Outline · [ Standard ] · Linear+ Normal Teenage Life, Normal = Dullest shit ever

[Al_Cone]

I didn't think it was possible to take Normal Teenage Life and turn it into something worth reading, but you did.

What you just read was a first draft that should have been re-written at least once. I just got lazy towards the end. So, no, it probably wasn't worth reading, and should have been better than it was.

[Lizard-Man]

Halloween is the best damn holiday ever and this chapter is a travesty towards its awesome. Fuck this author in the neck.

[Waffleman]

AUGH WHY IS THIS SO DULL.

[TigerEyes]

Al's subplot is, by far, the most entertaining thing this fic has going for it.

Also, the mock is non-stop laughs. I can't even pick a favorite quote.

This post has been edited by TigerEyes: Aug 18 2010, 04:41 PM

[Al_Cone]

Al's subplot is, by far, the most entertaining thing this fic has going for it. 

Also, the mock is non-stop laughs.  I can't even pick a favorite quote.

It's funny, but I actually consider that to be the main plot, considering the story itself has none. Like in Excel Saga, how the storyline (such as it was) centered more around Nabeshin and Pedro, who were the driving force behind everything happening in the series.

I'm just trying to turn Normal Teenage Life into a coherent narrative, that's all.

[Al_Cone]

In-story, this chapter can be seen as a landmark because of the introduction of a classic villain from the TV series. Out-of-story, however, it can be seen as a landmark because of the vast number of typographical errors out-grossing the totals of every other chapter thus far. Isn't it neat?

***


Chapter 9: What Is The Value of X? Part 1 of 2

Numerically speaking, twenty-five. If that's all, I'll just be leaving.

"I'm telling you, they has no brains." Raven said to Bee as she was streching out in gym class.

Fuck, that's right. There's a fanfic.

"Well technically, if you don't have a brain, you can't function." Bee disagreed as one of the two 'brainless' boys Raven had been talking about ran past them.

Congratulations, Bee, you have missed the point in so obvious and ridiculous a fashion that it actually makes me feel slightly sorry for you, since you clearly have the mental capacity of an acorn.

"And running around the last turn!" The boy who was named Jon said as he ran around Raven and Bee.

"Can I please kill the brainless moron now?" Raven asked Bee.

What's her beef with this guy, I wonder? Is it just because he's athletic? For someone who claims to be all nonconformist and shit, Raven sure does hate people who don't conform to her standards.

"That would be nice. But I'm telling you, he can't be brainless. You'd die if you didn't have a brain." Bee answered.

"If you don't have a brain, you can still function. You just won't do anything.

Good to know that one of our canon self-insertions is clinically stupid.

And considering that's about the limit to what they do now, I don't think they have one."

"It's possible."

Raven rubbed her hand as she glared reproachfully at the guy who had hit her. She winced as she felt the pain. She had only been trying.

Trying to remind him of all the wickedness that men bring into the world, with their erections and their Spike T.V. and their oddly-phallic vehicles. Of course, she was trying to remind him by assaulting him with a box cutter.

"Stupid volleyball. Never hits your arm right." Raven mumbled as she glared at the boy again. So it hadn't been his fault. She had to blame someone, she thought, getting back into what Williams called 'ready' position.

She COULD always accept that she's uncoordinated and hit the ball improperly, but that would require a modicum of self-awareness.

The ball soared toward Raven again, and she hit it at an angle and it hit the net, and fell pathetically to the floor.

And with it fell tearz of blod as Raven struggled to place the blame for her failure on someone else. "It was the net's fault!" she shrieked.

"Great shot." A boy next to her said.

"Oh shut up Leor." Raven snapped.

"No really, it was a good shot." He insisted, and Raven gave him an odd look. But then Leor continued speaking, laughing. "Just try and get it over the net next time."

