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> My little Torture: Grimdark is disgusting, Or at least when writen like THAT
Post #1
Maniak


I will mock all the fanfics in the TRI STATE AREA!!!
*********

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Joined: 11-June 10
Member No.: 345
Gender: Male



post May 3 2011, 12:38 PM
As I was writing this mock one week ago, I had prepared a short introduction in which I was going to defend why I can enjoy/appreciate the latest entry in the "My Little Pony" franchise, combined with a joke regarding man cards. But after someone else brought the subject up in this little thread where I already said enough for myself, I am going to skip most of it.

Instead, let me just say that I think, that "My little Pony: Friendship is magic" is in my opinion not necessarily a show that deserves hatred. Yeah, it has a simple basic, episodic plot and the characters have not such a deep personality, but in the end it is just simple entertainment, that somehow manages even without any sort of classical "adult appeal" to entertain even people who are not in elementary school or kindergarten.
I just don`t see what could there to be hated about the show itself.

The fanbase on the other hand...
let me put it up like this: We all know, that a fanbase of a show in general consists out of different kind of fans.
There are those who just enjoy the show/manga/whatever for what it is, there are people who make harmless but enjoyable fanwork and then there are the sick fucks.
And regarding the MLP fanbase, I don`t necessarily mean the people who are making internet memes for the lulz till people get enough or people making "crossover pony versions" of some other show characters.
I talk about people who like to jerk off to Rule 34 regarding the show. I talk about people who are turning even some of the most innocent stuff and turn it into something that would make the Marquise de Sade" say "merdre".

And one of these people wrote this little fic.

How disgusting can it be?

Well, let me tell you two things:

1. The only reason why I stumbled upon this thing was because a friend of mine is a fan of the show and was so furious about the story, she asked me to mock it. At first I was not even going to do it cause even if I could enjoy the show, I was not going to mock something about it. But after reading through it I was so sickened myself, that I think this story deserves a mock on principle.

Two: This story is so nauseating, even 4chan members who hate the show were offended.

Even 4chan, the internet equivalent of Pandora's Box, was offended by it. Oh boy. We are in for a joy ride, aren`t we?

So, let`s inject ourselves with testosterone and insulin, get your puke bucket and pray for your own sanity. Here we go.


Cupcakes

Personally I prefer donuts.

By Sergeant Sprinkles: World's Greatest Party Clown

Who makes Pennywise the dancing clown look like a nice guy to babysit your children after this mock.

Edited by Edinpony

I should explain: I am working here with an edited version of the story cause the original draft has too many spelling and grammar errors.


WARNING: This fanfiction is incredibly gory, and may ruin your appreciation of a certain My Little Pony character as well as the titular baked goods. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

Just to make clear how sick the original is: This little warning paragraph was put in by the editor.

The air was warm, the sun was shining, and everypony in Ponyville was having a glorious day. The town square was bustling and crowded and busy ponies filled the streets. All the pony folk seemed to have somewhere specific to be.

Most of them were hiding from Lisa Simpson, who for some reason landed in this universe and was now living out her pony obsession to its fullest.

All except Rainbow Dash;

For those who don`t know, THIS is Rainbow Dash


Attached Image

As far as I can tell, she is the tomboyish pegasus of the mane characters (bad pun intented), can fly at Mach 2 and is the punchline of a lot of lesbian jokes regarding the show. Ignoring the character concept in general, I am already freaked out by the fact that people even intend to make lesbian sex jokes about ponies in a cartoon for very young girls.


her place was in the sky. She tore freely through the air, speeding one way and the next, buzzing the tree tops and racing the wind. The blue pegasus swooped over a schoolyard, much to the delight of the children, then climbed several hundred feet and dove, streaking downward as fast as she could. Seconds before hitting the ground, her wings flew open and she pulled up back into the clear blue.

My little airplane stunt performer?


Rainbow felt alive.

At the moment.

Suddenly, Dash remembered that she had somewhere to be; she was supposed to meet with Pinkie Pie in five minutes.

Again, character information, this is Pinkie Pie:


Attached Image

And if you think her design is a hint that she could be the "sickeningly sweet one", you'd be right. Heck, the best way to describe her: Imagine you combine Honey from Ouran High School Host Club, Patty Thompson from Soul Eater, the little girl that follows Kenpachi from Bleach around, and a few other hyperactive overly cute characters that love to party and you still wouldn`t get the silliness of her. This character alone is the source of so many memes and cartoonish jokes, it puts Picard`s epic facepalms to shame.
And she is going to get the worst case of OOC I have ever seen.


Dash had gotten so caught up in her exercises that she’d nearly forgotten that Pinkie had asked to meet her at Sugercube Corner at three.

Between Apple Pie Lane and Avenue Hay. Man, my comments get gayer with every minute.


Pinkie hadn’t said why or what they’d be doing, but Dash knew that with Pinkie, it could be anything.

Wouldn`t be surprised if Pinkie's idea of fun include an alphorn, a banana creme pie and the Queen of England.


Dash wasn’t sure if she really wanted to go, though. She was so engaged with her stunts that she thought about blowing Pinkie

Good night everybody!


off to continue flying. But, Dash’s conscience got the better of her. She knew that it would hurt Pinkie’s feelings; after all, Pinkie had said it was going to be something special just for the two of them.

Just to reassure: This is not turning into porn.


Dash considered it and thought “why not?” What did she have to lose?

A lot. And this is all I will say in order to avoid spoilers.


Heck, it might be more pranking. Pinkie might have found a bunch more fun stuff to pull on folks, and they’d had so much fun the last time. Dash kicked into overdrive to make up for lost time, and sped to her appointment.

