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> TK versus Birdboy, It. Is. ON.
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T_K_17


#oh it's JUST tk
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post Jul 19 2011, 09:04 AM
Because two people demanded it. I'm now going to take on the works of Birdboy, whom you may be familiar with from mocks by 215 and Joker.

Let's begin with this short little dropping called "Fandom".

---

A couple of days after the release of his latest Digimon Adventure book,

Book #4: In which Daisuke thinks he’s become a Saiyan and we humor him for a while.

a bored and curious Takaishi Takeru clicked his way over to a popular digimon message board.

The Digiartist's Domain is the place to go for insightful feedback.

There were countless threads on the forums – comparisions to shounen manga and Pokemon, speculation about his next novel, people posting their terrible MS Paint fan art, Mykan telling those damn Takaris he’s going to put them in Pokeballs, speculation on how many dicks Gatomon could fit in her ass at once; typical Digimon forum stuff. - but it was the conversations about romance which caught the writer's attention.

Takeru: “Wow. Meow Mix always comes up with the dumbest ships.”

They took different sides on so many topics. Did Miyako love Ken, or did she have stronger feelings for Hikari, Daisuke, Hawkmon, Sora, or even him?

Good God. Digimon fans really do ship everyone with everyone.

When Yamato held hands with Taichi before the arrows of hope and light struck, was it a scared little boy clinging to a friend for support? Or was he really just showing affection to the boy he loved?

Shipping speculation is somehow even more pathetic in a world where the characters are real.

When he ran with such intensity into the dark ocean to free Hikari, was it because his lover was in peril? Or were the events of three years before - between his call of "I like you" to Sora and his reluctance to leave her to Piemon and escape - what demonstrated his true feelings?

Traveling to an unknown world to save Hikari? Psh!

Being sorta reluctant to not save Sora and then not saving her? TRUE LOVE!

Birdboy, I present you with the Completely and Totally Understands Romance Award. You’ve earned it, my friend.


They were making countless, solid points,

Attached Image

and yet (save a couple exceptions) the fanbase was just so wrong.

No surprises there.

Had he messed something up?

Yes, you decided to WORK FOR A LIVING instead of living off government cheese like a real man.

No, that wasn't it. If there was anything in his life that Takeru remembered well, it was his travels in the digital world. Sure, his memory had faded over the years-

His brief stint as a member of the Digi-Dudes, for example, was intentionally forgotten with a hearty dosage of bleach.

the same as everyone else in this world. And maybe he hadn't experienced everything firsthand. But he had filled the holes in his knowledge through interviews, conducted so thoroughly that he learned about Miyako's Revolutionary Girl Utena inspired fantasies.

Takeru: “Hey Miyako, have you ever had any Cowboy Bebop inspired fantasies?"

Miyako: “Nope.”

Takeru: “Any Azumanga Daioh inspired fantasies?”

Miyako: “Nah.”

Takeru: “Eureka 7?”

Miyako: “Uh uh.”

Takeru: “Ghost in the Shell?”

Miyako: “Nein.”

Takeru: “What about Revolutionary Girl Utena?”

Miyako: “Well I guess s-“

Takeru: “Got it! Thanks, Miyako. Interview’s over. Man, I'm the best interviewer ever!”


Takeru was certain that he had chronicled their adventure accurately and hadn't left anything out.

He left out the part where he had to share a blanket with Daisuke. Not something he wants to revisit.

Yet there were still so many misunderstandings.

Yes, I suppose there were.






And, uh, that’s it. It just kinda stops there. It’s like he planned on writing more but just gave up when he realized there was no plot to be found here.


---

So to recap: Takeru reads a forum. It's full of idiots.

Well that didn't take long. Next up is Empire and Digimon Adventure: Aftermath. Stay tuned, true beliebers.


