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> True Masters, Another Pokémon harem fic, but with a murder trial
Post #1

Critically Sarcastic

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post Jan 4 2015, 08:28 AM
We’ve entered a new year, and the mocking must continue. I’ve decided to start out easy this year. Nothing overly atrocious, no puerile pile of filth, just something that seems entertaining to poke fun at. Although, with this being a harem fic, that can certainly change as time goes by.

This is True Masters by Tracker-02, a Pokémon fanfic where Ash ends up framed for murder, friends betray him, yada yada yada, gets a harem. Curiously, this fanfic ended up being dropped by Tracker-02 but was then picked up by Draco122, who seems to continue writing it till this day. And while a cursory skimming have revealed nothing overtly offensive, I found plenty of opportunity for mocking. So, if you’re in the mood for an easy read worth a few chuckles, grab a comfy seat and enjoy.



I do not own Pokémon; I am just a fan of the series.

And here I assumed someone was holding a gun to your head to make you write this.

All Rights to Pokémon belong to Nintendo and Satoshi Tajiri (Original Creator)

The concept behind this story is solely mine and no one else's.

You read that right, folks! The murder mystery and harem wish-fulfillment genres have been claimed!

I will be looking for O/Cs further in, but until then all names, places, belong to me UNLESS said otherwise.

Like a spoiled toddler, everything he doesn’t reject belongs to him.

And I shit you not, that’s the first chapter. A disclaimer. I don’t get why some authors doesn’t get fanfiction.net’s chapter formatting, but for the sake of everyone’s sanity, I’ll just roll with it and throw in the next one right away.

A True Master

By: Tracker
Not such a person

Chapter 1: The Discovery

It's a late February morning in a small town in Kanto. A late snow came through in the early morning hours covering the landscape in a white coat. In a two story building on the edge of town, an 18 year old boy sleeps with his faithful yellow mouse at his feet.

His other Pokémon had yet to exhibit enough faithfulness to even be allowed into his room.

"Dear it's time to wake up" comes the voice of a woman. "Breakfast will be ready soon."

At the words Breakfast and Ready, the boy jumps out of bed, accidently kicking the mouse onto the floor. Sparks start to spring from the mouse's cheeks as it locks eyes on his owner.

"Wait, Pikachu, I didn't mean…" was all the boy had gout

Oh, how terrible for him!

when he was hit with a bolt of electricity, making his cloths crispy and a small bit of smoke escaping off of him.

"Pika Pika Pi Pikachu." The mouse says as it rushes down stairs into the kitchen.

"Ash get down here, Pikachu might just eat all of the food soon if you don't." The woman's voice calls again.

"I'm coming!" Ash yells back. He grabs a plain black shirt and a pair of jeans and quickly throws them on. He runs down the stairs, nearly tripping twice on the way down.

On Christmas morning, he had landed himself in a neck brace for two months, so this was an improvement.

"Hey mom." Ash says.

"Good morning dear. So what do you have planned for today?" asks Delia.

Moving out of your mom’s house, perhaps?

"I figure that I would go and spend some time training over at Professor Oak's ranch, then call May and see what she's doing this weekend." Ash answers.

"Sooo… Are you finally going to ask her out on an actual date or what?" Delia asked causing her son to blush a deep crimson.

Unfortunately, she proceeded to mistake his choking flailing and Heimlich pantomime for embarrassment.

"I…I don't know yet I'm afraid that she might not like me like that." Ash quietly answers.

"Nonsense, trust me honey she'll say yes" Delia says but in her head she adds "If not you all ways have Misty, Dawn, Annabel, Angie, Zoey, hell there's at least a dozen more girls, trainer, coordinator, or otherwise that would want to be lucky to be going out with you."

I see we’re not even going to be subtle about the harem this time around.

"Okay, well I'll see you later then." Ash yells as he runs out the door toward the Oak residents down the road.

Ash slow wades through the snow that lies on the road while Pikachu hid from the cold in Ash's backpack. It takes several minutes to get to the point where he can just make out the outline of a large building on a hill.

Holy shit, Ash, if it’s a blizzard, stay the fuck indoors!

He tries to make out the long set of stairs that lead up to the large front door made of a light brown maple wood. But the snow has made it almost impossible to see anything except the red brick chimney and the front door.

Once Ash made it to the stairs he had to slug his way up them slowly. Wishing that he had his Quilava or Emboar on him, hell he'd take a flamethrower from Charzard for a quick way to melt this snow. It takes another few minutes to finally reach the door.

Gotcha! Frostbite was caught!

Knock, Knock, Knock

But there was no answer to the banging on the door. Ash slowly turns the knob of the door, and to his surprise it was unlocked. He carefully opens the door and looks around the small entry room. It was bare, not a single thing just the coat hanger in the corner and just a single pair of shoes on a mat. Ash walks into the next room, again not a sign of anyone.

Because clearly a pair of shoes is not a single thing or a sign of anyone.

"Professor…Tracy…anyone here?" Ash yells, but not even a whisper could be heard, he could only hear his and Pikachu's breathing. "Hey buddy could you sniff around for them, I'll be out back with everyone else. Ash walked out the back door look around for his other Pokémon. But instead of the usual stampede there was nothing. "I guess they're all in their pokéballs." Ash thinks to himself.

Or maybe they’re buried under a metric ton of snow, jackass.

He is disturbed by his thoughts by Pikachu jumping on his shoulder. "What is it buddy?"

"Pika Pika Pik Pi Pika Pikachu" the small mouse answers. He points his small yellow arm toward the back of the lab.

"So you think you found them?" Ash asks the mouse. His constant companion just nods yes. "Okay let's find the professor." The mouse jumps to the ground and starts to lead Ash toward a room in the back.

“It’s not a breach of privacy if they’re not here to stop me.”

Pikachu points at the door. It was a plan old, oak door with nothing special about it. But Ash could make out the slight glimmer of light coming from underneath the door. Ash grips the handle and slowly opens it. The first thing to hit him was the smell of blood and decay.

It’s where Oak keeps all the unused starter Pokémon.

Once the door is fully open Ash finds the bodies of Samuel Oak and Tracey Sketchit tied to two chairs by barbed wire. Their chest were cut open but with only shallow cuts, enough to cause blood lose but not enough to outright kill at first.

This murder scene brought to you by Grimdark™, because immature depiction or torture is still considered mature.

At the sight of it made both Pikachu and Ash faint. Neither trainer nor Pokémon noticed the writing on the wall beside them. In the blood of the victims was written

"I told them to speak but they were silent. So I made sure that they stayed like that after I had my fun."

Signed A.S.K.

P.S: This is totally believable, and not at all a horrible attempt at being dark and edgy. Really.

It was a half hour later that the cops knocked down the door to the lab and found Ash with the remains of the bodies. The young man had just woken back up to find Officer Jenny giving him his rights and slapping on a pair of hand cuffs on his wrist, before she drags him out of the lab.

Normally, this would be understandable. He was found on the crime scene; naturally, he has to be brought in for questioning. But no, it’s the old police incompetence cliché of “he was there, he must have done it”. It’s about as cheap a plot device as barbed wire is for torture restraints.

Please I would like reviews and O/Cs from readers as soon as possible, This is my FIRST FanFic so I'm sorry if it was a rough first chapter.

A few spelling mistakes and tortured clichés aside, this wasn’t that bad for a first attempt. It’s going to get worse, though.


I don’t really get why authors would ask others to make original characters for them. Is it pandering, or is it really because they’re starved for imagination? Would original characters really be necessary with Pokémon’s plethora or characters and archetypes? In the end, characters need to fit the story, so injecting new ones without purpose is just erroneous.

Anyway, next time, we’ll see just how people will react to Ash being pinned with murder charges. Oh what fun.

"So... preparing to storm into the room, you jostle your badger, kick down the door, and throw it at the thug standing inside." - Moment from my D&D campaign.

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Post #2

Critically Sarcastic

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post Jan 7 2015, 01:49 PM
So, with blood having needlessly been spilled, how is the author going to portray the emotional pain and grief of Ash finding his friends murdered? How about not focusing on it at all, and instead invoke tired and trite clichés to further the plot? Because that’s exactly what’s coming up next. Enjoy.


Chapter 2: Chains of Ice, Heart of Fire

Both seem rather ineffective at their intended purpose, if you ask me.

Jail, the Slammer, the Big House, Hell that's where he was. He waited and waited, but only thing that happened was the slowly passing of time.


Gah! Two sentences in, and we’re throw into a flashback? Are you kidding me?!

"Ash Ketchum… You are under arrest for the murders of Professor Samuel Oak and Lab Assistant Tracey Sketchit. You have the right to remain silent. Any and everything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney, if you can't afford one, one will be provided for you…"

Much like rental Pokémon, they will be terribly generic and have subpar move sets.

Ash was in a daze. First he finds his old traveling companion and the man he saw as his grandfather dead. Now he is being charged with the crime itself. How was it his fault? He had just found the bodies and fainted, nothing more.

Now, I’m luckily not familiar with the emotional reactions to finding your friends and loved ones butchered for no reason, but outright fainting seems like an awfully convenient cliché, don’t you think? Horrified? Certainly. In shock? For sure. But losing consciousness on the spot? You’d think a well-travelled, eighteen-year-old boy would be of strong enough constitution to go out and alert someone to the situation.

Come to think of it, who the hell called the cops on him? And why is he having the same emotional response, as if he’s accused of stealing from the cookie jar?

But then everyone was wondering why his initials were at the end of the blood message on the wall, or why he had blood all over his hands and cloths. Why? Why did it have to be him?

His initials? A.S.K.? What, Ash Satoshi Ketchum?! It’s the Japanese name for Ash; not a middle name for you to needlessly shove in there!

"Arceus, if you are listening please get me out of the situation. Please I know you know that I'm innocent." Ash silently prays as he is push into the back of a parked police cruiser, looking at the faces of several friends and his mother. All of them had the look of shock and sadness plastered on their faces. His mother was crying, while Gary and Misty tried to calm her down. His last sight of them before the cruiser pulled away toward the local jail.

End Flashback

Hall of Legends

I’m sorry, where are we? This is the first time I’ve seen a flashback go directly into a scene change, making the establishing sentences even more superfluous.

"Father, are you not going to do something about this?" asked a red and white Pokémon who had a large blue triangle on its chest. There were several grunts from several others in the room. Off to the side stood a large purple, cat like creature that just watched and listened.

Please, please let it just be Mewtwo and not Big the Cat, the last thing I need is a Sonic crossover.

"Patience my child, he'll survive. But he will need support afterwards" says a booming voice.

"Patience, waiting, the words of doing nothing. I owe that boy more than anyone else." The creature thought as he teleported to a clearing just outside of the small town.

Pallet Town Jail-

Meanwhile, back at the plot…

"Ketchum," Ash looks up toward the voice to find an officer standing by his cell door "you have visitors." Ash nods his head and stands up. The officer opens up the cell and leads the boy out. As he is guided to the visiting room, Ash makes eye contact with two other prisoners. Both were middle-aged, but one was a red head and a blue head, probably dyed.

Point for attempting realism, three subtracted for not realizing it’s supposed to be natural. Seriously, author, how little anime have you seen to not realize this fact?

Both looking at the young man with great interest.

"So twerp, what are you in for?" the red head yells with a hint of irony to it. It was because of Ash that the two were in there to begin with.

A Team Rocket encounter ending in an arrest and not another blast off? Those exist?!

Her cell mate however just shook his head, "Jessie…" he whispered "give the kid a break." Before Jessie could say anything, Ash spoke up.

"It's okay James. I'm being accused of murder." He says, with the last word leaving a bad taste in his mouth.

The two rockets look at each other and just watch as Ash slugs his way through the large steel doors that separated the cells from the outside world.

Ash's POV-

Because the jarring flashback wasn’t enough, now we have to get stuck inside Ash’s head and endure his inner monologue.

As I was lead through the door, I was instantly blinded by the bright fluorescent bulbs that hung from the ceiling. But my eyes slowly adjusted to the brightness, allowing me to make out small details, a chair here or what looked like a large round table. The guard pushed me toward the table. I grab hold of the chair nearest to me and sit down. The guard mumbles something about "them" but who "them" is I have no clue.

Oh, you know, “them”. How can you not know “them”? They have done so much for you, and this is how you repay “them”? How heartless! Apologize to “them” right now!

Seriously though, “them” who?!

I hear the turning of a door handle and out of the wall opens up a single door. First two people come through, my mom and Gary. Then after them came Misty, Sabrina, and Lance. Next to come were three people who I hadn't seen in a long time.

Oh, right, because Sabrina and Lance were just over for tea the day before the murder happened.

The first person was a short stocky man with a Hawaiian shirt on and a pair of shades. Beside him as a tall, grim man with excavating cloths and a small devise hang on his waist. Behind the two men was a young girl, about my age. She had lavender colored hair, a lilac blouse on and a pair of jeans the same color.

"Scott… Brandon… Annabel?" I look at them "What are you guys doing here?" I ask with a dumbfounded look.

What part of “you have visitors” didn’t you get, Ash?

"Why we are here… is you. What we're going to do I'll explain in a minute, but there's still one more person that wants to see you." Scott says. He steps out of the way to make an opening for someone. Out of the shadows comes a boy my age. He has blue-purple hair, probably dyed, a blue jacket, with a black shirt underneath, and a pair of black jeans on.

"Paul? Why are you here?"

“We’re busting you out! Quick, let’s switch clothes and I’ll take your place, the guards will never notice!”

"Well, I was traveling through Kanto and decided to make a quick visit to your town. When arrived I saw you put inside a police cruiser, I quickly asked around and found out that you had been charged with double murder. I started look around for your mom and founder her with Gary and Misty, crying her eyes out." He calmly says. "Ash… is it true… is true that you did it."

You might want to phrase that as a question, Paul.

"No, I did not murder them; I was going to train my Pokémon at the lab but when I arrived I found them missing, I went looking for Professor Oak and Tracey. I couldn't find them so I asked for Pikachu to try and find their scent. He found it and he took off, I just followed him until we found the room where they were located. When I entered I just dropped, next thing I knew Officer Jenny was picking me up and throwing a set of handcuffs on my wrist." Ash answers, his eyes going a dull brown as they lose their color.

Attached Image

I hope you meant they lost their shine, implying his depressed emotions, as opposed to a sudden lack of pigmentation. And what the hell happened to the first person point-of-view?

The more I read of this, the more I am convinced that the author has only just now stuck his head into the visual medium. First anime hair colors, and now the dull stare. What more could he get wrong?

"Look Ash, I know you didn't hurt my grandpa or Tracey. I believe you, so I you need any help just ask." Gary finally speaks up.

"Thanks Gary. I just hope that the jury believes me."

Or maybe that the evidence gathered during the investigation clears your name, right? Because there was an investigation… right?!

"Oh, I'm sure that they'll believe you when our local empathic is put on the stand." Scott says as he lands on Annabel. "All we need to do is get the judge to agree to have Pikachu on the stand. What would really help is if you had a Pokémon that could use Telepathy."

Does he have any Pokémon besides Pikachu at this point? I mean, they weren’t at Oak’s place, so where the fuck are they?

"He does." Says a deep voice inside everyone's heads, but only Ash knew who it was.

"Okay, Mewtwo show yourself, I know you've been watching me for a while now." Ash quietly whispers.

The hell you did! If you had known, WE should have known too, since you threw us into a first person point-of-view, you hack!

In a flash of light a new figure appears in front of the group of people. It was around six feet tall, purple skinned, had a catlike face, and a long tail that swayed back and forth slowly. "So why are you here? I know that Arceus did not order you to help."

Sure, hey, what happened to the guard? You know, the guy supposed to be supervising the prisoner’s visitation? Wouldn’t he be freaking out about now, seeing a six-foot and very unfamiliar Pokémon in the middle of the room?

"I came here to help you and make sure that you're not blamed for a crime that you did not commit." The Legendary says. "You have a destiny in this world and you must be ready to fight for your loved ones."

“Except for those two whose destiny it was to get horribly murdered in the attempt to mess with your destiny.”

"Okay so what are you going to do? I doubt Team Rocket had given up looking for you. So this'll put you in a whole lot of danger."

"Oh, I'm pretty sure that I could stop any attempts of them capturing me. The only one that I'm concerned of is that bastard…"

"Watch the language minster." Delia cuts him off.

Of course a mother would think swearing is a thought crime. Committed by a church, apparently.

"Sorry, Miss Ketchum, I was just saying the truth. Giovanni is what I described him as. He is an evil man who want's nothing more than to control the world."

Because “bastard” is synonymous with “evil, megalomaniacal crime lord”, didn’t you know?

"I don't care there is no need for that kind of language."

"Mom, calm down. I know that you hate bad language, but Mewtwo has more experience with the man. Also I have to agree with him on this one, Giovanni is a monster. He steals Pokémon from people and doesn't care about anyone except himself and his Persian."

Exactly who are you trying to convince here, Ash? Giovanni is a dick, it’s been established. Just move on already.

Ash looks at his mom for a second then turns to everyone else, who were just gawking at the legendary that was just standing in the room. "Okay everyone I believe it's time to stop staring at my friend now." As if someone flipped a switch everyone snapped out of their surprise and started to ask Ash questions all at once.

"Ash, why didn't you tell us that you knew a legendary?" asked Gary, Scott, Paul, and Brandon, and Annabel as one.

Because some fans believe nothing happens in TV-shows unless it’s shown on-screen. Seriously, you’d think it would be the subject for small-talk during downtime or something.

"Ash how many more legendries do you know?" asked Misty, who had been with ash when he had met Mewtwo, but she still could not remember him due to Mewtwo's psychic block of her memories, as well as Lugia the guardian of the sea, Latios and Latias the eon dragon siblings.

"He he…" Ash sweat drops and starts to nervously rub his head "um yeah I sort of forgot to tell you guys about it. Um, hey Mewtwo could you just send them my memories about you and everyone else please, it would be a lot easier than having to explain all of it to them."

Saving the author time by screwing over every reader who doesn’t know any of this shit.

"All of it?" Mewtwo asks Ash mentally. "Even all of the times you have come close to dying"

"Um no, you can leave those parts out if you don't mind." Ash answers back.

Mewtwo puts his hand on Ash and starts to transplant his memories into those within the room. It was just a few seconds later when everyone's eyes returned to their normal color.

Is there anyone who wants to explain to me the deal with eye colors changing due to psychic interference?

"Ash, you… you…" was all that came out of the majority of the people that surrounded the table, but Ash's mom snapped out of it and embraced her son in a bone crushing hug.

"Dear I'm so proud of you. I knew you saved me from Entei, and the whole Shamouti Island incident, but all those other times. Why would you never tell me or anyone else?"

"Um… because I really didn't want all the attention that came with them, I've already been given the chance for becoming a ranger when I complete my journey, as well as the opportunity of a Frontier Brain… that offer is still opened correct?" Ash asked Scott.

Sorry, Ash, but your current criminal record will ruin your future career choices.

"Yes sir." said the owner/creator of the Frontier organization. "But let's focus on the present for now. With the aid of your legendary friend here we can completely clear your name of this crime."

"Hey mom… how is May taking all of this? I'm surprised that neither she nor Brock are here with you guys." Ash asked as he looks around.

Would there even be room for them if they had come?

"Umm… dear there's something that you need to know." Delia cautiously says.

"What? What happened?"

Delia starts to squirm uneasy in her chair. "Umm… She… She doesn't want to be around you anymore, and as for Brock I don't know where he is right now. He called saying that he was on his way but he never arrived at the house this morning."

"Oh… wait what? May doesn't want to be around me anymore?" Ash asks his mom nods her head. "But… but why? What did I do to make her want that?"

"She thinks that you're guilty of the murders."

Well, then I guess it’s a good thing Delia thought up a list of spare girls in the very first chapter. After all, it’s not at all contrived for a grown woman to go, “My son has so much pussy in stock, he can go eeny, meeny, miny, moe.”

Ash was just aw struck with the thought that May thought that he would do something to a man who he saw as his own grandfather and a very old traveling partner. Hell May traveled with him for two years before he finally stopped to spend more time at home. After that he would take short trips over to Hoean, courtesy of Pigeot, and visit her and the rest of her family.

And yet you still weren’t sure if she “liked you like that”, Ash? Man, Hoenn girls must be hard to please.

Well almost everyone, Max had started his journey a few years ago, and he had chosen to start out in Jhoto rather than in his home region. He had just competed in the Sinnoh League, placing in the top eight but was beaten by a trainer that used all Pseudo-legendary Pokémon. He had paid a quick visit to Ash about a week ago, saying that he would return at the end of the year to have that match that he had promised him when he was still eight.

Uhm, okay… because that’s relevant how?

"So I guess that I won't be asking her the big question any time soon." Ash mumbled "Hey mom, when you get home go into my room and open up my closet and get the ring out of the small safe that it's in. The pass code you should know."

"Okay, dear. Don't worry too much you'll find someone for you out there." Delia tells her only son. "Or someones."

And so, after her realized failure, Delia “Matchmaker” Ketchum set about tricking another hapless soul into marrying her son. She would succeed, no matter how many attempts it would take.

"Sorry to interrupt but y'all have two minutes before I have to take mister Ketchum back to his cell." The guard called from behind the door.

Oh, right, the guard. Brilliant supervision technique there, eagle-eye! Let me guess, the prison didn’t have the budget for cameras or one-way mirrors either, right?

"Well I guess this is all for now. Ash please be safe, and don't let the whole May thing get you too down." Delia says as she hugs Ash.

He had purchased a wedding ring! I don’t think he’s going let this go so easily.

Everyone else just nods. The girls all give Ash a hug while the men just shake his hand. Before they all leave though Annabel runs up to Ash and gives the 18 year old a kiss on the cheek, causing both to blush crimson.

"Ash, please don't worry. I'm sure that you will make it out of this okay." The young woman tells the stunned trainer. "Ash…" she whispers in his ear "please know that I'll always love you no matter what happens please know at least that."

“In other words, I call dibs!”

The guard opens up the door and leads Ash back to his cell. All along the way Ash is quietly thinking to himself about the current situation.

Well there you have it Chapter two is done. What will happen to Ash? Tune into the next chapter to know for sure.

**I have a poll on my profile page for who will be in Ash's family and what new Pokémon he will** **catch/receive in later chapters Please Vote.**

Because having no idea where to go with the story himself, he must ask others for direction.


Don’t you just love it when the protagonist has no agency of their own, and must rely on his powerful friends to do the work for him? Sarcasm aside, what did we even get out of this chapter? Apparently, Ash has a destiny. Big fucking whoop. Too bad the free will of others somehow can interfere with that. And May is somehow the only one worth mentioning, who believes Ash is guilty. Why? Who the fuck knows; you’d think she’d know him better than anyone given their relationship. Worse is that she doesn’t even make an appearance. We’re only told that she and Ash were an item, and she instantly believes the murder charges, conveniently opening the girlfriend position to a long list of female characters.

Why must every unfortunate happenstance to the protagonist be a convenient tragedy?

"So... preparing to storm into the room, you jostle your badger, kick down the door, and throw it at the thug standing inside." - Moment from my D&D campaign.

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Post #3

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post Jan 7 2015, 03:28 PM
I love how Oak and Tracey are fucking dead yet nobody spares a single thought for them, instead going all "oh poor Ash", whom in turn is all "oh woe is me".

Delia starts to squirm uneasy in her chair. "Umm… She… She doesn't want to be around you anymore, and as for Brock I don't know where he is right now. He called saying that he was on his way but he never arrived at the house this morning."

"Oh… wait what? May doesn't want to be around me anymore?" Ash asks his mom nods her head. "But… but why? What did I do to make her want that?"

"What's that? Brock has gone missing shortly after two people close to me were murdered? He could be in dan--oh wait, he's got a penis, nevermind"
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Post #4

Critically Sarcastic

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post Jan 11 2015, 02:24 PM
Finally, we get to the murder trial. Only there really isn’t a point to it. We had Mewtwo show up last chapter, saying he’ll take care of things. Giant, purple cat with psychic powers versus the human justice system; not exactly a contest there. Unfortunately, the author is a goddamn buzzkill. Mewtwo isn’t there to solve Ash’s problems through the wonders of mind-rape; he’s there as a witness in the case. Yes, I’m being fucking serious here. Regardless, the chapter is a bit longer this time, so let’s just get going. Enjoy.


Chapter 3: Truthful Heart

Pallet Town, Kanto

"Will the accused please stand up?" The elderly judge called out in the quiet court house. A young man, probably only in his late teens, early twenties stands up with a solemn face. "Jury, have you reached a decision?"

“On whether or not a backwater country village like Pallet Town actually has a court house, let alone a jail? Undecided, your honor.”

"Yes your honor, we have." A tall tan man says from the booth off to the right.

"Will you please read your verdict?"

"In the case of eighteen year old Ash Ketchum, we the jury have found him…"

Guilty of unnecessary flashback in the attempt to hold tension.

Four Hours Earlier

It was a cold day at Pallet Town Courthouse, a fresh layer of powdery snow had fallen in the night. It was a sober day for the own, for the trail of the town's favorite son was being put on trial for the murders of the famous Professor Oak and his assistant Tracey Sketchit.

And for being the protagonist in a vaguely crime related fanfic. Stuff like this never happens to secondary characters.

Both men were well known for being good friends with the young Ketchum; Samuel Oak was more of a grandfather to the boy as well. So it was a terrible surprise for the townsfolk to hear that Ash had been arrested at the scene of the event. While some thought he was totally innocent, there were still those who believed that he may have done it. Ash was well known for his 'all or nothing' attitude, which some thought could have led to the act.

How exactly? “I can’t settle for being their friend; I have to be their murderer too.” Seriously, tell me how!

As everyone took their seats, the judge slowly made his way to his elevated seat at the front of the court house. He was a gray haired with a small beard that still held the specs of black from his younger years. By his side was his trusty Machamp, also the court's security, stood watching, waiting for any trouble to arise.

And here I was hoping to have it be trial by Pokémon combat to put the ridiculous icing on the lunacy cake.

"Well let's get this started" the old judge muttered. He slams his gavel down. "Order…" an abrupt silence comes over the room and its attendants. "Let the trial of Ash Ketchum begin. Machamp…" the tall four armed pokémon looks toward its owner. "Will you please bring in the accused?"

One Seismic Toss coming right up!

"Champ." The pokémon grunts as it walks toward the side door of the court room. Machamp opens the door and in steps a tan, tall young man with raven black hair. The cuffs around his wrist jingle as he walks toward the tables set in the front. "Champ Ma Machamp." The man takes a seat beside a man with red hair and a black suit on and a girl with lavender hair wearing blouse and skirt of the same color. The girl leans over and whispers into the defendant's ear causing him to blush a little, but not enough so that the whole room would notice.

Really? You’re flirting, now?!

"Will the accused please rise so that the court may recognize them?" the judge asked. The young man sitting in the chair stood up slowly. "Ash Ketchum, you are here today as to be judged by a jury of your peers. You are accused of the murders of two people. Do you have any questions?"

“Do I get a badge if I win?”

"No your honor, I do not have any questions." Ash somberly stated.

"Very well, let us start this hearing. Mr. Ketchum you may take your seat." Ash takes his seat and awaits the opening statements to begin. To the left of Ash's table a man in a black and white suit stands up.

"Members of the Jury, those present, and of course judge Whitestone welcome. I would like to first say that it is an honor to be here today and I hope that we can find the truth today about the horrible situation that occurred only a few weeks ago.

Not to mention the many commas left out of this story.

I am here today to put an end to the start of killing spree of the man that sits at the other table. You will hear from my colleague that his client is innocent of the crimes that he is accused of but I beg you to listen to the facts and only the facts today. I will prove that the accused is guilt of his crimes against this town and with your help put him away for a long time." With that the man sat down with a grin on his face.

Because all prosecutors are slimy lawyer types, whenever the protagonist is put on trial. Professional integrity is ignored like a wild Bidoof on Victory Road.

"Sigh… looks like the prosecution has made our job a little bit harder, but he has left a huge hole for arguments." Lance stood up slowly. He walks up in front of the jury box, looks every single one in the eye and takes a shallow breathe.

While everyone wonders if he’s trying to win the defense by intimidating them.

"Ladies, Gentlemen, members of the jury…" the old Kanto League Champion started "Judge Whitestone…" he nods to the elderly man in robes. "We are here today because a man has been wrongly accused of a hideous crime. A young man who grew up here, who has done a many great things that would make everyone here proud of him. Now my colleague over there is going to show you his form of the truth and I will try the same.

“And then we’ll Mega Evolve the truth and show you how awesome that form looks.”

I have known this young man since he started his second year as a trainer; he has saved my life several times, as well as all of your own. He was humble, never wanting any fame or fortune from his deeds, only taking the fact that he saved those who he felt he loved. That man is Pallet's own son, Ash Satoshi Ketchum."

Delia is still fighting for the custody rights to this day.

"Will the defense please call their first witness please." The judge calls out toward Lance.

"The defense calls Ms. Misty Waterflower to the stand your honor." Lance says in a very somber tone.

Don’t you mean Misty Kasumi Waterflower? If you’re going to include the fan-bullshit last name, you might as well add you own naming conventions on top.

Through the large oak doors in the back strides a young, red headed woman. She wore a light blue dress with her hair in a short pony tail. She walks up to the podium right beside of the judge's seat.

"Miss, will you please place your hand on the book please." The judge asks Misty while Machamp holds a small book with black binding. "Misty Waterflower do you hereby swear that you will tell the whole truth and nothing else, if you do say I do."

Okay, I was already feeling this was inspired by one too many early 90’ies crime series, but did we really need them to swear on a book? And what book is it even? The book of Pokémon law? The Bible of Arceus? Does Kanto have a non-secular court system? I feel like I’m left hanging here, asking questions far too deep for this story.

"I do." The gym leader states. At this the prosecutor stands up and starts to walk toward the bench.

"Miss Waterflower will you please tell the jury what you do for a living."

"I'm the Cerulean gym leader."

"Now tells all how you know the accused."

“He broke my bike, and he still hasn’t paid me for it!”

"I met him when he first started his career as a trainer. I was fishing in a nearby river when my line caught hold of something, I start to reel in the catch but instead of a pokémon I find a ten year old kid holding onto a small pikachu."

"Now after that did you two do anything together?"

"Objection your honor the persecution is leading the witness on." Lance roared.

"Sustained, councilmen please change the question."

"I have no other questions your honor. Defense she's all yours"

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Exactly what was leading about that question? Misty could simply have stated that she spent the next many months of her life travelling together with Ash, thus showing her ability to vouch for his character. Leading questions are when the lawyer attempts to put words in the witness’ mouth, and I hardly believe he tried to have Misty say, that she and Ash ended up fucking right after their first meeting. Now it just seems like there’s something Lance is trying to hide!

"Miss Waterflower will you please tell us how the accused acted toward those he knew." Lance started with.

