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> Normal Teenage Life, Friendship is Nightmares
Post #61
Al_Cone


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post Aug 17 2010, 09:51 AM
QUOTE (DraculaMarth @ Aug 17 2010, 09:01 AM)
I didn't think it was possible to take Normal Teenage Life and turn it into something worth reading, but you did.
*


What you just read was a first draft that should have been re-written at least once. I just got lazy towards the end. So, no, it probably wasn't worth reading, and should have been better than it was.


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Post #62
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post Aug 17 2010, 11:00 AM
Halloween is the best damn holiday ever and this chapter is a travesty towards its awesome. Fuck this author in the neck.


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Post #63
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post Aug 17 2010, 11:45 AM
AUGH WHY IS THIS SO DULL.


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Post #64
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post Aug 18 2010, 04:34 PM
Al's subplot is, by far, the most entertaining thing this fic has going for it.

Also, the mock is non-stop laughs. I can't even pick a favorite quote.

This post has been edited by TigerEyes: Aug 18 2010, 04:41 PM


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“All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes to make it possible.”

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"Know pain, no gain. No pain, know gain."
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Post #65
Al_Cone


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post Aug 19 2010, 10:02 AM
QUOTE (TigerEyes @ Aug 18 2010, 05:34 PM)
Al's subplot is, by far, the most entertaining thing this fic has going for it. 

Also, the mock is non-stop laughs.  I can't even pick a favorite quote.
*


It's funny, but I actually consider that to be the main plot, considering the story itself has none. Like in Excel Saga, how the storyline (such as it was) centered more around Nabeshin and Pedro, who were the driving force behind everything happening in the series.

I'm just trying to turn Normal Teenage Life into a coherent narrative, that's all.


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Post #66
Al_Cone


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post Aug 19 2010, 07:41 PM
In-story, this chapter can be seen as a landmark because of the introduction of a classic villain from the TV series. Out-of-story, however, it can be seen as a landmark because of the vast number of typographical errors out-grossing the totals of every other chapter thus far. Isn't it neat?

***


Chapter 9: What Is The Value of X? Part 1 of 2

Original Japanese Title: Richard-San's New Rival!!! "My Name Is X!"

Numerically speaking, the value of X is twenty-five. If that's all, I'll just be leaving.


"I'm telling you, they has no brains." Raven said to Bee as she was streching out in gym class.

Fuck, that's right. There's a fanfic.

"Well technically, if you don't have a brain, you can't function." Bee disagreed as one of the two 'brainless' boys Raven had been talking about ran past them.

Congratulations, Bee, you have missed the point in so obvious and ridiculous a fashion that it actually makes me feel slightly sorry for you, since you clearly have the mental capacity of an acorn.

"And running around the last turn!" The boy who was named Jon said as he ran around Raven and Bee.

"Can I please kill the brainless moron now?" Raven asked Bee.

What's her beef with this guy, I wonder? Is it just because he's athletic? For someone who claims to be all nonconformist and shit, Raven sure does hate people who don't conform to her standards.

"That would be nice. But I'm telling you, he can't be brainless. You'd die if you didn't have a brain." Bee answered.

"If you don't have a brain, you can still function. You just won't do anything.

Good to know that one of our canon self-insertions is clinically stupid.

And considering that's about the limit to what they do now, I don't think they have one."

"It's possible."

Raven rubbed her hand as she glared reproachfully at the guy who had hit her. She winced as she felt the pain. She had only been trying.

Trying to remind him of all the wickedness that men bring into the world, with their erections and their Spike T.V. and their oddly-phallic vehicles. Of course, she was trying to remind him by assaulting him with a box cutter.

"Stupid volleyball. Never hits your arm right." Raven mumbled as she glared at the boy again. So it hadn't been his fault. She had to blame someone, she thought, getting back into what Williams called 'ready' position.

She COULD always accept that she's uncoordinated and hit the ball improperly, but that would require a modicum of self-awareness.

The ball soared toward Raven again, and she hit it at an angle and it hit the net, and fell pathetically to the floor.

And with it fell tearz of blod as Raven struggled to place the blame for her failure on someone else. "It was the net's fault!" she shrieked.

"Great shot." A boy next to her said.

"Oh shut up Leor." Raven snapped.

"No really, it was a good shot." He insisted, and Raven gave him an odd look. But then Leor continued speaking, laughing. "Just try and get it over the net next time."

Raven ignored him as she waited for a boy named Matt to serve the ball. Matt, however, was too preoccupied with kicking the volleyball with his foot, bouncing it off of his head and dribbling it around like a basketball.

Matt grew increasingly frustrated as he cycled through sports, struggling to recall which game it was he was playing.

"MATT, JUST SERVE THE BALL. THIS IS VOLLEYBALL, NOT SOCCER OR BASKETBALL." Raven exclaimed, getting impaitent.

Impaitent!

Matt hit it over the net and the game progressed.

"Honestly, he's such a freakn' SHOW-OFF." Raven said to Bee and Kori after gym class.

"Really? Why?" Kori asked curiously.

"He tries to get the ball everytime it goes over, even if it's out of his spot, and whenever he serves it's like it's a freakn basketball tornament with visting soccer players!"

Freakn! Tornament! Visting!

"Just because he does that doesn't mean he's a show-off. He does that because he's a good player." Bee said.

"Just because you're a good player doesn't mean he can-"

"I do not think we need to discuss this now. Raven, you can rant on about what a show-off Matt is later. Otherwise, do not get into an arguement about it." Kori interrupted, heading off the impending arguement.

Oh my stars and garters, this is a grammar Nazi's wet dream! Arguement! Arguement!

"Stupid show-off..." Raven mumbled. 'That's the problem with with boys these days. The good-looking, athletic, smart ones are always such show-offs.

Just because YOU have no skill or talent at anything besides competitive whining, Raven, doesn't mean that the rest of us need to be as sullen and useless as you.

Boys are so incompetant.'

"So if 3x-9y2460, then what is the value of x?" The math teacher droned on. Raven raised her hand. "Raven?"

"Hmm?" Raven mumbled.

"What is the answer to number 7?" Mr. Macelese repeated.

Raven looked down at her paper and was kind of surprised at what she had written.

"CHRIST HAS ABANDONED YOU, CUNT."

Garfield Logan

Including little hearts.

"That must have been totally sub-concious." Raven mumbled.

Actually, unless my math is off, that's the correct answer.

"What?" Mr. Macelese answered, looking slightly confused. He had been standing there quite stupidly for about 10 seconds waiting for her to answer.

Right, the teacher who asked the question is the stupid one, not the vacant-eyed girl with purple hair who spent ten seconds staring at her paper and muttering to herself.

"The answer is x is equal to 12 plus 3y, Mr. Macelese." Raven said in monotone.

Raven was sitting in math class with Kori and Dick, once again being bored to death. Math itself was bad enough, but sitting though an 40 minutes of it a day, now that was torture.

