Attack of the Zombites: or Nebula's big mistake, in which goths are PURE EVIL. Options

[tlegg]

Well folks here’s Mykens first 6teen stories.

A story about how people who a different then you are evil and how we should all stay not a Goth.

A story a about how terrible it is to break up with your boyfriend and how if you break up with him he’ll go evil,

I will admit that I don’t read too much of Mykens stuff but I do know that a lot of these themes show up in other stories.

So let’s begin

Attack of the Zombites: or Nebula's big mistake

Okay notice the second title , it Nebula’s big mistake, okay now this can mean two things the first is that Myken decided to make it know that this is her mistake for leaving Jude it comes across a extremely sexist and second it blame her for becoming a Goth.

Author's notes:

Hi everyone, Mykan here…

I’ve never heard a better reason for the existance back icon.

Just telling you, I only saw Lights out once, and never wanted to see it again. So I don't really know the names of Nebula's Goth friends.

So watch the episode again, seriously if you going to even do this stupid fixing continuity thing you might as well get the continuity you have a problem with right.

So just try work with me, Okay.

Oh trust me the names being wrong isn’t the biggest problem here.

CHAPTER ONE

Nebula, and her friends: The Goths; were really riding it fast on the road that night in their new red Ferrari Marylin had just bought.,

They were really living it up, No Traffic, No speed limits. Just a nice clean stretch of road.

Okay they hit that one guy, but they disposed of his body by ditching it in a lake.

They were pretty sure it wouldn’t come back and haunt them.

"Wow… this is totally living it up." Said Nebula as the wind swished past her dark hair.

Yes thank you Nebula you don't have to repeat everything the narrator says. you know becuase we're stupid.

Sadly, she really wished Jude could be with her, even though she broke up with him, she was beginning to miss him a lot.

Okay folks, anyone unfamiliar with Myken usual storytelling style (I know that’s unlikely but what the hey) this is the part where he tries to ‘fix’ what he sees a faults in the TV show I will admit I haven’t seen the episode of 6teen were Jude and Nebula/Starr broke up, but apparently it because the two characters had grown apart. Gee I wonder why that sounds familiar (coughthingschangechough) As you all know Myken wants to take what many people see as interesting character development and wants to smash down any sense of tragedy and make so that our heroes can end up happily ever after.

Bullshit.

I know a lot of people (including myself) do like a happy ending. But tragedy does help define characters, in the words of Sarah Jane Smith “The Universe has to move forward. Pain and loss, they define us as much as happiness or love. Whether it's a world or a relationship. Everything has its time and everything ends.” I know what Myken trying to do. He wants to give his favourite character’s a happy ending but in the end he makes them just one dimensional characters all after their own personal ‘Love quests’, In the end the audience will just find it boring and contrived. I’d make a twilight joke but lets just continue.

But hey, he knew it was for the best. Nebula used to be Star, but she wanted to go her own way now. What was done was done.

Not if Myken can fix it, and to be honest he can’t.

There was only one problem though. Jude said they could still be friends, but she and her friends hadn't seen him anywhere at the Mall for days.

Okay why are we finding out this just now, still not being at the mall isn’t a big deal.

He got his job back as manager of Stick-it, but hadn't been seen. Even Jude's other friends hadn't seen him. They tried calling his cell-phone but he wasn't answering.

Yeah Stick-It was closed for a health code violation, and even if they did reopen it who would want eat there, “oh mommy can I have something from the place which was shut down for having a cockroach in it.

Even his folks reported that their son was missing, and hadn't come home for days, not even bothering to tell them a thing.

Again why are we finding this out now?

The only person who had any information of what happened before he vanished was
Caitlin. She said that even though Jude accepted the break up, he didn't move from the benches all night.

“Please somebody help, there glue on this bench and I can’t get up”.

He was still there the next morning moping over the fact that he was single again, and maybe for good, and when they went to check on him, he was gone.

Okay I do know about 6teen, and I have a hunch that the tight ass security guard woulden’t has allowed him to stay the night crying. Also why the hell would been there overnight, they do force people to leave mall after closing time you know, there is such a law as trespassing.

"Nebula?" said Morganna. "Are you okay?"

Nebula snapped out of her trance. "Sorry, was receiving a message from the dark spirits. They’ve told to do the usual. you know make the street flow with the blood of the innocent. The eve of darkness is nigh. Blah blah blah" She laid on that one, but her friends knew what was troubling her.

