Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

3 Pages V  < 1 2 3 >  
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> Hamtaro: Mating Season, Little Hamsters, Big Orgasms!
Post #21
Badass Overlord


I aim with my eye. I shoot with my mind. I kill with my heart.
**********

Group: Members
Posts: 10,572
Joined: 10-September 08
From: Thunderclap
Member No.: 235
Gender: Male



post Dec 11 2010, 04:42 AM
QUOTE (T_K_17 @ Dec 11 2010, 02:21 AM)
Is it just me or does it sound like it was sung by the kids from South Park?
*

Haha! It does!


--------------------


"The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.”

Commala-come-come,
The battle's now begun!
And all the foes of men and rose
Rise with the setting sun.


I am He who howls in the night; I am He who moans in the snow; I am He who hath never seen light; I am He who mounts from below.
My car is the car of Death; My wings are the wings of dread; My breath is the north wind’s breath; My prey are the cold and the dead.
- Psychopompos
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #22
Al_Cone


Where we're going, we don't need nanomachines
Group Icon

Group: Moderators
Posts: 8,882
Joined: 29-October 07
Member No.: 162
Gender: Male



post Dec 12 2010, 08:53 PM
In honor of Shmeckie's recent episode of KUSO! I've decided to mock this chapter of Mating Season in my underwear.

Mostly so that I can glance down at my penis and force the few remaining shreds of sexuality in my being to remain cohesive while I continue to plumb the psychological labyrinth that is space_ghost2003's hamster fetish.

*****

Oxnard had finally been able to sneak out of his cage and out of the house, because Kana had stayed up all night reading those damn Hamster comics.

If she wants to see a fucking hamster so badly, why doesn't she just play with her fucking hamster?!

Even though Oxnard was going out for a specific purpose, he still brought his favorite seed.

He'd borrowed it from a friend of his named Chekhov, who told him to remember that if a sunflower seed is introduced in the first act of a play, it must be used as a dildo in the second.

He ran quickly through the quiet streets, the piercing glare of the street lights above him created somewhat of an eerie atmosphere, mixed in with the darkness of the night.

It's a little too late into this sexually-depraved nightmare of a Hamtaro fanfic for space_ghost2003 to make any attempt at sophisticated writing.

Oxnard jumped off the sidewalk and into the soft grass and headed toward the clubhouse. But before her could get there, he ran into Bijou, who had been waiting for him for quite some time.

Im sorry Im late, but Kana wouldnt go to sleep., Oxnard said with an apologetic tone.

Dat fokking prep Kana wudnt go 2 sleep lol i h8 dat poser preppy muggle bitca (bufy rox666!111)

Thats all right, Bijou replied with her sweet smile, I missed you.

I missed you too, Oxnard said and gently put his arms around Bijou and pulled her into his embrace, and she giggled playfully. Bijou smiled and looked up into they eyes of Oxnard, her eyes sparkled in the nights sky under the thousands of stars.

But seriously, did this story just forget how to use quotations? What the blue-balling hell is going on?!

Oh Bijou, Oxnard said with gentle sigh and nuzzled against her, Out of all the stars that glow and sparkle in the sky tonight, you glow the brightest.

Oxnard had booked them a flight on the space shuttle Atlantis. He wanted his first fuck to be in zero-G.

Bijou suddenly blushed, her cheeks reddened so deeply that it could be seen through her white fur.

Oxnard leaned forward and gently licked her nose, the moved down, running his tongue along her neck. Bijou gasped slight and held onto Oxnard tightly as he moved down to her breasts, running his tongue up and down her almost perfect curvatures on her chest.

Let's review:



Here is a picture of a human woman. Also pictured, her breasts. Notice how they appear in a pair, and also how they possess the curvature alluded to in this chapter.

Here is a picture of a hamster's breasts:



Notice how they do not, in any way, resemble those of the human woman. Also, there are three times as many.

I will continue to belabor this difference until the story gets a fucking clue.


Bijou reached down with her paw and firmly grabbed onto Oxnards cock, and smiled, feeling how hard he was. And she moaned lightly as Oxnard started to suck on her left breast , as she stroked her paw up and down his cock.

