Pieces of Memories, Disgaea 3 + Mary Sue = FAIL Options

[Max-Vader]

Greetings, lovers of fanfiction mockeries! Tonight I decided to start mocking bad fanfiction in English too, and began my quest for appropriate material at the number one spot for it: Fanfiction.net - "unleash your mental diarreah". Since I love the Disgaea series, I hoped for a pleasant surprise of a fanfiction, but sadly it was not meant to be. Instead my eyes were assaulted by a mindnumbingly convoluted Mary Sue fanfiction. But see for yourself.

My commentary is normal, while the written abomination will be in red.

***

[ Pieces of Memories ][Disgaea 3 – Mao x OC ][ 000.5 : Epiloque ]

Great, from the first few words I already know that this is going to suck. Mao/anyone? Not happening. Also, it's interesting to know that the author either starts the story from the end, or just uses fancy words without knowing what they mean.

Spoiler: It's the second one.

Pia-chan again~

This chapter covers a little bit of my main OC’s past =p

If you wish to know more about the OC’s,

As well as follow this story’s updates,

Then go STRAIGHT AWAY TO MY BLOG xD

Translation: I'm too stupid to work the backstory of my characters into the fic itself, could you just do my work for me kthanxbye!

PM me or review to know the address

Review if it’s confusing x3

Oh, I'm sure It will be.

Mikito is retired for now.. Sorry about the mistakes.


"I won't correct them though, that would be too much work."

On to the STORY!

P.S : My side-characters OC will do every chapter’s talk, and I will be there too, as Evriel.

Yes, why not add a segment that is annoying and totally pointless? On second thought, it would fit this fanfic perfectly.

The Netherworld, the world of Demons. It is simply divided, and holds many misteries. One of them maybe lies right in front of you. You never know what will happen every day..

"Ominous but meaningless narration? Check."

-Unknown Lab, Unknown Island-


That really narrows it down.

A demon stared at a tube. That tube, containing a cat-eared demon, seemed fragile, as if it were to break. The demon smiled evilly.

Demons tend to do that. Although I can't imagine why he would do that now. Is it Dr. Hojo, after he reincarnated as one? Or the Disgaea-ounterpart of Dr. Insano? That would be awesome.

“ Finally.. “

The water bubbles as the cat-eared demon opened her eyes. She is alive.

It's alive... it's ALIVE!

At first glance, peoples would think that she is a mere Nekomata. But, she is more like a humanoid demon, except for those ears and tail.


In other words, it is not a demon-cat-monster, but instead a demon-catgirl? Wow. That is awesomely retarded.

“ She is completed.. My ultimate creation!

"Finally I've created the ultimate sextoy - a catgirl with a HORSE WIENER! MUHAHAHAHA!!!!"

With this, I shall rule the Netherworld! Not even the Overlord or God can stop me!

"Unless they have troops. Or weapons. Or are over Level 10. Or..."

Hahahahahaha!! Now, answer me..! “


I'm not sure that would work, with her being in a tube and all.

The demon punched the glass of the tube, and it starts to crack open. The water flowed to the floors. The cat-eared demon stepped out and stared at the demon.

“ Now, let us see.. I am your master. You shall only listen to my or— “

*alarm ringing*

He just created her and is already getting cockblocked.

“ ?! ”

*bang* *bang*

“ We know that you have been performing illegal experiments on Nekomatas!! Come out!! “

Who are those guys, the Netherworld-PETA?

The door opened and a group of demons started to search all over the place. The demon tried to hide, knowing that it is useless to resist. The cat-eared demon, though, just stared in awe.

"Or because they forgot to give her a brain, it's hard to tell."

“ Where is he?! “

Oh shit, Batman is coming!

“ Hey! Over here! “

“ Kill him! Kill him! “

*gun shots*


Can you feel the exciting action? Good, me neither.

“ Shit! He escaped! Leader, give us your orders! “

“ It’s alright. “

“ But!! “

Another demon which seemed to be their leader kneel down at the cat-eared demon.

“ ..? “

“ I see.. So you’re the victim. Come with us. You are now.. Free. “

No, Free is an awesome werewolf and has cool eye powers that make Sasuke Uchiha look like Scrappy Doo.

“ ..Free..? “

"Me no have brain!"

=50 Years Later=

As if it wasn't confusing enough, now we get a tmeskip.

-Leader Demon’s House-

“ Nyahaha!! “

"Why are we even laughing? Hahaha!"

“ Damn you, Rikka!! Give that back! “

“ Here, then~! “

Rikka, the cat-eared demon jumped and threw back a pot of honey at the demon. She laughed and jumped down.

Cats eat honey? Or are we talking about demons now? I'm so confused!

“ Rik..kaaaa…!! “

KHAAAAN! Sorry, bad joke.

“ Give it up, you know you can’t beat me~ “

“ Grrrh!! Why you! “

Rikka ran along the halls and bumped into the demon, the leader of the group that picked her up on that fateful day 50 years ago.

Ah, finally, we get some plot!

