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> Friendship is Life, Return of the Son of the Retard Blades
Post #21
Dashguy


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post May 3 2017, 03:38 PM
Now that Alejin has done jerking off with his skinsuit of Spike, he can now safely jerk off in his own OC.

All’s right with the world?

Everypony was exhausted after celebrating Spike’s victory in Canterlot’s Hall. Spike went into his room for a well earned night of sleep while the rest of the gang got inside their respective rooms. However, Alex wasn’t sleeping early tonight. There was an event he couldn’t miss, but he had to go alone. Before leaving the Royal Palace, he was noticed by Fluttershy, who ran to his encounter.

“Alex! Where are you going?”

“I am going outside for a little stroll. I heard there is a Carnival in Canterlot.”

“Can I come with you?” – She asked.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“What? Why?” - Fluttershy was a little surprised.

“First of all, it’s obvious that you are tired and need some rest for tomorrow and also…” – Alex got near her and whispered something in her hear. Her eyes widened.

“Oh my! Yeah! I think I should stay here and have some rest. I guess sometimes I just forget about your . . . needs.”

Good thing Alex is catering to his needs on his own. I did not sign up to see some actual horse-fucking.

“Fluttershy, don’t say it like that! Somepony might misunderstand it after listening to you. Anyway, I’ll be back in an hour or two. Ok?”

How about you don’t whisper it on her ear like some kind of “dark secret”, eh?

“Ok. Don’t take too long. You have to rest too…”

Alex nodded – “I know. You have a good night!”

Out on Canterlot’s streets, Alex walked among the food and souvenir stands. The place was impressive; it made him remember the times he used to go to town fairs with his family, with his sister Angela. Many ponies and other creatures greeted him, some of them even asked for his autograph. He felt a little embarrassed but happy at the same time. After walking for some minutes, he finally reached his destination: “The Griffin area”. Alex breathed heavily, the smell inside the place was amazing, it was a smell he perfectly knew. Maybe he would never have a chance to smell that again while in Equestria. BEEF STEAK, RIBS AND FRIED CHICKEN.

I could go for some fried chicken right now...hey Dashguy, you want me to get something for you?

A hamburger, and make sure it’s from Wendy’s. All those pictures of “smug anime girl Wendy” gave me a craving for sweet meat.

Food aside, this shit is genuinely starting to piss me off. Why does Alejin feel the need to insert so much fucking secrecy in the actions of his self-insert? Does he really think suspense works like this? It’s specially bad when most of them are so freaking mundane. Like the preparations he kept hidden from Twilight and turned out to be the flag of Guatemala and some shitty song.


There was no way in hell he would bring his marefriend or any of his friends here. He didn’t know where to start; everything looked so good and delicious. His eyes looked at every corner, until he finally found what looked like a hamburger stand.

Oh, fuck you. You and every other Brony that keeps harping on this shit. Fluttershy takes care of fucking animals, son. She knows some of them need meat. Hell, here’s a scene from the show in which she gives fresh fish to a pair of ferrets!

Griffins were enjoying these hamburgers, the menu included fries and juice. He approached the place until one of the cooks noticed him:

“Hello! You must be Alex, the human.” – Alex was surprised but now he had to deal with his new found fame.

“Yes, that’s me!”

“You are a lot taller than I thought – the cook noticed the way Alex was looking at the hamburgers - Do you eat meat?”

“Yes, I love meat! How much do the hamburgers cost?”

“5 bits for our regular clients. But in your case, the first round is on the house, please have a sit.”

Of course he would get the damn burger for free. Meanwhile, I'm still in the drive through, waiting for the asshole in front of me to finish his goddamn order! Motherfucker may as well buy the store with how much food he's ordering.

I’d rather have a guy ordering tons of food over the one who keeps staring to the menu without deciding on what he wants.

“Thanks!”

The old cook served him a hamburger with fries and lemonade, Alex couldn’t wait to eat it.

The food was amazing, just like home. After the first bite, Alex turned to the cook and said:

“This is really good! There is just one thing I need to know, what kind of meat is it?”

The cook turned to him grabbing a piece of raw meat – “it is pony meat.”

Alex spit the piece of hamburger he had in his mouth. The cook was unable to contain himself and laughed like mad, the crowd that was eating in the place turned around for a second but then continued eating as if nothing had happened.

“Hahahahaha! I’m sorry son, I had to do it. You see, everything you’ll find here is fish, rat, chicken, hydras and chimeras. Trust me, you will not find any pony, horse or other intelligent creatures in our menus.

So Hydras and Chimera's are classified as 'livestock' in this world? Ok then.

Fish and chicken are fine, but rats? A hydra is a multi-headed monster the size of a bulding while a chimera is a freaking fusion of a saber-tooth tiger, wild goat and a snake for a tail living on a fire swamp. Unless their meat is a delicacy or something, there’s no reason to hunt those. By the way, the chimera we saw on the show was sentient, with each of its heads having their own personality.

The meat you are eating right now came from a Hydra. What do you think?”

Alex smiled and gave a good bite to his hamburger - “Really? Well, it’s really good! It tastes like co… (Oops! Almost let that slip) . . . it tastes really good!”

This guy’s priorities are so…backwards. He had no problem breaking in other ponies’ houses during the night on the previous story, but here cannot say cows on his world are non-sentient?

“I’m Glad to hear that!” – The cook replied.

Alex kept eating his meal and after a couple of minutes noticed someone standing a few tables at his left was watching him. He expected it to be a Griffin but it turned out to be a Zebra, one he remembered seeing among the eight finalists. The Zebra looked at him and after realizing it was Alex, stood up from his table and walked towards him until he was at Alex’s side.

“Wow! The human! What an honor Sir!”

An honor? Meeting this whiny, hypocritical shit is an honor?! I'd hate to see your reaction if you met the Queen of England.

“Easy pal, I’m not that impressive. Please don’t give that much credit” – Alex said.

“But I must, you are one of the eight finalists! You even managed to defeat Tyros!”

“Thanks, but I’m just a regular competitor like everybody else.

Which is why my participation was greatly publicized and I had my own special entrance seprate from everybody else. Have I mentioned how I hate this guy’s fake humility?

What’s your name?”

“My name is Zaxel, a Monster Hunter from Zebrica.”

“Monster Hunter?” – Alex was amazed.

It's this video game franchise where you hunt powerful monsters, using a variety of weapons. I'd recommend you try it out.

Tried it on PSP and got frustrated, but I think it was the stick. Maybe I should give it a try on the PS3.

“Yes! You see, unlike here in Canterlot, Zebrica’s little towns are constantly attacked by creatures from the woods, you know, Timberwolves, Manticores, Chimeras, you name it. My job as a Monster Hunter is to protect my village and sometimes track these creatures until we defeat them. We also use their meat to trade some with countries like Griffonia.

-Timberwolves
-Meat

I guess the insects that live in trees could classify as meat...


kek

“Wow, that is really amazing! But that’s doesn’t explain why are you here, I mean we are all meat eaters here” – Alex said.

“I’m here because these are the best fries in the whole world!” – Zaxel replied with a big smile - “Enough of me. Now, tell me some about you Alex Sir.”

“Well, my name is Alejandro, Alex for short, and please don’t call me Sir. I’m a human and I came from a land that is really far, far away. There is no much to say about me besides the fact that I’m helping my friends with their chores and other stuff.”

Alex didn’t know why he was telling this to Zaxel, maybe because he seemed to be a nice guy. He looked like a Zebra he could trust.

Well considering how his first words towards you was praise, of course he could be trusted. It's like everyone who hates the protagonist, is an evil baby rapist, in stories like these.

“Well, that’s pretty interesting – Zaxel said - May I ask you a question?”

“Go on.”

“Why do they call you the hero of Canterlot? Is it because of the rumors about a Changeling invasion? Did it really happen?”

Alex was speechless; Celestia had told him that they tried to cover up the incident so that other countries didn’t find out about this incident. He had to be careful in choosing his words.

“There was an invasion attempt, but the Princesses were able to prevent it, I helped fighting the Changelings, they give me more credit than I deserve.”

WAY too much credit, if you ask me.

“That’s impressive – Zaxel said - Just one more thing, is it true you killed two Manticores?”

Alex began to wonder who was telling these things - “I am not going to lie; I killed one to save a little filly, and the other when he tried to hurt the ponies in Ponyville”

Gotta make sure to mention he did it for altruistic reasons.

“Wow! That’s amazing. You know, I have hunted some Manticores too, but I never managed to take down one by myself. Well In fact, I’ve never tried.”

Of course you haven’t. In fact, I’m willing to bet it takes the entirety of the hunters in your village to kill a single manticore. Because we gotta make sure Alex’s penis always has a hand firmly grasping it at every moment.

“Trust me; it’s really tough, if you want to know the truth, I was just lucky. I was actually going to die in one of these encounters. My friends saved my life, which is just one of the things I am grateful for.” – Alex smiled.

Thanks. Because I really needed a reminder of that stupid shit involving the blood types.

“Well, is still amazing if you ask me. You are fascinating, but it seems that you are not a member of the Royal Army or a Royal Guard. What brought you to this tournament Alex?”

“Honestly, I just wanted to help the princesses by participating in it and bring some more audience to the Tournament.

How very bland. At least Spike has the excuse of wanting to bang Rarity.

I am a little surprised myself that I made it to the finals – They both laughed after this confession. Alex ate the last piece of his hamburger - “And, what’s your motivation? Is it fame, money or something else?”

Zaxel laughed a little – “I just wanted to make my family proud! – His words confirmed what Alex was thinking. This was indeed a very honorable Zebra - “You see, for many generations, members of my family have been working as Monster Hunters and most of them have competed in this tournament. I’m the first of them in reaching the finals. So this is a huge victory for me, even if I don’t win the whole thing but I have to push myself harder. My family is not precisely rich and all of them worked hard so I could get the money needed to travel and participate, I just don’t want to fail them, that’s all…”

Don't you make enough money selling off meat to the griffins? How much are these goddamn tickets?!

Alex was more than impressed.

“I’m sure you won’t fail them. You have already reached the finals so you should consider yourself a winner and who knows? We all have the same opportunities; let’s just give it our best!”

“I like that idea! – Zaxel replied.

They kept sharing some stories and enjoying their food. Suddenly, a voice Alex knew (and hated) talked to them.

“Ugh! I knew I had smelled some wild beasts around here. It had to be you two…”

Maximus Heart, the Horse champion and one of the eight finalists.

Hey Dashguy, I'm back with the food--What's going on here?! Is that conflict I smell?

Nope, my dog just shat on the floor. Give me a minute to take care of it.

“Go away Maximus. I’m not in the mood for your shit today!” – Alex replied.

“Wow! The puny human is smart enough to articulate some words.”

“This is not a place for you! Why are you here?” - Zaxel asked.

Why wouldn’t this be a place for him? I mean, unless you eat meat too, you don’t belong here either.

“You shut your filthy mouth commoner; I have no business with you, go back to your country and do your crappy job!”

“Hey! You will not talk to my friend like that!” – Alex stood up and moved the table aside. The crowd turned their heads. But this time, they didn’t look away. There was a lot of tension in the place. The Zebra didn’t say anything. He was just staring at Alex; the human had called him FRIEND.

S-SENPAI NOTICED ME! KYAAA!

“And what do you plan to do about it?” – The Horse asked.

“This is the second time I warn you about talking to my friends like that. Do you really want to know what I’m capable of?”

“Hahahahahaha! Do you think you threats will stop me? Let me get something clear for you human, I’M NOT SCARED OF YOU!”

How could the author write the dialogue for this Maximus chump, and convince himself that it was worth putting onto the internet?

We could ask the same for the rest of the story.

“I’ll make you!” – Alex walked slowly towards Maximum Heart, clenching his fists with anger. The Horse stepped back, why was he feeling intimidated? He was the Great Maximus Heart, the Horse Champion. He had to take this puny human down. The Horse readied himself to attack him; Alex kept walking in a menacing way.

It’s not enough that Maximus is a ridiculous caricature of a villain, he’s got to be intimidated by Alex at every occassion. First at his pony form on chapter eleven and now here. It’s like the author cannot allow him to have any kind of reedeming features, like bravery.

“Stop you idiots!”



For some reason, Alejin posted this picture twice on his Deviantart account. Just figured I'd let you know that.

I know we’ve touched the topic of Alex’s outfits in the past, but it’s in scenes like these, supposedly thrilling ones, that you realize how utterly ridiculous it is. This guy is, supposedly, on his middle twenties yet dresses like a fifteen years-old dork trying to look cool.

A deep voice came from the back of the restaurant. Bright Courage, the current Tournament Champion was standing there, he had watched the whole scene.

“If you really want to kick your asses, wait for the tournament. If it is your destiny to fight, your time will sure come.”

Alex stopped, the Minotaur was right. This wasn’t the place or time for a fight. He looked around and saw some of the younger Griffins looking at him. They seemed scared.

“No! I want to take him down now!” – Maximus Heart screamed before attacking Alex.

A blur, a gust and the sound of a fist sent Maximus Heart flying away, breaking a couple of tables and landing heavily on the floor seven or eight meters away from Alex.

That poor hamburger salesman is gonna end up spending all of his tips on fixing those tables...

Bright Courage was standing in front of the human, his fist still clenched.

“I said. YOU WILL WAIT FOR THE TOURNAMENT!” – The whole place trembled at the sound of his voice. Alex felt goosebumps all over his back. The Minotaur not only was strong (as expected) he was as fast as lighting.

Maximum Heart could barely stand up - “Why do you care that much? He is just a freak!”

“You’re wrong. He is a competitor like we have never seen before, and I really want to watch him fight on the finals.” – Bright Courage said.

We get it, your boner for the guy is longer than your one sane horn. Jesus.

“So you want to fight him too? What makes you different from me then?” – The Horse asked.

“I have my own reasons, reasons I will not share with you, now get out!”

Maximus turned is back on them - “You’ll see, Old News, once I’m done with him, you are next! I think it’s time for you to retire PERMANENTLY” – He said while walking away from his rivals.

And nobody reported this incident to the guards?

Bright Courage turned to Alex and Zaxel – “Well, It’s time for me to go. I hope to see you two tomorrow – He turned to the cook – I’ll pay for the damage that was done to your place.”

Well thank you Mr. Courage. You seem like a nice fellow.

“Mr. Courage! – Alex said - Even though I’m flattered, I must know something, why do you want to compete against me?”

“I’m just like the rest of the competitors here. You are a new species in our world and as far as I know, no one has defeated you yet. Being born as a warrior, I aspire to be that one.” – Bright Courage answered.

“May the best win.” – Alex replied.

“Make sure not to lose, let’s meet at the finals.” – The Minotaur nodded and walked away.

Zaxel turned to Alex - “Wow! The champion wants to fight you, what an honor!”

“I guess is time for me to leave too. I don’t want to stay and cause any more troubles. Good luck tomorrow Zaxel”

“Thank you Alex. Please remember, as Mr. Courage said, if destiny makes us fight tomorrow, I will give it all!”

“That’s what I would expect from a champion. Goodbye my friend.” – Alex turned around and left the place.

From a distance, a dark figure saw Alex walking away from the restaurant.

“That was a close one – the figure said - I need you to be safe until tomorrow. Soon I will claim what I lost because of you! And every creature will witness it.”

Ohhh...could this mysterious figure be that griffin bitch from earlier?

Alex felt uneasy; he knew someone was watching him. He turned around but there was no one around. He kept walking until he got to the Royal Palace.

Uh-huh. I’m going to steal borrow a quote from StabbyKobold’s “Human with a Gem” mock:

QUOTE
I hate the stock mysterious and unknown villain trope. It’s a cheap way of making an otherwise unimpressive personality more menacing.

Before reaching his room, Alex saw Fluttershy crying on his bed, the rest of the girls were around her, trying to calm her down. As soon as she realized Alex was there, she jumped up and ran to him.



ALEX! How could you make Moe Horse cry this much?!

Why do they always lie over his crotch?

“Fluttershy! What happened?” – He asked.

“Sorry Alex! - Twilight said - Pinkie Pie heard her crying and trying to go into your room. She has been like that since then.”

Alex turned to Fluttershy – “Did you have another nightmare?”

She shook her head - “No, it wasn’t a nightmare, just a feeling. Alex, please don’t compete tomorrow. I believe something bad will happen!”

,

Yes, that lone comma is in the actual fanfiction. Someone should give it a home.

“What do you mean?” – He asked.

“I, I don’t know! I have a really bad feeling, like the one I had that same night.”

“I understand how you feel Fluttershy but this time we are not in danger. This tournament is not life threatening at all. The princesses and all our friends will be there. Nothing can go wrong!”

“He is right Fluttershy – Pinkie Pie said - I mean, we have a whole army of guards in Canterlot, not to mention the four princesses are also here. Somepony would have to be super-duper-crazy to try to do something. Besides, my Pinky Sense is not telling me to worry at all. We all are safe.”

“I. . . I guess so, but still I’m worried” – Alex hugged her.

“Fluttershy, you are too good to me, I’m really grateful for all of your worries, but nothing wrong will happen. Trust me!”

“I, I trust you” – She replied.

“Good, now let me take you to your bed, I need to sleep too so I can be ready for tomorrow. We also need to pick Proud Hammer at the Train Station before the event.”

“Mr. Proud Hammer . . . Why? – She asked - Oh yes! I forgot, he will be your coach tomorrow, right?”

Oh hey, It's MC HammerPony. What's he been up to these days?

“Yes, I sent him a letter after I got to the finals and he happily accepted. I’m really glad he’ll be here!”

“You really like him, don’t you darling” - Rarity asked

“Yeah, he is like those funny uncles you can’t help to love,

Uh…yeah, the way he…uh—went around hitting things with his hammer was really endearing.

besides, he has done too much for Spike, Rainbow Dash and I. He helped me to save you and don’t forget that he crafted my equipment. I wanted to return something to him and what better than make him my coach so everypony knows about his blacksmith business in Ponyville.”

“You are really kind Alex” – Rarity said.

There, one last dick sucking before going to bed.

Everypony went to their rooms so they could sleep. Alex left Fluttershy in her bed, gave her a goodnight kiss and went to his room.

Does Alejin think this shit is endearing? It’s My Little Dashie levels of fucking creepy.

While on his bed, he looked at the rooftop.

“Both of us felt uneasy tonight. That cannot be a coincidence. I’ll be extra careful tomorrow. I hope nothing happens.”

He closed his eyes.

“What could possibly go wrong?”

Implying this literary monstrosity wasn’t a mistake from the very beginning.
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Post #22
Dashguy


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post May 9 2017, 03:59 AM
Now this is a fairly sizable chapter. One thing I will say is that at least Rainbow Dash does something that isn't sucking Alex's penis.

Witchcraft!

The day had come.

Alex woke up; he had a good night of sleep. He took a shower and got ready to leave. He wanted Fluttershy to come with him so he went to her room for her, when he arrived she gave him a warm hug and a kiss.

Both of them were a little hungry so they went to the kitchen where they met Rarity.

“Good morning guys! Are you ready for an awesome day Alex?”

“Yeas ma’am!”

The rest of the gang gathered in the kitchen so they could enjoy a delicious breakfast together. After a while, the Princesses came to the kitchen.

“Hello my little ponies! Human and dragon – Princess Luna said - I hope you are all excited and ready for a great day!”

Incidentally, the chapter is titled 'Pure Awesomeness.' I guess the author is talking about the two of us.

Considering how utterly bland this shit is, I think you’re right. I mean, we’re in the middle of a fucking tournament, for Pete’s Sake. Does anybody really want to read about these cardboard cutouts having fucking breakfast?

All of them nodded.

“Alex, I’m looking forward to see you in action. I’ll be cheering for you and Rainbow Dash”

“Thanks Luna! - Alex replied - I promise you we will do our best, right Dashie?”

“You bet Alex!”

“Now if you excuse me, I have to go to the train station to pick up Proud Hammer. Anypony wants to come with me?” – Alex asked.

Fluttershy, Spike and the CMC volunteered; Alex decided to go as a Pony so he put on his Metapendant. This was because he wasn’t in the mood to deal with other’s curiosity.

Credit where it’s due. The author has managed to perfectly capture the douchebaginess of your average celebrity.

The group left the Palace. Fluttershy was walking next to him while he carried Sweetie Bell on his back.

By the end of this fic, Sweetie's legs would have atrophied to the point where she won't be able to walk anymore.

They had to wait for a few minutes at the train station for the Train to arrive; when it did, Proud Hammer was warmly welcomed by his good friend Alex.

“Howdy kiddo, been a while!”

“How are you old pony?!”

“It’s so nice to see you again!” - Proud Hammer noticed the way Alex and Fluttershy were too close together - “I see you two have finally realized you look good together!”

That’s a perfect summary of their relationship: “looking good together”. Aside of that time they had tea together back on the previous story, what sort of activity have those two shared? None. Most of the time, it’s Alex doing something and Fluttershy sitting next to him in silence like a little good waifu, speaking only to compliment him or express amazement at his shit.

The whole group started their way back to the Palace where Proud Hammer was welcomed by the Royal Guard. Rainbow Dash had the opportunity to thank him for the armor and weapons he crafted for her.

“Guys, can you please come with me for a second?” - Lyra needed to speak to Alex, Rainbow Dash and Proud Hammer. She took them to a private room in the Palace so they could have a private conversation.

I love how these buffons can use the Royal Palace as much as they like by mere virtue of being Alex’s Friends.

“Alexis, when you managed to qualify for the finals, I noticed something.”

“What was it Lyra?” – Alex asked a little worried.

“Neither of you have faced a Minotaur, right?”

Alex and Rainbow Dash looked at each other – “No.” – it was a short but sincere answer.

Lyra’s expression changed a little - “I can see you think it is not a big deal, but let me tell you it is. Proud Hammer, would you please?”