Leaving behind a rainbow track. No I am serious.


When Dash walked into the store, she was immediately greeted by her host, who was bouncing in excitement. “Yay, you’re here! I’ve been waiting aaall day,” said the jumping pony.

Pinkie: I am so excited! Are you excited? EXCITED!


“Sorry if I’m a little late, Pinkie. I was doing my afternoon exercises and lost track of time,” Dash apologized.

Pinkie giggled and responded in a gleefully reassuring tone, “Oh that’s ok, you’re here now. What‘s a few more minutes? I’ve been sooo excited thinking about all fun stuff we’re gonna do, I haven’t stopped bouncing since I woke up. I mean, I almost forgot to breathe I’ve been so happy.”


The funny thing is that, up to this point, the fanfic has been pretty accurate to the source material.


Dash gave a slightly uncomfortable laugh. She had always appreciated Pinkie Pie’s friendly, outgoing way of life, but Pinkie’s overabundant enthusiasm almost creeped her out.

Yeah, overenthusiastic kids tend to do that in general. But looking at characters like the boy with the axe on Black Lagoon, I have to admit there is something true about this fear.


Dash maintained a polite expression, however. If Pinkie was this worked up, whatever she had planned must be good.

“So, you ready to get started, Rainbow Dash? I’ve got everything all ready,” the pink pony said. Dash psyched herself up. “You betcha, Pinkie. So what do ya got planed?


Pinkie: I want to play a game with you.

I think this comment is a good hint of what is going to come. Now if you really want to read this further, go on.


We gonna prank somebody?

I personally hope that Corporal Sparkle or whatever his name was again really wanted to prank the adult MLP fanbase with this story. Otherwise, I lose my hope in mankind again.


I got a couple of good ones I’ve been thinking about. Or maybe you’ve got some stunts you think I should try? Or perhaps…”

Dash: We give the idiots on 4chan material for new lesbian jokes.
ARGH! Stop feeding the trolls, Maniak!


“MAKING CUPCAKES!” Pinkie happily announced.

Don`t believe her Dash. The Cupcakes are a lie!


“Baking?” Dash was disappointed. “Pinkie, you know I’m not good at baking. Remember last time?”

Dash: When I blew up the bakery and a giant Muffin Man pony was destroying all off Ponyville, until the Author Fighters showed up and stopped it?

Wait, scratch the comment. The show is even too good for the Author Fighters.


“Oh that’s not a problem at all. I only need your help making them. I’ll be doing most of the work,” Pinkie explained.

Dash thought for about it for a second. “Well, alright, I guess that’s ok. What exactly do you need me to do?”


Pinkie: To become victim to some of the most gruesome things since Salos.


“That’s the spirit. Here you go.” Pinkie handed Dash a cupcake.

Dash was puzzled “I thought I was helping you bake.”

“You will be. I made this one just for you before you got here.

“So, is this like taste testing or something?”


No, it is a rap with a big T at the beginning!

“Sorta,” Pinkie said.
Dash shrugged and popped the pastry in her mouth. She chewed a bit and swallowed. Not bad.


Wait till Pinkie tells her that the funny taste is coming from those funny looking leafs her cousin Marijuana Shaggy brought her from Jamaica.


“Ok, now what?” Dash asked.

“Now,” Pinkie informed her, “You take a nap.”

Puzzled, Dash opened her mouth but felt instantly lightheaded. A wave of dizziness washed over her, the world spun, and seconds later she collapsed to the floor.


And here we... go!


When Dash regained conciseness, she found herself in a dark room. She tried to shake her head but found that a taut leather strap held it firmly in place.

Oh I hate it when this happens. Even worse is when you just can`t remember the fucking safeword.


She struggled to move, but braces around her chest and limbs glued her to a rack formed from a series of sturdy planks, which spread her legs wide apart. Dash’s wings were the only part of her not tied down, and they fluttered frantically while she struggled to escape. As she writhed, Pinkie jumped suddenly into her line of sight.

SURPRISE!


“Goodie, you’re awake. Now we can get started,” Pinkie stated gleefully. She bounded into the darkness, and quickly reappeared pushing a small cart covered with a cloth.

Spoiler: There is not a birthday cake under the cloth.


“Pinkie, what’s going on? I can’t move!” Dash said urgently.

“Well duh, that’s because you’re tied down,” chided Pinkie.

“That’s why you can’t move
Captain Obvious I didn’t think you’d need to be told that.”

“But why? What’s happening? I thought you said I was going to help make cupcakes.”

“You are helping. You see, I ran out of the special ingredient and I need you to get more.”

“Special ingredient?” Dash was now breathing heavily and starting to panic. “What special ingredient?”

Pinkie giggled and responded “You, silly!”

Dash’s eyes widened, and her face contorted in fear.


Then she began to start tearing up saying „It`s ponies! Strawberry cupcakes are made out of ponies!“


Then she started to laugh and said, in a voice bordering on hysteria,

STRAWBERRY CUPCAKE IS PONY!


“Woo, you really got me there, Pinkie pie. I mean, tricking me in to thinking I’m gonna get made into a cupcake? I gotta tell you, this the best prank yet.

Even most Fox Network shows would consider this prank "going too far". At least that`s what I hope.


You win, you’re the best.”

Pinkie only giggled even more. “Aw, thanks Dash. But I haven’t done any pranks today, so I can’t accept your praise.”

Dash was struggling again. “Pinkie, come on, this isn’t funny.”


Dash: This is worse than any Rule 34 picture those guys make of us.


“Then why were you laughing?” Before Dash could answer, Pinkie grabbed the cloth and whipped it off the cart. On the cart was a tray containing various sharp medical tools and knives, carefully organized and wickedly sharp, as well as a large medical bag.

