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> PIKACHU'S UNEXPECTED LOVE 2, The sequel no one was waiting for.
Post #21
xoxjoanxox


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post Jan 25 2011, 07:47 AM
QUOTE (Jason Carter @ Jan 25 2011, 02:21 AM)
This story is the most gratuitously fucked up thing to land on my doorstep as of late.

And by the way, if this was the anime, what do you think the theme would be? Something like this? (Brace for FUCKWHAT.)

I WANNA BE THE VERY BEST, LIKE NO ONE EVER WAS.
HUMAPICHUS, FROM POKEVAGINAS, FUCK BIOLOGICAL LAWS.
CONDOMS IN THE POKEMART, THEY'RE GIVEN OUT FOR FREE!

YA GOTTA FUCK A POKEMON, AND TAKE IT'S VIRGINITY.

Chorus: VIRGINITYYYYYY!

POKEMON!

GOTTA FUCK 'EM, IT'S YOU AND ME,
I KNOW IT'S MY DESTINY!

POKEMON (THEY'RE MY SPECIAL FRIENDS)
DIGLETS IN THE VAS DEFRENS!

POKEMON!

GOTTA FUCK 'EM, IT'S ME AND YOU,
OUR LUST WILL PULL US THROUGH!

GIVE BIRTH TO MY HUMAPICHUS!

POKEMON!

GOTTA FUCK 'EM ALL!

POKEMON!
*


I can never look at the theme song the same way, even after I watched a video where each verb was replaced with the word 'fuck.'


--------------------


QUOTE (9/13/2013 3:49:17 PM Max-Vader:)
YOU KNOW NOTHING, JOAN SNOW

QUOTE (Master of AFTER @ Feb 5 2014, 05:08 AM) *
I Was the Drink: The Joan Cheng Story

QUOTE (Screaming Soulcatcher)
Joan are you the straightest shota
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Post #22
xoxjoanxox


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post Jan 30 2011, 04:05 PM
Finals are over, let's celebrate with another chapter whose grammar and spelling would make the writer of 'Woe is I' cry bloody tears.

A LETTER FROM MOM

In which Ash's mom finally disowns him.

As Ash was checking the mail he came across a letter from his mom.

Hey my mom wrote me back! Ash said happily as he opened the letter.

The letter read:

Hey honey! I'm so happy for you! You've finally settled down with a woman! But at sixteen?

Ash doesn't age, what stupidity is this?!

I have to admit that you had me worried for some time after you sent me that letter. But I guess you've grown up a little to fast for me! Have you announced when you're getting married yet? I guess I jumped the gun on that one. Well I'm going to come see you and your lovely woman that you have chosen. I'll see you in three weeks!

I smell a cliched plot brewing.

Love,

Mom

P.S. Sorry if the word 'love' is a bit sloppy. My hand was shaking because I was trying not to laugh.

Panic flooded Ash as he read the letter. He never told his mom that Pikachu was the love of his life.

Good job Ash, leave out the most important detail. It's like telling the fire department your house is on fire without mentioning your address. Enjoy your mother's scorn and hate once she finds out.

Uhh…honey? We have a problem! Ash said almost charging into the kitchen.

What's wrong Pikachu said alarmed. Did one of the kids get hurt? Pikachu said as she jumped off her chair.

No. "Yes, but who gives a crap about them anyways?" Ash said still panicking.

Then what's wrong? Pikachu asked confused.

Ash replied, "I was tagged in a picture where Brock's eyes are open! Dear Lord, I don't think I'll be able to sleep for a week!"

Read this! Ash said handing Pikachu the letter. Ash had taught Pikachu to read human hand writing and she knew how to understand it quite well.

I love how Deathsia just fills in plot-holes right when they need explaining with the stupidest excuses.

So? Pikachu said as she handed the letter back to Ash. You already told her about us right? Pikachu said looking confused.

QUOTE
your lovely woman


That should hint you that Ash's mom isn't referring to you, Pikachu.

Not exactly…Ash replied looking at his feet.

You never told her about us? Pikachu said annoyed.

Ash knew she was getting angry. I didn't think she would understand. Ash said trying to defend himself.

Damn it Ash! How is this relationship going to work if you're afraid to even tell your mom about us? Pikachu said and then stormed out of the kitchen.

Ash: Hey, get back in here and make me a sandwich!

Ash just sat at the table. She just doesn't understand. Ash thought to himself.

I don't see her telling every pokemon that we come across about us. Ash thought annoyed.

Probably because you keep her at home, much like how a mother keeps her retarded son in the basement.

Others: . . . What the hell?

Sorry, too soon?


After two weeks Pikachu had convinced ash to tell his mom when she came to visit.

Not like he can hide it, unless Ash's mother happens to be a little tipsy.

Their litter was watching the jhoto league highlights jumping up and down every so often as attacks were called out by their trainers.

How nice of Deathsia to remember to include the children, even if it's in a random bit of insignificant text. Seriously, they serve as much of a point to the plot as Bakura.

What will she think of me after this? Ash asked himself as he sat on the couch.

Yah know Ash when you became my trainer I'll admit I was a bit resentful. Pikachu said walking as she entered the living room.

Their litter was watching the jhoto league highlights.

What the--- YOU JUST MENTIONED THAT!

I have no more doubts, this fic must be a troll.


You thunderbolted me when we first met! Ash retorted.

Oh yah…Pikachu said looking quite embarrassed.

