hinata stuttered only to have her crush's index on her lips, her face glowing beet red. "Calm down, you have a beautiful voice when you don't stutter," Naruto spoke to her before he pressed his lips to her causing her stiffen up. Then he trailed his right hand to her ass cheek giving it a squeeze earning a squeal from the girl, "That was for being the first and only one to be nice to me and all these years, I think that it deserves this kind of reward."

Strap yourselves in, folks.

"Oooh, frisky," Hinata moaned, Naruto seeing the apparent lust in her eyes as she returned the favor, "That's calling the kettle black, I knew there was a naughty side in you. Hm, explains all the snapshots I've been hearing, was that you my ero-hime?" "And you are too smart for your own good for the past nine years," Hinata retorted. "You know that I'm fit for the CRA right," Naruto told her. "So I'm gonna have to share?" Hinata pouts.

BECAUSE SO MANY GIRLS ARE GONNA WANT TO JUMP HIS BONES.

"Hey, that's the beauty of the Kage Bunshin, but you will always be my first, if you are willing," Naruto offered. "Naruto Uzumaki, are you proposing to me to be your wife?" Hinata huskily asks giving him a kiss sliding her hand down his pants, "The first out of many."

Okay, Hinata would never be so forward.

They continued like this, groping and talking dirty to each other for ten minutes until they heard a knock on the heiress' door. "Sister, can I talk to you for a minute?" it was Hanabi. "I'll be right there Hanabi-neechan," Hinata answered in a big sister voice before turning to him with sexy eyes, "You have to go Naruto-kun, we'll pick this up later."

Naruto came close again for a bruising erotic kiss, "One for the road. Oh and two quick questions, one, do you have MPS, and where do you wanna meet me next time?" Hinata's shy side coming up once more had answered, "I-i-in a sense, yes, I-I-I'll explain later, a-a-a-and let's m-m-meet up later after class."

Oh NOW she's shy again.

"Hm," Naruto smiled, "I stand corrected, you sound just as cute when you stutter, ja ne." With that the blonde maelstrom exited through the window, and Hinata brushed her currently unruly hair after her and Naruto's make out session, then slid open her door for Hanabi, "Hey Hanabi-chan, what do you need?" Before Hanabi could say what she wanted, she smelled something funny, "Um, nee-sama, what is that smell?"

Eeeeew.

Then Hinata just stiffened up, she forgot she came a few times when she had her fun with Naruto with his hands touching a few intimate spots of hers, "Uh, let's not worry about that and let the housecleaners get that and discuss what you wanted in your room."

BITCH GOT A HAIR TRIGGER.

Hinata pushed Hanabi to her room and left a tag for the housecleaners to set up her room again.

Few minutes later when the Hyuuga housecleaner came by, she could only sigh as she smelled the scent of sex and observed the dampness on the futon in the heiress' room, "That girl really needs to jump that kid, and fuck him senseless with that pent up libido she has." She proceeded in cleaning the room before giving a finishing lavender touch freshener that usually kills most odors.

I'm not gonna pretend to know much about these matters, but I don't think those specific fluids smell THAT strongly.

ANBU Torture chamber (Warning: These next paragraphs will have elements of the Japanese movie 'Machine Girl' with the sushi scene. Have not seen the movie, but I have seen the trailer and it looks way too hardcore for me despite writing this part of the story.)

Oh dear.

Normally within the ANBU offices, there is usually nothing to do except for paperwork and torture, torture being the main source fun of the ANBUs.

TPS stands for Torture: Puncture and Strangulation.

But this time was different as they were watching the fat councilman who had said too much and from that, was missing his fingers from his right hand from the man who was with him. Tetsuyo Uchikami, dressed like a sushi maker from a sushi bar. Beside him was a cart draped over by a cloth, on top was a small bucket of sticky rice, and platter with strips of seaweed on top, beside that was a small bowl of water.

Is this torture or role play?

The UAA ex-killer now lawyer and contractor, was whistling a happy tune as he molded several small packs of sticky rice on top of strips of sushi as he drank up the sight of the restrained man struggling in fear in his chair.

Ibiki, who was among the spectators outside the Torture Room was impressed and slightly disgusted at the same time to what Tetsuyo was going to put the man through before killing the fat fuck. When Anko came along with a her afternoon torture session victim who was whimpering like crazy, she saw several ANBUs and Ibiki looking through the two-way mirror of the Torture chamber she was gonna put her next victim in this afternoon, "Hey Ibiki, what's going on?" Ibiki smirked, "The fatass from the civilian council actually was stupid enough to insult the Hokage when he finally grew some balls, not heeding the guy's warning in the council meeting."

This is the most boring torture ever.

"Okay, I can understand the fat fuck, but what about the sushi man?" Anko questioned, making Ibiki's grim to grow wider as he pulled out a tape recorder and handed it to Anko, "You might want to listen to this."

The purple-haired snake lady grabbed the recorder and listened, "Wild claims aside, I would like you to apologize and put down your finger you foolish man before I sever your digits and give it to you as an appetizer on a sushi platter. And don't take my words lightly, cause I will fulfill my claims and I will make you eat them, like it or not." "Ha, as if you could do anything, we of the civilian council have the real power; even the Hokage is under our control," the fat man's voice cried. "Excuse me," the Hokage's voice spoke. "I'm under your control?" "That's right you old fuck, the civilians are in control, you old fool, so suck on this," the fat man's voice went to his annoying laughter.

"Hokage-sama, May I have permission to punish this man?" Tetsuyo asked. "Granted." Then the delicious screams that entered her ears told her the rest as she looked at her victim, "It's your lucky day, looks like I'm playing hooky in torturing your ass." The ANBU's not watching took the now happy mumbling gagged victim to his cell as Anko opened the door to the Torture Room.

Tetsuyo saw her, "Excuse me, who are you?" Anko was about to answer if she wasn't interrupted by the bound fat man, "She's the snake whore of Orochimaru, a bitch that shouldn't-"The man's words were rewarded with a boot to the head causing him to slam onto the floor. "I wasn't asking you, now I want you to apologize to this woman you call a 'whore' before I serve you a bloody dick cocktail and have you die a only half the man than you barely are," Tetsuyo ordered.

The fatman whimpered as he quickly apologized, "I'm sorry; I won't call you that ever again, please forgive me." Anko was drinking this up so much, she felt like she would get drunk off of this sight, "Call me Anko-sama." "NO WAY YOU FU-," then a blender buzzed as the fat man paled, "I'm sorry Anko-sama, Please forgive this lowly worm Anko-sama."

Anko felt like she was in love with the man in the sushi garb as he grabbed a cooler from underneath the sushi cart. Looking at her once more in a polite tone, "Now, I ask again miss, who are you?" "Anko Mitsarashi, second in command of the I/T Division under Ibiki." "I see, nice to meet you, Tetsuyo Uchikami, ex-assassin, UAA lawyer and contractor."

"The UAA?" Anko asked. "The United Assassins Association, I think you have our former No. 10 in one of your cells," Tetsuyo explained. "You mean Mizuki?" "That's him." Anko smirked, she liked this every minute, and she heard how Mizuki was beaten, resulting him missing an arm and a leg, by that Academy brat, Naruto, but with Mizuki being a ranked killer in an association she would have loved to be in, this was just too much.

Okay, this is something else. Naruto didn't actually kill Mizuki. An assassin has to kill their target or else the UAA will take care of it on site. They don't drag him in to be interrogated.

"So why are you here?" he questioned the snake woman. "Oh, I heard what you were doing and I wanted front row seats," Anko answered. Tetsuto smiled at her, "At least someone is looking for this, eh, fatty."

The fat man could only grumble while the sushi chef pulled out his fingers and found Tetsuyou cut them up to thirteen pieces by the knuckle. And place each one of them on the sticky rice piles before sealing each of them with the seaweed wrap. After doing so, he placed them decoratively to look like the plate was giving its diner the finger.

"Well, eat up," Tetsuyo smiled sweetly as he freed him. As soon the lock clicked open, the fat man got up and bolted, only to have his legs severed cleanly by his knee caps, whereas Anko almost got up until she saw the shimmer of wires coming from Tetsuyo's gloved hands.

The poor man was trying to crawl away whimpering in each crawl, "Hey there, I just finished making your meal, you should sit down and EAT!" Tetsuyo threw him by the collar back to his seat almost knocking him over in his seat. The guy looks up at Tetsuyo and takes a piece with a trembling hand bringing it to his mouth.

SO BORING. We don't need to fucking see this, GOD.

Outside the ANBU were gagging looking weak in the stomach. Several were looking green, while others had left to the nearest available trash can to empty the contents if their stomachs. In all the years that Ibiki has been in the torture business, never seen anything that grotesque or cruel for that matter. "Well, for the most part at least he's not making the guy eat his own shit," Ibiki said as several members nodded in agreement.

They listened through the intercom, "You're done already!" Tetsuyo spoke in a surprised tone, "You must have really enjoyed it," He said clapping his hands together, "I'm glad your taste buds had an enjoyable ride, 'cause this is your last meal."

"Wha-what do you mean?" The fat man questioned. "Oh you honestly don't think that you would live after that 'old fuck' comment you gave the Hokage earlier now, did you?" The guy was now whimpering, "P-p-please, don't do this, I'll give you anything, money, women, drugs, anything!" cried the fat guy.

I'll take some booze for the rest of this mock.

Tetsuyo gave the man a disgusted look, "Man, you are pathetic trying to bribe me out of this, but I'm a nice man, so I'll play a game with you, but only because you're so pathetic." And in mere seconds the guy was tied in a compromising position with his stump on his crotch and the hand to his neck, "You have two options, one hand will leave you less than a man you are, and the other will simply mince you to pieces."

With that, Tetsuyo called Anko over who was inwardly laughing at the man's predicament and left the fat man to his own devices. As they exited, they found Ibiki with a hand over the bridge of his nose shaking his head, "You are one fucked up motherfucker you know that man." "Yeah, I know." "AHHHHHHH!" They look back into the room and sees nothing but wire and bits and pieces of meat and gore.

"Yeaaa, you guys might wanna get a clean-up crew here," Tetsuyo says looking at Ibiki before turning to Anko, "So you wanna get sushi, my treat." Ibiki turned green and bolted to the nearest bathroom at the mention of 'sushi'.

Anko couldn't help but laugh as she took up the guy's offer.

Later a janitor with an ANBU mask came by the used torture/interrogation chamber and saw the blood and guts, "God, they don't pay me enough to do this."

I wish the fanfic was about this guy. Because I'd love to see a story about a ninja janitor.

Midnight (Within the Forest of Death)

A random man was running frantically through the forest, running for his life.

Why? Because some was chasing him as one would see the chasers silhouette hopping through the trees.

The man kept running, "It's not gonna get me! It's not gonna get me!" He chanted repeatedly.

"You can't catch me na na na na na na!"

Unfortunately, his mantra failed when a kunai struck him in the back of the leg, behind the knee cap, causing the guy's legs to buckle and fall.

He saw his assailant get closer and closer. In his panic he pulled out the kunai with a pained grunt and got up in a hurried limp.

He looked back to see it out of his sight. The guy stopped thinking his assailant was gone, "Yes, yes, I lost it, l escaped the Weeping Assassin." He laughed in his triumph.

That is of course when the Weeping Assassin appeared in front of him and passed through and behind him in a running crouched position with the right hand pointing downward. Before the man even knew it, his chest exploded in a bloody mess, leaving a frozen expression on his face, and a red gaping cavity in his chest.

As it stood up, the Assassin looked at the dead man's lifeless eyes as the silhouette looked at him with a tear from where it's right eye would be, giving it the name…

The Weeping Assassin

For every victim it kills, it dares to shed a tear for its victim.

Boo hoo.

Okay, theres the end of that chapter.

Thank God.

Now here's the harem rankings:

Waitwhat.

1: Hinata (loved pairing, always the quiet ones too)

2: femKyuu (lives in his gut that can see him 24/7)

3: Shinobu (Some history will be added here)

Oh fuck me.

4: Tenten (She has a shitload of weapons in one scroll and she arms herself like three, you can see it happening, especially with Naruto's Chakra Katana)

5: Haku (Lived the same life, they gotta have relations)

6: Hana (Well, Naruto's gonna take a more dominant roll here, and after mounting the foxgirl, well this bitch has gotta have it too.)

7: Ayame (The chick has been nice to him since ever, she's gotta get a reward)

8: Ino (Somehow will make this work, may have a more than literal mindfuck with her)

9: Sakura (It's showing in the manga, but considering the latest chapters, I might remove her, we'll see)

I know some of you don't like Sakura, but seriously, don't make a big deal about it. It's fiction.

Oh, now YOU'RE the voice of reason in the fandom.

Anyone else have some pairing ideas write it down in a PM or a review.

Here are some girls I'm pending on (may make a poll later):

Kin

Tayuya (if not long lost sibling)

Temari

Yugito

Yakumo

Isaribi

Shion

Amaru

THIS GUY HAS JUST WRITTEN DOWN A LIST OF THE GIRLS NARUTO IS GOING TO BONE AND IS TAKING SUGGESTIONS. AUGH.

Till next time: Journey to the Land of Waves (major time skips)

HAREM RANKINGS.

[Waffleman]

I cut out the author's notes here because it's a stupid fake interview with Travis and some review responses, nothing interesting. Well, let the mockery begin.

It's been several months since Naruto ascension to No. 10, revelation of his family name, but few were still skeptical of that, along that some time well deserved time with Hinata who was revealed to be his fiancée thanks to an agreement by both of their fathers, let's not forget the final exams he passed with flying colors, assigned to Kakashi's team with Sakura and Sasuke much to his dismay, Kakashi and Sakura he could handle.

NARUTO-KUN IS SO AWESOME I WANT TO BE JUST LIKE HIM. Also, not how Naruto's fucking engaged in the third chapter. It took Travis two entire games just to get laid once.

It was Sasuke that he had problems with. The emo says he could do it on his own, but he was proven wrong, stubborn as hell, even when he and Sakura offered help during the survival test the Uchiha wouldn't give in and all that shit.

It's funny because he's emo! You're gonna get hammered with Sasuke's characterization by the end of this chapter. It amounts to "whiny idiot."

But despite all that, they passed, barely, and gone on plenty of D-rank missions, including catching the Fire Daimyo's wife's cat, Tora, about ten times already since the first two weeks of being a genin. But aside from the normal missions, he also went through some assassination jobs for making No. 10 through Ichiro from Buster Buns a few blocks from Ichiraku's. Naruto was told that more missions like this will pop up as he rises through the ranks.

It wasn't bad as some of these actually pay so and so per kill or just for the entirety of the mission, that and it helps to pay for the Rankings Fights.

Better than catching scorpions.

Oh and let not forget Sasuke having the gall to actually even try and demand Naruto's katana from him after laying eyes on it for the first time, as well as demanding who trained him. This pretty much happened nearly every day.

Sasuke also really wants Naruto's sword. This story...REALLY shits on Sasuke.

Along that time, while the Kyuubi stayed a secret to those that were there to hear it during the Mizuki incident, Naruto's clan name of Namikaze came open to the public, thus putting him into a new light. He received a lot of ass kissing from various villagers with free items and gifts, while several tried to force their daughters upon him, where in response, got their fathers and some mothers a severe ass kicking like he promised to the civilian council, apparently they didn't the message at the meeting.

And yet another paragraph about how awesome Naruto is. I'm just gonna take this chance to explain the differences between Travis Touchdown and Naruto trying to BE Travis Touchdown.

Travis Touchdown is not a heroic sort of guy. He's a broke, sociopathic, creepy otaku fuck who lives in a cheap motel. His only friend in the world is the equally otaku loser who works at the video store. He did not get his beam katana as an inheritance or from some kind of destiny. He bought it on an online auction. He didn't get into the assassin gig because of his mother or to make people respect him. He simply took the job because he loves to kill and because he spent all his money buying some girl drinks at a bar. Afterwards, said girl drags him into the shadowy world of assassination. He accepts because hell, who doesn't wanna be number 1? And of course, there's also the promise of boning that hot chick with the French accent, but that doesn't even happen until his SECOND run through the rankings. Travis does not have girls falling at his feet. The only girl who even takes an interest in him sees him as her master, and he's not comfortable at all with that. So not a lady-killer.

So in review, Travis Touchdown is a crass, perverted, violent loser whose only redeeming quality is his sense of honor on the battlefield. So why is he a fun character? Because all those flaws completely subvert our expectations of what a hero should be. That and he's hilarious.

Naruto wakes up in the master bedroom of the Namikaze mansion going to his closet to grab his clothes on. He wore a modified version of the overcoat from what he wore kicking Mizuki's ass. While the clothes he wore underneath were the same, the coat was merely a black jacket with white wisp marks that formed into a fox. He looks at himself from a full-body mirror putting on his headband on his left arm speaking his thoughts out loud, "Badass." Reaching to the side of the mirror, he grabs his katana twirling it between his fingers a bit before attaching it through a belt loop to his side.

Now Naruto in this fic is a lot different. Sure, he curses and slices people up, but violence and language alone a Touchdown does not make. Naruto here gets everything handed to him on a silver platter. With a wave of his sword and a couple f-bombs, and everybody's worshipping him like a golden god. Everybody Naruto (read: the author) hates is completely jealous and written as an incompetent fuck that everybody hates, and the only reason Naruto's even in the UAA is because not only was his mommy the best ever, he wants people to respect him because wah wah my childhood was as bad as Beast Boy's in a Mykan fic.

"But Waffleman," you say. "Maybe Naruto was written as a Mary Sue as a parody of Mary Sues. You know how Suda51 likes to subvert and parody conventions like those!" To that I say bullSHIT. Anybody who says that their character is a parody of Mary Sues is 99% of the time blatantly lying to save their ass. It's pretty hard to make a convincing parody or a satire of Mary Sues and do it well. And I may just be an old-fashioned guy, but you don't parody something by playing it completely straight.

In conclusion, this fic sucks balls.

As he walks down to the stairs and to the kitchen, Naruto looking on his counter spies a pile of mail for him and shuffles through it, "Let's see what we have for me today. Shit, shit, more shit, come to me if you want an appointment, ahh the Association." Opening the letter from the Association it read:

Dear Mr. Namikaze,

Your position as the tenth rank assassin allows you for the opportunity to face No. 9. To do so, take the form in the back, sign it, and please place this as well as 150,000 ryou in the nearest bank to advance within the ranks.

UAA Contractor Tetsuyo Uchikami

Jeez, the ninja UAA is fucking SLOW.

After taking the form to sign it, Naruto also spies another piece of mail from a year back.

It was the will of his old sensei who taught him just about everything he knows about the way of the sword that the blonde combined with his freestyle swordplay with. While he has yet to complete the request, the mention of his sensei has Naruto to remember the harsh rigorous training he's done for the past.

Get ready for it...

"It's been too long, Jacobs-sensei."

FUCK YOU, TRAVIS! You just watched Jacobs' videos. Naruto TRAINED with the fucker!

Flashback (5 years ago)

A 10-year old Naruto could be seen swinging around a wooden sword swinging in sloppy katas. Instinctively, he threw the sword behind him only to be caught by a chocolate skinned man with topped with puff-ball shape of hair on his head wearing a white headband on his head, traditional samurai garbs, and he held a foot and a half long katana in his right hand.

In the author's notes I cut out, the author refers to Shinobu as looking "like the daughter of Afro Samurai." While I'll give Cross credit that this is PROBABLY a good approximation of what Jacobs might have looked like, it seems like he took his metaphor a bit literally. Therefore, Jacobs is now voiced by Samuel Jackson.

"You trained your instincts very well, but your swordplay, needs proper training," said the man. "Who the fuck are you?" shouted a suspicious Naruto.

I AM TEN BUT I SAY FUCK AM I COOL YET?

"Such language, but I suppose it's my fault coming unannounced, just call me Jacobs," introduced the intruding samurai.

"Naruto Uzumaki," Naruto introduced to the stranger.

"Uzumaki? Then you know Kushina Uzumaki right?" Jacobs asked.

"Yeah, she's my mother," Naruto replied.

"May I speak to her?"

"She's dead."

Jacobs frowned, "Oh, I'm sorry, do you know where your father is?"

"Same as her," Naruto answers once more.

"Then who takes care of you."

"Just me, and the Hokage when he comes by to give me money for supplies and stuff, not like that even matters," Naruto says in a sad tone.

SYMPATHIZE WITH ME, DAMMIT.

"Why?" Jacobs asked.

"Why would you care, you don't even know me?" Naruto retorts.

"Then in exchange would you like to know me, personal info for another's," Jacobs said as he sat down.

From then on, they sat and shared their own tales and personal lives. Jacobs told Naruto of his history, from the foreign lands from where he came from, to his old friends, family and his only daughter Shinobu.

I'm gonna be a bit nitpicky here, but Shinobu's real name is Scarlet Jacobs. I doubt that her father would refer to her by her nickname, especially assuming that she took on the name when she joined the UAA to find her father's killer. But, I'm going to let it pass because her name isn't explicitly stated in the games, just in unlockable assassin profiles. It's still kinda weird to me.

In exchange, Naruto told the samurai about his history, the hatred he suffered, and his only closest, precious people, but whenever Jacobs heard more and more of Naruto's hardships and its reasons why, the more he got angry which didn't go unnoticed by the blonde.

SYMPATHIZE WITH ME, YOU BASTARD!

"Please don't go after them for my sake, if you do, then you would be proving them right for me allowing you to kill them. Jacobs calmed down and stared at this blonde enigma, "You speak a lot of wisdom, yet you are so young, as a person, I am once again impressed, but as a parent I should be concerned, no child should ever exist with such control and wisdom in a good child like you."

"Blonde enigma." That's always going to be funny.

"That's why I want to train myself, even if they don't accept me, I will prove them wrong to show them as Hokage, that I am not the demon that is sealed within me."

Jacobs stared at him once more for a few seconds then busted out laughing offering a hand to the blond ninja-in-training, "Here, how about I help you with your dream? Let me help you get strong and learn how to use your sword."

Needless to say, Naruto had accepted Jacobs' offer and trained under his tutelage. Even after the dark-skinned samurai left, Naruto still trained in Jacobs' training method every day until his bones cracked, then come back to train even farther.

End Flashback

Thanks for telling me that.

The will said if he died, Jacobs wanted his only daughter, Shinobu, to be taken care of by his only other student Naruto, should he be alive.

WHY.

"I hope I can find Shinobu someday, for Jacobs-sensei, that and she sounds like a nice girl that I would like to meet," Naruto said to himself before digging into the instant ramen he cooked up.

"And by 'meet', I mean 'fuck.'"

Looking on the wall clock in the kitchen, he saw the time, "Aw shit, okay, quick drop by the village bank and then to the Team."

With that he bolted out of there after inhaling the rest of his ramen to meet up at the bridge with his team.

Hokage Tower

"Well Kakashi, we have a couple of D-ranks for your team and…" "Fuck no old man," Naruto interrupted the Hokage. "Naruto," Sakura looked at him sternly. "Sakura, we've already gone on like a crapload of D-rank missions that would be enough to get us like two maybe three C-ranks for us."

Oh boy, Naruto's going to assert his Sueness again and everybody's going to agree with him.

"As much as I hate to admit, he's right, we need a tougher mission," Sasuke agreed. But Iruka was less to allow them a mission, "Look, I don't think we can allow you a mission higher than D because we got a system." "Iruka-sensei, I know all about the system, and like I said we have done enough D-ranks for a couple of C-rank missions," Naruto argued.

"I'm beginning to be convinced at Naruto's logic," Kakashi agreed, "So if it's not a problem, I would like to request a C-rank mission for my team." The old Hokage sighed, "Fine, but let me call in Kurenai for a joint mission, no doubt she might be requesting for a C-rank mission as well."

Called it.

The door opened with Team 8 in tow, "Hokage-sama, my team is ready for a mission," Kurenai announced. "Ah good timing, I was about to call you anyways for a joint C-rank mission with Kakashi's team." Kurenai looked at her team as well as Kakashi, as both teams looked rearing to go.

"We accept," Kurenai answered. "Very well, bring in the client," The door slid open revealing an old man with a straw hat on his head who apparently was drunk if the bottle and red face didn't say anything about him.

"Tazuna, these two teams are here to accept your mission to escort to the Nami no Kuni," Sarutobi announced to the client Tazuna who looked a little skeptical about the 'kids' behind the jounin. "Hmph, besides the jounin, the kids don't look much, and the blonde looks like some wannabe ninja," Tazuna was about take a swig until he found a crimson humming katana though his sake bottle near pointed at his nose seeing the said blonde behind the glowing katana.

So....welcome to the Zabuza arc, except with Team 8 in tow so Naruto can fuck be close to Hinata.

"Trust me old man, I'm no wannabe, so watch what you say when you're not at my level," Naruto warned him withdrawing the glowing blade splitting the bottle horizontally catching the bottle turned cup taking a swig at its contents, "Hm, sake from wave, not bad but I prefer Kumo's theirs has that little zing."

Oh Naruto, you rapscallion! That's endearing and not at all annoying.

"Naruto, threatening the client isn't good," Kakashi scolded Naruto who defended his actions saying, "Hey, I warned the guy, not threaten him." Everybody sighed while Hinata giggled at her boyfriend's actions.

No More Heroes: Naruto's Story is filmed in front of a live studio audience.

"Well, Naruto's actions aside, pack up your supplies and meet at the West Gate in ten minutes," Kakashi announced with a skeptical look from his team, "Hey, I'll be there on time, I'm not late for everything you know." "Riiiight, Kakashi-sensei, whatever you say," Sakura said still skeptical of Kakshi's claims.

West Gate

Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke were dumbstruck, "Well I'll be damned, Kakashi-sensei is on time," Naruto broke the silence with their teacher in hearing distance. "Hey that hurts," Kakashi deadpans at his students.

"Well they wouldn't be talking to you like that if you actually be there at the time you tell them instead of two hours later," Kurenai tells him as Tazuna arrives with a perfectly good bottle of sake at hand, "So what are we standing around here for, let's get moving."

Kiba gave a slightly unamused frown as everyone followed the bridge-builder, "Okay this guy is really getting on my nerves." Shino nodded agreeing with his canine-like teammate with Akamaru yipping in agreement. "Yes, but we have a job to do so stop complaining," Hinata told them before running off to Naruto's side giving him a little peck on the cheek.

"Is it just me or did Hinata do a 180 in her personality?" Kiba asked Shino. "Kiba, you need more training at reading masks," Shino answered leaving a confused Kiba, "What mask?"

The mask of bad writing.

Nami/Hi Border

It's been practically half a day since they left Konoha for Nami no Kuni hitting the border of the two countries. They decided to set up camp when it hit dusk. After dinner provided by Hinata and Naruto from a few of the woodland creatures and herbs found within the forest trail.

That's only half of a sentence! What did they do after dinner?! These are the unanswered questions of No More Heroes: Naruto's Story.

After dinner Naruto got up, "Naruto-kun is anything wrong?" Hinata asked. "Oh nothing Hina-chan, just taking care of some personal business," Naruto answered. Hinata smiled, "Okay, just call me if you need anything, and I mean anything." The words caused a few reactions, Kiba choking on his food, Sakura and Kurenai looking at the two funny, Tazuna and Kakashi giggling at the innuendo, and Sasuke looking confused with naivety.

That wasn't really an innuendo, though.

Truth be told, the business was more than just draining the lizard, but he noticed a carrier pigeon with a note attached to its leg.

Dear No. 10,

No. 11 is headed your way with the challenge you accepted.

UAA Contractor Tetsuyo Uchikami

Oh boy, a fight. Now we can break up this tedium with more tedium.

Before they left Naruto saw a carrier pigeon outside his house saying about a fight from the new No. 11. So he wrote the when and where the fight will take place, the perks of being the challenged vs. the challenger.

He came back to the campsite hearing Sakura and Kiba asking about the Land of Waves. That is when they heard footsteps coming from the trail. The ninja's armed themselves as their guest revealed his face, "Peace ninjas I'm just a traveler looking for someone."

He looked like he was in his late twenties, wore a grey sleeveless shirt where the sleeves looked like they were torn off, black denim pants with tribal prints running along them, neat spiky black hair and on his back was a rounded guitar black where the strings showed and white on the back.

All I can think of is Skelter Helter.

"Sorry to scare you, but I was just traveling around looking for somebody and that's when I saw the fire, so I thought that would either be him or a charitable group willing to share their fire with me," the man laughed at them looking at him strangely. "And you are who?" Kakashi asked.

The man smiled, "Just call me Gitaa."

He has a guitar, and his name is Guitar. Fanfic authors, please listen to me. Gratuitous Japanese is not an acceptable subsitute for creativity. It's not even really Japanese, it's a loan word.

They spent a good while talking as Hinata handed him a plate of leftovers they had when Tazuna asked him a question, "So, who are you looking for anyways?" The man named Gitaa looked up towards the moon and exhaled a breath he seemed to be holding,

"I only hear rumors of him, some who survived against him calls him the lost prince of our queen," Gitaa explained with Naruto looking at him more suspiciously than the others when the man before them stands his hand on his guitar, "So I ask among you, which one of you is No. 10, so I can take your place."

His guitar ejected a blade making it a guitar axe slamming it to the ground for emphasis with enough force the shockwave extinguished the campfire.

More credit to Cross, though I hate to do it, that does seem like a weapon that'd be right at home in NMH.

'This man, what is he, what is that power he has? Maybe if I say if I'm this No. 10 he talks about, he could make me stronger,' Sasuke thought.

Or he could kill you. It's pretty easy to contextualize that.

Naruto, being the only 10th ranked UAA assassin there, was about to reveal himself when Sasuke stood forth, "I'm No. 10, fight me, Sasuke Uchiha." Gitaa squinted at the 'Last' Uchiha as said genin drew a kunai while Kakashi was telling him to back down which was ignored.

Also, note how Naruto DOESN'T bother to correct Sasuke. Kind of a dick move there, Naruto.

The 11th assassin walked towards Sasuke looking at the teen straight in the eye with said person quivering in fear, "You are No. 10?" "Yeah, so let's go," Sasuke replied, only to widen his eyes feeling the man plant a foot in his gut knocking Sasuke off his feet into a nearby tree. "Kid, I know you ain't No. 10, for one, you can't take a kick of mine," Sasuke groaned getting up, "Second, you're just a kid, and third, you don't have that bloodlust of a killer like me."

Fuck you, Sasuke.

Suddenly he felt such bloodlust that made him shiver in anticipation, he turned to the nearest source and found his eyes stuck upon Naruto's line of sight. Everyone else had turned to where Gitaa was looking and found him looking at Naruto, much to the surprise of the genin and Tazuna, but not so much as the jounins being briefed on Naruto's position as an assassin for another non-affiliated organization.

Naruto pulled out his katana making Gitaa go into a wicked smile, a huge grin filling his face, "Gitaa is it, I, Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze, am the true No. 10, now if you will, I found a place nearby for our fight." Gitaa followed with the others following as well, Kakashi having to carry Sasuke who was still winded from that kick he got.

See? It's only AFTER Sasuke gets his ass kicked that Naruto speaks up. Ass. HOLE.

Following Naruto, the blond led Gitaa to an open meadow where the rest of Team 7 and 8 stood by the woods. "So you are the lost prince of our former Queen," Gitaa said holding his axe like a guitar. Naruto said, "Hey, just be prepared to at the hands of a teen," as the blond held his katana in a defensive position.

To WHAT? God dammmit fic, finish your sentences!

"Well then let's begin!" with that the match started as Gitaa played a power chord shooting a small shockwave that Naruto saw and dodged which impacted to a tree, shattering it to splinters.

Gitaa. I just can't take it seriously.

'Close, that attack is gonna be trouble,' Naruto thought. HAAAA!" No. 11 cried charging swinging at Naruto with his axe, clashes sounded with Naruto's blade. Gitaa spun for his final combo strike and Naruto swore he saw a flash whilst blocking the attack which proved to be ineffective for as the weapons touched; the shockwave of the guitar axe blew Naruto away.

'Naruto-kun, no!' shouted Sakura's and Hinata's thoughts watching the fight worried for his life.

'Dobe won't be able to beat him, but he's lasting longer than me, what the hell has he been doing?' Sasuke angrily thought gripping his hands.

