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> Imma Wiserd, Harry Potter, written by a self-hating black person.
Post #1
Darth Nightmaricus


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post Oct 6 2016, 05:30 PM
Welcome to another level of hell.

Imma Wiserd is basically about a black kid who goes to Hogwarts...and something about fried chicken, time travel, and Jesus. It's also extremely racist. It's hard to tell whether the author is just completely retarded or a troll. Either way, it's worth mocking, and I'm surprised no one has done so yet.

Let's change that.

The fic is in plaintext.
My commentary is in bold.

ch 1: da beginin
AN: afta redin da hairy potty books (not rly i saw the mooviez lolololol) i desided 2 make mi own hary potty storee.
So many typos. Also, "hary potty storee"
note 2 da reedars: neva beliv any1 hu sayz a blak man dont like fired chickin
First instance of racism. There's a lot more to come. Sad thing is, the author's black.
I wuz sittin out on da porch an mi mama leend out da windo an sayed "watchu doin soulja spirit buu jackson?".
Soulja Spirit Buu Jackson? That's the most retarded name I've ever seen.
"nuttin much" i said "we gut no food".
"o turtle don cri"
Who's Turtle...?
"na mama i aint mad" i says. den i loked at da gund n said "i wish i had sum fried chinkin" den... dere wuz fried chikin on da grion!!11111111111111
The fuck? Apparent Soulja can summon fried chicken out of thin air.
"yo buu wuz dat i smel" mi mama said. I lookd arund all snecky like and den i whispad "fried chikin" an it went away. i wuz scared but nut in a afrayed way. den i whispad again "fried chicken" and it appered agan!111 so den i desided 2 tri sumden out. "wattamelon" an dere it iz a big ol slice o watrmellon at mah fet. mah mam lend out da door agan "boi now i no i smel sumden". so den i leaned ova and wispad "fired chikin... wattamelon" an dey boat went away. i gut up an says 2 mi mama "lock mama!11 i aint gut nottin!11"
The hell did I just read? Apparently Soulja can make fried chicken and watermelon appear and disappear just by saying "fried chicken" and "watermelon", respectively.
"but im so hundreh" sayed ma mama. den i felt sad. so i pointed mah finger at da grund an sayed "fried chikin" den a big ol bunmch of fired chikim appeerd. mi mama jumpt an scrammd. she ran in da house an slamed da door. "dun cum bak or ill shot ya!" she sayd. so i left.
In short: Soulja's mom kicks him out for being able to summon fried chicken from nowhere.
so whadda think? IF U FLAM UR RASSIST.
You're the only racist here.




And there's 69 chapters...God help me.
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StabbyKobold


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post Oct 6 2016, 11:12 PM
This story in two words: Brain rot.

Blatant racism aside, this thing is setting off all of my troll-fic flags. The misspellings speak of effort to offend rather than earnest writing.

Personally, I wouldn't give it the time of day. But don't let that discourage you, although I'd suggest going for jokes rather than outrage and astonishment.


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Darth Nightmaricus


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post Dec 10 2016, 02:31 PM
QUOTE (StabbyKobold @ Oct 7 2016, 01:12 AM) *
This story in two words: Brain rot.

Blatant racism aside, this thing is setting off all of my troll-fic flags. The misspellings speak of effort to offend rather than earnest writing.

Personally, I wouldn't give it the time of day. But don't let that discourage you, although I'd suggest going for jokes rather than outrage and astonishment.

I intend to get back to this.

Also on my agenda is mocking I'm Not Okay.
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Darth Nightmaricus


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post Dec 10 2016, 02:36 PM
ch2: hogwats
AN: im jus ritin dis now becuz i gut a butload o insparashun
...So many typos.
den i went 2 hagwats. dena nigga came out a no were an says "hey im harry potter". i turned an said "u aint harry potter!!11 i saw him in da movis!"
Umm...Harry was definitely white in the books.
"i no but fo da audeance dey got a wite boi 2 play mi"
"wat i said.
"u herd mi"
"dem rassist ppl!"
Pot, meet kettle.
i entred da big ol place were everabodi eatz an dey put da wiserd hat on mi hed and it says "yo in ravenclaw"
"hey daz were i stay" sed harry potter. den we both went to da room togedder. wen we were dere we saw the dumbldoor. an he turnt 2 mi an sez "welcum 2 skool distrect 7 (wateva dat meens). im ur dumbledoor."
Firstly, HARRY POTTER IS IN GRYFFINDOR, NOT RAVENCLAW. Secondly, apparently Dumbledore is the word for headmaster in this universe.
hairy turnd t mi an seys "dis is da dumbledoor of da entire skool."
"hi mistr duumbledoor"
"yo can call mi alvin".
You mean Albus, right?
"ok alvin"
"goodbi" he sed an raned out on hiz broomstik.
"im sleepi" sed hairy potter
"butt its not even 12 o clock yet" i sed
"i no but tomorow we hav skool an ill sho u all de pretti girlz an how to play bromstiks"
Do you mean Quidditch or flying lessons?
"sho" i sed "do u lik 50 cent?"
"do u lik soulja boi?" sed harry
we were best frends.

