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> The Shield's Triple Threat, A three-part series on WWE's most fanfic friendly tag team
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post Oct 10 2015, 09:31 AM
From late 2012 to mid-2014, there was a team in professional wrestling called the Shield. Consisting of Seth Rollins, Roman Reigns and Dean Ambrose, the Shield dominated several main event and high profile storylines until they disbanded with Seth Rollins betrayed them. They were undefeated as a unit for almost six months and scored wins over top level talents such as John Cena and the Undertaker. The three members were all up-and-coming stars in their profession, and through their individual efforts, skill and talent, all three members have achieved amazing solo careers even after the band broke up.

But more importantly, there is a metric shit ton of homoerotic fanfiction dedicated to the members of the Shield.

I realize that it comes as no surprise that a group of three young, handsome and muscular dudes who spent most of their time in the public eye running around a ring and trying to grapple another half-naked guy into submission would be perfect fodder for teenage girl fantasies and fandoms. I just had no idea how big their fanbase was until a female friend of mine remarked about how much the tumblr/deviantArt fanfic circles were distraught when the group broke up. While maybe not as popular as Justin Bieber or the SuperWhoLockUniversians, just like any boy band or bishounen anime dude, chicks fucking love the Shield.

And of course, since they're all male, they are written to be madly in love with each other and constantly buttfucking. Given that unlike most fanfic fodder, these are real people, the fantasies and obsessions can get extremely creepy. Submitted hereafter are three stories that exemplify just how weird and tawdry this shit can get.

But first, since I know that only a few people on here are avid wrestling fans, here is a rundown on the dramatis personnae.

Seth Rollins

Real Name: Colby Lopez

Nicknames/Former Names: Tyler Black, The Architect, Crossfit Jesus.

Achievements: (as of this writing) Current WWE World Heavyweight Champion; Former WWE Tag Team Champion; Winner of the “Sexy Ass Lottery.”

Attractive Features: Wears a gimp suit to wrestle in. Does CrossFit and doesn't talk about it that much. Is implied to carry a vibrator in his gym bag.

Character Type: Usually the “female” in the relationship. Otherwise the more emotional or wussy person.

Relationship Status: Dating a Nazi.

Misc.: Has dick pics online, if that's the sort of thing you're into.

Dean Ambrose

Real Name: Jon Good.

Nickname/Former Names: Jon Moxley, the Lunatic Fringe, and my brother likes to call him Opie because he reminds him of the character from Family Guy.

Achievements: Former United States Champion; Star of 12 Rounds: Lockdown; Once punched a ghost.

Attractive Features: Ruggedly handsome. Crazy, which is supposed to be in chic right now. Women think they can fix him.

Character Type: Bipolar, crazy or random dude. Often the troubled soul. Probably fights for the top position.

Relationship Status: Dating a WWE commentator. This apparently offends tons of female fans.

Misc.: Has a history of wrestling in death matches, so to fans this means he is constantly in a state of self-harming or otherwise is a very violent love maker.

Roman Reigns

Real Name: Leati Joseph Anoa'i.

Nicknames/Former Names: Leakee, the Powerhouse, the Rock's Cousin.

Achievements: Former WWE Tag Team Champion; Winner of the 2015 Royal Rumble; Is the Rock's cousin.

Attractive Features: Come on, just look at him.

Character Type: The strong and silent, probably mature type. Probably the pitcher, power bottom otherwise.

Relationship Status: Married with a daughter. This is often ignored right out, or otherwise compromised.

Misc.: His finishing move is called the Spear, so expect tons of crude innuendo among the flowery prose.

Now with all that out of the way, let's dive right into the world of incredibly strange homoerotica about three demonstrably straight people. I have three fics picked out for your perusal, each of which is weird and awful in their own unique ways.

And we'll get to the first one, after the break.

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post Oct 10 2015, 09:49 AM
It's an obvious fact that most fanfic writers don't really write conflict well. You know, among other things. Any attempt to provide a meaningful bit of dramatic tension usually involves introducing elements that are so trivial that they're hilarious (i.e., Cyber Bully) or something so terrible and handled so insensitively that it really stretches belief. The most popular of the second type are probably rape, or cancer.

Fortunately, I left out the many, many rapefics covering these three, and instead you guys are lucky enough to get stuck with cancer.

Enjoy! My commentary's in red, obviously, and the original is in white.

Both of Us, by vicesandconverse

"Shh, Shh, it's ok Seth," Dean whispered into Seth's ear, rocking Seth's crying form back and forth in his arms. "It's ok, just please stop crying." But Seth didn't stop crying. If anything, the tears streaming down his cheeks just kept flowing faster.

I know we all tear up when we listen to Sarah McLachlan, but this is a bit of an extreme reaction.

Dean didn't like this. He didn't like seeing Seth cry, and he'd seen this scene too many times in the past three weeks. The only difference was instead of being curled up on the bathroom tiles or lying on Dean's mattress, they both were on the living room couch, a pair of clippers on the floor surrounded by a mess of dark brown curls.

Well someone likes to brag.

And the morning had started out so well.

Way to go Seth, you whiney bitch.

For the first time in a while, Dean had woken up first. Seth was peacefully sleeping next to him, his breathing even and perfectly slow. Dean smiled. He didn't look like someone with Stage 2 Kidney Cancer. He looked like the normal, stubborn, pain-in-the-ass young adult he'd been before this whole mess started.

See, when people use the phrase "young adult," I think of the people who read The Fault in Our Stars, not really 29 year old men.

No chemotherapy, no upcoming surgery, just the annoying authority sellout he used to be. Because of that, Dean couldn't help but run his fingers through Seth's hair. Instead of soothing Seth like he'd expected, a giant clump of loose curls was now in his palms as Seth's eyes began to flutter open.

Great Scott! Those priests were right about masturbation all along!

"Morning," Seth sleepily said as his gaze connected with Dean's, smiling gently. Dean just stared at him, mouth agape, feeling extremely guilty when Seth's face fell.

Oh no, Seth has already moved into the “face melting off” stage of cancer!

"What's wrong-" Seth didn't continue. His eyes fell to the clump of hair in Dean's hand, his eyes widening as he brought his own hand up to his head to run his fingers through his hair. Sure enough, when he pulled away, his own palm was now full of hair.

"Seth…" Dean didn't know how to respond. What could he possibly say? Hey, sorry your hair's falling out because your body's full of poison?

Sounds like something straight from Hallmark to me.

In the end, though, he didn't have to say anything.

"Do you wanna…?" Seth began, bringing his eyes back up to Dean's. Dean already knew what he was going to ask. The answer was no. No, he didn't want to do this. He didn't want to cut all Seth's hair off. He didn't want to have to look at Seth every day and be reminded that there was still a 26% change he wouldn't survive this.

If it's any consolation, we all have a 100% mortality rate in the long run.

In the end, though, Dean simply replied by grabbing Seth's hand and pulling him up and out of the bed. Slowly, they both ended up in the living room.

"I'll be right back," Dean said, sitting Seth down on the couch and walking into the bathroom to grab his pair of clippers. Every voice in his head was still screaming at him not to do this.

Even the homicidal one, which was usually in favor of such activities.

He still, however, gathered up the supplies and brought then back into the living room. Seth had drawn his knees up to his chest, his eyes big and looking at the clippers in fear.

Seth had no idea that Dean would be using black barbershop instruments.

Dean sighed and sat down next to him, wrapping an arm around his thin shoulders.

"Seth, we don't have to do this." Dean said. Seth simply closed his eyes and curled even farther in on himself.

"Yes we do," Seth said.

"No we don't!" said all of the voices in Dean's head.

Dean knew Seth was right, but god, he wished that he wasn't. Dean placed one last kiss on Seth's soft curls before turning Seth towards him. Dean reluctantly placed the razor on Seth's hairline before switching the clippers on and drawing a stripe across the top of Seth's head. Several free hair strands fell onto the cushions and a small whimper escaped Seth's lips.

"Hey, it's ok," Dean reassured, gently forcing Seth to look at him. Seth simply closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around himself in a self-hug. Dean sighed once again and continued to shave the front section of Seth's hair. Once finished, he motioned for Seth to turn around so as he could complete the back. Two minutes later, Dean had swept all the curls off the couch and Seth didn't have a single hair on his head.

Man this is supposed to be a tragic part of the story, but really I'm just irritated at the fact that they didn't put a towel down and got hair all over the furniture.

Dean could see the tears in Seth's eyes before they even started falling.

He quickly got up and ran to his bedroom, grabbing the first beanie he could find and running back to Seth. He could see now that Seth had allowed his tears to fall. He sat down and pulled Seth into his lap, yanking the grey beanie over his bald head and letting Seth cry into his chest.

This had been going on for twenty minutes now.

