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> Friendship is Life, Return of the Son of the Retard Blades
Post #41
Dashguy


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post Jun 19 2017, 12:23 PM


And this is how our “crossover” begins, by brutally assaulting our eyes and minds with enough edge to cut concrete. Ignoring the two Discord, we have a flaming “D” for “Daniel Blaze”, which makes me wonder what are the chances Shadicbro Brony’s real name begins with that same letter, and an “A” that obviously stands for “Alex”; nevermind it is the logo of the titular Assassins from Assassin’s Creed, but I guess Alejin forgot about that.

Going on, we have the titular dorks wearing outfits that a ten years-old would think are the epitome of cool and clash with the colorful world of MLP like dog turds on a candy bowl. Speaking about these two, let’s stop laughing for a minute and analyze the “face off” seriously. On one side, we have a winged dude holding what I assume is a ball of concentrated magic, and not a molecule of soapy water, facing a guy with a hood and a…sewing needle? Seriously, that’s exactly what it looks like. In short, it’s like having a Super Saiyan Son Goku charging a Kame Hame Ha against James Bond aiming his dart-shooting wristwatch.


CHAPTER 1, I SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT COMING!

What a coincidence. That was my first thought after GorillaGamer informed me about this crossover.

Located in the Chaos dimension, in a little odd house standing in a floating mini island, two creatures were having a little tea party, well. . . technically there was only one creature since they were the same being. They were. . .Discords, to be more précised, two Discords from different dimensions, for everypony, this would be strange but not for a creature who can open the rift between dimensions and cross them.

I like to think this all started because somepony told Discord to “go fuck himself”.

It was a matter of time for some Discords to found each other and these particular two had so much in common, not for the fact they were technically the same but also their Equestrias shared something not many had, a human!

We’re the second paragraph in and the conversation already steers towards the self-inserts. Can’t say I’m surprised.

“Hohohoho, I must say my friend, this tea is fabulous! But I wouldn’t mind some chocolate milk”

“I knew you were going to say that, how you do it! it’s like if you were me. . . Oh! You are me!”

“But much handsome”

“You wish!”

Oh, shut up and shag already. Jesus.

Both of them laughed so hard, it was nice to have found such a good friend, considering both of them were very lonely since one of them was still sealed in stone in his world and was only a mere spectral projection and the other one had his only cute pegasus friend very busy living her life together her coltfriend.

You know, this is kind of sad when you think about it. I mean, Discord doesn’t have many friends in the show; not without reason, of course, since he used to be a dick, but to think the only pony who managed to change his ways by offering him her friendship is now too busy hanging around some jerkoff to even have tea with him must be quite depressing for him.

“But to think they finally started to live together, now more than ever I have to keep an eye on those two, no matter how much I keep telling him to not do it, the sounds I hear in their room at night tells me everything I need to know, I must say it impress me how loud a pony like Fluttershy can yell sometimes but. . . Ohhhh, Fluttershy is still too young to be a mother!”

Ah yes, thank you for reminding me about that. Why don’t we begin with a picture?



I can feel my sperm count lowering with every second I spend looking at it.

But don’t worry, I’m not as cruel as to subject you to the whole scene, just the “climax”.


“OH YES! POUND ME DANIEL!” She screamed, surprising me by her sudden raise in volume and her slutty talking.
I grabbed one of her breasts and roughly squeezed it and pinched her nipples hard.

“YES! YES! YES! MORE! DON’T STOP! PENETRATE ME PLEASE!”

“Oh Fuck yeah Flutters! You feel so good! I can’t hold onto it for much longer!~” I moaned out pounding her like I was a wild animal in heat.

“CUM INSIDE OF ME! FILL ME UP WITH YOUR HOT, THICK CUM!”

It was all I needed to hear from her. I brought her into a deep kiss and we fucked each other wildly. After a minute of our painful pleasure, we climaxed as one.

“OH SHIT!”

“AAAAAAAAAHH!!”

Her lovely juices poured out and covered my rod, while my hot, thick cum shot out and painted her walls.


Suddenly SovietRussiaMan’s writing doesn’t look that bad. And this is from chapter twenty-nine; there’s another one on chapter thirty. Mercifully without a picture this time.

“OH YES! YES! RIGHT THERE! FUCK ME HARDER! DON’T STOP!~” She screamed.

Daniel smirked, seeing the timid pony come out of her shell, and being very bold. He went at full speed with his thrusting and his balls hit deeply against her dripping marehood.

“Ah ha ha ha!~ Oh god Flutters!~ Oh god!~ This feels so good!~” I cried out and pushed farther into her.

“RIGHT THERE! FUCK ME UNTIL I COLLAPSE! RUT ME UNTIL MY LEGS GO SO NUMB, I CAN’T WALK FOR DAYS!”

“Flutters...I’m gonna cum!” I warned, but still thrusted into her.

“CUM INSIDE MY ASS! FILL ME UNTIL I’M FULL OF YOUR HOT, THICK SEED!”


It’s like a robot attempted to learn about human sexuality from Deviantart. Anyway, let’s go back to the crossover.

“Easy my dear fellow, I think you are overeacting, remember he is a human, that can’t happen”

Discord rolled his eyes and answered:

“It’s easy for you to say that, you are not friends with your Fluttershy! But I do cherise mine!”

“Oh!. . . well at least you will have a cute nephew or niece”

“That’s is not the problem”

Everybody already looks like the embodiment of a middle finger to God in that version of Equestria anyway.

