Troper Tales, Crowning Moment of Tsundere Snark Nakama Asexualiity Options

[Dr. O]

Troper Tales, for the fortunately ignorant, started out as a section of TV Tropes. When some members complained about all the personal stories tropers were adding under the Real Life section of trope pages, the administration opted to create a new section of the site for them instead of doing the rational thing and just deleting them. The result was an estimated 7.5 million words of perversion, nerd posturing, hilarious ignorance, and abuse of the English language so bad that the wiki had no choice but to do something about it. After a forum invasion from Something Awful and a failed cleanup attempt, the TV Tropes admins quarantined Troper Tales and jettisoned it into a separate wiki, which had previously been done with Fetish Fuel.

Yes, tropers had come to regard Troper Tales as equally bad as this shit. And here's a look at why:

All Women Are Prudes

* This troper can't believe this page hasn't been started yet! She waffles between this and wondering if she's just plain Asexual. She's figured out that she ''does'' enjoy kissing,provided she's strongly attracted to the guy; the physical sensation is less interesting than the emotional side of things, and the thought of even a short kiss with someone who's not her boyfriend, regardless of talent, makes her rather ill. Since she's waiting for marriage, she figures she'll sort this whole Prude VS Asexual thing out on her wedding night (and,should she discover sex isn't half the fun society makes it out to be - the whole affair sounds rather messy and disgusting to her - she figures she'll just do it to make her husband happy, the way some girls will watch football even though it bores them).

That poor man. "Sorry, dear, but This Troper is disgusted by physical intimacy with you. She didn't tell you until after we were married because it's just like football, right? No big deal."


* This Troper used to be pretty prude, but that's partially because I went to a Catholic school for my elementary years and never questioned a thing the church told me, and partially because I didn't have a sex drive for the longest time. I even wondered if I may be asexual. Then when I was thirteen, I noticed how sexy Fez on That 70s Show was... I think about sex every day now and I'm no longer uncomfortable with nudity.

This Troper had no sex drive until puberty.


* Subverted with this tropette. I have a healthy attitude to sex.

This trope doesn't apply to This Troper, but she wants to be part of the group too.

Asexuality

* I am a strange case. I'm mentally hetero-exclusive, enjoy thinking about women I like and being intimate with them, and also think about the different types of foreplay/sex positions I want it in. However in practice I cannot get close to people, have no real reaction to seeing naked people, hate kissing or hugging, gain absolutely no pleasure from any form of sexual act and alway has an intense feeling of revulsion afterwards. Most recent example was at the start of the first year at (English) college. There was a girl who I fantasised about a lot in one of my classes. About 2 months in we (kinda) got together and I went to her house and she stripped in front of me, expecting me to pleasure in all the ways I had fantasised. What she got was a blank (slightly distainful) stare, an uphill struggle to give me an erection, and the real life equivalent of IKEA erotica. Followed by me not talking for over 30 minutes as my mind tortured me with thoughts about how weak and pathetic I am. I'm usually happy and self-confident.

I don't know whether that counts as asexuality or not, but either way, this person should probably seek help outside TV Tropes.


* I am aromantic to the point of feeling physically ill on the rare occasions someone's expressed interest in a relationship beyond just being friends, and am of course asexual as well. I've run into a few people that think I needs counseling or otherwise should be helped to "overcome" it.

This Troper doesn't understand why people think being nauseated by relationships is strange.


(I still intend to at least try sex eventually, when it's convenient. But, while I may not be aromantic, I find most of the social conventions surrounding romance to be distasteful in the manner of an Obstructive Bureaucrat. So I imagine I'll be waiting a lot.)

This Troper thinks sex would be nice if those stupid people could be removed from the equation.


Furthermore, Stephen Fry's lack of sexual interest due to self-loathing is no less asexual than my lack of sexual interest due to [[AWizardDidIt who knows what]]. If there's a plain and present lack of sexual interest, they are Asexual. This is why Yagami Light qualifies as an asexual. For instance, he masturbated not for sexual interests, but to make the detectives think that he thought that they weren't watching them.

This Troper is just like Stephen Fry and Light Yagami!


** Nope. Not at all. Never. Don't plan to start in the future. I can have a bit of a dirty mind, enjoy some erotic fanfiction, and will admit that some minor accidents happen, but have never had any urge to look up actual porn or even try masturbating. I'm always creeped out when people talk like it's a regular thing.

This Troper isn't interested in sex, therefore no-one else is allowed to be interested in it either. Now to look up some Medic/Heavy slashfic!

Awesome Moments Of Standing Up To Criminals

* [[@/{{Python}} This troper]]'s karate instructor had a crowning moment of awesome 34 years ago. When he was a senior in college someone broke into his apartment to get drug money. The guy had a 12 gauge shotgun and bottle with some liquid in it. To make a long story short my instructor disarmed the dude, the bottle broke during this in which contained acid as a result lost his left eye when the acid got on his face and still beat the living shit out of the dude. My instructor punched the dude so hard in the face that he busted the guys skull even after the acid got on his face, but the dude had so many drugs and such in his system he didn't feel anything or very little. My instructor only regret in this deal is that he didn't kill the dude when it happened.

I've read truther theories that are more plausible than this.