Didn`t know they sell the Pinkie Pie toy with a set of Bulgarian medical equipment.


Dash was now in full panic mode.

As long as she doesn`t turn into overdrive or in Super Saiyajin mode...

She was starting to hyperventilate. Her mind raced as she tried to reason with the pink pony. “You can’t do this Pinkie! I’m your friend!”

“I know you are and that’s why I’m so happy that I’ve got you here. We get to share your last moments together, just you and me.” Pinkie was skipping again.


Pinkie: I will maul you like Patrick Bateman mauls prostitutes, make pictures of it and write all down in my diary. We will have such a super fun time!


“But, the other ponies will wonder where I am. When the clouds pile up, they’ll come looking for me and then you’ll get found out,” Dash cried in desperation.

“Oh, Dash,” said Pinkie. “Don‘t worry, there are plenty of pegasus ponies to take care of a few clouds. And besides, no will find out. I mean, how long do you think I’ve been doing this?” And with that ominous statement, the lights suddenly came to life and revealed the rest the room.

“Oh no.” Dash reeled in horror at the image presented to her.


She found herself in the basement of Christian Weston Chandler.


The room was decorated with a typical but twisted Pinkie Pie flair. Colorful streamers of dried entrails fluttered around on the ceiling, brightly painted skulls of all sizes were attached to the walls, and organs done up in pastels filled with helium were tied to the backs of chairs. The tables and chairs were made of bones and the preserved flesh of past ponies. Dash cringed upon seeing the center piece of the table nearest to her. The heads of four foals, their eyes closed as if they were sleeping, were wearing party hats made from their own skin.

This is the ultimate proof, that birthday parties organized by Leatherface are always gonna suck.


With a thrill of terror, Dash recognized one of them as Apple Bloom’s classmate Twist.

I think this one was even a small kid.

Great. Not only are we getting into fucking gorn, but also child murder.


Dash’s eyes darted back and forth and then fell upon a patchwork banner hanging from the rafters. Made from several tanned pony hides, the words “Life is a party” were scrawled on it in blood red.

Personally I go more with „Life is just a show, keep them laughing as you go.“

Which is suprisingly also the theme of the Joker.


Dash’s attention was brought back by a party horn unfurling and tickling her nose. She gaped at Pinkie Pie, who was standing right in front of her. The party pony was wearing a dress quilted from dried skin, emblazoned with cutie marks. On her back fluttered six pegasus wings, all of different colors. As the earth pony skipped in excitement, her necklace of severed unicorn horns clacked together loudly.

This reminds me so much of „House of thousand corpses“ right now. And I hated that movie. Not because it was directed by Rob Zombie, but because I thought the story was just the same old boring splatter shit.


“Like it?” Pinkie asked. “I made it myself.”

Pinkie: And as I finished it I stood in front of my mirror and told me, that I would fuck me hard.

Desperately, Dash pleaded with the smiling pony before her. “Pinkie please, I’m sorry if I did anything to you.

Pinkie: Well, perhaps now you'll leaarn the consequences of stealing my chocolate chips.


I didn’t mean it. Please let me go. I promise I won’t tell anybody.”

“Oh Dash, you didn’t do anything. It’s just that your number came up and, well, I don’t make rules.


Which rules? The „Gorn Code“ that makes clear how exactly you have to turn any sort of franchise into real disguting stuff that would have even made De Sade say „merdre“?


We can’t turn back now.”

Dash was tearing up. How could this be happening?


(singing) How could this happen to... oh fuck it, no. This is just too depressing to make fun of it.


“Aww, don’t be sad Dash,” said Pinkie. “Look, this’ll cheer you up. I brought you a friend.”

Pinkie: I call him Rusty, the used saw.


Seemingly out of nowhere, Pinkie produced a brightly painted blue and yellow skull. It was about pony sized, but it had a very defining feature: a beak.

Dash gaped in shock. “Is…is that….is…that?”

“Hey, Dash lets hang together. These ponies are lame-os. Dweebs dweebs dweebs,”


Third and last background information: Dash seems to have been friends with a Griffon called Glinda. Was jerkass enough that she on the end of the episode went through a humiliation conga. But now it seems she also danced the Caramel Skinner.


Pinkie mimicked. “I caught her right before she left town. Remember when I left the party for about twenty minutes? That wasn’t enough time to play with her of course; I had to wait till after the party to do that. But boy am I glad I did. It was worth it for the flavor alone.

Pinkie: She tasted like christmas with rainbows and sugar flakes!


Griffons taste like two animals at once, it’s amazing. I know she didn’t have a number like everyone else in Ponyville, but when was I gonna get another chance to try griffon?

I`ve heard in Horsechina they are eating them on the street.


I probably should have asked where she came from so I could have gotten more, but I forgot.

Pinkie: Silly me!


I’ll tell you what though, she was quite the fighter. She lasted a long time, which was a lot of fun for me. I got the chance to play with somebody other than a pony and try new things.

And we all know it is very important at least to try new things and make new experiences in life.

It’s too bad she had such a meanie mouth. She said so much bad stuff I just had to take her tongue out. You know, bad language makes for bad feelings, Rainbow Dash.”

You know what is the creepiest part about this entire „conversation“ so far? That Pinkie still is in character. She turned into a cannibalistic serial killer that would even confuse Leatherface, but her „silly“ personality i still there. Which in my opinion makes this entire thing even worse if you think about it.


Imagine it. A six year old girl stumbling about this story, not comprehending it like an adult would and seeing her favorite show character turn into such a monster. And yes I know, we all like to make fun of how we would love to crush the innocence of someone, but this? This is going way too far if you ask me!


