A Visit, Nerdy, unerotic pre-teen sex Options

[Al_Cone]

Sometime around the year 2003, the long-running Toonami programming bloc on Cartoon Network began to get phased out. Its replacement was a programming bloc called Miguzi, which was a substantial change from Toonami in a number of ways. While Toonami featured primarily English dubs of anime, being famous for delivering Dragon Ball Z, Sailor Moon, Tenchi Muyo! Outlaw Star and other shows to American viewers, Miguzi focused primarily on Western shows, such as Totally Spies or (arguably the best and most famous of its lineup) Teen Titans. While Toonami was hosted by a slick robot with sunglasses living in a spaceship, Miguzi featured a little girl in a jumpsuit living underwater with various mutants and a giant fish that hovered outside her window. The most important distinction between Miguzi and Toonami, however, was that while Toonami presented a quality line-up of shows, Miguzi's shows were generally horseshit.

No show better exemplified this downward trend from the excellence of Toonami than Code Lyoko. A French cartoon that is basically a hodgepodge of The Matrix, .hack and Power Rangers, Code Lyoko was largely overshadowed by the more popular Teen Titans and even Totally Spies, but still garnered an impressive following in the time that it was on. A fanfic community for the show still exists, though it's smaller now than during the time the show was running, and it is from that community that today's mock is drawn.

A Visit is a story that I first read as a young lad, and, like Normal Teenage Life and everything else that I liked when I was a child, it sucked. However, unlike Normal Teenage Life, I always recognized that it sucked, and amateurishly wrote an MST of it that was lost for years until I rediscovered it on my old hard drive. I decided to update and redo my old work, and display it here for you ungrateful bastards to read.

While it's almost entirely new material, there are a couple of lines from the original thrashing that survived into the re-release. Try and guess what they are; you may be surprised. Anyway, of all the mocks I've done lately, I think that this one ranks somewhere near the top, probably next to NTL. I think it's some of the best work that I've done since I signed onto PA, but I'd like the opinions of my slovenly malnourished pale flabby beloved AFTERian brethren before I crown it King of the Pirates. So, without further ado, please enjoy the Code Lyoko fanfiction classic "A Visit," by...some asshole.

******


I do not own Code Lyoko its characters or anything else.

"For you see, I live in abject poverty in a small, three-wall shack in Nairobi with my brother, sister and eighteen cousins. A celebrity will shortly be appearing to inform you how your money can and will improve my and your life."

This Fic is Rated R

Chapter Aelita''s visit

Apparently, my kindergarten education was fundamentally lacking in the numerical department; for instance, I never learned that "Aelita's visit" directly precedes the number one.

Jeremy sat alone in his room working on Aelita''s antivirus. He typed endlessly he had blown off classes for three days straight.

On the second day, he was expelled. He blew that off too.

He just sat and typed determined to free Aelita from Xana''s virus. He did not notice the door open and his three friends enter.

Surely, this buttsecks would be the most surprising buttsecks of his entire life.

""Hey Jer,"" Yumi asked, ""How''s it going?""

""Fine."" He said, His eyes never leaving the monitor.

Jeremy: Hey, if you want to stick around, I've almost convinced this dumb bitch on Chatroulette to show me her tits--wait a second, is my mic on? Fuck! Baby, no, please don't sign out! Look what you assholes did; thanks for nothing!

""Listen bud,"" Odd said putting a hand on his shoulder, ""I know you want Aelita here badly but,"" he trailed off.

He didn't have anything reassuring to say. He just wanted to remind Jeremy why he was miserable.

""But you shouldn''t wear yourself out,"" Ulrich added from behind him.

""Trust me, I''m fine."" Jeremy said as he continued his work.

The others looked at him worriedly. They caught a glimpse of his desk. There were several coffee cups scattered across the desk. Some of them were tipped over.

Good lord, the man's tipping over coffee cups! He's a danger to himself and others!

Yumi then noticed a bottle of pills standing not to far from Jeremy''s right hand. She quickly picked it up.

She was worried at the sight of the pill bottle, as were Ulrich and Odd, but Yumi visibly relaxed and so did they.

""Whew,"" Yumi said brushing her forearm across her forehead.

""What are they?"" Odd asked,

""Caffeine supplements,"" Yumi started, ""They deliver caffeine straight to the bloodstream,""

Which, judging by the excessive amounts of coffee he's been drinking, coupled with the prolonged lack of sleep that his three straight days of skipping class suggests, means that he should probably be rushed to a hospital to save him from critical heart failure.

""So, he''s been using these to stay awake,"" Ulrich, asked.

""Apparently,"" Yumi finished as she heard Jeremy speak.

""Okay ready for the test,"" He said as he pressed enter.

They quickly turned to see the program run. The program almost worked it said 75 complete before it ran backwards and stopped. Soon the all too familiar red exclamation Point flashed across the screen.

Aw, fuck, Solid Snake's been spotted!

Jeremy let out a frustrated yell as he banged his head against the desk.

""It''s not the end of the world,"" a soft voice said

""Aelita,"" Jeremy began, ""It''s just that I was so close,""

""Why don''t you get some rest,"" Aelita asked sweetly

""I can''t."" Jeremy cried, ""I''m so close.""

""Jeremy,"" Aelita began,

Jeremy: Shut up! I'm so close!

but trailed off when she noticed the he had started crying.

""It''s not fair,"" He sobbed, ""I''ve never asked anyone for anything, and I have always bent over backwards for others,""

If he throws himself off a cliff to become a supervillain with a cartoony hat, I'm going to scream.

""That''s true,"" Ulrich said

""But why is it the one thing that I want is being kept from me,"" He said with hot tears pouring down his face.

Tears began to form in Aelita''s eyes it always hurt her to see him in pain. Yumi walked behind Jeremy and gave him a comforting hug. Ulrich and Odd soon followed suit. They could only guess at the pain that was in Jeremy''s heart.