* This Troper's CMOA was when he was mugged by 2 guys on the streets, I informed them I was a 2nd Dan in taekwondo, they didn't listen, they both got a butterfly kick to the balls and turned in to the police station.

Isn't the first rule of martial arts that fighting is bad and should always be a last resort? I know Krav Maga, which is nerds' favorite martial art for some reason, emphasizes running away over fighting. Plus, I've been informed that butterfly kicks don't work like that.


* My brother did this one; he lives in San Francisco, where he's a GentleGiant artist struggling with college funds. One day, he met a gang of violent-looking people who stopped him on the street. "I know you." says one. "You're that policeman who sent me to jail last year.". My brother's response? "Yeah, I still am, and if you don't go away, I'll arrest you all!" he then walked past them and entered his apartment. He is not, nor has ever been, a policeman.

And isn't it a crime to impersonate an officer of the law?


* This Troper has one he's freakishly proud of. (FP) One day, out with friends showing off my new Captain Hammer t-shirt and gloves, we ran into two guys mugging another. I paused,looked down at the shirt, muttered "Well, this is ironic and proceeded to hand the pair of them their asses. Midway through thefight, I started quoting/improvising bits of Hammer dialogue.
---> Pseudo Hammer: Give my regards to St. Peter. Or whoever has his job, but in hell.
---> Pseudo Hammer: When you get to the hospital, tell them Captain Hammer is the one who sent you there. Well, not sent you there, but whose fists are the cause of the massive internal bleeding that caused you to be sent there.

I'm starting to see why the archive is named shitthatdidnthappen.txt.

By the way, great job completely missing the point of Captain Hammer's corny dialogue (hint: he's not supposed to be cool).

Innocent Fanservice Girl

* [[LeighSabio This Troper]], in elementary school, would run around her house with just a T-shirt and no bottoms, and also Did Not Like Shoes. Though given how unkempt, sloppy, and young I was, I was probably more of an Innocent Fan Disservice Girl.

This Troper assumes that people around her are aroused by seeing partially undressed children.


* And [[Tropers/{{Cybele}} this one]] will usually wear baggy jammies when people are around the house. If her dad or any males aren't home, she will just lounge about wearing only a t-shirt and undies.

If a tree falls in the forest and no-one can hear, does it make a sound? If a troper is undressed and no-one can see, does it count as fanservice?

Gender Flip

* On ''TheSims'' 2, [[LeighSabio This Troper]] has three marriages that are somewhat gender-flipped. One is between a shy, sensitive, introspective guy who always follows his heart, and a rational near-emotionless, somewhat insufferable Kuudere girl who is physically stronger than he is.(All justified by the fact that she's a Vulcan Alien Among Us). One is between a nonsocial, nonreligious, Weirdness Magnet, Mad Scientist type woman who brings home the bacon as a bestselling novelist and who used to sleep around, and a Closer To Earth, sweet man who wants kids and is somewhat on the lower rungs of the corporate ladder. Another is an Ugly Wife Hot Guy.

Let me tell you about my videogame families. ~SO KUUDERE~

Kuudere

* [[{{Scherezad}} This Troper]]'s a gender-flipped Type 2: seems very anti-social/violent/introverted, but that's just the fact that he either needs incentive to talk or needs to be comfortable around/speaking with someone. Upon being comfortable, he suffers froma case of Motor Mouth. Of course, not many see that side.

This Troper is violent until people talk about something he likes. For some reason, nobody wants to talk to him.


* [[Tropers/{{Cosman246}} This troper]] follows the trope to some extent, though much of it may actually be TheSpock due to the fact that he has an ASD. To the world, he appears caustic, sarcastic, aloof (though he has been known to rage at people....sarcastically and caustically, of course), etc...but he tries to be nice. His jokes are often extremely intellectual and/or hard-to-get. However, he never really tried for this position as a kuudere, it just appeared when he realized that he was excluded from most social discourse and that his speech was often very complicated. Indeed, he has troubles with informal conversation, even amongst his family. He is not in for the sarcasm just to seem "cool".

This Troper's antisocial, which makes him sarcastic and caustic, of course. People tend to exclude him, but that's OK because they don't get his highly intellectual jokes anyway.


* This troper is in fact 40% Type 1, 50% Type 2, and 10% Type 3. Even if you get to know me, I still seem to be in control. I'll make my sarcasm very obvious to some, but will hide my tone sometimes when being sarcastic just for fun. The only things that push me over the edge are when someone insults my intelligence, tries to harm my family, or steals the the last donut. I try to stay away from dating, maybe because I don't want to be hurt again. The only one who can see past all that I do is my mom. Other than that, my friends say that I can be snarky at just the right times for it to be very funny, and have said that my viciousness has deemed me a very smart badass.

This Troper is a Deadpan Snarker Broken Bird Badass Bookworm Mama Bear Kuudere with a Berserk Button and Mask, look at all these tropes that apply to me! please pay attention to me


* [[Tropers/{{Entan}} This troper]] is a male version. Exterior: measured, judicious, aloof, occasionally snide or condescending. TrueSelf: oh so very, very ''dere.''

Erryday I'm dere.