Oxnard: Oh shit, a woman's touching my ham cock! C-C-C-COMBO BREAKER!!!

*oikoikoikoikoikoikoikoikoikoikoikoikoikoikoikoikoikoik*


Suddenly, Oxnards animalistic instincts suddenly took over. In a fury of the instinctive passion, he turned Bijou around, and pushed her down on her hands and knees. Bijou was a little shocked at this, but not displeased.

Mostly, she was terrified at the night's sudden turn for the rapetastic.

Without wasting any time, Oxnard shoved his cock deep into Bijous pussy, causing her to let out a yelp of painful pleasure. Oxnard let out a grunt of sexual satisfaction and pushed his cock in deeper into Bijous pussy, pounding in and out of her faster and deeper. Bijou moaned loudly as Oxnard filled her and fucked her hard.

Easy there, Oxnard; the rate you're going, you'll just cave her vagina in on itself...

Oxnard groaned as he lifted Bijous hind legs and pushed his cock in deeper until it pressed up to her clit.

Hamtaro: Mating Season: The fanfic that doesn't know anything about female anatomy.

Granted, that's a descriptor that can be attached to virtually any x-rated fanfic ever written...


Bijou bit her lower lip and whimpered as Oxnard made violent love to her . Soon Oxnard was bored with this position, so he turned her over and moved forward. Oxnard grinned as he slid his cock in between Bijous breasts and slowly pumped it back and forth between them. Bijou was a little uncomfortable at this.AT FIRST,

Of course, since we're dealing with a story that thinks the clitoris is attached to the cervix, it goes without saying that Bijou's G-spot lies in her (decidedly human-like) cleavage.

then she suddenly got into it, deciding that she enjoyed these kinky types of things( The well-groomed usually are the most un-inhibited),

That's why they're so well-groomed.

...

Hey, wait a minute.


and she put her paws on her breasts and pushed them together against Oxnards cock as she leaned her head down and licked the tip of his cock. Oxnard moaned loudly ,

Oxnard: Son of a nutgobbler, Bijou, we're hamsters! Our tongues are like fuckin' sandpaper! I think I just lost thirty percent of my glans...!

then took his favorite seed from his ear and gently slipped it up Bijous pussy.

J.K. Rowling is reading this right now, and she be all like "Now, THAT'S how you're supposed to do foreshadowing!"

She gasped in pleasure as Oxnard manipulated the seed in and out of her as he pushed his cock back and forth faster and harder. Oxnard couldnt hold it any longer, so he took his cock and quickly placed it in Bijous mouth and came in her mouth, and to his surprise, she swallowed happily.

Bijou had realized long ago that she had no shame, so being ejaculated upon while being penetrated by food is something that's right up her alley.

And by alley, I of course mean her vagina.


Oxnard breathed hard and laid down beside Bijous, one arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to him. Bijou smiled gently, finally having found what she wanted, which was of course, sexual release.

Nobody tell Bijou that women can have orgasms too.

I mean it.


Oxnard was ready to lay down and go to sleep, however, he didnt expect what would happen next. Bijou firmly grabbed onto his cock and began to jerk it off eagerly. Baby, what are you doing?, Oxnard asked.

Oxnard: This is your first time being with a man, right? Because I'm gonna be about as rigid as a gummy worm for the next coupla hours. If you REALLY want some more of that sweet lovin', I could always lend you my sunflower seed...

Im trying to get it hard again, Bijou said with a seducing smile, Im not done with you yet.

Sure hope Oxnard remembered to bring his Vihamgra.

Oxnard was about to complain, but he decided that he wouldnt mind going another round with her. Bijou started to jerk him off faster, and after a few moments, his cock came back to life, and she smiled and said, Theres a good boy.

And on the third day, Oxnard's penis rose from the dead and ascended into hamven...

Now, needless to say, there is a lot of confusion that can come with a French nymphomaniac rodent, but Oxnard really didnt care. Oxnard sat up, lifted Bijou into his lap and impaled her onto his cock.

