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> "Latexed Lugia" - shadowlugia249, Somehow WORSE than "Fit for a God"
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Shockwave S08

A wild LEECH OSPREY appears!

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post Apr 20 2011, 04:31 PM
This is SPARTAN-S08, reporting for duty once again. We’re turning back the clock on shadowlugia249, back to the year 2007, when he posted this strange bit of fanfiction on FF.net. Apparently one Lugia fic wasn’t good enough for him, so guess what, he made another! Grab your flamethrowers, SCARs, and double-barreled shotguns, ‘cause there’s no going back now!

Latexed Lugia

By shadowlugia249

Author's Note: I've been brooding over this idea for some time and I've finally decided to follow through with it. This might be a strange idea for Lugia, but he was the only one that I could think of that would make no sense whatsoever. I don't want to hear anything about Lugia being used inappropriately. Read the past few sentences to yourself. Slowly. In the world of fan fiction, anything goes. This is why we have had man-eating latex costumes and slimy Pokemon-abominations galore on Project A.F.T.E.R. Enjoy anyway! Fuck. You.

(This story takes place shortly after the events of the first "Fit for a God".)

If you’ve been following my exploits on this channel, you already know my thoughts on that piece of shit.

In the hidden shop of Aridos' Magical Medleys, an aged old man, Karmen “Sandiego” Aridos, was browsing through his wares, after respawning out of thin air once again. He had just rebuilt his prized costume shop after a little misunderstanding with one of his previous customers that caused him to keel over on the spot after he left. He should have probably informed Silver about the costume's full potential before he had sold him the costume in the first place. But now that Silver was back with his father and his precious food, he could reopen and go on with business like normal.

While he was cleaning up, Aridos stumbled across something that he didn't even know was in his stockade. There was a small, dusty, unopened plastic bag buried in the corner where the Lugia costume had once been. It looked like it was one of those bags that contained ordinary party balloons and was even decorated with sliver and blue. Little did the old fart know that there was yet another decaying Lugia skin inside.

Aridos picked up the bag and examined it. There was a small, silver Post-It note attached to it covered in old, ancient runes in blue ink. No normal or sane person would have been able to decipher the runes, but Aridos had studied plenty of this language when he was in potty training.

""To Mr. Aridos,"" he read in a grumble. ""Thank you for all you've done for us. Here is a treat for you to sell to an adoring fan.

Adoring Fan: Please let me worship the ground Aridos walks on!

Best wishes..." Huh. "Lugia, Silver and Siron." Well, wasn't that nice of them? Let's just see what we've got here..."

Aridos muttered under his breath to slit open the bag magically. Lazy-ass. Not bothering to *gasp* open the bag with his hands. He then withdrew a long, shriveled rubber item from the bag. It looked like a dried-up silver nylon condom, but he knew it was much more than that. It looked more like a balloon, but he had a feeling that he shouldn't blow into it with his breath. Besides, that would be extremely unsanitary. And a look at a warning label on the package confirmed it.

WARNING: Blowing into this condom will make it spill its load all over your nice clean store, and your face. So don’t do it. Don’t think about doing it. Do not even THINK about not doing it!

So, instead, he took the balloon to his back room and retrieved a small tank of compressed air. Sticking it in the nozzle, he pushed the air into the balloon and soon, it began to take shape.

When it was fully inflated, Aridos gave a medium-rare smile and nodded his head. "Oh, yes. Someone special is really going to like you. Let's just get you packed back up and get you back on the shelves for the next dumb shmuck that enters my store to purchase."

Without another word, he deflated the balloon and went back to repackage the item in its bag. With a simple spell, he resealed the bag as if it had never been touched. He then made to put it back on the shelf but paused, thinking.

"You know... I don't think they're going to know what you look like without some kind of visual aid. Let's just see what we can do...just lemme look up some R34 on Paheal first…heheh…"

An awkward transition in 3! 2! 1!

My name is Rye Amaldo and I am your less-than-average college "dropout". Now don't get me wrong – I had every intention of wasting all of my parent’s college funds on porn, smut and the like…er…”finishing college and becoming a computer specialist, but at the moment, I was financially challenged and could not afford to go back right now. Right now, I had a simple two-bit job cleaning up at the local Wendy's, but it was enough to make a killing…I mean, living. But despite my situation, I was as bored as heck. I had watched my Super Hornio Bros. movies for the umpteenth time and watch almost nothing but reruns of Loonatics Unleashed on my local-connection TV. And despite me having a computer, I did not have enough funds to have the Internet, so my choice of activities was somewhat limited at the moment.

At least he can’t publish shitty fanfiction to the net, unlike the author.

But even though I did not have much access to the media world, there was still one thing I enjoyed like nothing else – Pokémon. With my limited funds, I managed to purchase enough reading material about Pokémon that I could work with.

Right, like a grown man reading children-level books about the Pokemon anime could be taken seriously.

True, I never played any of the games, but I used to be hooked on the TV series. But ever since Pokémon moved from Kids WB! to Cartoon Network, I have been severely limited as to what I can do to keep up to date with them.

Just a few paragraphs spoken, and I already hate this guy.

Despite that, I've managed to get my fair share of the episodes before it went off the air. I would normally only have enough time in my schedule to watch them on Saturday mornings, but that was all I needed. The newest episodes would always be on Saturdays and I would watch and eat my heart out every opportunity that I got, and die shortly afterward. Thank heavens for infinite respawns.

You may ask, "What kind of Pokémon would a 20-year-old single man like out of all of the many that were out there?", right?

I don’t ask those kinds of questions on a daily basis.


No, and I don’t want you to tell me.

Well, I'll tell you anyway. It was Lugia.

Lugia, to me, is like the very reincarnation of God if His holy name were to be defaced by a crappy fanfiction writer. When I first saw him in the Orange Islands, I instantly fell for him.

Does that mean that Rye is a closet homo?

He has such an impressive form, looking like some great silver bird of destiny.

I knew it, he’s gay for a fucking Pokemon.

His powers over water and the weather, not to mention his control of the Shoop Da Woop, make him one of the most powerful Pokémon in existence, stopped by probably Dialga or Palkia of the fourth generation. I don't know much more about him other than he is a very intelligent Psychic type and that he hides in the ocean to contain his massive strength.

Rye: I like high intelligence in my men…I find it SO sexy…oh yeah…

Ever since I saw him, I have been longing for the day that I would meet him and make sweet, sweet love to him. Even though Pokémon weren't real, that would never stop me from being faithful in his existence. I just wish I had something to prove that he was "real" other than a nutball gamer's intuition.

But all that was thrown for a loop when I was reading through the paper after getting home from my job on Friday night. I wasn't really looking for anything in particular, so you could imagine my amazement when I saw an ad for a magic shop in the classifieds.

It was for a costume shop that had been suspiciously destroyed last Halloween by an unknown attacker who wanted food very badly. I didn't even know that it had been rebuilt. I hadn't been able to see the place's wares before it was destroyed, so I was curious to see what it had this time.

The ad was advertising a sale on special items that I didn't know existed at a costume shop. There was a giant plushie of some large creamy-yellow winged beast-kind-of-thing... nah... I didn't play with toys. There was a small, silver orb atop a dragon-shaped pedestal... Not quite. I was never one for jewelry. It’s not faaaabulous enough for my tastes. Also, there was a ring claiming to grant the powers of a dragon to its wearer... please... Like I believe in that kind of mumbo-jumbo.

Mumbo Jumbo: *chanting* Eekum bokum, eekum bokum, eekum bokum… *turns Rye into a piece of shit*

But then I saw a picture containing a large, bird-shaped creature that I immediately recognized as...


It was, but there was something different about this one. The ad was in pretty good detail, but I still wondered why Lugia would be slightly see-through. He looked much shinier than normal and you could see straight through it. If I didn't know better, I would have said it was a...new thingamajig for me to fap to!

I had to see this for myself. I wrote down the name and address of the shop and went to grab what was left of my savings (if anything) before I headed out for a little bicycle trip. If someone was selling a Lugia item like that, I didn't care what it was made of – I wanted to fuck it!

The shop – also known as "Aridos' Magical (and Musical?) Medleys" – was sitting in the middle of a parking lot like it had been before it had been destroyed. Although, it looked like a buttcrackhouse for some reason. The front was painted completely black and there were no windows on it or even a sign.

The temperature must be like hell inside there…

All there was was a single door with a railing on a small sidewalk on the side of the building.

Feeling curious, I tried to open the door.


That was weird. The sign on the other side of the door said it was open, so why would it be locked? I was spared the trouble of figuring it out when a voice seemed to come out of nowhere.

"May I help you?" the ghost of the recently-deceased owner said.

I looked around for the speaker, but I didn't find a thing. The owner could obviously see me, so I answered back.

"I'm here to do some shopping. I hear you have a sale going on."

"Are you over 18 and/or piss-drunk? I’m asking this, just in case my previous customer decided to clone himself behind the author's back…"

"Beg pardon?" I had never been asked this to get into a store.

"Not even one drunk person under 18 is allowed in here. Are you over 18, dammit!?"

"Uh... I'm 20, sir."

There was a long pause on the other end. He seemed to be looking through his camera at me. It was a while before I heard him answer and unlock the door electronically.

"Very well. Come on in. Welcome to Aridos' Magical Medleys." He sounded less than enthusiastic about welcoming me in (probably because he read my mind and saw my perverted thoughts on Pokemon, and now hates my guts), but I pulled open the door and walked in anyway.

The inside of the shop seemed to match the exterior of the building. It was dark and sinister, but it had a feeling of comfort in it that no amount of darkness could produce.

Contradictory statement detected, moron.

The store was dimly lit by small, glowing candles sitting on the centers of the costume racks.

Speaking of costumes, there were no shortage of costumes here, but that's not what I came for. If I did, it would be “Fit for a God” all over again. I took a look around the dark room and spotted what I was looking for. There was a small set of shelves off to the left that held various items up for sale. I made a beeline for it and examined its wares.

There were a number of items sitting on the shelf marked "Clearance – Everything Must Go!" and I took the time to examine a few of them. Sure enough, there was a large, creamy-yellow furry winged beast plush sitting on the floor, looking up at me with cute baby-blue eyes. The tag on it read: "Flammie – Seryn. A cute addition to any child's fantasy and your final dying moments!"

On the bottom of the two shelves was a shirt on a hanger that looked like it was made of liquid metal. I felt it and I was sure that the material was not a regular kind of fabric. It felt like I was touching cold, liquid metal. That wasn't what I was looking for, but I still liked it. Silver Surfer…yummy…

There was also a large golden ring that you could grasp like a handle that had a large green gem burnished into it. It read: "Dream Traveler's Ring – Dream World Manipulation Included!" I highly doubted that, but it was something I found rather nice to look at.

Way to rip off Klonoa, eh, author?

Finally, I found a small, plastic bag sitting on the top shelf with a familiar picture on it. I picked it up and examined it. It had the Pokémon logo on it, but there was also a second symbol that looked like a star with its points detached. Huh. I’m seeing hallucinations, and I didn’t even drink anything!

The package read as thus:

Pokémon Brand Life Balloons – Lugia

Contents: 1 life-sized balloon

Just add air. Power and Beauty Divine!

Pop it, and its destruction will extend your Life Gauge. It’s called a “Life Balloon” for a reason!

But the contents inside looked less than appealing. It looked like a deflated rubber glove colored silver and blue. And since the bag was no bigger than a regular bag of party balloons, I highly doubted that it could get as big as it said. I was anxious to buy it, but I was one of those people who needed proof before I bought it.

"Can I help you?"

I nearly jumped out of my skin! The package fell to the floor with a plop. When I finally got the sense to look around, I saw an aged, decrepit old man standing behind me, hunched over with his arms behind his back.

“I knew I shouldn’t have walked under that falling piano…” the respawning man said to himself.

The old man seemed positively ancient, from the wisps of white hair on the sides of his bald head to the number of wrinkles on his skin that looked worse than a bag of raisins.

Or your mom.

He wore a simple white shirt and was hunched over with age. He didn't even make it up to my shoulders even if he was standing straight up.

But one look at his eyes threw his true age into question. I could see two fierce, emerald-green eyes looking back at me with a youth that I had never seen before. Huh. Now pink elephants are humping my leg, and I don’t know why…

"Please don't do that," I said, trying to get my blood pressure under control.

The old man frowned and pointed to the balloon bag I had dropped. "Please don't manhandle my merchandise, even if it is on clearance."

In Soviet Russia, merchandise manhandles you!

I wanted to tell him that he was the one who nearly manhandled me,

Rye: *to the audience* I NEED A BIGGER ADULT!!!

but I didn't want to give this old man any reason not to sell it to me. I quickly bent over and picked up the bag before setting it back on the shelf.

"I was just looking at it," I said quickly, faking interest in the other items.

But he didn't buy it. "No one comes in here to just look.

Tons of people do that at other costume shops, why not this one?

But you can start out that way. Let me know if you need anything." He grumbled to himself and started to walk away.

I was sure this old man was not all up there in the head, but then again, neither was the author, but he did say to ask him, so I couldn't pass that up. I grabbed the bag again and held it out.

"I know these are on clearance, but you wouldn't happen to have a spare one of these that I could see fully inflated, do you?"

The old man turned his head and gave me a look and then looked at the package. With a frown (Why so serious?), he shrugged and said, "I might. But it might not be at its full size. Do you still want to see it?"

I nodded. The fact that he still had a spare for display made my heart race.

And this is because…?

The old man turned back toward the counter and shuffled off with me following behind.

When we reached the counter, he pointed to the floor and grunted, "Stay here. I'll be right back."

I stayed. I tried to move, but my feet seemed to be frozen to the floor. I also saw several armed blocks of C4 at my feet, for reasons unknown. I waited quite a while in silence while the old man did who-knows-what in that back room. He was probably contemplating on whether to blow the place up or not.

