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> League of Angels: The Devils Gambit, This is why I hate Communism
Post #61
GorillaGamer


Shillin' Best Girl from Fire Emblem: Echoes
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post May 21 2017, 06:21 PM
I’ve been playing Fire Emblem: Echoes, and it’s shaping up to be an amazing game. (Clair is well on her way to become best girl.) But enough about my life, it’s time for fanfiction mocking.

Since a few forum users have expressed interest in mocking a chapter of this, I figured that I’ll get to mocking this chapter. Thankfully, it isn’t as intelligence insulting as the previous one, though it is also quite shitty, on the basis that it rips off an entire segment of Ride to Hell; specifically, the part where Jake fights in the underground ring, to confront Meathook. The authors have also promised Steven another little sister, because of course.


Chapter 10: Break the Meathook!

Devil’s Hand Underground Fighting Ring


The underground fighting ring was a popular hangout for members of the Devil’s Hand, since it was a place where they can wage money on illegal fighting. Meathook was cleaning up the place, in preparation for a massive tournament that was about to start soon, when a Devil’s Hand Prospect entered the room.

“Sir, Colt want’s to speak to you personally.” The prospect reported. A few seconds later, the retired sheriff, turned biker, entered the room.

“I’m a bit busy here setting up this tournament, it better be quick.” Meathook requested, as he began cleaning the bar.

“You see, that’s what I was going to talk about anyway. I have the perfect plan to draw that kid over here.” Colt explained.

“Really? Care to explain this plan to me?” Meathook inquired,

“We simply disguise ourselves as a pro-fanfiction club. That ought to draw ‘em in.”

a look of interest on his face. Colt then gestured to the prospect to open the door, which they did. As if on cue, an adorable young girl entered the room, and promptly sat down on a chair.

The young girl was around Nino’s age, had emerald green hair that was done up in a ponytail, and had matching emerald green eyes. Her outfit consisted of a black sleeveless undershirt, covered by a white dress shirt, which had a belt that had a whirlwind symbol on the buckle. She had a pair of black shorts on, as well as a pair of open-toed sandals on her feet, and a light brown jacket that appeared to be a couple sizes too big for her. She wore a necklace, which had a matching whirlwind symbol on the pendant. In her hand was an ornate staff, with a large emerald on the top of the staff. Perched on her left shoulder was a small green bird, with its own necklace that matched its owner’s.

“Hi there. My name’s Winda, and this little fellow is my trusted friend Gulldo!” she introduced herself in a sweet tone of voice, gently rubbing Gulldo’s chest with her finger.

Yep, that’s Winda: Priestess of Gusto. AKA, a fucking Yu-Gi-Oh card. SovietRussiaMan must be so lonely, he’s imagining pieces of cardboard are his little sister.

Meathook stared at Colt, as if the latter grew a second head, before gesturing the prospect to take the young girl out of the room.

“How the fuck is she going to help us?!” Meathook growled.

“Easy there, I spotted her and her pet wandering the area, searching for that kid. I told her that I’m an acquaintance of his, and offered to keep an eye on her, until I reunite the two.” Colt explained his plan.

The fact that a middle-aged man has just waltzed up to this kid, and offered to take her back to his place, is fucking creepy!

“Ok, we lure the kid here. Now what?” Meathook asked.

“We then find a way to kill the kid. And seeing as how we’ve got a tournament coming up…” Colt continued.

“We put that punk up against our star fighter, and watch him die! I like this idea.” Meathook exclaimed.

“But we can’t mention it to the little lady, wouldn’t want her to run away, do we?” Colt added. “By the way, I got an earful from Triple 6 over Anvil’s death.”

“Anvil’s dead?! When did this happen?!” Meathook demanded an answer.

“Apparently he was left to die but an agent of that Trump fellow. Died of a knife to the back.” Colt answered.

“I swear, following the orders of that Gorilla guy was the biggest mistake of Caesar’s life.” Meathook commented off handed.

To be fair, hiring you chucklefucks was the biggest mistake of MY life.

“Get this, there’s word of Triple 6 workin’ with King Dick to bump Greasy Steve. Can’t say I’m too opposed to the idea.” Colt continued.

“Really?” Meathook asked incredulously. “Why would King Dick willingly help Triple 6? Something’s not right here…”

“You’re not the only one with a bad feeling about this.” Colt replied. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a little missy to keep an eye on.” Colt then exited the room, leaving Meathook to finish getting the tournament ready.

Peace Zone castle

The Ivalician Rebellion were receiving their briefing from the Snow Queen about their next plan of attack.

“Ok everyone, our next plan of attack is to liberate a small fort that’s 2 miles from the Holy City of Lordran. Intel suggests that the place is swarming with Trump Supporters, as well as members of the Devil’s Hand biker group.” Snow Queen explained.

“Lordran, isn’t that were Melody is stationed?” Winter Doll asked.

“Melody?” Luna asked.

“She’s the healer of the paragons, and a damn good one to boot. However, she is somewhat of a nymphomaniac…” Shadow Stalker explained.

Hoo boy, that lemon’s going to be painful.

“What’s a nymphomaniac?” Nino wondered.

“A nymphomaniac is a term used to describe a woman who has an excessive sexual desire. Luckily it never got in the way of Melody’s duties as city healer.” Draconia stated.

“On a slightly different topic, how many of you Paragon Heroes are there?” Aria questioned.

“There’s 14 of them, if I recall correctly. Off the top of my mind, they are: Shadow Stalker, Draconia, Aurora Blade, Mystic Warden, Blade Spiral, Winter Doll, Time Tracer, Death Tyrant, Elven King, Frost Heiress, Dark Mistress, Sorceress, Seraphina, and Melody.” Crimson Rose informed her friend.

Ok, so that’s 14 Paragon heroes, and each of them cost $300. Multiply 300 by 14, and you get $4,200.

With that amount of money, I could buy myself half a dozen good quality hookers, and have plenty of spare change left over.


“15, to be precise.” Draconia corrected.

“15? Who’s number 15?” Steven asked.

My bad, make that $4,500.

“The Dominator.” Shadow Stalker answered. “The leader of the Paragon Heroes.”

“But I thought that you shared the leadership role with Draconia and Aurora Blade.” Nereida stated.

“That was a lie, in order to keep the Dominator’s identity safe. Call me suspicious, but I don’t trust Lizeea.” Aurora Blade replied.

“So who is this Dominator?” Lunar Priestess asked.

“The Dominator is, to put it simply, the strongest warrior of all time. As the leader of the first rebellion against the Demon King, he managed to gather several powerful warriors, which would be us, and call his group, the Paragons. He constantly won battles, despite being up against impossible odds, and would later form the League of Angels.” Shadow Stalker explained.

“Wow, he sounds really powerful. How did he gain such strength?” Green Ranger asked.

“They say that he was came from an ancient line of divine kings, each of them possessing unimaginable strength.” Draconia added.

You want to know a really funny story? The Dominator was a limited time hero, that only had a single opportunity to be bought, and costed $300. Once the limited time sale was over, The Dominators release was pushed back from it’s initial date, to two months later. And when it was finally released, this supposedly ‘strongest hero’ of them all, ended up being the WORST hero in the game. Talk about a fool and his gold…

“How interesting…I wonder if I can gain some of his power, by drinking his blood.” Blood Baroness muttered to herself.

“Unfortunately, we haven’t been able to contact him at all. We asked the other Paragon’s if they’ve seen him, but none of them had.” Aurora Blade commented.

“Do you think something bad happened to him?” Steven asked.

“Unlikely. The Dominator is incredibly strong; stronger than the rest of the Paragon Heroes combined. It would take a god to strike him down.” Winter Doll replied.

“Ok everyone, we’re ready to score a victory against the Trump Administration.

Yay, we get these morons again…

Let’s move out!” Snow Queen called out, with the Ivalician Rebellion marching to their destination.

Trump Administration base: 2 miles from Lordran

The Ivalician Rebellion stood in front of the gates of the base, when the gates opened, revealing a horde of Trump Supporters.

“Nyeheheh! Looks like we’ve got ourselves some Democrats to kill!” A Trump Supporter sneered.

I asked this before, but how do these Trump Supporters know that the rebels are pro-Democrat? Are they omniscient, or is this a side-effect of the disease from before? Don’t think I forgot about that one.

“Yeah, imagine the reward we’ll receive from Holy Emperor Trump.” A second one added.

“Well it looks like they aren’t willing to talk it out.” Rose Knight commented off-handed. “Let’s get them!”

00000000

Nino and Lunar Priestess set up a barrier, to block the incoming bullets from the Trump Supporters. Luckily, the barrier didn’t require much magical energy to keep up.

“Alright everyone, I’ve got you covered!” Nino called out.

“You got it!” Luna replied, firing an arrow at a Trump Supporter, killing him instantly. Meanwhile, Green Ranger began firing a volley of arrows at half a dozen Trump Supporters, killing them.

“Hey Sis, you want to use our special attack?” Blue Witch asked Pyrona, as the two of them stared down a dozen Trump Supporters.

“Sure thing Sis!” the stage magician called out. The two of them then conjured a ball of fire and fired them at the Trump Supporters, the two fireballs merging into one, which easily incinerated the Trump Supporters.

Mmmmmmm…cooked meat. How tasty!

“Alright!” Pyrona out. Meanwhile, Byron was busy electrocuting a dozen Trump Supporters, while Aria and Crimson Rose were raining gun fire down on a large group of Trump Supporters, killing them instantly.

“And I was hoping for a challenge…” Crimson Rose sighed.

“Look on the plus side, the battle will be over soon.” Aria commented, and she was right. There were ten Trump Supporters left. The four Paragon’s and Steven split up the Trump Supporters amongst themselves.

“I’ll make you all pay; maybe then father will wake up…” Aurora Blade muttered to herself,

What? What’s this about random chick’s father being asleep?

before she charged at the two Trump Supporters. She effortlessly cleaved one supporter, before turning around and kicking the second one in the gut, before beheading them.

“Time to feel the wrath of a dragon!” Draconia declared, impaling one Trump Supporter, before launching a pillar of fire at the second Trump Supporter, incinerating them to ashes. Meanwhile, Shadow Stalker was busy staring down at the corpses of two Trump Supporters that he slayed, their bodies riddled with his cursed arrows.

“Pathetic.” Was all Shadow Stalker said in regards to the enemy. Winter Doll had her sentient snowball buddy fire a chilling gust of wind, freezing the two Trump Supporters, before the ice statues shattered, causing blood to spill everywhere.

“I did tell them to chill out…” Winter Doll quipped.

Mr Freeze, you are not.

Steven was busy swinging his sword at the two Trump Supporters. He managed to decapitate the first one, however the second one was providing a bit of trouble.

“Hehehe, you should give up now.” The last Trump Supporter sneered. However, he was pushed to the ground and stabbed in the heart by Blood Baroness, who then proceeded to bite the Trump Supporter’s neck, and drink his blood.

“I thought you didn’t like the taste.” Steven pointed out.

“I don’t, it’s just that I’ll rather drink sour blood, than no blood at all.” Blood Baroness replied.

00000000

Everyone had met up in the centre of the camp, figuring out the next plan of attack.

“Ok everyone, we liberated this camp from the enemy. Now we need to—“Draconia began, but was interrupted by the voice of a familiar ally.

The ally appeared to be a red panda that was walking on his hind legs. His outfit consisted of a dark blue jacket, with a matching belt that had a large emerald on the buckle. In one hand was a staff that had a massive ornate sapphire as the tip, that was nested in a gold cradle that had another large emerald on it, while in the other hand was a small potion that contained a light blue liquid in it. On his head was what appeared to be a baby chicken, sleeping soundly.

It’s a fucking furry! Run for the hills!

“Why hello, my good friends.” The red panda greeted in a jolly tone of voice.

“Nice to see you again Mystic Warden. But what are you doing here?” Aurora Blade greeted her comrade.

“I was asked by the seemingly nice biker fellows to deliver this letter to a chap named Steven. They said that he hangs around with this rebellion group, and I figured that they might be talking about you.” Mystic Warden answered, handing the letter over to Steven. He then read the letter, his expression becoming more worried by the second.

Dear Steven

We have a young friend of yours, going by the name of Winda. As we speak, she is being held in the Devil’s Hand Fight Club. You will be reunited with her, provided that you win the tournament. However, because the stakes are high, we decided to give you a special challenge. We know you won’t refuse the chance to rescue your friend, given the history between you two. We have listed the time and place you need to be, as well as directions to the Fight Club
Signed: ???

PS: Make sure you come alone, otherwise we won’t be able to guarantee the safety of the little girl…


That letter looks to formal to come from a biker.

Steven began to panic; without hesitation, he immediately started to pack his bag and began to run away from the fort.

“Where are you going?!” Nereida called out.

“I need to go somewhere urgently! Please don’t follow me!” Steven shouted back, as he continued to run away from the fort.

“Uhhh…I’m not sure what just happened.” Mystic Warden commented.

“Aria, I need you to follow him to his destination. For all we know, this could be a trap set up by the Devil’s Hand.” Draconia ordered. Aria nodded and armed herself with her trusted sniper rifle, as she began to run after Steven.

Devil’s Hand Fight Club

Steven had arrived at the fight club, which was being watched by a Devil’s Hand grunt. The grunt stared at the young man somewhat sceptically.

So this fight club is somewhere in the middle of an otherwise empty tundra? Ok then.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing here?” the grunt asked gruffly. Steven showed him the letter that was written to him. “Ah, my bad. The ring’s in here.” The grunt then moved out the way.

Once Steven had entered the building, the grunt got back to guard duties. When the coast was clear, Aria snuck up behind the grunt, and snapped his neck. Retrieving a key from the grunt’s pocket, Aria then proceeded to infiltrate the building.

Aria managed to sneak quietly through the halls, until she spotted a spare cloak. Putting it on, she then entered the main room, under the guise of an audience member. She entered the room, which was jammed packed with hordes of Devil’s Hand grunts, Project AFTER members, Trump Supporters, and other degenerates.

Hey there, we aren’t degenerates. I’m the sexiest motherfucker you will ever see!

Her eyes locked onto Steven, who appeared to be talking to a young girl and her pet bird, who were guarded by a stocky biker.