* [[Tropers/{{SpiriTsunami}} This troper]] outwardly appears to be a male Kuudere because he rarely shows any emotion, but in reality, is more of a male {{Tsundere}}, type AB, whose ShrinkingViolet tendencies prevent any emotions from reaching the surface. (You see, when I say I'm type "AB", I think that I'm really type B, but my tsuntsun side is triggered not by another person, but by my own inability to express my emotions.)

* This troper is one. It appears I've made my first bland 'this troper' entry without any details. Hm.

Watch out, the tropers are becoming self-aware! Before you know it, they'll realize that incest and pedophilia are creepy!


* Oh, ''THAT'S'' what I am. Huh. Tragically, under my unflappable and sarcastic exterior is mental instability.

Tragically.


* I suppose I belong here. I've never gotten the chance to show my dere side, however.

I'm not really an example of this trope but I want to be included anyway.


* [[Tropers/PhoenixFire Me]] too, most of the time. Disproportionately cynical for my age and way too snarky for my own good, but under the right circumstances I can turn into a borderline-Genki Girl.

Sometimes I'm cynical and sometimes I'm not. Just like the characters in ~my animes~


* This troper has a huge crush on a Kuudere. Her deredere moments are so very worth any difficulty in reaching them.

... I don't even know what kuudere means, and these tales aren't helping. Do they really think "I know a kuudere she is so kuudere but sometimes she's dere" is interesting to people?


* This troper is anti social, doesn't like to be touched, quiet but snarky, aloof and unempathic on the outside but the right person will show you that I'm an artistic cloudcuckoolander with a taste for new experiences and adrenalin, has a strong and caring bond with friends and actually enjoys glomping (or being glomped by; it doesn't matter which) other people. Unfortunately the people capable of this are few and far between.

Antisocial snarky cloudcuckoolander glomper kuudere? I feel like I just won at bingo.

Lack Of Empathy

* This troper remembers one particular time in high school being called out for seemingly not having any empathy. A girl in his class - not long after being expelled - was killed in a car crash, and the entire high school (not very big) was brought together for an assembly, for which this troper was decidedly indifferent. When someone noticed and called him on it later, his response was something to the effect of, "Well, of course my insides aren't having a party,but... what the hell do you want me to do? Be (name of dead girl's best friend, who broke down and staggered out of the auditorium crying in the middle of the assembly, which was admittedly a bit difficult for anyone with a soul to watch)? I can't do that. We weren't friends. She fucking hated me, actually."

BITCH GOT WHAT WAS COMING TO HER FOR NOT BEING THIS TROPER'S FRIEND.


* Everybody called This Troper this trope, but in fact I'm just AboveGoodAndEvil and do have some empathy..... for suicides.

This Troper has transcended your foolish hoo-mon morality.

Nakama

* All of the tropers on ThisVeryWiki. Think about it: many of us spend more time on the wiki than we do with the people around us. We cry together, share our most intimate secrets with each other. We might not always get along, but we ''will'' always stick together. Thank you, TVTropes.

This Troper copes with not having a life by reading about his internet friends' fetishes. Thank you, TVTropes.


* This Troper's nakama started when we were all members of the highschool anime club. Most of us have graduated, but we still accept people who are still in said high school anime club. Although things can be really difficult sometimes (we have a lot of members with some form of depression), we're all really close and we care about each other like a family. (As of now, most of our members are running around with an X drawn on our left arms in Magic Marker)

Look what One Piece hath wrought, and despair.


** update:apparently its not eternal. this same troper's nakama has went through a schizm and the two groups are on the verge of splitting further, and I've lost my brother, though I would never consider my him as a brother after what happened. in fact I guess I gained a mos thated enemy in him. this is basicly the darkest hour for most of us .and i know ill fail the "who are you in the dark" test if given the chance, and it gets worse: the other closest person i have whos side i took in this matter (surprisingly mostly because she was in the right and only slightly for other motives mentioned shortly) will probablyend up in a relationship with just as much of a dick as the former because i cant bring myself to face the chance of rejection and cant tell her my true feelings (though they should be obvious) for her because of how our previous romantic relationship went. i mean this is way to much pressure for a god damn kid who only turns 17 in 5 days (yeah shaping up to be so enjoyable)

Begun, the nakama wars have.


* This troper's Nakama currently consists of himself, his roommate, his roommate's best friend, and his roommate's best friend's roommate. We're trying to expand.

I am This Troper of Nakama. Resistance is futile. Your life, as it has been, is over. From this time forward, you will service... us.


* This troper has had a friend since kindergarden-this friend is now regarded as a brother, and even this troper's dad refers to him as a "second son". Nakama is pretty much the only word that adequately describes it.

Yes, if only the English language had a word for friendship.


* This Troper, Troper's best friend, Troper's Sister. Troper and Sister are both little sisters to the (female) Best Friend, who is Troper's older ''brother'' and we've labelled any Les Yay moments between Troper and Best Friend to be Twincest...

Reminder to add LesYay to the list of Troper Tales to mock...


* TwoWords: Anime Clubs. You know what I mean.

killallnerds.exe

Took A Level In Badass

This Troper. Two Years Ago. Nice Guys Finish Last + Betrayal -> Darker And Edgier + Beard Of Sorrow + Deadpan Snarker + Berserk Button + Nietzsche Wannabe + Death Seeker. Pretty much sums it up.

