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> The human with a gem, Apparently a show about sentient rocks needed to be more edgy
Post #21
truthordeal


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post May 7 2017, 06:48 AM
I appreciated the implication that Max Power is working on a ray gun that shoots away bad words like some kind of brain bleaching power. It seems fairly out of left field though, seeing as how that's a pretty Steven Universe-esque joke and this dude is as far from a Steven Universe character as you can have.


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Post #22
Billybob Mcjoe


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post May 7 2017, 09:36 AM
QUOTE
@Billybob McJoe: If something doesn't make sense from now on, blame it on robots. Its what the author is doing


Oh good. That's so much easier than aliens to say happened


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Post #23
StabbyKobold


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post May 25 2017, 11:14 AM
It’s been a while, I must say. Life has a way of draining all your free time for important things. But now is the time to mock. So, last time we had Max being left high and dry on his not-murder investigation, the uncomfortable notion that he can fuse with Steven, and kindergarten levels of anti-vulgarity methods. Let’s see where it goes from there. Enjoy.

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Chapter 13: Hints of Insanity

Things seemed to be all around happier, Max and Steven spent their time, playing in Funland or sharing stories and knowledge. The bond between them seems to be growing more with every interaction between them. Yet...there still was something that seemed to hinder their growing brotherhood.

I’m guessing not enough singing and not enough crying.

Unbeknownst to the both of them, they each hold dark insecurities and fears that harms them everyday...it's so easy to pretend the pain doesn't exist...but you can only smile for so long.

"Steven check me out!" He yells out as he jumps off the cliff on the temple and into the beach.

Well, story’s over everyone, Max finally took the plunge. Not only did he likely leap from a dangerous height, there’s at least fifty feet between the cliffside and the edge of the water.

"Yeah! That was awesome!" Steven chuckles as he enjoys watching Max swim around like a dolphin, even making a very good dolphin sound.

You’re sending very mixed messages with your angst opening, author.

"Hehehe" He soon comes out of the water, shivering a bit from the cold salty water.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I warm up fast." He sits down with Steven, enjoying the serene sounds of the ocean on this beautiful day. (Apologies to anyone reading this on a not so beautiful day)

While you’re handing out platitudes, why not apologize to anyone, who are actually having emotional troubles?

"Um….Max, I wanted to ask you something."

"Sure, you can ask me anything."

I really hope this isn’t about the birds and the bees.

"Well, I know you've been around for a while. You said you're around 70 years old...s-so um...do you miss your family? Or where you came from?"

"Hmm...interesting question. I'm gonna be honest, I can't remember much about my family or the neighborhood I grew up in. I think I subconsciously tried to forget about it because everyone there didn't encourage my way of thinking. My wish to be a hero, was always spit on. Once I left, I never looked back…"

Your wish to be a hero was always spit on?! First off, since when did you ever even attempt to emulate heroic behavior? Secondly, oh yeah, I’m sure there’s a lot of people that scoff at the notion of bettering your fellow man – helping others is for pussies. Fuck off with your angst bullshit, Max.

"Wow...well, I'm glad we can make you feel better here. You're always welcome to stay and be the hero you wanna be!"

"That means a lot Steven." The two enjoyed the rest of the day before it got dark and they went to bed.

Although...Steven couldn't shake away the feeling that Max needed help.

What a coincidence, me too. But I don’t think we’re thinking of the same kind of help.

He found it weird that Max had no family that cared for him. He wanted to do something...but unfortunately he fell asleep before he can think of anything. As he fell asleep though, his gem glowed slightly as he went to dreamland.

"...hello?" Steven was in a dark room, with only a door in a spotlight. Curiously he opened the door and peaked inside. *cue "do you believe in magic" in the background*

Attached Image

I mean, aside from the half-assedness of utilizing the song, exactly what do you expect the lyrics would mean to an actual magical, alien hybrid?

"Wow!" He sees a land with beautiful fields, clear oceans, and a sunny sky. "This place is great!"

