"Story of a YuYu Punk" - it's like NTL for YYH, joint mock with Moose Options

[Kuramastrass]

And Strass abandons all her current mockeries yet again to start a new one. And this time, it's a joint mock with Moose!

This story is making its debut on the internet. It was never on ff.net or anywhere else (except maybe part of it on Quizilla, but more on that later) and for good reason. How did I find it then? I wrote it of course!

Nobody on the boards has seen this shit but me and Moose - I wrote it even before I met Weatherhead. If my memory's correct I'm placing myself at about 11/12 when I wrote it, so it's probably the earliest example of my bad fanfiction that's still floating around.

If you're wondering why I didn't just delete it (a good question, considering that every time I even just think of this I get faintly nauseous) and move on, it's mostly because of its sheer length. A small part of it is that I think it would be fun to see how I've progressed since this. But like I said, mostly because of its length.

Since it was never up on the pit (I didn't even have an account at the time), it's completely lacking any sort of the tl;dr author's notes I'm known for - and yet, it's 11 chapters and a little more than 28,000 words. I can't just delete all that and let it go unmocked. It's boring, trite, and nothing really happens - like it's my very own Normal Teenage Life or Sailor Moon Legend of Zelda.

So here we go: here's the Prologue to "Story of a YuYu Punk". My commentary will be in green, as per usual, and Moose is bold.

Prologue

My name is Alicia. Alicia K’karo. Alicia has been my name since I was born, and I kept it as my first name when I was born again.

As opposed to renaming yourself Melissa Sparkles McRainbow Butterfly the Third.

K’karoKakariko Village was the name I gave to myself. I gave it to myself when I left my family, and it’s been so long since I left that I cannot remember what my name was originally.

How can someone be reborn?

Not sure, but good thing you're here to explain it to us!

Silly Moose. With Reborn the Monster, of course.

It is not as though I have lived and died and am alive again… Well, that’s the general idea, but I didn’t physically die. It’s not that simple. How I wish it was. It’s more difficult than that. I was alive, but in a different life.

So basically, you're in a self-inflicted Witness Protection Program type of deal?

Wait, never mind. THIS IS SO VERY DEEP, AND IT IS MAKING ME REEVALUATE MYSELF AS A BEING!

I was reborn into a new life… a life full of pain and sorrow. But that’s not to say that life was never good to me. Pain and sorrow go hand-in-hand with happiness. It’s just that it seemed worse after my rebirth…

Hmm...

- Abuse of ellipses
- Seemingly contradictory statements masquerading as a complete and legit thought
- Repeated use of the phrase "pain and sorrow"

Holy shit, guys! In my past writing life I was the Dakari King!

I left my family for two reasons, and they are easy enough to understand.

She was just SO MISUNDERSTOOD!!!!11IJHGRIEHUEIUGG

The first reason I had for leaving my family was this: I felt unloved. That’s simple enough to understand, isn’t it? They don’t love me, so I leave. But there’s a bit more to it than that.

A bit more, like it was only her mother who was a total bitch. But hey, let's try to build up enough angst so we can forget that little plot-hole later!

I believe that my mother must have cared about me, or else she would have left me and my life might have been a lot different. But she had a volatile temper… one day the worst she could do to me for doing something wrong could be “Alicia, how could you?” but the next it could be a slap on the cheek. And though they stung, I usually turned the other cheek, to let her slap that one, too, just to be defiant and show that she couldn’t crush my spirit, no matter how hard she tried.

Kura, was she supposed to be a strong individual that stood as a beacon of hope? Because I really hate her already.

No, she's just got Special Snowflake Syndrome (SSS).

My so-called father was never home. He became obsessed with his job, not that I remember what it was, and was often working quadruple-overtime. He would stay there overnight for months at a time, and would hardly come home. Even so, I know he loved me as well, for he always wanted me to be happy.

TL;DR: Alicia isn't as misunderstood as we were lead to believe, and her father tried to make sure his family got their needs met by working lots, because he is a caring individual.

I don't see how this is as bad as Alicia made it out to be... you know, for reasons other than sympathy points.

Well, if we're looking for a bright side, she's a teenage girl. Almost all teenage girls suffer from SSS and AOS (Angst Overload Syndrome), so I managed to write a semi-realistic teenage girl.

...until she cranks the Mary Sue up to 11.

He worked to save up money for taxes and would skimp on everything he could to buy me whatever I wanted. And we had a routine for when he came home. He would come home with a bouquet of roses for my mother, and one for me as well, for I love roses, though he would hide it from her.

Oh, I see how she was so unloved now. Her father brought her FLOWERS. And not just any kind... HER FAVORITE ONES!

I can see how she felt so unloved.

Hmm, I wonder why roses are her favorite... it can't be because they're also my favorite...

He would hand her the bouquet, smiling, and I would stomp my foot, spit a little, and let out a stream of cuss words. My mother, unable to handle all of that, would pass out. Dad would then carry her to bed.

Yeah, how dare he give his wife gifts?

I mean, she might be a bitch, but Alicia is kind of asking for it here. God damn, I hate her!

You see, this is the hate I feel for Bella 'Mary Sue' Swan. Although Alicia's my character for some reason I can't hate her as much as I should. Probably because just thinking of this story makes me so nauseous that I have no room for other emotions.

Also Alicia just likes to cuss. At least, she was supposed to. Side-effects of SSS include supposedly having traits that they actually don't.

With her out of the way, we had all the time left to ourselves. My dad was a strong, handsome man, athletic and muscular. He would present me with a bouquet of roses and a present, and then we would do whatever I wanted, which was usually playing video games (which I usually won at), basketball (which I usually lost at), or football (which could easily go either way).

Okay, okay, so... does her dad know about the abuse or whatever? Because I'd think he might try and do something about it. You know, like maybe get a divorce? Or... get her some kind of outside help, like a doctor? Because it sounds like Alicia's mom might have some kind of mental disorder. =/

Judging by her introduction I think it's safe to guess she's bipolar.

We would do these things until I was tired out and needed sleep. He would carry me up to bed, kiss me on the forehead, and say “goodnight.” Then he would leave and I wouldn’t see him again for quite a while.
The last time I saw time was

when she looked at her wristwatch.

the day that I had left, the last day that I saw my mother.

No apparently wherever she went they just don't have time. Oh that's right she died. It all makes sense!

The last time before that was my eighteenth birthday; and before that, it was my seventeenth birthday.

But because my dad over-worked himself to death, and my mom practically abused me, I definitely felt unloved.

So she goes on for paragraphs about how she and her dad spent quality time together when they could, but then says “OH I FEEL SO UNLOVED!”

Well, I truly am sympathizing with her! No one understands her pain! She should go listen to some Linkin Park and write poetry, because that will help her.

Crawling in her skin, her wounds they will not heal.

But the second reason is a bit harder to understand.

I was different. I am different. They just couldn’t understand how different I was and am. I had to leave. I wasn’t safe. They couldn’t understand the danger. I had to leave, not only for me, but for them as well.

I'd think that would be the most important part, but whatever. As long as we feel bad for her. Because, you know, no one else has ever had a hard home life as a kid. Nope.

Different different different. That says it all.

That’s where my story begins. Not on the day that I was born, nor on the day I was born again. The day that I started to realize how different I was… the day before the day

So two days before? Yes? Okay, just making sure.

I found out who I truly am… someone different, someone who must hide to protect, someone who must keep the world safe for us all. That is where my story begins. That first day. As Green Day

OH GOD, AND SO IT BEGINS!

I can see why you double-checked with me about joint-mocking, Kura.

I told you. Also, I didn't know Linkin Park yet, so they don't make an appearance in this story.

so nicely puts it, it was “the dawning of the rest of our lives,” for I was not alone. I went through everything with the girl known as Belle. Belle Amoto.

I feel like this should be important, buuuuut... not feeling it.

Too busy sympathizing with Alicia's horrible home life.

The thing I think is most important here is that the second Sue has a name incredibly similar to Bella.

O rly?
Well then... >=]

[oneluckyduck]

This is so riviting! I can't wait for the next part! :D:D:D:D
>:D Your mock is so scathing...I shall be following this like some people follow the dating lives of celebrities.

[Kuramastrass]

Chapter one is so incredibly long it broke our PMs. So it will be split into two parts.

Chapter One - in which Alicia is an annoying and vague little shit. Get used to it.

It was a day that was normal enough… well, it was normal for any normal school-going kid. I was different even then, though not as much as I realize I am now. I actually went to school, so I guess I can’t really call it “normal.” And, if you just think about it, normal is a matter of perspective. What is this “normal”? Define it for me.

Only if my defining it can include several punches to the face and gut.

What is this "writing that makes sense"? Show me an example.

I only went to school when I felt like it, which wasn’t all that often. I had awakened that morning, and I glanced over at my clock. Seeing that it was still early, my next thought was, “I’m going to go to school today.” And, as shocked as I was, I got out of bed, dressed, and gathered the little amount of school-related items that I could find randomly lying around the house. After that, I headed out the door, still in complete and utter shock.

Looks like she has a case of the Mondays.

If you're in shock, it's probably not healthy to go anywhere.

Maybe that’s what threw me off, going to school… but it’s over and done with now. And I wouldn’t change what I had done even if I had the power to. Not with what followed…

I was stuffing part of an apple muffin in my mouth as I headed out the door. If I had known then that today would be the last day that I saw my house for… quite a while, I would have taken a good, long look at it, would’ve taken in every single little detail.

Alicia: Like that spot in the hallway when I couldn't make it to the bathroom in time, or that small indent on the wall in the kitchen that always bugged me so! IT WOULD NEVER BE EVEN, GODDAMMIT! But I would miss it so!

But not being a psychic of any sort at the time, I had no way of knowing that. And though I haven’t been back to my old place in, like, forever, I can remember remembering that it was a fairly nice place.

Remembering within remembering...

RECOLLECTION!

Wait wait, "at the time"? Alicia never become psychic! What the hell, me?

I made a sharp turn around the post at the gate (it was a small wooden fence still white from when I was punished by whitewashing it) and saw that I had left my skateboard against the fence. I grabbed it, popped the rest of the muffin in my mouth, and put on my helmet, which, like always, was balanced delicately atop it. I was in luck, too; it was a great day for a ride to school.

She skateboards because she is a BADASS! No one can keep her down! You want her to make you a sandwich? FUCK YOU, YOU MAKE HER A SANDWICH, BITCH!

Oh yeah, I bet she looks real tough/cool in that dorky helmet of hers. REAL badasses don't wear helmets.

So I rode to school, feeling abnormally good. The trees were swaying in the gentle breeze wind and it took all I had to keep from wishing that they were cherry blossom trees. My hair whipped around me gently, and the people were whispering in friendly tones. The air smelled good, and it was just a general feeling of happiness that I felt… which is not something that I was used to experiencing.

Because she was so abused, remember?

I swerved around people walking to and from, with and without packages, with skills rivaled only by the kids on Rocket Power.

Tony Hawk? Never heard of him! But the brats in Rocket Power were the BEST!

Not that skateboards are even that cool to begin with. I mean, they haven't been cool since Back to the Future when Marty outmaneuvered Biff and ended up feeding him a pile of cowshit.

I grinded down every railing that I came to, arriving at the school sooner than I had anticipated… I was way early. Too early for my tastes, for sure.

I turned sharply into the schoolyard, which was surrounded by a waist-high chain link/barb wire fence and received hostile stares from the usual inhabitants of this place.

Because she is misunderstood and DIFFERENT! No one anywhere likes her, and you bet your ass she will take it in stride!

The boys stopped in their early-football-game tracks just to gawk at me. Someone had been in mid-pass when I arrived and the ball hit the head of its to-be recipient and fell to the ground, unnoticed, unmissed. The gossip girls sat on their usual stair of the front stairway of the school, not noticing that the boys had been silenced (an unusual feat in itself) or that I had arrived.

Because they don't give a shit? Please?

I could almost make out what they were saying from where I was… It was something about me having been abducted… and I swear, at that moment I sweat-dropped so hard that any anime guy… or any anime person, period… would’ve been proud.

That is some fierce sweating right there! She should get that checked, it could be a problem.

Oh my God did I just make a sight-gag reference? I need to be sight-gagged in the throat until I can't breathe anymore.

The other girls, who liked to hear the gossip after it had been mangled up but not commit the crime, quickly scampered over to the stairs for protection. Those fake, lying, gossiping big mouths noticed them, and when they did, they finally noticed me. They ceased their whispering, glanced at me with their so-called “death” glares for a moment, and went back to whispering, only more fervently. All I did to acknowledge anyone was glare twice as violently back at them.

Instead of, you know, trying to be the bigger person.

DEATH GLARING IS FUN WHEEEEEEEE

One of the girls in the group of gossip girls, a pale, dark-haired thing, came out of the school at that moment. Recognizing me, she smiled and waved amiably but was instantly grabbed by shaking, worried hands and pulled gently downward.