Ladies and gentlemen, Leor was the author's crush at the time of this story's publication. He was, alongside NTL, writing a lengthy fanfic that was equally terrible, featuring Link's son, Silver, teaming up with a creatively-titled Gary-Stu named Demon and Silver's bottom-bitch, Lindsay, in an effort to ruin both The Legend of Zelda AND Final Fantasy X. I believe it was called "The Final Fantasy of Zelda." How oddly familiar. And now you know the REST of the story. Paul Harvey...good day?

Raven ignored him as she waited for a boy named Matt to serve the ball. Matt, however, was too preoccupied with kicking the volleyball with his foot, bouncing it off of his head and dribbling it around like a basketball.

Matt grew increasingly frustrated as he cycled through sports, struggling to recall which game it was he was playing.

"MATT, JUST SERVE THE BALL. THIS IS VOLLEYBALL, NOT SOCCER OR BASKETBALL." Raven exclaimed, getting impaitent.

Impaitent!

Matt hit it over the net and the game progressed.

"Honestly, he's such a freakn' SHOW-OFF." Raven said to Bee and Kori after gym class.

"Really? Why?" Kori asked curiously.

"He tries to get the ball everytime it goes over, even if it's out of his spot, and whenever he serves it's like it's a freakn basketball tornament with visting soccer players!"

Freakn! Tornament! Visting!

"Just because he does that doesn't mean he's a show-off. He does that because he's a good player." Bee said.

"Just because you're a good player doesn't mean he can-"

"I do not think we need to discuss this now. Raven, you can rant on about what a show-off Matt is later. Otherwise, do not get into an arguement about it." Kori interrupted, heading off the impending arguement.

Oh my stars and garters, this is a grammar Nazi's wet dream! Arguement! Arguement!

"Stupid show-off..." Raven mumbled. 'That's the problem with with boys these days. The good-looking, athletic, smart ones are always such show-offs.

Just because YOU have no skill or talent at anything besides competitive whining, Raven, doesn't mean that the rest of us need to be as sullen and useless as you.

Boys are so incompetant.'

"So if 3x-9y2460, then what is the value of x?" The math teacher droned on. Raven raised her hand. "Raven?"

"Hmm?" Raven mumbled.

"What is the answer to number 7?" Mr. Macelese repeated.

Raven looked down at her paper and was kind of surprised at what she had written.

"CHRIST HAS ABANDONED YOU, CUNT."

Garfield Logan

Including little hearts.

"That must have been totally sub-concious." Raven mumbled.

Actually, unless my math is off, that's the correct answer.

"What?" Mr. Macelese answered, looking slightly confused. He had been standing there quite stupidly for about 10 seconds waiting for her to answer.

Right, the teacher who asked the question is the stupid one, not the vacant-eyed girl with purple hair who spent ten seconds staring at her paper and muttering to herself.

"The answer is x is equal to 12 plus 3y, Mr. Macelese." Raven said in monotone.

Raven was sitting in math class with Kori and Dick, once again being bored to death. Math itself was bad enough, but sitting though an 40 minutes of it a day, now that was torture.

It could only be the work of Wilson!

She was good at it, so she didn't need to pay attention, but still, it was really boring to sit through. Xs and Ys, numbers, fractions, decimals, it was so BORING.

"God I'm gonna fall asleep. This is so boring." Raven mumbled.

Mr. Macelese picked up a ruler and hurled it at Raven, striking her in the forehead. "I hope that livens up the class to your taste, Ms. Sabel," he said cheerfully. "Now shut up."

"Wish something interesting would happen in this class." Dick agreed.

"It is math, I do not think that anything interesting can happen." Kori commented.

"Anything's possible." Raven said.

"I still wish something interesting would happen." Dick said. "Do ya think anything interesting can happen?"

Not with the way you assholes are whining about nothing interesting happening, it won't!

As if almost in response to Dick's question, there was a knock on the door.

"Yes? Come in whoever you are." Mr Macelese answered.