"Well to those who he loved and was friends with, he treated us as if we were family, but if you were to threaten one of us you would be in some trouble."

"Was this his normal attitude?"

“It was his fighting attitude, but what does types have to do with this?”

"Yes, during my times traveling with him, he saved both me and our other traveling companion, Brock Stone, from a group of criminals called Team Rocket on multiple occasions. But during my time with him during his Orange Island time he save not just me but also many other people when he stopped a pokémon poacher from stealing Lugia, Articuno, Moltres, and Zapados at the Shamouti Islands…" a collective gasp is heard from the jury and audience "then again during our Jhoto journey, when he stopped a group of Unknown from covering the area in crystal."

"Thank you Miss Waterflower. That is all your honor."

Fuck, even when Brock’s name is mentioned, no one wonders where the fuck he is. Oh, and another last name that has no fucking place here. The closest acceptable last name for Brock would be Harrison, and even then it was from an interview with the voice actor. Hey, they don’t all have to be thematic.

"The witness my stand down." The judge says. Misty gets up and walks back toward the benches behind the wooden rail that separated the people gathered and those on trial.

"Prosecution, please call forth your witness." The judge calls gravely.

"The prosecution calls forth, Officer Jenney to the stand." The backdoors swing open to reveal a tall young woman in a blue uniform. She had blue hair that matched her uniform. She walks up to the stand.

"Miss Jenney please raise your hand. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you Arceus?"

"I do." She said.

"Prosecution your witness." The judge says.

"Miss Jenney will you please state your relation to the case." The Prosecutioner asks.

Is it me, or does The Prosecutioner sound like a B-list wrestler name? Also, will you get Jenny’s name right at any point, author?

"I was the first Officer on the scene." She answers back.

"And what did you do when you arrived?"

"I called for back-up and went around back to check for any signs of a break-in."

What or who alerted her to the fact that a crime had been committed? What did she see outside that made her call for backup?

"So you look around, what do you do when your back-up arrives?"

"Myself and two other officers force entry into the building after there was no response to our calls."

"And after that?"

"We found the accused in the room that held the bodies of the dead. He was laying there with blood on his hands and cloths."

To be frank, I’d like to see you fall over on a murder scene and have your clothes remain spotless.

"What else did you find in that room?"

"We found a message. It looked as though it was written in blood."

Looked as tough? You didn’t even have a forensics’ team comb the place over? Fuck, did you even take the bodies away?!

"Your honor, members of the jury, I give you evidence one." The man pushes a button and a picture of the room and the bodies flashes up on the large flat screen TV. After a few seconds the message appears as well.

"After you found the accused, what did you do?"

"He read him his rights. After that we arrested him under the charges of murder."

"Thank you officer. That is all your honor."

"Defense your witness."

"Thank you your honor. Now Miss Jenney will you please tell us what you did after you arrived at the scene please."

"Also, what was the color of your underwear? It's relevant to the case, trust me!"

"Already did sir."

"Well can you remind this old man just one more time."

You’re like 30, Lance! You’re not Matlock!

"I called for back-up and searched for any forced entry."

"Did you find any sign of a forced entry?"

"No. All windows were closed and unbroken, the doors were all locked except the front door."

What about the back door Ash went through to check on his Pokémon?

"So don't you find it weird that there was no signs of forced entry?"

"At the time no."

In a world with teleporting Pokémon and ghost types, would you?

"And can you please tell me what was signed at the end of the message?"

"It was signed with the letters A.S.K."

"And what does that mean?"

"I don't know. The investigation squad worked with that sir. But I believed that it was the accused initials."

“Sure, we had just detained someone identifying themselves as ‘A Suspicious Killer’, but pinning it on the suspect seemed much more convenient.”

"But you weren't sure? There was no 100% proof of it being his initials. I mean that most murders wouldn't make it so easy to identify themselves like that."

"Objection, your honor he is leading the witness on!"

How come I have to agree with the obviously slimy lawyer in this?!


"That is all your honor."

"Thank you Officer Jenney you may step down." The judge tells the woman "Defense call your next witness please."

"Your honor can I request a short recess please, our next witness is special and I need to ask you a few questions before we call them in." Lance asks the judge.

“If this is about whether you are qualified to be a defense attorney, Lance, the answer is still ‘I don’t know’. I’m just rolling with it here.”

"Request granted, we'll return in fifteen minutes. Now Defense, Prosecution will you please join me in my office please." Those who had assembled to watch the hearing started to drift out the back doors, while Ash, Misty, Delia, and Annabel stayed in the court room talking silently.

In the judge's office Lance had to explain the next witness to the judge and the Prosecution.

"Your honor my next witness is not a human, they're a pokémon." Lance starts out.

"Wait, you can't have a pokémon on the stand, they can't even talk to us." Jackson Kile, the Prosecutor of the case, argued.

Wow, slimy lawyer guy has a name now. Maybe he’ll have a face next.

"Actually you can so long as there is either a psych, such as Sabrina from Straffon City or that pokémon is a psychic type. There was a case a few years ago, in Unoava, where a pokémon was the only witness to the crime and they had to have an Elite Four member come and translate for it. But my witness is a psychic type so there is no need for Sabrina to come here." Lance explain. "Also, I must warn you, my witness will be a bit stand offish due to their past."

Alright, author, I don’t ask for you to be one hundred percent accurate in your grammar, but for fuck’s sake, look up the spelling of names. Heck, just re-read them at least once, because I’m pretty sure no-one would ever write Straffon and Unoava on purpose!

"Okay Lance your witness can testify." The judge says. "Is there anything else you would like to say before we rejoin the court room?"

"Yes your honor, I request that you allow the witness to show the memories of the accused to the whole court room."

"Why is that?" Jackson asked.

You should ask, “Why aren’t we doing this all the time?” Seriously, if you could get picture perfect and accurate depiction of the event, regardless of the suspect’s own personal filters, it would be indisputable evidence. Just have a psychic interrogation squad on the police force; you’d have crimes solved in half the time!

"The accused asked for them to do so. That way the jury and the attendees would see what he has done and that he is not the villain here."

"Very well, your witness my do so but if anything happens to the jury I swear that I'll sentence both you and the accused to life in prison." The judge warns. "Now let's return to the court room, I believe that we have over stayed our fifteen minutes. Gentlemen please follow me."

I think something is very wrong with your perception of time. Then again, it feels like this is taking forever to me.

The judge, Lance, and Jackson walked through the door behind the stand. Once they returned to their respective sides and seats, the judge rapped his gavel twice to signify the continuation of the case.

"Defense please call in your next witness." The judge says to Lance.

"The Defense calls Mewtwo to the stand your honor." Lance states. Everyone in the court room looks around, wondering who in the world was this 'Mewtwo'. A bright light flashes in the front of the stand, blinding everyone briefly before it dies down to reveal a purple, bipedal, cat-like being. It looks around and starts to float toward the seat behind the podium.

Attached Image

This is what made me decide to mock this story. The absolute hilarity of having Mewtwo sit on the witness stand in Ash’s defense in a murder trial. Do you know how ludicrous this premise is? Granted, I could easily see the jury accept the witness testimony of a Pokémon; one that they actually recognize. Here, they get the legendary genetic clone sprung on them without warning, and they are expected to keep seated with straight faces. The prosecutor should object on the grounds that they have no idea if this Pokémon is dangerous or not. The court proceeding could be completely ruined with the toss of a single Pokéball. What the hell is keeping the omnipotent psychic type from snapping his mental fingers and fix the entire trial?! There is no way anyone could take this seriously!

"Mister Mewtwo?" the judge asked.

"Yes, your honor?" came a deep masculine voice.

"Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing else but the truth by which your swear." The judge asks, a bit shaken up from the tone of the pokémon.

"Yes, I swear to tell the truth."

“If I get caught lying, I’ll just erase your memory and start over.”

"Thank you, Prosecution your witness."

A gulp was heard coming from the Mr. Kile as he stood. Mewtwo's eyes fixated on him as he walk toward the pokémon. "Now, Mister Mewtwo, can you please tell us who you are please."

"I'm a clone of the legendary pokémon Mew. I was created by the organization Team Rocket in an attempt gain a weapon. But I rebelled and got freed from them little over seven years ago."

"What is your relationship to the accused?"

“And also, is there any way we can actually take your previous statement serious?”

"Mister Ketchum was the one who stopped my plains to create a pokémon clone army…" but before the pokémon could continue the prosecutor interrupts him.

"So you were originally going to attack the world with an army?"

"Yes but if you would let me continue I would have stated that he changed my mind and showed me that there are humans out there who could be trusted." The pokémon says. "He later found and saved me from Team Rocket, this was during his time in Jhoto. I latter met him again when he was traveling through Unoava."

Okay, any more misspellings and the author really is convinced that’s how Johto and Unova are spelled.

"So do you know Mister Ketchum very well?"

"Objection." Lance called out.


"Okay, so do you believe that Mister Ketchum would do something like murder if he wanted to?" Jackson asked.

"Objection." Lance called out again.

"No it's fine Mister Lance, I'll answer this worm's question." Mewtwo stated.

Way to not be in contempt of court, Mewtwo.

"Mister Kile, I know for a fact that there is not a single evil bone within that young man's body, he has a pure heart and only uses violence when it is absolutely necessary."

"Damn…" Jackson mumble under his breathe. "No further questions your honor."

And I’m wondering if I should be digging up my Scanners .gif in case Mewtwo decides to flex some mental muscles on this guy.

"Defense your witness."

"Thank you your honor." Lance says as he stands up. "Now will the jury and those in attendance please listen up. I'm going to ask Mewtwo to transplant the memories of my client into your minds. Judge I request that my client be allowed to the stand, so that my witness can have the required physical interaction." Lance indicates to Ash seating at the table.

Exactly why is there a need for a physical interaction during a psychic procedure? Is Mewtwo going to be some kind of mental projector and Ash the roll of film? My local Wi-Fi works better than that!

"That's fine. Will the accused please join the witness at the stand." The judge said, while he waved Ash up to the stand so that the memory sharing could be done. Ash stood up and made his way toward the stand. "Now, Mister Ketchum, are you sure that you want to go through this?"

"Yes your Honor. I trust Mewtwo with my mental health and my life." Ash answers back.

But would you trust him with your Pokémon? Given what he tried to do, that should actually be a valid question.

The judge nods his head for the psychic pokémon to go ahead a processed. Mewtwo slow lowers his hand on to Ash's head. Once they touch Mewtwo and Ash's eyes start to turn a light blue. The courtroom starts to grow eerily quiet as Ash's memories are shared with everyone in the room, just not the jury. It was a few minutes later that the light finally died down. Everyone in the room took in a collective breathe as they process the information that they had just seen.

"Your honor that is all I needed from my witness." Lance tells the older man.

Well, it seems that Mewtwo did just snap his mental fingers and fixed the entire trial. I was hoping for more brainwashing, but I’ll take what I can to get this over with quicker.

"Mister Mewtwo, you may leave the stand." The judge tells the purple pokémon. Mewtwo just nods as he starts to hover toward the back of the room that was until an explosion occurs by the backdoors. Out of the smoke a large group of men in black and grey uniforms with a large red 'R' in the center of their shirts run through with guns held up, aimed at the gathered crowd.

You know, for a psychic Pokémon, Mewtwo isn’t very psychic at all.

From behind the men steps out a large man with a black mask on, so that no one can see his face. He had a brown jacket and pants on. His hair was a brownish color, but there was the sign of age with the occasional streak of silver here or there.

"Ah I see that I have interrupted something, for that I am sorry. But I must take one of you with me…" he laughs "now Mewtwo will you please come with us quietly or do we have to do this the hard way?" he asks in a stern voice.

"I believe that you already on that answer. Now Giovanni will you please leave or will I have to force all of you to leave?"

So, is everyone else just calmly watching this chaos unfold? No one screaming or panicking? The Machamp guard counter-attacking? Anything???

"I'll leave, but first I need you to come with me. If you choose to resist I'll be forced to use some incentive." Giovanni says in a dark tone. He grabs a random person that was unlucky enough to be near him. "Now miss will you please come with me, I believe that mister Mewtwo will follow orders now." But the Team Rocket boss made a huge mistake. He had grabbed a hold of a good friend of Ash, seeing his friend in harm's way Ash, jumps out of his seat and charges at the group of Rockets.

Attached Image

Because we can’t very well have the bad guys show up without having the protagonist needlessly show off. And what better way than to have a damsel in distress for him to save? A faceless and nameless one too, at that. Who the hell is it?

Two of the armed men point their weapons at him but they never get a chance to fire because a dark blue cloak started to spread over the boy. With the power boost from the sudden appearance of the mysterious cloak Ash seemingly disappears then reappears right in front of the two. Slamming his fist into the two, Ash sent them through the wooden benches that stood behind them.

"What the fuck was that?" one of the Rockets asks Giovanni.

Oh, wow, could this possibly be the vague and mysterious Aura powers, that fanfic authors blatantly abuse to empower Ash during their wish fulfillment stories? Yeah, I can’t even say I’m surprised at this point.

"I don't know but we are leaving now!" the Rocket leader orders as they run out the door. But the last two weren't fast enough. Ash grabbed the two by the neck and threw them back into the building, which was followed by a sickening crunch.

So much for not being a murderer, Ash.

Ash dashes after the retreating Rocket grunts and their leader, giving out a roar that would put an Entei to shame. The group of Rockets looks behind them to find Ash just a few feet away.

"I recommend that you put her down now." Ash said in a deep demonic tone. His eyes turn a deep red with a blue outline. His hair grows out to where it's just above the bottom of his shoes. Ash raises his hand and a small sphere starts to form.

Wait… what?! I don’t recall magical hair growing powers to be a part of the Aura portfolio. The hell is happening here?!

"What are you… you're not an Aura Guardian…?" Giovanni asks Ash.

"I'm your worst nightmare. Now let the girl go." Ash answers back slowly and calmly, while at the same time the ball of blue energy expands. "You have three seconds to do as I told you, or else." Ash's demonic voice commanded sending a slight chill down everyone's spines, whether they are a Rocket or innocent bystanders.

It’s not going to keep him from getting laid though, so why should the fans of the story care?

"Giovanni you might want to do as he tells you." Mewtwo says from behind Ash.

"Fine, here's your girl, boy. You better hope that I never see you while you're alone or you might come up missing." Giovanni hisses as he lets the girl go. She runs toward Ash as fast as her feet could carry her. When she reaches Ash looks at her just to make sure that she was alright.

"Sabrina are you okay?" Ash asks in a soothing voice.

"Yyyy…eeee…ssss." The psychic gym leader stammered.

Attached Image

Sabrina?! Of all the girls on the no doubt long list of harem material you have, author, you chose Sabrina to end up as a helpless hostage?! Get your dick stuck in a revolving door, you dumbass! Sabrina, being the powerful psychic that she is, could bend Giovanni’s spine as easily as she bends spoons. Heck, even if Big G had some kind of psychic protection suit on, seeing as he's hunting a psychic Pokémon, she can still teleport! But no, she had to be a submissive waif, that Ash can save in order to look badass. Fuck this shit!

"Good, now can we please get back to my trial?" Ash asked the crowd behind him. Most just stood there for a few seconds until they final started to move toward the court house, leaving just Ash, Mewtwo, and the remaining Rockets outside in a stare off. "Giovanni I recommend that you leave now, I'm really not in the mood to deal with you anymore."

Oh, yeah, sure, let him get away right after blowing up half a court house. “Hey there, dangerous antagonist and incredibly powerful crime lord. I’m kind of busy right now, scoot off, will you?” STOP HIM, YOU MORON!!

Ash turns around and starts his way back into the building. But before he made it to the doors he dropped to the ground, out cold from the strain of the mysterious cloak. Mewtwo just hovered over to him and picked him up.

"Giovanni, I hope you stay away from this boy, but if you don't you'll be getting hurt bad. I was restraining him this time, but you won't get luck the next time."

Way to inform us after the fact, Mewtwo. You didn’t do a very good job at it, seeing as he KILLED two people!

It was another hour before Ash woke back up and was able to walk up to the stand waiting for the jury's decision

Present time

Fuck, I forgot this was a flashback! An entire chapter worth of flashback!! FUCK!!!

"In the case of eighteen year old Ash Ketchum, we the jury have found him…" the jury member started. "Not Guilty your honor." With those words the court room exploded in a cheer.

**That's it folk chapter three is finally done. The pole for Ash's harem will close at the end of the month. After that I'll have a poll for his new Aura powers.**

The first thing I learned about catering to any kind of audience, is that they often don’t know what they themselves want. As such, having important parts of your story be dictated by popular vote will only end up satisfying the few, disappointing the many, and surprising no one. So get your unimaginative ass off the lazy chair and have some goddamn creativity!


And that’s as much as Tracker-02 managed to write of the story. The two next chapters are really just an intermission of him attempting to find a co-writer by posting a writing challenge. Because apparently people were flocking for the position. I’ll likely go over it as well, before moving on to the continuation written by Draco122. Since they’re both technically the same story, I’ll continue mocking it in this threat, unless anyone objects to it.

"So... preparing to storm into the room, you jostle your badger, kick down the door, and throw it at the thug standing inside." - Moment from my D&D campaign.

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Post #5

Critically Sarcastic

Group: Members
Posts: 522
Joined: 10-June 12
From: Denmark
Member No.: 660
Gender: Male

post Jan 14 2015, 02:32 PM
Here’s the last two chapters from Tracker-02’s profile. They’re very brief, hardly enough time to even eat a sandwich. Enjoy.


Chapter 5

Greetings... I know that it has been forever since the last chapter of this story.

I’m sad that I couldn’t experience that.

Due to personal issues... girlfriend and work... I have decided to find a Co-Writer and a new beta reader.

You had one already?! And they could read?!

So heres how it works I'm issuing a single chapter challenge for the position of Co-Writer, if you want to be a beta reader just pm me. So heres the guide lines for the chapter-

Gee, let’s see what hoops the hopeful contestants had to go through.

1) Ash receives his new Pokemon (Lucario and Gardevoir)

2) Introduce a law or something that explains the harem concept, must be agreeable by all parties within the story (Harem included: Cynthia Annabel Sabrina and Dawn)

Of course, everybody has to be a-okay with the protagonist’s harem. Because the last thing you want to include about a controversial concept is the controversy, right?

3) Charizard comes back somehow, but turns shiny.

Get your GameSharks out, kids, it’s time to screw with the system!

4) Scott approaches Ash about Battle Frontier Brain position

5) Misty/Gary pairing starts

Well, if you’re going to have a harem in the story, you might as well throw a nonsensical side-pairing on top.

6) At Least 5in pages long on word doc. No longer than 10the pages, if it exceeds the max I'll judge it by what I have read so far. If does not reach minimum I'll put it to the side for later.

7) No lemon this chapter, sorry but those happen later on.

8) Introduce A.S.H. somehow, bad guys 1 boy and 2 girls

Ah, so A.S.H. is a trinity then, not a single entity. Strange then that they would use first-person-singular format in their blood-written message. Hold on a second… you’re letting the contestants decide who they are, so long as they fit the numbered genders? You didn’t decide on your antagonists before you wrote this shit?!

9) Introduce Aura Community That is all the rest I leave to you to figure out for yourself. If interested Pm me for email address. You have two months to send a reply to me Good luck and may Athena be with you. if interested Pm me for email address.

Heretic! Denounce your false gods and let Arceus into your heart!

This doesn’t really seem like a fanfic challenge to me. It’s more like the author outsourcing his work, apparently drawing blanks as to who the villains are going to be, so he leaves it up to the eager fans. Let’s see what came of this, then.

Chapter 6: Results are In

Okay. So it's been two months and I've read all submitted works. And I regret to inform you, my faithful readers that there is a tie, for co-writer.

For fuck’s sake, just flip a coin!

Draco112 and TheSilverBoar, are the winners. Both writers submitted works that had the things I was looking for in my story.

Well, if you let other people write it for you, it’s not really your story, is it?

So if the two winners would please email me after you read this message we can talk about the story's future.


And the future of the story was to be thrown entirely onto the shoulders of Draco112. I have as of yet not gotten any impression of his skills as an author, so we might see improvement. However, much like building on an unsound foundation, continuing on Tracker-02’s already set premises will undoubtedly turn it into a mess regardless.

"So... preparing to storm into the room, you jostle your badger, kick down the door, and throw it at the thug standing inside." - Moment from my D&D campaign.

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Post #6

Critically Sarcastic

Group: Members
Posts: 522
Joined: 10-June 12
From: Denmark
Member No.: 660
Gender: Male

post Jan 20 2015, 07:19 AM
Alright, let’s move on to the continuation of True Masters. Looking at Draco122’s profile, it would seem he deals mostly in Scooby Doo fanfics. Somewhat of a far cry from our current fandom, but I shan’t color my expectations unfairly due to it. The merit of him contributing to a harem fanfic is doing that already. Any sensible person should really just have left well enough alone and let the story die while it still possessed some form of originality, but I’m sad to say we’re moving onto the very much repeated wish fulfillment elements seen time and time again. My mocking seems very much justified at this point.

Oh, and just in case you thought this guy could at least one-up his predecessor by labelling chapters correctly, let me just go ahead and crush your hopes straight away. He uses up the first chapter on an author’s note, before proceeding to Chapter 2, and titling it Chapter 1. Again, to avoid unnecessary confusion, I’m just going to indulge their skewed perspective and throw the two first chapters together. Enjoy.



Dear loyal readers of True Masters by Tracker-02


He or she has asked me to take over the story. I know how hard it is to ask another to take over something you put your effort and time into. So I agreed to do it.

Well, I’m sure the story would fall to capable hands eventually, if passed on enough times. Once isn’t enough, though.

I am going out of town for a few days on Thursday so I will not publish anything yet. This chapter is meant to be an announcement. I am speaking with Tracker and figuring out all the details. If you have questions pm.


Do you really have to sign an author’s note in your own story, posted from your own profile?

Chapter 1

Ok I am taking over this story. I am adding one more to the harem so Ash will have five wives instead of four she just fit perfectly I had to add her. At least to me.

Would this make you a practitioner of harem feng shui?

I have not even published and already I have people following for that I thank you for the confidence.

It’s not confidence, it’s the hope that they can get their desire for cheap thrills and power fantasies satisfied, as the previous author promised them.

The trail was over and Ash was declared innocent of all crimes. His friends that were at the trail all thought it was a joke of a trail.

Well, when you keep misspelling ‘trial’, it sure becomes a joke.

The ones he had not heard from it was unclear. Ash was many things to them but a clod blooded killer was not one of them.

He was just a regular clod instead.

Stubborn and hard head at times yes but a killer no. Prof. Oak was his mentor and someone that Ash greatly admired he was like a grandfather figure for Ash. Tracy was his friend and almost brother. Ash would never have killed him.

All the mysteriously disappeared commas, on the other hand, was an entirely different case.

Ash was reflecting on the past few days and his trial. It had not been easy at all. If it were not for Sabrina, Dawn, Annabel, Cynthia and Whitney who had arrived later, his mom, Gray, Misty and Mewtwo he would never have been able to get by the trail.

Because secondary characters and the emotional support they provided can always be retconned into the story. And by now I can pretty much tell, that a simple re-reading for spelling mistakes was beneath this author.

For the most part Ash was not worried during the trial. He knew he was innocent. The part that pissed him off was when Sabrina was attacked.

The endangerment of the entire court attendees and their Pokémon was something he let other people worry about.

Anything aimed at him and he was fine. As many saw in his memories he was attacked a lot. So go after him fine he was use to it by now. It seemed like almost every day he was attacked at least that is how he viewed it. When he voiced that thought both Misty and Dawn both of whom had traveled with him agreed with the statement.

Because the best way to deal with constant danger is to just stop giving a shit.

However go after the ones he cared about then all bets were off.

Aw, but I had put money on Anabel being the next helpless hostage, with a bonus ante on unnecessary, lecherous groping.

Mewtwo was watching his friend and one of the few humans that had earned his respect. Ash had great power within him. He needed to help him learn how to control it. He himself could not however he knew of two pokemon that could help him and were willing to help him as well.

Ash at the moment was near the graves of Prof. Oak and Tracy. Since he was put in jail and put on trial he was not at the funerals. He begged the police to let him go but they refused. His allies begged but they got the same results.

He was the prime suspect in the murder of the deceased! Sure, they booked him on bullshit charges, but at least they didn’t break fucking protocol.

He wanted to at least say goodbye to his friends. He was in front of the graves. On Tracy's the inscription read "Here lies Tracy he was a great watcher and an even greater friend."

Please, don’t tempt me into making voyeur jokes from epitaphs, author.

Next to his was Prof. Oaks and his said. "He wanted to understand the world to better help others." Ash was crying now he could not do it before now.

"How are you holding up my friend?" Mewtwo asked.

"Ok I guess it still is hard but I am getting better." Ash said.

He wants to be the very best at handling grief, like no one ever was.

"Ash I need to know are you planning on seeking revenge?" Mewtwo asked.

"No neither Prof. Oak nor Tracy would want me to. If I find out who did it and happen to have a chance to bring them to jail I will. If not I will let the higher powers deal with them when they leave this Earth. At some point we all have to answer for what we have done." Ash said. Mewtwo seemed happy with this answer.

Wow… I mean, I had my suspicions from that book during the trial, but religious overtones was really not something I was expecting here; especially with an author change. That aside… there are murderers on the loose! Sitting with your thumb up your ass will not prevent them from killing again. If not revenge, then at least seek justice. You are ignoring the plot hook, you idiot!

"Guys I am sorry you had to die I have a feeling that somehow I was involved or the target and you two got caught in the cross fire. I promise that should the chance come I will take them down. I promise to always do what is right and to protect the world. Goodbye and thank you for everything." Ash bowed and walked away he felt a very light breezes when none was there before. He knew that Prof. Oak and Tracy were saying it is ok and thank you and that they held no ill will towards him. He lightened his heart greatly.

Because wind is the fully interpretable messages of the dead, and not at all a result of moving gasses in response to differences in atmospheric pressure.

Mewtwo told Ash that he would be back later to speak to him. With Ash right now were Gray, Misty, his mom, Sabrina, Dawn, Annabel, Cynthia and Whitney. Mewtwo teleported them all back to Ash's home. Mewtwo then went off to get the two pokemon that he knew could help. Ash was exhausted so he went to bed.

So… did Ash just forget Pikachu at the court house?

Sabrina, Dawn, Annabel, Cynthia and Whitney all stayed up to talk to each other. All five had a small problem. All five were in love with Ash. Ok so that is not really a small problem maybe a big problem.

But it’s not going to be a problem for long, wink-wink, nudge-nudge, fuck my life.

All five got to know him and fell for him. They did not know it at the time but Ash had feelings for them as well. None of them knew what to do. They all knew that if they fought over Ash then he would remove himself from the equation. He hated to be the cause of his friend's distress.

Because the only person’s feelings we should care about is Ash’s. So tell me, how is Gary- I mean, Gray taking the death of his grandfather?

"Its not like we can all marry him. If that was the case it would be so easy." Dawn said. She was not really giving an idea she was just wishing. She did not mean to be taken seriously. The other four agreed with her. They would share Ash with the others gladly.

"Actually you can Ash has aura powers and as such the laws allow him to have more than one wife. It had already been set up by me." Looking up the five see that it was Mewtwo that spoke.

The fuck, Mewtwo?! Pokémon clone, all-powerful psychic, and harem wedding planner to boot?! Don’t you have a hobby?!

Mewtwo also went to speak to the leader of the world and it was agreed that Ash could have more than one wife.

Whoa-whoa-whoa! Hold the fucking phone. The leader of the world?! The entire Pokémon world functions under a single government? And Mewtwo just swings by this person for a harem permission slip? There’s coming up with bullshit excuses, author, and then there’s trying too hard. Now I have to ask, what kind of government is it? Is it a democracy? Monarchy? Theocracy?!

Mewtwo wanted his friend to have some happiness which is why he agreed plus the ones that loved Ash would aid him in life. Mewtwo was unsure how he felt about these five but he could sense no darkness form them. Plus they came to Ash's aid so they were ok in his book.

And I’m sure Ash is totally okay with you mentally screening his potential fuck buddies, Mewtwo.

So after some talking it was agreed by the five that they would try and win Ash's heart and if all managed to do it they would all marry him. Mewtwo was smirking on the inside his friend was going to have five mates. He was unsure if he should envy Ash or be happy he did not have five mates.

Ha-ha-ha, because bad female stereotype.

"Dark times are coming I can feel it. He will need you five by his side. You five will need to get stronger. Already you five are powerful but you need to get stronger." All five agreed to train and get stronger so they could help the one they loved.

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The next morning Ash woke up and made some food for everyone. Ash had picked up some of Brock's cooking skills during his travels. That was the only thing he picked up on. However some would argue that he was better at charming girls then Brock was the difference with Ash was he did not know he was doing it.

Or maybe this explanation comes from an author, who doesn’t know how to attract women.

Everyone ate the food Ash prepared for them. Ash notice that Misty was leaning slightly on Gary. He smiled at that and wished his friends luck he also promised to hurt them if they hurt each other. It was awkward since Misty was like his sister and Gray was like his brother.

And because of the fresh reminder that he was accused of murder due to his “all or nothing” attitude.

"Ash I sense dark times are coming and you need to train your aura powers. I have two that can aid you with that. We have some time before it happens and training will take some time. It is unclear when the darkness will come."

I have been told it comes mostly at night. Mostly.

Ash gathered some stuff and his pokemon all of his pokemon. The President of the world gave Ash a special pass that allowed him to carry all of his pokemon with him. So he got them and hugged his friend's goodbye.

Phew, democracy. Dodged that Arceus endorsed bullet. Still though, who is it, and what kind of favors does he owe Ash?!

Sabrina, Dawn, Annabel Cynthia and Whitney there hug were longer which he noticed. He also noticed he like the hugs much well then anyone else hugs even his moms. His mom's hugs made him feel safe and warm. The hugs form the girls made him feels that and love.

And did May just never give him any kind of attention? Did her hugs remind him of the cold loneliness of Mt. Silver? He was set to marry the girl, and now it’s like she never even existed.

All five kissed him softly on the lips. He was shocked at first but kissed back each of them. Sabrina spoke for the other four.

"Ash all five of us love you and want to be with you. Under the laws as an aura guardian you can have more than one wife and we will gladly share you. All that we ask is you think about it and to give us a chance please." Ash smiled and kissed them back and promised he would.

In his bedroom. With the door locked.

Meanwhile we see a man well it looks like a man his face is not visible.

Hello, abrupt and nonsensical scene change.

He was looking at a video phone and on it were two others. This man's face was not seen by the other two. His name was Silver and he was a powerful man. He had dreams of taking over the world but he had been beaten. Ash was the one that had beaten him but Ash did not know it.

Does Ash just make a habit of battling anonymous world-conquering villains?