Just in case you had thought that the sex was a little bit too rough and violent for cartoon hamsters marketed at small children to be having, we've just included the word "impaled." Let's add "guro" to the list of psychoses that are clearly evident in space-ghost2003's writing.

Bijou smiled and she put her paws on his shoulders and bounced up and down on his cock. Oxnard moaned as Bijou grinded and writhed on him roughly, as he tried to hold back his cum. Unfortunately, Bijou had a certain talent, her pussy could grab a cock with an unbelievable vice grip.

She got a merit badge for it back in Scouts.

Oxnard couldnt take it anymore, he came in her pussy, then fell down, unconscious, which wasnt surprising,

Combine narcolepsy with dangerous anemia, and you've got a recipe for death upon orgasm.

cause that girl could take a lot out of a guy, especially for his first time. Bijou smiled and licked his nose, then laid against him, her breasts pressed close against him and she drifted off to sleep

.Thatll do Oxy.. Thatll do

DID SOMEBODY SAY "OXY?" BECAUSE FROM THE MAKERS OF OXYCLEAN COMES A BRAND NEW PRODUCT, GUARANTEED TO PUT A SMILE ON YOUR FACE OR YOUR MONEY BACK.



HI, BILLY MAYS HERE FOR THE HAMSTERECTOMY. ARE YOU TIRED OF WATCHING CARTOON HAMSTERS SCREW IN INCREASINGLY DISTURBING WAYS THAT NO HUMAN BEING WOULD EVER LOGICALLY ATTEMPT? DOES THE DEPRAVITY OF RODENTS ENGAGING IN HUMAN SEXUAL ACTS THAT ARE COMPLETELY INAPPLICABLE TO HAMSTERS JUST DRAG YOUR DAY DOWN? WELL I'M HERE TO TELL YOU THAT YOUR TROUBLES ARE OVER, THANKS TO MY NEWEST PRODUCT, THE HAMSTERECTOMY.

ORDINARY PESTICIDES JUST DON'T CUT IT ANYMORE, AND POISONING THE LITTLE BASTARDS WILL GET ANIMAL CONTROL AND J.E.N.O.V.A. P.E.T.A. ON YOU FASTER THAN YOU CAN INCINERATE THEIR TINY, ADORABLE CORPSES. BUT THE HAMSTERECTOMY COMPLETELY BYPASSES THAT PROBLEM. SIMPLY APPLY TWICE DAILY TO THE HORNY SIMPLETONS THAT ARE MAKING YOUR LIFE MISERABLE, AND IN LESS THAN A WEEK, COMPLETE STERILITY SETS IN AND THE SEX DRIVE IS JEE-OH-EN-EE GONE, NEVER TO RETURN!

THE SECRET IS IN THE PATENTED FORMULA-RELEASE ACTION. PACKED INTO EVERY SINGLE CAPSULE IS AN EXTRA-STRENGTH DOSE OF VITAMIN R--R FOR REALITY. SWALLOWING AND DIGESTING THE PILL WILL RELEASE THIS DOSE OF VITAMIN R, WHICH IS THEN CARRIED STRAIGHT TO THE TWO PROBLEM AREAS ON THE HAMSTER--THE PITUITARY GLAND AND THE GENITALIA. THE VITAMIN SHRINKS THE GLAND, SHRIVELS AND DESTROYS THE GENITALS AND RENDERS THE HAMSTER STERILE AND TOTALLY UNINTERESTED IN BUMPING FURRY UGLIES WITH ANYTHING EVER AGAIN.

BUT I'M NOT DONE YET! CALL RIGHT NOW, AND NOT ONLY WILL YOU RECEIVE A MONTH'S SUPPLY OF HAMSTERECTOMY, WE'LL THROW IN SIX STICKS OF SUICIDE PUTTY, JUST IN CASE YOU *DO* FEEL LIKE POISONING YOUR BELOVED, MARKETABLE PETS, ABSOLUTELY FREE. NO HASSLE! HERE'S HOW TO ORDER!