It could only be the work of Wilson!

She was good at it, so she didn't need to pay attention, but still, it was really boring to sit through. Xs and Ys, numbers, fractions, decimals, it was so BORING.

"God I'm gonna fall asleep. This is so boring." Raven mumbled.

Mr. Macelese picked up a ruler and hurled it at Raven, striking her in the forehead. "I hope that livens up the class to your taste, Ms. Sabel," he said cheerfully. "Now shut up."

"Wish something interesting would happen in this class." Dick agreed.

"It is math, I do not think that anything interesting can happen." Kori commented.

"Anything's possible." Raven said.

"I still wish something interesting would happen." Dick said. "Do ya think anything interesting can happen?"

Not with the way you assholes are whining about nothing interesting happening, it won't!

As if almost in response to Dick's question, there was a knock on the door.

"Yes? Come in whoever you are." Mr Macelese answered.

The door opened and in stepped none other than Mr. Wilson.

He looked a touch paler than usual--indeed, he had ever since he'd returned from his brief Halloween excursion. And were his hands trembling slightly?

"Hello Mr. Wilson, what are you doing here?"

"You have a new student." Mr. Wilson said curtly.

"What new student? I didn't get a memo."

"Well you have a new student." Mr. Wilson said as he stepped outside. In response to his leaving, a teenage boy stepped into the classroom.



Hello, Roy!

He was about Speedy's height, with messy black hair, and grey eyes. He was wearing a red shirt, black cargo pants, and black and silver sneakers.

(if u dnot get it massage me il tel u lolz)

He was standing in a sort of slouched position, which indicated that he really didn't want to be here.

"So what's your name?" Mr. Macelese asked. "According to this file, you're name is-"

"Just call me X." The boy said quickly. (coughcough Red X coughcough)

Well, either Red X or Charles Xavier. Either way, with subtlety like that, Queen-Of-Azarath could become the next Hideaki Anno.

"Mysterious aren't we? Okay, so take a seat at that table near Raven."

"Who's Raven?"

"Over there." Mr. Macelese said, pointing to Raven. 'X' walked over to the seat next to Raven and sat down.

"So what's this class like?" X said as he sat down.

"Boring as hell." Dick mumbled.

"Nah, hell's definitely better than this." Raven disagreed.

I'm still not convinced that Raven isn't supposed to be Ebony Way from My Immortal. Shit like that doesn't help any.

"How would you know?" Kori asked with an odd look on her face.

"Because unlike you, Kori, you illiterate sow," Raven hissed, "I've read Dante's Inferno."

"It was a manner of speaking Kori."

"So who are the rest of you?" X asked after class.

"I'm Dick Grayson." Dick introduced. "And this is Kori Anderson."

"Anderson...Anderson...by any chance are you related to Mandy Anderson?"

"They're sisters, I wouldn't mention it though. They pretty much hate each other." Raven said quickly.

"Yes! She is an evil, manipulative grimplork! And she-" Kori started to rant.

"We get the point Kori."

"What's a grimplork?" Dick asked.

A made-up nonsense word that Kori came up with while riding to school on the short bus one morning?

"You don't want to know." Raven insisted.

"I just wanted to mention that I think that you're a lot cuter than her." X said with a sly grin. (Sorry if I totally stole your line Star!)

Star Jones-Reynolds set her jaw and glared at her monitor, mulling to herself how she could get this upstart fic-writer back for her plagiarism.

Before Kori could respond, Dick interrupted, "Don't you have any other friends to talk to?"

"No, I just got here."

"Well find some." Dick said dismissively.

"Someone feeling a little jealous? Or left-out? Or-"

"Shut up."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Hey X. Have you ever heard of Camile Railson?"

I'm so relieved that that "yes/no" bull was cut short that I don't even care that the story's reintroducing Kitten.

"No why?" X asked with a confused look.

"Look see? They're over there. They love talking to new kids." Dick said pointing to Camile and her group.

X shrugged and walked away.

"You had to wish that something interesting would happen." Raven said.

"Took him long enough." Dick complained.

"What's your problem? You don't normally snap at new kids like that."

I'm guessing Bee's irritability isn't confined to her, and that every single one of our cast is a petty, territorial douchebag.

"New kids don't normally spend the first hour of they're time here flirting with the first girl they meet." Dick mumbled.

The hell school do you go to, St. Eugenius the Eunich's School for the Sexually Deficient?! That's the first damn thing that any savvy teenage boy does at a new school!

"Who was he flirting with?" Kori asked with a confused look (God she's so naiive...)

My god--she's actually surpassed Hideaki Anno as the most subtle writer in history! And Kori doesn't even have a vagina on her forehead!

"No one Kori...no one." Dick responded.

"Hey Dick!" Garfield said as he walked up to the group.

"What is it Garfield?" Dick snapped.

"Dude what's your problem?"

"I've become a Tsundere," Dick explained. "It's part of the author's systematic approach to making every character on Teen Titans an unlikable mockery of what they once were. B-but I'm not saying that because I l-like you or anything! You d-dummy!"

"Did you hear about that new kid?"

"What new kid?"

"Well of course he wouldn't know who he is! The kid just got here last period!" Raven pointed out. "Garfield, see that guy over there? Standing and talking to Camile and her friends?" Raven said to Garfield pointing to X.

"Him? Oh him I've heard of. Calls himself X or Z or something right?"

He's only calling himself X because Q was taken.

"Yeah, it's X. According to Dick, he was flirting with Kori." Raven whispered to Garfield.

"Oh. So he's getting in a fit of jealousy right?" Garfield whispered back.

But before Raven could respond, Kori interrupted. "If you are going to say something, say it in a normal tone so we can hear you."

"Right umm...Dick! We've got an emergancy meeting for the soccer team after classes! Something's come up."

Emergancy!

(Now let's catch up on Bee and Victor)

That's a terrible idea, narrator. Shut the hell up.

"Okay class so today we're going to have the Annual National Geography Bee." Mrs. Stern, the Social Studies teacher announced.

The entire class groaned.

Man, I am so there--I groan when this story brings up Bee too!

"Oh stop groaning. You should be excited because if you win you'll get 5,000-"

"Yeah!" The class cheered.

These kids are sure excited about getting five thousand unnamed units of something. It's probably head lice.

"For a colloge scholarship." Mrs. Stern finished.

Colloge!

"Now let's begin. Everyone stand up. I will ask you a question, and if you get it wrong, you sit down."

The class stood up.

"This should be easy." Bee said.

"Yeah, it should be easy for me cuz I'm gonna beat you. You haven't even been here for a month. How do you expect to win?" Victor hissed back.

"Because Victor, it's general knowladge." Bee said with a smirk.

Knowladge!

"Okay, so Michael, first question is, 'Which country does not border Russia? Mongolia, Ukraine, or Romania?"

"Umm...Ukraine?" Michael said stupidly.