Finally, I heard a slight squeaking and a familiar grumble as the door to the back room reopened. The old man was carrying a small, figure-shaped balloon on a string and tied it to the counter. This time, it was my turn to frown.


"Is that it? I thought it was supposed to be life-sized." The Lugia balloon had every feature he was supposed to except for two problems. It was only the size of a regular party balloon and where it was supposed to be navy blue, it was a crimson-red _____.

Crimson-red WHAT, I wonder…

"It is, but this one is only a prototype. If you want, I can show you how to make it "bigger". Just feed it some Enzyte, and you'll have an animalistic Smiling Bob to call your own!"

I shrugged and watched as the old man took a small can of compressed air filled with silly string with a long, thin, red straw on the end and stuck it in the balloon's mouth. Pressing the button down, he pumped air into the balloon.
Even though it was just a small stream of air, the Lugia-balloon grew like a weed. Within a few seconds, it was more than double in size. And within a minute, it was as big as me! I had to back up from the sudden growth spurt of the balloon. But even though it was being inflated, the detail of it hadn't stretched out like you would expect with a balloon. The scale of its wings, tail, neck and whatnot were the same as they were before without a single bulge where it shouldn't be, albeit much bigger."

This doesn’t seem physically possible!

Before I could ask, the old man held up his hand and shook his head. "I know what you're thinking. This model's size can be reduced without even popping it. Watch!"

I expected him to reach down somewhere unknown and unload all the air (curse my dirty thoughts),

Now THAT’s just…eeewwww…

but he simply reached into its mouth and pressed down on its "tongue", allowing some of the air inside of it to be let out. Soon, he had to cut down to a single finger when the balloon returned to its original size. Once he depressed his finger on the flap, the balloon returned to its same neutral buoyancy.

Suddenly, I was hit with a thought. "How come it can float like that with only air inside of it?"

I could have sworn that I saw the old man smirk at me! That’s a first for that grumpy bastard. He let the balloon go back up to the end of its tether and shrugged. "Nothing in this shop is ordinary. I can make balloons float with air or stones turn into dragons if I wanted. It's all part of the business."

Dr. Hax then teleported in and started smashing Aridos over the head with a CRT monitor.

I wasn't sure whether to laugh or not. This old man was so weird that it was hard to tell what to do. "So, are you going to buy that WMD or what?"

He indicated the bag that was still in my hands. I snapped out of my trance and handed the bag for him to ring up. The old man obviously hadn't modernized for a while and had to resort to an old-fashioned tag search to get the price up.

"Ten dollars, please."

I nearly went nuts at this. "Ten dollars for a clearance item? How can you charge so much…er…I mean, little?"

The old man scowled at me with the scariest angryfaic he could muster. "Unless you want to pay over 200 dollars when it was brand-new, I suggest that you don't argue. Ten dollars, please."

I caught myself and shaped up. At a 95 percent discount, I really had nothing to worry about. I coughed up a ten-spot and carried the bag out in a larger bag. I felt like I had been given a great gift, but as I would soon find out, I was in for a wild and fatally stupid experience.


This post has been edited by Shockwave S08: Jul 9 2012, 11:25 AM

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post Apr 20 2011, 04:35 PM
QUOTE (Shockwave S08 @ Apr 20 2011, 05:31 PM)

Adoring Fan: Please let me worship the ground Aridos walks on!


The Warring Triad
"Patience and penance. For millenia I have yearned to inact this vengeance! I am the end and the beginning! By my touch shall your wretched lives be blessed!" - Sephirot, the Fiend
"The unenlightened come...know you the full weight of death. Come forth, Scales of Revelation! I would know the weight of your souls. Can you bring... equilibrium?" - Sophia the Goddess
"Mine age of slumber is at an end. A thousand thousand suns may set, but the insult of mine imprisonment hath been etched upon mine eternal memory. I am come to mete out justice. To bestow the blessings of victory unending. I am Zurvan. He who standeth above all other gods. He who shall bring slaughter and ruin!" - Zurvan, the Demon
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Shockwave S08

A wild LEECH OSPREY appears!

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post Apr 23 2011, 12:42 PM
When we last left our bi-curious “protagonist”, Rye got a Lugia balloon, Aridos died again shortly after he left his store, and our hero spontaneously combusted on the way home for no reason at all. And now, on with the fic.

When I got home later that afternoon, I immediately shut all of the blinds and doors that I could lay my hands on. I didn't want the neighbors looking in on me while I was enjoying this balloon, so I made sure I got all the privacy I could. I didn’t want to be seen wanking off to Lugia’s majestic glory…

When I was fully secured, I took the bag out of the shopping bag and ripped the top off with my teeth. Tipping the thin, shriveled balloon (or is it a condom?) into my hand, I tossed the bag without a second thought. I then turned my attention to finding the mouth of the balloon to manually inflate it. I had no compressed air to work with, so I would have to do it the old-fashioned way.

It took a while, but I eventually located the two blue flashes of a Lugia's mask and pried open the mouth. Taking a few deep breaths for practice, I geared myself up for the main event and blew my face off with a nearby shotgun.

At first, the balloon just filled itself out, dewrinkling it and allowing it to become more three-dimensional. Within a few good breaths, it was all filled out and about the size of a casual party balloon. But I didn't stop there. It needed to be big enough for me to dry-hump into the night. I kept pumping my lungs into it and soon grew well beyond the size it had started out as. Finally, my lungs gave out and I stopped blowing and living. I was completely blue, trying to catch my breath as I examined my handiwork.

By now, the balloon was as slightly taller than me from its feet to the top of its head, but I had a feeling that it could go much further. I was satisfied with it, though. It would make a great toy to play (read: jack off) with.

The balloon matched every dimension and detail that a Lugia was supposed to have. Its smooth, rubbery skin was colored a blinding silver-white and there was not a single flaw on its entire body. It had the traditional round, V-shaped, sky-blue mark on its belly along with its long, flexible tail tipped with two pointed navy-blue spikes. Its feet were dog-like and digitigrade with three round toes on each one. The thick, rubbery wings looked to me like a cross between human hands and flippers There were four distinct "fingers" on each one with a fifth "thumb" under the palms. And along its "spine" were ten rectangular navy-blue plates each filled with a small amount of air to make them thin and flexible.

The balloon's head was the most amazing. Its pointed skull had a short, curved beak with four pointed fangs on both parts of its maw. It had a flat, round tongue and its narrow, navy-blue eyes were surrounded by a pair of pointed, navy-blue "masks". It was this mask that made Lugia the most beautiful Pokémon I had ever seen.

TL;DR: It looks exactly like a Lugia. No shit, numbnuts.

The balloon bobbed on its feet and tail as I pushed it around a little.

It then leaned forward a bit too much, and somehow deflated on top of my face, casuing my stupid ass to die of asphyxiation.


It was looking blankly off in the direction its eyes were painted, but I liked it nonetheless. I stared at it for a while before curiosity got the better of me. I wrapped my arms around its sides and pulled the rubbery wings around me in a modified embracing hug. I then proceeded to mount it and hump it senseless. It squeaked and chirped under my grip and it felt strangely warm underneath me. Technically, it WAS filled with my warm breath, so I could understand why it felt that way. It felt good to feel its rubbery skin on my own and I rubbed my head on its neck like a concerned parent. If I had been paying attention, curse my stupidity, I would have noticed that the jawline of the balloon had twitched into a small smile and one of its wings gave me a small pat on its own accord. But I currently had my eyes closed and was burying my face in its soft neck like a retard, so I didn't notice.

Finally, I detached myself from the balloon and looked at it bob in the wind of my air conditioner. "I think you should have a name. What do you think I should call you?"

To my surprise, an answer formed in my head. It was like my mind was being visited by another faint presence and it was "telling" me what it wanted for a name. The voice in my head said, “Its name is Sirius, now KILL YOURSELF!” I blinked and shook my head. The feeling was still there and a name had popped into my head like it was being branded there.

Ignoring the feeling, I said the first name that popped into my head. "I got it! Your name will be... Fuckbait…no wait, I mean Sirius! What do you think of that?"

There was no answer from the balloon, but the presence in my mind agreed with me, so the Lugia was named "(why so) Sirius". That left just one question...

"Are you male or female?"

“Either way, you’re gonna get ‘filled up’ tonight!”

The presence did not answer me that time. Instead, it had vanished completely, leaving me in the dark. Since I couldn't be sure whether "Sirius" was a boy's name or a girl's name, I decided to call it an "it" for now until I figured it out.

Looks like Pennywise the clown (AKA “It”) is gonna sue your ass for copyright infringement.

"Well, "Sirius", why don't we get you settled down for tonight? I guess you and I can watch a movie tonight. But first, let's get you something to eat."

There is now indisputable proof that Rye is, in fact, a guy who belongs in a mental hospital along with the author.

Now this may seem like a strange way of taking care of a Lugia balloon, but right now, I didn't care what I did to it, as long as it was "happy", I was just fine with that. So I rooted around my home until I found some rubber gloves that I had never used in my life, except to imitate my fantasy of a latex-clad woman jerking me off.

When I returned to the living room, the air had pushed the balloon onto my couch where it bobbed innocently. I ignored it and offered the rubber gloves to the balloon like someone tempting a dog with a Milkbone.

If a random civilian saw this while walking by Rye’s house, you’d bet your ass he’d call the asylum!

"How does that smell, Sirius? Rubber Lugia gotta eat, too, don't you think? Do you like these gloves?"

What happened next changed everything. The eyes on the balloon looked down at the gloves I was offering it and it appeared to be sniffing my hand. Then with a swift motion, it lunged forward and snapped the gloves right out of my hand! It then lunged again and ate my hand off.

"WHAT THE—?" I said, jumping nearly two-thousand feet backwards in shock. I watched Sirius chewing the gloves in her mouth before she swallowed and looked at me for the first time.

"Those were good. I like a good vintage glove every now and then. Now I will eat your soul."

Now, I was starting to panic. Not only had I heard it speak directly to me, it had spoken to me through its mouth! If I was thinking at the moment, I would have realized that this was not normal for a Lugia, but the fact that a balloon had done that scared me out of my mind.

You think that’s bad, you should’ve seen the giant baby from Baby Geniuses. Now THAT’s scary.

"D-D-D-Did you j-j-just...?" I stammered.

The balloon hopped down from the couch with a squeak and planted its feet on the floor. It then approached me without being affected by the air conditioning.

"I did, actually. Can I have some more? I haven't eaten in a while."

I didn't know what to do. There was a full-sized talking balloon walking up to me and I was cowering on the floor like a little kid.

Grow up, you big wuss…

Thinking quickly, I held up another glove for it to eat.

The Lugia sniffed the glove and then lapped it up with a long, rubbery tongue. This one, it swallowed whole. And then it bit my other hand off. Believe it or not, but I could see the glove and my hand moving down its transparent throat and stopping in its belly for a moment before something invisible seemed to be dissolving it and reducing it to holes. It then turned into a liquid and flowed to all points of its body, thinning out as it traveled until it disappeared completely.

Quit describing even the smallest insignificant thing to us, author, we want to see ACTION.

Sirius looked followed my eyes and looked at its belly, smiling. "Interesting, isn't it? You can see my internal workings as clear as day whenever you want. Let's just hope it doesn't happen to you,"

I later found out that it had been kidding, but this statement came across me as a threat. Now scared for my life, I scrambled to my feet and ran for my kitchen. The rubber Lugia followed behind me, but I had my eyes set on my goal – a sharp filet knife in a holder next to my microwave. Grabbing it hastily with my foot, I turned on the Lugia, who halted.

"Rye? Is there something wrong? Am I scaring you?"

No, he just wants to give you a boquet of flowers OF COURSE THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG, YOU DUMB BITCH!

Now it knew my name! I had to get rid of it now! Before it could blink, I leaped forward and drove the knife into its torso. There was a sudden gasp and an explosion not unlike a small atomic bomb. The sudden pow sent me flying across the room, slamming me into a wall and laying waste to the entire neighborhood.

Attached Image

Once I recovered, I looked at the spot where it and my house had been standing. The balloon was now in tatters that had fallen on top of each other. It had popped and I would never have to worry about it ever again. That has got to be the worst $10 I’ve ever spent on anything, aside from Team Fortress 2. Fucking noobs and their stupid hats… I sighed and dropped the knife. Then as if in a trance, I stumbled into my room and fell onto my bed, falling asleep without getting undressed. I was exhausted from all the excitement and I needed to sleep and rethink this.

I had no idea that the pieces of the balloon were melting over each other back in the living room...

Now we’re ripping off the T-1000? LAME.

That night, I went to the Dream World with a satisfied feeling. I had just destroyed the Balloon from Hell (now that’s an understatement) and I was feeling pretty good about it. But what happened next changed everything.

I was standing in the middle of a black void, alone and vulnerable. I was expecting to be attacked standing here, but I was unprepared for a sudden appearance by... the old man?

Sure enough, he was standing off in the distance with his classic stance, staring at me with a determined look in his eyes. And then he put on his craziest Garry’s Mod facial expression, just for shits and giggles.

"I suppose that this time would be appropriate to tell you the rules."

"Rules?" I said, not grasping the meaning of the meeting.

"Yeah, you left in such a hurry that I didn't get a chance to tell you about the rules of owning this balloon. And I died of a heart attack after you split."

I blinked. This was a little odd to see this old respawning man in my dreams just hours after seeing him for the first time.

"Rule number one, Mr. Amaldo: Your balloon, as you've already found out, is no ordinary party balloon. It has a soul and a life all its own. It has feelings and thoughts like you and me, albeit they're psychic ones. You need to take responsibility and care for it like a family member. If you treat it with enough care, it might return the favor sometime down the road, most likely by killing you."

I blinked again. If Sirius was alive and breathing, I had just killed it without thinking.

Feel, don’t think. Use your instincts.