The door opened and in stepped none other than Mr. Wilson.

He looked a touch paler than usual--indeed, he had ever since he'd returned from his brief Halloween excursion. And were his hands trembling slightly?

"Hello Mr. Wilson, what are you doing here?"

"You have a new student." Mr. Wilson said curtly.

"What new student? I didn't get a memo."

"Well you have a new student." Mr. Wilson said as he stepped outside. In response to his leaving, a teenage boy stepped into the classroom.



Hello, Roy!

He was about Speedy's height, with messy black hair, and grey eyes. He was wearing a red shirt, black cargo pants, and black and silver sneakers.

(if u dnot get it massage me il tel u lolz)

He was standing in a sort of slouched position, which indicated that he really didn't want to be here.

"So what's your name?" Mr. Macelese asked. "According to this file, you're name is-"

"Just call me X." The boy said quickly. (coughcough Red X coughcough)

Well, either Red X or Charles Xavier. Either way, with subtlety like that, Queen-Of-Azarath could become the next Hideaki Anno.

"Mysterious aren't we? Okay, so take a seat at that table near Raven."

"Who's Raven?"

"Over there." Mr. Macelese said, pointing to Raven. 'X' walked over to the seat next to Raven and sat down.

"So what's this class like?" X said as he sat down.

"Boring as hell." Dick mumbled.

"Nah, hell's definitely better than this." Raven disagreed.

I'm still not convinced that Raven isn't supposed to be Ebony Way from My Immortal. Shit like that doesn't help any.

"How would you know?" Kori asked with an odd look on her face.

"Because unlike you, Kori, you illiterate sow," Raven hissed, "I've read Dante's Inferno."

"It was a manner of speaking Kori."

"So who are the rest of you?" X asked after class.

"I'm Dick Grayson." Dick introduced. "And this is Kori Anderson."

"Anderson...Anderson...by any chance are you related to Mandy Anderson?"

"They're sisters, I wouldn't mention it though. They pretty much hate each other." Raven said quickly.

"Yes! She is an evil, manipulative grimplork! And she-" Kori started to rant.

"We get the point Kori."

"What's a grimplork?" Dick asked.

A made-up nonsense word that Kori came up with while riding to school on the short bus one morning?

"You don't want to know." Raven insisted.

"I just wanted to mention that I think that you're a lot cuter than her." X said with a sly grin. (Sorry if I totally stole your line Star!)

Star Jones-Reynolds set her jaw and glared at her monitor, mulling to herself how she could get this upstart fic-writer back for her plagiarism.

Before Kori could respond, Dick interrupted, "Don't you have any other friends to talk to?"

"No, I just got here."

"Well find some." Dick said dismissively.

"Someone feeling a little jealous? Or left-out? Or-"

"Shut up."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Hey X. Have you ever heard of Camile Railson?"

I'm so relieved that that "yes/no" bull was cut short that I don't even care that the story's reintroducing Kitten.

"No why?" X asked with a confused look.

"Look see? They're over there. They love talking to new kids." Dick said pointing to Camile and her group.

X shrugged and walked away.

"You had to wish that something interesting would happen." Raven said.

"Took him long enough." Dick complained.

"What's your problem? You don't normally snap at new kids like that."

I'm guessing Bee's irritability isn't confined to her, and that every single one of our cast is a petty, territorial douchebag.

"New kids don't normally spend the first hour of they're time here flirting with the first girl they meet." Dick mumbled.

The hell school do you go to, St. Eugenius the Eunich's School for the Sexually Deficient?! That's the first damn thing that any savvy teenage boy does at a new school!

"Who was he flirting with?" Kori asked with a confused look (God she's so naiive...)

My god--she's actually surpassed Hideaki Anno as the most subtle writer in history! And Kori doesn't even have a vagina on her forehead!

"No one Kori...no one." Dick responded.

"Hey Dick!" Garfield said as he walked up to the group.