Excuse me, I think you posted under the wrong trope. What you're looking for is Took A Level In Whiny Bitch.

This post has been edited by Dr. O: Mar 29 2012, 11:27 AM

[xoxjoanxox]

Hahaha, you got around to actually making it.

Reading the troper stories part is really annoying though what with all the coding. Maybe you could fix it to blahblahblah (trope it was hyperlinked to).

[Dr. O]

There you go! I tried to get everything, though some of the pages might not exist anymore (like Fetish Fuel, thankfully).

[xoxjoanxox]

There you go! I tried to get everything, though some of the pages might not exist anymore (like Fetish Fuel, thankfully).

Oh wow, you went the extra mile. I meant to just put the trope in parentheses, not link it.

[Dr. O]

Foreign Cuss Word, AKA Tropers Fumble with Glorious Nihongo

* This troper cusses in GratuitousJapanese a lot, often under her breath so no one can hear her. She hasn't refrained from telling people to shut the hell up ("urusai"), however, and relieves stress from dying on video games by shouting "kuso!" Her parents are a bit worried that she's hurt herself, usually.

This Troper insults people in foreign languages because she's too cowardly to use insults they can understand.

Dumbass. Oh, excuse me. Baka.


* This troper has created a fictional language in which he frequently curses.

Snergen flergen!


* Sometimes, pressing this troper's BerserkButton is an invitation to being cursed in Russian, Mandarin, Italian, Arabic... A batchmate of his even lampshaded this.

"What are you saying, man? I can't follow any of this."

"Don't push This Troper's Berserk Button, or he'll really get polyglot on your sorry армянская королева arsch."


* This troper occationally uses Mando'a. It helps when less than a handful of people actually speak it. I also throw it bits of Klingon, Na'vi, and English when I feel like making a point. Anyone who knows me knows that I wont cuss unless I absolutely have to, so when I do, they listen. When it's in English, they listen harder.

I didn't even think people like this existed. If only he threw in some Elvish, this would be the nerdiest thing ever.


* This is actually why I started learning so many languages. I can curse in my native English, Russian, Latin, Spanish, Japanese, German,Tolkein's various ConLangs, and even my own conlang.

Theeeere we go. Also, how sad must it be to learn a language specifically so you can swear in it? That's like taking a work of classic literature and ripping out the pages to wipe your ass - not only are you missing the point, but you're just being an oblivious, insulting dick.


* This Troper particularly enjoys saying 'Concern yourself with your own bloody sh!t' in Irish Gaelic.

This really sums it all up. They won't even swear in writing, but suddenly it's OK when you're speaking a language you don't understand!


* [[Tropers/KatanaCat This Troper]] can swear in German, English, Japanese, and French. She usually sticks to Japanese when she feels like it (mostly saying "Kuso!" and "Shimatta!" when doing badly in a video game), but will revert to English in a fit of rage/frustration before going into Angrish. Her dad used to invoke this, too, but onetime when he was playing the piano(?) and cursing up a storm in Germanled to him being called "Herr Shist Mund!" (Not sure if I spelled it right, but it means Mr. Shit Mouth).

For fuck's sake, at least learn to spell it. "What's an esszet? Is that another word I can use when I fail at vidyagames?"


* This Troper doesn't use that many Foreign Cuss Words (he doesn't really curse much regardless) but those he does include the Japanese "kuso" and "baka-yaro" and the German "Scheiss", or more often "Scheiss Gewehr" (which basically means "shit gun" and is remarkably similar to the word for shotgun, "Schiess Gewehr"). He also might start working the Finnish "perkele" in, mostly because it just sounds awesome. He also uses variations of "bugger" frequently as most Americans, himself included, don't really mind British swears.

What is it with nerds and "scheiss?" It seems like they gravitate toward that and kuso, because apparently only two other languages have a word for "shit."

...

I don't know why Nightmare Fuel is lumped in with Troper Tales in the archive, but since it's there...


See TroperTales/NightmareFuelDisneyParks and TroperTales/NightmareFuelRealLife examples. There were so many, they broke the page.

Oh TV Tropes, you and your ramshackle wiki software...


** I love Death Note, but it gave me some of the most unsettling nightmares. Surprisingly enough most of them weren`t about Kira, but about Demegawa. His greed for money and attention and his Quisling-status are so damn creepy. I had nightmares about him wanting to kill grade schoolers live on TV or brainwashing people via television. However the most scary Nightmare about Death Note, was about me figuring out, that Death Notes were real. (No, I do not actually believe this, it was just a dream.) I wanted to post it on the internet, but just before I got around to press the Submit-button, I suddenly felt a horrible real pain in my chest and fell to the ground. When I looked at the door, I saw Light standing there, with his Death Note in hand, grinning and saying: " Wow! You`re so smart!" Then he looked at his watch and added: "Oh, and by the way: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1..." Then I woke up. The next day I saw the doctor, because I thought, that the pain I felt in my dream could be the result of a real heart issue. He found that my heart was perfectly ok. Seems like I just have a really vivid imagination...

Death Note gave This Troper a heart attack.

Also, tropers love to link to the "sarcasm mode" page when saying something sarcastic, because apparently they've forgotten how to communicate.


* Oddly enough, the more nightmare fuel an anime has, the more this troper enjoys it. It might have something to do with the higher maturity level, but she can't deny that seeming a well drawn freakish monster or utterly bizzare scene pleases her immensely.