“I know, anyway, I must say your human is very interesting, who would say he managed to get his life in order after everything that happened to him”

“Yes, even when I’m still a little mad at him for what he did to Fluttershy but he forgave me for the Tirek’s incident so we are even, I must admit he is kinda impressive”

“He is, but mine is way more amazing! For what I heard from my Stone prison and all those glances I watch with the few power I have left, I must say he is unstoppable with all those abilities he has”

“Puff, it’s easy to be amazing when a bunch of dragons give you all those “abilities” he cheats!”

“Yeah! And having a pendant who turns you into a powerfull unicorn and gives you magic is not cheating at all”

Whoa there! Who made that sudden turn towards “Dicksucking Town”?

“Ok ok, look, I’m really not looking for a fight here, besides, we both know who of our humans is the best, it’s pretty obvious if you ask me”

“Yeah, you are right, why fight when we both know that answer”

Both Discords shared another laugh and answered at the same time.

“Mine!”

Both Discords eye’s widened and looked at each other with narrowed eyes. After that, they started to scream:

“My human have wings!”

He pounded a wooden club on the floor and made monkey noises to emphasize his point.

“Mine is not affected by darkness stone while he is a unicorn!”

What? No! Fuck you! That darkness stone shit was strong enough to even block Celestia, but Alex can somehow bypass it? Fuck you! Fuck you sideways with a stale baguette!

“Mine defeated two princes!”

Why yes, Daniel defeated both, Shining Armor and Blueblood in sword combat.

“Mine defeated one and killed one!”

Did Alejin and Shadicbro Brony wrote this story sitting on the same couch and stroking each other or something?

After some silly screams and dummy spells, the house was a mess and both were gasping and tired.

“ha. . . ha. . .why are we so stubborn about our humans. . . I’m not exactly his friend and you don’t even talked to yours once”

“I know. . .maybe it’s just because we both hate losing”

“I agree, even so, I think we have a problem here, to be honest, I can’t say which of our humans is the best, we would need some kind of test. . .to know for sure”

At that moment, the other Discord literally had a light bulb shinning on his head.

“That’s it! That’s it!”

“Uh? what is?”

“Oh C’mon! you are me, don’t you realize what I’m thinking right now?”

“Hmmm, well. . . I just said we would need a test to see which is the be. . . ohhhhhh”

Both Discords shared an evil yet innocent laugh.

I love how both Discord are going to pit Daniel and Alex against each other not because the "good one" is jealous or the "bad one" has a plan to get revenge, but because somehow they both have massive boners for their respective humans.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Right in that moment, two particular humans in their respective homes felt a shiver around their bodies.

“What the hell was that?” Both said and looked at the sky.

“My Dicksucking Senses are tingling!”

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Alex’s Equestria

Alex felt that strange shiver, he was eating a nice breakfast with his cute marefriend who seemed worried for looking at him so surprised.

“Alex, are you alright?” Fluttershy asked

“Uh? Oh yes yes, I’m fine, I just had a little feeling that’s all, nothing to get worried, more importantly, in 3 days is your birthday and I still couldn’t find the perfect gift for you”

“Oh Alex, I already told you, you don’t need to give me anything, having you in my life is the best gift ever”

How nice it must be to have a mindless doll for a wife. You don’t have to worry about gifts, her likes or dislikes, making her angry, etc. Just give her your used toothbrush and she’ll be delighted.



The fact she’s made of a plastiline-like material surely has it’s benefits too.

Alex blushed hard, damn! His marefriend was damn cute, he stood up and hugged her from behind while nuzzling his cheek with hers.

“Thanks Fluttershy but still I think my marefriend deserves an incredible present for her birthday, I promise I will find the best you can ask for, even if it takes me these three whole days and nights!”

Alex said that and after giving her a kiss in her forehead and lips, he grabed his pocket full of bits and started his journey to find the perfect gift for the perfect marefriend.

This reminds me of that Simpsons’ episode where Homer got Marge a Bowling ball with his name as a “birthday gift”.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

(Daniel’s Equestria)

Daniel and Spike were returning from their training, the travel to the Dragon’s Kingdome was close after all, they were tired and needed a good Lunch.

“Wow Spike, really! how much energy you have, again you left me in the dust”

“Hahahaha, C’mon Daniel, don’t be so modest. . . nah! I did it didn’t I?”

“Ok. . . now we need to work in some humility classes”

This deserves some explanation. Shadicbro Brony took a page from another pile of cow dung called “The Rise of Spike the Dragon” (better examined here) and made Spike being the victim of abuse at the hands of Twilight and her friends. And by “abuse” I mean taking all the silly jokes in the show and clumsily making them something serious and damaging.

Anyway, after Spike flips his shit at Twilight and friends, with Daniel supporting his outburst, he gets kidnapped by some bad guy named “Kuro” (yes, it’s the Japanese for “black”) and transformed into an edgy, bad dude himself. Edgy Spike goes around being super edgy all over Equestria, breaking shit and beating people up until he reaches Ponyville. The Mane Six and Daniel try to stop him, but fail miserably. It’s not until Sweetie Belle confesses Spike she has the hots for him that’s he’s released. Kuro traps everybody save for Spike and the Cutie Mark Crusaders into some “shadow realm” or whatever then goes for the kill, but Spike transforms into the legendary super sand lesbian and saves the day.