Proud Hammer nodded and got between the three of them – “You see kiddo, your friend Spike faced a young Minotaur yesterday, I believe you noticed how he matched and even surpassed your friend’s strength, he surpassed a DRAGON’S Strength!

But the Minotaur lost. Surpassed my ass.

I think the whole “dragon’s strenght” bit would be more impressive if the dragon in question wasn’t a chubby midget with pathetically short limbs and a balloon head.

Even though he was a youngling, I know you noticed he was as strong as you or maybe even stronger. So now think for a second, if he is that strong, how much an adult Minotaur could be?”

“I get it!” – Rainbow Dash said.

Proud Hammer smiled – “Let me show you something” - He then levitated a box and placed it in front of Alex and Rainbow Dash.

“That’s why I brought you these! Lyra asked me to craft them just in case you needed them. It took me all night, but I must say it was worth it.”

Alex and Rainbow Dash opened the box and saw what was inside. Their faces were a little disappointed.

“Proud, I’m really grateful and all – Alex said - but in case you didn’t know, I have a decent amount of copies of these already and they are in good shape.”

“Me too! – Rainbow Dash was a little confused – What is this for?”

Proud Hammer looked inside the box too - “I know they might look the same as the ones you have but trust me! Alex, grab one.”

He took off his Metapendant and turned back into a human. He reached for one of the things inside the box.

“Wow! It’s…”

-----

A shitty cliffhanger!

One of the most interesting aspects of a tournament arc is seeing different characters with their own skills/powers/magic compete against each other. Obviously, it’s not the case here, since you’ve got only a handful of species and they all use the same weapons and fight practically in the same way.

If I were to rewrite this garbage, I would ditch the fake weapons shit and make it so the participants use weapons and/or tools with special properties. For example, a knife that doesn’t cut open but instead paralyzes the “sliced” area or a pendant that grants the power of flying.


Once they were ready, everypony started their way to the Coliseum, Alex and Rainbow Dash were carrying their gifts inside their saddle bags. The human turned to Proud Hammer who was trotting next to him.

“Once again, thank you for being my coach! This was something I could not ask Zecora or Lyra to do for me, and Fluttershy was definitely out of the question.”

“No problem kiddo, I want to thank you too for giving me this chance! I must admit I’m excited about it. Being able to be inside the Arena is something I’ve never dreamed of!” – They both shared a laugh.

Stop. What do we exactly know about this guy, GorillaGamer? He’s a blacksmith that works on the outskirts of Ponyville and…what else? I have no idea what his likes, dislikes, hope and dreams or beliefs are.

Applejack met them as soon as they arrived to the Coliseum – “Are you ready to do this Rainbow?!” – She asked.

Alex turned to Rainbow Dash who was hugging her friend.

“So you had this planned! Nice to see you Applejack, or should I just call you COACH?”

Rainbow Dash laughed after hearing this - “Yeah, after thinking about it for a long while, I decided she was the best choice!”

“Agree – Alex answered - I honestly can’t imagine Rarity or Fluttershy being next to you inside the Arena, it actually gives me the shivers!”

Yeah, can you imagine? A character pairing that makes for interesting and fun interactions? God forbids!

The two competitors and their coaches went together to the Light Room in order to copy their weapons and the new gifts.

“Proud – Alex asked - this is little heavy; Do you think it will be necessary?”

“Just use them in case you face a Minotaur.” – The old pony answered.

It's a gun, isn't it? Wouldn't surprise me to be honest.

“Ok.”

After they finished putting their gear on, they heard the announcer calling all the competitors and coaches to the Arena. The place was full. It seemed as if every creature in Equestria was inside the Coliseum, chanting the names of their favorite warriors. Alex looked around and noticed the rest of the competitors, and some well known faces among them:

Maximus Heart, Tyras and Zaxel – “This is beautiful, really beautiful…” – He said to himself.

“Alex, I’m glad you came!” – Zaxel shouted.

“Yep, I’m here and I am ready for everything!”

“Glad to hear that!” – The Zebra replied.

Alex walked towards Zaxel - “Let me introduce you to my friends, Rainbow dash, Applejack and my coach, Proud Hammer!” Zaxel greeted them with enthusiasm.

Suddenly, the crowd went silent. The princesses had arrived to the Arena.

Celestia was the one to welcome the crowd.

“CITIZENS OF EQUESTRIA AND FELLOW GUESTS. AFTER THE INCREDIBLE YOUTH TOURNAMENT WE HAD YESTERDAY, IT’S TIME FOR THE MAIN EVENT!

That "incredible" tournament, was nothing more than reckless charges and asspulls.

A mere excuse to glorify Spike, whom in turn is an extension of Alex. It’s the circle of fapping.

THE COLISSEUM TOURNAMENT FINALS!”.

“THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING HERE! NOW, WE WILL DECIDE WHICH FIGHTERS WILL COMPETE FIRST. COMPETITORS PLEASE, AS WE CALL YOU, COME AND TAKE A RANDOM NUMBER.”

“Maximus Heart! – The Horse walked past Alex, ignoring the human completely. He got his number - “I got number 5!”

“Rainbow Dash!” - “I got Number 1”

“The defending champion, Bright Courage!” – “Number 3.”

“Zaxel” – “Gee, I got number 7”

“Tyras!” – The Griffin extended her claw and picked a random number. After staring at it for a second, she turned around and showed the piece of paper to Rainbow Dash.

“I got Number 2, I’ll show you no mercy little Pegasus!”

"UR SUU DED RAINBOW DASH!"

“I don’t need it – Rainbow Dash replied - you are going down today!”

The crowd started cheering for them. It was certain that they would have a great match.

“Alex, the human!”

He put his hand inside the box and grabbed his piece of paper - “I got number…, Hehehe! I got number 6!”

“You are really out of luck maggot! – Maximus Heart said – I will crush you!”

“We’ll see that!” – Alex answered.

“Next, Quartz Light!” - A Cristal Pony took his number.

He was excited - “Oh boy! I got number 4, I’m fighting the champion, and I’m fighting a Legend!”

I'll give you around three minutes before you get knocked out.

“So that leaves number 8 to Iron Horn the Minotaur!” – Princes Celestia said. She then turned to the crowd:

“WE HAVE THE ORDER OF OUR FIRST MATCHES AND IT WILL BE LIKE THIS!”

“MATCH NUMBER ONE, RAINBOW DASH VERSUS TYRAS!”

“MATCH NUMBER TWO, BRIGHT COURAGE VS QUARTZ LIGHT”

“MATCH NUMBER THREE, MAXIMUS HEART VS ALEX THE HUMAN”

“YEAH! Go Maximus!” - The horses cheered - “Kick that freak’s ass Maximus!”

“AND FINALLY, ZAXEL VS IRON HORN!”



More like the Top 8 losers, amirite?

I love when you can predict the results of the fights with your eyes closed.

“EVERYTHING IS SET, IN FIFTEEN MINUTES, THE FINALS WILL BEGIN. WARRIORS, GO AND GET READY!”

Rainbow Dash was already warming up; Alex, Applejack and Proud hammer were watching her.

“Easy Rainbow – He said - you’ll need your energy for the fight you know.”

“I know Alex, don’t worry, I have plenty. I’m just focusing in kicking Tyras’ butt. I really don’t like her!”

On the other side of the Arena, Maximus Heart and Tyras were having a conversation.

“That freaking Pegasus is going down today!” – Tyras said.

“I agree with you my friend – Maximus replied - too bad after you finish her, you’ll have to face the Champion, don’t get me wrong dear but there is no way you can defeat Bright Courage!”

Neither can Rainbow Dash, I’m sure. Which makes this fight a big waste of time.

“I don’t care about this tournament anymore, and I’m not afraid about that old timer. If I have to face him he is going down too, but for now, I only want to make sure these two get broken!” – Tyras said aloud. Making sure Alex, Rainbow Dash and their coaches could hear her.

Applejack wanted to say something but Alex stopped her – “Please Applejack, just ignore them!”

After a few minutes, Rainbow Dash and Tyras were called to the Arena. Ponies and Griffins inside the Coliseum were chanting their names. Rainbow Dash started flying and landed in the middle of the Arena making her Sonic Rainboom. It was an incredible entrance, the crowd cheered even higher. Alex had to admit it, she was something else; maybe the second most incredible Pegasus in the world for it was obvious who was in the first place for him.

Maximillion Pegasus.

CARD GAMES ON PONIES!

Tyras made her entrance too, as Rainbow Dash did; she flew to the middle of the arena so fast making a sonic boom of her own which even impressed Rainbow Dash.

“You see Loser! Whatever you do, I can do it better – Tyras said – do you think I became Captain of the Royal Griffin Guard just because of my beauty? You are so out of my league!”

“Whatever you say!” – Rainbow Dash replied.

Princess Celestia and Luna were the ones to cast the Faker Barrier Spell. This time the Barrier was higher than normal so the competitors could fly freely inside it. As with the previous matches, the number one hundred appeared over the competitors head.

The referee got in the middle of the Arena.

“Competitors, you already know the rules. Give the crowd a match they won’t forget in ages. Now, FIGHT!”

Tyras the Griffin drew her two swords and readied herself to attack.

GOLLY GEE FUCKING WILLIKERS, GORILLAGAMER! THE PERVY GRIFFON CHICK DUAL WIELDS SWORDS JUST LIKE THE PREVIOUS TWO GRIFFONS! BET YOU DIDN’T SEE THAT ONE COMING, DID YOU?

“Being able to use those claws as if they were hands will be problematic.” – Alex said to Proud Hammer – “Boy, I thought you had more faith in my armors?”

“What do you mean?” – Alex asked.

“I’ve always liked your hidden blades, their design is incredible.

Dashguy has already pointed out all of the hidden blades problems. They are anything but incredible.

Unfortunately, I never managed to make it work for somepony without having to use magic or hands to make the blade come out. So I heard about that Pony that fought against Spike and how her spiked armor worked. You’ll have to see what my armor can do.”

Alex turned to Rainbow Dash, who slammed her front hooves together activating the armor mechanism. Making the blades inside her armor come out. She was ready to fight – “That’s really impressive!” – Alex said – “Thank you kiddo, now let’s focus on watching her match.” – The pony replied.



Oh shit! Rainbow Dash has been cursed by the hidden blades. It's too late for her, but we can still save the rest of the ponies.

It’s amazing how those hidden blades stay fucking retarded no matter what species you equip them to. For example, what happens if she gets hurt and has to land? She won’t be able to walk with those.

Tyras was the one to attack first; she jumped towards the Pony who did the exact same move. Swords and blades clashed mid-air; both fighters were amazing, their movements were so fast it was difficult for the untrained eye to keep up with them.

This shit is not just bland, but freaking lazy. It takes more than writing “they moved so fast they couldn’t be seeing” to make things interesting. Here’s an excerpt from the Revenge of the Sith novelization:

Skywalker leapt for him again, and this time Dooku met the boy's charge easily. They stood nearly toe-to-toe, blades flashing faster than the eye could see, but Skywalker had lost his edge: a simple taunt was all that had been required to shift the focus of his attention from winning the fight to controlling his own emotions.

I don’t expect fanfiction authors to write with the skill level of professional novelists, but I can’t stand when it’s obvious they only putt he barest fucking effort.


The Griffin knew this was no regular opponent so she started flying as high as the Barrier allowed her to. Storm clouds started gathering around her – “You see, I have some special techniques I want to show you!” – The Griffin said.

Rainbow Dash looked closer; she saw how the Griffin was using her wings to gather the moisture inside the barrier to form these clouds. It was fast, as soon as she realized, there was a big cloud on the higher part of the Barrier.

“Ready?” – The Griffin pointed her sword towards the cloud and pressed a button on its grip. It sent an electric charge turning it into a storm cloud.

“I’ll show you why I am the leader of the Royal Griffin Guard!” – She screamed.

Lightning bolts stroke her sword as if it was a lightning rod. Then she pointed it at Rainbow Dash – “Now LOSE!”

This would be a good moment for Applejack to request the five minutes break from the fight.



She has lightning swords?! That's got to be against the rules.

Implying this clusterfuck has anything close to clearly defined rules.

A lightning bolt was sent from the tip of her sword at Rainbow Dash who barely dodged it. The crowd went wild.

“Really? Do you think you can hit me with those Tyras? I’m really disappointed!”

Tyras smirked and sent another lightning bolt at her, Dash dodged it but this one hit the ground at a few meters from Applejack.

“Hey! What was that?” – Rainbow Dash asked. She was worried for her friend.

“It was a gift for you, but you dodge it. It is not my fault if your little friend gets hit by it…”

Tyras sent another one, Rainbow Dash dodged it but it hit the ground even closer to Applejack, she even had to jump aside this time to avoid getting hit.

“Are you okay Applejack?” – Rainbow Dash asked, she was worried for her friend. And without realizing she turned her back on Tyras.

“Don’t worry about me! I can take care of myself.”

“I know but… - Rainbow Dash was barely able to turn around and block his opponent’s attack with her blades. Unfortunately, the speed at which Tyras flew at her and the strength she used on that attack was enough to break Rainbow blades and knock her off balance and then Tyras started a brutal attack against Rainbow Dash, clenching her claws as fists and hitting her on her face, chest and neck.

This isn't a gladiatorial fight, this is a bar fight between two drunks.

Rainbow Dash tried to cover her face with her hooves but Tyras used her claws to scratch them, causing deep wounds. The pain from the wounds made Rainbow Dash open her guard leaving her face exposed for another hit. A strong kick from Tyras that knocked her out.

This is all very nice, but what happened to griffon chick’s swords? Where they sucked by a plot hole or something?

Rainbow Dash started falling to the ground. The crow was silent.

“Hahahaha! That’s what happens when you care for others – Tyras screamed - fall and lose like the weak you are!”

Isn’t funny how there was absolutely no mention of coaches until the Spike fight, where Alex helped him and now Applejack is there so she can be a target? It’s almost like the author is making up the rules to suit whatever moronic idea he comes up with.

Rainbow Dash fell heavily on the ground. She couldn’t stand up. Rainbow opened her eyes and looked at Alex, her friend was static, his jaw dropped.

“I’m sorry everypony. Alex. . . I tried my best.” – She said while closing her eyes.

“Rainbow! C’mon! You can do it! Didn’t you say you wanted to face me! Remember, you are AWESOME!” Alex shouted.

Applejack ran to her but was stopped by the referee – “Don’t get any closer, it would be considered as interference!” – He said.

“Rainbow! – Applejack said - Yah were the winner of the Young Flyer competition! This is nothing for a strong pony like you! You even saved us from death once!”

“RAINBOW DASH! RAINBOW DASH! RAINBOW DASH!” – The crowd started chanting her name.

For some reason.

“Shut up everyone! – Tyras shouted – She is a loser and I will defeat her right now!” She started charging her sword and threw another lightning bolt at her.

"Fear me and my cheesy villain dialogue!"

The pony heard them. They were right! She was AWESOME! Rainbow Dash opened her eyes and looked up, she saw the thunderbolt coming at her. She extended her wings – “They really hurt!” – Using all of her strength she dodged the attack and started flying – “Faster, faster, fasteeeerrr!” – Rainbow Dash said to herself. Tyras was speechless; she could barely keep an eye on Rainbow Dash who was flying across the Barrier in the blink of an eye. The Griffin was only able to see her opponent when she used the Barrier walls to bounce from one side to the other.

Wouldn’t bouncing on the walls actually reduce her speed?



Tyras was lucky that she didn't get hit by that bit of ball lightning. Just goes to show that she shouldn't use her lightning swords.

Rainbow Dash: “All those years playing Sonic Spinball finally paid off!”

Suddenly, a sonic boom made the Coliseum tremble. The only thing Tyras could see was a ray of light, a rainbow coming directly at her; she didn’t even try to dodge it, it was too late. A powerful kick from Rainbow Dash right in the middle of her chest made her spit some blood. Tyras couldn’t even move. She was about to open her eyes when she felt another powerful kick on her back.

“This can’t be happe… - another kick, this time hitting her neck which almost made her faint.

Tyras was falling to the ground; she was unable to use her wings to change direction as the pain on her body was unbearable. All she could do was watch Rainbow Dash flying at her from below one more time. One last time.

“Curse you!” - Tyras said.



The main reason I want this tournament arc over quickly, is because all of the drawings are making my eyes bleed.

The ridiculous armors filled with spikes and other shit do not help.

Rainbow Dash hit her on the stomach; the strength on this last kick was incredible. Rainbow Dash herself was sent flying to the ground but was able to land safely by opening her wings before hitting the ground.

The pony was tired, her hooves, wings, neck, her whole body was hurt. It hurt. But that was it. She didn’t need to do anything else. Rainbow Dash smiled as she saw her opponent flying towards the storm could.

A powerful electric discharge finished Tyras in a second. The flash of light was so intense that everypony in the place had to cover their eyes. The life counter on top of Tyras’ head went straight down to zero.

“Smells like fried chicken.” – Alex said to himself.

Ah yes, I still remember the dinner I had last night. It was extra crispy.

After been almost cooked alive, Tyras fell to the ground; every creature looked at her falling. It would be deadly for any living creature to fall from such height. The Griffins started yelling at her – “Open your wings Tyras, please!” – But it was no use, she was knocked out. Rainbow Dash looked down and opened her wings. She couldn’t let Tyras die in front of her. She was able to catch the Griffin at some meters above the ground.

“The winner, Rainbow Dash! – The referee shouted as the Barrier disappeared.

Can somebody explain to me what’s the fucking point of the fake weapons if the participants can ditch them and beat the shit out of each other with their bodies or a pair of knuckledusters? And what’s the point of the “no magic” clause if one of them can bring a sword that can shoot lightning?

The crowd went wild and started chanting her name. Everypony stood up as a sign of admiration and respect for the pony, including the Griffin King and Queen.

Applejack and Alex rushed to her and hugged her.

“How you did do that? - Alex asked - I couldn’t even see you! The Rainboom kick was awesome, and the way you used the Barrier to bounce into all directions was perfect. I bet you practiced that for weeks!”

“Being honest, I just made that up. Pretty cool wasn’t it?” – Rainbow Dash said before fainting on Alex’s arms.

Meh, Griffon Chick's lightning sword was cooler, if you ask me.

Applejack called the pony doctors so they could take a look at Rainbow Dash. When they arrived, they used their magic to levitate and carefully place her on a stretcher. The Griffin doctors arrived to the Arena too, they picked up Tyras from the ground. Every member of the Royal Griffin Guard was there, crying for her beloved Griffin.

The doctors arrived to the Coliseum clinic with Rainbow Dash who was regaining her consciousness. They treated her wounds and applied magic bandages to the scratches on her hooves. Once they were done, Alex and Applejack got into her room.

“Hi Awesome, how are you feeling?” – He asked.

“Not that good, everything hurts!” – she answered.

After some minutes, a doctor arrived.

“Rainbow Dash – The doctor said - First of all, I want to congratulate you for your victory.”

“Thanks doctor! I know it was diffi…” – Rainbow Dash answered before being interrupted by the doctor.

“Considering it was your last match.”

“What?” – Rainbow, Alex and Applejack couldn’t believe what they just heard.

“Rainbow Dash – the doctor continued - You put your own body under a lot of pressure in there. Your wings were hurt badly. You are lucky they didn’t detach from your body; right know we managed to fix some fissures on them but even your muscles have great damage. What you did was very dangerous, I am sorry Rainbow Dash but I have to inform Princess Celestia that you MUST forfeit the Tournament. Your body is in no condition to continue fighting.”

Translation: The author doesn't want a female hogging the spotlight from his OC.

Rainbow Dash was silent for a moment. She wanted to cry, but she didn’t.

“Doctor, you have to be kidding me, there is no way a will forfeit the Tournament. I will keep on fighting even if I – Alex smacked her in the head – Hey?! Why did you do that for?” – She asked.

“Because you were about to say something stupid, that’s why. Dash, we all love you and wouldn’t like you to risk your life. Please, listen to the doctor.” – He answered.

But when you do it, you're brave and amazing, right? Fuck you.

“But…” – She replied.

“Listen to him sugarcube. Yah want to be a Wonderbolt, you won’t be able if you lose your wings. You managed to get this far, that’s already an achievement, just let it go!” – Applejack said.

“Ok, I will forfeit the Tournament. But I’m doing it just for you guys!”

“Thank you! – Alex and Applejack said before hugging her. They didn’t notice the tears that came out of her eyes.

After hearing the news from the doctor, Princess Celestia announced to the audience that Rainbow Dash would forfeit the Tournament. Everypony was sad after hearing these news but they all understood that her life was far more important. Meanwhile, Alex and Proud Hammer went into their dressing room.

The second match started, Bright Courage and Quartz Light. The Crystal Pony was giving it all; he used swords and spears to attack his opponent. Quartz was strong but Courage was stronger than him. The Minotaur used his battle axe to block every single attack from his opponent.

Quartz Light realized his weapons were doing nothing against Courage so he threw them away and charged towards the Minotaur, hitting him in the middle of the chest with his forehead. It was a clean and very powerful attack. Quartz Light smiled – “I can’t believe this attack landed, it wasn’t that fast. Maybe it’s because the Champion is a little old…” – He said to himself.

Bright Courage opened his eyes and smiled – “Right where I wanted you!” – He said while grabbing Quartz Light by the neck. His grip was so strong Quartz was unable to escape from it.

Silly pony, don’t you know weapons are useless unless they're Alex’s amazing hidden blades or his mystical katanas folded a million times?



This Minotaur chokes ponies, like the author chokes his chicken.

Pity there are no monkeys taking part in this tournament.

“Being honest, I’m getting a little tired – He said to Quartz, who was beginning to feel the lack of air in his lungs – I’m not as fast and strong as I used to be. Honestly, I get tired if fights last long enough so I always try to end them quickly!”

The Minotaur clenched his fist. It looked like a mace; Maximus Heart (who was watching this match) remembered the pain he felt for hours after being hit by Bright Courage – “Poor bastard.” – He said referring to the pony about to get hit.