Really? Come on now, you're just kind of milking it.

Seth sobbing and Dean rubbing small circles on his back. Dean hated this. He knew why Seth hated it too. Less than thirty minutes ago, Dean and Seth could walk outside and not have a soul know Seth was sick. Now, with a shaved head and even more dominant pale features, Seth looked sick. He looked like a cancer patient.

Or a professional wrestler. I mean, shit, I think Stone Cold ought to take offense.

Every time Dean looked at him, he'd be reminded that the younger man had less than a ¾ chance of living. And he hated that.

(psst...Rollins is older than Ambrose)

Once Seth had forced himself to stop crying, three days later, he brought his red rimmed eyes up to Dean's. "S-Sorry…"

"What did I tell you three weeks ago?" Dean asked. Seth sighed and folded his hands on his lap.

"No apologizing. And don't trust whitey."

"Right," Dean said, pecking Seth's nose. Seth's lips curled into half of a weak grin. It would do for now.

Suddenly, a loud knock brought them both out of their thoughts. Dean stood up and began to walk towards the door, Seth right on his heels. Turning the knob, Dean was soon greeted with Roman standing outside the door.

Goddamnit Roman, now is not the time to invite people to go bowling.

"I'm surprised you two are awake," Roman said, chuckling. Dean kept his blank expression, silently motioning that now wasn't the time. At this time, Seth choose to enter the doorframe. Roman quickly noticed the beanie covering his scalp and shut his mouth.

"You ready?" Roman asked.

Way to shut your mouth there, Roman.

Dean slapped himself mentally for completely forgetting that Roman was taking Seth to chemotherapy today.

Man, Dean's voices are working overtime today.

They both looked over at Seth, who lightly nodded his head.

"Let me just get dressed," Seth said, turning around and heading back into Dean's bedroom. Roman turned his attention back to Dean.

"What happened?" Roman asked. Dean crossed his arms tightly over his chest.

Well fuck dude, the chemo patient lost his hair. I wonder how that happened?

"His hair started falling out this morning," Dean said. "Roman, I hate this, I hate this so much."

"I know," Roman replied. Dean didn't stop there, though.

"God, but why did this happen?" He accidently snarled. "I mean, almost every night he's got a trashcan by the bed and we've gone through a whole bottle of pain killers in a week!"

Those two incidents may be related.

"Dean, I get it, you hate this," Roman said softly in an attempt to calm him down. "Just remember there's someone out there that hates this a hell of a lot more than you."

Who? Is this like a Jesus thing?

Dean's eyes slightly widened and Seth walked back to the door, dressed in one of Dean's old sweatshirts and a pair of sweatpants. "Ready."

Why'd you even bother shaving your head if you're just not going to try anymore anyway, Seth?

He looked over at Dean, still puffy eyed. "You alright?"

Dean faked a weak smile. "I'm fine," he replied, turning his attention back to Roman. "Have him back soon, alright? I'll be here cleaning up a little, so just call me if anything's up."

Roman nodded his head and pulled Seth out the doorway, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "We'll be fine." Dean leaned over to Seth and kissed his forehead, happy to see Seth's eyes light up a little, before watching Roman and Seth walk down the hall. He shut the door and walked back inside, heading towards the living room. He immediately looked at the clippers and the pile of hair on the floor. Seth's precious little curls that he used to hate so much and would always tie up and away from his face were now scattered on the carpet.

And whose fault is that for not putting a damn towel down?

He remembered Seth curled up in his lap, crying over this unfortunate situation. Seth didn't need to cry, didn't deserve to cry. He deserved to be happy, to be wrestling, to be cashing in that stupid briefcase and becoming the WWE Champion. Now, the doctors didn't think he'd ever be strong enough to even step foot in a ring again.

The sad thing (I guess you could say) about wrestling fanfiction is that they show their age very quickly.

Something in Dean snapped.

Not again!

He walked over towards the mess on the floor and picked the razor, staring at the blade. Before he could even process his own thoughts, Dean was bringing the clippers up to his own hairline, switching it on, and taking away a clump of tangled auburn strands from his head.

And you still haven't put down a towel! Goddamnit Dean!

"You want anything to eat?" Roman asked as he drove. Chemotherapy had just finished and they were currently driving back to Dean's apartment.

"No, I'm fine," Seth said, his eyes drooping. Roman sighed. Chemotherapy took the life out of him.

"You sure? There's a ton of fast food joints on the way back to Dean's," Roman tried to fight back. Seth still shook his head.

The thought of stopping for McDonalds sickened him more than the chemo did.

"No, it won't taste good anyway," Seth replied, resting his forehead on the window and staring at the road. Since chemotherapy, everything tasted like cardboard to him. He only ever ate when Dean forced him to.

But that's a story for another fic and another fetish.

"Ok…" Roman said, focusing his eyes back on the road. Seth folded his hands over his lap. He knew Roman was only trying to help. This whole ordeal had hit everyone hard, and Seth knew how awful Roman felt not being able to help. "So, what are you and Dean gonna do tonight?"

"The same thing we do every night, Roman. Probably butt stuff.

"Probably watch a movie, go to bed, wake up in the middle of the night to me needing to vomit every five minutes," Seth said. He hated how negative he sounded. I mean, sure, he'd always had a chip on his shoulder and a bit of a sarcastic manner, but now, he felt his tongue was so sharp it could cut stone.

That was hardly an edgy comment, but ok.

"Come on Seth, don't be like that," Roman said. Seth simply shrugged his shoulders. "I know it sucks right now, but-"

"There's still a 74% I'll be fine, I know," Seth said. "But Roman, that's still not even a ¾ shot. What if all this wasn't even worth it? What if I've been making you and Dean's lives miserable and I just end up dying anyway?"

"Seth, you're not going to die, say the fucking words-"

"But I could!"

"But you won't," Roman said.

That settles that, then.

"You're strong enough to fight this. I think so, and I know Dean thinks so too. And we need you to think so."

"I just," Seth began, but shut his mouth. "My head hurts, can we not talk anymore?"

Roman sighed once again. The rest of the ride home was silent except for the occasional honk of a driver.

Roman buying the "Honk If You're Horny" bumper sticker seemed pretty ill-timed in hindsight.

Seth sighed every few minutes and Roman didn't mutter a word. Eventually, the duo arrived at Dean's apartment complex and slowly made way to Dean's home.

Once at the door, Seth fumbled for the keys in his pocket. Roman spoke up. "You guys gonna be alright? I don't have anything to do-"

More like "anyone" to do, am I right? Haha.

"We'll be fine," Seth said after finding his keys and shoving them into the lock. He heard the successful click of the door and turned to face Roman. "Thanks."

"It's nothing, Seth," Roman replied, patting him on the shoulder and walking down the hall, not completely disappearing until he was completely sure Seth was safe inside. Seth walked into the apartment and locked the door behind him.

Roman sauntered off gloomily. “It's not fair,” he muttered. He never got to have a threesome unless he was banging a pregnant chick.

"Dean, I'm back," Seth gloomily exclaimed. He could hear Dean shuffling around.

"I'm in the bedroom," Dean yelled. Seth made his way to the bedroom door, entering the room before gasping in shock at the sight before him.

Enjoy this. It'll be the only time that phrase isn't used in a sexual manner.

Dean was sat on the bed, fumbling around with his phone before turning his head, his bald head, upwards to look at Seth. "So, how'd chemo go?"

"W-What did you do?" Seth asked, standing completely still as Dean stood up.

"Well," he began as he started moving towards Seth's frozen form. "This dork I know thought he could pull off no hair better than I could. And, obviously, I have to prove him wrong."

And you got hair all over the fucking furniture again, didn't you?

At this point, he was standing right in front of Seth, keeping his cocky smirk plastered on his face.

At the same time, he was keeping his smirky cock elsewhere.

"Y-You, you shaved your head!" Seth said.

"Yeah, I did," Dean said, wrapping his arms around Seth's middle. "And now I look like you. And I look amazing."

Two white dudes with shaved heads living together. No one will suspect a thing.

Seth's face flushed a pink color as he brought his gaze to the floor. "Dean, you didn't have to do that." Dean smiled.

"Yeah I did. This morning, actually, I asked you if we had to do this. You said 'Yes we do'. So we did it," Dean replied. Seth threw his hands over his mouth and Dean couldn't hold back a chuckle.

"T-That's not what I meant-"

Are you calling him a liar?

"I know Seth," Dean said. "I wanted to. If not having any hair on your little head is gonna help you get better, then I want to be as involved in that as possible. I want you to know that you're gonna get better, because I'm not gonna let you give up."

Seth looked back up into Dean's eyes and, for the first time in weeks, smiled.

"I'm not gonna give up. I'm gonna get better so I can keep annoying you."