They saw her and Jude together before she became Nebula, back when she was Star.

She and Jude were like, "The Perfect of the Perfect couple!" they knew she was missing Jude a bit. In fact, they actually wished they could actually helped him a bit.

Then why didn’t you, seriously there is no reason not to help. You could just say
“hey Nebula we know you like the Jude so you can still date him, we wouldn’t really mind”.

Jude tried to fit in as a Goth, and become Judas, It was a pretty bad thing to try and do, but he was trying at least.

Yeah because not one should love you for whom you are.

Even though they were Goths, they still hadn't forgotten of what it's like to be in love. Even dark spirits need compassion and relations.

Yeah because Goth’s have to reject love. It’s their way hatred and loneliness is all that they know.

Still, it was Nebula's decision to break up, and they really didn't want to interfere, even if it looked like she wanted to reconsider and Take Jude back.

Then why doesn’t she just take him back. I know they broke up because Nebula became a different person but still you could try to make the relationship work. If you really love someone your dating you shouldn't just break up with them. she was the one who dumped him why now

Still, Nebula never would forget him.

Meanwhile, at the Mall…

It was getting around closing time, and the gang was all at the Lemon, talking about their day.

"Ugh… I've had enough of those clones." Nikki complained as she banged her head on the table. "I'm just glad to be out of the Khaki-barn."

You know she probably says this everyday so the other characters must be really sick of it by now.

"You have it easy." Said Jen, "Coach put me down for two Fifties, a ten minute penalty, and a pay cut just because I showed up what, two seconds late!"

Wyatt however seemed to be the only one who had a great day. "Boss says, if I come up with another new song for the burgers, I'll get a big promotion." He said.

"Sweet deal bro." said Jonsey.

"Hey, Jonsey…" asked Caitlin as she closed the Lemon up. "Didn't you get a new job as the Elevator operator?"

"Yeah, but I got fired." Replied Jonsey.

"I'm not surprised why!" snorted Nikki.

Jonsey scored as Job as elevator operator, but he secretly wanted the job just to score chicks.

So he only pretended there was no more room for guys in the lift, and while no one was looking, he got the lift stuck just so he could hang out with the Chicks some more.

Okay how do you even get a modern lift stuck, also why would you need a elevator attendant today. Is this just some kind of really really fancy mall.

"Hey, if they didn't want a piece of the Jonsmeister, they should've taken the stairs." Said Jonsey.

Jen just sighed. "If we had an elevator at home, you so wouldn't be allowed to use it."

That makes no sense what so ever. Are insinuating that he would break the elevator to try and make out with you, your mother, your sister, Jonsey may be a douche but I don’t think he’s that big of one.

The others just sighed as if they could smell another Step-sibling rivalry battle.

You know what while I do have to admit is pretty generic and stale the so far 4 of the main character are pretty spot on. this may describe what’s wrong with modern day television.

Still, what they all were really concerned about, was, Jude. He hadn't quite been himself since Nebula broke up with him.

Oh and the fact that he was missing. That was a big deal as well.

This was something that even Jonsey understood. Jude really was into Nebula, even though he only wanted to call her Star, because that's who she'd always be to him.

Okay why did Jonsey understand, Myken you don't even tell us why? For those who give a damn (which may be about one or two of you) he broke up with Nikki. You could at least explain to us why he felt the same way.

But ever since the break up, he hadn't spoken a word or took notice of anyone. Not even some chicks, like Rita who really dug him, and now he was missing.

And yet they don’t seem concerned what so ever. They could at least try to look for him or talking about him. Or talking about where he could be, you seem to be doing perfectly fine without him.

Where was he?

Find out... in a few minutes but first another rant.

Okay this scene did nothing what so ever. We didn’t learn anything new, we pretty much knew all of this from the previous scene, the only thing it accomplished was to introduce us to the main characters from the show, and while they were written in character we could have done without this scene. It comes across as pointless padding, sometime less is more.

Meanwhile…

Nebula and The Goths decided to call it a night and head back to the mall for a quick drink before heading home.

Okay so this deserted stretch of road is near to the mall, that’s really unlikely.

"Nebula, if we see Jude there, you may do as you wish with him." Said Axe. "We will tell the Dark side to spare your soul."

Yes because you know the dark side which seems to hate love will listen to someone who cares about friendship. which is basically another form of love. Seriously there no the logic in that.