Interesting. Discount Blueblood acted friendly towards the Pervy Griffon and now he’s showing sympathy for this other pony. Could there be more to him than just being a cartoonish bully?

The Champion put all of his strength in his punch and hit Quartz right in the muzzle, sending him flying through the air and landing heavily on the other end of the Arena. The referee ran to him and noticed he was knocked out. Bright Courage picked up his battle axe and walked towards Quartz Light. He lifted his arm and let the axe fall on his opponent. Zero points left.

“The winner and defending Champion, Bright Courage!”

Once again, the fake weapons are fucking useless save for complying with some abstract rules. Glad the author introduced them.

Everycreature cheered for him. The Champion helped Quartz stand up while the doctors arrived to check on him.

While in his dressing room, Alex was able to hear the crowd cheering for the Minotaur.

“Well, that was fast as I expected it – He said – Ok, now I’ll face Maximus Heart. It’s time to make him pay for what he did to my friends.”

He said some midly hurtful things! He must pay!

The announcement for the next match was made. Alex and Proud Hammer left their dressing room and started their way towards the Arena. Maximus Heart was already there, a lot of creatures in the crowd including horses, ponies and griffins were cheering for him. He stood there waiting for Alex to arrive.

“Are you ready to lose maggot?” – The horse asked.

Alex drew his Katana pointing at Maximus Heart. His opponent got ready to attack.

“Competitors, you know the rules!

FIGHT!”

I can tell that the fight between Alex and dollar-store Blueblood would be even cringier than usual.

My face is already contorting in anticipation.
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Post #23
Dashguy


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post May 11 2017, 04:01 AM
Ahh...it's good to take a break from mocking a fic where the author thinks I fantasize about spit-roasting an underage Pokemon character with Dashguy.

Thank you for reminding me of that…

Both competitors entered the Arena along with their coaches. Alex was a little worried about her friend Rainbow Dash because of her wounds, but there was no time for that; he had to focus all of his attention on his opponent, the Horse who had insulted his friends.

That fiend!

Maximus Heart was standing there, wearing his Sarabian Armor with pride. Contrary to every other competitor, he didn’t bring any swords or spears with him; the only thing Alex could notice was the spiked horseshoes and a saddle bag. “Maybe he is good at close combat…” Alex said to himself.

Well what did you expect, a fucking bazooka or something?!

I hate to sound like a broken record, but once again I must ask what’s the point of those “fake weapons” if the competitors can choose to beat the crap out of the other guy without them.

Princess Celestia casted the Faker Barrier Spell which surrounded the Arena. The Spell scanned them both for their respective Faker weapons. When the Spell was completed, the referee got in the middle of the Arena and looked at them both.

“Are you ready to lose maggot?” The horse asked.

Alex drew his Katana pointing at Maximus Heart. His opponent got ready to attack.

“Competitors, you know the rules!

“And by “rules”, I mean one: follow whatever shit Alejin pulls out of his ass.”

FIGHT!”

The human was the first one to move, he jumped towards his opponent and tried to land a hit but Maximus Heart dodged it with ease. Maximus started his counter attack using his spiked horseshoes but Alex wasn’t a beginner, he dodged every kick that was thrown at him. However, Maximus Heart had a lot of experience fighting his adversaries; he turned around faster than the blink of an eye and kicked Alex with both hind legs. All Alex was able to do was to barely block the attack by covering his body with his arms but the force of the impact was so strong he was sent flying at least two meters away, “Damn! That really hurt!” He said. The pain in his arms made him remember the one time he was hit by a Manticore.

Which time, The one where you rescued Sweetie Belle, or the invasion of Ponyville?

And while we’re at it, have you considered carrying a “shield”? It’s been widely used by humans since ancient times and, while it’s not as cool as wielding a sword in each hand, it’s pretty useful when it comes to protecting your body.

Maximus Heart smiled and searched for something inside his bag. Alex stood up and saw him taking out a double-edged sword. Maximus looked at the human and charged. The Horse was really fast, even faster than Applejack. Alex was barely able to dodge the attack by jumping to his left but it wasn’t enough, Maximus was still able to make a deep scratch on his chest armor piece; luckily for him, the blade didn’t penetrate his armor so he didn’t lose any points.

The Horse turned around without stopping and charged again. This time, he ran faster, Alex tried to move quicker but the tip of his opponent’s sword made another deep scratch in his armor, damaging it even more.

“What do you think about my speed? I bet you thought I would be like those Ponies you have faced. You see, there are clear differences between them and us. Horse legs are thinner but that’s one of our main advantages, they make us run faster!”

Nigga, you’re the same shit with a different smell.

Maximus Heart charged once again but this time Alex was ready. He jumped to his right, making sure he landed as far as possible from the tip of his sword. “Fool! You won’t escape from me!” Maximus shouted as he stopped right before Alex landed and used his hind legs to kick him on the chest again, shattering Alex’s armor to pieces. Alex was sent flying and landed on his back, he tried to stand up immediately but the pain was unbearable. He coughed and instinctively covered his mouth with his hand, the smell was unmistakable; he looked down and saw his hand all covered in blood, he turned his head and spit some more on the ground.

“Don’t even think I will stop now just because you have blood coming out of your lungs.” Maximus Heart said, “In fact, I’ll punish you a little longer.”

"He needs, to be punished!"

There are no brakes on this train, son!

“We’ll see about that!” Alex replied as he stood up and grabbed his Katanas.

Alex charged; he attacked Maximus Heart with every single iaido technique he knew but it didn’t work.

Is Iaido a style of Martial Arts?

Yes, a Japanese one. It focuses on quickly drawing the sword, striking down the enemy, wiping the blood with a swift move and re-sheating it. The main character of the Rurouni Kenshin series, Kenshin Himura, used this style, althought it was referred as “battoujutsu” there. Now, as you’ve probably realized from my description, Alex here cannot be using Iaido because, one, he’s wielding two swords and, two, he’s not carrying sheats for them.

The Horse blocked every single one of Alex’s attacks.

Maximus Heart was not only dodging and blocking, he was also waiting for the perfect moment to strike back, and it came; Alex extended his right arm trying to reach for his opponent’s head leaving his chest unprotected. Maybe he had forgotten his armor was broken but Maximus Heart didn’t forget that, he saw this opportunity and turned around immediately, throwing another powerful kick. Alex noticed the big mistake he made and dropped his Katanas in an effort to cover his chest with both arms.



WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR BAAAAAAACK?!

Not just his body, look at his face. It’s like he’s made of freaking plastiline.

The sky was blue, there were no clouds and the sun was shining on the east. It could be a very relaxing view for any other but not for Alex who was once again sent flying against his will. He landed on his back, he closed his eyes and the pain started. His arms were numb; he couldn’t move a finger because of the pain in his forearms. “I hope they’re not broken…” He said to himself.

Who would’ve thought simultaneously wielding a pair of two-handed swords would make it more difficult to block incoming strikes?

Maximus looked down and saw Alex’s Katanas on the ground, “You couldn’t even touch me with these useless things.” He stomped on both blades breaking them into pieces, “You won’t need this shit anymore!” he said while laughing.

Alex was trying to stand up. Every muscle in his body hurt.

The Horse kept walking towards him “I’m insulted, I made this trip expecting someone worthy of my time. How disappointing! You fight no different than Griffins or Minotaurs; I was actually expecting something new but… this.

I can't exactly say you're wrong Maximus.

Well, at least I’ll be the one to defeat the so-called Hero of Canterlot.”

“Don’t listen to him Alex, I know you can do it!”

Alex looked up; Fluttershy was crying, she was screaming as loud as she could.

“Please Alex get up!”

“That… that thing screaming up there is your marefriend? Hahahahahahaha! Well, I guess that’s the best you could do. Out of all the Elements of harmony, it was obvious you would get the weakest one. Please tell me at least you tried with the other ones first!” Maximus Heart said.

*GASP!* He insulted Moe Horse. How's Alex going to take this?

“. . . take that back!” Alex replied.

“What?”

“Take that back! NOW!”

“And what if I don’t?”

“You really don’t want to know!”

UR SUU DED!

Gay. That’s the only word I can think to summarize this exchange. Even a ten years-old kid would be able to come up with something better. “The weakest one”? Is that the insult that’s supposed to throw Alex over the edge? Why not call her a “failed project of a pony” or a “ugly blow-up doll”? And “you really don’t want to know”? That’s what I told my friends when they asked how my toilet got clogged.

Maximus laughed and turned around; he trotted at least twenty meters away from Alex and looked at the crowd, “This thing lying defeated on the ground is the famous Hero of Canterlot. I guess Canterlot’s standards are really low.

Well, seeing as how the last villain was a spoiled prince with no particular skills, I think it’s more like “balancing” things.

Since this match was over even before it began, I have no interest in showing my remaining opponents any of my abilities so I’ll finish him right now!” he turned around and faced Alex, who was already on his feet “Well, that was surprising! Prepare yourself human. This will end quickly!” He said before running towards Alex at full speed.

Surprisingly, he wasn’t the only one running; Alex started running too. “Maybe he lost it; I must have kicked him really hard!” Maximus said.
Right before hitting each other, Alex jumped forward extending his arms. He was aiming for Maximus’ neck “Not that fast human!” the Horse shouted as he jumped up to avoid him. But Alex’s plan had worked, he wasn’t aiming for the neck, he wanted to grab one of Maximus’ hind legs but made it look the other way.

Even though the pain in his arms was immense, the anger he had because of the things Maximus had said about his friends and his loved one was bigger than anything at that moment. He grabbed Heart’s leg and pulled him down with all of his strength making him fall on his muzzle. “How dare you?!”Maximus screamed.



When the hell did Maximus get that sword thingy?

Took it from his saddlebags at the beginning of the fight, after kicking Alex for the first time. Don’t ask me how did he talk with that thing on his mouth, though.

“You said you wanted to see something new. Well, I guess no one had done this before.” Alex started twisting Maximus’ pastern with all of his strength.

“Let go of me you fool!” Maximus tried to hit Alex with his other leg but the pain was killing him.

“I promised you once that I would make you pay for the things you said to my friends. I was going to forgive you, but you didn’t take your words back. I can’t forgive you now!”

“What?! All this because of your stupid maref….?!”

Maximus couldn’t finish his sentence. He looked at Alex directly into his eyes. Those weren’t human eyes anymore; all he could see was anger.
Alex tightened his grip; for a moment, everything wrong that had happened to him, losing his family, being hated and feared by Equestrian inhabitants, seeing his loved ones suffer, everything that had tortured his mind took over his entire body; anger and frustration.

The hell? Where did this shit come from? He wasn’t this angry at Blueblood, who was definitely going to kill his friends and tried to kill him, but this guy manages to put the straw that broke the camel’s back with just a couple of lame insults? Did Alejin watch some shitty anime where the protagonist got a rage boost and decided he wanted to put that shit on his story?

He tightened the grip some more, more and more! He didn’t stop until a cracking sound and a painful scream made him come to his senses. He let go of Maximus’ leg.

Welp, Maximus broke his leg. Time to get the shotgun...

Guess he really was made of plastiline.

The crowd was speechless. Some of them started cheering for him, but his friends were silent. Alex had mixed feelings on his mind. He looked at his opponent, who was lying on the ground trying to stand up; the broken bone could easily be seen. “You deserved this, you arrogant asshole!”

“You deserve to be crippled for trying to charge money for your autographs!”

Alex started walking back gaining some distance between them. Maximus didn’t noticed what Alex was doing, he was about to say something but then he heard the human running at full speed towards him, he turned his head only to be hit by Alex’s knee right on his muzzle, making him spit some blood and teeth. Maximus went unconscious.



That's the exact same expression that Blueblood made when Spike punched him. Looks like my theory is true after all.

FLYING MANNEQUIN ATTACK!

Alex grabbed him by the mane; he picked up his head and clenched his fist. Many creatures cheered and waited to see some more action, but Proud Hammer and his friends started screaming, telling him to stop.

“This bastard deserves it!” Alex said. He looked up and saw Fluttershy on her seat. She was silent, looking at him like she was scared. Like he was the monster some ponies said he was.

He let go of the Horse, who fell to the ground still unconscious. Alex popped his Faker Hidden Blade and stabbed his opponent in the head in order to finish his life counter points. When the number reached zero, the Faker Barrier disappeared. Horse medics and some of Maximus Heart friends got into the Arena and picked him up.

Hey, GorillaGamer. Do you remember this little bit from chapter nine?

QUOTE
“Many centuries ago, there were Coliseum Tournaments that didn’t have access to the spells we now know. So there weren’t Faker weapons then. As I told you before, the Barrier feels when a participant is alive so the only way the Field Spell could be canceled was to either knock your opponent out or ki…”

“I get it.” – Alex said.


The field spell is supposed to deactivate when one of the participants is knocked out. Just wanted to remind you that.

Proud Hammer walked towards his friend.

“Wow Kiddo, I really thought you were going to beat him to a pulp. Thank you for listening to us boy.”

“I’m not a monster Proud; at least I think I’m not”

Well you did break the guys leg.

“I am not saying that kid. You are not a monster Alex…”

Just an ill-tempered asshole who carries knives wherever he goes.

“Thanks Proud. Do you think I went too far by breaking his leg?”

“Well . . . It’s not illegal. He was a total asshole. Just… be ready to get some hateful looks.”

It’s okay, anybody who doesn’t like the author's OC is a bad person. I learned that from Past Sins.

“Ok…”

Alex heard his friends running towards him and turned around to see them.

“Are you okay?” Rarity asked.

“Yeah I’m ok thank you. I’m just feeling a little bad for Maximus Heart. I think I went a little too far.”

“I must admit your method was a little . . . brutal” Rarity said “But he saw it coming. It was actually a good thing that you stopped at the end, I was afraid you weren’t going to.”

“Being honest Rarity, I didn’t want to stop. He insulted Fluttershy and all of my friends. The only thing that stopped me was all of you. I didn’t want you to watch me doing that, I’m sorry…”

'Self-insert breaks someone's leg.' Oh that's alright, he had it coming.

'Some one says something mean to Fluttershy." OMG, THEY'RE WORSE THAN HITLER!!

Brony logic at it's finest.


“Don’t be sorry! You are not an animal, and I know how much you love us!”

“Thank you!”

Fluttershy was next. She hugged Alex with all of her strength.

“Alex you won! Congratulations.”

“Thanks beautiful, but, tell me, are you mad at me? Are you scared of me? I saw you when you were on your seat.”

Fluttershy looked down “I must admit it was a little shocked but I know you did it because of the horrible things he said and I love you for that!”

YOU POTENTIALLY CRIPPLED HIM FOR LIFE BUT THAT’S OKAY BECAUSE HE CALLED ME A CHILDISH INSULT AND I LOVE YOU FOR THAT.

Alex kissed her “Thanks Shy, I was actually scared that you would think different.”

Fluttershy hugged him again “Never! I know your heart Alex and I trust you. You confirmed it when you decided not to punish him further, I knew you wouldn’t!”

They hugged each other again. Nopony dared to say anything; they turned around and went back to their seats. Alex and Fluttershy were still hugging each other there until a referee asked her to leave the Arena “Yeah, I’ll be leaving now. Alex, I love you!” She gave one last kiss and flew back to her seat.

“I’ll make you the proudest marefriend in the world!” Alex shouted.

“I already am Alex, I love you!”

“Love you too!”

Can you take over the mock for a while, GorillaGamer? I need to puke.

Proud Hammer got close to him “So you really managed to get that magnificent mare? It’s official kiddo; you are the luckiest creature in the entire world!”

“I definitely am!”

A couple of minutes later the next fight started, Zaxel and Iron Horn entered the Arena; both of them focused on their opponent. Alex wanted to make sure he was carefully paying attention; one of them would be his next opponent. The Faker Barrier spell was casted and it resonated with their Faker weapons. Completing the spell and sealing the combatants inside it.



Even the foreign fighter from another country has the retard blades. When will it end?!

Another minotaur wielding an axe. Originality is, like, hard.

Iron Horn drew his two axes while Zaxel crouched like a tiger getting ready to catch its prey. He then stood on his hind legs and clashed his hooves together, activating a mechanism that made blades come out of the bracelets on his front legs.

“I’d say it’s a decent copy” Alex said.

“I think the same” Iron Hammer replied.

Zaxel and Iron Horn started to fight, clashing their weapons and showing a high display of skill. Iron Horn was strong but Zaxel was so much agile and fast, crouching, jumping, making somersaults and rolling. It was unbelievable, in less than thirty seconds of sparring; he had already gotten sixty point off from the Minotaur by hitting him in the areas that weren’t protected by Armor.

Guess the Minotaur should have suited up better...

Alex was impressed, the Zebra was amazing; he wasn’t as fast as Maximus Heart, but his agility and flexibility were at human level, the Minotaur was defenseless against his speed, but even though he was that fast, he was nothing compared to Bright Courage.

In a last attempt to win, the Minotaur used a smoke bomb to try to blind his opponent. While the area was covered in smoke, the Minotaur laughed “I trained to combat in the darkest places of our kingdom, where sight is very limited. You are in my territory now little zebra!”
Alex noticed how Zaxel closed his eyes and began to smile.

Once the smoke had covered the entire Arena, the crowd went silent; looking for any of the competitors inside it, but all they could hear was a terrible scream. Once the smoke had dissipated, the crowd stood up from their seats, they were looking at a Zebra who was the only one standing up, while his opponent was lying on the floor, gasping and spiting some blood. Iron Horn stood up; he walked a few steps away from Zaxel before falling unconscious. Finally the Zebra used his blade to take the remaining points off from him. He looked at the Minotaur who was still lying defenseless on the ground.

“You know, Monster Hunters do some of our jobs in the deepest forests and caves, being unable see our surroundings is not a problem for us!”

First Spike, then Rainbow Dash and now this guy. It’s almost like wielding those Retard Blades is a surefire indicator of victory.

Everycreature cheered, including the Mane 6, the CMC and Spike. Alex was standing on his seat.

“Kiddo… he is, well you know…” Proud Hammer said.

“Yeah, I don’t know if I can defeat him. Just look at what he did! He took out that big guy with just one blow.” Alex replied.

“I know he is strong and agile, but so you are Alex!”

“You think so?”

“I know it!”

“Thanks Proud. I’ll do my best!”

“I wouldn’t expect less from you kiddo.”

What even are you Proud Hammer? Are you a self-insert for that Zombie Garka fellow?

Here's a spanish lesson for you, my friend. The word "garca" (normally written with a C) is "cagar" backwards, the latter literally means "to take a dump". In the slang of my country, "garca" is used to refer to a person who (metaphorically) takes a dump on others. For example, a swindler.

Huh...maybe Zombie Garka is a swindler who's purposely making this fic even shittier than usual.

Zaxel came trotting to where Alex was standing. He looked happy and excited “Well, it’s you and me, Alex. I hope you are ready, let’s have fun!”

“Yeah, we will!”

Before starting the next match, Princess Celestia decided to give a two hour break so Zaxel could have some rest because Rainbow and Bright Courage wouldn’t fight due to her having forfeited the Tournament. Alex and Proud Hammer used this time to have a little chat with their friends.

“Brother! You were so cool! I can’t wait to see you win your next fight!”

“Thanks Sweetie Bell, but I must say Zaxel is really strong. I will not underestimate him, and we can’t forget about Mr. Bright Courage either.”

“Ah must agree with yah sugarcube. That Zebra is really powerful, even more than Big Mac’s and that says a lot!”

“No need to tell me that twice Applejack!” Alex replied as they shared a laugh.

“And don’t forget to keep moving, he is really fast and agile.” Rainbow said.

“Yes, he is really dangerous!” He nodded.

It seems like that zebra fellow is a third skinsuit for the author to jerk off in.

Sweetie Bell jumped on top of Alex’s head, “That doesn’t matter, I know you can beat him big brother!” she said.

The group was having a nice time laughing and making some jokes about the fights they had seen until today. Pinkie Pie asked the others to be quiet for a moment. He had an important question to ask to the human.

“So Ali, what kind of cake would you like for your party?”

“… Pinkie, we are not sure if I’m going to win this. You know that right?”

“I know, I’ll make a party for you anyway! Win or lose, it doesn’t matter to us, you will have a big party just for being here with us.”

Thank you for reminding us that’s the only thing you’re good for, Pinkie.

“Ok then… chocolate cake would be awesome! He replied.

“Okey dokey” Pinkie Pie said before disappearing inside a cloud of confetti.

The announcement for the next match was made; the two competitors were given 15 additional minutes to get ready. Alex and the others said goodbye and went to their respective places. Once they were a little away from him, Fluttershy made sure he wasn’t looking and let out a tear, Twilight noticed and asked “are you ok Shy?”

“You know I’m not ok Twilight. I still have the feeling something bad will happen…”

“Fluttershy, you are worrying for nothing. I made sure there were enough guards on the city and around the Coliseum; there is no way something goes wrong!”

“Thanks Twilight. It’s just that I’m really worried about him; I never wanted him to compete in this event. I don’t want to lose him, I can’t think of a future without him anymore. Just thinking about him leaving Equestria makes me sad. I lost him once; I don’t want to lose him again!”

Rarity was shocked after hearing these words from her friend “When I said that you two would get married, I actually was kidding. I never thought you’d take it that so serious.”

Fluttershy didn’t seem to understand “What do you mean?” she asked.

“Darling please, haven’t you noticed it yet? The way you talk and how you feel, the way you act, or how you seem to suffer just by thinking about losing him is beyond having a simple crush on someone!”

“I still don’t get it!”

Rarity smiled. She wanted to make herself clear.

“Fluttershy, do you want to always be by his side?”

“. . . yes.”

“Can you stop missing him when he is not around?” Rarity asked.

“No, I can’t!”

Lyra started jumping around “Fluttershy, do you want him to stay in Equestria forever?!”