Dean's grin increased in size and he set a small kiss on Seth's forehead. They were going to get through this. Both of them.

The end.

This is based off a prompt that I found on Tumblr

Alright, excellent start.

which was:

Person A is in treatment for cancer and is really upset about loosing all their hair, so person B shaves their head too.

And you decided that to fulfill this prompt, you would shoe-horn in two otherwise healthy people in such a way that doesn't really make sense or stand out because you think it's cute when they do homo things together.

Hopefully this turned out alright! If you liked it or have some tips on writing or anything of that sort, leave me a review! Thank you so much for reading!

- vicesandconverse

The thing is, the story's not terribly written. It's a ludicrous premise given the characters, but it fulfills the prompt they decided to take on and there's no real horrible disconnect in the writing (except for maybe the overwrought crying for twenty minutes over losing hair thing).

That being said, this is horribly cookie cutter. Were it original fiction, it would have been bland but harmless. As fanfiction, it seems...exploitative. Like, getting past the "hurr durr they made two straight guys gay" issue, you could substitute any of the characters here with any three characters of any show or work of fiction. Instead of Dean, Seth and Roman, it could be Fry, Leela and Bender, or Ash, Misty and Brock, or Burt, Ernie and Elmo (except that one might actually make sense). The only reason that I see to write this story with these particular characters is that you wrote them as a couple that you liked, which strikes me as, at best, just lazily shoving your fetishized characters into a story about cancer. At worst it's, like I said in the beginning, just using cancer as a drama wand to wave on these characters. At the very least you can take solace in the fact that these are the “characters” of Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins and not depictions of Jon Good and Colby Lopez.

No. That's for later.

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Post #3

Macross Delta. Slightly Disappointed.
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post Oct 10 2015, 09:58 AM
Oh you poor soul, You're actually diving into the terror that is Shield fangirls. I am so sorry for you...
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I'm very concerned.

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post Oct 10 2015, 03:21 PM
Well, I had actually not given it conscious thought that wrestling held the potential for gay-hungering fangirls to produce written works such as this, but in hindsight the realm of wrestling probably fosters more fan-creations than I care to guess.
I do wonder how many of them can simply be categorized as celebrity-fics, instead of diving into the reality-warping ring and make something of their personas, though.

I agree on your thought of this fanfic. The way it handles the topic and its characters comes off as both exploitative and kind of unnecessary to me. The cast could be changed without anyone noticing. To me, this entire thing ends up sounding like a odd dream retold by a friend who couldn't take it serious, either. It doesn't help that I've never watched wrestling, and I'm pretty convinced I could have inserted Aladdin, Altair, and Aragon into it instead, and gotten a more entertaining story out of it.

I'm a bit at odds about the author. This is well written, but I'm not entirely sure their dedication was up to par. Having taken a look at statistics, Google sure enough lists a 74% survival rate for Stage 2 kidney cancer. However, after looking deeper, its indicated that 95% of all men survive the statistic-referencing period, causing the severity of this drama to be taken down so quickly that I wish I knew a proper wrestling move to describe it with.

This post has been edited by ConcernedGamer: Oct 10 2015, 03:23 PM

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post Oct 10 2015, 04:46 PM
QUOTE (ConcernedGamer @ Oct 10 2015, 07:21 PM) *
I do wonder how many of them can simply be categorized as celebrity-fics, instead of diving into the reality-warping ring and make something of their personas, though.

I'm hardly an expert on the subject, but just from the sample of fics I've skimmed through to mock, there aren't a lot. I think the number one "genre," if you care to call it that, would be what wrestling fans call "fantasy booking," which is basically just writing a fanfiction about a Career Mode in a video game. It's really not that different from someone writing a fic where Daenerys Targarian kills Walter White or something. So very little fourth wall breaking is actually happening, even in the millions of self-insert fics of that type.

Others, like the one above, are just fics using the characters in different situations. There are tons of those, and the only people that have more dedicated to them than the Shield members are John Cena and Randy Orton. A couple might mention their real names or something, but it's hard to tell if they mean the character or the "celebrity" playing them. Wrestling's fourth wall is weird that way.

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post Oct 13 2015, 09:10 AM
Every Monday night as I'm watching RAW, I can't help but think to myself that WWE superstars would be just so much cooler if you took away all of the action, turmoil and athleticism, and replaced it with shallow, meaningless monologues about love and pseudo love triangles.

Somebody apparently thought that, which is what brings us here tonight.

The following fic is one of mankind's biggest mistakes: an Alternate Universe fanfic. Whereas last time, the Shield members were in a very bland, “real world” fanfic about cancer tangentially related to their characters, this time, they are all the in a universe where everything is different! Rather than being the cool dogs of war that everyone seemed to like, they are all forlorn love seekers. Instead of Roman Reigns being a badass Samoan superman, he works at a bakery where he's often hit on by other gay dudes.

How could this possibly be a bad idea?!

NEGOTIATION TACTICS, by Funky in Fishnet

Jey was smiling so widely that Roman knew what he was going to say before he even starting saying it.

After the fifth or sixth time Jey shouted "spaghett," it stopped being funny and Roman knew that Tim and Eric had to be vanquished.

Roman's heart shouldn't have flipped over but that's what it felt like it did. He kneaded the dough hard and shot Jey a warning look. Jey just held his hands up.

Such is life for a dark skinned brother. #SamoanLivesMatter

"Hey, don't shoot the messenger. But they're here again and they're definitely looking for you."


"The fag police! Haha, got eeeeeeeeeeeem!"

Roman shaped the dough and carefully scooped it onto a tray. He brushed his tacky hands down his plain navy apron and shouldered past his cousin.

"Get that done," he told Jey as he headed out of the kitchen.

It wasn't a big place; a family-run bakery stocked with tasty pastries and bread, sweet and savory, and run by family. There was a lot of family to run it. It might have felt like an obligation to some but Roman had always enjoyed the work. His strong hands were really well suited to kneading and lifting heavy pans but they could handle delicate lattice work and elaborate frosting jobs too.

His hands were also well suited to punching people in the face, but that would make this story too interesting.

He liked working beside his twin cousins, Jimmy and Jey and Jimmy's wife Naomi and whoever else ended up taking a shift with him.

Unfortunately the only people working there happened to be Roman's non-The Rock cousins, so nobody interesting ever showed up.

There were a couple of customers that he was always pleased to see too.

He emerged from the back and was immediately spotted by Dean and Seth. Dean was literally crouched on a chair, his legs folded up underneath him and his body jittering as usual.

The role of Dean Ambrose in tonight's fic will be played by Michael J. Fox.

His hair was wet and curling and there was a bruise on his neck that he seemed happy to show off. Seth was sat opposite him, cellphone in hand and a fond wicked look on his face. They both wore all black and their gazes on Roman were way too greedy.

I choose to envision both of them as wielding one of those Snidely Whiplash moustaches while wringing their hands.

Roman took a deep breath, they weren't serious, they were playing a fucking stupid game –

Excuse me, but Punch Buggy is an incredibly strategic and intense challenge.

who could win the lion's share of Roman's attention probably. And they'd more than likely skipped breakfast.

"You been hiding, big guy?" asked Dean, way too loudly.

Roman gave him a quelling look and snapped on a pair of gloves so that he could scoop up a couple of cheese and tomato rolls to warm up for Seth. Dean and Seth's gazes were intense, drawing him in, but they were always intense on each other too and he'd seen them argue, throw punches and make out all in one afternoon.

Yeah, that about sums up most wrestling relationships.

He wasn't anything like either of them so they couldn't be serious, it was all just stupid fun to them.

Oh no, Roman is different. I bet that makes him feel sad and we're going to hear about it repeatedly.

Seth wandered over to the counter and paid for the food. His expression was warm now, "You always know what we want."

Dean was leering and Roman still felt that pull towards them but he shook his head and told them to have a good day and to keep the noise down. Seth frowned and looked disappointed.

I bet the cheese balls weren't even that good to begin with.

Roman's heart lurched but he refused to let himself lean forward like he wanted to smooth those frown lines away. Dean glowered but when Seth reached their table, he muttered something quietly which made Dean's jaw loosen a fraction and his ankle tangle with Seth's. Ignoring all pulls, Roman looked away.

If your behavior is so gay that it creeps out gay baker Roman Reigns, then you might want to tone it down a bit.

The beginnings of this story went like this – Roman was reading the sports pages behind the counter one day

This happened to be on Roman's day off of being totally effeminate.

when a scruffy tired-eyed but hypnotically-jittery figure plowed into the bakery, all leather, ripped jeans and monosyllabics.