--------------------
Mocks:
1. Digiball Z - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 (f)
2. Saiyaman (f)
3. Saiyaman 2 - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12
4. Teen Titans vs Project AFTER - 2 3 (f)
5. Desires Unspoken - Deluxe Special Edition (f)
6. TK versus Birdboy | Fandom | Empire - Part 1
7. Garden of EVA - Sucks Everybody! (f)
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Al_Cone


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post Jul 19 2011, 09:39 AM
I remember when my brother was younger and had no friends to speak of. He was a huge Digimon fan, and he shipped Matt/Mimi (Mimato) because, apparently, they were just so perfect for each other. And there was tons of evidence for it, most of it cut out from the American release. Like, in one episode, they TOTALLY HELD HANDS IN THE JAPANESE RELEASE SUGOII~!!! And then in another, their KNEES TOUCHED KAWAII DESU~! Physical contact with another person = true love! That's why I grope every woman I encounter on the street!

Anyway, uh, that was...what was that? "TK Visits A Fan Forum" doesn't exactly make for gripping storytelling.


--------------------
QUOTE (theabhorrentatrocity @ Aug 15 2015, 02:25 PM) *
daddy longleg spiders are scary as they're one of the most poisonous spiders so not much of an over reaction.


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Post #3
T_K_17


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post Jul 19 2011, 09:43 AM
QUOTE (Al_Cone @ Jul 19 2011, 10:39 AM)
Anyway, uh, that was...what was that? "TK Visits A Fan Forum" doesn't exactly make for gripping storytelling.
*

A good chunk of his fanfics are short drabbly pieces of story that go nowhere. The next two works I'm doing have considerably more meat to them.

Dry, rotten, meat, but meat nonetheless.


--------------------
Mocks:
1. Digiball Z - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 (f)
2. Saiyaman (f)
3. Saiyaman 2 - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12
4. Teen Titans vs Project AFTER - 2 3 (f)
5. Desires Unspoken - Deluxe Special Edition (f)
6. TK versus Birdboy | Fandom | Empire - Part 1
7. Garden of EVA - Sucks Everybody! (f)
8. What is War? - 1 2
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Qmark


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post Jul 19 2011, 09:58 AM
I'm still waiting for the sequel in which TK writes a grocery list and watches the weather channel. It's going to be EPIC!!!!!11!!1!!!!1!11!!!!11one

Seriously though, good mock so far, and I'm not just saying that because I'm new here and need to make sure I stay on all the talented mockers' good sides smile.gif

Also, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure Matt and Mimi didn't really interact during the first two seasons of Digimon. At all. Like, to the point where they never even acknowledged each other's existance. That kinda interferes with any potential romance, don't'cha think?


--------------------
"It's not enough that I succeed. Others must fail."
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Current Mocks:

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xoxjoanxox


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post Jul 19 2011, 10:07 AM
QUOTE (T_K_17 @ Jul 19 2011, 12:43 PM)
A good chunk of his fanfics are short drabbly pieces of story that go nowhere. The next two works I'm doing have considerably more meat to them.

Dry, rotten, meat, but meat nonetheless.
*


What, are you joking? That was it? That was one story?

What. The. Fuck. That's not even meat. That's... bones.


QUOTE (Qmark @ Jul 19 2011, 12:58 PM)
Seriously though, good mock so far, and I'm not just saying that because I'm new here and need to make sure I stay on all the talented mockers' good sides smile.gif
*


Talented mockers? That doesn't explain why you read my mocks.

This post has been edited by xoxjoanxox: Jul 19 2011, 10:09 AM


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I Was the Drink: The Joan Cheng Story

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T_K_17


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post Jul 19 2011, 10:15 AM
QUOTE (Qmark @ Jul 19 2011, 10:58 AM)
Seriously though, good mock so far, and I'm not just saying that because I'm new here and need to make sure I stay on all the talented mockers' good sides smile.gif

Smart move. It's good for the insects to know their place smile.gif

lol j/k thx
QUOTE
Also, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure Matt and Mimi didn't really  interact during the first two seasons of Digimon. At all. Like, to the point where they never even acknowledged each other's existance. That kinda interferes with any potential romance, don't'cha think?
*

Excellent point, but as far as I can tell, Birdboy doesn't ship Mimato. I did once see him ship "Leomi" in Fallen Devimon Saga, which I think is Leomon/Mimi.