So now that he's experiencing full-blown heart failure, instead of rushing him to the hospital like the should have at the start of this chapter, they're trying to hug the cardiac arrest away. God, these characters' cognitive functions are more freakishly deformed than their bodies.

They all knew of love Ulrich had Yumi, Odd had Samantha. Though Odd''s situation was similar to Jeremy''s there was one crucial difference. Odd''s love was simply across town he could visit her and she him whenever they had the time and they did.

And oh, how he bragged.

Odd: Hey Jeremy, I saw my girlfriend today. Took the bus across town, plowed her for three hours straight. Man, what a great day. So what about you, how'd you spend your day? See your girlfriend? Plow your girlfriend?"

Jeremy: *loud, wailing sobs*

Jeremy''s love was in another world where he could not go, and she could not come here, at least for an extended amount of time.

Hey, um. Why can't he go in there again? I don't think it's ever explained on the show; he just sort of...doesn't go. Considering the sheer number of things that this story retcons later on, I don't see why it doesn't retcon that away.

The boy that they were comforting sobs quieted and he stopped shaking. They pulled away enough to see that he had fallen asleep.

Yumi handed Jeremy to Odd and Ulrich who lifted him over to his bed.

What followed was a horrific and brutal ritual of human sacrifice.

After they had put him down Yumi went to talk to Aelita.

""Hey Aelita,"" Yumi started.

""Yes Yumi,"" Aelita said snapping back from watching Jeremy.

""Aelita are you crying?"" Yumi asked noticing tears in their virtual friend''s eyes.

I asked CleverBot why he was crying once. CleverBot told me it was because my soul reeked of sin to him. I spent hours in the shower trying to fuck the pain away, but it didn't take.

Aelita wiped away her tears before nodding and before Yumi could speak, Aelita began to talk.

""It hurts me to see Jeremy hurting,"" Aelita began, ""And it hurts even more not being able to comfort him.""

The obvious solution is to stop looking at him.

Tears were now falling freely from Aelita''s eyes. Yumi could not stand it any longer. She could stand the fact that two of her friends were in pain, so she decided to do something about it.

Yumi decided that she was going to write her Congressman about it!

""Aelita,""

""Yes,""

""How bout we materialize you tomorrow so you and Jeremy can spend some time together?""

Aelita''s face lit up, ""I''d like that, but what about Xana?""

""Don''t worry while you and Jeremy have your time together I''ll be at the factory with Ulrich and Odd we''ll keep a look out for activated towers, and then call you if we find one.""

Aelita now wore a bright smile. The same smile that they had all come to know and love.

Abdicating your duties so that you can meet your internet boyfriend is romantic.

""Let''s do it,"" Aelita said.

Is that foreshadowing? I think that's foreshadowing.

---------------------------------------Next Day----------------------------------------------------

""Why are we going to the factory?"" Jeremy asked as Yumi dragged him through the park.

""You''ll see,"" Yumi said with a smile.

Behold, the prelude to every single Code Lyoko sex fanfic ever written.

When they got to the factory, Yumi and Jeremy climbed into the elevator and rode down to the lab. When the doors opened, Ulrich and Odd were standing behind the chair he normally sits in.

""What''s going on here?"" Jeremy asked,

Ulrich and Odd turned to face him. They both wore smiles Odd then reached into the chair as if to alert whoever was sitting there to his presence. He stepped away as the chair spun around. Jeremy''s eyes went wide when he saw the person in it.



"Greetings, young Jeremy. I can feel your hatred swell within you. Now, witness the full power of this fully armed and operational battlestation!"

""Hello Jeremy,""

Tears budded in his eyes and he began to tremble.

""Aelita!"" He yelled as he ran and scooped the girl into his arms.

She let out a playful yell as he spun her around. He then sat down against the wall and held Aelita in his lap. He rested his forehead against hers. He breathed in her scent. His hands roamed her body memorizing her curves the softness of her skin.

Being twelve years old, there weren't many curves to memorize. And having been trapped in the internet for ages upon ages upon untold ages away from any sort of moisturizer, her skin was about as soft as a hedgehog's scrotum.

He then whispered into her ear.

""I was beginning to give up hope on ever being able to hold you,""

""There is always hope Jeremy,"" Aelita said as she stood and pulled him up with her.

""You taught me that,"" She finished with a beautiful smile.

Jeremy took her face into his hands feeling her soft skin.

""Well,"" Aelita asked. ""What do I feel like?"

Jeremy: You ever take a big, giant poop, and then afterward feel really relieved that you did? Kind of like that.

""Smooth as silk and soft as a cloud,"" He stated, ""You feel just as beautiful as you look.""

Aelita blushed scarlet red.

Odd snickered, ""Jeremy you sly dawg,""

Yumi then bashed him in the Arm.

""What was that for?"" Odd asked nursing his arm.

For pretending that you're street by saying "dawg." Honestly Odd, you're whiter than a game of Polo.

Yumi''s glare gave him the answer, ""Oh,"" Odd said while continuing to rub his arm.

""Okay you two,"" Yumi said with a smile, ""Go have some fun just be back by curfew.""

""Ya know what?"" Yumi said, ""Its Friday, ""Go have a good time, and don''t come back unless we call you,""

These lines of dialogue delivered by the same character indicate where the timeline branched into two. In one, Jeremy and Aelita went to a nifty sock-hop and enjoyed a weenie roast afterward, before heading home to their separate rooms at 9:30 and enjoying a good, nine-hour rest. In the other, they fuck in the backseat of a Chevy, get Aelita knocked up, and drop out of school to live as vagrants.

The former version of the story is markedly better-written. Consequently, it is markedly less popular.

""Thank you Yumi,"" Jeremy said, ""I owe ya one.""