Because no one can be friends with Alicia EVER! The dark-haired thing might be infected with the sue-cooties!

lol @ dark-haired thing

So I went into the dreaded place of learning… a place where they imprison your mind inside the box so dreaded by English teachers and creative thinking is only for writing classes… my head held high with stubborn pride, though I knew that inside… my executioner awaited me. School is Satan reincarnated, the most absolute evil; it is a brick building that slowly sucks away your free will… And at that moment, those weren’t books in my backpack… they became bricks.

>:[ School seems evil! Makes me glad I was home-schooled.

I... I think this was my away message on AIM for some time.

The uniform that I should have been wearing was the chains shackled around my wrists and feet, now red, raw, and sore, but I was lucky enough to have been able to free myself, releasing me from their drug-like, mind-controlling stupor. The principal was the warden and the teachers were the guards… they expected you to always follow the rules, no exceptions. And they had most of the kids under their hypnotic spell…

We get it, school is evil and run by Lucifer himself.

If I can make analogies and extended metaphors like that, when I’ve hardly been to school, how badly do I need it? I mean, honestly. I’m a natural writer and a born genius. Maybe it’s the… never mind. You wouldn’t understand that quite yet. Give it… and me… a little time.

She sure is modest! A natural born writer AND a genius?

But wait? What could she be leaving out in this tale? I am at the edge of my seat, reading as fast as possible to figure out what this wacky, out of the blue plot twist will be!

Oh my God I think I'm about to barf. Did I actually write this?

Anyway, to get back on track, I walked into the prison… sorry, I really got into that… school, I mean… not bothering to dodge the malicious glances of everyone else. They had no effect on me whatsoever. I was better than all of them… expect one.

THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE

Expect one what? Person to knock her off of her high horse? I'm not really expecting it, actually. What I'm expecting is that if someone calls her out on her shit, they will be written as a villain.

I reached my locker, surprised that I was able to remember which one it was, along with the fact that I remembered the combination to the lock. The slightly dented, metal green door squeaked on its hinges as I opened it… All of the lockers were run-down from years of kids beating on them with cold mercy. I was in for an even bigger shock when I opened it.

The walls of the locker, which I had so… lovingly… vandalized with doodles and the like, were sparkling and clean. My books were organized, as were the papers… not a single one was out of place or order.

Cleanliness can be shocking, yes. As can going to school.

Man, for a girl who is such a genius and who is so badass, she sure gets shocked at the silliest things. Why, she might downright faint if it rains unexpectantly!

The lunches which I had not eaten and saved throughout the years and smelled worse than the combined smell of unwashed gym socks belonging to one of those of the male gender, the dead and decaying carcass of a skunk, and moldy bologna sandwiches had been appropriately discarded.

Do I... want to know why she kept all that crap in there? Especially the food. Why the hell would she save food? The other stuff could be a prank, sure, but it's basic knowledge that food can go bad fast.

Some genius.

I think she kept it to torture the prison wardens OOPS I mean teachers and school faculty.

Finally, it smelled like Citrus Pine Sol. I have no idea why Citrus Pine Sol is even made, because Pine Sol should smell like pine, not citrus. Maybe it was the smell of Citrus Febreeze and Pine Sol together… but Pine Sol shouldn’t even be used on the lockers; they’re metal. I knew who had done it, though, and I made a mental note to both thank her and tell her that.

A whole paragraph on fucking Pine Sol.

Er, why?

Sometimes I wonder if Stephenie Meyer hacked my stuff. Because this was definitely written before Twilight.

There was a small magnetic mirror hanging on the door… It wasn’t mine, I was never the type to stare at myself all day… but I couldn’t help taking a quick look. Was I in for a rude awakening.

My brown hair, which was long and full, nothing short of what was to be expected from the head of a Capricorn, hung around my face loosely and unkempt.

I didn't know one's astrological sign determined their hair color. I always thought genetics kind of determined it, but what the hell do I know? Alicia is a genius, so this must be fact.

Oh hey! I'm a Capricorn! And my natural hair color is brown! I wonder what other similarities Alicia and I will share.

My face had no color and my normally bright green eyes were dull and as hard as… sorry; you wouldn’t understand that yet either… well, they were hard and cold.

Yeah, I wouldn't understand BECAUSE YOU ARE BEING CRYPTIC AS SHIT, ALICIA'S POINT OF VIEW! You're not even a half sentence in before deciding we won't get it!

Kari is a million times more likeable in my opinion. At least I don't want to kick her in the throat every paragraph.

I guess I could explain to you why Alicia is still somehow far more likeable than Kari, but... sorry, you wouldn't understand, Moose.

My own reflection made me gasp in horror and shock… if I hadn’t known that it was my reputation that made them afraid of me, I would’ve stabbed a guess at my reflection. And… to be honest… if I wasn’t me, I’d be right there with them. I looked like one of the living dead. Or one of the dead living. Whatever.

TL;DR (because God knows it's necessary in this story): She looks like a zombie, I guess. Whatever.

Or a (real) vampire. Whatever.

The bell rang, awakening me from my daze. I jumped up and thought quickly and frantically… I was good at that, thinking on my feet… What classes did I have? English, music, social studies, gym… then lunch… if I didn’t leave by then.

So if she skips school so much, why has she not gotten expelled yet? For someone who hated her dad working so much to pay for everything, she sure is wasting his hard-earned money.

Everyone knows Sue are immune to the way the world actually works! Silly Moose.

I grabbed all the books that I needed and bolted down the hallway for the English classroom.

English, the first class of joy. Now, don’t get me wrong. I hated school and everyone in it and everything, but there are a few classes that I didn’t mind, simply because I was good at them…

So she enjoys all of them, then?

Because she is Sue, and as such, she's probably good at everything. Did I mention she was a genius? Because she is. Also, she's a natural born writer. Her words are probably so moving. SO. MOVING.

and I was good at a few to the point where I actually enjoyed them. Other days, I didn’t mind certain classes because of what we happened to be doing that day. English was one of those classes that the feeling that I had for it might be called enjoyment. I was just too good at writing and everyone knew it.

Wouldn't she be in some sort of advanced writing class if she was so good? If they even exist, anyway. If not, why hasn't she gotten published?

Because back in the day, people had enough sense not to publish people who write like S.Meyer.

And they hated me for it, too. Why was I bestowed with the amazing talent? Why not one of them, who went to school every day?

Because they were not the main character! Also, they only had above average intelligence.

We had, apparently, been writing poems. I knew this because she sticks to one thing for months on end and “poems” was written in really big, all capital letters across the blackboard that wasn’t black… it was green. That fact was a big inside joke among us. Just mention “blackboard” and they crack up.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!



Alicia: Who the hell is "us" you ask? I'd tell you but... eh, you wouldn't get it.

“Oh, joy. Poems. A load of crappin’ joy,” I muttered to myself upon entering.

No one talks like that.

The room had an ugly beige carpet and six sets of tables. The class was a small one, only about ten people. Every single one of the chairs was an ugly green color and made of the cheap metal that most school chairs are made of. Don’t ask me how I can remember what the class looked like on this one day when I can’t even remember what my own house looked like… just don’t.

Alicia: Because... shut up. JUST FOCUS ON HOW LUCIFER HIMSELF IS FORCING ME TO GO TO SCHOOL!

Alicia: I mean, I'd tell you, but... you wouldn't get it.

Anyway, I sunk into a chair near the back, where I hoped that she wouldn’t notice me. But it would take a miracle from Jesus the Christ himself to make her not notice the only kid sitting alone, the only kid with an iPod, and the only kid out of uniform. And all three of them were me.

Again, why does she bother going to school Hell if she hates it, and everyone, herself? Also, if she hates being judged so much by her peers, why is she so fucking judgemental of everything?

Because Sues must always be total hypocrites. It's the first thing you learn in Sues 101.

“Alicia, how nice of you to join us,” the teacher said in a fake voice that said quite clearly to anyone with ears that did more than frame their face,

I… I stole that from DBZ. I am ashamed.

“I’m getting too old for this. Let me go home… I can’t put up with all of the usual idiots and her… Lord, help me. Please.” “Thank you for honoring us with your presence,” is what she actually said.

AHH TOO MANY QUOTATION MARKS

“Uh huh.” I wasn’t listening to her… my iPod was already on. “On a steady… diet of…” was blasting in my ears.

I hope she goes deaf and gets expelled, I really do.

“Now, we’ve all learned about the different types of poems. You have all period to come up with something, anything… Yes, this is for a grade… So even you, Alicia, are doing this. Start now.”

Now, poems aren’t fun; they’re a sissy, English, writing thing, but since we were allowed to do freeform poems, which are just stories with stanzas instead of paragraphs and no punctuation, or any specific poem “form” we wanted… it wasn’t really all that bad. At the least, we all survived.

A sissy English writing thing? Yes, her natural ability to write is really coming through there. I can see now that she probably did try to get published, but those evil fake writing executive things just didn't understand.

Hey, that's almost as classic as "It was like one of those wild-fights behind the sofa things." In my past writing life I really was the Dakari King...

I had always liked haikus the best of all poems, not only because they deal with beauty and nature and are Japanese, but because I was always better at them. So I wrote in the haiku poem form.

Spoiler alert!

Alicia writes a poem all about herself, and it's the most moving thing EVAR!!!11

Also, in case you didn’t get it, ALICIA IS A TOTAL WEEABOO.

At the end of class, I was called on to read mine because she knew I was a good writer and wanted to liven up their spirits by hearing something good for once. And I did; I wasn’t about to miss a chance to show off. (That’s my big ego talking.)

You know what? This is why no one likes you, Alicia! You're the biggest bitch in school, and you don't let anyone forget how SMART and AWESOME you are!

You're the kind of person who probably gives everyone backhanded compliments that would imply they're not as good as you.

“Sakura petals
Fall down around me
In a swirling blaze of pink

Someone I love
Has died today
The sakura petals hide my tears

Beautiful redhead,
God of all the earth,
Smile down upon me today.”

Oh my fucking God
I can't believe I wrote this
I'm going to puke

A handful of girls… which, in a class of about ten (all girls), was about six… knew who I was talking about, and only some of them (about four, I think) even knew anything about him. Of them, there was only one girl who cried… well, there might have been more, but this one cried really hard. The pale, dark-haired girl from earlier… Belle Amoto.

Because it was SO MOVING and EMOTIONAL!!!!!

The next class was music, so we had to walk all the way to the other end of the school. I’m good at that one, too. Singing was always one of my strong points, but only on a song I really like. But I hated (and still have negative feelings toward) the teacher; everyone hated her, not just me.

I bet she's a demonic dictator that makes you do things any teacher would get FIRED for. But because this school is Satan's playground, that doesn't happen!

She would make us girls sing so high we ended up getting headaches, even the sopranos, who were used to singing higher. And we couldn’t sing any lower than so-and-so a note because apparently we would’ve killed ourselves trying. But all of us could go so much lower… And the guys would always sing falsetto, so they sounded awful: they sounded like guys imitating girls, only with no success. The only word I can think of to describe them is “nightmare.”

I can only imagine they feel the same, except with more curse words, no doubt.

The room was built like half a circle so we could all sit around her. There were two rows of seat, the one in the back higher than the one in front, and the front row was higher than where she sat before us. Needless to say, the front row was smaller than the outside row. It… the room… had recently been added to the school, only about five years ago or so, and so, it always smelled as clean as my locker.

You mean, like citrus Pine Sol? You know, I just realized Alicia is right! It should smell like pine! Citrus is so overrated, you know. Why not just stick with the good old smell of pine?

ZZZZZZZZ -- Huh? Oh, guess I fell asleep. I don't think I missed much.

I was sitting in the first seat on the right, top row, listening to my pink iPod when I heard Mrs. Zigman yell at me. “Alicia!”

I continued to sit there, humming, pretending that I couldn’t hear her over my music. But then she pounded on the piano keys to get my attention. I couldn’t ignore that, and she knew it: to me, that’s a bit like pounding on the keyboard is to computer nerds.

It's not even really the same thing, but, you know... I'm not a genius like her.

It drives them insane, especially when the computer is their own. So I took one earphone out of ear, tilted my head to one side, cocked an eyebrow, and said, “Yah?”

“Alicia, show the men” (she put a lot of emphasis on that) “over there how their part is done.”

Another chance to show true talent to the school-slaves. “’Kay.”

Dammit I was hoping I'd get through the worst of this chapter with my nap. Guess not.

“We’ll start at measure 45.”

“Start playing two measures before.”

So she played, and I belted it out, at their pitch, with such feeling that I made them sick. I simply smirked at them evilly.

But unfortunately, she made them so sick, they all collectively projectile vomited on Alicia's face. Damn her perfect abilities at everything! Perhaps if she had just shut the fuck up and stopped being a show off, it would never have happened.

“You can’t stand that, can you? A girl beat you at that pitch?”

They didn’t respond.

“You can’t let her beat you!”

There was a single, weak “yeah” from one of the boys.

She smiled triumphantly. “Surely, not her? Not on your part, at your pitch?”

There were a few more “yeahs” but it was still pretty weak.

“Are you just going to sit there and take this like a bunch of girls?” She looked pointedly at the sopranos. “Or are you going to act like men and sing?”