"What is it Garfield?" Dick snapped.

"Dude what's your problem?"

"I've become a Tsundere," Dick explained. "It's part of the author's systematic approach to making every character on Teen Titans an unlikable mockery of what they once were. B-but I'm not saying that because I l-like you or anything! You d-dummy!"

"Did you hear about that new kid?"

"What new kid?"

"Well of course he wouldn't know who he is! The kid just got here last period!" Raven pointed out. "Garfield, see that guy over there? Standing and talking to Camile and her friends?" Raven said to Garfield pointing to X.

"Him? Oh him I've heard of. Calls himself X or Z or something right?"

He's only calling himself X because Q was taken.

"Yeah, it's X. According to Dick, he was flirting with Kori." Raven whispered to Garfield.

"Oh. So he's getting in a fit of jealousy right?" Garfield whispered back.

But before Raven could respond, Kori interrupted. "If you are going to say something, say it in a normal tone so we can hear you."

"Right umm...Dick! We've got an emergancy meeting for the soccer team after classes! Something's come up."

Emergancy!

(Now let's catch up on Bee and Victor)

That's a terrible idea, narrator. Shut the hell up.

"Okay class so today we're going to have the Annual National Geography Bee." Mrs. Stern, the Social Studies teacher announced.

The entire class groaned.

Man, I am so there--I groan when this story brings up Bee too!

"Oh stop groaning. You should be excited because if you win you'll get 5,000-"

"Yeah!" The class cheered.

These kids are sure excited about getting five thousand unnamed units of something. It's probably head lice.

"For a colloge scholarship." Mrs. Stern finished.

Colloge!

"Now let's begin. Everyone stand up. I will ask you a question, and if you get it wrong, you sit down."

The class stood up.

"This should be easy." Bee said.

"Yeah, it should be easy for me cuz I'm gonna beat you. You haven't even been here for a month. How do you expect to win?" Victor hissed back.

"Because Victor, it's general knowladge." Bee said with a smirk.

Knowladge!

"Okay, so Michael, first question is, 'Which country does not border Russia? Mongolia, Ukraine, or Romania?"

"Umm...Ukraine?" Michael said stupidly.

Dumb son of a bitch! How dare he not have up-to-date information regarding the nations bordering Russia?! He ought to be hanged, drawn and quartered for his ignorance!

"Sit down, you obviously need to study your geography more."

"Betty Klein? Same question."

"The answer is Romania." Bee answered with a smirk.

"Correct."

"Lucky guess. Betty." Victor sneered.

Then she got to Victor. "Victor Stone? Which continent is India located in?"

Victor thought hard.

Oh, you stupid ox. I could cut some slack on Romania, but "what continent is India in?" is the easiest question since "Is Normal Teenage Life a bullshit wish-fulfillment fantasy pile of disimpacted bowl obstruction?"

If Bee wasn't out, then no way he'd lose. "Um...Asia?"

"Correct."

"Hah." Victor said to Bee.

"Be quiet Victor or sit down." Mrs. Stern snapped.

Mrs. Stern: It's bad enough that you're a negro, dammit.

"Next person. Okay, Eric. What does the word ignorant mean?"

That's an excellent example of a geographical question. Maybe next she'll ask someone to demonstrate advanced biology by turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar.

Eric, along with the entire class was somewhat stunned. "That doesn't have anything to do with social studies! That's vocabulary!" Eric exclaimed.

"It was a wildcard. They always do a random question."

Yeah, but a random question that has nothing to do with the rest of the material? Ah, whatever, the kids'll probably just blame Wilson for it...

"Ignorant...ignorant...umm...it means...annoying?"

"That's incorrect. Now go get a dictionary and sit down." Mrs. Stern said.

It was down to Bee and Victor in the end. Bee, well, she was clever. Victor, that was just dumb luck.

"Victor, of what country was did the ancient king Ashanti rule over?"

Written Entertainment?