He ordered a very black coffee and a couple of slices of triple-chocolate cake and when Roman delivered them to his table, he started staring through his bangs. Roman met his gaze and then went back to his sports pages. The guy's eyes had been piercing though and something about his body language had drawn Roman's stare. The guy grinned then, running a hand across his stubbled chin and smirked down at his cellphone, texting furiously.

Roman heard the sound of a chopper rushing towards him, and all he remembered after was a huge explosion and someone shouting "O'Doyle Rules!"

He looked like the kind of guy who showed up on local news for robbing a convenience store. Roman had foiled more than one attempt at the bakery before so he was more than ready, but the guy just smiled through a mouthful of cake, slurped down his coffee and then swaggered over to the counter. Everything about him now seemed provocatively sinewy, how had he done that?

How had he looked "consisting of or resembling sinews?" I don't know. Diet and exercise?

He looked alert and sharp too dangerous, and Roman didn't want to look away.

"Why aren't you on the menu?" the guy demanded.

Haha. Silly Dean. Bakeries don't serve people!

Roman snorted because he'd heard worse lines than that but not many. The guy – Dean, he revealed – looked pleased with himself and told Roman not to worry because he'd be back. Roman smiled for the rest of the day, freaking out his cousins. He frosted a batch of coffee cupcakes in shades of gray, black and white.

Was he frosting them in at least fifty shades of gray?

"Whoever it is, bag 'em tomorrow," Jimmy told him. "I ain't takin' no more of that creepy smile."

"Scarin' the customers, bro," Jey agreed.

Yeah, fuck off with you're being happy 'n shit, Roman.

The next day, Seth walked in, purposeful and with a slow interested smile. His hat was ridiculous and his chunky-framed glasses were cute, he looked like a delinquent playing a nerd. Loud music blurred out of his earbuds and he leaned against the counter, asking what looked good. He was aiming for charming – and Roman could admit that he found himself charmed – but his eyes were calculating and maybe the criminal-part wasn't so far off after all.

I hope WWE includes Hipster Seth Rollins, Parkinson's Patient Dean Ambrose and Gay Baker Roman Reigns in their next action figure line.

Roman served him and Seth ate in, his eyes following Roman. Roman was even aware of them when he got back to working in the kitchen where he fucking belongs, plaiting dough strands for an elaborate bread to show off in the window.

Seth's grin was catlike when Roman returned; he asked about Roman's taste in music and movies, had he tried CrossFit?

It was only a matter of time.

How long Roman had worked here, why wasn't he running his own bakery yet?

"This is family."

"The non-Rock part of the family, anyways."

Roman rested a hand on the countertop as he spoke. He never wanted to see this place, or his family's other bakeries, fall so here he was. Seth nodded thoughtfully, the light through the window dusted him with gold. He pretty much took Roman's breath away.

I'm perplexed at how shallow this whole “relationship” is starting out. Dean makes a bad pick up line and Roman's suddenly craving his boner, then Seth talks about CrossFit, and Roman becomes equally wet for him.

Like, how much of a slut is Roman Reigns?

Then he thought about Dean and felt immediately and bizarrely guilty. What the fuck? He barely knew either of them.

He knew then that he had a problem.

Oh no, did he leave the muffins in the oven?

It was a problem that only increased when Roman looked up a couple of days later and witnessed Dean and Seth walking into the bakery side by side. Seth was shaking his head at Dean who was leering back with his tongue poking out of the side of his mouth. He palmed Seth's ass and shot an almost expectant challenging look towards Roman.

You're in a bakery. I'm sure people are trying to eat in there.

Roman told them he charged extra for stalking and took their order, locking down any and all crazy wayward emotions. They were fucking with him, was this a competition? A bet? He shook his head. There was no way this was serious, no way. He'd met guys like Dean and Seth before; guys who were all swagger and slyness and sharp pretty looks, guys who mocked Roman's family values and personal idea of ambition and talked about the better service offered by Starbucks, guys who hit on Roman like he was a side-dish to be tried out never a main course, guys who laughed behind Roman's back and to his face. Yeah.

I haven't seen this much projecting outside of a drive-in theater.

Halfway through eating their lunch, Dean threw a chunk of cheese at Seth. It bounced off his cheek, Seth clipped Dean's ankle in retaliation. Jimmy, idling behind the counter beside Roman, looked like he was thinking of throwing them out. His parents, and Roman's, liked their establishment to stay trouble and fight free. They didn't want to get a reputation.

Fun Wrestling Fact: Jimmy and Jey's father is a dude named Rikishi, who is best known for rubbing his ass in people's faces. I don't think one fight is going to give you that bad of a rep.

Roman arched a look at the pair and asked in a low rumble if they wanted to get blacklisted. Dean's expression was all challenge and yearning and Seth's was hot with interest.

Y'all get turned on by the weirdest damn shit.

They both quietened down though and kept glancing at him, sending blazing tendrils of heat through Roman.

Did they just mentally tentaclel rape Roman?

Jimmy clapped him on the back.

"You're fucked, man."

He wishes...I think?

Yeah, that was about the truth of it.

So Dean and Seth kept visiting the bakery, together and separately, both making eyes at Roman whenever they weren't making eyes at each other. Roman felt like an arcade prize. Under the heat of being looked at so intensely by two attractive people who were making his skin thrum, Roman wasn't exactly happy.

Roman decided to cope with this by blogging about the rape and oppression he faced at his work place.

Seth loitered by the counter, stirring his coffee with a cinnamon stick, his hair long and loose for once. He looked up at Roman through his eyelashes, Roman's stomach clenched and his jaw tensed.

Dude, FunkyFishnet, you are ALWAYS looking at people "through your eyelashes." It's how your auricular anatomy is shaped.

"I don't appreciate games," he said, quiet but firm.

Seth arched disbelieving eyebrows. "Who says we're playing any?"

Dean reacted similarly the next day, his hand making patterns in the brown and white sugar. He looked amused at the idea "Who the fuck's playing games?"

Not Roman Reigns. Roman Reigns does not play games. He breaks them because he can't figure out how to open the packaging.

His gaze was fierce on Roman and Roman could feel questions and something hot and tender overflow inside of him.

Well, fuck.

Assuming you're referring to Roman's "hot and tender overflow," I'm legally bound to agree.

He stayed in the kitchen for a lot of shifts after that. The twins covered for him as did Naomi who treated Roman to an expression that said exactly what she thought of his behavior.

Run that sentence by me again?

Roman concentrated on shortcake and rainbow cookies and piped letters onto a cake that needed to go out to a party soon.

Who says we're playing?

Who the fuck's playing games?

Not Roman Reigns. Roman Reigns does not play games. He merely officiates to make sure everyone is playing fairly.

His fingers squeezed and the piping-bag squelched protestingly. Naomi was checking on cheesecakes and shook her head at him. She was wearing lime-green, it looked really good on her, and one of Jimmy's jackets with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows with Simple Plan written on the butt. She also looked like she was judging him.

Roman shoved a tray of red velvet cake into the oven and leaned back against the door, arms folded, tattoos telling their stories across his skin. Naomi closed the fridge and mirrored his body language.

"They're both moping, it's pathetic," she told him.

The thought of Seth and Dean still visiting the bakery, still looking for him and moping...Roman twitched but didn't leave the kitchen. Naomi's brow wrinkled, she was still judging him.

Fuck you Naomi, only God can judge Roman and his fluffly homo escapades.

"Seriously? When you all want the same thing?"

Roman shook his head even though his words felt hollow after Seth and Dean's protests, "I'm not playing their game."

Naomi's look of disbelief was strong. "What game? You don't have to choose, baby, you've never had to."

It's dumbfoundingly obvious that they wanted you to be part of their polyamorous relationship, Roman. God.

Roman froze, shot through with all kinds of images, and Naomi smiled, patting his arm as she walked towards the door "The way those two combust, they need those strong shoulders of yours. Remember, it's all about the negotiating."

Pfft. Bill Cosby never had to negotiate.

Now that the idea had been said out-loud in a way that he couldn't ignore, Roman thought about little else. He wasn't a stranger to that kind of action but were they offering one night or something more long-term? Roman knew that both Seth and Dean had already crawled their way into his veins and sinew. The offer he wanted to bring to the table was definitely long-term, it felt like a decision he'd made without his own knowledge. It felt right. No games.

Negotiating. Clearly there was a lot that Naomi wasn't telling him, just what had she negotiated relationship-wise?

There's a shit ton of negotiation in relationships. Compromise and communication are the cornerstones of any healthy long term deal, from things as trivial as what you're having for dinner to big picture items like what house you move into.

Something tells me Funky Fishnets isn't talking about that kind though, but rather some kind of sexual-power negotiation. You know, the kind that's incredibly unhealthy and that really, she has little concept of.

He dreamed about two bodies moving with his. He lay on his bed, fisting his cock, heaving out noises that he wanted to see them react to.

