Outline · Standard · [ Linear+ ] Saiyaman 2, DBZ + Batman + Evangelion + Doom = ?

[T_K_17]

Well, after the enthusiastic response I got for my mock of Saiyaman (really, guys, you're too kind) I decided to start work on the sequel. This one's a little different; it stars Gohan Jr, son of the last story's Goku Jr (real creative naming there, right?) who inherited both his mother's company and his father's oil spill getup. He meets the cast of Evangelion after moving to Tokyo 3 and this will apparently also be a Doom crossover.

Don't ask how that's going to work.

Without further ado, here's Saiyaman 2.

---

Chapter 1

It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon in Tokyo 3. Birds were chirping

Isn’t it beautiful?

and the city was as busy as usual. The youth group was departing from Church at the time, a bunch of teenagers walking on the street talking and all that social stuff.

You know, that “social” stuff. Stuff that is… social.

One teen walked down the street straight to the end of town, where a large mansion lay. As he got there, A bunch of moving trucks and men arrived and began to unload stuff into the house.

Stuff that was not social.

The teen looked around and helped a guy carry a box marked "TOP SECRET". The teen went inside the house and saw over the final stages of moving.

Then the owner of the house noticed him trespassing and kicked him out.

Once the teen thought that his day was at peace, a new sound occurred outside the house. A bunch of reporters were swarming the front of his house, desperate to interview the teen.

Reporter: “TEEN, WHAT IS THIS ‘SOCIAL’ STUFF?”

"GOHAN JR, ARE THE RUMORS SURROUNDING YOUR WEAPONS RESEARCH TRUE?"

"IS IT TRUE THAT YOU'RE STILL SINGLE? ALL YOUR LADY FANS WOULD LOVE TO KNOW!"

The less the lady fans know about Gohan Jr’s sexuality, the better. Trust me.

A bunch of questions similar to these two were asked of him. Gohan Jr. stood there listening to the reporters when a limo pulled up in front of them. Gohan Jr. leapt back instinctively. A purple-haired woman got out of the car along with three teenagers. Gohan Jr. was wondering whom the teens were when the purple-haired woman spoke up.

Woman: “I’m with the government, and I’m here to help.”

Gohan Jr: “Fuck!”

"I'm Major Misato, sir! I've come to talk about your weapons. NERV needs an upgrade soon."

Yeah, this guy is so awesome he supplies the weapons for NERV! Don’t call him a Mary Sue, though.









Call him a Gary Stu.

"I'm glad you're here, Major. Let's discuss it indoors," said Gohan Jr. as he turned and led his guests into the house. Their Jaws hanged when they entered the mansion. The place was living room sized.

Wow. His mansion is the size of a living room? You’d think he could afford something larger than that.

"Before I go any further, I'd like to know who your bodyguards are, Major," asked Gohan Jr. in a kind voice.

The Major turned to the kids and winked at them. A Brown-haired boy stepped forward.

"I'm Shinji Ikari," he said.

Shinji: “And I’m a gay emo kid.”

As Shinji stepped back, a red-haired girl stepped forward.

"My name is Asuka," she said in a blunt tone.

Asuka: “And I’m a slut.”

A blue-haired girl stepped up and gave a small bow.

"Rei Ayanami," said the red-eyed girl.

Rei: “And I’m a gay emo slut.”

Gohan Jr. was interested in her eyes, but decided that he had business to attend to…

Ah, so he shares his father’s interest in tearing out girls eyes to use in his woman suits.

Three hours later, Gohan Jr. was waving goodbye to his guests. He had just finished showing Misato the Mach-4 Chaingun and a B-13 Rocket Launcher. She was incredibly fascinated by the technology, just like anybody else with a passing interest in weaponry.

So if you don’t like it THEN YOU MUST BE SOME SORT OF FAG.

As soon as he closed the door, it happened again…

Gohan fell to the floor screaming in pain. The images that flooded his head were truly terrifying. Red dripping blood, the dead body of Goku Jr., The man who killed him…everything was chaotic. He was losing his grip on his emotions.

Gohan Jr: “OH GOD THOSE EVANGELION KIDS GOT THEIR TRAUMATICS PASTS ALL OVER ME! IT BURNS!”

Gohan dropped to his knees as his hair went golden.

Oh no. He’s so upset he’s peeing on his own hair…

Screams filled the house as Gohan Jr.'s muscles began to get a little bigger. His mind was in debate on how to cope with this. Gohan ran up to his bedroom on the second story of the house. He threw himself onto his bed as he began to remember the last 10 years of his life…

Gohan Jr: “The Clinton years. The Clinton years…”

It was a silent ride in the car back to the apartment for Rei, Shinji, Asuka, and Misato. Misato decided to break the silence then…

"So guys, what did you think about meeting him?"

"I liked him. He didn't seem to be a snob like most rich people," stated Shinji with an open mind.

Shinji: “Except for when he punched me in the gut and called me a ‘stupid poor person’. Other than that, he was nice.”

"I didn't like him. He seems like all the other rich people, putting a smile on when it's convenient for them. I hope I never see him again!" complained Asuka.

"I hate to dash your hopes, but Gohan Jr. is coming to school tomorrow," sid Misato.

Waa Waa Waaaaaaaaaaaa!

"Why?" asked Shinji.

"He'll be a new student, silly!" teased Misato.

"Why would someone who develops weapons for a living want to be a high school student?" asked Shinji.

"He wants to find out what it's like to be a normal teenager, I guess. I don't really know. What I do know is that he skipped a grade because of his GPA in seventh grade. It fluctuated between 4.5 and 4.7."

So he’s a genius and he’s humble, but don’t call him a Gary Stu.






Actually, go ahead and call him that.

"That's Crazy! How the hell does he get that high of a GPA? The highest one in our school is a 4.2! He can't really be that smart!" screamed Asuka.

Asuka: “Also, we don’t use the same grading system as America, so why are we talking about this?”

"He's only 14, you know," teased Misato again.

"WHAT?"

While everyone was talking about Gohan Jr., Rei was deep in thought.

Rei: “Do I cut across the wrists or along them? I keep forgetting.”

I have a strange feeling about Gohan Jr. I don't know why I feel like this. I must find out what this feeling is…

Rei: “By killing him and consuming his flesh.”

Gohan sat on his bed, deep in thought. He remembered the day his father died.

It involved a guy who mocks fanfiction and a baseball bat.

As a four year-old, His dad had told him that he loved him very much before he sacrificed himself in an attempt to rid the Earth of the evil that attacked him. Unfortunately, his father had died in vain. His killers survived and were still out there.

And as long as I use a proxy, I’ll stay that way.

