The Daughter of Red Haired Shanks (One Piece), Capt. Obvious and his crew of Mary Sues Options

[xoxjoanxox]

Because someone has to put these stupid Mary Sues in their place.

Dividing this story into thirds since the first chapter is too long.

I don't One Piece, I only own my character

Thank God for that.

Enjoy!

Hahaha, no.

One Piece

... That is seriously what this person put as an opening title. Can you imagine how creative and imaginative this story will be?

"Luffy, out of all the places we could have slept, why here?" I asked Luffy in the barrel next to me. We were both in barrels floating in the ocean.

What an amazing way to start, tossing us right into this story like a baby into a pit of fire.

Read: You suck at writing, thank God that you've only unleashed one horror unto this world.

"I don't know Yuki, it just looked comfy in here" Luffy answered.

Yuki = the Mary Sue you never bothered to introduce, as if you expected everyone to automatically know who that was, you arrogant prick

"WE'RE IN BARRLES YOU MORON" I yelled back.

Barrles are quite comfy, I'll have you know. They're like hotel rooms, but without the hotel... or the room.

And who the hell are you to insult the main protagonist of a quite popular and well-liked manga series, you miserable excuse for a self-insert.

A few hours past and I could here seagulls squawking, as I listened to them I began to drift she -- What the, did you just shift from first person to third person?! -- felt something catch the barrel I was in and lift me up.

"Ugh, man this one is heavier then that other one" a voice was heard as he lifted her up (again, your inconsistency with POVs! And what the hell, did Luffy disappear or something? Don't you mean lifted 'them' up?! This angers and infuriates me!).

'I'm not that heavy! I'm only 400 pounds, those weaklings!' I thought angrily with an anime angry mark on her head.

What the ... This author is hitting another pet peeve, using the phrase "anime (insert action often seen in animes)." YOU DON'T DO THAT, OK?!!

"SHIP OFF THE STARBERD BOW AND THERE FLYING A PIRATE FLAG" some yelled.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY JUST SAY?" others screamed.

"I DON'T KNOW EITHER!" some replied.

The person dropped me and ran off. "OW" I yelled, but no one heard.

What the... seriously, where's Luffy?! Again, people are disappearing!

Then firing sound came from the east. As the blasts came the ship began to tip and the barrel that I was in started to roll. The barrel rolled down a flank of stair. "ow, oo, eh, ouch, agh" I chanted as the barrel rolled down the stairs. May the Devil come to my aid and devour the souls of those that dared to call me heavy. It's only shame that the words I'm uttering are complete nonsense.

As the barrel continued to roll, it banged into a door and began to spin, and stopped.

"Agh" I moaned. "Hello?" a younger voice heard. 'ah man' I thought. "I really hope there's no one in here… [sigh] <- WHAT IS THIS? *destroys with ancient Egyptian laser beams*

That's a relief" he said.

You're not even worth my editing.

Got to get off now, but I will continue to flame/mock this ... thing. It almosts makes me miss 'Pikachu's New Love.'

This post has been edited by xoxjoanxox: Sep 25 2010, 04:31 AM

[xoxjoanxox]

I-I don't think I can take another chapter after this . . .

"It all start when I was eight, my father was pirate captain so I went on adventures with him. We stopped at this little town that my dad went to visit an old friend, and that friend was Luffy"

... Good God, this story is finally living up to its name! I am so sorry, Shanks, that the world would allow this fanbrat to use you as a way to further elate his/her Mary Sue . . .

(Flashback)

"Yuki" a voice called

I ran out of my room and ran to the deck. I wore blue shorts with a sky blue tank top.

Raise your hand if you give a crap about what this bitch was wearing.

We just docked when my father called me. I ran down the plank and started looking around for my father.

"Yuki" he called again. I followed the voice with my eyes and there he stood at the end of the docks my father, Red Hair Shanks.

Thanks for pointing out obvious. If we followed that sort of logic, then why didn't you name your character Team Yuki Halo?

"Daddy" I yelled as I ran towards him.

He swooped down when I got closer him and picked me up, spinning me around.
He put me back down and faced a small boy around my age.

"Yuki, I like you to meet someone" Shanks said, smiling secretly.