Oh dear god...I hope the author is just ignorant about what "fisting" entails and she's not actually suggesting...

He came with an arched shudder and a rattling groan.

He was so fucking opposite to them but he couldn't stop thinking about running his hands through their hair, pinning them down, putting them in their place. Fuck, was that up for negotiation too?

Are...are you really trying to get romantic/philosophical about the concept of rape?

Jesus Christ.

He did his work-out early that morning, sweating and wanting as he ran through his drills and weight-lifting. He thought about Seth doing CrossFit and Dean sparring furiously. Roman's cock strained against his shorts. He took a very cold shower.

Seth and Dean were going to be a handful, he could tell, but that felt like part of the appeal. Roman had always reacted well to trouble.

Two days later, he did an all-morning shift in the kitchen, he sprinkled Pop Rocks onto lemon-drizzle cakes and thought of Seth, he upped the heat in a batch of chilli-chocolate cakes and thought of Dean. Jimmy and Jey asked why he didn't ever make cakes with them in mind?

It's been mentioned off hand a few times in this story, but how the hell are Jimmy and Jey reading Roman's mind? And if they can, why the hell did they just ask their cousin to think about them sexually?

Samoans are fucking weird.

They were family after all. He threw them both twisted cheese pastries.

"Something sweeter."

"Definitely, something that pops."

"I'll pop you if you ruin my chocolate fruit rolls," Naomi told them, swinging past with a full chilled tray.

[Canned applause]

She was wearing stilettos and had her hair in big cloudy waves. She was getting ready to meet Cameron for lunch and was not going to be delayed. Jimmy and Jey immediately made room for her.

Holy shit, literally no one cares.

Roman slipped out of the kitchen while they were all distracted and appeared behind the counter. A small group of kids were crowded round a couple of tables, muttering loudly but not causing mayhem. An older guy was reading a book, his dog curled up at his feet. And Seth and Dean were sat near the window, both their gazes fixed on Roman. He smiled, just a little, and watched as something relaxed in Seth and Dean's postures. That felt good.

No Roman! Not in front of the children!

He began preparing their usual order, very aware of their eyes on him, and when neither of them ventured up to the counter, he loaded it all onto a tray and took it over to their table. Seth's foot daringly touched Roman's and then nudged a little at his ankle, playful and questioning, like he was testing the water. Maybe Roman wasn't the only one who'd been confused by their encounters.

Well shit, I'm kind of confused about your encounters.

Dean just looked intent and guarded. Had Roman done that? Had he caused Dean to throw those barriers up? He handed Dean his coffee first and made sure to graze his fingers along Dean's. The way Dean's gaze heated made Roman's mouth water.

Maybe they should serve Dean's gaze at this bakery.

It was time to stop risking mixed signals.

"You could have asked," he pointed out.

"So could you," Seth replied.

"You seemed nervy, man," put in Dean with the kind of grin created to wound. "Trauma's not our endgame, well, not here."

"That handsome guy over at the sushi restaraunt though? He's fucked."

Dean was looking jittery, without thinking about it Roman pressed a hand to Dean's arm and watched as the jitters lessened. He leaned close so that he couldn't be misunderstood.

"I don't play games. You want to negotiate, I'm all ears."

Roman Reigns does not play games. He plays well-crafted interactive EXPERIENCES!

Seth tilted his head, "You're fucking phenomenal in the kitchen – you have no idea how much cake I've been working off – you look good enough to eat and we like talking to you. We're sold."

"You cook good and you talk to us when we visit your store. Perfect boyfriend material."

"He's cheaper than me."

Dean's grin was amused now, calling for attention.

Well, I'm glad someone's amused in all this.

Roman slid a hand down Dean's arm to his hand and watched Dean's expression slacken. He could sense Seth reacting behind him too, his foot twitching against Roman's. He glanced back and didn't see jealousy exactly on Seth's face, it was more like envy and want and lust, like Seth liked the way that Roman and Dean looked together and just wanted to be part of it.

In actuality, Seth is just reminiscing about his most recent CrossFit session.

Now he thought about it, Roman couldn't see them going through all of this apparent effort and pain just for one night. But assuming had already caused problems so he spoke quietly.

"Whatever's being sold, a one-time thing's not my style here."

Seth's smile was broad and relieved and jolting with even more want. Roman's eyes darkened in response and he could feel Dean shift in Roman's grip. It was good, Roman knew that instinctively.

"You sure?" Seth asked, breathing a little heavy.

I'm sorry, Seth. Does Roman Reigns look like the type of person who plays games?

Roman tipped him a sardonic eyebrow; did he look like the kind of person who jumped into these kinds of decisions? He was even surer now, how long could they have been doing this together? They needed to work on their miscommunication.

Roman couldn't remember when he'd last felt this turned on. He licked his lips and felt Dean's knee press against his.

Not in front of the fucking children!

"Fucking exhibitionist," Dean ground out.

Right, they were in the bakery and the twins were probably watching by now.

Jimmy and Jey have a very strange fascination with wanting to watch their cousin bone dudes.

Roman released Dean, his other hand found Seth's, encased in a leather glove. The possibilities really were endless, weren't they?

Roman thought about cold cold showers and the fact that he was still stood in his family's bakery.

He should probably think about what the other patrons think about him playing grabass in the middle of the bakery.

He leaned down and spoke loud enough for only them to hear.

"We can negotiate that later."

He walked away from the table without a backward glance because he had to concentrate on work.

Unfortunately, even while working his preoccupation was so great that he could only bake cookies that looked suspiciously like dicks.

The door swung open and Cameron tottered in, full of bubbly greetings and stories of the latest song she'd recorded. Her boyfriend was going to come in later and was bound to make a big order. Roman thanked her as Naomi appeared from the back.

She smiled when she said goodbye to Roman with a look that said she knew her advice had helped and she was glad. Roman decided that he might work on a cupcake with lime-green frosting as a 'thank you.'

How wonderful an influence his entire family has been on this story.

Seth and Dean stayed there the whole afternoon; Seth worked on an iPad and Dean scrabbled through rough-looking handwritten notes. They argued and kissed and Dean offered Seth a bathroom blowjob a couple of times.

Alright, cool. Not going to discourage offering sexual favors in your family bakery. I get it.

Roman kept his distance but watched them. Now that he knew where the lines were, he looked forward to shading between them.

Here's where the fucking line is --> | And here is where Dean is. <---

The twins teased him but offered firmed-up smiles that said they were happy for him. They offered to take on his shift so that he could get off early but Roman shook his head. He didn't want to set a precedent and he got the feeling that giving Dean an inch would only encourage him to take a mile.

A mile up your butt.

Later, once the sign was flipped to 'closed' on the bakery door and Jimmy and Jey had disappeared, hooting at Roman before talking about what they wanted to try off of the high dive later, Roman hung up his apron and found Dean and Seth waiting for him, side by side. Dean was slouched against Seth, Seth was kissing Dean's temple with clear affection as Roman caught sight of them. They really did look good together.

Having set the building alarmaflame, Roman led them out of the bakery and locked it all up. He paused on the sidewalk and let them come close. He could feel their body heat and eager energy, it did him good. He got the feeling that there was a lot more good to come. They'd left the decision up to him in the end, hadn't they? They'd thrown him clues – which hadn't helped at all – and had waited for him to make a move. They hadn't wanted to push him away.

More like "push him a-gay."

He slowly brushed a hand through Seth's hair, "Let's keep things clear, you want something, say it."

"You too," Dean added, like he was bargaining.

Roman rested a hand at the nape of Dean's neck and squeezed, which got him a shiver. He filed that information away for later, they were giving him so much ground, like they wanted him to take it. Would their next all-out advance come soon? It felt like it would, Roman didn't know how he knew that. He knew he was looking forward to it. Had they tried this with anyone else? Did they want to? Roman didn't like that thought at all.

You are super fucking possessive of two guys that just invited you into their gang bang.

He nodded and looked at them both intently, like they'd been looking at him for weeks now. Seth grinned, sharp and hungry, and leaned in to kiss Roman, it was only a taste but it felt devouring. Roman made a sound deep in his chest as Seth, staying close, grabbed a handful of Dean's shirt and twisted.

They walked back to Roman's apartment in a huddle, all frequently interconnected somehow. Dean used words like he was trying to figure more of Roman out, like the conversations they'd had before had only been a taster of his curiosity.

He wants to get to know the person he'll soon be banging a bit better. What a lunatic fringe!

Seth's words snapped against Dean's, sounding like old arguments. Roman answered honestly.

Yes, his family had been part of the city for years. Yes, a few of them were famous and well-respected but everyone was made to work hard and earn that kind of recognition in his family.

No, none of those people are involved in this story, I guess because they have way more self-respect.