"Um..." Victor stuttered. 'I can't lose now! Bee will never let me live it down! Wait a minute? I thought Ashanti was a singer? I dunno...umm...'

I hate it when the story steals my jokes.

"Victor? Do you know the answer?"

"Um...Africa?"

I'm afraid that's incorrect, Vic, since Africa is a continent, not a country.

"Correct.

Okay, you know what? YOU KNOW WHAT?!

Bee what country did the United States fight against in the War of 1812 and the American Revolution?"

"Great Britian." Bee answered easily.

Britian!

"Correct. Victor, why did the American Revolution start?"

"Because the Americans didn't want to drink the British tea?" Victor guessed.

"I see you, like Michael over here, learned your history from the back of a cereal box. You've been listening to Garfield Logan I assume? Now sit down."

As clever a reference as that was--and for once I'm giving some praise to the story for actually referencing the series in a way that wasn't the author putting commentary in parentheses--it has the backhanded effect of forever cementing Vic's status as village idiot.

"Hah." Bee smirked at Victor.

"Our new winner of the Geography Bee is Betty Klein. Betty, you will report to the auditorium in a week to compete in the school geography bee. Victor, you are the runner up and will go if Bee cannot attend. Class is over."

"Hah! I told you I'd beat you!" Bee teased Victor.

"Oh so what? You won a stupid Geography Bee. Big deal."

"I still beat you and that's what matters."

I'm going to remember this comment the next time Bee gets all menstrual over how stupidly competitive boys can be.

"No it doesn't!"

"Yes it does."

"No it doesn't."

"Yes it does."

"No." Victor insisted as they walked toward their group of friends

"Yes."

"No."

"WILL YOU TWO STOP FIGHTING?" Garfield yelled.

"What happened this time?" Raven asked in monotone.

I think I'd prefer it if the story pointed out when Raven wasn't speaking in monotone, since she does it so often that it's basically her defining character trait. Besides whining.

"I won the geography bee and Victor's jealous." Bee answered.

"Oh yeah, Victor always wins that. Out of dumb luck usually." Garfield said.

"Garfield c'mon! We've got that soccer meeting." Dick said as he walked away.

"What happened?" Victor asked.

"Emergency soccer meeting! I'll tell you later!" Garfield said as he ran after Dick.

When the two boys got to the meeting (it was out by the soccer field), the coach started speaking.

"And I just called this meeting because I had to inform you all that one of you will have to leave the team."

It's part of their new endorsement deal with NBC. The soccer team has become a reality show!

"WHAT?" The entire soccer team exclaimed.

"Yeah. We have a new student, and his skills surpass all of yours, next to only our star, Dick Grayson. We'll have to have tryouts again to see who will get kicked off." The coach said.

Oh come the hell on--why doesn't this story have a disclaimer at the start of every chapter that reads "I have no idea how anything in the world works because I am ignorant"?!

"Well that's letting us down easy!" One of the players commented.

"Who's this new student?" Garfield called out.

"He prefers to be called X." The coach answered as the team suddenly noticed the arrival of none other than X.

How Charles Xavier can play soccer with both his legs paralyzed is...well, not quite unrealistic, but it's still impressive.

This post has been edited by Al_Cone: Aug 20 2010, 09:25 AM

[Waffleman]

But.....Red X was Robin!

Unless there was a different Red X who appeared later in the series and I just forgot.

[Screaming_Soulcatcher]

Automatic gold medal for the Roy reference

[The Two-One-Five]

But.....Red X was Robin!

Unless there was a different Red X who appeared later in the series and I just forgot.

Yeah, there was. They were even forced to team up, for some reason.

[Al_Cone]

Yeah, there was. They were even forced to team up, for some reason.

Because the Titans had one of their frequent bouts of incompetence and got captured by a guy with a Fu Manchu mustache.

[Waffleman]

I know this'll probably never come up in the fic, but I really enjoy the thought of Brushogun being the art teacher.