"Well I'm glad you like it." ...wait who said that?

Steven looks to his right to see someone sitting on a tree stump. He looked exactly like Max...but he had glasses, and was entirely blue, almost like Lapis.

Since Steven is obviously on another head-trip, what the hell does the musical wonderland imply about Max’s entire angst shtick?

"Max?"

"Close, I'm his intellectual side. You're currently in his mindscape, or dream world if you prefer."

Because, sure, everybody just have these self-aware, split personalities inside their brains – this makes total sense. But wouldn’t it make more sense for Steven to meet, oh I don’t know, Obsidian in here – the half-dormant gem stuck to Max’s fucking arm?!

"Really!? Wow, this is just what I needed to do, now I can find out how to help Max!"

"No."

"...what do you mean no?"

"I mean, I know you're a good kid, but interfering with Max's mind and snooping through his mind isn't the right thing to do. You need to- oh for the sake of Benjamin Franklin." He pulls Steven out of the way as another Max drove by them in a golf cart, close to running them both over. This Max was all orange and screaming wildly at the top of his lungs.

Okay, so Max is clearly insane – glad we got that established. Now, what kind of mental shenanigans logic does this follow? It feels like it’s ripping off Teen Titans, but I can’t be too sure.

"That ignoramus is going to ruin everything. You stay here Steven, I'll deal with this."

As the blue Max runs after the orange one, Steven can't help himself as he explores more of the place, finding many different versions of Max and his emotions. While exploring, he finds a big building that looks like a night club. At the front was a sign saying "Comedy club today! Bring in your best jokes!"

If it only opened today, that would explain how unfunny he has been up until now.

"This sounds fun, I wonder what jokes Max knows." Steven walks in, seeing many different colored Maxes laughing their butts off as a Yellow Max was at the mic.

"Okay. So a patient was sent to the hospital for surgery. When he woke up he said, 'Doctor! I can't feel my legs!' and the doctor said 'I know! I amputated your arms!'

Everyone absolutely lost it, laughing so hard. The infectious laughter and the joke got to Steven as well.

This is the kid who sympathized with snakes for not having any arms. I don’t think he’d find that joke funny.

"This seems really fun, is there anywhere I can sit."

"Oh hey everybody look, it's Steven Universe! It's great to have guest like you in our humble comedy club." Everyone cheers and brings out a seat and table for him, along with some complimentary apple juice.

Is this going anywhere, or is the author just wasting the chapter showing how lol random he can be?

"I hope you enjoy yourself." The yellow Max leaves the stage and a light orange Max comes up. "Okay this one is a bit long, so stay with me." Everyone listens closely. "So a gay guy-" He's interrupted as one guy from the audience audibly fakes snoring. Everyone cracks up, some telling him to "shut up."

"Pfft, everyone's a comedian. Okay, so a gay guy walks into a gay bar and walks to the bartender. He says, "Whose dick do I gotta suck to suck a dick around here?"

Steven, I think it’s time to go home now.

A few laugh hard but others groan. A red one gets his complimentary heckling tomato and throws it at the Max on stage. "Get off the stage! We gotta kid here!" Other's join, some aiming rocket launchers and blasting the joke teller off the stage. Steven chuckles a bit uncomfortably, but understands that the mind is very crazy and random, especially with so many emotions.

Don’t apologize on his behalf, Steven. For all you know the rest of his routine consisted of holocaust jokes.

A very dark blue and depressed looking Max walks up onto the stage. Steven looked at him a bit concerned, but everyone was interested to see what he would do.

"So you guys wanna hear a joke right?"

Meh, I’ll make my own, thanks.

"Yeah that's why we're here."

"Okay...well here's a joke...my life." He then pulls out a handgun and puts it to the side of his head, killing himself in the blink of an eye. Steven was horrified, but all of the Maxes were laughing incredibly hard, giving a standing ovation.

Give me one reason, fucking one, as to why Steven should at all hang out with Max after this shit-show of a psychic fever dream.

