The Daughter of Red Haired Shanks (One Piece), Capt. Obvious and his crew of Mary Sues Options

[xoxjoanxox]

Because someone has to put these stupid Mary Sues in their place.

Dividing this story into thirds since the first chapter is too long.

I don't One Piece, I only own my character

Thank God for that.

Enjoy!

Hahaha, no.

One Piece

... That is seriously what this person put as an opening title. Can you imagine how creative and imaginative this story will be?

"Luffy, out of all the places we could have slept, why here?" I asked Luffy in the barrel next to me. We were both in barrels floating in the ocean.

What an amazing way to start, tossing us right into this story like a baby into a pit of fire.

Read: You suck at writing, thank God that you've only unleashed one horror unto this world.

"I don't know Yuki, it just looked comfy in here" Luffy answered.

Yuki = the Mary Sue you never bothered to introduce, as if you expected everyone to automatically know who that was, you arrogant prick

"WE'RE IN BARRLES YOU MORON" I yelled back.

Barrles are quite comfy, I'll have you know. They're like hotel rooms, but without the hotel... or the room.

And who the hell are you to insult the main protagonist of a quite popular and well-liked manga series, you miserable excuse for a self-insert.

A few hours past and I could here seagulls squawking, as I listened to them I began to drift she -- What the, did you just shift from first person to third person?! -- felt something catch the barrel I was in and lift me up.

"Ugh, man this one is heavier then that other one" a voice was heard as he lifted her up (again, your inconsistency with POVs! And what the hell, did Luffy disappear or something? Don't you mean lifted 'them' up?! This angers and infuriates me!).

'I'm not that heavy! I'm only 400 pounds, those weaklings!' I thought angrily with an anime angry mark on her head.

What the ... This author is hitting another pet peeve, using the phrase "anime (insert action often seen in animes)." YOU DON'T DO THAT, OK?!!

"SHIP OFF THE STARBERD BOW AND THERE FLYING A PIRATE FLAG" some yelled.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY JUST SAY?" others screamed.

"I DON'T KNOW EITHER!" some replied.

The person dropped me and ran off. "OW" I yelled, but no one heard.

What the... seriously, where's Luffy?! Again, people are disappearing!

Then firing sound came from the east. As the blasts came the ship began to tip and the barrel that I was in started to roll. The barrel rolled down a flank of stair. "ow, oo, eh, ouch, agh" I chanted as the barrel rolled down the stairs. May the Devil come to my aid and devour the souls of those that dared to call me heavy. It's only shame that the words I'm uttering are complete nonsense.

As the barrel continued to roll, it banged into a door and began to spin, and stopped.

"Agh" I moaned. "Hello?" a younger voice heard. 'ah man' I thought. "I really hope there's no one in here… [sigh] <- WHAT IS THIS? *destroys with ancient Egyptian laser beams*

That's a relief" he said.

You're not even worth my editing.

Got to get off now, but I will continue to flame/mock this ... thing. It almosts makes me miss 'Pikachu's New Love.'

This post has been edited by xoxjoanxox: Sep 25 2010, 04:31 AM

[xoxjoanxox]

I was skimming through the reviews and it was packed full of people actually praising this bullshit.

My hopes for humanity has once again been crushed.

"I guess I never thought of it like that, if I put my mind to it, if I'm prepared to die of it, could I do something like that" Coby asked himself.

And by something like that, Coby means growing a pair.

Luffy was helping me up the stairs to the door, ready to stab Yuki with a kitchen knife once she went through the door, when he heard Coby say that.

"Like what" he asked

I turn to see Coby still sitting where we left him.

With his head turned he asked, "do you think, do you think I could ever join the marines"

Luffy and I look at each other, then back Coby.

"Marines" we asked

Coby stood up and turned around to face us.

"Yes, catching bad guys is the only thing I've ever wanted to do. It's been my dream since I was child. I used to pretend to be a cop that punished the bullies in my town, but it usually ended with me getting raped and beaten up. Do you think I could join" he asked

"How should I know that" Luffy said chuckling.

"THEN I'M GONNA DO IT, I'M NOT GOING TO GET STUCK HERE AS CABIN BOY FOR THE REST MY LIFE, I'LL BREAK OUT, AND TURN RIGHT AROUND AND CATCH ALVIDA MYSELF"

COBY, USE YOUR INDOOR VOICE! REALLY, KIDS THESE DAYS!