“Winda! I’m relieved you’re safe!” Steven smiled.

“Steven, you came for me. Let’s get out of here.” The girl identified as Winda said, only to have the biker push Steven away.

“It’s not that easy punk!” the biker growled, gesturing Steven to the changing rooms. Steven then nodded and made his way to the changing rooms. Just then, a lanky biker entered the arena, this one wearing a white t-shirt, jeans, and a red bandana over his short, greasy black hair. Aria could tell that this guy was the referee.

“Ladies and Gentlemen!” the referee called out in his microphone. “We are here for the 100th fight to take place in this arena! And what a special fight it is; we have fighters from around the globe, fighting for a special prize!” he continued, pointing to Winda, who got a little nervous when the degenerate audience began cat-calling her. It then clicked in Aria’s mind; Steven was fighting to protect this girl, whom he must know.

Hey Dashguy, since I’m not much of a martial arts expert, mind if you check these fights to see if they are alright?

“In this corner, we have a newbie fighter who’s dealt more black eyes to the Trump Administration, then they can count. He knows this little girl, and he’ll fight tooth and limb to protect her. Give it up for Steven!” the referee introduced. Steven then walked up to the arena, wearing nothing more than a pair of men’s gym pants, and some sandshoes.

‘Hmmm, I’ve got to admit, he’s kind of handsome.’ Aria thought to herself, ignoring the jeers from the degenerate audience.

Hey there, no ogling the dipshit! He is not handsome.

“And in the other corner, we have a Mother Trucker who likes to pound flesh, but not always his own. But if he ain’t riding with a load, he’s certainty packing it. Known for his concrete punch, and being our 4th best fighter. It’s the man whose odds have forced a few of you to blow your week’s salary already. Let’s give it up for BULLSEYE!” the referee introduced Steven’s opponent. Bullseye was an overweight trucker, who wore a yellow sweat-stained t-shirt, jeans, and a pair of work boots.

“I got my sights on you, pretty boy.” Bullseye sneered. Aria scoffed at Bullseye’s taunt; Steven can easily knock this creep out.

“Only rule is that no weapons are allowed. Other than that, anything goes.” The referee explained the rules. Meanwhile, Colt and Meathook were watching from the bar.

“Really? Sendin’ up Bullseye against the kid?” Colt questioned.

“It’ll weaken the kid, so that the next fighter would finish him off.” Meathook explained. A few seconds later, the bell rang.

“Fight!” the referee called out.

“Sleep!” GorillaGamer called out, retrieving his pillow.

Steven immediately ran up to Bullseye and delivered a powerful kick to the shin. Bullseye grunted and punched Steven in retaliation, causing the young man to wince in pain and get sent a few feet back. Steven then ran in quickly and attempted another kick, only for Bullseye to predict this and grab his leg.

“I know Karate, pretty boy.” Bullseye sneered, as he attempted to crush Steven’s genitals. Luckily, Steven noticed this and delivered a swift kick to Bullseye’s crotch, causing the man to howl in pain. Steven then got up and delivered a brutal punch to Bullseye’s face, causing a few teeth to fly out. Once Bullseye’s fell to the ground, Steven delivered a powerful kick to the back of his head, knocking him out.

Well that was a quick knockout…

Once the bell rang, a pair of bikers dragged Bullseye’s corpse out of the arena. Several audience members began jeering at Steven.

Did I say knockout?! I meant a quick death! Jesus Christ Steven!

“Ha-ha, look at the little shrimp!” an AFTER agent jeered.

“He may have survived this round, but he’ll die in the next round!” a Trump Supporter jeered. The referee then entered the arena again.

“It seems Steven survives this round, but how far will he go? Place your bets!” the referee called out. Colt and Meathook were discussing the fight.

“Wow, he took out Bullseye that quickly? Kid’s better than I thought.” Colt pointed out.

“Not as tired as I’d hope. But I’m still confident that he’ll die this round.” Meathook replied. A few minutes later, once everyone had placed their bets, the referee began the announcement.

“In at number three, we have a coal blooded killer. A man who spends twelve hours a day, in a pit, digging using only his bare hands. Give it up for AXE!” the referee introduced the new fighter.

-Named Axe
-Works in a coal mine, digging with his hands

I can’t fault the authors on this, since this is in the Ride to Hell game.


Axe was a muscular man, who wore a yellow and blue jumpsuit, caked with coal dust.

“On the bell gentleman.” The referee announced, as the bell rang.

Axe immediately charged at Steven, and delivered a powerful sucker punch to him, sending Steven flying into the ring barrier, causing him to bounce into another deadly punch. One Steven fell to his hands and knees, Axe delivered a powerful kick to the stomach, causing Steven to winch in pain.

“Is that all you got?” Axe asked incredulously, before kicking him in the gut again. Steven was now on the ground, gasping for breath. Axe was about to deliver a fatal stomp to his chest, when Steven pulled off a daring sweep, knocking Axe off balance, causing him to fall face first onto the floor, breaking his nose. Steven got up, only to be knocked down by a surprise tackle from Axe. Axe got on top of Steven, and attempted to gouge his eyes out.

‘That’s not right! He can’t do that at all!’ Aria thought to herself, feeling the fear that Steven was experiencing at this moment.

Sorry Aria, the rules stated that with the exception of weapons, anything is fair game.

Steven knew that if he didn’t act soon, he’ll be in a world of pain. In an instant, before Axe could perform his ghastly act, Steven head-butted him, and bit down hard on the fingers on Axe’s right hand, though not hard enough to bite them off. Axe howled in pain, using his left hand to slap Steven’s face, causing the young man to let go. As Axe was inspecting his fingers, he didn’t notice Steven walk behind him and deliver a kick to the back of his legs. Steven then turned around and delivered an apocalyptic punch to Axe’s stomach, rupturing his organs. Axe fell to his knees, coughing up blood, before dying a few seconds later.

Damn! This kid has enough power to deliver apocalyptic punches to the gut, killing this dude.

“No way!” Meathook gasped. “He was supposed to die!”

“Hopefully the next fighter will take care of him.” Colt reassured. Aria sighed to herself, grateful that Steven didn’t get his gorgeous eyes gouged out. The referee watched the two bikers, drag Axe’s corpse away.

“Our fish is stronger than he looks. Third is an honourable accolade for a beginner. One more fight, and he’ll be reunited with his precious friend. But alas, his life shall be snuffed out by our next contender.” The referee commented. “With the longest reach in the room, some say this man can reach into a tiger’s throat, and rip it inside out by the balls. A fighter infamous across five states, and a felon in every one of them. Please welcome…SELVAN THE DESTROYER!” Selvan was even more muscular than Axe, and wore a lumberjack’s outfit.

“Begin!” the referee called out, as the bell rang.

Look on the plus side, we’re at the last fig—HAHAHA! Did you really believe we’re done yet?

Steven immediately got into a defensive stance and began to strafe around the arena, not knowing what Selvan’s first move will be. Selvan responded by charging at the young man, and bowling him over. He then began to kick Steven, hoping to knock him out for good. However Steven rolled away and got up, before swinging a punch at Selvan, knocking a tooth out.

“Ah. You’re gonna pay!” Selvan growled, charging at Steven and deliver a punch to the gut. Steven winced and staggered a few feet back, only to get punched a few more times. Steven responded by kicking Selvan’s shin, causing the giant man to grunt in pain, giving Steven an opportunity to deliver a few more punches to the man.

At this point, Selvan changed his game, and got into a Judo stance. Selvan then attempted to perform a helicopter kick, only for Steven to dodge the attack and punch him in the crotch. Selvan then fell to the floor, and got to his knees, before Steven got behind him and snapped his neck, eliciting gasps from the crowed.

These authors like to slap martial arts on their characters, only to have them fight like drunken hobos.

“Uhh, looks like Selvan got bested. The winner is Steven!” the referee called out, as the bikers dragged Selvan’s corpse out of the arena. “Now he’ll be reunited with his friend. Just let me talk it over with the boss.” With that, the referee left the arena.

‘Yes, he did it!’ Aria mentally cheered for Steven, as the young man was catching his breath.

“Well I’ll be damned, he actually won.” Colt commented.

“This can’t be, my plan was perfect!” Meathook cried out in anger, throwing an empty beer bottle at the wall.

“I’ll leave you to deal with it, I need a smoke.” Colt replied, exiting via the back entrance, as the referee walked up to Meathook.

“What do we do boss?” the referee asked. “We can’t let him get away.”

“Go back to the ring, it’s time I stepped up.” Meathook replied, walking to the back room. The referee got the note and walked back to the arena.

Yep. The author, not satisfied with kicking mook ass, is going to take on Meathook, who is said to be a very competent fighter.

“There, I done your fight. Now follow your end of the deal!” Steven demanded.

“Just a little longer, then it’ll be over.” The referee whispered, before he began talking to the crowd.

“Ladies and Gentlemen. Our benevolent benefactors were so impressed with Steven’s talent, that they’re putting him through one more fight, before he can rescue his friend. But it will be a fight that he will not win. Yes that’s right, he’s going up against our champion. Often referred to as a killing machine, and the ‘Prince of Destruction’, he’s a man who’s never lost a single match, and sends all his opponents home, in body bags. Please welcome your beloved champion, and member of the Devil’s Hand elite, MEATHOOK!!!”

The crowd got into a frenzy, as Meathook sauntered his way to the ring, a sinister grin on his face.

“Well, well, well. After all this time, I finally see the scared little shit that’s been givin’ us trouble.” Meathook jeered. “Now I get to kill you, right here, right now!”

I’M EVUL!!!!

“No! You can’t kill him!” Winda called out, a few tears falling from her eyes.

"Stay out of this, you brat!” Meathook shouted back, causing Winda to sob quietly.

“Fuck you!” Steven growled.

“Oh, he speaks.” Meathook commented, encouraging the crowd to jeer at Steven.

“How can you call yourself a man, when you kidnap a young girl and make her cry?” the young man retorted.

“Heh, we needed her here, just so we can lure you here.” Meathook dodged Steven’s question. Now I get to kill you by my hands!”

“Why do you want me dead?” Steven asked. “Why are you dedicating your forces to kill me?”

“My boss was payed a handsome amount of money to capture you and your friends. I even saw what they did to your chums; really gruesome stuff.” Meathook answered. “We even had some fun makin’ them suffer.”

So Meathook was with Project AFTER, as they tortured Seehan and Roy, even though it was stated that the Devil’s Hand were recruited after the incident. Consistency, what I that?

“How is it honourable, to kidnap three young men, torture two of them, and send the third one into a concentration camp?!” Steven growled, his blood beginning to boil.

“True it is. Perhaps it was a dishonourable thing…” Meathook replied. “But it felt right, killing your maggot friends!” Steven grew a determined look on his face, he was going to win this fight. He was going to defeat this monster; for Roy and Seehan, for Winda, for himself. He can’t afford to lose.

“Aw what’s the matter? Did I make you cry?” Meathook sneered.

Poor little boy crying over the deaths of his friends. Top kek.

“Gentlemen…FIGHT!” the referee called out.

Meathook immediately began the offense, getting himself in a Shippalgi stance and began launching a barrage of punches against Steven, who struggled to block the deadly assault. Steven managed to break out of the barrage and deliver a punch to Meathook’s chest. However, the attack didn’t faze the Irish biker.

“You got lucky there.” Meathook commented, before getting into a Shotokan stance. The biker then charged at Steven and begin ruthlessly punching his face, causing his nose to break, and a few teeth to fly out. Meathook let go of Steven, and began kicking him in the stomach, until the poor kid fell to his knees, gasping in pain. Aria looked on in horror as Steven was getting dominated…and not in the way Esdeath taught him.

Thank you for remind me of THAT, Aria…

What didn’t help was the cruel jeers from the crowd.

“Kill him. Kill the worthless cockroach!” An AFTER Agent called out.

“Rape the little bitch in front of him!” A Trump Supporter requested. Meathook stared as the batter body of Steven, before lifting his foot in the air.

“Any last words?” Meathook asked.

“Yeah, fuck you!” Steven spat out, rolling out of the way, and getting up off the floor. He then tackled Meathook and delivered a punch to his face, causing some blood to seep from his nose. Steven got up and backed off, allowing Meathook to get up.

“Should have finished me off when you had the chance.” Meathook pointed out, getting into a Judo stance. Steven then jumped into the air, and delivered a triple jump kick to Meathook’s chest, pushing him into the ring barrier. Meathook, in a fit of rage, charged at Steven and began punching his stomach, leaving his head vulnerable. Steven took this opportunity and head-butted Meathook, before delivering a few powerful punches to his head, causing a few teeth to fly out his mouth. Steven then grabbed Meathook’s neck, and delivered a few punches to his chest, before Meathook kicked Steven’s shin, causing them to separate. Meathook then bowed to the crowd, as a biker threw a metal baseball bat at Meathook, who caught it in his hand.

Who just throws baseball bats to random fighters? What miserable life must they be living if that’s their job?

“Resorting to using a weapon against me. And you called me a scared little shit.” Steven retorted, infuriating Meathook.

“NGRAAAHH!! I’ll kill you!!” Meathook roared, raising the bat over his head.

Steven then ducked under the bat, and delivered a quick jab to Meathook’s stomach. The biker growled, and stomped on Steven’s foot, causing the young man to wince in pain. Meathook then took this opportunity to pummel him with the bat, striking Steven on his arms, stomach, back and legs. The young man fell to the floor, screaming in agony as Meathook continued to assault him with the back. Aria felt an uneasy feeling in her stomach, unable to comprehend the pain that Steven’s going through. She looked at Winda, who was struggling not to cry. After a minute, Meathook stopped the assault, and pointed the bat at Steven’s head.

“Let’s try this again. Any last words?” he sneered.

“Yeah. Asides from using weapons, is there anything else I can’t do?” Steven asked, pain coursing through his body.

The referee already stated the rules, you dipshit!

“No, there’s no other rules. Why’d you ask?” Meathook inquired.

“Because I don’t want to feel bad about doing this!” he yelled, grabbing Meathook’s groin, and squeezing it hard. The biker cried out in pain, as his crotch was getting crushed by Steven. The degenerate audience was outraged at this.

“Dirty fucking cheater!” An AFTER Agent yelled.

“Typical Democrat, cheating in a fair fight.” A Trump Supporter called out.