Dash didn’t have anything to say. She just sobbed and writhed in her tight bonds.

“Well” said Pinkie with an air of finality, “that’s enough reminiscing. It’s time to begin.”

Putting down Gilda’s skull, the pink pony gripped a scalpel in the cleft of her hoof


How is she even able to do that without fingers?


and walked over to Dash’s right flank. Without any flair, Pinkie placed the blade an inch above Dash’s cutie mark and began a circular cut around it. Dash shouted in pain and tried desperately to pull away, but the braces held her still. Finishing the incision, Pinkie grabbed a curved skinning knife from the tray. Screwing up her face in concentration, she worked it under Dash’s skin and sliced the hide away from the muscle. Dash ground her teeth as she tearfully watched her flesh peel off. Pinkie then moved to the other side and repeated the process on Dash’s left flank. Once she had finished, Pinkie held up both cutie marks in front of her friend and started waving them like pompoms.

Pinkie: Go team, go team, go team!

Seriously, that`s the most unprofessional way to get rifd of a tatoo ever. Or Cutie makr in that case.


Dash just whimpered. Her thighs burned like nothing she had felt before.

Seems the porn stories about her getting spanked on regular basis are then all a lie, aren`t they?


Placing the ragged patches of skin down, Pinkie selected a large butcher knife and walked behind the blue pegasus. “Hope you don’t mind, I think I’m gonna wing it now,” Pinkie laughed. She grabbed Dash’s left wing in her mouth and played with it for a few seconds,

For some people, this would be pegasus foreplay.


yanking it back so the sharp pain reignited the fire in Dash’s flanks. Then, stretching the wing out, Pinkie brought the blade down hard at the base.

What a newbie. She didn`t even disinfect the area with alcohol.

Instantly, Dash screamed and thrashed her appendage. The movement threw off Pinkie’s aim. She tried to hit the mark again but missed, and carved a huge slice into Dash’s back.

“Dash, you gotta stay still or I’ll keep missing,” scolded Pinkie as her friend howled.

Pinkie took another whack and hit her target. She swung again and again. Blood sprayed into the air, but Pinkie realized she wasn’t getting anywhere. The blade just wasn’t going through the bone.


Time to pull out the laser cannon.


“Hmm, I guess I forgot to sharpen it.

And therefore little children, you should always check your working tools before you start something. Isn`t that a wonderful aesop we learned today?


I’ll try something else,” stated Pinkie matter-of-factly as she tossed the knife over her shoulder, embedding the blade in the table. Through the haze of pain and tears, Dash heard the sound of a metal box opening and closing.

“Got it! Say Dash, why do they call it a hack saw? It doesn’t hack; hacking is what I was doing with the knife. This is a saw. I don’t get it.”


And I don`t get what was so good about Ed, Edd n`Eddy.


Pinkie placed the tool over the mangled flesh of the last attempt. Standing on her hind legs, she worked the saw back and forth with her front hooves. It sliced effortlessly through the bone and skin. The feeling of the jagged teeth grinding into her made Dash want to vomit.

She isn`t the only one. I heard 30% of all people who read it were going to puke. 20% started to cry desperately and 40% swore to find and kill the author. The remaining 10 percent. I am not even going to talk about them.


She watched numbly as her wing flew over her head and landed with a fluff on the table. Pinkie moved to the next wing and started sawing. Dash didn’t struggle this time; she’d given up trying to fight and focused on choking back screams of agony. Abruptly, the sawing paused. Pinkie was only half way done, the wing hanging off by a sliver.

“Hey Dash,” Pinkie piped up. “Think fast!”

Suddenly, Pinkie yanked the wing as hard as she could. The bone snapped but the blue pony’s skin held, then tore away. The pull ripped away a long strip of flesh all the way down Dash’s back to her rump. Her body seized at the unexpected trauma. As her pelvis tensed up, Dash felt a warm release between her legs, and her loud, unending melody of pain filled the room. Unable to catch her breath, she blacked out.


This would be the perfect time for a commercial break. Just saying.


Dash awoke with a gasp. The stench of her urine filled her mucus caked nostrils. As her vision swam into focus, she saw a very pouty Pinkie Pie removing a large adrenaline needle from her chest. Stomping her hooves, the frustrated Pinkie lashed out at her helpless victim.

“Didn’t anybody teach you any manners?

Well, your parents didn`t seem to bother teaching you to not torture your friends and turn them into food. By the way, Armin Meiwes also should have been taught this lesson.


It’s very rude to fall asleep when somebody invites you over to spend time with them. How would you like it if I came over to your house and went to sleep? ‘Oh I’m sorry Dash, you’re so boring I think I’ll take a nap.’

Funny. I once said that to one of my teachers during one of my lectures. It`s save to say I didn`t graduate in his class the first time.


You think I like always doing this by myself? I told you how excited I got when I found you were next. I was excited to have a friend be here with me while I worked.

(overly enthusiastic) After all, friendship is magic.


But NOOOOO! You’ve got to be inconsiderate. You know, I thought you were tough. I thought you could handle anything. I’ve had foals stand up better than you!

Child murderer! You know, I can stand a lot of gruesome stuff in fiction. But child murder is even for me too much, as long as the supposed child does not have the number 666 as a birthmark.


Do I have to baby you?

I wouldn`t. I know enough of the internet to say for sure, someone would get off on this.

Then again, someone already may have got off on the story so far.

Which makes me just wish I had a botulinumtoxic bomb to unleash upon mankind.


Huh? Is that how you want me to remember you, as a baby?”

You would rather prefer a mauled corpse, won`t you?


