The Daughter of Red Haired Shanks (One Piece), Capt. Obvious and his crew of Mary Sues Options

[xoxjoanxox]

Because someone has to put these stupid Mary Sues in their place.

Dividing this story into thirds since the first chapter is too long.

I don't One Piece, I only own my character

Thank God for that.

Enjoy!

Hahaha, no.

One Piece

... That is seriously what this person put as an opening title. Can you imagine how creative and imaginative this story will be?

"Luffy, out of all the places we could have slept, why here?" I asked Luffy in the barrel next to me. We were both in barrels floating in the ocean.

What an amazing way to start, tossing us right into this story like a baby into a pit of fire.

Read: You suck at writing, thank God that you've only unleashed one horror unto this world.

"I don't know Yuki, it just looked comfy in here" Luffy answered.

Yuki = the Mary Sue you never bothered to introduce, as if you expected everyone to automatically know who that was, you arrogant prick

"WE'RE IN BARRLES YOU MORON" I yelled back.

Barrles are quite comfy, I'll have you know. They're like hotel rooms, but without the hotel... or the room.

And who the hell are you to insult the main protagonist of a quite popular and well-liked manga series, you miserable excuse for a self-insert.

A few hours past and I could here seagulls squawking, as I listened to them I began to drift she -- What the, did you just shift from first person to third person?! -- felt something catch the barrel I was in and lift me up.

"Ugh, man this one is heavier then that other one" a voice was heard as he lifted her up (again, your inconsistency with POVs! And what the hell, did Luffy disappear or something? Don't you mean lifted 'them' up?! This angers and infuriates me!).

'I'm not that heavy! I'm only 400 pounds, those weaklings!' I thought angrily with an anime angry mark on her head.

What the ... This author is hitting another pet peeve, using the phrase "anime (insert action often seen in animes)." YOU DON'T DO THAT, OK?!!

"SHIP OFF THE STARBERD BOW AND THERE FLYING A PIRATE FLAG" some yelled.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY JUST SAY?" others screamed.

"I DON'T KNOW EITHER!" some replied.

The person dropped me and ran off. "OW" I yelled, but no one heard.

What the... seriously, where's Luffy?! Again, people are disappearing!

Then firing sound came from the east. As the blasts came the ship began to tip and the barrel that I was in started to roll. The barrel rolled down a flank of stair. "ow, oo, eh, ouch, agh" I chanted as the barrel rolled down the stairs. May the Devil come to my aid and devour the souls of those that dared to call me heavy. It's only shame that the words I'm uttering are complete nonsense.

As the barrel continued to roll, it banged into a door and began to spin, and stopped.

"Agh" I moaned. "Hello?" a younger voice heard. 'ah man' I thought. "I really hope there's no one in here… [sigh] <- WHAT IS THIS? *destroys with ancient Egyptian laser beams*

That's a relief" he said.

You're not even worth my editing.

Got to get off now, but I will continue to flame/mock this ... thing. It almosts makes me miss 'Pikachu's New Love.'

This post has been edited by xoxjoanxox: Sep 25 2010, 04:31 AM

[xoxjoanxox]

My computer is lagging like crazy, so why not add the turd cherry ontop of this crap-cream sundae by reading yet another chapter of this story (and by story, we mean it in the loosest sense possible)?

I don't own One Piece, just Yuki

I'd like to thank:TalesOfLegendia Fan, kallakkala, Msaju17, and YueLilianPotter for the reviews and comments

..... THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY READ THIS DRIVEL?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"You're gonna be King of the pirates, right you must be completely out of your rubbery mind" Zoro said not convinced.

Does this fan-brat just smash her empty head against the keyboard?

"Do you have any idea what that means" He asked.

Sadly, not even I can understand the words that are forcibly coming out of your mouth, Zoro.

"Again, this is Luffy we're talking about here" I said crossing my arms looking between Zoro and Luffy.

"King of the Pirates means King of the Pirates, how can it mean anything other than that. Besides Yuki's gonna be Queen of the Pirates anyway so" Luffy said with confidence.

T-This fic just keeps getting worse and worse! Before, I could at least UNDERSTAND what was going now. But now, everything these characters say becomes a verbal train-wreck.

I smiled nodding my head.

"Well I can see her becoming Queen of the Pirate a world-class ho, but YOU becoming King of the Pirates her sugar daddy is insane" Zoro said looking at me Luffy. Zoro winked, "Why settle for that under-developed fry when you can have a deluxe value meal?"

"Yeah, when they first told me it was shocking, but they're completely serious, that's how they are I suppose" Coby told Zoro.

Zoro looked at Coby, "Who are you?"

and Coby stared at me and Luffy. He whimpered, realizing he spoke out without permission.

"Cause they have every intention of becoming King and Queen of the Pirates, and obtaining the world ultimate treasure the One Piece" Coby finished now looking at Zoro.

No one cares.

Zoro's eyes widened while me and Luffy grinned like idiots while chuckling.

Luffy took off three swords from his back and showed Zoro.

"Here's what I promised you, there's three I couldn't tell which was yours so I took all of them"

"All of them belong to me, I use Santōryū, the Three Swords style" he said to Luffy shifting a little.

"Oh like Yuki, huh. Hey Yuki looks like you guys have something in common" Luffy turned his head to me.

Dear lord, it's even more boring than Twilight!

He pushed the swords to Zoro. "Take'em already, just know that if you fight with us now, you'll be a government defying villain so it's either that, or you're left out here killed by the marines excision-style"

Three lines. No period. That's the way Luffy rolls.



YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

I sweat-dropped. 'Luffy, you do not observe well' I thought.

Skipping out on your English classes to write terrible fanfictions was not one of your best decisions, Team-Halo.

"What are the son of the devil it doesn't matter , <-- What does that even mean?
because if I don't choose your side I'll just end up dead on these sticks, besides Yuki saved me and I owe her that, so let's do it" Zoro said smirking at me and Luffy.

I blushed when he stared at me like that and smiled trying to hide it, Luffy yelled in victory.

UGH, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!

Ready at the phasers?


Roger.


Ready whenever.


Yes, my Lord.

Then...



FIRE!!!!!!!








Mission accomplished!

This post has been edited by xoxjoanxox: Nov 10 2010, 06:37 PM