Ever since, Gohan Jr. trained to take over the role that his dad before him had done: Saiyaman. While training, Gohan Jr. found a prophet of his father's killer, who revealed in his last moments that his father's killers had a base of operations somewhere in Tokyo 3.



Also, Gohan Jr. had become a Christian when he was 12.

Before that, he was a Catholic. Zing!

He did so because his mother was a Christian and his father, Goku Jr., was not. It was because of this choice that Goku Jr. wound up in hell even though he was a good person.

Hooray!

Gohan Jr. decided that he didn't want to be like that. Another problem was that Gohan Jr. didn't have the greatest social stuff skills. He could talk to people, but he was shy around people that he didn't know very well, although being popular at his new school was almost a certainty considering his celebrity status as a weapons designer…

Suddenly sensing danger in the city, Gohan Jr. activated a switch in his closet to reveal an elevator, which he took to below the mansion.

Gohan Jr: “To the Saiyacave!”

It's a good thing I made this lair before I came here thought Gohan Jr. as he stepped out into his large lair where all of his Saiyaman stuff was kept. Gohan walked over to a large rack full of the armor suits that Goku Jr. had made 17 years ago. Saiyaman went Super Saiyan and put on the suit. He then donned the black stick-on mask and flew up a vent shaft into the night.

And the legacy of the flaming oil spill continues…

Saiyaman flew into the city and landed on top of a tall building. He looked around and saw a shootout between the cops and a group of armored men that appeared familiar to him. Saiyaman noticed a weird symbol on the side of the helmets they were wearing.

I know these guys! They worked for the man who killed dad!

Oh shit! He found my minions! Run minions, run!

Thought Saiyaman as he leapt from the building into the fight below. He landed on one of the men and began a ferocious physical assault on the evil men. He took them all down within seconds, his fists and feet moving faster than anybody could see. As Saiyaman turned to check up on the health conditions of the police force, he spotted out Shinji, Asuka, and Rei!

Who were… there for some reason I guess?

I better get out of here before the recognize me at all thought Saiyaman as he turned and flew off into the night without saying a word. Shinji broke the silence that followed.

"MAN! Did you see how fast he moved? He can't be human!" exclaimed Shinji.

I guess 31/32’s human just isn’t enough for some people.

He turned to Asuka and saw the total infatuation in her eyes, which he only saw when Asuka was around Kaji.

I get it. She hates Gohan Jr but loves Saiyaman. Oh man, I can just smell the hilarity ensuing.

Rei merely stared at the sky.

He was incredible. I wonder if he's on our side. But, why did he freak out when he saw us? It's almost like he thought we could recognize him. Also, why did I get unusual feelings when I saw him leave? Thought Rei…

Rei: “Also, what is the sound of one hand clapping? And how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie-Roll center of a Tootsie-Pop? And where do babies come from? And does my butt look big in this outfit?”

Saiyaman flew back to the house thanking the lord for his quick thinking. After landing in his lair and changing back to Gohan Jr., he read his bible for twenty minutes in his room and got in bed after saying a prayer.

Not that he had anything to pray for, because he is perfect.

H was looking forward to going to school the next day…

Gohan Jr, however, was not.

---

So to recap: Gohan Jr is a fucking Gary Stu.

Bonus points to whoever can figure out who Gohan Jr is getting paired with. Go on, guess.

This post has been edited by T_K_17: May 19 2010, 05:09 PM

[Kuramastrassx3]

Will he get paired with Shmeckie? I bet he will!

[T_K_17]

Alright! Stop asking already, I'll mock chapter 2!

Geez!

---

Chapter 2

The alarm was almost a comfort for Gohan Jr.

However, it refused to rub his neck, so it missed the mark.

After putting on his school uniform and eating breakfast, he began his long walk to school. It was a peaceful walk through the town. The energy that came off the people as he walked by was good-natured.

Not an emo in sight. Are you sure this is Tokyo 3?

People were talking to each other and some were on their cell phones. As Gohan Jr. continued to walk, he began to notice more and more people around his age or a little older. Gohan Jr. then noticed that he was in front of the high school. The sight of a few thousand kids in a socializing manner astounded Gohan Jr.

Gohan Jr: “Gah! Social stuff!”

As Gohan Jr. made his way through the hallways looking for his first class, the ninjas attacked!. As he was looking around, several people turned with a look of surprise on their face.

Student: “Oh shit! It’s an oil sp- oh wait. He’s not in costume.”

I guess that they've never had a celebrity in their school before thought Gohan Jr. as he finally found his class.

Or you have a “Boyz II Men” album glued to your face. Something got their attention.

As he opened the door, he found the classroom to be almost totally devoid of people. Gohan noticed Shinji and Auska were in the room, talking to each other. It was more like Auska yelling and Shinji whimpering. A couple of goofs were hanging around Shinji, hysterically laughing.

A-hyuck!

Gohan Jr. turned to see Rei Ayanami staring out the window. Gohan Jr. was pondering her when he sensed Auska and Shinji turning towards him.

Asuka: “Let’s kill him, Shinji!”

Shinji: “Die Mary Sue, die!”

Gohan Jr. whipped around just in time.

"What are you doing here?" asked Auska in an annoyed tone.

"Obviously, I'm a student here," responded Gohan Jr. rather quickly.

Oh snap! You got her there, Gohan!

"Don't mind Auska. She's just blowing off some steam right now," explained Shinji.

"I'm gonna hurt you, jerkwad!" screamed Auska. It was then that Auska noticed Gohan Jr. looking at her.

"What are you staring at?" asked Auska.

Gohan Jr: “Just your tits.”

Asuka: “Stay away from my pet birds!”

"I know that you're angry at him, but when classmates are walking into the room is not the best time for this," said Gohan Jr. in a commanding voice. Normally, Auska would've ripped somebody's head off for such a comment, but something about Gohan Jr. was different.

So she ripped his arms off instead.

Auska backed down and took her seat. Gohan Jr. turned to find Rei staring out the window. She didn't seem to be paying any attention to the teacher. It was almost as if she didn't care…

Perhaps it’s because she doesn’t!

The rest of the morning passed without too much excitement. Gohan Jr. went to the cafeteria to eat lunch.

Apparently forgetting that most high schools in Japan don’t have cafeterias.

Gohan Jr. spotted Shinji and ran to sit next to him, not taking into consideration that two somebody's were sitting with Shinji.

"Hello Shinji!" exclaimed Gohan Jr. as he sat down. He then looked up to see two boys with evil smirks on their faces.

"What?" asked Gohan Jr. with curiosity.

"Why were you staring at her this morning?" asked a jock named Toji.

"Who are you talking about?" asked Gohan innocently.

Toji: “Asuka’s tits, of course.”

Gohan Jr: “They were very pretty birds!”

"Rei Ayanami, who else?" teased the nerd in glasses, Kesenke.