I suddenly felt rotten for treating it like that, but the old man's next words came with reassurance.

"Rule Number Two: Your balloon cannot be killed by any mortal means. At the moment, its skin is thin and delicate, but over time, it will strengthen and build until it is all but invulnerable. However, it is extremely flammable, so don’t go lighting a match next to it or something, or you WILL regret it. If it should ever pop, simply put the pieces on top of each other and it should rebuild itself, no inflating required."

I sighed at this idea. At least it wasn't dead and I could rebuild it in the morning.

"Rule Number Three: Your balloon contains powers not native to this world. As you find out, it has the ability to manipulate reality and bend the laws of physics. There is also an extremely high chance of it being attacked by Dr. Hax if it does, so exercise caution. If you take care of it well enough, it might let you use some of them in the near future. Treat it with care and it will one day return the favor."

This was interesting. Since it was psychic, it was clearly not of this world, which made it even more powerful and unique. Cool.

You’re calling a 6-foot-tall man-eating Lugia balloon “cool?” Someone’s more than cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

"Finally, Rule Number Four: Your balloon must remain a secret. If anyone was to find out about it, their heads would asplode and you would probably never see it again. You see, you have the only one of its kind, so you need to do everything you can to protect it. This is an intelligent being, Rye, so it will be able to protect itself in due time, but keep your mouth shut if you know what's good for you, or I’ll blow your throat up and leave you to drown in your own blood."

That made sense. Kids from all over the world would want a balloon like this, until they find out that it’s homicidal, so I had to protect it from being taken away from me.

"As a final note: when it was inflated with your breath, Mr. Amaldo, it absorbed your entire being. In other words, it already ate your soul. It knows everything about you, so do not be surprised when it knows what you want. Enjoy your new purchase with sexual pleasure, and if you ever remember, come and see me when your being changes. We'll have much to talk about."

I had no idea what he meant by this, but I thought about it anyway. It would be a good thing to remember when I was taking care of it. And with that, the old man walked away and died spontaneously and I found consciousness gripping at me.

The following morning, I was awakened by a soft, rubbery feeling touching my cheek. I opened my eyes to see Sirius sitting on my bed, stroking me with her wing. I was both alarmed and relieved that she had managed to put herself back together and reinflate herself on her own.

“You kids and your fancy-ass respawns…” Aridos muttered to himself, back at his store.

She had a small smile on her face when she saw me look at her.

"Did you sleep well, Rye?" she said softly.

I blinked and then nodded. I noticed that I kept calling it a "she". Could Sirius be a female balloon Lugia? She seemed to be reading my mind and let out a little purr, nuzzling my cheek with her beak.

Did she turn into a cat all of a sudden? blink.gif

"I am a female. That's not going to bother you, is it?"

I didn't know what to say. I had never been successful with the opposite sex of my race, and now I had a female balloon taking care of me, much less a Lugia – a creature that shouldn't even exist.

Right, like this ain’t the LEAST bit creepy right now…

"No... it won't."

Sirius smiled and hopped off my bed and landed with a small bounce. She was very beautiful for a balloon.

Whether Sirius is an anthro or not is not mentioned in this fic, so I can’t tell what kind of “beautiful” he’s talking about.

Lugia had always been one of the most beautiful of Pokémon, and the fact that she was a smooth, glossy balloon didn't seem to harm her splendor.

"So, what do you want to do today?" she said, bouncing on her toes. "I've been waiting for you to get up and I'm antsy.

“I’ve got ants crawling all over my body, someone PLEASE call pest control!”

I want to go out and see the world, but I don't want to go without you."

I wasn't sure what do about this. The old man had told me not to let her be seen, but if she wanted to go, there was little I could do to stop her.

But then I thought of something that had happened the previous night. "Hey, Sirius?"

"Hmm?" She looked at me with those navy-blue eyes.

"Did I... hurt you... when I popped you last night? I didn't mean to."

“I’m practicing…for my…William Shatner audition…for the Star Trek…college play…”

Sirius cooed and put her wing on my lap. "It didn't hurt. In fact, it felt... rather good."


Sirius nodded. "It felt like a great release of energy and power. If you had a sliver in your skin, it would feel just like pulling it out after months of agony."

That is, if pulling out said sliver resulted in you exploding into ludicrous gibs every time it happened…

I did know what that felt like. I had gotten my fair share of slivers in my lifetime, but then I asked her another question. "Are you saying that you're in pain right now?"

"No... no... It just felt... I can't really explain it without you being in my shoes. Believe me, you will be soon enough. But I feel rather good now that I'm back together again."

"Oh... okay." One problem solved. But now, I had to figure out how to get Sirius outside without anyone seeing her.

She read me like a crappy Twilight book, because she pulled me out of bed and turned me around, still in my clothes.

"What are you doing?" I asked her.

"Hold still. I want you to avoid enjoying this. It's my way of accompanying you in the outside world."

I stood and waited as Sirius wrapped her wings around me and embraced me. I could feel her warm, rubbery skin pressing through my clothes. It felt like she was pulling me inside of her. Soon, I realized that that was exactly what she was doing! Half of me was already inside her air-filled body!

“Om nom nom!” Sirius said with glee.

Now realizing this, I started squirming and struggling, but Sirius held me firm and reassured me. "Relax, Rye. I'm not going to hurt you. Just go with it and it will soon be over."

I could feel her warm skin enveloping mine and I took a deep breath as it fully covered my face. But that didn't last long and I soon realized there was plenty of poisoned oxygen in here.

"I wouldn't let you suffocate, Rye," said Sirius, rubbing her belly happily. "Breathe as much as you want."

It was kind of awkward being in this fic, while standing inside a balloon. The rubber suit was not the same proportions as my own and I had to hunch over with my feet planted in hers.

"It's kind of small in here," I told her, trying to slip my arms into her wings.

"I suppose. But I can fix that no problem."

Opening her mouth, Sirius let her air slowly leak out, further restricting my space. I was running out of room to move and was about to tell her this when something strange happened. Sirius began to lose her definitive shape and build as she let out her internal air. Her wings became smaller as the rubber molded themselves around my arms and fingers. Her legs grew longer and I felt like I was wearing tight long-johns. And the tightness is crushing my balls, WHY GOD WHY!? Her tail shrunk and pressed itself against my backside, forming a tight fit. And her head lost its pointed shape and wrapped all over my face like a cursed tiki mask. I thought I wouldn't be able to breathe, but I could still do it just fine. Finally, Sirius' natural coloring seemed to shift, changing to match every last detail of my body, including my clothes. I was now Dr. Hax-proof, the rubber shielding providing ample protection from his barrage of computer monitors.

When it was all over, you couldn't even tell that I was wearing a balloon for a suit except for the fact that my skin and clothing was a bit more radiant than before. Then I collapsed on the floor and died from severe groin damage.

END? Not quite.

I guess that was part of Sirius' glossiness that she couldn't get rid of.

"What do you think, Rye? Can I accessorize or what?" Now that she was all around me, I could hear her speaking directly into my mind as if I was hearing her with my ears.

Other than the fact that I was now wearing a full-body balloon, Sirius' adjustments were rather comfortable. I felt her psychic powers leeching directly into my bloodstream, giving me energy and enthusiasm like I had never felt before. I could also feel her growing into my wounds, thereby ripping off the Nanosuit 2. I felt like a million bucks and I was sure that Sirius had a good feeling as well.

"This isn't half-bad. Do you do this often?" When I spoke, I could feel her rubbery flesh inside my mouth, but it didn't taste bad at all. She had simply wrapped her entire body over every last nook and cranny of my physique.

OK, that just sounds wrong. sick.gif

"I've only been alive for less than a day, so... not often."

I chuckled and held my hand out in front of me. It felt really weird to be wearing a balloon for your skin. I touched my arm with my other hand and felt the nice flexibility and buoyancy under my fingers. That felt cool!

"So, Rye... shall we?"

I nodded and left the house for a day on the town.


This post has been edited by Shockwave S08: Mar 1 2013, 04:13 AM

Ghostkaiba297: The Furry's Revenge (Team Mock with SM2142)
guard of the twilight: Chosen one of the legendary (Team Mock with SM2142, POSTPONED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE)
laprasking: As Clear As Krystal Genesis of the PokeGirls Bride of Mewtwo
Majinonifox1: All That is Forbidden
shadowlugia249: Fit for a God Latexed Lugia Slime and Punishment Fur for All Occasions

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Not quite here, not quite there.

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post Apr 23 2011, 06:21 PM
Dear Lord, I saw 'Slime and Punishment' as one of this person's stories and I mistook it for the nasty Shrek threesome.

Hopefully, we won't see that . . . right?


QUOTE (9/13/2013 3:49:17 PM Max-Vader:)

QUOTE (Master of AFTER @ Feb 5 2014, 05:08 AM) *
I Was the Drink: The Joan Cheng Story

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Joan are you the straightest shota
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Post #5

Constant yelling

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post Apr 23 2011, 07:11 PM
I'm reading this on my phone, so the mock is seamlessly integrated into the story. It's quite good.

"I was getting all pumped for hot pizza bondage and cocaine action"

Wikisay: We have weird Wikipedia quotes. Feel free to submit!
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Post #6
Shockwave S08

A wild LEECH OSPREY appears!

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post Apr 24 2011, 11:52 AM
To xoxjoanxox: There is no mention of Shrek, Fiona, or Wonder Woman in this fic, but I can’t promise that you won’t suffer some sort of mental retardation by the end of this story. With that said, let’s dive in to part 3 of this mess and see just how low shadowlugia249 can go!

No one really seemed to notice that there was anything different with me. I didn't stick out or anything and no one ever came into contact with me.

Who would want to come into contact with a moron like him?

It was like I was one of the regulars in jail.

But it felt like I was exposed somehow. They may not have noticed, but I felt like I was walking around in the nude. But my fears were unfounded. No one said anything, not like they even gave a shit to begin with, and it was Sirius' comforting words that convinced me otherwise.

"You really shouldn't worry. Unless someone actually purposely grabs you, they won't know the difference."

Get in line, people. I, being the selfish person I am, will be the first one to give him the beatdown of his life, for being such a dumbass.

I sighed and let it go. I was worrying for nothing.

While we were out, I did some personal shopping. Since Sirius needed latex to survive, I went looking for something to please her cravings. I pretty much bought her weight in latex gloves (over 9000 pounds worth) and even scored a yellow rubber raincoat that would keep her fed for a week. Sirius even pointed out that rubber cement was like her special chocolate. Even though I didn't see the connection, being the idiot I am, I bought a couple of bottles from a craft store anyway.

I thought Sirius would even be willing to eat the tires and SPARTAN-S08 right off the lot, but when I brought this up, she stuck out her snake-tongue on her own. Thankfully, no one saw it.

"Tires and SPARTAN-II’s have too many impurities in them and they taste like rubber would to you. There's also metal in them and most of them have been in places I don't even want to know about. No, thank you."

The supersoldier breathed a sigh of relief at that statement. “If you tried to eat me, I have a microwave emitter to fry your sorry ass.” the Spartan replied.

I didn't want to buy anything that Sirius didn't think would taste good, so I left the auto shop empty-handed.

One of my last stops was to the pet shop.

Petco, where the pets and living balloons go.

According to Sirius, rubber pet toys were one of the sweetest and most nutritious rubber items out there. So I bought a fair number for her to satisfy her hunger. When I was all done, I had spent well over $375,000 on rubber items.

"Are you sure you can eat this all, fatass-to-be?" I said as we headed back home.

Sirius borrowed my body for a moment and shook her head to respond. "No. At least not by myself. It'll keep me fed for about two months, but I would love to share it with you if possible."

If I had known what she was thinking at that time... well, let's just say my feelings toward her would have changed.

You mean he was gonna find out just how much of a stupid bitch Sirius was?

But right now, I was just glad that she would not go hungry for a while. And all that rubber would be good for her rubbery skin in the end.

Later that afternoon, Sirius reinflated herself and was soon a Lugia balloon once again. Since I was still stuck inside her, she had to improvise.

"This may be a little (read: massively) awkward, so hold on."

She began to take deep breaths in and out, but she didn't inflate herself any further. Then, I heard a sound like someone's gut makes when they feel sick. She rubbed her belly with her wing and patted her head with her other wing at the same time and then laid her head down on the floor. I was about to ask her what she was doing when I suddenly felt myself moving forward on my own. It was like a giant air pocket had built up underneath me and was pushing me straight up her throat. She opened her mouth super-wide like a snake and with a massive heave, she regurgitated me clean up through her throat and onto the floor.

Other than the fact that I now smelled like rubber balloons, I was pretty much unharmed. I had never been thrown up before, but I guess there's a first time for everything. I subsequently lit a match for no reason, but the fumes from the rubber ignited, immolating the two of us.

END? Nope.

Sirius's shape returned to normal and she picked herself up and dusted herself off. "How do you feel?"

I flipped over and sat up, scratching my head. "Like shit. Also, A little ripe, but I'm fine. I think I need to take a shower, though."

I could have sworn that Sirius was blushing as she began to preen her massive wing. "You'll get used to it, but with all the rubber I'm going to eat, I'll find some way to get rid of the smell."

I got up and gave her a pat on the head between her masks. "You're really something else, you know that? I think I'm going to like having an imaginary balloon for a friend."

Between the squeaks and chirps of her pleasure, Sirius was touched by my words. She cooed and rolled onto her back for me to give her a belly rub. I smiled and knelt down next to her to give her what she wanted.

She then asked me a very personal question. "Have you really wanted a balloon for a friend?"

I sighed and continued her massage. "To be honest, dumbass, I've always wanted a Lugia for a friend, but I guess you'll do fine. I never said what form I wanted it in – I just wanted the company of a Lugia – no matter what form it came in."

Sirius sighed and looked up at the ceiling for a moment, pausing in her cat-purring the think.

THE think? FAIL!

