The Daughter of Red Haired Shanks (One Piece), Capt. Obvious and his crew of Mary Sues Options

[xoxjoanxox]

Because someone has to put these stupid Mary Sues in their place.

Dividing this story into thirds since the first chapter is too long.

I don't One Piece, I only own my character

Thank God for that.

Enjoy!

Hahaha, no.

One Piece

... That is seriously what this person put as an opening title. Can you imagine how creative and imaginative this story will be?

"Luffy, out of all the places we could have slept, why here?" I asked Luffy in the barrel next to me. We were both in barrels floating in the ocean.

What an amazing way to start, tossing us right into this story like a baby into a pit of fire.

Read: You suck at writing, thank God that you've only unleashed one horror unto this world.

"I don't know Yuki, it just looked comfy in here" Luffy answered.

Yuki = the Mary Sue you never bothered to introduce, as if you expected everyone to automatically know who that was, you arrogant prick

"WE'RE IN BARRLES YOU MORON" I yelled back.

Barrles are quite comfy, I'll have you know. They're like hotel rooms, but without the hotel... or the room.

And who the hell are you to insult the main protagonist of a quite popular and well-liked manga series, you miserable excuse for a self-insert.

A few hours past and I could here seagulls squawking, as I listened to them I began to drift she -- What the, did you just shift from first person to third person?! -- felt something catch the barrel I was in and lift me up.

"Ugh, man this one is heavier then that other one" a voice was heard as he lifted her up (again, your inconsistency with POVs! And what the hell, did Luffy disappear or something? Don't you mean lifted 'them' up?! This angers and infuriates me!).

'I'm not that heavy! I'm only 400 pounds, those weaklings!' I thought angrily with an anime angry mark on her head.

What the ... This author is hitting another pet peeve, using the phrase "anime (insert action often seen in animes)." YOU DON'T DO THAT, OK?!!

"SHIP OFF THE STARBERD BOW AND THERE FLYING A PIRATE FLAG" some yelled.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY JUST SAY?" others screamed.

"I DON'T KNOW EITHER!" some replied.

The person dropped me and ran off. "OW" I yelled, but no one heard.

What the... seriously, where's Luffy?! Again, people are disappearing!

Then firing sound came from the east. As the blasts came the ship began to tip and the barrel that I was in started to roll. The barrel rolled down a flank of stair. "ow, oo, eh, ouch, agh" I chanted as the barrel rolled down the stairs. May the Devil come to my aid and devour the souls of those that dared to call me heavy. It's only shame that the words I'm uttering are complete nonsense.

As the barrel continued to roll, it banged into a door and began to spin, and stopped.

"Agh" I moaned. "Hello?" a younger voice heard. 'ah man' I thought. "I really hope there's no one in here… [sigh] <- WHAT IS THIS? *destroys with ancient Egyptian laser beams*

That's a relief" he said.

You're not even worth my editing.

Got to get off now, but I will continue to flame/mock this ... thing. It almosts makes me miss 'Pikachu's New Love.'

This post has been edited by xoxjoanxox: Sep 25 2010, 04:31 AM

[xoxjoanxox]

Part 2

"Like I care" he replied and took a bite.

Dude, I'm really starting to like this guy.

"That's not for you" the girl yelled.

He stopped chewing and the look on was of disgust.

"AH TOO SWEET, THEY'RE PACK WITH SUGAR, YOU'RE SUPOSE TO USE SALT YOU IDIOT, SALT"

It's not that little girl's fault, Yuki infected those riceballs with her Mary Sue Taste.

"But I- I thought they'd taste better sweet"

"Give me that" He grab the other rice ball and threw it to the ground and started stomping on it.

"NO, STOP" She yelled

The girl started to cry look at the ruined rice ball. "But I, worked so hard to make those"

"To bad you must not have read the notice that was posted, 'those who assist criminals in anyway will be executed, signed Marine Capt. Morgan' haha its seem that even little brats fear my daddy"

'Oh gosh, let's just hope his daddy nothing like him' I thought sweat dropping.

Too late, they're both jackasses.

He looked at one of the marines. "You, toss this kid out right now"

The marine hesitated.

"I said throw her over the wall soldier, now if you won't follow my orders, I'll tell my father"

They're going to toss that little girl over the wall? OVER THE FREAKING WALL?! What the hell, Halo (the author)?!

"Yes, sir I'll do it"

"And you," he pointed at me or like behind me or something." Say 'good bye', haha"

I stared at Zoro and he stared at me, unknown to me one of the marines was behind with sword ready to strike.

Yes, yes, yes, YES! End her life already!

"[gasp] <- THIS DOES NOT BELONG HERE (much like how your Mary Sue doesn't belong in the One Piece world) Look out" he yelled.

My eyes widened and I jumped up high. With the sun as my background I felt my bandana and ribbon that was holding my hair loosens and fall.

The sun as your background? Really? You couldn't have said, 'the sun shining behind me?' Instead, you had to make your character sound even more conceited and Sue-ish?

Zoro looked at me with wide eye like everyone else. My natural wavy back hair became a vial over my back.

Vial... What?! Do you mean veil?! When I first read this, I was confused as to how hair (which you didn't even type out) could become a glass container.

I land on the ground not far from Zoro and we stared at each other not looking away, I saw heard him blush wince in disgust and he looked away.

"Darn you" I heard Zoro muttered to the man.

The man started laughing walking closer and closer to me.

"You're dense on staying alive aren't you" he asked Zoro as I put my weapons away.

Indeed, Zoro has a density of 40 g/cm3, and the denser he gets, the harder it will be to kill him using a sword.

"That's right, I'm gonna make to the month without any problems" Zoro said staring past him to me.