The two figures one was man and the other was a woman. The man had an A on his shirt. His name was Alex. He had short brown hair and blue eyes. His face was the one that you might see on a wanted poster.

Wow, the descriptions are so detailed, it’s like I’m there with them; reading the name tags pinned to their clothes.

The woman had an H on her shirt and her name was Harriet. She had long blonde hair and bright green eyes. She was in a word beautiful. She had the face and figure of a super model. However she was dangerous.

She was an avid anti-vaxxer, endangering everyone around her to the spread of Pokérus.

Alex and Harriet were the boss's of Team Night. It was a new team that they were starting. It was going to be like Team Rocket the only difference is they were going to take their time and find members that could actually fight. The three talked and made plans none of them were good for Ash or the world.

So, I suppose these are the mysterious A.S.H. that killed Oak and Tracey. Forgive me if I greet their presence with little else but sarcastic laughter. Never mind that “Like Team Rocket, but…” has been the stable for every subsequent criminal organization to turn up in the series, these fuck-nutters intend to somehow be a threat by, what, spending more time on recruiting? Let me remind you, that if Team Rocket was nothing but a bunch of wet-behind-the-ears trainers in matching uniforms, then they wouldn’t be a threat!

Besides, Team Rocket had the money and supply lines to get weapons and gadgets to further their goals. What the fuck do these three dunderheads have? A video phone? Letter labeled clothes, so they can pick them out of a shared laundry basket? Blood finger painting skills?! What is their deal?!

Mewtwo and Ash landed in a clearing it was about a three day journey from his house but it was well hidden so they would not be seen. Ash saw two pokemon one that was blue and looked like a jackal but was standing on two feet. The other was green with white and grey and was taller than the other. The jackal poekmon was Lucario and the other pokemon was Gardevoir. Mewtwo told Ash they would train him. Lucario would train with the aura power and Gardevoir would help with the mental side of things for him. Mewtwo left and promised to keep in touch.

In Kanto, or wherever the hell we are at, Pokémon train you.

For the next six months the two pokemon trained Ash and all of his pokemon to their limits. However it seemed to have worked out for Ash mastered his powers really fast.

Of course he did.

He also became friends with Lucario and Gardevoir at the end of the training they asked if they could join him which Ash gladly accepted.

Of course they did.

Ash had gained the ability to understand pokemon he could read their hearts like Annabel before he started to train. However now he could hear words. He was going to train the girls that loved him to be able to do that as well.

Of course he will.

Seriously, where just riding through predictable clichés at this point, I don’t know why I bother.

Ash and his pokemon made the trip home. After the first day he heard a loud roar and landing in his path was a pokemon he had not seen in a few years. It was a dragon that stood on two legs and its skin was a dark gray close to black. It had two wings and a tail that had a flame on it. It was Charizard but he was shiny now. Charizard started to hug his friend and told him that he wanted to rejoin Ash. Ash was happy and he hopped on Charizard and flew back to his home.

Ash was happy to have his friend back if darkness was going to come and he needed to fight he wanted all of his friends by his side. He asked Charizard how he became shiny. The dragon answered that he was unsure he woke up one morning and he was like this it made no sense and after a few days he stopped trying to figure it out a few weeks after that he flew to find Ash. He felt that it was time to return to his friend.

No explanation. Barely even a reaction. Not a second thought, not a haphazard theory, not a single fuck given aside from a complacent shrug. Charizard is simply there, and he is shiny now. Perhaps one of Tracker-02’s contest demands should have been ‘effort’.

A few hours later they landed at Ash's house and he was hugged by his mom and kissed by the five. Ash did not give an answer before he left and he felt bad about that. The girls have been visiting Ash's mom every chance they got when they were not needed elsewhere. They had been training none stop and Annabel even taught them what she was famous for. Sabrina, Annabel and Whitney had gotten so good in their battles that the various leagues were looking to replace them. Mewtwo put a stop to that.

Argh, almost! Sorry, conflict, I suppose you’ll have to try and make it next time.

Delia liked the girls and was ok with Ash marrying all of them. It meant she could have a lot of grandkids. She told this to the girls and it caused all five of them to blush but it also made them happy when they thought about it.

The pain of childbirth enticed them so.

"I am happy to see you five and I know I did not say anything before I left for that I am sorry. I would if you guys are ok with it like to see if a relationship can form between us." Ash said. It caused all five to smile and be happy. The next few days Ash taught everyone the more advance version of communicating with Pokemon.

Because difficulty is something that happens to other people.

Ash got a visitor on his ninth day back it was Scott.

"So Ash how would you like to become a frontier brain?" Ash had been thinking about it and he had talked with his girlfriends. So he had an answer.

"Yes I would I know where I wish to go. I will call it the Battle Kingdom." Ash said he then showed Scott the location he wanted and once he gave the story Scott smiled and left he had to get started on making the Battle Kingdom near the Tree of Beginning near Mt. Moon. Ash's ideal was great and would take a few months to build.

First of all, making Ash a frontier brain doesn’t get him executive power over where to place his own little theme park. It’s a glorified gym leader position and little else. Second, way to smuggle in the title of king onto Ash, even if it’s phony as all hell. Thirdly, even if every brick was made from LEGOs, I don’t think a few months is going to cut it, if it is going to have the minimum luxuries of power and indoor plumbing.

End of chapter next chapter will describe the Battle Kingdom and not sure after that.

Once ore thanks to Tracker-02 for starting this story. I promise I will do my best to make it worthy.

I’m sure the readers will remain confident, now that you admit to have no heading for the story. Am I being sarcastic? Why, I thought you’d never ask.


It might not come as any surprise, that the story has suffered from the change of authorship. Say what you will about Tracker-02’s writing talents, at least he wasn’t resorting to lazily breaking the rule of “show, don’t tell”. We have months go by in a flash, blatant villain reveals, and character moods expressed with all the subtlety of solar eclipses. Also, the redundancy of repeatedly establishing the law permitting Ash having a harem, and then throw extra special permission on top from an impossible authority figure just irks me beyond end.

Much like the author, I have no idea of where this story is heading, having not glanced beyond this chapter. I can’t even fool myself into thinking it’ll go anywhere but down from here.

"So... preparing to storm into the room, you jostle your badger, kick down the door, and throw it at the thug standing inside." - Moment from my D&D campaign.

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Post #7

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post Jan 20 2015, 09:10 AM
Sabrina, Dawn, Annabel, Cynthia and Whitney all stayed up to talk to each other. All five had a small problem. All five were in love with Ash. Ok so that is not really a small problem maybe a big problem.

A very prominent researcher and his assistant have been brutally murdered and the culrpit is still at large, but by all means keep telling me about how big your "problems" are.

By the way, it's me or everybody here talks like a fucking robot?

This post has been edited by Dashguy: Jan 20 2015, 09:11 AM
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Post #8

Critically Sarcastic

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post Jan 25 2015, 10:27 AM
The first chapter of this continuation was off to a rocky start, and guess what, it’s getting worse. While the previous chapter seemed to purely cater to the restrictions set up by the previous author, this one starts going off the deep end. Well, there’s a small silver lining. Brock finally makes an appearance. And for some god-awful reason, Ash isn’t as happy about it as I am. Enjoy.


Chapter 2

Ok everyone some news. Some of the pokemon that Ash has let go in the series will come back not all but some.

In other words, let’s fix everything the author thinks is wrong about the canon. It’s not like he isn’t set for backup already on top of his improbable aura empowerment.

I will be adding a few others I think he should have unsure about the legendaries at this time expect Mewtwo, Mew and Latias I am going to try and give each of the five women her own time.

Admirable sentiment, I will admit. But giving time to indistinguishable cardboard cutouts seems like a waste of time to me.

Thanks to Tracker-02 for my first review.

A couple of surprises in this chapter.

Bend it in neon, why don’t you?

It had been a few days since Ash had accepted being a Battle Frontier Brian.

The knock-off Frontier Brain position handed out as consolation prizes.

He was looking forward to the time. Right now the six of Ash, Sabrina, Dawn, Cynthia, Annabel and Whitney were in the woods near Ash's house. They were on their way to visit the site of the future Battle Kingdom. It would take a few months to a year to be built to the way Ash wanted it to be built. Scott told Ash to count on a year.

It’s an improvement on the “few months”, I’ll give you that. Now I’m more concerned with the fact, that you’re going to turn the place into what is basically a Pokémon battle tourist resort.

So Ash decided he would train and get to better know the five that loved him and wanted to be with him. So tonight was his first date with Annabel. The five all agreed on that. Sabrina was next followed by Dawn, Cynthia and then Whitney. Ash was unsure how the system was set up but he never asked.

Let’s see, it’s not alphabetical, certainly not by age or height. Not region, not hair color, not trainer status, not by anime or game appearance, not even by Pokémon count. I guess all that’s left is who the author wants to bone the most.

All of his pokemon seemed to like the five which was a good thing to him. All of his pokemon said they would gladly accept either of the five as there mistress and they would accept all five just as gladly.

The author’s writing is so airtight not even minor conflict can make its way into it.

So right now the six were on their way through Pewter City. Ash had all of his pokemon with him. He had several ways of carrying them on his belt, on two bracelets and around his neck. ( I have always imagined that to be a cool way)

Right, because Ash wearing bracelets and a choker, studded with small balls like he’s a fucking Christmas tree, is totally stylish and not at all awkward. Wearing them in public is also not at all gaudy or eye-catching to all those amateur, six-balls-only peasants. They’re also not at all exposed to pickpockets, likely to inhibit physical activity, or break during such scenarios; especially in the case of poorly explained super powers.

Seriously, it does not look cool. It never could, and I will try my fucking hardest to forget Ash even looks this way.

"Guys I need to face Brock but I wish to do it in a different way. His badge was the first I got but I did not earn it. I wish to battle him fair and square and I can see why he has not contacted me." Ash said. The others all agreed with that.

Okay, hold up a sec. You’re telling me that Brock’s no-show at the trial wasn’t somehow indicative of foul play? He’s perfectly fine and staying at his gym? Why?! He told Delia he’d show up, so why didn’t he?

"I think a disguise is in order." Dawn said with glee which caused Ash to smile he enjoyed seeing that look in her eye when she started to get involved with fashion. Within an hour Ash looked different even his own mother would not be able to recognize him. He knew that since he wore that disguise to test if it would work and it worked. He had on dark sunglass's and a blonde wig. He also had red contacts. Pikachu stayed with the girls. He would be a dead giveaway.

Sunglasses and red contact lenses? Oh boy, the author is going the extra badass mile here.

He walked into the gym and took in all the memories of the place. This was the site of his first and second gym battle. He was such an idiot then he really knew nothing. If he had accepted Misty's help then he might have won. However he wanted to win on his own with his own team at the time. Brock gave him the badge and Ash took it but he never felt right. The sprinkler going off allowed Ash to claim the victory but he felt wrong which is why Ahs left.

Left who? Left where? What the hell are you talking about?

Ash walked to the gym and entered it.

He already did, author. You need to catch up, or we’ll just continue this without you.

"Hello I am assuming you wish to challenge me for the boulder badge." Brock said seeing the stranger. Ash noticed that Brock did not change much. He looked like he had not slept in a few days but other than that he looked the same.

"Yes and no." Ash said which caused a confused expression to appear on Brock's face.

Do tell how you’re “not” going to challenge him.

"You see a few years ago I got the badge form you but I did not earn it. I wish to battle you again so that I may say I did earn it." Ash pulled out the badge and showed Brock the proof.

"Very well but there are different rules for this battle it will be a six on six battle. I will not be using only rock pokemon. Are you ready and what is your name?" Brock asked. (Different rules made them up)

You don’t say? So, fuck it if some kid went in there with four Legendaries and a Mega Evolution, without that sixth Pokémon Brock just ain’t battling. Changing the rules isn’t unacceptable, author, but having it be something so arbitrary as a minimum head-count is goddamn idiotic.

"You will find out soon enough if I feel I can tell you. For now Shadow is a good name for me." Ash/Shadow said. (For now I will use the name of Shadow)

Attached Image

The two went to the battle arena and a referee set up the battle.

"This is a rematch battle between Brock the Gym Leader of Pewter City and Shadow of an unknown town. It will be a six on six battle only the challenger may substitute pokemon. All other rules are in effect. Begin." Steve the Ref called.

Really? Steve the Referee is so important he needed a name?

"Do you mind if I record this battle it will help make money and help others learn how to be battlers." Brock said.

"As long as I may have a copy I don't see why not." Shadow said. So Brock pushed a few buttons and camera started to record everything.

“Sure, I’ll send it to you as soon as it’s gone through editing. Just give me your name and address, Mr. Shadow.”

"I choose you Fortress." Brock cried and a shell like pokemon appeared.

"I choose you Lucario." Ash shouted and the jackal pokemon appeared. Brock was a little confused but moved to attack.

Certainly he’s confused, if he can’t say Forretress’ name right.

"Fortress rapid spin" Brock ordered and the pokemon did just that. It started to spin rapidly and headed towards Lucario. Lucario closed his eyes and started to focus for Shadow had ordered it to use claim mind. At the last second Lucario dodged the Fortress it ended up crashing into the wall. Brock was stunned.

"I am guessing that Fortress does not miss." Shadow said with a smirk. Brock did not like that smirk so he ordered Fortress to use rapid spin once more.

Mechanics-wise, the attack has 100% hit chance, but sure, liberties can be taken when going by the anime perspective. Still seems cheap though, since Lucario was ordered to do a move that had nothing to do with dodging.

"Bulk up" Shadow said and Lucario did just that and once more dodged. Brock at this point figured rapid spin would not work so he switched tactics.

"Fortress use harden and light screen." Brock said and Fortress tightened its body and summoned a screen made of light. Shadow smirked for this was too perfect. However he sensed a trap.

Mind filling me in on your strategic genius, because I can see neither benefit nor supposed traps to Brock’s strategy.

"I must say Brock you plan is a good one but I am afraid it will not work. Lucario extreme speed followed by brick break." Shadow asked and Lucario ran at a speed that was hard to track and smashed right into the light screen shattering it. Fortress was sent flying and crashed into the nearby wall. Swirls were seen in its eyes.

"Fortress is unable to battle Lucario is the winner, round one to Shadow, leader send out you next pokemon." Steve the ref said. (I am giving him a name.)

Haven’t we been here before? Do you have short term memory problems, author?

Brock returned Fortress and he was upset that he had made that mistake. He had to watch Shadow for it looked like once Shadow saw a chance to strike he would. Not only would Shadow strike he would strike hard and fast. Brock was right for Ash/Shadow was not the same person he would strike when the time was right and only when the time was right.

If you’re quite done jerking off, could we continue with the story?

"I choose you Crobat." Brock said and summoned the four winged bat pokemon. (Side note a cool pokemon.) Shadow was a little surprised by this but he remembered that Crobat when trained correctly was and can be a very powerful pokemon. (Another side note mine was and still is.)

Side note: Fuck you!

"Aerial Ace" Brock ordered and sadly Lucario was not fast enough to move out of the way. It was hit head on and since it was a flaying attack the damage was doubled. Brock seeing the advantage ordered another attack which Lucario was able to dodge this time.

Well, this got interesting all of a sudden, but only due to that brutal misspelling.

"Wing attack and keep going." Brock ordered. Shadow smirked.

"Bulk up and Claim mind my friend." Shadow ordered and the pokemon did just that raising it stats. The wing attacks kept coming and coming but were dodged.

"How are you doing that Lucario should not be able to use any attacks well dodging." Brock said.

"He has trained to use them well dodging." Shadow said. Crobat rushed in once more with a wing attack and Shadow smirked.

Because a move that’s specifically described as meditation should totally allow for abrupt physical movement.

"Use Sky uppercut" Shadow ordered and Crobat once it got within range was hit hard and sent flying into the sky.

"Lucario jump up and use Sky uppercut but aim towards the ground." Lucario did just that and the attack made contact. Crobat was hit but was able to stabilize and prevent himself form hitting the ground.

Isn’t that like calling for a Low Kick and telling the Pokémon to aim high? I don’t think it works like that.

"Quickly Aerial Ace while it is in the air." Brock ordered.

"Mega Punch" Shadow ordered and the two attacks hit and both pokemon fell to the ground causing a cloud of dust to appear and once it was cleared both pokemon had swirls in their eyes. Shadow rushed to Lucario to check him over.

And Brock’s not doing the same, because we’re not supposed to like him.

"You ok buddy." Shadow asked.

"Yes I was not expecting that." Lucario said.

"You did a great job take a rest." Shadow returned Lucario and Brock did the same.

"Both pokemon are unable to battle. That makes round 2 a draw trainers send out you next pokemon." Steve the ref said.

You’re getting rather pushy, Steve. Shouldn’t Brock be the one running the show?

"Go Ninetails." Brock said and this shocked Shadow it seemed that Vulpix had evolved. The Ninetails ran up to Shadow and started to rub its head against Shadows hand. (I know Brock does not have it in the show but work with me.)

If by working with you, you mean I’m supposed to ignore it blowing Ash’s cover within two seconds of being released from its Pokéball during a battle? What the fuck is even the point of having it here?

"It is good to see you Ash. I am glad to hear you were unharmed." He said.

"I figured you would have figured me out. Don't tell Brock I need to see if he is on my side." Shadow said.

Why can’t you just ask him? No, really, why can you not?!

"I won't and besides he can't hear me anyway. Let me have a fun battle. I need one I don't get to battle a lot." Ninetails said.

"Don't worry and thanks for taking my side." Shadow said.

"You are a kind human you did not do the crimes. Brock knows you are innocent and always knew he feels ashamed and that is why he looks like this." Nine tailes said. The whole conversation Brock was confused.


"Can you understand Pokemon?" Brock asked.

"Yes I can it took me some time but I can." Shadow said.

"What was he saying?" Brock asked.

"He figured out who I am and gave me some hope." Shadow said.

Oh my god, I didn’t think it was possible to wear thinner disguises than Team Rocket, but this bum-fuck found a way.

"Who are you?" Brock said and Shadow's smirk was gone replaced with a cool rage.

"Your Ninetails just gave you a huge clue. A Ninetails only reacts this way to human's it trust. A human it's partner trust so for him to react this way it means you know me. Now figure it out. Also when he was a Vulpix I was one of the few besides you he liked. " Shadow said. He pulled out a pokeball.

Oh, for fuck’s sake, this is what you’re going with? Brock is simply stupid?! Go floss with an electric fence, you imbecilic fuckwit. The man is sick with shame, after for some unexplained reason not having shown up at his best friend’s trial, and now when said friend’s identity is telegraphed to him more clearly than a fucking Flash attack, he still doesn’t get it?! Why the fuck is Ash even angry about this; he should think Brock has amnesia!

"Go Flame."Out stepped a Ninetails but this one was a shiny one and was a female. She was hurt badly and Ash saved her and befriended her. Once she was healed fully Ash gave her the option of going free but she wanted to stay with Ash. Ash was more than happy to welcome her.

Because the author avatar is so awesome, and nice, and cool, and fap-fap-fap-fap-fap-fap.

"Flame he is strong and he knows who I am so go easy on him." Shadow said. Flame spoke.

"Ok let us battle."Flame said. (Ok I know but Ash and Ninetails come on it is perfect.)

Stop with the goddamn parentheses, you bumbling hack! We don’t want your tidbits, excuses, or fucking quarter-assed arguments. We want to read a story, even as bad as it is; your wedged-in brain droppings are only making it worse.

"Flame use flamethrower." Shadow called out.

"Ninetails use your flamethrower." Brock countered and that was what Shadow wanted. He wanted to test out just how strong this ninetails was.

Which is why he told Flame to go easy.

The flames were about even which meant when it came to pure fire power the two ninetail's were a perfect match. Flame was happy maybe she could have a good battle.

"Ninetails keep up the attack." Brock ordered and Shadow smirked.

"Flame use your speed and get close hit it with an iron tail." Flame broke off the attack and the flames speed past her. She used her quick speed and charged close to her foe and hit him hard with nine iron tails causing it to hit a wall. The ninetails got up and he struggled but was able to stand.

Aside from the occasionally wall to crash into, they might as well be fighting in an empty void.

"Use your own iron tail." Brock shouted.

"Iron tail Flame." Shadow shouted. The two attacks hit and a loud clash was heard.

"Slash." Shadow ordered and Flame hit her foe who fell to the ground and had swirls in its eyes. The attacks were just too strong. It could not handle them coming one after the other.

Or maybe the fight was decided from the start.

"Nine tails is unable to battle. Round 3 to Shadow, leader send out your next pokemon." Steve the ref called.

"Go Toxicroak" Brock called out.

"Is he going to be tuff?" Flame asked.

"Not sure so be on guard." Shadow said.

"Use mega punch." Brock ordered.

"Dodge and flamethrower" Shadow called out.

Flame dodged the attack which was good sense the punch created a hole in the floor. She hit Toxicroak dead on with the flame thrower.

And now the floor, wonderful. Given how Crobat was punched to the sky before though, I’m not sure we’ll get to see the ceiling.

"Flame underground" Shadow called and she smirked and dug underground.

"Be careful Toxicroak she can pop up anywhere." Brock called. A few seconds latter Flame jumped out form underground and waited for her orders.

"Fire blast" Shadow called and the attack hit dead on. Toxicroak was hit but was still standing however he was burned. Shadow nodded.

Approving of the blistering pain the Pokémon was now in.

"I am impressed Brock normally if a pokemon is hit by Flames flamethrower and then her fire blast they are down. He has a lot of endurance. Flame tackle." Shadow ordered and Toxicroak was unable to dodged and was hit dead center he fell to the ground and had swirls in his eyes.

Nurse Joy should really have a look at these eye infections; they seem very contagious and PG rated.

"Toxicroak is unable to battle winner of round four Shadow, leader send out you next pokemon." Steve the ref called.

"Go Golem" Brock called and once more Shadow was surprised it seemed that Brock had been busy.

"Roll out." Brock shouted and Shadow smirked.

He does that a lot, doesn’t he? Because heavens forbid he be caught off-guard.

"Flame use flamethrower as he is rolling at you and then dodged." Shadow called and Flame thought it was odd but trusted her friend and so did it. Golem was turned into a huge flaming rock. Brock was very confused as to why Shadow had ordered that move. It became clear when Golem stopped rolling out and the flames were put out when it unrolled. He was burned.

What many don't realize is that a ninetail's flames get hot enough to melt rocks. It did not melt Golem but it did damage him and caused him to be burned. Shadow had this round in the bag. However when he was younger he would get cocky but not this time. Golem was still strong.

Can you let go of your ego boner for two second?

"Golem use earthquake followed by rock throw." Brock shouted and the ground started to shake violently form the effects of earthquake. Flame was forced to stand there and take the damage. However she was able to dodged the huge boulders that were thrown at her.

"Iron tail" Shadow called out and Flame all of her tails glowing slammed hard into Golem. He was sent smashing into the wall. He got up and fell down with swirls in his eyes.

Keep going like that, and I will think you have no concept of physical injury, author.

"Golem is unable to battle. Flame is the winner. Round five goes to Shadow leader send out you final pokemon." Steve the ref called.

"Go Onix." Brock called out and his huge rock snake pokemon appeared and roared.

"Hello Ash it is good to see you. I look forward to this battle." Onix said.

"Thanks me to buddy. Let us have fun." Shadow said.

The “you’re going to be left unconscious in a crater, bleeding” kind of fun.

"Flame return I want to send someone else to battle." Shadow said.

"Ok but can I sit next to you please?" Flame asked her friend.

"Sure go Serperior" Shadow called out and his fully evolved grass starter appeared.

Brock knew he was in trouble. If Shadow's pokemon had been any indication then his Serperior was going to be trouble. Combined with the fact that grass moves did double damage to rock pokemon then he was sunk.

I would have gone with “his ass was grass”, instead of a water pun.

"It seems I will not win this battle Ash. However I want a chance to test my strength. So let us battle." OnIx called out.

"True and I am sorry about this." Shadow said.

But not sorry enough to cut the charade and get some fucking answers.

"I understand I just ask that you do not draw it out too much please and put me out of my misery." Onix said and Shadow agreed.

"Serperior get close and use vine whip." Shadow called.

"Onix iron defense." Brock called out. Serperior hit Onix and a lot of damage was taken but Onix held on.

"Onix use bide" Brock said and Onix started to tighten his muscles. He was waiting for an attack.

"It seems you disrespect me Brock. Use sunny day and gather the sun." Shadow called.

Disrespect?! For what, the insolence of using a counter-attack strategy? Stop blowing your own horn, get off your high horse, and join us mere mortals in something we call common decency, why don’t you?

Serperior just sat there gathering the sun. After a few minutes bide wore off and Onix was unable to move sense no attack occurred. Bide worked that the attacks that hit were transferred to the Pokemon in question allowing it to hit its foe with double the power. With no attacks the pokemon could not move for a few seconds.

"Serperior finish him with solar beam full power." Shadow called and the bright beam of energy was sent at Onix and he could not dodge he was hit directly and fell to the ground with swirls in his eyes.

Reattaching said eyes was going to be a hassle, though.

"Onix is unable to battle that means Brock is out of usable Pokemon. The winner is Shadow." Steve the ref called and Serperior and Flame started to cheer and dance.

"Ok Shadow who are you?" Brock asked.

Unless Ash has been speaking like Christian Bale as Batman, how could you not know by now!?

"Two of your pokemon make me think I can trust you but I don't. You have betrayed me. So I will give you some clues. I am going on a date tonight she wants to go to a restaurant in the city. I will be back in the morning and I will decide if you are worthy. Now here is the clue." Shadow said.

"We are friends, and I still do not know what happened with Prof. Ivy." Shadow recalled Flame and Serperior and left the gym leaving a confused Brock behind.

End of chapter ok I need a name of a little girl next chapter some fun stuff

That has got to be the most vague and unsettling line I have yet to read from this.


Ash is riding full steam on the self-righteousness train, and I’m uncertain if it will stop anytime soon. What really bugs me is that Brock is made dumb as a doornail, just so Ash can prance around in a “cool” disguise so thin it might as well be two-dimensional. And I really have no idea what he’s trying to get out of it. Brock’s Pokémon already ratted him out; that he knew Ash was innocent. But instead of then asking why he didn’t show up, he still counts this as some sort of betrayal. I really hope we get an explanation soon.

"So... preparing to storm into the room, you jostle your badger, kick down the door, and throw it at the thug standing inside." - Moment from my D&D campaign.

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Post #9

Critically Sarcastic

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post Feb 1 2015, 09:08 AM
Finally, this chapter will tell us what kept Brock from showing up at the murder trial. It will take its sweet ass time getting there, but it does explain it. And by explain, I mean blatantly contradict the original fanfic’s narrative and offend the intelligence of everyone reading this story. And it won’t be the only thing to do so, so let’s just get going. Enjoy.


Chapter 3

A quick note I will be doing mega evolutions. They are too awesome not to use . Also as I will explain in this chapter I am changing the name of the evil team I made reference to. The name I picked at first not my better names.

Seems rather counterintuitive, picking the worse option when better are available. Then again, I decided to read this story, didn’t I?

Also all of Ash's pokemon will be in their final evolutions with the exception of Pikachu

Because fuck individuality, unless it’s a fan favorite.

The whole time that Ash was having his battle the girls were helping Annabel get ready for her date with Ash tonight. She was wearing a long full length lilac skirt for that is what made her the most comfortable while still showing off her feminine features and made her look and feel more feminine.

Because even though she was a tomboy, to the point where Ash mistook her for a boy in the show, she has to pretty up and adhere to gender roles.

She also had the matching color blouse and no makeup expect eye shadow to highlight her eyes.

"Ok I think you look just the way you want to." Dawn said.

Or rather how the author wants her to.

"Thanks for helping me Dawn I am not good at this dressing up thing." Annabel said.

"Any time my friend. You should not be ashamed you are very beautiful Annabel." Dawn said and the others agreed with that statement. Annabel went to wait at the restaurant for her date. A few moments later Ash came back.

"Well I won and he did not figure it out even when two of his pokemon greeted me. His Ninetails asked me to pet him for crying out loud. When he was a Vulpix only me and Brock could touch him. Misty he nearly burnt a few times which was always funny. " Ash said and he took a few deep breaths to claim his anger.

No one would not have figured that out. There’s being oblivious, and then there’s being lobotomized by the author for the purpose of propagating a self-righteous wank-fest.

"O well not important tonight I have a date and I am unclean so I must quickly get changed." Ash said.

Given the religious tones previously, are we going to see self-flagellation?

The others hugged him and all teleported away. They all had to go back to work. Each of them had gotten a psychic pokemon that allowed them to teleport. (To be named later) Ash looked at Pikachu and smiled.

"Can you go and tell Annabel I need to get clean. I don't want to smell gross for our date." Ash asked.

What, aura powers doesn’t fix that for you? I’m shocked.

"Sure now go get clean for one of your future mates." Pikachu said. Ash blushed and went off to the local pokemon center and they agreed to let him use their showers and stuff to get clean. He tired to pay for it but Nurse Joy would not hear it. Nurse Joy and by that I mean every single Nurse Joy in every region supported Ash.

Even the ones that doesn’t know him.

He had helped them all so many times so they knew it was all lies.

Not the murder accusations, mind you, just the money he would promise to pay later.

Pikachu had made it to Annabel and jumped on her shoulder. She started to pet him.

"Sorry Ash is getting ready he said he smells bad and is not presentable enough. He will be here shortly. I am so glad you can understand me it makes it so much easier. " Pikachu said.

Yes, yes, we get it, everything is cool with superpowers, can we get to the plot?

"I agree my friend." Annabel said. Annabel was happy to hear that Ash wanted to look presentable for her. It made her heart feel good. The two were chatting until Pikachu started to discharge electric sparks from its checks. Annabel could not quite tell what Pikachu was saying but she knew he was anger. He was speaking so quickly and softly it was hard to tell. Looking up she sees Brock.

Brock had recognized Pikachu and he thought he would go and say hello.

Oh, so he could recognize Pikachu from any other electrical mouse, but throw a wig and sunglasses on Ash, and he’s suddenly unrecognizable.

Pikachu did not want any of that. Brock was worried he did not know this woman so he assumed that this woman was hurting his friend.

"Brock Pikachu is quite mad and wish's to shock you I suggest you stand back." Annabel said.

If Brock doesn’t know Anabel, then how does she know him?

"Who are you? and how do you know my name?" Brock asked

"I am Annabel the Salon Maiden of the battle frontier. I am Ash's friend. Plus I know all of the gym leaders of all regions." Annabel said.

All regions? Really? Such a statement implies for all regions across the world! The planet is a bit bigger than just what the games show, you know. Why the fuck would she even need to know this stuff in the first place?!

She wanted to say and I am Ash's girlfriend but she was not sure if Ash was ready to say that yet for any of them. She could read his heart and when he let his guard down she could read that he loved all of them. However she could sense his fear and she and the others were working on it.