As Pinkie stopped to catch her breath, Dash blinked and sobbed softly. Her back was in agony, her sides were on fire, and there was an intense pain in one of her legs. As she blinked again, she saw Pinkie pop something red into her mouth and began to chew. Noticing Dash’s stare, Pinkie quickly gulped the morsel down.

Please let it be just bubble gum.


“What?” Pinkie asked. “Oh, this?” She held up another piece. “Well, while YOU were asleep, I got a little impatient and helped myself to a small sample. I got it from your leg;

(looking up the ceiling) You really hate mankind you old fuck, don`t you!

This scene gives the german saying „Ich habe dich zum fressen gern“ a meaning only Andrei Tschikatilo could understand.


you’re not bad. Wanna try some?”

There is another german saying called „Man ist, was man isst.“

Basically it means „You are what you eat“


Without waiting for a response, Pinkie shoved the strip of meat into the revolted pegasus pony’s mouth. Dash gagged, and immediately spit it out.

It was too salty.


Pinkie frowned, and picked up the chunk of flesh. “If you didn’t want it, you could have said no.” She contemplated the discarded snotty morsel, then gulped it up. “It’s not like you haven’t had my cupcakes before.”

See Pinkie Pie in Tim Burton's newest movie „Sweeney Pony“


Swallowing, Pinkie turned her attention to a small can on the tray.

She removed the lid, revealing that it was filled with red-hot coals. Lying on top of the coals were several large nails. As the adrenalin filled her veins, Dash began to panic again. Picking up the can, Pinkie walked over to Dash’s left. Holding some tongs with her mouth, Pinkie carefully picked up a nail and positioned it at the seam between her victim’s front left leg and hoof. She then grabbed a hammer and took careful aim.


Time for a really bad joke. You know what is the difference between Jesus and Cassanova? The face they make when they get nailed.


“No Pinkie!” Dash screamed. “NO! NO!”

In Ponyville, no one hears you scream. Did I mention that so far from what I saw Rainbow Dash could be considered one of my favorites and that it therefore is kinda hard for me to make these comments?

RATSCH

Funny. Didn`t know I had one of them left.

Dr. Cox: You didn`t. I just ripped apart an already destroyed card.


The hammer came down and the nail punctured Dash’s skin. The white hot burning was too much. Dash screamed as she pulled and thrashed at the braces, causing her raw skin to rub and tear. Pinkie tried to line up another nail, but couldn’t find her aim, and let out a frustrated grunt. When Pinkie brought the hammer back to take a wild swing, Dash burst out crying and begging.

“PLEASE STOP! PLEASE, PLEASE STOP!”


Hey Mykan. Yes, I'm talking to you. You know how you always say I should at least compliment people for even trying to write a fanfiction? Well you stupid little manchild, what do you say to this fanfic? Shall I compliment the fact that Major Sunshine knew how to write a really horrible and disgusting scene? THIS IS WHAT YOU DEFENDED, WHEN YOU LET PROJECT A.F.T.E.R. NOT GO THROUGH WITH THE SATELLITE PLAN! This is what you consider worth to be protected. Think about it!

Pinkie rolled her eyes.

Seems even Pinkie was annoyed of this overused Mykan joke.


Putting down the hammer and tongs, she walked back in front of her friend and stared pensively at the broken pegasus. Gilda didn’t even cry this much when she had a live parasprite stuffed down her throat. Pinkie thought for a minute about what to do next, then had a sudden spark of inspiration.

Inspiration, like in the case of the average Author Fighter fanfiction? If so I think the next thing going to happen is an exact reenacting of some scene in Hostel. Fuck you Eli Roth. You may be an Inglorious Bastard, but for this movie and the amount of sociopaths it gave birth to you deserve to be smacked.

Rotating a wheel on the rack, Pinkie laid Dash on her back, then moved to Dash’s hind legs, bringing the can with her. Picking up her tools, Pinkie drove a searing hot spike of metal directly into the bottom of Dash’s hoof. As Dash yelled in pain, Pinkie moved around and drove a second nail into the other hoof. Next, Pinkie went back to her cart and located an enormous battery and controller, which she dragged over to where she was working. She tied copper wires between the terminals and the nails driven into Dash’s hooves, then gave Dash a wink and flipped the switch.

Pinkie uses thundershock.


Electricity rocketed through Dash’s body. The blue pony reacted immediately; her body seized, and her muscles snapped taut. Dash’s hips thrust skyward, her eyes rolled back, and she let out a deep, throat shredding cry. Pinkie giggled and danced in place, then reached down and turned up the juice. Dash convulsed uncontrollably, and her bladder emptied once more.

Pinkie: PARTYTIME!


After about five minutes, Pinkie shut off the power. Wisps of steam rose from the singed fur around Dash’s hooves, and the area reeked of cooked flesh and burnt enamel. Pinkie rotated Dash upright again and tried snap the drooling, delirious pony back to attention.

By that point, Dash`s brain should already shut off if you ask me, seeing how her nervous system is as fried as a french fry.


“Dash? Dash! Rainbow Dash, wake up!” Dash moaned and managed to give a modicum of weak acknowledgment. Pinkie studied her handiwork, then reached into the medicine bag and produced a large syringe. “Alright, time for the last round.”

Mortal Kombat: FINISH HER!

Dash focused blearily on the needle, which Pinkie took as a question as to what it was.

“This is a little something to take the pain away,” Pinkie informed Dash as she walked around to her victim’s ruined back. Dash flinched as Pinkie jabbed the needle into the lower part of the blue pony’s spine. Moving in front of her friend again, Pinkie leaned down and elaborated.
“In a few minutes, you won’t be able to feel anything below your ribcage. Then you’ll be able to stay awake to watch the harvest.”