Fluttershy was crying and smiling, she couldn’t help it. Love had taken over her heart “Yes, I want him here FOREVER!”

Tl;dr Fluttershy wants the D.

Rarity got closer to her “I believe you want to spend the rest of your life with him. Do you want to start a family with Alex?”

Fluttershy was speechless. She didn’t know how to answer this question. She loved Alex, she was sure about it; however, she had just realized how much she truly loved him and how bad she wanted to be with him.

“Yes I do!”

Fluttershy stopped crying, she began to fly “I, I have to tell him this right now!”

Rarity realized what her friend was about to do “Wait darling! You need to wait”

“But why?”

“Look, we all know he loves you, but I’m not sure if he is ready to hear this confession of yours. All I know is that right now he needs to focus in his match, I think is the best if you wait after all of this is over.”

Fluttershy started thinking about the things Rarity said “I guess you are right. I’ll talk to him at Pinkie’s party.”
Rarity and the rest of the group smiled.

Okay, stop. Stop it. This is so bad it’s not even funny. It’s basically a whole damn monologue about how much Fluttershy loves the self-insert. It’s Friendship is a Lifesaver levels of bad writing. I mean, when was the last time those two sat and had a nice conversation about HER life, parents, hobbies, etc.? When was the last time he helped her with her stuff? She's a freaking doll, a satellite. Honestly, I could replace her with any other freaking character and there wouldn’t be a difference.

“Ok, now let’s hurry up! His match is about to star!”

The Coliseum was about to explode. The two fighters entered Arena followed by their coaches. The Faker Barrier Spell was casted, resonating with their weapons.

The referee called the both. But Zaxel asked him for a little time to say something before the match.

“I’m happy Alex. I really wanted to face you! Even if I win or lose, my wish as been fulfilled.”

Alex was surprised, Zaxel had a lot of respect for him

No shit, you're a goddamn author avatar!

“Thanks Zaxel, I mean it and truly honored. It is a real honor to be here with you!”

“Enough talk!” the referee said “Competitors, you know the rules!”

“FIGHT!”

Alex drew both Katanas and Zaxel drew his blades. Both of them charged at full speed, the clash of their weapons echoed all over the stadium, making the crow go wild.



What's...with all the floating stars?

It’s to highlight the fabulousness of their interpretative dance.

The display of abilities from both competitors was magnificent. Their speed and agility was incredible. Alex was trying his best in order to take some points from Zaxel but it was almost impossible. The Zebra was trying to do the same, but Alex was a worthy opponent “So that’s why they call you the Hero of Canterlot!” Zaxel thought “I’m truly honored!”

After an intense swordfight, Alex and Zaxel jumped away from each other. Both of them were panting.

“You are good Alex!”

“You too Zaxel, your agility is amazing. I haven’t seen in any other pony or zebra, who trained you?”

“My grandpa, he wanted me to be the best. So I always fight to honor him!”

“That’s awesome. I respect you for that!”

Without saying anything else, Alex charged again. Zaxel threw a smoke bomb; the crowd knew what was coming, it would be over for Alex. The smoke began covering the Arena, Alex stopped and took out a headband, covering his mouth and nose with it in order to avoid breathing the smoke (the headband he used had a strange logo, a filly inside some kind of shield) Zaxel noticed this, but he had to stick to his plan, he closed his eyes as he did while fighting against Iron Horn and charged. The smoke had fully covered the human, Zaxel pointed his weapon forward; he could feel the human standing in front of him so he attacked.

But his attack failed, it was blocked by Alex.

“…How?” The Zebra was really surprised.

“Do you think you are the only one who can use his ears? I may not be as good as you but I can do it too!”

Now it was Alex’s turn, he attacked using what was left of the smoke to try to cover his moves, but Zaxel was pretty good at blocking and evading all of them. It seemed as if this battle could last forever.

Oh, I agree. They’ve barely started and I already feel the left side of my face getting numb. As always, this is mostly a product of Alejin’s lack of writing skills. Notice how, in the first paragraph, he only uses generic descriptors: “magnificent abilities”, “incredible speed and agility”, etc, but nothing else. By contrast, the second paragraph, with the smoke bomb, reads like a “dry cleaner list” of actions. Here’s another good example courtesy of a Star Wars novel:

Just as Ventress realized she had overextended, Dooku's left hand clamped down on her right wrist and he brought up his own lightsaber. It was Ventress's turn to seize his arm and hold the scarlet blade at bay. For an instant, the two, their faces only centimeters apart, stared into each other's eyes in a mockery of lovers. Then Dooku heaved her up and sent her sprawling. Unable to catch herself in time, Ventress landed heavily with a grunt.

See? A good fight scene should be able to balance the two aspects.


“Well, I know he is good. But I have to finish this!” Alex said to himself.

He charged one again; Zaxel did the same. Less than two meters before colliding, Alex threw both of his Katanas towards Zaxel who had to use both of his front legs on order to block them. But his was Alex’s plan; he slid under Zaxel and grabbed one of his hind legs making lose his balance. The Zebra had to quickly put his front legs on the ground to avoid being taken down, this happened so fast he couldn’t retrieve one of his blades so it broke into pieces after impacting the ground. Knowing how fast and flexible Zaxel was, Alex started twisting his pastern the same way he did to Maximus Heart.

I thought Zaxel was your friend. Why break his leg, like you did with Maximus?

Zaxel felt great pain but he knew exactly what to do, using both his front legs he pushed himself and rolled forward, pulling Alex and lifting him from the ground. Alex was taken by surprised, it was the exact way to counter his attack “Did he just come up with this idea after watching me fight Maximus Heart? He said to himself. The inertia sent Alex flying forward, but just before letting go off Zaxel’s leg, he managed to twist it a little, not breaking it, but damaging his tendons.



And with a flip, Alex is now flying into the stratosphere. Here's hoping he reaches space and his head blows up.

This is the stupidest counter move I’ve ever seen. And I love Alex’s bewildered “he reversed it” as if grabbing the other guy’s leg was some kind of secret technique.

Alex fell on the ground but thanks to the power of karma, he landed on his left leg, twisting his knee. He let go a painful scream that made Fluttershy stand from her seat. Both competitors stood up from the ground as fast as they could. Both of them were hurt.

“You know this has to come to an end Zaxel!” Alex shouted.

“I know!” he replied “Let’s do this!”

Alex popped his Hidden Blade, Zaxel did the same. They smiled and charged. This would be their last move.

Charging again. How fitting for a tournament that has been the pinnacle of unoriginality.

The crowd stood up as the fighters clashed against each other. Both of them pierced each other’s chest in an last effort to finish their match.



It's sweet to see two competitors hugging each other, like they were bros.

I like the little lightning bolts coming from their ankles. Nevermind Alex twisted his freaking KNEE.

Alex and Zaxel looked at each other. They were silent, listening to their life counter points decreasing.

Zaxel was the first to talk, “You were an incredible opponent Alex, I’m glad you were the one who defeated me.”

Alex smiled and closed his eyes. He moved his head from side to side.

“I missed.”

Zaxel didn’t understand “what did you say?” he looked down and saw Alex’s Hidden Blade buried in his chest.

“I don’t know that much about Zebras physiology” Alex answered “but I’m sure I missed your heart. You my friend, on other hand, didn’t miss mine. I believe Minotaurs and humans have their hearts located in the same spot.”

You could also have played it safe and aimed to his neck, but I guess that wouldn’t have been homoerotic enough.

“But why are you saying that?” Zaxel seemed not to understand.

“Please look above you” Alex said while smiling.

Zaxel looked up. His pupils dilated. He had fifteen points floating over his head. Alex life counter points were at ZERO! He looked down, and saw Alex straight to his eyes. Alex looked calmed, he was smiling.

“I lost.”

And with the surprising outcome of Alex losing, I think it's time to end this chapter.

Wow. That was so…meh. Not just the fight, but the whole damn tournament. It was a shitfest of original characters. And yes, I’m including Spike, who is basically Mini Alex in a dragon fursuit. Rainbow Dash, the only canon pony participating, gets only one fight, which seems written with the purpose of having her wield the Retard Blades and giving Tyras a resolution rather than following Dash’s story.
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Post #24
Dashguy


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post May 16 2017, 04:20 AM
Now that Alex has been booted out of the tournament, there's really no point in dragging it on. Once the final battle has ended, I'll put in my two cents on the whole tournament arc.

During the whole Coliseum Tournament, there were moments when the crowd went silent, always because they were paying full attention during the matches; but his was different. Every member of the Royal families that visited Canterlot, the Royal Guards, the Princesses, everypony was in absolute silence. Fluttershy closed her eyes and let out some tears.

Alex removed his Faker Hidden Blade from Zaxel’s chest and stepped back. The referee shook his head as if trying to get back to his senses. He looked surprised.

These two clashed their swords for a bit, played with a smoke bomb, hurt their legs and then stabbed each other. It’s hard to be impressed by that when, just a couple of chapters ago, we had the griffon chick conjure up a thudercloud, then using her sword to channel and fire a lightning bolt or Rainbow Dash using a sonic rainboom to strike her down.

“Here is your winner, Zaxel the Zebra!”

Alex was the first one to applaud; it took a little while for the crowd to start applauding and praising Zaxel’s performance and victory.

“Well done! It was an amazing match.” – Alex said.

This is the equivalent of a man giving himself a blowjob.

Zaxel was still speechless, he couldn’t believe it; he looked down and saw Alex’s hand extended towards him, he knew the human was sincere. He raised his hoof and extended it, Alex grabbed it “this is how humans congratulate their friends, with a handshake!”

“Thanks Alex, did I really beat you?”

“You sure did, it was a great match. You are an amazing fighter!”

“T… Thank you…”

“Why do you look surprised? You are really strong, please believe in yourself. Now, stop thinking about what just happened and focus on beating Bright Courage so you can become the new Champion, you are very close to your goal!”

Fake compliments, ahoy!

“You… you are right! Thank you Alex, thank you for this fight, you are awesome!” Zaxel got closer to Alex and hugged him “I feel I’m in debt with you Alex!”

I love how the zebra is not just happy, but also humbled and in complete disbelief about his victory.

“Just do your best, I know you can!” – Alex turned around and started walking away so the winner could celebrate his victory.

Proud Hammer ran towards him “You did well kiddo. Now, let’s take you to the infirmary so they can take a look at your leg, it looks swollen.”

As they were about to leave the Arena, Alex heard someone calling at him. He looked up and saw a Minotaur standing up “You did well human, it was an honor to see you fighting!” another Minotaur stood up placing his fist over his chest as a sign of respect. Suddenly, the whole crow stoop up, they started applauding and chanting for the Hero of Canterlot. “Way to go human!” “I wanted to see you become the new champion!” “Thank you Alex!” “You are the Hero of Canterlot!”

Alex was surprised; he turned around and noticed Zaxel chanting his name along with the crowd “Alex! Alex! Alex! Alex!” Everypony inside the Coliseum was applauding, Zebras, Griffins, Minotaurs, Ponies. Alex had a warm feeling inside his heart; he clenched his fist and raised it, making the crowd go wilder. He smiled at them, then turned around and left so the winner of the match could celebrate his victory.

Even when he loses, Alex still gets treated as if he's won. Where was that shit for the other competitors?

That’s an excellent point. I admit I didn’t notice it, but the losers of each match get completely ignored by the crowd. Not just with Alex, but with Spike too. It’s almost like they immediately fall into a black hole and vanish.

The Princesses flew towards the center of the Arena in order to congratulate the winner, they also said that they were going to give Zaxel the best treatment for his wounds as well as a couple of hours to rest so he could be ready for his match against Bright Courage. The Minotaur was ok with it, but some of the spectators around him noticed he was a little pissed, maybe because he wanted to face the human during the finals.

Oh, you mean the only freaking thing he talked about since he first appeared? Yeah, I suppose it could be that. Maybe. Who knows? I’m not a freaking psychic.

After having his leg treated by Nurse Redheart, Alex was feeling better than ever; he was glad it wasn’t broken or it could take at least a month to fully heal. He went to his room and left all his faker gear inside a wardrobe next to the one where his original gear was. He felt a little sad in his heart, but he was also proud of himself “Well . . . it was fun. I’m glad nothing bad happened; Fluttershy, you were worried for nothing.”

He left his room and met with Proud Hammer “let’s go kiddo, I bet your friends want to see you” Proud Hammer said with a big smile; he was a great Pony, one of Alex’s best friends “let’s go grandpa! Hey, by the way…” Alex got to his knees and hugged Proud Hammer, the pony was a little surprised because this hug was different, it felt as a hug given not by a friend, but a family member “Thank you for everything Proud, I really appreciate all you’ve done for me!” Proud Hammer hugged Alex too “You fought well Alex; you are a great warrior and the real winner to me!”

I seem to recall a theory I made earlier, where I said tat Proud Hammer was Zombie Garka's self-insert. Now it's starting to come across as the self-insert of the authors dad.

Or the cool dad Alejin wants to have.

Alex stood up and started walking towards the exit of the Arena. As soon as they were outside, Alex was received by a huge crowd and his friends. Fluttershy flew to where he was “There you are my love!” she said.



Even in defeat, Moe Horse still loves Alex. That takes dedication...

Or a complete lack or personality…

“I’m sorry if I disappoint…”

He was stopped by a kiss from Fluttershy.

“I’m the most proud marefriend in the world! Having you next to me is all I need to be complete!”

Alex smiled and hugged her again; it seemed as if Fluttershy wanted to be closer to him than ever before. Alex had started to notice this after he beat Maximus Heart. Soon, the rest of his friends gather around them.

“Oh Alexis, you were great, we are so proud of you!”

“Thanks Lyra, I mean it. Sorry guys for not winning this match…”

“Darling, don’t be sorry, you fought incredible!”

“Yeah! She is right sugarcube” Applejack said “Yah can be sure yah made Equestria and Ponyville proud of you!”

Rainbow Dash got close to him “Honestly, it would have been awesome to see you fight against Bright Coura…”

Yeah, to see his ass get kicked.

“Rainbow Dash, would you mind?!” – Rarity shouted.

“Don’t get mad!” She replied “Let me finish. As I was saying, Alex you were awesome in there! You were actually as awesome as me and that is something you should feel proud of!”

“Well, thank you Rainbow. I… I really don’t know what to say…”

Pinkie Pie started walking in circles around Fluttershy and Alex. It was obvious she was waiting for him to say something.

“Mmmm Pinkie Pie…”

“YES?!”

“Can we still have that party you promised me?”

“Of course! Ali, you’ll see, this party will be epic!”

Alex laughed; he turned his face and saw Spike standing with his fist pointing at him. He immediately understood and raised his hand to fist bump his friend.

“I’m sorry Spike; I wasn’t able to make it as you did.”

“Don’t worry Alex, he was an incredible opponent. I would never be able to beat someone as strong as him!”

“Thanks for that Spike. Well, at least one of us won a trophy!”

"Wait, but that means..."

"Yep, we have to share it. Just make sure to clean it after using it."


“But you won a medal!” - Spike replied.

“I won what?!” – Alex seemed a little surprised. He turned his head and noticed Princess Twilight arriving at the place.

“Didn’t you know? The top four gets a gold medal!”

“Really? That’s pretty cool!”

“Except for Discount Blueblood. He was a dick and we gave him a lump of coal. Covered in feces. And needles.”

“Yes, you won a well deserved medal Alex” Princess Twilight said “Congratulations for getting this far, I’ll be honored to give you this medal at the Tournament Closing Ceremony, but only if you want me to…”

Alex stood up and bowed to the Princess “I’ll be honored Twilight. Thank you!”

He looked down and saw his sister hiding behind Rarity “Is there something wrong little sister?” he asked, but she didn’t say anything “I’m really sorry if I disappointed you in any way…” she looked at him without saying a single word and ran away.



Congratulations Alex, you dissapointed the most excitable pony in the series. You should be proud of yourself.

FUCK THIS. NO, REALLY, FUCK THIS SHIT SIDEWAYS WITH A STALE BAGUETTE. IT'S BAD ENOUGH THIS WAS A TOURNAMENT WITH ZERO FUCKING STAKES, BUT INSTEAD OF BEING HAPPY HE DID WELL, ALEX HAS TO GO ALL EMO LIKE A WHINY, ATTENTION-WHORING TEENAGER ON FACEBOOK, NOW SWEETIE BELLE IS DRAGGED INTO SHIT TOO.

“Just leave her for now Alex, she just needs a little time to understand things don’t always come out as we want” Fluttershy said “It seems she really wanted you to win this event.”

“Yeah! Just leave this to us Alex; we’ll make sure she is ok.” - Scootaloo said, then went after her along with Applebloom.

“I know she is just a little filly, but I don’t want her to feel disappointed about me…”

Rarity turned to him “Oh darling, I…” Alex looked at her “Please Rarity, I really appreciate what you are doing. But, that made me feel really sad; if you don’t mind I’ll go back inside, I want to have some rest.”

He turned around and started walking. Fluttershy tried to follow him but Rainbow Dash stopped her “Give him some time; even though he has tried to hide his feelings, we know he is sad inside. Having Sweetie Belle run away from him was something he couldn’t stand. He’ll be ok, just give him some time…”

“… Ok, I will.”

OR—GET A LOAD OF THIS—YOU COULD BEHAVE LIKE A FUCKING ADULT FOR ONCE IN YOUR GODDAMN LIFE AND GO TALK WITH HER YOURSELF? EH? HOW ABOUT THAT?

Alex got inside the Coliseum again, he walked towards his room. As he was about to enter but realized the door was open, he got inside only to find the current champion Bright Courage standing in his room “Wow! Mr. Bright Courage, hmmm this is truly an honor. What… what are you doing here?!”

"Prepare your anus!"

“I was knocking the door but nobody answered so I just got inside; you see, my grandson wanted to have your autograph and I told him I could get it. I thought you were sleeping, I’m sorry for getting inside your room without your permission.”

“There is no problem at all Mr. Bright Courage” Alex said “I can definitely give your grandson my autograph!””

“Thank you Alex, here is a scroll and a quill for you to sign.”

Alex gave him is autograph “Here it is Mr. Bright Courage; please tell your grandson I’m happy to have him as a fan. Now if you please excuse me, I would like to have some rest before watching your match against Zaxel.”

Bright nodded and left his room. Alex, closed the door and noticed one of the wardrobes was open, he checked inside but everything was there “Didn’t I close it? Well, whatever. I’ll have some sleep before the final match begins.”

Methinks like Bright Courage stole Alex’s underwear for his little stalker shrine.

Rarity, Applejack and Rainbow Dash got inside the Royal Palace, they were looking for Sweetie Belle and knew they would find her in her room, Rarity was a little mad at her sister “How could she do that to Alex?”

The author wanted to set up a contrived as all fuck plot, to crank up the angst dial.

I love how Rarity asks “how could she do that to Alex”. Because they all have to be perfect, little angels for the guy.

As they approached her room, they heard Applebloom and Scootaloo talking inside “Sweetie c’mon, he did an awesome job. It would have been great if he was crowned as the new champion but he did all he could!”

“Yeah! Remember when my sister won all those ribbons in the Canterlot Rodeo? Ah didn’t mind she didn’t win the 1st place ribbon, Ah was proud of her; she did her best, Ah knew there were many incredible cowponies and she even bested many of them but couldn’t defeat some others, that’s just what competitions are about. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.”

FUCK YOU! DON’T COMPARE APPLEJACK’S DILEMMA ON “THE LAST ROUNDUP” TO THIS! SHE HAD PROMISED TO BRING THE PRIZE MONEY BACK TO REPAIR THE TOWN HALL BUILDING! SHE HAD LEGITIMATE REASONS TO BE DISTRAUGHT ABOUT NOW WINNING THE FIRST PLACE!

Rarity didn’t lose any time, her sister deserved a good scolding; the three ponies entered the room taking the fillies inside by surprise.

“Sweetie Belle! Tell me what is wrong with you?” – Rarity asked.

“What’s wrong with me? Didn’t you notice? Alex lost and not only that! He even shook his opponents hoof and said it was fun!”

“Of course he did!” Rarity replied “He is a good competitor! What did you expect? Did you expect him to make a tantrum and act like an idiot?”

“Well, no! But he… he was supposed to win, he is a hero after all!”

“That doesn’t make him invincible!”

Tell that to Naruto. With all the powers that little shit has, it would take an army of Superman's to defeat him.

Sweetie Bells burst into tears and covered her face with her bed sheets. She knew Rarity was right and felt bad for her attitude towards Alex, but she was still mad at him, at her brother; she didn’t have any real reason to, but she was too stubborn to admit it. Everypony decided to let her be, it was something she had to figure out by herself. Everypony left the room, Rarity was the last one; without turning around, she said:

“Sweetie Belle, I just hope you realize how much you did hurt him; not even his opponents at the tournament managed to inflict the kind of damage you did. Now if you excuse me, I must go and talk to him, he is my brother too and as a good sister, I will be there to support him!”

First of all, fuck you, Alejin, for putting an entire fucking paragraph explaining how Sweetie Belle is being unreasonable. We know and we don’t need you to spoon-feed that shit to us, you moron. You know why? Because we don’t have the reading comprehension of five years-old, like the people who gave a thumbs up to this garbage you call a story.

Back to the plot, Sweetie Belle is a little girl who has grown to idolize Alex to the point of declaring him a “honorary older brother”; you could even say she has built, in her mind, a overidealized image of him, which is, again, acceptable for a little girl. What infuriates me is that nobody here has a modicum of sympathy for her. Even her fucking sister is verbally attacking her for having the gall of being angry at Alex.


“Whatever” - Sweetie Bell muttered.

Alex woke up; he had a nice sleep. The final match was about to start so he decided to go and sit next to the other finalist. He arrived at the Arena and looked for a place; there they were: Maximus Heart, Tyras, Rainbow Dash and the rest of the competitors who didn’t make it.