This post has been edited by Al_Cone: Dec 13 2010, 07:06 PM


--------------------
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #23
Waffleman


Where's the mask, Araki?
******

Group: Members
Posts: 938
Joined: 14-August 10
From: Erie, Pennsylvania
Member No.: 372
Gender: Male



post Dec 12 2010, 09:11 PM
HOW DO I ORDER?


--------------------
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #24
Badass Overlord


I aim with my eye. I shoot with my mind. I kill with my heart.
**********

Group: Members
Posts: 10,572
Joined: 10-September 08
From: Thunderclap
Member No.: 235
Gender: Male



post Dec 12 2010, 10:26 PM
GOD BLESS BILLY MAYS! AND HIS INCREDIBLE TV OFFER!


--------------------


"The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.”

Commala-come-come,
The battle's now begun!
And all the foes of men and rose
Rise with the setting sun.


I am He who howls in the night; I am He who moans in the snow; I am He who hath never seen light; I am He who mounts from below.
My car is the car of Death; My wings are the wings of dread; My breath is the north wind’s breath; My prey are the cold and the dead.
- Psychopompos
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #25
Soren Highwind


Tankadillo
*********

Group: Members
Posts: 3,703
Joined: 15-July 10
From: Bear Creek, AL
Member No.: 357
Gender: Male



post Dec 12 2010, 11:11 PM
Attached Image

FUCK YES.


--------------------
QUOTE (Paragon)
I want to make a t-shirt that says "Does your grandpa get the pussies wet?"

QUOTE (oneluckyduck)
Soren, you host the worst orgies.

QUOTE (Jackson_Fall)
You need to get that sweet pigeon-ass, Andrew.


Makeshift Jukebox (my tumblr; on hiatus)
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #26
Max-Vader


Vide, quam mihi persuaserim te me esse alterum
**********

Group: Members
Posts: 9,103
Joined: 23-August 09
From: The Fortress of Pornitude
Member No.: 303
Gender: Male



post Dec 12 2010, 11:43 PM
Thank you Billy Mays, you have saved the day yet again!

QUOTE (Al_Cone @ Dec 13 2010, 06:53 AM)
Oxnard groaned as he lifted Bijous hind legs and pushed his cock in deeper until it pressed up to her clit.
*

WHAAAAAT?!


--------------------
I have had a vision. It has been revealed to me by the secret chiefs of the world that I am sexier than Buddha and harder than Jesus. I cannot die.
Joan (requesting my drawings): I'LL PAY YOU
IN ORAL SEEEX
Paragon: I will literally pay you in oral sex if you go on a call and sing that entire song [Little Girls by Oingo Boingo] for us and record it
Scream: Welp guess its my turn to owe Max a IOU blowjob
Paragon: I think Max is rapidly becoming the new pimp of PA
Shane: Max for realest nigga of 2013
TigerEyes: No means yes and yes means anal.
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #27
Shmeckie


Kuhahahaha!
Group Icon

Group: Moderators
Posts: 16,289
Joined: 25-July 05
Member No.: 18
Gender: Male



post Dec 13 2010, 11:24 AM


Beautiful...

Also, WHERE THE FUCK DID SPACE GHOST COME FROM!?


--------------------


They say "patriotism is the last refuge of a scoundrel." I think "being offended" is the last refuge of a small mind.
~Quentin Tarantino
QUOTE
Dude, do my a favor and get go away. Please?
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #28
Al_Cone


Where we're going, we don't need nanomachines
Group Icon

Group: Moderators
Posts: 8,882
Joined: 29-October 07
Member No.: 162
Gender: Male



post Dec 13 2010, 07:02 PM
QUOTE (Shmeckie @ Dec 13 2010, 12:24 PM)


Beautiful...

Also, WHERE THE FUCK DID SPACE GHOST COME FROM!?
*


That'd be the author's name, although the fact that he actually refers to himself as "Space Ghost" and not "space_ghost2003" or even "A/N:" really makes me wonder if he's some sort of weird cartoon-otherkin.

Fuck, I got two Orson Welles slow-claps in one mock; that's a new personal best.