Dumb son of a bitch! How dare he not have up-to-date information regarding the nations bordering Russia?! He ought to be hanged, drawn and quartered for his ignorance!

"Sit down, you obviously need to study your geography more."

"Betty Klein? Same question."

"The answer is Romania." Bee answered with a smirk.

"Correct."

"Lucky guess. Betty." Victor sneered.

Then she got to Victor. "Victor Stone? Which continent is India located in?"

Victor thought hard.

Oh, you stupid ox. I could cut some slack on Romania, but "what continent is India in?" is the easiest question since "Is Normal Teenage Life a bullshit wish-fulfillment fantasy pile of disimpacted bowl obstruction?"

If Bee wasn't out, then no way he'd lose. "Um...Asia?"

"Correct."

"Hah." Victor said to Bee.

"Be quiet Victor or sit down." Mrs. Stern snapped.

Mrs. Stern: It's bad enough that you're a negro, dammit.

"Next person. Okay, Eric. What does the word ignorant mean?"

That's an excellent example of a geographical question. Maybe next she'll ask someone to demonstrate advanced biology by turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar.

Eric, along with the entire class was somewhat stunned. "That doesn't have anything to do with social studies! That's vocabulary!" Eric exclaimed.

"It was a wildcard. They always do a random question."

Yeah, but a random question that has nothing to do with the rest of the material? Ah, whatever, the kids'll probably just blame Wilson for it...

"Ignorant...ignorant...umm...it means...annoying?"

"That's incorrect. Now go get a dictionary and sit down." Mrs. Stern said.

It was down to Bee and Victor in the end. Bee, well, she was clever. Victor, that was just dumb luck.

"Victor, of what country was did the ancient king Ashanti rule over?"

Written Entertainment?

"Um..." Victor stuttered. 'I can't lose now! Bee will never let me live it down! Wait a minute? I thought Ashanti was a singer? I dunno...umm...'

I hate it when the story steals my jokes.

"Victor? Do you know the answer?"

"Um...Africa?"

I'm afraid that's incorrect, Vic, since Africa is a continent, not a country.

"Correct.

Okay, you know what? YOU KNOW WHAT?!

Bee what country did the United States fight against in the War of 1812 and the American Revolution?"

"Great Britian." Bee answered easily.

Britian!

"Correct. Victor, why did the American Revolution start?"

"Because the Americans didn't want to drink the British tea?" Victor guessed.

"I see you, like Michael over here, learned your history from the back of a cereal box. You've been listening to Garfield Logan I assume? Now sit down."

As clever a reference as that was--and for once I'm giving some praise to the story for actually referencing the series in a way that wasn't the author putting commentary in parentheses--it has the backhanded effect of forever cementing Vic's status as village idiot.

"Hah." Bee smirked at Victor.

"Our new winner of the Geography Bee is Betty Klein. Betty, you will report to the auditorium in a week to compete in the school geography bee. Victor, you are the runner up and will go if Bee cannot attend. Class is over."

"Hah! I told you I'd beat you!" Bee teased Victor.

"Oh so what? You won a stupid Geography Bee. Big deal."

"I still beat you and that's what matters."

I'm going to remember this comment the next time Bee gets all menstrual over how stupidly competitive boys can be.

"No it doesn't!"

"Yes it does."

"No it doesn't."

"Yes it does."

"No." Victor insisted as they walked toward their group of friends

"Yes."

"No."

"WILL YOU TWO STOP FIGHTING?" Garfield yelled.

"What happened this time?" Raven asked in monotone.

I think I'd prefer it if the story pointed out when Raven wasn't speaking in monotone, since she does it so often that it's basically her defining character trait. Besides whining.

"I won the geography bee and Victor's jealous." Bee answered.

"Oh yeah, Victor always wins that. Out of dumb luck usually." Garfield said.

"Garfield c'mon! We've got that soccer meeting." Dick said as he walked away.

"What happened?" Victor asked.

"Emergency soccer meeting! I'll tell you later!" Garfield said as he ran after Dick.

When the two boys got to the meeting (it was out by the soccer field), the coach started speaking.

"And I just called this meeting because I had to inform you all that one of you will have to leave the team."

It's part of their new endorsement deal with NBC. The soccer team has become a reality show!

"WHAT?" The entire soccer team exclaimed.

"Yeah. We have a new student, and his skills surpass all of yours, next to only our star, Dick Grayson. We'll have to have tryouts again to see who will get kicked off." The coach said.

Oh come the hell on--why doesn't this story have a disclaimer at the start of every chapter that reads "I have no idea how anything in the world works because I am ignorant"?!

"Well that's letting us down easy!" One of the players commented.

"Who's this new student?" Garfield called out.

"He prefers to be called X." The coach answered as the team suddenly noticed the arrival of none other than X.

How Charles Xavier can play soccer with both his legs paralyzed is...well, not quite unrealistic, but it's still impressive.

This post has been edited by Al_Cone: Jun 27 2011, 07:14 AM


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Post #67
Waffleman


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post Aug 19 2010, 09:25 PM
But.....Red X was Robin!

Unless there was a different Red X who appeared later in the series and I just forgot.


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post Aug 19 2010, 09:34 PM
Automatic gold medal for the Roy reference biggrin.gif


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QUOTE (Nyx @ Jan 31 2009, 12:00 AM)
The moment man devoured the fruit of knowledge, he sealed his fate. Entrusting his future to the cards, man clings to a dim hope. Yet, the Arcana is the means by which ALL is revealed...beyond the beaten path lies the absolute end. It matters not who you are...Death awaits you

I used to have a home, now I don't even have a name. I'm nothing but a number, here we are all the same...- Emilie Autumn- One Foot in Front of the Other.

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post Aug 19 2010, 11:16 PM
QUOTE (Waffleman @ Aug 19 2010, 10:25 PM)
But.....Red X was Robin!

Unless there was a different Red X who appeared later in the series and I just forgot.
*

Yeah, there was. They were even forced to team up, for some reason.


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Post #70
Al_Cone


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post Aug 19 2010, 11:26 PM
QUOTE (The Two-One-Five @ Aug 20 2010, 12:16 AM)
Yeah, there was. They were even forced to team up, for some reason.
*


Because the Titans had one of their frequent bouts of incompetence and got captured by a guy with a Fu Manchu mustache.


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Post #71
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post Aug 20 2010, 07:21 AM
I know this'll probably never come up in the fic, but I really enjoy the thought of Brushogun being the art teacher.


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Post #72
Al_Cone


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post Sep 2 2010, 07:56 PM
In this week's edition of Normal Teenage Life, we learn a great deal many things. We learn that our author is incapable of keeping her continuity straight for a two-parter, we learn that she will retcon the hell out of part one in order to maintain the contrived plot twists that she serves up in part two (in this, I begin to wonder if our author is known offline as Tetsuya Nomura), we learn once again that our characters are self-centered bags of fuck, and we learn that Slade Wilson bears a remarkable resemblance to renowned Canadian television actor Michael Hogan.