You don’t want to know what the Scouter says about his fabulosity level.

Edgy Spike forgives the Mane Six. Now, remember those legendary elemental dragons I mentioned were created by the god of Equestria and one of them fuses with Daniel and shit? Yeah, turns out Spike is the son of one of them. But not just any of them, the most powerful dragon with the power to control all elements. Oh and his real name is “Verin” which the author took from Skyrim or something.


“I’m kidding Daniel, by the way, what happened to you there, suddenly to stopped for some seconds”

“yeah. . . .I don’t know, I just feel. . .cold, that’s all, surely it was nothing”

“I hope so, anyway, let’s head home to eat something”

Spike nodded and both continued their way, minutes later, they found Pinkie Pie carrying tons of party supplies.

“Hey Pinkie Pie!”

“Hi Danny! Spike! How are you?”

“We are fine, we just finished our training session, how about you? Planning a party for somepony new”

“Yeah!”

Nice to see that, even in some alternate dimension, Pinkie still has a single character trait.

“And who is it?”

“I don’t know! I just feel this morning that I will meet someone interesting. . . I think it will be a pony. . . I’m not entirely sure”

“I see, well, I hope it’s someone nice”

“I’m sure he or she will, see you later! I need to prepare the party”

Both Daniel and Spike nodded and also continued their way to Twilight’s house wondering who might be the new pony.

Can we entertain the possibility she’s just high?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

(Alex’s Equestria)

It had been hours since Alex left the cottage in his journey and got nothing, he even tried in Canterlot, he just couldn’t find the perfect present, A dress? Rarity had that covered, a pet?. . .she was the pet’s adoption owner, Flowers? For them that’s food, gems? He had tons for his job with Rarity but all of them were so common!

Alex was frustrated, no pony could help him to find a good present, he was even thinking in asking the crussaders. . . nah! he wasn’t that desperate. . .right? Maybe he could try Cloudsdale. . . lost in his thoughts, he found himself wandering in the forest, he didn’t care actually, his problems were big enough already.

“Damn! What am I going to do? Is there anything in this world good enough for the most perfect Pegasus that ever existed?”

This shit says less “He cares about her!” and more “He doesn’t know shit about her!”. I mean, half of that shit is stereotypical girly stuff (dresses, flowers and gems) and the other is the most basic Fluttershy trait (pets). Why not bring her some medicine books from the Earth? Or medicinal supplies? Specialized animal food?

“hahahahahahaha, the answer for that question is. . .no!”

Alex heard that voice and narrowed his eyes.

“Oh no. . . please no . . . Discord?”

The dracoenous appeared in front of Alex in a blink of an eye.



Pictured above: a horribly misshapen creature and Discord.

“The one and only. . .at least in this world”

“uh?”

“Never mind, tell me my dear human, any trouble your dracoenous friend can help you with?”

“ahhhhhhh, no! I’m fine!”

“Hohohohohohoho, I don’t need to be Applejack to know you are lying, c’mon, I thought we were friends”

Discord said that with puppy eyes, Alex never thought he would find someone who would scare him to death by showing those eyes.

“Discord. . .we both know you don’t like me very much”

How can you possibly dislike an insufferable man-child who does nothing but talking about video games and pretending to be some assassin?

“True so true but still, Fluttershy asked me to be nice with you and give you a chance so I’m willing to try, besides, it’s not like I don’t like you, at least I like you more than the Elements”

Because you know you could kill him with a snap of your fingers?

Hey now, a man can dream.


“. . . .thanks?”

“You are welcome, now. . . will you tell me what troubles you now?”

“(sigh) I think you already know”

“I do! And I must say you indeed are in a big trouble, there is no gift good enough in this world for her”

Alex looked at the floor disappointed.

“Except for this!”

Discord snapped his finger and suddenly an amazing multicolored diamond appeared in his pawn.

“. . . .wow! Discord. . .where you got that! I never saw a diamond like that”

“It’s because there is no diamonds like this one, it’s one in its kind”

“Amazing! You got a nice present for her, good for you”

“ohh this? Nonononononono, I’m not planning to give this to her, I already got a couple of nice blue tucans from SaddleSarabia but I think it would be a waste to throw this and seeing you were looking for a nice gift for her so I thought. . . why not giving it to my good friend Alex. . .now take it!”

Pets and jewels, eh? What does it say when Fluttershy’s “love of her life” knows her as well as the reformed villain?

Alex stood there, in front of Discord, he didn’t move an inch.

“What is it? take it!”

“What’s the catch Discord?”

You’ll have to take part on a shitty sto—oh wait, you’re already doing that. Silly me.

“Oh. . . I’m insulted! How could you possible think I. . .”

Alex looked at Discord with a death glare.

“Ok Ok! I need a tinsy little favor from you and this diamond is yours. . . what you say?”

“. . . . . what kind of favor?”

“I. . . need you to help me to win a little bet”

“Will you give me more details?”

“Not before you accept”

“. . .will it hurt?”

Only the readers’ dignity, my son.

“Probably. . . maybe a lot to be honest”

“Is there any other way to get that diamond?”

“Nope!”

“At least it will be fun?”

As much as getting tickled on your belly with barbed wire. Again, for the readers.

“I can assure you we both will have tons of fun. . .what you say? Deal?”

Discord extended his pawn for a shake, Alex thought it for several seconds, he hated being cornered, in his heart he knew he had no choice, the diamond was really impressive and to be honest, what Discord had planned could be interesting, he grabbed Discord’s pawn and made the deal. Discord smiled evilly, that wasn’t a good signal.