Ah, the dialogue flows as smoothly as jagged nails on a chalkboard.

But you still stay with me and even put yourself on the line for me. Pikachu continued.

More than once if I might add.

Remember Mewtwo? Pikachu asked smiling.

.... *zzzzz*

Oh yah… Ash said as he recalled the battle with Mewtwo and the clones.

And the time with Entei? Pikachu said as she held his hand with her paws.

You could have died protecting me all those times but you risked it all for me. Pikachu said as she jumped on the couch.

Ash sighed. I know. I love you so much Pikachu but my mom has always thought of me as a pokemon master. What will she think of me after I tell her this?

You're a sick, deranged freak?

She will think no less of you. Pikachu replied in a comforting tone.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, good joke Pikachu!

Suddenly a thundershock hits Ash. Ops! Sorry dad…got carried away. One of the pikachus says looking embarrassed.

Ash must be made of freaking rubber or something. HOW COME HE DOESN'T DIE AFTER TAKING ABOUT 100 VOLTS TO THE HEART?!

Thanks a lot sparky… Ash says as he falls comically to the ground with his legs in the air.

Jolt, Sparky . . . What sort of stupid names are these? Is there one called Electra? No, that's too clever. How about Bolt? Or even better . . . CHU?

(I will shoot myself if any of these names are right)


Sparky catchem! What have I said about controlling yourself? Pikachu says sternly.

Don't use attacks indoors. It could cause a fire. I got a little worked up sorry mom. Sparky said as he shifted his feet just like his mom does when she's embarrassed or unsure of herself.

Hey dad can we have a battle? The brown haired Pikachu asked.

I don't think your strong enough yet Ashley. Ash replied to his daughter.

Another stupid pun of a different variety. I bow down to Deathsia's superior naming skills.

I don't think it would hurt if you got rid of all that extra energy though. Pikachu added

Please can we? Jolt chipped in.

Well I could call in a favor from Brock. He's currently in the jhoto region running a pokemon breeding center.

What?! Brock became the leader of a Pokemon Prostitution Ring? What is with this fanfic?!

Just then someone knocks on the door.

Hello? Ash said opening the door but no one was there.

Ash looked down to see a letter.

This post has been edited by xoxjoanxox: Jan 31 2011, 11:32 AM


--------------------


QUOTE (9/13/2013 3:49:17 PM Max-Vader:)
YOU KNOW NOTHING, JOAN SNOW

QUOTE (Master of AFTER @ Feb 5 2014, 05:08 AM) *
I Was the Drink: The Joan Cheng Story

QUOTE (Screaming Soulcatcher)
Joan are you the straightest shota
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Post #23
xoxjoanxox


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post Jan 30 2011, 04:06 PM
The letter read:

Hi twerp! Guess who we ran into coming off the magnet train?

STOP WITH ALL THE ELECTRIC-RELATED WORDS!

Your mom! And if you want to see her alive you better hand over Pikachu along with that cute litter of baby pikachus you have! Come to the east side of town if you want to see your mom alive again!

Says the team who went from guns to a tickle machine.

Signed,

Team rocket

Oh no! Mom! Ash said aloud.

What's wrong? Pikachu asked worried.

Those dickheads Jessy and James kidnapped mom!

That insult was on par with a fifth grader. Congratulations, you've upgraded a little Ash!

Ash, language! Pikachu said pointing to the litter.

Sorry but what are we going to do? Ash said pacing back and forth.

We'll kick their…butts. Pikachu caught herself realizing her kids were still in earshot.

Lame cover-up.

Follow me to the kitchen. Pikachu said as she ran for the kitchen.

Pikachu then turned around and looked at Ash with a saddened look.

What's wrong? Ash asked curiously.

I never told you what happened 2 years ago. Pikachu said as tears swelled in her eyes.

Yah you did you told me you kicked their ass. That is what happened right? Ash asked looking more confused by the moment.

Yes, but what I didn't tell you was…I killed cacnea and Seviper! Pikachu said as she began to sob.

This new set of information hit ash like a ton of bricks. Literally. He died shortly after having his ribcage crushed.

What happened? Ash asked not really wanting to know.

Pikachu just told you that she killed two Pokemon. WHAT DO YOU THINK?!

After team rocket killed Meowth…I lost it! Pikachu said sobbing even more so.

I saw you lying on the ground I had no idea if you were alive or dead! Pikachu continued still sobbing.

Ash sat in the chair stunned by the news. So that's why they kidnapped mom, because you killed their pokemon? Ash said in a solemn tone.

Hello, they're just after Pikachu you dumb-ass. Canon!Jessie and Canon!James would have cared about their Pokemon's death, but remember that Deathsia!Jessy and Deathsia!James are complete bastards.

That's the only thing I could think of. Pikachu said still sobbing but not as much now.

How could you kill someone? Ash asked in a shocked tone.

I don't know what came over me. Pikachu said quietly.

If every murder was let off the hook for that, our society would be a lot more dangerous. Seriously Deathsia, are you trying to justify murder like this? They say an eye for an eye, but it's more like an fucking head for an eye.

So it's personal. Ash said in a confirming tone.

I would assume so. That's why I'm going alone. You stay here with the litter. Pikachu said looking at Ash with a serious look in her eyes.

Not alone your not! Ash said grabbing Pikachu by the tail.

Ash catchem, let go of my tail! Pikachu said angrily.

Only if I come with. Ash said with smile on his face.

