Outline · Standard · [ Linear+ ] Screensaver Problems, A Pokemon self-insert by a maniac

[Mysty]

Okay so I thought I was going to mock Ordinary Story, then I realized how FUCKING LONG the chapters are. I may go back to it someday, but for now, I'm going to pick an easier target: a Pokemon self-insert! But not just any Pokemon self-insert. It... well, you'll see. On that note, on with it!

Screensaver Problems Part 1
Welcome, one and all! This is a fic by yours truly, PokeDigiManiac The Magnificent! *fireworks go off*

Those were heat-seeking missles you dipshit.

Thank you, thank you very much. I have some crap I have to go through before I start.

This fic is dedicated to Ash and Misty. Good luck, you two. Have a great life.

...lol.

I also do not own Pokemon or any other copyrighted items in this fic. Someday I'll own Nintendo and force them to stop showing reruns! MWAHAHAHA! But until then, I have no wish to get sued, so I'll write a stupid disclaimer.

Stupid is right.

I use "emoticons" in this story, so I'll translate the harder ones for you now.

Oh god no.

^_^ means happy. ^_^* is the famous anime sweatdrop. -_^ is an eyebrow raised as in "Interesting..." or "That's weird..." ~_~x is one of my own design, the anime "popping a vein." O_O is "surprised/scared."

And means "OH FUCK NO."

All actions are in *asterisks.* All thoughts are in {vases.} Mew's thoughtspeech is in these. This story will be mostly in first-person mode. Also, in the interludes between chapters, I use script mode, with abbreviations for some names: "PDM:" stands for "PokeDigiManiac:" and "M:" stands for "Mew:"

Mew is my muse-pokemon. A muse is someone or someTHING

Why do I feel like this guy is insulting my intelligence?

Mew: I heard that!

that an author uses for ideas or comic relief when he writes. I just decided to choose a Mew, (An extremely rare psychic pokemon that has DNA from all species. It is believed to be extinct. Yeah, right.) because I'm crazy about them, (see my email address!) but out of all the Mews, I had to capture one with a smart mouth!

Mew: What do you mean, a mouth? I don't talk, I communicate through my psychic powers!

See what I mean?

Yeah but I wish I didn't.

This story really can be classified as an AAMRN, but while it has a good amount of that, it has lots of other things as well, so you decide... (Definition for AAMRN: Ash And Misty Romance Novel)

A novel is a work of fiction reaching at least 50,000 words in length. You better hope this isn't 50,000 words in length, smart guy.

One Last Thing!

Uncle: One MORE thing!

Main Character Ages (In Order of Appearance) Are As Follows:

Chris: 13 (for real!)

Fo shizzle!

Ash: 13

Misty: 13

...I'll let you make of this what you will.

Brock: 14

Jessie: 19

James: 19

Meowth: who cares?

I do! D:

Duplica: 13

Suzie: 14

Gary: 14 (if he's only 11 in the TV show, then how the hell did he get his driver's license for that car? That's why I got rid of it here!)

I'd call him on in-story author notes, but the story hasn't even started yet!

Cassidy: 20

Butch: 21

Okay, on to the story! *sighs and puts on writer's beret*



"Screensaver Problems"

by PokeDigiManiac

One fine day, I was snoozing as usual in History. When my teacher asked me a question, I jumped up and shouted: "The square root of 4 is 2!"

"Chris, math is your next period," sighed the teacher.

How does his history teacher know that? *scratches head*

"Well, do I at least get extra credit for knowing that one?" I asked.

His face was hint enough that I should just sit back down and wait for the inevitable Apocalypse of the vice-principal. But, amazingly enough, he just sighed and went back to the discussion. I felt like cheering. I decided that I should look for a new Pokemon screensaver to commemorate the occasion.

NEEEEEERD!

Now, that is a big thing for me. I hardly ever change my screensaver because I get too attached to them, but that's another story.

One that you'll go into great detail about eventually, I'm sure.

When the final bell rang, I ran for home, completely ignoring the outraged cries of the science teacher who I had just run over in my haste to escape.

Stampede... in the gorge... SIMBA'S DOWN THERE!

Once I reached home with a minimum of assaults and unwilling fights, I booted up my laptop. This laptop was my most precious possession in the whole world. It was the latest one with the best 3-D cards and all the new software and advanced memory. Once it was booted up and ready, I connected to the Internet and started my foray into the world of Pokejunk.

That sounds dirtier than it should.

Before I go any further, I think I should tell a little more about myself. I'm Chris, an 8th grader. I'm also a registered and certified Pokemaniac.

They'll recognize any minority these days.

Everything about Pokemon conceivable is either on my shelves or tacked to the walls of my room. Even my computer had a stenciled Alakazam on the cover. I especially like psychic Pokemon, and most of all, the Abra-Alakazam evolutions. I also am a technofreak. You name it about computers, and I know it.

I think what he was going for is technophile.

I'm also very philosophical. Even about the Pokemon anime, which I watch every weekend. Like my views on the anime sweatdrop- I think it's funny how if the anime sweatdrop were real, I'd use it a lot. My life is like that. Now back to the Internet...

You call that philosophical? Amateur.

I had spent an hour searching and had still not found any screensavers good enough until I got to the very last one on my searchlist. "New Screensaver!" it said. "Gives You the Ultimate Pokemon Experience!" My curiosity piqued, I decided to check it out.

The webpage had a strange address that was a long string of numbers and random letters. I bookmarked it so if the screensaver crashed my computer, I could find the site again and flame them.

Because that's totally mature.

I scrolled down to look at the descriptions. They said what the summary had said and more: "Feels Just Like You're In the Anime World of Pokemon! (Kanto Only.)" "You Might Even Run Into Ash and His Friends!" "Gives You the Full Experience!" "Uses New Technology to Make It As Lifelike as Possible!"

"Sure sounds good..." I muttered.

Sounds creepy if you ask me.

I scrolled down some more until I came to two hyperlinks. Above them, it had a weird poem:

A few inches below,

There are two choices,

Yes or no.

One will change your life,

The other will leave you wondering what could have been,

But both will cause much strife.

Choose wisely, young child padawan,

Pokemaniac you may be,

But compared to the World of Pokemon, your experiences are mild.

Under all that, the two hyperlinks said:

"Go on to your destiny" and

"Leave this place forever"

...that is not yes or no.

I was a little weirded out by that poem, because after all, what could it mean by changing your life? But I've never been a coward, so I clicked on "Go on to your destiny." It brought up a picture of a Pokeball and a note under it:

"This Pokeball contains all your hopes, dreams, sorrows, and terrors. Do you wish to open it?"

"Okay, this is getting really weird!" I said to myself as I clicked on the Pokeball. It initiated a download that said it was 0.5 of a byte, and yet it took nearly five minutes to download. "How could something that tiny be even possible, let alone take five minutes?" I wondered out loud.

Because you're on a crappy, dial-up connection, probably.

"DOWNLOAD COMPLETE. DO YOU WISH TO CONFIGURE THE SCREEN SAVER NOW?" popped up with a Yes/No choice. I had time to kill, so I picked Yes.

That brought up a large screen with a giant amount of choices to make. Some were like: "What is your favorite type of Pokemon?" "Choose a starting Pokemon from this list." "What is your favorite color?" and on and on.

This was written in 2001, but I still feel like he ripped off the Pokemon Mystery Dungeon games somehow.