Fuck me. Just an FYI, this train wreck has 60+ chapters.
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Darth Nightmaricus


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post Dec 10 2016, 02:45 PM
Here's Chapter 3.


AN: im jus crankin dem out!1 if dis keepz up i jus mite publish it!
Please do, so that Rowling will sue you.

da next day me an hary went doun 2 da big kitchin where all da chillin were chillin smile.gif

i sat down at a tabel nex 2 a pak o crackers whu sayd "boi u cnat sit here!"
A pack of white people? ...What?

"y" i sed

"u haf 2 sit at da bak of da kitchin!"

den hairy came down an sayed "dun mind him. dat tabel is fo da snake ppl. ur a ravencaw! u hav 2 sit at da ravenclaw tabel!" so we sat at da ravinclaw tabel. "dun mind dat cracker. daz rassist."
So all the racists are in Slytherin?

"ok" i sed

"des r mi frinds" dere wuz a pretty gurl named herman. she fell in love wit me. it wuz so grat. we had brekfast togedder. den we went 2 skool. furst we had magik class. the teecher wuz an old womin wit glases and an ol droopy suit. "letme see wut u can do" she said. i pointed at da ground. "fried chikin" i sed. sum fried chikin apered on da flor. she piked it up an took a bit. "yum yum" she sayed and eatted it all. "i no wut class u should go in. u shud go in da blak magic clas."
Firstly, at least Hermione isn't a "goff". Secondly, that's racist.

"wut" i sed.

"dun worri, im nut rassist" she sad. "sum children r good at blak magik whil odders r wite magik."
Seems legit.

"well ok" i sed

she gave us lots o homwork.

we had mor classes. den hary tok me outsid. "heres a bromstik" he said. and he gave me a bromstik. "wats dis 4?" i sed. "4 bromstiks fool!" harry sed. "dunt get hurt turtle" sed herman.
I still am confused whether "bromstiks" means Quidditch or Flying lessons.

"now dis is wut u hav 2 catch" sed hary and he took out a ball wit wings. it flu in2 da ski.

but u hav 2 dog dis cuz it will try an hit u" he took out a big blak ball that hit me in mi hed. "ow i sed"
Doesn't a Bludger hurt like hell?

"sorry" sed hary. he took out his wand an sed "go away" and the big blak ball flu into da sky.

den he tok da biggist ball of dem all. it looked lik a soccer ball. "u have to pass dis so it goes into da hols." he throgh it at me an i caut it. "UR AMAZING" sed harry potter. so we flew up in da sky an began 2 play. mi ballz startd 2 hurt. "my balls hert!" i sed. "sit on it lik dis" sed harry potter. an i did. meanwhile we playd an alot o ppl came arond an watcht ud. dere wuz so many of dem dat dey filed up all da seets. dey wa cherin. den i saw da flin bal. i didnt wan t harry to see it so i sed "imma gonna go up here fo a whil"
What the fuck is happening?

"wel alrit as log as u dont cach da snickers!"

"ok" i sed lik i didn se it.

"wel ok" sed harry potter "bcuz im aboot to put da ball in ur hole!"
The innuendo, it hurts!

i went up but wen i wuz abutt to get it a guy in a big blak cap came in on his brommsticks. He poented his wond at me "die". i den fel off mah bromstik. "AHHHHHHHHH!111111111" i sed.

"TURTLE!11111" sed herman. da ppl scremd when i wuz fallin. it hit da grund. then i died.
Welp, Turtle's dead.
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shiroamasa


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post Dec 14 2016, 09:48 PM
I wish this fic would die.


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Darth Nightmaricus


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post Dec 14 2016, 10:05 PM
QUOTE (shiroamasa @ Dec 14 2016, 11:48 PM) *
I wish this fic would die.

Unfortunately, we've still got 66 chapters to go.
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RadioactiveMoron


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post Jan 15 2017, 08:23 AM
Something tells me that this is trying to be the next "My Immortal".

I have a feeling this guy is trolling, even though he's doing a bad job at it.
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Dalekid


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post Jan 16 2017, 07:29 AM
And the thing is, I know plenty of African-Americans who don't like fried chicken, making me think that he thinks all black people are the same, just like sports movies.

And if he's dead, who are the other 66 chapters about?

This post has been edited by Dalekid: Jan 16 2017, 07:30 AM


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truthordeal


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post Jan 16 2017, 09:15 AM
QUOTE (RadioactiveMoron @ Jan 15 2017, 12:23 PM) *
Something tells me that this is trying to be the next "My Immortal".

I have a feeling this guy is trolling, even though he's doing a bad job at it.


Seconded. There's a couple of red flags here: The author calling people "goffs," the impossibly bad spelling, certain phrases being intentionally misused (like "ow my balls hurt") for comedic effect, and the fact that there are exactly 69 chapters. This dude seems to at least be doing something that Enoby didn't by incorporating racist stereotypes into his work, which is funny and pushing the limits, I guess.

I'm not gonna tell you what to do, Darth Nightmaricus, but I don't think you'll find a lot of really good material in 69 chapters of trollfic.


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Darth Nightmaricus


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post Mar 26 2017, 01:00 AM
Oh, trust me, it's only begun. It gets far worse, or better, depending on how you look at it.
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