You know, this teacher is basically kissing Alicia's ass. Why does she hate her so much?

Oh right, she's a fake and EVIL! Forgot. Did I mention she was unloved and had no friends, for reasons that were not at all her fault?

“Yeah,” they said, all of them this time, but they were still not as full of passion as she was.

“Yeah,” she said, sounding deflated. “Yeah. You’re right. You’re never going to get it. I’ll just give your part to Alicia.”

They all turned red at that. Well, some of them paled. “No, you’re wrong,” one of them said. “You’re wrong. We can do it.”

“Really,” she said. It wasn’t a question, it was a statement. “Well, show me, then.”

They sang, just like I had shown them, and that was the best they had ever done. They then returned my evil smile.

They can smile all they want, but they will never beat the all mighty Alicia! >=]

A while later, she called my name again. “Alicia!”

I didn’t let her bang on the keys this time. I didn’t know if I would be able to stand it. So I just said, “Yah?”

“The altos are having trouble with their part on She Sings. They seem to have problems making a jump from high to low, unlike you,” she said, hoping to incite me all the more. She didn’t need to.

Of course not! All you need to say is one student has a single fault, and Alicia just goes right off the bat to show them how much better she is!

Oh my God we sang that song in our choir. Thinking of that song along makes me want to puke... It's almost like past me really hates present me.

“I know.” Of course I knew. I had been listening; I could hear them, even over my music. “I’ll show ‘em,” I said.

I sang, and when I hit that last note, a lot of the girls, and even some of the guys, had tears in their eyes. But only one was sobbing their heart out. Belle.

Belle really needs to get some therapy or something; look into why she cries so much.

Oh Belle just has the soul of a Seaking. Crying is her way of attempting to use waterfall to attack.

I knew that she always looked for the deeper, hidden meaning in things. Then again, she was also very sensitive. My singing, like my poem, had probably just struck a “cry” chord.

Is that so? Because for me, it strikes a “stab in the face repeatedly” chord.

“Beautiful, Alicia. That was simply beautiful,” Mrs. Zigman said as I came down from the second row on my way out. She hugged me, and I smiled, though no one saw me, and I didn’t return the hug; I simply stood there, crushed in her embrace.

No doubt thinking that she could probably hug way better than the teacher.

After a few seconds, I roughly pushed away (in order to save my reputation that I had taken so long to build).

Oh yeah, I know you worked so hard on your reputation the like two days you've been to class.

After surviving choir, we dragged ourselves down to social studies… or history. Whatever. But that meant another trek (oh, joy) across the school. It was past the English classroom, so this trek was even longer.

Thank goodness you took all the time to mention this, Kura. I would sometimes read the story and think “you know, I wonder how far one place is from another? Does she have to travel too far?” This just answers all the questions that keep me up at night.

We were in the middle of the American Revolution. Sometimes I would sit there and listen while I pretended that I didn’t care. Other times, I really didn’t care. If I ever had a question, I would pass a note to someone and have them ask it.

Because Alicia is too perfect to strain her voice, you know.

The room was twice the size of the English classroom, as was the class. The carpet had been white, at one time… but now it was many different colors. You just can’t trust junior high kids not to pee on the rug… especially the guys, of course. The chairs were all different colors (not like the carpet… some were black, some were red, and most of them were green),

Which I'm sure looked great with the pee-colored carpets.

and the tables were arranged around the front “black” board like pews around the altar, only they weren’t at odd angles. They were all in perfect ninety-degree angles. I sat right at the far left end, in the very back.

The Revolution is pretty cool, I guess, when you get to the Boston Massacre and the Boston Tea Party and “One if by land, two if by sea” and “Don’t fire until you see the whites of their eyes” and stuff like that. The cool gory war stuff.

All that other shit is like, so boring. God, why should Alicia have to learn that crap!?

You know I just had a thought. I bet Alicia doesn't like Bill Nye or School House Rock, just because this school is run by Satan. What a shame.

About halfway through class, I wrote up a note, folded it (almost like a paper football, but that was the specialty of the guys), and threw it to Belle.

Ask Mr. Zigman what would have happened if the British had divided up into two groups and came on both land and sea. Would there have been three lanterns?

Came the reply. Okay, I’ll ask. And I just want to say I think your poem was really good. Really, it was. So sad, though…

P.S: This is the last time, bitch. Ask your own goddamn questions next time.

Also, this message will self destruct in five seconds.

Stay tuned.

[Kuramastrass]

I looked up at Belle, who was sitting in front of me and had turned around just to see my face, and our eyes met. I knew she didn’t say that to get into my good graces, as many people did, to keep from getting punched, but that she said it because she meant it. I nodded and mouthed a “Thanks.”

She mouthed a “You’re welcome” and turned to face front. “Sir!” she called, waving her hand in the air. “Mr. Zigman!”

So is the music teacher married to the History teacher? Because I am way more interested in that than I am about Alicia's boring day in school Hell.

Well um yes actually.

Then we had Physical Education, or “gym,” which is what I prefer. That’s another class which meant a trek. It wasn’t as far as the music room, having been built when the original building was, and that thing was about as old as dirt. Anyway, that was another class that I’m good at, gym. After running a few laps, we played volleyball… not all that hard.

Not for Alicia, anyway. It was torture for everyone else, because they are lame and only have average intelligence!

OH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED THIS WAS WHERE I WENT TO SCHOOL I think I'm having a fucking panic attack

And ‘cause everyone wants to keep me happy, lest they face my fist, I always serve. Which is, obviously, because I like serving. And I run all over the court to hit the stupid ball, because I like smacking it with this sickening “SHHWA-MACKK” sound, so my team always wins. That’s good; I hate to lose. I’m such a sore loser.

Are you a sore loser? I never would have guessed. You've been such a peach, and you're so modest, too.

Alicia: And when I lose, I go up to everyone on the opposing team and WHAM! KAPOW! BAM! SMACK! I'd explain to you how I do it, but... well, you just wouldn't... get it.

The boys equal me in enthusiasm; they like to hit as hard as they can too… The girls stand around waiting for a clean hit to them, but when it comes, they scream and run.

The class after gym is always lunch. At least, for us. Some of the kids (the starving, Goth artist-types) have art before lunch.

I care about everyone's curricular activity.

Hooray for stereotypes!

There was a new kid this particular day… That’s something I never got. Who changes schools in the middle of the year? That’s retarded. Anyways, he was here, and he obviously hadn’t had a good time so far. He looked a little relieved to see an empty seat next to someone who hadn’t tried to kill him yet today. He plunked his stuff down next to me, on my left, the seat where no one ever sits. “Can I sit here?” he asked.

I'm sure this will be a point in which Alicia looks within herself and realizes she doesn't have to be a total bitch all the time! ^_^

I could have sworn the whole lunchroom gasped and then turned to look at us.

I put on my best fake friendly smile. “Sure,” I said. He sighed and started to sink into the chair. Then I added, “If you want to die.”



He quickly scrambled over to the boys, who immediately swarmed and comforted him by giving him sexy massages. There, now, he shouldn’t have any more problems with friends, should he? See that? I work for the good of others in my own weird way.

I agree. I mean, that random guy totally scored a date with the hot lead quarterback because he ran off scared!

Sitting on my right there was a girl. I think it was Belle. I dunno; I wasn’t really paying attention. But it doesn’t really matter and I don’t care. Anyways, the girls sit on that half of the table. The boys sit on the left half.

So is there only one table in the whole cafeteria?

Cheap school.

Well yeah, they can't even clean the pee up off the carpets...

No one sits across from me. A lot of people learned that the hard way. I flick popcorn kernels and stuff at them. And it doesn’t hurt or anything… it’s just really annoying. And none of the boys dare to sit next to me. The girls, however, have to.

Because... YEAH!

There are too many of them to escape sitting next to me. So we have a deal. The gossip girls sit in their group next to me. I don’t bother them if they don’t bother me and the poor soul next to me shares any really juicy gossip that they happen to have.

This particular day, though, there was nothing exciting happening in their little world.

I went through the rest of the day listening to my iPod, humming (and sometimes singing at the top of my lungs) along to the songs, and listening to the teachers threaten to confiscate it. But I knew that they wouldn’t, so I didn’t waste my time listening to them.

I, for one, am glad that these teachers are so fine at their jobs. It makes me feel good to know that these children are in fine hands.

The last part of the day was a singing practice for the mass of the Immaculate Conception tomorrow. It was just another singing practice, with most of the same old songs. But I really like some of the songs for this mass. Like “Sing out, Earth and Skies” and “One Bread, One Body.”

I had decided, when I went to my hospital-locker to pack up, that I just might go to that mass tomorrow, just to sing those songs. I love them too much to pass up a chance to belt them out and have everyone stare at me.

Because if there is at least one person who doesn't witness the perfection that is Alicia, the world will just explode.

I was on my way home when the first weird thing happened. I would pass this alley on my way home from school, and it was a normal enough alley. It was just an accidental space between two buildings and had a brick wall at the end and everything.

Thank you for describing to me what an alley was, Alicia! My stupid non-genius intellect was just unable to figure out what one looked like. You make my dreams come true you-hoo, you, you-hoo, hoo, you, hoo!

There are usually trash cans and homeless cats going through them, eating garbage food, fighting, and just generally making noise. But today, there was nothing. No trash cans, no noise, no cats.

No cats? Noooooooo...

Again, I’ll say that there was nothing… nothing except a small package. It was in a corner, as a dark heap, and no one else seemed to notice it or the fact that it was empty and silent.

What, the package? Yes, I'd imagine it would be silent, because... oh, did she mean the alley was silent? Because that was not implied in how it was written.

And maybe nobody's paying attention to the package because you said it's empty.

So I, seemingly being the only one who noticed it, went into the alley to pick it up. I did, and it was hard to read in the dim light, but I was able to make out that it was wrapped in a brown grocery bag and had my name on it: Alicia. That was all it said. So I stuck it under my arm and brought it home with me.

Bitch, there could be dozens of Alicia's where you live!

Leave it to you to assume it MUST be meant for you and your natural writing skills.

Moose, she'd tell you know she knows it's for her but YOU WOULDN'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND OKAY?

When I got home, I went directly to my room. It had a shaggy, emerald green carpet that I loved to walk upon barefoot and a single black throw rug at the door. The walls were painted black but in most spots it was blue, a reminder of the way I used to be.

BECAUSE SHE WAS ABUSED, GET IT? POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOR ALICIAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

My bed was a canopy bed, but the canopy was long gone… it had been pink and lacy. I hadn’t been able to stand it after about fourth grade. It was currently semi-made, with everything, and when I say everything, I mean both sheets and everything, actually on it, and on top was my green blanket with roses.

This is the most description I have ever read for a room. Especially a room we will never see again, according to the start of the chapter.

My desk was buried underneath a motley assortment of paper, both used and clean, and writing utensils. My closet was closed, its door a really tacky (when compared with the rest of the room) red. It was closed, and just by seeing that most people would guess that I shoved everything in there… but, it was actually the cleanest part of the room.

Because, you know, everyone with a clean closet keeps the door to it open AT ALL TIMES.

That was my secret sanctuary, where I would go when I needed a quiet place to think or cry, so it had to stay clean offer sacrifices to Satan and listen to SlipknotGreen Day. My dresser was natural wood, as I had not allowed it to be painted any color, not even my favorite shade of green, and the drawers were all closed and not askew as I was sure I had left them that morning.

OH MAN, THIS IS GETTING WEEEEEEEIIIIIIIRD!

Now that I thought of it, my bed hadn’t been like this when I had left that morning… the more I thought about it, the more I remembered everything being dumped in heaps on the floor. It gave me a really odd feeling…

but then I realized it was just gas.

but I just ignored it, jumped on the bed (something I knew my mom would tell me not to do), and ripped open the package for all the world like a child at Christmas. Inside was a green whip with thorns.

“Okay, what the hell is this?” I asked myself out loud.

A green whip with thorns, duh. You just described it ten seconds ago.

And this is where I try to stop myself from committing suicide. Gotta go eat to get my mind off this, brb.

I examined it more closely, practically sticking it in my face and gingerly poking the thorns… drawing blood on my one finger. I stuck that finger in my mouth and thought, “Hmm, could make a good weapon.” I got up and set it down on my desk with a thud. “Okay. Thanks, whoever you are. Nice gift,” I said to the empty room. Yeah. Like they could hear me.

It's funny because they CAN!

I wonder if her blood tastes like orange juice? Because man this orange juice is good.

The rest of the day was pretty normal as well, though for the first time in a while I acted like the girl I am and took a long, hot bath. I used the bathtub in the bathroom upstairs because the one downstairs isn’t nearly as good.

Because she likes her perfect. You know, like her.

That bathtub was the nearly the size of a swimming pool and was a Jacuzzi tub. The floor had a polished shine, and the small bit of wall behind the giant, nearly full-wall mirror was pure marble. It was getting chilly and I had the feeling that I was being watched… so I closed the window. But even with it closed, I still had that feeling… which pretty much ruined my whole bath.