“Oh! The wanna-be is here, nice way to lose a match you fre…”

“Zip it Horse! I’m not in the mood for your shit right now. Keep talking and I swear I’ll break your other three legs!”

*holds up shotgun* Oh I'll be waiting...

Maximus Heart understood the human wasn’t kidding. He looked away and didn’t say anything else.

Am I the only one getting tired of this shit? Discount Blueblood says something midly annoying, Alex barks something edgy and the former shuts up scared. It’s always the same.

Alex took a seat next to Rainbow Dash.

“Hey dude, how are you doing?”

“I’ve been better…”

“This is because of Sweetie bell right? Don’t worry, she will come to her senses; she adores you and you know it!”

“I Hope you are right Rainbow. Let’s try to enjoy the rest of the tournament ok? I’ll figure out what to do later…”

Implying Sweetie Belle is not going to crawl back to lick the sole of your shoes.

“Okey Dokey!”

Fluttershy was worried about Alex, she wanted to be with him but all she could do now was to trust Rainbow Dash to help him forget what just happened; Sweetie Belle had to apologize too.

At this point I’m half expecting Princess Celestia, Luna and Cadance to team up to chew out Sweetie Belle.

Fluttershy’s plan however, was still in motion; she was going to talk to Alex about her desire to take their relationship to the next level at the party Pinkie Party had planned for him.

Yes please, I want to see them going from “generically lovey dovey” to “generically lovey dovey but with a ring”.

Moments later, Princess Celestia and Luna flew to the center of the Arena.

“MY LITTLE PONIES AND FELLOW GUESTS, I HOPE YOU HAVE ENJOYED THIS TOURNAMENT SO FAR. WE SEEN INCREDIBLE DUELS AND NOW IT’S TIME FOR THE FINAL MATCH; WE HAVE TWO AMAZING COMPETITORS THAT WILL SURELY GIVE US A GREAT FIGHT. NOW! LET THE FINALISTS COME TO THE ARENA!”

Bright Courage and Zaxel entered the Arena; the whole Coliseum trembled because of the crowd cheering for their favorite fighter. Alex’s money was on Zaxel, he knew he had a chance to win. Alex believed that the Zebra would have to rely on his technique and speed in order to secure his victory because the strength was on Bright’s side; he had witnessed how powerful the Minotaur was after Maximus Heart was sent flying with a single punch. The Minotaur was old, but that didn’t make him any less dangerous.

Minotaur dude has probably far more technique than the zebra thanks to his years of experience. But, hey, I’ve already made my thoughts regarding the martial arts aspect of this story clear.

The Barrier Spell was casted, the Arena was surrounded by the spell’s light and the competitor’s Faker weapons and armor shone bright as they resonated with the barrier. The referee got in the center of the Arena and gave the instructions for the final match.

“Fight!”

Zaxel and Bright didn’t move, they stared at each other for a couple of second while the crowd cheered for them “Are you ready Zaxel?” the Minotaur asked “Yes, Sir, let me first tell you it’s an honor to fight you. I’ll give it all!”



I'm got to give Zaxel a little credit here, he ditched the retard blades.

But now that he did that, he’s doomed to lose.

Both of them made a reverence and got ready to fight. Bright Courage took out a big crossbow and started shooting arrows at his opponent making him step back. Zaxel brought some new weapons with him this time. He was using a battle axe and a shield that was attached to a bracelet on one of his front legs. These weapons helped him deflect some of the arrows that were flying at him.

Bright Courage ran out of arrows and threw his crossbow away, taking out a battle axe of his own. The weapon looked really heavy, but the Minotaur was so strong it seemed as a piece of cardboard to him.

Alex was paying full attention to the match, the last Minotaur Zaxel had faced was nothing compared to Bright Courage; he was clearly stronger, faster and a lot more agile, it seemed his age didn’t matter “There is a reason why he is the Champion” Alex said to himself.

Steroids. Bright Courage must have pumped himself up full of the stuff.

Zaxel was using his axe but the attacks were either blocked or simply avoided by his opponent. The Zebra knew a full front attack wasn’t doing anything so decided to use his best card, he threw a smoke bomb at Bright Courage in order to cover his movements. Once the smoke had covered the place, the crow went silent, that way they would be able to hear what was happening inside the Faker Barrier. Suddenly, a loud scream was heard, Bright Courage’s voice was easy to recognize; seconds later, Zaxel was sent flying out of the smoke thanks to powerful punch delivered by the Minotaur. As soon as the smoke dissipated, the crowd could see what seemed to be Bright’s dislocated right knee. Zaxel, on the other hand, had landed on the other end of the Barrier and was barely able to stand up.

Again with the smoke bombs bullshit. Evidently the lightning sword was the pinacle of the author’s creativity.

The Zebra looked at Bright Courage who seemed to be in pain “Well, it seems I was able to slow him down” But the fight was far from over. Bright Courage looked at his twisted knee; he dropped his battle axe and sat down grabbing his knee between his hands and using his strength to put it back in place “There you go! Alright Zaxel, can we continue or will you lay there on the ground for the rest of the match?”

“This must be a joke” Zaxel said to himself; as he tried to regain his balance, he looked up and saw the Minotaur charging at full speed.

Charging, Charging, Charging. Charging all the time~

He thought about jumping aside to avoid the impact but it was too late, his body didn’t react on time. Once again he was sent flying through the air but this time he managed to land on his four legs.

“Just what the hell was that?!” – Zaxel side spitting some blood afterwards.

He felt his body was at its limit but after looking at Bright Courage, he noticed the Minotaur looked really tired too. Even though he had fixed his own leg, it was swollen and he seemed to breathe with a little difficulty.

This doesn’t make sense. In the previous fight, Bright Courage limited himself to block incoming attacks until he could strike back, much like real, elder martial artists. Why the fuck is he trying to catch the younger, faster zebra here? And with a swollen leg on top?

The crowd was excited, this wasn’t the final match some of them had wanted to see, but it was still amazing. Everypony inside the Coliseum could not help but to admire and respect this Zebra.

Zaxel tried to use his technique again by throwing another smoke bomb but Bright Courage jumped several meters away “Damn, this Minotaur seems unstoppable!” Bright Courage kept jumping further and further away from Zaxel, not knowing he was falling into a trap; Zaxel was gaining terrain until he finally reached his target, he threw his last smoke bomb which Bright Courage avoided with ease by jumping even higher. Before the Minotaur landed on the ground, Zaxel picked up Bright’s battle axe and using all of his strength he threw it at him. It was a perfect attack, there was no way Bright could dodge his own axe in midair, it didn’t matter if he was wearing armor or not, this last attack would secure Zaxel his victory over the reigning Champion.

“I won!” – Zaxel though after falling to his knees, completely exhausted.

But his happiness didn’t last long, for Bright Courage would show everypony why he was the Champion. Before being hit by his own battle axe, he extended his hands and grabbed, using the power of inertia he turned around 360 degrees while still in the air and threw the axe back to where it came from. Everything happened so fast, Zaxel didn’t see it coming. The battle axe hit him, it cut through his armor like a saw and got completely buried into the ground. Zaxel didn’t feel any pain but his life counter points started to drop until they reached zero.

See? This shit wouldn’t have happened if the zebra had his retard blades with him.



Ok, is throwing back an opponents weapon even a viable strategy?

At least it makes more sense to throw an axe than a freaking sword.

Nopony could believe what they had just seen; Bright Courage had won the match in an unbelievable way. He managed to defend his Championship title successfully.

“The winner and still Coliseum Champion, BRIGHT COURAGE!”

Zaxel looked like a statue; his mind was blank, he came to his senses after feeling his opponent’s hand resting on his shoulder.

“You did well Zaxel!”

“Thank you Mr. Courage, it really means a lot coming from you!”

“It was a truly honor to have you as an opponent. Thank you Zaxel”

Zaxel smiled at the current champion and then proceeded to exit the Arena leaving the Champion alone so he could celebrate his victory.
Princess Celestia arrived at the middle of the Arena, in order to congratulate the winner of the match.

“IS AN HONOR TO PRESENT TO YOU THE WINER AND STILL COLISEUM TOURNAMENT CHAMPION, A LIVING LEGEND, THE HERO OF MINUS, THE MINOTAUR BRIGHT COURAGE!”

Ok, tournaments over. Now for my closing comments.

The tournament arc was a load of shit. Not only were the battles as boring as a Bolivian soap opera, due to how unoriginal the battles are, with the combatants re-using the same three strategies, but they also dragged on forever. What didn't help was the fact that my eyes were assaulted from both sides by shitty drawings of 'badass' moments. But the cherry on top of the shit sundae is that the Faker Weapons nonsense, which was a clusterfuck that wasn't even fully explained.

Anything else you want to add Dashguy?


Just one thing: the lack of internal consistency. The fake weapons, field spell and life points counters are introduced as a means to ensure the safety of the participants, right? But the participants are also allowed to fight using their bodies, which makes said fake weapons rather unnecessary.

You could justify it saying you have to finish the opponent with a stroke of your fake weapon to win, but Spike and Rainbow Dash both defeat Aura Breeze and Tyras respectively by hitting them with their limbs and without having to touch them once with their fake weapons.

You could further argue that the field spell is supposed to vanish and signal the end of the fight when one of the participants is knocked out, as explained on chapter nine, but if that’s the case, then why did Alex had to “finish” Tyros and Maximus after knocking them out?

Last but not least, Alex is allowed to suddenly interrupt Spike’s fight on chapter fifteen and request a five minute rest period, which is a ridiculous amount of time, and is a faculty we never heard of before and never heard of again after that.


The crowd cheered for his champion. Princess Celestia continued:

“THE CLOSING CEREMONY WILL START IN 10 MIN…”

“Excuse me Princess…” Bright Courage interrupted her. It seemed he had something important to say.

“What is it Mr. Courage?”

“Princess Celestia, I don’t want to sound rude, but I’ve been thinking about the crowd going home and not having the match most of them wanted to see.”

“What do you mean?” – Princess Celestia asked.

“I think you know what I’m talking about?”

“Oh! But, he didn’t make it to the finals and I’m not sure if he wants it!”

“Just leave it to me Princess, please.”

Princess Celestia nodded, she stepped aside and ordered the crow to stay quiet and listen carefully to the things Bright Courage had to say.

“FIRT OF ALL I WANT TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT THROUGHOUT THE EVENT, BUT I WANT TO SAY SOMETHING IMPORTANT; DURING THIS TOURNAMENT I SAW MANY CREATURES FIGHTING THE HUMAN, BEING HONEST I WANTED TO HAVE THE CHANCE TO FIGHT HIM TOO. SO, I HAVE DECIDED. . . YOU HUMAN!” Bright Courage shouted while pointing at Alex “FIGHT ME!”

“What?” – Alex was completely shocked.

"Come at me bro!"

“FIGHT ME HUMAN, I KNOW EVERYCREATURE HERE WANTS TO SEE A MATCH BETWEEN YOU AND ME. WHAT DO YOU SAY? I WILL PUT MY CHAMPIONSHIP ON THE LINE IF YOU ACCEPT MY CHALLENGE!”

“What? But I lost, I don’t deserve it!”

Just like everything you have. What’s your point?

“I MAY NOT HAVE THE CHANCE TO DO THIS AGAIN HUMAN, PLEASE GIVE THIS OLD MINOTAUR AN OPPORTUNITY TO FACE THE HERO OF CANTERLOT!”

Alex didn’t know what to say, his participation in this tournament was over. He looked at Rainbow Dash who seemed really excited after hearing this “You have to accept this match dude! You have the chance to beat him, even better; you have the chance to become the new Coliseum Champion!”

“But. . . isn’t it cheating? I mean, I didn’t earn it!”

“Alex, c’mon a true Champion can challenge anyone, anytime!”

“I… I don’t know!”

Rainbow Dash knew exactly what to say to convince him, it was a low blow but maybe it would help him to boost his mood.

“If somehow you manage to win or at least give a good fight, Sweetie Belle will be so proud of you again!”

She was right! It was his chance to regain his little sister’s respect.

“I ACCEPT!”

Lovely. This could have been a good opportunity to have Alex talking to Sweetie Belle about how he’s not infalible and still has much to learn and blah, blah, but instead he’s going to get the chance of fighting the champion because meaningful conversations aren’t as cool as stabbing people with your hidden blades.

Everycreature cheered including his friends. Fluttershy seemed a little worried but she was glad seeing him excited and even though she didn’t want to admit it, she wanted to see him using his battle gear again; she blushed just by thinking about it.

Oh God…that’s a bit of information that I definitely did not want to know!

Alex called Proud Hammer to be with him one more time, both of them went to Alex’s dressing room to get his gear ready; he opened the wardrobe where his Faker gear was and wore it once again.

“Proud Hammer, I really appreciate the gear you crafted for me. Thanks for everything!”

“No problem kiddo!”

“Ok I’m ready. Let’s go!”

Alex and Proud Hammer entered the Arena; they arrived at the center where the referee was waiting for them. Bright Courage entered the Arena from the other end, Alex noticed Bright’s coach wasn’t with him “Maybe he considered it wasn’t necessary for his coach to come with him. Anyways, I’m ready for this!”

The crow was excited; Applebloom and Scootaloo were a little sad because Sweetie Belle wasn’t there cheering for her brother, they wanted to go get her but they didn’t want to miss anything so they declined that idea.

First her sisters and now her friends. Once again, fuck you, Sweetie Belle.

Princess Luna was on her seat, she felt uneasy; normally she would feel this way during the nights when she focused her magic in order to watch equestrian’s dreams, somepony was having a horrible nightmare. She wanted to see the whole match but her little ponies were far more important. She casted her dream watching spell, her eyes were glowing, she left her body behind and entered the dreamscape, when she finally found the pony having these horrible nightmares, she was totally surprised.

“Oh, it’s Sweetie Belle. Well, fuck her; I want to see Alex’s match!”

Princess Celestia casted the Faker Barrier Spell; nopony noticed but Bright Courage smiled while she was doing it. Once the spell was completed, it scanned both competitors, there was nothing wrong with. By the time the spell was completed the number one hundred appeared over their heads but their armor and weapons didn’t resonate with the spell as it always did. Proud Hammer noticed it and got worried.

“What the hell? Kiddo you better…”

Bright Courage started to laugh maniacally and shouted:

“I have you right where I wanted, you murderer!”



And with that picture foreshadowing the next chapter, which after reading it, pissed me off to no end, I think it's about time we wrapped up this chapter.

MURDERER IS REREDRUM BACKWARDS!

Okay, seriously, I don’t give a crap. I mean, there’s no way Alex is going to lose, which leaves only the motivations of Bright Courage as the biggest “mystery”, and even then there’s only two possibilities. One, he’s mistaken and Alex is innocent of his accusations. Two, he’s referring to Blueblood or one of the Manticores, in which Alex will be justified because they were assholes. See? Either way, Alex comes out perfectly clean.
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Post #25
Dashguy


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post May 18 2017, 12:42 PM
Ready for an insulting heap of stupidity? No? Well too bad, because this chapter is fucking asinine!

Implying the previous ones weren’t.

Sweetie Bell opened her eyes, she was at home having a delicious lunch with her parents; Scootaloo and Applebloom got inside and invited her to play with them. She turned to her parents who agreed with a smile.

The little ponies were playing at the park:

“So what is the plan girls?”

“Well, I heard Diamond Tiara will be there with her big brother Alex?”

“Brother Alex? Why does she have a brother called the same as mine?” – Sweetie Belle asked.

Because Bronies love to use that name for their self-inserts? Seriously, writing “Alex” in the search bar of Fimfiction gives half a dozen of HiE stories on the very first page, more if you adjust the searching parameters.

I thought their favorite name was Jack.

Applebloom and Scootaloo seemed confused.

“What are yah talking about Sweetie Bell?” Applebloom asked “Yah don’t have a big brother; well, not anymore…”

“What, what do you mean by NOT ANYMORE?”

"You sold him to DT for 20 gems, and a packet of Doritos."

Diamond Tiara got ripped off, if you ask me.

“Don’t you remember? After the tournament, you didn’t want Alex to be your brother anymore; you said you were ashamed of being his little sister and turned your back on him!”

“What?! I, I didn’t do that!” Sweetie Belle started to feel uncomfortable “What are you talking about?”

“Oh c’mon Sweetie Belle! We were there; yah said that yourself. I still remember how broken hearted he was. Remember it took over a month for us to start talking to you again.”

“But, but… I didn’t…”

“Yeah! But who would say Diamond would take the chance make him her Big brother, I thought she was just kidding but hey! They do look cute together!”

I know this is supposed a nightmare, but the whole damn thing is practically indistinguishable from reality. I mean, Applebloom and Scootaloo decided against going to look for Sweetie Belle because they didn’t want to miss Alex fighting on the very previous chapter. It’s not farfetched to think they would stop talking to her just because she had a small spat with him.

Sweetie Belle was speechless, she couldn’t believe what they said, but somehow she did, she remembered saying those words to Alex; they were echoing inside her head. Suddenly, a group of ponies arrived at the park. Fillies and colts were around Alex who was carrying Diamond on his shoulders. Sweetie Belle noticed him and ran towards the group, she wasn’t able to come closer to him due to the other ponies standing in her way.

Now hold on there, all of you will get a chance to ride on Alex.

Alex was telling them a story:

“And I managed to knock out Maximus Heart with my knee!”

Every little pony laughed and cheered for him.

“Wow, what an amazing big brother you have Diamond! One of the four finalist of the Coliseum Tournament!” – One of them said.

“You would have to be an idiot to not want a big brother like that! A total and complete moron! An utter retard! A gigantic cretin! A monumental imbecile with the mental faculties of a lobotomized squirrel! An asshole! And an insufferable, whiny, ungrateful, entitled, immature bitch too!”

What? If we’re going to ditch subtlety, we might as well go all the way to the very end.


“I know right!” - Diamond Tiara replied while kissing Alex on his cheek.

“Hey! What do you think you are doing?” – Sweetie Belle shouted.



Why does Alex have clown shoes all of a sudden?

Hmm? Oh, sorry. I was briefly distracted by Diamond Tiara’s gigantic, deformed hooves and Sweetie Belle’s smashed pancake face.

Everypony including Alex looked around to find who had said that. After finding out who it was, Alex looked at her and asked “Oh, it’s you! What do you want blank flank?”

Sweetie Bell was shocked; why was her brother calling her like that?

“Big bro…”

“STOP!” Alex shouted “You know very well you can’t call me like that! I’m not your brother anymore, remember?”

Suddenly, Diamond Tiara disappeared from Alex’s shoulders, the rest of the ponies around him banished like smoke. Only Alex and Sweetie Belle were left, they were now standing on a dark place:

“I, I never said that big brother… I swear I never did!”

“Stop calling me that! You are not my sister anymore. In fact, you never were! Even though I loved you like I loved my REAL sister Angela, even though I fought, bleed and almost lost my life for you, at the end you abandoned me and threw me away like trash.

Well you are trash, Alex. Sweetie was just being honest with you.

I did my best Sweetie, I really did, but it wasn’t enough for you right? I lost a single stupid fight and that was enough! YOU TURNED YOUR BACK ON ME!

“No! Alex please, stop!”

He turned around and started walking into the darkness.

“I should have had left that Manticore eat you alive the day we met… I hate you!”

"My little sister didn't suck my dick after losing. FUCK HER, I WISH SHE GOT EATEN ALIVE!!"

Sweetie Bell started to cry, her brother hated her and there was nothing she could do to about it. The darkness was surrounding her.

“DARKNESS, I COMMAND YOU TO DISSAPEAR!”

The power of Princess Luna was enough to end this nightmare. The shadows surrounding Sweetie Belle were casted away; they were replaced by a shining light. Sweetie Belle opened her eyes and found herself on a different place. A beautiful night with shinning stars.

“IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG SWEETIE BELL?”

Well, now that you mention it…HOW ABOUT YOU WRITE HER NAME CONSISTENTLY FOR FUCKING ONCE, ALEJIN? IT’S “SWEETIE BELLE”, WITH AN “E” AT THE END, YOU MORON! GOD! IF YOU’RE GOING TO USE THESE CHARACTERS TO LIVE YOUR PATHETIC FANTASIES AT LEAST HAVE THE DECENCY OF WRITING THEIR NAMES PROPERLY!

I remembered a comment you wrote in the previous fic, where you stated that proper spelling is hard to do when you're only typing with one hand. Ironically, it was a response to a comment I made, where I criticized the author for misspelling Sweetie Belle.

Sweetie Belle ran towards the Princess and hugged one of her legs.

“Thank you Princess Luna, I was so scared!”

“You don’t have to be afraid, it was just a nightmare created by your emotions. Please tell me, what’s in your mind?”

Sweetie Bell started to cry again, she didn’t know what to say to Princess Luna; she felt ashamed of what she did to Alex.

“Sweetie Bell, you do realize now you did wrong?”

WHAT SHE DID WRONG? I’LL TELL YOU WHAT SHE DID FUCKING WRONG! THIS IS WHAT SHE DID FUCKING WRONG!

QUOTE
He looked down and saw his sister hiding behind Rarity “Is there something wrong little sister?” he asked, but she didn’t say anything “I’m really sorry if I disappointed you in any way…” she looked at him without saying a single word and ran away


SHE RAN AWAY IN TEARS WITHOUT SAYING A SINGLE FUCKING WORD! THAT’S WHAT SHE DID! THAT’S THE CRUEL, HEINOUS ACT THAT SHOOK ALEX TO THE VERY FUCKING CORE AND FUCKING EVERYBODY, FRIENDS, FAMILY AND THE MOTHERFUCKING NARRATIVE TREAT WITH THE SAME LEVEL OF CONTEMPT AND DISAPPROVAL AS BEATING AN OLD LADY ON SOME DARK ALLEY! THE SAME KIND OF SHIT YOU WOULD SEE ON A FREAKING NINETIES FAMILY SITCOM AND WOULD BE SOLVED WITH A TWO MINUTE CONVERSATION AT THE END WITH SOME CHEESY MUSIC!

