Let's RIP AND TEAR! Major\Minor, AKA Klace The Husky's Wet Dreams
Let's RIP AND TEAR! Major\Minor, AKA Klace The Husky's Wet Dreams
A wild LEECH OSPREY appears!
Joined: 21-September 10
From: Manhattan, IL - Present Day
Member No.: 388
Feb 4 2017, 03:12 PM
CURRENT ASSIGNMENT: Return from the grave to mock a shitty VN that somehow got released on BOTH Steam and Google Play.
I have returned, fellow comrades. You may have noticed that I have been absent for a very, VERY long time. Life has thrown hundreds of curveballs at me all at once. I may be short one PC, and my current device is no NVIDIA Shield Portable, but I figured I'd try my hand at the whole LP business with a visual novel that was simultaneously released on Steam and the Google Play Store. Now I have one big complaint about this particular VN: ALL I SEE IS FURRIES. I am of course referring to Major Minor, an indie game that was lauded for "having a better ending than the Mass Effect trilogy", and also critically panned by a decent percentage of Steam users for many lacking qualities. But I'm not one to break the "show, don't tell" rule, so let's get down to it!
NOTE: Due to lack of a PC, I am playing the Android version. What makes this port inferior right off the bat are the following things - no custom player name, no detailed save icons, and ABSOLUTELY NO SOUND OUTPUT WHATSOEVER. So I may need a bit of help when it comes to describing the music and sound quality/voice acting of the Steam version, where applicable. With that out of the way, let's begin!
INTRODUCTION ADDENDUM: Rule of thumb when doing an LP - know thy enemy. Case in point, Klace The Husky, known in the real world as Kyle Lambert. At first glance, seems like your average furry trying to make a quick buck for a shitload of fuck like Major\Minor...but lemme tell ya, this social reject does NOT take criticism of his game well, and often slams detractors on Facebook, even doxxing someone for merely posting a negative review. Things got so bad that the original version of the game was taken off of Steam in early 2016, and eventually gained a "Complete Edition" re-release later that year. And some time afterward, the Android version snuck into Google Play under everyone's noses. The Complete Edition on Steam costs an absolutely ridiculous $20 for what amounts to an insultingly low amount and length of proper content, not to mention the great big ugly pile of grammatic fallicies. Did Klace seriously not proofread this shit before shipping it!? And to top it all off, this "Mobile Edition" is absolutely GIMPED due to "app storage constraints." Hasn't he heard of this key game archiving format called ".OBB"? I'm pretty sure he could've given himself more than enough room to work with instead of trying to cram the entire game into a single APK file, hence the lack of core elements that were already detailed above.
GAME: Major Minor - Mobile Edition
PRICE ON GOOGLE PLAY: $4.99
Played on: OS 4.4.2 (Rooted Kitkat)
I can only assume that the following song plays on the Steam version...: "The Madness of Fate (Theme From Major\Minor)" - NIIC feat. Kyle Lambert
Let this ear-rape set the tone for the rest of the game.
OK, so far, the game looks innocuous at first glance, with two gears spinning in the background. But how much do y'all wanna bet that the shit's gonna hit the fan as soon as I touch "NEW GAME"?
Blah blah, regurgitating shit that most VN players already know, moving on...
TUTORIAL: Enjoy, and choose wisely.
A better choice would be to immediately uninstall this waste of space and never speak of it again, but then it wouldn't be a proper Let's Play, now would it?
SAURON: There is no life in the void...only death.
PLAYER: I scan my surroundings. What I see should be an impossibility! A luminescent nebula gazes back at me. It twinkles -- dancing across the sky.
Equally impossible? The fact that this digital abomination was Greenlit on Steam!
PLAYER: It's beautiful, but I'm not here to stargaze. As I take in this scenario, I notice some key things. My feet are not on solid ground -- I appear suspended. And for some reason, I'm able to hear and breathe.