*insert more cliched and boring dialogue with a sunset and cliff in the background*

You would still help me even after what I told you. Pikachu said tears in her eyes.

Of course! And besides that they have my mom and I can't sit here while you shock them to kingdom come!

You're solving violence with more violence?

Attached Image

Suddenly a scream came from the living room. Pikachu used agility to rush to her children. Ash ran as fast as he could behind her.

The door was wide open. Pikachu immediately counted her litter.

Ashley? Ashley? Where are you? Say something honey! Ash! They took Ashley! Pikachu fell to her knees and began to sob uncontrollably.

What the, that makes no sense since Team Rocket's in the forest. Why would they-- oh forget it. Logic doesn't work here.

Now it's really personal! Ash said aloud.

Shut up. Just . . . shut up.

This post has been edited by xoxjoanxox: Jan 30 2011, 04:09 PM


--------------------


QUOTE (9/13/2013 3:49:17 PM Max-Vader:)
YOU KNOW NOTHING, JOAN SNOW

QUOTE (Master of AFTER @ Feb 5 2014, 05:08 AM) *
I Was the Drink: The Joan Cheng Story

QUOTE (Screaming Soulcatcher)
Joan are you the straightest shota
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #24
Waffleman


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post Jan 31 2011, 12:59 AM
It keeps getting harder and harder to read this.


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Post #25
Newandimprovednobody


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post Jan 31 2011, 11:11 AM
There is no point to this story anymore. The author reached a suitable conclusion, but before he selected the "finished" option, he thought, "Hmmm, I think I can still somehow milk a few positive reviews and praise to wallow in out of this!", and instead started padding the entire thing with filler. These last few chapters have had no reason to exist.


--------------------
QUOTE (JDR on furries)
If only every fandom could be so nice


QUOTE (MOA)
"You asked me, 'How do you fuck a mermaid?' What you should have asked me was: 'How don't you fuck a mermaid?'" - TV Tropes
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Post #26
xoxjoanxox


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post Jan 31 2011, 11:30 AM
QUOTE (Newandimprovednobody @ Jan 31 2011, 02:11 PM)
"Hmmm, I think I can still somehow milk a few positive reviews and praise to wallow in out of this!"
*


Positive reviews? Ha, ha, ha, good joke!


--------------------


QUOTE (9/13/2013 3:49:17 PM Max-Vader:)
YOU KNOW NOTHING, JOAN SNOW

QUOTE (Master of AFTER @ Feb 5 2014, 05:08 AM) *
I Was the Drink: The Joan Cheng Story

QUOTE (Screaming Soulcatcher)
Joan are you the straightest shota
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #27
Projectkulu


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post Feb 1 2011, 08:29 AM
QUOTE (xoxjoanxox @ Jan 31 2011, 01:30 PM)
Positive reviews? Ha, ha, ha, good joke!
*

That wasn't a joke.


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I never finish anything.
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Post #28
Newandimprovednobody


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post Feb 1 2011, 09:37 AM
It wasn't?

Oh god, don't tell me there were positive reviews for this.


--------------------
QUOTE (JDR on furries)
If only every fandom could be so nice


QUOTE (MOA)
"You asked me, 'How do you fuck a mermaid?' What you should have asked me was: 'How don't you fuck a mermaid?'" - TV Tropes
Go to the top of the page
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Post #29
T_K_17


#oh it's JUST tk
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post Feb 1 2011, 07:58 PM
QUOTE (Newandimprovednobody @ Feb 1 2011, 09:37 AM)
It wasn't?

Oh god, don't tell me there were positive reviews for this.
*



QUOTE
That was a wonderful story. I had found a few typos here and there, but other than that, the story had a very good balance of romance, tragedy, and passion. I will look forward to reading your next ones. ^_^


QUOTE
That was an amazing ending. All the Jolt vs. Chris scenes in here were amazing.

This whole story was amazing.

Ten year coma, huh?

Adn one more thing. In the show, when Ash's Pikachu(I'd say Julian but the story is over lol) learned to use Iron Tail, someone said that Iron Tail can't be used in succession over and over again in a row, so how'd Jolt pull that off? The mutation or whatever with the stamina thingie?


QUOTE
this one is beatter then the first one and love the beging it is a racap dont see menay of thous often in writing enmore =}=}+}


QUOTE
the story is very great!but why do you always type *ash catchem* instead of *ash ketchum*?anyway good chaps

P.S.

im wondering why all of your stories is with *M* (for mature) hahaha


QUOTE
Good Fic. 9/10 maybe 9 1/2


QUOTE
AWSOME. IT'S GREAT SO FAR AND I HOPE IT WHILE STILL BE.


QUOTE
I LOVE THIS CHAPTER! You really did pull out all the stops. I'm sorry, my computer wouldn't let me listen to the song for some reason.sad.gif I love your fics.


QUOTE
WOW. I'm amazed. Just simply stunned that you wrote this sort of thing.

BRAVO.


QUOTE
great story hope you add more


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Mocks:
1. Digiball Z - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 (f)
2. Saiyaman (f)
3. Saiyaman 2 - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
4. Teen Titans vs Project AFTER - 2 3 (f)
5. Desires Unspoken - Deluxe Special Edition (f)
6. TK versus Birdboy | Fandom | Empire - Part 1
7. Garden of EVA - Sucks Everybody! (f)
8. What is War? - 1 2
9. My Little Unicorn: Star Fleet Magic - 1 2
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Post #30
Newandimprovednobody


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post Feb 1 2011, 10:14 PM
...That's okay, I lost faith in the human race when I read "Homestrike".