Boy am I glad we’re being told all of this instead of being shown it. It could have, I don’t know, been interesting or entertaining to read about, but why would we want to do that? No, reading about Ash cleaning up his stink and Pikachu delivering the message of said act are much more compelling scenes.

"How can I trust you?" Brock asked.

"Well for starters Pikachu is on her shoulder and relaxed about it. Plus I trust her so that should be enough." They heard a voice and saw it was Ash. He was dressed in a very nice pair of dress pants and a button down shirt and both were black and red. Annabel could not take her eyes off him he was so handsome.

At least he got rid of all his superfluous Pokéballs, I hope.

His normally messy hair was flat. Brock looked like he was about to talk but he was stopped by Ash.

"I do not wish to talk right now. I am on a date with Annabel right now and I do not wish to ruin my first date by thinking about your betrayal. As I said early I will come back in the morning." Ash said.

How about instead of having a bullshit Pokémon battle while in disguise, you could have talked out your issues with Brock, instead of snubbing him like how a pretentious actor rejects paparazzi. The man used to be your friend, let him explain himself!

He took Annabel's hand in his and the two walked into the restaurant. It was then that Brock figured it out. His battle this morning was against Ash. Ash was Shadow and he should have seen it coming. He wanted to talk to Ash now but he did not want to ruin his date. Plus he suspected that Ash would call his pokemon and that would not be fun for him. As he had proven this morning he was not to be messed with.

Because no one can do anything once the protagonist has demanded it. There is only one will, and its name is Ash Ketchum.

Annabel could tell that Ash was annoyed but what shocked her the most was that he let it go quickly. She could still sense emotions and his anger was gone in a flash. She was amazed by that. She decided that she would just go with it as well and not worry about Brock.

It means that he doesn’t care, Anabel. Much like how the author doesn’t care that he spells your name wrong.

"Do you want me to go?" Pikachu asked.

"No you have no place to go." Annabel said.

"I can mess with Brock." Pikachu said. The two humans laughed.

"Ok but not too much trouble please." Ash said and Pikachu smirked and ran off.

“If the cops show up, we don’t know each other.”

"What have I done? I am being way to evil. O well I am with you so I am happy." Ash said and Annabel smiled. Pikachu ran off to Brock and Brock was shocked to see the mouse but he had guessed that Pikachu wanted to stay here to mess with him.

"Don't mess with my mom or her stuff or else we are both dead anything else is fair game." Brock said knowing he was not going to win and he was proven right when he saw the smirk. Brock called out all of his pokemon hoping they could help distract Pikachu. (Note I did not include all of Brocks pokemon but they are all here.) Pikachu was happy to see some of his friends.

What was the point of that parenthesis? Really, what was it? You already said that he called out all of his Pokémon, so what is the fucking point of saying it again?!

"It is good to see you buddy." Onix said. Onix and Pikachu had become friends even after the second battle they had when the sprinklers had gone off and Pikachu used them to land a devastating blow. Onix did respect that Ash and Pikachu walked off not wanting to win that way.

"Same as well" Pikachu said.

"So what have you been up to?" Ninetails asked.

"Not much." Pikachu said.

All these years, and all you have to say is “not much”? No wonder no one knew Ash had met legendary Pokémon; they never tell people anything!

"How is Ash we saw him today and he crushed us." Crobat said.

"Well he has five that love him and want to be with him. By the old laws he needs to have more than one wife." Pikachu said and the others were shocked till Onix started to laugh. As Brock's oldest pokemon or the one he had the longest Onix knew him the best.

Wait, wait, hold up! First the law stated that he ‘could’ have more than one wife, now it’s that he ‘needs to’? Which is it? Why is it? Seriously, for there to be a law, there has to be a reason for its existence. Give us a reason as to WHY Ash can or must have multiple wives, and not just state that he CAN!

"When Brock hears that he will faint." Onix said and it was true.

Because Onix sees the future.

"What do you think he will do?" Golem asked.

"I think he will marry all five of them. He needs to open up his heart more his friends not standing by him have hurt him. Plus a great evil and war is coming. He is sacred the ones he loves will be hurt. Prof. Oak and Tracy he thinks who every killed them was targeting him." Pikachu said and took a pause.

Don’t breathe too deep, Pikachu, I think your garbled speech is caused by a gas leak.

"He needs to figure out who to trust." Pikachu said.

"He can trust Brock. Brock was on his side but could not come and support him." Onix said.

Why?! How come this one fact is so difficult to make clear? If Brock was held back from getting to Pallet Town, then why the fuck didn’t he just call and tell them he couldn’t make it? Why is he accused of betrayal because of this?!

"That will not work. One of his future mates was busy but came as quickly as she could. She got there after the trail was over but she still came. All of his future mates were busy but still came. Misty and Grey were supper busy but still came." Pikachu said and took a pause.

"I will tell Ash after his date. Now will you help me mess with Brock?" Pikachu asked. The others all agreed for they were annoyed that Brock did not figure out Shadow was Ash. All I will say is Brock did not sleep much that night.

Attached Image

Meanwhile the young couple was on their date and had gotten to the restaurant. Annabel took Ash's hand in hers. Ash gladly took her hand in his. The two were shown to their table and given menus'. The waitress came by and took their orders but not before trying to flirt with Ash which he ignored. Annabel was shocked by this. She wondered if Ash knew or was clueless about the waitress. The waitress was a very attractive woman.

Chill, Anabel, she’s probably trying to be nice to get a bigger tip. I mean, since he’s obviously there on a date, it would be ridiculously contrived to have the waitress try to hit on him. Which is what you’re fucking implying, isn’t it?!

"I noticed what she was trying to do but I am not interested in her. She will make someone happy someday but it will not be me." Ash said and Annabel smiled. She may be acting confident but she was not. She viewed herself as a tom boy and not someone that was attractive. So to see Ash turn down a very attractive at least in her eyes waitress did wonders for her.

You really have no idea how women function, do you, author?

"You should not doubt yourself Annabel. You are very beautiful." Ash said having sensed her heart and her emotions. Annabel blushed at this but was happy none the less but she still doubted.

"Annabel you are very beautiful you may look like a boy at least that is what you think but you do not. Any other guy that says otherwise is not bright and I am glad. You are very beautiful not just physically but in other ways." Ash said once more Annabel smiled and she hugged Ash tightly.

I’ve read better flirts on bathroom stall walls.

"Thank you Ash you have no idea how much it means to hear that. I will try to believe but it is hard." Annabel said. Ash started to rub her hand gently.

"You are I see it and anyone that takes the time to get to know you will see it. Even when I was dense and only focused on my dream I noticed it. Yes I thought you were a boy at first and I still can't believe you were able to look at me after I suggested you get changed in front of me." Ash said and it caused Annabel's heart to fill up with warmth and love. She also laughed at the last comments for it was funny.

So nice of you to tell me, thus clearly showing that you fail at humor as well as storytelling.

She moved over to seat next to him and placed her head on his shoulder. Ash did not mind he rather enjoyed that feeling. When the food came Annabel stayed like that on his shoulder.

The two ate there food and left the restaurant and enjoyed a nice walk under the moon light. Afterwards Ash pulled her into a kiss. Annabel was shocked but once it wore off she returned the kiss with equal passion.

How come kisses always comes as a shock to people in this story? And on a date of all things?

"Annabel I am scared that someone will hurt you and the others. That is why I am happy to say this but scared at the same time." Ash said and took a pause and Annabel did not interrupt this was hard for him to say and she was not going to stop him.

"I love you Annabel I will say it to the others I love them to but I am scared." Ash said and he for the first time let his heart open to read and Annabel felt it all.

“Wow, you’re kind of a self-absorbed prick, Ash.”

"Two people I care about were killed due to me I don't want you or the others to go through that." Ash said and Annabel pulled him close to her.

"We love you to Ash and we will be here with you. We will train. Don't push us away that is all I can say. We will see you soon." Annabel gave him one more kiss and called her Espeon and teleported away. She then called the others who asked for details which she gave. She ended with this.

"He said he loves us all but he is scared that we will be hurt." Annabel said.

“Oh, and something about someone who were killed, but I forgot who he was talking about.”

"Then we have to let him know we are there for him and will aid him. He is stubborn we have to be just as. Like his mom said." Dawn said. All the others agreed.

"Can we really trust his mom? She just wants grandkids." Sabrina said.

"Yes but she means well." Whitney said.

"I know am just messing with her." Sabrina said.

Actually, you’re messing with the girls; Delia isn’t there to be messed with. You’re also killing humor and burying it in a shallow grave of pointlessness.

In reality all the girls liked Deila. She did threaten them if they hurt Ash but other than that she was very accepting of the whole thing. The five talked the rest of the night and made plans.

The next morning Ahs went to the Pewter city gym to speak to Brock. Brock looked like he had a terrible night and did not sleep at all. Pikachu jumped on Ash's shoulder and started to smirk and Ash rolled his eyes at that.

"To start with I am sorry Brock I did not think Pikachu would go that far. What did you do buddy?" Ash said and asked.

"I may have given him a very tiny shock whenever he went to sleep." Pikachu said. Ash smiled at this.

That is torture. I will reiterate. Sleep deprivation is a method of torture. Pikachu tortured Brock. I have nothing else to say.

"You know buddy that was mean." Ash said.

"Yes but he was one of your first friends he should have been there for you." Pikachu said.

"Agreed but let us hear him out then we can head to the Kingdom." Ash said.

Alright, as I’m writing this, I don’t know yet what his reason is. But how about this; what if he was unable to go? Not unwilling. Unable, as in incapable. It could be that it was impossible for him to show up. Is that betrayal? If I ended up in court and my mother broke her hip and ended up in the hospital, should I count it as betrayal if she didn’t show up? Granted, I’d expect a phone call, and I don’t see how Brock couldn’t have done that either, but I wouldn’t put up a farcical hazing ritual before having him explain himself!

"Ok Brock let us go and get some breakfast my treat." So the two went to a local place and got some food. After they had eaten Ash asked a question Brock knew was coming but was not ready for.
"Why did you abandoned me? You were one of the first people to believe in me outside of my family and I count Grey as family. Even if we fought he still believed in me and I in him." Ash said.

Most of the fighting was because Ash kept calling Gary for ‘Grey’, for some odd reason.

"I am not sure Ash it was never my intention. I knew right away when I heard the news that it was bullshit. I guess I was busy is not a good reason." Brock said and he added the last line with a laugh attempting to add humor. Ash did not see the humor in the situation.

"No it would not be. Annabel, Sabrina, Cynthia and Dawn all were busy but all came to support me. Whitney came as soon as she was able. She got there after the trial was over but still came. You I got not even a call form." Ash said.

"Ok the truth is I was unsure of what to believe and when I actually sat down and thought about it I was too ashamed to face you." Ash sighed and tired his best to control his temper.

Doubt? That is the culprit? Brock had doubt, felt shitty for it, and thus decided to not show up? And you have him punished for that!? It’s been a while since I’ve had a long rant, so let me list the fucking ways this is goddamn idiotic.

First off, I have to address the entire premise, as it was initially presented by Tracker-02. Brock had called and said he’d show up at the trial. For unknown reasons, he doesn’t. Intrigue ensues in the minds of the readers; has he become a victim too? And what Draco122 is now saying, is that Brock somehow had these doubts on the way out the door, or something, and simply didn’t go. From my perspective, Tracker-02 actually intended for Brock to be either hurt, kidnapped, or something similar, and the author change simply fucked up the narrative on this subplot. Thus turning what could have been another tragic plot point into a pointless grudge-spree for the protagonist, where he could show off and make another person feel bad for his own enjoyment.

Secondly is the fact, that Brock believed the murder charges enough to doubt. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that Brock thinking Ash capable of murder is impossible. What concerns me is the fact, that not only does Brock know the accused murderer, but he knows the victims and the relationship they shared with one another. Had the victims been someone Ash had hated, or even someone unknown to Brock, then there would be reason for him to doubt. But with Oak and Tracey; friends that were very dear to Ash? By default, he should have fully believed Ash’s innocence, as should May for that matter, until some kind of evidence had pointed to the opposite. It could in fact have been a very interesting test of their friendships, but instead it was used as a tool to cut ties with characters the author didn’t want to have around.

Thirdly, the fact that Brock didn’t show up because of shame for doubting. Maybe this is just a personal view of mine, but I’ll bring it up all the same. I have friends. Very good friends. If they were accused of murder, would I believe them capable of such an act? I don’t know. I would be in doubt. And I would be so without shame, because I realize that they are not perfect human beings incapable of doing wrong. The “oh my god, how could I ever doubt him, I’m a horrible person” mentality is reprehensible to me, because not only does it force guilt upon the sceptic for simply acknowledging possible reality; it portrays their relationship with the accused as not friendship, but idolization bordering upon reverent devotion. Doubt should not be something that would keep you away from a murder trial. It should be what made you want to go there, to know the truth.

Tl;dr: The author gives a weak sauce excuse in order to justify Ash being a prick.

"Look Brock things have changed to start with I have five women that all want to marry me and under the laws I must marry more than one woman. I can understand pokemon now and the five can as well. "Ash took a pause to let the information soak into Brock. Brock was shocked by it.

Because all of these things are completely relevant to Brock’s situation. And, hey, he didn’t faint. I guess Onix was wrong.

"A great evil is coming and I am going to need help fighting it. I need people I trust on my side." Ash said.

"So please think about it I will be back in a few days." Ash said and he was about to get up and leave when an explosion was heard along with screaming.

Alright, three guesses as to who, the first two doesn’t count because we’re in Kanto.

Look up the two see ten squads of people all in Team Rocket Uniforms. That meant over fifty of them in all. They had various pokemon out and they were attacking and causing a lot of trouble. Brock was about to join the officers but Ash stopped them. Brock was mad really mad at this.

"Brock think about it for a second. Team Rocket would not make an attack like this. It goes against all they believe in. This is just a distraction." Ash said.

If they don’t believe in doing it, then why are they doing it? Distraction or not, apparently they’re okay with causing chaos and destruction.

"So what I am supposed to do just let them attack and destroy my city." Brock yelled.

"No we fight but I have an idea of what their real target is. They are going after the Amber Fossils. The museum has many of them and if they can bring them back to life they will have an army of some of the most powerful ancient pokemon on their side and that would be horrible for all involved." Ash said.

Or they would sell the fossils for profit, since that is their entire M.O. And you were the one to claim knowledge on their beliefs?

"You and I will aid in the defense we will capture as many of the members as possible and I will send some of my pokemon to defend the fossils." Ash said and Brock was smiling he liked this Ash and was glad to see the smart guy he knew was hidden underneath.

Brock, he just chewed you out for wanting to go help defend people, and he’s now suggesting that you go defend people. Wake up and smell the fucking hypocrisy!

"Call out your pokemon and aid in the defense of the city. I will join you but first I am sending some to defend the museum." Ash said He enlarged two pokeballs and threw them. Gradevoir and Lucario appeared and awaited orders.

"Ok you two head to the museum and you know what to do." Ash said and the two nodded their heads. Gracevoir placed her hand on Lucario's shoulder and teleported to the museum.

Gradevoir and Gracevoir? For fuck’s sake, author, do a spellcheck for once!

Ash had gotten word form a spy inside team rocket about this so he knew Team Rockets goals but did not expect this. His spy was not able to get much but was able to get enough.

Hold on, what!? You have a spy in Team Rocket? You had foreknowledge of their plans? And none of this was deemed mentionable to either your friends, law enforcement, or the readers this entire time up until this point?! Holy fucking hell, this is so much bullshit, I can’t and won’t even have to stress it any further, because it’s plain as day that this is a last minute, pointless ass-pull!

Team Rocket were attacking all the buildings and the police. 27 officers had been taken down and their status was unknown. The officer's pokemon were all injured as well. Only three were left standing and the others were on their way. Team Rocket had none of their pokemon down.
Officer Jenny was with her Arcanine battling a group of Raticate's along with Golbat's and Nidoqueens and Nidokings in all it looked bad for her. A Nidoking was approaching the downed Arcanine when it was hit by a large rock tail and two leaf blades. Brock had called Onix and Ash had called Sceptile. The Nidoking was taken down.

I’d like to think it’s because Jenny has been whittling it down until they showed up, and now they all have to fucking share the experience points.

Ash helped to pick up Officer Jenny who was on the ground. Ash knew that Team Rocket while this attack was a diversion he knew they would also not hesitate to kill anyone. Sceptile was doing very well he had taken down the last of the Nidokings and was working on the Nidoqueens. Sadly the Team Rocket members had finally been able to regroup and Sceptile and Onix were being pushed back. Several buildings were destroyed by hyper beams form Nidoqueens.

"It seems I have no choice. Sceptile it is time. Mega Evolution engage." (It sounds cool.)

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Sceptile glowed and his body changed he was now in his mega evolution. Brock was stunned by this Ash however ordered Sceptile to attack and he did so. His Leaf Blades were very powerful before now they were ten times as powerful. All the Nidoqueens were taken down and the Golbats fell quickly as well.

"Yes Brock I have access to mega evolution. Yes I could have used it in our battle." Ash said.

“But I didn’t because I’m such a great guy, you traitorous bastard.”

Sceptile had taken down all of the Raticate's and had captured most of the human members of team rocket. A few had gotten away by throwing bombs at nearby buildings. In all seven got away. Sceptile and Onix were about to give chase when Ash and Brock called them back.

"They are not worth it buddy besides others need help." Ash said. The bombs that were set off had caused massive fires and most of the buildings were in flames. Ash was angry since one of the buildings hit was an orphanage. Harming children to him was unforgivable.

Oh, gee, if only someone had apprehended the Team Rocket leader when they had the chance.

"Blastoise, Feraligatr go put out the fires and quickly before it spreads. Swellow, Unfezent go and help to prevent the flames from spreading." Ash called.

"Onix help to put out the flames. Crobat you aid as well." Brock shouted.

By throwing building destroying rocks and fanning the flames?

"Ash how can you be this claim and ok with everything" Brock asked. Ash looked at Brock with the are you kidding me look.

"I am not I just know that being in a panic will not be useful. Always remain claim when things go wrong. If not then you will not be able to see all the outcomes." Ash said.

Because he’s the protagonist. He must be level headed during any situation, unflappable unless it has to do with locking lips with a girl, and condescending to his friends for even minor questioning of his behavior. I don’t think it would accomplish anything, but countering every fucking thing Ash says with a “fuck you” seems like a justified response.

The fire was getting bigger. Ash called all of his water pokemon out to put out the flames. It took a lot of work but they were able to do it.

"Just like with Ericka." Brock said and Ash smiled.

Every. Fucking. Name. AAAAAAARRRRGGGHHH!!!

"Agreed but with her it was only her gym that was attacked." Ash said.

Ash and Brock went around to check on everyone. Gradevoir and Lucario came back with a few team rocket members who had tried to steal the amber fossils.

Right, that was what the whole “distraction” was for. Mind telling me what why they needed to stage a terrorist level attack on Pewter City to cover up a simple heist?

The police came and brought all the down Rocket's to jail. A woman in her late forties ran up to them. She was the head of the orphanage and she was crying hard.

"Please help me one of the kids has been taken by Team Rocket. It is a little girl please help me get her back. They said they will only give her back if the fossils are given to them." The matron said. Ash was mad really mad but he had to control his rage or else he could lose it.

I’m about to lose it, if you keep ignoring “show, don’t tell”, author!

"My friend I am mad as well but we need to be claim and think rationally." Gradevoir said.

"I know ok do you have a picture of her." Ash asked and the matron showed them a photo of a little girl about age six with long straight red hair and bright blue eyes. Ash called over Swellow and Unfezent and Brock called Crobat.

"Ok guys find this girl and report back. She is with Team Rocket. Her name is." Ash said and he realized that he had not asked what her name was. The matron smiled.

Because having him ask a necessary question is somehow a show of good character, I guess.

Ash did not call all of his flying pokemon yet he was hoping that time would not come that he needed to call all of them to aid.

"Her name is Hailey." (The only name I was given so it won.)

And had someone not given one, would you then have let her go nameless? Fuck, you would probably still have put in a parenthesis to obnoxiously state so.

The pokemon nodded and flew off. Swellow and Unfezent were faster since to them harming a child is unforgivable. They shared that thought with Ash.

And so does anyone who is not a sociopath! You don’t get bonus points for stating this over and over!

"What do we do now?" Asked Brock

"We wait but do not worry. I have faith in our pokemon." Ash said.

“Especially now that they know the girl’s name, even though they cannot ask it of her or call out for her to hear it.”

"Look Brock I want to trust you but I am weary of it. Team Rocket is not a real threat anymore another team is out there and they are bigger and more dangerous than any of the other teams I faced. I do not know who or what they are but I know they exist I can feel it. So I need people I trust only my girlfriends my rival and Misty and my mom are the only ones I trust. Also my pokemon." Ash said and Brock looked down in shamed.

Fuck this story! Fuck this premise! Fuck this fucking omniscient protagonist! There is no reason Ash would know that another criminal organization has it out for him. For all he knows, the “coming darkness” could be Team Rocket! I’m pretty sure they just proved themselves to be a very real threat! And how can you not trust Brock after having him help you out just now?! I don’t think I’ve written the word “fuck” quite enough times to express my anger at the point. Fuck!

"I promise I will re earn it Ash." Brock said. Ash smiled for the first time.

"Ok then but if you try and give me advice on women I will leave." Ash said. Brock knew his friend was serious by that. He was about to say something when he heard a cry. A cry that sounded familiar but he could not place it. He saw Ash smile.

"Get ready to jump on my signal and trust me." Ash said. Brock was confused and slightly worried but he trusted Ash so he got ready to jump. Flying at top speed was a Pidgeot but not just any the one Ash had before he let him go to protect his flock. Ash gave the signal and the three were flying off.

"He told me he is back and will explain later but he and the others found Hailey." Ash said.

Because that makes sense. Just like everything else. Total sense. No plot holes at all. NONE. WHAT. SO. EVER.

Pidgeot was flying fast. He landed after a short time and the other pokemon flew over.

"It is bad the rest of the Rockets are guarding Hailey. Getting her will not be easy." Swellow said.

"Agreed but we can do this. Pidgeot and Brock stay on standby in case something goes wrong. I don't think it will but it might." Ash said.

"Ash you can't there are seven of them and one of you." Brock said.

Last scene saw the foiling of 50+ Team Rocket members attacking Pewter City; where the fuck have you been, Brock?!

"I understand your concern but I can do this. You need to trust me. I am not the same person I was when I first started out on my journey. I have evolved as well." Ash smirked.

"Go Charizard and Flame you know what to do." Ash said. Charizard and Ash then calmly walked into the clearing. The leader of the team rocket agents was shocked to see Ash and Charizard standing there.

The kidnappers were shocked to see someone approach them, after they had made their demands known and were awaiting their fulfillment. Brilliant writing right there, folks.

"Do you have the fossils?" He asked.

"No I do not I have a better idea. You hand over Hailey and I will take you to jail peacefully and you guys give up all the information you have about your boss or you try and battle me and I still take you to jail and you still give up information." Ash said and the team rocket members were laughing. They all called out a Rydon think they would win.

Did Giovanni not teach these idiots how a hostage situation works? I can’t believe I’m saying this, but, threaten the little girl, you morons!

"I do not need Mega Evolution Ash." Charizard said. Ash shrugged. Flame meanwhile had gotten to Hailey and had warped her gently in her tails. The girl seemed to understand that she was safe so she cuddle up to Flame. Flame slowly walked away with Hailey in her tails. Flame felt something this girl has the same spark as Ash and his future mates.

Oh, god!

She had to tell the other pokemon and Ash about this. She had to get Ash to adopt the girl.

Oh, phew. Unless this author is into incest. Oh, god.

Ash saw that Hailey was ok so he told Charizard to have fun which resulted in the seven Rydon's having a lot of pain. Ash using his aura put the rockets to sleep.

"First off Brock you can't repeat what you just saw me do. If you do I will cut you out of my life end of story. Second you need to get the police here I can't carry them all by myself." Brock and Pidgeot flew off a few moments later he had returned with Officer Jenny.

Tell me, did Ash also threaten all the court attendees, the judge, prosecution, every fucking person in Pallet Town, and Team Rocket into silence as well? No? Then why the fuck is he chewing Brock out over this stuff?!

Hailey was cuddled up to Ash and Ash was stroking her hair letting her know everything would be ok.

Officer Jenny was amazed at Ash's power she never believe him guilty. In fact most of the officer Jenny's did not believe it. Even the one that accused him but she had to do her job.

Fuck you and your fucking fix-fic, Draco122! This is fucking laughable, since you’re fixing what Tracker-02 pretty much established. You don’t need to have everyone love and worship your protagonist!

With her fellow officers she brought the rockets into jail. Ash and Brock departed and agreed to meet at a later date. Ash brought Hailey to her home. She did not want him to go.

"I have to take care of a few things but I will be back tomorrow. In fact as proof Flame has agreed to stay with you until I return how does that sound." Ash asked and Hailey agreed to it. Hailey and Flame then returned to the orphanage and went to sleep.

Because, surely, sleep will fix the psychological trauma of kidnapping just fine.

Flame warped the young girl in her tails. Ash then went to the Pokemon center and went to sleep after having his pokemon that fought healed along with Pidgeot who went back to his old pokeball.

End of chapter next chapter Ash adopts Hailey and hears Pidgeot's story along with some other stuff.

Premature parenthood, a bird’s biography, and vague concepts. I can’t wait.


This story has sunk so low since its initial beginnings. Mind you, Tracker-02 was not a good writer, but he certainly was a better one. The spelling mistakes are turning downright atrocious, the protagonist is a self-righteous douchebag beloved by the spineless drones that surround him, and plot holes are appearing all over the place. And for some reason, we have a poor, unfortunate, and *speshul* orphan girl introduced for Ash to adopt; not having even said a single line for us to judge her by. And Brock is made to grovel and beg for Ash to take him back, because apparently a single misstep is enough to break friendships that have lasted years.

It’s only to my chagrin that Draco122 is still writing on this story, meaning there’s still two more chapters and possibly more to come.

This post has been edited by StabbyKobold: Feb 6 2015, 04:12 PM

"So... preparing to storm into the room, you jostle your badger, kick down the door, and throw it at the thug standing inside." - Moment from my D&D campaign.

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Post #10

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post Feb 1 2015, 02:40 PM
"You should not doubt yourself Annabel. You are very beautiful." Ash said having sensed her heart and her emotions. Annabel blushed at this but was happy none the less but she still doubted.

"Annabel you are very beautiful you may look like a boy at least that is what you think but you do not. Any other guy that says otherwise is not bright and I am glad. You are very beautiful not just physically but in other ways." Ash said once more Annabel smiled and she hugged Ash tightly.

"Thank you Ash you have no idea how much it means to hear that. I will try to believe but it is hard." Annabel said. Ash started to rub her hand gently.

"You are I see it and anyone that takes the time to get to know you will see it. Even when I was dense and only focused on my dream I noticed it. Yes I thought you were a boy at first and I still can't believe you were able to look at me after I suggested you get changed in front of me." Ash said and it caused Annabel's heart to fill up with warmth and love. She also laughed at the last comments for it was funny.



"I am not I just know that being in a panic will not be useful. Always remain claim when things go wrong. If not then you will not be able to see all the outcomes." Ash said.

It's specially laughable when you remember how he spent the chapters previous to that joke of a trial praying to Arceus and whining like a bitch.
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Post #11

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post Feb 6 2015, 04:12 PM
Once more unto the breach. In this chapter, the plot, if you can even call it that, grinds to a halt, so that Ash can adopt a little orphan girl. And by doing so, we get another helping of clichés while Ash continues to act like an idiot. Enjoy.


Chapter 4

The next morning Ash was told he had a phone call waiting for him. He goes to see that it is all of his girlfriends and they were mad. Ash noted that they were all very beautiful when they were mad he was not going to say that he was smart enough to not do that.

Why the hell do they need to call him over the phone? They can all teleport!

"Ash how could you not call us and not let us know you were ok?" Dawn shouted at him.

"I am sorry guys for worrying you. I was tired it was a long battle for all of us. A little girl was kidnapped and I went to help her afterwards she did not want me to leave. Flame is with her right now. Again I am sorry." Ash said. The other's understood they were just worried. Hearing what happened cooled there rage.

Because only the protagonist is allowed to stay mad at someone for more than ten seconds.

"It is ok we forgive you but next time call us to let us know you are alive." Sabrina said. Ash agreed to that.

“Otherwise, we’ll just assume that you have betrayed us.”

"I need to call my mom she will be very mad if I do not call her soon. Before I do that I need to say something. I wanted to say it to you all face to face but if I don't do it now I may regret it." Ash said and it caused the others to be slightly nervous.

"I love all of you I know I do now but I am scared that you will be hurt." Ash said. The girls all smiled brightly at that.

They had all waited for the opportune moment to reveal their BDSM fetish to Ash.

"We love you to Ash and we can discuss it all at a later time but we are with you. You need us to be with it." Cynthia said.

"We will fight by your side in the battles to come." Whitney said.

"I am glad to see that you stopped fighting it." Annabel said. They all hung up and Ash called his mother feeling great about the fact that he let that off his chest. He called his mom who answered before the first ring was even done and she was mad.

Why didn’t she just call him, if she was worried enough to camp next to the phone?

"Ashton Richard Ketchum what did you get into this time?" She asked and Ash knew that being called his full name he was in trouble.

Richard!? Draco122, did you even read the fanfic that you’re continuing? The evidence against Ash in the murder trial hinged on his middle name being Satoshi, as stupid as that was. You can’t just re-name the protagonist halfway through the story!

He gulped and explained everything to her. She softened up when she heard he saved the little girl and that he told the five girls that he loved them. It meant she could have grandbabies soon at least she hoped. Ash was scared now but not of his mother's temper. He had recognized that look in her eyes.

"Mom it is too soon for that." Ash said.

I dread to think how long Ash can hold his mom off, before she shows up at his door with a turkey baster and a speculum.

"I know but I can dream can't?" Delia asked. Ash smiled his mom was odd and crazy but she always believed in him even when he did not believe in himself. He said goodbye and wished her well. She did the same and the call was ended. Ash when to check on all of his pokemon and got them back. He wondered how Tracy's were doing.

Had it been Tracey’s kids and not his Pokémon, it would have counted as neglect after this much time.

They told him they wanted some time alone to grieve. Grey took over the running of his grandfather's lab and did not bat an eyelash when they asked to stay.

Ash also learned that none of the officers were killed yesterday. Many were badly hurt and three would not be able to walk again but all were alive. All members of Team Rocket were talking now and giving up information.

I shouldn’t be critiquing the fanfic of a kids’ show for its lack of gritty realism, but come on! Nothing ever goes as well as this after a fucking terrorist attack!