NARUTO DUMB. SASKAY GOOD.

Naruto got up to his hands and knees, using his sword to prep him up, "I'll admit, you are much better than Mizuki-teme was, in fact I could say you could be a challenge, even for an 11th ranked killer."

"He, I appreciate the compliment, but that man only got his position from shooting himself up with drugs if I remember hearing, he was pathetic," Gitaa replied.

"Well, I'm glad I took him off the ROSTERS!" Naruto dashed to the guitarist axe-man with fast combos of slashes which were blocked but were causing the man to flinch at the strikes. Mid-combo, Naruto delivered a roundhouse kick to the head, putting Gitaa into a temporary daze.

Tossing up his katana, Naruto wrapped an arm around the guitarist's head, bringing him over Naruto's shoulders hooking the other around No. 11's legs and spun around him before slamming the guy into the ground head first on his back catching his katana as it fell.

God dammit, no fanfic authors can ever write interesting fight scenes. And you know the worst part? We have like two more in this chapter. The chapter's only about half over. Fuuuuuuuuuck me.

Gitaa got up felling a headache coming looking at the swordsman before him with focus and fury as he smiled like a maniac, "BRING ME MORE OH PRINCE!" He jumped bringing his axe for an overhead slam to Naruto's position where Naruto saw that flash again, "I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD NO.10!" and instinctively hopped a ways back now looking at the resulting crater before him knowing that could have been him.

"Let's see you dodge this!" Gitaa held is guitar once more in a playing format, bringing his hand over neck strings and sliding it down to the base of the guitar increasing the volume of the screech it made. In Naruto's and everyone else's vision, scratchy copies of Gitaa surrounded the young assassin, and with a battle cry and a power chord the copies collided to Naruto creating a ten-foot crater, but the black clad blonde was nowhere in there.

Fuck, I think I'm starting to like Gitaa, dumb name and all.

He looked up and found Naruto falling down to No. 11 with his katana ready to slash him in two. Thinking quickly, Gitaa grabbed the neck of his guitar once more and swung it over him then dug it along the grassy ground and sent a shockwave to Naruto with some of the clotted dirt and stone which was blocked and sliced through and came closer to Gitaa even more. So in a desperate attempt to survive and kill his opponent, the man tried to bat the blonde swordsman with his axe by the blade.

Like, I could see this guy in NMH3 or something. His fight theme could be a Spanish guitar thing. Kickass. Too bad he's stuck in this shit.

This set a power clash between the two with auras of bloodlust and chakra battling each other for superiority. But Gitaa felt himself being pushed down as a red cloak of chakra surrounded Naruto watching his Chakra Katana begin to cut through the guitarist's weapon/instrument.

The axe was split in two followed by severing his right arm, but Naruto didn't stop there spinning to the left to a thrust to the heart all the way to the hilt. Gitaa spit up blood as the sword was unsheathed from his body forcing him to kneel holding himself up by what was left of his axe.

He looked at his severed arm along with the second part of his axe, then at Naruto watching the red aura fade as he sheaths his katana, but not without any side effects. As it showed, Naruto now stood few inches taller and looked at the red tips of hair that adorned the spiky golden blond mop of hair, Gitaa chuckled before hacking up even more blood, "You definitely are the lost prince. No I have a new name for you."

"It's Betty."

Gitaa dropped his weapon and looked up to the night sky shouting to the heavens, "HEAR ME NOW, ALL ASSASSINS AND KILLERS OUT THERE. THE RED QUEEN'S LEGACY IS ALIVE!" He pulls on the new hole in his shirt, ripping it open to reveal explosive tags on the underside of the makeshift tank-top, "THE CRIMSON PRINCE IS AMONG US!"

The tags flickered on fire as Naruto walked away towards his team, not before hearing the dead No. 11's last words, "Reach for the top my prince, and become our Crimson King."

*BOOOOOM*

The explosion incinerated the guitarist to pieces as Naruto walked away to his teammates and client. "Naruto, are you okay?" Hinata asked with Sakura in tow behind her. "Yeah, a few kinks in my joints, but I'll be fine," Naruto replied, "But right now, I need some well deserved rest."

For an assassin, Naruto has a shitty track record of actually killing his targets. That, or the author is trying to make Naruto look good by not killing the assassins, but there's no reason for it.

But as he started walking to the camp site, he felt all eyes on him, "Okay, what's why is everyone staring at me?" "Well besides you not being affected by killing the guy, I have to say your new changes," Tazuna answered. "First of all, I killed a guy when some bastards ordered a hit on me nearly a year ago, and secondly, what changes?" Naruto replied.

I'm willing to be Helter Skelter just shot himself. Naruto's just a kill-stealing bastard.

Sakura answered his question looking away from him blushing giving him her compact from her kunai pouch. He took it and looked at his reflection from the mirror illuminated by the moonlight and saw his changes, the red tipped spikes, pupils became slightly slit like a fox, and his canines looked a little more presentable, he only thought one thing looking at the mirror flashing his teeth with a smile once more, 'Bitchin'.'

"I'll say, Naru-kun,"thought Kyuubi in her human form with her tails wagging around liking what she is seeing licking he lips. 'So that was your doing when I was in your no tail cloak, Kyuu-chan,' Naruto thought to her. "Guilty as charged, but I only upped some of your mother's genes in you, the eyes and teeth are only a bonus," Kyuubi explained. 'Well, I like it, makes me look more feral and badass,' Naruto replied. "I say it makes you look sexy," Kyuubi added her demonic hormones going into overdrive making Naruto practically feel it.

I really don't need these scenes in the story. Please.

"Well then, I guess we have a bunch of things to ask, but for now let's get some shut eye," Kakashi said encouraging everyone to sleep.

Along the way Tazuna went to Naruto to ask, "Hey kid, he called you the lost prince, what did he mean by that?" "My mother was No. 1 of the assassins in the Elemental Countries of the Assassin Association I'm part of, upon reaching the top, she received the title as the Red Queen, I'm just trying to live up to her legacy," Naruto explained to his client. "I thought you wanted to be the Hokage," Kiba said to Naruto. "There's nothing wrong in doing both. Besides, it adds to the resume," Naruto replied.

Travis wasn't interested in titles. He just wanted to be #1. Even though that's a title. Travis is weird like that.

The Next Day

The group kept walking to Tazuna's port village; Sakura and Hinata were talking amongst themselves about Naruto, Naruto himself walked next to Tazuna fingering his katana, Sasuke walked behind Tazuna and Naruto glaring holes into the blonde for 'stealing' his thunder last night against the musical assassin with Shino and Kiba behind the Uchiha to keep him in check just in case instructed by Kakashi and Kurenai skeptical of Sasuke's psyche, and said jounins walked in front of them to check for incoming hostiles.

I just figured it out! Sasuke in this story is Wimp Lo from Kung Pow!: Enter the Fist! Except more retarded and not nearly as likable.

They kept walking until they passed a puddle; the majority of the group noticed it and felt that it was out of place. By now, everyone was on guard except for Kiba, bit unaware of the surroundings relying on Akamaru to help, Sakura, mind on other things, and Sasuke, still smug of himself. Naruto still had his hand on his katana, 'These guys can't be serious,' Naruto thought before he stopped, falling behind the group.

"Naruto-kun, what is it?" Sakura asked causing the group to stop walking and eye Naruto seeing he was looking back. "You guys go ahead, I got to take care of something," Naruto answered before walking off the path and taking to the trees. Kakashi and Kurenai saw he probably knew about the ambush coming up.

"Wonder what that was about?" Kiba asked to no-one in particular. Hinata used her Byakugan to see where Naruto is going, but her attention was ripped away by the puddle they passed earlier. She already noticed, but didn't when they were going to strike, apparently it was now.

Just another dumb fight scene coming up.

Two men came from the puddle, Mist ninjas, the Demon Brothers Gozu and Mizu; the one with the black cloak launched his camo-clad brother via blade-chained gauntlets looping them around Kakashi and Kurenai. They pulled and tore the two jounin into shreds from their chains. "Kakashi/Kurenai-sensei!" Sakura and Kiba cried.

"Two down," said Mizu said as he aimed for Tazuna as Sakura got in front of him in front with a kunai with Shino throwing out a wall of his insects. Hinata thought fast and glanced at Kiba who got message and threw the shuriken to hold the bladed chain and Hinata threw her kunai in the hole of the shuriken locking it in place.

The two struggled until they saw it was futile, so both unlocked their chains with Mizu noticing Sasuke and aimed for him who froze in fear. But at the last minute a yellow blur grabbed Sasuke out of the way, but his savior did not come unscathed.

It's Super Sonic!

It was Naruto who saved Sasuke, much to his digression, standing there with his sword unsheathed, his right arm bleeding from the scratch from Mizu claw. The mist nin swiped with his claws and Naruto blocked each swipe. Gozu seeing his brother struggling with the blonde rushed toward the combating pair to join Mizu.

Oh, it's just Naruto.

Seeing that he was going against the other twin, Naruto decided to make a twin of his own via use of Kage Bunshin. "These guys probably have some useful info, so knock 'em out," Naruto shouted to his clone.

The Demon Brothers slashed from both sides where the Narutos ducked and gave them both a fist in the gut, side stepped behind them and held the two in a Suplex and slammed them on their heads knocking both out due to a painful concussion.

"Very good Naruto, as well as everyone else, but Sasuke, I thought you would have reacted faster, maybe the events from last night still got you shaken up," Kakashi said as he and Kurenai came from the trees.

There's never a reason NOT to shit on Sasuke!

"But wai-," Sakura was about to say something until she saw not a pile of meat and gore, but a log shredded in splinters. "Kawamari?" Sakura asked her sensei by which he nodded.

Kawamari Damacy?

Kurenai looked over genin, "Is everyone alright?" Naruto raised his hand, "Just a scratch, nothing too bad." "Do you realize that the Demon Brothers use poison in their weapons?" Kakashi asks as Naruto pales in realization.

"Oh sonofa-," "Relax Naruto, you can bleed it out or search these guys for an anti-venom…" *SQUELCH* Kakashi was interrupted by the sound of blood and flesh being opened by something. That something this time was Naruto's own kunai digging into the wounded arm bleeding out the poison.

Pft. Even as a Sue, Naruto's a fucking idiot.

"I was going to say stay there so I can frisk them," Kakashi stared. "Ah, would have taken too long, besides, I heal fast," Naruto replied as he bled out to rest of the poison as Kakashi sighed and went to interrogate the Demon Brothers.

And like he said, the wound sizzled closed not even leaving a scar, courtesy of Kyuu-chan herself.

"Well, with Naruto's well being aside," Kurenai spoke up turning to Tazuna, "Mind explaining to me exactly why you lied to us in our mission details?" "I-I-I don't know what you're talking about," Tazuna stammered.

"Tazuna-san, after they tried to take out Kakashi and Kurenai-sensei, they went after you," Shino argued in monotone. And with evidence presented by the bug user, everyone looked at the drunk, "Alright, I'm sorry, but there wasn't anything I could do. Our village is in a state of poverty that we couldn't even afford a B-rank mission, we barely got off with a C-rank." "So whose the tyrant? Sasuke asked. "It's Gato of Gato Industries," Kakashi answered.

Sasuke doesn't even DESERVE quotation marks.

"So I'm willing to guess that's the pudgy fuck that's sucking your village dry of money and resources that you could barely afford anything or even sell?" Naruto asked bluntly. Tazuna nodded and taken back from Naruto's smile, "Well then what are we waiting for, let's overthrow a tyrant."

"Naruto, wait minute, you can't be serious?" Sakura argued causing Naruto to turn to her, "This mission is practically A-rank, there's no way we could do this; we've got to turn back." "Sakura, you got me, you and four other genins plus two jounin senseis, I think we may be qualified for this maybe even more," Naruto argued.

The grammar in this chapter is fucking atrocious, just so you guys know.

"Hold on Naruto, while you do make a good argument, Sakura does as well, so I say we put this in a vote among the genins, in the case of a stalemate, we go back to the village," Kakashi intervenes, "At this moment we have one vote for each so the judgment goes to the others."

Shino was the first to speak, "I agree with Sakura-san at this point, no offense Naruto-san, but I'm only anticipating the worst."

1 – 2

Next was Sasuke, "I say we keep going." 'That way I can find my chance to take the dobe's sword and finally kill my brother.'

WE GET IT, FANFIC. SASUKE IS A STUPID MORON WHO'S JEALOUS OF NARUTO.

2 – 2

Kiba, "I say we go, can't stand to see these people suffer cause we didn't bother to help." Akamaru yipped in agreement.

3 – 2

And finally Hinata, "I say we go, we're ninja and we were hired to help this country, so that is what we will do." 'That and I will get to spend more time with Naruto-kun.'

"Well that settles it, we'll continue the mission," Kakashi says to Tazuna who could only smile in relief, 'And if that boy's skills are like last night's, then we might just have a chance.'

With that, they head towards the rower's point where they will cross the river bordering the Wave Village, "Hey Tazuna, these the ninja that's gonna help out." "Yeah, so c'mon, let us cross."

Alright! The rower!

"Hey, sorry, but not with this many people around, I can probably get you and the kids or the guy and the broad, but I'll have to come back for a second round," explained the rower.


"That's okay, we'll walk," Kurenai replied ignoring the broad comment. "But how-" the rower's stopped talking watching Kakashi, Kurenai, and Naruto walking on the water.

NARUTO IS JESUS.

Kakashi quirked an eyebrow with everyone besides Hinata looked at him surprised, "Naruto-kun, you know water walking?" "Yeah, learned it after tree climbing after finding a scroll on chakra control," Naruto answered.

Sasuke once again scowled, 'How does the dobe know all these things that I an Uchiha the elite don't know?'

>:T I'm not even gonna bother anymore. I just wanna get through this as quickly as possible.

The rower could only nod, "Well, that solves that problem, anyone else, no? Then let's get on."

After a slow pace and a nice sight at the in-progress bridge and a speech of how it's going to take care of Gato's reign, they finally reached the shore to the village and granted good luck to them.

I'll miss you, rower.

Once more they walk on the final stretch to Tazuna's village as the fog rolled in. Kiba this time being more alert since the Demon Brother's ambush heard some rustling in the bushes and threw a kunai there in said bush. Everyone being on high alert had armed themselves or stayed on guard as Kakashi peeked through the bushes and found a frightened snow hare with the kunai barely missing the poor creature.

Sakura pounded on Kiba's head for almost killing the poor think when Kakashi noticed something out of place, 'Hmm, this rabbit still has its winter coat, it's spring so that mean this house kept, someone used this as a Kawamari.'

Between the incomplete sentence and the gratuitous Japanese, I have no idea what this is saying. I know I could just look up what a kawamari is, but I shouldn't be expected to, dammit.

Hatake heard something come their way, "GET DOWN!"

Yureru mawaru fureru
Setsunai kimochi
Futari de issho ni nemuru
Winter land~

Kakashi tackled Sasuke and Shino down with Kurenai getting Kiba, Akamaru, and Sakura as Naruto brought Hinata down. Above them that would have taken their heads off was what Naruto recognized as the Kokuburi Hocho.

OH NO! The Whatever That Is!

"If that's here, then…" Naruto trailed off watching a man in grey camo pants, arm and leg warmers, bandages covering his face, and a slashed mist headband. "Zabuza Momochi, the Demon of the Mist," Kakashi said aloud as everyone stood up.

Zabuza smirked under the bandages, "Hmm, Kakashi Hatake, the Sharingan Warrior, it seems my reputation precedes me." 'Sharingan Warrior, Kakashi-sensei has the Sharingan, how? Is he an Uchiha or…' Sasuke's thought's trailed off as the missing Mist nin spoke once more with Kakashi pulling his headband for his famed sharingan, "…and Kurenai Yuhi, the Genjutsu Mistress, two of the famed elites of Konoha, it seems you two picked a few of greenhorns."

SASUKE DERP DERP UGHHHHHHHH

Naruto smirked, "Be careful who you call a greenhorn 'No brow'," the nickname slightly irked the Kiri nin, "'Cause out the genin in this group, I'm the killer here," Naruto warned whipping out his Chakra Katana.

Seeing the young genin pull out his weapon, Zabuza eyed it for a few seconds, 'That sword, why does it look familiar?'

Zabuza shook out of his thoughts to speak his demands, "Cocky kid you have there, Kakashi." "You should see him when he gets serious," Kakashi replied. "Enough banter, look give me the old man and no one beside's the old man will get hurt," Zabuza demanded.

"Give me the guy you're trying to protect so I can hurt him!"

""I don't think so," replied Kurenai, "Genin, protect the bridge builder." "Surround him," Naruto rallied as the genin took suit and circled the bridge builder.

"Kid's a born leader, but I don't think that will be enough," Zabuza said pulling out his sword and charged the genin, only to be stopped by aKakashi's kunai as Kurenai shot some of her kunai at Zabuza for support fire.

Ugh, another fight. The chapter's almost over though, so thank God for small miracles.

The mist nin pulled away to charge once more as he was stopped by makibishi spikes, "You think some spikes will stop me, I have other tricks up my sleeve." Kakashi kept an eye on the other masked man while Kurenai looked towards the genin and found that Zabuza got past their defenses and prepared to kill all of them there with his sword.

The one in front of Kakashi melted into water, "Mizu Bunshin?" Zabuza was prepared to strike, only to feel a silent presence behind him and felt a blade peirce his back and through his chest. It was that crimson katana the red-tipped blond pulled out.

But to everyone's surprise, it didn't spurt blood from its wound but water, and revealed it to be another water clone.

"Impressive, I guess you did have the right to boast about not being a greenhorn," spoke Zabuza's voice out of the thickening fog where he could only see himself. "Seven weak points in the body, heart, neck, throat, spleen, larynx, and spine," It spoke once more, and by the last second Naruto blocked an incoming strike from behind. It forced him off his feet feeling the force hit his body.

"You are good kid, so how about a proposition?" Zabuza offered clearing the fog slightly to reveal the man standing on the lake, "Leave Konoha and join me as my tool, I could use a fellow swordsman as a tool."

Naruto sure is a tool alright.

I feel guilty about that one. It was too easy.

Naruto could only sneer at him, "Sorry dude, but I'm aiming to be Number 1 and the Hokage, and seriously, I can't do that if I'm nothing but a figurehead. So you can shove that offer right up your ass!"

"Your loss," Zabuza said as he started forming a series of hand signs. Seeing this through the thinned mist, the two Konoha jounins there charged at him in the lake, which soon proved to be a mistake. The jutsu Zabuza was about to pull off wasn't an attack, but a imprisonment technique, "Water Prison Jutsu!"

Soon the water from the lake shot out and captured Kakashi and Kurenai in a sphere of water.

The genins were worried seeing their senseis captured, and Sasuke was feeling it the worst next to Sakura. Sasuke with his kunai had his weapon brought up to his face, "Sasuke, calm down, this might seem unbearable but deal with it, don't go into the temptation of killing yourself or you won't be able to kill that man you rant on aimlessly about," called out Naruto's voice.

NO SASUKE, YOU ARE INCOMPETENT AND I AM THE GREATEST FRHGKLFSDKGRHSKDFS

Hearing this calmed the Uchiha a bit but still had him wonder how they are going to get them out, until Kakashi had called out to them, "Go run, Zabuza is too much for you, even you Naruto." "Don't worry about us, just run," Kurenai cried.

"Sorry Kakashi-sensei, but remember what you told us, 'Those who disobey the rules are scum, but those who abandon their friends is worse than that,' right?" Naruto said keeping his ground. Hinata who was wavering a bit found newfound strength and regained her stance. Sakura found herself breathing easier, as well as Kiba who almost went unconscious, and then Shino felt revived as he too was faltering under Zabuza's Killer Intent.

Naruto has Battle Meditation from KOTOR. He's a goddamn Jedi.

"Kids just leave me and save yourselves," Tazuna begged. Naruto could only smirk, "No way old man, we said we were doing this mission, so we're going to complete this.

"You had your chance brats, now die," Zabuza yelled as he summoned more water clones after the genin. Naruto stood in front of them and charged to attack.

He got quite a few as they splashed back into water, eventually Naruto was pushed back into blocking. "Give it up kid, these water clones of mine have 1/8th of my original strength each," Zabuza taunted.

Another clone attacked where Naruto met it with a block, when the block parried the strike, Naruto slid to its side and stampeded with a multitude of strikes. The finishing blow decapitated it, though that kill set something in him again, this was different from the time he beat Mizuki, "Blueberry Cheese Brownie!"

I already sperged about this in chapter 1. Not gonna do it again. Still fucking dumb.

Hearing this Zabuza could only say, "What the fu- WHOA!" he barely dodged some red ball that sliced through his clones in one hit. Naruto had his katana in an under hold and gestured an upper slash and blew out another ball after ball slicing the clones in multitudes of directions that filled the combat area.

"That kid, what the hell is that kid?" Zabuza asked outwardly. "He is Konoha's unpredictable, and titled Crimson Prince of assassins," Kakashi answered. "The 'Crimson Prince', that kid?" Zabuza questioned.

He only got the nickname yesterday! And the only ones who know it are Naruto's party because the guy who gave him the name exploded! So how the fuck does Zabuza know?!

Naruto finally turned to the missing nin and charged his katana, then released, "FUCK YOU!" this was bigger than the others the clones were hit with. To save his own life, he let go of his hostages and water shunshined out of harm's way. Kakashi took stand on the water while Kurenai went to Naruto's side.

"Damn that brat," Zabuza panted from the near miss as he reappeared few ways off Kakashi, "Zabuza, remember, you still have a fight with me."

"Come on then," Zabuza taunted as he began to go through a series of hand signs. And before he knew, the Sharingan wielding Kakashi followed suit. 'That damn monkey, he's copying me hand for hand,' Zabuza thought as they both finished, "Suiton: Suiryu Endan," Then two massive dragons of water twisted around each other and canceled each other out.

'Bastard, he anticipated what jutsu I would use; well let's see him anticipate this,' Zabuza thinks as he once more goes into another set of hand signs and watches Kakashi doing the same exact thing, 'That…' "…damn monkey is doing the same thing," Kakashi finishes Zabuza's thoughts. 'Is he…' "…reading my mind?" Kakashi mocks once more.

I didn't know Kakashi went on PA. I think he'd be a good mocker.

Suddenly he finds a hollow image of himself beside Kakashi copying each and every hand sign before the real man even physically had done it, 'He's doing it faster than I can even get to the next sequence,' "Kakashi, can you…" "See the future? Yes," Kakashi answered. "And your future, is death." He finishes his sequence and aims it at Zabuza, "Suiton: Great Whirlpool." As the jutsu is named a giant whirlpool as tall as him blasted at the missing nin and washed him away into several dozen trees drenching him in water.

"And now…" Kakashi's next line was interrupted, as three senbon went through Zabuza's neck. The missing nin's eyes widen and go blank. "Well your prediction came true, his future was death," said a feminine voice above them.

As everybody ran to the site of Zabuza's death as Kakashi checked for a pulse, he found none. "Thank you for weakening him, I've been trying to take him down for weeks," said a Kiri Hunter nin. The ninja wore a decorative mask with a blue kimono on their person whose hair is set in a bun.

"Hey sexy, after you get the head why don't we meet up with each other later," Naruto called out to the ninja. "I'm a guy," said the 'boy'. "That's not what your hips tell me, after all, the hips don't lie girl," Naruto wooed shaking his hips. Everyone looked at Hinata to see how she would react as he tried to woo the 'female' hunter nin, the Hyuuga heiress giggled at her boyfriend's antics.

I love the parts where Naruto is a fucking idiot and people just shrug it off because he's awesome.

"How about if I help you take off the head?" Naruto offered. "N-n-no, that's fine," the female hunter nin stuttered as she went to grab the body. "You sure, we're not squeamish," Naruto offered once more. The hunter nin said nothing as she grabbed Zabuza and tried to walk away as fast as she could.

Look at the narration closely. It seems Naruto has used his godlike powers to actually turn Haku into a female. Interesting.

Taking his chakra katana he threw it at Zabuza's head, sensing this she immediately disappears in a splash of water, but not before seeing that it shredded a piece of clothing off the girl. Picking up his weapon and sheathing it, he spies the piece of the ninja's garment. Taking the cloth, he takes a small whiff, "Hm, yup, definitely a chick, lilac perfume."

See? I told you.

Suddenly his sight started to multiply until he fell over into unconsciousness. "Naruto-kun," Sakura and Hinata cried.

"He's going through chakra exhaustion, but knowing him he'll be fine with a good night's sleep, now someone carry me please," Kakashi explained before spinning in a bit of a daze. "Why?" Kiba asked. Kakashi fell over as Kurenai answered the Inuzuka's question and picked up the scarecrow, "He's going through the same thing."

I don't think chakra exhaustion is a thing, even in Naruto.

"Here," Tazuna offered helping Kurenai pick up Kakashi, "the family cabin isn't too far."

Few Miles into the Forest

The hunter nin had laid Zabuza's body on the forest ground using some ninja tools to pick out the needles from his nick. Then his grabbed her wrist as she got close to his uncovered face.

"Jeez Haku, you you're like a butcher when you try and fix me up," Zabuza commented showing his shark teeth. "But Zabuza-sama, I have to get needles out precisely," Haku replied. Zabuza grunted as he pulled out the last senbon from his neck, "You have to be careful Zabuza-sama, or you really will die," Haku commented.

"Saw you get your ass handed to you by the kid and his katana," said a heavy accented voice from the behind the tree near Haku. Turning their attention to him as he reveals himself, you can see his face and easily tell he's in his mid-late fifties, thick red spiky hair topped his head; he was topless only wearing black jeans with his bare back revealing a red demonic oni tattoo with two skulls on his chest trailed by a blue designed background that connected with the demon on his back, in his hand was some metal contraption which he held by the handle.

Finally, some real NMH characters.

"What the hell are you doing here Death Metal?" Zabuza demanded. "Gato was pessimistic, so he sent me to see if you killed the bridge builder," replied the red-head, "and I can see that he was right."

Aw, come on. Death Metal wasn't a bad guy. I object to this.

"Hey, that kid is no normal genin," Zabuza defended himself as Haku tried to lift him up. "I know, he's like me, and that's one of the reasons he's here," Death Metal replied as he starts to walk away back to Gato's base.

"The hell do you mean he's like you, a kid like that is a ranked fighter like you?" Zabuza asked. Death Metal stopped as he looked back, "Behind me, he's only tenth in rank, since I'm ninth in rank, you can figure out the rest. If memory serves, his name is Naruto Uzumaki, the previous No. 11 was killed by him, No. 11 had called him the Crimson Prince, son of the Red Queen, that sword he holds was hers."

Two things.

1. Gitaa killed himself, stop giving Naruto credit.

2. How does EVERYONE know about this new nickname?!

"The Red Queen, why does that name sound familiar?" Zabuza asked out loud. "To the Assassins Association, she was known as the Red Queen, to ninjas like you, she was known as the Red Death," Death Metal explained striking fear into one of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist, anybody worth their gall on a sword have heard of that woman, rarely anybody who faced her as an enemy, doesn't come out alive."

As Death Metal walked back to Gato's base, Haku and Zabuza stood frozen, "If that boy can do that much to you and is tenth in rank, what can someone in the next rank up do?" "Haku, for once, I can feel myself trembling in fear," Zabuza admits to his tool finding if no one was a hostage in back there, he would be a dead man.

And there were some dumb author's notes here I cut out because it's more of that dumb fake interview with Travis. Anyway, next chapter, Naruto finally fights Death Metal and I start going into this fic completely blind! God save my soul.

EDIT: I only now just realized that Haku is on the harem ranking from the last chapter. So...he really DID turn into a girl?

This post has been edited by Waffleman: Oct 7 2011, 02:24 PM

[Waffleman]

This chapter. This chapter, you guys.

There were more author's notes but those are dumb and I think I'm gonna cut all of them out from now on.

Gato's Hideout

"What the fuck am I paying you for?" Yelled the pudgy dictator Gato, apparently when Zabuza and Haku got back, their 'employer' had heard about Zabuza's defeat. And hearing it was to a mere teenage ninja lower in rank than what Zabuza was before his defection.

Oh hey, Zabuza was an assassin. Cool.

"You are supposed to be the 'Demon of the Mist', but now I finding that hard to believe that since you were practically beat by some fucking kid." Zabuza lay on his bed provided by Gato's expenses; currently his wounds were still a bit of a pain but not as worse as it looked thanks to the meds from Gato's hired medics, but not as much as the bitching that short man was giving him.

"It wasn't his fault Gato, so quit you're whining," Death Metal said out of the opening of Zabuza's window with his leg on the still holding his metallic object.

"The kid's a Mary Sue, what was he supposed to do?

Gato in his current blaming rant yelled at the 9th assassin as well, "And you, you could have finished all those brats off easily, so why didn't you take your chance, or am I going to have to pull the plug on our little deal."

Death Metal just glared at the grubby multi-billionaire causing Gato to freeze up, "First of all Gato, a UAA contract is non-negotiable when it's active, so unless I die, you still have to pay, and you don't want to cross a contractor like 'him'. Secondly you shouldn't doubt my ability; you're paying me for Tazuna's death and that's what I will do. And third," Death Metal's weapon unfolded, twisted, and extended into a large curved sword lit up with an orange chakra beam along the edge, "you are in no position to tell me off with such empty threats, that bridge will ruin your control and shipments from this village, and I highly doubt you want me to fail okay you little shit."

The author seems allergic to question marks right now. And if Death Metal was hired to kill Tazuna, why doesn't he just DO IT? Why's we wasting time futzing around?

Gato looked scared as he faced Death Metal's own giant cleaver pointing at his face and gulped quickly facing to the injured missing nin, "And you Zabuza, I expect you to kill that old man or I swear to you…" Gato reached for his face, Zabuza waiting for him until Haku dashed and gripped the tyrant's wrist until...

*CRUNCH*

Gato yelled in pain as she broke his wrist before letting him go, pushing him back to his gurads, "Try and touch Zabuza-sama again, I will be keeping that arm." The glare she gave had Gato's guards to try and take her with their swords. They reached for the hilts only to find it missing until they felt the blades on their necks.

She. Her.

'No way, I couldn't even see her,' thought one of the swordsmen as Haku stood in between them poising their swords at them.

I think he really did it.

Gato could only growl as he stared at the event, 'Dammit, fine, I'll play by their rules, but in the end, I'll have the last laugh, and that frosty bitch will make a great addition to the brothels.' "C'mon boys, let them be, we'll talk later."

Dude did it. Dude made Haku a girl. I can only think of two reasons.

1. The author hates traps.

2. The more likely reason, he wants more girls for Naruto to bone.

Out of respect for the original character, this mock shall continue to refer to Haku as a male.

Gato left with a grin out of their sights. Zabuza, Haku, and Death Metal watch the tyrant walk out of the room as Death Metal stands and walks off as well, "Zabuza, Haku, be weary of him, he's up to something."

This story makes me weary.

Zabuza nodded as the spiky red-head shuts the door behind him with the Swordsman of the Mist looking at his tool, "You know you didn't have to do that Haku, I could have done it myself." Zabuza pulled off his covers revealing a kunai at hand.

Haku could only smile as she went and treated more of her master's wounds, but at the same time, she couldn't but notice herself remembering that red-tipped blonde she barely escaped from placing her hand on the hole in the shoulder of her hunter kimono.

Tazuna's House

Naruto groaned fluttering his eyes finding himself looking up at a wooden ceiling, "Aw man, what the hell happened to me?" Then felt something drenched below the waist, 'If I pissed my pants, I swear…' Naruto thoughts trailed off as he tried to feel the front of his boxers as he apparently found himself pantsless.

Don't you hate it when you lose your pants while you sleep?

He stopped feeling around once he felt his hand on something soft and firm, and it was no erection. He gave it a curious squeeze and he swore he heard a feminine moan on top of him only now noticing the extra weight, two squishy mounds on his stomach, and the soft, styled blue hair lying on his chest as he gave a smile, 'Hinata.'

Oh look, Hinata's a slut again. And I wouldn't call he hair "blue." Sure, there's blue in it, but it's not uncommon for black hair in anime to have some blue in its shading.

