Time to assassinate Michael Bay Options

[Arc Baltic]

I fucking hate Michael Bay. Seriously this guy might be the world's biggest douchebag ever. First he fucks up the general premise of giant robots fighting each other. Which is pretty fucking hard to do. I mean really how do you make bad movies where robots are locked in to mortal combat? Oh I don't know. Make the movie about some guy's desperate need to get laid. Sprinkle in several real dolls and don't cover up your boner for the military. Brilliant.

So when I first read the news Bay was directing the Ninja Turtles movie I thought, well, at least it will be high budget with explosions and April O'Neil will be hot... Then I read this. Its going to be fucking terrible. Alien Turtles. Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles? TANT? Fuck you asshole.

Gah. So mad. My childhood is going to get butt fucked.

[Viashino_wizard]

Well there's one thing we can agree on.

[Arc Baltic]

Well there's one thing we can agree on.

Michael Bay - Pissing off cool programmers and furfags alike.

[Shmeckie]

I feel like you should be banned for that post...

[Arc Baltic]

I feel like you should be banned for that post...

Big Michael Bay fan? I feel dirty asking this question because that feels low even for my standards.

This post has been edited by Arc Baltic: Mar 20 2012, 08:26 PM

[Agnitio Ex Machina]

Michael Bay needs to be branded "MUTANT" on his hind quarters and then shipped to Mongolia where he will be lost in the steppe pastures until his death. Which would happen pretty quickly, actually.

[Al_Cone]

I feel like you should be banned for that post...

We'll add it to The List.

[Arc Baltic]

We'll add it to The List.

Oooh can I see it? I wanna know what my greatest hits are

[Zana]

I don't see why he has to turn them into alien turtles, but on the flip side, I don't see why they specifically have to be mutants either, so long as they're still humanoid turtles who fight crime with karate. I mean, it's not so much the fact they're aliens I'm worried about. It's the fact that it's Micheal Bay's who's doing it.

[T_K_17]

Oooh can I see it? I wanna know what my greatest hits are

Sorry, The List is under restricted access. Only everyone except Arc is allowed to see it.

I don't see why he has to turn them into alien turtles, but on the flip side, I don't see why they specifically have to be mutants either, so long as they're still humanoid turtles who fight crime with karate. I mean, it's not so much the fact they're aliens I'm worried about. It's the fact that it's Micheal Bay's who's doing it.

Well, "Mutant" is kind of an important part. Next thing we know they'll be adult samurai frogs, too.

This post has been edited by T_K_17: Mar 20 2012, 08:55 PM

[Zana]

Well, "Mutant" is kind of an important part. Next thing we know they'll be adult samurai frogs, too.

Battletoads movie?
That's what I'm saying. As long as they're still teenage ninja turtles, then it's not too bad. Though it does mess with their backstory and I predict more liberties will be taken.

So wait, are they gonna call it "Teenaged Alien Ninja Turtles"? I mean, I guess they'll have to.
I wanna know why he has to change it.

[Lizard-Man]

Bcause I guess ooze turning baby turtles into humanoid ass-kickers just isn't "believable" or some shit. So we say they're aliens... yeah that suddenly solves all the non-existant problems. It's an ooze that mutates things, like toxic waste or radiation. The Hills have Eyes had mutants, we can buy it.

And it is part of their name. If they're gonna make them aliens why bother making this a turtles movie. Really, do we NEED to make them aliens to suddenly make them marketable again? An almost 30 year old franchise that has never needed any drastic changes to it's origin story in all that time and has remained sufficiently popular since it's conception suddenly needs an alien facelift? Is it because aliens are big now? You think that's more marketable than mutants?

[Dr. O]

At least they aren't calling it Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles.

[Lizard-Man]

Hey that made sense, they were still frickin mutants. Nothing changed.

[Protto]

Maybe the premise will be about the turtles' desire to locate a mysterious life-giving artifact known as The Shell, which will conveniently land on Earth and be found by a sharp-tongued high school track star who's down on his luck and his supermodel not-yet-girlfriend. Along the way a cynical Animal Control agent who mistakenly thinks the turtles are a threat gets them into all sorts of wacky misunderstandings while Shredder blows things up for no reason and Master Splinter tells the audience how alien anthropomorphic animals and humans are all equal on the inside.

[Shmeckie]

Hahaha! That's gonna be the movie, too!

Protto you fucking psychic fuck!

[Arc Baltic]

Hahaha! That's gonna be the movie, too!

Protto you fucking psychic fuck!

I can't tell if you are chastising Protto or not. ARE YOU A BAY FAN!? O_O;

[The Two-One-Five]

As long as they keep the crappy dialog from our childhoods intac, we'll be good.

[Max-Vader]

I can't tell if you are chastising Protto or not. ARE YOU A BAY FAN!? O_O;

How ironic, because I can't tell if you're joking or not. if you are, please stop because this isn't funny. If you aren't... God help us all.

Now, about the turtles. I haven't seen the old cartoon, but I had my fair share of exposure to them nonetheless. So even though I'm not American, Michael Bay is sodomizing my childhood with a Bo-staff as well. Given what he made of the transformers, I dread what the turtles will get turned into. I'm not even a fan of the transformers and I felt the pain of it's fans; if this movie is anything like Bayformers 2 then we are fucked.

[Screaming_Soulcatcher]

Maybe the premise will be about the turtles' desire to locate a mysterious life-giving artifact known as The Shell, which will conveniently land on Earth and be found by a sharp-tongued high school track star who's down on his luck and his supermodel not-yet-girlfriend. Along the way a cynical Animal Control agent who mistakenly thinks the turtles are a threat gets them into all sorts of wacky misunderstandings while Shredder blows things up for no reason and Master Splinter tells the audience how alien anthropomorphic animals and humans are all equal on the inside.

Don't forget Krang being a gay comic relief character whose only purpose is to remind the audience how gay he is. Oh and Bebop and Rocksteady being the same as Skids and Mudflap in Bayfromers 2

Honestly this ruined my day. I was actually pumped to hear that a new live action turtles movie was coming out. I actually grew up with the turtle and the first movie was awesome as hell. And I was glad that they were going back to live action (although it would be obvious that they were still going the CGI route). But hearing that Bay is running the show and turning them into aliens (how would they get their names? How did they learn Ninjitsu? How did they meet up with Splinter? ARe all the anthropomorphic animals aliens?) my heart sank. This, The Three Stooges Movie and seeing that Seltzerberg made ANOTHER "Movie Movie" (based an Avatar; two full years after it was in the public eye) makes me lose my faith in movies again. Fuck blockbusters, I'm getting The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo when I go back home