This Troper posted on a page for things that scare you so that everyone would know how not scared she is. She also conflates monsters and incomprehensibility with maturity. What were we talking about, again?


** Higurashi is an easy source of NightmareFuel. This Troper made the mistake of watching all of Onikakushi-hen just before bed. The resulting nightmare, of course, featured the killer janitor brigade, beating friends to death, and clawing out one's own throat. FUN.
** Ooh, sounds like a fun anime. Do you know where I can watch it?

Not only do tropers not know how sarcasm works, they're apparently too lazy to use Google, too.


* This troper had a nightmare when is was 8 there was some creepy guy in my house in a black cloak who ran at me and started attacking me. i was yelling "DAD HELP" in real life even though i was asleep, the creepy part is, i felt it. then i woke up....

Why would you post this? Nobody's interested. At all.


* I had this one sort of daydream once. People say the world will end in 2012. 2012 is also when the Presidential term ends. The thought was that, what if Obama had planted a wired system of bombs all through the underground of the country? And when his term ended...BOOOOOOOM...? And, yeah, the end. For America, anyway.

2013, actually. Also, that scenario would make for a hilarious disaster movie.

"Mr. President, terrorists have planted bombs all throughout our ground in a plot to destroy our most valuable national resource - the entire nation!"

"Little do those fools know that I, Barack Obama, am responsible. And with America out of the way, my Muslim-Kenyan-communist brothers can finally take over the world! Muahahaha!"


* [[{{Katana}} This troper]] was watching FoolyCooly before bed. Allnight, I had insane dreams and kept waking up every 30 minutes or so.These nightmares were bad enough to leave me physically ill the nextday.

It's true: watching FLCL makes you sick.


* Closed, unlocked doors. Stems from a weird dream involving an animated Jackie Chan. Ended with me opening a bathroom door only for a werewolf to burst in and devour him in a few seconds. Oddly, I am now a furry and voreaphile, so I guess I am also a NightmareFetishist...

Jackie Chan turned This Troper into a furry voreaphile. This Troper must share this information with the internet. People will find it a fascinating example of the trope in question, and then he can go back to adding obscure fetish comics to the Furry Webcomic category.


* This troper had a dream a couple years ago where he was living in a bombed out city in WWII, and his job was to euthanize the pets left behind by the evacuees. The true horror of the dream didn't impact him until he woke up.

Pet euthanization was the only horrifying thing that happened during WWII.


* As a child, I had a dream that I found a picture on my computer named "thetruth.bmp" (I wasn't aware of compressed formats back then). It was a photo of my mother's corpse on her bed, eyes wide open and mouth agape, after she had been gruesomely murdered; I got alarmed and rushed to my mother's room to find her killed in the exact same fashion. The whole dream was disturbingly realistic, and it still gives me the creeps when I remember it.

I'm just sharing because I love the parenthetical about compressed images. Like the troper was afraid someone would respond with "that story is obviously fake, everyone knows photos should be saved as jpegs."


* I watched Watership Down when I was five. Not a good idea.

That's the whole tale. Sure contributed a lot to the page, huh?

...

Half of these examples are just tropers saying "I played a game/watched a cartoon and had a bad dream." It's so... I don't even know the word for it. Pointless doesn't even come close.


* As a little kid, this Troper played Pokemon Blue, but got immediately stuck in the very first city. He just didn't get what to do until his friend told him that he had to go through the tall grass, where the little monsters waited to be caught. The troper was so scared, he just refused to do it, but it was of course senseless. Somedays later he eventually just overcame his fear, just to find out that there was something worse waiting for him.. (Prof. Oak taking little boys with him is just creepy..)

Yes, Professor Oak helping the player out of a sense of concern for their safety is creepy.

TV Tropes: all roads lead to pedophilia.

What Do You Mean It Wasn't Made On Drugs:

Funtimes is Psychology class! We spent a good deal of time discussing how much cocaine Frued consumed regularly! It was less "This stuff is nonsense" and more "I can't believe some of this stuff actually works! But Frued defiantly had issues with the penis"

1. Nice job misspelling Freud twice
2. Anyone who's even dabbled in psychology knows Freud is bunk
3. I just love the mental image of Freud defying his own penis


This Troper has been accused of being a druggist from the... insane ideas she has spouted

"Here's your advil and cheese monkey death ray, sir. This Troper hopes you shop here again!"

[Al_Cone]

"Druggist?!"

[Viashino_wizard]

"Druggist?!"

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it does.

Also, tropers love to link to the "sarcasm mode" page when saying something sarcastic, because apparently they've forgotten how to communicate.

Well to be fair, sarcasm can be very difficult to convey through text, especially on the internet.

This post has been edited by Viashino_wizard: Mar 31 2012, 10:02 PM

[Dr. O]

"Druggist?!"

It has "drug" in it, so it must mean they're on ~druuuuuuuugs~!

Well to be fair, sarcasm can be very difficult to convey through text, especially on the internet.

Fair enough. It's just a minor thing that annoys me, and really isn't as bad as some of the other stuff on there. Like...