GOOD, BECAUSE I DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR HAPPINESS!

I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE -- SOMEBODY'S WATCHIN' MEEEEEEEE!!

After my bath, I went back to my room to find that the ceiling fan’s light had burned out on me. “Damn,” I muttered so my mom wouldn’t hear me. I didn’t worry about my father. If he was home, that is, which I doubted. And even if he was home for once, he was okay with me swearing. I mean, I fight and act and everything like a guy, why not swear like one, too?

It's funny because she assumes all guys are the same and act like wild animals!

I realized that my bedroom window was open and had the feeling that I was being watched again. This time, it came from behind me. I turned and thought that I could make out a figure in the corner. I stared straight at it. “Get out of my room,” I said to it.

It chuckled… well, it was sort of a chuckle, but it was more of a “Hn” sound. It started to move with a lightning speed around my room.

”Hn” sounds just like chuckling. What? It doesn't?

FUCK YOU, ALICIA IS PERFECT! HER DESCRIPTIONS ARE NEVER WRONG, GO DIE!

I could explain to you how it does but you wouldn't understand with your inferior imperfect intellect.

I would have bolted for the door, but this was my territory. I snatched a book off my desk and, once in fighting stance, realized that while it was hard, it didn’t have a very far reach. I dropped it on the floor and put my hand down on the desk to lean back against it. I felt the handle of the thorned whip.

And then she bled, which completely hindered her, giving Hiei the mysterious figure a chance to kill her. The end.

Oh yes that would be so great...

I grabbed it on instinct and brandished it all around the room like the amateur I was until I heard it collide with the figure.

“Hn, so you do have it.”

By this time, I was freaking out. Now that the figure had finally come out to where I could see it better, though the whole room was dark and it was hard to see anything at all, I could tell that it was at least male, if it wasn’t yet a man.

So the room is dark, she can barely see a thing, and yet she can make out Hiei this mysterious person's male figure?

Wait, this is Alicia. She probably has perfect vision, along with night-vision, because she is so awesome and smart.

No, she just knows it's a male because -- wait, can't tell you that yet. You wouldn't fucking understand.

He was only a bit shorter than I was, even taking his spiky hair (which, in the dark, seemed like the shadow of flames) into account. I sank to the ground and stared up at him. “Stalker,” I whispered.

“Hn.”

“Uh… why are you here and what are you doing in my bedroom?”

“Why do you have my friend’s whip in your possession?” he returned.

“Oh, this belongs to your friend? Well, I found it and it had my name on it so there.” That sounded pretty childish, but I didn’t – and don’t – care at the time.

I'm shocked! I thought for sure she would apologize profusely, and then go on a twenty minute rant about how stupid and wrong it was of her to so foolishly assume it didn't belong to anyone.

“Hn.”

“Can you tell me why you’re here?”

“No.”

I sighed. This was going to be tougher than I thought. I was never going to get anywhere at this rate. Not with “No”, “Hn”, and answers to questions with more questions. “Well, I have a right to know,” I said. “This is my room.”

And he has a right to not tell you. It is his best friend's whip and all.

“Hn.” I rolled my eyes when he said that; not again.

“Fine, then!” I was really aggravated at this point. I threw the whip at him – hard – and he caught it with ease. “Here! Take the stupid thing back to your stupid friend! Just leave me alone!”

“I’m afraid that won’t happenI can't let you do that, Dave. You’ll have to come with me for no reason whatsoever, other than that the plot said so.”

“Hang on, what? No! I’m not going anywhere! I’m staying right here!” I screamed, throwing my arms in all directions.

Soon, the room was littered with fake arms.


Now, it would help to say that I was, and still am, I suppose, classified as a bit of a punk, and quite obviously, that’s not untrue. And I don’t mind being called a punk. But there is a very specific reason I became a punk in the first place.

A stupid reason, but a specific reason nonetheless.

I was always left alone for many reasons, one of them being the fact that I like Japanese manga (and sometimes the respective anime). Now, if they left me alone because they thought I was retarded, or I was the ugliest piece of crap that they’d ever seen, I could live with that. If they left me alone because they just couldn’t stand me, that was a whole nother story. But because of my love of manga! That was just wrong.

Not only was it wrong, but really unrealistic. Unless she was obsessed and would go on and on about it everyday, along with quoting it all the time, no one would stop hanging out with her because of it.

Oh, I forgot we're talking about Alicia. Poor baby!

This sorta feels like arson, murder, and jaywalking.

There’s nothing wrong with manga, is there? No, of course not. Manga was my life and it still is. So I became a punk to defend it. And it worked; no one dares make fun of my manga with me in hearing range. But this cost me my only friend: a girl named Belle. Belle Amoto.

I'd think being an unbearable shit would cost you your only friend, but manga is fine too.

We used to be best friends. The only difference now is that she’s my best friend, while I’m not hers. She’s one of the few people that can talk to me and I won’t punch their face in for approaching me. She does talk to me, but very little; I think she feels sorry for me. She always did. She’s sorry that it came to this. I began daydreaming about all the fun times we had had together. I realized that I eff-ing missed her.

And I'm sure she totally misses you too.

I fucking like how fucking Alicia fucking swears all the fucking time, but fucking says fucking "eff-ing" infuckingstead of "fucking".


Now, the figure’s next response brought me to my senses, and I finally figured this all out. And once I had, I wanted to kill myself for not realizing it in the first place.

Project A.F.T.E.R. finally brought me to my senses, and I finally figured this "writing" thing out. And once I had, I wanted to kill myself for writing this fic in the first place.

“Isn’t it what you always wanted, to be taken away from these mortals who don’t understand you? Those whose mere, mortal minds could never fully grasp the concept of your love, and for whom and for what?

Wanna know why no one could grasp her love or anything, Hiei mysterious person? Because she was a mega bitch who didn't let anyone talk to her or get to know her! Of course no one could understand! She wouldn't let them!

But of course, Alicia's gonna play the viiiiiiiiiiiictiiiiiiiiiiiiim and act like it totally was not her at all.

‘Please, oh please, Hiei, just come, take me away to the Makai, my people! Take me away from these mortals who do not understand me! Cannot fully grasp the concept of my love, what it’s for or whom it’s for!’ But never mind it, now you have no choice in the matter.”

Hiei: So, sucks to be you!

Those words stung like a needle. They were my own words, and here he was, repeating them to me, like the Ghost of Christmas Present to Scrooge (“Then let him die and decrease the surplus population”), though I had never said these words aloud. I may have written them somewhere… but I couldn’t remember doing so. I was then filled with Brooklyn rage at this figure, who had broken into my room and then repeated the words that came from my heart to me, mockingly,

Well that's just how we do things down in PA.

and as though they were lines he had to learn for a play. That was when it all clicked. The words. The whip. The figure. My oddly clean room.

The butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker.

“Hiei?” I asked uncertainly, then smacked myself hard on the forehead for my uncertainty. Who else could it be? He was short, he had spiky hair, he could read minds, and he said “Hn” a lot. He moved demonically fast. The whip I got belonged to his friend, and the whip was green with thorns… it was Kurama’s whip, the Rose Whip. I made a mental note to kill myself for not recognizing anything, especially the Rose Whip and all its glory.

Is this going to go in the direction of “my favorite manga came to life”? Because... why else would she act like she made the biggest mistake EVAR?

“Hn.” This time, though, it was more of a laughing one.

I clamped my hands on the side of my forehead, as though I thought they would help. “Hiei, I would quite appreciate it if you would stay out of my mind.”

I was greeted with silence. That one didn’t even get a “Hn.”

“Well, okay. I’ll go pack, then.”

“Pack?” he asked, as though he didn’t know the word.

“Yeah. Pack. I’m going to go away for a while, right? So I need to pack.”

“Hn.”

“Not so much because I need comfort because I’m a soft wuss,” I said, “but because I don’t want my stuff to get taken while I’m gone.”

“Hn.” He could tell that I was lying; I was a soft wuss, not matter how hard I denied it.

This stunning revelation, however, will not stop her from being annoying as fuck, though.

So I packed, Hiei watching me like a hawk, glaring at the back of my neck with malice, all the while. I stuffed money, ID, and my cell phone and stuff in my back jeans pockets.

Then I found a suitcase and plopped it down and my bed and went around the room, randomly tossing things in it. After gently placing in the rose whip, I threw in my iPod,

Because it's not like it's an expensive piece of technology that can break or anything! Hell, you should chuck in some pieces of China dishes, too.

Threw in my iPod before remembering I'd put the Rose Whip in there. "Shit shit shit shit shit!" I mumbled, running over to the suitcase. Too late. It shattered. "I HAVE NO REASON TO LIVE ANYMORE!"

a few changes of clothes, some junk food, and my portable DVD player and DVDs. Then I got a glass box out of my closet-shrine. It contained my whole manga collection. It didn’t fit in the suitcase, so I found some yarn lying around in there and tied the handles of the box and the suitcase together. There, I was ready.

I'm sure wherever she is going, all that stuff is completely necessary.

Junk food is ALWAYS necessary.

“Now, Hiei, tell me one thing: wherever we’re going, is Kurama going to be there?” I don’t know what came over me, but I grabbed him by the shoulders and began to shake him back and forth.

Gee, I wonder who she's gonna fall in love with.

I think Kuwabara! Am I right?

Well what do you know? I am in love with KuramaKuwabara too!

I towered over him (who wouldn’t, though?); I guess I had judged the difference in our heights wrong. “Tell me! Is he going to be there?”

I didn’t know I had been screaming, but apparently I was. “Alicia! Will you shut up?” my mom yelled at me from the floor below us. “It’s two in the morning! People are trying to sleep, here!”

Now, there was no way it could be two in the morning. I had started my bath at 7:30 at the latest, and I hadn’t taken more than an hour. It was maybe… 9 o’clock, at the most. What time was she on? Eastern Lunatic time, or what?

Bitch time, because she is MEAN and NASTY and HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Shut up, Mom,” I yelled back at her. “Some of us aren’t. Like certain people who are obsessed with work.”

Normally, she would have retorted, but she must have started sobbing because she didn’t. I probably should have felt guilty about bringing up my father like that, when she didn’t expect it, and making her cry, but I didn’t care.

I should've felt bad for being a bitch for no reason, LIKE A DECENT HUMAN BEING WOULD, but I'm Alicia, so THERE.

I turned to Hiei to tell him I was ready to leave, but apparently I felt guilty about something and said, “Hang on. I’ll only be another minute.”

I rummaged through my pile of junk on my desk, trying to find paper and a pen… or at least a pencil. When I found some, I began to write a note to my mom.

“Dear Momlynch-mob,” I began. I chewed the bottom tip of the pen for a moment, thinking. Then I added, “Or Dad, I suppose, which ever of you gets this first.”

When I was finished, it read:

Dear Momlynch-mob… or Dad, I suppose, which ever of you gets this first,

I don’t think I’ll be coming back for a while. I don’t care if you don’t care where I’ve gone.

I don't care that you don't care that I don't care that you don't.

You shouldn’t, I’ll be just fine. Don’t send the police after me. I wasn’t kidnapped, because I wanted to go, and I didn’t run away, because I was taken. I know that that will make no sense to you but…

fuck you, I'm a geniusyou'd never understand!

Don’t look for me. I’ll come home when I want to come home. And if you disregard that and look for me anyway, if you find me, leave me be, even if I am exhausted to the point of where I can’t move. If I want to come home but I can’t, as in, they won’t let me, I’ll send word to you to pick me up at where I am. I’d tell you who “they” are, but you wouldn’t understand and I don’t have the energy to make you. I really don’t have the energy for anything… If you want to call me to make sure I’m still alive, fine, go ahead. My cell’s on.

Not that I took my phone charger, so hopefully it can run on wishes and unicorn tears once the battery dies.

Anyway, won’t be home. I’ll be gone. Don’t know where I’m going, what I’m doing, or when I’m coming home. I just trust this guy. He’s one of “them.” He’ll take good care of me, I’m certain. I’m going to go with this, let the wind take me where it will. Goodbye, at least for a while. Maybe forever.

Alicia.

ZZzzz *snort* Is it over?

The letter or the chapter? Because the chapter's still going further and further into stupidity.

It took a bit longer than the minute I had asked for, but it didn’t matter. “Okay,” I said to Hiei. “I’m ready to go now.”

With that out of my mouth, he swept me off my feet, bridal-style, me gripping the suitcase and glass box against me.

I'm trying to think of how that would work comfortably, given her angle, but I got nothing.

He jumped out the window (Me choking a scream in my throat; I mean, he wouldn’t let me fall, would he?)

If he's smart, then yes, he would. >=]

Sues sap the IQ of canon characters, though, so...

and landed on a branch in the tree by my bedroom window. From there we went onward toward… wherever we were going.

I wanted to question him, but I thought better of it. Ask the guy who’s carrying you a bunch of questions? Don’t do it; survival 1-0-1. He could drop you. And if I fell, I’d most likely die. I had at least a few more years in me. I wasn’t going to have a funeral just because I was stupid.

