Another Oldie but Goodie -- I mean Baddie, written by yours truly Options

[Kuramastrass]

This was the first story I ever published on fanfiction.net.

I figure it's deserving of a mockery.

Joining me in orange will be oneluckyduck.

Living with YuYu Hakusho

Yes, that is actually the name of this epic (fail).

Samantha was a regular schoolgirl... for the most part. Key word: was. But what is she to do, now that she knows what she is, that she's been lied to by the people she cared about most, and that she's not as normal as she thought?

That was the ff.net summary.

It is actually a pretty good summary.

Chapter One: I’m Pretty Sure That Teacher Could Get Fired For Being That Much of a Douche

“C’mon, Sam, you can do better than that,” I heard him hissing at me. “I know you can run faster than that.”

Oh Sh!t, it's Rodney! D:

“Shut up!” I screamed, turning around and swinging my bag full force… at air. It was only him in my head again. I sighed.

Kura sighed too. Yet another Sue with major mental issues.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cp42V938eBA

I started running again, at a faster pace.

I reached home in no time. I raced up the front stairs and swung the door open with a bang! as I stepped inside, which I knew I wasn’t supposed to do (not that I’d get in any trouble). “Hi, Mom!” I called, as usual, to tease Kurama. It’s a bit of a joke. When I had come home from my first day of kindergarten, that’s what I had screamed, assuming my parents would be home. They… well, they weren’t.

No, they aren't dead, and yes, I have the dumbest explanation for that ever.

Kurama was around, and he had just laughed and told me he wasn’t my mom. I thought he was a man, but the long hair and pink uniform threw me off, so I answered, “Are you sure?”

I could hear Kurama try to stifle his laughter over in the kitchen.

Kurama: Questioning my gender is original and hilarious!

Yusuke, realizing that I was home, came thundering down the stairs, Kuwabara at his heels. “Sam! You’re home early!”

“I felt like running today,” I said. “We had, like, a zillion tests. I needed to stretch my legs.” I walked into the room a little more, to emphasize the point.

And that does that… how?

Silly Kura! Obviously...you wouldn't understand.[/lame references ftw]

“I don’t remember you having a schedule consisting of a zillion classes,” Kurama said, coming out of the kitchen with a tray of cookies, obviously teasing me. “Or did you have multiple tests in each class?”

Yusuke and Kuwabara had started toward me to embrace me, but as soon as they saw and smelled Kurama’s tray, they changed direction, arguing to each other about who-knows-what. I sighed.

“I said ‘like’,” I protested. “You know what I mean.”

“Then the number was actually closer to the vicinity of two million?” Kurama asked, still teasing; Yusuke and Kuwabara had their faces buried in Kurama’s tray, which he had set on the table.

Is that what the kids are calling these days?

I sighed and walked toward the table. Ignoring Kurama for the moment, I said, “Hey, guys, save some for everybody else.” Then I turned to him. “Okay, it was more like five. But I know you know what I mean. It seemed like a lot.” I grabbed a cookie,

[attachment=11942:attachment]

one of the very few left, and headed upstairs to change. I left Kurama sighing, muttering about how hard and long he worked to bake those and how quickly they could eat them all. I stifled a giggle as I walked away.

I met Yukina on my way upstairs. “Hey, Yukina.”

“Oh, hello, Samantha,” she said, smiling. “I figured you were home when Yusuke and Kazuma rushed down the stairs.” She sighed. As the story goes, Kuwabara used to do the same thing whenever she was around, but that was before they all met me.

Because nobody can be as wonderful as Samantha!

I'm sorry, Sweetheart. I know it saddens you to know that you can never live up to your self-insert Samantha.

“Yeah, that’s generally what that means… me or pizza. I’m so hurt, to be put into the same class as the pizza guy,” I said, joking. She laughed, like I knew she would. I broke my cookie in half and held one out to her. “Want some?”

“Oh, no; I’ll wait until later.”

“I don’t think there will be any later,” I muttered darkly.

She nodded and accepted my gift. “Thank you. Kurama made them?”

“Yeah,” I said, popping the other half in my mouth. She continued downstairs and I headed to my room.

What is with the motif of Kurama being a good cook? Is he that good in the show/manga?

It's fanon.

I opened the door and changed from my school uniform – a lot like Keiko’s, now that I thought of it – which consisted of a skirt, shorts hidden beneath them for running and protection from boys (Yusuke had told me to. “You never know,” he said.), and a blouse into jeans and a shirt that was more comfortable and of my own weird style. I came out of the room and went downstairs.

...My own...weird style. Kura, I'm getting a bad feeling about this.