I turned to the boy. He looked friendly enough, what with his too-eager grin and the large bazooka he had in his hands, pointed at me.

"This is Monkey D. Luffy, Luffy this is my daughter Yuki. I want you two to take care of each other when you get older and start your own pirate crew" She's the one I told you about." He made a gesture towards me.

Luffy nodded in understanding and raised his bazooka at me, his finger on the trigger, "Got it."

What was going on? Obviously, this boy wouldn't shoot at me, because why would anyone want to hit me? After all, I'm the most beautiful, talented, cutes--



The end (or at least how it should have gone down).

We stared at each other, until Luffy raise is hand.

I looked from his hand back to his face. He smiled a flashy grin.

"You wanna be best friends" he asked.

I nodded.

........................................................... THAT'S NOT HOW PEOPLE INTERACT WITH EACH OTHER!

"Then how about when we get older we both set sail as captain and first mate. I want to become king of the pirates, but I don't want the One Piece all to myself, how about you and I share it"

I looked at him in shock, I felt myself smile freely and took his hand in to mine.
"Okay" I said happily.

He gripped my hand and pulled me with him running back into town.
"Let's go play, Yuki"

Dad watch us run and play with a smile on his face.

Blah blah blah worship me blah blah blah OMFG UR 2 COOLZ LOLOLOL blah blah I'M SORRY SHANKS!

(End flashback)

"And we've been together ever since" I said finishing my story.

"Huh, so you two have been best friend for ten years, I hate to ask but how do you deal with his stupidity"

I think you should being asking how did Luffy deal with her Sue-ness.

I bowed head. "It takes all of my strength just to not strangle him, but I think the answer to your question is… Years and years of practice"

Bitch, you have no right to say that about Luffy. Get back in the kitchen-- Wait no, that's Sanji's! Get back in the basement-- Wait, that's Frankie's/Usopp's! They're both way too good for you! Just... Go drown in the sea. Yea, that's the perfect place.

He also bowed his head."Can I try to do it in months?"

"You can try"

We both sighed.

"So tell me something about yourself, Zoro"

He looked me. "Like what"

"Hobbies, likes, dislikes, what want in a girl, favorite color, that sort of stuff"

What wants in a girl... WHAT I WANT IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE AND SOME PUNCUTATION MARKS!

We stared at each other for a sec, before he answered.

"Well for hobbies I guess looking at swords and other weapons." Staring at my lances.

Is that a euphuism for something?

"And like and dislikes well if it's okay with you I really don't feel like tell you if that's ok" Looking at me.

"Oh that's fine"

"Thanks, as for favorite color well I guess green, and for what I look for in a girl" he looked away blushing.

"I go for the type of girl that doesn't just see the outside of a person, but the inside as well. She has to be kind and caring but yet strong and … the beautiful bad girl type" he smirked and I giggle. "smart and funny, loves swords and weapons as much as I do. She also has to be honest, and able to follow me and fight alongside me where ever I go and most of all… a beautiful smile" he said smiling at me.

In other words, not Yuki, what with her rape face and all.

I smiled back. I turned to watch the gate, not noticing Zoro blushing.

"YUKI" I heard a familiar voice.

"Huh" I turned to see Coby running towards me and Zoro.

"Coby, what are doing here I thought you were back at the cafe" I said standing up.

"I was but I came to untie Zoro"

"WHAT" I said with my jaw dropped. Coby finally grew a pair?!

Coby went to Zoro and began trying to untying him.

"You have to get out of here, Zoro" he said

"That maniac gonna kill you for what you're doing right now" Zoro said to him.

What maniac, you? And who, Yuki?

Say yes please.

"Zoro's right Coby, that's why Luffy and I left you at the café" I said trying to reason with him.

"I can't just stand and watch the marines behave like this anymore" Coby said to me.

"Coby please go back to the café kitchen."

Coby turned to me. "A true marine should be honorable"

Coby turned back and began trying to untie Zoro again.

"Look kid I can't leave I've got ten days, and then they're-"

"Oh, not quite they're gonna execute you tomorrow" Coby cut him off.

"They're what" Zoro said in shock.

Coby slapped Zoro and asked, "Did I fucking stutter?!"