""No you don''t,"" Yumi said with a smile, ""Now get outta here.""

Jeremy smiled and took Aelita''s hand and led her from the factory. They were walking down the street when Aelita spotted something.

""What''s that?""

It's a fucking lamppost, Aelita. If you're going to waste time by asking every ten seconds what everything is, then this trip isn't going to be all that memorable.

""It''s an amusement park,"" he said taking her hand, ""Come on.""

They both laughed as they entered. Jeremy took Aelita up on the roller coaster. She screamed her head off.

Actually, she screamed as her head came off. They really shouldn't have gone to the only amusement park with a D- rating from the Better Business Bureau.

When they got off she said, ""Virtualization has got nothing on that."" Jeremy let started laughing and was joined by Aelita. Jeremy astounded her by showing he had a good arm and great aim. He won her prize after prize.

How he got so athletic through his vigorous routine of sitting at his computer, typing on his computer, reading M.A.S.H. lemon fan fiction on his computer and having cyber sex with CleverBot here, the story does not tell.

Her favorite one was a giant pink Teddy Bear. She was upset though because she could not take it to Lyoko with her but smiled when Jeremy promised to take care of it for her. Jeremy soon got an idea.

He could extort Aelita by threatening to injure or destroy the teddy bear if she didn't cooperate!

""Hey Aelita,""

""Yes,""

""There is a spot that only I know of,"" he began, ""do you want to go there?""

""Sure,""

""Okay let''s go put your stuff in my room then I''ll take you there,""

After 20 minutes Jeremy and Aelita had returned to his dorm deposited her gifts and were on their way to Jeremy''s secret spot. The trail was well hidden in fact if you did not know it existed you would probably never find it.

The only other people who knew about it were the cast of Nickelodeon's Rocket Power.

Jeremy led Aelita carefully down the path as so not to lose her.

Oh wait, I know how this ends. He turns around at the last second and she falls into Hades forever. Then he turns into a tree.

When they got to his secret place Aelita gasped, it was beautiful. They were standing in a small field with a little pond that was so calm it was like looking into a mirror, not far from the pond stood a tall tree.

Its leaves rustled in the night air as Jeremy and Aelita sat at its base. She wrapped her arms around him and rested her head on his shoulder, and he laid his head atop hers.

""It''s beautiful Jeremy,""

""Yes it is,"" he said, ""though not as beautiful as you.""

Jeremy: ...this is probably a bad time to tell you about all those bodies that they fish out of that lake, isn't it?

""Jeremy,"" Aelita asked, ""do you ever regret finding Xana and Lyoko?""

""No,"" he said simply, ""Cause If I never found it I wouldn''t of met you.""

I'm not seeing the downside to that.

Aelita smiled. To Jeremy her smile could bring sunshine on the stormiest days.

He then did something almost without thinking. He took his index finger and used it to tilt Aelita''s chin so that she was looking him in the eyes. He ran his fingers across her cheek. She shuddered. She did not know if it was his touch, or the way he was looking at her that caused it.

He probably should have warned her about his cancer-causing X-Ray vision.

He then leaned in closing his eyes, and she closed hers. They met halfway in a gentle kiss. When their lips touched, it was as if a surge of energy

SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURGE!!!

...

Of energy.

hit them both.

The kiss got deeper and more intimate, but remained gentle. They both felt as if all was right with the world for that moment nothing existed to them, not Xana, not Lyoko, Not Aelita''s virus, or even their friends,.

A world where Code Lyoko never existed. Surely, it must be paradise.

All that existed to them at that moment was each other. Their lungs soon screamed for oxygen, and they reluctantly pulled away from one another. Aelita then put two fingers to her lips she felt strangely numb, as did Jeremy.

That would be the oxygen deprivation.

Then Aelita did something that totally surprised him.

She straddled his waist and gently pulled his glasses off.

Existing in the internet meant that there wasn't a whole lot better to do besides visit fanfiction websites and watch C-grade softcore pornography, so Aelita's pretty well-versed on all the standard adult film and fanfic tropes.

Though his mind was racing, he did nothing to stop her.

She then took Jeremy''s face in her hands and kissed him again. She let her fingers play in his hair. He let his hands roam her petite body. Though the night air was stingingly cold, they felt nothing but warmth.

Again. That's probably the oxygen deprivation screwing with their perceptions. Contrary to popular belief, you CAN kiss and breathe at the same time.

They soon pulled away from each other. Aelita stayed in her position as Jeremy ran the tips of his fingers over the smooth skin of her neck. She cooed in response to Jeremy''s touch. He then slipped his fingers under Aelita''s sweater and slid it off her shoulders.

That's a very intelligent thing to do on a frigid night like this one.

He then pulled her closer and began to kiss her passionately. He slipped his tongue into her mouth, and attempted to play with hers, but she caught it with her lips and began to suck on Jeremy''s tongue. Which earned a moan from him meanwhile his hands sought the hem of her shirt and when he found it he slipped his hands under it and felt the bare skin of her back. Aelita gasped freeing Jeremy''s tongue allowing his to seek hers. When he found her, their tongues engaged in an epic battle fighting for dominance.

We, who are about to french, salute you!

Neither one of them wanted the moment to end but Jeremy moved his hands to her shoulders and pushed her away gently. Aelita fought to keep the kiss secure and whimpered when she failed. Aelita was about to protest the separation when Jeremy placed a finger to her lips silencing her.

And the back of his hand to her face at mach 1. Jeremy needs to keep the hos in line somehow.

He then moved his hands down her arms and returned them to her waist. He gathered her shirt into his hands and lifted it over her head and off. Aelita turned a red that bordered purple as her chest was exposed for the first time, but did not attempt to cover herself.

Ain't 'dis bitch never heard of a bra?

Jeremy then pulled her closer, and lowered his lips to her breast, and suckled it in his mouth.