*****

Chapter 10: What Is the Value of X? Part 2 of 2

Original Japanese Title: "Hold Your Tongue!!!" Mr. Wilson's Triumphant Shining Victory!

You know what, I have the distinct feeling that we're never going to get an answer to that question, and it pisses me off because I fucking WANT TO KNOW THE VALUE OF X WHAT IS IT WHAT IS IT GODDAMMIT IT RRRRRRRRGH IT HAS TO BE MORE INTERESTING THAN THIS GARBAGE!!![/b]

Catching up on last chapter...

Previously, on Normal Teenage Life!

"Yeah. We have a new student, and his skills surpass all of yours, next to only our star, Dick Grayson. We'll have to have tryouts again to see who will get kicked off." The coach said.

"Well that's letting us down easy!" One of the players commented.

"Who's this new student?" Garfield called out.

"He prefers to be called X." The coach answered as the team suddenly noticed the arrival of none other than X.

Dick: Mr. Worf...fire.

And now...the conclusion.


"You can't be serious." Dick said.

"Dude, I think he is. How can this guy be better than us?" Garfield answered.

Well, for one, his diet includes more than root marm and tofu. Men eat meat, Garfield. Pussies? Pussies eat root marm. Now, X, over there? He's a man. He eats his meat. Hell, I saw him wolf down a whole plate of breakfast sausages during breakfast--and he didn't bitch about it being too early once! How could he; he was too busy stuffing his face with sausage. And that's an easy gay pun, I know, but X is so fucking manly that he negates that innuendo bullshit, and you wanna know why that is? You really wanna know why? Because he's a man, not a pussy, and he can get away with it. Bitch.

"Gar, most people are better than you."

"True. Hope I don't get kicked off the team."

"Yeah that would suck. I hope I don't get kicked off."

Hey, it's that nameless disembodied voice from before! He's really the heart of the team, folks, and losing him would be a tremendous blow to morale.

"Nah you won't. You're too good." Another one of the boys on the soccer team said to Dick.

The way everybody's sucking Dick's namesake, it's pretty doubtful that he'll be leaving.

"You're probably right Eric. If anyone's gonna get kicked off it'll probably be Garfield." Dick answered.

"Hey!" Garfield complained.

"You admitted it yourself. You're the worst player on the team." Eric said.

The kid in the wheelchair who was born without legs or lungs must be feeling really gratified now.

"And I'm looking for a new head captain." The coach said.

"WHAT?" Dick exclaimed.

"Yes Dick, a new head captain, so you might be the one of the four who's eliminated."

"Wait, FOUR players? I thought only one person was getting replaced?" Some kid named David asked in confusion.

"I just got word that we have to lower our team's number of players form 15 to 12, so with one getting replaced, that's four people off the team. And that includes the team captain."

The coach apparently got word in the two minute timespan between the end of this chapter and the beginning of this one. GodDAMN, Wilson's administration is efficient!

"Tough luck." Eric said as he started a conversation with another one of his friends.

(Please excuse me if I'm skipping all the sports. I don't play sports, and I don't watch them, so as a result, I don't know how they work very well, so I wouldn't know how to write about it)

Hey, don't worry about it sweetheart. Not knowing anything about a subject hasn't stopped you from writing about it before, as evidenced by the last nine chapters of speculative bullshit. Go right ahead and write a soccer game where quarterbacks sling curveballs into baskets for grand-slam-dunks! biggrin.gif

"I can't believe it. I honestly cannot believe it." Dick said as he was talking to his friends later that afternoon.

Dick: Seriously, when my dad called and told me that I was born with a vagina--I guess it makes sense, I mean, but still!

"What happened?" Kori asked sympathetically.

"Well, couch decided he needed to kick one of the players off." Garfield started to say.

Dammit, Tim Couch is there any sports team you won't ruin?!

"So he kicked Dick off didn't he?" Victor said.

"Some kid named Jake and some other kid named David too."

Important enough to be named, and yet we will never hear from them again. Or will we...?

"So I was right!" Ocelot cheered, firing his revolver into the air in celebration.

"How'd you guess?" Dick snapped.

"Dude chill! We're on your side! So who'd he get replaced with?"

Dick was silent.

"Let me guess." Raven said. "X."

"Considering the fact that he's not saying anything, I'm assuming you've got it right." Bee said pointing to Dick.

Dick cursed the rock-stupidity of his so-called friends as the hunk of chicken nugget in his windpipe brought his life to an end, his flailing and table-pounding gradually dying down with him.

"AND he's the new freakn' captain to the team!" Dick exclaimed loudly, causing everyone to back away an inch or two.

"Um...okay?" Garfield said nervously.

"Will you calm down? It's just a sports team. It's not like it's the only thing in the world you have to do." Raven concluded.

That's easy for you to say, Raven, but not all of our days consist of masturbating to the complete works of Poe and writing Twilight slash fiction.

"BUT I GOT REPLACED BY THAT STUPID NEW KID!" Dick yelled.

"And that 'stupid' new kid has a name." A voice said.

Well yeah, but nobody knows it because he insists on going by X. So he doesn't really have any room to complain.

"Dick. Whatever you do, don't turn around." Victor said.

However, because he never listens to anyone, he turned around.

And became a pillar of salt.

"X."

"Grayson."

"Arrogant aren't you?"

"Maybe so, but I still replaced you as captain of the soccer team."

"Not for long."

"Oh really? And what makes you think that coach will let you back on the team?"

"I'll find a way."

"Yeah, that'll happen about as soon as you could pass English."

"It's none of your business what I get in English. How would you know any way? I bet you don't even know my grade."

Wonderful! This story's dropped all pretense and devolved completely into a middle-school pissing contest. Maybe next Dick will call X gay and they'll get into a slap-fight!

"Does 65 sound familiar?" X said in a low voice, so no one else could hear it.

"How would you know that? You'd have to-"

"Steal the teacher's do you think?"

I don't know where X gets off criticizing Dick, when he shows all the speaking aptitude of Yoda.

"You will get in so much trouble when the teacher finds out, that you will be expelled faster than-

"I don't think so."

"And why not?"

"Unless you want this entire hallway to know that-"

"You will not do that."

What the fuck would Dick care? He'd be getting his archenemy expelled. Hell, I'll bet every student in this school has at least one failing grade, since they divide their time between not doing their schoolwork, complaining about not doing their schoolwork and cocking around instead of doing their schoolwork.

Hey, wait a minute--don't you have to maintain a certain GPA to be on a sports team? Wouldn't having a D in a key class keep Dick from--oh, right, the author doesn't know how shit works. Sorry. I forget sometimes.


"Oh really? So I shouldn't tell the entire hallway that you got a-"

But X never got to finish what he was saying because Dick punched him in the jaw before he could finish.