Essentially, I told the thing that I loved Psychic pokemon, I wanted to start with Abra, my name was Chris, I was 13 years old, I had liked Pokemon since Red/Blue came out, my favorite color was red, and on and on, countless crazy questions. And the weird thing was, there was absolutely no temptation to lie. Not that I normally do, but it was like all thoughts about lying had been erased from my head.

OH MY GOD YAMI MIND-CRUSHED HIM! Not much of a loss.

I wanted to see the screensaver, so I set it to go on after one minute, and waited expectantly.

In a minute, the computer went absolutely black. Then, suddenly, streaks of color began appearing from the sides of the screen and converging in the center, forming an ever-increasing ball of light. {This is cool, but it's not a Pokemon screensaver.}

Ya think?

I thought, about to move the mouse and cut it off. But then something scary happened.

Michael Jackson appeared?

When I tried to move the mouse, it was locked securely in place. When I tried clicking the keys, they were stiff and immovable. The same went for the power switch and the plug. It was like the computer had been frozen in a serious way.

Or a hilarious way!

While I cursed the thing and tried to fix it, the ball of light had become larger. Suddenly, I felt a compelling desire to watch it for a few seconds,

Pretty pretty, shiny shiny!

at least to see what kind of crappy screensaver I had been loaded down with.

The ball was now as large as the screen, and was starting to take on some color as the streaks of light faded. Its top half started to turn red, and its bottom half white. I didn't realize what it was until the button appeared on the front. "It's a pokeball!" I thought. But apparently the screensaver wasn't done. The pokeball began to shake and quiver, as if there was something inside struggling to get out. I leaned forward, eager to find out what was inside it.



Suddenly, in a blur of motion, the ball snapped open and a bright white light started to shine out from it onto me. I felt my bottom leaving the chair as the ball became larger and larger until it filled my vision.

Suddenly, Michael Jackson seems like the least of his problems.

Then everything became black. Although I wasn't around to see it, my computer displayed the words

ILLEGAL ACTION DETECTED before it shut itself down and disappeared, too.

Must've found his Pokemon fanfics and commited seppuku.

When my sister walked into my room a few minutes later to annoy me, all she saw was an empty room with no teenager or computer...

First person point of view does not work like that.

PDM: So, do you like it so far? I decided after I wrote near to 48 pages of this stuff that I should divide it up into parts, so there's more!

M: Heaven help us.

For once, I agree with the authors-notes characters.

PDM: Please give me as much feedback as possible! I really want to hear from you guys!

Here's some feedback for you:



Now... READ ON!

[Protto]

What the shit? Did this dude just technically write a Pokemon fanfic about how much of a fangirl for Pokemon he is?

^_^ means happy. ^_^* is the famous anime sweatdrop. -_^ is an eyebrow raised as in "Interesting..." or "That's weird..." ~_~x is one of my own design, the anime "popping a vein." O_O is "surprised/scared."

*facepalm*

[Mysty]

What the shit? Did this dude just technically write a Pokemon fanfic about how much of a fangirl for Pokemon he is?
*facepalm*

It's a chaptered story, but he does keep going on and on about how much he loves Pokemon and how much he knows about it. And how much of a crush he has on Duplica.

[Protto]

It's a chaptered story, but he does keep going on and on about how much he loves Pokemon and how much he knows about it.  And how much of a crush he has on Duplica.

Mental checklist:

Bad fanfiction author - Check

Retard - Check

Sentence: Death.

EDIT: Mistook Duplica for a Pokemon there. Sorry.

This post has been edited by Protto: Jul 28 2010, 09:46 AM

[Mysty]

Not a furry, although having a crush on a girl from an anime isn't much better sometimes.

No idea what the fuck this guy is doing anymore. I used to talk to him way back then but he disappeared off the face of the internet.

[Badass Overlord]

I keep thinking he's Chris-Chan when I see the name Chris. Also the title sounds like a spambot ad. Furthermore, fuck the emoticons, and fuck him for not knowing what a novel even is.

[YTB]

Holy shit, that was so bad I couldn't even get to the actual story. It's fairly obvious this idiot knows jack about description, though.

[shiroamasa]

At least the mock was decent.

[Mysty]

Screensaver Problems Part 2
PDM: So you decided to keep reading, huh? Not a bad decision, in my opinion.

Yeah, well your opinion sucks.

*Meowth jumps in*

Meowth: Now, where we left off, da kid was just sucked thru de computer to who knows where...

M: Out, out, out! I do all the nonhuman narrating and pre-story crap here! *uses Mega Punch and blasts Meowth through a wall* Now that that's over with, where we left off, the author... What? You say Meowth already said that? Hmph! Fine! Just read!

Many hours (or was it days?)

Weeks? Months? Years? Decades?

later, I woke up to find myself in a strange forest. "What the hell?" was my typical reaction. "Where am I? And what the hell did that bleeping screensaver do to me?"

He'll say hell but he censors fuck? Weird morals.

I could not tell where I was, and it seemed too much for a prank, and who would do that to me anyways?

The world. The world would do that to you.

So I decided to stand still for a second and think. But when I did, I got another shock.

I was dressed in completely different clothes!

Chris: HOW DRUNK DID I GET LAST NIGHT?!

I am not the coolest person in the school, (actually, people think I'm a geek!)

I never would've guessed.

and I dressed accordingly. But my clothes were extremely nice- I was wearing a red

T-shirt, but instead of a weird surfing logo over my heart, there was a nice picture of a Masterball. On the back, it was just red. I was also wearing blue jeans with PKMN stenciled on the right leg, which were saggy enough to be nice but not so much that my boxers were peeking. (I think that's the dumbest fashion trend ever!)

Boo, in-story authors note!

My nice artist's beret was still there, but it had a large P on the front. All in all, I thought I looked pretty cool, but that still didn't explain where I was. Then I looked again and was a little more surprised.

I had on a nice backpack with my laptop inside it and my camera (Photography is a hobby of mine) was hanging from my shoulder by its strap. I assumed that the camera supplies were in the pack, too.

Yeah, but you know what they say about assuming.

But what surprised me the most was what was buckled around my waist.

It was a belt that had a Pokeball and a very advanced (like the Johto ones) Pokedex clipped onto it. Now that helped me figure out what had happened to me.

You were mauled by Pokemon cosplayers?

"Either I'm crazy, which is possible, or I'm in the World of Pokemon. Yesssss!" That had always been my dream ever since I had begun to watch the Pokemon TV show. But how had I gotten here? "Must have been that crazy screensaver."

LOGIC!

I decided to see if I could boot up my computer and get back to that site to find out more about it.

But when I tried to boot it up, nothing happened. Just then, I noticed that the batteries were dead. And besides, there were no phone lines in a forest that I knew of... ^_^*

Boo emoticons, hurray stabbing!

"Hey! An actual sweatdrop! That's cool!" I exclaimed. It looked like I was stuck here for now.

I had another brainwave.


BRAIN BLAST!

I was wondering if the screensaver questions had not really been that pointless after all, so I decided to check what kind of Pokemon was in the Pokeball. I pushed the button to enlarge it (I had read tons of info on how to operate them on the Net.) and tossed it out. When it hit the ground, it opened and a ray of red light spilled out of it and collected itself into an Abra! "Awesome! An Abra! But I wonder what moves it has? Oh, God, I hope it doesn't only have Teleport!"

I hope it does. Just to spite you.

I decided to check out it with the Pokedex. I pulled it out and turned it on.

"Pokedex activated. Greetings. I am Dexter, a Pokemon analyzer and encyclopedia. I am registered to Chris Weil, 13 years of age, who started out from Viridian on January 10, 2001. He has taken the license test and scored a 98.