"You like her, Gohan?" asked a teasing Toji.

"I'm curious to her behavior. Why do you ask?" said Gohan Jr. as he blushed ever so slightly.

God this is stupid.

"I think you like her. Just like old Shinji over here."

"I DO NOT!!" squealed Shinji.

Shinji: “I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE FILTHY TAKARIS! Or were you saying something else?”

"I don't blame you, Gohan Jr. She physically has everything a man could want, if you catch my drift…" rambled Toji.

Toji: “She has a stash of burgers and porn in her abdomen!”

"I don't think about things like that," squealed Shinji.

Shinji: “I especially don’t think about them on Tuesday nights! And I absolutely don’t touch myself while I do!”

Gohan Jr. began to growl a little, and then stood up, knowing exactly what Toji was trying to do.

Build a time machine.

"This conversation is getting boring. I'll talk to you at another time, Shinji. Gentleman." Said Gohan Jr. as he walked out of the cafeteria.



He was walking around when he saw Rei Ayanami reading a book on a bench. With a smile on his face, Gohan Jr. wandered over to her.

"Hello Ayanami! What are you reading?" asked Gohan.

Nope. I’m not making another Twilight joke.

"Poetry," was her simple response.

"Do you mind if I sit with you, Ayanami?"

"Sure."

Gohan sat at her right hand side and began to eat his lunch. As he ate, he stared at the trees where the animals of nature such as squirrels and Birds sang out.




"Judging from your classroom behavior today, I'd say that you're pretty intelligent," muttered Gohan Jr.

Rei: “Actually, I get shit grades because I spend all my time staring out the window.”

"I get good grades," stated Rei in her emotionless tone, not looking up from her book.

"I wish I could do that, except for the fact that I sit at the back of the room, and I'm also a little obsessed with getting to a good college. I'm top of my class right now, but…"

Damn. You suck at this social stuff, Gohan.

Rei continued to read. After several moments, she spoke up:

"You're a weapons designer. You must be smarter than everyone else in a lot of ways," explained Rei in her logical and emotionless tone.

"Do you have any free time available soon?"

"I do tomorrow after school. Why?"

"I've always wanted to give someone a free tour of my weapons, and I believe that you'll be able to appreciate my creations. Would you like to do that?"

Didn’t you already do that yesterday?

"I find that acceptable, Gohan Jr.," said Rei just as the bell rang for the end of lunch.

"I'll see you later Rei!" said Gohan Jr. as he took off running to the next class.

"See you tomorrow, Gohan Jr.," whispered Rei with a trace of sadness…

Rei: “Oh why did I agree to hang out with that loser?”

During the school day, Gohan received several e-mails from girls begging him to be their date for the upcoming dance. Gohan didn't know how to respond, for he never got a lot of female attention before.

Gohan Jr: “I know! I’ll pretend to go with them, but instead I’ll lead them to my house where I’ll ambush them with an elaborate musical number explaining why I hate them, and then have them taken away by the police! Genius!”

After school ended, Gohan Jr. raced out of the school and into the busy streets of the city. The sound of nature in a busy city was a comforting sound.

I swear if you describe the birds singing again I’ll punch you out.

When he arrived at his mansion, Gohan Jr. leapt over the gate and raced through the door. After asking his butler to make him some sub sandwiches, Gohan Jr. turned on the daily news on the kitchen television. Saiyaman's appearance was all over the news.

Actually, they’re all talking about the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Don’t get them confused.

Get used to it, Tokyo 3. You'll see a lot more of Saiyaman in the future.

Gohan Jr. went up to his room with his food and worked on his homework on his desk. After a while, Gohan's thoughts shifted towards Rei Ayanami. She seemed very quiet and emotionless, but He sensed that there was something deeper inside Rei, something that she was hiding from everyone else.

Little did Gohan know it was her penis.

She didn't give any physical or emotional clues, but as a Saiyan, Gohan Jr. didn't need those clues like everyone else. Gohan Jr. snuck down to the lair and stared at one of his suits. Suddenly, the emotions hit him hard…

Gohan grabbed his head screaming as he fell to the floor. The images of his dead father, the man who killed him, the blood, the rage…Gohan Jr. felt his control over his body slipping. He was unable to calm himself down. His butler came through the other entrance and grabbed Gohan by the shirt.

"Settle down, sir. Please settle down," calmed the butler.

"I…I'M A HELPLESS CHILD!!! I MUST DEFEAT…THAT MAN WHO KILLED MY FATHER!!!"

YOU'LL NEVER GET ME, GOHAN JR!

"Calm down sir," said the butler as he pulled Gohan into a hug. Gohan Jr. returned the hug and began to mouth a prayer.

Gohan Jr: “Please God, don’t let the butler touch me in my bad place ag- OH HE DID!”

"I need to control myself better. I almost lost it," whispered Gohan Jr. Sensing danger in the city, Gohan stood up. He turned into his Super Saiyan form and put on his costume.

"I might be late, Fredrick. Don't wait up on me," muttered Saiyaman as he flew up a shaft that lead to the outside world.

Saiyaman landed on top of a 30-story building and searched the area. Following his sense for danger, Saiyaman found a gang-infested street. He noticed that they were ganging up on a girl. The girl was…Rei Ayanami! Saiyaman's eyes got wide as he realized that Rei was about to get…god knows what! Saiyaman leapt down to the streets and landed between the gang and Rei. Rei's attention shifted to Saiyaman.

What is the man in Black doing here? Wondered Rei as Saiyaman got into a fighting stance.

Rei: “Why is he interrupting our role-play session?”

'If you value your health, you'll leave this girl alone and bother her no more!" raged Saiyaman.

"We have you outnumbered 50 to 1. Ther's no way you can take us all on," taunted one of the punks.

"Even if you outnumbered me 2000 to 1, I'd still be making the same threat."

Gohan Jr: “I’ve taken on 2001 guys before, and my ass wasn’t even sore!”

As the gang charged forward, Saiyaman met them and began a melee combat. Saiyaman sent guys flying all over the place, pulling his punches so that he didn't kill anybody. His fists were too fast for them to see and he took them all down in a matter of seconds. Saiyaman turned and walked towards Rei, who stood with her normal emotionless face.

Rei: “Sorry, but only guys who can beat up 2004 other men can get my attention.”

Saiyaman stopped in front of her and stared into her eyes. Rei's red eyes were very captivating, although she couldn't tell because of his mask.

Because she would have to see his eyes to… wait, what?

"I guess you need to get home now," said Saiyaman.

"I guess I should," softly spoke Rei as she turned to go home.

"Wait! If you go by yourself, you're probably going to get jumped again. How about I fly you home?"