‘And these bastards have no problem with their “champion” using a weapon.’ Aria thought to herself. Steven continued to squeeze Meathook’s crotch, until he heard a sickening squelch, causing the biker to let out the loudest scream in his life time.

Causing mass celebration among the 300-pound feminists of Tumblr.

“AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! YOU LITTLE SHIT! WHEN I’M DONE WITH YOU, I’LL TORTURE THE LITTLE BITCH!!” Meathook scream out loud, dropping his metal bat. Steven then took this opportunity to punch Meathook in his stomach, causing him to kneel. Steven then repeatedly punched his face, over and over again, causing blood to spill out of Meathook’s mouth. Meathook then fell to the ground, as Steven delivered a powerful stomp to the back of his head. Steven then turned Meathook onto his back, and pinned him to the floor.

“Now tell me, where is GorillaGamer?!” Steven demanded.

“I’ll never tell…” Meathook winced, causing Steven to punch him in the jaw.

“I won’t ask again!” he growled.

“Alright, alright. I’ll tell. I just need you to come closer…” Meathook spoke softly.

Well that was oddly quick.

Steven leant in as requested, only to feel a sharp pain in his stomach. He looked down and noticed that Meathook had plunged a switchblade into his stomach. The biker then delivered a powerful kick to Steven’s chest, sending him back a few feet, causing him to land on his back.

“I’ve got to admit, of all the people I fought, you were the toughest. You destroyed my balls for one thing.” Meathook commented, pining Steven to the ground. “But now, it’s time I made you feel the pain, which your maggot friends felt.”

“You can do whatever you want to me. But in the end, you and the rest of your cronies, be they demons, AFTER Agents, Trump Supporters, or Devil’s Hand, are nothing more than a large group of spineless cowards!” Steven retorted, staring into Meathook’s eyes.

That reminds me, where is the Demon Lord again? It’s been nine or so chapters since we last saw him.

The biker raised his hand, ready to plunge the knife into Steven’s face, when a shot silenced the crowd. Meathook dropped the knife, a dull look in his eyes, as blood trickled down from a growing wound on his temple. The biker then fell to the ground, dead. Steven got up and saw Aria holding her rifle, a thin trail of smoke coming out of the barrel.

“Got you, you son of a bitch!” Aria said to herself, before entering the arena and checking up on Steven.

“Aria, what are you doing here?!” he asked.

“I was ordered to spy on you.” Aria answered. “Why didn’t you ask for out help?”

“I had to do it on my own. Otherwise Winda would have gotten hurt.” Steven replied. The two of them noticed Winda skipping to them, carrying both her bag, and Steven’s bag. She had a grin on her face.

“You did it! You actually did it!” she cheered, hugging Steven as Gulldo chirped happily.

“Urk! Not too hard.” He gasped. Winda then let go as requested, and noticed the angry crowd staring at them.

Folks must have bet their life savings on Meathook.

“What do we do now?” she asked.

“You three will stay here, and pay for killing Meathook.” The bulky biker who guarded Winda snarled, aiming his shotgun at them. Suddenly, two shots were fired, penetrating the biker’s head, killing him instantly. The trio turned to find the source, and noticed Crimson Rose.

“I’m not going to be left out of the action!” she quipped.

“Quickly, we have to get out of here!” Aria called out. “Help me get Steven.” Crimson Rose then holstered one of her pistols, and helped Aria pick up the wounded Steven, while firing into the hostile crowd. Together Steven, Aria, Crimson Rose, Winda and Gulldo fled the enemy building, taking out a few more enemies, including the referee.

“I’ve got a device that can teleport us to Lordran. Once there, we’ll get Steven some urgent medical attention.” Crimson Rose stated, retrieving a device and pressing a button on it, teleporting the heroes to Lordran.

How fucking convenient that the teleporter from the last chapter is still usable.

“Ahh…that was a good smoke…” Colt said to himself, as he re-entered the building. His eyes then noticed the carnage in the arena, locking onto Meathook’s corpse.

“Aw shit!” he yelled, pulling out a walkie talkie. “Pretty Boy, we got ourselves a problem here.”

And with this chapter over, I leave Chapter 11 in Truthordeal’s hands, and Chapter 12 in StabbyKobold’s hands, provided they have no problem with it.


--------------------
List of mocks can be found here: Here


QUOTE (AnItalianGuy @ May 27 2016, 02:03 AM) *
Jesus man what is up with you and all of those waifus! Are you secretly the "Ultimate Pimp"?
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Post #62
MasterOfNintendo


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post May 21 2017, 08:21 PM
You know, it's not done referencing Ride to Hell until our hero is flabbergasted by a simple electric fence. Just saying.

Also, it really is sad that the main author is obsessed with having a little sister. Almost as if barely anyone puts up with his egomaniac attitude.


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The mistakes I see in this this work are to be pointed out so they may not be repeated.
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post May 21 2017, 09:08 PM
And this is why I brought up the Frank Miller thing last time. I just couldn't help but draw the parallel with his treatment of a lot of the girls in this story to how Frank Miller tends to write his women. It's either one of two ways: sexing up for fanservice's sake (and possibly to help him get off), or daughters/little sisters to be protected at all costs from the ravages of horny men.

Thing is though, this guy is projecting his vice onto us so hard I could cut off his head and still be able to stream League of Legends VODs on my wall with it.

It makes me think that this story is what goes in the head of a mentally-deranged Steven wreaking havoc on all of the worlds already brought in to this travesty, and when he kills someone, it's actually him dying to the member of Project AFTER he's just killed. And it happens over and over again.

I'd actually write that fic myself, but it just seems completely depressing, if you think about it.


--------------------
"I am the bone of my snark...
Courage is my body,
and logic is my blood.
I have read over a thousand fanfics.
Unknown to love,
Nor known to hate,
Have withstood great mindscrews to read many fanfics...
Yet those eyes will never see anything again...
So hear me, as I pray...
UNLIMITED MOCK WORKS!"


QUOTE (Truth)
"Who am I? One name you might have for me is the world, or you might call me the universe, or perhaps God, or perhaps the Truth. I am All, and I am One. So, of course, this also means that I am you. I am the truth of your despair, the inescapable price of your boastfulness."


Current Mocks

Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's Tag Force 4: Misty Storyline (DISCONTINUED)

The War of Megazords VS Gundams (ON HIATUS: 4/27 Complete)

Ultima: The Crossing of Universes (ON HIATUS: 5/45 Complete)

World League of Cartoon Quidditch (In Progress: 4/74 Complete)

LPs

Let's Play SD Gundam G Generation Overworld! (Current Mission: A-2)
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Dashguy


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post May 22 2017, 05:22 AM
QUOTE
Hey Dashguy, since I’m not much of a martial arts expert, mind if you check these fights to see if they are alright?

Oohh, fight scenes! Let's take a look!

QUOTE
Steven immediately ran up to Bullseye and delivered a powerful kick to the shin. Bullseye grunted and punched Steven in retaliation, causing the young man to wince in pain and get sent a few feet back. Steven then ran in quickly and attempted another kick, only for Bullseye to predict this and grab his leg.

This is what happens when you learn to fight by watching a bunch of five years-old playing in the park.

QUOTE
“I know Karate, pretty boy.” Bullseye sneered, as he attempted to crush Steven’s genitals. Luckily, Steven noticed this and delivered a swift kick to Bullseye’s crotch, causing the man to howl in pain. Steven then got up and delivered a brutal punch to Bullseye’s face, causing a few teeth to fly out. Once Bullseye’s fell to the ground, Steven delivered a powerful kick to the back of his head, knocking him out.

Catching the other guy's leg and aiming for the genitals is a perfectly valid move; so is kicking with your free leg, if you're the other guy, although you're going to end in the floor, like Steven here. None of this is exactly "unbeliavable", beyond the wankery of Steven managing to knock his opponent in two hits, that is.

Nothing worth of mentioning about the second fight, other than the author most likely fantasizes his punches have devastating power.

About the third fight:

QUOTE
At this point, Selvan changed his game, and got into a Judo stance. Selvan then attempted to perform a helicopter kick, only for Steven to dodge the attack and punch him in the crotch. Selvan then fell to the floor, and got to his knees, before Steven got behind him and snapped his neck, eliciting gasps from the crowed.

Yeah, nope. Judo is a grappling art, son. You won't find fancy kicks there.

QUOTE
Meathook immediately began the offense, getting himself in a Shippalgi stance and began launching a barrage of punches against Steven, who struggled to block the deadly assault. Steven managed to break out of the barrage and deliver a punch to Meathook’s chest. However, the attack didn’t faze the Irish biker.

QUOTE
“You got lucky there.” Meathook commented, before getting into a Shotokan stance. The biker then charged at Steven and begin ruthlessly punching his face, causing his nose to break, and a few teeth to fly out. Meathook let go of Steven, and began kicking him in the stomach, until the poor kid fell to his knees, gasping in pain. Aria looked on in horror as Steven was getting dominated…and not in the way Esdeath taught him.

QUOTE
“Should have finished me off when you had the chance.” Meathook pointed out, getting into a Judo stance. Steven then jumped into the air, and delivered a triple jump kick to Meathook’s chest, pushing him into the ring barrier. Meathook, in a fit of rage, charged at Steven and began punching his stomach, leaving his head vulnerable. Steven took this opportunity and head-butted Meathook, before delivering a few powerful punches to his head, causing a few teeth to fly out his mouth. Steven then grabbed Meathook’s neck, and delivered a few punches to his chest, before Meathook kicked Steven’s shin, causing them to separate. Meathook then bowed to the crowd, as a biker threw a metal baseball bat at Meathook, who caught it in his hand.

At this point it's pretty obvious the author is just picking random martial arts from a list and writing them here. There's no difference between styles, at all. It's just your archetypical, poorly written fight scene with plenty of blood and teeth falling out to make it seem more realistic and mature.
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Billybob Mcjoe


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post May 23 2017, 03:13 AM
I have... problems with this chapter.
For one:

QUOTE
The authors have also promised Steven another little sister, because of course.


Seriously? If He gets any more, we'll have to consider calling him the super high school level brother.
Secondly:

QUOTE
However, she is somewhat of a nymphomaniac…” Shadow Stalker explained


Oh god, no! Please tell me this isn't Canon. I don't think I can take the idea of a healslut being Canon.
And finally:


QUOTE
Nyeheheh! Looks like we’ve got ourselves some Democrats to kill!” A Trump Supporter sneered.


This guy's laugh. Just... This guy's laugh. He sounds like Papyrus, but Papyrus would never be evil like this.

Well, at least not the original Papyrus...

Also, if these guys love Communism, why are Democrats the good guys? I'm not saying they should be bad guys too, I'm just saying it seems more like they like democrats than anything. The Putin bashing doesn't help.


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I AM THE DARK LORD OF ALL, BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!
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post May 26 2017, 09:00 AM
Kids these days, with their shitty anime mobile games and their anti-anti-fanfiction-fanfiction. Back in my day when libcucks like me would lose an election, we'd just tearfully retreat into our shrines dedicated to Franklin Roosevelt and listen to Bob Dylan records for a few hours. But nooooo. Some people feel the need to dramatize everything, as if writing about beating up the kids who made fun of your shitty drawing is going to stop Donald Trump from destroying your liberal fantasy land.

Oh well. Let's see what I can bring to this mess of words.


Previously, Steven fought in a gruelling gauntlet, to rescue Winda from the Devil’s Hand. Meathook was ready to kill him, but was sniped by Aria, who had followed the young man. Alongside a late coming Crimson Rose, the heroes manage to escape the Devil’s Hand deadly trap.

That is a description of past events, true enough. I had to cross-reference the names with a spreadsheet I made to keep track of the various crossover, insert and original characters, because I am not wasting my time playing this thing just to understand the various references.

I’m also making a Binding of Isaac fic, that will focus around the complete game (Rebirth, Afterbirth, and Afterbirth+), as well as the excellent Antibirth mod.

I bet Project After bullied Isaac into hanging himself.

Note: there will be a lemon in this chapter.

Goddamnit, GorillaGamer!

So let’s burn it up everyone!

Chapter 11: Strengthened Resolve

Project AFTER Ivalician HQ: Devil’s Hand wing

I thought we were supposed to be separate from the biker mice from Mars. I get that PA is allied with them alongside God Emperor Trump, but how intermingled are we? I demand a clearly defined hierarchy, Soviet Russia Man!

Colt was slouching in a chair, waiting for Pretty Boy to discuss the situation, following Meathook’s death. A minute later, the Devil’s Hand second-in-command entered the room. Despite the name, Pretty Boy was anything but pretty. The left half of his face and his left arm have severe burn scars all over, his jaw made out of metal, and his left eye is replaced with a steel eyepatch, indicating that Pretty Boy was in a horrific car crash.

Or that he lost his eye in any number of other horrific accidents, such as standing too close behind a pool cue, or getting raped in the eye socket by a virgin wizard.

His lone blue eye stared at Colt, intimidating the former sheriff. Pretty Boy’s outfit consisted of the standard biker outfit, with the key difference being a golden eagle pin on the left side of his jacket. Pretty Boy continued to stare at Colt; had it been Greasy Steve, he would have immediately killed him, but since he recognised Colt’s talent, he decided to give him a chance to explain himself.

Colt has, after all, been such a great contributor to the Dead Finger Society up until now.

“Now then, I want you to explain the entire situation to me, on why the FUCK, we keep encountering problems.” Pretty Boy demanded, banging his fist on the table to emphasise his anger.

“W-well, there was that incident where our benefactor got his woman stolen by the kid.” Colt began.

Jesus, is Fic-GorillaGamer still mad about that? There are plenty of other eligible women to rape, dude. Some of them don't have super powers!

“I know already, get to the point!” Pretty Boy insisted.

“I-I went out for a smoke, following the kids victory over Selvan. When I got back, the entire place was shot up. Meathook’s brains were splattered all over the arena. Little bastard must’ve called re-enforcements.” Colt continued. Pretty Boy raised a hand to his mouth, contemplating to himself.

As opposed to contemplating to others?

“Seems like we can’t catch a break around here. I never liked the idea of working for our benefactor.” Pretty Boy commented.

“Well why not tell Caesar to pack up and get out of this war?” Colt suggested.