*headdesk*

What function would you prefer?"

Is there a "boogey-down" function?

"Boy, that thing's longwinded." I thought as I pressed the Analyze button and pointed it at Abra, who had gone to sleep.

"Pokemon Analyze Activated. Abra, Level 10. Knows Teleport, Confusion, and Kinesis."

"That helped. Okay, Abra! Wake up!"

Abra blinked sleepily, but awoke fully when he saw me. He then teleported himself to in front of me.

"Hello, Abra! My name's Chris, and I guess I'm your master. Do you have a nickname?"

"Abra ab abra ra"

"Oh, I guess not. Waitaminute! How'd I understand you?"

YOU'RE A SELF-INSERT.

The Pokedex piped up from where I had clipped it back onto my belt. "Recent research has found that a special bond occurs between a trainer and his Pokemon. This takes varying amounts of time depending on the pokemon and the trainer, but is almost instantaneous with trainers' starting Pokemon. Once this bond is made, complete understanding of that Pokemon's language is attained." After this long speech, the Pokedex shut down again.

How convinient.

"I get it..."

"Ab-ra!"

"Yeah, I suppose we should head for a town. But I have no clue where anything is, and I have no map."

Abra teleported itself onto my backpack and began digging through whatever was in there until it came up with a rolled-up piece of paper. Handing it to me, it teleported back to its original position and waited expectantly.

"Hey, this is a Town Map! Cool! Thanks, Abra! But what else is in there?" I pulled off my backpack and started digging through it to see what was inside.

I found my camera stuff, my computer accessories, and a whole lot of other stuff. I found some weird money that I guessed must be the Pokemon currency, and when I put it in my wallet, I found that my extra money I had already had turned into Pokecash, too. All together, I had about $10,000. (Pokedex Info: This may seem like a lot, but remember that Potions and Pokeballs cost $200! God only knows how much food and hotels cost!) Also, there were 2 Potions, a Poison Heal, Paralyz Heal, and an Awakening. I stuck all this in the front part of the pack, figuring I'd need it soon. Then under all this stuff, I found two things that really made me happy.

What the hell does he have, a Buxton Bag?

There were 3 Pokeballs and a Pokeflute. (Pokedex Info: Pokeballs are what you capture Pokemon in, and a Pokeflute is a cool flute that you can play to wake up Pokemon besides its obvious use, to make music!) Back home, I was not very musical at all. To tell the truth, I sounded like a sick pig whenever touched an instrument of any kind or tried to sing. But when I lifted the Pokeflute to my lips and tried to play it, beautiful music came out! "I guess that crazy screensaver affected me in more ways than one!"

So... the screensaver made him into even MORE of a Gary-Stu?

Packing all this back into my bag, I took another look at the Town Map and hit the road for Viridan City, which seemed to be closest.

I began walking when I realized I had to do something about Abra. I turned around to see it following me by levitation. "Do you wanna go back in your Pokeball or stay with me for now?" I asked.

"Ab abra ra!"

"Okay, suit yourself! I guess not everybody likes those balls."



I said to him and began walking with Abra by my side, ready for anything. I hoped I could get to Viridian before dark, because I didn't seem to have any camping stuff or food with me.

Time passes...

I had walked for about three hours and was feeling pretty tired as it began to get dark. But as I climbed another hill, an amazing sight met my eyes. There was Viridian City before me, all lit up.

God dammit, the forest's on fire again!

I called Abra and started running for the city, figuring I could ask someone for directions to the Pokecenter. (Pokedex Info: A Pokecenter is a place where Pokemon trainers can get their Pokemon healed and stay the night there, on occasion. Plus, it's free!)

You know what, Dexter? Shut up. Just shut up.

But before long, I was utterly lost and about ready to collapse. Nobody had been of any help to me. But my prospects began to look up as I saw a slightly attractive blue-haired police officer come up to me on a motorcycle.

"You look lost. Are you new in town?" she asked.

{Lady, you don't know the half of it!} I thought, but what I actually said was "Yes, actually. I'm looking for the Pokecenter, and I'm completely lost."

"You really are lost! The Pokecenter is on the other side of town."

Now he'll never get there in time to get the extra points on the mission

I groaned, anticipating another long walk, but the police officer cut in on my thoughts with an offer.

"Would you like a ride? The police station is right over there, so it's on my way."

I eagerly accepted, and with all the thanks over with, I picked up Abra and held onto him as the cop started up her motorcycle.

...couldn't he just have Abra teleport him?

"By the way, my name is Officer Jenny. (Pokedex Info: All towns have an Officer Jenny.) Hold on tight!" With that, the bike roared off towards the other side of town and the Pokecenter.

After about a ten-minute drive, we arrived. She let me off in front of the Pokecenter and headed for a building with a picture of a Growlithe on it. (Pokedex Info: Growlithe are like fire dogs that are commonly used by cops)

Does Dexter have info on everything? Does he know some good sex positions? Though I suppose that could get awkward.

I headed inside the Pokecenter to see what I could do.

Inside, I saw a Chansey (Pokedex Info: A pink egg-shaped Pokemon. They are so helpful and hardworking that they are generally nurses at Pokemon Centers.) hard at work cleaning up while a nurse sat at the receptionist's desk.

"Hello! Is that your Abra?" she asked.

Nope, he stole it.

"Yes, it is," I replied.

"Do you need your Pokemon healed?"

"No. I just started out today, and I haven't had a battle yet. But the only problem is that I have nowhere to stay. Is there any room here for me?"

"Certainly. Our doors are always open for any Pokemon trainer. Chansey, will you get... What was your name?"

Gary-Stu. Not that anyone will listen to me.

"Chris."

"Chansey, will you get Chris a sleeping bag and pillow?" The Chansey nodded and ran off. *to me* "I'm sorry, but you'll have to sleep on one of the couches as all of the beds are in use by Pokemon right now."

"No problem. Just a quick question, but would you be Nurse Joy?"

No, she'd be Nurse Leslie.

"Yes. You'll probably meet a lot of my relatives on your travels- there's one in every town and a few others besides."

"Okay, and thanks again. Now can I just ask two more things?"

"Yes?"

"First, do you have anyplace I can plug in my laptop's charger?"

"Right over there." She pointed to a plug on the wall. "What else?"

"Do you have a spare phone line I can hook up to?"

"Certainly- just take your laptop over to that desk. There's a phone jack and a plug you can use."

I know this is 2001, but it's kind of obvious the Pokemon world has more advanced internet than fucking DIAL-UP.

I thanked her and went over, plugged everything in, and hooked up to see what I could do. I was only slightly surprised that my AOL account had changed to POL (Pokemon Online!), but my bookmarks were still intact. I went to the last one on the list, which was the site I had gotten the new screensaver from. But when the page came up, the previous stuff was gone. Now there was only a banner that said, "This screensaver is being recalled due to several reports of malfunctions."

Uh.

Under it, a status bar (the one that fills up as a job is being done like a download) began to move quickly. Before I could react, the job was done and a message flashed on my screen- "Your faulty screensaver has been recalled. Thank you." Then the browser shut down. "What the-"

I tried to start up the browser again, but when I did, the bookmark was gone, and there was no way I could have remembered that string of letters and numbers. Then when I checked the screensaver, it had changed to one of those spinning text messages- "Psychic Pokemon Rule!" I cursed quietly and shut off the computer, certain I would be stuck here forever.

He acts like this is the worst thing in the world. Nerd.

