Neverending Twilight, Somehow managing to make Twilight worse Options

[Al_Cone]

This baby is a Twilight rewrite set in the backdrop of Teen Titans.

It gets worse. Self-contradictions, abuse of flowery adjectives and a healthy dollop of fail all conspire to make this fanfic reek of decay. So, basically, it's just like Twilight, but with Teen Titans.

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This is a different version of the Twilight/Teen Titans story I was thinking about

Okay, people. I decided this is the Teen Titans/Twilight story I wanted to continue with. I’m sorry if you don’t like it , but I do.

Well, that's dandy. Take it down and enjoy it privately.

My friends at school read it and said it was the most amazing thing they had ever read .

Because the best litmus test out there is when your biased, prepubescent friends tell you how great you are. Surely, this story will be a blessing unto literature!

This story is dedicated to them , but mostly for karinchanx3, she is my best friend on  LOVE YOU KARINCHANX3!!

That poor girl.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans…. And if I did I would make a SEASON SIX!!
CURSE YOU CARTOON NETWORK!!

...S'been two years. I think it's safe to say that they don't care.

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Prologue

PRETENTIOUS BULLSHIT DELETED

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PRETENTIOUS POEM DELETED

Chapter 1

My guardian drove me to Los Angeles International Airport. The hour-long car ride was silent as all the windows were rolled down , the only sound amidst the silence was the slow humming of the 50’s channel in the background.

So right away, the author contradicts herself in epic fashion, in only the second sentence of the story. That has GOT to be a record.

I slyly peaked through the covered windows and watched the busy road and the intricacies of the palms whirl past us. I let the blinds

"Blinds?" Does her guardian drive an RV?

gently roll off my fingers and my eyes searched for a more interesting focus. My eyes fell on the seat covers, leather with a delicate, but efficient, embossed pattern.

I think that LA has more interesting sights to choose from than palm trees and upholstry.

The car door opened, drenching me in the California sun.

We were here. I was leaving California. The only place I could ever call home. The only place that I belonged.

BAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

Even though I knew I was going to miss my friends and my family , I felt that this was a efflorescence opportunity .

This story sponsored by the Stephanie Meyer School of Flowery, Nonsensical Adjectives.

A lifetime experience, and little do I know that its going to be one heck of a ride.

I'd point out the folly in acting like she doesn't know what's going to happen when she's narrating in a past-tense style, but that would require me giving a damn.

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Simply a teaser to whet your appetites. We'll dive into the meat of the story later on.

[The Chosen]

Oh, this is gonna be good...

[The Two-One-Five]

I think that LA has more interesting sights to choose from than palm trees and upholstry.

Do we even have palm trees in LA? Or trees in general?

This post has been edited by The Two-One-Five: Mar 3 2009, 07:59 AM

[Crazy4U]

Yay, more Al Cone mocks. An this fic does just reek of decay. I can't wait for it.

[Meow Mix]

Ooh, this will be one fun ride. One nasty ride, but a fun one still. :>

[Badass Overlord]

Yippee...I can't wait...

Well I'll be able to stand since Al Cone's mocking it, but still...what the fuck was that shit? It was like a short lesson on how to take notice of things while driving. I got enough of that by going to driving school. I wish she was in a Pinto.

[TigerEyes]

As she was in LA, I find it very hard to accept that her driver didn't get into at least two or three accidents on their way to the airport. What poor background information she must have.

[Al_Cone]

Oh, LA's not THAT bad...

...it's worse.

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The plane ride was long. Not really. The flight from California to Jump City was a grueling 5 hours.

I imagine the above was said during a particularly brutal investigation. "The plane ride was long." *SLAP* "Not really." *SLAP. PUNCH PUNCH, THUD* The flight was a grueling 5 hours--no no, please, not that, anything but--RRRAAAAAGGHHH!!!"

It's would have been a smooth ride for most people, but for me it seemed like an lifetime.

"Being a Minotaur, time passes much more slowly for me."

I watched the empty 5x10 inch screen, staring into oblivion. My head up in space.

Damn. I didn't know her plane was a space shuttle.

Most of thoughts wandered off to asking questions like, Would I fit in? Would any of the girls like me there? Could I finally find what I was looking for?

"For indeed, I have long sought after the Grail--could it truly be in Jump City, as the ancient legends told?"