He coughed and sputtered as milk flowed randomly into his mouth.

Aelita gasped she had never felt anything like this. She then pulled Jeremy away and planted a deep kiss on his lips when they separated Aelita took his turtle neck into her hands, yanked it over his head, and threw it sending it to join her sweater and shirt.

This is very romantic and all, but you know what isn't romantic? Fucking pneumonia.

Aelita''s breath was coming in ragged gasps as she ran her hands over Jeremy''s chest. He gasped at the feeling of her hands on his chest, and then moaned as she began to leave a trail of kisses down his chest she stopped when she reached his pants.

And the frustration that his chastity belt provided.

She didn''t even hesitate in wrapping her fingers around the button on his jeans and unfastened them, then lowered the zipper. Aelita then used her hands to caress Jeremy''s sensitive spot.

...His armpit?

He moaned in response and moved his hands to play in Aelita''s hair. Instinct driven Aelita took the hem of both his pants and boxers and yanked them down freeing Jeremy''s rod.

How the fuck does a girl who lives in the internet have any sexual instinct at all?!

Aelita did not know what it was but she had to touch it.

Proving, once and for all, that Sigmund Freud was absolutely right and the penis is the most wondrous object in the history of everything.

She gently stoked his member her fingers leaving cool trails across it.

Jeremy moaned feeling something build inside of him. Instincts once more taking hold she laid an attentive lick along his shaft causing and even louder moan from Jeremy.

So blowjobs are instinctive. Huh. I guess that sort of takes the wind out of the sales of all the religious, intelligent design jerks who are puritanical about sex. God wants us to blow each other, guys! He hardwired it into our brains!

She soon aloud herself to take his member into her mouth she began to bob while licking him all over his member. Jeremy''s grip in her hair tightened his moans telling her he liked what she was doing. Jeremy was almost to his breaking point when Aelita sped up.

She's gonna done tear it off if she keeps going any faster...

Sucking harder and faster his groans where deeper and sounded ragged as if they where difficult to get out. He finally came releasing his load into Aelita''s mouth, which she swallowed. She then pulled away Jeremy''s limp member leaving her mouth.

And with that, Jeremy was done for the night, bringing a swift and literally anticlimactic end to Aelita's first (and only) visit to the human world. The end.

Jeremy was panting and it looked like he had been sweating.

Jeremy quickly grabbed Aelita and pulled her close kissing her fiercely. The fact that he could taste himself on her lips only made him want her more.

The less said about this...

When he pulled away from her, he only had one thing to say. ""Aelita,"" He said his voice ragged.

""Yes Jeremy,"" She responded while gasping for air.

Jeremy: That's all I have to say.

""Lay down,""

Aelita looked confused for second, but complied as she lay on her back. Jeremy then climbed on top of her a laid a trail of burning kisses down her chest.

Looks like Jeremy's getting all the mileage he can out of that Tobasco-brand lip gloss.

Each one telling her that they were not finished. When he reached her skirt, he wasted no time in removing it quickly followed by Aelita''s panties. Jeremy quickly surveyed her nude form examining her burning this sight forever into his memory.

And onto three dvds, which he then distributed illegally for a tidy profit. Finding the child pornography racket far more rewarding than fighting bad guys in the internet, he quit being the Code Lyoko equivalent of Tank from The Matrix and settled into a wealthy and contented life as a pervert. The end.

He then moved to her face and kissed her lips while his hard member brushed against her sacred area.

Aelita is so unkempt in her fun zone that an entire civilization has sprung up and built a holy shrine around her clitoris.

She gasped when she felt this Jeremy pulled away smiling and began to kiss down her body again, but this time when he reached her pelvis he buried his face into Aelita''s womanhood licking and nibbling. Aelita moaned in response she had never felt anything like this before in her entire existence she liked it; a lot. Aelita''s body felt as though it had caught fire

Well, that's what you get for fucking during a forest fire.

and no amount of water could dose it.. She felt something building within her and tried to tell Jeremy but her voice was not working. Her moans where getting louder and longer which told Jeremy she was almost at her peak. She grabbed the back of Jeremy''s head as she reached her climax practically screaming and sprayed her nectar onto Jeremy''s face. He quickly licked it up savoring its taste and pleasuring Aelita at about the same time.

That's not what you think it is, Jeremy. That's something else. Something much less sexy.

When he finished he gave Aelita long loving kiss he then leaned over to her ear and whispered.

""Are you ready?""

Aelita could only nod considering that her voice wasn''t working.

The question she SHOULD be asking is "ready for what?" Not nodding blithely like some sort of ignorant prostitute in a horror movie who's about to get violently butchered by the serial killer.

Oh, uh, spoiler alert by the way.

Jeremy then positioned himself at her opening and slowly entered trying not to hurt her. She let out a

Disappointed "Is it in yet?"

mix between a gasp and a moan at the feeling of him entering her. He then came to her virgin barrier and stopped.

""Aelita this is going to hurt,"" he whispered softly, ""Do you want to keep going?""

Aelita took in a long breath of air and forced her voice to work.

At severely reduced pay. Her voice took this badly, and complained to the Voice Union.

""Yes,"" she began, ""Jeremy I don''t want to go back to Lyoko without knowing what its like to be loved by you,"

" She then smiled and said, ""Make this a night I''ll never forget,""

The implication there is that the rest of the night has been so forgettable that she requires sex in order to commit it to memory. If I were Jeremy, I'd be damn insulted.

Jeremy then took her lips and thrusted sharply breaking her barrier. She then pulled away and screamed in pain a tear falling down her face. He then stopped but Aelita pulled him close. ""No...don''t.... you...dare.... stop,"" Aelita said in between gasps. Jeremy smiled and stroked her hair lovingly, ""That''s my brave girl,"" He said softly. Aelita the got a mischievous smile and said, ""Well, What are you waiting for a written invite."" Jeremy then took her lips as he began to move.