“Be prepared for an incredible adventure my boy!”

“Uh?”

Discord then used his bird claw to cut the air and open a portal, Alex didn’t have time to do anything for the Dracoenous pulled him inside in a flash.

“Discord. . . what kind of bet you made?. . .what do I need to do?”

“Oh, it’s nothing hard. . . I just need you to kick another human’s butt for me”

“Say what again?”

“He thinks Assassin’s Creed is highly overrated!”

“Ooohhh! He’s dead meat!”


-----------------------------------

Chapter 2 : AnthoPonies? Hell yeah!!



Yeah, giant mutant hooves are not my fetish.

Alex landed on the ground in the Everfree Forest.

“Ouch. . . .my butt, C’mon Discord! Was that really necessary?”

“Necessary? No it wasn’t, fun? Yes it was, a lot”

“Why do I even ask?. . . Ok, now tell me, what are we doing in the Everfree Forest and what exactly do I need to do?”

“hohohohohoho, I already told you my dear Alex, I need you to kick another human’s butt”

“Uh? I thought I heard wrong before but I didn’t, is there another human besides me in Equestria?

“Because I’ve taken lot of steps to make sure that doesn’t happen!”

“Not exactly, you haven’t notice? Well I’m not surprised, this Everfree is just like the other one”

“This Everfree? . . .wait! now I remember, you pulled me to that portal and. . . ohhhhh! Are we in another . . . .”

“Yes Alex, we are in another world, another Equestria to be more précised”

“What?! wow! That’s amazing! I knew you could open portal to new worlds but this is just awesome”

“You knew?”

“Discord. . . you tried to send TreeHugger to another dimension remember?”

“. . . . . right” – Discord said a little disappointed, Alex reaction wasn’t as good as he was expecting, he would had like to see him freaking out, by the other hand, this would make things easier to explain. He snapped his finger and summoned a sofa, a movie proyector and a screen.

“Now sit my little human, time to tell you what you need to know”

Open wide for a nice, big spoonful of exposition!

Alex and Discord sat on the sofa and Discord summoned some popcorn.

“You see my dear human, as there are many Earths as you already know, there are many other diferent worlds including other Equestrias, very similar to each other, almost identical, as you did with our Equestria, many other humans maybe from your Earth or others, they managed to get to those Equestrias, this world is one of them, humans are very rare here”

Countless versions of the same Equestria, a being that can travel between them and what do we get to talk about? Fucking edgy teenagers.

“I see, just like me”

“Exactly! Now, obviously, there is a Discord in this Equestria, a really nice fellow I must say, too bad he still is evil”

“Wait wait wait! What you mean with he is still evil?”

“Well. . . contrary to me, he was never reformed and he is in his stone prison right now”

It’s either that or serve as a “plot device” for Daniel’s convenience. He choose wisely.

“Ok. . . .so how you manage to meet him”

“Hahahahaha, my dear human, no matter in what dimension or world we can be, the dracoenous are powerfull creatures, even being stone by the Elements, there are still some things we can do, of course we can use our magic to interact with the physical world as normally we do it but we can still abandon our bodies to entertain ourselves and do a little pranks with the few magic we have left, and of course we still can break the dimensions’ rift, that’s how I meet that cute fellow.

“And. . . well, if he is you and all. . .he hasn’t ask you to help him to get free from his prison?”

“He can’t ask me that, and even if he did, I wouldn’t help him, first, because I’m good now. . .almost and second, believe it or not, there are some rules across worlds and one of them, to be honest maybe it’s the most important, is that we, the chaos creatures can’t interfere directly in the affairs of other worlds”

Oh, look. It’s another complex and potentially interesting idea that will no doubt get dumped into oblivion in favor of the author’s wank material.

“Who wrote those rules?”

“That information I can’t tell, there are beings that is not a good idea to mess with, trust me and please don’t press the topic”

It’s okay. I learned looking for logic and consistency in this story is like trying to find diamonds in a septic tank, but more depressing.

“Ok, at least I don’t have to be afraid to seeing more of you in my home. . .no offense”

And by “your home” I take you mean “Fluttershy’s Cottage”, right? Glad you settled that up.

“None taken, well. . .back to the topic, you see this world’s Discord and me made a little bet”

“Hmmmm, what kind of bet?”

“We want to see which of you is the best human, of course my money is with you”

“Discord. . . don’t tell me you really want me to . . .”

“Yes! We want you to fight each other, a little match, not a deathmatch of course.”

“So you brought me to another Equestria with its own human and you want me to pop from nowhere and ask him to fight me?”

“Exactly! I’m glad to see you get these things quickly!”

“What If I say no”

“Yes, you may say no but remember, you promised and I still have the perfect gift for your marefriend”

Alex thought for a moment, he didn’t have to do this and there was still time to get a nice present for Fluttershy. . . but if he was honest with himself, this adventure was so good to let it pass, once again his adventure feeling crushed his common sense.

He keeps using that word. I don’t think it means what he thinks it means.

Ninety-nine percent of Alex’s “adventures” consist in him beating the crap out of somebody else. What’s more, he doesn’t actively “seek” them. It’s always somebody else who brings them to him. Outside of that, Alex always opt for the familiar. Video games, his computer, his own books, etc.