[Al_Cone]

In this week's edition of Normal Teenage Life, we learn a great deal many things. We learn that our author is incapable of keeping her continuity straight for a two-parter, we learn that she will retcon the hell out of part one in order to maintain the contrived plot twists that she serves up in part two (in this, I begin to wonder if our author is known offline as Tetsuya Nomura), we learn once again that our characters are self-centered bags of fuck, and we learn that Slade Wilson bears a remarkable resemblance to renowned Canadian television actor Michael Hogan.

*****

Chapter 10: What Is the Value of X? Part 2 of 2

You know what, I have the distinct feeling that we're never going to get an answer to that question, and it pisses me off because I fucking WANT TO KNOW THE VALUE OF X WHAT IS IT WHAT IS IT GODDAMMIT IT RRRRRRRRGH IT HAS TO BE MORE INTERESTING THAN THIS GARBAGE!!!

Catching up on last chapter...

Previously, on Normal Teenage Life!

"Yeah. We have a new student, and his skills surpass all of yours, next to only our star, Dick Grayson. We'll have to have tryouts again to see who will get kicked off." The coach said.

"Well that's letting us down easy!" One of the players commented.

"Who's this new student?" Garfield called out.

"He prefers to be called X." The coach answered as the team suddenly noticed the arrival of none other than X.

Dick: Mr. Worf...fire.

And now...the conclusion.

"You can't be serious." Dick said.

"Dude, I think he is. How can this guy be better than us?" Garfield answered.

Well, for one, his diet includes more than root marm and tofu. Men eat meat, Garfield. Pussies? Pussies eat root marm. Now, X, over there? He's a man. He eats his meat. Hell, I saw him wolf down a whole plate of breakfast sausages during breakfast--and he didn't bitch about it being too early once! How could he; he was too busy stuffing his face with sausage. And that's an easy gay pun, I know, but X is so fucking manly that he negates that innuendo bullshit, and you wanna know why that is? You really wanna know why? Because he's a man, not a pussy, and he can get away with it. Bitch.

"Gar, most people are better than you."

"True. Hope I don't get kicked off the team."

"Yeah that would suck. I hope I don't get kicked off."

Hey, it's that nameless disembodied voice from before! He's really the heart of the team, folks, and losing him would be a tremendous blow to morale.

"Nah you won't. You're too good." Another one of the boys on the soccer team said to Dick.

The way everybody's sucking Dick's namesake, it's pretty doubtful that he'll be leaving.

"You're probably right Eric. If anyone's gonna get kicked off it'll probably be Garfield." Dick answered.

"Hey!" Garfield complained.

"You admitted it yourself. You're the worst player on the team." Eric said.

The kid in the wheelchair who was born without legs or lungs must be feeling really gratified now.

"And I'm looking for a new head captain." The coach said.

"WHAT?" Dick exclaimed.

"Yes Dick, a new head captain, so you might be the one of the four who's eliminated."

"Wait, FOUR players? I thought only one person was getting replaced?" Some kid named David asked in confusion.

"I just got word that we have to lower our team's number of players form 15 to 12, so with one getting replaced, that's four people off the team. And that includes the team captain."

The coach apparently got word in the two minute timespan between the end of this chapter and the beginning of this one. GodDAMN, Wilson's administration is efficient!

"Tough luck." Eric said as he started a conversation with another one of his friends.

(Please excuse me if I'm skipping all the sports. I don't play sports, and I don't watch them, so as a result, I don't know how they work very well, so I wouldn't know how to write about it)

Hey, don't worry about it sweetheart. Not knowing anything about a subject hasn't stopped you from writing about it before, as evidenced by the last nine chapters of speculative bullshit. Go right ahead and write a soccer game where quarterbacks sling curveballs into baskets for grand-slam-dunks!

"I can't believe it. I honestly cannot believe it." Dick said as he was talking to his friends later that afternoon.