Eyes widen as he just noticed as he still gripped her ass, she was naked.

He let go and Hinata groaned in disappointment, lifting her head and blinked to let out the sleepiness from her eyes, "Mmmm, Naruto-kun," said Hinata in a lusty fashion as she gave him a kiss adding a bit of tongue into the action.

Eeeeeeeyup.

"So my Ero-hime, you came out just to take advantage of me in my sleep?" Naruto said returning the favor. "Hmm, if you just stayed asleep for a few more minutes, I would have had my way with you," Hinata pouted with puppy dog eyes.

Perverted Princess. Is it that hard?

Naruto couldn't help but blush as she climbed up to him as she buried her naked C-cup breasts in his face remembering this was the perverse side that lusted after him 24/7 out of the three sides of Hinata completing her MPS.

Oh, this. OH, THIS. You guys, I'm just gonna leave this next part alone. I have a LOOOOT to say about THIS.

On the second or third date, he couldn't remember when, she explained about her Multiple-Personality Syndrome. It started when she was three, few weeks after her sister's birth, when her mother had died from complicated issues. After her mother's death, her mind shifted to a stumbling, stuttering 'Shy' state.

The doctors had said that it was due to strain from birthing Hanabi, but over the years, Hinata thought otherwise after she got over her shyness issues. After the chronic shyness was over, she shifted between her normal self and the shy side at the age of ten, sometimes at the most inconvenient of times.

This of course added to the 'concern' the clan elders has for her in being an heir, besides her views in changing the clan laws. One of them in particular has her very disturbed but she said she would talk about that at another time.

Then after hitting puberty and curiosity killed the cat as she used the Byakugan looking into the boys' bathroom. Let's just say, that was the second reason she was shy around Naruto, adding that she went through her father's private stash of Icha Icha, she awakened her 'Erotic' state.

It took her father and several jounin branch members to hold a sex-crazed, drooling Hinata, down from running to Naruto's apartment and raping him in his sleep. Inoichi had helped to get out of her frenzy by Hiashi's request, only to come out with a nosebleed and a rowdy night later with the wife at the Yamanaka residence.

Now Hinata had certain control over the three sides, the 'Shy' side coming out at appropriate times when she could help it, and the 'Erotic' side filled with nightly fantasies and masturbation.

You got all that? Good. Now, I don't claim to know much about psychology, but I do know a bit. First off, it's not Multiple Personality Syndrome, it's Dissociative Identity Disorder. Second, while it is true that multiple personalities can manifest themselves after a tragedy like a parent's death, being shy and withdrawn after such an event does NOT count as an alternate personality. I'd say that's a regular reaction to the loss of a loved one. I was a bit withdrawn after my grandfather died, but you don't see me crying DID. Also, you can't just "get over" an alternate personality. What Hinata did was come to terms with her mother's death. Now, it says she shifted between shy and normal. I shift between being shy or being pretty social in different situations. That's called having multiple facets of your personality. It could also be Aspergers, but that's another can of worms. And now, when she enters puberty, she becomes a raving sex maniac. That is also not an alternate personality, that is exaggerated nymphomania. See, the main problem with these so-called "multiple personalities" is that real multiple personalites tend to each have their own separate identity. It's not just "I'm shy sometimes and also horny." And by now, she has mastery over her three sides and can apparently control them at will. I'm PRETTY sure that's not how it works, but I could be wrong.

So, this is not actually multiple personalities. What this IS is an excuse the author is making for his inconsistent characterization of Hinata, as well as his writing her out of character. Nothing more, nothing less.

Christ, I put too much thought into this thing.

Snapping back to his present thoughts, he could feel his first girl grinding her soaked pelvis over his stomach with her nub bumping in and out of his belly-button.

He says first because he knows full well he's gonna be porking EVERYBODY.

"Hina, I know you're horny, but we need to focus and save our first sex night later, so let the normal you come back and I promise, I run you raw at our first night," Naruto bargained receiving a sexy pout with innocent looking eyes, "You promise?" "Trust me, I never go back on a promise," Naruto said confidently receiving another steamy kiss from her as she slumped on his chest.

Lifting her head once more, he finds an amused and exasperated look on his girlfriend, "She tried to rape you again, huh?" "Hey, I can't help it if I look so inviting to her, in fact, the fact that your erotic side would go that far would make taking you all the better," the fox-boy grinned.

STOP TRYING TO PRETEND YOU'RE GETTING IT RIGHT. I WROTE A HUGE PARAGRAPH ABOUT THIS SHIT ALREADY.

Hinata got off of him and went to grab her clothes little bit from the futon. As the Hyuuga heiress went to grab her lavender colored panties, he had a good view of her drenched pussy, 'Must be really frustrating since her 'Ero' side prepped her up already.' "Hey, Hina-chan, you know with you bent over like that I could really ravish you with my face on your ass," Naruto commented.

How romantic.

"As much as I would love you to do that, but we need you to eat something other than my pussy," Hinata convinced. "How long was I out?" Naruto asked. "Mmmm, twenty hours, close to a day, you passed out yesterday after those chakra blasts you shot at Zabuza," Hinata explained before giggling.

"But remind me again, what did you call that mode? 'Blueberry Cheese Brownie'," Hinata giggled once more slipping her panties on. Naruto couldn't help but blush; he remembered the names he shouted out for his Darkside Mode as he called it.

"Okay, I get it, for something do deadly, the damn mode has a cute name to it, if it were up to me, it would be ramen themed," Naruto mumbled at his girlfriend who couldn't help but laugh at his embarrassment. And then the door opens revealing Sakura.

Again with the implication that the names for Darkside Mode aren't under his control. THESE ARE MOVES TRAVIS MADE UP AND NAMED AFTER ANIME.

"Hey Hinata, is Naruto up yeAHHHH!" Sakura just froze looking at Naruto's and Hinata's state of undress and blushed before falling unconscious. Naruto and Hinata looked at her unconscious form a bit before fully dressing into their usual attire with Naruto leaving his sword on the futon he slept in.

I don't know about you guys, but this is fuckin' WACKY.

Naruto goes to prep Sakura up slinging her arm over his neck; he turns to Hinata and says, "So, how far do you think we pushed her?" "I think that was farther than the first day when she wanted to talk to you," Hinata replied, "I remember when I sucked on that spot her neck and I swear she creamed her panties, if my Byakugan hadn't showed me anything, adding the way she shuddered did."

So one day, Hinata just sucked on Sakura's neck for no reason? Sexual harrassment is fun!

"You are just a horny bisexual minx aren't you," Naruto grinned at her with Hinata smiling, while on the inside, 'Shy' Hinata couldn't help but blush like a tomato with 'Erotic' Hinata drooling at the thought of their man and the many women that would be with them, dominating the others, locking them up in chains as she whipped them on various sensitive spots, and having them call her mistress while she's fucking her man as the alpha wife while they lick her like the bitches…

It's good that Hinata is alright with Naruto fucking AS MANY WOMEN AS POSSIBLE. A girlfriend should always be supportive of her boyfriend's hopes and dreams.

"Yo Hinata, c'mon everyone is waiting," Naruto called out snapping Hinata out of her thoughts that her 'Erotic' side shared with the original personality. Hinata followed her fiancé downstairs as Naruto was explaining to Kakashi, who was in crutches, the reason why the now awakened Sakura screamed, though a slightly altered story of course.

"Well Naruto, now that you are awake, I have some bad news," Kakashi announced. "Zabuza is alive right," Naruto answered. Everyone just stared at him including the tall black haired woman who he was informed was Tazuna's daughter, Tsunami.

NARUTO KNOWS ALL.

"How would he be alive? Kakashi-sensei checked for a pulse," Kiba asked. The young swordsman looked at Kakashi who just nodded to him, "The hunter-nin that 'killed' him used what kind of weapon, anyone, anyone?" Naruto asked.

Jesus Christ, Naruto's getting as bad as DJ Croft.

"The hunter-nin used senbon needles, what's your point dobe?" Sasuke said getting a bit annoyed. "C'mon, the last Uchiha can't figure out a simple answer as this?" Naruto taunted as Sasuke reacted by slamming his hand on the table he was sitting at jolting up with Kurenai holding him back down.

By the way, Sasuke sucks.

Kakashi decided to answer for Naruto, "Sasuke, the ninja used senbon needles which doesn't do much damage unless you aim for vital points in the body." Sasuke calmed down with realization as Shino spoke up this time, "I see, and since needles is mostly used for clean kills or acupuncture, she most likely put Zabuza in a death like state."

Hinata already figured this as she remembered from some of the medical scrolls she went through for various reasons, she found that there were various spots where one could be declared dead then revived later on. With this type of knowledge, she asked Shino, knowing she could trust him, if she could practice this with her family style Jyuken.

While the reaction was short term, Shino had felt weak for a few hours after draining some chakra from the various animals in their training area.

"So you're saying that she was hiding somewhere in the area, and when Zabuza was close to death, she used senbon to hit him in the exact points in where Zabuza would be put in a death like state giving him a chance to recover if she was able to get him out of there in time," Sakura said reviewing the events and possibilities that had possibly happened.

LET ME SUM UP THE LAST FEW PARAGRAPHS.

'She may not be strong, but when it comes to the brains of the team, she fits the bill,' Kakashi thought proudly of his student, "Correct Sakura, but considering the damage me and Naruto exhausted on him, we would have about…" "Five days," said a voice.

Everyone trailed the source to the door of the kitchen, Naruto immediately knew who it was, "Tetsuyo, I could presume you're here for me." "Yup, Death Metal saw and accepted, he's scheduling your fight five days from now, by then he said that Zabuza will be up and ready," the UAA contractor informed him.

"Excuse me, but would you tell me who you are and why you are here?" Tazuna demanded. Tetsuyo clapped his hands, "Oh I'm so sorry. Where are my manners? I'm Tetsuyo Uchikami," bowed the man, "UAA contractor and lawyer here on official business with my subordinate here."

"Excuse me," Kakashi said calling for Tetsuyo, "but how do you know of this?" "I'm sorry, but such information cannot be revealed unless you pay the price," smiled the contractor.

Naruto explained the situation, "He knows because he probably set up the contract with Gato with Death Metal, is this right?" Tetsuyo could only smile, "I won't deny nor confirm this information without the proper persuasion." "Get out!" Tazuna demanded but was stopped by Naruto.

"Don't try Tazuna, his reasons aren't personal, just business, trust me. Death Metal has been here probably when you were out to get this mission," Naruto explained once more before turning to Tetsuyo, "So where am I to meet him?"

"The fight will start once you get to the bridge, he vows not to harm anyone until you are there," Tetsuyo informed him. Once Naruto nodded, he noticed somebody was missing, "Hey where's Sasuke?"

He got out of this fanfic and to a place where people will like him. Mainly everywhere else on the Internet.

"He went upstairs," Tsunami answered. Naruto's eyes widened, then he growled, "He didn't." Naruto rushed to the room he slept in. All they heard looking at the ceiling where the second floor was were some quips, struggling, socks and punches, glass crashing and thud that was heard outside.

Coming out of Tazuna's cabin, they found Sasuke groaning with his back to the ground and Naruto above him with his katana at hand, "You son of a bitch, I told you 'no' all those other times you demanded from me, even when I told you it will only work for me and my family, and if you tried to steal it from me, I will kick your ass." "I'm an Uchiha, (groan) only I deserve a weapon like that (groan) not some clanless son of a whore, now you will tell me how you turn it on and give it to me. I need it to avenge my clan," the Uchiha demanded as he stood smirking confidently.

The thing about Mary Sue stories like this is that there's usually at least one sympathetic character who calls out said Mary Sue on their bullshit. Sure, they're shot down right away, but for that one brief moment, you FEEL for them. Sasuke is sympathetic for a different reason. He's just shit on so much by the story itself that you just feel sorry for him. Sasuke is a bad character, yes, but he's so much worse here and he doesn't DESERVE it.

Unfortunately for Sasuke, the insult to Naruto's mother pissed him off so much they could hear his knuckles crack. And before they knew it, Naruto went and punched the last Uchiha in the nose, hard enough it broke and he was bleeding profusely with his nose bent to a degree. Everyone there thought he deserved it.

Sasuke sucks, by the way.

And despite Kakashi being the sensei, he thought that Sasuke deserved it too, knowing he just insulted his sensei's wife. "How dare you? I'll have the council force you then, and after that, the Hyuuga girl of yours," Sasuke said trying to intimidate Uzumaki.

Force them what?

The next thing he knew he found Naruto's katana humming dangerously close to his head with Hinata's chakra infused palm also dangerously close to his child maker. He found himself safe from their wrath thanks to Tetsuyo and Kurenai holding the both of them off.

"Easy you two," Tetsuyo said, "trust me the kid ain't worth it." The two released them as they stopped struggling, even if they did so reluctantly.

Sasuke growled hearing that he wasn't 'worth it', "What do you mean? I'm an Uchiha, we are worthy of anything."

I AM AN UCHIHA I AM GREAT I WANT YOUR SWORD YOU'RE AN IDIOT I NEED TO AVENGE MY CLAN. This is not how you write an unsympathetic character, Cross.

Tetsuyo chuckled not believing he's hearing this, "Kid let me get you in on a little secret," suddenly his expression turns serious surprising everyone there a bit with the attitude change, "There are those who say that they can do it and those that actually can do it. You say that you want to avenge your clan waving your kunai knife around when there are others that won't give two shits about your little ambition. You bitch and moan, but you don't even bother to hone your skills.

Naruto bitches and moans all the time too, but since he's the main character, he doesn't get called out on it. People just sympathize with him.

You expect respect, but when they don't give it, you whine and bitch about it and eventually try and kill them with their backs turned. When you have that knife, it makes you feel like a man just to hold it, but in really, all you remain is just a pussy with a knife in his hand.

And that's what you are, a pussy with a knife in his hand," the contractor sneered looking at the teen who was just seething at every word he just heard.

Pissed, Sasuke grabbed a kunai out of his pouch and yelled charging at him fast, just as he got only a foot away from him though, Tetsuyo vanished with such speed, he confused the Uchiha when Sasuke found his kunai missing. Said kunai was then lodged into the Uchiha's shoulder, jammed into the joint causing the teen to scream his head off with the pain that came from the wound.

Tetsuyo could only look at Sasuke with a piercing glare, "Like I said, just a pussy with a knife in his hand."

Sasuke was seething seeing this guy look down on him like he was nothing, insulting him. Grabbing the kunai with his uninjured hand, he grunted as he took it out of his shoulder. Then he felt something on his back, it was Kakashi with the foot of his crutch at the base of his neck.

"Sasuke, you stop now or you will be detained for the rest of the mission, got it?" Kakashi glared having enough of the Uchiha's attitude. Tetsuyo smiled at Hatake, "Thank you Hatake-san, is he always like this?"

"The boy has some mental issues, apparently the shrinks aren't doing their jobs," Kakashi whispered. "Shinobi or civilians?" responds the lawyer. Kakashi could only slap his palm to his face in realization in what they are doing wrong.

And now the story blatanty admits that Sasuke has some mental problems. This story is not a comedy. I am supposed to be taking this seriously.

Tetsuyo chuckled shaking his head before walking towards Naruto, "Okay kid, remember, your fight is in five days, be ready by then." "Hey, it's for a righteous reason, right?" Naruto said. Tetsuyo could only laugh at the words as he walked off.

Time Skip (Forest Area)

For the past four days, Kakashi was teaching his team the tree climbing exercise, well Sakura and Sasuke, as well as Kiba because out of the whole of Kurenai's team, he almost has it perfectly down.

Meanwhile, Shino went to practicing his water walking while bug collecting as Hinata and Naruto went to spar with each other while water walking considering those three has completed that exercise already. Kurenai watched over them as she was fascinated by Hinata's progress.

To parry the Chakra Katana of Naruto's, Hinata used her Jyuken to repel and block the chakra used in the sword. 'It's amazing, Naruto, rumored to be the worst student comes out as one of the greatest prodigies and swordsmen in the village, and Hinata, no longer, or has never been the shy stuttering girl, but a confident, if not, flirtatious girl with a bit of Anko's tendencies. I hope that Anko didn't do anything to her to make her this way,' Kurenai thought as she watched the two ninjas spar.

It's almost as if they're being written out of character as some kind of wish fulfillment! Acknowledging how out of character people are does NOT make it okay! You hear that, Internet? Acknowledging your mistakes does not make it okay!

And every so often, she noticed Hinata giving Naruto a few flirty winks while the red-tipped blond gave Hinata a couple playful slaps on her ass. In all honesty, while she knew of their relationship, but she never had realized how far into it they were. At least now she had at least some idea.

"Okay, you three, Naruto, Hinata, stand down, Shino, stop what you're doing and get over here, let's get back to the cabin," Kurenai ordered.

Hearing this, Naruto sheathed his sword, Hinata released her stance, and Shino closed the box that carried various species of insects that come from this forest.

Going back, they saw the other half of the two groups, Sakura, even though she completed the tree climbing some time ago, kept going at it. Even after the training that Kakashi had her go through, Sakura's strength has increased, but this training will increase her small chakra reserves.

Kiba got it after asking Sakura how she did it before he lost it. Sasuke, he was still having some trouble, even after Sakura tried to offer some help when Kiba asked her he just ignored her saying he doesn't need any help. He got about half-way up the tree before he started to slip, by then he took the advice he tried to ignore and started to get better now, and kept going until he got up to the top.

I don't mind if you skim over this part. Hell, I'M skimming over it and I'm mocking the damn thing.

As everyone was finished with training for the day, Tsunami had everyone get to the kitchen/dining room for dinner. Among the family and team there was a little boy named Inari, who looked no more than ten who, earlier commented when Naruto was in bed that they were going to die.

Apparently he has some daddy issues ever since his father was killed by Gato few years back. And ever since then, he was a pessimist, believing that there are no heroes in this world. At least that's what Tazuna told Naruto.

Unfortunately during the whole time as they ate, the atmosphere felt pretty bleak among the residents and visitors of the house, especially from Inari who was staring at Naruto who was eating like nothing was wrong keeping his eyes closed as he chewed his food.

Cracking his left eye open, he spied the kid glaring at him pretty darkly for a kid. "What's wrong kid something on my face?" Naruto asked to lighten up the mood. But the question only did the opposite effect as Inari glared at him even more, "Hey kid, Inari was it. I know that I have a good face, but you staring at me like that is really making me uncomfortable."

Inari just slammed his hands on the table in frustration, "Inari!" Tsunami scolded her son but he ignored it, "How can you just sit there when all of you are gonna die?"

Oh boy. This is another great part.

Naruto just laughed it off with everyone looking at him, "Well of course we're going to die, I mean after all we are human. I know a guy off my street in my village that's like 60 and he's still kicking strong and healthy despite him looking like crap."

"Grrr," Inari growled, "that's not what I meant, I mean Gato is going to kill you all." The red-tipped blond still chuckled, "Kid, what's some pudgy fat-ass going to do to a ragtag team of ninja's, I mean all he has is money that he just waves around for a bunch of bandits and mercs while we are trained killers, well more me than most of the genins in my generation."

"It doesn't matter," argued the boy against Naruto's retort, "You're all going to get killed by him, no matter how hard you try." Naruto just gave a bored looked while the rest of the ninjas there kept eating irritating the boy even more, "I just can't stand you, you people who can't even understand what we are going through, I'm willing to bet that you live like a king not even knowing how it feels to live like this."

HERE WE GO.

'Oh shit,' popped the thought of most of the ninja's there while Sasuke just kept eating. Naruto's smile turned from amused to unpleased as he looked at Inari with impassive eyes, "Kid, trust me when I say this, don't go judging others, especially when your current situation is practically the story of my life."

"Yeah right," Inari said tears nearly leaking out. "Then tell me kid, do you what it feels like to be alone in your life for over ten years before you were born," Naruto said getting up close surprising everyone except the jounins, "Did you have to go through living in the orphanage where they only give you table scraps or even near inedible food found in the trash?"

Everyone is alone ten years before they're born. They're not even sperm then.

"Have you ever been chased down by a fucking mob in your own village, not even knowing why the fuck they're even chasing you?" Naruto yelled making Inari shiver at the increasing volume of the fox-eyed ninja.

"Trust me, when I tell you this, you don't know the kind of life I had to go through before my parentage was revealed to everybody now," Naruto snarled, "And now they know who I am, the ones who tried to kill me either kiss my ass or just try and deny who I am."


The teenage swordsman gets up and starts to walk out of the house, "Don't even say that you had a worse life than me kid, 'cause there are others who had it worse." He walked out and slammed the door making everyone jump. Soon after, Hinata gets up and bows to Tazuna and his family before chasing after her boyfriend.

As soon as Hinata shuts the door, Inari runs to his room bawling his eyes out, Sasuke leaves to the boys' guest quarters, and Tazuna turns to Kakashi and asks, "Was his life really that bad?" "That and worse." Kakashi answered.

Let me sum up that scene for you guys.

"I doubt your chances of getting out of this alive."

"NO KID, MY LIFE IS SHITTIER THAN YOURS EVEN THOUGH I AM TOTALLY AWESOME NOW!"

"Wow, Naruto is a totally sympathetic character and not a complete jerk."

We get it, Cross. Naruto's life sucked. Get over it.

"That seriously happened!" Kiba exclaims not believing what he heard. "Kiba, remember that there are reasons why he had to go through that," Shino reminded him. Kiba growled, but he remembered. After the Mizuki incident, he went to talk to his mother and sister about it since they were there during the Kyuubi attack.

Tsume Inuzuka had told him of everything that she and Hana had tried to do to help him, from rescues to even helping him in the basic studies that he recalled Naruto getting kicked out of those lessons. And during all this remembrance, he just felt like an ass for ridiculing on the half-blond when he saw him screw up a simple transformation jutsu.

Sakura there felt even worse and angry at her parents' who was a formally brainwashed girl into thinking Naruto was a bad person she shouldn't be around with.

What?

She remembered about the first time when she was helped by Naruto all those years ago when they were kids at the village park.

After meeting the fox boy for the first time, her mother found her playing with Naruto, and one could figure how that went out without saying.

Then after the whole Mizuki incident, she too had a talk with her parents, though not speaking to her mother until her father came back from the council meeting. She could remember the remorse kind of look on his face, and for some reason couldn't look at his daughter in the face.

When they finally talked at dinner, well let's just say that the wife left the Haruno residence in denial after a familial dispute between mother and daughter. Sakura does see her every so often, but they never spoke unless it was necessary.

Kakashi sighed, "His childhood was something that shouldn't have happened to somebody innocent like him at his age, the fact I personally had to save him from time to time as an ANBU along with a few of my fellow ANBU comrades disgusts me. Not that I had any problem with Naruto, but the fact that nearly the whole village was in on the nightly lynching Naruto had to run from."

Oh, you're still not done with this?

Tsunami couldn't help but gasp at this shocking information, "Why didn't the Hokage do anything?" "He did," Kakashi answered, "and from then Naruto kept up a mask hiding his abilities." "Kakashi-sensei, how do you know all this?" Sakura asked.

"Because I was one of his watchers before I got demoted from ANBU to jounin by the council after breaking up a mob, charged with assaulting a council member who was in said mob when he was seven," Kakashi said sadly earning a gasp from Sakura and a shocked response from Kiba and Akamaru and a faint buzzing from the Aburame.

Kurenai could only sympathize with him seeing how her friend in the I/T Division, Anko, was ousted and spat upon by the Konoha populous after her betrayal with her sensei, Orochimaru.

Oh, okay, we're finally done with this.

Wave Forest

Hinata went to follow her boyfriend farther into the forest that they trained in. And steadily, she found trees covered in slashes in the wood. And those slashes became more and more in the trees the farther she went into the forest. About another ten minutes of searching and she found Naruto, passed out on a tree with his back sitting down on a tree exhausted and sleeping and his weapon only inches off his person only missing its usual crimson chakra blade from the guard with his sheath on his other side.

But then she found something peculiar, or rather someone. A girl with waist-length long brown hair in a pink kimono with Sakura petal designs at the foot of the kimono. Hooked around her arm was basket of flowers.

Honestly, this scene makes me think of a feudal Japanese version of FF7.

The girl of interest had placed her hand on Hinata's boy's whiskered cheek, but for a second there, it looked like she was hanging her hand near his neck. The touch had woken up the young swordsman, and the first thing he sees is a black haired girl just about the same age as him.

"You know if you sleep here, you're going to catch a cold," The girl told him with a kind smile on her face. Naruto looked at her with a warm smile of his own making the girl blush a bit, "It's okay I've lived worse than this."

"So what are you doing here ninja-san?" the girl asked. "I believe it is polite to introduce yourself before you ask a total stranger," Naruto replied. She respectfully bowed, "I'm sorry, my name is Haku, and you?"

So Haku enjoys crossdressing. That's perfectly fine. Why is he a girl this is so dumb.

"Naruto Haku-san, and as for your question…" Naruto gave out a frustrated sigh, "I'm just venting a bit." Haku looked around the area, 'Damn, if this is a bit, then I would hate to see full-out mad.'

"What could have made you do this?" Haku asked motioning to the wounded trees. Naruto grabbed the hilt of his sword which activated at his touch and put it back in its sheath and inhales deeply through his nose and told him all that happened a few hours ago.

"Well Haku-san, I told you my reasons, now what about yours especially with those flowers you have there," Naruto inquired eyeing the basket of wild flowers and herbs hooked under her arm.

Haku looked away for a split second and looked into Naruto's blue eyes, "It's for my precious person who was harmed by Gato and his thugs not too long ago." "From Gato and his goons, or from me," Naruto responds. "What are you…?" "It's for Zabuza, isn't it?"

NARUTO KNOWS ALL.

Haku's breath hitched in shock with her eyes widening, "How did you know?" "Your kimono on the right shoulder has a stitched seam when my katana sliced a bit of your battle kimono you wore over your current attire," Haku took her free hand to quickly cover said stitch, "Let's not forget your scent of water and lilacs, just like the cloth of your battle kimono, I still have it as a memento."

Fuck Batman, Naruto is the world's greatest detective.

The jinchuuriki eyed Haku a bit more catching the full beauty of her form when it's not too covered by her battle wear, "And besides, your voice also gave you away, even after the first meeting, I rarely forget a voice."

"I see, so why didn't you attack me when you had the chance?" Haku asked in a professional tone. Naruto chuckled, "We all have a choice right, you didn't strangle me when you woke me up."

Haku couldn't help but look away blushing, "Hey its okay, no need to be embarrassed Haku-chan." "Haku-chan?" She blushed even harder at the name he's given her. "You're beautiful you know," said Naruto

"Haku-chan" isn't really a name to give a person. -chan is a pretty common honorific. It's not a nickname.

"I need to go and take these to Zabuza-sama," Haku said quickly trying to get away but she stopped when she felt Naruto's hand on her wrist, "Before you go, I have to ask, why you work for someone like Zabuza."

Haku looked downcast a bit and turned her attention to her feet going through her memories, "He saved me." "What do you mean?" "I was born in Kiri where there was a bloodline purge. Practically all of Kiri had ousted and killed any and all types of bloodline holders that lived within that village." "And you carry a bloodline yourself, a Kekkei Genkai," Naruto concluded.

"Yes," Haku confirmed for him, "my mother had a Kekkei Genkai that she kept hidden for so long," To prove this she used her chakra and created an icicle which she threw embedding itself halfway into a nearby tree. "An elemental bloodline," Naruto realized.

"I discovered my bloodline when I was seven and I showed my mother what I could do, but she was horrified rather than proud, not because she thought I was an abomination, but because of my father and told me to hide what I could do," Haku continued.

Hinata still within hearing distance hearing her story could tell where this was going shed some tears as she listened to more of this Ice Maiden's sad past, "But the secrets could not go on as my father found out eventually. He and several other villagers killed my mother in front of me and proceeded to do the same to me until…" Haku broke off unable to say it as she bit her lip trying to fight back the tears threatening to come out.

"You made your first kills instinctively, as an act of self defense, right?" Naruto finished for her before he embraced her in a hug. "It's okay, just let it out," Naruto soothed her as she cried.

"Keh, my life's totally shittier." You just know he's thinking that.

After a few minutes he let go allowing her to wipe the tears, before she went to leave. "Haku!" She stopped once more hearing the red-tipped blonde's voice, "You don't have to serve Zabuza you know, you can come with us to Konoha where bloodlines like yours are accepted."

"I would love to, but Zabuza-sama saved my life, I at least owe him that until I become useless to him." "It doesn't have to be that way," Naruto tried to convince her; "You can try and convince him to come with us."

Haku looked at him once more and shot a sincere smile at him, "You know, if we met in different circumstances, we probably would have been friends, maybe even more." With that she Mizu Shunshined away with a splash and she was gone with only a puddle of water from where she stood.

"Hinata, you can some out now?" Hinata revealed herself, "So how long have you known I was there?" "Thanks to Kyu-chan's enhancement, I have better senses, almost as good as an Inuzuka, when I inhaled her scent, I smelled a bit of yours little ways off."

Oh God, the fox.

"Well, I do say that I approve of her, if she accepts the invite to our family," Hinata says. "As do I Naruto-kun," Kyuubi tells him, "And from what I saw from here, she has a nice rack and ass I sink my teeth into," she continues on licking her lips in lust.

"Our family." Hinata is actually actively encouraging Naruto to form a harem. And apparently Haku's curvy now? Thanks for that, fucking fox.

Naruto couldn't help but hold his nose at the mention of Kyuubi's words, but in retrospect, he saw that coming considering that he has a hot vixen inside him who hasn't had any since her imprisonment and wouldn't have any until he allows it.

Hinata took notice of this too, "Kyuu-chan?" "She's just horny," Naruto told her getting a cute fox while from Kyuubi. "Well then maybe our first night can be a sexy threesome, what do you say," Hinata insisted.

Fox while? If he meant whistle, then it's a wolf whistle. Unless you were going for some idiotic pun. If so then shut up, Cross.

By then, let's just say for five seconds perverted thoughts were coming to him from Kyuubi's perverted mind at the Hyuuga's offer which jetted him head first backwards into a tree via nosebleed, knocking him out apparently. In which case, Hinata took the pleasure of getting her boyfriend to Tazuna's thinking of a way to explain this to the others.

Oh, NOW Naruto's shy!

Time Skip

Nothing but an open field, an endless prairie filled with small flowers along the endless path. He hears a slight humming tune behind him. He turns and feels a pain in his chest.

He didn't find anyone but his own katana in his chest to the hilt.

Then the pain was gone.

He finds himself now into the garden once more holding his katana. "WELCOME TO THE GARDEN OF MADNESS!" bellowed an ominous voice behind him forcing him turn around once more.

An entity flies toward him in such speeds in tattered black robes wielding a scythe. He couldn't block in time and found himself flying from his legs as he flew with a trail of blood leading from his torso, connecting to his legs.

And then…

Well, that just happened.

Tazuna's House

Naruto woke up with a shock jolting himself upright finding his location in his futon shirtless in one of Tazuna's rooms. He looks around for his effects and eyes his katana sheathed upon his shirt and coat nearby his futon finding a note.

Naru-kun,

We went ahead to the bridge to check on something. Someone was spotted on the bridge and it could be Zabuza, come as soon as you can.

Hinata

He puts his shirt and coat on and grabs his katana slipping it in one of his belt loops.

Then, he heard a crash and a loud scream.

Downstairs Tsunami was being bound by two swordsmen, one was shirtless and had an eyepatch, the other was wore a teal jacket and a beanie cap.

Awesome grammar here.

"Let my Mommy go!" Inari yelled at them holding up a kitchen knife pointed at them. The two thugs just laughed as the one with the cap grabbed his sword ready to kill the kid.

"Wait," Tsunami begged, "don't if you harm him, then… then I'll bite my tongue off and drown myself in my own blood." "Leave the brat alone, Gato said he wanted the woman, it wouldn't do any good if she's dead," said the swordsman with the eyepatch.

I'm pretty sure that's not very possible, Tsunami.

His partner didn't move for a few seconds until he turned to him lazily, only to fall with the head rolling from its body to the eyepatched swordsman's position. He looked at the head in shock and found an unfamiliar blonde teen with red tips in black with a red glowing katana.