“Let’s just say I agree. . .what If I lose, will I still have the Diamond?”

“hohohohohoho my dear Alex, of course you won’t, I will only take you back to our Equestria and our business ends there”

“So I must win to get the reward uh?. . .(sigh) ok, let’s do it”

“Excellent! Now let’s see what you are facing, his name is Daniel Blaze”

“His faggotry levels greatly surpasses yours, but you have the edge on childishness.”

Discord turned the proyector to show Alex his target, the movie showed a human like him, he wasn’t an old guy, quite young to be honest, one of the first things he noticed was that he had black wings, at first he thought they were fake but no, another thing was his sword, it looked like it was made of diamond. . .maybe an especial alloy but what really took his attention above all was the fact he had. . .ninjutsu abilities?

“From what Naruto’s universe this guy was taken out?” he thought to himself.

One where Masaki Kishimoto turned to crack instead of cocaine.

He seemed to have control over the elements, the video kept showing images about his accomplishes, the monsters he defeated, the ponies he had met. . .they were antrophonies. . . .WHAT? ANTROPHONIES? An Smile crossed his face, it was shocking but at the same time it was awesome, so many fimfictions he had read about antrophonies and now he was in a world full of them.

I think I had a nightmare like that once.

The video ended and Alex just stood there, not saying a single word.

“So what you think Alex? You think you are up to the task?”

“Hmmmm, are you sure I can beat him? dude. . . he has tons of abilities”

“Oh please Alex, you have your own abilities too, not to mention your spells, I think you have good chances”

Your Retard Blades, man. No being can stand up to them!

Alex thought for a moment, this Daniel guy seemed very tough. . . .but he just couldn’t back away now right? He could be many things but not a coward!. . . .well at least not anymore.

He’s still a Grade A attention whore, mind you.

“Ok Discord, I accept . . . so where I will meet him? I believe you already talked to him about this right?”

Discord looked at Alex with confused eyes.

“Discord. . . he knows about the bet too. . .right?”

“. . . . . . .”

“Right?”

“See you later”

Discord snapped his finger and banished, Alex face palmed.

“So he doesn’t know anything about this. . .C’mon Discord! What you except me to do, just knock his door and say: Hey! I’m Alex! A new human in town and I want you fight you in order to get home and get a nice present for my marefriend. . . really?!”

Why not? It’s not like the buffons that wrote this put much more thought on it than that.

After a tantrum that lasted a few more seconds, Alex started to walk to Ponyville, hoping it was in the same location as his Equestria, after some steps, a big chest appeared in front of him with a note attached to it, he took it and read it.

“My little human

Since you are in a whole new world and in disadvantage, I thought these things might come in handy and one more thing, you can’t tell anypony about my participation in all this, do it and we will leave you here for a whole year and no! they will not be able to help you, only us have the power to find specific worlds, it’s nothing personal, we just are not in the mood to deal with Celestia’s moral speeches. Anyway, I wish you luck and I know you already realized why we didn’t tell anything to Daniel. . . .BECAUSE IT’S MORE FUN!!”

“And if I keep saying it’s fun surely the readers will feel the same way, right?”

- - - - - - - - - - - -

“. . . . .Cute”

Alex said with a sigh and opened the chest, he was speechless for what he found inside, all his gear. . .his DS gear, HiddenBlades, Katanas, Bow/arrows, throwing knives, Elbow and Knee protectors, a new Assasin’s attire and a nice backpack to carry all.

How very considerate of him.

“(sigh) Ok, at least you are not a big asshole. . .just a regular asshole”

Begin friends with Alex must be like one of those pyramid schemes were you have to pay to ascend to the different levels, but even less rewarding.

Alex put on his gear just in case, maybe that EverFree forest was as dangerous as the one he already knew. He then started his way, not knowing one particular yellow earth pony who was collecting some herbs had just spot him and ran away to Ponyville.

I smell the wacky hijinks incoming!

Wait—my dog just shat on the carpet.

Rats.


- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Daniel and the rest were having a nice milkshake in sugarcube corner while looking at Pinkie decorating the whole bakery.

“Does she ever gets tired” Daniel asked.

“I don’t think so, sometimes I really believe she is somekind of robot” Twilight answered.

The real Pinkie commited after chapter two of “Equestrian Human Spirit”.

Everypony laughed at the joke, when she was done, she joined them and looked as if she just didn’t do anything, really? how she do it? everypony thought.

What? “As if she didn’t do anything”? What the fuck are you talking about? Do you even english, bro?

“It’s all ready, now we just have to wait our new guest!”

“Wow Pinkie darling, you really outdone yourself this time, may I know why?”

“I don’t know Rarity, I just feel this guest is special, not that everypony is not special but he is special special but not more special than other. . . ohhhh I think I’m having a headache”

“It’s ok darling, we understand” Rarity said while stroking the party pony’s mane.

PARTY.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING

REBOOTING…


Everypony laughed again, none of them said it but it was nice to have a relaxing day, maybe Daniel wasn’t exactly in good terms with the girls yet but he had to admit he was having a nice time with them,

A bit of clarification here. After Daniel turned extra edgy (read “demonic”) and slaughtered some dudes, Twilight and friends grew very scared of him, avoiding him and even talking to each other about their concerns, a conversation which Daniel happened to hear. As you would expect from a juvenile power fantasy, Daniel goes into a ridiculously one sided rant against each one of the girls, with every single other character taking his side.

as if fate really didn’t like them, at that moment a yellow teenage pony entered the place, she seemed agitated, it took some seconds for her to recover her breath.