Dick's wrist snapped in twain like Balsa wood, and X grinned the shit-eatingest of shit-eating grins. He bent down low, right in Dick's face, and whispered "Because I'm a man, pussy.

His breath smelled of sausage and cologne.


A crowd of kids surronded the two boys as they continued to fight in the middle of the hallway.

"WILL YA'LL STOP!" Victor kept yelling, as he tried to break up the two.

"Not. On. Your. Life." Dick muttered as he aimed another punch at X.

"Stay out of this jock!" X said as he attempted to push Victor away.

That has about as much potency as one black rapper calling another black rapper "nigger."

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" Yet another voice said.

The crowd turned, and then all but Kori, Raven, Garfield, Speedy, and Terra scattered. Victor froze in his position trying to stop Dick and X from fighting. Dick froze as well, mid-punch aimed at X.

There, standing in the doorway of the cafeteria, was Patrick Fucking Stewart. And was he ever pissed.

"DICK GRAYSON! ARE YOU FIGHTING AGAIN?" The voice boomed again.

"Yes sir Mr. Wilson. He suddenly punched me out of no where, and I just defended myself." X said quickly.

"What! That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever of! X was just-" Kori started protesting.

--doing nothing? I mean, Dick DID throw the first punch. He's fully culpable. Granted, X is in the wrong, but for different reasons, reasons that Wilson may not necessarily be aware of. Nobody knows, in fact, but Dick. Of course, Dick won't do anything because he's a pussy, and everybody will blame Wilson for punishing Dick even though Dick DID throw the first punch and didn't bother to implicate X in the theft of the teacher's gradebook because he's very embarrassed about having one low grade in a class that probably everybody at this school is failing. I hate this story.

Also, why the hell did X steal the gradebook in the first place?!


"MS. Anderson! I do not believe I asked your view on the situation!"

"She's right! And besides, X-"

"Ms. Sabel. For once in your life hold your tongue."

Holy shit! Even when I'm NOT writing him, Mr. Wilson is an absolute badass!



Take a good hard look at that image, readers. Slade Wilson is now, officially, Colonel Saul Tigh.


"Don't even try and say anything Gar." Raven muttered to Garfield.

"As I was frakking saying. I do not care what X did. The point is, I caught Mr. Grayson fighting for the second godsdamn time this week. One more time Mr. Grayson, and you'll wish you never stepped inside this school be in hack for so damn long, you'll be lucky if you even remember what a woman looks like. Dismissed!."

"What can you do?" Dick snapped.

Dude--and you wonder why you get in trouble! What the hell is wrong with you?!

"I can be your worst nightmare."

"You already are."

"Well worse than that. I can make your life a living hell."

Dick was about to say something equally nasty, but Victor covered his mouth and instead he spoke. "He's sorry that he was fighting and he promises to never to it again."

"Good. Now keep it that way." Mr. Wilson said as he shot one icy glare at Dick, but walked away.

Oh...my...I am so hard right now...!

"I told you the guy was pure evil." Victor said to Speedy after Mr. Wilson walked away.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFSSSSSSSSKFFFFFFKSFKFFFFFFFFFFFSFKKKKKKKKKK

"What happened to X?" Garfield asked.

"He slipped away. I'll get him next time that little slimy selfish-"

"No. You will not get revenge. Because you do not want to be expelled." Raven interrupted.

"Let's see...that's how many enemies do we have now?" Terra asked.

Better get out the ol' list there, Terrarooney. Maybe there'll be some list in between Stalinist Russia and the League of Women Voters.

"Let's see...X, Camile, Johnny R, Michelle, Lily, and Kyle." Bee guessed.

"You forgot Mandy." Kori hissed.

"Oy!

Tonight, the part of Garfield will be played by a 19th century chimney sweep.

Don't even bring her up! She's an issue in herself!" Garfield said.

"Just leave X be." Speedy advised.

"Yeah yeah yeah...sure." Dick mumbled. "For now anyway." He muttered.

"Speaking of your sister Kori, where is she? Haven't seen her in days." Speedy asked.

Mm...where indeed...

"Don't know. Don't care." Kori snapped unnaturally.

"Word of advice. Don't ever mention Mandy to Kori. Again." Terra whispered.

Ever see the Manchurian Candidate? It's kind of like that.

"I'll make a note of that."

This post has been edited by Al_Cone: Sep 22 2010, 07:24 PM


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Post #73
T_K_17


#oh it's JUST tk
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post Sep 2 2010, 09:22 PM
He's almost as awesome as you wrote him.


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Waffleman


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post Sep 3 2010, 06:03 AM
So far, Mr. Wilson and X are the best damn characters in this story.


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Post #75
Al_Cone


Where we're going, we don't need nanomachines
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post Sep 9 2010, 07:57 PM
On the heels of the X duology comes another adaptation of a classic episode of Teen Titans. The conflict between Mandy and Kori comes to a head, as we find out that, as absurdly moronic as our core cast is, they're still more intelligent than trained police detectives in this story's universe.

*****

Chapter 11: Is Blood Really Thicker Than Water?

Original Japanese Title: "I Accuse My Sister!!!" Mandy-Sempai's Treacherous Gambit!


What does it matter? We aren't going to get an answer, not now, not ever. We went two chapters straight--two freakin' chapters--being asked what the value of X was, and we never found that out either. So this new question? Absolutely fucking pointless.[/b]

"I swear to god! It is the absolute last straw!" Kori said as she stormed into her room on a cold windy November night. (I know that was kinda random... I just wanted to give you guys the sort of time period that's going on right now)

Well, at least this story's not going to suffer from a case of timeframe musical chairs, like Realization. GODDAMMIT SIX MONTHS FOUR MONTHS A COUPLE OF DAYS WHAT THE FUCK WAS IT SUPPOSED TO BE FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

"What happened?" Terra asked in a slightly concerned voice.

"I can not believe her! I do not even know how anyone can deal with her! She should not even have any friends!"

"Um...Kori? You okay?" Bee asked, but Kori continued ranting.

Kori: I know that it is pointless to hope to surpass Snooki's number of Twitter followers, but if that bronzed bitch can break a hundred thousand, then why the fuck can't I?! I'm appealing, aren't I? AREN'T I?!?!?!?!?!?!

"Maybe it's Camile. Again." Raven suggested.

"I cannot believe I am even related to her! She is such a-" Kori continued raving.

"Mandy." Bee, Terra, and Raven said at once.

Such a Mandy? That doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Still, it sounds less retarded than "clorbag varblernilk."

"Exactly! I mean it is just unbelievable! Just because she is a year-older doesn't mean she can-"

--break into the zoo, free all the animals, lead them on a stampede throughout downtown and finally drive them into the ocean where they drown ingloriously!

"Kori." Raven interrupted.

"WHAT!" Kori snapped.

"Either stop raving or tell us what she did."

"She stole twenty dollars from me! She took my entire wallet!"

So instead of, say, going to the authorities with this, you've come to complain to your dorm mates, who were voted by Newsweek to be the most unhelpful bunch of assholes in America?