When we stopped and Hiei finally put me down, we were at a building that resembled Genkai’s temple. But I couldn’t be certain it was hers; all temples look the same to me… that, and I was dizzy from moving as fast as we had been, as high as we had been.

TL;DR: Hiei and Alicia go to Genkai's temple, maybe, and Alicia is dizzy from getting high with Hiei.

When you and I -- were gettin' high -- as outer space... I never thought you'd -- slip away -- I guess I -- was just -- a little too late~

A big, old building surrounded by forests and nature, that is a temple. But for all I knew, this was the temple where Miroku’s foster father lived. But I assumed Genkai because of Hiei. If it had been Miroku’s foster father, wouldn’t Inu-Yasha or Koga or someone have come to get me? Right? Isn’t that common sense?

It would be... if it weren't fucking retarded and unrealistic as shit.

I walked along toward the temple, and Hiei walked next to me. This was probably the first time I had seen him actually walk. I blushed, totally embarrassed and afraid that he was literally seconds away from grabbing my hand,

Because holding his hands is so SCARY!

Well in her defense holding hands with Hiei just might give her third-degree burns.

and looked away so he wouldn’t see, and when my face had become a normal color, I started to watch where I was going, as I had nearly tripped a few times.

We came to the door and Hiei went in first. We came to a large room with a statue of that Buddha guy in the back.

You mean... Buddha?

Next to it, there was a screen door like the one we had just entered. I assumed, if this was Genkai’s temple, anyway, that it probably led to a courtyard. I turned to Hiei and asked, “Should I go in there?” pointing at the door with my head.

“Hn.”

I received a gift that I had previously lost: the ability to tell a yes “Hn” from a no “Hn” by the tone of his voice.

I didn't realize they were distinguishable.

GODDAMMIT MOOSE YOU JUST WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND!

Since it was a yes “Hn,” I opened the door. When I looked back, Hiei was gone. Off to find Yukina, I figured.

Or to sharpen his katana for your eventual demise.

Or set her hair on fire from the shadows.

“Hello?” I called into the courtyard. When there was no answer, I looked up at the sky. It was a pale gray. I figured that it was about five in the morning, so they’d be getting up pretty soon.

Pale gray equates five? Makes perfect sense to me! It was grey all fucking day a couple days ago, but I'm not a genius, so what do I know about time, weather, and such?

I went to sit underneath a tree, as I had seen Hiei do many times over. I was tired and wanted to sleep. Why on Earth didn’t I bring a blanket? I mentally kicked myself for not thinking… again. Stupid. Baka ningen, I thought with a touch of disdain.

You can tell she's angry because she's thinking in Japanese.

I had a sudden and strange urge to know the time. I hadn’t seen a single timepiece as we had traveled, nor did I see one now.

But she basically just equated it to be five, and Alicia is NEVER wrong!

I didn’t have a watch, because the last one I had ended up getting broken in some fight, and my cell phone is, like, the only one on the planet without a clock.

If her phone doesn't have a clock, it's probably old as hell.

It probably also means she gets no reception.

Yes but Sues are magic like that. Watch this, I predict she makes a phone call! To do something stupid like find out what time it is!

I also had no idea how long we had traveled. I was pretty sure that I had fallen asleep along the way somewhere. So I had to call someone if I wanted the time.

You see?

I stared out into space, thinking about how I had gotten here, while my fingers did their stuff. I had no idea who I had called until I was on the phone and heard a sleepy, “Hell…” The word was interrupted by a yawn that Sleepy, the fifth of the seven dwarves, would’ve been proud of. “Hello? Amoto residence. Belle speaking.”

And speaking of reception, I also doubt she'd get good coverage at Genkai's.

I didn’t answer for about two minutes.

When I finally did, all I could hear was a dial tone.

Belle. I had been thinking of her all day; she had cried during my poem, she had cried during my singing. She was the one who had cleaned my locker; she was the only one who looked at me with an emotion other than fear.

So hate, then?

She welcomed me and was friendly to me in a place, in a world, that I was otherwise hated and unwanted. Hearing her name, just now, brought tears to my eyes, a lump to my throat, and a knot to my stomach. Belle. That one word, it said so much. And it wasn’t a pleasant word for me to hear… Hell, I admit it; it was a very hard word.

Did some time warp happen, and I missed it? Because it hasn't been too long since she last saw Belle.

Six hours may as well be FOREVER!

The thing is, “very” doesn’t even begin to describe it. My tears stung my raw eyes, but they refused to fall, no matter how hard I pushed. “Belle?” I finally asked, in a raspy, old, tired voice that didn’t belong to me. “It’s me. Alicia.”

She yawned. “Alicia? Do you have any idea what time it is?” She yawned again.

“No. That’s why I called.”

“It’s 11:30,” she said, now half awake.

“At night?” What kind of stupid question was that?

“Yes, otherwise I would be in school.” She sounded aggravated now.

She's way more calm than I am. I'd have been aggravated the second I laid eyes on Alicia.

You can see people through the phone?

“Okay, okay. Listen, Belle, you’re my best and only friend, and you’re barely my friend anymore. But you know everything about me and what I like, so you’re just the friend I need right now. Will you accept my apology and become my best friend again?” That made no sense, because she wouldn’t understand, but all I could do now was hope.

She hesitated a moment before answering, “Yes. Yes, Alicia, I forgive you. But what are you talking about?”

I'm wondering that too. What the fuck happened that Alicia has to apologize? I'm confused.

Maybe because Alicia could do no wrong, I am confused.

It might also be because she's vague as hell, but then, if she elaborated... you just wouldn't understand.

“I can’t tell you just now. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“But…” she sputtered, “but… you know I can’t be seen with you.”

“I know. But I won’t be at school tomorrow.”

“Really? I was for sure you would be, at least for part of the mass. I know how you love ‘Sing out, Earth and Skies’ and ‘One Bread, One Body.’”

In case we forgot that Alicia likes singing at mass, here is a completely useless tidbit of information about her likes! LOOK AT IT!

PUNKS LOVE CHURCH!

“I do. But I’m not anywhere in the neighborhood. I’m somewhere far away…

You're waiting for a train. A train that will take you far away. You know where you hope this train will take you, but you don't know for sure.

though I don’t know exactly where yet.”

“Umm hmm.” She didn’t sound convinced.

“I’m being serious, Belle. Just listen. Can you call me tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

“After school?”

"Yes."

“After school.”

“Have any special activities after?”

She does. I mean, we ALL know about her reputation! ;D

"Yes."

“Uh…” I could picture in my mind her playing with her long, raven-black hair like some people play with a phone cord. “No,” she acclaimed. “No, I don’t.”

“Good. Are you going to be walking home?”

"Yes."

“Yeah.”

“Can you call me on the way?”

"Yes."

“Uhh… sure. I guess.”

Belle: You're being extremely weird and everything about the exact time I call you, but why not? I'll humor you.

“Okay. Thanks, Belle. I’ll tell you everything tomorrow, I promise.”

“Okay.”

“Do you still have my number?”

"Yes."

“You’re on caller ID.”

“All right, then. I need to get some sleep, and I’m sure you do, too.”

"Yes."

“All right. Talk to you tomorrow, Alicia.”

“Yeah. Ditto is a Pokemon. Bye.”

“Bye.”

After we hung up, I fished my iPod out of the suitcase a fell asleep against the great oak, listening to my punk-rock music.

Because she is a PUNK... FOR MANGA!

And you can be my punk rock princess, and I can be your punk rock queen... wait, how's that song go again?

This post has been edited by Kuramastrass: May 7 2011, 03:10 PM

[Kuramastrass]

Chapter Two

The next thing I knew, I was being awakened by someone roughly shaking me at the shoulders and screaming in my ear. “Get up! C’mon, get up already!”

I did what I always did when someone tries to get me up, which is groan, turn over (which was uncomfortable; I was still against the giant oak), and try to brush them off. The person persisted, so I whined, “I dowanna get up.”

I thought she would actually tell them to fuck off or something. I'm glad for the change and everything, don't get me wrong, but... consistency is nice, you know?

It's too early to be rude.

“And? Get up anyway.” He (I could tell by the voice, now that I was somewhat awake; it was too deep to be a female) grabbed the cord and yanked the earphones out of my ears.

What if it was a female who had once been a man? There's such a thing as a sex change.

I yowled. “Okay, okay. Just gimme back the earphones.” He relinquished them and I (with my eyes still closed) grabbed them greedily. I stuffed them back in my ears and said, “Okay, I’ll get up in a minute.” I rubbed my closed right eye, yawned, and asked, “What time is it?”

Well, the sky is kind of blue right now, so maybe eleven?

“About twenty after.”

“Twenty after what?”

"Twenty minutes after you should have shut the hell up."

“Ten. Twenty after ten.”

It wasn’t a minute, it was longer than that, but I got up when the song ended. I opened my eyes to see the brown eyes of a black-haired boy about my age looking down at me. “I’m Urameshi Yusuke.”

I was shocked to see him here, even though I shouldn’t have been, so I just nodded. That was better than looking like an idiot and saying, “Yeah, I already know that.” I responded to his name with mine. “Alicia.” He looked at me as though to ask what happened to my last name, and I said, “Ehh, I hate my last name… and my family. K’karo is the closest thing I have to one… though it’s just my nickname.”

She hates her family, riiiiight! Because her hard-working dad is totally trying to be an asshole, and not make sure she grow ups with anything she would want or need!

Hey Moose, do you have any idea how the hell "K'karo" would be pronounced? Because I don't. It's a dumb made up word.

I usually pronounce it like KUH-CAR-OH.

“So it’s K’karo Alicia?”

“Yup, I guess so. K’karo, Alicia… You can call me either or. But not both.”

You don't get to choose your own nickname you bitch

“Well, c’mon, Alicia,” he said, choosing his name for me and extending his hand to help me up. “Kurama and the old hag want you.”

“Kurama and Genkai?” I asked, letting him pull me up. “Where?”

He looked surprised that I knew her name like that, when he hadn’t said it, but he shrugged it off (literally)

Thank you for that, really.

Yet another point to add to my list of “proof of how I used to write like Mykan”

and said, “Over there.” He pointed to one of the doors leading out of the courtyard. I still hung around, afraid to face the redhead;

Kurama is one scary fuck!


OH GOD! KURA, HIDE MEEEEEE!

Not a problem! *shoves Moose behind her*

he seemed to sense my fear, though his guess at its cause was wrong.

I like how she assumes he just knows why she's afraid. Wait... it's probably just something... we wouldn't understand.

Hey, that's my line. >:[

He laughed and said, “Go on, they won’t kill you. If we were going to, Hiei’d have done it already.”

I laughed back nervously. “No, that’s not it. My stuff,” I lied, pointing.

“I’ll get it.”

“Oh, no, you won’t,” I said. “I don’t trust you with my stuff.”

“I’ll have someone else move it, then.”

That someone could be Kuwabara, or Kuwabaka, as I like to call him,

It's because he's not bishie enough, isn't it?

Probably. What I know for sure is that I stole it from A Date with Kurama.

so I quickly changed my tune. “Never mind; you’re fine. Just don’t lose or break anything.”

He nodded and went off in one direction, and I went in another. I stood outside the door he had pointed at for a moment before turning off my iPod, thrusting it into my pocket, and opening the door.

“Welcome, you must be Alicia.” He smiled at me, and I looked down at my shoes and blushed. Genkai gave me an eye,

EW, MAN! Why the hell would she DO that?

Yu-Gi-Oh! crossover AHOOOOOOOOY!

but Kurama took no notice of it, and if he did, he pretended he didn’t. He’s cool that way. When I finally nodded, he again said, “Welcome.”

“We have reasons to believe that you are gifted with Spirit Power, Alicia, and a fair amount of it,” she blurted. “And even if you aren’t, you know a lot about the Spirit World, and need to be protected.”

Alicia is a PUNK! She needs no protection.

“There is also the possibility that you are a demon, though a half-breed, for you are definitely human.” You smell human, he (well, Youko) was thinking, but he didn’t say it. And I didn’t think about that until later.

I take back what I said in the last chapter, because apparently she is psychic now. What with her mind-reading and all.

But this was better than I ever could have imagined. Me, a Spirit Mage? A possible demon? This was just too good to be true. Even better, my knight-in-red-hair was telling it to me.

All the meanwhile, though, he was wondering when he could leave you in a favor for some alone time with KuwabaraHiei.

HOW'S THAT FOR A STAB IN THE FACE, ALICIA!?

Knight-in-red-hair lol u c wut i did ther?

No way this was happening to me. This was the kind of thing that happened in fantasy stories, or in the minds of insane people,

It's funny because Kura basically said all fanfiction writers are insane!

Well, they are.

or… or on the Twilight Zone. No way. This couldn’t be real.

Well, it turns out that I was wrong. Way wrong.

“Now, to test your energy level, you’ll need to pick a lot.” She motioned to the pot behind her. “Are you ready?”

THIS DOES NOT WORK. UNLESS GENKAI WAS PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED IN THE LAST SENTENCE, YOU CAN'T JUST WRITE “SHE”! IT'S NOT HARD TO WRITE HER NAME. GENKAI.