Awesome Moments Of Academic Achievements

* [[JohnnyBGoode This troper]] has an English teacher who is known for giving tough vocab tests. The final usually takes an entire period and is really hard for most people to score well on. This troper managed to both finish in 20 minutes (the fastest out of the entire school) and grab the high score (147 out of 150) This troper thinks the real CMOA was the chem test. My chem teacher gives tests that are basically NintendoHard, but this troper managed to walk in, unsure of what he'd studied, and get an A. It might not sound like much, but it felt awesome.

This Troper took a hard Nintendo Hard test and got a good the high score, a remarkable feat that will stun the whole internet with its brilliance.

Now if only This Troper could stop describing everything in his life in terms of videogames.


* Not all that impressive I guess, but throughout elementary school this troper has often corrected her teachers, been called a genius by her teachers, and read at high school grade levels.

This isn't even a moment. It's just "look how smart This Troper was ten years ago, heh."


* Not particularly impressive considering some of the other entries on this page, but nonetheless: When she was in grade five, the teacher set ThisTroper 's class up in a series of five-minute debates. One topic was "Do bears have as much as a right to life as humans do?" (or some such thing, her memory is a bit fuzzy. And it was in French, just for the record.) Anyways, ThisTroper was on the "no" side of the debate- the only one on that side, and some of her classmates were giving her reproachful looks. The teacher called on her to present her argument first. Her explanation was, "Bears don't have as much as a right to life as humans do, they have MORE of a right, because they don't go around driving other species to extinction." Everyone crossed over to her side of the room, without fail. And for the record, ThisTroper is HORRIBLE at public speaking, and she was even worse back in grade five.

FUCK HUMANITY, WHY CAN'T WE BE LIKE OUR SAINTLY URSINE COUSINS!?


* [[{{Be}} This troper]] has just finished writing the first draft of his economics dissertation. He has referenced Rush, Green Arrow, Transmetropolitan, Discorld and CSI... * remove glasses* ...CSI Miami.

OK, so what part of this is supposed to be awesome?

The sad thing is, there are a handful of stories about people excelling in school despite suffering from real hardship, like one troper's friend who earned an award in wrestling despite having cerebral palsy. That is impressive, and it's something to be proud of. But they're buried by the "THIS TROPER GOT AN A+ ON A TEST IN FOURTH GRADE" entries.

Celibate Hero

* This troper is a Celibate Hero, well, Celibate Villain, because he feels far too superior for something like romance. It's just human mating instinct no different from the kind every single animal on this planet has. Anyone with knowledge of biology can tell you that. That doesn't mean I don't have any urges when seeing anything of the nature to trigger such urges, but treats them as daily needs like eating, drinking and taking a bath, and that is all that needs to be said. The whole love mysticism on the other hand is utter bull. As is the whole misconception that getting a girlfriend is a man's most important goal in life. Sure having a girl is a status symbol, as the number of wives showed represented the power of a tribal leader in prehistoric times, and then some times later in certain cultures, but besides being disrespectful towards women, it is also a primitive atavism that I have grown out of. There are many things more important than finding a love interest. Like becoming rich, famous, and influential, eventually taking over the world. I find insults like 'no chance of getting laid' to be very childish. While it is most certainly true, it' not because I'm such a loser. It' because I've developed past the evolutionary stage where it's still significant.

This Troper has evolved beyond your primitive hoo-mon sexuality.

First Kiss

This Asperger's (officially diagnosed, so don't think I'm making it up) troper's first kiss on the lips came in adulthood. Specifically, his 10-year high school reunion. An attractive female ex-classmate who he'd always liked since middle school was very drunk and kissed him on the lips right in front of her husband (who he'd known since elementary school). Unfortunately, he has celiac disease and being kissed on the lips by someone who'd been consuming gluten (which is also in beer) carries the high risk of making him sick (look it up if you don't believe me). Impressively, she understood right away without him having to explain and told him to just wash it off, which he promptly did. He got somewhat sick later anyway, but still, damn. He can no longer say he'd never been kissed on the lips.

This Troper (who feels the need to remind everybody that HE HAS ASPERGERS) got sick by kissing his middle school crush.

Good Lord.

I Call Him Mister Happy

* This troper has not invented a name for his equipment though his friends refer to it as Ryu because, according to one of my friends who is of Japanese descent, that is the word for dragon in Japan and she always thought the image of an Eastern Dragon looked very phallic. My GF on the other hand collectively refers to hers as Asmodea. One guess where she got that from.

This Troper wishes to insert his ryu into your kuso hole.

If I Can't Have You

This troper would want nothing more than to deprive all others of any kind of relationships, due to failed relationships in his own life, and always taking the absence of evidence of new relationships in his life to be evidence that it will never happen again, not ever, at least not in a manner of rudimentary satisfaction. So, he plans the destruction of sexuality itself, not just in humans but in all terrestrial life, to the logical extreme of having a seldom-spoken wish to kill all lifeforms that reproduce sexually in some way, including a huge amount of Earth's biosphere - but oddly, he would wish to shed his organic body and become a Virtual Ghost, to take control of the US and Chinese defence systems at the same time to bring about Phase 1 - global thermonuclear war. He would simply use a hooker but deeply ingrained mental programming prevents him from doing so as much as a I Cannot Self Terminate prevents The Terminator from destroying itself - also he considers himself an "omega male" when in fact he's probably only a low-grade beta at the worst.

what the fuck

This Troper wants to initiate nuclear war so that NO LIVING THING CAN HAVE SEX EVER.