Let's see if this story can steal any more material from the Grand List of Harlequin Romance Sex Scene Cliches before it finishes.

At first, it hurt a little but it soon began to feel good and Aelita moaned in pleasure. Jeremy began to move faster and harder (an at Aelita''s request of course) causing her moans to be louder and longer. They both began to feel something building in their stomachs as they continued.

Oh, that's just the dinner they got at the amusement park curdling in their bowels. Jeremy obviously wasn't thinking ahead when he got them the deep-fried chocolate-covered corndog ice cream sundae with extra whipped cream.

Soon Jeremy began to thrust deeper into Aelita causing her to moan louder. Soon Jeremy felt her body tense as her walls tightened around him.

They both reached their climaxes at the same time screaming each other''s names. Jeremy then collapsed on top of Aelita totally spent.

""Jeremy,"" Aelita asked, ""What does this mean?""

""What we just did?""

""Uh huh,""

Jeremy: Means you just got played. Now get outta my forest.

""It means you belong to me, and I belong to you.""

""No one else can have either one of us?"" She asked hopefully.

""Yeah,"" Jeremy began

Well, unless you get a divorce. But then, Aelita will still own Jeremy in that instance.

""Good,"" Aelita began as she kissed him, ""I''m tired is that normal?""

""I think so,"" Jeremy began,

Stop saying "began!" Christ, I almost miss when the story was abusing the word "Fire!" I didn't comment on it before because it wasn't that big a deal to me, but if this story is going to start shoving words down my pants incessantly then I'm going to sodomize it and not use any lubricant!

""This was my first time doing this,"" Jeremy stated, ""Aelita?"" he asked,

""Yes Jeremy,""

""I love you,""

""After what we just did I would hope so,"" Aelita teased.

Rue the day when Aelita discovers Sex in the City, Jeremy.

Jeremy looked down when Aelita took his chin in her palm and lifted his gaze to her''s, ""I love you too,"" she said as she kissed him.

""Aelita,"" Jeremy began, ""I promise you one day I will find the antivirus and materialize you permanently.""

That way, you can have pale, nerdy, pedo-bait sex all the time!

Aelita smiled softly at him, ""I know you will Jeremy.""

Jeremy returned her smile and hugged her. Then he remembered something, got up, and retrieved his pants. Aelita sat up wondering what he was doing. When he returned, he had a ring with him.

Jeremy: My uncle Bilbo left it to me when he disappeared. Putting it on turns me invisible, and I also get to see this nifty eye made entirely out of fire! Wanna try?

""Aelita,"" He began as he presented her with the ring, ""This ring belonged to my mother, and before she died she made me promise that I would one day put it on the finger of the woman I choose to be my wife, or life partner,"

Restricting Jeremy to marrying a woman sort of takes the wind out of those progressive sails, Mrs. Belpois.

" He then took her hand and slipped it onto her left ring finger, and too his surprise as well as delight it fit like a glove, ""And I have chosen you

To be his starter Pokemon.

, Will you accept this ring?""

""Jeremy,"" Aelita asked stunned, ""Are you asking me to marry you?""

""Yes, I am,"" Jeremy, asked nervously.

Aelita sat stunned. She had not expected any of this. When Yumi mentioned this, yesterday she had expected to spend some time, tell him she loved him, and maybe even kiss him.

She did not expect to sleep with him

This has always bugged me--can you call it that if you didn't really sleep at all?

and have him propose afterwards. Her mind was in a daze. Suddenly a thought occurred to her she had every attention of marrying himafter she was permanently materialized, and what happened a few moments ago was a nice plus.

What was being brewed in her uterus as she pondered this subject, however, was bound to be a nasty surprise...

A smile formed on her lips and she wrapped her arms around his neck kissing him deeply.

""Jeremy, you fool,''

She began Jeremy looked a little hurt by that but she continued, ""As if I could say anything other than yes."" Jeremy smiled as he held her close kissing her.

""Aelita Belpois,"" She said when they parted, ""I like the sound of that.""

""So do I,"" Jeremy said, ""Do you want to do it now or wait.""

Aelita thought a little on the subject. Jeremy knew she would more than likely want to wait, but her answer surprised him.

Her head spun three hundred and sixty degrees and she vomited all over his penis. Jeremy took that as a "maybe."

""Let''s do it now,""

""But what about the other''s,"" Jeremy began ""Don''t you want them there?""

""Of course I do,"" Aelita started smiling, ""But I got a feeling Ulrich and Yumi may be busy at the moment."" Aelita started laughing, and was soon joined by Jeremy.

Jeremy: Hahahaha, busy, yeah, funny shit man, funny funny shit, hahaha...haaaaaa...ha. Hehehe. Busy with what?

""Alright let''s go,"" Jeremy said.

They got up and got dressed and traveled into town. (I do not know if teens can legally marry in France, but this is my fic so they can)

What does this story think it is, Normal Teenage Life? Sheesh.

As they passed a Jewelry store Aelita stopped suddenly.

""Aelita what''s wrong?""

""This ring will be a symbol of our union right?""

""Yeah,"" Jeremy began, but stopped as realization dawned on him, ""Oh good thinking Aelita.""

Jeremy: But where are we gonna find a surgeon at so late an hour to fuse us together at the torso via umbilical cord?

They entered the store and Aelita found the ring she wanted to give to Jeremy. Instead of asking Jeremy to pay for it, she asked him to loan the money to her. (An Jeremy''s family is rich in this fic)

Reality warps itself around Jeremy to suit his every need.

Jeremy agreed and told the clerk to just take the money from his account. Once the ring was paid for, they went down to the courthouse. They got a marriage certificate from the night clerk. (An just bare with me people)

And yet, astoundingly, an actual episode of Code: Lyoko involved more reaches, contrivances and plot holes than this fic! That's a special kind of awful, folks.