But as soon as he blinked, he was decapitated as well.

Tsunami and Inari ran to each other for an embracing hug, Inari full of tears

Naruto walked towards the door before he spoke, "Inari, that there was what a real hero is, you may think that there are no more heroes in this world, booooo but you just proved yourself wrong. But me, I'm no hero, just a killer assassin out to be the Number One assassin." He walked out to head over to the bridge, but not before noticing the many killers brandishing weapons, just like last time.

"Time to kill," Naruto grabbed the hilt and charged the first merc and killed him charging him slicing him in half with a quick draw. He smiled as the blood splashed his face.

DEATH METAL!

Oh right, this was a No More Heroes crossover.

Tazuna's Bridge (in construction)

Tazuna watched the battle going on as Sakura guarded him while Hinata and Sasuke went after the masked hunter nin both of whom were trapped within a dome of ice mirrors, while Kakashi and Kurenai fought Zabuza fighting practically blind due to the mist which was in Zabuza's area of expertise in assassination.

But the one he watched that was looking at him intently was the spiky 50-something shirtless red-head that had his hand holding onto what Tazuna presumed was his weapon. Then he remembered, 'That must be that Death Metal person that he was talking about, so he's the one waiting for that kid. Will that brat be able to beat him though?'

Spoiler alert: Yes.

Sasuke and Hinata were doing their best to keep up. More the Uchiha than the Hyuuga due to his cockiness beforehand when Haku pulled out one of her Hyoton techniques, as for Hinata, she had already known about Haku's identity underneath the mask and has knowledge of her bloodline. Still, that doesn't make up the fact that she had difficulty of dodging the ice senbons.

Obviously Haku has great accuracy, almost as good, maybe even better, than Neji's teammate Tenten. But Hinata had enough of this charade and decided to try end this before Naruto got to the bridge with them. Using her Byakugan she looked under the hunter nin's mask and found that Haku was aiming at both her's and Sasuke's knock out points, 'Haku-chan, she's only aiming to knock us out, is it possible that she doesn't have the urge to kill us, or is it because we're affiliated with Naru-kun?'

With jounins, Kakashi, Kurenai, and Zabuza watched as their charges fought against each other, at the same time, Kakashi and Kurenai were surprised to see that Zabuza had stopped attacking them. For the past ten minutes their kids fought and all the Mist nuke-nin did after covering himself in another thick shroud of mist keeping his hand on his Kuburi Hocho deciding whether to attack or not.

"Kakashi," Zabuza spoke catching said jounin's attention, "Your kid, Naruto was it? He said something to my apprentice, giving us asylum within Konoha, can he do that?" "I don't know, maybe, he has some pull with the Sandaime, why?" Kakashi asked suspiciously.

Oh fuck, are Zabuza and Haku going to become Naruto's friends? THEY BOTH DIED IN THIS ARC.

Only then did the nuke-nin let his hand off of his sword, "I've had enough of this, the traveling, the running, the scrounging, I only took this up for then money for us. And Haku, she's like a daughter to me, despite how I act. So if he can, even if I die, I want your little swordsman to take care of her, take her to Konoha with him. She has no record as a ninja so she should be alright to immigrate there."

Zabuza was already a sympathetic enough villain, if I recall correctly. He doesn't need to become a good guy.

"You've gone to care for her didn't you?" Kurenai summarized. "Heh, I took her in after her family was killed and found her sitting on a bridge as I was leaving Kiri," Zabuza explained, "At first it was to make her into a weapon for my own use, but now, I've grown attached to her too much to see her that way."

Feeling the red-headed killer's aura, the jounins there turned to him as he walked towards the aisle between their grounds and the genins whom they two felt his presence. "He's here," said the 9th assassin.

"Must be talking about the Uzumaki kid," Zabuza said to no-one in particular. Kakashi and Kurenai were stunned as they watched the red-headed man walking towards the center of the unfinished bridge as the man leaked out his killer aura. 'Will Naruto be able to kill someone with this much killer intent?'

From this paragraph, I get the inclination that maybe Cross here is trying to establish "killer intent" as the powerlevels of No More Heroes. No. Bad Cross.

Sasuke and Hinata were on the ropes while they were trapped within Haku's Ice Mirror technique. And every so often, Haku who was within the mirror would shift through mirror to mirror while hailing them with senbon needles which they could barely block as they slashed through their cloths and protruding and non-vital points in the body.

It was until they felt the red-headed man walk in between them and the jounins did they stop fighting and Haku dispelled her ice mirrors, feeling the man's aura. While Haku and Hinata just stood there shaking, Sasuke could barely stand seeing a man who could possibly beat his brother in his mind.

MY BROTHER MY BROTHER MY BROTHER.

Few ways off of the unfinished bridge

How far is a way?

Naruto walked away from the chopped up bodies he left behind him as he headed towards to his destination at the unfinished bridge.

Again he heard a whizzing sound away from him and out of instinct caught a small object like last time, a tiny earpiece. He placed it in his right ear and walked the trail as he heard Tetsuyo's voice once more.

"Hey Naruto, here we are once again about to ascend to the ranks, or are you going to die and get your ass handed to Hell. No matter, after all we have to die at least some time in our life; this may be that time for you or him. Either way, I checked the statistics of your chance of survival, you didn't hear this from me but these say that there is at most a 99.9999% chance of you dying.

Heh, not much of a confidence builder right, but you have been able to fuck with Lady Luck for your whole life. Hell, she might even have your kids by now, because it's a fucking miracle about how you were able to get through your shitty life. No offense though.

HEY GUYS, NARUTO HAD A PRETTY SHITTY LIFE GRFDHGKLRHFDKGHRDAGHFDLKGHEDFSLKGHERKLGHER

Well, when you're ready, get your ass over there, the fight doesn't start until you step on that bridge. GO! FIGHT! WIN! And head towards the Garden of Madness.

Tetsuyo, you're an alright guy in my book. It's just that you're stuck in a fic with Naruto.

Naruto pulled it out and threw it away before it blew up in a small inaudible boom.

If it was inaudible, it wasn't a boom. Boom is an onomatopoeia.

"Let's go motherfucker."

Unfinished Bridge

Naruto finally arrived near the bridge as he saw Team 7, 8, Tazuna, Zabuza and Haku standing at the start of the bridge. So feeling a bit stylish, he ran and gave a chakra powered jump and landed right in front of his opponent, Death Metal.

"So you finally arrived," said Death Metal. "Hey you shouldn't have sent so many guys after me," Naruto replied.

The 9th assassin took notice of the katana to Naruto's side and chuckled, "You know, in all my life as an assassin, I never killed someone as young as you, so I'll give you a choice, leave now and I'll spare your life."

I doubt Death Metal would show that kind of mercy. Honor has no place in the world of assassins.

"And leave you to kill the old man and have that fat douche bag fuck up this country more than he has already has, sorry dude, but the only one leaving here is you, in a bodybag," Naruto retorted.

Death Metal glared this time, "I'll say this once more leave here now."

FIGHT HIM. WHY DID YOU MAKE DEATH METAL SUCH A PUSSY, CROSS?

"Obviously you don't know me," retorts the smaller swordsman. "You don't get it do you?"

"What's there to get? After all, we assassins are living in paradise, with so many people to kill," Naruto retorts.

"This is no paradise," Death Metal calmly denied. "Alright, then what would you call this?" Naruto asked, eagerly waiting for his answer.

"A place to die," answered Death Metal.

"Well at least we're on the same page here," Naruto commented.

Death Metal could only pinch the bridge of his nose, "So naïve, you have no idea, do you? I pity you."

"You know, arrogant crude little shits like you come around from time to time," says Death Metal circling around him with Naruto matching his steps away from him, "So listen well. The wall is high, higher than you can imagine. Ultimate sacrifice is sublime." Death Metal activated his weapon as it flipped, turned, and extended.

I know this was ripped right from the game, but I still like it because Death Metal called Naruto a little shit.

'That sword, it's just as big as Zabuza's, it even has a chakra edge like Naruto's blade,' Kakashi thought.

"Draw!" Death Metal exclaims pointing his blade at Naruto. Naruto unsheathes his sword with a quick draw and holds it in a high position, "You can take that to your grave!"

As if a gong sounded, Naruto made the first move as the red-headed assassin charged as well with his weapon resting on his shoulder, attacking Death Metal with slashes which was easily blocked and then parried. Death Metal came in with his attacks, a downward chop which Naruto dodged to the side and back-flipped several times to avoid an oncoming onslaught of slashes with a right slash finisher.

Then he pounced to land on Naruto, but the red-blonde jumped back as he kept guard has his sword was hit by Death Metal, only to be knocked back with a gash on his right forearm, but not before seeing that flash again. 'Okay, I get it, dodge the flashes.'

So now it's a strategy guide.

Death Metal charged in this time and slashed with a horizontal half-moon slash, only to miss when Naruto jumped and attacked with a spinning slash which hit with success and gave a cut along his chest.

Once Naruto landed both clashed weapons in a power struggle but ended in a draw when the two of them kicked away from the other's foot and slid away from each other. Both stared at each other with intent to kill the other as their first bloods oozed from their respective wound, "Impressive, but there is still room to improve young one."

Death Metal attacked as did Naruto and with speed out of nowhere, their weapons parried in rapid succession. As the red-head tried to cleave Naruto's head off, the young swordsman quickly ducked and slid in a position in his shadow and hit him with a raising slash which Death Metal tried to dodge, but not without leaving a cut vertically on the left side of his torso with the blood following the katana.

Yawn.

The 9th assassin out of striking distance of his opponent took his wounded hand and swiped some blood from the intersection of the long cuts on his chest and took a sample taste and grinned, "Well fuck, you're one of the few to make me glad to hopefully die at your hands."

Placing getting back to his default stance, he spit in three as it looked like three identical figures split from one man, "No way, he can use Kage Bunshins?" Naruto exclaimed out loud in surprise, and then quickly grinned, "Well if he wants to play that way…" The 10th assassin summons up two other Kage Bunshins to even the field and at the same time, use what's necessary and conserve chakra in case of any surprises, despite using extra chakra to keep the two clones longer.

"Heh, if you think that these two are just mere shadow clones, you are sorely mistaken you little shit," Death Metal challenged. Naruto not one to refuse a challenge sent his two clones at the elder swordsmen's copies. The outcome was not as expected.

Clone Group A – When Naruto aimed for a stab at his opponent's heart, Death Metal took the blow in his good arm instead. Instead of poofing out of existence, it stayed there, with the chakra in the katana still humming in his now bleeding wound through his arm.

Naruto looked at the original and saw that there was no similar wound on his arm and neither the other clone.

Using his brief moment of shock, Death Metal slid his blade under him with the edge towards Naruto and swiped it with a powerful swing through the waist making it disappear in a cloud of smoke sending back the information to the original Naruto

Clone Group B (same time) – Naruto had the same idea as his fellow clone except this time Death Metal had taken it in his left shoulder getting the same reaction as their twins. He took grasp of Naruto's arm with the hand of the wounded shoulder, trapping him there.

Using his other hand to hold his sword, he takes it over head and swings it vertically from the head down that would have bisected him in half had it not disappear in smoke like his fellow clone relaying its memories to the original No. 10.

Naruto felt fear before when he was younger, but this wasn't like the fear in the village lynchings he had, this was a fear he couldn't put on the tip of his tongue. This fear had also added something else in him. "You're trembling young one. Don't tell me you're scared?"

EDIT: Oh shit, I just noticed that this was too long for the post. Rest is in a couple posts.

This post has been edited by Waffleman: Oct 21 2011, 08:34 AM

[Screaming_Soulcatcher]

Finally got around to read this one. Mah gawd, what a sue. He would fit right in with the author fighters. No more heroes is one of my favorite games and this guy doesn't do it justice at all. You are a brave man to take this on. I like to address to things in the mock that stood out

Your characterization of Travis is spot on. Travis is such a great character because the subversions of what a protagonist is. Travis really becomes a "hero" in the second game, and even then he's propelled more by revenge, not by being a grand savior. Not only that, but his antics are actually funny and we don't see him as a complete monster is because his opponents are in the same profession (or, even more psychotic). Naruto here just swears and has "excuses" to kill. Travis didn't need know bullshit excuse to kill people, he just did it for kicks. tl;dr, this guy doesn't know how to write

Also the Hinata thing. Well, you pretty much got that down pat as well. Dissociative personality disorder is a cognitive mental disorder. It isn't simply a traumatic event that casues a peron to develop another identity. Hell, these people could be born with them throughout there lives! Also, they aren't just cookie cutter as "being shy or sexual". These identities, like a person, develop and can be more than just a single emotion. Finally, a person with DID doesn't have complete control over their other identities. Even if they don't manifest, the other personalities could become aware of each other and actually try to interact with each other. So a person with DID can't control their personalities subconsciencously. This author just slapped it on Hinata for "anime hijinks"

Sorry for the long post and for repeating some of your points but it's simply clear that this author sucks and his story sucks. Good luck with the rest of the mock

Oh, and Dr. Peace is awesome

[Waffleman]

Naruto was visibly trembling as he answered the question and smiled with a growing craze, "Of course I'm scared, I'm scared of dying here by a worthy opponent like you, but to fight a fellow assassin with that itch to kill, it just gives that anxiety and urge for me to reach the top. So bring it on!"

"I'm scared, but it's for awesome reasons. I CAN HAVE NO FLAWS!"

The three Death Metals charged with the original in the center jumping at Naruto with a chop. The red-tipped blonde jumped back to dodge with the huge cleaver getting stuck in the bridge, the two clones on the other hand followed up with an assault of slashes themselves having Naruto block and parry left and right.

Naruto gave a round house kick to the right Death Metal clone knocking him back while sliding behind the second clone and hit it with a combo barrage of slashes and ending it with a finishing blow to the neck forcing it to fade into nothingness.

Hearing a battle cry, the clone he knocked away came at him with a jumping slash which was dodged as well rolling backwards. Acting fast Naruto got on his feet and charged in fast with the Death Metal clone into a power clash.

Just as he was about to win the clash though, the original's cleaver slashed the two in half as the original Death Metal slashed through using the double's blind spot to hide himself. But all wasn't done as he noticed Uzumaki's body landing sounding in only wood clunks. Turning to the 'body' he found not a bloody heap, but a bundle of wood planks.

His eye widened when his vision suddenly went to the teen's blue semi-slit eyes sliding in front of him, catching the elder assassin of guard barely blocking the powerful strikes of the young swordsman. And after the dreaded mistake of missing Naruto's head as the teen ducked the strike, Naruto side-stepped and came up with a rising slash to both arms dismembering his two limbs.

The huge cleaver of a sword flew off with its owners hands still gripping it landed right in front of the spectators, blade down.

Both fighters knew it was over as one of them was unarmed and both were breathing heavily as the two looked at each other straight in the eye. "Extrodinary," Death Metal spoke in satisfaction, "you have been the one I've been waiting for. The name 'Holy Sword' is now yours."

"Despite my title as the Crimson Prince, I couldn't take your name; instead I'll keep your sword, as a momento as you will be unable to wield a weapon anytime soon," Naruto retorted.

Well, now you've completely mangled the scene. Travis never took his enemies' weapons, dammit.

"Then before you take my life, let me give you some advice. Master the ways of the assassin for there will be roadblocks on your way to the top, doing things you would think twice of things you would be ever thinking of doing."

"Thanks, I'll take that in mind!" With that, Naruto delivered the killing blow cutting off Death Metal's head with lots of blood spurting out from the head and the body.

At least he actually killed a guy for once.

Back with the watchers many different thoughts were going through their heads.

"Naruto-kun, you are amazing," Thought Hinata.

HEY

"Naruto-kun, I swear, I'll make it up to you, for all the things I've done to you," Sakura

GUYS

"Damn, I wouldn't want to face him if I have to," Kiba

NARUTO

"Naruto-san has a powerful aura on him, has my Kikai restless, is that him or the Kyuubi within him," Shino

IS

"That boy/Naruto, how would he have turned out if he didn't live the life he did?" Kurenai/Kakashi

TOTALLY

"How is that dobe that strong? Am I really that weak, or is it something else? I swear I'll get that power and kill my brother, the dobe can't be stronger than an Uchiha," Sasuke.

FREAKING (Sasuke sucks)

"I heard that Uzumaki's were powerful swordsmen, but that was unreal, I feel I might piss my pants, but definitely worth it to watch the infamous Dark Step style in action," Zabuza

AWESOME

"Naruto Uzumaki, you are definitely powerful, I am definitely glad to have you as a friend, maybe even more. Gah! What am I thinking, I just met him, I can't be thinking things like that yet." Haku

EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!

"Congratulations, only a month and you still rise in the ranks," said an unfamiliar voice. They looked behind themselves and found a man wearing a white chef's uniform without the hat and sleeves rolled up beside him were a couple of the UAA official cleaner crew. Sakura apparently recognized the guy, "Wait a minute, aren't you the bun chef back in Konoha."

Pretty sure Travis did it quicker.

"Ichiro, what are you doing here? Where's Tetsuyo?" Naruto asked as the cleaners disposed of Death Metal's body through fire jutsu's. "Tetsuyo has some business in Kumo with the Raikage, so he asked me to temp for him this time, business is business for that guy," answered Ichiro.

"Ain't that the truth," Naruto murmured. And as one of the cleaners were about to take away Death Metal's Orange II, the now 9th assassin stopped him from taking it drawing his Chakra Katana out, "Leave the blade, it's mine now."

No, Naruto. You are not General Grievous. Stop stealing people's lightsabers.

Picking up the blade, Naruto found the switch and collapsed down to a more compactable size and handed it to Ichiro, "Do you mind taking this over to my compound?" The Konoha chef nodded, "Sure, I'll be sure this gets there. And your money will be sent to your bank account once the paper work has been sorted out and you've officially been registered as the UAA's 9th assassin."

"Hmph, that guy wasn't much of an assassin. Killed by a fuckin' kid," said a gruff voice within the other side of the fog. "Ahh, Gato, good to see you, I was just about to call you and tell you that your contract has been voided due to Death Metal's death," Ichiro said standing next to Gato as he rubbed his head at the last statement he said, "Wow, that feels weird saying that. Death Metal's death, Death Metal's death…"

"I see, oh and Zabuza, speaking of contracts, I'm ending ours, just considering how expensive missing nin are compared to mercenaries," Gato said over the distance as many weapon brandishing mercenaries appeared behind him out of the fog.

OH NO.

Zabuza just growled while muttering to nobody, "At least I took Death Metal's advice about Gato."

Gato smirked, "Let's get things started then, boys, take out the men, and then subdue the girls. They'll make perfect addition's to the slave ring." "Gato, what do you think you are doing?" asked Ichiro who was apparently surrounded by Gato's mercs himself.

"I meant what I said, kill the men, that includes you, can't have anybody oppose me when I take over this town," Gato answered soon bellowing in laughter only to spit out a coppery liquid out of his mouth a few minutes later. He soon found what he spat out just now with eyes widening realizing what it was, "Blood,"

He looked to where Ichiro was and hitched his breath seeing the sight he found, five or six of his men disemboweled, bisected, chopped, and headless in a gory mess. Looking at Ichiro who was walking towards his opposition brandishing a giant butter knife which he held by the handle hooking his right arm over the handle with a three pronged giant fork in the other hand, his white chef's clothes stained with the blood of his decimated men, "Hey Naruto, quick question, with all this blood on me, does this make me look like a butcher?"

Even if it was really big, a butter knife wouldn't really hurt much. In fact, it'd be more of a blunt force weapon than a slicing weapon.

"KILL THEM!" Shouted Gato in rage, while Ichiro, "Naruto go take a breather, I know you're using all your strength to stand after your fight with Death Metal. But when you get back there, please call over the jounins there to help take out this trash."

Naruto did as he asked as the army of mercs drew closer, just as he began his monologue, Kakashi, Kurenai, and Zabuza appeared next to him via shunshin. "I would have let you go, Gato. But you forced my hand in threatening me with your men, so just to warn you, get ready to die."

Meanwhile in Kumo

The dark skinned muscled Raikage of Kumogakure was currently lifting weights with his barbells as he was waiting for his three o'clock appointment. In there waiting with him was the Raikage's brother Kirabi was currently scribbling down notes for his rapping lyrics.

Wow, these guys already? They didn't show up in the original until like Shippuden.

Once the door opened, it revealed one Tetsuyo Uchikami carrying a briefcase and straightening his tie, "Raikage-sama, sorry I'm late, but I had some… undesirables to take care of, not to mention the filing and paperwork that needed to be taken care of. But anyways, I'm here, what would you like to discuss."

The Raikage dropped his dumbbells making a crater from where it landed and walked over to the table where the two of them began their deal. "Okay, I'll make this simple. I want one of your best guys to escort my brother, his genin team, and a chunin of mine to Konoha for the Chunin Exams coming up, somebody from your top 10."

So now the author is creating his own arc, except it's kind of a carbon copy of the current one.

Tetsuyo smirked, knowing the perfect person, "I got just the person. Currently he just became our No. 9 within our ranks." He opened up his briefcase and searched his files until he found the one he was looking for and handed it over to the Raikage who opened it for him and his brother to see.

But the Raikage felt a bit insulted not being what he expected, "What is this shit; you expect me to believe that he can get the job done." "I'm gonna hafta agree wit bro on this guy, lookin' at him, it's kinda hard to buy," said Kirabi.

"I know, he's a bit young, but it's only been a few months since he entered our ranks and defeated our former 10 and 9. With No. 9 being his recent kill. As you can see he's not a beginner in the ways of death," Explained Tetsuyo.

That amount of time is still not that impressive.

"Leave, obviously the UAA is not as it used to be," said the Raikage making his way to the door out of his office. But just as he laid his hand on the handle of his door, "Did I forget to mention he is the son of our former No. 1?"

The Raikage stopped for a second, "I'm listening." The contractor smirked, 'Gotcha' "You see, our current No.9 is the son of our former No. 1." "And who was she?" asked the lightning shadow. "She used to be known as the Red Queen, but I believe to you ninja's, she had another name, the Red Death aka Kushina Uzumaki."

Kirabi did a double take, 'Holy shit, the Red Death, I didn't think that she had a son, if this kid is an Uzumaki and a UAA fighter…' "Hey bro, what you thinkin' now?" asked Kirabi.

The Raikage pondered a bit, 'An Uzumaki, and one so young, I like the possibilities here, maybe…' "Okay, we have a deal, but first, I would like to know this boy's name."

Tetsuyo smirked once more, "Naruto Uzumaki, the Crimson Prince. And as for the price, that will come to 190,650 ryou."

I have no frame of reference as to if that's a lot of money or not!

The Raikage's eye's bulged out a bit, "WHAT THE FUCK?"

Apparently it is!

Tetsuyo shrugged then smiled, "Hey, that's what you get for extra info. So if we are done here, let us sign the papers and he will be here within a week."

Geez, these are getting long. Well, there were more author's notes that I cut out that suggest that Shinobu's going to appear next chapter! Oh boy!

This post has been edited by Waffleman: Oct 21 2011, 08:36 AM

[KillerLoli]

The author really knows nothing about Naruto or good writing.

[Waffleman]

Okay, so I'm currently formatting the chapter and getting it ready to mock, and hopefully, it'll be ready later tonight. But I thought I should just give you guys fair warning. This next chapter is horny as HELL.

And I'm not even at the lemon! That's right, there's a lemon in this chapter. I'm just as excited as you are.

EDIT: Finished formatting it. Holy shit, you guys are gonna have fun with this one. I'm not, but who gives a shit about me? I forfeited all rights to happiness when I started mocking fics.

This post has been edited by Waffleman: Oct 27 2011, 04:34 AM

[Waffleman]

This chapter. This is the most fucking retarded chapter of this piece of shit yet. I apologize in advance if I suddenly forget to communicate in anything but swears during this mock.

Naruto was on the trail with Zabuza right behind him running after receiving a carrier pigeon involving an escort mission to Kumogakure, albeit reluctantly considering his girlfriend's past with Kumo.

Flashback (several days ago in Nami no Kuni)

The ninjas from Konoha, as well as Tazuna's family, Zabuza, Haku, and Ichiro were eating breakfast in a nice quiet sound atmosphere, despite Sasuke's glaring aura surrounding him.

So Zabuza's really just part of the crew now? Okay then.

Kiba's and Akamaru's ears twitched turning their heads towards the nearest window, "Get down!" The sound of glass crashing made them follow Kiba's lead.

When they looked at where the crash sounded where the window was. There was a hole in the square of the window and eyed the thing responsible for that crash.

It was a carrier pigeon which was currently perched on the finger of Ichiro's, whom of which calmly placing his chopsticks down and plucked the message that it was carrying.

"Perched on the finger of Ichiro's, whom of which calmly placing his chopsticks down and plucked the message that it was carrying." I'm sorry, I just had to type that again so I could be sure this story hadn't given me dyslexia.

He read it and gave it to Naruto, "Uzu, you got a mission. Location and details are on it, whether you take it or not is up to you."

Naruto took a look at it with Hinata curious as to what is mission was read it standing behind him. She let out a gasp as her shy side took over and fell on her bottom and then ran off crying out of the house. Naruto worried about his girlfriend dropped the mission specs and ran after her along with Kurenai as the majority sat there wondering what was wrong.

Kakashi though refused to say anything as well as Shino, understanding why she ran off as she did.

Outside the house Kurenai and Naruto found Hinata in a fetal position behind the nearest tree crying her eyes out. "Hinata," Naruto called her with his hands on her shoulders, "Hinata, what's wrong?"

She realized what she was doing with her life.

When she wouldn't answer he looked to Kurenai, "She ran off after read your mission specs, what did it say?"

"It was a draft of this chapter."

"Just Kumo asking for my services for an escort mission, why do you ask?" Naruto asked.

Kurenai sighed realizing what it was, "I see, it must be when she read the Kumo part of your mission, it reminded her of her past experience with Kumo nin's."

"What happened?" "It-it was supposed to be a p-p-peace treaty b-b-between Konoha and Kumo. But it was all a facade," Hinata said with her stutter coming back. Naruto listened intently while Kurenai, "Hinata, you don't have to say anything, it's…" "No, I…I have to say it, to get this off my chest," Hinata said cutting her sensei off.

Get ready for a nuclear dramabomb.

Turning her attention to Naruto she took a deep breath to calm down, "Back when I was four, ambassadors from Kumogakure came to Konoha for a treaty signing between our two villages. But it was all a facade, because they had another agenda." Hinata stopped as she bit her lip, but Naruto fit the pieces together, "To kidnap you."

The Hyuuga nodded as she continued, "All I remember was being tied up and gagged finding myself in a sack. Then when I felt myself hit the ground, I saw my father as he hugged me. I saw who it was who tried to kidnap me, it was the ambassador. At that time I thought it would end there but after Kumo received the body of their ambassador, they asked for the body of my father as compensation."

It caused her to manifest a fourth personality, which is Hinata with a Brooklyn accent.

Kurenai laid a hand on her shoulder, "It's alright Hinata, I'll take it from here." Narutoturned his attention to the Genjutsu Mistress, "When Kumo had asked for Hiashi Hyuuga's body, he was wholeheartedly willing to accept the deal. The Hyuuga council was too, but not with Hiashi, rather his twin brother in the Branch family, Hizashi."

It's like the Parent Trap, but with more death.

Naruto was shocked and appalled to hear this, the fact the council of the Hyuuga's would still do a switch, even when her father would have paid the consequences himself.

Hinata sobbed louder, "I'm sorry Naruto, for you to see me like this, weak and helpless." Naruto didn't say anything, instead he pulled her into his arms for a hug as Hinata sobbed onto his jacket.

"Shhshhshh, calm down Hina-chan," Naruto said in a soft tone, "I'll arrange something with the Raikage when I take this mission, it's been ten years, they probably have another Raikage, then otherwise they wouldn't have asked for me to do this mission." Hinata looked up to Naruto's face that neared into hers for a kiss.

"Thank you Naruto-kun," Hinata said letting go and wiping away her tears.

End flashback

"Oh yes Hinata, you will have your closure, after I have my retribution for your hurt," Naruto thought as he looked back to Zabuza. "Hey Zabuza, how far are we till we reach Kumo?"

"In about ten to twenty minutes if we keep up this pace," Zabuza replied. Naruto nodded and turned his eyes on the path, "Thank Kami he knows where Kumo is, otherwise it would have taken a lot longer to get there."

NEWSFLASH: It takes longer to get to places if you don't know where they are. Film at 11.

Kumogakure (Raikage's Office)

The Raikage, Ei is once more found lifting weights to relieve some of the stress he got from his councilmen before he sent the majority of them to the ANBU holding cells after finding out of some underhanded dealings happening right under his nose.

Evidence courtesy of the UAA when he got the message from a carrier pigeon few hours prior to his council meeting he had arranged,

Raikage-sama,

He accepts, but as part of the deal, he's letting you have the money he would receive for this mission. In exchange for that, he wants the lives of any ninja and/or councilmen who approved/ordered/carried out the Hyuuga kidnapping incident as well as the body of Hizashi Hyuuga and a formal apology to the Head of the Hyuuga clan for your predecessor's actions.

And Naruto always gets what he wants, yadda yadda.

UAA Contractor

Tetsuyo Uchikami

P.S: Money needed to convict and hole them up in one place is in the storage seal on the back, Courtesy of No. 9 himself.

Needless to say, he was glad to finally be rid of those councilmen, considering how they were pushing to his brother and niece's wellbeing for being jinchuuriki of the Hachibi and the Nibi. Now with the old councilmember's gone, he could get others to take the jobs, people a lot less judgmental towards his ninjas.

"Raikage-sama, a Konoha shinobi and his partner are here, saying you're expecting him, should I send them in?" asked his secretary over his intercom. "Yes, send them in now," Ei answered.

The doors to his office opened revealing a red-tipped blond in a black jacket with white wisps making a resemblance of a fox, next to him was a taller man in bluish camouflage pants, shirtless, bandages making a makeshift mask and a huge cleaver like sword strapped to his back.

Thank you for reminding us of what Naruto and Zabuza look like and wasting that much more of my life.

"So you're Naruto Uzumaki, you're different than your picture shows. And you need a chapa…wait is that Zabuza Momochi behind you?"

"Don't take this the wrong way Raikage-sama, but I'm just here to point the kid here, it's not my first time coming to Kumo," Zabuza explained.

"Indeed, well then, shall I call over the people I need you to escort," the Raikage offered. "Send the over to where ever you got those bastards holed up, you still need to hold up you end of the bargain remember," Naruto said crossing his arms. "Right, I'm sure they would be glad to be rid of those guys as well," said the Raikage.

"Having council problems," Naruto guessed. "At least I get first row seats," said Ei as he pressed the button on the intercom, "Get me Team Kirabi and Chunin Yugito Nii over to the I/T division, they aren't under arrest, but I'm sure they'll enjoy it." The way the Raikage said it with such deviousness chilled the secretary to the bone as she pulled up the orders.

Kumo I/T Division

I know this means like Interrogation/Torture, but I choose to believe that this is the department that helps the ninjas with their computer problems. I should write a story about a ninja IT department. It'd be part of a series about ninjas in mundane jobs, starting with a ninja janitor.

It was about an hour since Kirabi and his team Samui, Omoi, and Karui received orders from his brother with Yugito following them. "Kirabi, what are you doing here, with your team no less?" "Yo cat, don' know what's goin' on, but bro said it was gonna be fun," Kirabi said with everyone shaking their heads. "Kirabi, seriously, why do you even try and rap when you SUCK!" shouted the Hachibi. "Hey man, it's all part my rhythm Hachi, can't help it if that's me," Kirabi retorted.

While Hachibi and Kirabi went into their mental argument, Yugito and Nibi had a conversation of their own, "I swear Nibi I can't believe I'm related to him." The blond waited for an answer from her bijuu, but apparently the cat wasn't listening, she could see her ears twitching as the fire cat turned into her human form, she looked like she was in her mid-late twenties wear in a kimono with long violet hair tied into a bun with a pin through it holding the style together. Her eyes had a nice shade of golden yellow.

THESE TWO. YUGITO AND NIBI. These two are one of the main reasons this chapter is so dumb. Since they have vaginas, they must lust after Naruto at all times and....well, just keep reading.