--------------------
QUOTE (JDR on furries)
If only every fandom could be so nice


QUOTE (MOA)
"You asked me, 'How do you fuck a mermaid?' What you should have asked me was: 'How don't you fuck a mermaid?'" - TV Tropes
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #31
xoxjoanxox


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post Feb 12 2011, 07:03 PM
What is this I don't even---

To heal our eyes, here are some NEGATIVE reviews.


QUOTE
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? Ash and Pikachu that's disgusting and wrong. Have you realized that Pikachu is a pokemon and Ash is a person? How is it even possible that they could have kids? One of the worst stories I have ever read. I won't be reading anything else by you.


QUOTE
My computer just exploded, now I need a new one...


QUOTE
Do you know how offensive your fic? (I'm not saying this on account of you being a furry; we all have our own kinks, some of them more out there and "taboo" than others.) It is highly offensive to any poor sap who can read and comprehend that various laws you are breaking.

POINT ONE: PIKACHU GETTING/BEING PREGNANT. If you're a fan of the series, you would know without even having me explain it to you why this offensive. Another thing is just plain common sense: two unlike species can not produce young.

If you are going to go ahead and go with this route, as a writer your obligation to me, the reader, is to explain why I should by this. For one, how is this even possible? All you had to do was have Nurse Joy explain to us how it's possible.

Secondly, address the pregnancy. Pikachus and humans are not similar physically, if anything you should have had Nurse Joy come to them and address the fact that a) it could be a high risk pregnancy; b) abortion is an option (due to the severity of the risk, perhaps); and c) the "litter" would most likely not exist due to the fact that if pikachus are indeed egg layers, a live birth is almost out of the question.

POINT TWO: "FREE YOUR MIND" IS NOT AN EXCUSE. Artistic license can only get you so far. If you're going to write a fic and be taken seriously, please stop raping the English language. People can excuse only so much when it comes to grammar: your grammar might be splotchy, but if you're at least coherent there can be leeway made. In your case, you completely ignore basic principles like the first letter of proper names being capitalized or that dialogue should have quotation marks surrounding what is spoken.

POINT THREE: IF YOU WANT ME OR ANYONE TO GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE 'SHIP YOU BETTER MAKE IT CONVINCING. I really can't address or say anything more than this: it's boring, offensive, and focused on sex. There is no history; they just bang suddenly because "oh they've had these ~*~feelings~*~ for one another for a while now and it's okay even though they-and various others-know it's a social taboo".

I don't know if the point you're trying to make with this fic. Do you want me to take you seriously or roll my eyes or vomit?

I'm sorry if I'm harsh in my commentary, but there sadly is nothing I can find in your fic that could be looked at all as a positive.

- Pixie


Marry me, Pixie Paramount.

Now for the mock itself.


CONFRONTING THE PAST

Ash what are we going to do? Pikachu asked sobbing.

"There, there Pikachu. Just bask in the healing light of my wonderful cock and you'll feel better," Ash said.

They're going to regret the day that that touched our children! Ash said furiously as he walked out the door.

Ash we need someone to watch the litter! Pikachu yelled stopping ash in his tracks.

Who the heck are we going to ask to watch our kids and not tell the entire situation to? Ash asked impatiently…

How about your other hos Pokemon?

Let me get this strait…these are your kids? Misty asked stunned.

. . . To expect an intelligent choice from these two is asking for the impossible.

And team rocket kidnapped your mom and Ashley. Misty continued still unable to grasp the idea of what ash had told her.

And Ashley is one of your kids. And all your children are pikachus? Misty finished still looking unconvinced.

QUOTE
not tell the entire situation to?


Mission failed, as expected.

I've heard some whoppers from you Ash catchem but this is ridiculous! At this Pikachu gave misty an angry look and sparks began to emit of her cheeks.

HOW DARE YOU CALL MY BOYFRIEND A LIAR! Pikachu yelled at the top of her lungs which caused misty to jump back.

Seriously, Pikachu needs to get hooked up with some medication.

Druggies > PMSing bitch.


Call down Pikachu! Ash said calmly.

NO I'M NOT GOING TO CALM DOWN! OUR CHILD'S LIFE IN DANGER AND SHE'S ACTING AS IF WHAT YOU TOLD HER IS UNBELIEVABLE!

Hmmm, maybe because it motherfucking is?! I've been reading this shit from the start and I STILL can't comprehend the fact that Ash managed to bang Pikachu without ripping her in two.

She may think it's unbelievable but we both know the truth! Ash replied looking at misty angrily.

Look misty whether you believe ash or not, is your business but I'm not going to sit here and debate with you while my child's life is in danger!

P.S. How can Misty understand Pikachu?

Attached Image

Well if she won't do it then I'll just find someone else who will! Ash said going to the phone.

Wait! I did not say I would not watch them, but at least tell me the truth.

That is the truth misty! See? This is why I didn't want to tell me my mom about us! Ash said looking at Pikachu.

It's not my fault misty won't listen! Pikachu retorted.

As they bickered pointlessly, Team Rocket has already eaten Bolt or whatever his stupid-pun-name is. Great parents, no?

Do you think I haven't tried convincing her! Ash said.

Well while you're convincing her I'm going to go save our child and your mom! Pikachu said and began sprinting out the door.