They soon ran into a judge just as he was leaving.

Unfortunately for them (and fortunately for us), that judge just happened to be Judge Dredd. "Minors shouldn't be breaking curfew!" he drawled as he pummeled the two of them into mush. "I AM THE LLLAWWWGH!"

""Excuse me sir,"" Jeremy began.

""Yes,""

""Can you marry us?"" Jeremy asked

Did he just invite the judge into a three-way marriage? I guess the story decided that polygamy is legal in France too.

The judge looked shocked, ""It''s almost midnight, and you two want to get married?""

Jeremy and Aelita nodded. Before the judge could say, anything more Aelita interjected.

""Please sir,"" She began, ""I have to go home in the morning, and I have no clue when I''ll be back, Please?"" Aelita locked eyes with him and the judge gave in.

Felons are able to do the exact same thing to get out of jail time.

""Do you have a certificate?""

Jeremy presented it to him.

""Okay,"" The judge said, ""do you mind if we do the quick version?""

""No,"" Aelita and Jeremy answered in unison. The Judge then turned and reentered his office motioning for them to follow. When they entered, the Judge took the certificate and signed it.

""Okay the quick version,"" the judge began, ""What are your names?""

""Aelita Lyoko""

""Jeremy Belpois""

Judge Illiterate here apparently didn't notice their names on the certificate that he just signed.

""Alright do you Aelita take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold in sickness and in health as long as you both shall live?""

""I do,""

""Do you Jeremy take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold in sickness and in health for as long as you both shall live?""

""I do,"" Jeremy, said smiling at Aelita.

""Then by the power vested in me by the country of France

Such as that power is.

I know pronounce you Husband and Wife, You may kiss the bride.""

Jeremy and Aelita leaned in close and kissed softly.

""Now if you two wouldn''t mind please sign this.""

They pulled apart slowly and signed the document.

""Now what?"" Aelita asked.

Judge: HA! That was an annulment; now you're officially divorced fifteen seconds after being married! Easy come, easy go!

""Oh you''ll have to take this down to the clerk''s office but I''ll do that for you.""

"Is there anything else I can do for you? May I fetch you a glass of brandy? Perhaps I may juggle for your amusement?" I always thought judges had more important things to do than to play bellhop for a pair of 13 year olds.

""Thank you."" Jeremy and Aelita said in unison.

The Judge merle smiled, ""No problem.""

Oh, Judge Merle. You're the biggest softie to ever sit on the bench.

Aelita and Jeremy then left the courthouse and began the walk back to the factory.

""How do you think the others will react?"" Jeremy asked,

""Well to be honest I don''t really care,"" Aelita said stunning Jeremy.

She tossed the phaser away and looked down at Jeremy's unconscious body. "All I need to do is dispose of you appropriately, take your money and live rich, fat and happy for the rest of my life. Sweet dreams, hubby."

He then looked at Aelita with a shocked expression.

""Jeremy, how many times have you sacrificed to make them happy?""

He lifted his fingers and began to count off, ""A lot,""

""Does being my Husband make you happy?""

Jeremy smiled and brought her hand to his face and kissed it.

Smooth, Jeremy, dodging the question like that.

""So from where I stand they can either support us, or get out of our way.""

""Your right,"" Jeremy said, ""you are absolutely right.""

And the fact that they all need to work together in order to save the world, and that such an attitude would prove extremely counterproductive towards accomplishing that goal, is apparently lost on our two horny simpletons.

Something then struck her mind, ""Oh you need this she said retrieving the ring box from her pocket. She opened it inside was a ring that had a blue sapphire in the middle surrounded by 12 small diamonds on a gold band.

That's the Ring of Power that she used to ensnare his mind and force him to marry her.

Jeremy smiled, ""It''s a beautiful Aelita,""

""I know it just screamed you,""

It went "JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEREMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!11666"

she said taking it from its box and sliding it onto his finger. ""Now everyone will know you are taken."" Jeremy did not answer he just kissed her. When they parted they where breathing heavily, ""My room?"" Jeremy asked.

""No,"" Aelita smiled, ""Our room,"" ""Now!""

They turned and ran towards the school for an encore. (If cannot figure it out I pity you).

You will simply NEVER know the simple pleasure of imagining two young children having whiny, nerdy, underdeveloped prepubescent sex.

Hey, wait a second. I thought they were going to the factory. Maybe their room is IN the factory?

NEXT DAY

Aelita stirred from her sleep. She looked to see Jeremy sleeping beside her.

She smiled as she watched her husband sleep. ""My Husband."" She thought aloud.

Aelita: Hmm. Did I marry beneath me?

She could not believe it a smile played on her sleep she did not want to go back to Lyoko.

She wanted to stay there in Jeremy''s arms forever. An Idea struck her she got up slowly so she did not disturb Jeremy. She got dressed and logged onto Jeremy''s computer and went to work.

Aelita: Okay, I've got about an hour before the old meatstick rouses himself. Time for some long-overdue satisfaction!

A couple Hours later

""Finished,"" She said, ""now activating materialization program.""

Soon a green plus appeared on the screen.

The Dow just went up.

She was about to cheer, but stopped herself. She then tiptoed to Jeremy and whispered, ""I''ll be right back."" Jeremy mumbled an okay then turned over. Aelita then made her way to the factory.

Oh. Oh, I guess that they went back to their room after all. So they just forgot about going to the factory I suppose.

...



She entered the scanner room and on a scanner floor was a watch. She picked it up and turned it on. She instantly felt her connection to the towers again.

""Now I''ll know if a tower goes active even if I''m in the real world."" She said smiling, ""Now back to Jeremy.""