But as soon as Nibi turned to her human form, she closed her eyes for a moment. "Nibi?"Yugito called out to her snapping the cat girl out of her trance, "Sorry kitten, but I need you to get to where ever you're going fast. There's something familiar there, something I haven't felt in a long time." Yugito nodded outwardly before running inside the I/T division.

"Hey, Yugito-san, what's the hurry?" Karui said as she and the rest of her team chased after her. "Nibi senses something familiar to her, and she believes it's here!" Yugito answered not slowing down.

Once they entered into the interrogation chambers, they were by the sight of the Raikage and what looked like one of the Seven Swordsmen watching through a blood splattered window of an interrogation room. "Raikage-sama, what's going on here?" Omoi asked.

"Just another pointless torture scene to add to this stupid revenge fantasy."

"Just taking care of our council problem," answered the Raikage as he watched a lone ninja on his knees with his head bowed down.

Inside the interrogation room Naruto is confused of this lone ninja of the two who went to carry out the Hyuuga Kidnapping incident who is just sitting there on his knees with his hands tied behind his back.

Pointing his Chakra Katana very close to his neck Naruto asks, "Why do you just sit there instead of cowering for your life?" "'Cause I'm tired in living with this guilt, the guilt of what we tried to do to girl all those years ago. Shit I'm tired of imagining what would have happened to that girl if we did succeed. Hell, I didn't even want to go on with the mission."

"And yet you did, why?"

"The Sandaime Raikage wouldn't have taken no for an answer, and wasn't eager enough to die, I guess that couldn't have been avoided now. I may be loyal to my village, but even I have some morals."

"You really regret what you did?"

"We asked for the Head Hyuuga's body after we tried to kidnap a young child, death is a just punishment for those bastards and I."

Naruto closed his eyes and laid a hand on his shoulder and said as he sighed, "My friend, you are a good person; I only wish I didn't have to kill you."

"Then do it, kill me to regain my honor," bowed the regretful ninja.

"You don't have any honor to regain," Naruto said darkly, forcing the man to snap his head upright, "Because you haven't lost any." The next thing the ninja knew a stinging pain through his chest.

He looked down and found the swordsman's chakra katana embedded in his chest, "But despite all that, retribution is needed for my girlfriend, a quick death is probably the best I will give you."

Stone Cold Mary Sue

As Naruto pushed him off his katana, he exited the bloody room as he sheathed his Katana. "Alright old man, this part of the bargain is done. Do you have the other means of our bargain?"

'Brat's got a lot of balls,' The Raikage thought before replying. "Yes, but before we get into that, I would like you to meet the ninja's you're going to be escorting to your village," said the Raikage. But before he had a chance to introduce the newcomers, Karui spoke up, "Raikage-sama, are you serious, you're having this kid…" But she was cut off by the Ei's KI immediately silencing her.

His ki? There's no ki in Naruto, it's chakra. And how exactly did it silence her?

"Kamui, you're questioning my decision?" said the Raikage. Karui was frozen on the spot speechless until Samui spoke up, "She doesn't mean any disrespect, but we were expecting someone older."

Naruto just waved it off, "It's okay Old man. She had a reasonable excuse considering I'm only fifteen and just graduated from the academy about four months ago."

Ei just glared at the foreign genin, grumbling at the 'Old Man' comment with Kirabi chucking at the comment. Zabuza chuckled too as he was watching this, 'Polite and serious one moment, ballsy the next, he really cares for that Hyuuga girl. I have to say he's would be a good suitor for Haku.'

SHUT UP ZABUZA.

"Okay, now before somebody interrupts me, why don't we introduce ourselves before somebody interrupts us, again," the Raikage said growling out the last word there.

Naruto nodded as he went first, "My name is Naruto Uzumaki of Konoha." "Zabuza Momochi, formerly of Kiri, soon to be for Konoha," said the masked nuke-nin.

"Yo, name's Kirabi, and these guys here are my genin," said Kirabi in a sort of beat box tone as he pointed to three behind him. "I'm Samui," bowed the light skinned blond female genin. "The name's Omoi," said the dark skinned boy with the sucker in his mouth as he motioned his hand to the dark skinned red head behind him, "And the one who just dissed you not so long ago is my little sister Karui-chan."

Omoi quickly dodged a punch courtesy from Kamui, "SHUT UP DAMN YOU!"


Naruto and Zabuza sweat dropped at the scene as the red-tipped blonde motions towards Samui and asks, "Is it always like this between those two?" "Only when Omoi teases her, which is pretty much every day," Samui replies.

HA HA IT IS FUNNY BECAUSE ANIME.

Ignoring the two siblings, he turned his attention to the older blonde whose hair was tied to a ponytail as well as has eyes that looks strangely a lot like a cats eyes. And on a side note swears she smells strangely of a lot like fish and catnip. "Yugito Nii, Chunin and second in command of Team Kirabi," said the cat eyed kunoichi.

BECAUSE SHE HAS A DEMON CAT INSIDE HER. CAN YOU TELL YET?

Inside of Naruto's mindscape, Kyuu swears she had a familiar feeling between the wannabe rapper and the slightly older blonde. "Kyuu-chan, you okay?" "Those two, I feel like I know them, like I wanna punch out the guy with corn rolls and have a reunion with the purple clad blonde girl," Said the vixen in his mind.

It's cornROWS, you cracker-ass son of a bitch.

"Well then, now that we have introductions settled why don't we head out?" said the Raikage.

Time Skip (Kumo/Wave Border)

To say the majority Kumo group was surprised was an understatement. There Karui, Omoi, and Yugito were dumbstruck as they watched Naruto and Zabuza fight off ambushers, recently rogue Kumo nins who were against the Raikage's actions to Yugito and Kirabi's welfare, but more to Naruto actually with their doubts to the young assassin.

It was a little bit because they were opposed to the mission, but of course it's mostly because Naruto is awesome.

The Raikage was just about to join in until he was stopped by his brother, "You were weary of his stuff bro', let's see what the boy can do, ya kno'."

The w in "know" is silent. Taking it off the word doesn't do anything except show that you're not good at writing black characters.

Reluctantly, he stood back from the fray and watched the red-tipped blond fight.

Naruto batted away an incoming kunai and rushed towards the nearest ninja. Said ninja aimed to block the chakra katana with his kunai that was charged with lightning chakra. Unfortunately for him, the young swordsman missed the kunai and sliced off the opposing ninja's right arm, quickly, Naruto then finished him, slicking the torso diagonally from the shoulder to the dead ninja's hip.

Be glad that this is the only fight scene in this chapter. And then be sad that this is the only fight scene in this chapter.

The body dropped to a bloody heap as another rogue dashed to our hero. But that proved to be unsuccessful as Zabuza chopped him in half by the waist. "Thanks for the assist Zabuza-san, at least that cleaver isn't just compensating for something," Naruto joked with his back to Zabuza's. "Very funny, I'm just glad to be fighting with you semPAI!" Zabuza grunted as he killed another assailant.

What.

Naruto cut off a head as he turned to his attention to Zabuza, "Sempai? Since when did I get such a title?" Naruto asked as he soon blocked and countered with a sword thrust into the heart, pushing him off his chakra blade with his foot.

A scream was silenced as another was bisected from the head down, "You beat me when we first fought, since then, I acknowledged you as my superior." And another was killed as he replies, "Well, that's surprising, I always thought of you as fellow swordsman willing to help out. Still, I don't mind you calling me sempai."



Looking around, there was only a small group left. Naruto could only grin as a plan formulated in his head, "Zabuza, mind leaving me your group, I got something I wanna try, something bloody."

As the last word left his mouth, Zabuza could only feel chills as he nodded and shunshined over to the Kumo group.

"Yo Zabuba, why you here, yeah?" Kirabi asked. Zabuza didn't say anything, the former Kiri swordsman only pointed towards Uzumaki as they turned their attention to him.

Naruto had his katana pointed down in a raising slash position as he taunted them with a stink eye. At that moment, Naruto's katana started glowing brighter, and bigger, until it looked like lightning bolts were coming out of it.

He's holding down A! Quick, get out of there!

"GET HIM BEFORE HE UNLEASHES HIS ATTACK!" said the leader as he led the group of rogues closer to kill the red-tipped blonde, surrounding him. Little did they realize that doing so was their biggest fatal mistake.

"Fucktards!" Naruto shouted unleashing his attack, spinning in place dismembering, decapitating, and killing everyone in that small area. But by unleashing his attack, the now blood bathed Naruto was starting to feel a bit exhausted.

One more merc was there and was about to take advantage of Naruto's weakness and lunged after him. Naruto held his sword in defense only to be saved by a wave of red that passes through the merc.

Naruto sidestepped the mercenary as he fell. Once he landed, he could see the man was sliced in half horizontally, with the back separating from its front revealing the body's gory contents.

Team Kirabi and Yugito were frozen, not because that was the first time to see a dead body. No, Yugito wasn't a chunin for nothing, and the three genins have made their kills already. They were just frozen to see such a bloody display of death and carnage.

Oh, stop lying to me. They're in awe of Naruto's glory, you know it, I know it, we all know it, stop trying to pretend you can write a good protagonist.

Ei, he hasn't seen this level of death since the last Great Shinobi War since he was a jounin. Kirabi was along the same lines here with his brother, but snapped out of his stupor when he noticed Naruto run off. Seeing this, KIrabi chased after him, 'Where the hell is that boy going?' "I don't know, maybe to CHASE WHOEVER TOOK THAT KID'S KILL!"

The ninja rapper winced at the mental loudness and continued to follow him until he felt the boy's and another person's chakra signature.

He hid in the shadows of a tree as he spots Naruto, and black girl with a white afro in a black dress with the skirt portion up to her knees and heeled boots, sporting two black stocking-like gloves and a traditional samurai sword with three little figurines strung at the top of its sheath.

Oh yeah, No More Heroes.

"Who are you; you know it's kind of rude to steal another's kill like that? I mean the guy was just an OC nobody, but he was still my kill nonetheless," Naruto said to the girl.

OC nobody? Naruto, are you breaking the fourth wall?

She didn't say anything except two words, "Sonic Sword." The girl quick drew he katana, shooting out a red blade wave towards Naruto which he dodged, jumping to another branch nearby near its center.

Of course, Shinobu will have none of Naruto's bullshit.

He scanned the area for the girl, but she seemed to have fled, though not without leaving a present behind. A THUNK hit the center of the tree he was on. A throwing knife with a note was embedded on it.

Taking the note, he read it:

Naruto Uzumaki,

You may not know me, but I know you. You were the man who killed my father. Don't think I killed that guy to help you; it was so I can kill you myself. I know you are part of the UAA and your rank, so I'll just to make it easy for you; I challenge you to a fight to the death.

I win, I take your life, you win, and my life and rank is at your mercy.

And by my father's grave, I will have my revenge and end your life.

-Shinobu

I think Shinobu's my favorite character in this thing now. Of course, she's eventually gonna get the hots for Naruto and make me eat my words, but let me enjoy this.

After reading it, he checked the back to see if there was anything else to it. There was.

*BOOM*

An explosion came from the note/paper bomb as Naruto was blown away to the ground as shrapnel and splinters of wood embeds into the young assassin's body. At least that's what it looked like until it disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

Prior to the encounter with Shinobu, Naruto had set a few Shadow Clones, hidden behind tree camouflage. As the explosion went off, Naruto had switched places with a nearby clone, but not without taking a huge spear of splintered wood in the shoulder.

Come on!

Kirabi being nearby, shunshined to Naruto and caught him before the young assassin fell face first that would have further pushed the big splinter through the boy's body. Slinging the boy's unharmed side's arm around his neck, the Hachibi Jinchuriki quickly pulled out the splinter, getting a pained yelp before he noticed the wound starting to steam as the muscles and skin closed up. 'What the hell?' Kirabi thought.

"Hey Kirabi, I noticed you haven't been rapping lately, what's going on?" Said the Hachibi as he looked through Kirabi's sights in the rapper ninja's mind and saw what was happening with the red-tipped blond.

"Kirabi, you do realize…" Kirabi says as he was interrupted by his container, "I know, I'm gonna let Ei know," says Kirabi as he shunshined back over to the rest of the group.

OH NO NARUTO HAS A FEW SPLINTERS THE WORLD IS ENDING.

Zabuza was frowning behind his mask, "Something's not right; they're taking way too long to get here."

"I agree," said Samui, "I hope the both of them are okay." "Is Samui-taichou falling for the Konoha ninja?" Karui teased. "Is Karui-chan jealous?" Omoi teased the other girl, quickly dodging a punch from the black girl who apparently was blushing, "SHUT UP!"

"Quiet you three," Yugito commanded listening for the two. "Yugito, you hear anything?" the Raikage checked.

"Nothing Raikage-sama," Yugito answered until her ears pick up some rustling reflexively pulling out her kunai, "Wait, I hear something, 10 meters, southwest." "Easy kitten, it's your brother and that fox boy," purred Nibi.

'What do you mean 'fox boy' Nibi?' Yugito asked. "I was able to sense his chakra while you guys were traveling to that boy's village; his chakra signature is very much like Kyuubi's. He must have had used some of her power lately. That or she's getting pretty horny," answered the demon cat.

Yeah, here it is. This is the shit.

'Too much information you damn cat,' Yugito replied. "Oh, but kitten, can't you smell the pheromones coming off of him. I know you can, you just want to take him on the nearest patch of soft grass and have him pound you like you're in heat," Nibi teased.

What is with all the horny furries?

'Stop it Nibi!'Yugito said getting red. "Or would you rather have a nice foursome with those two girls on your brother's team. A sandwich with a chocolate and cream filling," Nibi purred giving out pictures and images of her and Samui nude on the sides of the blonde with Karui, also nude, on top of him.

I WANT TO DIE.

"SHUT UP YOU GODDAMN PUSSY!" Yugito yelled out loud getting looks from everybody there. "Uh Yugito, are you alright?" asked the Raikage

She didn't answer; instead she turned away, red of embarrassment, crouching bringing her knees to her chest, and twirling her finger on the ground. 'Nibi must be getting to her about something,' Thought the Kumo group.

Louder rustling from the trees broke their train of thoughts as Kirabi landed to them with a sleeping Naruto slung around his neck. "What happened?" Ei asked.

"The kid chased down some afro samurai chick that shot that chakra wave at that merc earlier, attacked him and left him a note, unfortunately that note turned out to be a paper bomb," Kirabi explained as he places him down next to the younger blonde kunoichi to have Samui to check Naruto's diagnostics.

"The explosion from the bomb actually sent a large piece of splintered wood into his shoulder. I yanked it out so I could get him some basic first aid until I saw his wound being seared up by itself, kind of like when me or Yugito get a cut or a wound," Kirabi finished.

"So he's a jinchuriki," E summarized looking at Zabuza. "Hey, that was his secret to give or the UAA to tell you. He told me of his history and trust me, it was not pretty."

And the regular reminder of how Naruto's life sucks. This is also like the only one this chapter. This is also both a good and a bad thing.

"And judging that his healing rate is as fast as mine, maybe faster," Kirabi spoke once more, "the kid is the Kyuubi jinchuriki. Probably what Hachibi meant when he said he felt something familiar with the kid."

"Same thing with Nibi, but I think she was purring when she said that, though knowing her, I don't want to know why," Yugito said getting an annoyed look.

Inside Kirabi's mind, Hachibi was smirking, well as much as a bull could, "I could probably tell you why." When the rapper stood with his arms crossed as he listened to the demon, what he heard caused his stance and his face to falter as his nose started to bleed slowly.

Yes, in lieu of fight scenes and Naruto's life sucking, this chapter is ALL SEX.

The Raikage noticed his brother though, "Hey Bi, you okay?" Quickly snapping out of his trance, Kirabi hastily wiped his nose and went to his rapper stance, "Yo bro, I am okay, why don't we set camp for today?"

Despite seeing his brother acting stupid again, the guy had a point as he looked at the setting sky. The Raikage motioned to the group to set up camp.

Time skip

The sleeping Naruto woke up as he was greeted to the smell of roasted meat, and the sight of Samui sitting on her legs with both hands on the sides of his head as her face looked like she was meditating.

Her eyes snapped open just seconds after Naruto was fully awake, "You know, as much as I would like a girl to watch me as I sleep, I would like to have my head back please." Then Naruto shot her a sly smirk, "Unless you want me to give you a kiss."

She retreats her hands at normal speed as she gets up and walks to the camp fire. But not before he catches the blush on her face, and a flash of her pink panties, 'For a stoic looking girl like that, she does have a feminine side.'

I hate you, Naruto.

He gets up and sits next to Zabuza who apparently was chewing his food as he looks at a big bone at the ex-Kiri nin's feet. Omoi who was watching the bandaged masked man chew his meat just had to ask, "Oi Zabuza-san, how did you clean that bone, much less eat with those bandages covering your mouth? I mean I only looked away for a second and…"

"Trade secret," was Zabuza's only answer. The sucker boy was about to ask further until Naruto made himself known, "Don't try, I tried asking my sensei Kakashi about that, but he just said the same thing."

The secret is that he took them off, idiot.

Omoi just raised a brow as Karui spoke up, "Naruto-san, I just wanna ask…" "Yes, I am the Kyuubi jinchuuriki. Was that what you wanted to ask?" Naruto said interrupting the girl. "How did…" Karui started, but was interrupted once more, "While I was sleeping for the past few hours, Kyuu took care of my available senses. Heh, and trust me, she has saved me from more than a few conflicts thanks to that."

"If you know that we know then you must know about Yugito and my brother," said the Raikage as he took a big bite from his hunk meat. "Yeah, she told me what she heard about the two."

"Zabuza-san also said something about your history not being too good, what did he mean by that?" Karui asked. Naruto just sighs, "You guys really want to know?" All of them just eyed him intently, their way of saying 'Yes'. Naruto stared at the fire as he began his story, "It all started when the Kyuubi attacked."

Wait, I was wrong. There are two. Two reminders of Naruto's life.

Needless to say, he gave them his history, the shitty treatment at the orphanage, the beatings, the assassination attempts, all the way till he was seven and found out about his family and his mother's heirloom sword. Everyone there could barely contain their anger, but surprisingly, Samui actually looked like she was about to cry.

AND OF COURSE EVERYBODY IS OUTRAGED, LIKE THE HUNDREDS OF OTHER TIMES THIS HAS HAPPENED GRJFKGDJLKHDLKHDLKSGD

"And from there, things started to mellow out until my final year at the academy. Apparently they chipped in or went through the village funds to hire the former 11th ranked assassin from the UAA named Helter Skelter, fought him, made my first kill and became part of the UAA as No. 11. Fast-forwarding to my ascension to the No. 10 spot, the asshole civilian council tried to get me arrested for some bullshit like I was on trial. Though apparently I was since I had Tetsuyo as my lawyer and ironically had some of the council members arrested instead. Then blah, blah, blah, we're here."

Blah blah blah?! BLAH BLAH BLAH?! I had to mock that blah blah blah, you Mary Sue son of a bitch! Don't belittle my suffering.

"Naruto-san, why didn't you kill them when you had the chance? You have the strength and the skills," Ei asked.

Because the solution to bullying is indiscriminate killing. This is the goddamn leader of a nation speaking.

"Raikage-sama, there's a job, and then there's senseless killing, some of them are just mad 'cause they lost their loved ones during the Kyuubi Incident on my birthday," Naruto replied, "besides, I think after half of them were arrested and Tetsuyo made a guy eat his fingers from a sushi platter according to rumors, I think they got the message."

"Speaking of messages, a couple of messages from the vixen," Naruto first pointed at Kirabi, "When we find a way to get her out temporarily, she was gonna punch you out for something Hachibi did several centuries ago," then to Yugito, "then she wanted to talk to you, or rather Nibi about something private."

Kirabi thought he was bluffing, but had second thoughts about that as he gulped at the probability if that was even possible. Yugito on the other hand could only curse at the demon cat at what she had gotten the blond chunin into.

Hachibi is actually a pretty cool guy. He doesn't annoy me. Nibi is the one I have a problem with.

Curious though, Kirabi sat next to the red-tipped blond and spoke as Naruto ate, "Hey, you got that Hyuuga girl right? She know you and Kyuubi are tight?"

The young swordsman could just smirk, "If you had two girls who girls who would play for both sides, would you ask for a fucking threesome with you in the middle?"

Was that a sentence?!

Kirabi, Zabuza, and Omoi who was in listening distance could just freeze with blood trickling down their noses, looked at him, then each other before getting in front of him bowing all of a sudden, "WE'RE NOT WORTHY! WE'RE NOT WORTHY! WE'RE NOT WORTHY!"

These characters are now literally bowing at Naruto's feet. There are five more chapters of this shit, with possibly more on the way. I weep for my future.

Naruto sweat dropped in embarrassment rubbing the back of his head as the Raikage raised his eyebrow obviously not hearing the conversation between his brother and his temporary bodyguard, 'Whatever it is, I don't even want to know?'

I wish I didn't either.

Karui pinched the bridge of her nose, 'Bakas, the lot of them.'

ATTENTION, INTERNET. How fucking hard is it to type out the word "idiot?" This is a story about Japanese characters who are presumably speaking Japanese. I will accept honorifics and phrases that are impossible or awkward to translate. But when you leave common-ass words untranslated just so you can show off your sugoi nihongo chops to all your kawaii tomodachi, then fuck you.

Samui just watched the three continue on, 'Wonder what he said to the two make them act this way?'

Yugito actually heard what they were saying, but to hear that the red-tipped blond has a bisexual girlfriend she walked over to her tent that she was sharing with Karui and Samui. Though it wasn't out of disgust, no, she went to her tent to hide her deep blush at the thought of him, her and a Hyuuga woman who were rumored to mature faster than the average woman. "Hmhmhm, you seem to be having some delicious thoughts kitten, and this time it's not even with my assistance either," Nibi purred.

SHUT UP YOU FUCKING CAT.

Yugito said nothing as she wrapped herself in her sleeping bag letting sleep overcome her mind trying to ignore the proud two-tailed demon cat.

Time skip

It's still not a good plot device. Stop using it. He won't

The next few days were pretty uneventful until they stopped by the completed bridge of Nami no Kuni where they met up with the bridge builder, whom of which was still deciding what to name the bridge, for a night with Tazuna and his family. He found out that they just missed his team, Ichiro, and Team 8 just yesterday with Tsunami recalling Hinata's complaints about waiting for Naruto.

If you're gonna use a transistion like "The next few days," why even mark a time skip? The fact that time has passed is implied with the transistion!

Naruto, Zabuza, and the Kumo group left saying bye to the villagers who came to see him off and have fangirls cry out his name for their hero of the bridge. As the boy left Tazuna had an epiphany as to what to call the bridge, after the hero of Wave.

Fangirls. The Hero Of Wave. This shit is not gonna stop anytime soon.

After another couple of days, they finally reach Konoha.

"Well people, I give you Konohagakure, now why don't we get to the old man before you guys get to the Hyuuga household," Naruto told to the Raikage.

"NARUTO-KUN!" "What the-OOF!" Naruto got knocked down by a blue and beige blur, only to find Hinata on top of Naruto in a compromising position with his waist between her legs. Not that either of them minded of course.

ANIME!

"So this is your girlfriend, huh?" said the Raikage smirking. Hinata, taking one look at the Raikage hat and the Kumo headband on the ninjas beside him, she just froze.

To see the girl like this caused the dark skinned Raikage to frown, 'Damn that Sandime, she must have been the Hyuuga girl they tried kidnap all those years ago. The girl just freezes at the sight of us.' Kirabi saw this and reached his brother's shoulder, "Hey bro."

Then the Raikage did what no one, not even Kirabi had expected, the man was on his fists and knees, bowing to the girl, "Hyuuga-san, as the Raikage of Kumogakure, I only ask that you forgive me and my people for what happened all those years ago. I plan to do the same, formally in front of the whole of the Hyuuga clan, as well as return the body of Hizashi Hyuuga."

Whatever.

"Why?" Hinata asked as the Raikage looked up to her eyes, "Why are you asking forgiveness when it could have been you that sent that man to kidnap me?" As she spoke, her eyes were starting to well up in tears, "Do you realize how far that event sent our family apart? So why is it that you choose now to apologize?"

Now it's Hinata's turn to be emo about shit.

Ei could only sigh, "If I really did send out the order, I would have ordered them to go after someone much older than you were. Even so, like your village, I had to deal with my council members who were with our Sandaime's ideals," spitting out his predecessor's title like venom.

"Your boyfriend killed them and anyone who supported or had a part of that order as payment for his services, this apology is the second part of that payment," the Raikage explained.

Hinata looked at Naruto who just smiled at her as if telling her that this man's word were legit, "While I may only trust a Kumo nin somewhat now, I forgive your peoples actions, but my final descision will be up to my father. And know this," she continued with hardened eyes at the Raikage, "If you or your people betray what little trust I have for you and your people, and I swear I will take away whatever makes you a man, got it!"

This is Hinata Hyuuga talking.

Ei could only nod absentmindedly as he felt her killer intent, 'This girl, it's like she has the fury of the three most angry women that would know.' True to his thoughts, inside Hinata's mind, the three sides of her were synchronized showing just one emotion. Fury, pure unadulterated fury, hot enough to burn the coldest ices of hell.

This is Hinata Hyuuga they are talking about. And three? What about Brooklyn Hinata?

"Easy Hina-chan, why don't you calm down and I'll treat you some ramen in a bit. Just let me get these guys to Hokage-jiji and we'll go," Naruto assured her. Hinata just looks at him closely into his eyes, "You swear."

"I'll even give you a special treat if you're patient enough," Naruto grins. And out comes Ero-Hina, "And what kind of treat would that be?" asked the pervy girl gently cupping the cheek.

The red-tipped blond whispers in her ear, only to get a surprised look, a sultry grin, and a lick on his whiskered cheek giving the teen shivers down his spine, "Expect me there on the dot Naru-kun."

It's like seeing the tide recede before a tsunami. You can see it coming, but you're powerless.

She parts from him and gave a wink to the Kumo girls. "Did she-?" Karui started. "Yeah," Samui. "But why?" Yugito said. "I'll give you one good guess kitten," Nibi suggested, not needing to insinuate any further giving the girl a light blush.

I give up.

Time skip

Stop that.

Naruto checked in with the Hokage, introducing the Raikage, his brother, his niece, and the genin team from Kumo participating in the upcoming Chunin exams. Explaining what was going on the Raikage also mentioned of an apology to the Hyuuga Clan for their predecessor's actions. At the mention of that, Sarutobi asked for an ANBU with the Hyuuga Head as he dismissed Kumo group, save the Raikage… speaking of which.

"Hokage-sama, you called for me?" said Hiashi as he spies the Raikage, Ei. The man glares at the dark skinned kage, "Hokage-sama, may I be so blunt as to why this man is here?" "Hiashi-san, this man is the Raikage of Kumogakure, and he has a few things for you," Sarutobi says as he motions to his fellow kage.

Looking at the man, the Raikage bows like he did earlier with Hinata, "As the Raikage of Kumo, I would like to apologize for my predecessor's previous actions years ago in kidnapping your daughter. As compensation I would like to present you with the bodies of every person who was apart or supported of that plan, as well as the body of Hizashi Hyuuga." Saying that, he produced two scrolls, one large one containing the bodies of Naruto's kills in Kumo, and a smaller scroll that was marked Hyuuga.

What, are the bodies IN the scrolls? Can you do that in Naruto?

Hiashi's eyes widened at the mere mention of his brother's name, "This had better not be a trick." "It isn't," the Raikage replied confidently. "It came to my attention that our alliances with other villages were rather tricky after the incident with your people and our previous Raikage, some of our greatest alliances with several minor villages for some of our usual trades were broken."

"And you hope that regaining our trust will get that back," Hiashi summed up.

"Hai, while I prefer handling my village myself, I can't bring my civilians their usual goods without our trade resources, and to do that I need to gain the alliance and trust of other villages," replied the Raikage, "That, and this apology was also payment for Uzumaki Naruto's services to bring us here."

Hiashi quirked an eyebrow, 'Uzumaki Naruto,' thought the Head Hyuuga as he looked at pictures of the previous Hokages, his eyes stopping on the Yondaime's, 'Minato, your son may just as well help this village.'

And that meaningless subplot is resolved!

Meanwhile

Naruto was with Hinata at Ichiraku's having a good time eating their ramen, or rather ten in the assassin's case, but during that time, his mind was somewhere else, remembering the name in that note, 'Shinobu, why does that name sound so familiar.'

Afterwards, they walked around the village until Naruto caught something in the corner of his eye. There was a square box where it was tried to look like a rock, 'That kid.'

Grammar!

He turns to the two-foot tall brick wall, "Alright come out kid, I know you're in there, so no use in hiding."

*POOF*

The box exploded creating a smokescreen, coughing heard in that sheet of smoke, "I think we used too much gunpowder," said a young girl's voice as the smoke thinned out to reveal three kid sized figures.

One of them sounded like he had a cold and looked like he needed to blow his nose, along with having a nerdy look on him with the glasses; he wore a dark and light blue shirt wearing tan shorts, and has a neat mop of brown hair. Another one of them was a small girl with a perma-blush on her face, her orange-red hair put in two big standing pig-tails, wearing a pink shirt with a red vest over it and a pair of beige shorts. The last one was the one Academy student that he knew; he had wild, spiky brown hair, a yellow shirt with the Konoha symbol on it, tan shorts, and a blue scarf wrapped around his neck.

Oh boy, Konohamaru. This is gonna be GREEEEEAT.

The only things these kids had in common was the goggles on their heads, exactly like the ones he wore before taking off his mask, "Konohamaru, what the hell are you doing, don't you guys have class right now?"

"Aw, c'mon boss, we wanted to see you since you were gone for almost a month," Konohamaru whined. "Kono, remember our deal, I'll only play with you guys when…" "After class, and when you're not busy," finished the young kid.

"In any case, who are your friends?" Naruto asked.

"Konohamaru Corps. roll call," rallied the young Sarutobi. "One of the smartest kids in the Academy, Udon," introduced the kid with glasses. "The sexiest kunoichi in-training, Moegi," followed pigtails. "And leader of this group, Konohamaru," finished Naruto's self-proclaimed rival. "And we're the Konohamaru Corps. Squad," they said all together.

Am I the only one concerned that a small child is calling another small child sexy in this story?

Hinata couldn't help but giggle at their antics, "How cute."

"Hey boss, is that girl your girlfriend?" Konohamaru said motioning to the Hyuuga heiress. Naruto smirks, "Yeah, that's my girlfriend Hinata Hyuuga. Why do ya ask?"

"I don't know why, but she kind of reminds me of that one girl in my class, long black hair, has the same eyes as her too," said Konohamaru. "Oh, you must mean my little sister Hanabi," Hinata spoke up as the young Sarutobi's eyes bugs out.

"THAT GIRL IS YOUR SISTER!" Konohamaru yelled. "Why are you surprised? I mean Hinata told me about her, and she's not bad," Naruto tried to reason.

"The girl hits me and runs away every time I get at least one foot of her," Konohamaru explained. Naruto and Hinata looked at each other and immediately knew what was going on as this thought went through their heads, 'Hanabi has a crush on Konohamaru, and he's too dense to see it.'

This only makes sense in anime.

Moegi thought though, 'That little hussy isn't getting Konohamaru-kun on my watch.'

I can already tell this is going nowhere.

"Well besides your girl trouble, why don't Hinata and I walk you three to your class, hm?" Naruto said walking the kids with Hinata right next to him.

Konohamaru was ran off ahead into an open alley when he fell bumping into somebody, resulting a black sleeved hand grabbing the boy, lifting him off the ground, "Hey you little punk, that hurt."

Konohamaru saw the guy who was lifting him up, he was about a year or two older than his rival, wearing a black full body cat suit, black fingerless gloves, purple war paint, and some big item on his back wrapped in bandages. Next to him was a girl, about the same age, younger or older, wore a light purple battle kimono with half a fishnet stocking on her upper left thigh, on her back she had an iron fan that was about as tall as her, as well as noted that she had four pigtails styled on her dirty blond hair. Both wore a unfamiliar headband, that looks like an hourglass or some sort of gourd.