Just then an idea hit ash, stimulating his brain cells for the very first time. Hey write what you want to say to her! Ash said to Pikachu making her stop.

I've got to see this one…misty said sarcastically.

Pikachu grabbed a notepad and a pen and wrote misty a message.

To misty,

If this doesn't convince you I don't know what will!

Team rocket kidnapped ash's mom and our daughter Ashley and we need to go and help them both! Our children mean more than the world to us and if you don't believe me. FINE! But we are going to help our child ether way!

Oh and Ash had a crush on you for a lone time… <- That there fit perfectly with the letter just like a tone-deaf retard in a choir.

Sincerely,

Pikachu

Pikachu handed misty the letter.

Misty looked at the letter than to Pikachu and then back to the letter.

Ok… I know team rocket is in on this one but you and Pikachu can't go alone! And I'm still not convinced but I will watch this litter for you. "(Pointless bitching)."

At this ash and Pikachu ran out the door. Ash and Pikachu arrived at the location stated in the letter they got.

You know revenge is a dish best served cold. Ash heard a voice say which he knew belonged to James.

And it's even better if you can get it all at once. Another voice said which Pikachu knew belonged to Jessy.

"Which is why . . . we've decided to group all our coupons together and get some ice cream . . . THAT YOU CAN'T HAVE!!! Mu-hahahahahah!"

We have been searching for that rat ever since last year… our boss has no interest in you anymore…but we do!

You killed our pokemon! The only thing we ever carried about! Jessy half screamed a tear in her eye.

That's the problem. That's the only thing you ever cared about! Ash retorted.

Like you're one to talk, the only thing you care about is sex.

Now give our child back!

Disembodied Voice? When did you get here from NTL?

"I've been here the whole time!"

Attached Image


You mean this one? James said holding a knife to Ashley's neck.

No, we mean the non-existent one.

No don't hurt her! Pikachu cried out tears swelling in her eyes.

It seems she's scared for her-wait, your child? You mean this little runt here is your kid? Jessy said completely stunned at this information.

Attached Image

Yes…now give her back! And my mom too! Ash said anger in his eyes.

I wonder if mommy heard all of that. James said smiling.

James then threw woman to the ground in front of him, which was none other than ash's mom Delia catchem.

No, really now?

She was tied up and gagged at the moment but when ash looked into her eyes he saw a look of unbelief he never wanted to see come from her.

You're going to have to choose, your mom. James said smiling.

Or your precious little child! Jessy said finishing James's sentence.

Future diaper changing or present diaper changing! Choose now!

Pikachu then ran over to ash and hugged his leg sobbing. What are we going to do? Pikachu asked still sobbing on to his leg.

Ash never expected this from team rocket.

To hold a helpless child hostage…HOW LOW CAN YOU GET! Ash yelled furiously.

Says the Pika-pedo.

Team rocket just stood there laughing evilly.

You have 5 min to choose. Jessy said smiling.

W-what? Why so much time? God damn it, has Jessie ever read the Villain's Manual? NEVER GIVE THE HERO PROTAGONISTS TIME!

This is what you get for killing our pokemon! Be glad we are giving you the choice to choose who lives! James yelled angrily.

Yes. Pikachu spared us so we will spare one as well…equal trade. Jessy said a another tear sliding down her cheek.

Choose soon or we will kill both! Jessy added.

This is the worst episode of Sex in the Pokemon Center ever!

This post has been edited by xoxjoanxox: Feb 12 2011, 07:07 PM


--------------------


QUOTE (9/13/2013 3:49:17 PM Max-Vader:)
YOU KNOW NOTHING, JOAN SNOW

QUOTE (Master of AFTER @ Feb 5 2014, 05:08 AM) *
I Was the Drink: The Joan Cheng Story

QUOTE (Screaming Soulcatcher)
Joan are you the straightest shota
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #32
Soren Highwind


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post Feb 12 2011, 07:16 PM
Well at least some people have sense to see that this is horrible.


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I want to make a t-shirt that says "Does your grandpa get the pussies wet?"

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Protto


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post Feb 12 2011, 08:16 PM
Damn, there was no creepy Pokemon rape sexual abuse "loving" at all in that chapter. Which means my twelfth pair of newly transplanted eyes haven't exploded this time around. I'm not used to this at all.

This post has been edited by Protto: Feb 12 2011, 08:17 PM


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xoxjoanxox


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post Feb 13 2011, 07:18 AM
QUOTE (Protto @ Feb 12 2011, 11:16 PM)
Damn, there was no creepy Pokemon rape sexual abuse "loving" at all in that chapter. Which means my twelfth pair of newly transplanted eyes haven't exploded this time around. I'm not used to this at all.
*


I actually missed that. At least it was more interesting than this poor excuse of a subplot.


--------------------


QUOTE (9/13/2013 3:49:17 PM Max-Vader:)
YOU KNOW NOTHING, JOAN SNOW

QUOTE (Master of AFTER @ Feb 5 2014, 05:08 AM) *
I Was the Drink: The Joan Cheng Story

QUOTE (Screaming Soulcatcher)
Joan are you the straightest shota
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xoxjoanxox


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post Feb 24 2011, 11:10 AM
All these college applications and studying for the SATs had me craving something stupid and nonsensical.

Unfortunately, this new chapter also came with the price of 'soul-rendering'-ly bad.


JOLT'S TO THE RESCUE!