--------------------
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #29
I Hate My Car


Member
**

Group: Members
Posts: 38
Joined: 13-December 10
Member No.: 417
Gender: Male



post Dec 14 2010, 12:02 AM
So you have a children's cartoon about little animated talking hamsters, and the ONLY THING YOU CAN THINK TO DO WITH THEM IS HAVE THEM FUCK!? For God's sake, at least with Pokemon, the characters are HUMAN. Although apparently space_ghost thinks that Ham-hams have human anatomy, so maybe the problem is that he can't tell the difference. He could be blind! Yeah. That's it. And he's using a braille keyboard, or something. Or dictating his words to a friend, who for some reason also thinks that making a fanfic about hamsters fucking is an AWESOME idea. Only logical explanation.

I'm going to go drown my sorrows in Sprite now.

Oh, fantastic Mock Al. Only reason to bother reading this trash. The Billy Mays bit was just awesome.

This post has been edited by I Hate My Car: Dec 14 2010, 12:03 AM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #30
Viashino_wizard


That's a Jimmybean!
**********

Group: Members
Posts: 7,527
Joined: 21-July 08
From: Teufort
Member No.: 222
Gender: Male



post Dec 14 2010, 12:08 AM
The funny part is that we actually have a mock of a fic written by blind guy where Tifa has sex with chocobos.


--------------------
QUOTE (TigerEyes)
Change is mandatory. It's progress that's optional.

"Stories about ordinary people doing extraordinary things are very popular but I'm a fan of extraordinary people trying to do ordinary things"
-Kelly Turnbull
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #31
The Chosen


Extreme Member
*******

Group: Members
Posts: 1,675
Joined: 2-November 07
From: Poet County Jail
Member No.: 165
Gender: Male



post Dec 14 2010, 08:35 AM
Wait, the author of that is blind?


--------------------
Cor cordis
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #32
Badass Overlord


I aim with my eye. I shoot with my mind. I kill with my heart.
**********

Group: Members
Posts: 10,572
Joined: 10-September 08
From: Thunderclap
Member No.: 235
Gender: Male



post Dec 14 2010, 09:10 AM
QUOTE (The Chosen @ Dec 14 2010, 09:35 AM)
Wait, the author of that is blind?
*

Then how did he...? Then... THEN WHO WAS PHONE!?


--------------------


"The man in black fled across the desert, and the gunslinger followed.”

Commala-come-come,
The battle's now begun!
And all the foes of men and rose
Rise with the setting sun.


I am He who howls in the night; I am He who moans in the snow; I am He who hath never seen light; I am He who mounts from below.
My car is the car of Death; My wings are the wings of dread; My breath is the north wind’s breath; My prey are the cold and the dead.
- Psychopompos
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #33
Mysty


Flipping the fuck out
*********

Group: Members
Posts: 4,133
Joined: 29-June 07
Member No.: 140
Gender: Female



post Dec 14 2010, 12:27 PM
Thirding the "HE WAS BLIND?" thing, although I guess if he had really good voice recognition software and someone willing to check it over for him...


--------------------
"Ye cats, those televangelists from the '90s were right all along!"
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #34
Waffleman


Where's the mask, Araki?
******

Group: Members
Posts: 938
Joined: 14-August 10
From: Erie, Pennsylvania
Member No.: 372
Gender: Male



post Dec 14 2010, 01:54 PM
Well, maybe God cast him blind when he found out what he was writing, but the author was just a trooper.


--------------------
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #35
Soren Highwind


Tankadillo
*********

Group: Members
Posts: 3,703
Joined: 15-July 10
From: Bear Creek, AL
Member No.: 357
Gender: Male



post Dec 14 2010, 02:24 PM
Or...maybe it's just a username. Just throwin' that out there.


--------------------
QUOTE (Paragon)
I want to make a t-shirt that says "Does your grandpa get the pussies wet?"

QUOTE (oneluckyduck)
Soren, you host the worst orgies.

QUOTE (Jackson_Fall)
You need to get that sweet pigeon-ass, Andrew.