Rei walked over and put her arms around his shoulders, squeezing lightly. The blue-haired beauty managed to make Saiyaman blush, although his mask hid it. He put his arms around Rei's waist, making her blush, and he takes off to the top of a building.

Even though she didn’t react when Shinji touched her boob, apparently it’s a big deal when the great Saiyaman touches her waist.

He stops for a moment.

Momentary pause to recollect

"Where do you live?" asked Saiyaman.

"I live in the worst part of town," said Rei with a passive voice.

How descriptive.

"Hold on tight!"

Saiyaman flew with great speed to the run-down part of the city and stopped above the building where Rei's apartment was located.

"Which one is yours?" asked Saiyaman as he stared into her eyes. She has the most beautiful eyes…

Cree~py.

"The blue balcony," she said.

Saiyaman dropped Rei off on her balcony and was turning to leave when a soothing voice stopped him.

"What is your name? I must know," pleaded Rei.

"I'm the Saiyaman, bitch" muttered our hero after a few seconds of staring at her. He then jumped off the balcony and flew off into the night.

He's a strange fellow thought Rei. He's amazingly powerful and seems to be very dark in his personality, but…I think…

Rei: “… he may be a poorly written character. Oh well."

---

So to recap: Gohan Jr goes to high school and totally pwns Asuka and her tits. Then he stares into Rei's eyes for an unsettlingly long amount of time.

Also, no, he's not getting paired with Shmeckie. Sorry to disappoint you.

This post has been edited by T_K_17: May 17 2010, 07:06 PM

[Kuramastrassx3]

Goddammit! I was really hoping he was!

Shmeckie'd kick his ass!

[T_K_17]

Well, that last chapter sure was exciting, right? RIGHT?! *sigh*

Now here's another!

---

Author's note: As a reminder, I don't own anything related to Dragonball Z, GT, Evangalion, or Doom. Especially Doom, as you will see in future chapters.

He really really doesn't own Doom. As opposed to the other properties, which he just regular doesn't own.

Enjoy the story! Chapter 3

The next morning at school was a repeat for Gohan Jr.

So it's a total waste of time. Thanks.

A bunch of girls asked him for a date to the school dance, but Gohan didn't answer, due to his shy nature around people he didn't know. He thought about Rei all morning. Her blue hair and red eyes seemed to have reserved a place in his heart.

Gohan Jr: "Why are they attached to a wretched woman? I want them for my own!"

However, Gohan Jr. was sure that she didn't return these feelings. During lunch, Gohan was called over by a group of kids.

"Are you a Christian?" asked a boy in a red hoodie.

Gohan Jr: "Nope. I'm a Gohan."

"Yes," said Gohan Jr.

"I'm Thomas. We're having a bible study soon. We'd like to see you there."

Fun Fact: The author really loves naming characters Tom or Thomas. Don't ask me why.

"Hey, how about you have it my mansion? I could use some company, and I have lots of space."

"Cool! Could you make it in a couple days?"

"Yes."

Gohan Jr: "Yes. I can make it to my own home."

"See you later, Gohan Jr.!" said Thomas as he and his friends took off. Gohan Jr. took off looking for Rei.

Why are they even calling him Gohan Jr, anyway? Wasn't the last person named Gohan in his family his Great-Great-Grandfather?

He found her in the library reading her book on the big couch in the center of the library. Gohan Jr. put his food in his bag as he approached her.

"Hello Rei!" greeted Gohan with cheer. Rei looked up.

"Hello Gohan Jr."

"I hope that you've had a good day so far."

"I have."

How thrilling.

"You better have!" cried out a familiar voice that was approaching Gohan Jr. and Rei Ayanami. It belonged to Rikitsu, the sexiest girl in all of the high school. She was a pink-haired beauty with every physical feature a man could want in a woman.

So she has burgers, porn, and Starcraft 2 in her abdomen!

She was also the biggest gossip in the school. Her female friends that followed her every move surrounded her. Rikitsu moved close to Gohan Jr. and put a hand on his shoulder. Before Gohan Jr. could escape, he was pulled up tight against Rikitsu's chest.

We're approaching Evangelion-level sex humor here, people.

"What are you doing?" asked a desperate Gohan Jr. as sweat poured down his face.

"I want you to join me after school for some fun," Rikitsu whispered seductively as she licked Gohan Jr.'s left ear. Gohan Jr. shoved her away with a look of disgust on his facial features and regained some composure.

"You are disgusting. I'll never do that with you," said Gohan Jr. as he looked the girl in the eye.

Gohan Jr: "You'll never take me to Legoland, woman!"

"Oh you will! I've never failed to get a guy I wanted. I won't fail now. I want you, Gohan Jr.," said Rikitsu with a wicked smile.

And the Most Lazily Written Slut of the Year award goes to...

She casually shifted her gaze to Rei, who was looking at Gohan Jr. before she stood up to leave. Rikitsu blocked her path with a sudden movement.

"Let me pass," begged Rei softly.

"Why should I let you pass? You're nothing but a doll!" spewed Rikitsu.

Rikitsu: "And since you are a doll, you cannot move, thus it is impossible for me to block your path!"

Gohan Jr. balled up his fists as he felt his anger grow. Electricity sizzled around his entire body.

"Let her go," muttered Gohan Jr. through clenched teeth.

"Aw! The boyfriend is standing up for his girl! How adorable!"

So was this character written for any purpose other than being a total bitch?

"This is your last warning: While I'm still calm, you better let her go."

"Please let me pass," begged Rei once more.

"LET HER GO!" screamed Gohan Jr. just as his hair shifted briefly to his Super Saiyan form.

Wow. At least he spells "form" correctly.

"Not until I get what I want, #$!" yelled Rikitsu as she reached back to slap Rei.

I didn't know there were two-letter curse words.

Before she could, an explosion rocked the school, forcing Gohan Jr.'s anger to subside and remain in his normal form. Shinji Ikari ran into the library at the moment.

"Some alien freak has invaded the school and is taking everyone hostage. You guys should try to escape while you can," he said as he ran out the door.

Shinji: "If only there was a giant robot I could pilot!"

Where are the EVAs, anyway?

Gohan Jr. grabbed Rei by the arm.

"Rei, I'm going to go home and get some of my weapons to try and combat this threat. Please try to evade capture," said Gohan Jr. as he ran out of the school amid the chaos. As soon as he was out of the school, he flew really fast to his mansion and dropped through the long, hard shaft. Turning into His Super Saiyan form, Saiyaman put on his armor and mask just as he flew out the shaft and raced to the school. He landed silently on the roof of the gymnasium overlooking the courtyard. A weird, pig-looking alien in a blue fighting garb was belching out orders to the high schoolers who were being held at gun point. Saiyaman tuned in to what was being said.