“Applebloom? What is going on sugarcube?”

“ha. . .ha. . .ha. . .another. . .human. . .in the EverFree Forest. . .has weapons.. .may be dangerous”

“What?” Everypony screamed.

“Another human? And he is armed? This is not good. . .we need. .”

“I’m on my way!” Rainbow Dash said and rushed outside the bakery.

“Rainbow wait!” Daniel shouted but she was already gone”

“Damn! Will she ever learn to take it easy in dangerous situations?”

“It’s nice to dream Daniel” Rarity said.

He and everypony exited the place as well hoping that this humans wasn’t like Tom or Chuck.

The bullies, yes. Did you know they pushed Daniel into the ocean where he was a attacked by a shark?

I nodded and lifted the right side of my shirt, revealing a large bite, like scar on my side. Since I was starting to trust these ponies a little more now, I found I had no problem with sharing more personal information with them. "I was taking a calm walk one day near the edge of the ocean, when three boys named Tom, Chuck and Will pushed me into the water over the edge. I was about to yell at them when I resurfaced, when something brushed against my foot. Then, something clamped down on my side, and dragged me down back into the water. I opened my eyes and saw it was a Great White Shark. I began panicking, until I started punching it in the eyes." I explained.

"Why the eyes?" Twilight asked.

"It’s the only real weak spot a person can easily hit when that close and in that kind of situation." I explained, "After I hit it in the eyes a few times, the Shark released me and swam off. When I reached the surface again, someone saw me and helped me out of the water. As they were pulling me out of the water, they noticed my wound and were able to get me to the hospital in time.” I shivered at the memory, it was the scariest thing I ever experienced. “After that I just avoided the ocean.”


Fun times.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - -

Alex was walking though the dust road, maybe the safer place in the whole forest, he had to admit it, if he wouldn’t already know, he would had swear he was in his own Equestria, everything was the same, same trees, same sky, almost same Rainbow Dash Flying full speed to tackle him . . . WHAT?

“There you are! What you want here?”

Alex quickly moved aside on time and Rainbow ended in the dirt, that was a horrible landing. She quickly stood up and he could see her well, she was indeed an anthroPony, just like if a pony and a human just did the Fusion,

Or if James Cameron’s The Thing came to Equestria.

she had the same face as his friend but the rest of the body was almost human, of course not counting the fur and hooves instead of feet, she also had wings and tail, yep definitely an anthroPony and she looked pissed, it seemed her attitude could break the dimensions’ borders.

“I asked you a question! What you want here?”

Alex knew he had to take it easy, the last thing he needed was a misunderstanding but still. . . she didn’t need to be so rude.

“What I want it’s not your business, I’m just looking for someone, Daniel Blaze”

“Uh? what you want with Daniel, you want to hurt him?”

“What? no! I don’t want to hurt him. . .just fight him!”

Alex face palmed inside, did he just said that? He indeed was going to pay for his mistake since Rainbow immediately rushed to him, she now was furious.

“I knew it, you are evil! Prepare for a good beating!”

“Oh C’mon!” Alex thought before clashing with the cyan Pegasus.

Yeah, Rainbow Dash also attacked Daniel as soon as he appeared in Ponyville after mistaking him for some kind of monster. Needless to say, it was all so we could see how badass Shadicbro Brony’s self-insert is.

Chapter 3: First contact

Rainbow flew at full speed to her target, she closed her fist and tried to hit Alex but he as fast as before dodged her but her attack didn’t end there, she kept punching and kicking, Alex dodged and blocked every attack, after some seconds, the cyan Pegasus stopped to get some air and backed off.

“At least you know how to dodge. . . I’ll give you that” Rainbow said, she was sweating a little.

Alex didn’t say anything, he had to admit this Rainbow was skilled but. . . her attack was too directly and predictable, it wasn’t hard to read her movements, he didn’t want to prolong this battle so. . .

Congratulations, Rainbow Dash! You’re this story’s Yamcha!

“Are you ready to listen now? As I told you I don’t want to hurt anypony”

“Lies! You said you want to fight Daniel!”

“That doesn’t mean I want to hurt him”

“What you are saying have no sense! Enough talking! Let’s fight!”

“Sheshhhh, why are you so stubborn!”

Rainbow once again attacked Alex, as before no hit impacted on her target, knowing she was wasting energy she flew up, Alex wondered why she did that but when he looked up, the sun blinded him for a moment, Rainbow took this opportunity to hit him in the cheek, sending him some meters away. Alex landed on the dirt and nuzzled his cheek, it hurt, it hurt a lot, thank God she didn’t bumped any of his teeth but this one enough to make him angry.

“Ha! How you like that weakling!”

“That’s it!” Alex thought, he stood up and saw the pony with a death glare, he put on his hood and assumed battle position.

“You think putting on that hood will help you! How dumm you can be?”

Don’t underestimate the Hood of +5 edginess!

Rainbow Dash repeated her strategy by flying up again.

“I was right! You are so predictable!” Alex thought and chuckled.

This time thanks to his hood, Alex didn’t get blind as before, it was still hard to see but this time he could see Rainbow coming at him, she swinged her fist but Alex blocked it and delivered a hit on his own, it impacted in Rainbow’s cheek, this time the cyan Pegasus was the one sent away.