Makeshift Jukebox (my tumblr; on hiatus)
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #36
Poppy Bro Fan


I'm not stalking you why are you saying that?
*****

Group: Members
Posts: 329
Joined: 5-November 10
From: Shimoda
Member No.: 399
Gender: Female



post Dec 14 2010, 05:06 PM
Holy shit. That is simply anatomical fail to the max.
Seriously, at least they could have humanized the characters, so it would make some lick of sense.
Or it's possible that the user just likes getting off to furry porn.
(SICKSICKSICKSICK)
As usual, Al, great mock.


--------------------
Something witty here
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #37
T_K_17


#oh it's JUST tk
*********

Group: Members
Posts: 4,836
Joined: 1-March 08
From: America
Member No.: 192
Gender: Male



post Dec 14 2010, 05:19 PM
QUOTE (Soren Highwind @ Dec 14 2010, 02:24 PM)
Or...maybe it's just a username. Just throwin' that out there.
*

Who, the author of this story? Or the guy who wrote Cellmates that was apparently blind?

'Cause the former is named space_ghost2003 and the latter is Lemon Master, neither of which really tie into the previous conversation.


--------------------


Mocks:
1. Digiball Z - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 (f)
2. Saiyaman (f)
3. Saiyaman 2 - 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 <-- UPDATED
4. Teen Titans vs Project AFTER - 2 3 (f)
5. Desires Unspoken - Deluxe Special Edition (f)
6. TK versus Birdboy | Fandom | Empire - Part 1
7. Garden of EVA - Sucks Everybody! (f)
8. What is War? - 1 2
9. My Little Unicorn: Star Fleet Magic - 1 2
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #38
I Hate My Car


Member
**

Group: Members
Posts: 38
Joined: 13-December 10
Member No.: 417
Gender: Male



post Dec 15 2010, 12:06 AM
QUOTE (Poppy Bro Fan @ Dec 14 2010, 05:06 PM)

Or it's possible that the user just likes getting off to furry porn.
(SICKSICKSICKSICK)

*


Given the fact that our friend space_ghost chose to write smut fanfiction about a CHILDREN'S CARTOON THAT STARS HAMSTERS, with so many other fandoms out there that could have been more befitting of his "talents", I'd say that that right there is a quite probable possibility.
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #39
Soren Highwind


Tankadillo
*********

Group: Members
Posts: 3,703
Joined: 15-July 10
From: Bear Creek, AL
Member No.: 357
Gender: Male



post Dec 15 2010, 04:52 AM
QUOTE (T_K_17 @ Dec 14 2010, 08:19 PM)
Who, the author of this story? Or the guy who wrote Cellmates that was apparently blind?

'Cause the former is named space_ghost2003 and the latter is Lemon Master, neither of which really tie into the previous conversation.
*


Welp, never mind. confused.gif


--------------------
QUOTE (Paragon)
I want to make a t-shirt that says "Does your grandpa get the pussies wet?"

QUOTE (oneluckyduck)
Soren, you host the worst orgies.

QUOTE (Jackson_Fall)
You need to get that sweet pigeon-ass, Andrew.


Makeshift Jukebox (my tumblr; on hiatus)
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #40
Al_Cone


Where we're going, we don't need nanomachines
Group Icon

Group: Moderators
Posts: 8,882
Joined: 29-October 07
Member No.: 162
Gender: Male



post Dec 19 2010, 08:31 PM
I know, I know, I say at the start of every chapter that the current one is the most depraved edition of the story. But this time I really mean it! Hamster-double-penetration makes sunflower-seed-penetration look like that church picnic you went to as a kid, with the flannel shirts and the baskets full of sandwiches and the raffle held to see who would take home the semi-sweet chocolate replica of the True Cross. You know, before you found out that Pastor Daniel was running his hands up the girl's skirts while they cleaned out the pipe organ.

Actually, both of those things result in nightmarish loss of innocence. So hey, I guess they're not so different after all.

*****

Sandy sat out in the field outside of the clubhouse, pondering a strange thought in her mind.

Sandy: I wonder what it would be like to crawl inside of a sixty-foot tall woman's vagina?

This was unlike any desire she had ever had before. She felt that she wanted to be fucked by two guy hams.