“That’s not possible. As powerful as Caesar is, he cannot stand up to our benefactor’s power. Especially after what happened at the Lok Bridge.” Pretty Boy countered.

“What’s this about Lok’s Bridge?” Colt inquired.

"Ah, yes. Please exposit an event to me that we both already know," Colt said.

“Yesterday, our benefactor managed to capture and subdue a man simply known as The Dominator. And after reading up on this Dominator, my fear of our benefactor grew exponentially.” Pretty Boy explained. “Here’s a bit of paper, detailing The Dominator’s strength.”

Colt received the piece of paper, and read it to himself. His eyes widened as he read about the incredible power of The Dominator.

“And our benefactor subdued this guy?! Why are we even needed?!” Colt exclaimed.

Wow. We managed to tie down the most powerful person on the planet.

Go team!


“We’re needed, because we’re essentially, his disposable pawns. Using us to deal crippling damage to the rebellion, without a care in the world. Yet so far, we’ve encountered nothing but failure.” Pretty Boy answered.

It seems as if Pretty Boy's been afflicted with the deadly Shatner Comma Syndrome.

“Yeah, I still can’t get over the loss of Anvil.” Colt replied. “Any news on Greasy Steve?”

“Funny you mention that; Triple 6 was suggesting we off the crankhead. I knocked back his suggestion, stating that Caesar likes the kid, and won’t let anything happen to him.” Pretty Boy answered. “Although I’d be lying, if I said I haven’t thought of killing him.”

Quite the fraternal gang you have here.

“Hopefully, we can resolve this whole issue, before we lose more members.” Colt said.

“Right. Listen, I’m going to talk to the boss about the whole situation. I’ll inform you about it whenever I get the chance.” Pretty Boy stated, getting up off his chair and exiting the room.

Question: Why are the Sons of Waaah-narchy even involved in this plot? What was their motivation? Donald Trump wants to kill off all the Muslims, and Project AFTER seems to want to also kill off all the Muslims as well as splooge on children. What do these guys get out of it? Do they just want carte blanche to rape as much as possible?

Lordran: meeting hall

The Ivalician Rebellion had borrowed the meeting hall for a bit, in order to talk about their next plan of attack. However they were too busy watching Winda feeding Gulldo, with Nino and Luna staring in awe.

“Remind me, who is she again?” Rose Knight inquired.

Remind ME. Who are you again? I have notes to remind me of who pretty much everyone is, but your name just has a blank next to it.

“I don’t know. All I know is that she’s close to Steven.” Aria replied.

For example, Aria. I have her marked down as "sniper bitch, wears a crop top," which isn't much, but it's all that I could get.

“Are you talking about me?” Winda asked, gently petting Gulldo.

“Yeah, we want to know about your past with Steven.” Byron replied.

“Well…it’s a long story.” the young girl said, pulling up a chair and sitting on it. “I’m a priestess in training for the Gusto tribe.”

And apparently, despite being a children's playing card, there is an amazing amount of fanart dedicated to her.

“Gusto tribe?” Draconia inquired.

“They’re a tribe from a faraway land, blessed with the gift of understanding animal speech. The Gusto’s are in tune with nature, and call upon them, in times of danger. To my knowledge, there are several Gusto villages, located in large forests and grasslands.” Lunar Priestess explained.

Also they're tuner monsters, so yuck.

“I was a priestess in training, in my village. A year ago, I went out to pick some berries for a ritual I needed to perform. I have Gulldo accompany me to show me the way to the berries. Once I had picked them, I returned home, only to see the entire village on fire. Everywhere I look, there were the bloodied remains of not only the village animals…but even my friends. I…saw my father, laying there in pain. I wanted to help him, but my magic was too weak…I couldn’t do anything but watch my father die, using his last words to tell me to flee. I tried to run, but I saw this big guy. He cornered me, trying to have his way with me. But just as I was about to give up hope, I was saved…by Steven. He took care of the bad man, and helped me and Gulldo escape. Once I realised I was the sole survivor, he took me in, and worked to keep me fed. Then he disappeared six months later. I thought those mean people got him…” Winda continued, but broke down in tears before she could finish.

Well, you thought right.

“There, there. It’s alright, he’ll get better.” Crimson Rose consoled the young girl, wrapping her arm around her, and bringing her close.

“He…he will?” Winda sniffled, wiping away her tears.

God I hope so.

I mean, I don't care that he's injured. I just think he could be better than he is.


“Yes he will. After all, Melody’s the one who’s going to heal him.” Aurora Blade added.

“Wait, did you say Melody’s going to heal him?” Shadow Stalker asked.

“Yeah.” Aurora Blade replied, causing Shadow Stalker to sigh to himself.

“Poor kid…looks like he won’t be able to catch a break.” The archer sighed to himself.

I don't think we've met Melody yet. All my notes say is "healing paragon bitch, loves to fuck dudes," which really isn't anything special.

Lordran healing room

Steven was resting peacefully on the bed, his energy drained from the gruelling gauntlet set up by the Devil’s Hand. He made a mental note to thank Aria; had she not followed him, he would have died at the hands of Meathook.

And how embarrassing would it have been to be done in by a guy named "Meathook?"

He was relieved that Winda was now safe from the Coalition of Evil, but the war against them hasn’t ended yet.

“Time to wake up, sweetheart.” A soothing voice called out to him. Steven mentally winced; he wanted to sleep for a bit longer, yet his body wouldn’t fall asleep, no matter how hard he tried. Eventually, he woke up and opened his eyes, taking in the view of the room. The walls were painted white, and there was healing equipment, arranged neatly on a few tables.

“Ah, you’re awake.” The same soothing voice called out. Steven turned to the source of the voice, and gasped mentally.

SKELETOR!?

Sitting beside his bed, was an incredibly sexy woman, with long, luscious blonde hair, sparkling blue eyes, and a breathtakingly amazing body.

Yeah, that's not gonna differentiate her from the rest of the cum dumpsters.

Her outfit left little to the imagination, with a white cloth that struggled to contain her large breasts, and a white cloth brief, that showed off her extraordinarily plump backside. Beside her was an ornate harp made out of solid gold, with a variety of jewels encrusted in it.

“You see something you like?” she purred, causing Steven to become flustered.

Yes, as a matter of fact. Tell me more about that harp.

“N-n-n-no! I-I-I wasn’t staring at you, I was just…dazed and groggy. Yeah, that’s it!” he stammered, causing the woman to giggle to herself.

“Heehee, no need to be scared. I get people staring at me all the time. My name’s Melody.” The now named woman introduced herself. “And I take it, you’re Steven.”

“Yes I am, but how do you know my name?” he asked.

In a world filled with people named Rose Night and Crimson Rose, the name "Steven" is actually memorable.

“Silly, your friends brought you here. You had a nasty stab wound in your stomach. If I hadn’t of treated it in time…” she trailed off, but then regained her composure. “They informed me about your background, like how you’ve been fighting alongside my comrades in the war against the Coalition of Evil.”

I see you settled on a name for our evil alliance. To be honest, it could be cooler. I'd go with the Federation of Friendship, or maybe something with a Z.

“Your comrades…then that makes you a Paragon Hero.” Steven realised.

Which also makes her a $300 whore.

“Correct!” Melody exclaimed. “They also told me some…interesting things, shall we say.”

“Like what?” Steven inquired, only to have Melody lock him into a kiss. Steven struggled to break free for a bit, before accepting it and return the kiss. A minute later, the two of them separated.

“Like how you’re a Son of Starmos…” Melody purred, gently rubbing Steven’s cheek.

Tattle-tails.

“It’s been a long time since I last fucked a Son of Starmos.”

“Uhh…how was it, if I may ask.” Steven asked, a little surprised by her language.

“Unsatisfying, he blew his load before I could even get ready.” Melody scoffed. “Hopefully you’ll provide me with a better experience; and from what I’ve been hearing, you’ve got some major game with you.”

Damn. Have they all just been talking about his dick since he went unconscious?

“But do we have everything needed?” Steven inquired. Melody then pointed to a drawer beside the bed, with several plastic cups on top.

“Looks like we do…now are you ready for the fucking of a lifetime?” she purred.

Pfft. I doubt what I'm about to read will even break into the top ten fuckings in a lifetime.

“Well, since it’s my job…” Steven began. “Alright then. Hopefully I can live up to your expectations.”

“Thank you, handsome. I promise that you’ll experience a pleasure, so many dream about, yet so few will ever experience.” Melody purred.

Lemon party time everyone

Melody hopped onto the bed and began to make out with Steven. The two lovers began to kiss each other intensely, their tongues dancing in each other’s mouths. The two rubbed the others back, moaning while doing so.

I dunno which supposed Soviet is responsible for writing the porn parts of this story, but they really seem to love back rubs.

“Wow, for someone as young as you, you’re a great kisser.” Melody commented, running her fingers through Steven’s hair. Steven then lowered his head, and began kissing the skin on Melody’s neck, which was about as soft as a kitten’s fur. Melody moaned as Steven began to kiss and suckle on her neck.

That's gross. She needs to shave, the fucking neckbeard.

“Oh yes, that’s the stuff!” she moaned in pleasure, as Steven continued his kissing. Eventually after a few minutes, Melody gestured Steven to stop.

“I guess it’s my turn now…” Melody purred. She removed the blanket that covered Steven, and pulled down his boxers. She was impressed by his erect member.

I was wondering why I wrote in my notes that Steven has a 12 inch penis, but I guess it ended up coming into play.

“Oh my…such a big cock.” She commented, as she rubbed her closed hand up and down Steven’s throbbing penis. The young man moaned in pleasure, as she began teasing him, by rubbing the tip of her thumb across his head.

“Your hand feels so smooth.” Steven moaned. Melody giggled, increasing the pace of her strokes. After a few minutes, a thought popped into her mind, one that she felt Steven would enjoy.

The poor unfortunate soul thought she meant riding around on jet skis when she brought up "water sports."

“Would you like me to suck on your cock?” she purred. Before he could answer, Melody inserted Steven’s penis in her mouth, and began to suck on it. Steven moaned loudly, having never experienced a blowjob before. Melody then began to use her tongue, sliding up and down the shaft of Steven’s penis.

I'm legitimately surprised that in all of the women he's banged up to this point, Steven hasn't gotten a blow job considering how often he gets felated metaphorically.

“Please don’t stop.” He moaned, not wanting the pleasure to end. However an all too familiar feeling rocked his body. “I-I’m about too…” he began, gently petting Melody’s hair to let her know. Melody took Steven’s penis out of her mouth and placed it over a plastic cup. Steven moaned as he came, filling up the cup with his sperm.

And the least sexy sexual transition goes to: "Having to fill a medical cup full of semen before doing more sex."

“I’ve shown you how my tongue works. Now you show me how YOUR tongue works…” Melody purred, removing the cloth that covered her perfect breasts, allowing Steven to see their majesty. Steven then began to lick and suckle her right nipple, eliciting a moan from her, while his left hand got to work tweaking her left nipple.

“Good boy…” Melody praised Steven, gently running her hand through his hair. Steven continued to pleasure Melody, his tongue rapidly brushing up against her hardened nipple. After a few minutes, Steven decided to use his free hand to lover Melody’s undergarments, and gently rub his fingers against Melody’s moist vulva. Melody moaned louder than before, her body in a state of bliss.

“You’re better than the last guy I fucked. Much better.” Melody moaned. Steven then began to pick up the pace, inserting his fingers into her sweet pussy.

There's you another one, GorillaGamer.

Melody moaned as Steven rubbed her sensual spot, her body wracked by pleasure. A few minutes later, Melody moaned loudly, as she came all over Steven’s fingers. He withdrew them from her, her feminine fluids staining the bed.

I'm not sure if ejaculate is sterile the way urine is supposed to be, but either way, no procedures should be done on that bed any time soon.

“I think it’s time I treated you…” She purred, pushing Steven onto his back, and wrapping her large breasts around his cock, before rubbing them up and down the hardened member. Steven moaned loudly, as his member was engulfed by Melody’s warm breasts. “You like how warm your cock feels between my breasts?” she asked, with Steven nodding profusely.

“Would you like to touch them?” Melody asked.

“Yes please…” Steven begged. Melody then let go of her breasts, and allowed Steven to touch them. Steven gently grabbed her breasts, and began to rub them up and down his member, thrusting at the same time. He then resumed tweaking her nipples, eliciting a moan from her.

I wonder which Soviet has the personal kink for titty fucking? I bet it's AzerbaijanMan. Those people are the hipsters of Soviet countries.

“You’re a lucky young boy, you know that? You’re the first person to be given the honour of fucking my breasts.” Melody commented. Steven picked up the pace, thrusting quicker and quicker, as Melody licked his head, every time it poked out from between her breasts. A few minutes later, Steven felt the urge to cum again; reaching for a cup, Steven got his member out from between Melody’s breasts, and placed the cup under his throbbing member, as it ejaculated for a second time. Steven fell on his back, exhausted from the turn of events. The young man then felt Melody grinding her large backside against his member.

“Tired already? Hopefully you have some energy left for the main event.” She purred, before getting on her hands and knees, and shook her backside, side to side. Steven managed to get up, and rubbed his member against her moist lips, before inserting his penis into her vagina. Steven then proceeded to thrust his member in and out of Melody’s warm vagina.

What is a refractory period, again?

“Oh yes, that’s the stuff!” she moaned loudly, as her body was engulfed in pleasure. Steven then got a cheeky idea, and began smacking her backside, eliciting a moan from the goddess that was Melody.

I suppose you expect me to laugh at the obvious "cheeky" pun, but I refuse to out of spite.

“You naughty boy…I never knew you had it in you.” Melody teased. “Just don’t smack me to hard.” Steven nodded and continue to smack her gently, memorised by her plump backside. Steven then began to thrust in and out of her quicker, gently grabbing her backside. Melody and Steven began to moan at the same time, the two of them lost in their own little world of pleasure. A few minutes later, Melody moaned loudly, cumming all over Steven’s member. He then pulled out of her, and reached for a third plastic cup, ejaculating his load into it. Steven then placed the cup on the drawer, before falling on his back and drifting asleep. Melody, although impressed by Steven’s skill and stamina, wasn’t quite finished yet.