Ash called out Pidgeot and the giant bird gave Ash a hug once more. It was nice to have the second pokemon he ever caught back with him again. Ash really did not want to let Pidegot go when he did but he knew that Pidgeot was needed to protect his flock so he let him go. He really wished he did not have to however. Ash missed his friend and was glad to have him back.

"So how did you come back and why not that I am not happy to have you back but I am curious." Ash said.

I’m curious as to why the author didn’t bother with punctuation.

"My flock no longer needed me to protect them. There are several that have evolved and I helped to train them so I know they are strong." Pidegot started off. Ash nodded at that.

"A strange pokemon calling himself Mewtwo came and talked to me." Pidegot said.


Oh, no, not again.

Pidegot saw this intruder on his turf and was about to attack. However the intruder sat down and put his hand up in a surrender position. He then spoke in the human language.

"I mean neither you nor your flock any harm great lord of the sky. I am here to speak about your old trainer. I am called Mewtwo." Mewtwo said.

Why is the telepathic Pokémon speaking human language to another Pokémon?

Pidegot was still tense but he would listen for he could sense no threat form Mewtwo he ordered his flock to stand down.

Mewtwo was happy that things seemed to be going well. He was able to take down the entire flock if he needed to but he did not want to use violence if he could avoid it. He was happy to hear Pidegot speak.

"What about Ash how is he doing?" Pidegot asked with a lot of curiosity. He did not want to leave but he had to help his flock.

He hasn’t even suggested you leaving yet, slow the fuck down.

"Well he was accused of murdering Prof. Oak and his friend Tracy." Mewtwo said. Pidegot was shocked.

"Ash would never kill anyone." Pidegot said now mad since his shock turned to anger.

There’s a couple of Team Rocket members who would beg to differ, were they able to do so.

"I know he was even put on trial. He is fine now and was cleared of all charges. He also has five mates or soon to be anyway." Mewtwo said. Pidegot smirked and was glad to hear that his friend was ok and had love.

"I am guessing that is not why you came here today. I am also guessing you are far more powerful then you let on and you are humoring me letting me think I am in charge." Pidegot said and Mewtwo smirked he really liked this bird.

Mind if I flip the bird at your awful portrayal of character interaction and emotions?

"You are correct. A great evil is on the raise and Ash will need all the help he can get since he is the one that has to fight it." Mewtwo said. Pidegot looked at his flock another Pidegot looked at him and spoke.

"We are ok here go and help him. He is a good human. Call us if you need help in this battle." Pidegot nodded.

Will Ash need help, though? I mean, really, what’s the point of his aura powers, if he still needs an army at his back?

"Ok where is he?" Mewtwo smiled and gave the directions.

End flashback

What was the point of that flashback? We were told nothing we didn’t know already. It didn’t add anything to the story.

"Afterwards I meet up with the others they told me what was happening and the rest is history." Pidegot said.

"Well I am glad to have you back." Ash said. Ash was also happy to see that Mewtwo got his old friend back. Little did he know that Mewtwo was not done just yet. Pikachu was happy as well.

"It is good to have you back buddy I missed are fights and are flying." He said.

Are you fucking kidding me? Does anyone ever proofread anymore?

"Same my friend" Pidegot said.

"Ash the girl you need to seriously consider adopting her." Pikachu said and Ash was shocked way too shocked to think for a minute.

"She could be hurt." Ash said.

By your lack of parenting skills, yes, I agree.

"Yes and so could we and so could you. I say this since we can sense that she is like you." Pikachu said.

And she could be hurt if you adopt her, that is the fucking point!

"What do you mean by that?" Ash asked curiously.

"She is like you in the respect that she has your heart. We can sense a good heart in her. It is almost like she is your daughter." Pikachu said.

We were told she had the same “spark” as Ash and his girlfriends. Now it’s that she simply has a good heart? Have you thought any of this through at all, author?

"Ok I will spend the day with her and see form there." Ash said. Ash tapped is Holo caster and called out Scott.

"Sorry to bug you but I will not becoming for a day or two something came up." Ash said.

"No worries. I heard what happened last night so take your time. I do have good news we are moving faster than expected and we should be ready in about two months." Scott said. Ash was happy to hear that very happy.

Can you stick to any one decision, Draco122? I’m almost ready to believe a third author wrote this chapter.

Ash recalled Pidegot since he was too big to go into the orphanage and walked in with Pikachu on his shoulder. The matron smiled at seeing him. (The matron will not have name she is not going to be in the story long.)

So, Steve the Ref will make a re-appearance, is what you’re saying? Fuck it, I’m giving her a name. She’s Mary; Mary the Matron.

"I was wondering if I can burrow Hailey for the day. My pokemon say I should adopt her. I wish to see if I can feel a connection with her. I will let you know at the end of the day." Ash asked and the matron smiled and told Hailey that she was going to spend the day with the one that saved her. The matron did not tell Hailey about the possible adoption for she did not want to give the little girls hopes up.

Or maybe Mary the Matron just wanted to do a lengthy background check on the teenager with the ludicrous excuse for desiring to adopt a little girl.

Hailey came bouncing down the stair with Flame. Hailey ran over and hugged Ash and once more thanked him for saving her. Flame started to rub her head underneath his hand. She did not always show it but she could be affectionate if she wanted to. Only a few did she show it to.

"I really think you should adopt her you will like her." Flame said.

Why? Seriously, why? What good will it do Ash? What good will it do her? What is anyone’s motivation here?!

"I know I was already told that is why I am spending the day with her to see if it will work. She might become a target." Ash said.

"Maybe but that could be the same for any other child you have someday. Does that mean you do not want to have any children? Or you should not have children? " Flame said.

It means he should remove the threat before having any children!

"I see your point." Ash said and he smiled. He really hated it when his friends used logic on him.

"So Hailey did you eat yet?" Ash asked and Hailey responded that she had not eaten yet. So the group went to eat first. Both ordered the exact same thing bacons and eggs sunny side up. Flame and Pikachu were very amused by it. Ash and Hailey went to a park.

"So Hailey before we do anything else I need to feed and check on my pokemon do you want to help?" Ash asked and Hailey's eyes lit up at that.

She was secretly a Team Rocket agent, planted at the orphanage for just this opportunity.

So Ash called out all of his pokemon and started to feed them. He had learned how to make food form Brock. What Brock did not know was that Ash had improved on how Brock made it. Pikachu and the other pokemon that had eaten both Ash's and Brock's food loved Ash's more than Brocks.

Attached Image

What is it with your incessant need to have Ash belittle, humiliate, and outdo Brock in everything that he does, author? Pick-up skills, cooking, and now Pokémon food making too? And even while being the better trainer is the entire shtick of the series, you went to great lengths describing how much better Ash was, while he had his overpowered Pokémon grind Brock’s into the dirt. What makes you hate the guy so much, while at the same time wanting your protagonist to be like him?

Hailey was in her element feeding all the pokemon. All the pokemon really seemed to like her. All could sense what Pikachu had said that this little girl was like Ash. It took a lot longer to care for the pokemon than Ash had thought at first. Hailey was just so in tune with everything that she did not want to leave. Some of the pokemon would play with her. Ash called over Serperior and she came over and sat down and looked for a chin rub which Ash was happy to return.

"So what do you think? You usually do not warm up to humans that fast. My girlfriends it took you a few weeks and my mom you still have not yet Hailey you have so fast. I am not mad I am just curious." Ash said.

“Please, tell my why everything makes it seem like we’re made for each other! I just got through one court case; I don’t need another one for pedophilia charges!”

"When we first battled I felt something with you. It was a strong connection a spark if you will. I did not want to have a master or a trainer which is why I fought so hard. However you changed my mind and became my friend." Serperior said and took a pause and Ash rubbed her chin again.

"With Hailey I feel the same spark that I did when we first met. Your girlfriends love you and care for you. Your mother I am not sure why I have not warmed up to her. She is a nice lady and I am sorry I will try and make amends." Serperior said.

So, is this spark hereditary? Because, with how Pikachu described her as being “like Ash’s daughter”, family-like, and since Delia doesn’t have it… couldn’t that mean Hailey is Ash’s half-sister from a shared, mysteriously absent father? Or am I just desperately grasping at straws in order to have some drama in this story?

"So do you think I should adopt her?" Ash whispered so Hailey would not hear. Serperior looked at her friend right in the eyes to let him know she was serious.

"Besides telling the five that you love them but are scared for their safety it will be the smartest think you did." Seerperior said. Ash nodded and called Hailey over to make her dinner since it was getting late. Afterwards he had made a decision. He knew it was rash but all his pokemon agreed to it and it felt right.

He would become a Mormon.

"Hailey do you want a home?" Ash asked. Hailey looked down with sadness filled in her eyes.

"Yes I do but no one will adopt me. They say I am wired." Hailey said and started to cry.

Did the author misspell ‘weird’ or did Chris Hansen strap a mic to her chest?

Ash pulled her into a hug. Serperior warped her tail around the young girls as well. The other pokemon gathered around her. Ash knew now that what he had to do.

"Well I suggest we go and get your stuff. That is if you wish to be adopted by me." Ash said. Hailey was confused by this so it took her a few minutes to register what was said. Once she did she hugged Ash tightly.

"Yes please daddy." Hailey said and something happened inside of Ash's heart.

I do not want to know about any of his biological processes right now.

He felt great joy in hearing that word. He picked up Hailey and he and his pokemon all walked back to Pewter City Orphanage. Flame and Serperior walked with Hailey to get her stuff in case anyone wanted to give her a hard time. Hailey told Flame last night that people would pick on her a lot and Flame passed the message along to the others and Ash. Flame and Serperior were not about to let anyone harm the little girl.

Do we really need to hit every poor little orphan cliché in the book? I would think Mary the Matron runs a better household than that.

Four kids tried to gang up on her and were teasing her. It was ignored until someone actual hit her and she fell to the ground. They got a off a second hit well they attempted to do it. Serperior blocked it with her tail and Flame shot fire at them but missed on purpose to warn them. Ash came running up to see his daughter crying hard form the hit.

For fuck’s sake, the Pokémon were with her and they still bullied her? What fucking reality is this?

"Those kids hit Hailey we let them know that we do not like that." Serperior said. Hailey had run into her daddy's arms and did not let go. Ash was now really glad he had taken her form this place. He called up Gardevoir and asked her to look in the matrons mind. She thought it was odd but figured it had to do with Hailey so she did it. After a few minutes she spoke.

"She knew but did nothing." Gardevoir said.

WHAT!? Mary, how could you?!

Ash turned on the matron. Serperior had vines warped around her.

"Something occurred to me that I failed to see last night. When the attack started what did you do?" Ash asked and demanded. The matron was scared but knew she did nothing wrong so she had to be honest.

"I took the kids to a safe house. Hailey was snatched on the way out." The matron said. Ash looked at Gardevoir and she nodded her head that the woman was speaking the truth.

"Why did you not stop the abuse done to her?" Ash asked.

"I had no choice. I am alone here I have no help and it is hard to keep track of it. I have failed. That is why I was hoping you would adopt her now that you are she is safe." The matron finished up the paperwork and Ash and the others left. He recalled all of his pokemon expect Pidegot.

Seriously, why the fuck did this have to happen? Hailey is bullied by the other orphans, and you give the matron the third degree?! It’s like you were trying to pull an unnecessary evil orphanage matron cliché at the last minute, realized it didn’t make sense given her nothing but good intentions thus far, and just ended up having Ash act like an ass for no reason!

"Ok Hailey we are heading to my house we are going to fly there now hold on to me ok." Ash said and Hailey nodded her head. Pidegot took to the sky. Ash did not have to tell him to go easy. Hailey was nervous but she looked around and was in awe.

"I know it is amazing isn't it." Ash asked.

"Yes it is daddy. Can I go to sleep please I am tired." Hailey said and asked. Ash nodded that it was ok for her to go to sleep. She fell asleep in her daddy's arms.

"Ash I can't land at your house there is not enough room for me. I can get close and you have to walk the rest of the way. Is that ok?' Pidegot asked.

The fuck are you talking about, Pidgeot, uhm, Pidegot? You’re a large bird, yeah, but you’re not exactly the size of a bus. You don’t need a landing strip.

"Yes it is land where you can please but carefully. I do not wish to wake Hailey up." Ash said and Pidegot landed softly on the ground. Ash wrote out a note to give to Pikachu who ran it home to his mom. He then called Flame and Serperior out and recalled Pidegot.

"Thanks buddy take a rest. Flame, Serperior let us go please." Ash said. It was an odd sight if anyone would have seen it. One of the pride and joys of Pallet Town holding a little girl, a fox with nine tails and really large snake causally walking down the road was an odd sight.

This is literally the equivalent of a man walking his pets, while having his, ugh, daughter fall asleep on the way. This is not odd.

One would see that the fox and the snake were watching carefully for any attack aimed at the boy and the girl. Pikachu got to Ash's house and handed the note to Delia.

She locked the doors at night but Pikachu knew where the spare key was so he let himself in. Delia was not shocked to see the mouse. She was shocked that her son was not with him and the shock turned to worry until she read the note.

"Mom I know this is odd but can you please get my bed ready so I can tuck someone in. No it is not one of my girlfriends. I promise I will explain when I get there. I also ask that you do not scream when I get home. Love Ash." Delia thought it odd but went to get her son's bed ready. She figured he had a good reason and she would have to wait and see.

By the note, it could be a sleepy, mutated gorilla. How did he even write that note while holding Hailey? Did he pull out an extra pair of arms from his ass on top of the pen and paper?

After she was done she goes down stairs to wait. A short time later Ash walked in with Flame and Serperior next to him. That did not surprise her for her son's pokemon always were protective of him. However seeing the little girl with red hair cuddle up to him did surprise her. She did not speak she let him go up stairs and waited.

Ash walked upstairs to his room and gently tucked Hailey into bed. Flame and Serperior cuddled with her both warping their tails around her. Well Flame could only us a few of them but she used what she could. Ash gently kissed Hailey's forehead and wished her good night. Pikachu also cuddled up to Hailey.

The poor girl has to breathe, guys. get off of her!

Ash walked downstairs to see his mom with an expression. It was one he was used to seeing form his mom. It was one that said you better explain what is going on and you better explain it now if you do not wish to get a huge punishment.

I also have an expression. One that I wear quite a lot when reading fanfics like this one. It says ‘fuck you’.

Ash knew this might not be easy but he figured his mom would be easier than his girlfriends. He wondered if they would want to be with him anymore after they found out.

If anyone was tricked by that teasing of conflict, I have some bad news for those people. You don’t exist.

"Well you wish for a grandchild has come sooner then you thought." Ash said. Delia let the statement sink in for a second. Once it did she started to smirk and smile in a really creepy way.

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What the hell does she plan to do with her grandkids?!

"I have a granddaughter now tell me everything." She said and Ash fearing for his life told his mother everything that had happened today up until he got home and put Hailey to bed. Delia was smiling with glee at that prospect of having a granddaughter.

"Mom I know you are happy but you need to be careful. She is very nervous around people. So please be clam tomorrow.

Or oyster if you prefer.

It is not too late I need to call my girlfriends and let them know what I did. Hopefully they will not want to kill me."Ash mumbled the last part as he walked over to the phone. He called everyone and everyone answered and all were surprised to hear form Ash so soon.

"Well guys there is no easy way to say this so I am going to say it. The little girl I mentioned this morning well I adopted her she is now my daughter." Ash said. As expected there was a look of shock on their faces till after what felt like hours but was only seconds Annabel smiled brightly.

"That is wonderful what is her name tell us all about her." Annabel said.

"Agreed we want details and when can we meet her?" Sabrina asked. So Ash told all that he knew about his daughter which was not much sadly but it was enough.

Enough? Exactly what could he tell other than her name? I mean, what does anyone know about Hailey at this point? Favorite color? Hopes and dreams? Why she’s an orphan? We know nothing about her!

"Wow so she is like you according to your pokemon that is scary." Dawn said which caused everyone to laugh.

"Well she sounds like a great child." Cynthia said.

"I hope she will like us but we can worry about that later." Whitney said.

Worry? There’s isn’t even a reason to be concerned, nothing has gone wrong for the protagonists yet, and I bet nothing ever will.

"Dawn I was wondering if you could help me with cloth shopping for Hailey." Ash asked and Dawn was surprised for Ash did not usually ask for help. The others all agreed that it was a good idea and were happy to see that Ash was putting his pride away.

"Of course I will help Ash. I will see you tomorrow. I love you." Dawn said.

"I love you to Dawn. I love you Annabel, I love you Sabrina. I love you Whitney and I love you Cynthia." Ash said all the girls smiled and said the same think back to him and hung up after a good night. Delia was smiling at that for she had heard everything.

"Mom I am lucky really lucky. This is why I will fight." Ash said.

"I agree love is the only thing worth fighting for." Delia said.

Ah, so it has nothing to do with what’s right or to avenge your murdered friends. It’s all because you have girls that are willing to put out. How noble of you.

"Mom can Mimmy use teleport?" Ash asked and his mom nodded that he could. Ash looked at the Mr. Mime.

"Ok in case something happens can you teleport my mom away to my Battle Kingdom." Ash asked.

"I will my friend." Mimmy said.

You would think the author goes out of his way to misspell character names. Now Mimey has been put on the list.

"Ash you act as if I am going to be attacked." Delia said.

"Mom the ones that killed Prof. Oak and Tracy were after me. I want you safe that is all. The attack in Pewter City was Team Rocket. However they are dying they do not have much power left. We took out most of their forces last night." Ash said and he had to take a pause.

A region wide criminal organization, and you think five dozen grunts is the majority? What the hell gives you that idea?!

"There is another team one that is scaring the other teams so much that they are making an alliance to destroy them. They go by many names Team Fire, Team Night Fire, and Team Element. They are the dangerous ones. There are even rumors that they have absorbed the other teams but nothing has been confirmed." Ash said and Delia put her hand on his shoulder.


"I understand. I will be careful and will be ready for a fight." Delia said.

"I am shocked you are so clam about this." Ash said.

"After they were killed I knew something big was coming. Mewtwo explained it to me. I am not a fighter I used to be a nurse maybe I can be a medic or something. You are not in this alone Ash. Maybe Hailey can join to and before you reject that thought she is like you. She will want to fight might as well train her." Delia said Ash wished him mom a good night and commented that she was right.

Well, that’s just fucking brilliant. “Hey, since I’m afraid for my life and loved ones, how about I needlessly adopt an orphan girl and put her in danger by association. But wait, what if I make her a direct target too while I’m at it?” Is there any responsible character in this entire mess?!

He went up stairs to bed. He was going to sleep on the floor until he heard a voice.

"Daddy can you please hold me. I am afraid I will wake up and it will be a dream." Hailey said. So Ash climbed into bed and pulled his daughter close to him. Flame and Serperior got off the bed. Flame went to Delia to keep an eye on her and Serperior stayed by her friends side. None of Ash's pokemon called him master. Ash did not like it and felt it was wrong so he insisted that they call him friend or something like that or idiot if that worked.

Because that was totally relevant

The next morning Hailey woke up and she was confused for a brief second until it all came crashing back to her. She had a home now she started to cry which woke her daddy up. He pulled her into a hug. He knew she was crying happy tears so he waited.

"I am happy daddy I have a home now." Hailey said.

Word of advice, kid, don’t go into your grandmother’s basement. Even if she wants to take you there, do not go!

"Yep now it is time for breakfast. My mom has made it and she can't wait to meet you. Also we are going to get you some cloths today. I have a friend helping me with that since I do not know a thing about shopping." Hailey smiled at that.

Hailey got downstairs to meet her grandmother and was warped in a hug.

Every time I see this misspelling, a warp-pipe sound effect goes off in my head.

It was a nice hug and she gladly accepted the hug. It felt nice not as nice as her daddy's hugs but still nice. She ate the food and then went with her daddy to wait for the person to come and meet her. She sees a woman with blue hair that was about her daddy's height.

End of chapter

Kind of a weird place to stop, but thank you all the same.


I wonder who keeps feeding Ash information about the people who supposedly has it out for him. These Team Fire/Night Fire/Element guys are supposedly taking over the seedy underground of the Pokémon world, somehow. And we know jack shit of their goals or motivations.

They want to take over the world, apparently. But why? And what’s with the indecisive naming? Do they want to watch the world burn, put a nightlight in every kid’s bedroom, or restructure the periodic table? I’m not even sure the author knows at this point, he probably just wants there to be some vague antagonistic force to excuse his protagonist faffing about without direction or purpose.

"So... preparing to storm into the room, you jostle your badger, kick down the door, and throw it at the thug standing inside." - Moment from my D&D campaign.

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Post #12

Critically Sarcastic

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post Feb 14 2015, 07:05 AM
We’re moving right along. And I mean ‘we’ as in the readers, as the plot refuses to go anywhere, and the protagonist just decides to faff about doing pointless things. Pointless and stupid things. Enjoy.


Chapter 5

So this chapter Hailey meets her future mothers and maybe her aunt. Ok I am going to add someone to the harem the story is speaking to me that way so it must be done.

Out of all members of Ash’s little polyamory group, Cynthia is the only one who has a sister. Best case scenario, that’s who it’s going to be. Worst case scenario, it’s Ash’s long lost sister, and the author is into incest.

Hailey saw the blue haired woman and was unsure what to think off her. The blue hair did not scare her since she lived in a world of monsters. Hailey was just weary of other people expect her daddy.

It’s natural!! Blue is a fucking natural hair color in non-realistic anime. It could be green, purple, silver, gold, the whole fucking rainbow, criss-cross, checker board, every shape imaginable, with sparkles and sprinkles on top, and all it should elicit from a member of the same reality would be nothing more than a brief notation. And in the same sentence, you somehow managed make the world of Pokémon seem terrifying to a child. What the hell?!

She felt Flame and Serperior near her so she knew she was safe. The woman walked up to her daddy and hugged him. She then looked at Hailey and smiled afterwards she got down to her level.

When Dawn started using big words however, Ash was offended and demanded that she get back to his level.

"Hello I am Dawn and I am a friend of your daddy's. I am going with you to shop. Your daddy said he does not know how to shop and needs help. Is that ok that I go with you." Dawn asked. Dawn and the others agreed not to called themselves Ash's girlfriend in front of Hailey yet. They figured that would be too much for the little girl to handle.

Wow, it’s almost like there’s some kind of conflict about Ash’ relationships that were not talking about. I mean, if having a harem is perfectly okay and legal, then why is everyone shocked by it?

Hailey looked a little scared. Dawn smiled and understood. She handed her some pokeballs.

"These are my pokemon. You can hold them if it will make you feel better. I am not going to harm you sweaty." Dawn said. Hailey pushed the pokeballs back gently.

With her small, sweaty hands.

"You do not need to do that Miss Dawn." Hailey said softly and then hugged Dawn which Dawn was very happy to return the hug. She could feel what her boyfriends pokemon were saying not as well as Annabel probably would be able to but it was enough for her. Hailey was like Ash.

But why can’t she be allowed to be her own person? Really, why must her similarity with Ash necessitate that they adopt her? I’m all for giving orphans a good home, but the fact is that Ash is a walking danger magnet! Why can’t she stay under the villains’ radar instead of being drafted into Ash’s army?!

It was then Hailey's eyes widen..

"It is you the great coordinator I watched you at the contest's on tv." Hailey said. Dawn was speechless it seemed her hopefully soon to be daughter was a fan of hers. Ash was smiling it seemed that Hailey liked one of her soon to be mothers. Yes everyone Ash knew that he wanted to marry everyone he just had to figure out how and when. First how to purpose and when and then when to get married and where.

But first, how in the hell he would write coherent guest invitations?

He also needed rings but that is for another time. He also wanted to ask the parents or other family members.

"So do you want to be a coordinator someday?" Dawn asked.

"I do not know. I just want to be with pokemon." Hailey said. Dawn smiled she already liked Hailey. The others would like her as well.

That’s Hailey’s entire purpose, isn’t it? She’s there to be liked, to be adored and doted upon. She’s just the author’s pet character. So far there’s no difference between Hailey and a puppy dog!

"So where are we going?" Dawn asked.

"Well Pallet Town has some places but I am thinking Celadon City would be better but it is up to you Dawn." Ash said.

"I think that is fine and do you want to re challenge the gym?" Dawn asked with a knowing smirk. Ash had become friends with Erika over the years. She was a big supporter and had helped to gather allies to help him at his trial. They were not needed but she was only a phone call away. She had too many battles and could not leave no matter how hard she tired.

Of course, let’s just retcon Erika into the story as another drone supporter of Ash’s innocence. And yet she’s not counted as a betrayer despite not showing up. Why? Because I bet she’s the one getting added to the harem. It beats having an unknown sister show up, but then who is the aunt?

"I think I do to be honest. Once more I did not feel I earned it." Ash said.

"I think you did but that is your choice. What about Sabrina?" Dawn asked.

"I think so I will talk to her about it. It was not a real victory I made her laugh I mean that does not count. " Ash said.

Exactly what is wrong with the way Ash received these badges? I know he didn’t win them through a fight, but clearly the gym leaders found he deserved them, because of his dedication and bond with Pokémon, which is really what the standard contest is supposed to show. It illustrates that Pokémon is about more than a bunch of kids having cockfights with their pet animals.

"Are you planning on battling her today?" Dawn asked.

"What do you think Hailey do you want to see me battle today?" Ash asked.

"Yes daddy that would be fun." Hailey said with bright eyes.

She’ll be indoctrinated to crush her opponents with superior Pokémon while smirking and claiming to always have the better strategy.

"I am but first let us get Hailey some cloths these are the only ones she has." Ash said.

I guess she just walked around nude on washdays. Come on, Hailey is not a street kid; she had basic comforts at the orphanage.

He then called Pidegot and the four were off to their destination. Two hours later they had landed and upon returning Pidegot the four went to shop. It took about three hours but afterwards Hailey had a wardrobe. She even had a few toys that Ash could not say no to. Dawn had to leave and while Hailey was getting changed she kissed Ash and teleported away after Hailey said goodbye. Dawn did not say I love you to Ash since Hailey was nearby. Ash had a pokemon teleport the stuff back to his house.

This story sounds more and more like too many Harry Potter fanfics I’ve read, what with Pokémon now being used as house elves.

Afterwards he went to the Celadon City Gym to battle Erika. He walked in and did not make any fuss about the perfume this time. He also made a note to ask Erika about her perfumes. Erika was in her garden and at first she did not recognize who it was. However once she did she smiled.

"Hello Ash it is really good to see you again. I am really glad to hear that you were cleared of the crimes you did not commit. I am also sorry for not being there. I had battle after battle and when I finally could come it was over." She took a pause to catch her breath.

Because trainers schedule their gym battles days in advance? Really, why couldn’t she just have dropped everything she had in her hands and go to Pallet Town? Who would have stopped her? The gym police?

"To what do I owe this visit, And who is the cutie hiding behind your leg." Erika asked for Hailey was hiding behind her father's leg.

"This is my daughter I adopted her yesterday. Can you introduce yourself. She will not harm you." Ash said and the last two sentences he was speaking to Hailey. So Hailey took the hem of her new skirt and curtsy.

"I am Hailey Ketchum it is nice to meet you Miss Erika." Hailey said.

Did Ash have her practice this? Is Hailey his wingman?!

"As to why I am here I wish to re challenge you for the rainbow badge. Also do not worry the fact that you tired to come is enough for me and makes me happy. You were one of my biggest supporters and it meant a lot to me." Ash said and Erika was surprised.

"I gave it to you. I feel you earned it." Erika said.

"I don't feel I have." Ash said so Erika nodded it had been boring and it would be fun.

I’m in a similar state of mind about mocking this fic.

"Very well six on six and to make it more interesting no fire pokemon. Yours would destroy me without any chance. If what Brock said was true." Erika smirked. Yes you see each night all gym leaders gave a report of the day's battles. It happened in all the regions.

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What would the fucking point be to that? They’re not attempting to meet a quota, nor would this be beneficial for any of the other gym leaders. Why the hell are you inserting all this laughable head-canon into your story, author?

"Very well but to make it more interesting if I win I get a discount on perfume." Ash said and Erika was a little stunned.

"You hate perfume that is why you dressed up as a girl to sneak in to battle me." Erika said.

It was more the fact that Erika banned him from entering the gym, because he happened to disagree with her opinions on perfume. He was being a bratty-nosed kid about it, yeah, but what did she expect from a ten-year-old boy?

"Yes but you see I have five girlfriends due to old laws and I want to get each a special perfume but I am clueless and you are the best at it. All like perfume they told me." Ash said and Erika was surprised by this but it did not bug her she could make money even with a discount. Plus the five girlfriend thing did not bug her in fact it made her wonder and hope.

Killing mine in the process.

"Ok I would be happy to help and you are my friend so you have a discount anyway you save my gym and my pokemon and my other friends." Erika said.

"What do you mean Miss Ericka?' Hailey asked and Erika smirked.

Three words apart and he still didn’t catch that spelling mistake? I find it weird, that unlike the people that like to hear themselves talk, most bad fanfic authors don’t actually like to read what they write.

"I am guessing your daddy did not tell you what he did so I will." Erika told everything from his rash acts to heroics. Afterwards Hailey was even more in awe by her daddy. Ash called out Flame and she sat with Hailey on the side line. Pikachu also joined on the sidelines with Hailey.

"Don't worry I will not use her but she wants to protect Hailey." Ash said and Erika nodded.

"By the way why did you tell my daughter that?" Ash asked.

To see her reaction when retelling how you dressed in drag? I would have.

"You would not so I figured I would tell the truth. Now let us battle shall we. Do you mind if I tape it." Erika said. Ash commented that he did not mind at all. He asked for a copy and she agreed. One of her workers stepped forward and spoke.

Will this taping ever amount to anything? Is this another mandate that’s forced on gym leaders I’m unaware of?

"This is a rematch between Erika the Gym Leader of Celadon City and Ash Ketuchum of Pallet Town. It will be a six on six battle. Only the challenger may substitute and no fire pokemon all other clause are in effect. Begin."

Steve, is that you? No, you’re not Steve, you’re just a no-name character who won’t be appearing again in this story. I’ll just go back to waiting then.

"I must say this will be fun. I choose you Leafeon." The grass evolution of Eevee appeared. (I looked on Bulbapieda but I did not like all of her pokemon so I am giving her some new ones. I will keep the ones she had in the show but trust me.)

Another parenthesis for no goddamn reason. It’s not even that it’s there, it’s the fact that the author couldn’t think of a reason for Erika to have different Pokémon and had to present us with an excuse. It’s been eight years since Ash and Erika met each other, and the author didn’t stop to think that people actually do stuff with their time.

Ash smirked at this.

Because he was contractually obligated to act as “cool” as possible.

"I chose you Leafeon." Ash called and his appeared. You see Ash caught Eevee's and all of them wanted to evolve into a different form. So it happened but more on them later. (Yes I am going there.)

So nice to see you hoarding all the clichés together, author; like dropping fish in a barrel for me to shoot at.