"Will you explain how she did that?" Bee asked.

"I dunno! I was at the vending machines outside the cafeteria, took out my wallet, got out a dollar, put my wallet down for a minute, got my snack, and then when I turned around it was gone!"

Kori: I mean, I know that Jefferson is a breeding ground for kleptomaniacs, but goddamn!

"How do you know it was Mandy?" Terra asked in disbelief.

"Because she was right there getting something from the other vending machine! She must've taken it when I wasn't looking!"

Proof enough for me. Take her away, boys!

"Damn she is evil." Bee commented shaking her head.

"Are you sure you're related?" Terra asked.

"Maybe she can get a blood test." suggested Richard Nixon as he quickly scribbled Mandy's name onto his enemy list.

"That's a good idea!" replied TV pitchman Anthony Sullivan.

"BEE! TERRA! What about my wallet?" Kori exclaimed.

"Kori. Look. Do you know what time it is?" Raven asked.

"Umm...10:50." Kori said looking at her watch with a shrug.

Wrong, bitch! It's party time! Party time! Everybody's feelin' fine 'cuz it's party time!

"Do you know that we have school tomorrow morning?"

"And?"

"I'D LIKE TO GET SOME SLEEP!"

Generally speaking, people who actually want to get to sleep for an early class the following morning don't stay up until 10:50 gabbing about boys and fantasizing about being taken in an opium den by Edgar Allen Poe. Fuck you, Raven.

"Yeah Kori, let's sort this out in the morning." Terra said.

"But what about my-"

Terra: Shut your stupid whore mouth! Nobody cares!

"We'll get it in the morning." Bee said.

"Yeah. G'night." Terra said as she turned out the lights.

"TERRA!" Bee, Kori, and Raven yelled in protest. "WE'RE NOT READY FOR BED YET!"

Oh, I get it--they all decided that it was bedtime so they wouldn't have to hear Kori complain about her stupid wallet and her family issues. I can relate.

The next morning, the group sat down for breakfast, and Kori still didn't get her wallet back.

She didn't know what annoyed her more--her missing wallet, or the delicious breakfast spread.

"I cannot believe her! She is my own flesh-and-blood! And she steals my money!" Kori raved.

"Um...what happened?" Dick asked.

"Mandy stole her wallet." Bee said.

"Again?" Garfield commented.

"This has happened before?" Speedy asked.

Judging by the fact that Mandy was clearly not expelled, I'm guessing that Kori's solution then, as now, was to just complain about it without actually doing anything.

"Yeah. Mandy tries to piss off Kori any chance that she can-"

"Hi Kori! Mind if I sit with you?" A voice said.

"What do you want?" Kori snapped.

Leave the disembodied voice alone, Kori! Just because you're feeling pissy doesn't mean you get to take it out on the finest student Jefferson Co-Ed has ever seen!

"I just want to sit with my little sister!" Mandy said as she made room for her self and sat down.

"What makes you think that after you stole my wallet you can-"

"I never stole your wallet."

"Yes you did!"

"No I didn't."

Oh, heavenly. This tired gag again. Then again, I suppose it's better than BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD
BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD
BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD
BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD
BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD


"Yes you did! Now leave me and my friends alone and go back to your no good lousy-"

"Hey! I wanted to bury the hatchet!"

Mandy: If I can get rid of all the evidence and just keep my head down for a while, this whole murder investigation should blow over. Now are you gonna help me or not?!

"What's a hatchet?" Garfield asked.

"An axe." Raven whispered.

"MANDY HAS AN AXE?" Garfield exclaimed.

"It's an expression that means she wants to make peace dolt." Victor said.

So I guess private schools are open to just anybody these days, huh?

"Right. I even have a peace offering." Mandy said as she pulled something out of her pocket. "See?" It was an emerald necklace with a silver chain.

Kori's beyond-anger face quickly changed to a face of pure delight (complete with the emerald-like eyes for one brief moment). "(Gasp) It's gorgeous! Where did you get it? Why?"

It's a little too easy to get onto Kori's good side. Must be really easy for a guy to bury his hatchet with her...

"Can't I get my little sister a gift as a peace offering?"

"Sure!"

"Um...Kori?" Dick said.

"Yes?" Kori asked.

"She's tortured you for god knows how long."

[b]The Saw franchise was inspired by the relationship between Mandy and Kori.


"Yes. And?"

"All of a sudden she gives you an emerald necklace. Doesn't this seem a little suspicious?" Dick whispered.

"Everyone deserves a second chance." Terra said, she had heard what Dick said as well. (and she'd only say that because she's a traitor and wants to earn their trust so you can learn all their secrets and BETRAY THEM ALL IN THE END!)

I'll bet if Queen-of-Azarath had written Harry Potter, she'd have named every individual chapter "SNAPE KILLS DUMBLEDORE AND HERE IS A LIST OF HORCRUXES ALSO SNAPE'S A GOOD GUY," and thought that she was being brilliant and witty.

"Exactly! So anyway, I was thinking that-" Mandy said. And she continued speaking. For fifteen straight minutes.

All were enraptured at her powerful speeches about the glory of the Aryan Race and the backstabbery of the Jewish mongrels.

"When will she shut up?" Garfield whispered to Terra.

"The day you get an A." Terra smirked.

"Sadly, there's no chances of either of those things." Raven said.

And that's our ration of humor for the day.

"STUDENTS! REPORT TO THE FRAKKIN' AUDTIORIUM AT ONCE GODSDAMMIT!" The voice of principal Wilson boomed over the P.A. system.

For once, Mandy shut up.

"I thought you said that only the vice-principal used the P.A. system." Bee said.

"That's what I thought." Victor said.

"Oh, Wilson's used it before." Mandy commented.

The entire group gave her a confused look. "When?" Dick answered.

"It was the year before Kori came here. She was home-schooled a year longer than me.

I thought you kids were orphans. Who the hell homeschooled you, the government? Did Bill Clinton come to your orphanage every day and teach you fractions?

In 5th grade for me, which is 4th grade for you guys, he did once. But that was only because the police had come, and said that someone had commited a crime, that if caught, they could go to jail, depending on thier age."

Police investigations were far less subtle back then. Less skulking and information gathering, and more blasting their presence and intentions all around the place. Life was more like Walker: Texas Ranger back in the 90s.

"What happened?" Speedy asked with interest.

"I don't remember it was too long ago." Mandy insisted, and the others nodded with an 'okay' sort of look, but Dick on the otherhand looked doubtful of the story.

First she's in the general vicinity of a wallet theft, and then she tells a story that nobody's old enough to corroborate?! There's treachery afoot!

"C'mon guys let's go." Bee said as she got up.

The group (and Mandy), and the entire school walked into the auditorium and sat down, with our main characters sitting in one of the upper rows. Mr. Wilson walked on to the stage, followed by two police officers, a man and a woman.