GENKAI. GENKAI. GENKAI. GENKAI. GENKAI. GENKAI. GENKAI. GENKAI. GENKAI. GENKAI. GENKAI. GENKAI. GENKAI. GENKAI. GENKAI.

As sure as Hell I was ready, because I knew that failing or passing depended entirely on me. She had done this in both the anime and the manga (which is a sacred, sacred thing that I study like some people do the Bible).

Because that isn’t creepily obsessive at all!

“Yup.” I moved over to the pot and randomly picked a lot near the top. It didn’t matter which one I picked and I knew it.

“Well? Open it,” she said.

This is Ms. Perfect Alicia. Of course she won't fail!

So I ripped it open as eagerly as I had the Rose Whip, and lo and behold, it was red. That meant that I passed. It took almost all my strength to keep myself from screeching and punching the air in joy, like a total girl, but I was able to keep myself under control because I couldn’t lose my cool in front of Kurama.

I'm sure he really cares about the reaction of a girl he met five minutes ago.

I was grinning like a maniac, though, and I knew it.

Well she is a maniac...

“Congratulations, Alicia, you pass,” he said. “Now, there is one lot in this jar that emits its own energy.”

“You want me to find it, huh?” I asked with just the smallest hint of sarcasm, hand already in the jar. I felt my hand being drawn in a certain direction, and I let it go. I grabbed the lot my subconscious said to and yelled, “Got one!” as I pulled it up.

Unfortunately, though, she pulled the wrong lot, earning her eye to be pulled out by Genkai, who enjoyed giving eyes out as gifts to newcomers.

A few flew out of the pot with my forceful pull upward and landed all over the floor, like confetti. I felt like laughing, for whatever weird reason.

Genkai grabbed my hand, inspected the lot, and said, “Congrats.” She paused a minute, before adding, “Your training will start later today.”

“Training?” I repeated, confused.

I was ignored.

Aw, widdle Alicia isn't the center of attention anymore.

Too bad, so sad.

Why the hell would I ever think Genkai would say "Congrats"?

“How about some breakfast?” Kurama asked me.

I hesitated before answering, “Sure. Breakfast sounds good.”

“Follow me.”

I was happy to do so.

“So,” Kurama said, dragging me down a hallway by the wrist because I didn’t know the way, “what do you want for breakfast?”

“Uhh…” I still hadn’t found the courage to talk in more than “uhhs,” “umms,” and occasionally a two- or three-word phrase to my redheaded knight. I swallowed to try to try again. How hard could it be? I couldn’t see his face, now, could I? “I like waffles… but it doesn’t really matter.”

Alicia: Do like waffles?

Kurama: Yeah I like waffles. Do you like pancakes?

Alicia: Yeah I like pancakes. Do you like french toast?

Kurama: Yeah I like french toast. Do you like mudkips?

Alicia: *thinking* Dammit he got me!

Kurama: So gruel it is, then! ^__^

“Waffles, eggs, toast…” He paused, and then stopped and turned around to ask me, “How do you like your eggs and toast?”

“Uh…” Now I was sweating and blushing all over. We were pretty close. Not that close, but close enough to scare me.

Well considering I wrote this, and the other fic of mine currently being mocked has Kurama as an insane serial killer, I'd say her fears just might be justified.

“Eggs, scrambled… toast, with butter and cinnamon.”

He nodded and continued to drag me down the hallway. We came to a room with a large table. “Sit anywhere,” he said, gracefully gesturing to the table.

I sat down, glancing around the room. It was pretty plain; it looked like a thatched hut.

It was so fucking plain, it doesn't even deserve its own paragraph like every other room in this fic has received!

After thoroughly glancing at the room, I generally stared at nothing. I was just thinking. How did I get here? Why was I here? I didn’t deserve it; that was for sure.

Damn right you didn't deserve it! Just like you didn't deserve the education your father was working hard to give you.

Or an entire 11-chapter story about you, but hey.

I had been waiting only a few minutes when Kurama appeared, bringing me silverware (actual forks and stuff, not chopsticks), napkins, waffles, toast (with butter and cinnamon), eggs (scrambled), and orange juice (non-pulp). He looked at me, and I looked back at him… until I started eating.

“To Heck with etiquette” is my motto.

Because forget looking like an idiot in front of Kurama, which you were worried about paragraphs ago; Alicia doesn't give a shit!

Oh Alicia, don't you ever change.

Mine and Belle’s. So I snatched my fork and dug into the eggs with such force that I must have looked like a steam shovel. I was hungry and it showed; I just went ahead and stuffed everything in my face, and once I had started, he sat next to me, just kinda staring at me.

Probably wondering what kind of rude person doesn't even attempt to show any hint of manners.

It would’ve freaked me out if I wasn’t so busy eating. When I finished, I looked at him, exhaled deeply, patted my stomach twice, nodded, and said, “Good stuff.” It was an automatic response; that was what I would always say to Belle after I ate something that she had baked for me. So, feeling hurt and knowing Belle would feel hurt too, I added, “That was great. Thanks.”

Belle has no idea where the fuck you are, so I wouldn't go too far to try and make sure she would be fine.

Kuwabaka came in the room at that moment. “Oh, so you’re…the bitch that is trying to steal my man.” He seemed to be racking his brain for something, and he was snapping his fingers, which some people do when they’re trying to recall something. Yeah, like either would end up succeeding.

“Alicia?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.

He snapped his fingers and then pointed at me, all in one movement. Snap-point. “Yeah! Alicia. So, how’d you do? Have any Spirit Energy?”

No, Hiei drags people over to Genkai's so they can just freeload.

Snap-point.

“Yeah. I passed,” I said, and I couldn’t help grinning. If I was dreaming (which I probably was, because I knew that no one sane should to Kuwabaka

Looks like you accidentally the sentence, Kura.

if they can help it… that and there was no way I was insane, like I said before), it was a good dream. So I should smile while I could; soon, I’d wake up, annoyed at finding it was a dream, scowling.

“Anyway, Urameshi sent me to tell you he has dibs on being your sparing partner today.” He seemed a little put out, as though he wanted to spar with me, too. Tch. Like I’d let him.

He's just bummed because someone is moving in on his territory.

And by territory, I mean Kurama's delicious bod, obviously.

Or he wants to spar with her because she’d be the only one he could beat. I’m not Kuwa-bashing, I’m just saying.

“Okay,” I said. I tried to sound friendly. I knew so much about them; YuYu Hakusho was my life… and I knew that I hated him so, so much… but I couldn’t play my trump. Not yet, maybe not ever.

How is "I know everything about you and a lot about your future (or whatever, it's pretty fucking hard to nail when in the canon this takes place)" going to do anything but freak everyone out? How is it a trump card of any kind?

“Where can I find him?”

“In the courtyard.”

“Uhh…” I tried to find a way to tell him that I didn’t know if I could find my way back to the courtyard, but Kurama saved me from having to do that.

Man, that Kurama sure is a swell guy! It's like some cosmic force is matching them up!

And by cosmic force, we mean bad writing of course!

It was like Hiei had mentored him in the way of his Jagan eye in his free time.

This is like so wrong on so many levels I don’t even

“I’ll show you the way,” he said.

“Huh? Oh, okay.” I smiled shyly, like a girl should, really. “Thanks.”

So all girls should smile shyly at all times? Seems pretty fucking dumb in my opinion, but I'll just smile shyly and nod. Alicia is the genius, after all.

He grabbed my hand, and he dragged me down the hallways until we reached the courtyard. We arrived; I was blushing so hard at the fact Kurama was holding my hand my face was as red as his hair, and Yusuke was waiting for me, shirt already off and tossed aside.

“C’mon, let’s get started!” he called, winking seductively.

“Okay! I’m coming!”

See what you did, Moose? Now that sounds horribly sexual and wrong. Thank you.

I yelled back at him. I lightly stepped out onto the grass with my bare feet. The dew was cool on my blistered but pampered feet. “Okay,” I said, “what are we going to do?”

Yusuke: I was thinking missionary posi-- OH, you meant fighting!

“Spar,” he said. “You can do that, right?”

I blushed furiously, even more furiously than when Kurama had held my hand. “Yes!” I screamed, throwing fists down at my sides. I couldn’t believe that he thought that I couldn’t spar just because I’m a girl!

But it was a valid question! You're the one who thinks girls act and think a certain way! Stop assuming everyone thinks like you, Alicia!

That kind of thing I can’t stand. “Hell yeah, I can spar!”

So we went at it. Yusuke knocked me down a few times (which wasn’t bad, considering that it was because I had held my ground), and I knocked him down not once. I landed a few punches and three kicks, though.

She couldn't get Yusuke because she was a girl, though, and everyone knew it.

I was getting the hang of sparring again (because I hadn’t done so in a while) when my phone rang. I pulled it out of my pocket and got nailed by Yusuke’s foot (his foot went all the way up to my forehead and pushed me over…). “Hello?” I grumbled, rubbing the arm that broke my fall.

“Alicia? It’s Belle.”

“Hey, Belle,” I answered more cheerily. “What’s up?”

“Not much, but you have some explaining to do.”

Belle: Aliciaaaaa! You have some 'splaining to do!

“Oh, yeah,” I muttered, blocking Yusuke’s kick with my other (free) arm. (I was still on the ground.) “I do, don’t I?”

What other free arm? One broke her fall, and the other is attached to the hand that is holding her old as crap cellphone. HOW MANY ARMS DOES SHE HAVE?

42.

She sighed, though I could tell she was smiling. It was a good sigh. “Yes. Yes, you do.”

“Ah… Well, I can’t right now,” I said as I stood back up.

“Alicia!” She screamed so loudly I was sure that Yusuke, and probably Kurama, too (he hadn’t left yet), had heard her. “That’s what you said last night!”

Hey Belle, guess what your mom said last night!

“I know… but I’m in the middle of something. A few more minutes, okay?”

She sighed. It was a good sigh. “Okay.”

I turned to my sparring partner. “Yusuke, am I allowed to just quit?”

Yusuke: Of course! If you want to be a big loser and have everyone laugh at your incompetence, I mean.

“Quit?” he repeated.

“Ya,” I said. “Quit.” He just looked at me. I tried a different tact, the beg tact. “It’s only my first day. Listen, I promise I’ll work twice as hard tomorrow.”

He kicked at me, and I blocked it, with both arms, now, because I was holding the phone with my neck, dropped, kicked, and made him fall.

That is some mighty speedy moving right there.

He got up, smiled at me, and said, “Fine. Go ahead.”

I hopped up and smiled back at him. “Thanks,” I said. “Belle, listen… no no no, don’t hang up on me… I’m done. I just need to find…”

the meaning of life.

“How long’s that gonna take?” she asked.

“Uhh… I dunno… two or three minutes?”

She sighed. “Okay.”

“Thanks, Belle.” I covered the phone with my hand and turned to Kurama. “Is there someplace I can talk to her and not be overheard?” That was the longest thing I had said to him at one time. Go, me.

Yes, it's such an accomplishment to ask a simple question of more than a couple of words. You sure are talented!

“Sure,” he said. “Follow me.”

“Okay.”

I followed him back. I was a little crushed because he wasn’t touching me,

She was being literally crushed by the air!

but I didn’t have time to dwell on it because I was arguing with Belle. “How much longer?”

“Not much,” I said.

She sighed. “Alicia, I’m not going to wait much longer.”

Belle, you don't have to be cordial. Just hang up on her and pretend she doesn't exist! You'll save yourself a ton of trouble, trust me.

“I know; I’m sorry. What time is it? About three-thirty?”

“I know you said to call you after school, but… we didn’t have school today.”

“So what time is it?”

“Umm… like nine. In the morning.”

“It’s about three here.”

“Well, this is your room,” Kurama said, interrupting us. “You shouldn’t be overheard in here.”

She shouldn't be, but just to be an ass, everyone will listen in anyway. It's their way of hazing her!

And if PA taught me anything, it’s that hazing newbies shows that you care…

“Thanks,” I mouthed to him. “Belle… Belle, listen…” I shut the door behind me. I took time to glance around the room. My stuff was here, all right. It was a little plain, but I was sure I could use my femaleness

Her... femaleness. Again, her natural writing comes out. Femininity? Fuck that, it's a stupid word! Alicia knows way more!

Also, for someone who kind of thinks of girls as being silly and such, she sure is continually doing 180 degree personality changes here. Consistency? Is that a form of food?

to my advantage and beg to go shopping for stuff. My thoughts were broken by Belle.

Her thoughts were broken like some cheap Chinese toy. Well, can't say I'm surprised.

“Alicia. Talk.” She sounded annoyed and slightly angry.

“Okay, okay. Belle, listen. It started last night, when… when Hiei came to take me away.”

“Hiei?” The way she repeated that one word told me that that wasn’t the way I should’ve started. “Oh, Alicia, don’t talk such nonsense. It hurts. Right here.” I could see tenderly her touching her chest at the place where her heart laid.

Nah, she's just touching herself. She tends to do it at the most inappropriate of times.