It's Kankuro and Temari! These guys are pretty cool.

"Kankuro, put the kid down, you know what will happen if he finds out," warned the girl. "Lighten up Temari, this will quick," Kankuro said cocking a fist aimed at the kid.

"I wonder what will happen to your hand first when if you punch that kid out," said a certain red-tipped blond as his chakra katana's tip humming between the right of his head and his ready fist.

FIRST WHEN IF

'That kid, neither of us even sensed him, this kid is good,' thought Temari as she looked at this new guy over.

Naruto is awesome, you guys.

"Will you get arrested for hitting the Hokage's grandson, will you lose your arm as compensation in harming my little brother, will my girlfriend bust your balls, losing any chance to breed, or will that red-head on the tree have anything to say," Naruto said motioning to the tree branch right next to him.

At the mention of red-head, the two froze up, forcing Kankuro to lose his grip on Konohamaru, the young Sarutobi, free from his captor, ran towards Hinata, who was with Udon and Moegi, in front of them in case of anything strange going on. They look up on the tree branch, and true to the swordsman's words, a red head boy with a red tattoo for love over his left brow, on his back was corked up gourd.

And Gaara! Gaara was really cool during the chunin exam, I remember that much.

"Temari, Kankuro, what are you doing?" demanded the red-head. "G-G-Garaa, we were just finishing up and…" "Shut-up Kankuro, before I feed you to mother," Garaa threatened releasing his killer intent. But it was pushed back by another's though; Garaa felt this and led it to Naruto.

It's not Garaa, it's Gaara. This is going to bother me forever. Also, stop trying to make killer intent a thing.

He clutched his head as inside him, his mother was thrashing around inside him. The pain soon subsided, but he still palmed his tattooed side of his head like it was throbbing, "Mother senses something inside you, something similar to her."

"Well I've been getting that kind of thing lately, but I don't think I've met you or your 'mother'. Unless you're talking about a certain vixen, then let me just say that KI wasn't her, it was all me tanuki. Had I added hers, everybody in the area would be having a seizure."

That's the second time this chapter that ki has been mentioned and that the word ki has been completely capitalized. What's the deal?

If Garaa was surprised, he didn't show it, but his teammates sure did, "So you carry the number nine." "And you Number one." "Naru-kun, you're making us seem like your Association business," Kyuubi mused, but Naruto didn't reply.

'That kid not only is he a jinchuuriki, he withstood Garaa's killer intent and he pushed it back with his own. Just what kind of guy is he,' Kankuro thought.

KILLER INTENT IS NOT A THING THAT EXISTS IN EITHER NARUTO OR NO MORE HEROES.

'This guy, why do I fell warm yet scared at the same time? Is it him, is it the fact he stood his ground against Garaa?' Temari thought as Garaa used his sand to shunshin next to her.

You're warm because you are female and in the presence of Naruto, thus you automatically lust after him. Calling the female characters in this story women is offensive to women. They're more like talking fleshlights.

"I am assuming you aren't here just to cause some trouble, why is it that you are here?" Hinata asked still guarding the kids.

"More or less the chunin exams coming up in a couple of weeks," says another voice unfamiliar to the genins from Suna.

"Ichiro, I thought you would be back at your shop right now," Naruto says walking towards his girlfriend's position. "Nah, I'm on my break, benefits as the manger of the best bun shop in the Elemental Countries," the chef attired man said.

Hey, it's Butter Knife!

IchIro jumped down looking at the three sand siblings, "I believe you three are done here, so get to wherever the hell you guys are going and be on your way, I have a few things to discuss with Uzumaki-san."

"Before we go," Garaa said halting his teammates looking at the red-tipped blonde, "what is your name?" "Naruto, Naruto Uzumaki. And you?" "Garaa no Sabaku." Gaara then walked away between his older siblings with Kankuro following him. But Temari stood there staring at Naruto who took notice of her.

"Can I help you?" he asked snapping her out of her zoning trance, "I'm sorry, it's just the first time I have ever seen anybody suppress Garaa's KI like that."

Seriously, stop that. Ki is not an acronym, nor is it a force in the Naruto universe.

"I felt worse," Naruto shrugged remembering his last ranking fight at Wave. "Anyways, see you at the exams," he smiled walking off with Ichiro, Hinata, Konohamaru and his friends leaving Temari to go wherever she was going.

This post has been edited by Waffleman: Oct 27 2011, 08:13 AM

[Waffleman]

Time Skip (Namikaze residence)

As Ichiro was walking the Hinata and Naruto, dropping off the three students to Iruka's, the chef got some information for him with the girl that attacked him, according to what Zabuza said with Kirabi's description from what the Hachibi jinchuuriki saw. He revealed more as they got to the estates and Hinata went upstairs to freshen up.

"The girl according what Zabuza told me was probably No. 8, tricky girl she is." "Just get to the point already," Naruto glared.

Ichiro waved it off though, "Geez alright, impatient kid. The girl's name is Shinobu Jacobs, daughter of some great swordsman following the samurai ways." 'Jacobs, Jacobs as in Jacobs-sensei! No wonder that name sounded so familiar, but what does she mean by killing her father, I never saw him in over five years, but that means…'

"Everything she knows, she's learned from him," Ichiro continued, "So she's just as good, maybe even better. But a rumor in the Association is that she joined the ranks because of her father's death, supposedly the man died from a chakra katana like yours, and your name came up in his final words."

I hope to GOD Sir Henry Motherfucker appears in this thing. He wouldn't allow the author and Naruto to fuck him up.

"But why?" Naruto asks. "Don't know, but she took it as the name of her father's killer and she's probably joined in hopes of running into you, small world huh?" Ichiro looked at him in the eye, seeing the blond swordsman fidget a bit. "You okay man?"

"Yeah, just need to rest a bit," Naruto tells him sitting down on a chair. "'kay man, I'll keep you posted on her," Ichiro says walking out the door.

'Shinobu, I found you, but this is under probably the worst possible circumstances. What can I do?' Then he remembers Hinata, "Hina-chan should have been down already."

Going upstairs, he finds his room door cracked open, just enough for someone to peep in. He opens the door and finds the most erotic sight no man can ever resist.

Hinata

A naked Hinata to be precise exposing herself and C-cup breasts to the world with her lower half covered, sleeping peacefully.

*SCRCHHH* ("Hold it you sex-loving perverts. Before you start reading on, all you douches under 18, get the fuck out of here." -Naruto)

Welcome to the rest of the chapter. I wish I could get out of here, but I cannot. Instead, I'm just going to zone out for most of it, so excuse any lack of commentary.

She cracks a smile and opens her eyes seductively showing her Ero side of her, "Evening Naru-kun, like what you see here, me all sprawled on your bed naked as a newborn baby." As the pearl-eyed watched her man, she could see the discomfort Naruto was trying to conceal. Subtly using her Byakugan, she looked under his clothes and spies an erection barely poking out of his boxers in his pants.

It is barely poking out because it is so small.

She walks up to him with the sheets gliding off her smooth skin, slipping his jacket off, in turn, giving him a nice wet kiss as he wraps arms around his shoulders, parting away with a line of spittle from their tongues. "Mmm, taste just as good as ever, but why don't you sit down and I'll give you something you'll enjoy, but also to take care of this little problem right here," Hinata says with lust in her voice lining one of her fingers along the bulge in his pants enticing a small moan out of him.

He takes off his pants leaving him in his shirt and boxers and walks over to the edge of his bed. Hinata gets on her knees and grabs the edge of his boxers and pulls them down with a 10 inch erection springing at attention. She licks her lips in anticipation, "Itadakemasu," and slips his penis halfway into her mouth, dragging her tongue on the underside of his dick as she pulls back receiving an approved groan as she continued sucking his member, "Damn Hinata, I never knew you were this good."

Okay, one, it's "itadakimasu," and two, while I understand what you were going for, that's a fucking retarded thing to say before guzzling a dick.

"I'm about to get better," she lived up to her words bringing up her breasts and placing his penis in between them, moving those beautiful globes up and down with her saliva working as a lubricant while the pale eyed girl suckled on the head. She moaned at the pleasurable slickness when her breasts move between his dick, sending vibrations to his engulfed member.

It soon proved to be too much as he reached his first climax and came in her mouth, but the amount he put out proved to be too much, forcing her to pull out to avoid chocking while the rest landed on her face, closing her eyes feeling his semen cover her face and her breasts in the second spurt.

He heaved in exhaustion, 'Damn that felt good, never thought Hinata could actually do that though, shame I couldn't last longer though.'

Haha. Hahahaha. Naruto is a quick draw. I am so happy for some reason.

Hearing and audible gulp, his head snapped to Hinata catching the sight of her licking his cum off her breasts with satisfied moans bringing his friend back for round two.

"Did you like that Naru-kun, 'cause I found that snack delicious," the Hyuuga told him as she wiped his essence from her face, licking it off her fingers. "You think you can return the favor, Na-ru-kun," she inched before flinching at the hungry look in her lover's eyes.

With a yelp, she was pulled over on the bed face down as she felt her ass lifted up by Naruto's hands. He stuck his index and his middle fingers into her wet cavity causing her to moan at the feeling. Her breath hitched when she felt her red-blonde lover stop at her hymen, rubbing it up and down until he pulled out.

Hinata turned, watching her love suck her juices off his middle finger. Seeing Hinata looking at him, he stuck his finger to her mouth, "Wanna taste yourself Hina-chan?" She took the offer and sucked on Naruto's finger.

Hinata let go with a POP and licked her lips seductively, she tackled him with her on top. Soon after Naruto took off his shirt revealing to her his full figure, he was not overly bulky, but still has firm muscles with only a small percentage of baby fat.

I don't think you have any baby fat at 15.

She feels his penis' length resting in the crevice of her firm rear, Hinata climbs on top to climb close to his face and gives a peck on his whiskered cheek before dragging her tongue on all three of the left whiskers causing him to shiver.

"Oooh, a little weak spot here Naru-kun," Hinata teased. "I can probably guess yours," Naruto replied reaching her breasts, hearing her moan as he lightly squeezes them and suckling her breasts like a newborn baby alternating between them, sucking and licking her nipples. "Oh yeah Naruto-kun, suck on them Naruto-kun, suck on my tits!" she moaned, pulling him closer, pressing his face in those luscious tits.

She then pulled away from him as she stood over him, her pussy just touching the tip barely going in, Hinata's juices drooling down his shaft. Naruto looked at her and waited for Hinata to push herself down, he gave her a look which she could easily tell what he was saying.

"Why should I do the work when you have your big, strong, hands?" she responds emphasizing the last three words. Naruto, getting the hint, grabs her hips, pushing down a bit earning an 'eep' from her, "Brace yourself Hina-chan, this may hurt you more than ME!" He pushes her down on him all of a sudden while thrusting up to her earning a pained gasp as she hugs Naruto as tight as she can while a mixture of Hinata's juices and blood from her broken flower drips down his sack.

Yeah, this is happening.

"Hina-chan, you alright?" Naruto asks with concern in his voice. "I'm fine Naru-kun, just fuck me so I can feel you inside me," she moans in his ear with her legs slowly wrapping around Naruto's waist, trapping him with her.

Soon he was pumping his hips at a slow pace, pulling out slowly, then slam back inside her repeating the process, slowly accelerating his pace, turning her moans in to screams of pleasure by the time he's going as fast as a piston.

Both heaved as she bounced on his dick while he pumped in her pussy, Naruto grunted trying to hold it in, but this cries of pleasure of his lover proved to be too much, "Hina-chan, I'm almost there." "Give it to me Naru-kun, make me yours and only yours," she moaned screaming as Naruto quickened his pace until…

"NARU-KUN!"

"HINA-CHAN!"

They both climaxed at the same time, Naruto's cum oozing out of Hinata's snatch as she felt the fullness of Naruto's cum filling her womb. She basked in the afterglow of her orgasm while Naruto pulled out of her.

"Naruto, you were amazing," Hinata breathed out with her eyes in a hazy gaze, she didn't notice anything until she felt a tongue lapping at her cum filled pussy, "Oh Naruto, eating me out after cumming in me," 'I didn't think he was this kinky,' she thought moaning loudly with the tongue digging in her as two furry objects tickle at her nipples, feeling a second tongue enter her mouth, eyes snapping open in realization, 'Furry, second tongue.'

NO.

Hinata immediately sees Naruto giving her a big frencher while squealing into the kiss feeling the tongue on her lower mouth flick at her clit. Her lover moves away, allowing her to see the one eating her out. Had she been post orgasm, she would have been surprised to say the least.

She was a beautiful pale skinned, naked vixen girl, with crimson slit eyes, with dark blood red hair to match, a set of D-cup breasts, and a fox tail connected just above the crack of her firm behind, "Hina-chan, this is Kyuu-chan, hope you girls have fun with each other." "Naru-kun, what about you?" Hinata pouted before gasping, feeling Kyuubi grasp her breasts from behind.

Oh, so now the Kyuubi can suddenly assume a corporeal form? And no. You describe her as a regular fox girl, but you've used the word "furry" too much when describing her and now I can't imagine her as anything but an anthropomorphic fox. I don't want to, I really don't but you've forced it.

"Don't worry about me Hina-chan, I just need to rest for a few minutes," Naruto reassured her. "Come on Hina-chan, let's put on a little show for our Naru-kun and see how fast we can get him at attention," Kyuubi giggles as she shifted her tail to Hinata's moist box, prodding, teasing, and tickling her pussy getting little shivers and jerks from what the Hyuuga was feeling.

Coming to her face, Kyuubi gives her a passionate kiss on top of her while kneading Hinata's left breast with the vixen's right hand, with her right breast pressing into Hinata's left. Kyuubi pulled away earning a disappointed groan from the pearl-eyed teen on her back.

The vixen straddled Hinata's head, pushing the smooth pale pussy into her face that was glistening with her arousal with the vixen's tails touching her forhead , "C'mon Ero-hime, clean my pussy up like I did with yours, AHHHH!" Kyuubi cried as Hinata grabbed her firm ass and drove her tongue in there with much vigor, scraping her teeth on her labia.

OW THAT SOUNDS LIKE IT HURTS.

"Oh yes, eat me, eat my pussy up!," Kyuubi panted with her tongue out, her crimson eyes half-closed, showing the passion and pleasure they were feeling, kneading her own breasts and grinding her pussy more into the princess' face in an attempt to increase the pleasure. Hinata with her Byakugan saw the look of pleasure on the vixen's face, and took advantage of the vixen's moment of weakness and pushed her down face first, losing the dominance the fox girl had in that short span of ten minutes

Kyuubi snapped out of her trance of pleasure, propped herself on her forearms and knees turned to the Hyuuga heiress, "Hey wha-," her complaints were shut up and had her voice turn to moans as Hinata found her weak spot.

The fox girl's tails were being stroked at the base by her dominator using chakra on her left hand to increase the sensation on Kyuubi's ass voicing the pleasure she felt with moans. You can hear her moan increase once Hinata used her unoccupied hand to finger the fox's pussy with her middle and ring fingers, "Well Kyuubi-chan, do you like me stroking you tail? I can tell you do, with your dripping pussy and you moaning like a little slut."

Kyuubi could only moan in response not noticing Naruto standing right in front of her, until she smells his arousal with his erect penis bobbing in her face. "Open up Kyuu-chan," she obeyed her container's words and opened her mouth for Naruto to enter. He put his hand over her blood red hair as a signal to start sucking with Hinata in tow continuing her ministrations on her tail and pussy.

Naruto gave a pleased groan with the sucking the beautiful fox was giving to his engorged appendage. Hinata then increased her fingering speed adding chakra to her fingers causing the vixen to cry out in the overwhelming pleasure she was feeling. Not only that, cries of pleasure turned to hums with Naruto's cock in her mouth giving a vibrating sensation traveling to his brain from his cock.

It's almost over, it's almost over!

It soon proved to be too much for him, "Kyuu-chan, OH YEAH!" Naruto pulled Kyuubi's head down to the hilt and erupted into the vixen's throat with her climaxing onto Hinata's fingers and arm. Pulling out, Naruto was still hard as he sees Kyuubi lying on her cheek with saliva and remnants of his cum leaking out of her mouth panting in exhaustion.

Naruto came around her and traced a line from her back to her ass, "Let go ahead and finish off with a little downward dog," the teenage jinchuriki then pierced into her vagina without warning and started pounding into her pussy, Kyuubi's cries spurring the jinchuuriki on faster.

Hinata who stepped back for her boyfriend, watched as she masturbated with her back to the headboard of the bed watching him fucking the most powerful bijuu turned to the one-tailed fox-eared beauty. "AH- Here UGH- comes ARGHHH!"

While not as much as he gave Hinata, but still enough to fill the demoness up as she squeezed down as she came from his hot essence in her body and passed out. Hinata soon came as well thrusting her hips up and slumping down onto her pillow, her mind resting into a blissful sleep as her femcum pooling out of her pussy and coating her hand and sheets once more.

Naruto pulled out of the vixen's pussy, and flipped a few hand signs dispelling the fox-girl in a poof of smoke back into his mind and soon hearing the groans of satisfactions, "Mmmm, arigatou Naru-kun," before dozing off in his mind in a peaceful sleep.

He looks over to Hinata and finds her fast asleep snuggling into her pillow. Naruto walks out to his uncurtained patio and closes the glass door looking out to the sight of the whole village from his estate, "DOWNWARD FUCKING DOG!" he bellows out to the distance.

You can tell No More Heroes 2 had come out when this was written. Also, why is Naruto even saying "Downward fucking dog?" I know Travis says it when he fucks Sylvia at the end of NMH2, but that was a callback to the beginning of the game where Sylvia used her knowledge of different yoga positions to flirt with Travis, including said downward dog. There has been no mention of any yoga before this, so this just comes out of nowhere and reveals what a talentless hack you are, Cross.

Inuzuka Residence

"DOWNWARD FUCKING DOG!"

EVERY CHARACTER REACTING TO HOW AWESOME NARUTO IS TIME.

Who the hell was that?" asked Hana Inuzuka who stopped in helping her mother with some of the pup in the dog dens. Tsume the matriarch of the Inuzuka's grins perversely looking out in direction of the Namikaze manor remembering that position in her earlier years smelling faint pheromones in the distance, "I think somebody just got some." 'Reminds me of that wild night with Minato-kun and Kushina-chan.'

Pheromones don't travel that far. I refuse to even give that last line a response.

Hatake Household

"DOWNWARD FUCKING DOG!"

Kakashi pulled his nose out of the latest series of that certain orange book, "That sounded like Naruto."

He then started to tear up, "I'm so proud of him," Then buried his face into his book once more grabbing extra tissues from under his bed.

Yep.

Konoha Hotel

"DOWNWARD FUCKING DOG!"

This kind of joke does not work in text, I'm sorry.

With the Kumo guests, Kirabi and Yugito heard the echo of a certain red-tipped blonde jinchuuriki with everyone else hearing it only just faintly, well everyone except Samui who said she would be scouting the view of the village.

Ei though took notice of the shivers Kirabi and Yugito gave, "The hell is wrong with you two?" "Nothing!" both answered.

'I would join Samui in checking the sights around here, but I wouldn't want to disturb her. Last time somebody did that he got his balls ripped off,' Karui thought.

With the group from Suna, Garaa was on the roof looking at the crescent moon, Temari was looking out the patio as she told Kankuro and their jounin sensei Baki who was wondering what that was.

Temari was sitting on the patio thinking of her brother worried about Garaa until she heard the echo snapping out of her thoughts, "Who was that?"

Then her nose catches a certain aroma, an unfamiliar musk that was traced a few rooms down and eyed one sleeping blonde Kumo kunoichi genin who's legs were spread and a sort of liquid trailing down her with a small spy scope pointed at the direction of a mansion on a nearby table, 'Pervert,' she thought to herself with a nagging urge to look at it herself.

She silently hops over silently and takes it, looking at the mansion it pointed to, 'Hypocrite,' thought her inner self and found a nude red-tipped blonde she remembered from earlier, looking at him in his full glory. Her face blushed hard and blood dribbled out of her nose as one word went through her head, 'HOT!'.

Those are some powerful-ass scopes. Also Temari is no longer cool.

Temari put the spy scope down quickly to the table and rushed her hotel patio and then to her bathroom for a cold shower.

Namikaze Manor

Naruto feeling sleep catch up to him went back inside and cuddled with Hinata, his deflowered girlfriend who snuggled up with him as he covered their nude form in their sheets coming to one thought before he ended up in the land of dreams, 'Life is good.'

Not for me.

Elsewhere

We come to a secret lair with a bonfire going on, here we see the semi-illuminated face of one Shinobu Jacobs, "Naruto Uzumaki, I'll make you pay for what you have done, I swear to you, I'll make you pay." One quick draw from her sword, and all that is left is the embers and ashes of the firewood, darkness consuming the area.

And Shinobu is still the best character in the fic.


Well, that was fucking stupid. I think I need a nap after that.

This post has been edited by Waffleman: Oct 27 2011, 10:33 AM

[Screaming_Soulcatcher]

So his way of turning Naruto into Travis Touchdown is to have Naruto screw 2 people in a row in a massive mansion (not to mention having a above average dick size), both of which are completely cool with it and the entire village knows about it (and actually happy for)

WHAT

How bad is it that the orginal Naruto was more like Travis than this abomination

[Waffleman]

Don't forget saying fuck a lot.

My favorite parts of the story are the ones where the author actually goes character by character detailing their reactions to Naruto's awesomeness.

[Waffleman]

Nothing special in the author notes, except for hints at doing this for Deadly Struggle with Shippuden, but that's never going to happen and we all know it. Let's go!

Kakashi had just arrived to the bridge where his genins were told to meet at noon… over two hours ago, having some important information to give. But upon arrival, he spies that he's one man short. 'Hmm, where's Naruto?'

Hopefully dead.

Remembering late last night's little echo, he grins under his mask and deduces where he would be, 'Oh right, heh heh hehe. Looks like we need to make a quick stop at his house though if he's still out.' "Afternoon you two, how are you guys?" Kakashi greeted. "Kakashi-sensei, can you for once be on time for our meetings?" Sakura grumbled, little miffed that she had to sit with the Uchiha in an uncomfortable silence not forgetting some of the words Ino told her.

Are you ready for stuff that happened several chapters ago but was never touched on because the author hadn't thought of it yet? Are you ready for more shitting on Sasuke? Are you ready to be reminded that Naruto's life sucked? Because I sure ain't.

Flashback(Mizuki Aftermath)

"No, no it can't be true, he wouldn't…." Sakura broke off as Ino grabbed her by the shoulders, looking at her face to face.

"Believe it Sakura, Sasuke just left the area expecting you guys to just die, he's just an asshole who cares about only himself!" Ino cried as Sasuke's words hit her deep in her heart.

"I don't know HOW he left, seeing as there were armed mercs everywhere, but my point still stands!"

"He just walked off without any hesitation while Naruto was the only one who took action against that traitor of a sensei," Ino continued, "and hearing about Naruto, seeing him in action, he never showed any of that until now."

That's because the fanfic hadn't started yet.

"I still can't believe that we were lied to for these years, my parents call him a monster that would kill anybody, I mean he did kill those guys back there, but he killed only those mercenaries and no one else for us, he just killed the threats and saved me from one of them," she said recalling those recent memories.

This is how you write a sympathetic character with a tragic past. You constantly remind your audience of the tragic past that was never shown and have everybody love the character in spite of it.

"I think a majority of us are going to be talking to our parents," Ino said. "Same here," Sakura nodded, "but I think mine may get a little difficult to talk with."

Flashback End

"At least I have an actual excuse this time, but let's wait for Naruto before I tell you," Kakashi said bringing Sakura back out of her thoughts.

"Why wait for the dobe? He hasn't been here since he went on that mission Zabuza went with him on. He probably abandoned our village and became a missing-nin." Sasuke said bitterly looking back at their last mission in Wave, 'Damn that dobe, he shouldn't have that power, I should be the only one to wield that sort of power that sword of his will be mine.'

This is how you write a character you're supposed to hate. You have them insult the sympathetic character every time they're present and repeat their own selfish motivations more often than a broken record.

"SHUT UP!" Sakura snapped, "Don't you dare talk about him abandoning his village. He wasn't the one that walked away when everybody in the academy was held hostage you bastard!"

I think Sasuke may be some new kind of Sue. He's only a Sue so that he can be a total dick. I mean, armed mercs.

'Kind of explains why he wasn't there in the aftermath of that incident.' Kakashi thought.

No! Really, Kakashi? He wasn't there because he left?! Preposterous!

"Easy you two, and to answer your question Sasuke, it's because this meeting involves all of you, now let's wait for him until he gets here," Kakashi said burying his face into his book until… "Kakashi!" he heard Kurenai's voice.

The scarecrow looked up and spied the Genjutsu Mistress on the end of where he was facing and saw she was missing her female genin of her group. "Oh Kurenai, you're missing somebody from your group too?" Kakashi inquired.

"'Too'?" Kurenai asked. "I checked with Hinata's father, but Hiashi-sama said she hasn't been her since she heard Naruto had arrived yesterday afternoon and told me to try Naruto's home," Shino informed her.

"Follow me, I think I know where he is," Kakashi sighed putting his book away.

Kurenai and the other genins there followed with Kiba in the back talking to Sakura, "100 ryou says Naruto will answer buck naked or in a robe." "What makes you say that?" Sakura asked in response.

Looks like someone passed Sakura the Idiot Ball.

"Didn't you hear that echo last night?" "Yeah the whole village heard it. Probably some pervert trying to boast to the whole village or…" "Downward dog is my clan's most favored sex positions next to doggy style and humping dog."

GET IT, BECAUSE KIBA'S FAMILY LIKES DOGS. Also, as I said last chapter, downward dog is a YOGA position, not a sex position. Now, I have three theories about this.

1. When Cross was playing NMH2, he had forgotten about the yoga conversation when the downward fucking dog scene came up.

2. Cross saw the scene by itself on Youtube or something and never had the context of the conversation.

3. Cross is a 14 year old idiot who thinks yoga is sex.

I'll leave it to you to decide.

Sakura tripped after hearing that, "WHAT THE HELL?" she screamed catching the attention of the rest of the two other genins and jounins. "Uh, thought I saw something gross, sorry," lied the pink haired girl catching a sneer from the dog nin as everyone kept walking.

"Don't you dare say anything," threatened Sakura to Kiba. "Sorry, but that was just too funny. And as to how I know about that, Mom personally taught us Sex-Ed for when we find a mate ourselves. Showed us the different positions with a few sex books she had lying around, examples from the dogs in the kennel that were in heat, not hands on of course, but you get the idea."

GET IT, BECAUSE KIBA'S FAMILY LIKES DOGS! I fucking hate this fic.

"Seriously," Sakura said disbelievingly. "Well there's that, and there was this morning when I tried to get mom up, moaning something about her, the Yondaime, and his wife probably from years back," Kiba added. Sakura just sighs and shakes her head as she keeps on walking.

Namikaze Residence

Hinata who was sleeping soundly had woken up at the aroma of cinnamon wafting through the open door of the bedroom she was in eyes still slightly closed from the afternoon sun shining in her eyes through the balcony. Still a bit drowsy, she sat there receiving memories from last night's activities.

Getting up, she takes the sheets she slept in to make a makeshift toga out of it and walked downstairs to the kitchen.

TOGA! TOGA! TOGA!

Arriving to the kitchen, the Hyuuga girl saw her boyfriend in a black robe with the Uzumaki spiral on the back pulling out her favorite food out of the oven, "Oh Naruto, how did you know I like Cinnamon Buns."

Aw yeah, this fic just got fucking delicious!

"Well when I was talking to Kyuu-chan this morning, she told me you had this hint of cinnamon when she ate you out last night, I think I can still hear her groaning from your ministrations to her." Giggling at the memory, one thought had donned on her about that night, "Actually, I've been meaning to ask, how did Kyuubi get out of you anyways?"

I'm not sure that's how eating cinnamon buns works. Unless Hinata enjoys rubbing them against her, which is her thing and I have no right to judge. Also, I too am curious about the Kyuubi antics.

"My last mission with the UAA with the Raikage; we were coming up with theories on a release jutsu for her. So when we couldn't figure out a permanent solution, we figured an alternative and didn't try it out until last night," Naruto explained. "Oh, and what was that?" she asked.

"Kage-bunshin, but rather instead of my chakra, I had her pump about a tail worth of her demonic chakra into the clone hence that tail action she tried on you." "Mmm, I never knew fur could actually feel good on me, maybe next time, she could actually stick it in deep," Hinata admitted soaking the sheets she wearing at the thought.

That's fucking retarded. Though the measuring of chakras in tails does make some kind of sense since kitsunes grow their tails as they age and grow stronger.

"Easy Hina-chan, I still wanna work out how long Kyuu-chan could stay with just one tail," Naruto says getting slightly aroused at that thought.

Then a ding was heard on the timer, "Looks like your buns are done." While Naruto tended to the cinnamon buns, Hinata noticed some mail on the table and a scroll, curious she inched her hand to the scroll while the other held the sheets up to her chest until a plate of buns were placed in front of her hand.

Tampering with someone else's mail is a federal offense. This must be Brooklyn Hinata. She just don't give a fuck. Fageddaboutit.

"Hinata, can you not touch that scroll, it's a bit special to me," Naruto said in a bit of a saddened tone. "Did it belong to anyone special to you?" "My first sensei, the scroll is a will that I haven't been able to fulfill now," the swordsman explained sitting down then turning to his girlfriend, "it was to find his daughter."

"So what's wrong then, you can find her, it's not like she's dead or anything," the Hyuuga tried to reason with him, but all in response, she just got a dark chuckle from her boyfriend. "But that's just it, I finally found her, or rather she found me, and she wants to kill me for killing her father." "Did you?"

No, Sir Henry Motherfucker did.

"No, I know I didn't, I only met him once in my life and that was years ago. But according to Ichiro he explained to me how he died by someone else wielding a similar type of weapon like mine," Naruto explained, "And to make things worse, she's my next ranking fight, and I'm afraid to kill her."

I didn't really realize it until now, but Jacobs put Naruto in his fucking will basically giving custody of his daughter to Naruto after meeting him ONCE. And Naruto was 10 at the time. Cross, these are not things rational people do. Also, Shinobu is older than Naruto.

"Then don't," Hinata simply answered taking bite out of a bun getting Naruto to freeze and turn to her, "I mean you don't have to kill her, kind of like when you didn't kill Mizuki that day. I mean the rules say don't have to kill them right."

Well, I think they do. At least in the second game, they do. I think the Shinobu incident just slipped through in the first game.

"She's right you know," Naruto jumped out of his chair throwing a table knife to Tetsuyo who caught it with his index and middle fingers standing to the entrance of the kitchen. "Nice reflexes." "Please don't do that," Naruto begged catching his breath. "Sorry, couldn't help it, but in any case, she is right, if she is unable to fight in anyway, it is your win, most assassins prefer death though," Tetsuyo explained.

I may be wrong about the first game, but they definitely had to die in Desperate Struggle.

"Thanks for that clear up, but why are you here, I'm sure it's not to conveniently confirm my girl's assumption," said Naruto. "Correct, I'm here about you ranking's fight with Ms. 8," replied Tetsuyo.

"But I didn't even turn in my form for that yet, I didn't even get the letter," said the red-tipped blond. "I know, we have some intel on one of our courier nins that was supposed to mail it to you got your form pilfered by No. 8 and paid your fight with your forged signature," replied the lawyer.

"Shouldn't that be invalid then?" Hinata asked. "Only if Naruto wants it," answered Tetsuyo as he turns to the teenage swordsman, "So is it valid or not?"

Identity theft is alright as long as the person wants it.

Naruto thought for a moment going through the options looking at what he can do, and then he looks up at Tetsuyo, confident in his decision, "Let it run, I'll take her place and fulfill Jacobs-sensei's wishes."

"Good," Tetsuyo smirked, "I'll go inform her immediately." As he left Hinata turned to Naruto and said, "You're still going to fight her." "She blames me for her father's death, my first sensei that taught me what I know, and I intend to find who killed him," Naruto answered.