Please don`t tell me this is going to turn into Repo. I swear if she uses the corpse later on as a handpuppet, I am going to puke.


Dash started to cry again. “Pinkie?” she choked out.

“Yeah?”

“I want to go home,” Dash sobbed.


And I want to go to a bar and drink as much alcohol as possible to forget this story.


“Yeah, I can see wanting to do that,” replied the party pony. “Sometimes, I just wanna give up, just say ‘I’m done with this mess’ and go to bed. But you know what? You can’t shrug off your responsibilities. You got to pull yourself up and meet the challenges head on. That’s the only way you’re gonna get ahead in life.”

Pinkie: A guy called Kamina once taught me that.


Dash hung her head and cried.

Minutes passed as the drug took effect. Eventually, Dash was completely numb from her chest to her flanks.


Dash: Wow. This is some good shit.


At this point, Pinkie approached with a scalpel. Glancing at Dash and smiling, Pinkie made a long horizontal cut across the pegasus pony’s pelvis, just above her crotch. Moving up Dash’s body, Pinkie made a similar incision under her ribs. Finally, Pinkie made a long vertical cut down Dash’s stomach, connecting the first two.

“Looks like I got my ‘I’ on you, Dash,” Pinkie giggled.


Bad enough that Pinkie is a serial killer, now she is also using the power of lame one-liners to torture her victims.


With a moist, gooey sound, the flaps of skin opened. The sight of her own organs and the lack of feeling caused Dash’s breathing to intensify.

Pinkie carefully sliced open Dash’s abdominal sac and grabbed her large intestines. As she separated the organ from the rest of the digestive tract and pulled it out of the new cavity, Pinkie grew jovial. Laughing as she gutted her friend, Pinkie began to make jokes. Dash, growing weaker from this new source of blood loss, tried desperately to shut out the macabre comedy act.


Just to make something clear: The Aristocrats is a macabre comedy act. Jeff Dunham's Achmed is a macabre and stupid comedy act. This? This is Eli Roth`s level of writing horror.


“Look at me, I’m Rarity!”

Another of the main characters who... oh fuck it.


Pinkie laughed, slinging the intestinal tube around her neck and spraying blood in all directions. “Isn’t my new scarf soooo pretty?”

I think red is not really your color.

Reaching back inside, she sliced the smaller intestine off from the bowls. Squeezing out the excess excrement,

Just when you think it can`t get worse, someone puts in a throwaway scat scene. Fuck Captain twinkling Psychostorm!


Pinkie filed the slimy organ through her teeth and dragged it back and forth. “Dentists say you gotta floss every day, Dash.”

Stop teaching kids something Pinkie, please.


Dash was barely aware of what was going on anymore. The shock was causing her to fade. Disappointed, Pinkie dived back into the blue pony’s guts, ramping up her routine.

“Aw, don’t go yet Dash.” Pinkie started pulling out the rest of Dash’s organs, pausing with each removal. [/ b]

I am really getting sick of it now.

[b]“I know I can be a real pancreas, but you know I’m just kidney with you. You really got to learn to liver it up. Boy, these jokes are getting bladder. Guess ya gotta develop a stomach for them.”


While we are at the bad puns, you forgot to say stuff like „I am trying my best to get under your skin“ or „Got your tongue“.

Pinkie placed the discarded body parts into a bucket, keeping the last one for bit longer. “Ooo, bagpipes.” she said, placing the end of Dash’s esophagus in her mouth and the stomach in her armpit.

Groundskeeper Willie will tell you, this is not how you play a bagpipe. If he wakes up from his hangover.


She squeezed, and a spurt of acid hit her tongue. “Eww! Oh hey look, there’s your cupcake, Dash!”

Pinkie: Mind if I eat it up?

Dash didn’t hear her tormentor. She had slipped from conciseness minutes ago. Pinkie, not yet satisfied, hit Dash with another adrenaline shot. Dash woke up for the last time, her heart pounding.

Warm blood flowed out from the wound in her chest in great spurts. It wouldn’t be long now.

Pinkie brought Dash around onto her back again and straddled the blue pony’s chest, scalpel at the ready.

“Ya know, Rainbow Dash, I’m disappointed. I thought you would have lasted longer. I really wanted to spend more time with you before we got here.


Pinkie: You know, I wanted us to become old enough to experience our first hangover...


But I guess it’s my fault; I should have taken it a little slower. Oh well. It was really was nice knowing you, Dash!”

Pinkie: What I want to say is: Bye bye!


The blade sunk into the blue throat and worked its way up to Dash’s chin. Coming back down, Pinkie’s scalpel then circled Dash’s neck. The last thing Rainbow Dash felt was her skin being cut away from her skull, and the metal of the blade scraping her teeth.

Okay sorry, I can`t take it anymore. (takes a bag and starts puking up)

Then she was gone.

Like my food of the last two days. (throws away the bag)

Seriously though, poor character. I don`t know why Lieutnant Glitter choose her to die but in my opinion not even the most annoying character of the show –which is in my opinion ironically Pinkie- deserves to be treated like that. Heck, I think not even Panty and Stocking should be tortured like that and that are two characters I really wish to die.


Pinkie Pie stared into the mirror. She had done a really good job, even keeping the eyelids. She winked, and Dash winked back. Pinkie smiled.

Pinkie: YAY! I am so good at skinning other animals, even if my bakery goes bankrupt I can still work as taxodermist.


But still, she was sad that her friend was now gone. Dash had only lasted fifty minutes, not nearly as long as Pinkie had wanted. She looked back at the cadaver hanging in the center of the room, the last of her friend’s fluids draining into a pan. Yup, no more Rainbow Dash.