Erika smirked this was going to be even more fun then she thought.

"Razor Leaf." Both called out and the storm of leaves shot at both pokemon were canceled out. Both trainers and pokemon were smirking.

Because why have complex emotions expressed when you can go to the tugging of a lip corner?

"Vine Whip." Both shouted and once more the attacks canceled each other.

"Leafeon quick attack followed by shadow ball." Ash called out.

"Leafeon underground." Erika called. Ash smiled at this.

"Are you ready buddy?" Ash asked and his Leafeon called out that she was ready. Yes Ash's Leafeon was a girl.

Who the fuck cares?! Really, who cares right now; you’re in the middle of a battle!

"Ok then wait for him to come out and hit him." Ash said and his Leafeon closed her eyes and listened. Right as Erika's jumped out and tired to attack her.

"Now Solar beam." Erika's Leaeon had no time to dodge and was hit dead center and sent flying into the wall. He was able to stand up and unlike with Brock Ash was not going to be cruel. If this was Brock he would have asked Leafeon to finish the job right then.

Because despite neither having shown up at the trial, the cruelty against Brock was completely justified by him not having a vagina.

"Use leaf storm." Erika called.

"Underground my friend." Ash called and she was able to miss the leaf's heading for her. A few seconds later she emerged from underground and hit her foe with a deadly amount of vines.

A deadly amount? What did you just say about not being cruel?

"Now use iron tail." Ash called out and Erika's Leafeon was hit and fell to the ground with swirls in his eyes. Erika recalled her pokemon.

"You did a great job buddy rest please." Erika said.

"Leafeon is unable to battle. Round one goes to Ash. Leader please send out your next pokemon." The ref said.

"I must say Ash this is fun never have I had a good battle like this. Go Tangrowth." Erika called out.

Which is surely something this seasoned gym leader would say, after having had all of ONE Pokémon out to battle thus far.

Ash smirked he remembered the battle with this pokemon he remembered it very well. It was a lot of fun then and it would be even more now. Ash was also surprised and Erika saw that look.

"I agree it is amazing I did not know he knew that attack. So it was a surprise when he evolved but a happy one." Erika said and smiled.

What the two morons are babbling at each other is that Tangela only evolves into Tangrowth, if it knows the move Ancient Power. I’m making you aware of this, in case you, like me, are unable to read the author’s mind through your computer monitor.

"Vine whip Tangrowth." Erika called out.

"Dodge and shadow ball." Ash called. His Leafeon was able to dodge all the vines and hit her foe with the shadow ball. He took it head on and did not buckle at all. Ash was impressed he wondered if Erika would be a good ally in the coming battle. Actual he knew she would he could tell he wondered if she would accept. There was only one way to find out but first he had to beat her and re earn the rainbow badge.

There had better be an actual fucking battle with how much you’re building up to it.

"Leafeon this is going to be hard are you up to it?" Ash asked. Leafeon looked at her friend and smiled.

"Yes I am. If I lose I know I need to get stronger to aid you." Leafeon said. Ash smiled at that.

Or maybe Ash needs to become a better trainer, but that would imply he’s flawed somehow.

"Ok then get in close and use iron tail." Ash called.

"Harden Tangrowth." Erika called. The attack did not come up in time and Leafeon was able to hit Tangrowth hard, so hard that he was sent crashing into the wall. Erika was surprised by that.

"It seems that your pokemon have a lot of power. I am impressed this is my greatest battle yet." Erika spoke.

No, no, no, Erika, wait with the faking until you’re actually having sex.

Tangrowth got up it was not down not even close. Leafeon was getting close to defeat but she would keep on going to aid her friend.

"Tangrowth use mega punch." Erika said. Leafeon was able to dodge the attacks but she was getting tired. Tangrowth was also getting tired but he had more energy.

"You know what to do attack pattern delta." Ash called out. Leafeon charged forward and glowing green blade stroke Tangrowth hard. Leafeon had used leaf blade. Afterwards she dug underground. A few seconds later she came back up and hit Tangrowth with another Leaf blade attacked.

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Pre-planned strategies codenamed with Latin letters for a Pokémon battle? Are you serious? Yet another needless thing shoved in only because the author think it’s “cool”, but this wouldn’t even work given the way Pokémon battles are conducted. Not to act like anyone here is unfamiliar with how Pokémon battles work, but let me just reiterate the basics. Trainers order their Pokémon to act on a move-to-move basis. This makes the battles dynamic, with the trainers able to adapt to the other’s strategy. You know what would mess this up? Having a pre-planned set of moves, that once ordered would be brought to completion regardless of how the opponent adapts. The only reason Leafeon didn’t get sucker-punched by Tangrowth after re-surfacing, was that the author didn’t let Erika order another move!

"Solarbeam." Both trainers called out. The two attacks hit in the middle and no ground was given by either. Finally a large explosion occurred after a few minutes of the intense standoff. Both pokemon were hit and tired to get up but both fell down with swirls in their eyes. Ash and Erika ran over to their pokemon to check on them.

For fuck’s sake, for once just say that they fainted!

Leafeon got up and licked Ash's check letting him know she was ok. Tangrowth hugged his trainer letting her know he was ok. Erika recalled Tangorwth. Ash brought Leafeon over to sit next to Hailey.

Where the Pokémon can enjoy getting petted by an uninteresting child while being in an enormous amount of pain.

"Well Ash this is fun let us go on." She picked up a pokeball and threw it.

"Go Vileplume." Erika called out. Ash looked over at Pikachu and the little mouse knew what was needed. Ericka was surprised but she knew underestimating Ash was a bad idea. She also knew that Pikachu was Ash's strongest pokemon or one of them anyway. Vileplume recognized Ash and went over to hug him.

The ref should call foul; this is clearly psychological tactics being employed here.

"Daddy is that the one you saved from the fire?" Hailey asked form the sidelines. Ash smiled at this.

"Yes she is but she evolved and it is nice to see her again." Ash said.

"It is nice to see you again as well Ash. I am glad you are free." Vileplume said.

"Me to so why did you choose to evolve?" Ash asked.

"I wanted to. I brought Erika near a leaf stone and she used it on me." Vileplume said. Erika this whole time was confused so Ash explained his power and the one his girlfriends had. He then told Erika what Vileplume said.

"I did not know if she was ready to evolve I would never force her. She begged me to." Erika said.

“And if anyone says otherwise, they’re lying, I tell you!”

"I know my friend now let use battle." Ash said. Vilepume turned to Pikachu.

"I am not going to go easy on you." She said and Pikachu smirked.

"I would have it no other way." Pikachu said.

"Round three begin." The ref called.

We’re not even halfway yet? Geez, I’m starting to fall asleep here.

"Sword dance." Erika called.

"Use quick attack combined with iron tail, don't let her finish the attack." Ash called. Pikachu had gotten a great amount of speed of the years. However so had Vileplume. Pikachu's attack hit but not very quickly for Vileplume was able to complete her attack thus rising her attack power.

"Sunny day." Erika called out.

"Blot tackle." Ash called out.

“Spellcheck!” The mocker cried.

Vileplume was able get the sun in just the spot she wanted before she was hit by the bolt tackle.

"Stun spore." Erika called. Sadly the attack hit. Now the effects took some time to take control so Pikachu was safe for now.

Excuse me, what? You’re telling me there’s a delay on goddamn plant toxins now? Stop making yourself have the advantage constantly, just take the hit and suck it up!

"Blot tackle once more." Ash called and Pikachu did just that. The attack missed since Pikachu was slower due to stun spore taking effect.

"Quick attack and keep on doing it but do not aim for Vileplume." Ash called. Pikachu did it about seven times and the spores were off him. Erika was smiling.

"I must say Ash no one has ever thought to do that. Most trainers recall there pokemon after that it is sad really." Erika said.

You know, author, I see what you’ve attempted to do here, but there are some issues. First, Pikachu is already suffering the effect from the paralysis; he shouldn’t be able to do a move seven times in a row. Second, even if he did, removing the spores fixes nothing, since the toxin would still be in Pikachu’s system; it would not remove the actual effect. Third, you just had Erika stand there like a dumbass again, just watching Pikachu do a single move over and over without having Vileplume finish him off!

And you know what would have been able to fix all of this in a better way, where Erika could still have praised Ash? By using a fucking Paralyze Heal bought from any store across the entire country!

"Pikachu keep on using quick attack with iron tail." Ash called.

"Vileplume try and dodge." Erika said. What followed was an interesting dance. Pikachu was able to land a few hits but was hit back by razor leaves from Vileplume. Both pokemon were exhausted. Both trainers looked each other in the eyes and knew that each pokemon had only one attack left in them.

"Zap Cannon." Ash called.

"Solar Beam." Erika called. The attacks collide and caused an explosion that hit both Pokémon. Pikachu as able to get up barely but Vileplume had swirls in her eyes.

The missing arm and left half of its torso were completely negligible, as the swirly eyes was the only indication of injury they needed.

She may have been resistant to electric attacks but it still did a lot of damage to her. Erika rushed to her friend to make sure she was ok. Pikachu looked tired Ash called him back. He picked him up and brought him over to Hailey who was very happy to take the mouse form her daddy.

"Sorry I am pulling Pikachu out. I do not want him to fight any more right now." Ash said. The ref nodded.

"Ok at the end of round three the score his Ash three and Erika two. Round Four begin."

"Go Serperior." Erika called out and Ash was stunned very stunned by this. Erika saw the stunned face and smiled. She did not think she would be able to stun this new Ash the Ash he had become in the last few years. She was happy she scored a victory in that respect. The shock turned to a smirk.

Couldn’t make it last, could you, author?

"It seems I underestimated you my friend. Go my Snake Princess." In a flash of light Serperior appeared and saw her foe. She too smirked.

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Snake Princess??? Author, I’m starting to get some vibes from the weird focus on Ash’s Pokémon being female all the time, and it’s not a vibe I should be getting.

"A fun battle thank you for calling me my friend and why did you call me that?" Serperior asked. She was not mad just confused.

"It seems to fit you are a snake and you act like a princess at times." Ash said and Serperior accepted for she knew it was not meant as an insult.

Excuse it away all you want, I’m still calling this a fucking slip.

Erika could tell by looking at Ash and his Serperior two things. One the pokemon and trainer had a strong bond and two his Serperior was powerful. She did not know if she would win but she was not about to back down unlike Brock. At least she was doing better she had seen the video. It was not Brock's finest battle.

Oh, my fucking god, you’re still bashing him when he’s trying to make amends? Let it go, already!

"I do take comfort in the fact that I am doing better than Brock did he showed us the video. It was funny you showed him no mercy why is that?" Erika asked. Ash sighed.

"I was annoyed very annoyed. He was one of my first friends and he abandoned me." Ash said and Erika nodded that she understood she would not speak of it again.

News flash, shithead! If anyone is abandoning people, it’s you for refusing Brock’s sincere apologies and keeping him at a distance for no reason.

"I am showing you mercy since you are my friend and I know you are on my side. Plus lets' face it you are much prettier then Brock is." Ash said.

You know, I was only jestingly hinting at it, but nice of you to come right out and say it, Ash.

Erika was stunned by that. She was fighting a blush form the last comment. Serperior was smirking she liked this Erika she had to work on that. Little did she know but Mewtwo was already doing that.

Uhm, what? No, really, what do you mean? What is Mewtwo doing? Is he doing something to Erika? Is he getting another permission slip from the president? What?!

"Use vine whip" both trainers called out. The vines canceled each other out.

That’s like saying two right hooks cancels out each other, at least say they collided or something.

"Use razor leaf." Ash called.

"Dodge and use razor leaf." Erika called out. Her Serperior was able to dodge and fired off its own razor leaf, which were dodged by Ash's Serperior.

"Iron tail." Both humans shouted at the same time. The two attacks collided with each other causing both pokemon to be pushed back. Erika's Serperior was out of breath while Ash's was not in fact she as smirking. It was not often she found a good battle but this one was a good one. She wondered if this Serperior would be a worthy mate.

Hey, so long as it’s not Ash, I’m all for it.

She also wondered if Erika was a worthy mate for her friend.

His bed is going to be crowded enough as it is, how many is enough?

"I am sorry I can't fight anymore." Erika's Serperior said.

"Why is that?" Ash's Serperior asked.

"You remained me of my mate. She was killed and I was lost till Erika helped me and healed me." Erika's Serperior said. He turned to Erika and slithered over.

Oh, how convenient that Erika’s Serperior has a Serperior shaped hole in its heart for Ash’s Serperior to fit into.

"I am sorry mistress but I can't fight anymore." He said. Erika looked at Ash for an explanation. She was confused at the expression of Ash's face.

"He said that my Serperior reminds him of his mate who was killed and he was lost till you helped him. I think I will pull Serperior out of the battle so it is fair." Erika nodded and started to pet her Serperior and warped him in a hug. Ash's Serperior did the same thing. Ash held up a symbol and showed it to Erika's Serperior.

"Did the humans have this symbol?" Ash asked.

What symbol?

"Yes you know of them." He asked and Ash sighed.

"Yes I do I am unsure of their intentions or who they really are. They have many names and it is bugging me. I promise I will avenge your mate my friend." Ash said. Erika's Serperior warped itself around Ash in a hug.

WAIT, HOLD UP! That was a symbol for Team Night Fire?! Really?! When the fuck did Ash find that? Where did he find it? What does it look like? Why would they kill some random Pokémon? I have more questions than this story has fucking plot holes at this point!

"Thank you." He said. Erika had figured out what had happened. Some new powerful team was coming out of the wood works and it had murdered.

"I promise I will aid as well." Erika said. She was about to recall her Serperior when Ash stopped her. Both Serperior slithered off and sat down next to each other. Ash's warped her tail around Erika's.

"To be honest I am not sure I am in the mood to battle anymore. Let us choose one more pokemon and call it a day." Erika asked.

I don’t know, what does the no-name ref think of this? Is sappiness a valid excuse for breaking the rigorous and binding rules of gym leader battles, that cannot be broken even if your friend is dragged to court for murder?

"I agree." Ash said.

"What has you worried?" Erika asked.

"That symbol it was at the scene of the crime." Ash said and he had to take a pause.

Yes, I thought we just established this. Or… wait, no, you’re not talking about the opening murders, are you? Because if you are, then you’re screwing up the entire foundation of your story.

"I have a feeling that this team is even more evil and powerful then any before it. I am worried that someone will harm the ones I love." Ash said.

"Well I am on your side in this coming battle I will help you to the best I can." Erika said and a hug was shared between the two. Both drew a pokeball and threw them.

"Come forth Venusaur." Both trainers called and smirked.

Can’t we get some variety? Why must this be another case of Ash beating the gym leader at their own game?

"Ash would you mind if I did mega evolution? I don't get to use it very often but I figure you can handle it." Erika asked. In response Ash tapped his bracelet and held it out. Erika did the same.

"Mega evolution engage." Both trainers shouted.

Venusaur digivolve to…. oh, sorry, I was mistaking this for a different show. And that’s just about the only thing I have to say about Mega Evolutions as a whole.

The two Kanto grass starters had appeared in there mega form after a bright light. Both trainers knew that they could go for hours but both also knew that it would be better to have one final attack. An unspoken agreement occurred do to that.

"Venusaur solar beam." Both trainers said calmly. Both pokemon called forth the power of the sun and started to collect it. After a few moments both with a mighty roar fired their attacks. The two met in the middle and a tug of war like battle occurred.

Can it still be called tug of war when you’re pushing?

For a short time it looked as if both pokemon were an even match until it could be seen that Erika's Venusaur's solar beam was losing ground and being pushed back. After a few seconds the attack form Ash's Venusaur crashed into Erika's. It was hit hard but was able to still fight. However Erika recalled him.

"It seems you have won Ash. That was a great battle." Erika said and took a pause.

Mostly because of the blistering sunburn they now both were suffering from. Hailey, on the other hand, had been caught in the explosion due to Ash’s neglectful parenting.

"I think it is safe to say you have earned the Rainbow badge." Erika said. Ash smiled and hugged Erika which she gladly retuned.

"So you need perfume for your girlfriends and may I guess that one of them is Sabrina." Erika said.

"Yes how did you know?" Ash asked.

"She has been far happier lately." Erika said.

"So that is what made you think that." Ash said.

"No call it the fact that she told me." Erika said. Ash deadpanned at that.

It seems the author found himself so witty, he didn’t possess enough wit to know what deadpan means.

"You could have made that more interesting you know." Ash said with a smirk.

"True now describe your other girlfriends and I can help you with the perfumes." Erika said and Ash did in great detail. At the end Ash had five bottles of perfume purchased. Hailey hugged Erika and thanked Erika for letting her watch the battle. Ash recalled all of his pokemon and walked out. Ash called Pidegot and they flew home. Once they landed home Hailey asked a question.

How can that giant bird possibly fit next to the house, which it refused to land near previously?

"Daddy why do you have five girlfriends?" Hailey asked. So Ash explained everything including his powers.

"At first I did not like it and still do not. It still seems wrong but I know it is right." Ash said to his daughter.

What do you not like? Your powers or that you have to have wives? Because I’ve heard neither come out of your mouth previously, and if it’s about the wives, then keep it to the minimum that the law, for some fucked up reason, requires you to have. I have a really hard time supporting your bullshit, when you’re not making any effort yourself.

"What about me? Will they like me?" Hailey asked and Ash smiled.

"Well you met one of them today. Dawn and she really liked you. The others I think will like you as well. Even if they do not I will always pick you." Ash told his daughter. Hailey hugged her daddy and the two walked home. However there heard a cry. Hailey could not understand it, but Ash could. Landing in front of them was a dragon that was long and white with red markings on her. It was none other than Latias. Ash walked up and hugged her and she gladly hugged back.

Please, don’t be another new harem member.

Latias turned her eyes on the little girl that was hiding behind Ash's leg. She had a similar aura to Ash the dragoness could tell. However she could also tell that the girl was not related to Ash, but was still important to him.

"Who is this?" Latias asked. Ash smiled.

"This is my daughter Hailey I adopted her yesterday." Ash said. Latias's eyes widened but she smiled. She then transformed into a copy of Hailey and hugged her which Hailey was glad to return. Latias then transformed back to her pokemon self.

That was… weird. Don’t do that again, please, it’s starting to mess with my tentative interpretations.

"Hailey this is." However he was stopped before he could finish.

"The legendary pokemon Latias. It is said that she is very sensitive to the emotions of humans and will protect them if she feels they are worthy. She is also very powerful, but what is she doing here?" Hailey said. Ash was stunned by this. Hailey seeing the look on her daddy's face is scared that she upset him. Ash smiled which puts her at ease.

"I am not upset just surprised and happy. You are correct she is my friend. Also she can take any form she wish's" Ash said. He then looked at Latias and asked.

How about asking the kid how she knows this? Did she sneak herself to daddy’s Pokédex while he wasn’t looking?

"Why are you here?" Ash asked and Latias smiled.

"I was told of the danger to come and I wish to join you. I have wanted to for a long time but have not had the chance. So may I join you?" Latias asked with and eager sprit and Ash was shocked never would he thought he see this day. Ash smiled.

"Yes I like that." Ash said. He took a pokeball and placed it on the ground and Latias tapped it with her wing. She was sucked into the ball and it dinged right away. Ash then called her out. She took the form of Hailey once more and the three walked home. Grey later called that night. Deila did not bat an eyelash when she saw two Hailey's and when one transformed into Latias.

Fuck you, and your absurd aversion to any kind of conflict, author. Delia should have had a reaction. Unless they are frozen in shock, people don’t just accept body duplicates and people transforming into Pokémon. The encounter rate for Ditto is nowhere near that high anywhere for this to simple be a given reality.

"Hey Ash I have a favor to ask. Can you come tomorrow and help me with something?" Ash agreed to it.

End of chapter. So now Latias has joined the team.

And is starting to emulate the Shining with Hailey. Why are either of them in this story!?


While I found my initial fears for this chapter averted, I still have to ask. If Erika is the new harem member, who is the aunt? And what kind of practice is this anyway; writing an introduction notice that isn’t fulfilled by the end of the chapter? Has fanfic authors never heard of editing their work for consistency? Do they simply start out writing, then forget everything they set out to do and upload their work like a final-minute term paper? I may not be completely diligent when it comes to mocking, but I reevaluate it over several days of re-reading. This author’s work feels like it was spewed out and thrown online during the course of half an afternoon.

"So... preparing to storm into the room, you jostle your badger, kick down the door, and throw it at the thug standing inside." - Moment from my D&D campaign.

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Post #13

Critically Sarcastic

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post Feb 22 2015, 01:53 PM
Since last chapter was all about Ash doting upon his adopted daughter, people making fun of Brock, and more Pokémon joining the protagonist, what better way to continue the story than by having more of the same? The plot continues to be ignored, like that kid who was always picked last at dodgeball; eventually it’ll be forced into the fray, but it will not be this time. Enjoy.


Chapter 6

(This part takes place after Dawn leaves and after Ash's battle with Erika.)

Because “Meanwhile, elsewhere…” was so hard to express outside of a parenthesis for the author.

Dawn got home and called the others to talk about Hailey. She waited for the others to come on the screen. It was Whitney that spoke first.

"So what is she like?" Whitney asked.

“Nondescript, devoid of personality, a fangirl; she’ll fit right in.”

"Her aura and heart are like Ash's. It is as his pokemon say she is like him. To be honest I would not be surprised if a DNA test confirmed she was Ash's daughter." Dawn started off, but she took a pause.

Hopefully because she saw the looks she was getting for not understanding basic genetics.

"She is polite, very smart and very funny. She is also a very cute little girl." Dawn said. She took another pause.

"Don't tell Ash this but when she is older she will have many guys looking to date her." Dawn said. The others laughed at that comment.

"So I just got a video form Erika. She battled Ash today and she did far better than Brock did," Sabrina said and she showed the video.

At this point, the dead horse you’re beating isn’t just dead, it’s been cremated and buried. Give it up!

"There is more to her then meets the eye. I think she like Ash the same way we do." Annabel said.

"I agree with that so what do we do?" Sabrina asked. Mewtwo had popped in on the screen next to Sabrina.

"Give her the option to join if she wishes that is my advice." Mewtwo said. No one was freaked out by this at all by Mewtwo just coming on screen like that.

Because the author can’t be bothered to study the mysterious behavior of humans to write an accurate depiction of emotional states.

"Will she work?" Cynthia asked.

"Yes after her lose to Ash the first time she got stronger a lot stronger. So she is on equal footing with you five. I will not force you guys but I think she is a good fit." Mewtwo said.

Personality or emotions have nothing to do with it; it’s all about the strength of your Pokémon.

"Let us vote. I say yes" Sabrina said.

"I say yes." Dawn said.

"I say yes as well." Annabel said.

"I say yes." Cynthia said

"Yes." Whitney said.

Shouldn’t you consider whether or not Ash wants her as a girlfriend? Oh, who am I kidding? In fanfics, be they Pokémon or girls, he just wants to catch ‘em all.

Mewtwo smiled at this. He picked Erika since she was a good human and truly loved Ash. It would work he knew it. Plus her power would help in the battles to come, in the war to come. Mewtwo know since that it was not a battle but a war and to be honest he was scared, but he suspected Ash and his girls could help. He would also help. This was a war that the good side had to win failure was not an option.

Oh, so now it’s a war, is it? I’m sorry for being sceptic here, but so far, all I’ve seen is a bunch of jackasses being paranoid of fucking shadows. Team Rocket terrorized Pewter City, and all you people seem concerned with is a bunch of vague villains that you haven’t even fucking seen!

"One more thing a legendary pokemon has joined Ash. It is Latias and she is very loyal to Ash and she will be very protective of all of you especially when you want to have children. She is already protective of Hailey. A few more will be joining him later." Mewtwo said. He then teleported away he had work to do. He did not see the blush's that the girls had. Sabrina also had work to do. She had to figure out how to get her friend on board.

Should I be concerned that the person who has to convince Erika to join the harem is a psychic?

The next morning Ash woke up and got Hailey ready for the day. Hailey was looking forward to this adventure. Ash called out Pidegot and went to the island that Grey was at. He landed and Grey saw for the first time Hailey.

And in memory of his grandfather, he immediately began questioning the child’s gender.

He was told that Ash had adopted but he did not believe it. His girlfriend Misty did not know yet and she would flip when she found out. Ash would most likely be hit with her famous mallet that she seemed to pull out of nowhere.

Ah, yes, that famous mallet which was dropped completely after only a handful of episodes during the series’ early run. It’s a staple anime slapstick gag, you dunce. Using it for characterization is about the same as attributing someone the falling anvil as a personality trait.

"So Ash thanks for coming and it is nice to meet you Hailey." Hailey hugged her uncle who was shocked by this but returned the hug anyway.

First DNA, now first tier genealogy. I think we can say this author fails all-around.

"A few years ago I was able to bring back to life all of the ancient pokemon. They have been in a foul mood of late and I was wondering if you will talk to them for me please. I know it is insulting and beneath you but I am desperate the other pokemon are too afraid to go near them. The odd part is that they are not even fighting. They are all giving the back off signal." Grey said. Ash smiled.

Why, yes, of course it is insulting and beneath Ash, being one of the only few people in the world capable of understanding Pokémon, to help his good friend and former rival with accommodating the resurrected and no doubt incredibly powerful Pokémon. I mean, had Gary asked him to tell him the time, he would have been beheaded for such a transgression.

"All of them?" Ash asked. Grey smiled this was hope that Ash would help.

"Yes Aerodactyl, Omanyte who evolved into Omastar. Kabuto who evolved into Kabutops. Cranidos who evolved into Rampardos. Shieldon who evolved into Bastiodon. Archen who evolved into Archeops. Tirtouga who became Carracosta. Amaura who became Aurous and Tyrunt but it evolved into Tyrantrum." Grey said. Ash and Hailey were stunned these were very powerful pokemon.

Must be, if they spontaneously evolve without any training.

"How secret have you keep this?" Ash asked.

"Only a few know about it. Why?" Grey asked.

"You heard about the attack on Pewter City a few days ago." Ash asked. Grey nodded he heard all about it and how his rival and friend had stopped it.

"Well there were after the amber fossils and other fossils at the museum." Ash said and Grey understood what Ash was saying now.

That since he’s only first learning of this, the authorities and public are still kept unknowing of why their city was attacked.

"So if they knew they would come here. I see that is not good not good at all. I need to figure something out." Grey said. He led Ash to the pokemon. Hailey stayed with Flame and Grey.

I guess creepy, body-double Latias tagged along, otherwise it would mean the author can’t keep track of four characters in a single scene.

Flame was protective of Hailey Ash noticed and he has to ask her why later. He had a feeling the reason and he did not like that reason. He knew that Ninetails were very protective of kids especially there trainers kids however Flame was extremely protective.

I wouldn’t even care if I still had fucks to give.

Ash walked over to the ancient pokemon. What he was doing was about the stupidest thing he had ever done and he did not like the idea of telling his girlfriends what he was about to do. He knew he would get yelled at. He knew he was going to get yelled at later. He walked over to the pokemon and one flew down and landed in front of him it was Aerodactyl. He was smirking at Ash with the I am going to eat you look.

Wouldn’t it be nice if all looks were so simple to interpret? Maybe then the author could have interpreted his English teacher’s “Pick up your dictionary before I shoot myself” look.

"What do you want human?" He asked.

"I seek to talk to all of you in a claim way." Ash said and he sat down on the ground in a very disadvantageous position. If any of the pokemon wanted to attack him they could without any issue. The other pokemon were shocked by Ash's claim voice and actions.

Gasp! He sat down! How shocking!

"We are sorry for the trouble we caused. We are tired of being on this island but we cannot leave. We are looking for and waiting for a trainer that is strong." Aerodactyl said but paused.

"Maybe you are that one." Aerodactyle said.

Oh gee, I wonder where this is going, derp-de-durr.

"We must test him." Aurorus said. She was the most level headed one. Aerodactyl smirked.

"I agree you must battle us but with only one pokemon." The ancient flying reptile said. Ash smirked.

"Go Charizard. Mega evolution engage." In a flash Charizard was in his mega evolution x form. The ancient pokemon were in awe by the power coming from Charizard.

"Do you still wish to battle?" Ash asked. The other pokemon agreed no.

"You can bring out are true power. I will join you." Aurorus said.

Conflict averted, and Ash gets more Pokémon. I’ll spare you the sarcasm and just say, this is goddamn predictable and stupid.

"I am game as well." Aerodactyl said. Ash placed pokeballs on the ground and each of the pokemon tapped them and were sucked in. Grey had been monitoring the situation and was stunned. Flame was laughing at the humans' expression. This was what Ash walked back into.

"She is laughing at you dude. By the way the pokemon all wish to come with me is that ok." Ash asked and Grey was too stunned to do anything but nod a yes. After he was able to speak he asked.

“Do you think Gramps suffered? I wish you would start talking to me about his death.”

"So where are you heading now?" Grey asked.

"To my new home the Battle Kingdom it is ready and set up the way I asked for. I have my first battle in two days." Ash said.

The fuck happened to the months of construction work?!

The two rival's hugged goodbye and Hailey hugged her uncle goodbye. She had gotten along with him while her daddy was catching more pokemon. He was about to called out Pidegot when Latais jumped out and offered to give a ride. The two jumped on and flew to Pewter City they would then walk the rest of the way to the Battle Kingdom.

Why? What’s up with flying Pokémon not wanting to get their passengers straight to their destination? Do they just want their trainers to stay in shape?

Meanwhile the Gym Leaders of Kanto were having their meeting. It was a nightly meeting to talk about the days' battles. They did not share much about the trainer they fought. They only showed the videos if it was funny or if the trainer needed to be watched.

Needed to be watched?! First the single world government, now you’re telling me it’s a full blown Orwellian society?!

Misty was joking around with Sabrina glad that she could now. Erika had joined in on the joking. The other gym leaders had all been making fun of Brock after his lost to Ash. A new leader had been named for Virden City after Giovanni was defeated and forced to flee. He was still on the run by the way. The new leaders name was Steve and he is not important so he will not be talked about at least for now.

Steve? Steve the Ref? Fuck you, he’s the most important out of all of them! He’s fulfilling his life’s dream after staying in the gym leaders’ shadow all this time!

"I know I lost guys do you have to rub it in. Erika lost as well." Brock said.

"Yes but she put up more of a fight. It was a great fun and so much fun to watch well both of your battles were fun. Brock was more comedy and Erika's is better for battle strategy. " Sabrina said.

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I’ve just about had it with Brock being nothing but a comedic punchline in this fic. Against Brock, Ash had overpowered Pokémon and half of Brock’s own Pokémon were against him. Against Erika, Ash was purposefully keeping himself back by not using type advantage. There’s a great difference between jabbing fun at a character, and meticulously constructing a fallacious portrayal of their identity for sadistic ridiculing!

"She is right dude." Misty said.