"He really made an impression on you didn't he, how long did he teach you?" Hinata asked. "Just one day," he answered. "Just one day?" "He left me a few scrolls of teachings and tips, and I read them over and over until the fucking scroll started to wear out. And trained with what I learned until my bones cracked over and over for the past eight years."

And add another line stolen from the game and mangled to fit in Naruto.

"It wasn't until late last year I received his will telling me to take care for Shinobu, but when I heard she was missing, I made it my mission to try and find her whenever I can after I became a ninja. And well, you already heard the rest." "Well Naru-kun, I hope for the best for her, just don't die when you do fight her," Hinata told him hugging him a she rested her head on his shoulder.

After a few seconds, their moment was interrupted by a knock, Naruto responded getting up and heading towards the front door, "I'll get it Hina-chan, you go finish up your buns, okay." Hinata happily responded taking a bite out of the chewy stickiness, "I wonder where he puts the icing."

You didn't even wait until the icing was put on before you ate them? That's cinnamon bun blasphemy. Learn some damn patience, woman.

While he left Hinata to finish the food he made for her, Naruto went to the front door and opened it revealing Kakashi, Kurenai, and the other two members of both teams, "Kakashi-sensei, Kurenai-sensei, what brings you here?"

Their reactions were priceless, well most of them, Kakashi and Shino had neutral expressions. Mostly Shino though with his mind on other things, Kakashi looking at his genin's state of dress was giggling perversely on the inside, while keeping a straight face on the outside. Kurenai blushed a bit looking at his form up and down.

All females lusting after Naruto, yawn.

Sakura couldn't help but blush, but grumbled to a laughing Kiba who handed him some money. Sasuke wasn't paying attention to the Namikaze Uzumaki, rather he was in his own mind to find any secrets within the home of his teammate, if he got the chance to enter that is.

"Oh, sorry sensei, I forgot we had a meeting, mind was all in another place you know, let me get me and Hina-chan dressed," Naruto said trying to excuse himself. "You're not gonna let us in Naruto-san?" asked Kurenai.

"Sorry, but I like to keep my privacy, let us get ready and we'll be right out," Naruto said closing the door in their face.

"A little rude much," said Sakura. "It's Naruto, remember he had no one to look after him or anything besides the Hokage and several of our loyal ninja's at the time," Kakashi explain causing Sakura to wince, remembering that fact, "Sorry Kakashi-sensei." "Just remember Sakura."

It's okay for Naruto to be a rude son of a bitch because his past was *~SO TRAGIC~* He's such a relatable character!

Time Skip (several hours later: Tea Shop)

You know, good authors use transitions to seamlessly segue the story into other places and times, since they know their audience isn't a bunch of idiots. However, this is Cross, and this is a Naruto fanfiction. So good on Cross for knowing his demographic!

"Hinata and I already know about the chunin exams. Hell, we already met some of the participants, not to mention I escorted the Kumo-nins here for that same reason," Naruto explained. "I figured as much, and we just wanted to tell you that the both of us have nominated both Teams 7 and 8 to this year's Chunin Exams," Kakashi announce.

All of them had positive looks after hearing that, well except for Naruto who gave a groan and an audible slap on his fore head, "Something wrong Naruto?" asked Kakashi.

"Kakashi-sensei, are you sure you want this team to do this?" Naruto asked. Kakashi in response raised an eyebrow which Naruto knew he was going to ask, "Look no offense but just look at our team, while you do have an experienced killer being me, Sakura only knows whatever the hell the Academy showed us which kind of proves the quality of some of our rookie genin is very low."

And of course, Naruto shits on his own teammates. He is completely awesome, so it's okay. Plus his past was tragic, you guys.

"Naruto, what are you talking about?" Sakura asked. "Look, no offense Sakura-chan, but out of the nine rookies of our graduating year, you plain out suck, right below Ino because our final graduation test in the academy was a simple bunshin, transformation, and kawamari," Naruto answered. "So, from what I hear, the other village standards decrease the number in their forces," snorted the Uchiha.

Naruto just flat out told Sakura she sucks. Everybody is okay with this.

"And yet the quality of those ninjas who do graduate are greater than the majority of us," Naruto retorted staring him down with squinted eyes, "you Sasuke can be great, only if you get that stick out of your ass and shove that superiority complex down."

GRADUATES ARE BETTER THAN STUDENTS?! NO!

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? I AM SUPERIOR THAN THOSE LOSERS!" shouted the Avenger only to be knocked down by Naruto's killer intent. Sasuke started to feel lightheaded and was about to collapse. "And yet you were going to be knocked out be not even 1/5 of my killer intent," Naruto shook his head over Sasuke's inability to comprehend.

Sasuke being a complete strawman is nothing new, so I'll reiterate my frustration at the author trying to make killer intent a thing. Granted, it's kind of a cool idea for a system of powerlevels, but Naruto already has chakra, and nothing of the sort existed in No More Heroes. This story takes place in the Naruto universe. Please stay consistent with the rules of how this universe works and stop trying to add shit.

"So you really think I can't handle this?" Sakura asked, a bit hurt at Naruto's bluntness at her skills. "I'll admit this; you have gotten better than you were when you were a fangirl, but only from at last few weeks from graduation. Unless you know anything outside what the Academy taught us besides the tree walking exercise, I don't think that Team 7 should even be at the exams. Hell I don't think we should have even been a team. We only passed because Sasuke only reluctantly agreed to work with us after Sasuke got tied to that tree stump."

This is just amazing. Naruto is literally lording his superiority over his teammates, and they're gonna be totally fine with this, I know it.

"Sasuke got tied to a tree stump –OWW!" Kiba was going to laugh, until Hinata elbowed him in the ribs, hard.

*SMACK* Everyone pulled away from Kiba's pain and found Sakura slapping Naruto hard enough to leave a red hand print on his left cheek which subsided in a matter of seconds. The anger you could see was intense, but that intense anger turned into apprehensive fear when Naruto looked back at her. It wasn't him looking at her that made her apprehensive; rather it was the dark grin that could be mistaken as maniacal that did it.

Sakura is now a good character, if only for this moment.

"That is what I like to see. If that was Sasuke you wouldn't fear me right now. That may as well change my mind about you," said Naruto impressed, "That is what I want to see when we get to the chunin exams."

BUT OF COURSE THIS WAS NARUTO'S PLAN ALL ALONG. Beautiful puppet master defense, Naruto.

Naruto then walked off with his sword in his hand, "Don't disappoint me Sakura, and remember I won't be able to save you all the time, and Sasuke is to stupid and selfish to even think of helping you."

"Naruto, your entry pass," Kakashi tried to call out to him. "Just give it to me Kakashi-sensei," said Hinata, "I'll make sure he gets it, he has a fight to go to."

"What fight is she talking about?" Kiba motioned to Shino, "An assassin's fight, like the one we witnessed in Wave. Please pay attention Kiba-san."

Yeah, this is pretty much the worst fanfic I've ever mocked. Naruto is the worst Mary Sue I have personally dealt with. He's just a black hole of terrible characterization. Everybody who comes near him is mangled into loving Naruto, and he gets away with being a jerk because people were mean to him. It wouldn't be as bad if we actually had a flashback SHOWING this tragic past, but no. We're only told about it and never shown it. He'd probably fuck it up anyway.

Training Ground Forest

Here we find the white-haired, dark-skinned afro samurai girl, Shinobu. She stood silently as she raised her blade where its polished reflection would meet her eyes. "He will pay father, today I will avenge you for what he's done."

As if a gong sounded, she jumped up through a small opening in the trees. Getting through, numerous leaves followed her ascension. Upon reaching the peak of the jump, she started slashing through the leaves fast. In an average person's vision, these slashes would look more like flashes. Her sword flowed around her in all directions.

Descending, she withdrew her blade as she fell with grace and finesse, the audible click sounded as she fully sheathed her blade. The leaves surrounding her then started to split in half, then in fourths, and finally in eighths, each cut with precision and symmetry.

That was unneeded.

Landing, she hears a slight rustle in the bushes behind her, and with a quick shout, "SONIC SWORD!" she quick-draws her sword and shot a blade of red chakra which cuts through the bush horizontally in half and through several trees.

"Wow, never seen anybody do that before," sounded a female voice to the side in the shadows. Instincts taking over, Shinobu readies her sword to attack, "Show yourself!"

"Easy there, I mean no harm," said the female voice. And out of the shadows was a girl about sixteen, her brown hair in an ox-horn style with a Konoha headband on her forehead, pink Chinese sleeveless shirt, and black kung-fu pants and blue ninja sandals. (Like any other ninja doesn't wear those kinds of shoes.)

Shut the fuck up.

"Who are you?" Shinobu asks the girl. "My name is Tenten; I was just passing by going to my training area until I saw your display there."

"My name is Shinobu, now if you excuse me, I'm looking for someone," Shinobu says walking past Tenten.

"Wait up, if you're looking for someone, I can probably show you where he or she is," offers the weapon mistress. "No thanks, you'll only get in the way," said Shinobu. Tenten, taking that as an insult, "Hey, I'm only trying to help out, and what do you mean I'll get in the way?"

Completely ignoring the question, Shinobu clicked open her blade from its sheath with her thumb to the hilt, "Fine, you wanna help, then tell me anything you know about where I can find Naruto Uzumaki," she demanded. "Naruto Uzumaki, well the only places he usually shows up is at Ichiraku's Ramen Shop or Buster Buns," said the bun haired girl noticing where the black girl's hand is keeping her right hand on her back pocket where a scroll was located while her left stroked her chin as if she was in thought.

Buster Buns. Really.

"Thanks," Shinobu tells the girl as she walked past her, "One other thing Tenten, even though you were prepared to defend yourself, I would have killed you before you even knew it." To emphasize her point, the genin Weapon Mistress heard a loud *SHING* and found the right side of her Chinese shirt cut from the bottom to the arm hole with a clean slice.

'What happened,' thought Tenten frantically as she froze there on the spot wide eyed, 'I didn't even see her pull out her blade, but it definitely felt the edge glaze over skin, just shallow enough to just cut my shirt.' Tenten could only gulp when the wind blew by almost exposing her chest until she gathered enough willpower to move and turn to the samurai girl as she walked away, "Wait, just who are you?"

So Shinobu just feels like nearly stripping a stranger. Must be a hit at parties.

Shinobu stopped and answered in a flat tone, "I'm an assassin, No. 8 of the UAA. Far stronger than any other ninja you may have faced."

Shinobu just walked away, and once she was gone and out of sight Tenten just fell to her knees and started heaving, 'Just what was that, killer intent, no, KI would have stopped my heart just for a couple of seconds or kill me. I-I think that fear I was feeling.'

It was at this point that I realized that KI wasn't ki in all caps. It was an abbreviation of Killer Intent. I hate everything.

"TENTEN!" shouted an eccentric voice. The Weapon Mistress followed it to a fellow genin her age in a green jumpsuit, orange leg warmers, and a bowl-cut hair cut, 'Lee'. "Lee, we got to get to Naruto-san right away," She says tying up her cut shirt to keep it closed and ran towards the village.

"Why what's going on?" Lee asked following suit.

"Someone is going to kill him, c'mon let's go!" Tenten said.

"We need to get good seats! I wouldn't miss this for the world!"

Konoha Streets

Naruto walked along the streets until he hit a crossroad branching to an alleyway and the park. It was then he felt an arrow whiz past his ear into the fence in front of him. Attached to it was a familiar earpiece which he took and placed it in his ear.

"Hey there Uzu, your next fight is set up. Hope you are ready for your fight. That's right man, just a straight shot to her, no mercs, or enemies except for her. Just meet the girl over at Buster Buns in the village. Oh and another stats check up betting on your ass. Apparently the guys at the office have bets on you, majority of them have you on a 200% chance that you will die.

But I have said it before; you sure know how to fuck with chances going against you. Ahh I ran out of shit to say without accidentally plagiarizing the fucking game. So yadda, yadda, yadda, Garden of Madness just do what you need to do."

Accidentally plagiarizing the game, he says. Fuck you, Cross. You've purposefully plagiarized from this game before and you're going to continue to, even in this very chapter. Also, we're six chapters in and NOW you decide to start breaking the fourth wall? No, don't do that. I know No More Heroes did it, but they were consistent from the start about it. "Hurf durf if I acknowledge my mistakes, that makes them funny and okay!" No it doesn't. You hear me Internet? Knowing you're making a mistake does not allow you to keep doing it. If you know you're fucking up, FIX IT. Just fucking FIX. IT.

"Looks like I'm having buns for lunch."

Shinobu

"What's that in your hand, a toy?"

Oh right, this is the first assassin we're fighting that had one of these. Mizuki was from the anime, Death Metal was at the beginning of the game, and we skipped Dr. Peace.

Buster Buns (Minutes later via Shunshin)

Today was a slow day, barely any customers save for three drunks and Shinobu who spots the red-tipped blonde.

"Hello there Uzumaki," said Shinobu upon Naruto's entry, saying his name with venom. "Shinobu listen…" "Save it, I don't care what you have to say, all I know is that today, you are going to die."

Go Shinobu! You can do it!

"That's just it, I only…" "I said SHUT UP!" she interrupted one more now noticing the lecherous looking grins with the three drunks here. Looking at them with disgust she turns back to her soon to be opponent, "Mind if we take this… somewhere else?"

"I don't mind," he answers. "Wait outside for a sec," she tells him, Naruto complies with a nod as he walks out past three of the patrons who get up over to Shinobu.

The only thing heard was sharp wet slashes and meat dropping on the floor. "CLEAN UP ON ISLE 3!"

And another scene from No More Heroes ruined. It loses its impact when she's killing three lecherous drunks instead of innocent students. Also, restaurants don't have isles. They don't have aisles either.

She exited the restaurant and leads the way with Naruto following behind her. Unknown to them two members of Team Gai trailed them on the roofs. "There they are, let's go Lee," Tenten quietly said to the genin taijutsu specialist who followed, "I don't know Tenten, the girl doesn't have a headband, nor is she a ninja. She could be a youthful samurai who knows Naruto-san."

"Lee, she knows him, I talked to her in that area, she told me she was an assassin of the UAA," Tenten explain as they kept shadow distance, "My dad told me about the UAA, Naruto-san's mother used to be part of that group, she even made No. 1."

"Tenten, do you…" "Shh, Lee they're stopping," Tenten interrupted as she found them going into an abandoned building. In actuality, Tenten did form a mild crush on the younger genin from a few years ago when she spied on the genin a year ago just before she graduated training with his Chakra Katana.

OF. COURSE.

Which was where she went through one of her very few and rare fangirl moments; not entirely one of her best moments since she was trying to be a serious kunoichi like her idol, Tsunade of the Sannin.

A day or so later she told her father about that weapon of Uzumaki's, before Naruto's heritage was actually known.

*flashback*

Wait, why are you doing it in asterisks now? Could you at least be consistent within one chapter?

"Hey dad," Tenten greeted to her father Tenchu, "Hey there, Ten-chan, you're home late."

"Daaaad, I told you to stop calling me that!" whined the up and coming weapons specialist. "Sorry, but you know how much your mother and I love calling you that". Her only response was a cute pout that made him chuckle.

I'm sure it looked like this >:T

"Anyways, why were you so late?" asked the father as he carried a box of quality kunais to a worktable and started separating them. "Umm, yeah, do you know anybody who makes katanas with the blade made of pure chakra?" asked Tenten. "What gave you that idea?" replied Tenchu.

"Well yesterday after I was getting back from the academy training areas, I saw a kid about a year younger than me training with this sword that had a blade made of red chakra," Tenten explained.

She swore she heard him mumble something, "Huh?" "It's nothing; let's just say that boy is the son of a famous swordswoman I know," answered the Higurashi patriarch.

At the word 'swordswoman', her eyes lit up, "A female swordswoman?"

"Nope, a male swordswoman. It's a very compicated story and we'll tell you when you're older."

Tenten froze there repeating the word in her mind over and over again until, "TELL ME WHO SHE IS!" sheexploded lunging at her father shaking him back and forth until…

Anger management much?

*WHAP*

Her mother smacked her head causing her to stop by her mother Renren Higurashi who looked like an older and bustier version of Tenten with D-cups and a violet Chinese blouse hugging that rack.

D-cups and a tight chinese dress. Always a good combination in my book.

"Calm down Tenten, the woman your father was talking about was a very good friend of ours who passed away during the Kyuubi attack all those years ago," Renren told her daughter holding back tears.

"Her name was Kushina Uzumaki, she was from Whirlpool Country before it got destroyed and made a name for herself her as the Red Death. In fact your mother and I were teammates with her in our chunin days," Tenchu explained. Tenten just looked at them with shock and awe, she had never knew her parents were partnered up with one of the most well known kunoichis in the history of the Leaf, right next to Tsunade of the Sannin.

Even Naruto's mom is a Mary Sue. It must be genetic.

"That sword you told me about was my gift to her for getting me and your mother hooked up."

This was after the threesome they had, of course.

"How did she get you and mom hooked up?"

"Oh she told me about when she barged in on your mother one time by accident when your grandpa owned this store- OOF!" Tenchu soon found himself on the flood nursing the red mark on his cheek where her mother's fist had connected.

The sudden rise of sexual references in this fic worries me.

"Now, now Tenten is too young to hear that story dear. The short and sweet version, your father made me that double ended chakra sword I keep on my stand in my closet that I tell you to keep out of."

"You mean the one where that you said you would murder me If I ever go in there," Tenten replied innocently.

Because the threat of child murder is just good parenting!

"That's the one, oh how happy I was to own such a unique weapon like that."

Tenchu just scoffed, "Happy? You goddamn tackled me and had you take you on this work table."

"Tenchu!" Renren exclaimed shocked revealing such personal information in front of their daughter.

Just your normal happy family.

The blacksmith sighed at his wife while going back to Tenten, "Anyways, it was after that, I made that katana you saw with that Uzumaki kid for his mother when I found out she was part of the Association. But here's the thing, when I made that, I had Kushina to donate some of her blood for personalization seals inside the weapon." Tenten figured it out from there, "So nobody but Naruto and anybody else who share his blood are able to use it." "That's correct," confirmed her father.

"And Tenten, let me just tell you your mother has a hell of a weapons fetish which may have been passed on to you," Tenchu says with Renren's and Tenten's faces turning tomato red. Though Tenten instead of embarrassed, was actually agitated at her father's revelation, "I do not have a weapons fetish!" "Ten-chan, you keep kunais in your panty drawers, and I saw you with one of your mother's ninjato blades at the foot of your bed one time, that doesn't count as a weapon's fetish?" ashamed, she blushed even redder until she felt her mother's KI.

A weapons fetish is a disturbing one to have, in my opinion.

"You touched one of my ninjatos," Renren's glowed with fury as Tenten just nervously chuckled.

*flashback end*

For the moment, she blushed remembering that little memory until Lee spoke to her, "Tenten, they're going into that abandoned dojo."

Tenten snapped out of her thoughts and looked around the corner with Lee seeing Naruto go in with Shinobu.

During Naruto and Shinobu's short walk

Naruto just eyed the older woman, going through his thoughts to keep the samurai girl alive. Shinobu though thought otherwise when she noticed Naruto's eyes roaming about her body.

"Stop checking me out like that its creepy," Shinobu said not bothering to turn to him. "Sorry, but it's kind of hard when your enemy is as bloodthirsty and sexy as yourself," Naruto replied.

Did you really need to add the sexy part? Did you need that little extra ego stroke?

Shinobu kept walking, "Such a gentleman." "So are you just trying to be smooth with me, or are you just fucking with me?" "Neither, I just like to complement the beauty of the fairer sex; it's kind of rare to see a woman like you ready to kill. The only irk I have though is killing civilians when it it's unnecessary."

"You got a problem with that?" she growled, "You have no idea how hard it is to hide your true self in this world."

We don't wanna accidentally plagiarize from the game, you guys. We want to do it on purpose.

"Actually, I can relate," Naruto replied as the two of them entered an abandoned dojo.

Upon meeting her in a blocked hallway with her back turned to him, she gave off an even bigger aura of anger than she was leaking out on the way here, "A real gentleman, I just turned my back, but you didn't strike. You ARE fucking with me?"

"Hey, I'm here just to prove a point to you, and just to take your rank, not your life," replied Naruto pulling out his Chakra Katana, lazily holding it with his right hand.

Shinobu hitches her breath ever so slightly, seeing flashes of her memory triggered by that blade held by the blonde.

Yeah, there are several sentences this chapter where the tense suddenly changes to present instead of past.

*flashback (one year ago)*

Her father fighting an assailant as a seventeen year-old Shinobu watches from the safety of a closet as she watched the fight.

The assailant had reddish blonde hair wearing a full face mask only revealing the eyes. In his hands the weapon that fought her father, emitted purple Chakra making the blade of the katana with four six inch chakra blades filling the guard of the sword.

Yaaaay, it's Sir Henry Motherfucker!

The two clashed for what seemed like hours until the two clashed. This moment proved to be the most horrific scene in her life, as both jumped away from the clash. Jacobs slashed downward, the assailant dodged spinning to the right swinging right into Jacobs' waistline from the back, cleanly cutting through like a hot knife through butter.

The samurai girl's eyes widened as she witnessed her father being cut in two. The Jacobs' torso landed on his back whilst the legs fell forward on its knees. The assailant wasn't unscathed though, apparently Jacobs' sword sliced lightly through the mask he wore as the right eye was exposed to the world, revealing a baby blue shade in his eye.

Tears spilled out while she kept her mouth closed with her hands until the victorious swordsman left her sight, out of her home. Once she no longer saw his presence in her home, she burst out to her father's body. She cried loudly in sorrow, she quieted down once she felt her father's slowly cooling hand touch her cheek.

"..o t.. Nar*COUGH*uto Uzu..maki." Those were his last words before the light faded from the man's eyes. Tears fell from her cheeks, falling onto her father's as she closed his eyes for the last time. Wiping her tears, sorrow was replaced by raging fury that screamed revenge, "Naruto Uzumaki, you will pay for my father's life, I swear this to you. You. Will. PAY!"

Oh dear, it's a wacky anime misunderstanding.

*end flashback*

"You will pay with your LIFE!" The samurai girl seethed as she pulled out her own traditional katana, the one Tenten had witnessed her elegant expertise with, "At last I have my chance."

Shinobu charged at the Uzumaki-Namikaze heir, "I will now avenge my father!"

Naruto mirrored her actions, "You are making a big mistake Shinobu!" Naruto came with an upper right slash which Shinobu easily dodged jumping over him with grace and counter attacked with a stomp with her right foot. Naruto successfully blocked with the back of his forearm with a hard impact whilst gripping his weapon.

Time for the traditional boring fight scene that doesn't give me much to talk about.

The female samurai followed up with a few stabs which Naruto parried with quickness, catching him off guard when her shin connected to his face knocking him away, only for him to quickly recover to his knee skidding back on the wood floor.

Shinobu landed in a quick-draw stance, "Sonic Sword," a red beam of chakra zoomed towards him, Naruto moved his body with his feet in place, effectively dodging the attack, passing harmlessly away from him. "Damn," Naruto cursed seeing Shinobu had disappeared from his sights.

Footsteps tapped quickly behind him, turning around, he finds Shinobu charging with an up-close quick-draw, "Genkoken," fastest draw that he's seen, Naruto blocked with his katana.

And she followed up with a series of swings and slashes at her subject of revenge who blocked as fast as he could, "Flying Sunday," Shinobu went off to an upper slash, "Sky High," and land came down with a falling sweep. Naruto seeing her flash at that moment, he was unable to react fast enough and received a bloody slanted slash to the torso, blood following the katana's trail.

Alright! Make him bleed, Shinobu!

"What's that in your hand, a toy?" She taunted twirling her sword around her with one hand. Naruto charged with Shinobu swinging her sword, Naruto struck at her first strike of her combo locking both in a power clash.

They never actually said their intro quotes outside the intro, man.

As the two struggled, Naruto tried to talk to her, "Shinobu, I know you want revenge, but this isn't the way to do it." "Shut up and DIE!" They both struggled till Shinobu was pushing him back till she won the struggle, tripping him and hit him back with an upper slash.

But before it landed, it poofed into smoke, "What?" she gasped. Out of the smoke screen caused by the shadow clone, Naruto catching her off guard, slammed his fist into her gut and threw her on her back by her waist over head.

She got up hastily holding her gut at the pain it sent. She started heaving heavily as she blocked out the pain in her head, and breathed calmly, speaking in monotone, "Genkoken v.2" she charged at him, practically gliding on the floor, her sword went up to him with an uppercut slash, it connected, launching the ninja assassin up, and moved fast enough to leave blurs, slashing around him as each blur appeared when the kill shot came to the head.

Wait, kill shot? Could this be?

Shinobu grinned maniacally at the sight of Uzumaki's head split in bloody two, still connected to his neck.

Naruto's dead?

Tenten watching from the sidelines outside gasped at the horrific sight that had just occurred, Lee was speechless seeing what happened to his fellow ninja, killed by this assassin. He had half a mind to go in and take her down, 'But that girl is on another level, her speed even rivals mine.'

NARUTO'S DEAD, YOU GUYS!



Shinobu landed first blood of Uzumaki's staining her face, 'Finally, after over a year, I have avenged my father.' She started to walk away until she heard a heavy metallic object sounded as it crashed on to the ground. "What?"

Wait, what? No....no, no, no!

"Kawamari, switching oneself with another person or object," Naruto explained charging in and started attacking with multiple strikes at her.

NOOOOOOOOOO!

Sweep to the legs, she jumped back.

Downward slash, sidestep to either side.

Upward slash, black-flip away.

This fanfic, I'm bored.

Both struck and parried and out maneuvered each other until their weapons caught once more, Shinobu taking advantage of this circled their blades around until she forced Naruto's weapon out of his hands as it clanged away from him, the chakra blade receded into the hilt without its master guiding the chakra out.

"Let's see how you do without your weapon," Shinobu taunted. "Shinobu, I'll tell you this, I won't kill you, but you should never underestimate a ninja,Mary Sue" Naruto warned her taking a standard issue kunai holding it with the blade under.

Shinobu seethed even harder than before running at him with a battle cry Naruto showed newfound energy in him as he parried one of her blows with his kunai overhead. Both went into a combo frenzy as they parried each other's moves.

Knocking the sword away from him, he flipped his kunai like as sword and slashed the muscle in her forearm close to her wrist that allowed her to hold her blade. As she yelped in pain with her sword out of her hand, her arm bled as her blood dripped to the ground.

He doesn't cut OFF her arm because he plans to bone her later and amputees are GROSS.

She stared him down with her violet eyes, "What are you waiting for? FINISH ME!" Naruto huffed looking at her with passive eyes, "No, Shinobu."

She turned away from his sight to escape that passive look, "Don't look at me like that! Don't!"

"Shinobu, please listen to me. I never fought Jacobs-sensei, I just trained under him," Naruto tried to explain.

"Liar! I know you killed him!" Shinobu denied, tears falling out, "Sliced him in two… you sick bastard!" She tried to kick him but her foot was caught under Naruto's arm. With his hand behind her head, his eyes staring into hers, she blushed.

THIS IS NOT THE TIME.

"Shinobu, will you just listen to me!" the 9th assassin took the position they were in and flipped her on her back while he was bent backwards keeping eye contact.

"Jacobs was my mentor," he told her, "I only met him once, and when he left, Jacobs left me a scroll on his teachings he left me that day." Naruto got on his feet, flipping over her, "Why would I kill my first teacher before anybody would even bother?"

Shinobu's tears threatened to come out, she spoke trying to hold them in, "Kill me… please," she pleaded getting to her knees. "I admit it. I lost. Just do it."

He looked at her eyes, seeing how she had given up hope, he kneels down to her level and stroked one of her cheeks, wiping a tear that fell with his thumb before placing his hand where the shoulder meets the neck, "I can't do that Shinobu-chan." The samurai girl gives him a look that just says, 'Why?' "Because I have a promise to keep for my master," squeezing that spot, her eyes widened before going unconscious.

Oh, and now he knows some kinda Vulcan nerve pinch.

"So what are you going to do now?" Tetsuyo asked who appeared behind him. "I'm gonna take her to my estate and take care of her there," Naruto told him. Taking his kunai, he threw it through a broken window into the tree that was there. "I know you guys are there, so come out before it gets ugly," Naruto announced.

"Tetsuyo, I found this assassin. Can I keep it?"

There revealed two people he's seen around the village before, the bun-haired weapons mistress Tenten, and the Taijutsu enthusiast Rock Lee. "Well if it ain't the guys from Team Gai, where's you other teammate?" Naruto asked.

"Naruto, don't worry about them. You wanted Shinobu alive, right? Then get the girl a doctor, you may have cut off a major artery in her wrist," Tetsuyo told him wrapping a piece of cloth around Shinobu's arm.

Cut....off an artery?

"Damn, look ignore my previous question for a favor, find a girl named Haku, she should be a chunin, check the hospital first, tell her to go to my estate use my name," Naruto told them. "Wait, what just happened here?" Tenten demanded.

Naruto just rolled his eyes and looked at them, "Listen, just get Haku to my estate, and I'll tell you everything the next time we meet, just go and get her."

Tenten left as Lee was about to follow her, but not before turning to Naruto, "Namikaze-san, you have a most youthful heart sparing that girl's life, I hope to fight you as a fellow honorable ninja of Konoha."

Lee's still cool. He's just Lee.

Watching Lee run off, Tetsuyo walked next to Naruto with Shinobu, holding her bridal style, "You know, honor can get you so far, that alone won't be enough." "I know, but an assassin like us has to have something to go by." "Others may say otherwise." With Shinobu at hand, Tetsuyo hands her to Naruto, "I'll leave her in your hands. You are now 8th in rank; expect your mail to come in a week."

This post has been edited by Waffleman: Nov 3 2011, 06:08 AM

[Waffleman]

Time Skip (Namikaze Estate)

"So how is she Haku?" Naruto asked. "She's fine, though she should take it easy a bit; I found some internal injuries on her besides the cuts and scrapes. I say take it easy for a week, tops," Haku diagnosed before looking at him again, "How did you know I became a medic nin?"

"Your knowledge on medical herbs when we met up in Nami," said the swordsman, "Here, let's go downstairs and see Hinata, she's probably worried about me."

Yep, Naruto's super smart. What do you want from me? This is all the same shit we've seen before!

As they left, the pressure point Naruto hit earlier started to wear off as Shinobu's eyelids started twitching till they snapped open and slowly she sat up from the bed. Sitting upright, she flinched a bit feeling some pain in her stomach, "Damn, what hit me?"

Then the memories of what happened not so long ago today, she immediately searched around for any items of hers, as well as clothes since the only thing covering her was her panties and medical tape wrapped around her stomach and breasts.

On a chair right next to her bed she was in were her belongings she brought to the fight, her dress, katana, and a photo of her father.

Exiting the room, she unlocks the door slowly as not to alert anybody, 'Must be that damn Uzumaki's place. Probably took me here knowing I'll be his fucking slave. Not if I have to say anything asshole.'

You're going to become his slave willingly eventually, though I am slightly uncomfortable saying that about a black woman. But for now, let's savor your being a good character.

Heading down, she sees Naruto, Haku, and Hinata sitting down and laughing at the dining table. Shinobu just waited it out there for ten minutes until the Hyuuga girl took Haku away from the kitchen to another place. Thankfully it was away from her location. She waited for another ten minutes till she found hime going to the bookshelf and grabbed a book.

Naruto smirked as he went to reading, Shinobu slowly unsheathed her sword ready to charge, "Hello Shinobu, feeling better already." Her eyes widen in surprise as he continued, "Or are you still out to kill me misunderstanding your father's meaning in calling out my name."

HOW DOES NARUTO KNOW? Is he so awesome that he was able to read the flashback? Is he Deadpool? Can he read this mock? I certainly hope not.

She could only snarl.

Meanwhile, with Hinata and Haku

"So I understand you've been eyeing my Naruto-kun, hmm, Haku-chan?" asked Hinata as the Ero side took over her body. Haku gulped and stumbled in her words, "I… yeah…but…" Haku was shushed by Hinata's middle and index to the ice user's lips.

Oh, this should be good.

"Shh, I understand, Naruto-kun can relate to you. Especially after what happened to your family in Kiri and what you had to do," said the Hyuuga in a dim tone. Haku turned her eyes away while Hinata saw the hurt in her eyes at the memory, "How do you…?"