“Princess, how do you know?!” – Sweetie Belle asked.

“Twilight told me. Was it that bad for you to see him lose in the tournament?”

“. . . no, I just, I didn’t know how to react to it. I thought he was going to win, and when he lost his match I got so sad and angry, but I was never ashamed of being his sister. I love him so much; I should have told him that! Now he thinks I hate him! And now he surely thinks of leaving me.”

Oh my God! Fuck whichever of the author's that decided to put in this pointless sap.

FUCK THEM SIDEWAYS WITH AN ELECTRIC CATTLE PROD! OH, LOOK AT HOW MUCH SWEETIE BELLE IS HURT FOR BEING SLIGHTLY MEAN TO ALEX! LOOK AT HOW MUCH SHE LOVES HIM! THIS WHOLE DAMN NIGHTMARE IS NOTHING MORE THAN A WRITTEN BLOWJOB FOR ALEJIN’S EGO! I TOLD YOU, GORILLAGAMER! I TOLD YOU SHE WAS GOING TO CRAWL BACK TO LICK THE SOLES OF HIS SHOES! I TOLD YOU, BRO! I WARNED YOU, DOG! YOU SEE WHAT THIS SHIT DOES TO YOU? NOW I’M STUCK ON CAPSLOCK!

Princess Luna smiled.

“That’s not true, he still loves you a lot, but I do think you need to tell him this.”

“But what if he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore?”

“He will want to, don’t worry. My advice is that you go to the stadium, he needs you. He needs his family now.”

“Really? Why is that?”

“Because right now he is…”

“LUNA!” The princess of the night was interrupted by Celestia who entered Sweetie’s dream.

“CELESTIA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, YOU KNOW YOU ARE NOT USED TO ENTER TO THE DREAMSCAPE LIKE ME!”

“I KNOW, BUT YOU NEED TO WAKE UP, ALEX IS IN GREAT DANGER. BRIGHT COURAGE, HE IS GONE INSANE!”

"For one thing, he keep's referring to Alex as his grandson, who happens to be named Murderer. Funny coincidence, right?"

“What do you mean sister?”

Celestia noticed Sweetie Bell standing next to Luna.

“I’LL EXPLAIN EVERYTHING ONCE YOU ARE THERE! SWEETIE BELL, DON’T GO TO THE STADIUM UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES!”

Translation: “Please wait until your arrival would be the most dramatic to make your appearance.”

Princess Celestia banished in an instant.

“Sweetie Bell, I must go and find out what’s going on!”

“Ok, I’m coming too!”

“No! My sister told you not to go there!”

“But she said my brother is in danger!”

“Sweetie Bell, listen to my sister. Don’t worry; we’ll make sure he is safe.”

You girls are so cute when you think you’ll be able to achieve anything without Alex’s aid; It makes me want to pinch your cheeks!

Sweetie Bell woke up; she jumped out of her bed and started to run towards the stadium. She didn’t want to disobey the Princesses but her brother was in danger. She failed to support him once and she would not do it again.

“Please be ok big brother! I’m coming to help you!”

Luna woke up on her royal seat inside the stadium. She opened her eyes and couldn’t believe what was in front of her: soldiers from every kingdom were trying to break the Faker Barrier. Spike was throwing fireballs at it; Twilight, Shining Armor and Cadence were using their magic trying to break it. Fluttershy was hitting it with her hooves; she was crying and screaming like she was going to die. All of them were doing it a great effort but it was useless, the barrier didn’t even have a scratch. The Spell that was used to cast it was too powerful.

Of course. Nevermind they have four fucking princesses on their side, whatever Bright Courage did made the barrier indestructible. It’s always the same. Diamond Dogs? They have anti-magic armor. Manticores? They’re anti-magic and their customs allow a one-on-one fight for leadership. Chrysalis and Blueblood? The princesses and the girls are captured.

The narrative is always bending in some way or another to ensure Alex is always the one dealing with the problem or having an important role in solving it. He could be fucking useless beyond the power to telekinetically move cottage cheese and I would bet my ass every foe would be lactose intolerant.


Princess Luna stopped looking at them for a second; she turned her attention to what was happening inside the barrier.



What happened to your hammers, Proud Hammer?

Speaking about Proud Hammer, this is something just I noticed on the previous chapter and failed to comment on:

QUOTE
Alex and Proud Hammer entered the Arena; they arrived at the center where the referee was waiting for them. Bright Courage entered the Arena from the other end, Alex noticed Bright’s coach wasn’t with him “Maybe he considered it wasn’t necessary for his coach to come with him. Anyways, I’m ready for this!”


Why the fuck should we consider Bright Courage entering the arena without his coach as something suspicious when there hasn’t been a single fucking mention of said coach before?

Alex and his coach, Proud Hammer had a Katana each. Alex was bleeding from his mouth, nose and forehead; all his clothes were covered with dirt and blood. Proud Hammer wasn’t doing any better; he had a black eye and was coughing blood. They were both staring at the one who was causing all this mess, Bright Courage. He was hurt but not as bad as Alex and Proud Hammer, they had managed to defend themselves. Princess Luna was shocked; she didn’t have any idea about what was happening inside the barrier. She turned her face to the left and noticed her sister sitting next to her.

“TIA! WHAT IS HAPPENING? WHY IS MR. BRIGHT COURAGE FIGHTING ALEX AND HIS COACH? WHY ARE THEY SO MESSED UP? AREN’T THEY USING FAKER WEAPONS? PLEASE ANSWER ME!”

Celestia looked a little dazed, she was feeling tired for going into the dreamscape.

“No Luna, they are not using Faker Weapons. They are having a deathmatch!”

“Celestia, what the hell is going on in there?”

Something contrived, and very, VERY stupid.

(15 minutes ago…)

“Murderer? What are you talking about Mr. Courage” - Alex asked.

“Why are you acting like you don’t know? You and all of your kind are murderers!” – The Minotaur replied.

“Do you know about humans?”

“Sadly, I do know about your horrible kind.”

“But how?” – Alex was surprised. How did he know about the human race?

4Chan. It's why he dislikes humans so much.

“You will have to earn the right to know that!”

Bright Courage drew his battle axe and charged. Alex had no other choice but to draw his Katanas and defend himself.

“Do you really think those fragile blades will protect you stupid human?!”

At least Bright Courage knows about the fragility of a katana blade.

Bright swinged his axe pointing at Alex’s head, the human used his Katanas to successfully block the attack. Bright was shocked, the blades didn’t have a scratch at all, Alex used all of his strength to push Bright away; it was obvious the Minotaur was strong, but Alex wasn’t a weakling, Bright Courage jumped away.

Alex looked at his Katanas “I would be dead by now if it wasn’t for Proud Hammer, his work is amazing!” He said to himself.

Right. Do you know why there are weight clases in boxing and mixed martial arts, GorillaGamer? That’s because, believe it or not, weight is an extremely important factor when it comes to a fight. Usually, heavyweights pack more power while lightweights have the advantage in speed and agility.

Alejin, ever so kind, drew us a picture with a very nice size comparison where we can see Bright Courage is easily three times the size of Alex and his arms are thick as tree trunks. Now, I can accept the swords being indestructible or some shit, but the idea Alex can block the overhead strike of a battle axe from a guy three time his fucking size without stepping back to diminish the area of impact or stepping forward to cut the opponent’s momentum to be fucking insulting as a martial arts practitioner.


“You look amazed kiddo!” Proud Hammer shouted “Now, this is far from over. Hand me one of those so I can help you out!”

“What? Forget it; I won’t get you involved in this!”

“Kiddo, I know you are strong, but this crazy bastard is trying to kill you. He won’t hold back, there are no rules here. YOU NEED HELP!”

Alex knew he was right, now he was fighting for his life again. There was no room for any stupid pride; He nodded and handed out one of his weapons.

Together, Alex and Proud Hammer charged towards Bright Courage,

Even outside the tournament, there's nothing but charging.

the Minotaur started to fight against both of them. He was doing pretty good considering it was a two-on-one match. Alex was more on the offense than his friend; he was the only one wearing armor after all. While fighting, Proud Hammer managed to make a small cut on one of Bright’s arms. He screamed in anger and delivered a huge hit to the pony’s face, sending him flying away. Alex tried to take advantage of this little distraction but his attack was blocked by the Battle Axe. However, he didn’t stop, he drew one of his throwing knives and aimed at Bright’s face, the Minotaur managed to step aside but the knife cut his cheek, making him bleed.

“Are you ok Proud?” – Alex shouted.

“Yeah, don’t worry! Let’s focus on finishing him!”

“No!” Alex was worried about his friend “You stay right where you are, I’ll do the rest!”

Proud Hammer stood up “Forget it kiddo! It’s you and me, deal with it!”

Alex smiled, he admired his friend. They turned around and charged again, but this time their strategy was different, Proud Hammer attacked him using his Katana while Alex took out his bow and started shooting arrows. A close and long distance combat combination, Bright Courage never saw this coming, while he was clashing his weapon with Proud Hammer, Alex managed to hit him with a couple of arrows on his ribs and back but the Minotaur just kept going “Damn, this guy is tough!” Alex said to himself.

He ain't the champion for nothing, Alex.

This is fucking dumb. They’re facing an opponent who surpasses them in strenght, skill and experience, but is also old and cannot move for long periods of time. The solution is freaking obvious: rope-a-dope. Just keep your distance, defend and let the guy tire himself out.

Bright Courage knew that in order to end this fight, he would need to get rid of the pony first. When Proud Hammer swinged his katana at him, Bright Courage dropped his axe and grabbed the blade with his bare hands. Completely ignoring the pain caused by another arrow that just hit him in the arm, he kicked Proud Hammer on the stomach making him fall on his back. With one swift movement he threw the Katana away and grabbed is axe, lifting it above his head, getting ready to decapitate the Pony that was lying on the ground.

“This is the only way!” The Minotaur shouted right before feeling a horrible pain on his left side. He thought it was another arrow and looked down only to find it was Alex’s blade cutting into his skin. He got distracted for just a second, but it was enough time for Alex to punch him on his muzzle, making him lose his balance.

“Hey! I thought your war was with me, what the fuck are you trying to do? He is an innocent pony you asshole!”

Alex punched him again and then kicked him on the chest; the human was lost in his rage. He felt as if every bone in his hands would break, but it didn’t matter, he wanted to take this bastard down. A powerful hit from his knee was enough; Bright Courage was sent flying and landed heavily on the ground.

“Stupid bastard!” Alex shouted. He ran towards Proud Hammer to make sure he was okay “Hang in there old pony, it’s over!”

If Alex is so concerned with his pony uncle, then why didn’t he grab the sword to fight at close quarters and gave him the bow to shoot arrows with his telekinesis, eh? It’s just like when he didn’t immediately intervene when Blueblood was bullying PixelBerry and waited until the former dumped a glass of cider on the head of the latter. Alejin gets a boner from outbursts of “righteous autistic anger”, but the problem is, by writing situations that could have been avoided with just some common sense, his self-insert comes of as an asshole who purposely lets his friends get hurt.

Proud Hammer opened his eyes and looked at his surroundings.

“Wow! I think I fainted… Alex, where is that Minotaur?”

Alex smiled “He is right there lying on the ground. I just knocked him out.” He turned his head to look at the Minotaur but all he was able to see was a big fist coming straight at him.

That's what you get for turning your back, dumbass.

He didn’t have time for anything; all he could do was close his eyes when the iron-fist met his stomach, Alex could hear a horrible sound coming from his internal organs, he was lifted on the air due to the force of the impact and then a powerful kick to his face sent him flying, landing at least six or seven feet from where he was standing.

Bright Courage jumped high in the air. Alex was trying to lift himself up from the floor but he noticed a shadow coming at him, he looked up at the sky but his face met Bright’s fist once again. His head bounced on the ground almost making him lose consciousness. The Minotaur kicked him on his side; Alex could hear another cracking noise. Bright Courage laughed like a mad. He stood up next to Alex and got on his knees, he then started punching Alex on the face, chest and arms. The human tried to block the attacks but it was useless, these punches were so painful.

Proud Hammer stood up and charged towards the Minotaur, he wanted to stop this punishment. Sadly, the pony was stopped and hit by an elbow that knocked him out.

The Minotaur kept punching him until he got tired and stood up. He looked down and laughed again. Alex was lying on the ground, defenseless. He was bleeding from his mouth and nose, his left eye was swollen and closed and his forehead was cut open. His arms had bruises all over; He coughed and spit some more blood, the pain on his side was intense. He gathered some strength and opened his mouth…

“. . . . Why?”

You mean why you’re still alive after basically getting steamrolled? I must have offended some obscure deity, I guess.



Am I the only one who finds it kind of satisfying to see Alex beaten up?

I like how his swollen eye is basically his usual eye but with some light pencil shading over it.

The Minotaur couldn’t understand what he said.

“…why…are you … doing…this…?”

“What you did you say?” - Bright Courage asked.

Alex rolled to his right, spitting blood and saliva. He cleared his throat and got on his knees.

“Why are you doing this? I think I earned the right to know, TELL ME!”

“If this is your last wish, I’ll tell you…” The Minotaur sat on the ground, he knew the human was unable to attack him or do anything else, at least for a while. Those punches did their job; he didn’t have anything to worry about for at least a couple of minutes.

Yeah, let’s interrupt a tense moment to exposit. Nothing thrills readers like a good infodump.

“I hate humans, all my family does. We hate every creature who ever thought about giving your kind a chance to redeem yourselves.”

4Chan must have really fucked you up.

They filled his inbox with porn. Scat porn.

Alex couldn’t understand what he meant by that “But I. . . I didn’t do anything to you.”

“No, you didn’t, but your kind did. Have you ever heard about Starswirl the Bearded?”

Oh god...please don't tell me the author's are going to go down this route...

“Yes… he is the one who discovered the entrance to my world.”

“And you know he used to have apprentices helping him in his researches. Do you?”

“I do; in fact, one of my friend’s ancestors was one of them, but what does this have to do with Starswirl?”

“IT HAS EVERYTHING TO DO WITH THIS! DO YOU THINK STARSWIRL HAD ONLY PONY ASSISTANTS?”

“ …”

Bright Courage stood up; his eyes were filled with anger “Yes! One of his assistants was a Minotaur, a brilliant one called Hope Knowledge. Even though he wasn’t a pony, he earned the right to be one of the few assistants of Starswirl. He wanted to make his homeland proud, but he, he was taken away from us by your filthy kind! The unicorn used to organize field trips to this place called “Earth” in order to investigate your world, the ponies used their magic to hide themselves but Hope Knowledge had to be extra careful. Unfortunately, on one occasion, he was discovered by humans and was captured. Starswirl and the rest did their best to help him out but they were outnumbered by savage humans carrying swords and spears so they had to flee. They took him away with them!”

The only thing I get from this shit is that Starswirl and his assistants suck ass. I mean, with all the shit magic can do and they can’t defend against spears and swords?

At this moment, Bright Courage was shouting. He was making sure everyone inside the Coliseum could hear his story, the real reason why he was doing all of this.

“Starswirl did his best to find him, he spoke with the best wizards in order to track him down. When he finally found out where he was, he gathered a group of the best ponies to help him rescue the captured Minotaur. Do you know what they did to him? They did all kind of experiments with him in order to understand how an “animal” was able to think rationally and speak their language. When they were done with him, they threw him inside a labyrinth that would be his prison until the day he died. This place was called the Labyrinth of Crete, and you know what? Humans called him a monster! They used to send young human females to the Labyrinth as sacrifices for the Monster inside, but there was no monster; the females were raped and killed by other humans that were hiding inside the labyrinth and Hope Knowledge was blamed for their deaths!”

Alex was speechless, Greek mythology seemed to be true.

This is a combination of that dumbfuck story from the first fic, mixed in with a retconning of Greek Mythology. This is absolute garbage!

Bright Courage continued:

“After an intense battle between the real monsters and Starswirl, the ponies managed to defeat them and took Hope away with them. Away from that horrible place, once they were back on Equestria, Starswirl brought him to Minus. He was in an awful condition, I can’t and don’t want to imagine the kind of things they did to him. On his last days, he told his family everything that had happened to him. Unable to sleep or eat due to the horrors he lived and witnessed, HE KILLED HIMSELF! Our family was devastated. But that wasn’t the worst part!”

This shit it's not only cartoonishly evil but also ridiculously convulted. It wasn't enough to experiment on him, whatever the fuck that means, but they also locked him in a maze and used him as a scapegoat to cover gang rapes?

“What do you mean?”- Alex asked.

“Starswirl forced everycreature that knew about this disgrace to make a vow of silence. My family was insulted, the only thing they wanted was revenge, but that crazy unicorn said it was suicide. He insulted our pride and our strength!”

Alex was completely shocked “Starswirl wasn’t crazy, he knew how small this whole world is compared to earth…” He said to himself.

Notice how Bright Courage’s anger not only is misguided but also irrational. Because, in order for Alex to remain a virtuous hero, the other guy must be wrong in every aspect.

Bright Courage was clenching his fists. Everypony could see the anger on his eyes.

“WE ARE A PROUD RACE, WE ALWAYS PROTECT OUR KIND! WE DESERVED REVENGE AND IT WAS DENIED TO US. THAT’S WHEN OUR FAMILY MADE ITS OWN OATH, WE WOULD MAKE SURE TO LET EVERYCREATURE KNOW WHAT KIND OF MONSTERS YOU HUMANS REALLY ARE! WE SWORE TO NEVER LET ANY HUMANS LIVE HERE IN OUR BEAUTIFUL WORLD!”

The worst thing about this whole reveal was not the retarded as fuck backstory, but that there was no indication that Bright Courage was really some misanthropic warrior. This shit literally came out of nowhere!

“But…” - Alex was kicked in his stomach once again.

“Silence! My family didn’t care about the vow of silence, they tried to tell everycreature about this incident, but no one believed them, not even the King himself. After all, Starswirl and him were close friends. We also found out that Starswirl had closed the portal to the human world and so, the whole incident passed as if it had never happened. But we didn’t forget it! Now that a human is here in Equestria, I will be the one to exact revenge on you! That way my ancestor will finally rest in peace and I will release this beautiful world from your kind!”

I have to say I feel bad for this guy, but I’ll save my thoughts for the conclusion.

Almost everypony trying to break the Faker Barrier had already stopped doing so. They were shocked after hearing these words from Bright Courage. “Are humans really this cruel?”,”How was a human allowed in Equestria if they are so evil?” these were some of the things a lot of ponies were asking themselves.

And of course they buy this bullshit, in order to increase the angst.

Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Applejack were still hitting the Barrier with everything they had. Rarity had passed out after watching Alex being horribly punished by Bright Courage; Fluttershy was crying and screaming for help.

Twilight and Cadence arrived at Princess Celestia’s spot.

“Princess Celestia, is this true?” – Twilight asked.

“I never knew anything about this Twilight. Starswirl never told me anything, I was so busy during those years, I was still sad for banishing Luna. I guess he was sure if I knew anything about it, I would have forced him to close both portals to the human world, including the one he used to visit his little female friend.”

“But why is he taking revenge on Alex. He never did anything to him!”

“I’m afraid some grudges never go away my little Twilight” - Cadence said.

At this moment, Princess Luna woke up. Princess Celestia told her everything that had happened until now. Luna was angry; she flew and shot a huge magical beam to the Faker Barrier, but it was useless.

“BRIGHT COURAGE! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING TO MY FRIEND? IF YOU KILL HIM, YOU WILL NOT ESCAPE; I WILL HAVE YOUR HEAD IN MY ROOM!”

Bright Courage laughed “You can have it if you want to Princess Luna, but not before I kill him. If I was you, I would save my energy; you can’t break this barrier, not until one of us dies!”

Luna was going to shot another magical beam but was stopped by Celestia.

“He is right Luna, remember this spell cannot be stopped or broken until one of the life counters drops down to zero. Since none of them is using any Faker Weapons, the only way to reach the zero points is if… one of the contestants ceases to exist.

I thought the barrier also disappeared if one of the contestants was knocked out? Bah, look at me, trying to make sense of this clusterfuck.

The King of Minus was on his seat. He had listened to every word his champion had to say, he took a moment to think about these things. Suddenly he stood up and shouted:

“Bright Courage, I hope you understand you will not get away from this. This might lead to public execution!”

Bright smirked and said:

“Hahahaha! Do you think I’m planning to escape from this? I’m not scared to die, I have lived long enough. I’m happy knowing my last great deed will fulfill my family’s revenge. REVENGE THAT WAS DENIED TO MY FAMILY BY ONE OF YOUR ANCESTORS!”

"I may lose my life, my legacy, and even my family. But at least I get my 1,000-year-old revenge on a human who has nothing to do with the incident."

I like how none of them tries to reason with Bright Courage, only threaten him in different ways. I understand not every conflict can be solved with flowers, but the show is called “Friendship is Magic” for Fuck’s Sake. Can we freaking try to solve a problem with anything beyond punching or stabbing?

Alex got on his knees again.

“Why did you wait so long? I mean, you could have killed me when we first met, you even saved me from Maximus Heart!”

“Yes, I could have killed you before, but I wanted to show every creature the true nature of your kind. I wanted to fight you on the finals but you disappointed me, losing against that Zebra, you forced me to use my plan B. Now, speaking from a warrior’s point of view… you are a disappointment.”

“I, aghhhh” Alex was in terrible pain “ . . . I didn’t want to fight you like this, I’m not a killer!”

YOU CARRY ENOUGH BLADED WEAPONS FOR HALF A DOZEN PEOPLE AND YOUR FIRST REACTION TO EVERY PROBLEM IS TO THREATEN AND/OR PUNCH! FUCK YOU! DON’T GIVE ME THAT SHIT!

Bright smirked and walked towards Alex and grabbed him from his throat; Alex was coughing, he was unable to breath.