On the contrary...whoever you are. As far as the Android version is concerned, you're a deaf protagonist who can see what no-one else can: A seemingly neverending string of text boxes just outside your field of vision.
PLAYER: Those are the two things you -can't- do in space. I count this as a blessing, and focus on breathing. There were exercises I could use to calm myself down.
Partridge in a pear tree.
PLAYER: Before I can count any higher though, I'm interrupted. At that moment -- I realize I'm not here by myself. I feel a hand rest upon my shoulder, and I shiver. I expect to feel fear, but a rush of calm overtakes me.
It must have been the chick who slipped me the roofies last night...damn, she was good in bed--
...or maybe this is just a bad acid trip, who knows?
???: This is home to those touched by fate. Imbued with a power most would call fiction. Others have come, but now it's -your- turn.
PLAYER: As this humanoid was speaking to me, I noticed that it started leering at me. Quit looking at me like that, you fucking creep.
One problem with that. As I said before in the intro, the name entry screen has been stripped away; it just flickers onscreen for a split-second before the next text box loads.
???: Taylor, hmm...? It has a nice ring to it. I'm sure you'll be remembered.
Yes, our man (?) Taylor will forever be remembered as the butt of many jokes to come.
???: My name, you ask? I'm afraid that's not important. No one will remember me after this.
For no other reason than ??? slapping a "Hello, My Name Is" sticker on Taylor and catapulting him into the nearest furpile.
???: Your presence here portends a great fate. Not just for you -- but the universe, too. That is the purpose of those who come here.
???: In the form of the most overused sci-fi cliché known to mankind -- the deus ex machina!
???: To that end, what else do they call you? Your surname is just as important. And out of curiosity -- I must know.
Once again the game deprives you of choice and names the player character Taylor Aria. But fuck it, I'm gonna call him Taylor Swift, because he's just as much of a useless clod as the actual person.
???: Taylor Aria, hmm? Very well -- the pleasure is mine.
What "???" didn't notice was an FBI spook preparing to choke it out for breach of the user's privacy.
???: In giving me your name -- the deed is done. Your service to me and The Ark is pledged.
Urdnot Wrex: I don't take orders from you.
???: But do not worry -- you're not a slave. Your service rewards you with a power. Something that most would kill to achieve.
Unless it's a box containing every single issue of Nintendo Power, I'm not interested.
???: Others must bend to the rules of the world. But for you -- the opposite rings true. You are no longer a victim of circumstance.
Either this..."???"...doesn't have a grasp on reality, or he's a hallucination brought along by those roofies as well as potentially strong anarchist views exhibited by Taylor?
???: When you make a choice, reality will bend. Your every whim will fall to your lap. The universe now accommodates -you-.
The Adventures of Gabriella and Billy Americano: Furry Edition
???: This is the power granted to you by The Ark. This is the power granted to you by -me-.
So if Taylor decided to kill you right now, we won't have to slog through this poorly-coded mess?
???: Oh, it appears you're fading away. Do you long to return to Earth? I understand, there is fear in the unknown.
Or maybe someone used a time machine and took a coat hanger to Taylor's mother?
...yet. At this point, you are prompted to save the game. Another lacking quality of the Android port is that there is no image/icon next to your save file, leaving the area name as a vague reminder of where the flying fuck you are. Since I can only stomach so much of this furry shit before my mind breaks, updates to this LP will eventually appear over time; mostly due to busy schedules, using brain bleach, and nosy housemates.
This post has been edited by Shockwave S08: Feb 6 2017, 12:25 AM
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Major\Minor: Mobile Edition (In-Progress)
"I'm still trying to figure out how this is sexy. On the bright side, this does have a practical use. Okay, look at it. If you can see yourself jerking off to it, kill yourself." - Nihilistic One, on outright terrible furry-fetish art
|Lo-Fi Version||Time is now: 26th April 2017 - 12:00 AM|