Rainbow Dash swung her fist, but here she’s pictured kicking. Consistency? What’s that?

By the way, good luck stopping an axe kick with your hands like that.


Rainbow stood up, shocked for what the human just did, she nuzzled her cheek, it hurt.

“Now we are even, stop this nonsense before any of us gets seriously hurt” Alex said in one last attempt to end this fight peacefully, he didn’t want to have to use. . . “that”

Oh, “that”! I see we’re gone back to the pseudo-suspenseful bullcrap Alejin is so fond of.

“Ha! You think after hitting me I will just back off, keep dreaming! The only one who will get seriously hurt it’s you!”
Knewing her sun trick was not going to work again, Rainbow decided to return to the old strategy “Fists and kicks” she approached at him fast and started her attack.



This is so wrong it would be easier to list the things that are right.



There.


Alex was blocking all her attacks, waiting for the right time, when she tried to kick him, he quickly grabbed her hoof and pulled it to make her lose balance, Rainbow fell on her stomach while Alex never let go of her hoof, she tried to flew away but his grip was strong, she was going to use her other hoof to kick him but an immense pain invaded the hoof he was now holding with both hand and. . .twisting.

“Hey. . . ahhhhh. . .what are you doing to my hoof! Damn! It hurts!”

Alex gave another twist, he didn’t want to add so much pressure to not break her “ankle”.



I’m not sure what bothers me the most. That he can use such technique despite the anatomical differences or that he’s using the variation picked from the fucking WWE and not Jiujitsu.

“It seems you never was trapped with an ankle lock. . . sorry but this was the only way to stop you without hurting you. . . much”

“Let me go!” Rainbow said and tried to fly away but Alex twisted her hoof again stopping her immediately

“Just calm down and listen!”

Rainbow was desperate, the pain was unbearding, she was trapped and she knew it.

“. . . Daniel. . .please help me”

“Fire Style, Fire Ball jutsu!”

Alex saw a huge fireball coming his way, he immediately let got Rainbow’s hoof and jumped away.

“Damn! That could had killed me” He thought

“Hey! What you think you are doing to my friend?” A masculine voice said.

When Alex saw who was the owner of that voice, he finally saw him, Black wings, Anime’s style hair, there was no doubt, that was Daniel. . .he looked kinda cool, he gave him that,

Guys, you’re not gonna start sucking each other’s dick, do you? Because I’m sure the authors are already doing that in real life.

Daniel looked back at him, Applebloom was right, he was another human, he didn’t know if being happy or worried for his presence, he hadn’t forgotten what happened with Tom and Chuck, he shacked the feeling and ran to where Rainbow was and helped her to stand up.

“Rainbow! Are you ok?”

“ . . . yes aghhh! I’m fine but my hoof! I think it’s hurt bad”

Daniel took a look on her hoof, she was right, it wasn’t broken but it was fractured, anger started to increase inside him, he looked at Alex, daggers in his eyes.

“HOW DARE YOU TO HURT MY FRIEND!”

This was getting out of hand and Alex knew it.

“Ok! Listen, I’m sorry about your friend but she didn’t want to listen to any word I said, I had to apply a submission hold in her hoof to calm her down, it was never my intention to hurt her, I only wanted to stop her meaningless fight”

Daniel looked at Alex for several seconds, he wasn’t Applejack but somehow he knew this human was being sincere.

Well, that was easy.

“What are you doing Daniel? I’m fine, just kick his butt”

“Shhhhhh Rainbow, I think we had enough battle for today”

“What? but but”

“Look at your hoof Rainbow, for what I saw before using my jutsu, his grip on you was tight, he had every chance to break your hoof and leave you incapacitated for weeks but he didn’t”

“He said he wanted to fight you”

“. . . . what? hmmmm, did he tried to explain why he said that?”

“Well. . . .yeah but. . .”

“At least you tried to listen to his explanation?”

“. . . .”

“I thought so”

“Now get back on the kitchen where you belong.”

Daniel turned to Alex:

“Ok! I’m willing to listen to you but not here! After I heal my friend, will you come with us to a little town near here?”

“You mean Ponyville?”

“What?! how you. . . never mind, yes! That town, what you say? Deal?”

“Hmmm, ok! But she will not try anything stupid right? Alex said while pointing Rainbow with her finger. She was looking at him with daggers in her eyes, she hated losing, she hated it so much.

“Don’t worry, I will talk to her, I promise no harm will come to you if you come peacefully”

“That works for me”

“Good!” Daniel replied and turned to check Rainbow’s hoof, he placed both hands on it and said:

“Light Style: Divine Regeneration Jutsu”

“Light style”? Does that shit even exist in Naruto?

Much to Alex amazement, Daniel’s hands started to shine, after some seconds, Rainbow stood up as if nothing happened, Alex was shocked but also noticed Daniel gasping a little.

“Hmmm, that regeneration trick is amazing but. . . it seems it consumes a lot of his energy. . .need to take that in mind” he thought.

It’s me or things are getting a bit too “convenient” for Alex around here? He gets a crash course on his opponent, new equipment and now this. It’s almost as if the authors didn’t think too much about this crossover shit.