Jesus Christ. What kind of communist propaganda considers it natural to blow three times in one sexual encounter? If there was an Alexey Stakhanov of butt sex, Steven here would take it no problem.

“Hmmm…looks like I’m not done yet. I hope he wouldn’t mind…” She said to herself, as she began to rub Steven’s member.

End of lemon

Alright, so, not that I mind, but that's a hella abrupt ending to an otherwise by-the-numbers fanfic sex scene. The dubious consent of its ending isn't entirely surprising, but go figure.

3 hours later…

“Hey, Steven. You alright?” a voice called out to him. The young man groggily opened his eyes, and noticed several of his friends crowded around him.

Probably not. He fell asleep right after he came like five times, so he's probably going to be battling a wicked urinary tract infection for the next few days.

“Yeah…I’m fine.” He replied, before turning to his side, only for his eyes to widen in surprise. Covering the drawer was around a dozen plastic cups, full of his semen. “Wha-what happened?”

What the fuck? Does being a Son of Satan give you infinite jizz or something?

“After you fell asleep, I realised that I wasn’t finished yet, so I had a bit more fun. I hope you don’t mind.” Melody answered, trying to stifle a giggle.

"Sexual assault is funny." - SovietUnionPeople.

“Well at least this should keep Lizeea off our backs…for around a week.” Pyrona retorted sarcastically. Just then the door opened, as the rest of the group entered the room. Steven noticed that Winda, Luna and Nino seemed to be in high spirits.

“What the hell did you do to him Melody?” Shadow Stalker asked, taken aback by the cups of semen on the drawer. But before she could answer, both Nino and Winda ran up to Steven, and gave him a big hug.

And with him having not showered after being jerked off a dozen times in his sleep, the rancid stench of random sexual fluids must have been vomit worthy.

“Big Brother! I’m so happy you’re alright now.” Nino smiled, a few tear falling from her eyes.

“Please don’t scare me like that again…” Winda pleaded, shedding a few tears as well.

“It’s alright you two, I’ll always stay by your side.” Steven replied, bringing them closer, as everyone cooed at the sight.

This'll be cute and all until he feels the need to blow a load on Nino's face like he did in the last fic.

“I’m relieved that you managed to pull through. The same can be said for all of us.” Luna commented.

Well thanks for your contribution then.

“Thanks everyone. I mean that.” Steven said. “By the way, anything interesting happen while I was out?” The mood in the room became more sullen all of a sudden.

“We…spotted an old man enter the city. We checked up on him, and immediately noticed the terrified look on his face. He…he’s the head of the Order of Lunaria, and my teacher…” Lunar Priestess answered, a worried look on her face.

Uh-oh, spaghetti-o's.

“He began talking about how Project AFTER had won over the Order’s second in command, a man by the name of Gringkolk. How Gringkolk allowed AFTER Agents to infiltrate the order and slaughter innocent people. The elder managed to escape alongside the Sacred Texts of Lunaria, but he believes the survivors of the massacre to be less than fifty.” Blood Baroness continued. Anger began to form within Steven, he had failed to save the people from Project AFTER’s cruelty.

Maybe it could've been avoided if someone hadn't spent the last third of this chapter getting jerked off by his author's wish-fulfillment.

But that's none of my business.


“Once we’re ready…we’ll deliver a lethal strike to Project AFTER, and make them pay for all the bloodshed they caused.” He declared.

“Just don’t forget about me~” Melody chimed.

“But don’t you have your duties here?” Nereida asked.

“I do, but the mayor allowed me to go, claiming that they have plenty of healers in their disposal.” Melody answered. “Besides, I want to spend more time with that handsome stallion Steven.” A faint blush then formed on Steven’s face, upon being called a stallion.

Melody strikes me as the type of person who would suck someone's dick just for the taste.

“Sounds like a plan. We just need to get ready, and then we’ll head out tomorrow.” Draconia announced, as everyone then left the room to give Steven some peace to himself.

Sorry if this chapter’s shorter than the previous two. It’s just that those have more story to them.

It's a good thing you felt the need to include this one at all, considering the only thing that happened was Steven getting his spankbank cleared out by some raving nympho.

Keep up the good fight, my comrades!

Dosvedanya, bitches.

Considering how the Soviets (whom I still suspect are one very, very butthurt fanboy who likes pretending he runs an army) love to throw around accusations of us being pedophiles and rapists, I have to say that this chapter strikes me as being every bit the fanatical sex-driven schlock that the Anita Sarkeesians of the world accuse games of being. How on earth do you pretend to be supportive of women's rights throughout this thing, when every female character is basically differentiated by how much or how little they wear? Where the fuck do you get off on bashing others as women-hating weebs when your primary muse for inspiration is a masturbatory anime browser game whose cover art character wears shit like this!?

SovietRussiaMan, if you're reading this, and I know you are because you're an obssessed little weirdo salivating at the idea of winning a farcical, one-sided war against a site that only knows you exist because GorillaGamer found your plight funny, I double-dog dare you or any of your syncopathic trolls to try to explain to any of us how you're not the biggest bunch of hypocrits in the world. Otherwise, I'll be back in chapter 19, where I see what creative banter you and your douchebag yes-men have for me as a character.


This post has been edited by truthordeal: May 26 2017, 11:25 AM


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Post #67
MasterOfNintendo


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post May 26 2017, 10:08 AM
Yes, authors. Actually fess up that your claims about us are nothing more than bloated-out-of-proportion claims or just simple lies brought up without a hint of dignity. I mean, this is just sad. Go outside, tell your family you love them, and, if you don't have one already, GET A JOB.

Lord knows, I wish I had one, but I have college to handle first. Oh, and chapter 17 is coming up (the one I'm mocking) and...hoo boy. I looked ahead and it promises to be utterly bonkers.


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The mistakes I see in this this work are to be pointed out so they may not be repeated.
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GorillaGamer


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post May 26 2017, 04:40 PM
Excellent addition Truthordeal! I'll let Stabby know that he can begin his part.

Oh, one more thing.

Sweet Pussy Counter: 4

This post has been edited by GorillaGamer: May 26 2017, 06:42 PM


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List of mocks can be found here: Here


QUOTE (AnItalianGuy @ May 27 2016, 02:03 AM) *
Jesus man what is up with you and all of those waifus! Are you secretly the "Ultimate Pimp"?
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StabbyKobold


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post May 27 2017, 04:08 AM
Like a rabid piranha, I have been lured by the smell of blood in the waters. Well, since this author is needlessly shoveling chum overboard by making this fanfic, it’s not really a wonder. Let’s see if I can apply myself in a way that makes this trash entertaining to read. Enjoy.

------------------------

Previously, our heroes arrived in Lordran, where they learnt of the full brunt of Project AFTER’s cruelty. Meanwhile, Steven met Melody for the first time…and got more than he bargained for

She drained him of enough sperm to start a splash fight. Unless being a Son of Starmos carries some kind of replenishment spell on his gonads, they must look like goddamn raisins after that.

Note: There will be a lemon in this chapter

Any kids watching should probably leave now. Yes, that includes you, author.

Chapter 12: The Hand of AFTER

Project AFTER base


GorillaGamer was busy drinking a glass of Bolivian Cola, when there was a knock on his office door.

Apparently, Coca Colla, a Bolivian cola product, is controversial for proudly proclaiming its use of coca plants. You know, the plant used to create cocaine, which may or may not leave trace amounts in the drink. Does the author expect us to study to understand the oh so thinly veiled stabs at our characters?

“Come in.” he called out, as the door opened, and Dashguy, ConcernedGamer, StabbyKobold, and CuChulainn1290 entered the room. The pimp of AFTER grinned at the sight of his ‘Four Horsemen of the Mockalypse.’

Honestly, that title sounds rad. If the author wanted to do us a disservice, I don’t think he’s doing a very good job.

“Sir, we’ve interrogated the man known as The Dominator for some time now, yet he’s refusing to say a word.” StabbyKobold informed.

“Hmph! He’ll come around eventually. I must say, he was certainly a challenge to defeat, but thanks to my AFTER-Arms, I managed to surpass him.” GorillaGamer bragged.

“Hehe, those AFTER-Arms you made are really impressive. Imagine, being able to wear a pair of gloves, that can harness the power of wind.” CuChulainn1290 commented.

Technically, snapping your fingers harnesses wind, but I assume we’re talking about something more impressive here.

“Or better, a pair of glasses with X-ray vision.” ConcernedGamer drooled, fantasising at looking at little girls.

“If only there was an AFTER-Arms that can summon me a harem of pretty mares…” Dashguy said wistfully.

While we’re at it, how about an AFTER-Arms that can do the mocking for us? I’m just thinking practically here.

“Then I’ll make one for you. Just be sure to keep out of enemy hands.” GorillaGamer replied, greatly pleasing Dashguy. “Onto more pressing matters, it seems that the Trump Administration is failing to keep their end of the bargain.”

“I never liked those fuckers. They always make excuses in regards to our payment.” CuChulain1290 snorted. “I say we revolt against them.”

“Sounds plausible, but no. Max Vader and Shmeckie are high ranking members of the Trump Administration, there’s no way we’ll be able to distance ourselves from them.” GorillaGamer retorted.

If we have high ranking members within the Trump Administration, why not have them look into why the bargains aren’t being upheld?

“Besides, we’ve got bigger problems on our hands. The Devil’s Hand are getting their asses kicked, with two of their lieutenants getting snuffed out.”

“Why’d you hire them? I mean really, why the hell did you hire a bunch of drug addicted bikers over a squadron of ninja assassins?” StabbyKobold inquired.

Yeah, why didn’t we hire ninja assassins instead? Not only would they be more efficient, they would also mesh better with the fantasy setting of the story.

“Yeah, that would have been cool; a squadron of ninja’s armed with chainsaw-katana hybrids.” ConcernedGamer added.

“First of all, where the hell would I be able to find these ninjas? Secondly, even if I found them, we’re tight on money, and the Master wanted us to hire some grunts, and the Devil’s Hand were dirt cheap. Finally, the Devil’s Hand pledged alliance to us, leaving us with no choice in the matter.” GorillaGamer explained.

If the Master wanted grunts, why are we sending the Devil’s Hand on important missions, instead of having them do grunt work? Just because they got their own chain of command, that doesn’t mean they get to have ranks in our coalition.

“Wow that sucks. Though I do have some good news.” StabbyKobold commented. “There’s been reports that Shmeckie and Max Vader are planning an assault on the city of Lordran, one of the Rebellion’s biggest bases.

“Excellent. We shall win a decisive victory over the Rebellion; then Trump’ll get off his ass and actually pay us.” CuChulainn1290.

“But there’s a little problem. The battalion that’s been giving us trouble has been sighted there.” StabbyKobold continued.

I’m not claiming I could run a better evil organization, but what I’m saying is that if the people, who keeps ruining our plans, are near our main target, maybe we should wait until they aren’t.

“Hmph! Those bastards are always getting in our way…though I’ll admit there’s some hotties that I wouldn’t mind fucking.” Dashguy commented, unaware of the look of rage on GorillaGamer’s face.

“That miserable prick Steven…when I get my hands on him, I’ll make him wish he was dead. Everyone, I need you all out NOW!” he yelled. The four mockers quickly nodded, before fleeing the room.

I’m sure I had something important to do anyway. I sure wish I knew what, though. Probably jerking it to some porn, given how everyone else is portrayed by the author.

GorillaGamer slammed the door, before sitting down on his chair. He then opened his drawer and took out a cracked picture stand, with a photo of a young Steven and GorillaGamer, the two of them wrapping an arm around the others back.

“Steven…where did we go wrong?” he whispered to himself.

The plot thickens? Bah, I’m sure whatever bromance they had was broken like most friendships are – by the discovery that one of them was utterly evil all along.

Lordran gate

The Ivalician Rebellion were standing there, getting themselves ready, as Draconia began to inform them of their orders.

“Alright everyone, we’ve received reports of a massive Coalition base, swarming with AFTER goons, and Trump Supporters, including Vice-President Mike Pence. We’ll attack the base, and deal a decisive blow to the enemy. Any objections?” she called out.

“Ummm…what’s a Trump Supporter?” Winda asked, a confused look on her face.

She asked for objections, Winda – not questions. Pay attention. Also, what about those two words does not communicate what they do and for whom?

“They’re this group of meanies, who don’t like poor people.” Nino replied.

“Not what I was going to call them, but alright.” Pyrona muttered under her breath.

I would call them radicals adhering to political convictions conflicting with the motivations of your own organization, but I guess not all of us understands big words.

“So do you have any intel on the AFTER Agents helping out Pence?” Shadow Stalker inquired.

“In fact I do. There’s several squadrons of grunts, and two Elite Agents.” Draconia answered. Steven’s eyebrows raised at the mention of the Elite Agents.

“Elite Agent’s huh? Must be a serious assignment then.” Steven commented. “Who are, these Elite Agents anyway?”

I get the feeling we already know the answer to that.

“The Elite Agents are a pair of fanatical Trump Supporters, known as Shmeckie and Max Vader.” Draconia replied, causing the young man to develop a scowl on his face.

“I take it those two aren’t to be trifled with…” Luna commented.

“Correct, both Shmeckie and Max are high ranking members of Project AFTER, the former of which, helped GorillaGamer create the AFTER-Arms.” Steven explained.

I’m not sure if it just passed me by, but what determines the ranks within our evil organization? Do we have to kill a certain amount of authors, or is it about who is more perverted and belligerent than the rest?

“AFTER-Arms? I do apologise, but this is the first time I’ve heard of such a thing.” Melody wondered, flicking her luscious blonde hair.

“AFTER-Arms are weapons created by Project AFTER, and are used to pursue their nefarious goals.” Crimson Rose informed her new comrade. “Our first encounter with one was when some dweeb used it to jack up his physical power.”

“How fascinating…I wonder if we can pinch some of them to suit our own needs.” Melody added.

I hope you remembered to patent that shit, GorillaGamer.

“Unlikely; Project AFTER would most likely destroy them, to keep them from falling into our hands.” Aurora Blade replied.

“Ohhh boy, these AFTER folk don’t sound like nice people.” Mystic Warden shivered.

Because we want to protect our intellectual property from knockoff infringement? Sure, whatever you say.

“Indeed, which is why we must put a stop to them, this instant!” Steven declared.