“Belle, listen.” I heard the desperation in my voice and hated it but I couldn’t help it. “I swear it’s true. Hiei came to take me away, and here I am… at Genkai’s temple.”

“Alicia, I thought you wanted to be my friend…” She sighed. “Why do you want to reopen such old wounds?”

Belle is sad because she used to wish upon a star that Inuyasha would take her away from her mundane life.

“I’m being serious. I swear, I swear…” I racked my brain for something to swear on, so she would know for sure that I wasn’t kidding. “I swear on my manga.

Which is more or less her holy Bible. As was said earlier.

Hiei took me away, Yusuke woke me up this morning, Genkai and Kurama tested my level of spirit energy with her lucky winner lots, Kurama made me breakfast…” I stopped there, re-savoring the feast that I had eaten.

And in Alicia’s perfect world, the ‘breakfast’ he made her consisted of solely a vanilla milkshake.

“Alicia, how can I be so sure you aren’t lying? Remember when we were in first grade and you claimed ‘Hiei kept me up all night and that was why I missed school’?”

I'm inclined to agree here. Just because Alicia says so, it doesn't mean it's true.

I could go and say I'm best friends with Sting and we go to the fanciest restaurants in England, but that doesn't make it true. Proof, Alicia!

“Yes, but…” I changed thoughts mid-sentence. “Belle, we were in first grade. Listen, now I’m telling you the truth. I swore on my manga; that wasn’t enough for you?” I was practically screaming now. “You want me to put Yusuke on the phone or what?”

She was silent for a moment. I was afraid she had put down the phone and walked off. “Yes,” she finally said, slowly. “Do just that. If you put him on and I hear his voice and it’s really his… I’ll believe you. There’s no way I wouldn’t. I couldn’t not.”

Who doesn't not love a double negative?

Especially one that has no ending!

You know, I just had a thought. Assuming anime characters ever did come to life, would they sound just like one of their VAs (in this case Justin Cook or Nozomu Sasaki) or would they have their own voice? If the second was true, this plan would kinda backfire.

I sighed. “Okay. I’ll go get…” Then I remembered that I couldn’t find my way around. “Look for him, but I dunno where he is or even if I could find him… It could take a while.”

So school Hell was this huge colossal building she could always find her way around, but Genkai's temple is a huge labyrinth? No, no, it's cool. Doesn't seem like anyone is just trying to find more excuses for our heroine to spend more time with Kurama. Me? Glaring at Kura through the monitor? Noooo!

Me? Wishing I could strangle myself? Of course not!

“Well… if you are telling me the truth, anyway… it sounds like everyone’s here. The whole gang. Right?” She didn’t bother letting me answer. “Just put the first person you find on the phone.”

I laughed. “You really think I’ll let Kuwabaka near my phone?”

She laughed, too. It was really a good feeling, to be able to laugh like this with my ex- and soon to be ex-ex-best friend.

So, in other words, your best friend. Because that's what an ex-ex would imply, and it doesn't make you seem smart, Alicia.

“You still call him that?” she asked. “Never mind… well, anyone except him, then.”

“Okay,” I said. I opened the door and walked down the hallway, and, not watching where I was going, pretty soon I walked straight into someone. And I mean “crash-and-burn” straight into… and it was into a certain redhead. Great, I thought.

CRASH AND BURN

“Hi,” he said.

“Uhh… hi,” I replied, blushing furiously and still trying to recover from crashing into him. I mean, I face had been pressed into his chest. That’s how close we had been.

Forced bonding? What? This kind of thing happens everyday! Why, it's a normal kind of occurrence between me and my best friend Brian!

…do you think Kurama’s noticed how every time she gets within a like ten-mile radius of him, Alicia’s face practically catches fire?

“Alicia? Who’s there?”

“Kurama,” I hissed at her.

Check another one for the list: hissed.

“Ooh, Kurama? Put him on, put him on!”

Belle: That hunk of man meat? Mee-yow! Let me hear his smooth, sexy voice, girlfriend!

“Kurama, uhh…” My voice faltered, as it always did around him. I hated that because I was never shy around people, no matter who they were. “My friend wants to… talk to… you…” I gave up and just held out the phone.

He took it. “Hello?”

I couldn’t hear Belle’s end of their conversation. Never had I ever wanted to hear the other end of a conversation as much as I had then. I satisfied myself with the fact that Kurama was holding my phone, no matter how lacking it was in the technological department.

Kurama holding her old as shit phone is basically the same as the two of them having sex in her mind. Reach for the stars, Alicia!

“ … Hello, Belle. … … Yes, that is me. … Yes, she is here. … This place would be Genkai’s temple. … Yes, she is indeed at her own temple. … … Yes, Yusuke is indeed here, but I believe that Hiei is out at the moment. How would you know them? … I see. … Kuwabaka?

Talking to someone for the first time? Insult their friend who you’ve never met? You’re a god of being social and friendly, I tell you what.

Who is that? … Ah, I see. Kuwabara, my sexy piece of man hunk. Yes, he is here as well. … … Very well, then. … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … I see. … Yes. … Yes, I will return her phone to her. … Yes. … It was a pleasure talking to you as well. … Yes. Goodbye.” He handed me my phone.

Kurama: Sorry about all the ellipses there, Alicia. It tends to happen during phone sex. I MEAN, when I talk to new people!

All the ellipses remind me of the beginning of GSC, when Professor Oak breaks into your house to ask what time it is and if you're a boy or a girl.

I vowed never to wash it again, not that I had ever washed my phone before. Duh. It was an electrical appliance.

I started walking back to my room, dragging my hands along the walls, surprised that I actually knew where I was going. “Well, Belle? That satisfy you?”

“Oh, yes,” she said dreamily. “Kurama… I talked to Kurama…”

Her obsession really makes no sense considering she’s a Hiei fangirl.

“Yes, yes, you did,” I said, impatient and slightly annoyed and angry.

It's funny because no one touches her man, beeyotch!

“Now do you believe me?”

“Yes, Alicia. I’m so sorry I doubted you.”

Belle: I'm so sorry I doubted the completely unbelieveable story that ANIME characters came to life and you were hanging out with them! I am SO dumb for not believing you, the anime-obsessed punk who was known to make that kind of thing up!

“I told you I wasn’t lying.”

“You did, didn’t you?” she asked in a way that I could tell she was thinking about Kurama and not our conversation at all.

“Now, what did you two talk about?” I demanded.

“Oh.” She snapped back to reality. “Well, you remember I said we didn’t have school today?”

“Yeah…”

“Well, do you know why we didn’t have school?” When I didn’t say yes, she said, “We had a sun day.”

“What the hell is a sun day?”

She ignored my use of the word “hell” and said, “You know. It’s like a rain day, snow day, ice day…”

“Green Day…”

Homestuck Day...

“Alicia, that’s not funny.” I could imagine her pouting because I wasn’t being serious.

I had friends that used to do that kind of crap, and I wanted to hit them. They also would use song lyrics to communicate, as opposed to just speaking like a normal person.

They were fun to hang with, obviously.

“The sun was so hot it was dangerous to go out. They called off school due to a sun day.”

The sun was hot, so school was canceled. Okay.

“And you talked to Kurama about this, because…?”

“Well, right before I fell back asleep after you woke me up last night… Well, I was… I was hungry, and I… I said, ‘I want to have a sundae tomorrow.’ Ya know, like, as in an ice cream sundae?”

Alicia: No, my genius intelligence doesn't know what kind of motherfucking sundae you could be talking about!

“Yeah. I could go for a chocolate sundae… Mmm…”

“Alicia, don’t leave me!” she screamed hurriedly. Then she laughed. “Well. That’s why I told him. I figure I’m as different as you; if you have Spirit Energy… well, why shouldn’t I? And, I mean, I said I wanted a ‘sundae,’ and I got a ‘sun day.’ Kinda like… Kaitou.” She hesitated on adding the last line, because she knew that I couldn’t stand him.

Belle's logic is perfect! Alicia has speshul powerz? WELL SHE SHOULD TOO, GODDAMMIT!

Well as it turns out in a huge plot twist I don't ever think is mentioned because it happened farther along than what I wrote... Belle and Alicia are both part-demon twins separated at birth and their mother died during childbirth and Belle's single-parent Dad is their real father.

Hmm, I'm not helping my case, am I?

I don't think it would surprise me that that's the case, so it's cool.

I ignored it, as a sign that I had heard it. (Seriously, how messed up are we?) I nodded, though I knew she couldn’t see it. “That makes sense. And I take it you asked him to send Hiei after you?”

Because Kurama is likely to take orders from some teenager he has never met in his life.

“Yes… Yes, I did.”

“Belle, go pack. Pack your music, and your manga—”

“I take it you took yours?”

“You bet I did. Pack clothes and blankets, stuff some money and your cell in a pocket. You should probably leave a note for your parents too, and pack…” I had reached the room and my hand on the handle of the door. Then I remembered something. “Oh… my… god.”

“Alicia, what is it?”

Alicia: I forgot maxipads! GIRL, YOU NEED TO BRING SOME!

“I left my diary… at my house.”

“Man, that sucks. Well, I’ll go get it for you.”

“Thanks, Belle. Thanks so much. You’re a real friend.”

“You haven’t moved it, have you?”

“No.”

“Then don’t worry, Alicia. I’ll get it.”

I bet she's actually planning to set her house on fire and claimed it burned down before she got there.

“Thanks,” I said again, nearly in tears.

“You’re welcome. I’m going to hang up now, and I’ll call back when I’m ready, okay?”

I nodded. “Okay. I’ll tell someone when you call back.”

“Tell Kurama. Since he knows.”

“Uhh…” I tired to find a way to tell her that I could hardly string two words together near him, but she didn’t give me the chance.

Alicia is the bitchiest girl in school who doesn't give a shit about anyone, and yet some dude she likes turns her into a stuttering idiot?

Makes perfect sense to me!

“Bye,” she said, and then there was nothing but silence on the line.

This was just great. The one guy I was a total idiotbaka around, I had to go track down in a place I couldn’t figure out, and then talk to him. Oh joy.

Thanks a lot, Belle.

Yes, I am sure it's Belle's fault you can't control your hormones.

Did I say hormones? I meant that Alicia will be in love with him in every way, and he will have the same feelings for her, because that is how these kinds of stories always turn out.

And they will have beautiful children. Probably. Or Kurama will die first, you can never really tell until later if the story ends in happiness or tragedy.

[Kuramastrass]

This will probably be the last of the intros I do; I just wanted to say this before I forgot.

Part of this story (only part of it) was on Quizilla for a time, in the form of a faux-quiz story (much like A Date with Kurama). Three parts were up, but it never actually went past the first chapter... that's how long these chapters are people!

If you search for me on Quizilla now, it's down, though the category labelly thing is still there, along with "part three" of some random thing I didn't even write... which overwrote my part three when I tried to upload it. I never figured out how to delete it (I tried many times but it wouldn't work) before I gave up Quizilla forever.

That was the little backstory thing I said was for another time in the opening post. Now, on with the show!

Chapter Three, in which the deep hatred I feel for past me grows much, much stronger

I was waiting for nearly an hour before my phone rang again. When she did finally call, I was lying on my stomach on the bed, reading Inu-Yasha, and in the middle of having a crying fit. (Actually, I had never cried before, and I wasn’t really now. My tears always clung to the sides of my eyes.)

SPOILER/PLOT TWIST: She’s part Ice Maiden/Koorime, and if she had cried before I wouldn’t have been able to pull that out of my ass.

I was re-reading (for about the hundredth time) the part where he hugs Kagome, throws her back into the “Bone-eater’s Well,” and then blocks it with the tree. I always have and always will do this at that part. It’s so beautiful… and so sad.

I love how her characterization is getting completely ripped apart so that by the end, she will be totally calm and loveable for Kurama!

Guess which volume of the InuYasha manga past me had just bought!

“Hell… lo?” I said between sobs. (I can still sob but not actually cry.)

“Oh, Alicia, what happened?” She must have been able to tell that I was sobbing, not that it would’ve been hard, even over the phone.

“Noth… thing,” I said, trying to stop but not able to. “I’m just reading Inu… Inu… Inu-Ya… Inu-Yash… sha!” I buried my head in my pillow and sobbed in screams.

You can tell she's sad because she's stuttering and talking in ellipses! SHE IS SO SAD, POOR GIRL!

“Oh, Alicia! You know that’s not good for you,” she said patiently, like a mother telling her child that it wasn’t good to skip their three o’clock pill.

Um, what?

“I know,” I cried. I was really sobbing now, which I hadn’t done in a long time, and oddly enough, it felt really good. “But I… I… I… had to!”

Because Satan and his gang would have burst into her room and sent her to Hell if she didn't read her manga!

Now, Belle had known me since we were about three. She knew what I meant by that. If I “had” to read some Inu-Yasha, I was thinking about someone I loved, and how my relationship with them absolutely sucked. In other words, how my romance life wasn’t faring so well. The last time I “had” to read Inu-Yasha, we had been in second grade.

Her reasoning for doing half the shit she does is incredibly silly.