“ahhhh, I’m glad your friend is ok now, before we go to Ponyville, I think an introduction is in order, I’m Alejandro but you can call me Alex by short”

He extended his hand for a shake, Daniel smiled and received it gladly, while shaking their hands he said:

“And I’m Daniel Blaze, Daniel by short and my friend with anger issues here is Rainbow Dash”

“Hey!” Rainbow said offended

“Nice to meet you Rainbow. . . I must say, looking at you when you are not trying to kill me. . .I must say you are kinda cute”

Rainbow stared at Alex for some seconds, a crimson blush invaded her face, Alex hated himself for what he was going to say but he just had to.

“But a little flat chested for my liking”

Rainbow once again stared at Alex, her face was still red but this time it was for fury.

“At least I don’t carry a bag filled with compensators.”

“Well! If I’m going to be a wonderbolt. . .big breasts would get only in my way so I’m fine like this”

“But Rainbow. . . SpitFire is the best wonderbolt and her breasts are huge”

Silence invaded the place until Alex and Daniel started to laugh high, Rainbow could not take it anymore, she punched both humans heads.

“Hey! What was that for?” Alex and Daniel asked.

“For being jerks! And you’ll see, I’m already working in my breasts, just wait in some months, not even Fluttershy’s will compare to me!”

This is what happens when your interactions with women consist in asking your mother to make you a sandwhich and masturbating while watching Seikon no Qwaser.

None Daniel or Rainbow noticed, but Alex blushed a little when Rainbow mentioned her. . .just imagining her in anthroform was enough to turn him on. . . and even better, she had big breasts. . .what no! bad Alex! Bad Alex! You already have an amazing girlfriend. . .even if she is technically the same pers. . pony, it still is cheating!

Looks like little Alex’s hormones have awakened.

And it only took him over twenty years and meeting human/pony hybrids.


“Ok ok, whatever you say Rainbow and sorry but please listen. . .you are not bad the way you are, as I said, you are cute, a little too agresive but cute in the end, you don’t need big breasts to be pretty”

Rainbow Dash once again blushed and looked away.

“I still want them a little more bigger at least” she muttered.

I just want to remind you two people wrote this without being immediately pelted with every single insult conceived by the english language.

After that kinda awkward moment, the trio proceeded to walk to the town, in their way there, Daniel asked some questions.

“Sooo, Alex. . . can you please tell me how you get to this world?”

“Uh. . . well. . .I can’t give you many details but I got some help to get here”

“Some help?. . .don’t tell me it was a person named Kuro?”

“Say what?. . .no no! it was a . . .half friend of mine, don’t worry, he is not evil. . .most of the times”

“That’s a relief, ok. . next question, According to Rainbow, you said you wanted to fight me. . . care to explain that”

“Hmmm, Daniel, I promise every important question will be answered but I’d rather to do it when it’s just the two of us. . .it can be a little hard to believe and is kinda shocking. . .ok?”

“Hmmm sorry Alex but I don’t like to hide anything to my friends and marefriends, you can tell us everything, trust me, after all I have gone through. . .there are not many things that can surprise me”

What do you mean you don’t need to lie and hide things like a five years-old to get attention from others?

“Marefriends?. . . yeah why not? (sigh) ok, let’s talk once we are with Twilight and the rest of the elements”

“Good. . . . hey! How you know about Twilight. . . and the others?” Daniel asked shocked.

“I told you it was shocking, just wait until we are in the library with everypony present”

“You know about the library too?. . .now I’m so curious!”

After that, Daniel only asked Alex basic questions, where he came from, his age, about his family, he answered them gladly, Daniel recognized the country Guatemala, he never was there but he knew it was a nice place.

If this crossover doesn’t end with a threesome between Alex, Daniel and Discord, with the other Discord watching, I will be very disappointed.

Rainbow asked him about his fighting style, she had to admit that “ankle lock” was effective, he told him about his training and he did it for his sister, after hearing that story, Daniel and Dash no longer thought he was dangerous, even though it was sad how he lost his family.

He trained himself to become like a fictional assassin due to a conversation he had with his deceased sister when they were kids and carries bladed weapons everywhere he goes.

Not dangerous.

Pick one.




Let’s ignore the abomination on the left, what the fuck is with their hair? Shit looks like miniature Christmas trees.

After several minutes of walking, they finally reached Ponyville, Alex couldn’t believe it, it was just like the Ponyville he already knew and loved, many anthroponies were walking or working in their business, obviously almost every one of them stared at him curiously, he felt like the first time he was presented to everypony in his own Equestria.

“How Alex, I must say you are taking this very well”

“Nah! I’m kinda used to it and before you ask, what I will tell you later will also answer that”

Daniel and Rainbow nodded and the trio continued their way, they finally reached the golden oak’s library, once again, Alex was shocked to see it wasn’t any different but he didn’t have any time to look at it better for the door opened very fast and he was tackled to the ground, by that moment all he could see was. . .pink.

SURPRISE GAY PARADE!

Yeah, I'm taking a break here for the sake of my sanity.
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Post #42
GorillaGamer


Shillin' Best Girl from Fire Emblem: Echoes
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post Jun 21 2017, 05:20 PM
Jesus Christ, that fucking crossover is already starting things off badly. We've got our eyes assaulted by shitty pictures and a metric crapton of wanking put into word form.

Good job with the mock, though I have to protest the addition of those godawful lemons from that Shadicbrony's trainwreck of a fic.


--------------------
List of mocks can be found here: Here


QUOTE (AnItalianGuy @ May 27 2016, 02:03 AM) *
Jesus man what is up with you and all of those waifus! Are you secretly the "Ultimate Pimp"?
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Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 22nd August 2017 - 12:41 PM