“Correct, we will now march to their base!” Draconia called out, with everyone following behind her.

AFTER-Trump Base: 5 miles west of Lordran

The Ivalician Rebellion stormed the gates and encountered a large group of Trump Supporters and AFTER grunts, all of which had sinister grins on their faces.

We made it part of the standard uniform, you see. You can’t have an evil army without them looking the part.

“Hyuk-hyuk-hyuk, looks like we got some Democrats here!” A Trump Supporter sneered.

“Awww fuck man, we gotta warn the boss.” A second one commented, as he ran into the building. A minute later, the Trump Supporter exited the building, with three men in tow. The two to the side were immediately recognised as Shmeckie and Max, while the guy in the middle wore a black cloak, which had a hood that covered the top half of his face.

Ah, yes, a villain of the ominous I-can’t-see-where-the-fuck-I’m-going school of intimidation.

“Greetings, I am Vice-President Mike Pence.” The cloaked man introduced himself. “I have to admit that you’re impressive…for a bunch of Democrats.”

“Cut your crap! We’re here to put a halt on your crimes against humanity!” Green Archer declared, causing Pence to cackle loudly.

“You really are stupid, aren’t you? How much bullshit has Clinton fed you?” he sneered.

“She’s not a liar. You really are a homophobic creep!” Pyrona growled, her staff charging a few sparks.

“That’s incorrect, you fucking moron! It’s the Liberals whom are bigoted, what with their Anti-White Agenda!” Shmeckie retorted.

“What Anti-White Agenda? For someone who claims that we’re speaking bullshit, you’re doing a great job proving otherwise.” Aria snarked.

The fact, that some people consider this a valid discourse for political discussion, is why I avoid the topic like the plague.

“You dumbass, don’t you remember how the Liberals were labelling all whites as racists, guilting us into voting for them. Or about the time that Liberals were pushing anti-male agendas into movies? You do remember the Ghostbusters reboot, don’t you?” Max crooned.

“I can’t say anything about the Ghostbusters reboot, since I haven’t seen it. But what I can say is that this whole, Anti-White Agenda is a load of rubbish. All I saw was a bunch of cry-babies, whinging over video game characters, and how it’s a ‘SJW agenda’.” Steven retorted.

Wow, gee, that sure sounds like a well-informed opinion to me. Guess what, some years ago, there were these cry-babies who kept on whining, just because they weren’t allowed to use some water fountains or bus seats, even though they had several dedicated to themselves. I’m not claiming there is anything to this Anti-White agenda thing, I’m saying you’re not proving your point.

“If anyone’s whining over video games, it’s the Liberal snowflakes, who spend more time complaining about video games being ‘racist’ and ‘sexist’. For fucks sake! There are more important things to worry about than video games.” Shmeckie snarled.

You take that back this instant, Schmeckie! I did not spend four months of my life writing a Master’s thesis about videogames to hear this crazy talk!

“Yeah. Besides, even if we do appeal to them, and create female/PoC characters for them, they’ll just bitch about it, claiming that they’re nothing but stereotypes manufactured by white dudes, seeking praise from the progressives. They’re never satisfied, so why bother appealing to them?” Max added, causing Steven to flinch, before sighing.

“As much as it pains me to say this…you’re not wrong there…” Steven sighed, startling the heroes.

Not that I mind seeing your arguments diverted by unrelated counterpoints, but can we get to the point, where you all kill each other?

“Wha-what do you mean?!” Blue Witch gawked.

“Shmeckie’s right, there are more important things than video games. And Max is right about there being some people who can’t be satisfied…but at the same time, that doesn’t change a thing!” Steven began, before staring down Shmeckie. “If you say that video games aren’t important, then why do you and your cronies throw a hissy fit, every time someone puts in their $0.02, about a video game being racist/sexist?” Shmeckie began growling like a rabid animal.

Because misconstruing messages to fit with personal agendas are dishonest, and you should oppose that on principle?

“And you Max, if these people aren’t satisfied with the depiction of women/PoC’s, then why don’t we ask them how they’ll like to be depicted, instead of tossing their wishes aside?” Steven asked.

Because not all women or people of color agree, on how they should be depicted, and most of the opinions come from people holding them on behalf of others?

“NGGGGGGRRRRRRAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! You little bastard! It’s clear that you’re too cucked to be cured.” Shmeckie growled, arming himself with his AFTER-Arms.

“Time to kill the wretched Liberals, and put an end to Clinton’s evil scheme!” Max joined in, arming himself with his AFTER-Arms.

“Hehehehehehehehehe! Time to zap the gay out of all of you!” Mike Pence grinned evilly, lightning sparking out of his fingers.

When in doubt, turn the bad guy into a Palpatine knockoff. No points for originality here.

“This is it, the first major battle against the Trump Administration begins now!” Draconia declared, with all of the heroes arming themselves with their weapons. The two groups then charged at each other.

00000000

Rose Knight and Draconia led the charge, smiting down a dozen Trump Supporters, as the rest of them proceeded to unholster their rifles from their back, and proceeded to fire at them. However, Green Ranger, along with Shadow Stalker, Snow Queen and Luna proceeded to fire a barrage of arrows at the Trump Supporters, killing them.

“Grrrrrrr! I’ll show you Liberals, not to mess with me!” Shmeckie snarled, activating his AFTER-Arms, which happened to be a large pair of scissors. He then proceeded to show off its power, but cutting up a massive concrete pillar in half.

Attached Image

Because destroying load bearing structures in your own base is the greatest method of intimidation.

“Whoa! What is that thing?!” Luna gasped.

“Don’t you like it? It’s the Soulless Divider, Kavkaz. It can cut anything in half, and can also defend me from attacks.” Shmeckie answered, an insane grin on his face. “Why don’t you offer yourselves to it?” Rose Knight accepted the challenge, and charged at Shmeckie. Shmeckie opened his scissors, and proceeded to close them around Rose Knight’s sword.

“Oh no!” Rose Knight gasped. “My sword!”

Oh no, what a completely unforeseen circumstance, that in no way a trained swordsman could have expected. What are you even good for, Rose Knight?

“HAHAHAHA! Don’t you see know? You’re powerless to stop—“Shmeckie began, but was cut off by the sound of a gunshot. The bullet collided with Shmeckie’s head, causing the AFTER Agent to roll is eyes, before falling onto the ground, and proceeded to die. The group turned around, and noticed Byron wielding a rifle from a fallen Trump Supporter.

“Hehehe, was it my turn?” the old wizard asked.

Cue the drum roll with rimshot, and let’s move on.

00000000

Crimson Rose and Aria were staring down an entire battalion of Trump Supporters, armed to the teeth with powerful machine guns. Beside the two heroines were Lunar Priestess and Nino, ready to support them.

“Hyuk-hyuk-hyuk, time for you to die!” A Trump Supporter cackled.

“Yeah, once were done with you, you’ll regret ever stepping out of the kitchen!” another Trump Supporter cackled.

I hope these misogynistic chucklefucks were at least instructed on how to pull a trigger. I mean, it would seem outright stupid for an entire battalion to be unable to hit four fucking targets.

“And once WE’RE done with you, you’ll regret opening your damn mouths!” Crimson Rose retorted.

“Come on, let’s punish these creeps!” Aria called out. The group of four then attacked the wave of Trump Supporter’s, eliminating them easily. Another wave of Trump Supporters then appeared, and sneered at them.

How can the Trump Administration even be considered a threat, when they hire goons more concerned with shooting the breeze than shooting their enemies?

“Ugh, just how many of these creeps are there?” Lunar Priestess asked.

“Too many.” Aria retorted. The group of heroes then resumed their attack, killing all of the Trump Supporters. All of a sudden, Max noticed them and activated his AFTER-Arms.

I wouldn’t blame Max for not paying attention to the battle around him. It’s boring as fuck.

“Behold! The Peeping Tom of Coventry!” Max called out, activating a device on his forehead, that was shaped like a green eye. A mysterious green wave appeared through the battlefield…but nothing had happened.

“And just what was that supposed to be?” Crimson Rose mocked.

“With this AFTER-Arms, I can now see through your clothes…and it appears that you’re wearing some delectable underwear…” Max sneered at Crimson Rose, an insane grin on his face.

In terms of practical use, this could be beneficial for spotting hidden weapons and targeting weak-points. But since we’re made out to be perverted morons, I’m afraid GorillaGamer made these technical marvels in vain.

“Ewwwww, please don’t stare at me.” Nino asked, disgusted by Max’s perversions.

“Don’t tell me what to do woman! In fact, I’m going to stare at you, as much as I like.” Max grinned, but before he could stare at Nino, he was promptly shot in the head. As his corpse fell to the floor, Crimson Rose smirked at the sight.

“Shouldn’t have looked at her, you freak!” she quipped.

You call that a quip? How about, “Private eyes only,” or “Did you see that coming?” If you’re going to kill us off, at least put effort into making it memorable.

00000000

Steven and Nereida were starting down the evil Mike Pence, whose hands crackled with electricity.

“Are you ready to die, Liberals?” Pence jeered.

“The only one who’s going to die is you Pence!” Nereida declared, pointing her weapon at the vice-president. Pence then began to cackle loudly, before staring at Steven.

“You seem like a proud Trump Supporter, why not join us?” Pence offered.

Pull your hood up, Pence, I don’t think you know who you’re even talking to.

“Hell no! Why would I want to work with bigots like you and Trump?” Steven snapped.

“To end the Liberals Anti-White Agenda!” Pence explained.

“There it is again, this supposed Anti-White Agenda, which is nothing more than complete rubbish! It was you who made it! It was you who used it to instil fear in people, and brainwash them into your supporters! And it’s you who use it as a tool to blame the Democrats! You sir, disgust me!” Steven roasted the creepy Vice-President Pence.

That was a roast? You just levelled accusations at the guy and shared your opinion of the man. Kindergartners can roast better than that – at least they stoop to name-calling.

“Why I ought to—“he began, but was stabbed by Nereida’s Dragoon Blade.

“Teehee, you should’ve kept quiet.” Nereida giggled.

“You bitch! I’ll see to it that Holy Supreme Magnificent Emperor Trump avenges me…” Mike Pence gasped, before his body disintegrated into ashes. Once all of the enemies had died, the group then began to rally in the centre of the court.

“We did it everyone! We defeated the evil Vice-President, as well as two Elite AFTER Agents!” Aurora Blade cheered.

Well, so much for having Trump pay his end of the bargain, I guess. Also, I think we need to redefine the word ‘elite’.

“Alright! That’s one step closer to peace!” Winter Doll cheered.

“That’s nice and all, but I’m tired. Can’t we rest here tonight?” Blood Baroness asked.

“No problem! Just make sure to destroy all of their hateful propaganda.” Draconia answered, before everyone went their separate ways.

Everybody’s a critic, even when they’re trying to eliminate critique.

11:30 Fort Room

Steven was about to tuck himself into bed, when he received a knock on the door. He granted the person permission to enter, and was surprised to see that it was Nereida.

“You need something…?” he asked.

Attached Image

It’s not a complete victory until you’ve squatted in their house and screwed on their furniture.

“Yes, it’s about our first time…” Nereida asked, a little shy about the topic.

“Alright then. Make yourself comfortable.” Steven replied, offering her to sit on his bed. Nereida then sat down on his bed, quite close to the young man. “So what is it that you wanted to talk about?”

“You remember that night, when it was just the two of us, and we had to follow Lizeea’s orders?” Nereida asked.

You mean the first time Steven had his magical, evil-overlord-defeating sperm milked like he was a stud horse? I was trying to forget, thank you very much.

“Yes, I do remember.” Steven replied. “Why’d you ask?”

“I remember how scared you were, and the awkward feeling between us, during that night.” Nereida recalled. “But look at you now, your confidence has grown. I still think back to when you challenged the beliefs of that creep, Pence.

“Standing up to a strawman politician gets me so wet.”

“Thanks Nereida…” Steven replied.

“Oh, I know how you can thank me…” Nereida purred, cupping Steven’s face.

“Are-are you sure you want this?” Steven replied, a blush on his face.

“Teehee, there’s the innocent side of you that I adore. Of course I want this!” Nereida answered.

But does Steven? Really, I don’t even think he’s able to give consent.

Lemon time everyone

Nereida and Steven proceeded to kiss each other gently, their tongues dancing in each other’s mouths. Steven’s fingers gently rubbed Nereida’s smooth back, occasionally rubbing his fingertip on her silky skin.

What does she have back there that isn’t skin?

Nereida moaned in response, as she ran her fingers through Steven’s hair.

“Wow, you’re a great kisser.” Nereida praised, as Steven took the initiative, and proceeded to gently kiss her neck. Nereida moaned, as a tingling sensation went through her body. After a few minutes, Steven proceeded to unhook her bra, and remove it, revealing her perky B-cup breasts. Steven then proceeded to cup Nereida’s breasts, gently sucking on her left nipple, while tweaking her right nipple.

No poorly made sex-scene is complete, without the male partner becoming a mammary DJ.

“Oh Steven, that feels so good.” Nereida moaned in pleasure, her body quivering as if she were in the cold. The Dragon Keeper gripped Steven’s shoulders tightly, her nails digging in his skin, to the point where they drew a miniscule amount of blood. Steven ignored the nails, and proceeded to have his tongue brush up against her hardened nipple, eliciting another moan from Nereida. All of a sudden, a cheeky thought entered Nereida’s mind. Her hand proceeded to reach down Steven’s boxers, and gently caressed his erect member, causing the young man to moan.

Her cheeky thought is to reciprocate the foreplay? Cheeky bitch, more like.

“Oh Nereida…” he sighed, as he then proceeded to gently lick her right nipple. Nereida’s hand picked up the pace with her caressing, her thumb brushing up against his head, as a bit of pre-cum leaked from the head, onto her hand. In response, Steven picked up the pace with his licking, as he then used his right hand to tweak her left nipple.

Oh yes…please keep going…” Nereida begged, the Dragon Keeper lost in her own little world of pleasure. After a few minutes, Nereida moaned loudly, indicating that she had came. The two of them then separated, but Nereida wasn’t done yet.

When people talk about getting ready for round two, they’re not implying that they get back into their corners, like it’s a boxing match, author.