Well, why the fuck didn't you suggest doing that in the first place, you stupid shortbus bitch?! You could have saved a boatload of trouble, depression, tears fucking sleep deprivation and possible cardiac arrest on Jeremy's part if you would have just said that you were capable of doing that right at the start of the goddamn story!

She then left and returned to the school. When she entered Jeremy''s room, she saw him up and around. When he saw her, he stopped pacing.

""Where''d you go,"" he asked.

""To get this,"" she said as she showed him her creation, ""Then explained its function.""

It's bad enough that we got double quotation marks for no reason beyond the author trying to make a stylistic statement with misuse of punctuation, but applying quotes to her character that should not be applied to oh fuck it i'm just going to keep drinking until i can't feel feelings anymore

""Are you sure it will work,"" Jeremy asked hopefully?

""It did pass the sim run, and every other test I could think of,"" Aelita said,

Although its SAT verbal score is worryingly low.

""but just to sure we should run a scan every morning and afternoon just to be sure,""

""This is great,"" Jeremy exclaimed hugging Aelita fiercely!

""We should tell the others,"" Aelita began, ""Both sets of news.""

""Yeah!""

Jeremy then got on the phone and rallied Ulrich, Yumi, and Odd.

Their groggy responses of "fuck you, it's eight in the morning" deflated his enthusiasm somewhat.

Then Aelita and Jeremy left the dorm, and ran into Jim.

""Hey who is this?"" Jim exclaimed.

""This is a new student that starts today, and she happens to be my wife!"" Jeremy exclaimed.

""Yeah right your just pulling my leg kid,"" Jim laughed.

""Jim,"" Jeremy began slowly, ""Do I ever joke?""

...Yes! Yes you do! It's laborious and unfunny, but fuckin' yes!

""Uhhhhhh,"" Jim started dumbstruck, ""You''re serious aren''t you?""

""As serious as it comes Jim.""

""Wow,"" Jim said in disbelief, ""Well in that that case Welcome to Kadic Mrs. Belpois.""

""Thank you,"" Aelita began, ""But you can call me Aelita.""

Or Her Royal Majesty Aelita, Queen of Mars, as the Russians refer to her.

""Sure, congrats you two, ""I guess I''ll see you in gym class?""

""See you then,"" Aelita said and Jim left.

""He doesn''t seem too bad,"" Aelita said.

""There are times when he seems like an okay guy and other times he''s a real jerk, but I''ll let you make up your own mind.""

Jeremy: But you'd better agree with me, or you're sleeping in the refrigerator for a week.

""Okay.""

They made there way to the factory and found the gang at various positions in the lab.

Looks like they went out and got married and had sex all night together too.

They each gave similar ahem noises to gain everyone''s attention.

""Hey you two,"" Yumi began, ""Did you have fun last night?""

""Oh yeah,"" Jeremy and Aelita said in unison.

""So does Aelita have to go back now?"" Ulrich asked,

Jeremy then turned to Aelita and said, ""Go on tell them.""

""No, I don''t have to go back at all.""

Before a serious of questions could be fired. Aelita showed them her creation and explained its function.

Aelita: It has three settings: Mild, Heavy, and Orgasmo.

""So you''ll be able to sense active towers from the real world?"" Odd asked

""Yeah.""

""That''s incredible,"" Odd said hugging Aelita.

""Hey Odd,"" Jeremy growled, ""Get your hands of my wife.""

Yeah, Odd! How dare you commit adultery by...hugging your close friend in excitement! You ought to be stoned to death!

They all froze as Jeremy said that. Well with the exception of Jeremy and Aelita.

""W...w.... w.... wife you two got married?"" Yumi asked stunned.

She's as baffled by the terrible storytelling as I am.

""Yeah,"" They said blushing.

Then it was a mad rush as they came a crushed Jeremy and Aelita in hugs.

Jeremy's rage boiled over as more people besides himself went to hug his wife.

""Hey why weren''t we invited?"" Odd asked,

""We got married at midnight, and we figured you guys would be busy,"" Jeremy stated, ""If you know what I mean.""

""I know I was,"" Odd stated while red.

Odd had the eight-hour late-night Dr. Who marathon to catch.

""We where too,"" Yumi and Ulrich answered.

""Hey,"" Odd said, ""What about the two of you, I mean everyone knows what happens on the wedding night.""

Then why bother asking, Odd? Really?

Aelita and Jeremy turned blood red, and looked down while blushing.

""How many times?"" Odd asked,

""I don''t know,"" Jeremy, stated, ""I lost count.""

Aelita blushed harder, as the others stared at them. Then she and Jeremy started laughing the looks on their face''s where priceless, so priceless she took Jeremy''s picture phone and took their pictures.

""These are going in the scrapbook,"" She said causing Jeremy to laugh harder.

Odd: Hahahahahaha, yeah. Say, did you guys use protection?

Jeremy: W...w-wait, what?

Odd: Protection. You know, rubbers, condoms. Juice junctions. Any of this ringing a bell?

Aelita: We, uh...we settled on the rhythm method.

And the laughter that ensued from their friends echoed loudly throughout the factory.

It took awhile for them to recover from their daze. Afterwards they went and got Aelita enrolled in school. It was not until about a year later that Jeremy found the antivirus debugged Aelita, and shutdown Xana,

But that's not important enough to read about. Here, have some more purple prose cliched descriptions of twelve-year-olds putting their crotches in each others' faces.

and with him out of the way. They focused on living normal lives. They all graduated near the top of their class, and went on to college.

Except Odd, who disappeared in Hanoi two weeks after graduating.

Jeremy and Aelita now own there own Software Company. Ulrich and Yumi eventually followed in Jeremy and Aelita''s footsteps and got married themselves. She is now famous author of science fiction stories,

Meaning, of course, Evangelion doujinshi.

while Ulrich teaches martial arts at a world-renowned school, Odd is a famous artist he and Samantha tied the knot a few years after Ulrich and Yumi did. Sam is now a highly acclaimed composer.