Nebula smiled a little, but she still felt uneasy about how Jude might respond to her if she approached him.

Suddenly… BOOM! the sound of a gunshot was heard from behind, and popped one of the back tires.

"Whoa… what the heck!" said Marylin as he tried to steady the car. "What was that!" cried Nebula.

They all looked behind and saw three teens on Motorcycles chasing after them, and from the looks of them, they were Goths!

GOTH’S! Oh no their going to die, they’re going to die, what the hell are they going to do ?

All three of them wore black sparkling outfits, small capes on their backs, their helmets hid their faces completely and right on their chests, and on their helmets and bikes was big red "Z"!

Gee I wonder what that stands for

All three of them were chasing the car and with guns in their hands.


One of the Goths approached the car from Nebula's side. Nebula couldn't make out the Dude's face.

The guy however was wearing a microphone inside his helmet.

"Jut ga-lisan sik, don't fra-liusan acc!" he spoke in a language that none of the other
Goths understood, but Nebula recognized something familiar about that voice.

Okay here are some spoilers. The language their speaking is gothic, it seems Myken is under the impression the gothic language belongs to the Goth subculture, when actually a dead German language belonging to the nomadic group of people called the Goths. There a little history lesson for you, who said riff can’t be educational.

At the dude's words the other two cyclists began to surround the car, from behind and from the other sides and trying to shove it off the road.

Alright hang on tight guys." Cried GB-one as he put his foot down. Even though the car had a flat tire it seemed to be gaining speed, but the strange Goths weren't giving up.


"Afarlaistjan afar acc, Afarlaistjan afar acc!" cried the leader, and the bikers took off after the car.

Morganna looked at the bikers. "Who are those guys?" she asked. "What do they like, want?"

Nebula was still concerned about the bike leader's voice. It sounded just like-! No, no it couldn't be!

Suddenly, the Bikers fired again and shot another tire out, causing the car to spin madly out of control, and heading straight for a gas station.

"EVERYBODY OUT!" cried Marylin, and everyone leapt out of the car and onto the hard pavement. They weren't hurt to badly.

Okay firstly isn’t it extremely dangerous to jump out of a SPINNING car, wouldn’t they be crushed when it spin back round. Secondly they were in a high speed chase,

I doubt that they would be okay; they’d probably need to go to a hospital.

But the car kept on going and going until it crashed into the gas station pumps and the whole thing went up like a ball of fire, luckily there was no one there to get hurt either.

So this pretty much begs the question are they, are they in the city, are they in the nearby forests and valleys. if their in the city why the hell hasn’t anyone called the cops. Hell why haven’t they called the cops, they must have some sort of commutation on them.

Marylin was horrified, his beautiful baby was gone.

Marylin’s a boy?

Nebula brushed the dust from her hair, and the saw the bike leader stop in front of her. He lifted up his visor, and Nebula immediate recognized those eyes anywhere.

"No way…!" she said softly but deeply as tears started to form in her eyes.

The dude started angrily into her eyes, and nodded. It really him, she wished it wasn't, but it was definitely him.

If you haven’t figured out whom it is yet. Then I fear that common sense is dead.

"Haubith- frauja, this ist Judas! Apaustaulei us-fullnan, at-wandjan stoma!" the Dude said into his microphone and then he and his followers pulled out.

Okay so what was the point of this attack, it was clearly co-ordinated they were in commutation with each other during it. So why did it seem just so random. It seems that the bikers goal was just to cause chaos this can supported by noticing that they left Nebula and co alive so they could spared the news and create fear, then why was it co-ordinated,

But they have done that gun they could have done that and just shot people, hell if their goal was to cause fear why didn’t they kill them after they jumped out, people will be scared if a gang goes out just kill people randomly

It just rises to many questions, we don’t know the villains goals other than that they seem to be assholes.

Nebula was heart-struck.


The Goths were okay, but Nebula didn't get up. She didn't even notice the bad bruise on her arm. "Nebula… you okay?" asked Axe.

She broke down and began to cry hysterically.

So that’s the end of chapter 1 .

I may mock chapter two but I kind of have more important thing to do.

It depends on how this chapter goes down with you guys.

For what it’s worth though thanks for reading it.

[Waffleman]

You could stand to work on your own grammar.

[DraculaMarth]

You have some really good material for your mocks, but unfortunately you seem to have a poor grasp on grammar.