She lowered her moist panties, and proceeded to gently rub her sweet spot.

“Oh Steven…are you ready yet?” she purred, inserting a finger into her vagina, to prepare herself.

“Just give me a few seconds…” he replied, as he lowered his boxers, and took a condom out of his wallet, before opening the packet, and placing his member inside it. Steven then proceeded to tease Nereida by rubbing his penis against her moist vulva for a few seconds, before gently inserting it into her, eliciting a loud moan from her.

“Oh yes!” she cried out. “This feels so good!”

Geez, woman, it’s just a dick. At least wait with faking until he’s working for it.

Steven then laid on his back, enabling Nereida to get on top, as he then proceeded to thrust his penis in and out of her. The sensation was unlike anything either of them had ever felt throughout their lives, as waves of pleasure rocked their bodies.

“Am I doing alright Nereida?” Steven asked, his body shaking slightly due to is heart beating faster.

Quick, tell him something that will boost the writer’s insecure masculinity.

“Oh yes Steven, you’re doing exceptionally!” she smiled in response, as she bounced up and down on Steven. Nereida then leant forward, and began kissing Steven, which he returned. A few minutes later, the two of them broke off their kiss, and proceeded to pick up the pace.

“Please make me feel good…” Nereida begged, her body shivering from the blissful sensation. Steven then proceeded to thrust slightly quicker than before, eliciting a loud moan from Nereida. After a few more minutes, the two of them felt a tingling sensation throughout their bodies.

As opposed to the cold, dead feeling that you usually have during sex.

“I’m about to …” Nereida began, before a loud moan overtook her body, indicating that she had her orgasm. Steven moaned loudly a few seconds later, as he too had his orgasm. Steven then pulled out of her, and proceeded to remove the used condom, before placing it and the empty packet in the bin. As he got back into bed, Nereida cuddled up to him and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

“Thank you for tonight…” she said, before drifting off to sleep, with Steven doing the same.

Enjoy sleeping in a bed that once belonged to one of your pervert enemies. I hope you washed those sheets before you laid down on them.

Trump Administration Headquarters

Donald Trump was angry. Scratch that, he was downright furious. Not only has he lost a significant amount of territory to the Democratic Rebellion, but he had heard news of Pence’s death. The Master of AFTER had visited him, in order to check up on him.

“I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS!! HOW CAN MY SUPERIOR SUPPORTERS LOSE TO THOSE WIMPS?!” Donald Trump roared, throwing stuff all around the room.

If it helps, consider your supporters to be proving, that no one is more superior at dying than them.

“But sssssssssir—“The Master of AFTER began.

“I DON’T GIVE A FLYING FUCK, YOU DEFORMED FAILURE! YOUR MEN FAILED ME. THEY FAILED ME!” Trump bellowed.

“But Ssssssssssshmeckie and Max Vader were armed with their AFTER Armsssssssssssss. How could they have losssssssssssst to the rebelssssssssssssss?” MoA blurted.

“These AFTER Arms of your’s, are a gigantic waste of time. What good are they when their wielders can’t even use them?!” Trump retorted.

What good are they, when they can’t even kill people, when in capable hands?

“I asssssssssssssssure you ssssssssssssir, we won’t have that problem with GorillaGamer. He’sssssssssssssssss our mosssssssssssssssssst competent agent. And besssssssssssssidessssssssssssss, GorillaGamer hasssssssssssssss a perssssssssssssonal ssssssssssssscore to sssssssssssssettle with that Ssssssssssssssteven kid.” MoA hissed.

“Oh really? What is this personal score?” Trump inquired.

“Apparently, Ssssssssssssssteven had not only killed AnItalianGuy, but he had sssssssssssssssssex with GorillaGamer’ssssssssssssssssss lover. You may know her assssssssssss Lussssssssssssamine.” MoA explained.

I have a question, MoA, and please repeat it back to me, so I know you’re getting it. Does she sell seashells by the seashore?

“Lusamine huh? Does she have long blonde hair, green eyes, and a slender body?” Trump pressed.

“Why yessssssssssssssssss, sssssssssssssssshe doessssssssssssssss.” MoA answered. “How’d you know?”

“A while ago, I saw GorillaGamer and Dashguy masturbating to the formers latest works. I remembered one of the pictures depicting an adult woman getting gangraped by a bunch of jellyfish. I can safely say that the woman was most likely Lusamine.” Trump explained.

Because we can’t stop hearing about how much we all get off to hentai, can we?

“Anyway, I wasssssssssssssss hoping you have a sssssssssssssolution to thisssssssssssssss Democrat problem.” MoA asked.

“Oh trust me, I do. And we have to thank Miss Lusamine for it, MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” Trump laughed evilly, as he stared at an image of an Aether Foundation satellite that the Trump Administration stole.

I have no idea what that satellite does, and I don’t care. With how incompetent the Trump Administration is, I’m more curious if they stole the actual satellite or just the image of it.

Wow….what’s Trump up to now?

I don’t know, but I think reputable news media would disagree, on whatever you think he’s doing.

I would like to state that the Aether Foundation is NOT in kahoots with the Trump Administration. They just had their satellite stolen from them.

No shit, that’s what fucking stolen means – it means they acquired it without their consent, which would have happened had they been allies. What fucking moron wouldn’t get that?!

Could this explain why Trump had placed a hit on Lusamine? You’ll find out soon enough.

I would also like to say that I’m proud of my comrades fighting against the fascist Trump Administration. Long live the Resistance!


Meh, I’ll give it four years – eight tops.

Keep up the good fight, my comrades!

Does it worry you at all, that you are managing to inspire more people to rally against you than for you?

------------------------

Phew, now that’s over. I don’t really have anything witty to end this on. This fanfic is just a disgrace. The sheer hypocrisy of the author portraying the members of our forum as evil by virtue of being all-out perverts, contrasted against a the plot of a transparent self-insert, who gets to sleep with women due to his magical sperm, is mindboggling. GorillaGamer has offered me to take another bite out of this fanfic at a later point, and I might just take him up on it. Until then, I’ll pass this literary hot potato on.


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"So... preparing to storm into the room, you jostle your badger, kick down the door, and throw it at the thug standing inside." - Moment from my D&D campaign.

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Post #70
Billybob Mcjoe


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post May 27 2017, 09:27 AM
I like how all these members who have established themselves in the mocking forum are dropping like flies, while guys like me, who aren't that good at mocking, are surviving just fine and will probably never even be killed, simply because they have no reason to give us a second appearance. I dont make a second appearance, right? I'm worried if i find the chapter where i do show up I'll fly into a frothy rage and toss my computer.


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I AM THE DARK LORD OF ALL, BOW DOWN BEFORE ME!
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MasterOfNintendo


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post May 27 2017, 11:15 AM
You know, they missed an opportunity to make Pence a Starscream-like character due to all those rumors of him just being vice president so, when Trump is inevitably impeached, he can take the helm. Goes to show how utterly ignorant the author and his comrades are to the world.

I also probably should have asked this earlier, but is MoA a serpent or something? Even Mykan's MoA caricature had more dignity than this!


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truthordeal


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post May 27 2017, 11:18 AM
QUOTE (Billybob Mcjoe @ May 27 2017, 12:27 PM) *
I like how all these members who have established themselves in the mocking forum are dropping like flies, while guys like me, who aren't that good at mocking, are surviving just fine and will probably never even be killed, simply because they have no reason to give us a second appearance. I dont make a second appearance, right? I'm worried if i find the chapter where i do show up I'll fly into a frothy rage and toss my computer.


Don't worry. There probably aren't any black people in this anime browser game, Klansman McJoe.

Kudos on the chapter to our fellow Reichsfuehrer Kobold. Hopefully with hard work and twenty years' meditation at the top of Mount Fukyumama, we can all one day earn the title of "Horseman of the Mockalypse." Now if you'll all excuse me, I have to get back to the drudging work of oppressing women and beating off to underaged children, all in the glory of our God Emperor Trump, peace be upon him.


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MasterOfNintendo


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post May 27 2017, 06:12 PM
QUOTE (truthordeal @ May 27 2017, 12:18 PM) *
Don't worry. There probably aren't any black people in this anime browser game, Klansman McJoe.

Kudos on the chapter to our fellow Reichsfuehrer Kobold. Hopefully with hard work and twenty years' meditation at the top of Mount Fukyumama, we can all one day earn the title of "Horseman of the Mockalypse." Now if you'll all excuse me, I have to get back to the drudging work of oppressing women and beating off to underaged children, all in the glory of our God Emperor Trump, peace be upon him.

Truthordeal, this author doesn't get the concept of irony. DON'T encourage him and the rest of his hounds.


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GorillaGamer


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post May 27 2017, 06:41 PM
With Truthordeal and StabbyKobold posting their excellent mocks, it’s about time I get back into the game. Unfortunately, Chapter 13 isn’t as crazy as the previous two.

Chapter 13: Shoot the Colt!

Devil’s Hand Headquarters


The room was eerily quiet, even more so than usual. Triple 6, King Dick and Pretty Boy were ordered to attend the meeting, by their boss Caesar. The three of them sat down by the table, waiting for their boss to arrive. A few minutes later, Caesar had entered the room, a stoic look on his face.

Caesar was a fairly tall white male, with short, light brown hair, and a beard and moustache. His outfit consisted of a black jacket, a pair of jeans, a set of aviator goggles hanging around his neck, and a red bandana on his head. The most notable feature was the vertical scar over his left eye.

And the gang’s all here! Except for Anvil and Meathook, those two are pushing up daisies.

“I’m glad you were all able to come; as you know, we’re up shit creek, and we don’t have a paddle.” Caesar greeted his subordinates, taking a seat besides the table.

“Every day, the situation gets worse. Did you hear about Vice-President Pence biting the dust?” Triple 6 asked. “Trump’s been freakin’ out ever since.”

“Yeah, I heard about that. Seems to me that there’s something big going down. I heard that Master guy, hissin’ to himself about an ultimate weapon.” King Dick commented.

“An ultimate weapon, eh? Did he describe this ultimate weapon?” Caesar inquired, intrigued by this ultimate weapon.

“That’s the thing; I know nothing about this weapon. The Master did say something about death from above.” King Dick replied.

So neither of you, not even Caesar, knows about the satellite that Trump supposedly has up his sleeve. It’s shit like this that makes me wonder why the Devil’s Hand are even here.

“Death from above…you think it could be a bomber?” Pretty Boy asked out loud.

“Could be. Hopefully it’ll be something that can take out the rebellion once and for all. Ohhh you don’t know how angry those rebels make me…” Caesar commented.

“Speaking of things that make you angry, how about we take the time to discuss the crankhead?” Triple 6 asked.

“Greasy Steve? Ah yes, I think it’s time we iced that waste of space. Bastard’s got too much power for his own good.” King Dick snorted.

“That and he stinks up the place! No wonder he’s called Greasy Steve.”

“They raise a fair point, boss.” Pretty Boy commented.

“But Greasy Steve is my bro; I can’t abandon my bro so easily.” Caesar commented.

“He’s gonna fuck up big time boss. Big time; I don’t want to lose my position to King Dick!” Triple 6 ranted.

“Awwwwww…you care about me…” King Dick mocked.

Plot twist: this love/hate relationship between Triple 6 and King Dick will evolve into a session of pure, unfiltered yaoi sex.

“Well what about if Colt and Greasy Steven go on a job together, hunt out those rebels?” Pretty Boy suggested.

“That’s an excellent idea.” Caesar praised. “Alright everyone, head back to your stations. We’ve got some work to do.”

Liberated Trump Administration base.

The Ivalician rebellion we getting ready to head towards their next destination. They were in the stages of planning their next move.

“Alright everyone, I’m glad that you’re all here. Our scouts have located an enemy base, where two of the Paragon Heroes have been captured. Luckily, there doesn’t appear to be many enemies guarding the base.” Crimson Rose notified the group.

These $300 heroes are some of the most useless fuckers in this fic. It’s bad enough that the super exclusive Dominator sucks balls in the actual game, but now the rest of the Paragon heroes also get far less screen time than the regular heroes. The two exceptions I can think of is Shadow Stalker, since he’s apparently Steven’s gay best friend, and Melody, who is so hyper-sexualized, that the mere act of typing her name makes me want to take a shower to cleanse the filth.

“Oh no! My comrades!” Mystic Warden gasped. Blue Witch then laid an assuring hand on the panda’s shoulder.

“There, there…it’ll be alright. We’ll rescue them.” She assured.

“So where are the heroes being held?” Rose Knight inquired.

“They’re located in an AFTER Base, a few miles from the Lunar Sanctuary.” Draconia answered.

“Lunar Sanctuary?” Steven inquired.

“It’s where we give thanks to Lunaria for the moon.” Lunar Priestess answered. “At least we did…until Gringkolk ruined everything.” Steven then wrapped his arm around Lunar Priestess, and brought her closer to him.

“Don’t worry sweetheart, we’ll punish that traitor!” he replied, causing Lunar Priestess to blush like madly.

Steven: “Milady” *tips fedora*

“My, my…it looks like my stallion’s gaining confidence.” Melody commented, causing a light blush to appear on Steven’s face.

“Heehee, looks like big brother’s a real hit with the ladies.” Nino snickered.

Thanks for telling me the complete obvious Nino.

“Yeah, Heehee.” Winda added.

“Anyway, we’ve also received reports that a third Paragon Hero is on their way to the AFTER base. Hopefully they’ll assist us.” Crimson Rose continued.

“Considering that two of their allies are imprisoned, I doubt they’ll fight us.” Aria commented.

“There’s one thing I’m worried about…when we attacked the Trump Supporters, there were also AFTER Knights there. Who’s to say that there’s more in that base, then just AFTER Knights?” Shadow Stalker inquired.

The only possible enemies you could be facing are…

A. Devil’s Hand grunts, who are nothing more than coked out bikers.
B. Trump Supporters, who spend more time spewing misogynistic strawman words, than actually doing something.

I would also mention demons, but the Demon King hasn’t made a single appearance since the first fucking chapter!


“A fair point…but don’t worry. We’ve taken out a lot of enemies during our journey. These AFTER goons don’t scare us!” Nereida declared.

“And besides, we’ve more to gain, by liberating the base, then if we just skip it.” Aurora Blade added.