To the casual reader, that wouldn't seem so unusual, but if you take "ham" to mean "large portion of pig meat," then we start to sail into murkier waters.

Sure, she and Maxwell had done the horizontal mambo several times before, and even though she loved him and loved his cock, she wanted more, more than she could take.

She, like Catherine the Great before her, desperately wanted horse wang.

So she wasn't really thinking of why she had this desire, she was actually wondering how to convince Maxwell do let another ham shove his cock into her. Maxwell was a nice and generous ham ham, but there were limits to his generosity. For some reason, she felt that he was being selfish, limiting her pussy to just one cock,

Sandy won't be satisfied until she's contracted every last sexually-transmissible disease known to hamkind.

but then she decided to think rationally, and realized how stupid she had been thinking. But anyway, back to business, her horny little mind told her, how to get Maxwell to allow a three way.

There is nothing rational about a hamster three-way. In fact, that is the very opposite of rationality. Look in a thesaurus under "rational," and look at the antonyms. I guarantee, you will find "hamster threesome" at the top of the list.

Suddenly, none other than Maxwell approached her, smiling and said, “ Hello Sandy my furry Venus.”

He calls her "Venus" because of his incredible fetish for sulfurous gasses and Sandy's penchant for emitting them in great, choking clouds.

“ Hey baby”, Sandy said, standing and throwing her arms around Maxwell, her breasts pressing against him. Maxwell smiled and kissed her, Sandy reaching her paws down and rubbing his ass.

Alright, I've officially concluded that space_ghost2003 has not only never seen Hamtaro before, he's never actually seen a real-live hamster in his life. That is the only feasible explanation I can find for this madness.

“ Hey baby….I want to ask you something..”

“ Go right ahead.”, Maxwell said, caressing her breasts.

They're not acting seductive right now, mind you. This is just how they interact conversationally. Like, they'll be talking about what kind of laundry detergent to get and Sandy's hands'll have a death-grip on Maxwell's balls. Gets pretty awkward in public places.

“ Would you be interested in doing a three way?”, Sandy asked.

“ ….A three way”, Maxwell said in confusion.

Sandy blushed, then said, “ Its when a female ham has sex with two male hams.”

“ WHAT?!”, Maxwell said, jumping back, glaring, “ You want me to screw another guy?!”

Of all the things to get finnicky about, this story--which is already about small animals fucking like larger, more virile animals--chooses gay sex. It's one step forward, two steps back for Progressives everywhere.

“ No!”, Sandy replied, giggling, “ The other guy would screw me.”

Sandy has an awkward relationship with persuasive speaking.

Maxwell blinked, then said, “ Oh, ok………WAIT! WHAT?!?!? YOU WANT TO SCREW ANOTHER GUY?!”

Maxwell: GODDAMMIT, THOSE STUPID TEENAGERS FROM CALIFORNIA GAVE ME THEIR CAPSLOCK. I TOLD YOU WE SHOULDN'T HAVE GONE KAYAKING WITH THEM.

“ Not without you baby!”, Sandy pleaded, “ Just once babe, please! I just want to try it once!”

“ What! No! No way!”, Maxwell yelled, turning away and folding his arms.

Maxwell: I might have considered it if it were ME being screwed by the other guy, but now it's just out of the question!

Sandy suddenly felt that she had made a critical error.

In times of great uncertainty, Sandy finds it therapeutic to state the obvious to herself.

It was quite possible that she had just ended the relationship that she had with Maxwell. Sandy stood slowly, walked to Maxwell and wrapped her arms around him from behind. “Do you still love me baby?”

“Of course I do, Sandy.”. Maxwell said, “ But I am rather upset that you want to have sex with another guy.”

So much for that set-up about her relationship with Maxwell being in trouble. If I have to write a multi-part epic side-story for this fic too, tying together all the wasted opportunities for potential storylines a la Normal Teenage Life, I'm going to be very grumpy.

“ I'm sorry baby….I'm just curious”, Sandy replied.

“ Why? Aren't I enough?”, Maxwell asked incredulously.

Sandy: My last boyfriend was a quadriplegic castrati with erectile-dysfunction, and I still had more orgasms with him than I have with you. So you tell me.