If I didn't hear the constant squeaking of rubbing her body, I would have thought something was wrong. She soon smiled and looked back up at me.

"I really like you, Rye. I hope I can repay you for all you've done for me so far by killing you."

I smiled and patted her between the masks again. "You will someday. I just know you will."

I suddenly heard a liquid-like churning somewhere deep inside Sirius' body. From the sound of it, she was in need of food. Come to think about it, she hadn't really eaten anything all day, so she must be starving for more attention.

Sirius giggled and rolled onto her front again. "I guess I'm hungrier than I thought. May I have some of those rubber gloves and a pet toy or two?"

"I guess. A big fat girl like you has got to eat."

Sirius followed me to the shopping bags where I dug out a bag of latex dishwashing gloves and a rubber dog bone that normally was used to clean their teeth. I then went to a box of bulk rubber cleaning gloves and fished out a few pairs. I put it all on a plate as if offering a real meal and set it on the floor for her to eat like a pig. Oink oink.

I watched her eat the bulk gloves first and watch them dissolve into liquid through her body before I realized that I still stunk of rubber and farts myself.

"I'm going to go take a nice, long, hot shower, okay?"

Sirius looked up from her meal and nodded briefly before returning to her feast. I watched her for a moment and then went to my bathroom to get undressed and get in the shower. Sirius watched me go from my room to my bathroom with extra clothes and paused in her meal. She seemed to be considering something having to do with brutally maiming me as I closed the door behind me but decided against it. She lowered her head and returned to her meal.

"Not just yet... I don't want to come on too fast..."

When I came out of the shower some 20 minutes later (It had taken forever to get the smell of latex out of my skin.), I entered the living room and was witness to a strange (read: frightening) sight. Sirius had taken the fan that I used as "white noise" to help me get to sleep at night and set it up in the living room. She had also inflated herself to a massive size as if she had suddenly gained a lot of weight. I could barely make out her details amid the folds of balloon-ish "fat" that she now piled on herself. I had heard of people who had fat fetishes, but I was not one of them.

Neither am I, Rye. Neither am I.

Sirius was floating up near the ceiling and was bobbing and dancing with the wind from the fan. She seemed to be just drifting with the wind and didn't seem to be bothered by it. I was sure she had already seen me, but I said nothing as I watched the fat balloon tumble in the living room wind. It was certainly a strange sight, but as long as she was happy, it was just fine with me. But not fine with the SPARTAN-II who just broke into my house and is looking for someone to kill.

I watched her for a while before she spoke to me. "Okay, I'm done now. Can you shut off that fan for me, dear?"

I chuckled and turned the fan off, watching her drift to the floor. Disgusted with the sight of Sirius the Fatass, the SPARTAN-II pulled the trigger on his rifle.

END? ‘fraid not.

Sirius then opened her beak and let all of the extra air escape her until she was back to her normal size and shape.

"Did you have fun?" I said, stroking her rubbery neck. I noticed that her skin was a little bit smoother and more durable than it was a half-hour earlier. That latex lunch must have done wonders for her.

You talk about one more insignificant thing, and my squad of SPARTAN-II’s are gonna go nutshit on your ass.

"I did, actually...NOT! I've always wondered what regular balloons do when they are let go in the house, so I made myself as "balloon-like" as possible and just drifted with the wind. I found it to be rather relaxing."

I chuckled and went to my TV to turn it on. "You're weird, Sirius. Even by Lugian and/or balloon standards, you're weird."

Understatement of the century, ladies and gents.

Sirius smiled and parked herself on the couch to watch TV with me. When I sat down, she wrapped her slightly-smoother wing around me and sighed.

We watched some "Simpson's (D’OH!)" for a while before the news came on and I was about to change it. But Sirius put her wing on my hand and looked at me with a smile.

"I want to see what's going on in the world. Please don't change it."

I shrugged and left the channel where it was. The news wasn't that bad. The main story was about a shop that had burned down in a suspicious fire. They had a witness with a camera, but when I saw the building, I had a sudden curiosity.

Looks like the old coot forgot to heed his own warning about lighting matches near rubber balloons.

The shop looked like that magic costume shop that I had bought Sirius from. I couldn't remember the name and the reporter couldn't place one, either. I thought this as a strange occurrence that it had burned down just a day after I was there. I just hoped that the old man was all right.

Knowing him, he’ll probably respawn outside his burning store in a few minutes.

Sirius, though, seemed more upset about the fire than I was. Her face was stone-cold as she listened about the fire. The fact that her "place of birth" had burned down seemed to trouble her. When I asked her about it, she simply replied, "There was so much I had to ask him..."

After the report, Sirius left my side and went to my room to be alone. She looked like her heart had just gone out, so I let her be.

Look at her real closely…she doesn’t even have a “heart” to begin with.

I had never lost anything that was dear to me as of yet, so I could not understand her dilemma.

When I went to bed that night, I found her lying on my bed, crying. I could see the stains of her tears on my pillow, telling me that she was actually producing tears.

It was really sad to see a Lugia crying, so I went over to her and sat down on the side of the bed.

"Do you want to talk about it, Sirius?"

Sirius sighed and shook her head. "This is something that you and the reader cannot understand, Rye. This is something that I must deal with on my own. I hope you understand."

I really wanted to know what was bothering her, but if she didn't want to talk about it, I had no choice but to respect her wishes. I decided to let her sleep in my room tonight while I bundled up on the couch in my living room. I didn't think much before I fell asleep that night.

Later that night, Sirius had finally cried herself out. She had done some serious thinking about her life with Rye. She was as happy as she'd ever been in her insignificant speck of a life, but part of her would always be with the old man that had taken care of her back at the shop. She felt terrible that it had burned down, but there was nothing she could do about that.

Well, if memory serves me right, Aridos said that she could bend reality to her will, so why doesn’t she just WILL the store to return to normal?

While she lied there, she couldn't help but think about how she had felt when she had had Rye inside of her. The feeling of freedom to walk in the real world was just amazing for her to experience. She had never known there were so many people and wonders in the world. The human world was one big wonder to her.

But then she thought about her heritage. She had been created by a Lugia to simply be a sexual pleasure device. But while that may not have been her whole purpose, she felt... empty and incomplete. True, she had a friend that was always tending to her well-being, but there was something... unsatisfying about him. He simply wasn’t good enough in bed with her.

He was among the living with his human worries and troubles. He had to report to a boss on an almost daily basis and work long hours for little money. He had to endure the daily problems of disease and politics – two of the most destructive forces on the planet. She just wished that she could give him a better way of life – just the endless hours of freedom to spend time with her and no one else. She wished she could make him hers forever.

Maximum Creepiness

Sirius scoffed at this thought. She didn't want to do anything he didn't want to do, except “converting” him to better suit her needs, but she dreamed that they could be one with each other and be free to explore the world without any boundaries. If only it were possible.

Feeling her stomach rumble, she realized that she was a little hungry. Sirius rolled out of bed and headed for the kitchen for a late-night snack, preferably Rye. She took in a little air to keep her feet off the ground and her squeaking to a minimum. She was just going for a snack and then it was right back to bed.

While she was in the kitchen, she looked in the direction of Rye, who was sleeping on the couch. She sighed and went over to him. He looked so peaceful sleeping there, lost in the wonders of the Dream World. He was just like her in this state – free to do as he pleased without a care in the world.

He’s probably playing Grand Theft Auto in his mind, banging hookers and causing chaos left and right.

Sirius smiled and put her wing on his cheek, feeling his soft, human flesh. It would never compare to her smooth, rubbery skin, but she just wished that she could show him how great it was to be able to manipulate his own body at will and exploit all of its possibilities.

It’s called BRAIN SYNAPSES, bitch, look into it.

More out of instinct than anything else, Sirius brought her beak closer to his face and planted a soft, cushiony kiss on his forehead. Rye moaned in his sleep and she backed up a little. But then she smiled when she saw a small, satisfied grin stretch across his face.

He just reached a new record for an explosive chain of carnage in his dream.

"Sweet dreams, Rye," she said softly, more to his subconscious than his conscious mind. He would hear it in the Dream World and the rest of his dreams that night would be much more pleasant.

She then went back to the kitchen and dug in the bags she and Rye had brought back earlier that afternoon. She just wanted something light to help her get back to sleep. She finally settled on a bottle of rubber cement and managed to quietly work the cap open. Taking the brush out of the jar, she opened her mouth and painted the rubber glue all over her wet, rubbery tongue. Little did she know that this was the quick-dry brand of cement. Expect to see her mouth become glued shut in a few seconds. Savoring the tasty balloon candy, she went for a second dip and plastered it on her tongue again. After sucking all of the flavor out of the brush, she screwed the cap back on the jar and put the jar back in the bag. After that, she went back to Rye's room, pausing to get one more look at his not-so-innocent state before turning into a demonspawn from Hell.

But when she reentered the room, she immediately froze. There was another conscious mind in this room that had somehow appeared while she had been out. Apparently this guy can respawn anywhere he damn well pleases. She was going to make herself bigger to take on the unknown intruder in her full form, but all of a sudden, she stopped. There was something familiar about this mind here.

And then it hit her like a superpowered punch to the face, courtesy of SPARTAN-S08.


Sirius heard a familiar grumble coming from a chair in the corner of the room. "Close that door and turn off that light. I want to talk to you in your privates."

Her heart racing with excitement, Sirius did so, blinking in the glare of the light until she could see properly again. Sure enough, the hunched, wrinkled form of Karmen Aridos was sitting in Rye's chair, a long, pointed dagger in his lap. Looks like he stole the Spy’s “Your Eternal Reward” after backstabbing him with his own knife.

"Aridos!" she said, keeping her mind secluded to Rye's room. "What brings you here? And... why do you have that knife?"

Aridos held up the dagger and shook his head. "This is for later. I just came here to check up on you." He set the blade down and put his hands together in prayer. "So, how have you been this past day? I take it you heard about my shop?"

Sirius floated onto the bed and sat on her tail. "Yes, I did. What happened today? I'm surprised you're still here."

"Of course! Even if I was there, it would take a lot more than a simple fire to kill me and keep me dead."

"You mean..." She paused. "You weren't there when it happened?"

"It just so happens that I wasn't there when a customer of mine had a little run-in with one of my custom costumes..."

“I was already dead, and I despawned shortly before it happened.”

Aridos told her about a young person who had come into his shop a week earlier requesting a custom dragon costume. When he had finally produced it, there was a slight flaw in it that seemed to draw on a hidden presence in the person's mind. Because he had not been able to purge the costume of the flaw, the person had merged with the costume and the dark presence in his mind had taken over, thus resulting in the destruction of his shop and the theft of a very important spellbook of Aridos'.

So does this mean that we have a dragon version of Gollum running loose now, protecting his preeeeeeecious book?

(Author's Note: Sound familiar? No. It's the exact scenario that played out in "Fit for a God 2: Era of Darkness".)

Fuck you, man. *breaks the author’s neck* Before you guys ask, no, I am not going to do a mock of that fic, as it has nothing to do with any particular fandom whatsoever.

"The point is that I was unavailable when it all happened. I got called out of town because of an accident. An accident that claimed my life once again. But I'm going on again. Tell me about how you've been."

Sirius did tell him about everything she had done with Rye, from when she "came to life" to him riding around inside of her privates to the shopping spree all the way up to her feelings for him.

When she was done, Aridos thought for a moment. "I thought you'd develop feelings for him. Every one of my costumes has done this, so I'm not surprised it's happened with you.

Sacrificing originality for bland suckiness rules.

But that's beside the point." He held up the dagger. "If you really have feelings for him, you should assert yourself to his true person. I'm not going to tell you how, but I'll leave it up to you on how you're going to do it."

Sirius thought about this for a while while she flexed her tail off the side of the bed. "I guess it makes sense... Oh!" She suddenly had an epiphany. Using a vast vocabulary does not a talented writer make. "I get it now! Since I've always wanted to be with... yes... but I'll have to gain his trust first. Thank you, Aridos. I'll get right on it."

Aridos nodded and held the dagger out to a point. "There's just one more thing. Since you're already happy with your owner, I guess you can be "released" now."


"I have enchanted this blade with the power to set you free. You can have the power to do whatever you want whenever you want now. If you want to have feelings for Rye, then it's completely fine. You will be able answer to no one but yourself. If you want to be a true Lugia, it's up to you, but remember: if you rush Rye, he might abandon you, so be careful."

Aridos then held up a large sack. “Now GET IN THE BAG BEFORE I STAB YOU REPEATEDLY!”

Sirius nodded and took a deep breath. "I'm ready. Go for it."

Aridos nodded and with a swift motion, he flung the dagger straight at Sirius. Even though her rubbery skin was now thicker than it had been when Rye had first popped her, the blade still burst her upon impact. Pieces of her went flying everywhere as her air blew everywhere. It was just by luck that Rye slept through it.

Attached Image

Meanwhile, the power of the knife had leeched into Sirius' body, giving her a power that she had never felt before, equivalent to over 9000 Rare Candies being consumed at once. She felt as if she had been released from her purpose to only make her owner happy and such. She was her own Lugia now and she answered to no one.

But still, she still had feelings for Rye that no form of magic could remove, being the pile of scraps that she now was. Rye had touched her heart in a way that no one else had before. Despite her new freedom, she was as determined as ever to make him very unhappy, not to mention very DEAD, and she was willing to... well, she still had to work that out first.

Aridos sighed and gathered up all of Sirius' silvery pieces and placed them on top of each other. She would put herself back together before morning came. Once he was all done, he stored the dagger away in his Bat-utility-belt and snapped his fingers. As the lights went out, he died and vanished from the apartment without using the doors or windows. He was gone and Sirius was on her own from now on.


This post has been edited by Shockwave S08: Aug 1 2012, 02:17 PM

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Constant yelling

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post Apr 24 2011, 12:56 PM
Sirius sighed and shook her head. "This is something that you and the reader cannot understand, Rye. This is something that I must deal with on my own. I hope you understand."