People didn't always see that, they just saw a name that must have granted him the run of the city, a perspective that was so far from the truth. His family was important to him though, they just weren't all he was. He wished that more people got that.

For people not into wrestling, earlier this year Roman Reigns got a very nasty reaction from the fans after winning the Royal Rumble. I'm guessing this part of the story is going to be some sort of metaphor for that which has all of the weight as a Naruto fanfic writer telling people to lay off their Sasuke-kun.

Ambitions? To keep certain city factions off of his family's back. The city kept trying to dictate the direction the family-run chain of bakeries but that wasn't happening. And the family weren't giving up their recipes to anyone. Roman liked to invent new ones, he liked to play football, work out and hang out with his cousins and invite them to go bowling.

Dean looked intent and thoughtful as he listened to Roman's answers. A lot of his responses were cutting but Roman reacted with steady looks, revealing why Dean needed to back off, and he didn't retreat. He saw how Dean didn't like hearing 'no' but he also saw that Dean did listen to explanations, filleting them and sneering at any excuses.

I don't know what the hell is supposed to be happening or how I'm supposed to fap to it.

Seth looped an arm around Roman's waist like it belonged there and rolled his eyes at some of Dean's replies. He talked about his gym job and how he was thinking of opening his own place. He tugged on Roman's beltloops and nudged his jaw against Roman's face, like a tease and a mark of intention.

Inside Roman's apartment, the lightbulbs weren't all that bright and the place needed to be vacuumed and aired but Dean and Seth were there and that was more than enough to focus on.

You could also vacuum occasionally so that you're not living in a cesspit, but whatever. I'm not your mother. If I was, I'd be very disappointed.

It was here that Seth and Dean made their next advance.

Soon enough, Roman was laying back on the couch, gazing down at Dean licking at the marks that he'd made on Roman's thighs. Seth was almost on top of Roman, his hands and mouth exploring every inch that he could reach. When his hand got close to Roman's cock, Seth paused and flicked his gaze upwards, questioning and hungry and challenging and wanting. Dean's teeth dug deeper. The sight of them both like that, so physically different, their eyes dark and breaths heavy, but their purpose the same hardened Roman's cock. He nodded and growled and they shivered, even though the apartment was cloyingly warm. Roman already loved watching them like this, experiencing their advance, he wanted to hear, see and feel more of them. He'd make them waffles in the morning and finally find out what Dean did for a living and make some time to visit Seth's gym.

So you just go from them fucking like dogs to talking about waffles? I have no idea what this story is trying to accomplish.

Maybe he'd suck Seth off, Dean too or maybe Seth could do that. It might be too much to try and fit them all in the shower at once, it was worth a try though. Roman would definitely keep on negotiating.

Roman Reigns is such a fag. Especially when he's in bed with other men.

-the end

So to recap, Roman Reigns is a baker who has two dudes trying to do him, but he doesn't play games, so his cousin's wife tells him he can do both of them, so he does, and the word "negotiation" seems to get thrown around a lot, despite no real negotiating going on.

Again, getting past the ludicrous idea of "hurr durr the shield being yaoi" for a minute, what the hell happened here? I don't know if people actually think this shit is good, or if I just haven't read enough gay fanfics (which I am perfectly comfortable with). I don't know what mark this was trying to hit. What was with all the fluff and rigamarole if the end result just ended up being smut-lite? Is this what all those women's novels with the mermaid on front read like?

Both of Us, as stupid and overwrought as it was, was a story. This wasn't even a story. It was like a half-hearted Penthouse article with the stuff straight women or gay men would presumably want to read about. It's a failure as a story and it's a failure as porn.

Oh well. Guess the readers will just have to get their jollies in another story...

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Post #7

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post Oct 17 2015, 06:27 AM
The fourth wall in professional wrestling is odd, so much so that it has it's own word: kayfabe. You wouldn't go up to a guy like Samuel L. Jackson and say "Hey Nick Fury," you would say "Hey, Samuel L. Jackson." Conversely, you wouldn't go up to a wrestler, for example, Hulk Hogan, and call him by his real name. He would be "Mr. Hogan," not "Mr. Bollea." Calling him by his real name is considered insulting, even though he's played other characters besides "Hulk Hogan." The only exception might be the Rock, and it took him years for people to actually learn his first and last name. Because of that, the division between a wrestler and their character is often very difficult to suss out. Even "smart" fans might have a hard time distinguishing where one ends and the other begins.

For fanfic writers, then, the issue can get even more hazy. You might have wrestlers in the fanfics calling each other by their first name, or they might use their character name while interacting with their "real life," as envisioned by the fanfic writer. So the "reality" of the world of the fanfic becomes a jumbled, grimy mess.

This fanfic is one of those. Unlike the previous two entries, though, this one is tangentially related to the professional wrestling characters, but obviously the plot takes place outside the ring. It is also, again, unlike the other two, pretty much pure smut, which means that it is very, very explicit. In other words, don't read this at work, unless your boss is very, very cool.

They Didn't Call Him The Architect For Nothing, by DearNoAttachments

A/N: I took this down the first time because the Seth hate and how he ruined ambreigns. This is a one shot not a story. And it's not just ambreigns, it's obviously Ambrolleigns. Featuring all three. So I won't take that Seth bashing crap. I still love Seth.

Man, I hate it when fans bash my favorite character and force me to take down my porn fics. I also hate portmanteau names, but I guess I'll pick my battles on this one.

Enjoy this kinky one shot


"Roman!" Seth hugged the older man and smiled. "That interview you did was good, you really got them hot out there."

And probably got them hot in here.

Roman smiled and shook his head.

"I did nothing man. I'm glad to see you. Where's Dean?" Roman looked around then saw Dean walking down the backstage hallway with his shirt off.

As Dean often does, inexplicably.

"Hey Dean!" He called out. ”Let's go bowling!”

"Uce!" Dean jogged over to Roman and roughly hugged him, knocking them both back into the wall. "I missed you dude, what the fuck? Are you cleared officially? You're fuckin' coming back next month? Why can't it be sooner?"

Dude, you're like a puppy with a bone...Oh.

"Jeez, calm down." Seth shook his head and laughed at Dean's questions. "But yeah, are you officially medically cleared?"

"Yeah." Roman nodded. "They need to write me in again. Think I'm gonna be beating your ass a lot Seth." Roman snickered and Dean did as well. Seth rolled his eyes and smiled.

Yeah, I bet he will be beating your ass a lot...but also in a gay way.

"You always beat my ass and I don't complain." Seth tilted his head and folded his arms against his chest. There was two meanings to that. Roman smirked a bit. "But lately only Dean has been doing it."

Goddamnit, don't proactively steal my immature jokes. They're all I have!

"I'm sorry. You know I gotta take care of my daughter and my wife." Roman sighed. "I'm here for a whole day. You guys have me, whatever you want to do."

I can't be the only reader to find it off-putting that in the same line that Roman mentions his family, he goes on to talk about how he's going to cheat on his wife with Seth and Dean.

Soon Seth had to go, his match was about to start in a few minutes. "Do good out there Seth." Roman gave the two-toned man a good luck slap on the ass then followed Dean into his locker room to watch the match.

"Do well," Roman. Don't let the fact that you're alone in Dean's locker room ruin your grammar.

He sat on the bench and watched the monitor. Team Cena was coming out first.

Roman was glad Dean had his own locker room. A lot has changed since he got injured. He looked over to see Dean stripping of his clothes. Dean looked at him for a moment then shook his head while smiling. "How have you been Roman?"

"Good actually. Even better now that I get to see my boys." Roman leaned over and smacked one of Dean's ass cheeks hard.

Between this story and Negotiation Tactics, I've seen more ass slapping than a donkey punching contest.

Dean hissed but didn't say anything he just glared at the assaulter. "Is Leighla here?"

"Yeah she's in the crowd I think. I saw her post a picture on Instagram." Dean laughed. "Didn't know I knew what that was huh?"

Roman smiled. "Well why is he mad then about me not being here. He has to go home with her tonight and I'm 100% sure he's gonna pound her ass."

You know that's a super good question. Actually it's not, but it made me think of a better question. Why are Roman, Dean and Seth even dating these other women if they're really gay for each other? It's not like WWE doesn't have openly gay wrestlers or are hostile to the idea of promoting gay superstars.

Dean shook his head then cackled. "No no. She has to get on the plane after this PPV. Like, this wasn't her day off." He smiled. "And ya know, my girl, she has to go back to her place for the night. So it's just us, perfect eh?"

So perfect, you might even call it a contrivance.

Also, your girl works with you. How has she not caught on to the three way ass play going on?

"Yeah." Roman's eyes went on the monitor again when he heard Michael Cole screaming. "Holy Shit, Sting is here? I didn't even see him."