“ Of course you are sweetie, I really just want to try it once.. I love you Maxwell.”, Sandy said, gently kissing him.

Stop it, space_ghost2003. There is no such thing as a tender moment in a story about hamsters fucking.

Maxwell sighed and said, “ Just one time, you promise?”

“ I promise baby..”, Sandy replied.

“………………Ok, under one condition.”, Maxwell said.

“ Ok sexy..”, Sandy said, smiling seductively.

“ I want to give it to you up the ass”, Maxwell replied.

“ Fair enough”, Sandy said, then turned around and jiggled her ass at him.

Never seen Hamtaro before, never seen a hamster before, never even spoken to a human woman before--hell, now I'm starting to wonder if space_ghost2003 even understands how men think, or if he's just some sort of genderless lump of fleshy clay who was born without any external genitalia.

On a side-note, "jiggled" is quite possibly the most unsexy word ever to be used in a sexual context.


Maxwell grinned, his cock hard, then said, “ But who will we--?”

Suddenly Snoozer walked out of the clubhouse, finally awake after so long, but his eyes still closed.

Coitus ex Machina.

“ How about him?”, Sandy said.

“ Fine”, Maxwell replied.

Yes, involve the sleepwalking narcoleptic in your sexual romp. I'm sure his performance will be MORE than adequate.

Sandy walked over to Snoozer and began to talk with him, then after a few moments, Maxwell saw Snoozer's dick stand up.

Damn, Snoozer's motor is easier to rev up than Oxnard's. All Sandy did was ask if they were out of Weetabix in the clubhouse.

Sandy smiled and walked back to Maxwell with Snoozer. “ You lay down, Snoozer”, Sandy said, giggling, to which Snoozer obeyed, then Sands got above him, positioning herself and sitting on his cock, her pussy opening obligingly for it.

And clamping down suddenly, tearing Snoozer's ham-candy off and chewing noisily. Mortified, Sandy could only curse her mother for drinking while pregnant and stranding her with semi-sentient vagina dentata.

“ Mmmmm…Your turn baby..”, Sandy said, moaning a little.

Maxwell came forth and shoved his cock in Sandy's ass. She yelped somewhat in pain, but primarily in pleasure.

That's exactly how first-time, unlubricated anal sex works.

Finally she thought, finally she could experience this fantasy that she had always dreamed of.

Sandy: There sure is a lot more feces than I thought there'd be.

Though physically, it could be compared to simply to sexual pleasures in one, that wasn't the way Sandy thought of it. To Sandy, it was like an explosion of pleasure that shuddered throughout every centimeter of her body and her soul.

Well, it was mostly shame and degredation, but there was pleasure buried somewhere in there.

Moaning deeply in the passion, Sandy bounced up and down Snoozer's cock as Maxwell rammed his cock in and out of her ass. Sandy squeezed her breasts and she groaned in pleasure as she rode Snoozer wildly, Maxwell fucking her ass hard.

That last sentence reads like a second draft of the first.

Sandy originally wasn't fond of the whole rear entry penetration at first, but she found that it was actually quite an experience for, the only problem was that she wasn't sure which hole she liked getting fucked from better, and this threesome was so amazing sexually that she didn't want it to be only one time for her, but unfortunately she had made a promise to Maxwell, and she would not betray him.

Talking it over and making an arrangement with him would be COMPLETELY out of the question, given how quickly and readily he acquiesced to her desire, because, uh. Just because.

Soon Snoozer came and passed out on the ground, back to sleep, most likely for centuries untold.

He's a hamster, you fucking tit, not King Arthur.

*****

Well, he may be a sick son of a bitch with a fetish for balls of fluff performing anatomically impossible sexual acts, but dammit, space_ghost2003 at least has the goddamn common courtesy to keep his disgusting narratives short. Tune in next time for the thrilling conclusion of Mating Season--same ham time, same ham channel!


--------------------
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post

3 Pages V  < 1 2 3 >
Reply to this topicStart new topic
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

 



Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 24th November 2014 - 01:05 AM