"I was getting all pumped for hot pizza bondage and cocaine action"

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Shockwave S08

A wild LEECH OSPREY appears!

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post Apr 25 2011, 04:06 PM
Yeah, that statement made no sense to me either, oneluckyduck. And I highly doubt the rest of this fic will be understandable as well.

When I woke up that morning, I found Sirius curled up on the living room rug next to me, fast asleep. I smiled and looked at the snoozing balloon snoring lightly. She seemed so peaceful sleeping there that I didn't want to bother her. I had a feeling that she had been there the whole night. And her presence on my PINGAS had given me the best night's sleep I had had in a long while. Ever since I had met her, she had touched me in a way that no other person had. Despite the fact that she was an "inanimate object", she really had feelings all her own. She was someone I just wish that I could develop a more personal relationship with. I wouldn’t do that if I were you, but knowing the protagonists of these fics, they don’t listen to anybody with common sense in these here parts.

Rolling off my couch with an earth-shattering thump, I saw Sirius float into the air a few inches and then drift back down to the floor but she didn't stir. She continued to snooze and I noticed that as she breathed, she would inflate slightly and then deflate a little. She was so lifelike and her skin was much thicker and more opaque that I didn't immediately remember that she was a balloon. It looked like she had gotten a late-night snack while I was out. With a sigh, I let the sleeping dragon lie and went to the kitchen to get something to eat for myself…a live grenade, specifically.

While I was rummaging in the kitchen, I felt a trickle of blue color in my mind. I knew instinctively that it was Sirius, but this was new. I had never seen color in my mind before, but I let it happen anyway.

Wait, what the hell just happened? Your guess is as good as mine.

A familiar squeak caused me to look towards the living room.

Sirius was coming around the corner, her eye half-closed and her body inflating a little from her letting out a wide yawn.

"Good morning, Sirius," I said, smiling as I dug out a box of cereal. "Did you sleep well? I hope not. You seem rather tired."

Sirius yawned so deeply that she nearly doubled in size before she let it out. "I'm okay. I just had a long night. I ‘died’ again, what’s new with you?"

I pressed her on the question, but she ignored me and dug in one of the bags with her beak. She seemed to be in a pissy mood from the lack of sleep, so I let her be. I don't know what she did last night, but it must have taken a lot out of her.

Sirius emerged with another bag of rubber dishwashing gloves. Since she lacked solid teeth capable of cutting open the plastic,

If she had them, she would have one hell of a creepy smile.

she shook it in her mouth for a moment before giving up.

"Rye... would you mind walking off a cliff for me?"

I sighed and used my own teeth to tear it open for her. I then proceeded to walk off the cliff as requested after I handed her the gloves and she flipped one of them into the air before catching it and swallowing it whole. I had grown to enjoy the sight of Sirius digesting rubber,

Because bodily functions turn me on SO much…

but her skin had grown thicker since yesterday, so it was harder to see through her body to watch the process.

Sirius' eyes remained half-open as she devoured the other glove. She seemed so annoyed with something (it’s probably me that she’s annoyed about) that I even saw a white thought bubble appear above her head with a black scribble inside of it – something that I've only seen happen on the Pokémon TV series once or twice.

"Is there something wrong, Sirius?" I asked her.

Sirius misery bubble continued for a while before it finally popped and she opened her eyes fully and looked directly at me.

"Rye... do you... love me?"

Um…I’ve got nothing to say about this extremely awkward moment…

I blanched. I had never been asked this question before. I never had someone who had developed such a relationship with me and touch me on such a personal level. What was I supposed to say?

How about, “Fuck you bitch, you’re a fucking balloon that no sensible person likes.”

Did I really like her?

"I... I guess I like you."

Sirius whimpered a little like I had offended her. "I don't mean that. I mean... do you... love me?"

Now I was really confused. How could I respond to that? Sirius wanted to know if I loved her! I had to think about this. I may not have had a girlfriend before, but I couldn't turn down my true feelings for her. I was finally realizing that I was, indeed, falling on my face for Sirius, but I didn't know how to tell her.

"I... I do love you... but I don't know how it's going to work out with us. You're an emotionally inanimate object and I'm a human...

Well no shit, Sherlock. How did you figure THAT out?

how can this work?"

Sirius sighed and wrapped her wings around me. Her skin was smoother than ever, but there was still a distinct rubbery feeling to it.

"Come inside me, Rye.

Uh…now this is pushing it way too far, even for a PG fic.

I have to know how you really feel about me. I have to hear your heart and know if you are indeed my true friend."

I was at a loss for words. I had already done this once, so how bad could it be the second time?

Very, VERY bad. Trust me on this, Rye.

"Okay. Just be careful."

Sirius nodded, paid no heed to my request, and flipped me around before she began to press me inside her warm body at the speed of molasses going uphill in January...WITH CRUTCHES. Like before, I felt her warm, liquid-like body mold itself around me, slowly consuming me and "swallowing" me whole. Thankfully, it was not as unpleasant as before.

For the rest of us, it’s even more unpleasant having to sit through this crap.

Once I was fully inside Sirius once again, I found myself looking out through her neck. I was preparing myself for her to surround my body like a suit again, but this time, Sirius had a different idea.

"Hold still, Rye. This won't hurt a bit."

I had no idea what she was doing until it was too late. I suddenly felt light-headed and light in weight. When I looked at my body, I saw that it was starting to disappear from sight. I was turning invisible!

"Sirius! What are you doing? Why did you swallow an Active Camo powerup, especially one that activates on touch?"

"I am melding your body with mine. If you hold still, you and I will be thinking and feeling as one."

I was unsure as to what to do, but there was nothing I could do, except maybe ask her to stop. My body was almost gone and all that remained was my mind and soul. I felt my senses fail for a moment as my entire world went dark.

It was a simple matter of all electrical power in a three-mile radius going out for a short period.

It only lasted a moment before I was able to see, hear and think again. The only difference was that I was looking through a new set of eyes.

Sirius? I managed to think. Where am I?

And we have entered into a phase I like to call "Formatting Hell", where I have to spend the rest of this fic trying to avoid accidentally italicizing paragraphs left and right with BBCode!

You're inside my mind and body…AKA Your Worst Nightmare.


Calm down and look around for a minute. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

I looked around, using Sirius' head as a game show host. Everything seemed to be just as normal as before... but with a noticeable difference. I had expected Sirius' vision to be wacky and distorted, but I was clearly mistaken. Everything looked completely normal. Even better, everything had a much sharper hue and detail to it. My couch had never looked so golden and yellow before. I finally noticed that an enemy Sniper had thrown his Jarate onto it when I wasn’t looking…yuck! I could see my reflection in the TV much easier than ever before. Even the sunlight coming through the window had a kind of rainbow-ish hue to it.

Wow, Sirius... how do you rate on a 10.0 scale of badness? This is amazing!

This is nothing, Rye. Wait until we get in the air.

The air? Wait... you're not planning on flying, are you?

Of course. That's what we Lugia specialize in.

But you're a balloon! You'll get blown away if there's even a slight wind outside!

We won't because we are tougher than that now. You forget – we are magic. We can do anything we set our mind to.

We, we, we! You're the one who's in control here! And if Dr. Hax finds out about this, we’re toast!

Wrong. Now that we are sharing the same body, we can work together to think and act at the same time, like a Bizarro Master Chief and Cortana.


Sirius sighed. Give it time. You'll see.

I tried pressing her for more information, but like always, she decided to keep me in the dark. I guess she must have her reasons.

Okay... be that way. But if we're supposed to go for a "flight", how are we getting out of here?

I've practiced. Watch this utterly stupid thing I’m about to do that may doom us both.

Sirius and I (in the back seat) walked casually over to the door and looked up at the solid pine it presented. I felt her mind tickle with mischief and I had to ask.

What are you up to?

Nothing good, I’ll bet.

Like always, Sirius didn't answer. Instead, she opened her mouth and let out as much of her air as possible. Since I was connected to her, I was feeling what she felt. I felt "my" body shrivel up and become smaller and smaller. Soon, "my" wings lost definition along with the rest of me until the two of us were just a shriveled, uninflated balloon on the doorstep.

Great going, Genius. Now what?

"You talk too much and don't pay attention.

Believe me, he has good enough reasons for talking a lot, bitch.

Just watch me work." She had spoken verbally that time.

Thereby saving me a slight bit of time when publishing this shit for all of you to see!

Even though she was at a size disadvantage, Sirius still had her psychic abilities. Using her mind, she was able to move her shriveled body through the inch-wide crack at the bottom of the door. It was a tight squeeze, but we made it out into the apartment hallway. However, Dr. Hax was waiting on the other side of the door, and began pelting our collective ass with computer monitors.

dont use hax fag lol

Since we were on the top floor, Sirius did not re-inflate us and used her powers to allow us to levitate parallel with the floor until we reached the door to the stairs and squeezed underneath it. We then drifted onto the stairs and into the center part where there was a straight drop to the bottom.

Since I knew how fast balloons dropped when they were not inflated, I started to tell Sirius this, but she had locked the speaking part of my mind out to stop my complaining. Fuck YOU, bitch! He has every right to complain about even being in this fic! I had no choice but to watch and wait.

The two of us went into a sudden drop that – if it was still there – my stomach would have been doing backflips, defying every law of physics. I just had to deal with it until we hit the floor.

But before we hit it, Sirius kicked her powers back in saving us from a painful plop on the stone floor. She then led us to the front door and squeezed us through the crack between the floor and the door. Since it was designed to keep air out, the fit was a little tighter than last time, but we still managed to squeeze through.

Dr. Hax, meanwhile, is waiting on the sidewalk for your stupid ass to float on by…

When we were finally outside, Sirius plopped us down on the front steps and let me back into her mind. "You worry too much. Even if I was a mortal balloon, that fall wouldn't have killed us.

It would’ve been nice if it DID kill them, though.

I guess it's all par for the course once you think about it."

Now that I wasn't looking into the face of danger, I guess it made sense. Most inanimate objects like balloons or stuffed animals probably wouldn't be destroyed or fall apart from a massive fall like that. I bet they could even fall from an airplane and still survived. Unless there’s like a ginormous spike pit below them or something to that extent.

I feel pathetic for not considering that and going along with your stupid plan.

Sirius purred and sent a wave of color into my mind, calming me down. "Don't beat yourself up. You didn't know."

I guess... Now can we get back into shape? I feel even more pathetic lying here on the concrete as a piece of rubber.

Sirius smiled. "No problem."

I watched from the sidelines as Sirius opened her mouth and began to take in and swallow air like taking a drink. This ordeal left us with quite the nasty hiccup afterwards. I felt the two of us regain our definition and shape and as we grew, Sirius was able to take deeper and deeper breaths, speeding up our growth. Soon, we were at our original size...

...but wait...

Sirius... what are you doing? You can stop already.

Sirius was still taking deeper and deeper breaths, expanding our body even further and stretching our rubbery skin to a new length as our hiccups got louder and more annoying. I was pretty sure that she wouldn't have been able to achieve this size without ripping herself apart. Within a few minutes, we were at roughly 17 feet high and over 20 feet from head to tail.

Sirius? Are you sure this is safe? We're stretched awfully thin here. And this is a surefire way for us to get noticed, you dumbass!

Sirius shook her head and let out a trill in the morning sun. "My skin is normally so thin that I wouldn't have been able to achieve this size, but since I've been on the "Turbo-Latex" diet, I can stretch myself much further than ever before. Besides..." she added with a smirk. "... isn't this more natural this way? I know that normal Lugia are about this size. Why settle for less when we can go all the way…if you know what I mean?"

Hey chicka bump bump!

I "shrugged". I guess that makes sense. Okay. Let's go for that "flight" now.

Sirius chuckled and hopped down from the front step. Spreading our wings, we checked the angle of the wind to get our bearings. Then with a flap, the two of us sprang into the air and took off with a resounding fart.

This wasn't so bad. The wind was blowing pretty resiliently, but I couldn't really feel the difference. Even though we were much bigger and thinner than before, the wind was having very little effect on our flight path. It was like we were much heavier than we felt.

How are we doing this? I had to ask.

"It's called M-A-G-I-C, love. Not everything needs a full scientific explanation.

You mind not stepping on my jokes before I can utter them? It’s not very nice…

Now just relax. I'm doing this all for you."

I finally lowered my guard, allowing the pure ecstasy that was flying wash over me. It was certainly a feeling to experience for yourself to believe. The feeling of the wind flowing over our wings didn't feel at all cold like I had hoped. It felt like slightly cool and comfortable like a gentle breeze. And once we got going, there was nothing that could stop us. Except for Dr. Hax, who struck us with a CRT monitor so hard that we popped mid-flight, never to be heard from again.

END? Sadly no.

Since this body was not mine, I was not able to feel the wind over all new parts of my body, increasing the feeling of ecstasy to an amazing level. For the first time, I could finally understand why Sirius loved life so much. Up here, there was nothing that could control us. We were the lords of the skies here and the freedom of being able to move wherever you wanted was complete. We were unstoppable!

Dr. Hax begs to differ with your “godliness”.

While I was enjoying the feeling of flying in the sunlight, Sirius had snuck through my weakened defenses to sneak a mountain peak at my most personal of thoughts. If she had just asked, I could have simply avoided letting her inside, but she was unsure how I would respond and tried to keep a low profile.

She didn't seem to be interested in my normal memories; she seemed to be looking for something in particular. Sneaking her way around my subconscious, she managed to find what she was looking for. She opened the memory and scanned it for a moment before replacing it with dirty thoughts and a smirk.

All this while, I was unaware that she was doing this. She had gotten in and out in less than a minute. She rejoined our mind link like nothing had ever happened.

"Enjoying yourself?" she said, taking back her driver's seat position.

I am. This is amazing. It's not every day that a balloon Pokémon is seen flying against the wind.