Wow, even the title is suffering from the terrible grammar of this story.

Ash looked at Ashley then to his mom then back to Ashley.

Then back to his mom, then back to Ashley, then to Pikachu, then to Team Rocket, then back at Ashley, and then to a gravestone that read, 'Here Lies Joan's Faith in Humanity.'

I guess I have no choice. Ash said finally in a solemn tone.

What is your decision? Jessy asked impatiently.

"I choose you Pikachu neither! Pikachu and I can always make more children and mothers are expendable unlike my libido and youth!"

Take me instead of Ashley. Ash said staring in Jessy's eyes.

You would sacrifice yourself…for your child? James said looking completely puzzled.

He had a very valid reason to be puzzled, seeing as it was one of the dumbest moves Ash had ever pulled (but then again, this kid would fall for a disguise consisting of nothing more than a pair of glasses).

Fine! Jessy said throwing Ashley towards Pikachu. Pikachu jumped up to catch her.

Let the woman go James! Jessy yelled.

How is this an equal trade Jessy? James asked.

It's called a bargain, two for the price of one! Thank Walmart for sales!

Just like this! Jessy said putting the knife to Ash's neck. One little slit and it's all over for him! Jessy said smiling maliciously.

Nozomu Itoshiki: OBJECTION! Death isn't that easy, I've tried! I'm in despair! The stupidity of this premise have left me in despair!

Suddenly a thunderbolt comes out of nowhere striking Jessy knocking ash out of her grip.

What.

Who the fuck? Jessy said standing up.

Even the characters acknowledge what an ass-pull that was.

Jolt? Pikachu said in disbelief as jolt landed at his father's side.

What the-- where did he-- how did-- why--

THIS MAKES NO SENSE! *smashes the screen*


Jolt what are you doing here; get out of here while you can. Ash said standing up.

Questions can will be asked, but nothing is ever given a plausible reason in this redundant shit-fest of a story.

I'm not going to let them hurt my father! Jolt said standing on two legs.

I Jolt Catchem will not allow you to lay one finger on my father! Jolt said bawling up an paw.

Great job repeating yourself Jolt!

Ash looked at his son and could not help but to be proud.

Actually, his face was more like:

Attached Image

I have no idea what that rat just said but this invalidates the deal, James kill the bitch!

The first intelligent decision made in this entire series so far.

With pleasure. James said pull a gun form his pocket.

Mom! Ash yelling in horror as James pointed the gun at Delia's head.

Wait, they didn't mean Pikachu?

Attached Image

Where do you think your going twerp! Jessy said swinging the knife at ash nicking him a crossed the chest.

He . . . wasn't trying to escape but ok.

Pikachu help my mom! Ash said as he dodged another swing of Jessy's knife.

Pikachu used agility to knock the gun to the side causing James to fire it.

WHAT, NOW SHE DOES SOMETHING-- forget this, I'm not even going to try.

Ash froze for a moment to look at his mom.

The bullet had missed her but not by much.

How convenient.

Jessy took advantage of his distraction and stabbed him in the chest.

NOOOOOO! "YEAAAAAAAAAH!" Pikachu Joan screamed in horror joy as ash fell to the ground bleeding heavily.

James then shot at Pikachu.

*cue even more cheering*

Pikachu tried to dodge using agility but got hit on her hind paw causing her to roll on the ground and hold her bleeding paw in agony.

What a fail.

Jolt then jumped in the air and launched a thundershock at Jessy and James shocking them both, but since they we used to Pikachu's shocks it had little effect.

You called that a thundershock? Jessy said half laughing.

Starmie I choose you! A voice yelled.

Go onix! Another voice yelled!

Oh what-- NO FAIR! They were finally going to die!

Two pokeballs flew in the middle of where Jessy and James were standing. And Starmie and onix were released from there pokeballs.

Misty, Brock! Jolt cried out happily.

WTF is Misty doing here; shouldn't she be watching the litter? Well, if the parents are terrible, expect the babysitter to be as well.

Starmie use bubblebeam! Misty yelled.

Onix use rock throw! Brock yelled right after her.

Starmie then shot a stream of bubbles at Jessy knocking her to the wall and the knife out of her hand.

Onix followed up by hurling huge rocks at James sending him flying head first into the ground over 10 feet away from Delia.

On my god, ASH! Misty said running to the not moving body.

She thought, 'This is my chance! Unconscious people can't say no, bow-chika-wow-wow.'

He's not breathing! We need to get him to a hospital right away! Misty said dramatically.

Is Deathsia implying that not being able to breath is no big deal?

Of course, it's so clear now! Because his/her brain is barely functional, it requires very little oxygen to work and therefore, Deathsia doesn't need as much as the average human being! So him/her, breathing is expendable. It all makes sense!


Pikachu need help as well! Brock said looking at Pikachu's injured paw. She lost a lot of blood because of her hind paw being injured!

Misty said, "O-Oh yea!" She cursed. There went her plans for letting Pikachu die on her own, that stupid slut.

Ok, Brock you get to a phone and call for help and I will deal with these two…

-insert rape face-

This post has been edited by xoxjoanxox: Feb 24 2011, 11:12 AM


--------------------


QUOTE (9/13/2013 3:49:17 PM Max-Vader:)
YOU KNOW NOTHING, JOAN SNOW

QUOTE (Master of AFTER @ Feb 5 2014, 05:08 AM) *
I Was the Drink: The Joan Cheng Story

QUOTE (Screaming Soulcatcher)
Joan are you the straightest shota
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Post #36
T_K_17


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post Feb 24 2011, 07:29 PM
Can't Pikachu and the other Pokemon just cry him back to full health?