Dick: Seriously, when my dad called and told me that I was born with a vagina--I guess it makes sense, I mean, but still!

"What happened?" Kori asked sympathetically.

"Well, couch decided he needed to kick one of the players off." Garfield started to say.

Dammit, Tim Couch is there any sports team you won't ruin?!

"So he kicked Dick off didn't he?" Victor said.

"Some kid named Jake and some other kid named David too."

Important enough to be named, and yet we will never hear from them again. Or will we...?

"So I was right!" Ocelot cheered, firing his revolver into the air in celebration.

"How'd you guess?" Dick snapped.

"Dude chill! We're on your side! So who'd he get replaced with?"

Dick was silent.

"Let me guess." Raven said. "X."

"Considering the fact that he's not saying anything, I'm assuming you've got it right." Bee said pointing to Dick.

Dick cursed the rock-stupidity of his so-called friends as the hunk of chicken nugget in his windpipe brought his life to an end, his flailing and table-pounding gradually dying down with him.

"AND he's the new freakn' captain to the team!" Dick exclaimed loudly, causing everyone to back away an inch or two.

"Um...okay?" Garfield said nervously.

"Will you calm down? It's just a sports team. It's not like it's the only thing in the world you have to do." Raven concluded.

That's easy for you to say, Raven, but not all of our days consist of masturbating to the complete works of Poe and writing Twilight slash fiction.

"BUT I GOT REPLACED BY THAT STUPID NEW KID!" Dick yelled.

"And that 'stupid' new kid has a name." A voice said.

Well yeah, but nobody knows it because he insists on going by X. So he doesn't really have any room to complain.

"Dick. Whatever you do, don't turn around." Victor said.

However, because he never listens to anyone, he turned around.

And became a pillar of salt.

"X."

"Grayson."

"Arrogant aren't you?"

"Maybe so, but I still replaced you as captain of the soccer team."

"Not for long."

"Oh really? And what makes you think that coach will let you back on the team?"

"I'll find a way."

"Yeah, that'll happen about as soon as you could pass English."

"It's none of your business what I get in English. How would you know any way? I bet you don't even know my grade."

Wonderful! This story's dropped all pretense and devolved completely into a middle-school pissing contest. Maybe next Dick will call X gay and they'll get into a slap-fight!

"Does 65 sound familiar?" X said in a low voice, so no one else could hear it.

"How would you know that? You'd have to-"

"Steal the teacher's do you think?"

I don't know where X gets off criticizing Dick, when he shows all the speaking aptitude of Yoda.

"You will get in so much trouble when the teacher finds out, that you will be expelled faster than-

"I don't think so."

"And why not?"

"Unless you want this entire hallway to know that-"

"You will not do that."

What the fuck would Dick care? He'd be getting his archenemy expelled. Hell, I'll bet every student in this school has at least one failing grade, since they divide their time between not doing their schoolwork, complaining about not doing their schoolwork and cocking around instead of doing their schoolwork.

Hey, wait a minute--don't you have to maintain a certain GPA to be on a sports team? Wouldn't having a D in a key class keep Dick from--oh, right, the author doesn't know how shit works. Sorry. I forget sometimes.

"Oh really? So I shouldn't tell the entire hallway that you got a-"

But X never got to finish what he was saying because Dick punched him in the jaw before he could finish.

Dick's wrist snapped in twain like Balsa wood, and X grinned the shit-eatingest of shit-eating grins. He bent down low, right in Dick's face, and whispered "Because I'm a man, pussy.

His breath smelled of sausage and cologne.

A crowd of kids surronded the two boys as they continued to fight in the middle of the hallway.

"WILL YA'LL STOP!" Victor kept yelling, as he tried to break up the two.

"Not. On. Your. Life." Dick muttered as he aimed another punch at X.

"Stay out of this jock!" X said as he attempted to push Victor away.