Be it land, sea, or air, you never cease to break every law of physics, do you?

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself." She paused, thinking. "But how about we try something I've always wanted to try before?"

What would that be? I had a feeling she wasn't going to tell me...

Several series of ellipses later…

...and she didn't. She simply winked and turned in the air to head for the ground. But then I realized something.

Sirius! We can't be seen!

"That's not a problem. I've got a little trick that my satanic creator gave me. Watch..."

As we approached the ground, I waited for something to happen, but nothing did. We were going to be spotted if she got any closer. When we finally touched down on the beach, I couldn't take it anymore.

I can’t take it anymore either, but I must press on until justice is served.

What are you up to?

Sirius chuckled. "Have you noticed that no one has seen us yet?"


I looked around and noticed that no one was looking at us with a funny expression like I had hoped. We were just as noticeable as ever, but no one was looking at us. I then realized something.

Are we... invisible?

Nanosuit Voice: Cloak engaged.

Sirius nodded and held our wing up to our face. Sure enough, there was nothing there. I was looking straight through it to the other side.

I get it. It's because you're a Psychic Type, right?


Okay... but... is this your big surprise?

"No. Just wait. I need to find something first."

Nanosuit Voice: Energy critical.

She obviously knew what she was doing, so I let her do what she wanted. The two of us walked along the beach in search of something. I watched the people walk by as they always did. There was nothing to suggest that they could see us.

Sirius however, forgot to pay attention to her energy levels, and decloaked right in front of everyone! The militia was then quickly called in to deal with this rubbery abomination.

END? Still not there yet…

"There it is!"

I turned my attention to what she was looking at...

...You have got to be kidding me!

My thoughts exactly.

Sirius had stopped in front of the back of a restroom where the only noticeable thing was a water spigot with a small hose.

That's only used for washing the sand off of people's feet after they get off the sand.

Sirius nodded. "I'm aware of that, but this is just half of my big surprise."

“I’m gonna rape their water bill up the ass! Muahahahaha!!!”

I failed to see what this simple water faucet had to do with a surprise. It just didn't click. It wasn't until Sirius picked up the hose and stuck the end in our beak that I realized what she was doing.

Wait a minute... You're not a... water balloon, are you?

Sirius shook her head with the hose still in our mouth. When she used her powers to turn the faucet on full blast, my words were "drowned" out. The water came in like a flood infection form crawls into someone’s chest and began to fill our feet to begin with. As the water level began to rise, I could feel it pressing against our insides. Our body was becoming slightly fatter but still maintaining our shape as best as we could. I was surprised that we became morbidly obese and weren't drowning as the water started to flow into our wings, weighing them down and making them harder to lift.

Pretty soon, every nook and cranny of our rubbery body was filled to the brim with cold, crisp H20. I was surprised that no one had witnessed the strange transformation.

Except for SPARTAN-S08, who had to use the men’s room. All he saw was a hose floating in the air for no apparent reason. He assumed that it was a glitch in the system, went to “do his business”, and promptly left without noticing us.

Now feeling a little bloated, Sirius took the hose out of our mouth with our fat fingers and turned towards the beach.

"Now for Part Two of my little surprise. Time to drown!"

I could only watch as the two of us waddled down to the beach and waded into the water. She was careful enough not to make a noticeable splash. Within a minute, we were fully submerged and I was looking into the murky depths of the lake. For some reason, I was somewhat less than impressed.

Is this it? I asked as we swam into the middle of the lake. I've gone diving in this lake tons of times. It's never any different.

Sirius frowned. "Have I ever disappointed you yet, Rye? I think not. Just hold on."

Because of our weighted body, we were able to stay underwater without bobbing to the surface. This explained the water. A normal balloon, magic or otherwise would not have been able to get below the surface without popping up.

When we reached the center, the two of us halted, where we were slowly dying from a lack of oxygen in our nonexistent lungs. I was about to ask her again when the two of us went into a rapid spin that was surprising fast for our weighted form. We soon created a pretty impressive whirlpool and before I knew it, we were pulling it out of the water. The people on the beach began to panic, but our purpose was not towards them. If it were, their lives would be over faster than the Crysis 2 Beta got yanked from the PS3. We got going fast enough that the water inside of us was threatening to burst out. But before it could, the two of us vanished in a flash of blue light.

Back on the beach, Dr. Hax had a hard time finding us until we kicked up that whirlpool. Then he proceeded with all due haste through the rip in space-time we created, intent on dispensing more monitors at our face.

The next thing I knew, we were coming out of the whirlpool somewhere deep underwater. The surroundings were unfamiliar to me, but I knew by now to not ask Sirius any questions; she knew what she was doing. The average reader of this fic, being dumber than a bunch of poorly-coded AI soldiers, did not.

Now that we were stopped, Sirius started diving towards the deep end of the water I now knew to be the ocean. I could taste the salt in the water despite being full of the fresh kind.

The only way this could be any saltier is if deep-sea divers jerked off in the water. sick.gif

Soon enough, Sirius pulled to a stop. I took the opportunity to look around. Because our eyes were providing their own light, we were able to see a raging (FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU), underwater current flowing underneath us.

"There's something I need to do in there, Rye. I'm sorry, but this is completely private. I'm afraid I must black you out for now. I apologize."

I knew she had the best intentions, but I still wished that she could let me seeing what she had to deal with. I could do nothing as she blacked me out and put me and the higher-functioning portions of the reader’s brain into a state of suspended sleep.


This post has been edited by Shockwave S08: Apr 25 2011, 04:53 PM

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Post #9

Constant yelling

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post Apr 25 2011, 04:48 PM
Yeah, that statement made no sense to me either, oneluckyduck
Please, call me Ducky. Or Lucky, whichever you prefer.

...her body inflating a little from her letting out a wide yawn.
A whut naow?

Did you sleep well? I hope not.

And we have entered into a phase I like to call "Formatting Hell", where I have to spend the rest of this fic trying to avoid accidentally italicizing paragraphs left and right with BBCode!
I find it is easier to do this in Microsoft Word Processor, but that might just be me.

"I was getting all pumped for hot pizza bondage and cocaine action"

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Post #10
Shockwave S08

A wild LEECH OSPREY appears!

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post Apr 26 2011, 08:32 AM
I have nothing witty to say here this time, let’s continue with the torment that is “Latexed Lugia”!

Now that Rye was sleeping, Sirius could answer the phone call she had heard in her dream last night. While she had been just a pile of rubber scraps, Sirius had been dreaming of sex. She had had a vision of a place far under the ocean where someone had wanted to talk to her. She had still only been a day old, but she had come inside herself with her own fully-grown consciousness and understanding.

The dream had come from a place far under the ocean in a current much like the one in front of her right now. There had been a trio of figures that had been calling to her from afar. She hadn't been able to make out the cheap plastic action-figures, but there was something about their eyes... they seemed... so familiar, somehow.

My daughter... the center figure had said.

Our sister... said the other two.

Come to us... we have... much to discuss...

Apparently these figures have also gone to the William Shatner School of Acting.

Your questions... will be answered.

Those voices had sounded so familiar, but she was sure she had never heard them before. But now, she was within spitting distance of her goal and nothing was going to stop her.

With a sigh, Sirius pressed her wings to her sides as best she could and dove the remaining few feet into the current, praying that she would not be swept away. Thankfully, there was something about her that would not allow the current to carry her away. She knew that “no physics” cheat would come in handy someday…too bad Dr. Hax is seconds away from giving her a painful death.

And so she waited. She was not sure when her callers would be here, but if she waited here, she would eventually find them. All the while, she was thinking about the memory she had snuck a peek at inside Rye's mind. She felt terrible for violating his privacy,

If it were my mind that she had infiltrated, and I found out, you’d bet your ass she’d have a bullet put in her.

but she needed to know for sure what he really thought. If she had asked him first, he might not have let her, so she had no choice but to break in.

Alternatively, you could’ve just dropped the matter entirely, but nooooo…

She was not proud of it, but at least she knew what he really felt about the matter.

Sirius! You finally came!

She spun around and saw two large, shadowy figures approaching her from behind her. She did not flinch, but she still felt slightly scared at the unknown figures approaching. When they finally stopped a short distance away from her, she could still only make out their glowing-blue eyes.

See, Siron?
said one of them – a male. I told you that Father could do it. He could put together a Balloon Lugia in his sleep! Now where’s mah food!?

(Author's Note: I know that "Siron" sounds a lot like "Shiron" – the Windragon from Legendz, but that was a case of mistaken identity. A dragon made of win? I doubt that very much. I first saw "Siron" (typo) on Edmol's artwork and assumed it was a female. Now I know, but I'm keeping the name in place. It just makes sense once you think about it.)

*sticks a Spike Grenade to the author’s crotch and tosses him into the Sun*

Okay, okay, I admit I didn't believe it. But now I know. You get your lousy 50 sand dollars and your goddamn food. This voice was distinctly female.

There was something about these figures than seemed somewhat juvenile. Despite the fact that they were much older than her, Sirius figured that these figures were still only kids.

The first one swam towards her and held out his tail. How are you doing, Sirius? I'm Silver, formerly Alex, a self-insert of the author. It's nice to meet you.

Careful, Silver! teased the one called Siron. Don't pop her! Your tail spikes are pretty sharp compared to her!


Silver glared at Siron. I know that! I just wanted to greet her the old-fashioned way is all!

Sirius sighed and looked at Silver's offering for a minute before catching on. Smiling, she turned around and tied her tail with Silver's, sending the figure into a fit of chuckles.

Ooh! That feels weird! I've never felt a Balloon Lugia before, much less one that's filled with fresh water! He disconnected from Sirius and spun around. Sorry. I've never met anyone like you before.

You don’t look edible…*slaps self* Dammit Silver, stop thinking about food!

Sirius did likewise. "I wish I could say the same about you. I don't even know what you look like."

Silver and Siron looked at each other for a moment, exchanging a few mental words between each other. They finally turned back to Sirius and Silver spoke. I suppose we are being rude right now. Allow us to show ourselves properly.

The two of them joined hands and spread their other ones wide. The water around them suddenly turned bright, surrounding the area with a white psychic light so that everyone was able to see each other much easier. However, the blinding light was enough to disintegrate Sirius instantaneously.

END? Still not there…

For the first time, Sirius could see that the two figures were indeed Lugia like her, but these ones were flesh-and-blood versions of herself. She could see that her counterparts were completely solid and there was a definitive edge to their shape. They made her seem like an incredibly unfunny joke with her full of fresh tap water while they were flesh, blood, delicious braaaains, and bone.

Sirius felt humbled to be in the presence of such beings and hung her head in respect for them. But Silver floated over and put a "finger" under her chin and another in her #$*&.

It's not that bad. The only real difference between us is that you are made out of a more resilient material than us. The other difference is that you weren’t human when you first started out, therefore you didn’t suffer like we did for the past few weeks. You shouldn't feel sorry for yourself because you are not like us. You're more like us than you think.

Sirius perked up as Siron came over to her brother's side. For a dream of our father, you are very beautiful, Sirius. Don't let anyone tell you any different.

We’re lying of course, you’re uglier than shit taking a shit.

That was a relief to Sirius. To be told by a Lugia that someone like her was more ugly than beautiful meant all the world to her.

She then noticed something. "Speaking of your father, where is he?"

Silver blinked and looked back behind him. That's strange. I thought he was right behind us.

Siron shook her head. You know him. He likes to make an impressive first impression and... speak of the Lugia-shaped devil! Here he comes!

The three of them looked up and saw a large whirlpool coming down through the water and entering the underwater current. Silver and Siron backed up a little to give the new arrival some room. When the whirlpool stopped in front of Sirius, a much larger and much more powerful Lugia was floating in front of her.

Sirius had never seen such a magnificent Lugia before, despite the fact it was one of her own species. There was an insanely foul air about this Lugia that demanded a lot of nose-covering respect and stench-blocking faith. It (this bad case of BO) was very powerful and Sirius didn't even have to be psychic to find that out. She knew for the first time that only a Lugia of this power and wisdom could have created a wonder like her. There was only one thing she could do in the presence of such a magnificent creature. She spread her rubbery wings and bowed low in a graceful genuflect.

Look, buddy, just because you (presumably) have a dictionary with you doesn’t mean you should use every last obscure word in the book to sound intelligent, when you are in fact dumber than dirt.

The Lugia with no name looked down at his "daughter" for the longest time, his wings at full spread, the only part of him moving were his ageless navy-blue eyes examining Sirius with every detail. He seemed to be taking in every square inch of the creature he had created with his unlimited powers.

Unlimited powers? Quick, someone fetch me the cursed magic lamps and Pokeballs, we’re capturing this thing, here and now! devil.gif

And then, for reasons unknown, the corners of his beak twitched into a small smile. Silver and Siron both let out a mental gasp and began chattering away to each other.

That's a first for a long time! said Silver in shock.

It's been a while since I've seen him smile! Siron whispered to her brother in disbelief.

Are old farts in shadowlugia249’s demented universe just naturally frowning all the time or what?

It takes a lot to make him smile!

Sirius must have done something super special!

Without looking at them, Lugia flicked his wing at the pair with the palm face up like someone holding up their hand. The two of them fell silent immediately. Lugia then used his other wing to gently lift Sirius up by the chin.

It's been a long time, my daughter. You look just like I dreamt you would. Now suck my cock.

Sirius smiled herself and stood up. She nodded and spoke only one word: "Father."



Lugia chuckled lightly and spread his wings wide as an invite for a hug. Sirius accepted the offer and wrapped her water-filled wings around her father's waist. He was significantly bigger than her, but that was irrelevant at the moment. For the first time since she had met Rye, she felt complete.

Lugia stroked her head and asked her a very serious question. Are you happy with your owner?

Sirius looked at her father square in the eye and nodded. "I am, Father. He has been very kind to me..." She paused. "...but I don't know how to pay him back for all his kindness."