Oh yeah they forgot about that because of amnesia. Thanks Mewtwo!


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1. Digiball Z - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 (f)
2. Saiyaman (f)
3. Saiyaman 2 - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
4. Teen Titans vs Project AFTER - 2 3 (f)
5. Desires Unspoken - Deluxe Special Edition (f)
6. TK versus Birdboy | Fandom | Empire - Part 1
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8. What is War? - 1 2
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post Feb 28 2011, 11:42 AM
I think I cried when I found out about this. I went and read the whole fic cold just to mock it, but noooooooo... you got to it first. Well, good job. I'm looking forward to the rest of it, since I've read it already.

Can I call dibs on the side-stories?


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QUOTE (TedioreSplitz @ Jan 2 2014, 02:04 AM) *
And lo' though I walk through the valley of the shadow of shit,
I shall fear no fiction for A.F.T.E.R. is with me.
Their sword and their axe comfort me.
Thine enemies shall fall before thine snark,
and break at thine criticisms.
Though the pool of endless idiocy overflows for all time,
I know that Logic
shall stem the tide.
If you ever feel like a shitty mocker, take a look at something on this list. You'll feel better, probably.
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Post #38
xoxjoanxox


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post Mar 1 2011, 04:23 PM
QUOTE (Kuramastrass @ Feb 28 2011, 02:42 PM)
I think I cried when I found out about this. I went and read the whole fic cold just to mock it, but noooooooo... you got to it first. Well, good job. I'm looking forward to the rest of it, since I've read it already.

Can I call dibs on the side-stories?

*


PLEASE. I don't think I can take any more of this terrible series.


--------------------


QUOTE (9/13/2013 3:49:17 PM Max-Vader:)
YOU KNOW NOTHING, JOAN SNOW

QUOTE (Master of AFTER @ Feb 5 2014, 05:08 AM) *
I Was the Drink: The Joan Cheng Story

QUOTE (Screaming Soulcatcher)
Joan are you the straightest shota
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post Mar 13 2011, 11:08 AM
I've been sick for two days, so I decided to try and distract myself from my fever with a greater pain: another chapter of Pikachu's Unexpected Love 2.

Hey, if I'm going to puke, I might as well speed up the process.


MISTY'S RAGE AND A DEEP SECRET REVEALED!

I bet it's that Misty has a Poke-STD.

Or cancer.


Misty stood there looking at Jessy and James recollect themselves.

You little bitch! Jessy said in an angry tone.

You'll pay for that! James said as he stood up.

Jessy pulls a remote from her pocket top reveal a remote and presses the button on it.

I think I should open up a school to teach proper grammar and spelling for the retarded. I'll call it...

WRITING FOR THE MENTALLY DISABLED.

BECAUSE YOU'RE A SPECIAL SNOWFLAKE.


Suddenly a giant robot erupts from under the ground.

Attached Image

Another robot. Misty said in an annoyed tone.

This one isn't like any of our other robots you little wench! James said proudly.

This robot is equipped with enough firepower to annihilate the entire jhoto region! Jessy said even more proudly.

Wall-e = Robot Chuck Norris.

Misty's eyes went wide with shock at this new information.

You're bluffing! Misty said hoping it was true.

Stupid, silly girl. Things NEVER work out the way you hope.

Really? Jessy said raising an eyebrow and pressed a button on the remote.

The robot aimed its hands at the goldenrod mall and fired two missiles causing a huge explosion that shook the earth under Misty's feet.

Good thing the Goldenrod Mall was devoid of life as usual thanks to their high prices and crappy items. Fucking Ultra-ball was just a painted-over Poke-ball.

Misty looked at the mall now is ruble Native American Casino in horror.

Jessy and James both laughed maliciously at her response to the attack.

Now do you believe us little girl in magic?

Misty balled her hands into fists and looked at team rocket with a deep hatred.

You have hurt innocent people and what's worse have hurt the man I have loved since I first meet him.

But even worse than that, I was going to buy a new pair of shoes from the mall!

Though his love is for his Pikachu I will continue to love him

Saishoudoukin?

and you will pay dearly for hurting him!

Jessy and James blinked at her and laughed.

What can you do you little wench! James said still laughing.

Misty then took out a pokeball and threw it into the air and out of it came Articuno the legendary bird of ice!

Gasp and surprise (not really).

Where did you get that? Jessy asked looking terrified.

You'd be surprised what you find exploring the world as I have.

I found this Articuno when she was still in an egg. Imagine my surprise when it hatched revealing it was an Articuno.

FFFF-------- WHAT?! Ignoring the redundancy of this statement, that's impossible! Legendaries can't fucking breed! That's why they're legendaries! It means there's only one of each in existence!

GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE POKEMON FANDOM!


Now where was I? Oh ya! Articuno use blizzard attack!

Articuno flew up and flapped its wings causing a snowstorm to start.

Th-th-th-that's it! Jessy said stuttering as her teeth chattered in the freezing air and pressed a button on her remote.

The robot raised its arm and pointed it at Articuno and began to fire bullets at her like a machine gun.

No, aim for the orange-haired bitch instead!

Articuno immediately used its barrier attack to shield herself and misty from the showers of bullets.

