The Daughter of Red Haired Shanks (One Piece), Capt. Obvious and his crew of Mary Sues Options

[xoxjoanxox]

Because someone has to put these stupid Mary Sues in their place.

Dividing this story into thirds since the first chapter is too long.

I don't One Piece, I only own my character

Thank God for that.

Enjoy!

Hahaha, no.

One Piece

... That is seriously what this person put as an opening title. Can you imagine how creative and imaginative this story will be?

"Luffy, out of all the places we could have slept, why here?" I asked Luffy in the barrel next to me. We were both in barrels floating in the ocean.

What an amazing way to start, tossing us right into this story like a baby into a pit of fire.

Read: You suck at writing, thank God that you've only unleashed one horror unto this world.

"I don't know Yuki, it just looked comfy in here" Luffy answered.

Yuki = the Mary Sue you never bothered to introduce, as if you expected everyone to automatically know who that was, you arrogant prick

"WE'RE IN BARRLES YOU MORON" I yelled back.

Barrles are quite comfy, I'll have you know. They're like hotel rooms, but without the hotel... or the room.

And who the hell are you to insult the main protagonist of a quite popular and well-liked manga series, you miserable excuse for a self-insert.

A few hours past and I could here seagulls squawking, as I listened to them I began to drift she -- What the, did you just shift from first person to third person?! -- felt something catch the barrel I was in and lift me up.

"Ugh, man this one is heavier then that other one" a voice was heard as he lifted her up (again, your inconsistency with POVs! And what the hell, did Luffy disappear or something? Don't you mean lifted 'them' up?! This angers and infuriates me!).

'I'm not that heavy! I'm only 400 pounds, those weaklings!' I thought angrily with an anime angry mark on her head.

What the ... This author is hitting another pet peeve, using the phrase "anime (insert action often seen in animes)." YOU DON'T DO THAT, OK?!!

"SHIP OFF THE STARBERD BOW AND THERE FLYING A PIRATE FLAG" some yelled.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY JUST SAY?" others screamed.

"I DON'T KNOW EITHER!" some replied.

The person dropped me and ran off. "OW" I yelled, but no one heard.

What the... seriously, where's Luffy?! Again, people are disappearing!

Then firing sound came from the east. As the blasts came the ship began to tip and the barrel that I was in started to roll. The barrel rolled down a flank of stair. "ow, oo, eh, ouch, agh" I chanted as the barrel rolled down the stairs. May the Devil come to my aid and devour the souls of those that dared to call me heavy. It's only shame that the words I'm uttering are complete nonsense.

As the barrel continued to roll, it banged into a door and began to spin, and stopped.

"Agh" I moaned. "Hello?" a younger voice heard. 'ah man' I thought. "I really hope there's no one in here… [sigh] <- WHAT IS THIS? *destroys with ancient Egyptian laser beams*

That's a relief" he said.

You're not even worth my editing.

Got to get off now, but I will continue to flame/mock this ... thing. It almosts makes me miss 'Pikachu's New Love.'

This post has been edited by xoxjoanxox: Sep 25 2010, 04:31 AM

[xoxjoanxox]

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