Her work as a composer for adult films is almost as renowned as her work as a performer.

They all have there own children now. Odd and Sam have a boy named Daniel who looks like Odd, but has Sam''s personality.

So it's a deformed, large-foreheaded kleptomaniac. Sounds adorable.

Yumi and Ulrich have a daughter named Sarah she looks like her mother, but with her father''s hair and eyes, and a mixed personality (both her mom and dad''s scary if you think about it).

Jeremy and Aelita have a son named Jay he looks like his mother except his hair turned out blue (hence, why they named him Jay),

They had a sort of rhyming blue theme going on; it was going to be "Rei" if it was a girl.

he also has his mother''s curiosity and his father''s intelligence. These three grew up knowing each other, because out of pure amusement their parents sent their kids to Kadic Junior High.

Skyrocketing enrollment fees are irrelevant if it's funny enough.

Where Jay met a girl his age with blonde hair and blue eyes named Anita. She was a sweet girl but was very shy and was clueless about certain things.

Like following strangers into vans for candy.

They liked each other almost immediately.

Here we go again.

No, bitch, no we are not going again. The motherfucking end.

******

If you're curious, no, to my knowledge there never was a continuation of this story, and thank GOD for that. One of these things is too much to handle, dammit; I don't know if I could survive in a universe where this thing was allowed to breed like the characters within it did.

Wasn't that fun though, folks? And just remember, like with Mating Season, if you derived any sexual pleasure from this story, I'm going to fucking kill you.

Sailor Moon says! *Giggle!*

This post has been edited by Al_Cone: Jan 17 2011, 08:33 PM

[T_K_17]

oh fuck it i'm just going to keep drinking until i can't feel feelings anymore

Believe me, you wish that you could just wish away your feelings.

[Al_Cone]

Believe me, you wish that you could just wish away your feelings.

You're not getting a fucking pizza roll.

[T_K_17]

You're not getting a fucking pizza roll.

I got a bag of them in the freezer. What now, bitch?

Jeremy: You ever take a big, giant poop, and then afterward feel really relieved that you did? Kind of like that.

Is that one from the original? If you say no I'll just keep posting ones until I get it right.

[Al_Cone]

Is that one from the original?  If you say no I'll just keep posting ones until I get it right.

It's not.

[Max-Vader]

I wonder: How does one derive sexual pleasure from this anyway? Even if I was into preteens awkwardly fucking eachother, this is so poorly written it makes your average romance novel seem arousing.

[T_K_17]

It's not.

The Dow just went up.

What about that?

[Al_Cone]

What about that?

That one was.

[9@Night]

Oh wow. That...thing just ruined a part of my childhood that I didn't even know I had.

Drinking won't make it better, I suggest bypassing the drinking part entirely and hook up a six pack to an IV.

This post has been edited by 9@Night: Jan 18 2011, 03:11 PM

[xoxjoanxox]

I only watched one episode of Code Lyoko (actually, five minutes of it), but it was enough for me to determine it was a load of bullshit. Seriously, what's so fun about seeing teenagers with freakishly large heads resetting everything to normal every time something remotely interesting happens?

P.S.

Oh, Judge Merle. You're the biggest softie to ever sit on the bench.

Was that one?

[Al_Cone]

Was that one?

That's a modified version of a line from the original, so in a way, yes.

[xoxjoanxox]

That's a modified version of a line from the original, so in a way, yes.

So, I'm technically correct (which is the best kind of correct).

[Mysty]

So, I'm technically correct (which is the best kind of correct).

Hermes Conrad would approve.

Edit: Comments for the actual mock would be:

That story read like how the Lyoko cast spoke: fast and frustrating and I had no idea what they were talking about half the time.

Also I think Jeremy never went to Lyoko because he couldn't fight or something. The one time he did he got caught in some kind of void, maybe from a power failure? I don't remember. But basically Jeremy's a wimp.

This post has been edited by Mysty: Jan 19 2011, 07:01 PM

[Al_Cone]

Hermes Conrad would approve.

Edit: Comments for the actual mock would be:

That story read like how the Lyoko cast spoke: fast and frustrating and I had no idea what they were talking about half the time.

Also I think Jeremy never went to Lyoko because he couldn't fight or something.  The one time he did he got caught in some kind of void, maybe from a power failure?  I don't remember.  But basically Jeremy's a wimp.

I think XANA lured him in there with promises of candy and funny stories, and he got trapped there because he's an idiot. Then he decided never to go back because I guess he looked stupid in there.

You know what's funny about Code Lyoko? Compare the CGI animation in that show to the venerable old Beast Wars. Despite being made several years later and with computer animating technology having advanced considerably, Beast Wars (and, needless to say, its successor series Beast Machines) looks substantially better, and is of a far higher quality than the stuff you see in Code Lyoko.

Those wacky French people.

[Badass Overlord]

Hermes Conrad would approve.

Edit: Comments for the actual mock would be:

That story read like how the Lyoko cast spoke: fast and frustrating and I had no idea what they were talking about half the time.

Also I think Jeremy never went to Lyoko because he couldn't fight or something.  The one time he did he got caught in some kind of void, maybe from a power failure?  I don't remember.  But basically Jeremy's a wimp.

Yeah, I remember that episode, slightly. I've watched a few episodes of that dreck, but that was only because there was never anything on TV. I remember ths one episode where some film crew was making a movie in the warehouse, and it was a hilarious rip off of H.R. Giger's Aliens. So XANA makes the alien puppet thing come to life and spit semen on everyone or something.

As for the fanfic, it was a little worse than Code Lyoko itself.

[Meow Mix]

I remember loving Code Lyoko as a wee child. Looking back on it, it was pretty nonsensical. But not as nonsensical as this fic. I applaud you for having the mirth to sit through it!