:suicideemoticongoeshere:


--------------------
Mocks:
1. Digiball Z - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 (f)
2. Saiyaman (f)
3. Saiyaman 2 - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12
4. Teen Titans vs Project AFTER - 2 3 (f)
5. Desires Unspoken - Deluxe Special Edition (f)
6. TK versus Birdboy | Fandom | Empire - Part 1
7. Garden of EVA - Sucks Everybody! (f)
8. What is War? - 1 2
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T_K_17


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post Jul 22 2011, 09:34 AM
As you probably are aware, Birdboy loves politics. Whenever he's writing a livejournal entry about how miserable the world is without everyone watching anime or how miserable his school is without everyone watching anime, he usually finds a way to fit in a complaint about the Republicans or the right-wing fascists who have it out for him everyday. So naturally he writes his political crap into his fanfiction as well. This story, Empire, does exactly that.

It's also extremely long and boring. Even though only one chapter of this story was produced, I had to divide it up into two parts just so you could digest it all.

Let's dive in, shall we?

---

"For many years I wondered why the Great Harmonious Ones had chosen young children to save both worlds.

Takeru: ”When I learned of their terrible and also very obscure fetish for young children saving worlds, I reached for my trusty bottle of Clorox.”

As a chosen child, I thought myself unequipped for the task. As a teenager, I thought it unfair that my elders could not have their own partners. When I gained the wisdom of an adult, I understood and threw my humanity away." - Takerumon, "A History of the Digital World, Part 3: The Human Invasion."

Awesome, the story begins with me becoming an otherkin. This is gonna be swell.

---

Hikari Yagami was a woman of few dreams, all of them vivid and memorable.

All of them starting with a couple shots of LSD.

Most of them came true, or at least mostly true. Usually they were nightmares, either when she dreamed them or when she lived them.

Like that one dream where her parents didn’t appreciate her love of animes.

There was the one from her infancy, about an egg coming out of the computer and a dinosaur – her dinosaur, named Greymon but much bigger than one – rampaging through Hikarigaoka.

Its ultimate failure to destroy all of Tokyo greatly displeased the young Hikari.

There was the one which accompanied her delirious fever, of a vast underground city worked by Numemon. She became their queen (despite being a human child – dreams are never so sensible)

I don’t need your input, narrator.

, broke their chains, and led their rebellion. In the dream, their slime choked their owner Mugen Dramon to death: in reality, it led to the temporary extinction of Numemon as a species.

Fortunately, Numemon are fuckin’ ugly, so no one cared.

There was the nightmarish, lovecraftian one which began as she entered puberty, where a being from another world, a tentacled god of darkness and indescribable horror, was drawn to her powers of light.

Holy shit, Hikari is actually Jade Harley.

It kidnapped, raped and impregnated her with its horrific spawn.

Okay, maybe not.

In reality, there was always someone around to save her from that fate, but the dreams and Dagomon's dark call never completely ceased.

And then there was the one she actually wanted to come true.

”Introducing Digimon Adventure 3. Starring Warren Beatty as Takeru Takaishi.”

In her dream, she was a kindergarten teacher, offering tips to a boy with a Nyaromon

Hikari: “And remember, you slit along the wrist to kill yourself. Across is just for attention whoring.”

, in a world where everyone knew of the digital world, but it didn't matter, because humans and digimon lived together in peace, enriching each others' lives through that mystical bond they shared. It was a dream she had dreamed many nights, a dream Belial Vamdemon had tempted her with, a dream she would not forget in her personal darkest hour.

Her personal darkest hour was one which happened during this dream's version of reality.

The real version of the dream was too fruity even for Hikari to stand.

---

Mimi Tachikawa had to admit that moving to America made her one of the lucky ones.

She had to endure far less tentacle rape than her friends in Japan.

Every night she thanked Qinglongmon and the kami for her parents' cowardice.

Uh, what? What does cowardice have to do with moving to America?

Also, stop being religious, Mimi. That makes you a right-wing fascist.