"…And if that coward Saiyaman doesn't show himself, you all will die!" shouted the man.

If you choose to join them, however, they will make your face the GREATEST in Koridai!

"I'm here!" shouted Saiyaman as he leaped down to the middle of the courtyard.

"You've made my boss angry, Saiyaman."

"You have taken hostage a bunch of high school students that had no business being taken hostage. For that, I am going to kill you."

Pretty loose with the death penalty, huh Gohan? What if they did have business being taken hostage? Would you kill him then?

"I, Porrdo, will never lose to you!" shouted Porrdo as Saiyaman leaped forward and smashed a fist into Porrdo's face. Porrdo reacted with a kick to the left hip. Saiyaman recovered and landed a few blows to Porrdo's face and launched an energy blast at him.

[Character A] used [Fighting Move] on [Character B]'s [Body Part].

Could these be any more formulaic?

Porrdo deflected the blast with a kick and leapt to the top of a building. Saiyaman jumped up and engaged in a violent series of melee carnage.

Meanwhile, the guards were so mesmerized by the fight that Shinji was able to steal one of the machine guns and started to shoot the guards. Out of nowhere, Auska was beating down guards with her fists and feet. She grabbed one of their guns and started raining hell on the black henchmen. The henchmen folded like cheap tents and Shinji and Auska corralled them all in little time.

Note that it hasn't been established anywhere in this story that either of these two have any combat skills. I mean, there's a big difference between piloting a mech and using hand-to-hand combat skills themselves. But I guess we're just supposed to accept that Shinji and Asuka are fighting machines just because.

The battle with Porrdo was not going quite as well. Saiyaman was unable to penetrate his defenses. His stamina was starting to fade, and he couldn't tell if he was doing anything to wear down his opponent. Porrdo fired several blasts at Saiyaman, all of which missed. Saiyaman grabbed a foot and swung Porrdo though a wall.

Sorry I don't have any witty comments to go with this fight scene, it's pretty straight-forward.

Saiyaman leapt forward and looked around quickly, unable to sense anything. A fist smashed Saiyaman in the back. Our hero swiped at the attacker, but missed. Porrdo connected on several punches, but Saiyaman retaliated with several of his own. Porrdo broke up the combat and leapt back.

"You're a bit stronger than I expected, Saiyaman. However, you don't have what it takes to save the city from us!" yelled Porrdo.

"Us?" muttered Saiyaman as Porrdo launched a blinding energy blast. As soon as Saiyaman recovered his senses, he searched for Porrdo, but to no avail.

So the guy just ran off even though he was winning? What's with these villains randomly giving up?

Saiyaman fell to his knees from utter exhaustion. He looked up to see Rei Ayanami and Shinji Ikari approaching.

"Are you alright?" asked Shinji. Saiyaman looked up into Shinji's eyes.

Goddammit! Now he's obsessed with Shinji's eyes too!

His glance shifted to Rei Ayanami. Gathering himself, Saiyaman stood up and powered up. He then turned towards Rei and Shinji, hatred and hurt with a touch of passion filling his eyes.

"When evil returns, so will I," said Saiyaman as he flew off into the sky towards the mansion.

Saiyaman: "For they are one in the same."

As Gohan Jr. hung up his suit, he grabbed the single-pump shotgun that was lying on a table. After changing back into his school clothes, Gohan Jr. took off back to the school. He landed behind the school and ran around the side to the front. He ran up to Rei and Shinji as they walked to the front.

"Sorry guys. I had a hard time finding one that was loaded. What happened?" asked Gohan Jr.

"That Saiyaman guy saved us all! It was incredible!" exclaimed Shinji.

Shinji: "He's way better than you! Get out of my sight!"

"Him, eh? It figures. Say Rei, do you still want to look at my weapons?"

"After today, no. Maybe….a later date."

"Just ask when you want to, Rei. The door's always open."

Gohan Jr: "Particularly my back door, it's open to anything. Just stick it in as hard as you can and it's sure to fit!"

Gohan Jr. turned from Rei and went home. Upon getting home, Gohan Jr. went straight into the gravity chamber. He began training after school every day for the next two weeks. His training consisted of training at 150 times earth's gravity and sometimes higher. It involved using training robots and doing basic exercises, as well as fighting against himself.

Apparently punching oneself in the face is considered an effective training exercise now.

Every night, Gohan Jr. had the horrible nightmares, and sometimes those nightmares occurred while he was awake. Fortunately, they only enhanced his training. Gohan Jr. was getting stronger every day, and his max power had doubled since the fight with Porrdo. Gohan Jr. also noticed signs of a level beyond Super Saiyan Gohan Jr. then got to thinking on the night two weeks after the Porrdo incident…

Gohan Jr: "I just wonder what Porrdo's up to!"

This power I have obtained is amazing! However, I feel really sorry for Rikitsu. She must have a terrible home life.

Rikitsu: "Man! I sure have a great home life! You, manslave! Bring me the gold-plated head of a bear, so I can pleasure myself with it. Where's my copy of No More Heroes 3?"

Lord, I pray that whatever that girl has to go through that you keep her safe and help her to realize your love for all of your children. Also, help me to figure out my feelings for Rei Ayanami. I don't want to do anything stupid,

A little late for that.

and I need your help and guidance to do that. Lastly, give me the knowledge and the strength to find my father's murderers. Your word says that revenge is yours lord, but…I'm a Saiyan!

No, you're really not. The only Saiyan in your blood was your Great-Great-Great-Grandfather. You're a human, okay?

Help me to fight the monster inside me. Amen.

After a few minutes of reading the bible, Gohan Jr. retired for the night. A new adventure is in the wait….

---

So to recap: Gohan Jr meets a whore so poorly written she make the females in Mykan's fiction look nuanced and three-dimensional, then he has a boring fight scene with some guy I don't care about.

[TigerEyes]

Rikitsu: "Man! I sure have a great home life! You, manslave! Bring me the gold-plated head of a bear, so I can pleasure myself with it. Where's my copy of No More Heroes 3?"

Ha ha, that was awesome. I'm really lovin' this mock, although working my way through this fanfiction is something else...

[T_K_17]

Well, uh, thanks. Here's another one.

---

Chapter 4

Gohan Jr. was walking home from school with Rei talking about weapons when Rei started to shake violently. Blood oozed out of her like sweat.

Oh my God! The conversation they were having was so painfully boring that Rei is experiencing hematohidrosis!

As Gohan Jr. screamed out her name, a terrifying figure emerged from behind her. It was a head taller than Gohan and had lots of muscle. A large tail swept back and forth behind the creature.