Old Master

** This Troper's own sensei was an interesting subversion of the trope. He was drawing near to retirement and had been practicing karate since the age of 14, but was also more than six feet tall and built like a brick outhouse. An accidental tap high on the stomach felt like being hit with a ten pound sledge.
*** How is that a subversion?

In the words of Voltaire, the interesting subversion of a trope was neither interesting, nor a subversion, nor a trope.


* Completely subverted. This troper had two trainers, both of which were quite young and could've easily beaten the shit out of everyone in the room.

This Troper wants to share a pointless factoid about his life, but can't find an appropriate trope. Instead of keeping it to himself, he'll just put it on a random page and call it a subversion.

Old Shame

** My OldShame LegendOfZelda fanfic involved Zant stalking and masturbating to a 12 year-old Midna. I almost can't bring myself to type this, I'm so ashamed.

Well... at least they regret it. Now if only there were a link to the fic in question.

Our old friend Took A Level In Badass makes a return

I was a shy, dowdy, short nerd with low self-esteem who constantly got beat up all throughout middle school. When I hit high school I decided to finally stand up for myself and started taking tae Kwon Do classes. I got my black belt in two years when it took most people at my dojang at least four, started kick boxing, and learned how to fence. Last week this guy who had been bullying me since I was ten whacked my head against a locker. I stood up, called him out, delivered a swift uppercut to his balls, and flipped him over my head. He's six foot two. I'm four foot eleven. Mission accomplished.

This Troper applied the skills of tae kwon do, kickboxing, and fencing to uppercut a classmate in the balls. Mission accomplished.

Rant Inducing Slight

This Troper was having a terrible week. Like, everything was terrible. On Friday I... knocked over my rootbeer while pouring it. My sister said for me to clean it up and I punched her in the face. A second later I wondered why the heck I did it.

All righty then.

This post has been edited by Dr. O: Apr 1 2012, 11:11 AM

[xoxjoanxox]

Rant Inducing Slight

This Troper was having a terrible week. Like, everything was terrible. On Friday I... knocked over my rootbeer while pouring it. My sister said for me to clean it up and I punched her in the face. A second later I wondered why the heck I did it.

DafuqdidIjustread.

[Bitch_Please]

DafuqdidIjustread.

You just read about a guy punching his sister in the goddamn face, for asking him to pick up shit he spilled.
What. The. Actual. Fuck.

This post has been edited by Bitch_Please: Apr 1 2012, 01:44 PM

[Protto]

* This troper is a Celibate Hero, well, Celibate Villain, because he feels far too superior for something like romance. It's just human mating instinct no different from the kind every single animal on this planet has. Anyone with knowledge of biology can tell you that. That doesn't mean I don't have any urges when seeing anything of the nature to trigger such urges, but treats them as daily needs like eating, drinking and taking a bath, and that is all that needs to be said. The whole love mysticism on the other hand is utter bull. As is the whole misconception that getting a girlfriend is a man's most important goal in life. Sure having a girl is a status symbol, as the number of wives showed represented the power of a tribal leader in prehistoric times, and then some times later in certain cultures, but besides being disrespectful towards women, it is also a primitive atavism that I have grown out of. There are many things more important than finding a love interest. Like becoming rich, famous, and influential, eventually taking over the world. I find insults like 'no chance of getting laid' to be very childish. While it is most certainly true, it' not because I'm such a loser. It' because I've developed past the evolutionary stage where it's still significant.

This troper would want nothing more than to deprive all others of any kind of relationships, due to failed relationships in his own life, and always taking the absence of evidence of new relationships in his life to be evidence that it will never happen again, not ever, at least not in a manner of rudimentary satisfaction. So, he plans the destruction of sexuality itself, not just in humans but in all terrestrial life, to the logical extreme of having a seldom-spoken wish to kill all lifeforms that reproduce sexually in some way, including a huge amount of Earth's biosphere - but oddly, he would wish to shed his organic body and become a Virtual Ghost, to take control of the US and Chinese defence systems at the same time to bring about Phase 1 - global thermonuclear war. He would simply use a hooker but deeply ingrained mental programming prevents him from doing so as much as a I Cannot Self Terminate prevents The Terminator from destroying itself - also he considers himself an "omega male" when in fact he's probably only a low-grade beta at the worst.

[Zana]

I second that Simon .gif. I don't even know how else to respond. These people.

[Shmeckie]

Hey, look, Tropers are despicable! Who knew?!

[Felloffalot]

These tropers sound like...crappy villains or some shit. "Soon I will deprive the world of all sexuality, mwahahaha!"

[Dr. O]

Hey, look, Tropers are despicable! Who knew?!

Ahem.

[Shofet]

Whenever I want to feel better about myself, I just take a look at Troper Tales and console myself in the fact that I am not these fucking people

[Bitch_Please]

* My best friend was repeteadely ass-raped in prison, but the guy who did this to him (his cellmate) also gave him protection, friendship... they are living together now.

Umm... happy ending for all?