Not that the United States had an especially enlightened Digimon policy: they still wouldn't allow kids (save Michael, herself, and the other American Chosen) to have them in their earthly borders, but they allowed ten million children or so to stay with their digimon, as long as they kept them in the digital world

Sorry but if they just found out that kids all over the country were getting their own monsters which have been shown to have the capacity for violence on a large scale, I wouldn’t really be blaming our congress for being a little cautious.

– the other children had been cowed by their parents' hatred and fear into breaking their sacred bonds.

”Cowed”? Thanks for showing us you have a thesaurus, Birdboy, but no one seriously uses that word in a sentence.

But there were no imprisonments, no exiles, and people could even keep their digimon partners with them once they turned eighteen.

The age people can keep their Digimon coinciding with the highest age Americans can consent to sex is somewhat disconcerting to me.

Compared to the stories her Chosen friends around the world had been telling her, it was the closest thing to paradise on earth.

In Germany, for example, all the female Digimon have male voices for no explicable reason.

But it was still quite far from paradise. Right-wing demagogues denounced digimon in the same sentences as pornography as a blight upon the moral fabric of the nation,

”Bill O’Reilly, what are your thoughts on the new Digimon phenomena?”

“Fucking things suck!”


and sometimes sparked riots at electronics stores.

”KILL THE RADIOSHACK! CUT THEIR CORDS! BURN THEIR iPOD ACCESSORIES!”

The internet had not been locked down as tightly as Australia's,

Meaning it was barely secure at all and anyone could download a Gazimon off The Pirate Bay in seconds.

but censorship had still become a fact of life. And in foreign policy, like most of Earth's nations, America had taken it upon itself to expand into the digital world, lest it lose the race for weapons, natural resources, and all those other words politicians use as synonyms for power.

They were too late, however, as Lulzsec had already hacked the Digital World and placed a picture of Goatse on the moon.

And as conquerors, Americans were as brutal as any other.

Except the Swedish, who are the hardest core of conquerors.

And then there were her personal problems. For most people, America was probably better. For her - a Japanese-American who still spoke with an accent - she was a target of hatred in the ugly manner which America has always viewed immigrants from hostile nations

It was only a matter of time for Japan to turn hostile against America after 215 was stationed there.

– never mind that she had friends suffering under those bastards. And while Japan and indeed most of the world still saw the Chosen Children as heroes, America was suspicious of those who befriended monsters and had been selected by their beast gods. To the masses, if not the government, they were traitors waiting for a chance to commit treason.

And today we learn just how clueless and out of touch with reality Birdboy is. Seriously, who would look at a bunch of kids like they’re traitors?

(Formally, Japan and the US were allies as part of the United Nations, which was expanding into the digital world for the benefit and protection of human and digimon alike, and acting as an alliance for only the third time in its 65-year history. The reality was somewhat more... complex.)

I can’t wait for you to explain it all in excruciating detail.

She had dreamed of hosting a cooking show on television. There were many ninjas With Palmon. Instead, she went to cooking school in disguise



Mimi’jz prefekt disguyz.

while Palmon (well, Togemon) stayed behind in the Geko Shogunate's army.

But she knew she wouldn't finish the semester. The media was jingoist,

Oh right. Folks like MSNBC, CNN, AP, Time Magazine, and the Huffington Post are hardcore neo-cons.

but they couldn't hide that tensions were growing. As a young girl chosen to save both worlds, she had dreamed of being a princess and saw only the glamor.

But royalty also have a duty to their subjects, and the slim threads which peace hung by were breaking one by one.

Well then try using stronger threads next time, dumb bitch.

---

Jou Kidou had never been especially inclined to the study of medicine, but with Shuu studying mythology and Shin in jail for protesting the new government, he had a responsibility to his father to carry on the Kidou tradition of medicine.

But how, Jou? How could you get a job with all that risk of failure and boredom and such?

And Jou did not run away from his responsibilities.

Oh right, Jou isn’t a socialist like Birdboy…

Yet.