Lugia and Sirius separated and Lugia told them something she wasn't expecting. Suck his cock first thing…after you suck mine. Then, If you want to make him your own, you must do what your heart tells you. If you must take him against his will, then so be it. He may not appreciate it at first, but if you truly believe in your feelings for him, then he will understand in the long run.

"What do you mean?"

Lugia sighed and pressed his wing to her forehead. She could not explain it, but he was transmitting to her the courage for her to make the right choice. She felt like she would do the right thing and help give Rye a new lease on life by forcefully ending his current one. She was unsure how to do it yet, but she would figure out how to make the two of them happy at once.

But one thing still bothered her. "But I'm a Guardian, Father. I have to stay here with you so that I can protect the world with my brother and sister."

But for some reason, Lugia shook his head. Let me tell you something about your true purpose, Sirius. One night after Silver and Siron came back into my life, I was dreaming after getting smashed on the finest beverages known to man or Lugia. I dreamed of a Lugia that was free of all of their natural duties. This Lugia would be the first to fatally bond itself with a human and they would live peacefully in the wild with each other. When I awoke that day, I found out that my dream had come true in a way. I had unknowingly created an artificial Lugia overnight. That Lugia... was you.

Lugia, AKA that old guy that can’t stop talking your ear off, even if he tried to.

Sirius blinked and nodded. "I... I never knew."

Lugia continued. Sirius, you are the creation of God Reincarnated. You have special properties about you that normal Lugia do not possess. You have the ability to choose your own path in life. Paragon or Renegade? The choice is yours... You can cast aside the responsibilities of a Guardian and do with life what you please. Not even Silver and Siron can do that... (Silver and Siron looked nervously at each other.) ...but you do. I suggest you take advantage of your special freedom and make your own path in life. Like I said, your balloon-like body has special properties and abilities that I suggest you take advantage of. If you want to forge your own path in life, I suggest you do it.

SPARTAN-S08 fired a torpedo from his submarine at Lugia, to shut him up.

END? No. My next post will be, though.

Sirius took this all in for a moment and then sighed. "All right, Father. I'll do what you wish. I'll forge my own path in life and find a way to make Rye happy by exterminating his humanity."

Lugia nodded and brought her closer to him once again. Very well. Then before you go, I offer you my blessing for a beneficial and very boring life.

Sirius nodded and bowed her head for Lugia's blessing. Her father put his wing on her head once again and transferred his power to her. It wasn't much.

Huh, turns out he wasn’t as powerful as he said he was. He just had Aridos pull that balloon out of his ass or something. Ah well, time to sue his ass for false advertising!

It was just a kind of good luck blessing, but Sirius appreciated it all the same.

When he was done, Lugia's eyes glowed bright and Sirius found herself feeling much lighter than normal. Good luck, Sirius. I wish you all God's speed. I know you and Rye will make the wrong…er, I mean, right choice.

That was the last thing Sirius knew before her mind went white and she knew no more.

Awkward transition ahoy!

When I finally awakened from my forced slumber, I was back in my own body in my own apartment, lying on the living room floor. Sirius must have reformed my body and come back home while I was out. That, or that Active Camo powerup ran out of juice, can’t remember which.

Speaking of Sirius, she was in the same room, standing by the window, looking out at the sky, deep in thought. She seemed to be considering something and didn't even see me sit up and look at her. She had also drained herself of the tap water she had had inside of her the previous day, leaving her body "squeaky" clean (pardon the pun).

*PUNches Rye in the face, instantly giving him permanent amnesia*

"Sirius? Is something the matter?"

Sirius said nothing. She continued to look out the window. I got to my feet and went over to her. I put my hand on her back and rubbed her a little. "Why so Sirius?" I then produced a knife out of nowhere. “Let’s put a smile on that face!”

Still nothing. She refused to look at me and was still as stone-silent and still as ever.

Figuring she was hungry, I went over to the bags I had filled with rubber items for Sirius. I dug out the bottle of rubber cement that she had snacked on two nights ago and brought it over to her.

"Hungry, Sirius? I've got your quick-drying chocolate here for you."

But Sirius wouldn't even budge. She was barely even blinking and her breathing was very slow.

Apparently Lugia’s teleportation rendered her into a permanent vegetative state…at least we won’t have to worry about any human-to-Lugia conversion…I hope.

"Are you okay? You don't look very well."

She still hadn't acknowledged me. It was like she was off in another world. I finally gave up and went to my room and killed myself, only for me to miraculously respawn moments later. Fuck. I had work in a few minutes and I had to get ready. I was unsure how Sirius would deal with me being gone for the day, but she seemed to be irresponsible enough for me to leave her here.

Once I was fully dressed in my Wendy's uniform, I went over to Sirius and spoke to her.

"I'm going to work right now, and hopefully die, Sirius. Can you handle yourself while I'm gone on a permanent vacation?"

Still no answer. I sighed and patted her on the head before starting to leave.

But just as I was about to leave the living room, I heard her speak for the first time. "We are meant to be the rulers of all Creation. Muahahaha!"

Looking back, I saw that Sirius was still looking out the window. But just as I was about to turn away, she looked at me for the first time. But when she locked eyes with me, I could tell that something was very different about her. There was a look in her eyes that said just one thing – she was extremely obsessed with me!

Shit just got real.

"Sirius?" I said, backing up. "Are you all right?"

Sirius suddenly had a sick, sadistic grin on her face. She took a few deep breaths, inflating herself to a much larger size that made her head hit the ceiling. Now a little paranoid, I backed up a little as she started walking towards me.

"I understand it now," she was saying as if in a crappy trance “music” club. "My true purpose was to become a Lugia without the responsibility to take care of the planet. I am the first Lugia who answers to no one and plays by its own rules."

Sirius was advancing with the same twisted grin on her face. I was back up against my dining room wall now. "Sirius... you're scaring me and the rest of the world. What's wrong?"

Sirius chuckled darkly and towered over me. "I play by my own rules now.

You’ve been playing by your own rules ever since you showed up in this fic. What’s the point in announcing that NOW?

I can do with what I want with the world and I answer to no one. But I do not want to do this alone. I want you to join me, Rye."

"Say what?" I was unsure what she was planning, but I wasn't going to drop my guard.

"You and I are going to be mates, Rye. I will be the one who gives you a new life as my slav-…er, I mean, mate. Together, we will live by our rules. We will show this world where creatures like us really belong! Rye... I want you inside me!"

It’s official, she wants to become pregnant with Rye’s demon-child.

I sighed and stepped forward a little. "Is that all? Well, why didn't you say so? I can work with that. But I have to go to work now. Can we do this when I get home?"

To think that the author would probably be just as quick to agree on something like this…

But Sirius was now starting to hyperventilate with excitement. "No, Rye. Wearing me like a suit no longer pleases me. I want more money, dammit. I want you to become a permanent part of me. Rye... I'M GONNA EAT YOU!"


This post has been edited by Shockwave S08: Apr 29 2011, 09:52 AM

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Constant yelling

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post Apr 26 2011, 04:13 PM
That is so horendiously AWFUL! I LOVE IT!

"I was getting all pumped for hot pizza bondage and cocaine action"

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Post #12
Shockwave S08

A wild LEECH OSPREY appears!

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post Apr 27 2011, 11:43 AM
Well, only one more section of this crap to go, might as well get this shit over and done with.

My heart suddenly fell through my feet to the floor below me, defying all explanation. She couldn't be serious, could she? I mean, me wearing her was one thing – I could deal with melding myself into her body – but this was something entirely new. Could a balloon really eat a human like I eat regular food?

Knowing the pattern these fics usually go through, I’d say you’re pretty much screwed, Rye.

But suddenly, I was scared for my life. Sirius was licking her chops with a rubbery tongue and she was starting to laugh very strangely. It was dark but not evil. It was more like a laugh of pure mischief. And if it was coming from a creature that was currently bigger than me, and some Necromorphs were trying to break through my apartment door in an attempt to dismember me, that was reason to be scared.

"Come to me, Rye! Feed my belly like no mortal food could ever do! Don't be scared; this will not be pleasant, and it WILL hurt. You and I are meant to be. COME TO ME!"

With a sudden lunge for me, I realized that Sirius had gone mad with her own power. I dashed to one side before Sirius could snap me up in her beak, causing her face to bounce of the wall. However, her face permanently became scrunched up as a result of this utterly FAIL attempt at eating me.

Halting in the kitchen, I watched Sirius recover and turn to look at me with that sadistic smile on her face.

"Why do you run, my love? Do you not want to join me? Together, we can become one with each other. Come to me, Rye!"

“I am repeating myself, Rye! COME TO ME!”

With amazing agility, she started across the floor straight towards me. Forgetting that she couldn't go through doors, being the forgetful dumbass I am, I passed my own and ran along the side hallway to the living room again. She was out of her mind! And so was the author! I had to do something before she managed to catch me. There was no telling what she could do when she had me forcibly secure in her belly.

I thought that Sirius would have had to take time to deflate herself to follow me through the narrow hallway, but I clearly underestimated her true powers. She wedged herself in-between the walls, squashing her body to a portion of what it once was. Knocking a picture of a naked furry woman off the wall with her girth, she ran after me.

Once I was back in the living room, I did a sudden U-turn and ran back through the dining room to the kitchen. I went straight for the knife holder next to my microwave and grabbed the sharpest one I could.

Is It a Good Idea to Microwave a Sharp Knife? Put it in the Jory Caron Laboratory 3.5 and find out!

When she pulled herself out of the hallway, she turned to face me chuckling darkly.

"You cannot escape, my mate. You and I will become one if it's the last thing I do. There is no way you can escape me and your Vulcan mind-melding fate, so why do you not just submit?"


I looked from the knife in my hand to Sirius. I realized that my life was in danger, so I had no choice but to protect myself. I raised the knife and chucked it as hard as I could at her. I expected her to pop, but I could not prepare myself for what happened next.

Against all Common Sense, which is capitalized for some reason, the knife bounced off of Sirius' belly and clattered to the floor.


It’s not very effective…

No! It couldn't be! Even with her inflated size, her skin was still way too thick to be punctured by a flying knife! I could not believe it!

Sirius sighed and looked down at the knife, shaking her head. "It's no use, Rye. I have become too strong to be destroyed by a simple throwing knife. Why don't you just give up and accept your fate?"

Rye then produced a Covenant Energy Sword out of thin air and ran Sirius through with it, instantly killing her.

END? Not yet…

I was too scared to move and I was about to pay for it. I watched in disbelief as Sirius opened her mouth and began collecting energy. Uh-oh. If I knew Lugia – rubber or otherwise – that attack was an Aeroblast. If I didn't move, I was done for!


Just before she let it out, I felt the feeling return to my legs and ran for it. The Aeroblast flew from her mouth and punched a clean, round hole in the wall, flying off into the city. Said Aeroblast ended up hitting Alcatraz all the way in Manhattan, instantly killing him and dooming the entire world to the Ceph invasion. Thank God that I was on a corner apartment.

When the dust cleared, I had vanished into my room. If Sirius was really strong enough to fire a full-fledged Aeroblast, this called for desperate measures. I dove into my sock drawer and dug out a 9mm pistol that I had bought after the last time my apartment had been broken into (Don't ask. For God's sake, do not ask!)

*asks where Rye got the gun, and is instantly stricken down by the author. In retaliation, SPARTAN-S08 blows up the author with the BFG-9000*

and waited for Sirius to come into view.

Silently apologizing for the righteous sin I was about to commit, I loaded a round and closed my eyes. I heard Sirius come around the corner and fired blindly. With a resounding BOOM HEADSHOT! Sirius was reduced to nothing but tatters as the bullet easily pierced her super-resistant skin and destroyed her.

Attached Image
Attached Image

I stood there for a moment, panting heavily. I had just shot and destroyed the only homicidal “friend” I had ever had, but given the circumstances, I had had no choice. I then went to where her pieces lied and picked them up in separate hands. I then went to the hole in the wall she had created and threw a piece into the air. I then went to my living room and stuffed a piece into my air conditioning vent.

Why the hell would you stuff a piece of rubber in the vents? You’re just ASKING for Sirius to merge with a Necromorph, aren’t you?

Feeling a sense of world-renowned fear, I decided to flee, spreading the remaining pieces as I went. I knew that if her pieces were scattered, she would be unable to pull herself back together. Grabbing all the things I would need for the night, I ran from the apartment, dropping another piece on the stairwell.

Once I was in my car, I tore out of the parking lot like a MeatLoaf song called “bat out of hell, casting another piece out of window with a fishing line as I hit the highway. Further down the road, I got rid of the last piece without caring where it went. Hopefully, she would not be able to pull herself back together with her pieces scattered this far. Still, I ran…er, drove for my life without caring where I went.

(Author's Note: For those of you who are panicking right now, Sirius is not evil at the moment. She is rather obsessed at the moment to make Rye her own personal bitch. Keep reading for further details.)

Later that night, I finally stopped running and settled into a motel over 60,000 miles from town.

A bit overkill, don’t you think?

I was tired and I was dirty, but at least I was safe. I don't know why Sirius had gone crazy, but at least I was far away from her. Shortly after I arrived, I hit myself in the sack, not caring what happened.

I did not dream that night, fearing that Sirius the Crazy Bitch would haunt my dreams for all eternity, but slept straight through without a single worry. In the morning, I was refreshed and rejuvenated and ready to go back home.

I sat up in bed and got up to get ready for the day. I was on my way to the bathroom when I suddenly ran into something invisible and bounced onto the floor.

"What the...? What was that?"

The doorway seemed perfectly clear, but there was something invisible blocking it. Probably one of those invisible walls trying to trap me in the confines of the game-space. But when I heard a familiar laugh, I knew who it was.

"No! It can't be! You can't!"

With a movement like a mirror focusing, the unforgettable figure of Sirius materialized out of nowhere, standing over me. Before I could move, Sirius planted a foot on my chest and pressed down, preventing my escape.