[Bitch_Please]

This is from:"I'm going to Hell for this"

I first checked out mangas with lots of fanservice and Boys Love when I was in middle school. Did a lot of shipping. Ok. Then I went into hardcore Yaoi in high school. Then Yuri. Then human porn. Then human lesbian porn. Then human gay porn. Oh my, I'm not even 21 yet.

When you see it, you'll shit brix...

[Master of AFTER]

If TV Tropes is a goldmine for unintentional comedy, then Troper Tales is like a gigantic pile of gold bricks just laying there for anyone to take as they please. The people who write these are so sad, doctors should prescribe the URL to patients suffering from depression caused by low self-esteem. The site is like an archive of excerpts taken from the world's most hilarious suicide notes.

You really seem to know your way around the seedier parts of the 'Tales collection, Dr. O. If you ever wanted to write something about the site and/or its users, I might be able to find room for it on PA.

[Dr. O]

You really seem to know your way around the seedier parts of the 'Tales collection, Dr. O. If you ever wanted to write something about the site and/or its users, I might be able to find room for it on PA.

You know, I think I'll give that a shot. There's a lot to be said about the kind of website that encourages people to post stuff like this:




Those "special" games you played on certain days of the week: Marriage Monday, Tickle Tuesday, Flip Friday (two guesses what happened on Flip Friday?)...


Has anyone noticed that the changing rooms in Next are somewhat... casual!?! I was trying on a pair of jeans the other day, went into the changing rooms and walked past an almost closed curtain that had a girl - must have been about 15 who was in one of the cubicles. I was interested so I went in the cubicle on the opposite side, one up from her. I saw her take her jeans off, stand in front of the mirror, adjust her panties, get a skirt and try it on - she went outside the cubicle to have a look in the bigger mirror, and after a minute or so, went back in her cubicle, she pulled the curtain to, but it wasn't shut properly and I watched her unbutton the buttons on the side and take her skirt off to reveal her white panties again, and I crapped myself when she turned round and saw me looking - I thought she would kick off big time, but she just casually closed the curtain a bit more... I love Next now!!!

I'm speechless.

The Libby:

* This troper went to an entire school full of Libbies. She walked away with an even worse temper than she had (which is saying a lot) and PTSD.

PTSD? Really? Well, at least only one troper is claiming that bullies gave them shell shock-


* This troper dealt with a Libby from first to fourth grade. What's even worse was that the Libby's parents were highly influential and had contributed a large amount to the school, so almost everyone kissed her feet. It was a pretty small school, too, so there were no subcultures except for the Libby's. Then, the year after I finally leave, I go to summer camp and stay with a cabin full of Libbies. They sexually harassed me, teased me, and gave me moderate PTSD. I can't even stand hearing about summer camps, even now. Just typing this makes my heart race.

Summer camp: worse than Iraq.

Mind Rape:

For better or worse, I think I might have accidentally done this to a friend of mine in high school by showing them Evangelion. This lead to a second very intentional ravage of his mind after said friend decided to get back at me for sharing a show I enjoyed by hurting my other friends. I essentially explained to him all the reasons he was a horrible excuse of a human being, how everything he's ever done is selfish, how he has no self-motivation to fix himself, and how he's been jealous of my success ever since he met me, not to mention how much of a hypocrite Night Templar pervert he was. He doesn't speak to a lot of people anymore...

Mind crush!

Hates Being Touched"

* This Troper's ability to feel EM fields does not work well with the fact that some people seem to have fields that resonate with his, setting up a constructive interference pattern that feels like the affected area is on fire and being charred of his bones. It also doesn't help that the human EM field extends 10-20 cm from the skin, and merely an intersection of the two fields is required. Not the screaming and fleeing category, but certainly unpleasant enough to make him wince.
I'm thankful I'm not as EM-sensitive but being around CRTs used to drive me crazy. My friends used to play with the vertical refresh on old CRT monitors and take bets on how close I could get to the actual frequency just by, erm... sound I'll call it. I consistently guessed it to within one tenth of one hertz. Bonus though - I can find live electrical wires in walls just by feel.

It's like a dorky, teenaged Magneto. "Only the CRTs understand me, Charles!"


* This troper doesn't like it when his friends touch him. Ofcourse that's mainly because this troper is gay, and every time his female friends try to hug him, all he can think about is their boobs being pressed up against him. Yech.

Implying that all gay people are terrified of women. Don't you ever change, TV Tropes.

Catch Phrase:

I used to shout out Man Rape whenever I surprise attack my friends. Then I stopped. I can also do a good (South Park) Timmy impression.

Thanks for sharing.

Knife Nut:

This troper is this as well as being an amateur marksman and an innovative Torture technician, and have a reputation as such.

Torture technician?


* This troper reeeally likes her knives. She has the same one as the girl on the yandere CD and Belarus from Axis Powers Hetalia that she frequently uses as all-purpose silverware. Licking pudding off of it is fun.

fucking hetalia

Wouldn't Hit A Girl:

This Troper has contemplated the problem when faced by a glasses-wearing girl with attitude. the only proper answer was (in theory, had to put into practice) the arm or leg, or, MAYBE, the back, although that shows that you were either attacking first or dominating the fight. In Karate (which is actually pronounced "car-ah-tey") it is a totally different story...

I'm not convinced Tropers know as much about martial arts as they say they do.

...

Gold bricks indeed.