But then a tap on my shoulder startled me.

"Chansey chan!" the Chansey said, handing me a rolled-up sleeping bag and a small pillow. I thanked it, closed down my computer, and got myself set up for the night. I was a little worried about what to do with Abra, but it just settled itself on my chest and went to sleep. I yawned and started to relax. It had been a very interesting day, that was for sure.

Yeah. You uh... walked. You walked a lot.

I figured that I shouldn't think of this as a problem, but as an adventure. Who knew what tomorrow would bring? I rolled over and went to sleep.

The next morning I was awakened by a Farfetch'd (Pokedex Info: A rooster-like Pokemon.) crowing. I sat up, thinking I was still back in my room. So as you may imagine, it was quite a shock to realize I was in a strange Pokecenter with an Abra sleeping on my stomach. I would have jumped up, but I didn't want to hurt Abra. So as I sat on the couch in my sleeping bag, memories of yesterday rushed back to me. "Wow..." I muttered to myself.

Chris: So this is why they said I shouldn't drink yet.

But then my stomach grumbled. I was roaringly hungry. I gently shook Abra to wake him up, which he did very slowly. Once he was fully awake, I asked him "Abra, I'm going to pack up and go see if there's any food here. Do you want any?"

"Abra abra ra!" he said, violently nodding his head.

"Okay, then help me pack up!" Abra then started lifting objects with his psychic powers and moving them into my backpack. "Boy, it'll really be useful to have you around!" I told him, smiling.

That's what they said about Mewtwo before he started using his powers to teleport Erika's nightie away.

"Abra!" he agreed.

After we had everything packed, and I had the sleeping bag and pillow rolled up and under my arm, we went to find Nurse Joy. We finally found her and Chansey in a kitchen that had the best smells coming from it.

As opposed to the dumpster, which had the worst smells coming from it.

"Mmmmm..."

"Aaaabraaaaa..."

We both were drooling until Nurse Joy looked up from whatever she was cooking and noticed us. "Good morning, Chris! Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, Nurse Joy."

"You both look hungry. Do you want some breakfast?"

"Do we ever!" I shouted, and Abra agreed. In just a few seconds, I was digging into a stack of pancakes and Abra was enjoying a bowl of... ketchup! It had surprised me that he liked ketchup, but I guess every Pokemon is different.

...Abra is my dad?

We had demolished our plates in less than ten minutes and were stuffed for the first time ever. Then I tried to give Nurse Joy back the sleeping bag.

"Here, Nurse Joy. You can have this back." I said, holding out the bag to her.

Mostly because he's still not over the whole bed wetting phase.

"No, Chris. You keep that. You'll need it when you start camping out. Besides, I have a million in the back."

"Wow, thanks, Nurse Joy! I'll be starting out soon, but can I ask you where to find a few more things around here?"

"I'll do better than that. I'll give you a more specialized Town Map. The other one will tell you how to get between towns, but this one will show a street map of all the towns. That should help you on your journey."

That wasn't invented until Generation III. I KNEW HE COULD SEE INTO THE FUTURE!

"I don't know what to say except for Thank you so much!"

"You're welcome. Anytime. Check in at Pokecenters around the country and give me a call to tell me how you're doing."

"Sure!" I called back as I walked out the door and set off for the nearest Pokemart and food shop.

At the Pokemart, I bought one of each of the Poison Heals, Paralyz Heals, Burn Heals, and Ice Heals. I also sold my Awakening, because the Pokeflute did the same thing. The cool thing was that when the shopkeeper saw the Pokeflute, he asked me to play some music for him.

That shopkeeper obviously has no life...

I was a little nervous, thinking he'd throw me out if I sounded like I normally did, but when I played, it was like my fingers had a mind of their own.


Where have I seen this before?

Believe it or not, I played the first Pokemon theme song all the way through. When I finished, the storeowner and all his other customers applauded me. The storeowner gave me a 10% discount and a tip- if I played the Pokeflute for other Pokemart owners around the world, they'd give me a discount, too. The total for all my purchases came to about $1500. Emboldened by this knowledge,

Theasaurus alert!

I walked into a grocery shop next door and bought some outdoor cooking supplies and food. With all this loaded up into my backpack, which was still very light, I decided to head into the forest for a little training and experience, for both Abra and me.

When we started walking, a Pokemon popped out of the grass. I couldn't remember what it was, so I scanned it with my Pokedex.

"Drowzee- a Psychic-type Hypnosis Pokemon at Level 6. Knows Hypnosis, Tackle, and Confusion."

And you call yourself a Pokemaniac. Amateur.

"A Drowzee? Let's capture it, Abra!"

"Abra ab!"

"Abra, use Confusion!" Abra used Confusion on the unaware Drowzee, damaging it about 1/4 of its health. The Drowzee then started to use Hypnosis on Abra.

"Abra, give it one in the back with a Teleport!" Abra Teleported to behind the Drowzee and used Confusion on it, causing a critical hit and all but knocking it out.

The Pokemon geek in me is screaming about types and attacks and... yeah she needs to shut up.

"Great job, Abra!" I then pulled out a Pokeball from my pack, hit the button, and tossed it at the downed Drowzee. When it hit the Drowzee, the ball opened and sucked the Drowzee in with a flash of red light. Then the button on the front turned red as the pokeball began to shiver. But after a few seconds, the light turned white, and the ball stopped shaking.

Lol, orgasm innuendos.

I had caught my first Pokemon! It was entered in my pokedex, and I headed back to the Pokecenter as fast as possible with Abra following close behind.

When I ran through the doors, Nurse Joy looked up and asked, "Back already?"

"I caught a Drowzee!" I cried, overjoyed.

"Congratulations! Do you want me to heal your Pokemon?" she asked.

"Sure, but can I watch? I've always been curious how it works." I asked.

"Certainly. Come on back." she said, walking through a door. Abra and I followed her. Soon we came to a machine that had 6 slots for pokeballs. "Will your Abra get into its pokeball? It'll only be for a few seconds."

Isn't that what rapists say?

"I think so. How about it, Abra?"

"Ab-ra."

"Okay, Abra, return!" I cried, pushing a small button on Abra's pokeball,

Apparently there are a few.

shooting out a ray of red light towards Abra. When it hit him, he turned into light the same color as the ray. Then all the light was sucked back into the ball. Then I gave both balls to Nurse Joy, who inserted them into the machine. Then she punched in a code, and two tubes lowered over the pokeballs. Then rays of light begun to run down the tubes and seep into the pokeballs. "What is that doing?" I asked.

Assimilating them, obviously.

"It is giving them a specialized Potion, in a sense. Pokemon have incredible natural healing powers, and all Potions and this machine do is speed that up. In a few seconds, your Pokemon will be healed like they had had two weeks of rest."

"Cool! Thanks for the explanation!" When I was done speaking, the tubes withdrew, and the machine lifted both the Pokeballs up so that Nurse Joy could pick them up and give them to me. "Your Pokemon are fighting fit! We hope to see you again!"

"Huh?"

"Boy, I hate saying that, but that's what they hammer into us at nursing school. Anyway, have a good day, Chris!"

So the whole point of this was so we could know his theory about how those healing machines work.

...right.

"I will, and thanks!" I called as I was heading out for the forest again.

Time passes...

Things change.

That night, I sat down with a sigh at the place I had chosen for my campsite. I had trained both Abra and Drowzee well today, and they had both gone up a level. (Pokedex Info: Pokemon's strength are measured by levels. All Pokemon begin at Level 1, and Level 100 is the maximum that you can attain.