"I killed your father, boy!" It screamed as it took a swipe at Gohan Jr. Our hero went Super Saiyan and tried to fly away, but a hand grabbed his foot and threw him into a wall. Gohan Jr. looked up just in time to see Rei explode. Gohan Jr. began to scream as his eyes rolled back…

Sounds like the perfect opening to a badass heavy metal song!

Gohan Jr. awioke to Fredrick sitting on his bed with a hand on his shoulder. Sweat poured down Gohan's entire body.

Sweet, glorious sweat, which Fredrick wanted to rub all over his body. So he did.

"I was having another nightmare," said Gohan Jr. as he looked at his clock, which read 5 A.M.

"I'm afraid that we don't have time for that, sir. There is a large group of men around the gate going through the whole street into town," explained Fredrick.

Gohan Jr: “Oh no! It’s the Tea Partiers; bitterly clinging to their guns and religion!”

"What do they look like, Fredrick?"

"They were wearing black soldiers uniforms with a symbol on the side of their helmets."

Gohan Jr. sat straight up. Those are Porrdo's henchmen!

Or they’re cosplayers. You should probably kill them regardless.

"This is perfect! They couldn't have made a bigger tactical error. Porrdo will provide plenty of information on his boss."

Gohan Jr. entered the elevator in his closet and ran out into the lair as he turned to his Super Saiyan form. He put on his armored suit and flew up the shaft that lead to his backyard. Landing in the garden, Saiyaman snuck around the side of his mansion and to the gate. Hiding behind the large pillar, he climbed the wall and noticed a guard below him that wasn't paying any attention. Saiyaman grabbed the man while covering his mouth to prevent a scream from coming out. Using his speed, Saiyaman went back behind his house and into the forest, well out of earshot.

Gohan silently rejoiced at the opportunity to play out his favorite scene from Deliverance.

"WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR?" growled Saiyaman as he slammed the guard against a tree.

"Mommy!" cried the guard as he was slammed against the tree again.

Gohan Jr: “I knew it! It was Mommy all along!”

"I WANT ANSWERS, AND I WANT THEM NOW! IF YOU DON'T START TALKING, I'LL START BREAKING THE BONES IN YOUR BODY!"

"I'll tell you anything; just don't hurt me."

"Who sent you to this location?"

"Some guy named Porrdo. He got orders to wait for you here and to kill you."

Guard: “Don’t ask me why I take orders from some guy I don’t even know, or why guards have been tasked with an assassination!”

"Who gave him the orders?"

"I don't know," said the guard as he started to sweat nervously.

"WRONG ANSWER!" raged Saiyaman as he gave a blow that broke the guard's left leg. The guard muffled into Saiyaman's hand.

"It's the man who killed you ten years ago."

"WHAT'S HIS NAME, DAMN IT!"

"Gendo Ikari."

Wut

No, seriously, Gendo? That’s your villain? How could- Why would- *sigh*

You know what? Never mind, let’s just go with it.

Saiyaman stopped briefly. That's shinji's dad? It can't be!

"Everyone thought you died ten years ago. I was one of the few who kept alive the notion that you would return one day. They harassed me all the time, and now that you've returned, those people now agree with me.

Guard: “And they still owe me 50 bucks- er, yen.”

I don't want to work for Gendo Ikari. He's pure evil. I only did it because I had to provide money for my family," pleaded the guard.

"If you're really telling the truth, you must do something for me."

"What?"

Gohan Jr then took off his pants, revealing his shaft. He didn’t have to say anything more…

"I want you to go home and never work for Gendo again. Go home to your family. If you honor these two conditions, I may be able to get you to work for Gohan Jr., so that you can provide for your family. Now go!"

Gohan Jr: “Also, you must accept God and Jesus as your lord and savior, or I’ll have to break your other leg.”

With that, the guard turned and left without saying a word.

Despite having a broken leg.

Saiyaman went back to the lair and came out with a bunch of remote mines. Sneaking back to the gate, Saiyaman planted a mine on every truck while stealthily avoiding all the guards. Once Saiyaman reached the beginning of town, he hid behind a building corner and triggered all the mines. The explosions rocked the city.

Our hero, ladies and gentlemen, who spends all his time training in hand-to-hand combat, but then just bombs everyone from a safe distance.

As Saiyaman looked around the corner, he noticed that Porrdo was fleeing towards the sewer entrance. Just as Porrdo was reaching the sewers, Saiyaman knocked him through the door leading to the Machinery Room. Porrdo looked up, but it was too dark to see anything.

"I'm coming to get you!" hissed a demonic-like voice.

Which could only belong to our God-loving hero.

"WHO ARE YOU?" screamed Porrdo.

"I am the darkness of justice. I have returned after a ten-year absence, and I've come to kill your boss."

You’ll never get me, Saiyaman! Er, I mean, you’ll never get Gendo Ikari. Yeah, that’s it.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!"

"No. You work for the enemy. Anyone who works for the enemy will die."

"PLEASE, YOUR OMNIPOTENCE , HAVE MERCY!"

"I'm all out of mercy, but I can provide your death," said Saiyaman as he fired an energy blastat some pipes behind Porrdo.

You’re all out of mercy? You mean you used it all up letting a guy whose leg you broke go?

The exploding steam consumed Porrdo as he began firing wild energy shots. The room blazed into flames. Saiyaman took the opportunity to power up to his maximum power and jumped to the ground were the door out was. Porrdo turned to try to run out the door just as the flames in front of Saiyaman grew huge. Porrdo stopped in his tracks out of fear once he saw Saiyaman.

"You barely survived before. WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT YOU CAN KILL ME THIS EASILY?" demanded Porrdo.

"It's easy. I've been training for this moment. My power has doubled since our last fight. You won't be able to touch me."

Gohan Jr: “Also, I brought a gun.”

*BLAM*

Gohan Jr: “That was easy.”

"DIE!" screamed Porrdo as he fired an energy blast at our hero. Saiyaman leapt up and landed a blow to porrdo's gut. Saiyaman flung him into some pipes and gave chase in a huge physical assault. Porrdo could not keep up with the speed of Saiyaman's punches and kicks. Porrdo tried to grapple our hero, but Saiyaman avoided it and kicked Porrdo into a wall. Saiyaman got into a low stance and cupped his hands together and brought them back around his right hip. A ball of energy began to form…

"KAAAAAAMMEEEEEHAAAAMEEEEEHAAAAAA!" Screamed Saiyaman as he blasted Porrdo to hell.

Where Porrdo would join a rock band with Goku Jr.

Saiyaman, with only an eighth of his power left, headed back home. As soon as he landed in his lair, Fredrick was waiting.

With a jar of Vaseline and a carrot in his hands.

"Fredrick, It's a quarter to 6 A.M. I just got back from a fight and I need to rest immediately, which means that I have to skip school today. I need you to take this schoolwork to school for me and get all of today's work for me. Tell them that I had several major deals come up and I'm too busy to come to school today."