“Have you forgotten about Blueblood?”

Which one, Discount-Store Blueblood, or Dead Blueblood?

“What. . . how you know?” – Alex asked. He was barely able to speak.

“You thought something as big as that would be completely hidden from everycreature? I managed to get this information from fans I have all over Equestria. Don’t worry, I’m not planning to say anything about that, my war is against you, not Equestria.”

Wait what? Alex killing Blueblood wasn’t made public? Did I miss something here among all the cocksucking?

Alex spat some blood on Bright’s face “You tried to kill my friend Proud Hammer some moments ago you dumbass!”

Your friend was trying to kill him too, genius.

The Minotaur used his other hand to clean his face “If I have a goal, no creature gets in my way. If he has to fall with you, he will!”

“You are insane, I killed Blueblood because I had to! He gave me no other choice!”

Yeah, he would have destroyed the world with his pompousness.

Insurgents will be send to the cake-throwing squad.

“Same here, you need to die! What if you bring more humans to our world? What if you want to kill again? You can’t be trusted; someday, the ponies will thank me for this!”

“No! Please, please don’t kill him, I love him!” - Fluttershy cried with all her strength.

Bright Courage heard her “Didn’t you hear what I just said? What his kind is capable of? At his side you will suffer, sooner or later he will betray you, it is his TRUE NATURE!”

Blah, blah, blah. Humans suck and ponies are better. I've heard this song and dance so many times now, it's fucking annoying.

“No! That’s not true” She replied “He is kind, sweet and loyal to his friends. He is not like anything you are saying, you just want to believe you are doing good but you are not! Please, don’t take Alex away from me!”

Bright Courage turned to see Alex again.

“You infected that innocent pony with your lies, I have to end this today; at your side, she or anypony else will suffer. Just look around you, no matter what happens today, I HAVE WON!”

Alex did as Courage said, many creatures had stopped trying to break the Barrier and many of them were looking at him with fear, disgust and even hate. Some of them seemed to be satisfied to see him beaten up and defeated. Alex remembered how he almost lost his life saving these same ponies, he was so angry.

“You ruined everything! Those were never my intentions. I just wanted a peaceful life, but you, you took it away from me! I had friends, fans, family and a girlfriend; now I can’t stay here anymore, but if I have to fall, I WILL KILL YOU WITH MY OWN HANDS!”

You know, Alejin, it’s difficult to see your self-insert as a hero worthy of admiration, and those who are afraid of him as wrong, when he acts like this. Obviously, I’m not saying he cannot lose his temper ever, but crippling Maximus Heart for a bunch of lame insults doesn’t paint him as a well-adjusted individual.

It gets worse if we examine his history. He goes everywhere carrying bladed weapons, broke inside the houses of several ponies during the night and attacked Shining Armor and the Princesses using a forbbiden substance. He assaulted Jet Set during the Gala, even when he was explicitly told to call the Royal Guard if there was any problem.

Sure, he saved ponies, but ninety percent of the time he did it by slaughtering the enemy. How can you expect everybody out there to trust you completely when you’ve built your persona around a fictional assassin and all of your feats are associated with violence? Basically, the ponies are justified into believing this is a guy who could lash against them if caught in a bad mood.

The worst part is that he could have changed that. He could have improved ponies’ perception of humanity by sharing all those books and gadgets he brought from Earth, but instead chose to forbid Twilight and company from showing them to anybody outside his little club.

I’m reminded of Pasts Sins, again. Once Nyx gains the approval from the Princesses, and has the support of the canon characters, nobody else matters. She doesn’t have to apologize to the public, answer questions or help repair the damage she did. Anybody who expresses disapproval is given the metaphorical middle finger.

There is a complete lack of understanding of subtlety, born of the fact Alejin didn’t write this with both hands.


Bright Courage laughed out loud “You can’t even escape from my grip and you dare threaten me? I am sure I will fall today but not by your hand; it doesn’t matter, I will be a martyr, I’ll die knowing I did good in front of everycreature here!”

Bright delivered another punch to Alex’s stomach, sending him flying to the ground again. Alex tried to stand up as soon as he hit the ground, but the pain inside his abdomen brought him down to his knees.

“TIME TO END THIS!” – Bright Courage shouted.

He picked up one of Alex’s own Katanas and walked slowly towards the human who was unable to stand up on his own.

“You are not even worthy to be killed by my own weapon!”

Alex was struggling to move, he didn’t want to end up like this. Unfortunately, there was nothing he could do. His body was so messed up, it wasn’t responding. He looked up and saw the Minotaur coming at him. Bright Courage stopped and got ready to stab him right on the chest. It was over.

Alex closed his eyes.

“I’ll see you in a moment Angela, I’ve missed you a lot…”

Jesus, dude, tone it down a bit, will you? You’re giving off incest vibes.

The edge of the Katana traveled through the air until it found its target. It cut through skin, muscles and veins. Blood started pouring on the ground.

The crowd went silent; Fluttershy couldn’t believe what she was seeing. The whole place was completely quiet.

Alex could smell the blood but didn’t feel any pain. He opened his eyes and there it was, the tip of his Katana was at a few inches away from him.

But Alex wasn’t looking at the blade; he wasn’t looking at Bright Courage either. He was looking at the eyes of his friend; Proud Hammer had stopped the Katana from reaching Alex by getting in its way…

The old pony was standing there with a shinning piece of metal and blood coming out of his chest.



Oh shit, Hammer dude got stabbed!

Couldn’t he had used his telekinesis? Or just jump into the other guy’s hand? Hell, how far was that sword coming from to allow him to jump in front of it?

“I… told you I was going to…

…help you out kidd…”

Now, I don’t know you, GorillaGamer, but I feel bad about this. Not because of the sudden death of this useless, cardboard cutout of a character, mind you, he can suck hammers in hell for all I care, but because I know what’s coming. As soon as Bright Courage gets killed by Alex’s tard rage, there’s going to be an avalanche of wangst and emo bullshit. I can see it…over half a dozen of chapters filled with Alex whining endlessly and the ponies assuring him it was not its fault while barking at anybody who even looks at him kind of funny.

Oh God…it’s going to be a tsunami of liquid shit…hold me, GorillaGamer, I’m scared…


Don't worry Dashguy, I'll be there with you, until the very end. Incidentally, am I the only one who felt that Bright Courage's role as a villain came right the fuck out of nowhere?
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Post #26
MasterOfNintendo


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post May 18 2017, 02:51 PM
Christ on a bike, this is awful even my FIMfiction standards! This fanfic has gotten so trite and so asinine, that Alex is now pretty much a template for me while I'm writing my own "OC in Equestria" fic, already in progress! Except in that fic, the only reason the ponies are okay with a robotic samurai alien (it's kind of a weird fic that doesn't take itself seriously, for the most part) is because cosmic forces are railroading him to be the perfect OC, no matter how psychologically and logically bereft it is.

Here? Every single aspect that could make the main character look less like a virtuous hero and more like an easily triggered Mary Sue is played with a straight face! And you know what? The moment things don't go his way, we have to deal with one or more of the three outcomes:

A): It really doesn't matter in the end. He's easily forgiven because nopony asks important questions even a fool like myself would ask.
B): It's a really pathetic reason to bitch at him and it'll be treated like Third Impact is coming.
C): Someone is going to be given a verbal/possibly physical beatdown after being stuffed the to the gills with straw.

I'm actually glad this fanfic is getting showcased here because it's simply a template. A wonderful template for what NOT to do. Oh, and here's the appropriate music when you get to that next chapter, for all Hammer's death entails:




--------------------



The mistakes I see in this this work are to be pointed out so they may not be repeated.
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MadeInHeaven


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post May 18 2017, 11:58 PM
Every time I look at this fic's page, hoping for at least ONE negative comments, I'm instead reminded of how everyone just seems to eat this shit up.
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Post #28
Dashguy


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post May 22 2017, 05:29 AM
Hey Dashguy, you remember your comment about Alex going into anger mode, once Proud Hammer bit the dust? Well...

What a twist. By the way, the chapter proper starts with an author’s quote, out of which a line in particular got my attention:

QUOTE
"Every person has a breaking point, Remember that while you see THIS Alex"

It’s the same damn thing with every one of these authors. The wankers all love the “unstoppable rage” trope. They’re fascinated with the idea that behind their meek personalities and weak, scrawny bodies hides a ruthless fighting machine that will awaken and destroy anybody who stands in their way if sufficiently upset.

Alex’s eyes were closed; he was waiting for his own weapon to cut through his chest. For a moment, he wished this was a dream so he closed his eyes. The pain he was waiting for never arrived.

He opened his eyes, but this wasn’t a dream…

He was looking at the eyes of his dying friend,

I would like to point out that the author inserted the theme for Ventus from the Kingdom Hearts OST at this part. Feel free to cringe with me.

Proud Hammer had stopped the weapon he forged himself from killing his loved friend. The agonizing pony had promised him that he was going to help him, and he did.

“I told you…I was going to… help you out…”

This couldn’t be happening “please god, I beg you… this can’t be true!” he closed his eyes again “please god, please!

Bright Courage screamed and let go of Alex’s katana. Proud Hammer fell on the ground “You won’t… take my… friend’s life…!” Bright Courage stepped back. Deep in his heart he didn’t want to take anyone else’s life but he knew this was something he had to do if necessary.

Necessary? There was no reason to start this fight! You don't get to play the whole 'I don't want to take anyone's life' you shitty-ass villain.

I like how Bright Courage had no qualms about punching Discount Blueblood in public when it seemed he could become the slightest hindrance to his plans, but now that he killed this dude who was actively hindering him, he’s having second thoughts.

There was no turning back!

Alex opened his eyes and saw his friend again; Proud Hammer eyes were losing his brightness.

“Hang in there buddy, we will make it out of this!”

“Don’t bother kid…ddo. My time here is… over…”

“No! Don’t do this to me! I can’t lose you like this! Please hang on!”

“It’s ok… just promise me… that…”

And now he’s waiting for these two to have a final conversation instead of taking the opportunity to snap Alex’s neck right there. He may be a shitty-ass villain, sure, but he’s certainly not lacking in the good manners department.



And Proud Hammer is dead. I would like to have a summary of this, amazing character, as a tribute...



I was being sarcastic about the tribute. I apologise if it came out any other way.

I know; I just wanted an excuse to use that gif.

-Silence-

Alex placed him slowly on the ground. His friend was dead “My presence in this world caused your death - Alex said to himself - Why the hell did I have to come here again?”

I dunno, why are you constantly whining about that anyway? Arrive to Equestria and find everybody is happy? Whine about them forgetting about you. Somebody asks if you’re going to stay? Whine about not being sure. Somebody is kind of mean to you? Whine about it. Every time something doesn’t go the way you like you whine about having returned to this world. And that’s your fucking problem: you treat this damn place as if it was your fucking playground and not a world of its own.

-Frustration-

Bright Courage removed the arrows that had pierced his body “So, another poor soul dying because for you? Is that all humans are good for, taking the lives of the innocent?!”

Says the asshole who killed him.

-Anger-

What the hell is wrong with you human? Cat got your tongue? Aren’t you going to say anything to your fallen friend?

-Hate-

What the fuck is this shit? Are we reading a script now? Fucking cue cards? Is it too much to ask something along the lines of “there was a long moment of silence”, “his mind was tormented by frustration”, “anger swelled in his chest” and “hate filled his eyes”? Am I crazy for asking a minimum of fucking standards?

“I’m talking to you stupid human! Say something before I take your useless life away too!” Bright Courage started walking towards the human.

Alex stood up; his eyes were still looking at the lifeless body of his friend. Bright Courage charged, he clenched his fist and hit Alex on the face sending him flaying, he landed some meters away from him “What the hell is wrong with this idiot?” Bright Courage asked himself.

Alex stood up, he was crying; the blood coming down from his forehead was making his tears look like they were blood.

Be careful with all that edge, son, you could get hurt.

Bright Courage charged again “That’s even better! You have already realized there is nothing you can do!” He ran past Alex and kicked him on the back; once again he was sent flying, this time he landed close to Proud Hammer. He opened his eyes and saw his friend lying on the ground in a pool of blood. His own katana had taken his life away.

“I.. hate…”

“What was that?!” Bright Courage asked “Did you say something you piece of shit?”

"You motherfuckin', dick-sucking, self-centered mongoloid!"

The Minotaur stood up next to Alex and grabbed him by the neck, squeezing it. “Now tell me what you were saying before I rid this world from your cursed life, before anypony else gives up their life for you! Before that stupid pony that is stupid enough to believe you love her….”

“I HATE YOU!”

And here the author has inserted the Kingdom Hearts rendition of 'One Winged Angel.' I believe it was Dashguy himself who said that if an author has to rely on outsourcing music to build up atmosphere, then said author is a hack.

Alex’s shout could be heard all over the arena.

He grabbed one of his throwing knives and buried it in Bright’s left eye making him scream in pain. He let go of Alex’s neck, covering his eye with the same hand. The human fell on the ground and immediately grabbed another one of his knives, burying it in Bright’s right knee almost cutting his kneecap off.

But Bright Courage wasn’t done yet; he hit Alex on the chest as hard as he could and sent him flying away again. The Minotaur was breathing heavily, the pain on his eye and knee was really intense, but he was a warrior. He wasn’t stopping for a couple of knives. He grabbed the knife and tried to pull it out but he couldn’t, it seemed to be stuck in his skull.

“You took my eye! You bastard, I’ll make you pay for this!”

Now you have a reason to kill Alex.

Notice how Bright Courage practically didn’t talk on the previous chapter, save for the motive rant, but now he’s turned into an archetypical dumb brute so Alex could dominate the fight.

He tried to walk towards the human who was already standing up, but the knife buried in his knee was hurting him. He looked down with his only eye and grabbed the knife, pulling it out.

The human was on his feet now, he looked at the katana buried in his friend’s body and carefully grabbed it. Bright Courage grabbed his battle axe once again; he looked at the human and started walking towards him as fast as he could.

Alex looked at the blade, it was covered in Proud’s blood, he placed his hand around it and closed his eyes “Why did you have to die at the hands of this bastard?” he tightened the grip “Why do I always bring death when I come to this place?” the blade was cutting deep on the palm of his hand, but there was no pain, not in his hand, not in any part of his body. He felt his burning blood coming down on his forearm.

Could you excuse me for a moment, GorillaGamer? I need to go get a pair of gloves; I fear I’m going to get my fingers cut with all this edge.



Did he stab his katana into his hand?

And why does he have the hands of a five years-old anyway?

Bright Courage was still walking towards him “I swear this will end now! Your filthy kind will not threat this world. Look at me! Look at me before I kill you!” Alex turned his face and looked at him; there was no life in his eyes. Bright Courage stopped walking, for a moment he was scared of the human. The look in his eyes was full of hatred “What the hell?! I’m scared of no one!” He said to himself and charged at the thing that was standing there holding a katana in his hands.

Of course the guy who has been fighting his whole life and hunted some of the most fearsome predators in the whole world would be afraid of the anger of this smaller, peaceful dude. Just like the black belts of the school Tae Kwon Do team would totally shit their pants if Alejin ever got angry. Luckily for them, he’s a peaceful dude, just like Alex.

He swung his battle axe but the human avoided it, Bright Courage screamed, he was so angry at the human. He swung his axe again but Alex was moving really fast, he seemed as if he wasn’t hurt at all. Bright Courage stepped back to catch some air, age and blood loss were taking their toll on him.

Couldn't you sick your grandson on Alex? Or did he disappear into a plothole after Spike defeated him?

Hey, that’s a good point. That kid should be here, seeing as how everybody, including the King of Minotaurs, is. If I were a cynic, I would suspect the author only made that kid the grandson of Bright Courage so Spike would look better after beating him in combat.

Alex saw the Minotaur stepping back; he knew it was his time to attack. He charged but Bright Courage was blocked all of his attacks, Alex grabbed another of his throwing knives cutting Bright’s wrist, a stream of blood came out of it. Instinctively, Bright Courage pressed his wrist against his chest, covering the wound.

Everycreature was speechless, was this human the same one who was fighting the Minotaur some minutes ago? How was he able to turn the fight like this? His friends weren’t even moving. Alex wasn’t the same, for a moment they were afraid of him.

We interrupt the narrative to remind you ALEX IS A TOTES BADASS U GUISE.

Thank you.


Alex charged once again but this time Bright Courage was prepared, he threw his battle axe at the human who jumped up in order to avoid it; otherwise he would have been cut in half. But this was Bright’s plan; the Minotaur extended his arms and caught Alex while he was still in the air, trapping him in a bear hug.

And what would have happened if Alex had dodged to the side? Your plan is just as shitty as his.

“Hahahaha! There is no way out of this!”

The look on Alex’s face was painful. He pulled his head backwards as if he was going to head butt Bright Courage.

“It’s not a good idea to do that” Bright Courage said “No matter how hard you hit me, I won’t let you go!” He closed his eyes in anticipation of the hit and turned his face away from Alex.

This was the beginning of the end for him.

Alex bit him on the neck, Bright Courage screamed in pain as he felt human teeth cutting through his skin, he felt the muscle fibers being ripped off as Alex bit a huge chunk of meat from his neck. The Minotaur was scared, he let go of Alex and stepped back. Dark blood was coming out of his neck, covering his chest and pouring all over the ground.

He looked up and saw the human standing there, with a piece of meat in his mouth. Alex was covered in blood, sweat and tears; his eyes were the eyes of a blood frenzied animal. He spat the piece of meat and wiped the blood off.

Damn it, GorillaGamer! Why you didn’t warn me there would be this much edge on this chapter? It’s scaring my dogs!

Hey, you were the one who first told me about this fic's edge, in the 'Bad Fanfictions' topic.

Oh, right...



Joke's on you Alex. Bright Courage has Mad Minotaur Disease.

That face looks less “blood frenzied animal” and more “I got dared to lick a funny looking toad”.

Bright Courage felt shivers going down his spine when he noticed the thing standing in front of him wasn’t a human or an animal anymore, it was a demon with a horrific grin on its face.

“You… what… what are you?” He asked before falling on his knees.

The human/demon picked up his katana from the floor and started walking towards Bright Courage.

The Minotaur couldn’t move, his body wasn’t responding; he saw Alex standing in front of him, he clinched his fist and threw a punch as fast and strong as he could. That was the last thing his arm would ever do; it was cut off by Alex’s katana.

Bright Courage couldn’t scream anymore he saw his blood bursting out of what was left of his arm. The blade was slowly rising up again, he knew there was nothing he could do “if only a had a weapon…” he suddenly felt the pain from the knife that was still stuck in his eye socket. He grabbed the knife with his only hand and pulled it out taking what was left of his eyeball with it; with a quick movement, he stabbed Alex in the chest but the human didn’t stop, Bright lost his second arm to the same blade that took the life of an old pony.

Wow, Bright Courage. You're as useful as a hooker in a monastery.

His battle hardened body and years of experience are useless against the power of the raw edge.

Everycreature in the arena was horrified; this thing that was slowly dismembering Bright Courage was a monster. Some of them fainted, others started to vomit, this was a horrible image and none of them would ever forget that.

Bright Courage was on his knees, knowing life was leaving his body. He looked at the monster again; it was standing there with a knife stuck in its chest. The monster closed its eyes; it seemed to be thinking about something.

Deep inside, Alex started to think about a lot of things, memories from the first time he arrived at Equestria; meeting Spike, training together, laughing and playing. Spike was like a brother to him.

“Spike, I’m so proud of you, I hope you know that…”

Another image came to his mind, Sweetie Bell. Every moment they shared, he loved that little filly since the first moment he saw her, he loved her so much.

“I’m really sorry losing in the Tournament is the last thing you will remember about me, but at least you are not here to see this.”

The last thing that came to his mind was the pony who gave his life for him. He opened his eyes and saw the Minotaur gasping for air; the Tournament Champion was on his knees.

Never knew that Minotaur's can suck cock.

Alex and Bright Courage looked at each other:

“It seems the animal… you have inside you finally came out to play. I knew your kind was dangerous, now I know. . . I did the right thing, someday every…”

Bright was interrupted by Alex’s boot kicking him right on his face, he felt on the ground hissing in pain, he tried to stand up but Alex was on top of him.

“To be honest – Alex said - I don’t have the time or patience to hear a stupid monologue about your so-called justice, this world may not have anything to do with me anymore; but still, Proud Hammer gave up his life for me to continue living and in order for that to happen, I need this force field gone; I need you dead now so I can get out of here!”

Bright Courage closed his eyes while Alex shouted:

DIE ALREADY!”



I would say slightly above Shadow, but certainly below Dante.



I'M ANGRY!!!!!!

EDGEEEEEE!!!!!

Using his hidden blade Alex stabbed Bright Courage right below his chin. Bright Courage felt the blade cutting inside him, he struggled to escape but there was nothing he could do. Before dying, the Minotaur was able to hear Alex’s last words:

“ESPERO QUE NO DESCANCES EN PAZ BASTARDO!”

Do you kiss your dead mother with that mouth Alex? What does it mean anyway?

“I hope you don’t rest in peace, you bastard!”

Exactly the kind of line I would expect a ten years-old boy homeschooled by an overprotective religious mother to come up with.


Bright’s life was gone, Alex stood up and walked towards Proud Hammer, he fell on his knees, and picked his friend from the ground; he started to cry. The Faker Barrier disappeared, many creatures tried to get inside but Princess Celestia and Luna ordered the guards to stop them.

At that very moment, a cute little unicorn with white fur entered the arena; she saw everypony gathered around the battle field, she wanted to know what was happening, but most of all she wanted to know about Alex. She struggled to walk between everypony and managed to pass the guards that were busy fighting off the others. That was when she saw him; he was on his knees, hugging a dead pony, Fluttershy was there too, trying to make him stand up.

“Come on Alex, you need to be treated; you could die if you lose more blood!”

“Just give me a minute to finish emoting here.”