My mind paused at the latter. Would I really find what I was looking for? No, probably not.

*SMACK *CRUNCH CRUNCH TEAR* "P-probably, yeah, I wi--AAARRGHH!!!"

“Kori, stop it . You have gone through this a hundred times already” my conscience called out to me.

"Stop this naval-gazing and start the hijacking already! Cripes."

“You’re right , I’ve moved 11 times already , each time thinking it would be the start of something new”

Quite the little nomad, aren't we?

This time I wouldn’t be moving. It’s just for college. I should be ecstatic right now,

"Seeing as I just jacked myself up on Ecstacy."

celebrating and being happy for everything I have right now.

If you're trying to be true to Twilight, then no, you have to be mopey and unjustifiably bitchy for everything you have right now.

Most people would be happy if they got into one of the most prestigious music colleges in the world, but why not me.

Because Kori is dead inside. That's why.

Well, I’m not saying that I’m not happy about my incredulous achievement,

Not even Kori can believe that she didn't fuck up her application.

but I wish I was happier.

That's what Paxil is for, my friend.

This is one of the many faults I received from my father. He was a shy and timid person. He was always too hard on himself, no matter what the issue, whether it was work, the investments he made in the stocks

"I'm tellin' you sweetie, Enron is going to skyrocket at the turn of the century!"

and even when he accidentally left his wallet in the bathroom.

"We found him on the floor of his bedroom, making a wallet out of his own skin."

I wish I was more like Mom. She was the polar opposite of my father, cheery, optimistic and most of all an idealist.

While my dad only saw everything in the circle, my mom could see the invisible changes around it.

Because of all the hallucinogens she shot into her system.

A circle never ends. At least it’s supposed to. To me, becoming my mother is a dream, surreal reality.

Ah, our protagonist is a shape-shifter who has murdered her mother and assumed her identity! Excellent twist!

She saw the bumps and straight lines, while I only see and can still only see just the smooth curves of the perfect shape.

Wow. This IS worse than Twilight. There's nowhere NEAR this much confusing, backwards shit in the first chapter of that book.

I want to be my mother’s daughter, but I can’t.

"I'm adopted."

I look at my reflection in the mirror and try to see Mom in me, but I can’t. Because I’m my father’s daughter.

So her mother is her stepmother? I'm confused.

And always will be. No matter what I do or where I go, I can’t change the way I am. I can’t be my mother’s daughter.

"The governor signed an executive order. That's why I'm moving to New York; this way, I can bypass California law."

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Well, here I am. In Jump City. Yeah. Jump, here I am.

Don't order me around, you jackass.

Population 8,274,527, now 8,274,528.

Part of her application to the university was to pull up and memorize the city census data.

Jump City is definitely what its cut out to be: bustling streets, heavy traffic and blinding lights.

"Hookers, drug addicts, pimps, drive-bys...it's just like home."

It’s so different here. Salinas was a quiet, placid and very laid back place

At least she didn't say "flaccid."

with not a building in sight.

Yup. Not a building in sight for this hamlet of 148,350 people. Such a quaint little town.

Here, all you can see are towering skyscrapers and a couple hundred office buildings. Well, what did I expect, it’s Jump City, center of the free world.

I wonder why the U.N. moved their headquarters from New York to Jump City.

It took me a while to find my destination, the prestigious Jump City School of Music. Scratch that last sentence. It was super EASY to find.

*STAB* *TWIST TWIST SNAP* "AAAARRRGHHHH...! Okay, okay, it was hard to find, it was impossible--"*THUD CRUNCH*"--it was easy-shmeazy-lemon-peezy, just PLEASE--AAAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHHHHH!!!"

There isn’t a person who doesn’t know where it is.

In this or any other dimension.

I took the subway there, just a 10 minute ride to the heart of the city. When I reached ground level again, I froze.

Whoops, she arrived in Joel Schumacher's Gotham City--right in the path of Mr. Freeze.

...that is a fate worse than death.

There it was. JCSM. It was the most beautiful building I had ever seen. The walls were an eccentric shade of white almost a light gray,

"It lived in a cave and ate squirrel droppings."

"Eccentric." Geddit? Because the story sucks, you see.

windows covered every part of the building in every size imaginable, small, medium, large, you name it, forest green vines climbed and scaled the sides of the faded brick wall, it was a work of art.