"Students, it has come to my attention that last night, someone snuck off campus, went into the jewlery store in the nearby town and-" Mr. Wilson started explaining.

"I think that we can take it from here Mr. Wilson." One of the policemen said.

"Sure Jackson."

Wilson smiled politely, but his teeth were clenched and his hands balled into fists. Smug bastard, he thought bitterly. If I didn't have bigger fish to fry...

"Alright. As your principal said, someone here snuck off-campus and stole something from a nearby jewelry store." The man called Jackson said.

Well, I can certainly see how important it was for you to interrupt Wilson for that. Thank you for repeating information that was given six seconds ago.

"How do you know that one of the students did it?" A girl named Kristina called out.

Jackson pulled his sidearm and fired once into the air. "I don't miss twice!" he shouted at Kristina.

"Because. On the security camera, it's very blurry, but we can still tell it was a student." The policewoman answered.

Right, so...blurry, nondescript camera footage of a break-in at a jewelry store is able to determine--beyond a shadow of a doubt--that the thief who broke into the store was a student at that particular school. Indisputable, incontrovertible evidence that a student from that boarding school--one of no doubt many in what is apparently a vast and densely populated area--broke into that jewelry store was gleaned from grainy-ass camera footage.

This shit makes CSI look downright plausible.


"Oh."

"Okay. I don't care if this takes all day. What you guys are going to do is-"

"What was stolen?" Kristina called out again.

The policeman gave them all a look that said, 'can't you shut her up?', but answered her question.

With a .22 caliber round to the forehead. "I told you I don't miss twice," said Jackson.

"It was an emerald necklace. Now as I was saying, one by one, you're all going to come up and we'll just ask you a few questions." The entire auditorium groaned. "Look. I don't care if it takes all day, but we're going to find that necklace."

Instead of, say, questioning them individually, gathering forensic evidence at the scene of the crime or maybe checking around to see if anybody was missing at curfew, they decide to round everybody up in a single auditorium and--you know what, it's much easier and more efficient to just call this story a load of crap.

And the police meant it. They had searched, questioned and interogated just about everyone, from little sixth graders to the seniors.

Questions were asked, allegations were made, hinies were probed.

The only ones left were of course, Garfield, Raven, Mandy, Kori, Dick, Terra, Speedy, and Victor.

No pattern or method to your search, you're just gonna...just gonna question people at random? P-probably wasting a lot of time and money on this; it'd be much easier to...no? Gonna be stupid? Alrighty then, have fun.

"Kori Anderson." One of the police said, and Kori stood up and walked down. The students weren't questioned in front of everyone, but behind the curtains on the stage.

With a microphone shoved in their faces and the speakers turned up to full so that everybody in the audience could hear.

"Hey Jackson look. She has the necklace." The policewoman said as she pointed to the emerald necklace Mandy had given her.

Bwa! That was startlingly simple. Bet y'all feel like a real bunch of morons now, eh officers?

"What? I do not have a stolen necklace! I could not possibly have! I-" Kori immediately started to protest.

"This? This is the emerald necklace that was stolen. Now unless you can come up with a better explanation-" She said pointing to the neecklace.

"No! My sister gave it to me! I haven't even been off-campus in weeks!" Kori protested.

"Do you have any witnesses?" Jackson said gruffly.

"Witnesses? What is this a-"

"Look. The evidence points that you are indeed the criminal.

...That evidence being...?

If you have no proof-"

"I do! Just wait a minute!" Kori exclaimed.

Soon, all her friends, and her sister were assembled in front of the police officers, the
rest of the students dismissed, sent to their classes.

Of course, by now it's probably four in the afternoon and classes have been dismissed for hours. Bang-up job there, detectives!

"What's up?" Speedy asked.

"Ms. Anderson here has the exact necklace that was stolen, yet she claims that her sister gave it to her and she hasn't been off-campus in weeks." Jackson said.

"Well that's true." Terra said.

"All of it?"

"Yes, it's all true." Victor agreed.

"On top of that, the person in the security camera resembles Ms. Anderson." The policewoman said as she pressed the play button on the nearby TV and showed the tape. It was in color (just remember that).



The thief did indeed resemble Kori. "See?"

Superficial resemblance? That's all the evidence I need. Lock her up and throw away the key!

"What I think the question is, which Ms. Anderson?" Dick commented.

"What are you talking about, Mr-"

"Grayson. And I mean, Kori claims her sister gave it to her."

"Are you accusing me of theft junior?" Mandy said harshly.

"What happened to burying the axe...or the hatchet...or whatever it is you have!" Garfield answered.

"I said I'd bury the hatchet with Kori. Not her stupid little junior friends." Mandy snapped.

Whoa now, folks, let's not say things we'll regret. Don't want to incite another anti-prep rant.

"Oh so now we're stupid?

...YES! Yes, you are!

As opposed to five minutes ago when we were-" Bee started to say.

"Are you accusing me of theft?"

"Well, yes. Yes we are." Dick said with a smirk.

Must really suck for those cops to know that a bunch of dumbass kids are conducting a better investigation than they did...

"But, I don't think that Mandy would do something like that!" Kori protested, the first time she had spoken since they had all assembled there.

"You know, they always say expect the unexpected so if Mandy making peace wasn't expected then we should have expected it but we didn't so it's the unexpected but we expect her to be evil so that's really unexpecting the unexpected so we were really expecting it!" Garfield said.

The police looked at him oddly.

Cut him some slack. He got kicked in the head by a horse when he was young.

"He means that doing something like that would be typical Mandy." Raven translated.

"You understood that?" Garfield said.

"As weird as it is, yes I got that." Before Garfield could protest, Dick spoke again.

"I have an idea." He said, turning on the TV and pausing it on the fuzzy angle of the theif. "This is what proves that it wasn't Kori."

If you freeze at frame 22, you can clearly see that the perpetrator is wearing a T-shirt that plainly says "TOTALLY NOT KORI ANDERSON."

"How does this prove that?" Mandy protested.

"Because, as you can see, Kori's hair is so red it's almost orange. Mandy's hair on the other hand is so dark, it's practically black. As you can see here, the teif has dark, not red hair." Dick pointed out.

Looks to me like the great jewel store heist investigation got saddled with the only two colorblind cops on the force.

"Hey, he's right!" Bee agreed.

The kids don't have that excuse though. They're just stupid.

"Stupid useless police." Dick muttered.

"That's it Mandy. You're coming downtown." Jackson said.

"So you did do it?" Garfield said.

"Yes. But I'll be back! And next time I won't be so nice! I will get out of jail, little sister and I will get even!"

Next time, Gadget! NEXT TIIIIIIIIIIME...!

Mandy said as the police started to drag her away.

"Oh shut up." The police woman said.

At least her attorney can use the lack of a Miranda Rights reading in court.

GIRL'S BASKETBALL STAR EXPELLED FROM JEFFERSON THIS WEEK!