The guys of Hasbro succesfully managed to throw a bridge on her to make room for another cast member they hope would make them more money as a toy than the closet lesbian.


As she looked, Pinkie cocked her head. She began to take notice of the fact that there really wasn’t much damage to the corpse. “It fact,” the pink pony mused, “I think….” An idea exploded in her head.

After this awful fic, I think I would rather watch her head explode.


She was good at sewing and she had all the pieces, all she had to do was put them back together. Yeah, she just had to get some stuffing and bingo, she’d have Rainbow Dash forever. In fact, thought Pinkie, that’s what she’d do for all her best friends when their numbers came up. She was so excited, she skipped right over to the body with her skinner to get started. The cupcakes could wait; Pinkie Pie had a friend to make

Unfortunately her skills were not that good at all and the final result eventually looked like this:


Attached Image

Now, there was even another part of the original story in which it turns out Pinkie has someone who helps her in form of another pony, but this thing was pointless to the „plot“, so it was deleted in the second version. And after all this I don`t really intend to go further.

Well, wasn`t that a lovely little pony tale?

In all honesty, this is probably one of the most disgusting trolling attempts I have ever seen.

Or at least I hope it was a trollfic, because otherwise I am so going to kill something.

What is the point of a story like this? Wait, scratch that. This filth doesn`t deserve to be considered a fanfic or a story. It is just a thing.

Like Naga`s Eyes, Shinji`s Nightmare Cataclysm and all the other gorn/crack/shit stories out there, writen by trolls and perverted sick fucks who decide not just to rape the childhood of other people, but behead it and then fuck it in the eyesocket.

Just to make one thing clear: I don`t hate grimdark stories. And if someone decides to write a more „darker“ and mature story in his fandom, even if the supposed series is not really known therefore, I have no problem. At least as long as there is a point behind it in form of
plot development for the story itself and such.

But this? This is just garbage by someone who decides to live out his violent torture fantasies in form of fanfiction, by turning an innocent –and sometimes annoying- character into a pony version of Jeffrey Dahmer.

I am not a fan of the show, but as someone who knows how it feels to see some of his favorite and rather „innocent“ shows being turned into „SAW VIII-the really gory porn“, I feel sorry for all the fans who might stumble upon this abomination.

Especially the really young and innocent ones –you know, the little kids- who may accidentally stumble upon this thing or some of the porn other weirdos already published.


I am really sorry for you to learn, that the internet and the world itself is also filled with people who like to do something that horrible to such harmless characters and hope, that you may get over it. Try to forget that this thing exists and try to enjoy your show for what it really is, even if it is silly.

As for you Sergeant whatsoever... I have no word for you. You are a sick person. But you know what? There is one good thing you managed to do with this garbage: Making even 4chan feel uncomfortale enough to defend a show they make fun of themself.
Bravo.
Uniting the internet against one single „threat“. Ozzymandis couldn`t have done it better.


The only good thing out of this is, that seeing how it is a fanfiction, the real show would never even be slightly like that. I mean, what are they going to do? Have at least Pinkie suffer some sort of mental breakdown because of some minor „problem“?


OH YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING....


This post has been edited by Maniak: May 3 2011, 12:40 PM


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post May 3 2011, 01:34 PM
QUOTE (Maniak @ May 3 2011, 01:38 PM)
I mean, what are they going to do? Have at least Pinkie  suffer some sort of mental breakdown because of some minor „problem“?
OH YOU GOTTA BE FUCKING KIDDING....

*

Oh come on. Like a character who is known for just being silly could ever be dangerous.


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post May 3 2011, 01:54 PM
...I have an entire stash of beer downstairs that used to be my dad's...

...I'm seriously considering drinking myself to death...

I mean, I've literally seen it all now. Hermaphraditic beastiality, Animaniacs slash, Pokerape, Rape around every corner, A Dudly Puppy Lemon, Spongebob Lemons, Troll Gore, Kairi Gore, A mouse taking a shit and eating it with her friends, A Fanfic about a woman having an abortion fetish, And now My little pony gorn...

...At age 14...

And the saddest part is that I almost sort of like the Little Pony show whatever.

...Yep. That's pretty much it. I've completely lost my innocence.

As for the fanfic...this might probably be worse than Videl's Abortion Fetish.

No, scratch that; FUCKING 4CHAN BANDED TOGETHER TO HATE ON THIS. This is worse than HVDhAF.


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post May 3 2011, 01:57 PM
As a PS: When I say "almost sort of like", I mean "almost sort of like", not "it's my secret fetish".


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post May 3 2011, 02:02 PM
This is not Grimdark or anything similar. It's just shit. Pure shit.

QUOTE (T_K_17 @ May 3 2011, 11:34 PM)
Oh come on.  Like a character who is known for just being silly could ever be dangerous.
*

Yeah, a Juggalo who is a complete psychopath? Who ever heard of that?

QUOTE (JakAttack @ May 3 2011, 11:54 PM)
...I have an entire stash of beer downstairs that used to be my dad's...

...I'm seriously considering drinking myself to death...

If this is a joke, it's not funny. If not, don't be retarded.

QUOTE
...Yep. That's pretty much it. I've completely lost my innocence.
*

Innocence is overrated.


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post May 3 2011, 02:06 PM
QUOTE (JakAttack @ May 3 2011, 01:54 PM)
...I have an entire stash of beer downstairs that used to be my dad's...

...I'm seriously considering drinking myself to death...

I mean, I've literally seen it all now. Hermaphraditic beastiality, Animaniacs slash, Pokerape, Rape around every corner, A Dudly Puppy Lemon, Spongebob Lemons, Troll Gore, Kairi Gore, A mouse taking a shit and eating it with her friends, A Fanfic about a woman having an abortion fetish, And now My little pony gorn...