"Right, good luck with that, hahaha"

He walked off with his marines

Apollo Justice: And with a wink of his eye and a twirl of his staff... he turned and walked out the door normally.

"Only ten days left" Zoro told him.

You still assume you'll make to those ten days then hahaha, but here's the thing, she won't survive"

Wait, didn't they just leave?

Zoro's eye widened and he looked at me but I was getting bandana and hair tie. I turned just in time to see the two marines charging at me. I back flipped and kicked them in the chin sending back flying over the gate.

That made about as much sense as this:


I turn head to see Luffy beside me and started walking towards Zoro.

Zoro looked at Luffy.

"So I hear you're a bad guy" Luffy said as I put my bandana around my upper left arm.

As opposed to your head where it belongs. I see how it is.

"Are you still here" He asked Luffy

ಠ_ಠ
What do you think, Zoro?

"You're stuck out for all the world to see and nothing, are you really all that strong"

If I had to point out each sentence that made no coherent sense in this fic, it would take all week, so let's just ignore that one for now.

"Mind your own business"

Luffy sighed walked toward Zoro, while I ran my fingers through my hair walking with him.

"If I were you I'd probably starve to death in three days"

Psssh, there is no such thing as the laws of science in the One Piece world, don't you know that?

"I've got more spirit than you could ever have." He smirked looking from Luffy to me. "Which is how I'm going to survive this ordeal, this I swear"

"ha what a weirdo" Luffy said to himself as he and I began to walk away.

Again, Luffy has no right to talk.

"Wait hold on"

I turned around to face him while Luffy was behind look over my shoulder.

Zoro looked down. "Could you, pick that up for me" He asked me as I looked at the smashed up rice ball in the dirt.

"You're gonna eat that, cause it mostly a ball of mud" Luffy asked as I crouch down to pick up the rice trying not to get anymore dirt in it.

"SHUT UP AND GIVE IT TO ME, NOW"

"Hey, Yuki is trying her best give her a break"

He was yelling at you Luffy, not Yuki, so there was no point in trying to defend---Oh I give up. Yuki's Sue level is already over 9000 anyways.

I got up ignoring Luffy and walked closer to Zoro. He looked up at me and I gave him the rice.

He chewed and swallowed it, and coughed a little after that.

"Should have listened to me" Luffy said smiling at Zoro as I patted Zoro on the back

"It was good, thanks for the food" Zoro said.

"You're welcome" I said, and then I did the unthinkable, I kissed him on the cheek as if to say see you later.


Especially from a Mary Sue.

And we walked off. Unknown to me, Zoro was staring at me in shock and was as red as a tomato.

WTF, IF IT'S UNKNOWN TO YOU AND YOU'RE SPEAKING IN FIRST PERSON, THEN THERE'S NO POSSIBLE WAY YOU COULD HAVE KNOWN IT! 9#)&^($)&^()$&)MAKES NO SENSE_&(_$_*&)_&* FFFFFF-----

Fighter: I think she sprung a leak.

Time skip

"Really" the little girl from earlier asked after Luffy and I told her what happended after.

"That's right, he ate every last grain of rice there was, plus he earned a kiss on the cheek from Yuki" Luffy said making me blush.

Don't play coy now, you slut.

"That's great"

"I wonder if Zoro is really as evil as everyone thinks he is" Coby asked himself.

Oh, I forgot Coby was even here. Come to think of it, where was he when the marines came? Did he run off like the coward he is?

"He's not," the girl yelled looking at Coby. "He's good, because he got himself punished for us"

"You're uh, You're uh making no sense" Luffy said staring at her.

"What do mean he got himself punished" I asked her sitting next to her.

"Sorry, it's that dump (I'm pretty sure that's a typo, but it works kinda. You got lucky this time Halo....) Helmeppo. He's the son of Capt. Morgan…" as she continued her story sounded like blackmail to me. Zoro trading places for Rika and her mother was a brave thing to do. (A/N:if you know the story, then your good to go)

A.K.A. I'm too lazy to write anything that doesn't glorify my self-insert.

"It's been three weeks since that day… Helmeppo keeps on punching and kicking him while he's tied up, he's being so unfair" she said turning to Luffy.

"I don't [hick <- Must resist making fun of... save snark for later...!] I don't how to help him" Rika cried.

"I see why you're upset" Coby said sadly looking at her.

Luffy looked up at the sky when saw grey clouds covering up the sun. Thunder and lightning was everywhere.

"W-what happened to the sun" Coby asked panicking staring up.

Oda-sensei is pissed off at this mockery of a fanfic and is suing, that's what's happening.

"That's weird it never rains here" Rika said staring up at the sky.

"That's because Yuki is angry." Luffy answered them staring at me.

"Huh"

"You see Yuki can control weather because of her devil fruit powers, but you see the only way to trigger her Storm-Storm powers are through emotions" Luffy explained with no emotion. <- unneccesary (sorry, my editing instincts are popping up)

So why the hell could she freaking levitate swords?!

All of sudden we heard crashes in Rika's mom dinner (it was octopus porridge night, and the octopus was not quite dead yet) we all stared at it.

We all headed in and saw Helmeppo sit at a table barking orders to Rika's mom.

"I'm trying to think of something intrusting to do, since I'm bored out of my skull here. Ah well. I suppose I could execute Zoro" He said laughing

Ohh that ticked me and Luffy off.

You failed to mention the deal between Helmeppo and Zoro (that after he was chained up for a month, he would be set free), so this made as much sense as the Turtle Catapult Gambit.

Thunder crashed outside loudly as Luffy and I charged at Helmeppo. Luffy punched in the face while I kick in the gut.

He hit face first in a wall. "You-you just hit me" he stated.

Again, thanks for stating the obvious.

This post has been edited by xoxjoanxox: Oct 2 2010, 12:56 PM