"The kid is good if all of us used six pokemon on him at once we would still lose." Lt. Sarge said. The others all agreed with that. Sabrina sighed.

Standing in for Lt. Surge in this fanfic is Lt. Sarge, who served in the army under Cpt. Colonel.

"Ok I will stop making fun of you Brock. Does anyone have anything to add?" Sabrina asked. The others all nodded no. Sabrina seemed to be the leader. No one knew how it happened it just did and not one questioned it.

*Cough*Mind control*Cough*

"Sabrina are you one of the ones dating Ash?" Brock asked. Sabrina had not told him yet only Erika and Misty knew since Ash was like her brother. Sabrina smiled.

"Yes I am one of the ones dating Ash. I have yet to meet his daughter." This stunned the others expect Erika.

"What do you mean daughter?" Misty asked. So Sabrina told the story.

"I am going to kill him for not telling me." Misty said.

Why is it any of your business anyway? You’re his friend, sure, but he’s entitled to a private life.

"I would not. Flame is very protective of her trainer. All of his pokemon are. Just ask Brock and his lack of sleep. Flame has threatened all of us of what she will do if we hurt Ash." Sabrina said.

"If Flame sense you are a threat to Hailey she will attack you. That much was plan to see." Erika said.

So “plan” that it has to be repeated for the umpteenth fucking time.

"Erika may I speak to you privately before we hang up?" Sabrina asked and Erika nodded. Once the others all logged off Sabrina looked at Erika.

"Erika are you busy right now? If not may I come over please?" Sabrina asked and Erika nodded. Sabrina called her pokemon and teleported away. She was at the Celadon City Gym in a flash. She walked in and the two started to talk for awhile.

"Sabrina why are you?" Erika asked after about an hour.

That’s a deep question, Erika. Why is anyone? Why are you, and you are why? These are profound questions we must ask ourselves, along with, who let this author near a keyboard?

"Ok before you start to lie I will know if you are. Answer me honestly and you will have your chance. Lie to me and I will walk out the door and you will lose your chance. Do you understand?" Sabrina asked. Erika nodded that she did understand.

"Do you love Ash?" Sabrina asked not at all sugar coating or asking in different way she just asked like that for it was her way. Erika was stunned she wanted to deny it. She wanted to say no she was not in love with Ash. However she remembered Sabrina's words and made her choice.

"Yes I am in love with Ash." Erika said happy that she had gotten that off her chest, even if she was scared of admitting. Sabrina was smiling at this.

"Ok then if you want to then you can join us. I already spoken with the others and we had a vote. If you join us you will gain the power to understand pokemon and to be able to read hearts. Plus if you marry Ash you will be Hailey's mom and you must get stronger." Sabrina said. Erika thought about it.

I’ve been mulling on this, and there’s something I find rather disturbing about it all. This might be reaching a bit, but stick with me. Erika is in love with Ash. Sabrina and the others already suspect this, which is why they’re propositioning her for a harem position. Now, the way Sabrina goes about this is, mildly put, unsettling. She gives Erika an ultimatum of either fessing up her feelings, or be completely denied having them fulfilled. Sabrina is able to tell if Erika is lying, because, hey, she’s a psychic. My problem is that love and emotions aren’t as simple as a binary position. Often times, people are in denial or confused about their own feelings, and as such Erika might have told Sabrina that she didn’t love Ash for any manner of reason.

But Sabrina knows Erika loves Ash. She knows Erika’s feelings better than Erika does. Had Erika said no, Sabrina would have walked out on the grounds that Erika was simply lying, not that she didn’t love Ash; punishing her for being uncertain about her feelings or stubborn to her own detriment. And by coercing Erika into saying yes, all that Sabrina essentially does is proving that she can exercise her authority over Erika, and be able to browbeat her into saying what she wants her to say. I know the author never intended for any of this, but the narrative between the lines is something you have to fucking consider, especially in your own work.

"Ok I want this I want it very much. I really like Hailey she is awesome but I would like to know why you are giving me this chance? I know a war is coming and I will fight. I was going to anyway." Erika asked. Sabrina smiled and not an evil one, a true smile. Every since Ash freed her she had been smiling more.

"When you showed us the video of your battle the hug was not a friendly one well not just a friendly one. I saw the way your eyes looked. It just seemed right plus Mewtwo told us it was a good idea. Now on that note." Sabrina said and Mewtwo came in shocking Erika when he explained his story. He then gave her the power that the others had. She still had to work on it just like the others had to so Erika was not getting a free ride. She could understand her pokemon perfectly others only a little bit.

Wait up, I thought this was something you were taught from the bare basics. Now it’s basically just a bonus package for signing up to suck Ash’s dick?!

"Use it well my friend." Mewtwo said and teleported away. Sabrina did the same thing after a hug. She had to get ready for her date with Ash it was in two days after his first battle.

Meanwhile Ash and Hailey were camping out at night under the stars near the Battle Kingdom. Flame had come out and so did Latais.

"Flame if you are uncomfortable with answering this then say so." Ash took a pause to make sure Flame understood. She did and nodded.

“Do you ever fell, you know, not so fresh?”

"You are protective of Hailey now I know Ninetails are but you are even more so. Why is that?" Ash asked. Flame walked over and put her head on her trainers lap for this act brought her comfort.

"Hailey reminds me of my daughter. I lost her one day and then I was captured by that bastard and few months later you found me. Some Team Rocket members tried to catch us but they failed. I told my daughter to run and hide. She is still just a baby. I do not know where she is." Flame said. Ash pulled her close and hugged her. Latias put her wings around Flame.

More tragic background story shoved in after the fact? Seriously, what’s next, will we have Pikachu tell us how his parents were abusive and he didn’t have any other friends before Ash?! Get to the fucking plot instead of spoon-feeding us irrelevant sob-stories.

"My old home was around here can we look in the morning for any sign of my daughter. I feel she is nearby." Flame asked.

"Of course we will. We will not stop until we find out what happened to her. All of us will look for her." Ash said and Flame thanked him and went over the Hailey. Pikachu smiled.

"I hope we find her to help Flame." He said and Ash nodded. The next morning Ash pulled out a belt and a few spare pokeballs and a license to catch Pokemon. He handed them all to Hailey.

Since when did you need a license to ‘catch’ Pokémon? Train them, perhaps, but catch? Are you in a wildlife preserve or something?

"With these you can catch pokemon now. I hope you do well. If you do not want to that is fine." Ash said and Hailey hugged him the group then started to walk or fly in Latias case. Lucario was called out and started to look for Flame's aura. After about an hour he spoke.

"I sense it in the west but it is weak and fading we must hurry." So Ash, Hailey and Pikachu climbed on Latias and flew off the others ran off. They get to a clearing and see a small Vulpix and she was hurt.

Oh my, what are the odds?

The Vulpix was a regular looking Vulpix not shiny.

Because the lack of noteworthiness is something worth noting.

Flame knows the smell it is her daughter. Hailey walks over and taps the pokeball on her and she is sucked in.

"I am sorry Flame but she needs help and this is the best way to do it." Hailey said and Flame licked her check letting her know it was ok and thanking her. Ash smiled it looked like Hailey caught her first pokemon.

She went over to an unconscious, injured creature and slave-bonded it with modern technology. This was neither charming nor any kind of accomplishment!

He would have made a bigger deal if Vulpix's life was not in danger. Once the group made it to the pokemon center in Pewter City they rushed into Nurse Joy.

Now that’s just rude.

She took Vulpix and got to work healing her. Flame was a mess she was pacing back and forth.

"Spark will be ok right?" Flame asked.

Spark? What the hell kind of name is that for a fire-type? Sure, a spark can light a fire, but so can friction. There’s a dozen fire related terms you could have used as a name; Blaze, Ember, Flare, Glow; and you picked the one commonly associated with electricity, hence why there is an attack move of the same name!

"Yes she will. Nurse Joy this one is one of the best." Ash said.

"What do you mean this one? Daddy" Hailey asked.

"Every pokemon center in the world has a Nurse Joy that looks like that. They are all the same looking but each one has a different personality and style. All of them care about pokemon however." Ash said.

It’s a clan of closely related and eerily similar looking women, who have cornered one of the most important professions in the Pokémon world. Forget the cloning and pod people conspiracies; I want to know about the fucking pyramid scheme going on in full view of the public.

"That was very nice of you to say Ash and before anyone ask. Spark is ok she was hurt by what it is really hard to tell but she will be ok. She is ok to take now if you wish." So Nurse Joy handed the pokeball to Hailey and the group walked out. Hailey called out Spark who looked around and was confused until she started to smell and noticed her mother for the first time.

"Mommy I thought you were dead where have you been?" Spark asked. So Flame warped her daughter with her tails and hugged her and Spark cuddled deeper with her mother. Flame then told everything. After the story was over Spark looked at Hailey.

"So am I your pokemon now?" She asked and Hailey was shocked she could understand Spark.

And I’m shocked, since this could imply Mewtwo having stuck this ability inside her head without anyone knowing.

"Only if you wish to be I will not force you. We can be friends." Hailey said as she got down to Sparks level.

"Hailey can you understand all Pokemon or just Spark?" Ash asked.

"I can understand yours a little bit not word for word but a little bit. Spark I can understand perfectly." Hailey said.

"Ok it seems the power will grow with you and in time you will understand all pokemon." Ash said. Spark had been smelling Hailey this whole time.

Geez, Flame, teach your kid some manners!

"You are a nice human and you have a kind soul I will gladly join you and be your partner and friend." Spark said. She looked at Ash and smiled.

"You also have a good soul and my mom respects you. I promise I will watch over your daughter." Spark said. Ash pets her and pulled out some food. Her eyes lit up and she ate it all. Ash was smiling at that.

"Thank you for helping me find her I am so glad to have her back and to know she is ok." Flame said. Ash hugged her.

Anyone want to ask Spark who attacked her, then? Anybody? No? You can blame Team Nightfire if you want. The timing seems oddly suspicious to me.

"I am glad as well my friend." Ash said. A little while later the group resumed the journey and a few hours later they made it to the Battle Kingdom. It was a tall castle that was white. This was due to the fact that it was made of white stones. However on the walls were carved the different symbols of the elements in different colors. So green for the grass symbol, red for the fire symbol, blue for the water symbol and so on. The towers were the same white and they also had the symbols on them.

Sounds tacky as all hell. How many symbols are we talking here? I can get that you want to represent all types, but you’re making it sound like you sprinkled the castle wall with M&M’s and Skittles.

"This is our home now daddy." Hailey asked and Ash smiled.

"Yes now let us go in shall we." Ash had been given the key. Scott sent it to him and had the movers move all his stuff. Scott was very good at his job. The inside was not white it was black with red on it in various spots. Ash thought it would look cool and he was right it looked really cool.

What does it look like? Oh, it looks cool? Well that’s just all the description you need, isn’t it. Also, I hope you invested in some air conditioning, because there’s a reason we don’t normally paint houses black. Enjoy your darkroom home, jackass.

The castle was made up of the battle grounds and the living quarters. It had many rooms and a kitchen along with a living room and other rooms you might find in a house. It also had a huge yard where all of his pokemon could be. On Ash's side was a symbol it had the element's symbols all of them together in a circle all connected. This was Ash's frontier symbol the element symbol.

"Why does your symbol look like that?" Hailey asked.

"To show, that all the elements must work together. To show that they can work together or else they will all fall." Ash told his daughter.

And what, pray tell, is going to be opposing them, if not something of those elements? Please, tell me, author. You’ve been going on about how Ash needs to prepare for battle and war, how he must gather allies and they all have to stand together, but you’ve never told anyone WHO or WHAT they are going to be fighting. You’ve lost yourself so much to jerking off to wish fulfillment, that you’ve completely lost the antagonists role and presence in the story!

They found there rooms which were bare with the expectation of beds and dressers and a closet. Ash made dinner and everyone went to sleep. Spark was cuddled up next to Hailey.

(Note this OC comes form nWoreviewer. On that note if you have any OC's you can Pm and I will consider using them. NO PROMISES HOWEVER.)

I’d submit an OC that points out every flaw in this story, but I’m afraid it won’t make the cut. Call it a hunch.

Ash got up the next morning and made breakfast for himself and Hailey. She could tell her daddy was nervous.

"Just go and have fun Daddy. It may be a job but it is still fun." Ash smiled and pulled Hailey into a hug.

"She is correct you know." They two heard a soft voice and looking up Ash sees his girlfriends plus Erika. It was Sabrina that had spoken. Hailey sees six women only two she knows. However she sense no ill will form them. One with black hair, one with purple hair, one with blonde hair, and one with pink hair.

These are the only identifying features we’re ever going to get, people.

"You and your pokemon love to battle so just remember that." Sabrina added. Hailey had already given a hug to Dawn and Erika.

"You are correct as always. Sabrina and thanks to all of you. I do not wish to be rude but why are you here?" Ash asked.

"We are here to support you in your first battle as a Frontier Brian." Dawn said.

Against who? I’m not even sure the public is aware of this castle that magically sprung up overnight, much less what it’s used for.

"Also as you remember are date is tonight." Sabrina said. She was not in her date outfit she would change later she had her stuff with her.

"Daddy is she one of your girlfriends?" Hailey asked. Ash smiled he went to pick up Hailey.

"This is Sabrina, Anabel, Cynthia, and Whitney." Ash pointed out to his daughter. Hailey smiled and greeted everyone. Hailey looked at Erika and smiled.

"Miss Erika are you my daddy's girlfriend to?" Hailey asked. The other women were smiling this could not have worked out more perfectly.

It all seems guided somehow, as if someone wanted all of this to happen despite what all manner of logic argued to the contrary. I’m not even talking about the author here, Mewtwo is probably lurking somewhere in the shadows while rubbing his palms conspiratorially.

They had been trying to figure out how to ease that part of the conversation in but could not figure something out. Hailey had done it for them.

"No sweetie but I would very much like to be."Erika said. Ash was stunned by this.

"We are ok with it." Anabel said softly. Ash pulled Erika into a hug.

"Ok I will like that Erika for I do like you. I am not sure if I love you but I do like you." Ash said.

Because why would it matter if they’ve hardly seen each other in eight years? They’re sexually compatible, and that’s all that matters.

"Thank you Ash that means a lot to me. I do love you and I am really glad you are giving me this chance." Erika said.

"Who is going to watch me during your date tonight?" Hailey asked and before he could answer that question.

"I will watch you." Dawn said. The others agreed they could help out. Ash then gave everyone a kiss and got ready for his battle. All of his pokemon were ready to battle and all were looking forward to it. He turned to Hailey and pulled out a bracelet and a necklace.

"These items are for you to carry your pokemon. Plus on you they look really cute." Ash said to his daughter.

Of all the things to force upon her, Ash, you fashion sense was one of the last things I wanted.

Hailey hugged her daddy for she really liked the gifts she had been given. A little while later Scoot came in. With him was a young man about 21 years old give or take. He had short brown hair that was spiky. He had red eyes which Ash admitted looked really cool. (I wish I had red eyes.) He had on blue pants and a black shirt with a red vest. He had black fingerless gloves and black and red shoes.

"Ok I got to say it you look really cool." Ash said to the stranger. Scott smiled.

First of all, author, get contacts if you want it that badly. Second of all, given how much lip service you and Ash are paying this guy, it must be your self-insert. Third, fuck you, your story, and whatever you think is cool; no one is interested.

"Ash this is Mike. He will be the first to challenge you. Let us get the battle started. All the rules you asked for have been agreed upon." Scott said and Ash smirked.

"You don't give your sister a hello Mike I am very insulted by that." Cynthia said. Ash was stunned by that. Seeing his look she explained.

"Our families were close and when his parents were killed in a car accident my grandmother adopted him. He became my brother." Cynthia said.

Yeah, no, never happened, let’s just ignore it and move on.

"I wish to be a member of the Sinnoh elite four as the fighting master. I wanted to earn that title by hard work which is why I did not take my sister's last name." Mike said speaking for the first time. Ash smiled.

"You have earned my respect Mike wanting to earn your title. Now the battle is different from any other battle you have fought before. It will be six on six but you will send your pokemon and then name and element and I will use a pokemon with that element. You may choose a new element each round but only can choose and element once per battle." Ash said and took a pause.

That sounds… fucking unfair, Ash. I don’t care if you give the kid a free pick to get the type advantage, you will have free reign to pick anyone from that typing that you own! That means you could pull whatever powerful Pokémon you have, instead of adhering to the limited lineup of six, which trainers can devise strategies against. You’re fucking cheating, asshole!

Mike did not know that not many had earned Ash's respect. He pulled out the element symbol and showed it off.

"If you win you will get this symbol. This battle will test everything you have learned in the frontier. It will not be easy but it should be fun." Ash said. The two trainers went over to do battle. Latias had come out and transformed she was combination of Dawn and Hailey. She had Dawn's hair and Hailey's eyes. She wanted to see this battle and hopefully take part in it.

Then why not remain in Pokémon form, instead taking the form of an entirely unknown person? WHY?!

End of chapter: It is running long so next chapter will be Ash's first battle and date with Sabrina maybe the last part.

Hopefully it will be the last part, ever.


I have rarely seen a fanfic with so many inconsistent and misspelled names. The fact that Gary’s name has been changed to Grey casts the author’s experience with the early Pokémon series in a very dodgy light. And even then, the fandom should be saturated enough with his name that it wouldn’t be an issue. The fact that no-one have yet to call the author out on it is astounding.

So far, this is the final chapter of the story, but I’m not holding my breath. The author has updated this story this very month, so more chapters may come. Until then, I’ll look for other fanfics that deserves critical attention. I hope you’ve enjoyed yourselves; I know I certainly did.

"So... preparing to storm into the room, you jostle your badger, kick down the door, and throw it at the thug standing inside." - Moment from my D&D campaign.

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Post #14

Critically Sarcastic

Group: Members
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From: Denmark
Member No.: 660
Gender: Male

post Mar 13 2015, 03:05 PM
Well, what do you know? There suddenly came an update to this story. Guess I might as well mock it. This time around, we get to see Mike and Ash battle, and despite being a certain author stand-in, he ends up not being that good. In fact, he sucks; mainly just so Ash can show off some more. So, more of the same, I guess. Enjoy.


Chapter 7

Mike was getting ready for a tuff battle and if he was honest with himself a battle he figured he could not win. He knew nothing about Ash not anything at all.

By knowing nothing, he had lost half the battle.

He only knew that he had beaten the Battle Frontier before him and was a lot stronger. Ash on the other hand also knew nothing.

About responsibility, about parenthood, about proper communication, the list goes on.

The other brains along with Anabel offered to give him information but he felt that was not fair. All of the brains respected that and the respect they had for Ash went up. On a side note they already had high respect for him. For Anabel it made her fall in love with him more.

Ash refuses their help, and that somehow makes them like him more. I’m pretty sure if he had done nothing at all, he’d still receive adoration for it.

Both fighters moved to the battle arena and got on their sides. A ref came up he would be the Battle Frontier ref for the Battle Kingdom. His name is Bill. (Yes I went there)

Went where? Are you referencing Bill the Pokémon researcher? Why? What are you talking about?!

"This is the first battle in the Battle Kingdom. It is between the Frontier Brian Ash Ketchum and the challenger Mike Shamrock of Celestic Town. The rules are already known by each so let the match begin. Challenger send out your first pokemon and what is your element choice." The ref said.

"I choose you Infernape and I ask for grass." Mike called out. Ash looked and smirked.

Give him any other expression for once, author! Please!

"I choose you my Snake Princess." Ash called out and his grass snake was ready for battle. She did not even bat an eyelash at facing a powerful fire pokemon. In fact on the inside she was giddy.

"It is time I am happy I get to battle first." Serperior said.

"Mike is it ok if I record the battle. I like to learn from the battle." Ash asked and Mike agreed to the request.

How about you just pay attention during it?

"Flame thrower and keep firing them." Mike called out.

"Dodge and iron tail when the time is right." Ash called. Infernape kept on shooting the flames at Serperior but each one was dodged. Each time a flame was dodged Serperior moved closer to her target. When she got within striking distance she unleashed an iron tail into the stomach and sent her foe to his knees. Once she struck she moved back to her side of the field. Serperior had embarced the fact that she was a snake. A snake strikes hard and fast and then retreats.

Excuse me, did Serperior suffer from self-esteem issues or something? Why would it need to embrace its own nature? All its doing now is adhering to Pokémon battle conduct!

Mike was worried that strike looked like it hurt. Ash was happy he was starting to enjoy this battle. He was not going to be cruel he could have finished the round in that second but he wanted to give a chance plus it was his job. Infernape got up and moved to attack.

Yes, yes, we all know that Ash could win every battle he ever got into, even when hogtied, gagged, blindfolded, and have it be a fifty against one match. Such is the power of the Gary Stu!

"Use fire punch full power." Mike said. Serperior was able to dodge the attack. She jumped into the air and heard a request for another iron tail. This time instead of the stomach she aimed for the left shoulder and it brought her foe once more to its knees. She then returned to her side of the field. She was starting to enjoy this. Ash knew this battle was getting close but he wanted to be fair.

There’s a difference between being fair and patronizing the man, Ash. Being fair ended at your bullshit type-picking rules, now you are simply admitting to have overpowered Pokémon and to be holding back against a trainer for no reason.

"Unleash fire blast." Mike called out.

"Underground." Ash called. The fire missed and Serperior was safe for she was underground.

Okay, this has been getting on my nerves ever since the first time this happened. Underground is not a Pokémon move! The author isn’t even mistaking it for Dig, since the Pokémon uses it for nothing but dodging attacks. What gives?!

"Be on your guard for her when she gets close to you." Mike told his Infernape. He had assumed that Ash was going to call for an iron tail. Serperior jumped out of the ground and moved closer to her foe. She raised her tail and unleashed a massive amount of vines form the ground for Ash had called out.

"Frenzy Plant." The attack was powerful and hit its mark and Infernape was down with swirls in his eyes.

Fainted. Unconcious. Knocked out. Asleep. Out for the count. Pick any of them, author!

The two iron tails were very powerful and Infernape was already low on health so the frenzy plant which was one of the most powerful grass moves was too much. Mike was stunned by this. The power was unbelievable. He knew he was in for a ruff fight.

The only thing “ruff” here is your gross misspellings.

Mike recalled Infernape.

"Infernape is unable to battle. Serperior is the winner. Round one goes to Ash, Mike please call out your next pokemon." Bill said.

"Good job buddy take a rest please." Mike said.

"Mike tell me why I won." Ash said and Mike looked down unsure how to answer.

Excuse me?! Is your ego not inflated enough already?! You have to rub the kids nose in it?!

"I won for two reasons. One I used Serperior's speed to my advantage. You had the type advantage but I had speed on my side. Two you assumed I would use iron tail and that was what led to your defeat. You can never assume anything. Trust me that has beaten me many times, more times than I care to admit." Ash said he then softened up. That comment earned laughs from his girlfriends.

Because they knew he was full of shit.

"I only wish to see you succeed some day at your dream. You have earned my respect and not many do these days." Ash said. Mike smiled.

"Go Houndoom." Mike called out.

"Would you like to keep grass or would you like a different element?" Ash asked.

“You’re screwed either way, just so you know.”

"Please keep it as grass." Mike said and Ash nodded. Serperior smirked she was happy that she still got to battle. She really liked to battle and finding Ash as her trainer meant she got to battle a lot. She also got to battle stronger foes. Other trainers she knew would not send her against a fire pokemon.

Geez, then why don’t you marry him? No, wait, forget I said that.

"Mega Evolution engage." Mike shouted as he tapped his bracelet and a white light surrounded Houndoom and he appeared in his mega evolution form. Mike noticed Ash did not even look surprised or fearful.

In fact he looked bored and rather contemptuous. Oh wait, that’s me.

"That is impressive but it does not scare me or Serperior. In fact it is making Serperior giddy. She really wants a good fight and this gets her that." Ash said. Hailey was having fun she enjoyed pokemon battles and seeing her daddy battle was wonderful. Ash's girlfriends were also enjoying the battle. All of them expect Dawn were leaders and had to battle in this type of setting and so far Ash was doing very well in their eyes.

He could probably kill their mothers right in front of them, and they’d still commend him for it.

"He is doing very well so far." Anabel said. The others expect for Sabrina agreed. Right now Sabrina's mind was on her date tonight. If she was honest with herself she was nervous very nervous. She had never been on a date and she was scared she would chase Ash away. However she was very happy and looked forward to it. Hailey hugged her.

"Why are you nervous Miss. Sabrina?" Hailey asked in a cute way that made it impossible to not answer her.

I hope she doesn’t start questioning people about their sex lives.

"I have never been on a date before. I am scared I will chase your father away. I was not always the warmest or friendliest person." Sabrina said. Hailey hugged her tighter.

"I think you are great and Daddy loves you. Just have fun." Hailey said. This caused Sabrina to smile and to hug Hailey. Hailey was very happy to return the hug. Hailey was at heart a very affectionate girl. She enjoyed giving hugs to her important people or pokemon.

"Thank you Hailey that made me feel much better. You are right. I am going to relax and have fun." Sabrina said.

“I’m going to get drunk, do some drugs, and party hard. Thank you for your inspiring words, you adorable little golden child, you.”

Hailey then went to cuddled up to Dawn. At first the action took Dawn by surprise but she went with it. She seemed to like it. Anabel took a quick reading of Hailey's heart. She could tell that she really liked Dawn the most at this time. Hailey was unsure about the others but trusted her dad to protect her. Hailey did not like seeing people nervous or upset so she talked with Sabrina. Hailey was going to get to know her moms and help them. Dawn was stroking Hailey's hair and Spark was cuddled up to her trainer and friend.

Flame trusted the six human females so she was not over protective. Flame turned to the battle to watch her fellow pokemon do battle. She was also hoping that it would be her turn to battle.

How precious, excuse me while I go vomit on a litter of puppies.

"Houndoom use sunny day and then unleash your fire do not let her get close to you." Mike called. Mike was hoping that Ash would tell Serperior to go underground. Ash smirked he knew that was what Mike wanted but that was not what he would do. The sunny day attack was very helpful for Ash and Serperior as well. After a few minutes Houndoom stopped shooting out flames. In a flash he was hit hard with an iron tail. He was not sent crashing into the wall. The mega evolution increased his defense too much. However the attack still did some damage.

"Frenzy plant" Ash called out. The vines came out once more hitting Houndoom hard. It was not enough to knock him out but it was enough to do damage once more. Mike knew that hitting Serperior was impossible she was too fast. Mike could see you had to hit her at point blank range. Serperior moved close to her foe and Ash called out an attack an attack that meant this round was over.

Attached Image

If you keep stating how much of an upper hand Ash has, no one is going to be concerned for the outcome of the battle. The rest of it is simply filler.

"Solar beam point blank." Ash called. Thanks to the effect off sunny day which increased fire attacks, but it also made it so Serperior could use the sun to her advantage as well. The solar beam was too powerful and Houndoom fell to the ground after he became his regular form with swirls in his eyes.

"Houndoom is unable to battle Serperior is the winner and the second round goes to Ash. The score is Ash 2 and Mike 0. Mike please send out your next pokemon." Bill said.

"I wish for a fighting pokemon now please. Go Lucario." Mike called out. Ash smiled.

But in reality, he simply started smirking with both sides of his mouth, giving the illusion of a smile.

"Serperior go and rest you can sit with Hailey I know she will like it." Ash said. He pulled out a pokeball. Serperior slithered over to her friend.

"Go Lucario." Ash called out. Both trainers looked at each other and smirked. Both tapped the key stones on their bracelets.

"Mega evolution engage" shouted by both trainers. The two Lucario's were now in their mega forms and giving each other the death glare but a friendly one.

You really put the ‘moron’ in oxymoron, author.

"I look forward to our battle friend." Mike's Lucario said on a note Mike's was a female.

Unless they’re lining up for low-blows, I have no interest in their genders

"As do I my friend. " Ash's said.

"Use mega punch." Mike called.

"Extreme speed to dodged and extreme speed to hit her with a power up punch" Ash called. Mike's Lucario missed and the attack broke the floor it had that much power behind it. Ash's used it speed to get out of the way and then used the speed once more to hit Mike's with a power up punch which knocked her to the side.

Power of punch does not do a lot of damage. It makes the user stronger. However Ash's Lucario was very powerful already and the speed made the power go up. So in other words it did some damage but not a lot. The real importance of the attack was that it gave Ash's Lucario more power.

Just state your fucking point and move on! We don’t need to pitter-patter around in circles for an entire paragraph!

"Use aura sphere." Mike called out. The attack this time did make contact with Ash's. It did not do much damage but it was something.

"Bulk up." Ash said. Mike's eyes widen in fear at this.

"Hit him quickly with mega punch you can't let him do it." Mike called. Ash's Lucario still using bulk up was able to dodge. Mike was shocked by this he did not think it was possible.

The attack has an 85% accuracy rating, Mike. Don’t act so surprised.

Ash was happy for he had the battle in the bag.

"Lucario finish her with aura punch." Ash said. Aura punch was a move that Ash created with the help of Lucario. It combined aura sphere with mega punch to create a deadly attack. The attack hit hard and Mike's Lucario was sent into the wall. She got up and then fell down reverting back to her regular form. The combined attack power with the mega evolution, plus power up punch and lastly bulk up was too much.

Fuck you, author. Fuck you and your fucking wish-fulfillment story. Since the beginning, you have clearly shown that there is no reason for anyone to read the battle segments of your story. Why? Because Ash wins. He always does. You have yet to let him lose the upper hand in ANY fight he has had, and now you pull this. A bullshit, overpowered attack move of your own invention, never before mentioned, leading me to think you thought it up as a reason for Ash to once more claim victory. You may have Ash claim to be fighting fair, but that’s a hollow sentiment, when you refuse to have it be anything but.

"Lucario is unable to battle. Ash is the winner of round three. The score stands Ash 3 and Mike 0. Mike please send out your next pokemon. " Bill said. Mike was losing the battle. Lucario was one of his strongest and she was beaten so easily. Ash was in a different league. He wanted to back down but he could not and he would not. Even if he lost it was a learning experience.

Or a giant waste of time and effort, given that he does nothing right, apparently.

"Mike think of different attacks. Try to combine some together. Also do not use your trump cards right away. You are good very good. A little advice do not give me a chance to attack. You must be on my team do not give us time. Strike hard and strike fast. That is what a fighter does. Each of the elements needs a different mind set." Ash said. Mike nodded happy that he was given advice.

Because he was clearly in the Poison-type mindset before. What are you talking about, Ash? You’re telling him to stick to a single strategy and nothing else. If he does that, he won’t be able to counter-act his opponents. You’re not a good teacher, Ash!

Ash held up the bracelet.

"Lucario mega evolution disengage." Ash said. (Ok you got to have a way to power it down if you wish. It only makes logically sense.)

I agree; it does. Which is why you shouldn’t be pointing it out to people with another fucking parenthesis!