Unless you use the Missingno glitch but well...

But there have been some unconfirmed reports of Pokemon seen that have been over Level 100 and at Level 0.) That night, even though I could have stayed at the Pokecenter, I wanted to try camping out. I had my sleeping bag unrolled and my stuff all unpacked. I had not had much luck starting a fire until Abra helped me out with some small pyrokinesis, (Pokedex Info: lighting a fire with your mind)

Dexter really does know everything. Creepy.

and soon I had a pleasant fire crackling. Drowzee was content to stay in its Pokeball, but Abra wanted to stay out as much as possible. I had heated up some vegetable soup for all of us with a side of ketchup for Abra. That night, I slept like a log, but my last thought before dozing off was whether I would ever find any human friends to travel with.

We all know where this story is going, kids.

True, Pokemon were nice, but they couldn't talk or joke with you. I was a little lonely...

My dreams that night were many and confusing. I remembered none of them the next morning, but one thing that had haunted me through the night was what the advertisement for that screensaver that had gotten me into this had said: "You Might Even Run Into Ash and His Friends!"

Told you.

"Yeah, right." I said to myself as I packed up our stuff with Abra's help, of course. "What are the odds of finding one threesome in the whole world?"

I thought this guy was an Ash/Misty shipper.

As I started walking with Abra hovering on my shoulder, I remembered that Abra and its evolutions were extremely intelligent. "Abra, you tell me. What are the odds of finding a group of three people in the whole world?"

"Abra...Ab ra abra!"

"About a million to one, huh? Guess that screensaver advertisement was just made up."

I could've told him that and we all know how smart I am when it comes to math.

Just then I literally stumbled on another camp. "Ooof!" I grunted as I picked myself up off the ground while Abra scolded me from his perch in the air.

"Are you all right?" an all too familiar voice said.

"Pika pi?" another familiar voice inquired.

Oh god.

"And that would be the one, Abra..." I muttered.

*headdesk*

PDM: So there you are! Whose camp did Chris stumble into? What will happen next? And above all, WILL THIS STORY FINALLY EVER BECOME A ROMANCE?

I've decided you're gay. I don't know why I didn't realize it all those years ago.

Comments, ideas, requests, pictures, and Valentines welcome...

*looks again at what I just said* Shit, did I say that? I guess all the Valentine's stuff is getting to me! (It's February 13 now!)

Yep. You're gay.

M: Ooh la la! Smoochie Smoochie!

PDM: *whacks Mew with mallet* Guess he's got nothing but love and mallets on the brain! *grins*

Now... ADVENTURE ON, READERS! (I know I stole that from Disney Adventures, so don't flame me!)

I already had former president Bush flip you off so... not worth it.

[Mysty]

Screensaver Problems Part 3
PDM: *jaw drops* I don't believe it... You kept reading! Wow! Well, if you've read all this way, then I obviously don't need to recap...

And yet you will.

If you don't remember the last parts, then go back and read, because I'm not saying it all over again anymore!

Damn... I can't resist... NOOOOOO!

http://www.nooooooooooooooo.com/

Where we left off last time, Chris had just stumbled onto a camp and heard two very familiar voices. Who are they? (If you don't know, then you're a disgrace to the name of Pokemon!)

Yeah, well your mama's face is a disgrace to the name of Pokemon!

What will happen next? Read to find out! Without further ado, the story! *manages to choke self so I can't say this crap anymore*

Oh good, at least I'm not the only one choking on all the crap here.

M: If you're choking yourself, can I write?

PDM: Hell, no! Move over!

"And that would be the one, Abra..." I muttered as I stood up to see Ash with Pikachu (Pokedex Info: A 1-foot-tall electric mouse Pokemon. This particular Pikachu surpasses the energy level of the average Pikachu.)

Is his energy level OVER NINE-THOUSAAAAAAND? No? Good.

on his shoulder and Misty standing next to him holding Togepi (A newly discovered egg-type baby Pokemon. Seems to know no attacks yet.) and looking worried while Brock stirred something in a pot.

Is Brock mixing drugs again?

"Abra abra ra ab." Abra floated to my shoulder, looking apologetic.

"Excuse me, but who are you?" Ash asked, dodging a mallet swung by Misty.



"Ash! That's no way to ask!"

"Excuse me, both of you, but I don't mind. My name is Chris."

"Are you a trainer?" Ash asked.

No he's a sideshow clown.

"What do you think?" I replied, pointing to my pokeballs on my belt with my Pokedex. I had to ask the next question, even though I already knew the answer. "I hope you don't mind my asking, but what are your names?"

"My name is Ash, and this is Pikachu. Over there by the fire is Brock, and this is-"

Sideshow Bob?

"I'll introduce myself, thanks! I'm Misty

Oh.

"Would that be Brock and Misty of the Pewter and Cerulean City gyms?" I asked, already knowing the answers.

"Actually, yes, we are." Brock spoke up from by the fire. "Would you like to join us for breakfast?"

"Sure! Sorry about falling in on you." I replied as we sat down to a meal of some sort of stew that tasted terrific while Pikachu and Abra fought over the ketchup bottle. Apparently, Pikachu liked ketchup, too.

Boy, Pokemon food is really downgrading its quality standards.

"Would you mind telling us a little more about yourself, Chris?" Misty asked.

"Fine with me. I'm 13 years old, and I started out just two days ago with Abra here. We've already caught a Drowzee. I like psychic-type pokemon the best of all! I also like photography a lot. Plus, I'm pretty good with computers, and I even have my own laptop. I was just starting to explore for the day when I literally stumbled onto you guys. So what's your own story? What are you guys doing now?" I had decided not to tell anyone about how I really got here.

Don't you just love it when stories start repeating themselves? SOMEONE HIT THE RECORD PLAYER IT'S SKIPPING.

"Well, I just competed in the Pokemon League Championships..." Ash said.

"Tell him the rest of the story!" Misty said while giving Ash the evil eye.

"Well... I lost." Ash sighed. "Even with all the help that Pikachu here gave me, I tried my hardest and still lost. So now I'm traveling around trying to train some more."

"Don't be ashamed, Ash. Even getting into the Pokemon League Competition is quite an accomplishment. And why are you two with him?" I asked of Brock and Misty.

To make sure he doesn't get into any stupid adventures. Or maybe just so he won't run around naked because believe me, NO ONE wants to see that.

"I have two reasons. I want to become a Pokemon breeder, so I decided to travel with Ash after he defeated me and see the world to learn all about Pokemon. The second reason is that Ash can't cook." Brock explained.

This was never proven in canon but somehow I don't doubt it...

"What about you, Misty?" I inquired.

"The only reason I'm following him around is because he wrecked my bike, and I'm not leaving until he pays me back!" Misty said. But I noticed that she looked just a tiny bit uncomfortable as she said this. I doubted Ash had noticed, but I was pretty sure that I saw Brock's eyelids flicker.

It's just the bad animation, Chris, don't worry about it.

"You must have really gotten her mad to make her follow you for this long, Ash!" I laughed. "But anyway, I have a kind of weird question to ask. Do you think I could travel with you guys for a while? You see, I'm kind of new at this thing, and it'd be great if I had the advice of two gym leaders and a high-ranking trainer! Well, actually, that's not the whole truth. The truth is that I'm a little lonely, even with Abra. It'd be great to travel with some humans for once!"

Verbal diahrrea: it's what's for dinner!

...ew.

"Well, Chris, it's okay with me!" Ash declared. "How about you, Pikachu?"