“Samantha, could you do me a favor and run to the corner?” Kurama asked me from the kitchen. “We’re out of milk.”

Kurama: And make sure it’s 1%. If you can’t get 1% don’t bother coming home.

Samantha ran to the corner store and when she got there, she realized Kurama hadn’t given her any money. She left the store and went to hang herself.

I didn’t need to ask why. I knew why: my two big brothers (the pigs, hogging all the cookies and then the milk). “Sure,” I said. Running to and from the store for Kurama was one of my favorite chores.

I came back soon enough, and then we had dinner. All eight of us always ate together: Yusuke, Kuwabara, Shizuru, Keiko, Hiei, Yukina, Kurama, and me. I don't remember what it was that night, but I do remember that it was another of Kurama's masterpieces. He was a God in the kitchen.

He was also the GOD OF THE NEW WORLD.

Everything else went normal that night. I went to bed at about nine, which was normal for me... but I just couldn't fall asleep. I hadn't had trouble sleeping since I was six years old, so, that being eight years ago, I was somewhat worried.

I snuck over to Kurama's room, down the hall. The door was cracked open ever so slightly and I could see that the light was on. "Hey, Kurama, you're awake, right?" I asked, as quietly as I could without it being a whisper.

"Yes, Samantha, I'm still awake. What's wrong?"

Sam: Those fanfic authors won't leave me alone again.

"I can't sleep; that's all," I said, coming in and sitting on the edge of the bed. "Would you sing me a song?" I asked hopefully. I loved Kurama's singing and that was how he had put me to sleep when I was younger. "Please?"

"If it will help you sleep, yes, but not in here," he said, getting up. I followed suit and followed him back to my room. I settled down in my bed, and, sitting on the egde of it like i had just done, he asked, "And which one would you like?"

Spelling Nazi, I choose you!

"Umm... Koori no Naifu wo Daite. Please?"

"Certaintly," he replied, and began singing. I was asleep in no time.

At least I finally learned to cut out the lyrics.

Yeah, I should work on that...can I leave now if I do?

I woke up the next morning and headed to school. We were getting our assignments back today, I knew: the object was to take memories of yours and apply them to your life right nowmake it so that the next chapter could be mostly pointless flashbacks. I had worked extremely hard on mine and gotten lots of help from Yusuke. I was proud of my work and hoped to recieve a good grade.

And why wouldn’t she? She’s Miss Perfect Samantha!

She's this close to putting up her middle finger at those preps! T-T

"Samantha, here's yours," Mr. Katamno said as he came to me. I glanced to the top and saw a C+ at the top in bright red. I gaped in shock and horror. I knew that I had met all the requirements, and my spelling and grammar was perfect.

Emphasis added.

“I wouldn't say that it met all the requirements,

Whoa! He’s like a mind-reader or some shit!

since those couldn't have been memories of yours. But they were quite entertaining, so I gave you a passing grade.” He smiled at me evilly and walked away.

After all the papers had been passed out, Mr. Katamno went back to the front of the room. “Now, we will move on to what we will be learning next - and what this had to do with anything - as soon as we do one more thing,” he said. “Samantha, come up here with your paper.”

I couldn't figure out what he was that he wanted, even though I’m a genius just like all the other Sues, so I just did as I was told. Worst came to worst, Yusuke could come beat him up or Kurama could sue, so I wasn't worried.

“Samantha, if you would... please share your entertaining fantasies with your peers.” I was shocked yet again. At the beginning of the assignment, he had given us his word that we wouldn't have to read them aloud. I had then written to my heart's desire, with the help of Yusuke. Now he was making me read it aloud as though this was all one big joke. I opened my mouth to protest, but no sound came out. Then he dropped the biggest bomb of all.

She gets an even bigger bomb dropped on her later.

Sadly, neither bomb is literal.

“I'm giving you a choice. But if you don't... I will be forced to change your grade to an ‘F’, Miss Samantha.”

Now I had no choice but to read it, and bear my humiliation with pride.

Pride.
Pride.
...
Fuckin' PRIDE!

[oneluckyduck]

I feel...I feel so accomplished...*sniff*
Now send me the second chapter, stat! I am compelled to read the flashback montage!

This post has been edited by oneluckyduck: May 10 2011, 04:27 PM

[Kuramastrass]

No... no I'm pretty sure you don't want to do that.

I'm in the middle of something. I'll send it when I'm done.

[Moose]

Wow, the story seems... silly and pointless. Granted, that could be said for all fanfics but... I can't even find a plot.

But haha, that can't be right! Surely, you wrote more about what the eventual plot will be in later chapters, right?

...right?

Anyway, good mock, girls! Keep it up!