[Maniak]

This asshole thinks that`s a language?
Just to inform you, it`s not.
Listen, "Gothic" was an art period in European culture around the 15 century, back when they all build this big cathedrals and so on.
You know "the good old dark times" where people still got killed as soon as you accused them of witchcraft or homosexuality.

The culture of the former "tribe" called the Goth died around the 16 century. And believe me, what this guy is talking here is not German!
Not even in the form of the middle age version of our language.
This guy knows absolutely nothing about German culture. Heck, I bet he thinks the nazis are still in charge here.

[tlegg]

This asshole thinks that`s a language?
Just to inform you, it`s not.
Listen, "Gothic" was an art period in European culture around the 15 century, back when they all build this big cathedrals and so on.
You know "the good old dark times" where people still got killed as soon as you accused them of witchcraft or homosexuality.

The culture of the former "tribe" called the Goth died around the 16 century. And believe me, what this guy is talking here is not German!
Not even in the form of the middle age version of our language.
This guy knows absolutely nothing about German culture. Heck, I bet he thinks the nazis are still in charge here.

Sorry if i offended you. i got my info from wikipedia. as it turn out its a germanic language. which includes German, Danish, Afrikaans and even english. sorry for any offensive.

[Maniak]

Sorry if i offended you. i got my info from wikipedia. as it turn out its a germanic language. which includes German, Danish, Afrikaans and even english. sorry for any offensive.

No I am not thinking you are offending me.
I think Mykan is offending me. Sorry if it sounded the other way, but I am really pissed off of the potential way Mykan could think this is our language. Then again, I took the freedom and read the last chapters of the original script you are mstinging and there it later turns out, this gang uses a language they came up with on their own. Which again shows that Mykan seems to believ, goths are some sort of Klingon weirdos, inventing their own language and what else.
... man this guy is fucked up.
But well, what do you expect? His "german" scientist Dr. Richter for example is such a cliche I expect him one day to scream "Sieg heil". Or as Mykan would think it`s "funnier" "ZIEGH heil"

Your mock on the fic till now... okay I am not the one who has the right to complain that much about grammair considering my own problems but I really want to say to you, improve here and there a bit. As someone else said already, you have "potential" but as I can see that this is your first MSTing at all, you should improve a bit of your grammair. Also you should after this thing probably msting something from another author, if you want to continue mocking fics. Believe me, after a few chapters of Mykan`s crap you get tired of this and wish to mock something else.

[DraculaMarth]

Not to mention, after about 20 mocks, Mykan gets kinda boring. You really have to do something really impressive these days to make a Mykan mock interesting. I still don't know how I got people to read mine.

[Screaming_Soulcatcher]

Not a bad mock (I suck at editing) but I think mykan and the other fics on so bad its horrible on tv tropes are getting played out

[P Dot Alex]

I guess it's just easier than visiting FF.net and looking through their archive.

[Mysty]

Just because it's easier doesn't mean it's the best way. Every time a Mykan fic is mocked on here, it just proves we're no more willing to move on than he is.

[DraculaMarth]

Just because it's easier doesn't mean it's the best way.  Every time a Mykan fic is mocked on here, it just proves we're no more willing to move on than he is.

This. I feel like someone should come up with a guide to find mockable fanfics. It would mean less Mykan.

[P Dot Alex]

Just because it's easier doesn't mean it's the best way.  Every time a Mykan fic is mocked on here, it just proves we're no more willing to move on than he is.

I never said it's better. Or have I left some sort of subliminal message that I didn't intend?

[Mysty]

No, I was just pointing that out to the people that do believe it. Which seem to be more and more here in the fanfic mocking section.

[P Dot Alex]

This.  I feel like someone should come up with a guide to find mockable fanfics.

Either that, or we could open a thread in which we collect badfics we found.

This post has been edited by P Dot Alex: Sep 4 2010, 08:12 AM

[Mysty]

That would probably be helpful. You could post fics you've found but don't feel like mocking, or someone could go in and ask for a specific type of fic (like fandom, pairing, whatever) and someone else can post the link if they know one.

[P Dot Alex]

Well, if nobody got problems with that because they want to make a thread like that themselves, I'm gonna open a "badfic search thread" right now. Should I ask MoA if he can stick it?

[Mysty]

Go ahead; it's not like it makes a difference who makes it.