I think that’s a load of bull. You only missed an hour of sleep! I think someone who’s supposed to be in peak physical performance like you can sit through some boring classes.

"Yes sir," was all that Fredrick said. As soon as he left the lair, Gohan Jr. went to his room and went to sleep…

Without reading the bible for twenty minutes and praying? Heretic!

Meanwhile, deep in the NERV complex, an evil pair was conversing between one another.

"I see that Saiyaman is as annoying as ever," stated a loud voice.

Voice: “What with his murderous rampages and all, he’s most irritating.”

"Yes master. It seems that he destroyed Porrdo and his forces quite easily after barely managing to survive against him before," explained a different voice.

"Wretched Saiyans. Always getting stronger after every fight. Anyways, I guess it's your turn to destroy him."

He seems to know quite a bit about this race despite no pure-blooded Saiyans existing in the world for a century.

"Master, I have a plan in mind. It involves using an Angel to draw him out and using your Evangalions to destroy him."

So now you’re telling us he can control the Angels?

Fine, whatever; you’ve already fucked up Evangelion even more than it already was.

"It better work, Ginyu. I don't want failure!"

Author's note: Ginyu has no relation at all to the Captain Ginyu from Dragonball Z. I just decided to use the name because it's a good name for a villian's top henchman.

Seeing as how you suck so badly at coming up with names yourself, I’ll accept that.

I strongly recommend posting reviews for my story. I need to know if I need to work on anything for my writing skills or hints for better story-telling. Thanks for reading and stay tuned for chapter 5!

---

So to recap: Our righteous and pure protagonist injures and murders hundreds of guards without them even firing a single shot at him, then he defeats Porrdo, whom we've grown to love and hate over the course of, well, a chapter.

Finally, the author tries to fit in even more of Evangelion's story into this one; poorly, of course.

[T_K_17]

If that last chapter was way too exciting for you, this one is full of people talking about stuff, like rape, so it should be way easier on those with weak hearts.

---

Author's note: Sorry for the long wait, whoever is actually keeping up with each chapter. I've been busy with sports camps and other various things in my life.

Life? LIFE?! Oh fuck, you have one of those, don’t you?

Here is Chapter 5 and It'll be a while until I get chapter 6 out. Also, if you don't like the girl on girl description that you will soon read, just understand that the main character is not involved with that and the girl was too scared to act in time.

Well that’s good, because nothing ruins a lesbian scene for me quite like consensuality.

Also, how could Gohan be involved in a girl on girl scene?

But if you really don't like that stuff in any way, shape, or form, then don't read that part. Now enjoy the new chapter!

Chapter 5

Gohan Jr. blinked as he woke up. Birds were chirping

GOD FUCKING DAMN IT SHUT UP ABOUT THE MOTHER FUCKING BIRDS!

And before you ask: No, it isn’t beautiful.

and his body had recovered from the fight. After dressing up in training shorts and a sleeveless grey shirt, Gohan Jr. took a long stretch. The clock read 12:30 P.M, so Gohan Jr. went downstairs for something to eat. As he stepped into the lobby, the doorbell sounded. Gohan Jr. answered the doorbell.

Candygram!

*SLAM*

"Misato?" asked Gohan Jr. as Misato stepped into the doorway.

*SLAM*

"I'm here to collect for NERV."

*SLAM*

"Please come in."

WHY WON’T YOU SLAM?

Misato and Gohan Jr. took a seat in the east living room on the first floor. Gohan Jr. sat next to Misato as Fredrick brought in fresh juice.

"How did you know that I liked Orange juice?" asked Misato in a semi-flirtatious voice.

Gohan Jr: “God told me in a dream. He said to me: ‘MISATO LIKES ORANGE JUICE AND IT WOULD BE NICE IF YOU GAVE HER SOME, ‘K?’”

"I didn't. Now, about NERV's shipment; since they failed to meet my deadline by over a week, NERV will get not one of my weapons. I'm sorry to say that, but it's policy. No exceptions."

"I understand, sir. I have something else that I need to talk about."

So even though the very purpose of the meeting was to collect the weapons, she’s just going to change the subject like that?

"Go on."

"There's something about that girl that I think you should know before you learn the hard way."

"Learn what the hard way?"

Misato: “Tell me, Gohan Jr. Have you ever seen ‘The Crying Game’?”

"Rei never really did show her emotions very much, except for three months ago. She was Shinji Ikari's girlfriend for about six months before she found out that he was really in love with Asuka. She then broke up with him and has slipped back into a shell that she was in before they started dating. She desperately needs help."

So is this story even going to try to follow the continuity of Evangelion, or is the author just going to throw everything around so it loosely fits in his fanfiction?

Why am I even asking that?

"That's really sad."

"Since Rei works for me at NERV, we've had to ask her questions about her life on occasion. She actually talks about you quite a bit. I like that she's hanging around someone, Lord knows she needs it, but the commander doesn't want you to associate with her. I was supposed to tell you to stay away, but I don't want to. Rei needs a healthy relationship."

And this murderous psycho is clearly the best person for that.

"If that is what she needs, I will provide one for her. I won't let you down Misato."

"Thank you," said Misato as she stood to leave. Gohan Jr. saw her out the door and as soon as he closed it, he slumped against the door.

So, commander Ikari doesn't want me to see Rei. I can't believe it! I can't believe that my father's killer is the father of a friend of mine! How am I supposed to break that to him?

Fortunately Shinji already hates his father with the passion of a thousand Linkin Park songs, so he’ll probably buy it.

Gohan Jr. got up and went to his upstairs workspace. While he was working, the man that he had spared earlier as Saiyaman had arrived in the hopes of working for him. Gohan Jr. accepted the offer and told him his work hours. The man immediately went to work helping Gohan reach orgasm build weapons. At around 3 o'clock, Gohan Jr. heard the doorbell ring. He answered it and found Rei in tears. Her sleeves were torn and she had a bruise on her left shoulder.

"What happened Rei?" asked Gohan Jr. with alarm.

Rei: “Shmeckie found me! He found me!”

"I…" started Rei as she began to sob. Gohan Jr. pulled her into a hug and patted her on the back.

"Please, tell me what happened."

"Rikitsu approached me after school. She started to call me…horrible names!"

Rei: “Like ‘Poopyhead’!”

Rikitsu must have used some really foul language to make Rei cry.

Just the other day
She was called “A little turkey”
But she’s a chicken, got it?
Ya beef jerkey!

"Anyways, she also told me that I had no real friends and that nobody would ever want to associate themselves with me. Asuka and Shinji tried to stop her, but she suddenly grabbed my shoulder really hard and pressed her lips against mine."