Just then something punch threw Chuck Norris round-house kicked the ceiling. There was dust everywhere

"Who is that you plan on catching Coby" Alvida asked. "are you actually thinking these twigs are gonna help you, well"

Coby was shaking really hard.

What the... Was Alvida spying on them or something? Why isn't anyone questioning this? And why did she have to punch a hole through the ceiling instead of... oh I don't know? OPENING THE DOOR?!

"ANSWER ME"

I could tell she getting angry just by looking at her.

Luffy and I were about to join him when sword pocked through the door and the wall next to us.

Alvida looked from me to Luffy. "Hm, My guess is your not Zoro the Pirate Hunter"

"Zoro" Luffy asked

"Who" I asked raising a red eyebrow.

"COBY"

Zoro is Coby?



Coby cringed in fear.

"Who is the most beautiful of all on these seas" Alvida asked Coby.

Luffy and I stood there staring at her blankly not paying attention

"Well-I- um-… give me a sec I know this" he shakily

"Is it . . . Gourdy?!"

Alvida glared, "No." She proceeded to kick him off the boat.

Luffy pointed and I stuck my thumb at her and asked, "Hey Coby" I started

"Who's the fat lady" Luffy finish our question

Is this author trying to show that Luffy and Yuki are so close that they are completely sychronized? Hahaha, no I'm not buying this bullshit.

Everyone in the room stared at with hung jaw.

"You, BRATS" Alvida yelled getting to swing at us, Luffy grabbed me put on his back and jumped out of the way.

There's a wreck on the southbound paragraph so expect heavy traffic and lots of cursing from an angry Asian girl.

He landed in front of Coby. "Let's go" he said.

Coby grabbed his hand and he jump to the deck above us and land on his feet. He then promptly tripped over a bump.

I got off his back and got into a fighting stance. One of the pirate ran towards Luffy with his sword and tried to cut, but Luffy did a backflip, then head butt him. One was coming from behind, in a flash I was in front of him. I jump up, knocking his sword out his hand and punched him in the stomach. I land on my feet with all the grace of a mentally retarded gorilla.

"Thanks Yuki" Luffy said smiling

Under his breath, he muttered, "Bitch."

Luffy and I jumped at the same time from a group attack.

"MISS, ME" Luffy yelled.

That comma DOES NOT belong there!

We landed a few feet in front of them.

Coby screamed and I knew someone was behind us.

Luffy and I dodged the sword and Luffy pick the guy say "It's not nice to attack from behind"

He threw the guy to group in front of us and they fell over from the complete and utter failure that eminated from every letter in this terrible fanfiction.

I jumped forward in the air and flipped. No one notice except Luffy knew that I had taken out six pieces of metal until I land.

Another group was charging at me. I took my six pieces and click then together and created two large Lances (Like Xaldin's FORM Kingdom Hearts II only Black and Red) one in each hand.

"Learn your places in life" I said. I charged twirling my lances and knocked every pirate out cold on the ground.

That's a lesson you yourself should learn, sweetie.

*cough hypocrite cough*

When I turned around I saw Luffy grab a pull and his arm stretch. Every pirate on the ship look from Luffy's arm to him.

"oh this isn't good" I murmured

"GUM-"

"He wouldn't"

"GUM-"

"He would" I ducked but I was too late.

"ROCKET"

He pull back towards the pirates and Yuki and knock every single one of them.

I stood up and brushed myself off and walked to where Luffy was standing. It hurt a bit since Luffy had shattered my ribs and left leg, but that was ok, as long as my face was still the same (hideous and vomit-inducing).

"Way to go, Gum-Gum Boy" I said smirking.

He smiled "You didn't do bad yourself, Weather Girl"

Oh what?! Bitch just stole Nami's position too!

I took my lances apart put them back in my sash.

Lances?! Didn't you have swords?!

Fffffffff----------- If I could I would take a giant bazooka gun and nuke this fanfiction like no tomorrow.

Coby walked "Luffy, Yuki, what are you guys"

"Oh, I'm a rubber man and Yuki is weather user a stupid skank who ripped off Nami's Perfect Clima Tact." Luffy said while stretched is mouth.

I smiled. "So you're… made of rubber, I-" Coby stopped what he was going to say when felt a presents behind him.

He got behind me and Luffy.

"So you've eaten of the Devil Fruits" Alvida said darkly

I'm sorry... I'm running low on creativity. Ugh, I can feel my braincells dying as I read this piece of crap, so I need to break it up again.

Stay tune for the next part! What unexpected and totally original things await us?!

This post has been edited by xoxjoanxox: Sep 25 2010, 07:06 PM