Mike threw a pokeball out.

"Go Hitmonlee. I wish for you to use an electric pokemon please." Mike said. Ash nodded.

"Ok buddy you can go and rest now." Lucario nodded for that was a fun battle he was happy. Pikachu smirked and jumped down into the battle arena. Ash smiled at Mike's confused face.

"Pikachu was my starter pokemon. He has been with me through every battle. He did not fight in all of them but he was with me by my side. I think it is right that he is in this battle." Ash said. Pikachu discharged sparks from his cheeks.

The sparks started a fire in the left-over vines from the first battle, soon engulfing the entire building in flames.

"Get in close with quick attack." Ash said.

"Wait for him to come and hit him with a mega kick." Mike said. Ash smiled just like he planned.

I don’t even think Light Yagami had this successful a track record.

"Dodge and use volt tackle." Ash said. Hitmonlee was hit hard and the eclectic attack while it did not do a lot of damage it did enough. It also did one more think it paralyzed Hitmonlee. Ash had guessed this would be the case.

"I am guessing he is not hit with a lot of eclectic attacks." Ash said and Mike nodded.

I wasn’t aware Pikachu practiced eclecticism.

"He does not have the resistance built up. Pikachu use iron tail." Ash said and the little mouse hit the kicking pokemon with its iron tail. Hitmonlee was forced to the ground. He was able to get up but he could not move.

"Hitmonlee use focus energy." Mike called. Even though he was still paralyzed Hitmonlee was able to do it. Ash smiled this pokemon had sprit but it was not going to be enough.

"Pikachu use quick attack followed by iron tail." Ash said and the mouse pokemon attacked with deadly accuracy. The speed only made the attack much stronger. Hitmonelee fell to the ground but had swirls in his eyes.

When will any of these “deadly” attacks actually result in death?

"Hitmonlee is unable to battle. Pikachu is the winner. The score is Ash four and Mike zero." Bill said.

"Go Gallade. I wish you to use a psychic pokemon please." Mike said. Ash smiled he knew the perfect pokemon for this battle.

"Go Gardevoir my friend it is time to battle." Ash said. Gardevoir smirked.

"He is good looking I will give him that. The pretty ones are always the most fun to beat." She said. Mike's Gallade was blushing and the blush only caused Gardevoir to smirk.

I’m starting to think the entire point of these battles is to have needless pandering to Pokémon pairings. Why else would we get their genders blatantly told to us and now have actual flirting?

Mike tapped his bracelet.

"Mega evolution engage." Ash looked at Gardevoir.

"I do not think it is needed but I am willing to do it might as well make it fair." She said. Ash tapped his bracelet and the flash showed her in her mega form. Mike knew he was done for, but he would not back down.

Just call it quits already! You’re on a losing streak! The battle is pointless!

"Gallade use close combat." Mike said.

"Dodge and focus energy." Ash said. Gardevoir dodged the attack and charged the energy within her.

"Close combat once more." Mike said.

"Wait for the right time and use focus punch." Ash said. Mike was in shock Gardevoir should not be able to use that attack. Gallade was hit right in the stomach and sent flying into the wall.

"How is that possible?" Mike asked.

It is not, is the short answer. Long answer, the author says it is anyway.

"Gardevoir trained a lot. As you may remember Anabel has a Metagross that can use that attack and it should not be able to. So it got me wondering if Gardevoir could use it. It took some practice but she was able to do it."

Anabel’s Metagross has no such attack. Her Alakazam does, and that’s legal through tutoring. Check your facts, you cheating hack.

Gallade was able to get up but the attack was taken at point blank range and it did a lot of damage.

"Gallade use extreme speed combined with close combat." Mike said.

"Gardevoir it is time to end this wait for him and use psybeam." Ash said. Gardevoir dodged and hit her foe with psybeam. It was not point blank range but the attack was hit. Now thanks to her ability in her mega form all of her attacks were fairy moves. So the attack was not as powerful as it could be but it still did it's job. Gallade was knocked out with swirls in his eyes.

The eye swirling is starting to drive me insane. I have to physically restrain myself from frothing every single time a Pokémon is rendered unconscious in this fanfic!

"Gallade is unable to battle Gardevoir is the winner. Round five goes to Ash. The score is Ash five and Mike zero. Mike please send out you final pokemon." Bill said.

"I wish to use a dragon pokemon. Flygon I choose you buddy." Mike said. Ash was about to call out a different pokemon when Latias in her human form walked up to him.

"I want to fight please. I am dragon pokemon pick me." Latias said.

"It would not be fair." Ash said.


"Yes it is fair. I am your pokemon and I want to battle with you. That is why I joined you. Please let me battle with you. Also I have the stone that will allow me to mega evolve." Latias said and placed the stone on her.

"She is right Ash let her battle." Sabrina said. Ash smiled and nodded which made Latias really happy. She walked to the arena. Mike was confused he could not understand the girl at all. Ash smiled.

"Mike not many get to see her she feels you are worthy to see her in battle. Plus she really wants to battle. It is time to face my next pokemon Latias." In flash the little girl was gone and replaced with the legendary Latias. Mike was shocked and slightly scared.

Who can blame him? A child just transformed into a creature that he’s going to attempt to cause harm. He’s worried and confused, and rightly so would anyone else be!

"How?" Mike said.

"Yes we would like to know that as well." Sabrina said.

You mean you don’t know already, Sabrina? You didn’t question it? Geez, why does no one talk with each other?!

"Cynthia do you trust your brother?" Ash asked and she nodded.

"Scott, and Bill can you keep quite about this?" Ash asked. Both nodded it was not everyday one got to hear this story. Ash then told the story.

"Afterwards she came to me and said she wanted to join me." Ash said.

"Ok enough talking I would like to battle." Latias said.

What a fucking pointless interlude. All it did was catch the characters up to speed with things, unnecessarily so as the readers weren’t included in the conversation. They simply paused in the middle of a Pokémon battle for non-appearing exposition.

"Fire blast" Both trainers shouted. The attacks were powerful but Latias's was stronger and her's broke though and hit Flygon. Mike knew he was in trouble.

"Use rock throw" Mike said and the attack did nothing.

"Sorry forgot to mention but ground attacks have no effect on her." Ash said. Mike knew he was in for a harder fight.

Which would make sense, if it wasn’t because that attack is called ROCK throw for a reason!

"Latias hit him with dragon rush." Ash said and the attack hit since Flygon was not able to dodge the attack. Being a dragon pokemon the attack did double. Being Latais the attack did more as well. Flygon was already on its last legs.

"Hyper beam." Mike said. Latais dodged the attack.

And had it hit, it would probably just have been a ground attack.

"Finish with dragon breath." Ash said. The attack hit and Flygon fell to the ground with swirls in his eyes. Mike recalled Flygon.

"Flygon is unable to battle Latias is the winner. Mike is out of useable pokemon. Ash is the winner." Bill said. Both walked up and shook hands.

How is anyone going to win Ash’s symbol, if this is what’s going to happen to every trainer that shows up?

"Mike that was a fun battle I think you have what it takes. Take my advice and come back another time for another battle. Also on the day you are named the fighting member of the elite four of Sinnoh I wish to be there." Ash said. Mike smiled and walked off but before he spoke.

"I will stand by you Ash in any battles to come." Mike said.

"I hope so since a war is coming soon." Ash said.

Keep telling yourself that, you conspiracy theorist.

"By the way are you dating my sister?" Mike asked. Ash smiled.

"Yes I am and I am dating everyone else here." Ash said.

“Even you, Mike.”

"He needs more than one wife." Cynthia said. Mike nodded.

"Don't hurt my sister." Mike said and walked away and out to the nearest pokemon center to heal his pokemon. Scott was in awe.

"I must say Ash that was some impressive battling. I think I made the right choice in picking you. You need to pick a moniker." Scott said.

"How about the Grand Battle Master of the Battle Kingdom?" Hailey asked. Everyone thought about it and everyone seemed to like it.

Hailey the wonder child once more graces us with her sage wisdom. Never mind that the leader of a kingdom is called a king, let’s somehow insinuate Ash has rank, even though he’s the only combatant in the entire fucking park.

"So form this day forward until you step down or are replaced you will be known as Ash Ketchum the Grand Battle Master of the Battle Kingdom of the Battle Frontier." Scott spoke.

Scott, I think you might have an obsession.

"I promise to do the Frontier proud." Ash said. Scott and Bill left. Latias had turned human again but this time she had Whitney's hair color. Whitney asked her about it.

"I am trying out different looks." Latias said. Afterwards Sabrina and the others expect Anabel went to get ready.

How unexpected, unlike the author’s failing grammar.

Well they were helping Sabrina get ready. Hailey was staying with the other women. Ash quickly showered and got changed. He then went to do the video chat with the other brains. There was Noland the Factory Head, Greta the Arena Tycoon, Tucker the Dome Ace, Lucy the Pike Queen, Spenser the Palace Maven, and Brandon the Pyramid King. Anabel the Salon Maiden and Ash the Grand Battle Master were all present.

And none of them are going to call shenanigans on his overinflated title, right?

"So Ash how was your first battle?" Noland asked.

"I can show you it might be easier." Ash said and the others agreed to it. Ash pushed a few buttons and showed the battle. At the end the Brains were shocked. This was not the same Ash they fought. Actually the each thought about it this Ash was a little bit like the one they fought and he was finally showing his true power.

Just in case anyone thought the author was done jerking off to people worshipping the protagonist.

"I know I was tuff on him but after my trail I was told by a trusted source that a great evil was coming and I was going to have to fight the war. I need to be stronger. So I have gotten stronger and my team will continue to do that." Ash said.

"Well if a war is coming you have my support." Noland said.

"I will always look forward to a fight." Greta said.

"War is not fun or easy but I shall give my aid." Spenser said.

"I will aid." Tucker said.

"I will crush all, that wish to do harm." Lucy said.

"You will always have my support." Brandon said. Ash smiled.

No one disagrees, no one questions him. Everyone simply follows Ash’s lead, without being given any kind of evidence. At this point, I’ll be surprised if there even will be a war, if everyone folds over like a deck of cards whenever Ash decrees something.

"Thanks guys I know this is bad talking of war. All I can say is that the various criminal's teams are not involved. A new team is out there and they will be the catalyst. Now let us talk of happy times." Ash said.

"So have you picked a moniker?" Lucy asked.

"Yes my daughter gave me the idea." Ash said and he waited for everyone to hear the word daughter. Ash then explained everything from adopting Hailey to the many girlfriend thing. All of them accepted it and offered their help. He also explained how he knew Latias. Noland and Brandon accepted it right away since they both used legendary pokemon. The others all accepted.

Why the fuck do they need to accept it? It happened, it is done, they can do nothing about it; all they’re doing is kissing Ash’s ass!

Ash was happy to know he had five more very powerful allies in this war that was to come and he was even happier to know he had five more friends.

Wouldn’t it be ironic, if some of these people Ash recruits on a whim are actually Team Night Fire members, who will betray him? Somehow, I don’t think the author will be that sensible.

"Ok everyone I ask that you train up as much as you can to be ready." Ash said and the others agreed and the transmission ended. Ash sighed and Anabel hugged him. She could sense what was troubling him. She kissed him and told him to get ready. So Ash went to put the final touches for his date.

Sabrina had finished getting ready. It was hard since she never really cared what she looked like before. She did own makeup but she only wore it during certain events.

I guess she wore it when she cared, then.

She had a long purple dress on. The dress was not tight but it still fit her nicely. She had a little purple eye shadow and some purple lipstick. Anabel did wear makeup but she used less of it. Sabrina felt more comfortable with more of it on. Her makeup was part of her gym leader out fit to scare the trainers that challenged her in battle.

That’s not the kind of psychological warfare I imaged Sabrina would use.

At first her fear tactics were not approved by the league. However it was pointed out that the point was to test trainers and if they could not handle a few scary looks then they should not battle. The league was quite after that. Once Ash saw her he was stunned for Sabrina looked beautiful. Now he always thought she did but she just looked even more so.

What a flatterer you are, author.

"Hailey be good. If you need me I am a phone called away. Flame is here all of my pokemon are here. They will help you. I love you." Ash said.

"I love you to Daddy. Have fun." Hailey hugged her daddy. With help from Espeon Ash and Sabrina were on their way to their date.

Ash had a two-for-one coupon to the local Starbucks.

End of chapter. It was running long the date will be next chapter plus a couple more things.

For the ones waiting for my Percy Jackson story I am sorry the muse is dying the same with Naruto. I know what I want to write but it is not coming to me.

Ah, writer’s block, the age old curse of creative minds. I hope it spreads to this fanfic, and soon.


Another chapter and the author keeps dragging his heels on the plot, just so we can get more “bonding” between Ash and the women he shares little to no chemistry with. For all of the author’s attempts, the thing I’m buying the least is the actual romance, and that’s played up more than the supposed oncoming conflict. While we all wait for future updates, I’ll go back to mocking other things.

"So... preparing to storm into the room, you jostle your badger, kick down the door, and throw it at the thug standing inside." - Moment from my D&D campaign.

Click here for more mocks: List O' Mocks
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Post #15

Shillin' Best Girl from Fire Emblem: Echoes

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post Apr 1 2015, 11:02 PM
I have read the story and I don't know what pisses me off the most; The blatant wish-fulfillment, the unnecessary Brock bashing or how little information we are given on this Team "Night Fire".

Your mocking of this story was excellent. I will be eagerly waiting for the next chapter to be mocked.

List of mocks can be found here: Here

QUOTE (AnItalianGuy @ May 27 2016, 02:03 AM) *
Jesus man what is up with you and all of those waifus! Are you secretly the "Ultimate Pimp"?
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Post #16

Shitty Puns Galore!

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post Apr 2 2015, 03:04 PM
Why is it always Brock in these stories who gets bashed mercilessly for no good reason? Is it because he reminds the author of those fucking asshole douchebags who fucking stole Emily from me FUCK YOU NATHAN YOU RUINED MY LIFE *sobbing*

But anyway, I guess this whole thing is pretty much just wish fulfillment and Brock represents that "asshole" who steals girls from "nice guys" like the author.


“We all die. The goal isn't to live forever, the goal is to create something that will.” ― Chuck Palahniuk
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Post #17

Critically Sarcastic

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post Apr 4 2015, 09:35 AM
Here we are, once again, as the author has been unable to restrain his demons. And it goes pretty much as you’d expect. Ash goes on a date and the lady swoons at his inexistent charms, Hailey continues to be a wunderkind, and my blood pressure keeps on climbing. At least there aren’t any battles to produce swirley eyes. Enjoy.


Chapter 8

Shortly after Ash and Sabrina left for their date the other women got dinner ready for HaileyIt was a little while later that they heard a crashing sound.

Ash and Sabrina had returned, their date having consisted of walking to the local liquor store and sharing a bottle of 40oz on the way back.

The women all get ready to battle each had a hand on a pokeball ready to call out one of their strongest to aid them. Flame and Serperior were in a battle stance protecting Hailey. When the person comes into the kitchen the humans relax and put there pokeballs back seeing that it is Misty with her famous mallet.

Why is she carrying that? Did she open the door with it?

However Flame ,Serperior and Spark were not relaxed about it at all, the mallet was a weapon and a weapon might hurt Hailey and hurting Hailey was unforgivable.

Any other child was free game, of course.

Spark since Hailey was her friend and partner. Flame and Serperior Hailey was the daughter of their trainer and friend and meant a lot to them. It was Cynthia that noticed the stance of the two foxes and the snake. Anabel also noticed and she put a hand on both of them. It claimed them down enough to prevent them from attacking that second but it was not going to work forever.

How long until these rabid pets chew open some kid’s jugular, just because he gave Hailey the stinkeye? How long?!

"Misty put you mallet away." Cynthia said calmly so as not to upset Flame, Spark or Serperior. Misty looked at the three pokemon and noticed that they were going to attack her. So she puts it away but the pokemon do not relax.

Why does she even have it out? What did she break that made that noise?

"Misty put it on the floor right in front of them and do it slowly or else you will be burnt alive. Anabel can't keep them clam forever." Whitney said.

"I am sorry. I wanted to yell at Ash and to meet his daughter."Misty said.

"The same daughter you are scaring." Dawn deadpanned. Misty looked sheepish.

Yes, Misty, the child that has only been mentioned to be in this scene, who has yet to talk or even express an emotion; can’t you see you’re scaring her?!

"She will not harm Hailey so please stand down. Remember she is Ash's sister the sister that will not harm her niece." Anabel said softly. It calmed Flame, Spark Serperior down enough to get them to stop the attacks they had planned after the second had gone by. However they were still in attack stance. Flame and Serperior knew instinctively that Misty would not harm Hailey but they were over protective. Spark did not know any better but followed her mom's lead.

Is there a point to this, or is this just another “Hailey is the golden child” moment?

"I was able to stop them Misty but one wrong move and I cannot protect you. Flame really wanted to burn you alive. The little fox is Spark and she is all ready protective of her trainer and Hailey got her yesterday. Also if you upset or hurt Hailey then Ash will let you go form his life. He has only had her in his life a short time but he already loves and cares for her. He will do anything for her and anything to protect her." Anabel said. That really made Hailey happy to hear that. Anabel could sense the young girls' heart was filled with happiness at that knowing she was loved that much. Misty was getting nervous now.

Yep, golden child moment. Nice to know Hailey’s presence turns Pokémon into psychotic bodyguards.

"Ok where is Ash?" Misty asked.

"On a date with Sabrina." Erika said.

"Ok I will come back tomorrow to talk to him. I am sorry Hailey for scaring you like that. My name is Misty and I am a friend of your father's. He calls me his sister and that makes me your aunt." Misty said. Misty then walked out or ran out the question was never figured out. A few said Misty walked out and Misty herself said it. The others said she ran out Flame being the leader of that group.

Did you just attempt to be humorous, author? I have seen testicle surgery that was less cringe inducing.

Ash and Sabrina had teleported away to a restaurant in Saffron City. It was one that Sabrina liked but did not go to often since it was better for couples. Once a month she would go but it felt wrong and weird. The people would look at her strangely and normally she did not care but in that setting it unnerved her. At her gym it did not it was her cover and her way of doing battle.

Well, if she wears the same battle paint, as she does in the gym, then it’s kind of her own fault.

The two walked hand and hand to the place form the Saffron City Gym. Ash could sense his girlfriend's nervousness. He understood for if he was being honest he was nervous as well. He was very nervous.

"Why are you nervous Ash?" Sabrina asked.

"I am sure I am going to mess up." Ash said and Sabrina smiled at that.
"Well if it makes you feel better I feel the same way. So let us not worry about it and enjoy spending time with each other." Sabrina said and Ash smiled.

If this setup turns into a romantic comedy, then I’m out.

"I think that is a wonderful idea." Ash said. So the two get in and the hostess that works there smiles.

"Sabrina it is nice to see you again. Who is this handsome gentlemen?" She asked.

"This is Ash my boyfriend." Sabrina said with a true smile on her face. The hostess smiled glad to see her friend happy. She escorted them to a table and smiled and walked away. She commented to herself that Sabrina was lucky to have found this guy. Ash would argue that he was the lucky one and he did which only made the hostess smile at that.

Yes, but did any of them smile?

The two ordered there food and just talked. Sabrina moved next to Ash before she was sitting across from him in the booth. However she really wanted to sit next to him. So she moved and put her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes as he stroked her hair. Once there food came Ash stopped stroking her hair and she ate.

I’m sensing a reoccurring theme with the author’s imaginings of how romance works. Apparently, eye contact is a no-no.

"Ash how is it that you have forgiven me?" Sabrina asked.

"What do you mean?" Ash asked.

"The first time we had a battle. I turned you into a doll and tried to playing bowling with you and I would have killed you if my father had not saved you. I was a bitch yet you still became my friend and fell in love with me." Sabrina said and took a pause.

"It makes no sense." Sabrina said.

Indeed, Sabrina, seeing as Ash was never turned into a doll; you merely shrunk him. Misty and Brock, on the other hand, them you turned into dolls later. Why aren’t you apologizing to them?

"There is nothing to forgive at all. It was not you that is why. Afterwards I discovered you were a lot of fun to talk to. Falling in love after that was easy." Ash said. Sabrina gave him a kiss. They ordered dessert afterwards and left after paying the bill.

The couple took a walk around the city just enjoying being with each other. Sabrina the whole time had her head resting on Ash's shoulder.

Giving her a stiff neck, while Ash had begun to develop blisters.

"Anabel is right you are very comfortable." Sabrina said and she smiled when she saw that Ash blushed.

"May I ask what was the finally thing that made you adopt Hailey. For the record I absolutely adore her and would gladly be her mom someday. All of us feel that way. She is an amazing child." Sabrina said.

So amazing she turns Pokémon into bloodthirsty savages the moment someone brings a blunt instrument into her presence.

"It was Serperior. I noticed that she warmed up to Hailey really fast. Serperior does not warm up to any humans that fast. Me it took a while and my mom she still has not. She told me that if I did not adopt Hailey it would be a big mistake. I am glad I listened for it feels right." Ash said. Sabrina smiled.

"You are very cute when you blush." Sabrina said. This caused Ash to blush even more. The two had made it outside of town. There were in a small wooded area. There heard a voice.

It told them to go get a room.

"You are right he is kind of cute for a human." Looking up the two trainers are stunned to see a pokemon. However it is not any pokemon. No it is a rare and powerful pokemon, a pokemon that had not been seen by Ash in a long time and had never been seen by Sabrina. It was none other than the master of all known attacks the legendary pokemon Pigdey. Sorry made you look it was the legendary pokemon Mew. She was floating all around.

Attached Image

Author, your attempt at humor leaves me wanting for a bleach and cyanide cocktail. The pathetic buffoonery of what you call a joke is akin to that of comedy suicide! You couldn’t have had fewer laughs elicited from that bait-and-switch quip than if you had strangled a baby in it’s crib!!

"Hello Ash it is good to see you once more." Mew said and Ash hugged her. (Yes I know in the movie Mew was a boy at least I think so but in this story she will be a she.) Sabrina was stunned but knew the story.

"What are you doing Mew? We are on a date." Ash said. Mew looked ashamed.

And why does Mew think that Ash is cute?!

"I am sorry once you are done can you come back here and we can speak." Mew asked. Ash nodded and walked off with Sabrina.

"You could have stayed." Sabrina said when there were away from Mew.

"Yes I know but I rather stay with you. I am having a great time with my girlfriend. If it was really important she would have told me." Ash said. Sabrina's heart warmed at the words. She took his hand and the two walked back. Sadly it was late and Sabrina had a battle in the morning.

Who keeps scheduling these battles days in advance? What happened to just walking in and picking a fight? How would travelling Pokémon trainers ever get anywhere, if they have to schedule their gym battles by appointment?

So Ash walked her back to her gym and gave her a goodnight kiss.

"I love you Sabrina." Ash said and Sabrina smiled.

"I love you to Ash." Sabrina said with the smile still on her face. Once Ash left she went to bed and the smile never left her face. The next morning she destroyed her challenger and made him cry. Ash went back to the wooded area to find Mew.

Well, that was anachronistic and unnecessary. Am I supposed to feel amused by this random act of sadism, author?

She flew down to him.

"Sorry about that I do not always understand your courtship rituals." Mew said.

"I am sorry for being harsh but dating six women is nerve wreaking enough." Ash said since he figured Mew already knew and he was proven correct when she did not react at all.

"Well I wish to join you." Mew said and that was the last think Ash was expecting.

Especially when you were just talking about dating in the previous sentence.

Ash just pulled out a pokeball and placed it on the ground. Mew tapped it and she was sucked in. Ash called her out.

"So what do you need bro?" Mew asked and Ash looked at her strangely.

"All your other pokemon call you that. Why not me? I can be your big sister." Mew said and Ash smiled.


"You are correct. Can you teleport me home." Ash asked. Mew placed her paw on his head and focused for a few seconds afterwards she teleported Ash to his home. Everyone was shocked to see Mew.

"Daddy is that Mew?" Hailey asked. Ash nodded and told everyone the story of how Mew joined and he told Erika how he met her, since Erika had not known the story. (For the record Mewtwo restored Ash's memoires of the first battle from the first movie.)

Could he also restore mine? Because I don’t remember any of Ash’s Pokémon calling him “bro”.

"So Mew is on your team now?" Dawn asked and Ash nodded.

"So how many more legendary's are you going to get?" Whitney asked jokingly not expecting an answer.

"Not sure how many more but at least a few." Mew said. No one was expecting that at all.

Except for everyone reading this crap.

Ash sighed and picked up Hailey she was already in her pj's so he tucked her into bed and read her a story. Hailey hugged him.

"Thank you for adopting me and giving me a home. I love you daddy." Haley said.

"I love you too my little princess." Ash said.

“Which is why I’m going to heed your grandmother’s advice of drafting you into the coming war.”

He then went outside to speak to his girlfriends. He gave everyone a hug and a kiss. He told everyone but Erika that he loved her since he was unsure with Erika yet. Erika understood that and accepted it.

"By the way Ash Misty came and she was mad." Anabel said and she told the story. Ash laughed at that.

Ha-ha-ha, his Pokémon almost brutally murdered her, how hilarious.

"Ok I will go and visit her tomorrow and maybe get a rematch if she is up for one." Ash said.

"Ash Iris is being named a Dragon Mistress are you going?" Dawn asked since she got an invite the same with Ash.

Iris is being named Dragon Mistress? By whom and for what? Did she get roped into this Frontier Brain stuff as well?

"Yeah I think so. Hailey wants to see the ceremony. It will give me a chance to ask her why she turned her back on me." Ash said. It was a hard blow when Iris did not respond to his plea. Iris had become like the little sister to Ash. The reason he was not mad like with May was he felt that something was holding her back. So he was going to ask her when he saw her.

Oh, gee, how considerate of Ash. I wonder why Brock wasn’t given the same courtesy. Oh, wait, that’s because the author doesn’t jerk off to pictures of him. Never mind.

Ash kissed every one good night and they all teleported home expect Erika.

"Ash thanks for giving me this chance. I will get you to fall in love with me." Erika kissed him once more and Mew teleported her home.

Ash went to get ready for bed. First he checked on all his pokemon. All of them seemed ok. He had already thanked Flame and Serperior. Latais flew over.

"Sorry about the red head I would have blasted her but I would have given it away." Latais said.

"Its ok Misty knows you so she would not have freaked out." Ash said.

Great, so now Latias is also one of the murderous child protectors. How wonderful.

"Well good night everyone we had a busy day so lets us sleep. By the way this is Mew she is joining us now. So make her feel welcome please." Ash said. Serperior knowing her brother's habits went with him.

The only thing the author understands less than romance is family relations.

"So do you wish to know what I think of Erika?" Serperior asked.

"You know there was a time I thought that was creepy that you could read me so well but yes what do you think?" Ash asked.

"Well I think she is a worthy mate. All of us like her and respect her. We will all gladly accept her." Serperior said.

Attached Image

"Ok but that does not answer how you feel." Ash said.

"True I do like her. I can sense her heart it is a good one and that in the end is all that matters." Serperior said.

“Plus, she’s the trainer of my new boy toy, so I kind of have to like her.”

"You are correct ok I am heading to bed good night." Ash said. Serperior went to Hailey's room and cuddled up with the young girl. Ash went to bed afterwards. The next morning he got up and made breakfast. Misty came in the morning, Hailey was in her room with Spark playing.

"Hello Misty I heard what you did last night. I would advise you not to do that again or else Flame and Serperior will hurt you. All of my pokemon will defend my daughter. Now what is it that you need?" Ash asked.

Protection from your Pokémon, you fucking sociopath!

"I wanted to meet Hailey and ask why you did not tell me right away." Misty asked.

"Hailey was not treated right by the other kids so she is nervous of other people. I did not want to introduce her to many people at once." Ash said.

"Ok I am sorry and I know I scared her last night so when she is ready to meet me I will be ready. Till then later." Misty said. Later that day as the two were eating lunch another person came in. It was Queen Ilene.

She was there to declare war, as Ash’s Battle Kingdom was encroaching on her land.

"Hello Ash I am really sorry I could not come to your first battle." The queen said.

"It is no problem what can I do for you?" Ash said. Ilene noticed Hailey.

"So this is the girl you adopted. Well I wish to give you a gift and hope that you might wear it during special battles." Ilene said. She then handed him a box and inside it was the costume of Sir Aaron.

"Daddy what is that?" Hailey asked.

An outfit that has nothing to do with Ash’s current profession, but the author thinks it looks cool, so he has to wear it.

"Well little one that is an outfit of the great warrior. Your daddy followed in that warrior's footsteps." Ilene said. She then told the story. She then left after getting a copy of the battle to watch.

I would have asked why they don’t use DVDs, but then I remembered what TMs look like.

A few days later Ash and Hailey were with Dawn on the way to the Village of Dragons to see Iris named as the new Dragon Mistress. Afterwards Ash and Dawn would have a date. They were going to go to the carnival that was nearby at the time. Hailey was going to be with them.

And she will be wonderful and precious instead of a whiny third wheel, like any other kid would be on their parent’s date.

End of chapter.


So, our protagonist wastes time charming ladies, everyone dotes on the adopted orphan, and the story’s antagonists are still nowhere to be seen. Is it wrong of me to want another terrorist attack to happen in this story?

"So... preparing to storm into the room, you jostle your badger, kick down the door, and throw it at the thug standing inside." - Moment from my D&D campaign.

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Post #18

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post Apr 4 2015, 06:17 PM
However Flame ,Serperior and Spark were not relaxed about it at all, the mallet was a weapon and a weapon might hurt Hailey and hurting Hailey was unforgivable.

Hey, you know what else is a weapon? A pair of scissors. Are you going to burn the hairdresser alive for pointing those towards her head too? Or the doctor trying to give her a vaccine? Oh, what I'm saying? Of course you will. And then Mewtwo will erase everybody's memories and teleport the corpses into the bottom of a lake or something because God knows Ash is the only one who can protect everybody from the three buffons that compose Team Insert Dark and Edgy Name Here.
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Post #19

Shillin' Best Girl from Fire Emblem: Echoes

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post Nov 18 2015, 09:57 PM
I apologise for necro-ing this topic, but it appears that Draco122 had updated this story.

Just in case you were wanting to continue the mock.

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QUOTE (AnItalianGuy @ May 27 2016, 02:03 AM) *
Jesus man what is up with you and all of those waifus! Are you secretly the "Ultimate Pimp"?
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post Nov 21 2015, 08:12 AM
QUOTE (GorillaGamer @ Nov 19 2015, 06:57 AM) *
I apologise for necro-ing this topic, but it appears that Draco122 had updated this story.

Just in case you were wanting to continue the mock.

Much appreciated, GorillaGamer. I'll pounce upon it soon enough.

"So... preparing to storm into the room, you jostle your badger, kick down the door, and throw it at the thug standing inside." - Moment from my D&D campaign.

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