That has about as much potency as one black rapper calling another black rapper "nigger."

"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?" Yet another voice said.

The crowd turned, and then all but Kori, Raven, Garfield, Speedy, and Terra scattered. Victor froze in his position trying to stop Dick and X from fighting. Dick froze as well, mid-punch aimed at X.

There, standing in the doorway of the cafeteria, was Patrick Fucking Stewart. And was he ever pissed.

"DICK GRAYSON! ARE YOU FIGHTING AGAIN?" The voice boomed again.

"Yes sir Mr. Wilson. He suddenly punched me out of no where, and I just defended myself." X said quickly.

"What! That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever of! X was just-" Kori started protesting.

--doing nothing? I mean, Dick DID throw the first punch. He's fully culpable. Granted, X is in the wrong, but for different reasons, reasons that Wilson may not necessarily be aware of. Nobody knows, in fact, but Dick. Of course, Dick won't do anything because he's a pussy, and everybody will blame Wilson for punishing Dick even though Dick DID throw the first punch and didn't bother to implicate X in the theft of the teacher's gradebook because he's very embarrassed about having one low grade in a class that probably everybody at this school is failing. I hate this story.

Also, why the hell did X steal the gradebook in the first place?!

"MS. Anderson! I do not believe I asked your view on the situation!"

"She's right! And besides, X-"

"Ms. Sabel. For once in your life hold your tongue."

Holy shit! Even when I'm NOT writing him, Mr. Wilson is an absolute badass!



Take a good hard look at that image, readers. Slade Wilson is now, officially, Colonel Saul Tigh.

"Don't even try and say anything Gar." Raven muttered to Garfield.

"As I was frakking saying. I do not care what X did. The point is, I caught Mr. Grayson fighting for the second godsdamn time this week. One more time Mr. Grayson, and you'll wish you never stepped inside this school be in hack for so damn long, you'll be lucky if you even remember what a woman looks like. Dismissed!."

"What can you do?" Dick snapped.

Dude--and you wonder why you get in trouble! What the hell is wrong with you?!

"I can be your worst nightmare."

"You already are."

"Well worse than that. I can make your life a living hell."

Dick was about to say something equally nasty, but Victor covered his mouth and instead he spoke. "He's sorry that he was fighting and he promises to never to it again."

"Good. Now keep it that way." Mr. Wilson said as he shot one icy glare at Dick, but walked away.

Oh...my...I am so hard right now...!

"I told you the guy was pure evil." Victor said to Speedy after Mr. Wilson walked away.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFSSSSSSSSKFFFFFFKSFKFFFFFFFFFFFSFKKKKKKKKKK

"What happened to X?" Garfield asked.

"He slipped away. I'll get him next time that little slimy selfish-"

"No. You will not get revenge. Because you do not want to be expelled." Raven interrupted.

"Let's see...that's how many enemies do we have now?" Terra asked.

Better get out the ol' list there, Terrarooney. Maybe there'll be some list in between Stalinist Russia and the League of Women Voters.

"Let's see...X, Camile, Johnny R, Michelle, Lily, and Kyle." Bee guessed.

"You forgot Mandy." Kori hissed.

"Oy!

Tonight, the part of Garfield will be played by a 19th century chimney sweep.

Don't even bring her up! She's an issue in herself!" Garfield said.

"Just leave X be." Speedy advised.

"Yeah yeah yeah...sure." Dick mumbled. "For now anyway." He muttered.

"Speaking of your sister Kori, where is she? Haven't seen her in days." Speedy asked.

Mm...where indeed...

"Don't know. Don't care." Kori snapped unnaturally.

"Word of advice. Don't ever mention Mandy to Kori. Again." Terra whispered.

Ever see the Manchurian Candidate? It's kind of like that.

"I'll make a note of that."

[T_K_17]

He's almost as awesome as you wrote him.

[Waffleman]

So far, Mr. Wilson and X are the best damn characters in this story.