...At age 14...

And the saddest part is that I almost sort of like the Little Pony show whatever.

...Yep. That's pretty much it. I've completely lost my innocence.

As for the fanfic...this might probably be worse than Videl's Abortion Fetish.

No, scratch that; FUCKING 4CHAN BANDED TOGETHER TO HATE ON THIS. This is worse than HVDhAF.
*


To be fair Jak, you only did this to yourself, after all, you joined up at a place that deals with the most deplorable and sometimes insanity inducing hobby in existence.


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post May 3 2011, 02:24 PM
I'm putting a mental block on, so I'm a little fuzzy on whether it was a joke or not.

And...fuck, you're right, Lizard. But I continue reading this in hopes that the goverment will find these assholes that make this shit, and make them "disappear" if we keep up the efforts.


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post May 3 2011, 02:39 PM
QUOTE (JakAttack @ May 4 2011, 12:24 AM)
And...fuck, you're right, Lizard. But I continue reading this in hopes that the goverment will find these assholes that make this shit, and make them "disappear" if we keep up the efforts.
*

I thought we were supposed to do that after we build our doom laser.


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post May 3 2011, 03:25 PM


That is all.


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post May 3 2011, 03:32 PM
This was a hell of a mock to proofread. Not because of Maniak's comments, mind you. But... My God... THIS FREAKING STORY.


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QUOTE (TigerOfThunder2013 @ Jul 14 2013, 10:09 PM) *
Go kill yourself DraculaMarth! No one wants you here. I was here to defend a story. Not deal with shitty people.

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post May 3 2011, 03:40 PM
Oh god oh man oh god OH MAN!

This story

Is the best story.

I've heard so much about it, seen fanart based on it, but I never figured it would be as glorious as they all said!

It's so hideously terrible~!

There are absolutely no redeeming qualities, it's- it's...

It's like I'm playing Drakengard again!



Seriously, this is trash. It's so famous among the fandom for being so absolutely terrible in every way that the word "Cupcakes" has become a running gag.


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post May 3 2011, 03:48 PM


I cannot post this picture enough to express how horrified I am.


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post May 3 2011, 04:17 PM
QUOTE (Max-Vader @ May 3 2011, 03:02 PM)
Yeah, a Juggalo who is a complete psychopath? Who ever heard of that?
*

Like you really saw it coming.

Anyway, yeah, this fanfic sucks. I skipped to the end after the sharp objects came out, but I doubt there's anything enjoyable after that part.


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post May 3 2011, 04:28 PM
The only way it's enjoyable is if you're Psychostorm.


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post May 4 2011, 08:10 AM
You sir, have inspired me to go back to mocking and mock a fic where all of the main cast of this show becomes sluts, I'm not kidding about any of this this. I remember 2 alternate endings for cupcakes (the fic that was mocked in this thread), the 1st one is where Apple Bloom (a little kid) shows up out of nowhere and helps Pinkie, the other ending is just making the whole fic just a dream.


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post May 4 2011, 08:12 AM
QUOTE (Projectkulu @ May 4 2011, 05:10 PM)
You sir, have inspired me to go back to mocking and mock a fic where all of the main cast of this show becomes sluts, I'm not kidding about any of this this. I remember 2 alternate endings for cupcakes (the fic that was mocked in this thread), the 1st one is where Apple Bloom (a little kid) shows up out of nowhere and helps Pinkie, the other ending is just making the whole fic just a dream.
*



Funny thing, I am thinking of actually mocking the alternate endings -by now there are four- if people are interested in it.

Heck, if someone is interested I would like to give a short "comment" about the recent reactions towards this fanfic and the mock in general


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post May 4 2011, 11:03 AM
Christ, I've seen some sick shit, but this... THIS one takes the- *hurk* Takes the... oh God, I can't even say that word anymore!


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post May 4 2011, 11:20 AM
My, what a...specimen this is.

Oh and Jak...there's always going to be worse. You're 14 now. Im 20. Just wait until you get to my age...

Is this worse than the Videl fic? Well I would say its a toss up but if fucking 4Chan is disgusted by this, then by god this wins (or fails i guess)


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post May 4 2011, 11:22 AM
QUOTE (Maniak @ May 4 2011, 06:12 PM)
Heck, if someone is interested I would like to give a short "comment" about the recent reactions towards this fanfic and the mock in general
*

Sure.

QUOTE (The Chosen @ May 4 2011, 09:03 PM)
Christ, I've seen some sick shit, but this... THIS one takes the- *hurk* Takes the... oh God, I can't even say that word anymore!
*

The cupcakes are a lie.

HURHURHUR


--------------------
I have had a vision. It has been revealed to me by the secret chiefs of the world that I am sexier than Buddha and harder than Jesus. I cannot die.
Joan (requesting my drawings): I'LL PAY YOU
IN ORAL SEEEX
Paragon: I will literally pay you in oral sex if you go on a call and sing that entire song [Little Girls by Oingo Boingo] for us and record it
Scream: Welp guess its my turn to owe Max a IOU blowjob
Paragon: I think Max is rapidly becoming the new pimp of PA
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TigerEyes: No means yes and yes means anal.
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post May 4 2011, 11:43 AM
QUOTE (Maniak @ May 4 2011, 11:12 AM)
Funny thing, I am thinking of actually mocking the alternate endings -by now there are four- if people are interested in it.

Heck, if someone is interested I would like to give a short "comment" about the recent reactions towards this fanfic and the mock in general
*



Go for it.


--------------------
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