That barrier won't last forever! James said smiling.

Sure enough Articuno's barrier was starting to fade.

This will finish both of them off! Jessy said maliciously pressing another button on her remote.

The robot then shot two missiles at Articuno when caused a huge explosion upon impact.

Articuno! Misty cried out in terror as the explosion hit.

When the smoke cleared Articuno was still flying.

Wut.

No way! Jessy said.

Impossible! James said in disbelief.

Misty looked at Articuno and cheered but her happiness turned to horror as Articuno fell to the ground.

Well, that was pointless.

Misty ran over to her pokemon.

Articuno are you okay? Answer me! Misty yelled tears in her eyes.

Articuno: I'm suffering from third-degree burns and broken ribs, what do you think?

Articuno gave a weak "coo" which told her that she was still alive.

Articuno return! Misty yelled.

The red beam from her pokeball absorbed Articuno and returned her to her pokeball.

Looks like your trump card failed you. Jessy said smiling.

Failure is the only option in this fanfiction.

Now it's your turn! James said as the robot pointed its guns at her. Misty fell to the ground in horror causing a pokeball to fall to the ground and open up.

Psy? A yellow duck had popped out of the pokeball.

Oh Psyduck, you Deus ex Machina, you.

Team rocket doubled over laughing.

That's your last defense? Jessy said still holding her chest laughing.

Really! The only thing that pokemon is good for is a dinner basted in wine! James said as he continued to laugh.

I'm pretty sure Psyducks make terrible Peking Duck.

Psyduck run! Get out of here before the author starts making us fuck each other! Misty said with tears in her eyes.

Psyduck looked from misty to team rocket with a confused expression on it's face.

I don't get what's going on either, Psyduck.

Enough of this let's roast the duck and her! Jessy said as she finally stopped laughing resuming her malicious tone and pressing a button on her remote.

The robot then fired two missiles at Psyduck and misty.

Missiles =/= roasting

Remember kids, only you can prevent wildfires.


Psyduck! Misty cried grabbing him and throwing him out of the way of the blast.

Psyduck landed on its head.

That explains a lot.

Psy? Psyduck said looking at his injured trainer.

Psy, yi, yi, yi! Psyduck yelled ran over to misty.

Where the hell did the 'vi' come from?

Psyduck…thank goodness your okay. Misty said breathing heavily.

Psyduck turned to team rocket with a looked of rage in it's eyes.

Is it me, or is that Psyduck look different to you? James said with a curious look on his face.

Attached Image

No, why'd you ask?

Who cares let's blast it! Jessy said pressing a button on her remote.

The robot then began to fire bullets at Psyduck.

Which was then censored by 4Kids.

Dust covered the area where the bullets had it.

Got it! Jessy said with a malicious smile.

Uhh, Jessy I think we missed it. James said looking confused.

As the dust cleared Psyduck stood where it was, its eyes were ice blue as it stood there with its arms to its side.

Shit just got serious.

Fine then take this! Jessy said firing pressing another button on her remote.

The robot then fired two missiles at Psyduck.

The missiles stopped dead three feet from Psyduck.

Question marks could be seen popping above Jessy and James heads.

As well as the readers. Oh wait, I'm the only one.

PSYYYY, DUUUCCK! Psyduck roared causing the missiles to turn around and hit the robot causing an explosion that shook the entire city.

I think Psyduck did more damage than the robot. Good job.

Jessy and James lay on the ground twitching.

Why is it we always lose? James asked with a sound of disappointment and exhaustion in his voice.

The police cars then pulled up followed by brock.

How fucking convenient.

Arrest those two! Officer jenny yelled to the other officers.

Misty! Brock yelled.

GET AN AMBULANCE OVER HERE NOW! Brock yelled as he kneeled down beside misty.

Officer Jenny: LOL, have a hyper potion..

Brock? Misty said still breathing heavily.

I'm here misty don't worry.

I should have never left your side! Brock said punching the ground next to him.

Brock…misty said and her eyes closed.

Misty? Don't die! Please don't die! Brock said tears now flooding from his eyes.

DID YOU HEAR ME? GET A FUCKING AMBULANCE OVER HERE NOW! Brock yelled as loud as he could.

It's on the way! An officer replied. "Stop yelling at me! ;_;"

Brock then scooped misty up and ran down the street.

Weren't they in a forest?

Where are you going? Officer jenny asked him as he ran past her.

The ambulance isn't getting here fast enough so I'm taking her!

The healing cock shall solve all your problems.

Grab my motorcycle then! Jenny yelled throwing him the keys.

Brock caught the keys and put misty into the passenger side and drove off.

Misty you can't die because I love you! Brock said aloud to her.

Oh, gasp and surprise, I didn't see that coming.

So be strong and don't give up!

Brock looked at misty and pushed the motorcycle to its limit speeding down the street…

And was promptly arrested for speeding.


--------------------


QUOTE (9/13/2013 3:49:17 PM Max-Vader:)
YOU KNOW NOTHING, JOAN SNOW

QUOTE (Master of AFTER @ Feb 5 2014, 05:08 AM) *
I Was the Drink: The Joan Cheng Story

QUOTE (Screaming Soulcatcher)
Joan are you the straightest shota
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Post #40
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post Mar 13 2011, 03:24 PM
This Post was a joke.

Didn't know how it'd be taken, so removed.

This post has been edited by Goombario: Mar 13 2011, 03:37 PM
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