Yeah, that sounds like something a WWE commentator would say on a live broadcast.

Dean smiled at the monitor, he loved Sting. A child like smile broke out on his features. Even though The Shield broke up it didn't stop them from being together, they couldn't carpool anymore but that was okay.

Why can't they carpool? It's not like characters who are enemies can't ride together. If anything it'd give your homo three-way a very convincing subterfuge.

Not that any of them have been at all subtle about it so far.

They still met up in the same place. After the PPV Dean would ride with Roman back to the hotel and Seth would ride with Leighla so he could drive her to the airport then drive back to the hotel.

After the sting debut Dean went into the shower finally so he wouldn't stand there fucking naked for any longer. Seth came into the locker room not too long after then locked the door behind him. "I'm so fucking tired."

I'm also so fucking tired...of your attitude!

"Too tired for tonight?" Roman questioned with one of his brows raised.

"Oh hell no. I have something planned for us."

"So is it a new position for me and Dean to bend you in or what is it?"

Even better! It's a nice quiet night playing cards and chatting about work. Best of all, everyone gets to keep their clothes on, yay!

"Nothing like that. You won't be doing anything to me." Seth smirked then started to strip of his gear. "I need a shower." Dean just came out the shower stall when he said that.

"Lookin' good Sethie." Dean laughed when Seth growled at that nickname. "Showers' all yours." Seth walks passed and got a hard slap on the ass by Dean and Roman.

I guess...like, guys slapping each other on the ass is a big turn on for fangirls?

"You guys are perverts. Don't wait on me to finish. Go to the hotel and I'll be there later. Do not start anything without me or I will be angry."

"You guys are perverts. Now go to the hotel room and wait for me to have sex with you both!"

Dean and Roman just got into the hotel room together. Dean had a really nice suite, the bed was big enough for more than four people.

Four people, huh? Sounds like you need a self-insert OC character to walk by.

Nah, I'm kidding. That's not going to happen. That would be funny though, right?

"You're getting treated good. Damn boy." Dean closed the door behind him and decided not to lock it so Seth wouldn't have any trouble. Roman sat on the bed and kicked off his shoes and socks. "Seth said he has something planned tonight but he didn't tell me what it was. I'm a little scared."

"I swear to God if he wants us to dress up as characters I'm leaving." Dean grunted.

Dean enjoyed the high school girls cosplay, but when Seth brought in the Nazi uniforms, they all agreed that a line had been crossed.

"I'm hoping he's just gonna punish you and not me, you're the one who's been gone. I've been here."

"You just gonna throw me under the bus like that? He cannot punish me." Roman laughed loudly. "That doesn't even sound right." He watched as Dean stripped down to his briefs slowly. "I really missed you guys.." He licked his lips when Dean walked over to him and kissed him on the lips then the forehead.

"Missed you too." Dean mumbled back. "Strip down." Roman stood up and Dean moved back only a few steps. He really did miss Roman. The Samoan took off his clothes and let them drop to the floor without a care. Once done he pulled Dean to him and kissed him on the lips then slowly let their tongues go into each other's mouth. Dean groaned, a groan that said he's missed this too much.

Fuck dude, you have a girlfriend you go home to. You should not be THIS lonely.

This was always the simple part, they could kiss and touch but they couldn't fuck each other without a fight.

That sounds like a very healthy sexual relationship if I ever heard one.

Took a lot of work for them to submit so they decided to just double team on Seth instead, the youngest man didn't mind that at all. At least they thought.

Dean's hand rubbed down Roman's back slowly. It landed on an ass cheek, he squeezed and slapped it hard.


Roman grunted then moved both of his hands to Dean's ass and groped hard, pulling them apart then slapping each cheek just as hard. When the kiss stopped both of them were semi-hard.

Five and six. I don't think this is what they mean when they talk about "assplay."

"Seth needs to hurry the fuck up." Dean mumbled. Just on there was a knock on the door. "Who is it?"

"Dude it's Seth, who else?"

Satan, probably.

"Come in bro." Dean put his arm around Roman's waist and watched as Seth came in with a smile but then stopped, dropping his bag and closing the door behind him quickly.

"What the hell? Did you guys do something already? I told you not to." Seth locked the door and frowned at Dean and Roman's laughter.

Seth is very demanding for someone who wears a gimp suit to the ring.

"The hell is so funny?"

"We didn't do anything. This plan must really have you excited." Roman replied. Seth took off all of his clothes and joined the two older man.

"Of course." He finally replied after 20 minutes of awkwardly undressing and crying. Seth slid in between them, his ass pressed against Dean's cock while his front was pressed against Roman's cock. He kissed Roman first while wrapping his arms around his neck. Dean watched with parted lips. He grabbed Seth's hips and rubbed his now fully hard dick between his cheeks. Seth stopped the kiss with Roman and looked back at Dean. "Na uh. You don't get to have this tonight."

Dunno why you assumed the position then.

"And why the fuck not?" Dean growled then gave Seth's ass a few hard slaps.

To hell with it. Slap each other's asses silly as far as i care.

"I'm gonna get some ass tonight. It's gonna be you or him. Either way. I am getting laid."

Haha, the old Prom After-Party strategy. Classic Dean.

"Don't be like that." Seth chuckled then turned to Dean, kissing him and biting his cheek gently. "I got other plans like I said."

"And what the hell are they Seth?" Dean groaned when Seth squeezed his dick.

All I know is I hope this one goes better than Seth's March Madness pyramid scheme.

"Calm your ass down and let me talk about it." Seth moved from both men and smiled. "Sit." Dean and Roman sat on the bed next to each other and watched Seth paced a bit. "Okay. You guys are always double teaming my mouth and ass." The way Seth started made Roman blush and Dean snicker.

They're both fucking fourteen.

"Shut up Dean. Anyway. I never see you guys..Like ya know. Bang each other. What the hell? Do you guys even do that?"

"I mean yeah..But it's hard."

That's generally the point, yes.

Roman looked at Dean who was rubbing his thumb down his cock. "We struggle to get each other submit. It's always a fight. You never see because you're off sometimes since The Shield broke up. Our different schedules.

"But yes." Dean finished. "We've fucked each other before. More than once. Sometimes we leave marks on each other's body and it needs to be covered up. So we kind of just, like you said..Double team your mouth and ass."

Plus Seth is the most womanly of the group.

Hey, I'm starting to think Roman and Dean aren't really gay after all!

Seth pouted. "Well that doesn't seem fair at all." He went to his bag and bent over to get the items he wanted. Dean whistled at the view and Seth looked back at him and smiled farted.

I have chosen to make this story better in this one instance.

"Alright. Here's how it's gonna go." Seth threw the biggest item in Roman's hand. "You're gonna both submit to each other."

"What kind of.." Dean eyed the toy with wide eyes. "Seth where did you get this?"

"Well I'm not going to lie to you Dean. I won it at a church raffle."

"Don't worry about that. So are you guys in?"

Roman eyed the double headed dildo and furrowed his brows. Dean grabbed it and shook his head. "Nah. But I like this dark blue color."

"Oh bullshit. You guys are doing it." Seth threw the lube at Dean's chest and cocked a brow.

And browed a cock.

"If not then you won't be fucking me anymore. It's only fair for me to see you guys fuck. I never ask you two for anything. And plus, there won't be any type of fighting for submitting when you guys will both have something up your ass now come on."

"See Seth, this is why we didn't want to fuck you in the ass, you're such a crybaby."

Roman looked at Dean and sighed. "It is fair, Dean."

"Roman.. Come on now." Dean frowned. "Even if we did do it, what would you do? Just watch and that's it?"

"Well yeah and jerk off. What the hell else Dean? Open your mind up and try it." Seth smiled when Roman climbed onto the bed further. "See Roman is gonna try. Now get on the bed Dean."

Man, Roman's such a goody-goody, always willing to shove things up his butt.

Dean mumbled under his breath but crawled to the middle of the bed. Even though he wasn't really up for this his cock was still hard and so was Roman's.

"Okay. So..We need to prep ourselves..Unless you wanna prep each other." Roman said to Dean who was just eyeing the dildo and lube. "Dean."

"Huh? Right prepping." He hummed then looked back at Seth. "What? Do you want us to prep each other huh?" He laughed then stopped when Seth nodded. "Seth. I was joking."

Dude, you're already going to be DP'ing a dildo, is administering some lube really going to be that awkward for you?

"But I'm not." Seth smiled then walked over to the side of the bed. "Get on top of him Dean." Seth was stroking himself slowly, just watching the two follow his commands. It didn't take long for Roman to start getting Dean ready first. Dean was just at the bottom of him sucking his dick slowly while rubbing circles over his hole slowly. "Fuck.." Seth whispered. "Dean, what are you waiting for?"