By Rita Z. Vanderbilt, Ace Reporter for the Jefferson Weekly

Rita Z. Vanderbilt clings to her phony title of "Ace Reporter," to keep her from completely breaking apart from the stark realization that her life is a shallow and meaningless lie.

Mandy Anderson, 17. Older sibling of Kori Anderson, 16, and Ryan Anderson,11. We all know her as the star of the girl's basketball team, taking Jefferson to the tournament finals last year, as well as three years before.

So there's no such thing as Junior Varsity at Jefferson Co-Ed, it seems.

But as of last week, our team is now one player short. Mandy was recently expelled from our school on charges of theft.

But what is the true story? Ritz Z. Vanderbilt is here to fill you in! Let me start from the beginning.

Ohhhh boy, I love it when the story summarizes shit that we've already read in the most obnoxious and tedious method it can possibly get away with! Here it comes! biggrin.gif

Last week on Wednsday, Jefferson was visited by the police, who were claiming one of the students had stolen a very valuable emerald necklace from a nearby jewelry store. All denied it. But then, the police found it on none other than Kori Anderson herself.

Nooses were tied, torches were lit, hinies were probed.

Kori denied stealing it, claiming she hadn't been off campus in weeks. Her friends supported her claim.

When asked where she got the necklace from, Kori said that her sister had given it to her, but also informed the police in confidence that her wallet was missing, and that she suspected her sister had taken it.

Wait, what?! When did this happen?! You can't retcon shit that happened in the same chapter that you're retconning in! That's like dinosaurs!

After a through "investigation," the police discovered that it was indeed Mandy who had taken the necklace, and had decided to give it to Kori to frame her younger sister. Guess blood really isn't thicker than water after all, huh?

And yet we still can't get an answer on the value of X. Goddamn this story.

Now that Mandy is no longer at this school, it seems we'll need a new player on the basketball team. The couch of the team has informed me that tryouts for the new player will take place on Thursday, so anyone interested should try out!

Rita Vanderbilt's journalism apparently includes dropping a shitload of acid and communicating with the moth-eaten couch in the girls' locker room.

"So ol' Rita actually got something right for once?" Terra said as the others read the article.

"Yeah. Hey how'd she know about all this?" Speedy asked.

"You know Rita, always skittering around like a beetle, she's always where she can get a good story." Victor said.

Dammit, Rita Skeeter, changing your name and moving to America, posing as a teenage girl--is there any level to which you won't stoop?!

"True." Garfield agreed.

"Hey has anyone seen Kori?" Dick asked.

"Yeah, she's been on the roof ever since the article came out this morning." Bee said.

She's been up there for so long that a police negotiator's camped out at the base of the building with a megaphone. Of course, this is the same police department that gave us Officer Jackson, so he's been actively encouraging her to jump and calling her fat and ugly for the past two hours.

"She's either in denial that her sister was such a bitch to her, or she's having trouble dealing with it." Raven surmised.

"Oh." Dick answered.

"You're really really thick you know, right?" Terra said.

"What do you mean?"

She's talking about Dick Jr.

"As much as I hate to admit it, Terra's right." Garfield agreed.

"Yeah! Go up and talk to her you idiot!" Victor said as he pushed Dick out.

"Right! Talk to her!" Dick said as he made his way towards the roof.

He strapped the suction cups onto his hands and feet, took a deep breath and began the long climb to the top.

Dick got to the roof, and saw Kori sitting there

"Hey. How are you doing?" Dick said as he sat down next to Kori.

"I am…sad for my sister." Kori answered in an usure voice.

"And for yourself?"

"Well, no. I was foolish. You told me that I should not trust her, and I did. I should have listened to you."

"Kori, it's okay, everyone makes mistakes."

Dick: I, for example, made the mistake of coming up here and talking to you. Now I have to sit here and listen to your whining all fucking day...

"But still, even if I had just listened to you in the first place, or maybe if I had just been nicer to less blatantly stupid and blind-"

"Kori. Look. It's not your fault. She was never a nice person in the first place. Don't blame yourself."

"I guess you are right, but-"

"No, just forget about it Kori, there's nothing wrong, and none of it's your fault."

"I guess I should be glad that you have such great friends to bail me out!"

"Yeah. Great friends." Dick mumbled.

Dick: Man, am I *EVER* going to get to bury *MY* hatchet?

"What?" Kori said with a confused look.

"Nothing."

"And you know, we are great friends!" A voice said from behind the pair.

"Garfield! What are you doing here?" Kori said in a surprised voice.

Breaking up the moment. Why, what are you doing here?

"Well aside from the fact that you've been up here long enough, we've got class in five minutes." Bee said as she appeared, followed by Victor, Raven, Terra and Speedy.

"Right! Let's go!" Terra said as the two teens (Dick and Kori) got up.

"Oh yeah, Kori, and Mrs. Katz came looking for you to give you your test back." Raven said.

In lieu of an actual written F, Mrs. Katz simply scrawled "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" in red pen all over the paper.

"Really?" Kori replied.

"Yeah, A." Raven said, and gave Kori a rare smile.

"Looks like you're doing well in language arts." Dick mentioned.

"Yes." Kori said, blushing slightly. "Are you not?"

"Well, no not really. Maybe you could tutor me?" Dick said with a smile.

"That sounds like a grand idea." Kori said, still blushing slightly.

Dick: Great, great...so, hey, I bought you an emerald necklace. Wanna blow me?
Kori: DO I?! *glurg glurg glurg glurg glurg*


This post has been edited by Al_Cone: Sep 22 2010, 07:25 PM


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Post #76
Waffleman


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post Sep 9 2010, 08:22 PM
So the Jefferson area police force is entirely made up of Detective Gumshoe.


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Lizard-Man


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post Sep 10 2010, 07:06 PM
Blackfire was an idiot in this story. Why would she give a necklace to her sister to frame her in full view of several witnesses without some kind of alibi?

More importantly, why do that if you wanted your sister expelled? At least with the episode this is based on she planned to just plant the evidence on Star and make a run for it when things got too hot planetside.

This story sucks. Now excuse me, I'm off to find sexy pictures of Blackfire to make up for this crap!

Oh and eventually finish that boring as shit next chapter of the Naruto mock.


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post Sep 10 2010, 08:45 PM
QUOTE
Dick: Great, great...so, hey, I bought you an emerald necklace. Wanna blow me?
Kori: DO I?! *glurg glurg glurg glurg glurg*

That is quite possibly the most terrifying onomatopoeia I've ever seen.


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"Know pain, no gain. No pain, know gain."
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post Sep 10 2010, 08:47 PM
QUOTE (TigerEyes @ Sep 10 2010, 09:45 PM)
That is quite possibly the most terrifying onomatopoeia I've ever seen.
*


You should see where I got it from...


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post Sep 10 2010, 08:59 PM
QUOTE (Al_Cone @ Sep 10 2010, 09:47 PM)

AH ha ha, wow... XD


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