Good thing the author told me earlier that she didn’t consent to it; otherwise I’d be horrified.

"WHAT?" raged Gohan Jr. as his energy level rose to half Super Saiyan. He was barely in control of himself. For some reason, Rei didn't noticed his change.

Don’t bother telling us what the reason is, of course. That would take effort.

"She pressed her lips against mine and pulled me into her. She even grinded her hips into mine and slipped her tongue into my mouth. I just froze on the spot for some reason. I think that everyone watching froze. Anyways, as she was kissing me, I burst away, resulting in my torn sleeves. I ran all the way here," said Rei as she burst into a waterfall of tears.

Gohan Jr: “That’s it? Bitch, that ain’t nothing compared to what I’m about to do to you. Now bend over."

Gohan Jr. calmed himself down and guided Rei to his room. He sat her on his bed and watched as she cried her eyes out, leaving a big tearstain on his bed.

Right where he wants her…

"Rei, My church youth group is coming over for a meeting tonight. Do you want to be a part of it?"

"Not today. I'm not up to it."

"Okay. I'll tell the group about the scenario and we'll pray for you. I'm sure that they don't want you in pain any more than I do."

Gohan Jr: “Maybe, the Lord will forgive you of your grievous sin of kissing a girl, and spare your immortal soul.”

Gohan Jr. glanced at the clock and noticed that his friends would be over in a couple hours. He looked at Rei and felt his heart soften.

"You can stay in here as long as you like. I'll be back in a while to check up on you."

"Thank you…"

Rei: “But did you really have to put these pink handcuffs on m-“

*SLAM*

……………………….

A few hours later, after the youth group people left, Gohan Jr. went up to his room to check up on Rei. As he opened the door, he heard some snoring. He noticed Rei was asleep.

Finally putting Gohan’s fear of Rei being a vampire to rest.

He closed the door and decided to take care of some other business. Gohan ran down to the lair and changed into Saiyaman. He took off into the night and found Misato's apartment, for that was where Shinji was living. He landed on the balcony outside of Shinji's room. Hearing a noise, Saiyaman pressed his ears to the wall and was horrified to hear Shinji and Asuka making out.

Oh God no, not kissing! Please tell me it’s not consensual!

Also, thanks for throwing this ship at us without any buildup whatsoever, Broly.

Shinji was in the middle of something naughty when he suddenly decided that he needed a breath of air. Saiyaman leapt to the side of the building and stood there. Shinji walked to the edge of the balcony and leaned on the railing. Saiyaman jumped on the balcony and closed the door to his room. Shinji turned around and was horrified by what he saw.

Shinji: “Oh shit! It’s Kamen Rider!”

Saiyaman: “Huh. Most people say something else.”

"Calm down! You're innocent, so far," said Saiyaman.

"What are you doing here?" asked Shinji in a distressed voice.

"I've come to bring you bad news."

"What bad news?"

Saiyaman: “Asuka has crabs.”

Shinji: “Yeah, I already saw them. Aren’t they cute?”

"NERV is not what they seem. Your dad is planning something horrible for the whole world."

Saiyaman: “I know this because one random guy told me so.”

"So? My dad is always planning something. Tell me something I don't know."

"YOU'RE FATHER KILLED MINE!"

"What?"

"Your dad killed the previous Saiyaman, my father, when I was only four years old. I need some way to get into NERV so that I can access their computers to figure out exactly what they're up to."

"The security at NERV is too tight to break through, even for you. They place cameras in every spot possible to get in. There's no w….WAIT! There is one way."

Ah. The old hide-in-a-giant-cake strategy.

"How."

A little late to greet him, Saiyaman.

"If you can somehow get in one of our evangelions, you can get into our base undetected. However, you'd have to figure out the rest from there."

Shini: “Of course, there’s that thing about the “Sync Levels” and the chance of the Eva going on a violent rampage, but you’re a Gary Stu. It should work fine.

"That's alright. How often do the evangelions get used?"

"Not a lot recently."

What with the original plot getting de-railed for a shitty fanfiction and all.

"It will. I can feel it," said Saiyaman as he leapt off of the balcony and flew off into the night towards home…

As Gohan Jr. opened the door to his room from the hallway, he found Rei sitting on his bed. He sat next to her.

He then forced her to go down on his shaft. Don’t worry. She didn’t consent to it.

"I guess you might need a ride home. I can get…" started Gohan Jr.

"No. I don't want to go home," said Rei in her emotionless tone.

"Why?"

Why the hell would you want to spend more time with this loser?

"My emotional pain that I've been experiencing for a long time is getting worse and I'm getting very depressed. I've even considered taking my own life. If I go back to that apartment…I won't survive."

I feel the same way right now.

Gohan Jr. sat there trying to comprehend what Rei just described as her home life.

"I don't want to feel that pain anymore. I don't want to be depressed," said Rei in an emotional plea. Gohan Jr. looked up into Rei's eyes.

"Rei, if your current home life is that bad, you should stay here for as long as it takes, maybe the rest of your life, I don't know. I do know that I am offering you permanent residence here."

Gohan Jr: “I already have a doghouse outside with your name on it. Just say the word.”

"What if NERV doesn't like it?"

"I don't care what NERV thinks. They've been on my hate list for quite some time. I need your company in this huge mansion," said Gohan Jr. with a smile. Rei smiled in response by showing what was a huge smile for her.

"Fredrick! We have a new member of our extended family!" screamed Gohan as he ran out of the room and into the kitchen.

Fredrick: “I’m right in front of you, sir. Why on Earth are you screaming?”

"That's good sir. Who is it?" asked Fredrick.

"Rei Ayanami!"

"She's a good girl, if I do say so. I'll treat her like a daughter."

More like a daughter with benefits in his case.

"Good! I need you to take her shopping tomorrow morning. She needs a new wardrobe and a new set of appliances that a woman needs. You know what that is.

Fredrick: “But sir, we already have a kitchen.”

Also, I'm going to bed, so please let me sleep in."

"I'll do so, sir."

"Thank you, Fredrick," said Gohan Jr. as he left the room and went up to his bedroom. He spoke to Rei:

"Rei, you can sleep on my couch for tonight. I'll get you situated tomorrow."

"Thank you," said Rei as Gohan Jr. fell into a deep sleep….

Rei: “Finally! Now I can kill him and be with Rikitsu forever!”

---

So to recap: Rikitsu and Rei almost have sex, but it's okay, because Rei didn't consent to it. Then Shinji and Saiyaman have a talk that highlights how messed up this plot is.

This post has been edited by T_K_17: May 27 2010, 12:06 AM

[Kuramastrassx3]

I think my brain imploded. Really, what the hell just happened?

And why doesn't Gohan Jr. like blow up NERV? Wouldn't that solve all his problems?