Sweetie Belle ran faster.

Alex looked up and opened his mouth, letting out a scream full of agony and pain. A scream that nopony would ever forget.



And here we have Alex crying, as if he lost his favourite copy of Assassin's Creed 2.

LOUD NOISES!!!!

He closed his eyes and everything went black.

“Blacking out”, for when you can’t write a scene transition.

Anyway, now that Bright Courage is dead, I would like to talk a bit about him. Much like with Blueblood, I can’t help buy symphatize with the guy. He’s a tragic figure.

You see, Starswirl the Bearded is a character that dates from the old days of Equestria, before the banishment of Nightmare Moon, meaning the incident with Bright Courage’s ancestor happened thousands of years ago and his family has been nursing a grudge since then.

To give you an idea, imagine a boy born in a country at war with a neighboring one. Ever since he’s gained use of reason, he’s been told that the people of the other country are evil bastards who want to kill and destroy everything he loves. He doesn’t know exactly what kickstarted the conflict, but he knows who the enemies are and what he has to do.

That’s Bright Courage. A child soldier, one who has grown into an adult and made a family of his own yet has never been able of letting go of that hate. It’s so bad that he doesn’t care about losing everything or dying if it means fulfilling his so-called duty.

In any other story, the heroes would be trying to make him let go of the hate, but not here. Here, he’s just another way to show how much of a badass the self-insert is. Because you cannot expect an author who writes this kind of juvenile crap to understand that kind of narrative subtlety.


Wow, that makes a lot of sense.
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Post #29
MasterOfNintendo


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post May 22 2017, 09:15 AM
You know, this is why, if I ever wanted to make an unsympathetic villain, I'd stick to making eldritch abominations that don't understand the concept of reason or good. Merely, they are evil by our own definition. Incomprehensible. Maddening. Mind-twisting.

Still, there's nothing wrong with using other pieces of music in a fanfic. Except when it's for this cretin. Seriously, what a fragging load. This isn't Frieza killing Krillin. It's the fact that this guy has to realize that Equestria isn't his personal playground! It's a place where people (or creatures, in this case) live and die, have different shades of grey, and other such things that don't have to cater to your passive aggressive ego.


--------------------



The mistakes I see in this this work are to be pointed out so they may not be repeated.
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Post #30
Dashguy


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post May 24 2017, 03:52 AM
Since you so desperately wanted a break from all the edge Dashguy, how about I give you some angst instead?

There’s no way I can win, isn’t?

“I’m here; I’m here with you Alex. You don’t have to go through this alone!”

Just this, though. Don’t expect her, or any of the girls, to provide any kind of support in battle beyond cheering and looking concerned. We don’t want to take the attention away from Alex, after all.

Fluttershy was holding Alex against her. Her chest was covered in blood; she was trying to stop the bleeding from the wound in Alex’s chest. The rest of the mane 6, Lyra and Spike joined her. They had seen Alex hurt before, but this time something was different, they knew something inside of him had broken. It wasn’t something physical, it was something different, something inside his mind.

Nothing gets me enthralled like the author explaining things to me like I have the reading comprehension of a chimp. I have to remember to add this one to the list of similarities with Past Sins.

Twilight didn’t lose any time and used her magic to try to stop the bleeding “if it doesn’t stop, it will at least slow it down!” Rarity agreed and used her magic to levitate him and carefully take him out of the arena.



Oh no, Rarity ruined her make-up...

The true tragedy of this story.

Suddenly, someone shouted: “HALT THERE PONIES!”

The whole group looked back to see who it was. King Strong Blade from Minus followed by several Minotaur warriors were running after them.

“What do you want King Strong Blade” – Princess Twilight asked.

The King raised his hand and pointed at Alex, “Him! I want him! Leave the human here. He just killed a Minotaur and you know very well what the punishment for that crime is!”

You were the one who told Bright Courage that he was going to get executed after this.

“King, you can’t be serious!” – She replied.

“I’m very serious Princess Twilight; this is not something that can be easily ignored”.

“Look, I don’t have time for this now – She stood between him and the rest of the group - my friend is dying and needs a doctor. Step aside before I…”

“You dare to talk to me like that Princess? You want to protect a murderer; he just killed a living legend!”

“No! He killed an insane Minotaur who wanted to kill him. All he did was to defend himself, he had no other choice!”

She has a point here, I guess.

“I will not repeat myself again, leave the human here!”

A bright light blinded everypony; when it faded out, King Minus and the rest of his Minotaurs were trapped in a binding spell. Princess Celestia, Luna, Cadence and Shining Armor had casted the spell. Their horns were glowing white.

“Twilight! Don’t lose any more time here! – Cadence Shouted -Take Alex to the hospital, we will deal with them; don’t let our friend die!”

As GorillaGamer pointed out, King Minos had warned Bright Courage his actions would lead to his execution, but now he’s suddenly changing his tune and demanding Alex to be arrested. In the hands of a writer with an actual degree of writing skills, this would make me suspect the King was aware of Bright Courage’s plan, but here? It’s pretty obvious his change of demeanor is contrived so that we can see how much the ponies care for the author’s self-insert.

Twilight nodded and ran away with the rest of the group. They arrived at the hospital “I need a doctor now!” Princess Luna shouted.

Nurses and doctors didn’t move, not after looking who the patient she was carrying “What is happening, aren’t you going to help my friend?

A doctor found the courage he needed to speak “Princess Twilight, why do you want to help that mur… murderer? Didn’t you hear anything the hero Bright Courage said before being killed by him?”

Yes, I heard the entire edgelord backstory involving his ancestor.

All of the medical staff nodded. Their eyes looked as if they had seen a horrific creature. Twilight could not believe this; she knew some Canterlot ponies were actually afraid of him, but not to this degree. Anyways, she wasn’t going to let him die “I WILL PRETEND I DIDN’T HEAR THAT! NOW YOU WILL HELP MY FRIEND AND THAT IS AN ORDER!”



Some nurses brought a stretcher and medical equipment and started taking care of him, even though they had received an order from the Princess herself, deep in their hearts they didn’t want to help the monster. Princess Twilight spoke to the doctor once more:

“If he doesn’t make it, I will personally escort you out of Equestria and don’t you dare lying to me saying that you did the best you could but it wasn’t enough; remember that the one and only Element of Honesty is by my side!”

Jesus Christ, Twilight is screeching like a lunatic over here!

The doctor was shaking, he had never spoken with the Princess directly, and he never thought the first time doing it would be like this. He left with the rest of the doctors and prepared Alex for emergency surgery.

“Why did you speak to him like that Twilight?”

“Didn’t you see Rarity? All of them believed the things that crazy Minotaur said. I couldn’t risk him getting hurt by the doctors on purpose.”

Those ponies just witnessed a creature they know practically nothing about kill one of the most well known figures in all of Equestria in a particularly brutal manner. They are, at the risk of sounding obvious, very scared. But neither Twilight nor her friends care about them and immediately resort to threats and displays of power to make them comply with their demands. It’s especially jarring when the show preaches, among other things, kindness and understanding.

Several hours passed, every second felt like an hour. Rarity, Rainbow and Applejack were trying to comfort their sisters. Sweetie Bell was truly devastated; she didn’t want him to end like this. What if her brother didn’t make it? He would die thinking she hated him.

Please don’t get my hopes up.

Twilight and Lyra were having a conversation:

“Why did this happen?”

“I don’t know Princess Twilight!”

“Lyra please, you can call me Twilight.”

“Thank you Prin… Twilight, I can’t believe this happened. Everything started so perfect; that Minotaur thought he was doing a good thing to all of us. I just can’t believe it! Are there any news from Princess Celestia?”

"She's arguing with the monarchs over who gets to kill him."

“She is still speaking with the other kings that came to the tournament. I think the fact that no creature has come here is a good sign.”

“That is right – Lyra replied - and also the fact that Princess Luna ordered all most of the Royal Guards to guard the hospital in case any intruders wanted to do something crazy” tears started to come out of her eyes.

“He will make it Lyra. He is strong; he has been through worse and there he was, coming out victorious.”

“I know he is strong Twilight, it’s not his physical damage what worries me but the damage that was made to his mind. You saw him in the arena, those eyes; those were the eyes of somepony who didn’t care about dying. I am worried he thinks he is a MONSTER!”

“Shouldn’t we be worried about what others think of him too?”

“Nah, all those who dislike him are obviously assholes.”


After a couple of hours more, the doctor finally came out. The whole group stood up and surrounded him “After an intense surgery, we managed to stop the bleeding and efficiently heal his wounds; he has many fractures all over his body, but time, magic and medicine will heal it… sorry, will heal him. His life is not in danger anymore… However…” his expression changed “He’ll have to stay in bed for a couple of months, I know you won’t like this but we might have to tie him up bec…” the doctor was interrupted by Twilight, she looked menacing “Princess please, we are doing it to avoid him from hurting himself in case he moves. Please don’t be mad Princess; we are doing this just to help him heal as best as possible!”

What crawled up Twilight's asshole and died?

Doesn’t her behavior remind you of a villain, GorillaGamer? Hell, the whole scene plays like one of those police thrillers in which the mafia boss enters the hospital carrying his wounded asshole son, accompained by his mooks and immediately threatens the staff into treating him. Then, after the main doctor informs him the condition of his son is critical, he shoves his gun down the doctor’s throat and says something along the lines of “if he dies, I will kill you and your staff”. Not exactly the kind of behavior I would associate with the “Princess of Friendship”.

(Lyra P.O.V)

Every single time these stories change into the POV of this bitch is to have her fawn, cheer or whine about the fucking self-insert. It’s like a blowjob from the point of view of the person doing the sucking.

“Many things happened after the Coliseum Tournament, Princess Celestia and Luna spoke with King Strong Blade after the incident inside the arena and asked him to cease his accusations against Alex. All of the other Kings agreed on the fact that Bright Courage had disgraced his own reputation and had brought disgrace to the tournament by murdering an innocent pony. In order to avoid any conflicts between their kingdoms, all of the King who attended the tournament made a pact stating that this incident would be put aside and accepted that justice was made. The murderer was executed by the same blade he used to kill the innocent pony.

How convenient not only every single other monarch agreed Bright Courage was in the wrong, but they all also agreed to label the incident as “justice”.

Even after the horrendous incident, the closing ceremony took place two days later. There is no need to explain why all of the participants weren’t celebrating as expected, the Zebra known as Zaxel was declared the winner of the tournament. He didn’t want to be crowned as the champion and even dared to say Alex should have won the tournament; this caused a huge part of the crowd to start booing at him and some of them even left the place.

I would too, if the champion of a prestigious tournament said that shit.

Fucking sissy, have some self-respect, for Pete’s Sake!

We gave Proud Hammer the funeral he deserved, as a true Hero who gave his life for his friend. The Princesses themselves used their magic to engrave his headstone with the phrase “Friendship is Life”, as a reminder that true friendship is above life and death. I am pretty sure Alex will want to visit the place once he wakes up…

Setting aside the fact he would probably be alive if he wasn’t friends with Alex, this is certaintly an unusual way of making a title drop.

The day after the funeral, the Kings returned to their homelands. Some of them, including Zaxel and Maximus Heart went to the hospital to visit Alex. It was incredible, many ponies believed somehow Alex managed to earn the respect of that Horse “He showed me about humility, he was a true champion and a hero!” those where his words, but deep down inside I believe he said that just to gain more fame.

Fuck you Lyra! Maximus Heart is doing something decent, and you twist it to make him look like the bad guy.

Not going to lie here; the idea Maximus only visited that cretin as part of a stunt to improve his image only makes me like him more.

I’d like to say the ponies of Canterlot aren’t easy to manipulate but that would be a big fat lie, at least half of the city believed in Bright Courage’s story about Alex being a menace and some of them even asked Princess Celestia to end his life, claiming he was a menace to Equestria they needed to deal with him right away; what better time to do it than now that he was vulnerable. Princess Celestia’s mood wasn’t the best during this time; she took care of Alex as if he was her son. The Princesses have always come to visit him here in Ponyville.

Fascinating. It’s like Lyra, and by extension all of the other characters in Alex’s little circle of friends, are children. They are simply uncapable of adopting the other side’s point of view for even a freaking second. The high class ponies know Alex has gained his reputation from killing, witnessed him turning violent during the Grand Galloping Gala and later saw him slaughtering Bright Courage; they hadn’t had conversations with him about his world, gotten to play with his gadgets or read his books. Everything they know about him is related to violence. But we’re still supposed to believe they’re easily manipulated morons for not liking him.

By the way, Alex was moved from Canterlot to our humble local hospital here in Ponyville, all of us agreed that moving him to a more peaceful environment would help him heal faster; sadly, he wasn’t brought here just for that, but because there were some ponies that wanted to hurt him. We couldn’t risk him from being hurt so the Princesses approved this so they brought him here and left some well trained guards to take care of him.

I’m slightly surprised there are no mentions of the ponies who wanted to hurt him being beaten to an inch of their lives and dumped into a dungeon.

Many ponies visit him regularly; Ditsy and her daughter are the ones that come to the hospital the most. I still remember the day they became close friends, Alex was one of the few who told her how beautiful her eyes are, and I remember how jealous Fluttershy and I were that day.

One, of course he’s one of the few who complimented Derpy’s crossed eyes; I’m kind of surprised he wasn’t the only one. Two, how old are you two fucking cunts to get jealous from something like that?

Ditsy always brings a muffin for him in case he wakes up hungry; sadly, they become waste because he hasn’t opened his eyes.



Moe Horse is one bad day away from stabbing Alex in the eyes with her knitting needles.

Of course he’s not going to open his eyes if you cover them like that!

Fluttershy and Sweetie Bell stay in the hospital every day, the shy Pegasus spends at least two or three hours talking to him and knitting; I believe she has finished 4 or 5 scarves for him. Sweetie Bell lies down next to him, hoping she will be the first thing he sees when he wakes up. She wants to apologize to him for all the things she said and even starts to cry. Rarity wanted to keep her from visit him because it had started to affect her physically.

Nothing like seeing the characters you’ve come to love from the show getting reduced to moping for the author’s self-insert, eh?

After four weeks, Alex finally woke up. He looks weak but he is fine. We were so happy but it didn’t last long, Alexis doesn’t want to talk to anypony not even his marefriend or Spike, he just stays there lying on his bed sometimes looking at the window or the ceiling, staring into nothing. The doctors have checked on him and they agree that there is nothing wrong with his body, but he was very depressed. Pinkie Pie did her best to cheer him up or at least tried, she failed. It was the first time everypony saw Pinkie Pie fail.

Wrong, Dashguy told me about that Cranky fellow in an earlier chapter.

After a couple of weeks everypony decided to let him be “maybe he just needs some time” is what they all said. How wrong they were! To my own surprise Alex asked me some questions, not looking at me even once. He wanted to know when and where Proud Hammer was buried, what happened after the tournament, etc. It made me happy hearing him talk but still, his voice, his words seemed . . . empty.

After a couple of days it was more than obvious for everypony… His spirit and his will were gone, his heart was dead.

And it will remain dead unless this post gets over a hundred likes on Facebook!

Princess Celestia tried to talk to him, no luck. As everypony else did, she decided not to push him. Princess Luna tried harder, she even tried by going into his dreams but everything she found in his dreams was darkness, she tried to cast the darkness away but it was impossible. After a several tries, she gave up.

Little Spike has been doing great; he has gained a lot of reputation after the tournament. I think he has been in touch with two new friends, one from Manehatan and the other from Gryphonia. I didn’t know he was so popular, but the strangest thing is the fact that he doesn’t visit Rarity’s that much. However, it is still obvious he has a little crush on her.

Spike's getting all sorts of pussy.

I remember having read on TvTropes that there’s one or two “smut fics” out there where Spike has two dicks.

Besides the horrible things that have happened, our lives are as good as always, or at least as normal as they can be. Everypony went back to their daily tasks, sadly, the memories from the tournament are not as the Princesses had wanted. Twilight and her friend returned to their daily lives as well, they were still hurt by all of this; but deep inside they knew that Alex, even in his current state, wouldn’t want them to let this incident affect their lives at all. Fluttershy was the only one having problems with this, she still visits him, hoping to make Alex snap out of it. She even tried to take him with her but the medical staff stopped her on time…”

(Fluttershy P.O.V. one week ago)

Oh God, the ride never ends!

“Please Alex, come with me. I am one of the first ponies with an invitation to see the Breezes…”

“. . . . . . . . . . .”

“Don’t you want to come with me?”

“. . . . . . . . . . . . .”

“Ok, I think I should be going…”

Fluttershy stopped at a couple of inches from the door; she turned around “No! I want you to go with me and you will!” she tried to pull him out of the bed but he didn’t move an inch. After hearing all the noise, nurse Read Heart and some medical staff stopped her “Miss Fluttershy! Stop! Princess Celestia gave strict orders to keep him here safe until HE wants to leave on his own will!”

“But, but I really want him to come with me! Alex please, say something!”

“. . . . . . . . . . . .”

“Alex, say something!! You are my boyfriend remember?! Do you care about me?” She closed her eyes “If you don’t say anything… we are done!” She started to cry.

“. . . . . . . . . . .”

She turned around and rushed outside the room. She didn’t notice Alex turning his head and looking at her. His lips started to move, he spoke very quietly:

“. . . Finally”

He finally realized he should have gone after Rarity.



OH NOES!!!! The relationship between Alex and Moe Horse is over. Woe is me! Woe is everyone around me!

I'm in pain. Do you see how much in pain I am?

Lyra finished writing in her diary and went to sleep; she and the gang had agreed to visit Alex again. The next day, the whole group went to pick Fluttershy at the train station, their reunion was nice considering everything that had happened until today. On their way to the hospital, Lyra got near Fluttershy and asked:

“So what’s the plan Fluttershy?”

“I. . . I don’t know. . . I can’t believe I broke up with him, I’m afraid of seeing him, what am I going to do? Why did I do something so stupid?” Fluttershy started to cry.

“I’ve lost my single purpose on this story! What I’m going to do now?”

“Everything is going to be alright. Everypony knows how much you love each other. You were hurt and said things without thinking but it’s nothing love can’t fix!”

“Do you think so?”

“I know it Fluttershy!”

Fluttershy smiled and wiped her tears off. With a new found conviction, she started to run to the hospital; she needed to tell Alex how much she loved him and that she didn’t mean any word she said during their last “conversation”.

When the group arrived at the hospital, Nurse ReadHeart talked to them:

“Hello everypony, coming to see Mr. Alex?”

“You bet!” - Pinkie Pie answered.

“Nice! Please follow me. But I warn you, he might be sleeping. He didn’t make a single noise last night after closing the door to his room. But it’s almost time for breakfast and I have the keys to his room. I hope you guys can finally make him speak again!”
Everypony followed her into the room. Nurse ReadHeart opened the door very slowly…

“GOOD MORNING ALEX! WE HAVE A SURPR… uh?!”

The room was empty. Rainbow Dash turned to nurse RedHeart “Do you think this is funny? Where is he?!”

Yes, it's quite funny actually.

“I don’t know Mrs. Dash. He should be here, nopony ordered to move him into another room; and besides that, he locked the door last night.”

Fluttershy started to cry, she was so worried about him. She started looking for him in the adjacent rooms “Alex, where are you?!” the rest of the group started to do the same. Twilight was the only one who got inside the room, carefully looking at every corner “The door wasn’t forced open, the windows are not broken. However…” she got near the window “As I supposed, the window was open from the inside” it was clear; Alex had left the hospital by his own.

Rarity entered Alex’s room “Twilight please, we need to know who took Alex away. He could be hurt or even worse!” Princess Twilight turned around while the rest of the group got into the room “Relax girls, don’t you see?” everypony was confused. Twilight showed them the evidence she found, they were to know that nopony had taken him away; however, they were still worried.

“But where could he go?” – Rainbow Dash asked.

“I don’t know, but we need to find him fast! He is very weak and probably is still hurt; I know, maybe he went outside to Carousel Boutique!”

“That can’t be possible; we were there an hour ago” Rarity replied “Everything was normal” Twilight closed his eyes “Did you search inside his room?”

“We haven’t entered in his room since we decorated it. We were waiting for him to wake up and…” Suddenly, the whole group realized “Alright, let’s go!”

They ran as fast as they could to get to Rarity’s home. After getting there, they went into his room. What they found was shocking, most of the things inside his room were untouched, but his gear missing and so were most of his clothes. His weapons, Metapendant, most of his personals things weren’t there.

“He definitely was here!” Pinkie Pie said “But why did he leave?”

CRAWLING IN, MY SKINNNNNN!!!

THESE WOUNDS, THEY WILL NOT HEEEEEAAAAALLLL!!!

FEAR IS HOW I FAAAAALLLLLLLLLLL!!!

CONFUSING WHAT IS REEEEEAAAAAALLLL!!!


There, does that answer your question?

Couldn't have put it better myself.

They started to wonder what his reason to leave was; deep inside, they knew the truth. They just didn’t want to accept it. Spike was the one to break the silence:

“What if he just… ran away?”

An immature and attention whoring dude doing something children often do to call attention? What are the chances?

His words echoed in the room. Nopony wanted to believe it, but there was no other option. They started to cry. Fluttershy fell on her knees, her heart was broken.

“Why did he leave?”

All of them had many questions. Only one thing was certain.

ALEX WAS GONE!

Thanks for the good news! And to celebrate, here’s a clip of Rarity performing a guitar riff:

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Post #31
MasterOfNintendo


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post May 24 2017, 10:18 AM
Crawling in my Skin? Close, but I've got something much...better.



And yes. I agree that these ponies have been reduced to children who are incapable of seeing another's point of view. Jesus, this really IS a template for how to write actually good fanfiction. Just avoid all the pitfalls this fanfic is doing and I'm all set.


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The mistakes I see in this this work are to be pointed out so they may not be repeated.
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Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 25th May 2017 - 11:29 PM