“Well…you raise a fair point. Alright then, I’m ready to snipe some goons!” Shadow Stalker announced.

“Excellent! That’s what I’ve been waiting for!” Winter Doll cheered.

“There’s one question that’s been plaguing my mind. Why hasn’t Lizeea given us an order or anything?” Blood Baroness wondered.

“Who knows with her? Besides, she’ll only get in the way.” Draconia snorted.

Talk about being nice to your leader. What has the oddly absent Lizeea done to deserve the scorn she’s receiving?

“Either way, we’ve got to prepare for the trip. The meeting is over.” Crimson Rose called out, as everyone exited the room, except Steven and Melody, the latter of which wanting to ask Steven a question.

“You wanted to speak to me?” the young man asked.

“I would like to apologise for having sex with you, while you were asleep, the day before.” Melody confessed.

“It’s alright, you were just doing your job.” Steven replied. “Anyway, we’ve got to follow the rest of the group.” The two of them proceeded to leave the room.

Liberated enemy camp: Exterior

The Ivalician Rebellion had packed their bags, and were about to get ready, until they noticed a scuffle a mile away.

“Let’s check it out!” Snow Queen called out, with everyone following her. A few minutes later, the group reached the area where they saw the scuffle, however it appears to have been dealt with. The area was littered with the bodies of dead Trump Supporters, as well as some strange people amongst the corpses. These people had multi-coloured hair, had several piercings all over their body, and wore a uniform consisting of a black jacket, with a logo of a black werewolf, with the word ‘ANTIFA’, over the werewolf’s head, a black shirt, a colour-coded scarf, that was used to designated the wearers rank, and a pair of black pants. There was a lady standing in the centre of the field.

ANTIFA, what the fuck?!

*a minute later*

Well as it turns out, Stalin’s Legion hates ANTIFA as well, as stated in one of their posts.

QUOTE
We’re planning on having a showdown against Mike Pence and his ANTIFA scumbuckets (Those cunts are a disgrace to communism.)


At least me and SovietRussiaMan can agree with each other on one thing; ANTIFA are nothing more than a bunch of two-bit thugs. Even though ANTIFA made no appearance alongside Mike Pence in the previous chapter.


The lady gave off an imposing vibe, with her tall body, long, flowing black hair, and piercing blue eyes. Her outfit consisted of an armoured, crimson dress, which cut off above her knees, a pair of armoured gauntlets, and a pair of boots. There was also a solid gold tiara over her forehead. Her weapon of choice appeared to be a large, four-armed, chakram-like glaive.

“Bah, pathetic weaklings…” she snorted, not noticing the heroes.

“Blade Spiral, is that you?” Draconia asked, alerting the now identified woman.

“Well, well, well. Looks like we have ourselves an early reunion.” Blade Spiral cracked a grin, walking up to Draconia and shaking her hand.

“You know this lady?” Nino asked.

“She’s Blade Spiral, one of the strongest members of the Paragons.” Aurora Blade introduced. “On top of her battle prowess, she’s also an experienced field marshal.”

“Wow! You must be amazing!” Luna gushed at Blade Spiral.

“I know I am. After all, I am charging a high fee for my services.”

“Heh, not the first time someone’s called me amazing!” Blade Spiral boasted, while surveying the scene.

“So what happened here?” Pyrona asked.

“I was heading towards the AFTER Base, to rescue my comrades, when I was ambushed by the Trump Supporters. They were saying their usual shit, until these ANTIFA folk sauntered onto the scene. The loons began ranting about how capitalism is the root of all evil, and how all non-Democrats are traitors. The two parties shifted their focus from me, onto each other, seeking blood to be spilt. It ended up becoming a three way fight between me, the Trump Supporters, and the ANTIFA folk. You should know by now, who the victor was.” Blade Spiral recalled.

“One thing I want to know, what is ANTIFA?” Aria inquired.

“The Anti-Fascist Furries.” Steven replied, as everyone turned to him.

I know ANTIFA claim that they’re anti-fascist, but when did they become furries?

“They’re a radical, Democratic group, whose violent attacks caused several cities to turn to Trump. High ranking members of Hilary’s cabinet suspected them of being Trump Supporters, disguised as Democrats, but an FBI investigation found nothing. Many Democrat supporters blame them for Trump winning the election.”

“Wow, these ANTIFA folk must be off their rocker!” Green Ranger remarked.

“It gets worse, ANTIFA’s ultimate goal is to ensure the complete destruction of video games. They worked alongside AFTER Agent Max Vader, in constructing the infamous GamerGate controversy.” Steven continued.

“GamerGate?” Winda inquired.

Oh please no! Let GamerGate die already! The only people who care about it are the fucking idiots who believe that it got Trump elected.

“Now that’s a quagmire of epic proportions. Depending on who you ask, it’s either a movement dedicated to eliminating shoddy game journalism, or a movement dedicated to keeping women out of gaming. Max and ANTIFA went on opposing sides, hoping to gather allies, and wage a battle of massive proportions. It didn’t work, because the entire thing faded into obscurity, due to the Presidential Election.” Steven continued.

“Is that all?” Byron asked.

“No, the final thing of note is the HuniePop Scandal. What it was, was essentially a bunch of ANTIFA activists, capturing, torturing and murdering fans of the HuniePop game, while pushing their Steven Universe show into the spotlight.” Steven concluded.

What the fuck is this?! What the fucking fuck does fucking HuniePop have to do with fucking Steven Universe?!

“Wow. I like the show, but the fanbase is batshit insane.” Crimson Rose commented.

“Yeah, those ANTIFA fools were pitifully weak.” Blade Spiral interjected. “Now come on, we’ve got some captives to rescue.” The group then proceeded to follow Blade Spiral.

Project AFTER Base

The group entered the base, and were immediately greeted by the sight of two people, one male and one female, tied up in the centre of the field.

Ok, time for me to sum up these pair of assholes.

The female was an elegant young lady, with medium length amethyst hair, bright purple eyes, and a slender body. Her outfit consisted of a dark purple hooded cloak, with matching coloured woollen pants underneath her cloak, dark purple boots, and purple gloves that reached above her elbows. Her weapon of choice was a sceptre, with an intricate design on the head. She was known as Sorceress, one of the tactical geniuses of the Paragon Heroes.

Generic wizard bitch.

The male had blondish-white hair, piercing blue eyes, and a slim build. His outfit consisted of a blue leather jacket, matching leather pants, and a set of blue and yellow boots. His weapon of choice appeared to be some sort of particle cannon, attached to his left arm. The man also wore a set of futuristic glasses over his eyes. He was the Time Tracer, the scout of the Paragon Heroes.

The Tracer rip-off that was made before Overwatch was a thing.

“Umm, it’s nice to see you all, but we’re in a bit of a bind here. Mind if you help us out?” Time Tracer asked, his British accent loud and clear. Nino was about to unbind the heroes, but was interrupted by a loud chuckling.

“Well, well, well. It looks like the plan worked after all.” A deep Southern drawl boomed through the microphone. All of a sudden, the group was surrounded by hordes of Devil’s Hand bikers. A minute later, both Colt and Greasy Steve walked onto the scene.

“Hehehe, let’s roll ‘em down a hill!” Greasy Steve chuckled, but not to the amusement of the heroes.

Was that meant to be a joke or something?

“Who the hell are you two jokers?” Blade Spiral demanded.

“I-I-I-I-I’m Greasy Steve, and this here is my bitch, Colt.” The bikers introduced themselves.

“I ain’t no-ones bitch!” Colt retorted.

Well you’re apparently Caesar’s bitch, so there’s that.

“Shut up!” Greasy Steve snapped. “Now then, it seems that you’ve been given’ us some trouble. Now it’s your turn to experience trouble!” he prattled.

“I don’t know who the fuck you are, nor do I care. I’m here for the prisoners!” Blade Spiral snapped.

“A feisty one! And she looks like one of them Paragon Heroes! This could be our chance.” Colt exclaimed.

“What chance? Why are you after Paragon Heroes?” Shadow Stalker demanded.

“We’re gathering them for our benefactor, GorillaGamer. He already has one of yous imprisoned in his mega fort, and he won’t rest until he has the entire collection.” Colt explained.

Why do I even want to collect the Paragon Heroes? And there’s no way in hell I’m going near Melody!

“Who does he have imprisoned?! Where is this mega fort?!” Draconia demanded.

“Uh-uh-uh. You didn’t say the magic word.” Greasy Steve sneered. “And even if ya did, we wouldn’t tell you!”

“Come on everyone, let’s beat the answer out of these bastards!” Aurora Blade called out, as the two group’s engaged in a battle.

00000000

“Umm…who are these guys?” Winda asked.

“They’re these dumb bullies, who are nothing more than cannon fodder deployed by Project AFTER.” Luna replied, angering a few bikers.

“Hey! We don’t take crap from children. Prepare to die!” The biker growled.

“I’m gonna give you an ass whoopin’~” a second biker sing-songed.

Oh fuck, it’s the sing-song people who are always the most dangerous.

“You don’t scare me!” Nino declared, charging up a fire spell, and aiming it at the sing-songing biker, killing him instantly.

“Read my lips; fuck you!” a third biker entered the fray, armed with a knife. Luna dodged the attack and fired an arrow at the biker. “Ngooooohhhhh…” the biker groaned as he died.

“Oh, you’re dead!” the first biker growled, aiming a pistol at the young girl. All of a sudden, a gust of wind blew into the biker. “Whhhhyyyyy…” he groaned as he died. Nino and Luna turned to the source, only to see that it was Winda.

Did Winda just fart on the biker, causing him to die?!

“Hehehe, looks like I got him.” She chirped.

Elsewhere, Crimson Rose and Aria were exchanging fire with a group of Devil’s Hand bikers. As quickly as they were falling dead, more of them appeared from inside the fort, armed to the teeth with knives, hatchets, tomahawks, wrenches, baseball bats, and even police batons.

“How many of them are there?!” Aria exclaimed.

“Too many of them for my liking.” Crimson Rose commented.

This fic has too much stupidity for my liking, if I have to be honest.

“I’m gonna roll me a fat one.” A beefy biker boomed, as he unsheathed a large rifle from his holster.

“Oh no you don’t!” Aria snapped, firing a round into the biker’s head, causing it to blow up. The headless body wandered the scene for five minutes, before it subsequently dropped dead.

“I’m gonna get you for that.” A second biker growled, charging onto the scene and firing at the two with a massive minigun.

“How about this?!” Crimson Rose snarked, firing a round into the biker’s neck, causing his body to spin and spasm everywhere, mowing down the rest of the Devil’s Hand goons, before subsequently dropping dead.

This isn’t a battle, it’s a fucking comedy sketch, without the comedy!

“YES!” Byron jumped onto the scene and shouted, causing the two women to stare at him.

No one likes you, rapist wizard.

Steven took this opportunity to untie both Time Tracer and Sorceress from their binding.

“Thanks little bro!” Time Tracer thanked.

“It’s no problem.” Steven replied. “Besides, we’re on a mission to rebuild the Paragon Heroes, and we were planning on raiding this base anyway.”

“Hehehe…now I get to deal some punishment to these clowns.” Sorceress grinned, her sceptre radiating dark magic from the head.

“Oh no you don’t!” Colt growled. “Come on boys!” all of a sudden, a large herd of fucking ugly red bikers appeared from the fort.

Is that meant to be an obscure reference to Hong Kong 97?

“Uggh! Not more of them!” Steven complained, as he jumped into the battle, slaughtering bikers.

“Save some for me!” Blade Spiral shouted, twirling her glaive in her hand, before throwing it at a large group, turning them all into mincemeat.

“Take this!” Time Tracer called out, firing a few particle shots at the bikers, vaporising them instantly.

“You won’t get away from me!” Sorceress announced, unleashing a blast of dark magic, killing the rest of the biker mooks.

“Groooh! That’s it! Colt, take out those vermin, now!” Greasy Steve demanded.

“Alright…” the former sheriff grunted, unholstering his dual 357. Magnums, and firing them into the crowd. The heroes managed to dodge the attack.

“What do we do?” Pyrona asked.

How about you end this battle quickly? I’m getting tired of seeing the Ride to Hell bikers.

“I have an idea…” Winda replied. She summoned a small gust of wind into Colt’s face, causing him to stagger back.

“Urk! I can’t see.” He called out. Crimson Rose took this opportunity to hop off the ground and fire a few rounds into Colt, causing him to gasp and fall to the floor.

“SHIT, SHIT, SHIT!!” Greasy Steve cried, as he tried to flee, only for Steven to lunge at him, and impale him on his sword. The biker gasped, as he rolled to the floor, before he died. The group then walked up to the dying Colt, hoping to extract some information.

“Y-you think this is it? That I’m the last one?” he gasped.

I wish you were the last one.

“Cut the crap, we want you to start speaking!” Rose Knight demanded.

“Heh, what makes you think I’ll spill the beans?” Colt sneered. The rebels shrugged their shoulders, and decapitated the biker.

“Well now that we’re done here, let’s rest for the night. That way, we can storm Gringkolk’s base.” Draconia called out. The heroes agreed, and proceeded to head towards their respective bedrooms.

Done, that chapter was quite pitiful. Chapter 14 should hopefully bring in more laughs.

Sweet Pussy Counter: 4


This post has been edited by GorillaGamer: May 27 2017, 06:42 PM


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QUOTE (AnItalianGuy @ May 27 2016, 02:03 AM) *
Jesus man what is up with you and all of those waifus! Are you secretly the "Ultimate Pimp"?
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Post #75
truthordeal


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post May 28 2017, 09:27 AM
QUOTE (GorillaGamer @ May 27 2017, 09:41 PM) *
“I would like to apologise for having sex with you, while you were asleep, the day before.” Melody confessed.

“It’s alright, you were just doing your job.” Steven replied. “Anyway, we’ve got to follow the rest of the group.” The two of them proceeded to leave the room.


That wasn't a good excuse at Nuremberg, and it's not a good excuse for rape here.


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post May 28 2017, 03:11 PM
You know, I understand the need for cannon fodder, but come on. I for one think we could do so much better than these guys.

Like, let me get in contact with Doctor Doom, I'm sure he's got some Doombots lying around he can lend to us.


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Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 28th May 2017 - 04:06 PM