That was part of what it meant to hold his crest, after all. Not that this meant he'd be working in another hospital in Japan, anyway – there were not nearly enough healers in the digital world, rudimentary medical knowledge was rare, and far too many digimon died of what he presumed were preventable illnesses.

Jou: “Dammit, guys! Stop drinking from the bottles under the sink!”

His father, to his surprise, had approved of this: perhaps he saw Jou's potential for greatness as a digimon doctor.

Perhaps his father was enlightened because he watched Kenshin.

After a single class, Jou had quickly abandoned the study of human medicine and indeed academia altogether, despite having passed the entrance exams to one of the best schools in the country by nothing more than the sort of willpower which kept him up to three in the morning studying every night.

Then why would you, uh, take the exam?

Digimon, after all, were built... differently. Very differently.

They had no genitalia for Jou to fondle.

The fields of data recovery and anti-virus software were far more applicable than anything about human medicine, and he found himself learning more from Takeru's Patamon and Koushiro than from anyone in his family. At first he had been shocked to know that digimon lacked a germ theory of disease and did not practice basic hygiene. But before long, he realized that there were no germs, per se, in the digital world, and hygiene was more practiced out of ritual than need: he could avoid bathing for weeks in the digital world without anyone smelling a thing.

Birdboy has found his dream world, guys.

But in time, with the relentless effort he had once applied to his studies, Jou had learned. He started as an apprentic under a Kentarumon in File City, but in time developed his own practice and became renowned far and wide for his skill.

That’s how an occupation often works, Birdboy. Now you try.

He knew something of human ways (not through the classes he sometimes regretted dropping out of, but from growing up a doctor's son) knew things beyond simply healing attacks

Like the Level 12 Heimlich Maneuver.

and herbs and bandages, and he was proud to say he had taught Kentarumon a few tricks of his own.

Jou: “Usually patients can breathe easier when you’re not stepping on their throat.”

Kentarumon: “Genius!”


And as his practice grew, he noticed a new problem. Although few digimon were in much of a mood to talk about their battles – they had, after all, been injured in defeat far more often than in victory, and digimon hated losing - more and more were coming in with injuries inflicted by humans. Soldiers. Bombs and gunshots are no match for ninjas.

Once, he had berated Mimi for her pacifism. Now, it sometimes seemed she had more wisdom at ten than he had at twenty-three, and he was the fool for talking her into fighting for the world's cause.

Yeah, fuck the world! If bad guys come around you should just sit on your ass and whine about it on livejournal.

It seemed the proper path in life to avoid the thorny morality of inter-species violence and focus on saving as many lives as possible.

Awesome idea. Get to it, Birdboy.

Or maybe he had become a squeamish coward hiding behind medical oaths and forgetting why he had been chosen in the first place. Maybe the digimon needed more than a healer. Maybe they needed a warrior.

But I thought you said pacifism was- oh fuck it.

Maybe they needed a hero.

Instead, they were stuck with Jou.

---

The rocket was launching today, and as Yamato Ishida stood at the Tanegashima Space Center,

DAMMIT MYKAN STOP PUTTING DIGIMON CHARACTERS IN-

Oh wait, wrong story.


he wondered if there was an upside to the new government after all. Yes, they were doing it for national glory and power – the same reason they did everything – but there was still something amazing about humans striking out to explore new worlds.

The hope of finding green-skinned alien chicks was particularly motivating.

The Shogun had declared that he'd put a man on Mars by 2030. His administration had given him and even Gabumon a role in the space program, and he had largely missed political developments in favor of the harsh training regimen of an astronaut. It was a good gig – his music career had declined,

And astronautics are the natural next step.

he was no luckier in love than his father,

I almost read that as “in love with his father”. That would have completely changed this story had that been the case.

his internal darkness seemed to be coming back despite Gabumon's best efforts, and he could forget all that, forget the world, if he just blasted off into space.

Was the government using him? Probably.

Cut it out with the sentence fragments, plz. The ninjas are getting tired.

His father was a skilled journalist whose reporting on the digimon crises had won him the trust of human and digimon alike, and if he could be muzzled by perks for his son instead of angering people with censorship, all the better.