The blue Max's wound seems to heal until it looked like it never existed. He gets up and sighs before getting off the stage and leaving the comedy club. Steven follows after him worriedly.

"Hey wait! Max!" Steven calls out. The blue Max looks at Steven and sighs.

"Oh hey Steven. Sorry you had to see that."

"W-what happened up there?"

The author couldn’t stop reveling in his own artistic genius, making him entirely ignore that he’s traumatizing a kid in order to push his self-insert’s angst material.

"Well, I'm the suicidal and depressed side of Max. I'm not so evident in him with how happy he's become, but I still exist. I am every fantasy he has of killing himself, or disappearing from existence." He had this sad look to his face, as if he cried for years, and now he doesn't have any more years.

Boy, Inside Out would have been a very different movie with this guy.

"..." He didn't know what to say, all he did was hug the sad incarnation. "I'm here...I'm your friend."

"..." He gives a sad chuckle and tussles Steven's hair. "Don't worry...I've been here ever since Max was a kid...so much sadness...but it's thanks to you, Obsidian, and everyone else that Max has grown so happy." He hugs Steven and they sit there for a solid minute before Steven goes to explore more.

Steven should at least be relieved that this emotion-clone was just ‘suicide’ – and not ‘murder-suicide’.

He soon comes across an area where everything is growing darker. Almost like all the light is sucked into his large vortex. He felt his own body getting drawn to it. He reached out with his hand, only for the intelligent Max to grab Steven and pull him away.

"Gah! M-max!"

"I told you to stay put...I didn't want you to see this place."

"W-what is it?"

All the personality that Max lacks as a character, if I were to guess.

"...it's the crack in Max's sanity. At first it was so small, but it's grown more and more. It was dangerous at first, but now it's something we live with. We even managed to make good use of it and hide the more dangerous emotions of personalities."

"Dangerous?"

"Well, not exclusively dangerous. We've hidden his fears, his sins, his lust, and so much more….."

Common decency was the first to go, I’m sure. How nice that Max escapes responsibility for his deteriorating mental state due to his deteriorating mental state.

"But, isn't it still needed? You can't put away the bad stuff."

"You're right, it's not healthy to hide it, so we let some of them be free as he dreams. I'm sure you already know one...his suicidal side."

"..."

Riveting dialogue, never have three periods said so much.

"I'm glad you helped him, but you can only do so much...the best you can do is be there for him while he is awake.

"Okay...i'll do it."

If you know what’s best for Max, Steven, you’ll call up your girlfriend’s mother and have her refer you to the relevant medical professional.

"Good, now it's time you leave." He pulls out a gun and fires at Steven, immediately making him wake up in bed. Steven looks to see Max still asleep despite the morning sun.

Attached Image

Steven, for the sake of your own safety and mental health, throw this fucker out of your home and out of your life.

"...I promise to be here for you."

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It drives me up the wall how self-absorbed not only Max is, but the author as well by proxy. By all rights, Steven shouldn’t get within thirty feet of Max for fear of yet more traumatizing events occurring. I get the author wants to establish Max and Steven’s friendship, but how are we supposed to believe it, when the more we learn about him, the less likable he becomes?!


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Post #24
Billybob Mcjoe


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post May 26 2017, 07:43 AM
I would like to tell you Max's life story:

He was born when suddenly life decided to try and crush him, turning him angsty.

He ran into the gems and somehow managed to inhale a corrupt one while tagging along on a mission.

He disappeared and suddenly HE WENT INSANE!!!

He came back for no reason whatsoever and is now being a leech who pretends to investigate a bunch of tiny robots.

And that is the story of Maxwell dumbnitus.


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Post #25
truthordeal


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post May 26 2017, 07:50 AM
QUOTE
"Okay...well here's a joke...my life." He then pulls out a handgun and puts it to the side of his head, killing himself in the blink of an eye. Steven was horrified, but all of the Maxes were laughing incredibly hard, giving a standing ovation.




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Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 28th May 2017 - 02:29 AM