"Pika pi!" Pikachu called from over where he was rummaging through a bag.

For something other than ketchup, no doubt.

"Okay, then. How about you guys?"

"Fine with me, Ash!" Brock said as he got back to stirring his stew.

"That's fine! It'll be nice to travel with a boy who doesn't chase every girl he sees or one who doesn't say the same "I will be the greatest Master!" speech every 15 minutes!" Misty said before turning to take Togepi out of her pack.

Like all badfics, people don't seem to be aware that you can remove yourself from situations that you don't like.

"Great! Thank you! I really appreciate it." I said, feeling the happiest I had been since I got transported here. "So what were you planning on doing today?" I asked.

"I want to go train a little more with Pikachu." Ash spoke up.

"Ash, we're also getting low on supplies. I think we should start heading for Pewter City to restock." Brock pointed out.

"That's fine with me!" Misty added.

"Okay, fine! We'll train later!" Ash sighed.

Ash is a push-over.

"Ash, can I ask you a question?"

"What, Chris?"

"I plan to try for the Boulderbadge (Pokedex Info: The first of 8 badges you need to get)

Does the Pokedex seriously just pipe-up and give information whenever something remotely relevant is brought up?

once we get to Pewter. Do you think you could help me train for it on the way through Viridian Forest?"

"That's fine. I'll find a few Bug Catchers for you to battle along the way if you'd like."

"Great! I definitely don't want to battle you... at least, not yet!" I said, laughing.

Truth. We all saw what happened to Casey.

A few days later, while we were hiking through the woods, Brock was holding the map upside down and Misty was wailing on Ash with that mallet for scaring her with a bug. All in all, a pretty normal day. But then, as we walked through a clearing, a strange gas began to blow out of the trees.

Maybe Brock wasn't the one mixing drugs.

As we were coughing, two voices started to speak.

"Prepare for trouble!"

"And make it double!"

"To protect the world from devastation!"

"To unite all peoples within our nation!"

At this point, I noticed that Ash, Misty, and Brock were all getting giant sweatdrops.

"To denounce the evils of truth and love!"

"To extend our reach to the stars above!"

Then two older teenagers with extremely odd hairdos and clothes that had a large "R" on them jumped out of the bushes.

"Jessie!" said the girl with a LONG red hairdo that stuck out behind her for about 1-½ feet before curling down.

"James!" called the boy with blue hair that was parted evenly along the top and went down to his chin as he flourished a black rose.

"Team Rocket, blast off at the speed of light!"

"Surrender now or prepare to fight!"

Nothing really about the fic, but I've been watching the most recent Pokemon episodes and I have to say, I miss the old motto.

Then a Meowth (Pokedex Info: A cat-type Pokemon. This particular Meowth has the singular honor of being the only Pokemon known that can speak the human language.) appeared out of nowhere to stand in front of the two teenagers.

"Meowth, dat's right!"

Then, after this speech was finally finished, Ash, sporting an enormous sweatdrop, said "Team Rocket, have you ever thought about giving it up?"

"This is the infamous Team Rocket?" I asked, already knowing the answer from watching the TV show.

(Pokedex Info: Team Rocket is a criminal organization that uses Pokemon for their own evil ends.)

I need to borrow Misty's mallet. That Pokedex is GOING.DOWN.

"That's right, little boy. Now, twerp, hand over that Pikachu!" Jessie snapped.

"No way! Pikachu, let's go!" Ash cried.

"Ash, let me handle them. I need the experience, and they look like pushovers anyway." I said.

Yeah but so is Ash after, what, ten seasons?

Team Rocket began popping several veins as Ash agreed with my analysis. "What do you mean, we look like pushovers?" James shouted.

I chose to ignore them and called Abra forward from its usual perch on my shoulder. "Abra, let's show these pushovers how to do it!"

"We aren't as easy as you think! Arbok, (Pokedex Info: A large poison-type cobra-like Pokemon) go!" Jessie said while throwing out a Pokeball that resolved itself into an Arbok.

Seriously, that Pokedex is going down.

"Weezing, you go too!" James ordered, as his Weezing (Pokedex Info: A large poison-type gas-producing Pokemon that resembles two round balls stuck together with holes for escaping gas) floated out from the trees the gas had come from.

"Abra, you show them! Use Confusion!" Abra used Confusion on both the enemy Pokemon, confusing Weezing and damaging both of them about 1/3 of their health.

"Arbok, use Poison Sting!" Jessie commanded.

"Weezing, Sludge!" James ordered.

"Abra, dodge with Teleport and follow up with Kinesis!"

Isn't kinesis a move that ups one of the stats? What use is that?

Arbok attempted to use Poison Sting, but Abra teleported out of the way. Weezing, being confused, used Sludge on Arbok instead. Then from its new position, Abra used Kinesis, throwing both Weezing and Arbok against a nearby tree and knocking them both out. (I know in the game, Kinesis only reduces accuracy, but I want it to do this, so there!)

"No!" both Team Rocket members shouted.

But then, Abra began to glow.

"What's happening, Abra?" I asked.

"Chris, it's evolving!" Brock said. (Pokedex Info: Evolving has a different meaning when applied to Pokemon. Evolution occurs in two ways- from becoming stronger or from using an Evolution stone on it. What evolution does is it changes the Pokemon into a stronger and usually larger form.)

As if I needed more reasons to call Chris a Gary-Stu.

So I watched as my Abra grew larger, grew a thicker tail, and produced a spoon from somewhere to become a Kadabra. (Pokedex Info: A Kadabra is the next stage of an Abra. Its tail resembles a fox's. It has a red star on its forehead and carries a spoon in one three-fingered hand. But it wasn't done. It then turned to Team Rocket and their Pokemon and started to concentrate. Then its spoon bent while a multicolored beam shot forth from its forehead, hitting Team Rocket and hurling them and their Pokemon into the air.

"Jessie, I guess we really are pushovers!" James sniveled.

"Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again!" they both shouted, disappearing into the sky with a twinkle effect.

Shing! Sparkle, sparkle.

"Great job, Kadabra!" I shouted while running up to hug it.

"That was great, Chris! With skills like that, you'll have no trouble with my dad, Flint!"

"Your dad's the gym leader now?" I asked.

"It's a long story." Brock said. "Anyway, that was a really strong Psybeam that Kadabra used."

"Is that what it was?" I asked. "I guess that's great! But one thing has to change now, Kadabra!"

"Kadabra?"

"There's no way you're riding on my shoulder now!" I laughed. "Come on, guys! Let's get going!"

One chapter and he's already become leader of the group.

So we started heading deeper into the forest, Kadabra floating at my side.

I'ma just cut out the last paragraph here, considering it basically says "I'M THE BEST TRAINER EVER, MY POKEMON LOVE ME, EVERYONE BUT ME IS LAME!

This post has been edited by Mysty: Aug 10 2010, 11:47 AM

[Mysty]

Screensaver Problems Part 4
PDM: Okay, now that that's over with, welcome back to my story! Thank you for reading this far, and please keep on doing so!

Uh-oh... Not again... Last time we left, Chris and co. were just leaving Viridian Forest. What will happen next? What will they do at Pewter? And lastly, WHEN WILL I MAKE THIS MORE OF A ROMANCE?

WHEN YOU STOP BEING SUCH A GODDAMN PUSSY, SOLDIER.

M: I'm back!

PDM: Where'd you put them?

M: The next room over.

PDM: O_O That's my sister's room! She'll kill me! *pounding at the door is heard* Quick, Mew, hold the door closed!