Well as long as Yamato is happy.

And having a hero of the first digital war working on the space program was probably a propaganda victory in its own right.

”We’re putting a man with no prior experience at the head of our space program! Aren’t we smart?”

But he didn't know these things. There was a lot Yamato didn't know, these days.

Yamato: “Why the hell do people like My Little Pony so much? I don’t get it!”

He had no clue what the government was doing in the digital world. The great digimon seizure had angered him as much as any chosen child, but in a way he understood. Digimon were powerful weapons, and he himself had been manipulated into using Metal Garurumon, a walking arsenal, to beat up his rival and best friend. Could children really be trusted by that kind of power?

From my experience with children, no you can’t.

He wasn't sure, but maybe they weren't as bad as everyone was making them out to be.

After all, how bad could they be if they were training Gabumon to be an astronaut?

Well, I guess not as bad as someone training the Sailor Scouts to be astronauts.

---

In some ways, Ken Ichijouji had done the best of any of the chosen children. While the others maintained fame largely because of their childhoods, he was a legendary polymath, a chess wizard and expert programmer who happened to be lighting up the J-League's top division as a striker, leading the league in goals. Perhaps the talents of the dark seed had not totally left him, or perhaps he had a greatness of his own beyond evil's powers

Or perhaps he watched Digimon Adventure.

– he was, after all, the brother of Osamu Bin Laden Ichijouji.

But the past he had sought to leave behind still haunted him, and not only in his memories. Contact with the digital world had taught humanity the lesson of his cruelties as the Digimon Kaiser. When interviewed by the media, he sometimes mentioned his attempts to atone, his fight to save the digital world from Belial Vamdemon and his minions.

And his Digimon tribute album.

Other times, he said nothing, feeling he deserved to be shunned by human and digimon alike:

Ken: “Just a as long as I can keep being a soccer superstar.

strangely, the digimon seemed more forgiving than most humans.

The Digimon figured they kinda deserved it anyway.

More disturbing were the humans who did not shun him.

Ken: “Those damn fangirls keep shipping me with Daisuke!”

He too could see the parallels between his actions as Kaiser and the present ones of the human invasion

Birdboy: “Which is symbolic of the Iraq war! Man, I am so deep.”

, but while Ken saw this as a horrifying development on the part of his nation and species, the militarists of the modern era saw this as a reason to honor him as the first conqueror.

The New Black Dragons (had they no shame? Was an upside-down sky scarier than a mushroom cloud?

Uh, what?

Had the Shogunate not been militaristic enough?) had invited him to speak, and Ken took them up on the offer, but not to praise them.

He wanted to give them branding tips.

The soldiers waited for the first conqueror. They expected a grand speech, expected to elect him leader as they pressured the government onward to greatness.

So did they completely miss the part where he did a heel-face turn and apologized profusely?

Ken entered the room in Stingmon's arms

Ken: “We’re getting married!”

, laptop in hand. "You are fools. Do not make my mistakes. I have earned the hatred of decent men and decent digimen, er, -mon. I was a sadistic megalomaniac who reduced digimon to slavery, and I would have done the same to humans had I the power to do so. It was a digimon who brought me back to sanity. It required humans and digimon working together to save the world last time, and I fear that if you get your way, we will be needed to save the world again."

As the crowd booed and charged, Ken opened the digital gate, then shut it behind him. It was worth losing a computer for this, if he swayed even a single person.

He was even willing to sacrifice a single computer for his cause! What a brave man!

He was lucky to make it through the portal alive.

If you think it’s hard now, just wait till you try the challenge maps.

---

When Rome rose from a city-state to the rulers of the Mediterranean world, the Gladiatorial Games spread across the continent. When the Britain became an empire so vast that the sun never set on its territory, so too did Cricket and Rugby become games played all around the world. This is not only because the conquerors seek to impose their customs on the conquered: war and empire have always meant cultural interchange, and a fun sport is fun regardless of nationality.

Not as fun as watching DEEP ANIMES like Digimon Adventure.