Dean took his mouth off Roman's member and eyed Seth. "Don't rush me." Without warning Dean poured a glob of lube down Roman's entrance and smiled. "Gotta get it real wet so it'll be easier to let my fingers sink it." He gasped when two of Roman's fingers brushed over his spot. "Dammit.."

"There we go.." Roman whispered. He grunted when Dean pushed two fingers inside of him slowly. They fingered each other good, stretching and adding another finger. Three deep into each other and letting out sighs and soft pants. Roman put Dean's dick into his mouth and sucked as his fingers went faster.

So I kind of get the "fingering" thing to make it easier, but why are they sucking each other's dicks? And why is sucking dick not such a big deal, but "submitting" is impossible? I may just be an ignorant straight dude, but that doesn't seem right or necessary.

"Roman, fuck..Fuck!" Dean pumped his hips so Roman could take him faster. Seth moaned at the scene but didn't speed up his hand, he was so fucking hard. He should of asked for this a long time ago.

"Should have." Come on now, Seth, you're supposed to be the smart one.

"Okay guys.." Seth spoke up. "Are you ready? Dean got off of Roman slowly, he just wanted some type of release. Seth was about to say something but he closed his mouth and watched as Dean got on all fours and lubed up one side of the dildo. "You really want that release don't you?"

"You have no idea, Seth." Dean spread his legs and slowly entered the side he lubed inside of himself. "Fucking shit.."

Yeah, I guess that's the idea.

Roman and Seth moaned at the view, Dean would do anything for his fucking release and they all knew that.

You can vividly describe scenes of guys screwing and using toys on each other, but you can't bring yourself to write the word "orgasm?"

Dean looked back at Roman and licked his lips. "Come on."

Roman grabbed the bottle of lube and poured it on his side, holding it steady while Dean watched. Roman turned around on all fours and lined his side of the toy to his entrance. Seth watched with parted lips, his cock was leaking pre-cum profusely as he stroked himself slower.
Roman pushed it in half way with a loud grunt. "It's so big, Seth."

That's not what she said.

"Sorry.." Seth's apology didn't sound so sincere, he was too turned on. "You guys look so fucking good, Jesus."

Don't bring Jesus into this. Jesus wants nowhere near this shit.

"Just you both submitting..Fuck that's so hot." Dean gripped the sheets and started to push back against Roman, he let out a shuddered breath when he felt his spot get rubbed over gently.

I kept wondering why the author kept referring to each of their "spots," and in searching found out that dudes have a G Spot too. I also found out a bunch of other things I really didn't want to know about prostates. But the point is, I guess gay porn can be educational after all.

Roman just closed his eyes and let Dean buck back into him, he was fucking both of them. And fuck, it felt great. Dean's ass was smacking against his softly from the slow pace. Dean bucked back hard and made Roman arch his back and grunt. "Come on Roman, help me out, it'll feel way better."

Roman looked back at Dean who was already looking at him then nodded. He started to buck back at the same pace Dean was going.

With all this bucking, you'd think this was brony porn.

He felt his prostate get rubbed over oh so gently. Whipping his head back to move his hair from his face he spread his legs wider too.

Seth squeezed the head of his cock and let out a sigh. "Fuckin' hot.." He mumbled. His hand was all wet from his pre-cum, he didn't know it would be this good to watch. "Faster."

That sounds like something you ought to see a doctor about.

Dean and Roman obeyed and started to buck back faster into each other, their asses slapping together in a rhythm. Roman clawed at the sheets and finally let out a loud groan. His spot was getting stimulated so much. Dean looked back at Roman and bit his bottom lip slightly. "That feel good?" He swirled his hips around and arched his back. "'Cause it feels so fuckin' amazing to me Roman..So good."

"Yeah.." Roman whispered his reply. Seth came over to Dean's side of the bed since he was closer to the edge. He rubbed his cock against his lips and moaned when the Ohioan took it into his mouth without hesitation.

Usually when I see people use indirect pronouns like that, it refers to something relevant, not the state they're from.

Unless I'm missing some very interesting information about the people of Ohio...

Seth ran his fingers through Dean's damp hair and started to fuck his mouth quickly. When it became too much he yanked Dean's head back and groaned at the string of saliva that dripped from the head of his cock and from Dean's mouth.

Seth climbed on the bed in front of Roman and sat up on his knees. "Suck me Rome."

Seth then went on to insult Rome's local sports team, demonstrating how much of a wrestling villain he truly was.

Roman took Seth into his mouth and started to bob his head quickly. Dean pushed back into Roman faster and lulled his head back, they were all getting super sweaty. "Fuck, fuck, fuck.." Dean chanted. Seth was gonna cum if he kept this up so he pulled Roman off his cock then crawled off the bed. He couldn't hold on too much longer.

I guess maybe your CrossFit gives you super endurance, but just blow your load already dude, I'm tired of reading this.

Roman bucked back faster, finally free was sucking off Seth. "You like that, Dean?" His deep voice was oozing pure sex.

That seems like something you'd say about a singer, not a dude you're currently in the middle of.

"God yeah..Yes Roman, fuck yes." Dean started to shake. "I'm about to cum guys."

Entire guys? That's a lot of semen.

"Not yet Dean."

"Seth.." Dean looked over to Seth with parted lips. "I can't hold on much longer."

"Just hold on." Seth's hand was speeding up quickly, his cock was throbbing and twitching and his balls were tightening. Roman and Dean bucked back all the way and called out each other names.

Hurtful names. Roman just up and shouted racial epithets. It was really uncomfortable.

The toy disappeared until they moved forward again and slammed right back into each other. "Look at you guys..Finally on the same page."

I don't think that's possible, but who am I to doubt the capacity of a man's ass?

Roman's toes curled, he was ready now. So fucking ready. "I'm about to cum..I'm about to c-" Roman cried out and released. His cum spurting on the bed sheets below him. Dean's eyes rolled back and he came with a raspy cry, his cock finally shooting out his product, on his stomach and sheets. Seth grunted at the scene then let his head fall back as his own product shot out. It went all over his fingers and down to his balls.

"Oh my God." Dean finally said. "I mean like, holy fucking shit."

"Yeah." Roman agreed, he didn't know what he was really agreeing to but he was agreeing.

Sounds like every Terms and Conditions page I've ever seen.

"I never seen anything so hot before and I've been to a homeless shelter." Seth commented then blushed. "I guess we could call this a welcome back party?"

Roman laughed and slowly released the toy. "Best party ever.You know, except for Lemon Party." Dean took the toy out of himself and rolled onto his back, trying to catch his breath back.

"Roman, we need you back way sooner."

Seth crawled into bed and kissed both of their lips.

Eww, gross. Those dudes have had dicks on their lips.

"I think Dean enjoyed being fucked like that, Ro."

"Whatever." Dean sighed. "I did..I wouldn't mind being in your spot Seth."

"What you mean, me and Roman double teaming your mouth and ass."

"Yeah whatever." Dean closed his eyes and smiled.

See, I think we all learned a valuable lesson today. It's not fair to always make the smallest and puniest member of your group take it up the ass and mouth each time you get together. Sometimes it's nice to switch roles and take the double dicking instead of your friend. And who knows, if you open up to new things, you may just like them.

And also dude's have a G Spot. I learned a lot today.

"Or we could push Roman into that spot."

"Nah." Roman shook his head slowly. "You're going into that spot."

"No I'm not."

"Yes you are."


[Canned laughter]

Seth rolled his eyes at their bickering. "Stop it." He laughed when they both looked at him. "I'm just glad you're gonna be back on the road with us soon Roman."

"Me too Seth, me too."

The End. [Full House Theme Plays]

So that was definitely porn. Definitely wish-fulfillment on a pornographic stage. Not much else to say about that. I at least give it some points for being honest about its intentions, unlike Negotiation Tactics, where any of the titilating details were obscured in bullshit fluff. I'm not people's moral judge so I can't condemn it for being porn, though I can condemn it for being really terrible and creepy, considering these are real life people and not fictional characters being portrayed. Both of Us was entirely in kayfabe, but this one couldn't decide which side of the fourth wall it wanted to be on.

Also, it seems odd to me that this story of all of the ones out there got hit by fans flaming about the break up of the Shield. It's not really a shipping fic, and it takes place long after the event kicked up. This is, of course, assuming that the author's not just being an attention whore like every other writer on FFN by deleting her own stuff. Then again, fanbases are crazy as shit, as this entire series shows.

I'm thinking way too much about that.

Anyway, I hope the people reading these enjoyed them on some level. It was my first time trying to mock something that was any sense of explicit, so hopefully my commentary doesn't come off as too stilted.

Truth out.

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Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 22nd August 2017 - 12:37 PM