Quick, Mew, to the Batmobile!

M: On it! *floats off*

PDM: Well, before I go repulse my sister's assault, I have two more things to say to you...

Send all feedback, comments, etc. over here! Send as much food as you can, too! Looks like I'll be in here for a while! And second,

GO FORTH, READERS!

GO FORTH AND MULTIPLY!

-Then, finally, we reached Pewter City. Like the sign said when we went in, it was a "stone-gray city." Even so, it looked like heaven to us all, because we were too tired of sleeping outside and eating Brock's cooking.

Wimp. Pokemon trainers are probably out in the wild frequently for WEEKS. You couldn't last two days.

I decided to treat the others to lunch before we found a hotel and I went to my gym competition. "Hey, guys, do you want to go get lunch? My treat!"

"Sure!" was the unanimous response, and we headed for a small place they told me about called the "Hungry Snorlax."

It was right beside the Sleepy Abra and the Violent Gyarados.

There we got a table and a few menus. I was sitting next to Brock on the outside to keep him from hitting on the waitress, and Ash and Misty were on the other side. Once again, I noticed that Misty kept edging toward and then away from Ash. That was still a puzzle to me, and one that I had to figure out.

It was even harder to understand than that Super Hard-level Sudoku they put on all the placemats.

But not now, because I had a badge to win!

"Guys, I'm going to head for the gym now! There's a badge with my name on it waiting!" I said, doing one of those poses that Ash patented.

Well, patent pending.

"Chris, shouldn't we find a hotel first?" Misty asked.

I did one of those anime falls. "Oh, right..."

"Kadabra ra kad!"

Did Kadabra just call Chris a cad?

"Quiet, you! I am not absentminded!" I retorted. "Anyway, let's find a hotel, then I'll drop off my film, and THEN I'll go try for the Boulderbadge." I pulled my specialized Town Map out of my pack as we left, Pikachu and Kadabra still licking ketchup off their paws. I found a pretty good hotel on the map that was close to the gym and the Pokemon museum. (Pewter is famous for its museum that has a great collection of Pokemon fossils.)

Well, at least Dexter didn't pop in with that info this time.

It was called the Cobalt Resort. We headed for the hotel.

When we got there, I went to check us in. We had decided to pool our money beforehand, so there were no problems with dividing up the cost. But the only problem was that, apparently, there was a big festival going on now, and all the rooms in all the hotels were booked up except for two rooms here. I immediately paid up for the rental, because I didn't like the looks some of the tourists in line behind me were giving me.

KILL THE INFIDEL.

Taking the room keys, I went back to tell the others that we only had two rooms instead of three. They had several varying reactions.

"What?" shouted Ash.

"It's going to be awfully crowded if the three of us share a room." Brock noted.

"It's just bad timing, guys." I said.

"And it's perfectly fine with me!" Misty said.

Misty: It's all going according to plan! *laughs evilly*

"Yeah, easy for you to say! You get a room all to yourself and we have to jam together in one room!" Ash retorted.

"That's not my fault!" she shouted back.

Wait, so they're NOT going to pair off Ash and Misty in a room?

It was starting to look like they might be going to get into a big fight, and I figured it might be wise to stop it.

"Guys, calm down. Relax! You've had to camp out in worse conditions than this! So what's the big deal?"

"I guess you're right, Chris. Sorry, Misty." Ash apologized, sticking out his hand to shake.

"I'm sorry, too, Ash." Misty said, then shaking Ash's hand lightly.

"Good. Now that that's over with, it's getting a little late, so I think I'll have to postpone my gym challenge until tomorrow. Sorry, Kadabra!" I said.

"Kadabra kadab!"

Kadabra was cursing him and all his descendants.

"Why don't you guys go get settled in upstairs while I go drop off my film at the concierge desk? I'll join you upstairs in a sec."

I want to stay in a hotel that has a dark room, but not for the reasons he's thinking.

"Fine, Chris. See you in a few." Brock said, then they headed upstairs. I dropped off my film, got assurances that it would be finished by tomorrow, and went upstairs.

When I got to our rooms, I found that they were connected by two doors. They had a minibar, a shower, and all that stuff. But the only problem was that it was SMALL! There was no way that three people could fit in there with all their stuff. It would be all we could do to squeeze in two.

I didn't know they put minibars in those Japanese efficiency hotels.

After listening to Ash and Brock gripe for a few minutes, I decided to drop in on Misty and see how her room looked.

When I went through the doors, I got a shock. Her room was quite a bit bigger than ours. It was still too small for three, but two people could fit in quite comfortably. She was already unpacked and reading a book about water pokemon while Togepi snoozed on a pillow near her.

"Hello, Misty. Are you all set for the night?" I asked.

"Yes." she said, looking up from her book. I had left the doors open, so the sounds of Ash and Brock's complaining were drifting through.

The walls were impenetrable to everything but idiotic griping.

"Are you guys having a problem with getting three people to fit in there?" she asked.

"Yeah, sorta..." I replied. But then a brilliant idea occurred to me. "Misty, give me one second. I have to go do something." I said.

"Okay..." she replied, but I was already gone.

And he ran. He ran so far away. But he couldn't get away.

I ran back into the second room, shutting the doors behind me. "Guys, be quiet for a minute!" I shouted above the noise.

"What?" they both inquired in a rather annoyed way.

"I have a brilliant idea to make this night easier for all of us." I then proceeded to tell them my plan.

"You call that brilliant?" Ash asked.

Hey, having a Western-style shoot-out until two remain is better than anything YOU could come up with, Ash.

"It's better than three in a room." I replied. "Now, Brock, will you go get the stuff we need? Be back here in a quarter hour."

You could just say fifteen minutes...

"Fine, Chris. Having you around is pretty nice. Before, we would have just jammed in and tolerated it. But now..."

Ash: Well, if we didn't have you, there'd be plenty of space since this is a two-person room. At least you're trying to make up for your intolerable existance!

he commented as he left. Ash and I then proceeded to get ourselves ready while Pikachu and Kadabra looked on with interest.

Fifteen minutes later...

Brock returned with a few bags in his hands. "Are you guys ready?" he asked.

"Yep. Did you get what we needed?" I asked.

"Uh-huh. I got the flowers."

Brock's dad has a horrible allergy to rhododendron flowers.

"Perfect. Now let's get started." I said.

We all trooped into Misty's room. She looked up in slight surprise to see us all in here with Brock clutching a bouquet of flowers.

"Misty, we came to ask you a big favor." Brock said while handing her the flowers. As she looked on in slight amusement and puzzlement, we fell onto our knees and said in unison just like we had rehearsed, "Please have pity on us! Please let one of us share your room!"

"Fine." she said. "You know, these flowers are great and all, and it's sweet that you went to all this trouble, but you could have just asked."

She would've said no, but you know, details.

"OH!" we all shouted, doing a nasty anime fall.

Picking myself up and dusting myself off, I asked the BIG question, "Which one of us will you let stay in here?"

"Well, Ash snores, and Brock invariably talks in his sleep about his fantasy girls..."

"I do not!" they both shouted.

My mother says she doesn't snore, but she woke herself up with it once. Denial can be a harsh mistress.

"Yes, you do. Anyway, as I was saying, Chris doesn't snore or talk in his sleep that I know of, so I'll just let him stay in here. Anyway, I'm pretty sure that he was the one who thought up this entire thing. Am I right?"

"Yes, Misty." I replied over Ash and Brock grumbling about how some people had all the luck. "Thank you!"