When the United Nations, on behalf of the human race, invaded the digital world, it was soccer which followed. Digimon of every species took up the sport, some more skillfully than others. To Sora Takenouchi's dismay, Piyomon's short legs and large wings meant that none of that species, including her partner, would ever be any good

Yet she was still better at it than Birdboy.

: wings, after all, were considered hands for the purposes of digital soccer.

That’s completely irrelevant, but thanks.

Few of the pink birds took to the sport, preferring traditional digimon sports – the battles of the Colosseum and the strange, three-circled curling which the Penmon so loved – and were Piyomon and Penmon that different?

I don’t know; why don’t you tell me?

Instead, the team she coached had consisted of other species – two ToyAgumon and two Psychemon on defense, a Unimon and a Meramon as strikers, and a midfield of a Hagurumon, a Kokuwamon, a Gazimon, and a Dokugumon, with an Alraumon in net.

No one gives a shit.

It was a diverse group, seldom in need of the red kits they wore to distinguish friend from foe. She had never been a star at the game, never quite as good as Ken or Daisuke or even Taichi. But outside of her friends and saving the world, sports were probably the one thing Sora enjoyed the most, and she brought a great deal of energy and a bit of knowledge to her team. (To be fair, perhaps it was more a cheerleader's energy than a soccer coach's, but no one really minded.)

The Unimon minds. He wants a goddamn soccer coach!

It was much better than designing fashions or whatever else girls were supposed to do, at least as far as she was concerned.

I c wut u did thar, Brdboi.

"Nice pass, Dokugumon!" she cheered as the spider flipped a ball from behind it over its body and right to Meramon's leg, but the ref whistled down the burning man as offside. "You've got to be careful there!"

The game wasn't particularly well-attended, but a hundred digimon or so had gathered to watch, which nearly filled the small bleachers at midfield of her team's "pitch" - a long patch of grass with lines drawn on it, goals set up, and a few stands and a scoreboard set up, but otherwise indistinguishable from the rest of the grassland where it stood.

Awesome. Six paragraphs into the scene and now you describe the setting.

Her team wasn't having the best of days, trailing 1-0 at the 64-minute mark and looking for the equalizer.

One point scored in a whole hour. Yeah, soccer sounds real fun.

Not that they wanted it interrupted. Not like this.

Hordes of ninjas came from nowhere and threw sentence fragments with deadly accuracy at the soccer attendees.

For it was humans who brought soccer to the digital world, and to the radicals among the resistance, this meant that soccer was a decadent foreign influence, and all who played or watched it might as well be collaborating with the enemy.

And now we have Digi-Qaeda. The obvious Middle East analogy is now complete.

Most matches had gone on without protest, and the attacks which did occur were too infrequent and weakly led to terrorize digimon into more traditional hobbies.

Like stamp collecting.

The digital world in this period was a radicalized one. While in his lifetime, Vamdemon was a hated tyrant, digimon growing up after Spiral Mountain's fall saw in him a great king, mistook propaganda for historical fact and seen in his attack on Earth's largest city not the seeds of the digital world's fall, but a brave effort of a heroic ruler to stem the human menace.

An honest mistake. I mean, how bad could a guy with “demon” in his name really be?

And he served as an inspiration for terrorists across the digital world.

”Avamdemonhu Akbar!”

A horde of about twenty digimon had approached the stands, all at least at the adult level, most of them machine digimon or virus types. A Metal Tyrannomon stood in back of the group, towering over his comrades and the bleachers alike.

"It's clear that some digimon might as well be humans." The mechanical beast said, glaring at the bleachers with a hint of contempt behind its mechanical, inexpressive eyes. "In the name of the Sacred Order of Vamdemon, Giga Destroyer II!"

Meh. Giga Destroyer II just wasn’t as good as the first, if you ask me. The characters were much more engaging in GD1 and it didn’t rely as much on special effects to fill up its run time.

A purple missile otherwise similar to Metal Greymon's shot from the Metal Tyrannomon's tripod hand

For those of you unfamiliar with Digimon, MetalGreymon’s missile looks like… a missile.