"I was there in that clearing when you met with Naruto-kun. And after the fight on that bridge in Wave, I saw that look you gave him." Haku blushed, "The dreamy look in your eyes, trying to convince yourself otherwise, looking below his waist, just wondering how big he is."

I miss Brooklyn Hinata.

By now, Haku is rubbing her legs together holding her hands together between her legs. Hinata feeling Haku shiver pushed her index and middle into the ice user's mouth as Hinata gently pushed the digits in and out of her mouth while her other hand cupped one of Haku's C-cup breast.

So is this girl-on-girl or is it like that Chip Cheezum video with the cosplayers?

She moans as Hinata breathes into her ear causing her to shudder even more and suck on the Hyuuga's fingers by herself, "We can share him you know, the CRA allows Naruto-kun to have multiple wives. But first I have to inspect you; after all, each and every girl has to be compatible with not just Naruto-kun, but each other as well. Though I have to say you've passed each and every one of my expectations, just one more thing before our final initiation into Naru-kun's family."

What is the CRA and why is it encouraging this bullshit? These are the questions that need answering.

Hinata took her fingers out of Haku's moaning mouth, taking a look at her saliva coated fingers Haku turns to Hinata with a pleading look panting with her tongue out like a cute puppy, "So cute Haku-chan," said the heiress kissing the black-haired girl.

Both moaned and groaned into each other's mouth Hinata holding Haku's head to face the Hyuuga heiress while Haku wrapped her arms around Hinata's neck. The kiss lasted for a good three minutes until they both pulled back from each other spittle connecting between their tongues. 'Naru-kun was right, I am a horny bisexual minx,' thought the erotic Hyuuga.

You're also disgustingly out of character, but that's an issue for another day.

Taking her hand off of her breast, she moves it inside Haku's pants moving her arms whimpering as the Hyuuga farther down her pelvis till it was just above her slit, bare even touching the opening. 'Hmm, Haku-chan is pretty wet, should I be a bitch? Yeah,' Hinata smirked.

Hinata and "bitch" in the same sentence. Just doesn't work, you know?

The next thing Haku knew, she felt like five pins stabbed her just above her pussy, she winced at the feeling. And soon, pressure she was feel from Hinata's ministrations started to build and tried to grind her pelvis into Hinata's fingers to touch her inner core, right into her pussy, "I wouldn't do that right now Haku-chan," "What, why?" Haku asked curiously.

"The points I touched just above your pussy are very interesting points, actually, some of our Hyuuga members know about these points using them in sex, making it more agonizingly fun," Hinata explained grinning seductively. Haku's eyes widened in realization, even more after feeling her legs buckle, "What did you…?"

"It's all part of my initiation for you and the others that may join us over time, you see, all that foreplay I've been giving you got you all nice and wet," she emphasized her point fulfilling Haku's previous begging and curved her fingers into the ice users pussy. Haku moaned and moaned at the sensation, and when she was about to hit her climax…nothing.

Much like this fic! Wakka wakka!

The pressure was still there, "Wha- Why c-c-can't I-I-I CUM?" she cried until she realized and turned her head to Hinata who just smirked mischievously, "You can't, at least, not until I allow you to, you can wait for couple of hours can't you?"

"But-hmph," before Haku could say anything else she found herself gagged and bound with her arms behind her back and legs tied together. "Let's get to Naru-kun's room okay."

Taking the route away from Naruto's location, Hinata carried a heavy breathing Haku to Naruto's bedroom still bound. Taking a digital clock she places it on the nightstand, laying Haku on her side placing her on the bed so the ice user faces the time telling device.

"I'm gonna leave you here Haku-chan for a couple of hours for Naru-kun, okay, promise me you be a good girl and wait there all wet and ready," Hinata instructed licking her fingers before holding her fingers to the base of her neck, "Sleep tight Haku-chan, have some pleasant wet dreams."

Goddamn, that's fucking sadistic.

Haku was unconscious when chakra surged through the Hyuuga's fingers, Hinata looked at the sleeping girl satisfied with her work.

"Now that that's done, let's see what Naruto is doing," Hinata said to herself as her normal consciousness came to her body, "Byakugan." Looking where Hinata and Haku left Naruto, she sees him confronted by that Shinobu girl that was supposed to still be in bed swinging that sword slashing at her boyfriend who was only armed with a kunai.

DO IT, SHINOBU! I BELIEVE IN YOU!

'Naruto!' immediately, she bolted to the kitchen/dining room to support Naruto.

W/ Naruto

Shinobu swung and slashed at the younger swordsman, frustrated for not only missing each and every swipe, but for also not going into the offensive, 'This bastard, he's just taunting me, why doesn't he attack?'

A general sense of superiority over the human race, I'd assume. Which really doesn't make him much better than Sasuke apparently is.

She jumps at Naruto with an overhead slash to bisect the ninja, but it proved to be futile once Naruto blocked it as sparks grinded from the metal before Naruto boot kicked her away as gently as he could trying not to cause too much damage as he backed to a nearby wall.

Shinobu skidded back but winced when she stopped grabbing her abdomen with her free hand, "Damn it." "Shinobu stop, you're just gonna hurt yourself even further," Naruto told her.

"Shut up, why would you even care?" "Because Jacobs-sensei told me to in his will," Naruto replied.

"Shut up damn you! Never talk about my father! Why would he send you anything if you killed him?" Shinobu retorted. "I told you, we only met once, I probably sent him some letters and back, but that's it," said Naruto once more, "If you still don't believe me, check the scroll on the table," motioning to said scroll that laid next to his book.

Pointing her sword at Naruto, "Don't you move," "If it'll make you believe me," replied Naruto glancing to the corner of his eye seeing Hinata at the door both flipping through ANBU sign language, "Subdue her?" "No, I'll handle this."

I was not aware that ninjas had sign language. It kinda makes sense if you wanna be quiet and sneaky, but still.

Shiobu not noticing the actions that her prisoner was doing, she grabs the small scroll and unravels it making sure she has her eye on the other swordsman.

Reading the words she was shocked to see what was written there, "I didn't think he would be putting that responsibility on me in taking care of you. But despite my circumstances, I asked the old man if he could find anyone with your name or description during my year in the academy. I even tried asking him if I could search around for you outside my village. I promise, I will avenge your father my master for the both of us."

"LIAR! THIS CAN'T BE HIS WILL! YOU MUST HAVE FORGED IT BY HIS HAND!" she cried into a battle cry in tears in an attempt to stab him right between the eyes. Hinata watching this was about to react until she remembered what Naruto had told her. She was snapped out of her thoughts when she heard the sharp piece of metal hit something.

Do it, do it, do it, do it!

Shinobu's tears still fell from her cheeks as she saw she missed, just a few inches from his left cheek. She pulled and stabbed again, but once more the girl missed barely grazing his other cheek. She repeated the action again, and again, and again missing each time until her aim reached his chest and stabbed through the jinchuuriki's body. But he wasn't dead; Shinobu had barely missed the boy's heart hitting the right pectoral instead of the left where the heart would be.

OH COME ON, STOP TEASING ME!

Bringing his hand to her katana, he grasped it and pulled it with resistance due to Shinobu still trying to push in. Naruto getting it all out pushed the weapon away. Shinobu watching the wound seal itself up, tears still flowing through her eyes looking at him, "Why? Why can't I kill you? TELL ME, WHY?" "Because deep down, you can see your father doing this, you can see Jacobs-sensei placing his trust in me, knowing that no matter what, I will protect and care for you," he told her embracing the agile samurai girl in his arms.

The clang of her sword on the floor sounded followed by Naruto feeling Shinobu embracing him in a hug, about as tight as she had on the night when her father died by that assailant and cried hard, soaking her tears to a spot on his person until her cries turned to hiccups.

"Shh, shh, shh, sleep now Shinobu, you've been through a lot," reassured Naruto hooking her legs and back into his arms as he carried her out and to her bed. Hinata who grabbed her sword sheathed it back up and placed it standing against the nightstand.

Shinobu, I still respect you. Even if you have shitty jump mechanics.

She slept there under the covers tears falling down until Naruto kissed her forehead as a parent would for a child.

Upon exiting the room for their hospitalized guest, Hinata kissed him passionately, "Naruto, you are such a caring man." "What did you do to Haku-chan?" "Oh bound and asleep on your bed ready for some nice and nightly fun tonight," "You went along with your initiation methods," "Ero-me," "Yeah, something like your other personal would do, maybe I could change it up a bit just for her a little later." "What do you have in mind?"

"Remember that time Iruka-sensei made us review the Henge no jutsu?"

I wish I knew what that was so I could get the joke! Oh wait, no I don't.

In a hidden location out of Konoha

Here we find a blood clearing of body parts and gore, only one man was alive there who was bare from the waist up with his head was in the water scrubbing his hair as a brown liquid trailed downstream. Pulling out, he shakes his head swinging out any excess water from his hair.

Looks from his face would place him in his mid to late teens with cerulean eyes and now brown hair as he got himself dressed up, in a shirt, tie, dress-vest, and a long brown trench-coat with a sword handle at hand.

Yaaaaaay, it's Henry!

In front of him dropped three ANBU styled ninjas wearing masks with ROOT on them. "You, what has happened here?" demanded the lead.

Spinning the hilt, purple chakra ejected out with four different mini-chakra blades ejecting from the hilt, with his other hand, he threw something at the ROOT ANBU which the leader had caught. Looking at the surface, he found it to be one of the ROOT masks.

Looking around the blood there were two bodies worth of gore there with two still masked heads with the third mask in his hand. The leader recognized the blade in the guy's hand, "Han?" The man I.D. as Han was in horse stance holding the chakra katana upside down glowing brightly.

Han? What?

"Not Han, Hanri,"

Okay, so I was wrong last chapter. It seems he can fuck Henry up. He's pretty much exactly the same character, he's not like a ninja version of Henry, so WHY JAPANIZE HIS NAME, YOU WEEABOO FUCK? There's no reason for you to do it!

pulling the katana overhead, he points the weapon at them, as three large spheres fly from the blade and zoom towards the ROOT agents, "YOU TRAI-ARGH!" he couldn't finish the sentence as he and the others were cut to mincemeat when the spheres reached them.

"Danzo, you have made a very bad enemy out of me, I'll pay you back for the past ten years of your damned servitude."

Oh hey, Danzo's going to enter the picture. Now things might get interesting(?)

Blah blah blah author's notes saying the threesome with Naruto, Hinata, and Haku will happen later yadda yadda. I need a drink after this. And I don't even drink.

This post has been edited by Waffleman: Nov 3 2011, 07:03 AM

[Coiler]

Why can't the author just transition between scenes like every real author would? And why can't he write decent battles?

[Waffleman]

I'm not going to mince words here. In this chapter, a black girl literally becomes a white man's slave. Or Japanese. Whatever. Kill me.

In the author's notes, Cross says Kurenai's not going to be in Naruto's harem. Which is good. Except he says this in the same response where he says Kyuubi's not going to be a problem because she's ageless. So....Cross is a shallow asshole.

Namikaze Manor

Naruto awoke once again feeling two weights upon him, the young swordsman found himself naked with an equally naked Hinata on his left side, and an equally naked Haku on the right, both snuggling into his chest. "Mmmm, Naru-kun, so good," Haku moaned in her sleep.

Thank God, he skipped the sex scene.

Naruto chuckled at the memory of last night, 'Oh man that was a great night, wonder how Hinata-chan even got that dominative over Haku, hell when did I get that dominative.' "You're gonna have a bigger harem soon Naruto-kun, and with the females coming all over a strong man like you, you're going to have to establish some dominance over your women, and with Hinata-chan being your first wife, that will explain her dominance over Haku-chan, besides, I could tell all of you enjoyed that," Kyuubi explained to him.

I love how the story isn't even trying to pretend Naruto's not a Mary Sue anymore. Nay, it is RELISHING the fact.

Knocking was heard from downstairs, "Who could that be at this hour?" Naruto asked himself quietly. Without waking his girls up he slips under the sheets to get off from the end of the bed. The girls feeling them missing their bare heat source, the two unconsciously closed the gap; breasts pressing together, legs intertwined, and arms wrapped around each other's bodies.

'Goddamn I love my life,' Naruto thought leaving quickly so he doesn't get too into his thoughts where his guest would start staring at his boner.

I wish I could say the same.

Heading downstairs he finds the white afro of Shinobu's sitting there on her legs with her palms on top of her thighs. 'Shinobu?' Walking in front of her crouching down to get a good look of her face and sees her eyes closed, 'Hm, so she's meditating. Well at least she's not doing anything exhausting,' he thought smiling but then another thought came to mind, 'but why is she doing that here?'

Because she lives here now, you fucking idiot.

He shrugged it off though when his door rang again. Opening the door he finds Tetsuyo there, "Tetsuyo, what are you doing here? Bringing my mail personally this time?" "No nothing of the sort," Tetsuyo waved off before pulling out the scroll, "I just need you to sign this document and I'll be on my way."

"Wait, what are you talking about?" Naruto questioned. "Just some documents on taking Shinobu in your custody," Tetsuyo told him in a nonchalant tone. "I thought the Hokage already signed her in as a civilian in Konoha under my clan's jurisdiction."

Naruto is seriously becoming Shinobu's legal guardian. She is older than him. There should be an anime like this, but I don't think there is.

"Yes that's true, but this is a document I requested from the daimyo as per the wager Shinobu has made for you when she sent you that paper bomb off of Wave," explained the contractor. Naruto just flashbacked at that time placing a hand over that wound where that splinter hit, "Look come in and lets go to my kitchen and explain to me what the hell is going on."

Few minutes later, "WHAT!"

Time Skip – Two Weeks Later

Wait, how many weeks later is it? I forgot.

Team 7 is currently in the crowded room 307 for their written portion of the Chunin exams. Though as your average male Nara would say, it was a 'Troublesome' experience. 'Why?' one may ask. Just because of one person in the damn group, Sasuke.

Of. Fucking. Course.

The first was at the cleverly disguised room of 207 courtesy of Izumo and Kotetsu revealing the genjutsu that was supposed to weed out the other stupid genins that were there. But Sasuke with his superiority complex made it harder than it should have been.

Then there was the pre-exam exhibition match with Lee, whom of which kicked the Uchiha's ass. But not without having the pleasure of running into Maito Gai and watch the dreaded Sunset genjutsu activated by a manly hug between the two taijutsu enthusiasts. The fact the two looked like father and son didn't help at all.

Manly hugs are the best hugs.

"I told you Sasuke, there are guys stronger than you here, pull that Uchiha crap and they will either go easy on you or go full out. Lee trained his ass everyday while you just got your Sharingan, so just lay low, okay teme," Naruto explained to the avenger while Sakura just sighed at the two. Sasuke at his quest for power, and Naruto for his attitude, but at least she would be on Naruto's side.

Except Sasuke was born with his Sharingan. I will give you Lee, though. Lee would be a better protagonist than Naruto. He doesn't have any natural-born overpowered abilities. Quite the opposite, he actually sucks at anything involving ninja magic. But through the sheer power of HARD WORK AND GUTS, he trained his ass off his entire life to become the best physical fighter he could. Lee is fucking awesome. Sorry about the derail, I just wish more protagonists were like Lee.

"Hey guys, looks like you made it," voiced a certain Inuzuka heir. "Hey Kiba, thought your dog would have you dragged over here by your ass," quipped Naruto. "Screw you," Kiba replied. "I actually would screw your sister, spank her ass like a bitch," said the swordsman making some slapping motions which pissed off Kiba enough to try and lunge at him. Naruto just sidestepped away from the inu-nin's path having Kiba to crash into the wall.

Naruto is a likable character.

"Calm down Kiba, I'm just joking, not that I ain't saying your sis doesn't have a hot ass or anything," chuckled the assassin. Kiba just growled still, "I'm warning you…" "Kiba, if your sis wants me, tell her if that happens."

Doesn't he mean to tell him if it happens?

'Not a bad idea,' thought Ero-Hina in the back of Hinata's mind who was just shaking her head at the boys' antics, 'If I heard from the hot springs correctly, the Inuzuka women has that domination fetish.' That side giggled perversely at possible ideas swarmed that part of the mind.

What I learned from No More Heroes: Naruto's Story is that fetishes are generic. Thus, I can surmise that my birth father had a thing for dark-skinned girls with large breasts and glasses. My mother liked female magicians.

"So you guys are here too?" said a lazy voice. "Hey Shikamaru, you get roped in here by Ino?" Naruto joked. "Nah, my mother forced me here, her and that troublesome frying pan of hers," Shikamaru grumbled.

Shikamaru's also awesome like Lee because he just don't give a fuck, and I respect a guy who don't give a fuck.

"Hope you got better, Forehead," Ino smirked to Sakura. "Right back at you Ino-pig," Sakura retorted as their eyes locked on together.

Team Gai stayed in the crowd watching the Rookie Nine. Lee smiled to see Naruto and Sakura here, despite being a bit saddened when he was rejected by Sakura when he tried to ask her out. Tenten just stared at Naruto with delight, planning on holding him to his promise after his fight with that Shinobu girl. Neji Hyuuga, their third and final member, was staring intensely at Hinata with that hard scowl on his face. But to his surprise, the girl he knew as a stuttering mess was not there, rather a confident woman as he remembered her mother when he was young.

"It's almost as if she's being written out of character."

The Suna Siblings also a few ways off was actually watching one person in general, Naruto. Kankuro hid his fear of the red-tipped blond, one for his stealth earlier over a week ago, and two for the swordsman's killer intent against Garra. Garra stared at the Namikaze-Uzumaki heir in excitement of seeing one with a bloodlust as big as his. Temari though tried to look away, struggling to keep her blush down, considering the little peep show of the nude swordsman at the time.

No, you're STILL getting it wrong. It's GAARA, not Garra or Garaa.

"You ready Naru-kun?" asked Hinata to her lover. "I know I am Hina-chan," Naruto told her placing a kiss on her lips. "Yo Naruto," he heard his name called by a familiar voice.

Turning around, he recognized the familiar sucker in his mouth with the two slightly older women next to him, "Omoi, Karui, Samui, how have you three been?" "Oh, we've been fine," Omoi answered. "We've been training all week for this," Karui spoke up.

"What about Yugito-san?" Naruto asked. "She's been fine," answered Samui, "Escorting Raikage-sama to several places around here." "That and tolerating Kirabi-sensei's rapping," Karui sighed.

Naruto just chuckled, "Hey it's a lifestyle of his, much like that guy over there and his sensei's 'Fountain of Youth' shit his teammates has to go through nearly every day," he said pointing over to Lee.

You don't fucking sass Lee and Guy. You just don't.

"But he's just sitting there," Karui pointed out. "Trust me; you will be scarred for life if you don't avoid that damn genjutsu of theirs." "Is it that bad?" Samui asked. "I rather not describe the first experience."

"Speaking of first experiences," Karui motioned to Hinata and asked curiously, "Have you two…" making the ring and finger gesture. "Of course, I wouldn't be a good wife to him if I didn't," answered the heiress. Karui dark skin added a little dark rosy color on her cheeks, "Um, h-how long was he?" The red head's eyes bugged out at the gesture of size the heiress gave her, "And that's when he's soft."

No More Heroes: Naruto's Story. A classy fic.

"Hey dobe, if you're done talking to your whores…" the Uchiha didn't finish the sentence as he was surrounded by several kunais pointed at his neck, a chakra infused palm very close to his head, and a very large and familiar cleaver with the chakra beam edge humming very closely to his neck. "Sasuke," Naruto spoke in a warning voice unaware of all the examinees looking at them.

"I'll let this slide for the last time, insult any of my family, friends, or loved ones, you will be begging that Itachi had killed your ass, and you can count on that." While the killer intent was small, the KI was enough to get the attention of the lot in there.

Sasuke takes one step towards finally calling Naruto out on his shit in a good way and he gets shot down. Sorry, I guess you'll never be a good character, Sasuke.

"You might want to simmer down a bit," spoke up a cool masculine voice. The nine Rookies caught it and aimed their attention to a silver haired teen, just a bit older than them, wearing round spectacles in a purple attire of pants and sleeveless shirt with a white tee underneath, "Your KI is getting the attention of people here."

Looking at everyone, he collapsed the weapon he was holding, Orange II, and pulled onto the opening of a scroll strapped to his side. With a poof of smoke, the weapon was gone as it the scroll was marked with the word 'cleaver' in kanji was on it. Retracting the scroll paper back, he turned to the examinees and snarled increasing the KI, "The fuck y'all lookin' at." Feeling this heightened amount of KI they turned back to their groups away from the Rookie Nine and the new guy with them.

"Thanks Naruto," Choji thanked the swordsman. "No problem Choji, what are ol' friends for," Naruto smiled.

The fuck did Naruto do for Choji? He was threatening Sasuke.

"Impressive, I have never seen somebody actually disperse a crowd off like with just their KI," complemented the older teen. "It's easy with the shit I've gone through," Naruto muttered.

OH BOY HERE WE GO AGAIN.

"Excuse me," asked the spectacled Chunin hopeful. "Nothing, though I would like a name from you," said Naruto raising a brow in curiosity.

Er...what?

"Sorry, I'm Kabuto Yakushi, I'm a bit of an expert for these exams," introduced the bespectacled genin. "Would you be so kind to elaborate?" asked Shino standing on the right.

"You see, I have information on everyone here in these exams with these," explained Kabuto holding up two orange cards. "Cheat sheets?" questioned Naruto. "Ninja info cards," Kabuto corrected before pulling out a big stack of cards, "These cards are chakra coated so they will appear blank," he explained, "I have all their stats and teammates on them among other pieces of information unrelated to individuals."

What the heck are those? His ninja info cards.

"Question," Naruto piped up, "How many times have you taken this exam?" "This would my seventh," Kabuto sheepishly answered. "Man you fucking suck!" exclaimed the red-tipped blonde in disbelief, though on the inside, 'Seven times, way too many times he's taken this damn exam. Seriously, either he really sucks that bad or the asshole is hiding something.'

A running theme in this chapter is Naruto being a goddamn jerk and not getting his shit beat in for it. And of course, being more perceptive than Professor Layton.

"So who wants a look at the competition?" 'Finally a chance to get something on the dobe, maybe even a way to kill him and take those swords of his,' Sasuke thought. "I want to see Rock Lee and Naruto Uzumaki," Sasuke demanded.

"Awww, you know their names, that's just too easy," Kabuto reached for the deck of cards, but quickly retracted his hand when a scarlet chakra blade shot straight down into the middle of the deck and soon ignited to nothing but ash as the wielder flared his chakra a bit, in turn, flaring the up the blade.

Dude, not cool, Naruto.

"Looks like three and a half years of info gathering ended up a waste, sorry all that cock-sucking you probably did was for nothing," Kabuto heard Naruto's voice say. Kabuto just forced a grin and looked up at the younger genin standing up, "That's okay; half of the fun is getting the information." "Oh so you do like sucking dick."

MY NAME IS CROSS177, I ARE GOOD AT WRITE CHARACTER.

'Fucking kid, I just walked into that one,' thought the older genin getting snickers from everyone who heard, even his two teammates who dressed just like him. Shaking off his anger for another time, Kabuto just gave the Rookies a warning, "Just a warning, there are other genins here representing their villages. Like the Oto village, they only sent one team here, they're pretty unknown, either they're strong, or their rosters are pretty low."

"Did you hear that Dosu?" asked a spiky haired genin.

"They called us unknowns," added a black-haired girl.

"Let's show them how unknown we are," replied a bandaged hunchback genin, "Zaku, Kin."

The three blurred through the other applicants aiming towards Kabuto. Naruto and Hinata noticed this, as well as seeing Kabuto was aware of his three assailants. Kin came from the left throwing senbons at him with sheer precision. Kabuto dodged them into Zaku who swiped at him with a kunai which he dodged as well. Dosu quickly came in to finish the triple attack, pulling up his sleeve revealing some sort of gauntlet device on the hunchback's arm.

Yeah yeah, whatever useless Sound ninja.

'Strange device,' Naruto thought as Dosu came in to swipe at Kabuto with his arm. Kabuto stepped back and grinned at the Oto genin's 'failed' attack as he grinned. But that grin was wiped off his face as his vision started to blur. Then pain hit him as the seven-time applicant keeled over and puked his lunch out.

Dosu looked down on the recovering genin and said, "Take note that the ninja of the sound will destroy these exams."

*TING* *TING*

Naruto tapped on the gauntlet covered by Dosu's sleeve with the scabbard of his katana, "I have to say, this is a pretty nifty device; with enough chakra you possibly blow their heads off by the sheer sound pressure. Elemental chakra might add a little kick to it as well."

Dosu's uncovered eye squinted glaring at this genin who snuck up behind him, 'That ain't no ordinary genin. With the way he backed all those other genin off it should be obvious, but with how he snuck up behind me, no wonder he burned that guy's cards.'

He burned the card because it had nothing but the words "MARY SUE" on them. No one must know his secret.

Naruto smiled at the guy with a hint of innocence, "You know if we ever fight, I might actually pry that thing off your corpse."

"ALRIGHT YOU MAGGOTS, BREAK IT UP AND GET BACK TO YOUR TEAMS!" shouted the apparent proctor's voice in a rough gruff tone. It was a heavily scarred man with a bandana over his head, he noticed Dosu and Naruto staring each other down with focus, "You two, I said get to your teams NOW!"

I remember this guy, he's pretty cool too.

"Sorry, I getting excited at the competition," Dosu apologized, 'Can't look weak in front of them, definitely should watch out for him.'

"Alright, alright scarface, keep your panties on," Naruto waved off getting a couple of snickers from the other proctors at the scarred proctor. The man quickly glared at the others and they shut up immediately.

"I'm Ibiki Morino," the proctor introduced himself, "and for the next few hours, your judge, jury, and executioner."

But who will be the Bubba that rapes them?

With Hanri

Konoha's second secret chakra katana wielder Hanri was in front of the Namikaze estates carrying a certain female red-head who was currently in a deep sleep in Hanri's arms. He opened the gates and entered the front door of the estate.

Who is this redhead? There was no mention of Henry having a redheaded girl before. There aren't many redheads in the story so far. I guess we'll have to see.

Upon entering the lobby, his ears were met with the pitter patter of water running in the shower on the upper floor. He laid the woman on the nearby seat that was about four – five feet long. He watched her sleep as he covered the woman in the tarp he used to carry her as a blanket.

Upstairs in the shower

Shinobu sighed as she enjoyed the feeling of warm water cascading down her naked chocolate skin body, her hair defying all logic as it stayed in that messy white afro of hers. As she stared at the water swirling down in the drain, Shinobu was reminiscing the one moment, the one choice that would change her life forever.

Well, Shinobu's saving. Also, this flashback coming up. This flashback coming up. I apologize in advance if I am rendered speechless.

Flashback

"Please calm down Namikaze, you know how annoyed I get with outbursts like that."

Naruto just sat back down growling pinching the bridge of his nose, "What the hell did she mean by that?" "As I told you at the door, there was a bet between the two of you that commenced once you accepted her payment for your fight from her," Tetsuyo explained. "What bet?" Naruto questioned.

"Shinobu," Tetsuyo spoke to the recovering samurai girl. She nodded to her guardian soon to be master, "At the border between Cloud and Waves, I threw that paper bomb to you. It wasn't just a trapped challenge letter though, the UAA takes bets very seriously, either I live up to my word or suffer the death penalty," He explains. "And I quote, 'I win, I take your life, you win, and my life and rank is at your mercy.' So you can see where I'm getting at."[/]

This is kinda not how it works.

[i]Naruto couldn't find anything to say when the UAA contractor spoke up, "She threw it at you and you accepted when you confirmed the payment, even if you were not aware. If you do not accept her enslavement to you, she will die."

Here we go. Naruto is not actually going to become Shinobu's legal guardian. He's going to LITERALLY OWN HER.

Tightening his grip, Naruto started to leak out some strange red chakra which Tetsuyo paid no mind, but Shinobu took a curious notice, 'What the hell is that chakra? I haven't seen anything like that.'

Shinobu paid attention to the superior blond swordsman in front of her with focus, trying to figure out whatever the hell that was when Naruto started to expel his chakra unconsciously in anger before it disappeared with Naruto barely keeping his anger in.

Looking over to Tetsuyo who was just checking his watch, then to Shinobu, "Shinobu, as much as I hate to do this in such conditions, I have no choice, but if you rather choose death than being enslaved, I will understand."

Please choose death, please.

Shinobu didn't turn to look at him as she listened, going through her thoughts and memories of the events within the past twenty-four hours. 'He took this whole time trying to save me while I tried to kill him, under my father's last request. But what if he didn't do this under my father's will but rather his own. Would he go so far to keep me alive? Trying to keep my father's memory alive? He's putting my fate in my hands. Should I decline I would be free through death, but seeing how close he was, even after a day of meeting my father in person he may die from the emotional pain. But if I agree with this, I'll live in slavery to him.'

"Becoming his slave might lessen my worth as a human being, but if I don't do it, Naruto might be sad!"

"Shinobu," Naruto called out to her causing the samurai girl to turn to her potential owner, "I can understand if you don't want this, but know that if you accept, I swear I won't take advantage of you and make sure you have proper accommodations and everything."

Bull fucking shit. You and I both know you're gonna end up fucking her. Am I the only one here who's kinda uncomfortable with this new plot point?

Shinobu smiles just a small bit, 'He's going so far for me while I just tried to kill him. Dad, you trusted him with my life, guess I'll have to do the same' "I accept my servitude as a slave to you Naruto-sama," she bowed on her hands and knees to the floor.

I mean, I hate being overly PC, and even I'm kind of offended by this.

"Shinobu-chan stand up, while you are my slave, you're still human, not a piece of meat," the new slave owner told her pulling the black girl up.

"The new slave owner told her pulling the black girl up." Cross had to have known what he was implying. No one is this stupid.

"Good, now that everything is in order, just sign your name or place your seal here," Tetsuyo spoke up breaking the moment there pushing the document to the swordsman. "You're an asshole you know that," Naruto growled at him signing the document.

Don't pretend that you fucking hate it, Naruto. You piece of shit.

"I've been called worse," said the contractor shrugging the comment off grabbing the document, "Besides, business is business, and there are certain rules in this line of work."

End Flashback

Shinobu got out of the shower without turning the water off, steam enveloped the whole bathroom; she looked at herself in the mirror staring into her own violet eyes as if she was judging herself. 'It has been a week since master has taken me in. Two weeks since I have become his slave. Two weeks and he's done nothing what I thought a slave owner would do.'

I can already tell where it came from. It seems as if Cross has once again misread something from the games, mainly Shinobu calling Travis "Master." She called him that because he had bested her in combat and she saw him as a teacher, not because she was picking cotton for him out on the plantation! And out of respect, that's the last slavery joke I'm going to make. This is seriously not cool.

Raising her left arm, she sees looks at her scar that cut the tendon in her forearm in that fight. "He certainly isn't your average assassin, I wonder if Naruto-sama would do that with me," she spoke to herself until she reviewed what she just said. 'Naruto-sama? Why do I feel compelled to call him that? He told me he doesn't like that. And why do I feel so hot thinking of him, thinking of me and him, consummating like lovers.' True to her feelings, she could feel her pussy starting to ache and drip with desire of her master.

Aaaaaand Shinobu is no longer a good character. As usual, there's literally no buildup from meeting Naruto to wanting to fuck his brains out.

Her mind flashes again to her memories just a week ago hours after her medic, Haku, had patched her up once again when she woke up in her bed until she peeped into her master's room.

Oh dear, he's not going to skip the scene. This is too much for me to handle at once, so I'm going to leave you on this cliffhanger for now. I....just need to take a break for a few hours. We're nearly at the halfway mark anyway.

EDIT: Actually, you know what? It's starting to get late and I really don't feel like getting back to this, so you get part 2 tomorrow.

This post has been edited by Waffleman: Nov 9 2011, 06:13 AM

[Screaming_Soulcatcher]

Oh dear...this is unpleasant

Shockwave is gonna have a fit when he sees this

[Waffleman]

I was thinking the exact same thing when I was reading it. I hope he doesn't.