After that, I got all my stuff moved into her room and got my sleeping bag unrolled on the floor. There was only one bed in each room, and she was using it, of course. Ash and Brock had played rock-paper-scissors for the bed, with Brock using rock every time and winning.

Ash is an idiot.

So both Ash and me were on the floor for tonight. Then we ordered room service for dinner. Afterwards, I asked Misty something I had wanted to do for a little while.

"Misty, I don't want to offend or embarrass you or anything, but I wanted to know if I could get a few pictures of you. Not to mean anything weird, and I have a girlfriend back home, (I just said that to help)

Because in all reality, just because Cracked says gamers are more likely to get girls doesn't mean it's true for ALL gamers.

but you are the perfect model for any amateur photographer. Your clothes, hair, and temperament all combine to do that." (In case you, the reader, are wondering, no, I did not have a crush on her. I only wanted to take pictures for those reasons.)

She has shocking-orange hair, goes around wearing suspenders and keeps a mallet in subspace to use at her will. Yeah, perfect model. *thumbs up*

"What a great compliment, Chris! I'd be glad to pose for any pictures you want."

So for most of that evening, I took a bunch of shots of her and her Pokemon, and a few shots of just her, because what neither Ash nor Brock had noticed was that they had a serious babe right under their noses. I was slightly surprised that Brock hadn't started chasing her, so I asked her about it.

"Well, Chris, think about it. Two Gym Leaders? I don't think that'd be possible."

Weirder things have happened.

"But why hasn't Ash noticed, either?"

Because he's gay.

"Well, I really don't know if he has or has not. He doesn't talk to me about that stuff, although I'm pretty sure that he talks about it to Brock." She looked a little weird again when she said this. It was nothing major except for a slight shift in her tone when she mentioned Ash. That still puzzled me, although now I had another clue- I could try talking to Brock.

This fic is Ash/Misty and "dedicated" to them, but the main character doesn't get it. It's official: he's dumber than a sack of hammers.

Much later that night, we all changed into our pajamas, said goodnight to each other, and went to bed. Kadabra dropped off right away, but I lay awake for quite a while. I was thinking about many conflicting things in my mind. First, I was a little nervous about the fact that I was not homesick at all. I was worried that I would not go home if I ever got the chance.


And here I was worried that this fic would start making sense.

Then I wondered about who had made that screensaver, and if whoever it was would ever give me the chance to go home. But the one thing I thought about the most was what was happening with Misty about Ash. It seemed kind of weird what her reaction was to Ash most of the time compared to the few times I had caught her off guard. I had not been watching Ash as closely, but I could ask Brock about that tomorrow. But suddenly, I heard someone talking.

It was Misty. I prided myself on my good hearing, so I was able to make out some of what she was saying.

"Ash... my love... Ash... together forever... Ash... my love..."

...she's been traveling around with Ash for a few years now and he's never noticed that?

Then she started singing something under her breath that I couldn't make out, but my suspicions were confirmed. She loved Ash, but she was too afraid to tell him because

She was, like, twelve years old and obviously hadn't even gone through puberty yet. Come on.

she wouldn't be able to take it if he rejected her. I resolved to have a long talk with Brock the next morning. Then I finally fell asleep, accompanied by Misty's melodious voice singing.

The next morning, Misty woke me up. When I looked over at the clock, I groaned. "Misty, what's-" I broke off abruptly as I saw her face. Her eyes were red from what appeared to be tears and she looked very sad, yet determined.

"Chris, I never thanked you for helping with the fight yesterday. That meant a lot to me."

There was a fight?

"You're welcome-" Once again, I broke off as she continued, mostly to herself.

"I don't know what I'd do if Ash got so mad he paid me back for that bike.

I want friends who give me large amounts of money in a fit of anger.

Then I wouldn't be able to use that excuse anymore... I couldn't live without him..."

She sure moved on to Tracey easily if those side episodes were any indication.

I thought for a minute and then decided on my course of action. "You really have it bad for him, don't you?" I asked.

For a second, she looked like her old self, with fire in her eyes as she reached for the dreaded mallet. I had not felt its bite yet, but it seemed like I was about to. She swung the thing toward me and I winced, imagining the pain. But the mallet stopped an inch from my nose, and when I looked up at her, she was looking at nothing in particular and looking sad again.

Nothing in particular is the cause of 90% of depression in bad fanfics.

Emboldened by my reprieve, I decided to push on. "I heard you last night." I explained. "But even before that, I was able to see a few small signs. I doubt anyone else noticed, though."

Misty seemed to be fighting a fierce internal battle with herself.

VS Nega-Misty!

Finally, one side seemed to prevail. She turned to me, the sadness, depression, and red-rimmed eyes seemingly thrown off. I figured this was how she had managed to hide the other times this had happened. "Chris, are you the kind of person that can keep a secret?"

Well he DOES have a Password Journal.

"Definitely. You can trust me with anything less than murder."

"All right. I guess I needed to tell someone eventually, and Brock's not the best person with his less-than-perfect charms. The truth is, what you've been noticing and what you guessed is all true. I... I can't even say it!"

"Don't worry about it, Misty. I understand what you mean."

The gay overtones would only be more obvious if this fic had been labeled Ash/OC.

"But I have to say it to someone! I've only had myself to talk to about this, and I almost drove myself crazy! So..." She then began to concentrate really hard,

MISTY'S BECOMING A SUPER SAIYAN.

because she was apparently making a supreme effort to finally say this. "I... like... Ash... There. Don't make me do that again."

"But I didn't..."

"I know. But now that you know, will you please promise not to tell Ash?"

"I promise completely, Misty. Thank you for trusting me so much. Now, not to be rude, but it's way too early to wake up, so do you think we could both go back to sleep?"

Chris doesn't function until 1pm and that third cup of coffee.

"Yeah, I guess so. You probably know my sleep was not the most restful anyway."

So we both went back to sleep, both feeling considerably more relaxed. The next morning, I woke up to smell some sort of muffin toasting. When I got out of my bag, I saw that everyone else was up and having breakfast. When I walked into the other room, everyone said good morning.

In various languages, including pig Latin, for some reason.

"We didn't want to wake you up. You looked so tired we decided to let you sleep in a little." Brock said.

"Thanks. Can you pass a muffin? I'm starving!" I asked.

PDM: So I finally managed to get rid of my sister, make this into a romance, and have some food! Thanks to all of you readers who sent food, although I'm not sure how you managed to do it...

This guy has an entire explanation for how healing machines work, but can't make a joke about the PC item transferal system? Lame.

M: Actually, I was hoping you'd starve.
PDM: That's very nice. Thanks.

That it is.

[Screaming_Soulcatcher]

I think my sue meter exploded with this one. Makes me ashamed about my avatar

[Waffleman]

The next morning I was awakened by a Farfetch'd (Pokedex Info: A rooster-like Pokemon.) crowing.

FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK. FARFETCH'D IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE POKEMON AND....IT'S NOT A GODDAMN ROOSTER. ITS SPECIES IS THE WILD DUCK POKEMON. IT'S A GODDAMN DUCK.



SEE? DUCK.

GOD!

[Mysty]

FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK. FARFETCH'D IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE POKEMON AND....IT'S NOT A GODDAMN ROOSTER. ITS SPECIES IS THE WILD DUCK POKEMON. IT'S A GODDAMN DUCK.



SEE? DUCK.

GOD!

Thank you. I almost pointed that out when I was writing the mock, but apparently I don't care as much as you do.

Still. Fail.