I looked on, wondering if Coby accidentally took those testosterone pills I kept in my bag. After all, I was so beautiful that even girls go lesbian for me (but the male hormones did help)!

"Helmeppo never attended to honor your agreement" I said with my arms crossed now standing in front of him. Zoro looked up at me.

"He planned on killing you from the start" I finished.

"Which made Luffy and Yuki really angry, so they just knocked him out" Coby added.

"They did" Zoro asked still staring at me. He thought, 'Wow what a bitch.'

I smirked.

"Now that the marines are mad, they're dead set on catching Luffy and Yuki." Coby said to Zoro.

He turned to Zoro. "Don't worry I'm gonna ask you to become a pirate though."

He turns back to the rope and Zoro looked at him. "But I hope you help them, you have a lot of strength you can offer"

Zoro looked back at me as walked to get my lances and went back in front of Zoro.

"Luffy and Yuki are right now the only people who can save you from execution, and of course you're the only one who can save them from a very similar fate" Zoro was still staring at me

This is so boring.

"Coby right now focus on getting Zoro untied" I said closing my eyes meditating.

Oh right, forget about Zoro and meditate instead. Stupid hoe.

"Yuki right" Zoro asked. I nodded with my eyes still closed. "Let me ask ya something again"

"Ok"

"What do you look for in a guy"

Coby looked back and forth at us still trying to get the rope off.

I smiled. "I have six words for you" I said now tying my bandana on my head.

"End of the line" a voice called out behind me. I raised my lances up, opening my eyes to stare at Zoro and Coby with a ready to kill look. "The strong and bad boy type" "I'm into little girls, sorry pal."

With that I turned around to see marine solders with Captain Morgan walking behind them.

"For the crime of treason against me, I sentence you three to die where you stand" Mogan said angrily.

Why doesn't Captain Morgan get an introduction of any sort?

I got in to fighting stance and marines pointed their guns at us.

"You've done some interesting moves around here, what is this some kind of poorly executed coo you three planned with the straw hat"

Coo . . ? Like . . . a pigeon? ... Pigeons are cute.

"I've always fought alone like a really man does, not like a coward who hide behind his expendable cronies" Zoro answered behind me.

"Roronoa Zoro, don't you dare underestimate me, you may be a strong fighter but under my authority you're just a rat we throughout in the trash"

"TAKE AIM" He yelled.

The solders aimed their guns at me.

Oh, now I'm interested!

Zoro began to panick. 'No, Yuki. I can't afford to let me and her die here' he thought. 'Her life insurance pays more if she drowns!'

Earth to fanbrat, if this is in first-person, Yuki shouldn't be able to know Zoro's thoughts (unless she's also a mind-reader ).

"FIRE"

Just as they fired Luffy came flying and I disappeared and reappeared behind of Morgan.

"WHAT" Morgan yelled in shock.

"LUFFY NO" Coby yelled.

"Straw hat" Morgan said angrily

The bullets stretched on Luffy. He smiled and send them flying.

"See ya" he said just before one of the bullets past inches away from Morgan's face.

Inches are pretty large, centimeters would sound better.

I wrapped one of my lightning whips around Morgan's neck shocking him a little.

Hahahaha, that was terrible.

"That won't work on me, told you Yuki and I were strong, plus…"

I smirked and pulled back on my whip back and pulling Morgan with me. "MORGAN YOU JUST TICKED OFF ONE MEAN COPY-CAT WEATHER USER" I spun him around clock wise and send him flying above his men and he landed five feet into the grounded.

I jumped over the men and landed beside Luffy.

"Just in time Luffy, as always" I commented looking at Luffy.

"Hey, do I ever let you down" Luffy asked

This sounds like a script from a poorly written porn video.

"What the, who the heck are you guys" Zoro asked in shock on what just happened.

A false-Luffy and Mary-sue, what else?

Luffy and I looked at Zoro. "Our names are Monkey D. Luffy and Crimson S. Yuki. And we're gonna be King and Queen of the Pirates" Luffy said while giving him thumbs up.

Like it or love it?

Hate doesn't even begin to describe it.

Review and comment please.

I would, but you'd probably take it as a flame...

Teamhalo13 over and out of the window.

This post has been edited by xoxjoanxox: Oct 24 2010, 06:01 AM

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