, blowing the hundred largely child-level spectators in a hundred directions, but doing more property damage than disintegration.

Oh no! Those poor bleachers!

Oh, and the digimon, too.


"Piyomon, pick up whoever you can and get us out of here!" Sora yelled, holding up her digivice as her digimon transformed.

"Piyomon shinka, Birdramon!"

Birdboy: “I! WATCHED! THE! SUBS!”

As she rode with a Gazimon, and two Toy Agumon riding atop her digimon's talons, Sora watched the larger digimon pick off the smaller soccer fans, one by one, with none of the competence one would expect of a trained group of freedom fighters massacring treasonous collaborators. "Why are they letting them go? Why are they letting us go? These bastards think Vamdemon is a hero, this doesn't make any sense."

Sora: “They call that murdering? Pah! What a bunch of amateurs. My grandmother could kill better than that!”

"You've heard of them too, huh?" The Gazimon began, maintaining a surprising calm as his fans and teammates were slaughtered.

Because fuck them.

"But you're forgetting that this pitch is pretty isolated. If everyone dies, there's no one left to get the news out, and that won't do these terrorist fucks any good."

Watch your language, Gazimon. I know you're clearly upset about all your fans and teammates getting horribly butchered, but that's no reason to cuss!

As the pitch approached the horizon, as Birdramon flew further and further away, they saw a human-shaped fire made the size of a candle by distance disintegrate into data. "Meramon!" The four riders cried out, united in tears, then turned their heads so they would see no more of the slaughter.

Aw, cheer up, guys! You can't spell "slaughter" without "laughter"!

---

Ho boy, let's if I can recap this bitch: TK is a furry, America is full of jingoist neo-cons, Japan is... like... a dictatorship, I think? And there are Digi-terrorists.

And that's it for Part 1. Part 2 is coming up whenever.

This post has been edited by T_K_17: Jul 22 2011, 10:29 AM


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1. Digiball Z - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 (f)
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4. Teen Titans vs Project AFTER - 2 3 (f)
5. Desires Unspoken - Deluxe Special Edition (f)
6. TK versus Birdboy | Fandom | Empire - Part 1
7. Garden of EVA - Sucks Everybody! (f)
8. What is War? - 1 2
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Post #8
Al_Cone


That's right, Susan!
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post Jul 22 2011, 10:14 AM
QUOTE
Warren Beatty


Everybody's hot for that bastard. Even you, it seems.

QUOTE
For her - a Japanese-American who still spoke with an accent - she was a target of hatred in the ugly manner which America has always viewed immigrants from hostile nations


Does this story take place in 1856? Is Mimi participating in the Gold Rush?

QUOTE
Seriously, who would look at a bunch of kids like they’re traitors?


Queen-of-Azarath.

QUOTE
The great digimon seizure


Shouldn't creatures made entirely of data be immune to photosensitivity just on principle?

QUOTE
"Was an upside-down sky scarier than a mushroom cloud? "

...56 translations later we get:

"It's like Mushrooms, some of the best range?"


I felt compelled to. smile.gif


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QUOTE (theabhorrentatrocity @ Aug 15 2015, 02:25 PM) *
daddy longleg spiders are scary as they're one of the most poisonous spiders so not much of an over reaction.


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Post #9
The Two-One-Five


The Kung-Fu Hippie from Gansta City
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post Jul 22 2011, 12:39 PM
QUOTE
The age people can keep their Digimon coinciding with the highest age Americans can consent to sex is somewhat disconcerting to me.


...I see what you did there.


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Post #10
xoxjoanxox


Not quite here, not quite there.
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post Jul 23 2011, 08:32 AM
This. What the fuck was this? Just a bunch of rambling, and not even of my favorite character.

I demand to see Taichi!


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QUOTE (9/13/2013 3:49:17 PM Max-Vader:)
YOU KNOW NOTHING, JOAN SNOW

QUOTE (Master of AFTER @ Feb 5 2014, 05:08 AM) *
I Was the Drink: The Joan Cheng Story

QUOTE (Screaming Soulcatcher)
Joan are you the straightest shota
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