“ Rikka, you might hurt yourself if you run like that. “

“ Uhh.. Sorry, Chief. “

Oh... false alarm.

“ Well, now, it’s almost time for dinner. Call Miko and Magisa here.. Do not forget Evriel too, her tuna steak is ready. Oh, and Fransisca too, with her friends. And Hina, Koiki, Nami, Jun-- “


God, wasn't one character without anything defining him not enough? No, we get a shitload!

“ Nah, I’m way too lazy! They’re all over this big house!. “

“ Rikka. “

“ Alright, alright.. “

In Germany, answering that way means "kiss my ass".

Her days lasted peacefully like this. Every day. No one would’ve guessed that it would end really soon..

Oh, now we're getting to the arbitrary tragedy that is completely illogical but kicks off the "wacky adventures".

=1 week later=

“ Grrh!! Damn that Kid! Asking me to go out shopping!

Yes, we feel so sorry for you. Who deserves such a soul-crushing task?! [/sarcasm]

I’ll beat him later! “

Rikka walked at the garden, not noticing the prickle of blood flowing near her. She looked around and stopped.

Wierd, now I'm having Naruto-flashbacks. Does she have an older brother?

“ Why.. Is it too quiet? “

*footsteps*

“ !! Who’s there?! “

HEEEERE'S JHONNY!

“ Ri--rik…ka.. “

“ Hina?! What’s wrong?! “

“ Es..cape.. Everyone.. Dead.. Chief.. Chief is.. “

"Can't... speak... proper... sentences..."

“ Oi!! Hina?! Hina?! Shit!! “

Hina: "No way!"

(That was vulgar, I apologize.)

She ran and ran, looking all over the house. She turned at one corner and stared at the kid’s bedroom, where Magisa, Satsuki, Fransisca and their personal bodyguard Haseo is playing before she left. It’s empty, but there is no stain of blood. Suddenly..

“ Uwaaaaggh!!!! “

Whoa! I almost had a heartattack there! Jump-scares work so well when you WRITE something!

“ Chief!! “

“ !! That’s..! Chief and Nami’s!! “

She jumped through the roofs and busted through the living room. And, at the first glance, she understood almost everything. Chief is dead. Everyone.. It is unknown either if they are escaped or killed.

“ Rikka-nee!! Save—Uwahh!!! “

“ Namii!! “

Okay, now I'm totally lost. Or is this one of those bad acid-trips that you aren't supposed to take seriously? I feel like watching Evangelion, only without the religious bullshit, leaving just regular bullshit.

At that time, seeing the death of her family in front of her eyes, only one thought struck her mind. He.. He’s my creator. But, he killed everyone. Why? Why must this happen?

“ It’s been a long time.. Sample 00.. Now, you shall be killed right here, for giving me through all that trouble.. You didn’t even protect your master.. “

Actually, I take that back. Even vangelion wasn't that confusing.

“ What?! Why are you my master?! “

The door opened and a sleepy Evriel came in. The demon stopped and stared at the Cait Sith.

And now we're doing a crossover with Final Fantasy VII? Why?

He turned to Evriel and drew his sword.

“ Wha..? Rikka-nee, nya? “

“ Good night, Catty-chan. “

“ Nyaaa?? “

What? All this forced Japanese doesn't make it easier to understand.

Suddenly, without even she herself noticed, Rikka’s claws got longer and pierced through the demon. Her cat-ears twitched when the blood of the demon sprayed against her face.

“ N-nee-chan, nyaa? “

“ ..I hate this. Hate..!! “

"Nee-Chan SMASH!"

“ Nee-chan?! “

A magic circle suddenly surrounded Rikka. She seems to be sucked in, because of her own powers. The feline could only watch as her so-called nee-chan went berserk.

“ ..Away. “

I would love to, believe me.

“ Nya..? “

“ I don’t want to stay here!! It sucks! It’s boring!! It’s better to go somewhere else!! “

“ Nyaa?! Nee-chan?! “

Evriel noticed her nee-chan’s title.

“ Nee-chan..? Why is it now.. “

“ … “

“ Why?! “

--END

I think logic just died. As well as good storytelling.

[Chapter Talk]

Evriel / Pia : Gahh!! All that act made me tired!!

Magisa : Oi!! Are we even alive?!

Evriel : Yeah. Haseo is your bodyguard, right? ==a

Magisa : ..Do that even explains?

As if we haven't suffered enough, now we get the equivalent of cats communicating through Internet-retard-speak.

Fransisca : You sure is stealing the main show..

Satsuki : Hahaha. Calm down. So, will we be on next chapter?

Evriel : Yeah.. Depending on how things go.

All : *preparing to beat the naughty catty*

Evriel : Yikes!!

*spank* *boink* *boom* *ouch*

So yeah. Remember kids, drugs are bad!

***

And that was it. I hope I'll never have to take such an acid-trip again. Unless I'll do the second chapter as well, that is. Dammit!

[Badass Overlord]

They have ruined Disgaea! Burn them! Disgaea is my favorite SRPG. I think 3 was the best though. Gig and Zetta were playable.