Fission Mailed. You’re done for, pal.

"Sirius..." I whispered, looking up into the face of the obsessed balloon. "Please don't do this."

She didn't seem upset at all that I had popped her and scattered her pieces the previous day. She simply looked down at me with a smooth smile on her face.

"It's too late for you, Rye. I am going to devour you and use your unholy essence to become my mate. We are going to travel the world together, side by side, and there's nothing you can do about it."

SPARTAN-S08 then bashed the door open and shoved a HAVOK Tactical Nuke down Sirius’ throat, and detonated it, instantly killing anything in a 10-mile radius.

END? No, but that’s how it SHOULD have ended.

"But... but why, Sirius? I never thought you would become like this. Why do you want to kill me so badly? I thought we had something together."

"I am not going to kill you, Rye. I am just fulfilling both of our hearts' desires for each other.

Sirius, you are a big fat liar. You’re just doing this for your own personal gain, bitch.

Since the two of us cannot live with each other in two different forms, I am evening the odds. You will like being my mate, Rye. Now... relax as I end your worthless flesh-and-blood life."

But what will Wendy’s do without his super cleaning skills?

"Sirius, STOP!" I found myself screaming as she lowered her beak to wrap it around my head. I yelled and screamed as her mouth stretched and began to swallow me. I could feel her rubbery tongue lapping at my face as I was being "persuaded" into her throat. My screams and the audience’s cries of protest were muffled and stopped dead as her beak began to work on my torso. With a few good gulps, she worked me into her throat, and with a huge effort, She lifted me clean off the floor so that my legs were flailing wildly in the air.

"Let me go, Sirius! Please don't do this! You're making a big mistake!"

Sirius ignored me as she worked on my bare legs, I was being devoured by a rouge balloon and there was nothing I could do about it. Pretty soon, my feet were swallowed and slurped up by Sirius' moist tongue.

Nanosuit Voice: Maximum Vore

I had expected to just flop into Sirius' body, but I was clearly mistaken. I was being guided down a moist tunnel and then dropped into a small, round chamber somewhere in her body. It was then that I realized and chose the impossible, not unlike Andrew Ryan – all of the rubbery objects and materials that she had devoured over her short lifetime had done more than just thicken her rubbery skin. It had shaped and defined an entire digestive system inside of Sirius' gut. I can't explain it, but they were there but not there.


If I was to look through her body from the outside, I wouldn't have been able to see them, but when I was on the wrong side of her dinner plate, they were here as if by magic. There was no other explanation for it.

Once I tumbled into Sirius' new stomach, I realized that it was over. She was going to digest me and there was nothing I could do about it.

But that didn't stop me from trying to plead my case. "Sirius! It's not too late! You can stop this before I'm completely destroyed! I can take better care of you! I'll quit my job and devote all my time to taking care of you! I'll be your human mate and we can live together for as long as possible. Please let me go!"

Admit it, your pleas are falling on deaf ears, moron.

But Sirius was unmovable. She patted her round, rubber belly and voiced her opinion. "I am not changing my mind, Rye. You will become my mate. There is nothing for you to say to defend yourself. Except SHAZAM!"

For the first time, I realized that her stomach was full of a dripping white goo. It was dripping from the ceiling and getting all over my body.


It was disgusting, but I dealt with it anyway.

But before the end, Sirius told me something she had never told me before. "I love you, Rye.

So why the fuck are you digesting him with acidic jizz then?

That will always be true. I have been in love with you ever since you first breathed life into me. When you put your breath into my body, you created a bond between us that will never, ever be broken. And after living with you for these past three days has taught me a lot about you. And I know that deep down, you have been developing feelings for me as well. I snuck into your mind when we were mentally linked on Sunday and looked for your true feelings about me."

Dr. Hax then burst through the window and began pelting Sirius with ultra-wide monitors, to maximize surface-area damage.

"HEY! That was private! I can't believe you did that!"

Sirius bounced on her toes for a second, shaking me up deep in her stomach. "Quit complaining. You can't escape your feelings now. You have always had feelings for me and there's no getting around it.

Time to print up that obituary for a grown man having feelings for a balloon…

If you admit your feelings for me before the end, your new life will be all the more easier to bear with."

I blinked as the goo started to numb up my body, paralyzing it and turning it a funny white color.

"New life? You mean... you're not going to digest me? You still want to live with me?"

"I do, actually. I have always wanted to live with you, but your flesh-and-blood human life seemed so... meaningless.

So going by your logic, you’re calling ALL OF HUMANITY “meaningless”. Clearly you have no respect for Albert Einstein or Thomas Edison.

Because of that, I am... how you say... "converting" your body and mind into a more... appropriate material."

I was starting to lose my legs as the goo was eating it away, reducing it into more of the white goo that I realized smelled strongly of latex.

"You mean... you're turning me into a balloon?"

"Yes... It's such a more appropriate form. It cannot be destroyed with time as long as you replenish yourself with fresh latex. That is, until there is no more latex to eat. Then we resort to cannibalism. It can be manipulated at will by adjusting your being and body. And the powers I am going to give you will be rivaled only by mine. We will be on the same page in terms of power and ability. Not only that, but since I do not need to answer to anyone in this world, we will be free to do what we please in this world. I can even take you for a flight through the heavens like you experienced two nights ago. It's such a pleasant life..."

The white goo was starting to juice up my torso, but for some reason, I was feeling no pain whatsoever. It just felt like I was going numb. Meanwhile, I am somehow able to talk without lungs.

"Now that you put it that way, I guess it wouldn't be so bad. We'll be on the same page and we'll both be immortal. We can go on moonlit flights together and when we put on a little weight..." I added with a chuckle. "...we can go for a swim in the sea. You're right. Life as a balloon will be the bomb! Give me all you've got!"

You just signed your own death sentence, you twat!

Sirius smiled and rubbed her bulging belly with satisfaction. "I will, then. But this last step might be a little uncomfortable for you. Let me end your old life by sending you off to sleep. Sweet dreams, Rye... and good-bye."

I sighed as her psychic powers began to put me to sleep. With one last smile before my arms and head were consumed by the white goo, I said to her, "See you... on the other side."

Those were the last words I ever spoke as a human.

Attached Image

Sirius could feel Rye's body being reduced into a milky-white slime deep inside of her. She looked down at her slightly (read: horribly) disfigured shape and poked the bulge with a wing. She had finally told Rye how she really felt about him. She had let him pass on with the feeling that she meant him no harm.

Except for, you know, reducing him to the consistency of semen.

She was just glad that he had passed on with the knowledge that she was just trying to help him. The feeling of his body dissolving in her gut felt like just like a human felt when they chugged an entire soda and were feeling the bubbles bubble in their stomach. It tickled her, but she knew that his experience was a little more disturbing.

In this case, “a little more disturbing” = “something that even Satan himself would cringe at”.

Still, she felt that she had done well by giving him a new lease on life. At least he hadn't passed on in fear like she had been afraid of. Now that he was lifelessly sleeping inside her stomach in the form of liquid latex, she could move on with her life... and his.

But first thing's first. She had to get out of this motel room. She couldn't deflate herself at the moment without spilling all of Rye's love juices all over the place, so she had to improvise. Waddling over to the door, she focused her powers on the doorknob and pulled the door open. Dr. Hax continued to smash her face in with computer monitors as she did so. Careful so not to spring a leak, she squeezed through the door and out into the parking lot. Since she was still trying to keep a low profile, she used her camouflage ability to disappear, taking the white liquid with her.

She then took a few deep breaths to build herself up a decent size so that the weight of the liquid would not be too much for her. The size increase also decreased her rather bulbous belly so that she looked as fit as she ever was (despite the fact that she was invisible). If she was going to rebirth Rye, she wanted to do it right and do it in a place where she would feel comfortable.

How about going to Hell, where you belong?

Obviously, the lake or the ocean was out of the question; the liquid would spill everywhere and there would be too much pressure to do it properly. The apartment was a no-no; there wasn't enough room and too many potential witnesses to risk doing a rebirth. Not even the local hospital would be a suitable birthing place, despite its specialized functions. The only place she could think of to do it perfectly would be the forest up in the hills. She had always wanted to go up there and it seemed rather homey, despite the fact that Lugia were normally fond of water.

That decided it. Rye was going to be reborn in the mountains! Sirius took off for them at once, her precious juices sloshing gently inside her stomach.

When Sirius arrived high up in the mountains, she figured that this would be a rather unpleasant place to have her "baby". Rye would love it here and they would have all the privacy in the world. The cold was satisfying on her latex skin and the feel of the snow crunching in-between her toes made her feel all giddy inside.

Tee-hee! I’m freezing to death!

She had never known a Lugia family to roost in the mountains, but since she was not bound by Lugia standards, this would be a first.
The first thing she did was scout out a decent cave to sleep in. A shelter was necessary for her and her mate. She managed to locate one high up near the peak with a pleasant view of the mountainside. There was just enough pressure up here that she would not over-inflate when she went out. However, the pressure would later become so low that it would be uninhabitable for balloons like her. Not only that, but there was a small mountain spring nearby that she could use when she wanted to make like a water balloon and bloat for the fun of it. Once she was all settled in, Sirius went back to the cave and got ready to rebirth Rye.

Nappa: Vegeta! What the scouter say about this fanfic's failure level?

Vegeta: IT’S OVER 9000!!! *crushes scouter*

She had never done this before, but she was rather confident in her abilities. Taking a few breaths through her mouth, she directed the air into her stomach and forced the latex goo up her throat to spill into her mouth. Mixing it with a bit of her own saliva, She coated her tongue in the mixture and began to blow shit up.

She came here to kick ass and suck on goo, and she’s got plenty of goo.

The goo did not spray out like someone spitting out a drink, but instead, it formed a large, white bubble not unlike blowing up a balloon. As she continued to blow, she forced more of the liquid into her mouth, adding to the bubble's size and girth. She blew and blew until all of the goo had been used and she was looking at a bubble the size of a truck.

Does this mean that Rye is being reborn into Optimus Prime?

Taking a moment to catch her breath, Sirius bit down on the end of the bubble and pulled it out of her mouth. The easy part was over; now she had to shape it. Inside that bubble was every last bit of Rye she had gathered and condensed into a solid form. His very mind and soul was in this bubble; he deserved to have a shape worth his pain and suffering through this whole ordeal.

But as I recall, Rye DIDN’T feel any pain, he was becoming a numbskull…er, numbPUDDLE.

Figuring out how to do this, Sirius held the balloon between her feathers for a moment, thinking. Finally, she thought she had it, but then she had to use her pea-sized brain again to try and figure out how to get out of this fic. Taking the neck of the bubble in-between her beak, she started to blow again.

But this time, she was not blowing air into it; this time, she was blowing life into it. It was a different kind of air that only a creature like her could produce. The balloon didn't get bigger but instead began to take shape and form. Previously, it had been nothing but a white bubble, but now, it was being filled with color as the latex skin began to take a familiar shape. The skin turned into a giant dildo, for Sirius’ own pleasure…no wait… From the head to the body all the way down to the tail, the balloon took the familiar shape of a Lugia, the silver and navy-blue filling in in all the necessary places. Soon, Sirius was breathing into the mouth of an identical-sized-and-shaped Lugia balloon. The only difference was that this one still had its eyes closed and its mouth was inside-out, as if a grenade went off inside it.

With one final touch, Sirius stuck the neck of the balloon into its mouth, forming the distinct flap in the back of its deepthroat just like she had. Letting it go, it sealed half-shut so that it could be used at its user's request.

Finally, the form of Rye the Lugia was complete. There was just one more detail to take care of. Taking Rye's beak in her own, she gave it one final breath. This one injected Rye's soul and persona into the previously empty shell. It was like giving the Kiss of Life to one of her own, making her feel even more important than ever before.

Like you aren’t enough of an attention whore already.

Once they parted beaks, Rye's eyes began to open and he took his first breath of air in his new life. Still a little woozy from his adventure, he stumbled a little, struggling to keep his balance.

"Whoa...!" he muttered, trying not to fall. "What a trip! I feel like I've gone through a washing machine and then a tumble-dry on "Heavy (Weapons Guy)"." He managed to get used to his new form after falling on his ass a bunch of times and looked at Sirius, his vision still coming into focus. "Hello, Sirius. Am I alive again?"

Sirius smiled and patted her newly-awakened mate with satisfaction. "Yes, you are. Welcome to life as a Balloon Lugia, AKA Hell, Rye. How do you feel?"

Rye looked around the cave and then looked under his own wings as if he had stepped in something. "I dunno. Life's a bit more... noisy than I thought." He looked back at Sirius. "I suppose the squeaking will never stop now, will it?"

Sirius chuckled and brought him close to her. "I'm afraid not, love. You'll get used to it, though.

"After killing yourself and respawning more times than you can count on your fingers."

But before you do..." She backed off a little, watching Rye for a moment. And then with a swift spin, she clubbed Rye across the torso with her tail, sending him bouncing back into the cave. "Tag! You're it!" She then took off into the mountains, flying away playfully.

Once Rye had recovered, he chuckled and tested his new wings for a moment before giving chase. "If that's how you want to play it, I'm game! Here I come! In your vagina!"

And with that, he took off for his first flight as a Balloon Lugia, happy that his life now had meaning and that he now had a friend that he could spend the rest of his life with in happiness and peace.


I’m beginning to see a pattern here.

1) Dumbass meets demonic creature.
2) Dumbass develops “relationship” with creature.
3) Dumbass agrees to become converted into similar creature.
4) Creature-Dumbass lives happily never after.

Seriously, what is WRONG with this author!? Y’know, I’m not touching this author again, since his stories end up becoming the same old shit eventually. Any suggestions for my next target? Anyone?

This post has been edited by Shockwave S08: Aug 1 2012, 02:20 PM

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