I question the wisdom of building a university in the middle of Fangorn Forest.

Palm trees lightly swayed in the background, making the scene inevitably picturesque.

"I tried to resist, thinking the scene to be ridiculous, overwrought--but in the end, I succumbed. It was picturesque."

This is what happens when you substitute a thesaurus for actual writing ability.

I stood there, a pause in time, a hiatus.

See?

I walked slowly up to the front desk. What was I going to say?? “Hello, What can I do for you?” the secretary asked” Oh, no

"I only speak Cantonese! What am I doing here?!"

“Um, I’m the transfer student” I replied softly,

“Oh, that’s right, um, what is your name?”

Mary-Sue.

“Korianna Anders, ”

“Thank you, and here is your room key, your dormitory will be located in the upper part of the east wing”

"You can just find it on your own. Just knock on every door until you find an empty one."

I thanked her, took the key and left without another word said.

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120, 121, 122, 123 , Ah there we go, room number 123. The open door revealed a small room, but large enough for two people.

*BURN SIZZLESIZZLESIZZLE* "I-I-I-it was small! Tiny! Miniatu--*STAB SIZZLE SIZZLE* "Not the pokers, please--it was huge! Ginormous! AAAAAAAAH!!!"

I looked around the room for an empty bed, there was only one left , since there was already a bag on one of them.

"I shoved it off the bed and took a shit in it. Dumbass roommate."

Hmm.. Must be the roommate, wonder who she is?

“Hi,” came a soft voice

I turned to come face to face with a girl, most likely my roommate. She looked about the same age as me, 15 or maybe even 16,

Shit, I'm behind--I'm 18 and only just got accepted into college.

with short violet hair, most likely dyed,

I APPLAUD YOUR DEDUCTIVE REASONING SKILLS.

that barely touched her shoulders, her eyes were the most beautiful I had ever seen.

"Then again, I have glaucoma, so my opinion--it's not worth much."

They were a soft lavender with just enough violet to highlight the iris. She was the most beautiful person I had ever seen.

Guess we've found the REAL Mary-Sue.

“Hi” I replied back with a friendly gesture

“You must be my roommate, Korianna Anders, right??”

“Yeah, but just Kori please”

“Ok, Kori, my name’s Rachel. Rachel Roth”

"Got any weed?"

“Hi, Rachel, nice to meet you. So how long have you been at JCSM? ”

“About 3 years.”

“3 YEARS” my eyes wide in shock.

“Yeah, I got here when I was 12.

GodDAMN! I'm even farther behind than I THOUGHT!

I auditioned and got in. I play flute.

"Skin-flute, to be precise."

What about you? Why are you here??”

“Well, I auditioned too and got in. My guardian didn’t want me to go, but she’s getting remarried and she’s happy so, I decided to give them time to spend together.

This story is set between Final Fantasy X, and FFX-2--just before Lulu and Wakka's wedding.

“Did you say guardian??”

“Yeah…. My parents were killed by a mast murderer. “

"He was a pirate who went from ship to ship, chopping down the masts and leaving ships crippled. My parents happened to be in the Crow's Nest one night, when he boarded their galleon and went to down on the...*choke* I can't go on, I'm so sorry."

“Oh, I’m so sorry … I shouldn’t have asked”

“That’s ok, I’m sorta over it now, they died when I was 5, so I don’t remember much about them” I said sincerely.
“ So… can we go to the cafeteria now, I’m STARVING”

Danae

"Danae?" What the fuck?

laughed softly , “Yeah, me too”

“We’re off “

Squadilah!

We left our dorm and made our way to the cafeteria. On our way there I something. No someone. At that moment, I swore ‘it’ looked at me at the same moment I did.

"It?" Tim Curry is in this fanfic?

That’s when I saw him.

"I realized the Powerpuff Girls had failed to defeat him and that it now fell to me..."

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Man, what a god-awful--*SNAP PUNCH PUNCH SLICE*--I mean, terrifically-written non-dung-heap.

[Badass Overlord]

Nice one Al, putting a CD-I reference in there. "It is said, only Rachel can defeat Kori." "Great let me grab my stuff!" "There is no time, your Mary-Sue features are enough."

Also the Paxil joke reminded me that I use to take it. However, I didn't have any suicidal thoughts.