But of course, how could Belle understand her PAIIIIIIN if she doesn't have all these reasons in her head for why she does things?

Just throwing this out there: I think Alicia (and most likely myself by extension) has some major issues. Just saying.

“But, that means…” Even though I was nearly hysteric, I could almost hear her thinking. “God! How stupid I am! Kurama’s yours Kuwabara's and… the way I was talking before! And I know how you are around people you love and…

She doesn’t act like an idiot around Belle! (Okay, well she kinda does but not like this!) And if she had to choose she’d pick Belle.

I asked you to go talk to him! I can’t believe I did that! Oh, Alicia, I’m so sorry!”

Yes, how dare someone else have a crush on someone Alicia likes? It's incredibly inhuman, and Belle is a bad person!

I SWEAR Meyer lifted this and wrote Twilight from it. Bella’s worst fear (after being stared at) is talking to people!

I sniffed. “Thanks,” I said weakly and smiled.

“Dry your eyes and find Hiei, then,” she said, but not in a mean way. It was a gentle tone that she had. “I won’t tell you all the things I ransacked from your room or found in my own. You can see when I get there. So go get someone, anyone, and tell them that I’m ready.”

Belle: But not Kurama! God, it would be so horrible if you actually had to do something you didn't want to, or learn to stop turning into a stupid pile of mush every time you're around him!

I was curious to see what she had packed, so I wiped my eyes on my sleeve and said, “Okay. I’m going.”

“’Kay. Bye. See you soon.” And then she hung up.

I set down my book, not bothering to bookmark my place, and headed out. I walked down a few hallways and came across Kuwabaka. “Hi,” I said, waving.

Maybe if I headdesk enough the thoughts of suicide will go away.

“Oh, hey, Alicia.” He sounded disappointed to see me this time.

I would be too, Kuwabara. We're in the same boat here, old friend.

“My friend told me to tell you to tell Hiei that she’s ready to leave now.” That wasn’t exactly the truth, but who honestly cares? I didn’t give him a chance to answer. “’Bye,” I said with a wave and turned to go back to my room.

It's okay for her to be a bitch around him since he's ugly and dumb.

I simply put my Inu-Yasha book back in my glass box and laid on the bed, legs crossed, as though I was going down a water slide, staring at the ceiling, waiting for Hiei to show up with her. I was absolutely worried… talking on the phone is one thing; talking face-to-face is another. I was more afraid of her at the moment than I was of Kurama. This was gonna be tough, and I knew it.

So... is it ever explained why she's so weird with Belle? Because she was fine at school yesterday, but now she's all terrified and worried about how Belle is going to react to anything.

An explanation would've been nice thirty pages ago.

BellaAlicia: I’d have to TALK to her! Worse, she might LOOK at me!

I was pacing around the room, at the foot of the bed, when she walked into the doorway, carrying three suitcases and a bag, Hiei standing behind her with a curious mien.

Hey! I learned how to use the synonym tool in Word! I know that because I sure as hell don’t know what “mien” means without looking it up.

A really quiet, unenthusiastic “Hi” was the first thing she said to me.

“Hi.”

She started tracing circles in the carpet (which was a lot like the one I had back home) with her shoeless toe (she was wearing only socks). “What’s up?” she asked quietly.

“Not much,” I whispered, staring distantly at the wall beside her. “You?”

“Not much,” she repeated in the same way.

Belle’s a parrot. Squawk.

I could see Hiei laughing internally at us… he was concealing it pretty well, though. I scowled at him.

“Hn.” And with that intelligent remark, he was off.

He had better things to do then hang around two stupid OCs.

He had some booty calls to make!

She came in and shut the door behind her, still staring at the floor. “How’s it going?” she whispered.

I couldn’t stand the quiet or the awkwardness anymore. “How’s it going?” I repeated, yelling. That got her attention. She stared at me like a frightened deer. “How’s it going? I’ll tell you how it’s going! We are acting like…” I started laughing and lost the seriousness in my tone. I let myself fall backwards onto the queen-sized bed. I finished, between laughs, “Total idiots. We used to be unable to talk on the phone and now we can, but we can’t face-to-face. What happened?”

Belle: Oh, probably some plot-related thing that has thus far been unexplained, and will probably continue to go unresolved! You know how it is.

I think the point was they stopped being friends when Alicia became a bitch punk bitch punk because Alicia picked manga over their friendship. Or something.

Belle was laughing too. “I… I dunno,” she said in between breaths.

“So, let’s try this again.” I waited for a suitable amount of time to pass until I said, “Hey, Belle!” all cheery-like. “Welcome!”

Moose? Moose, can you please punch me in the throat until I stop breathing?

And deal with this shitfest diamond of a fanfic myself? Haha, no.

She was still laughing and started laughing harder. “Hi, Alicia.”

“Here, let’s put the stuff away while we catch up.”

“Dibs on the right half! Woo!” she cried, jumping to the bed and dropping her stuff on it.

I started laughing again. “Okay, okay. It’s yours.”

It's yours, my friend.

She opened her first suitcase and said, “I raided your room for stuff, and found a whole load of stuff that I thought you might want.”

“Like what?”

Condoms, handcuffs, various sex toys. You know, the good stuff!

Alicia: Because honestly Belle, if I didn't take it I probably didn't want it. Also how'd you get in my house again?

“Like… this!” she said, producing a small black book.

“My diaryDeath Note!” I jumped over on the bed, reached for it, and snatched it just as she started to jerk it away.

She laughed some more. “Well, here.”

We went through the suitcases together. The three suitcases each held different kinds of items: the first held stuff for me from my room, the second held stuff for her from her room, and the third held stuff from either of our rooms that weren’t things that could be owned, things we could share.

So wait, why didn't Alicia take half of this crap when she originally left? It's obviously important.

See my comment a couple paragraphs up. I got your back Moose

The first of which, the one with my stuff, contained not only my diaryDeath Note, but also another book that I hadn’t brought, obviously, but… I hadn’t even thought about it you wouldn't understand. And I couldn’t believe that she had found it or that I had forgotten about it completely.

It was my Kurama book.

Oh here we go.

This was a book that Belle had helped me put together back in, like, second grade. It contained loads of pictures of Kurama, some cut out of Shonen Jump magazine, some from the internet, some photocopied from the actual manga, and some that both of us had drawn (mostly me, though) and quotes of his that I liked. I had helped Belle create a similar book at that same time… though it was one of Hiei.

Well thank goodness those two lovely men are there in the temple, ripe for the picking! It would be horrible if one of them had to simply deal with a mere, probably only slightly decent looking human.

The worst part is that I actually considered making one at some point.

I helped her go through the other stuff with renewed vigor. She had blank CDs, her portable DVD player, a small TV, her laptop, blankets, junk food, extra clothes, a lamp, plenty of posters, and makeup and jewelry and stuff. We re-created the room with what little that we had until it was almost like home. At least, it felt more like home.

I'm sure Genkai would be thrilled you two brought so much crap along.

Because Alicia's never had a real place to call home boohoo

“Looks great, don’t it?” she asked.

I was about to slug her (not hard) for saying it like that, because I knew that she had done that just to annoy me,

Not everything has to be about you, sweetheart.

when there was a knock at the door. I went to answer it.

“Hi.”

“Hi, Kurama!” she called from behind me, waving.

“Uhh… hi.”

“Decorating?”

“Uhh… yeah, I guess.”

He looked in and took no notice of all the pictures and posters of Hiei and himself which we had plastered all over the walls with official package tape. “You two sure have been working.”

He's used to girls being obsessed with him and his best friend. It just doesn't faze him anymore.

I like how they specifically used "official package tape".

“You bet!” She sure seemed to love to talk to him. I guess that she thought she was helping by trying to set an example. “And it all fit in three suitcases.”

He laughed. “Well, I thought that I’d stop by before making Yusuke something to eat, just to check up on you.”

“What are we, three?” Belle was only pretending to pout but it looked real… it probably would’ve fooled anyone but me. “We won’t kill each other.” She came up behind me, grabbed my shoulder, and pushed our faces together. “We’re practically sisters.”

AWWWW, IT'S SO ADORABLE AND KAWAII!
KURA-CHAN, WE NEED TO BE MORE LIKE THEM!!!!1111

Moose, I love you dearly and am all for being best internet friends but if we started to act like these two I'd have to stab you to death and then shoot myself.

He laughed again and I smiled slightly. “No,” he said,

"Three-year-olds don't have DD-cups. At least, not normal ones anyway."

“but I just thought that I would… Whenever you get hungry, come down and I’ll make you something.” And with that, he left.

Kurama has been reduced to everyone's butler.

How sad.

But isn't he always?

“That was so cool!” she said, in more of a hiss, once he was out of earshot.

“Yeah, I know,” I agreed.

Alicia: The way I acted like a stuttering idiot was the very definition of cool.

“Oh! I just remembered. Here,” she said, holding out the bag which she had brought for me to take.

“What is it?”

“Remember when we broke up?”

Alicia: I do... and the makeup sex was incredible!

“We’re not gay…”

Oh snap Moose, she killed your joke. In the leg.

I muttered, and she laughed, like I wanted her to. She knew I was only joking. “Yeah, of course.”

“Well, do you remember when it was?”

“Uhh…” I racked my brain but was as unsuccessful as Kuwabaka. “Nope.”

“It was just before your twelfth birthday,” she said. “I had already gone shopping, but… I wasn’t able to give you the gift.” She smiled nervously. “Happy belated birthday? I couldn’t return it… And I couldn’t give it to you,

Belle: Because that would've been too easy, and you wouldn't have been able to go on with all that drama about me and you!

and I couldn’t keep it for myself, because I didn’t buy it for me. I hoped that there would be a time that I could give it to you… like now.” She looked at me as if to say, “Please do something.”

“You’re hoping that this’ll make up for the two birthdays that you missed, huh?”

I believe I stole this from Harry Potter, except omitting the Firebolt.

She just continued to look at me. Then, slowly, she nodded.

“Belle, just being together with you again makes up for that.” I smiled evilly. “This is just an added bonus.”

She laughed. “Well, open it.”

I slowly opened the bag and I saw that inside were two dolls. They came in one package, and I could tell that they hadn’t been tampered with, because if they had been, one of the dolls would have been missing. These were Kurama (left) and Hiei (right) dolls. And good quality ones, too.

Which I'm sure a twelve year old would have been able to afford no problem.

I was at a loss for words. She looked at me, awaiting an answer that wouldn’t come… But then I started singing part of “Redundant” by Green Day.

“Now I cannot speak,
I’ve lost my voice
I’m speechless and redundant; ‘cause
‘I love you’’s not enough,
I’m lost… for words…”

“You really feel that way?” she asked, tears in her eyes.

She's going to cry because Alicia is too unoriginal to actually think for herself, and tell Belle her feelings about it.

Wait until you see the next chapter's song... *shudders*

“Yes,” I said solemnly. “I can’t think of what to say… And I’m so good with words…” Again, the tears stung my eyes but wouldn’t fall. Then I grabbed the package and ripped it forcefully down the middle. Smiling, I handed the right half. “Happy birthday, Belle.”

And then she really started sobbing.

Belle: I was hoping I wouldn't be forced to star in this fic, but this just cements the fact that I'll have to stay!

Alicia: Oh suck it the fuck up, Belle. I'm not letting you leave so I have to star in this shitfic all by myself.

After finding the only outlet in the whole room and plugging in the laptop and TV, we watched an hour marathon of Code Lyoko before Belle announced that she hadn’t eaten for about ten hours and was starving.

You want starving, wench? Go to a third world country, and then you'll know starving.

But CL isn't Japanese! YOU TWO ARE A DISGRACE. GO COMMIT SEPPUKU.

I realized that I hadn’t eaten for nearly same amount of time (the different time zones…?). With that new thought in our currently one-track minds, we headed down to have Kurama’s cooking, me leading the way.

Because she has suddenly and magically found her way through the whole place. Wonder how THAT happened.

Her vagina is a GPS that leads only to Kurama's cock.

Genkai was finishing up her dinner (neither of us recognized the dish besides the fact that it included some sort of fish) when we showed up. A nod and “Alicia” was all she did to acknowledge us.

I sat down on the chair across from her, turning the chair around so the back faced the table and sat on it like one would a horse (not sidesaddle). “Yo,” I said with a small wave.

”Oh great... it's you,” Kurama replied, frowning.

Alicia shrugged. "It's not my fault. I didn't decide what my vagina GPS would lock on to. And I'd tell you who to blame for that, I swear, but you just wouldn't understand."

Belle sat next to me (in the “proper” way to sit in a chair). “Hello, Master Genkai.”

Kurama appeared. “So, you’re finally hungry?” When we both nodded with vigor, he asked, “What would you like?”

“Umm… Hmm…” Whether she was only pretending to think or really thinking, I don’t know. “I’ll have a burger! All beef, with American cheese, lettuce, and mayonnaise. Well-done.”

She said to him:
I'd like a cheeseburger
And I might like a milkshake as well

He said to her:
I can't give you either

And she said,
Isn't this Burger Bell?

He looked at me. I felt my face turn red. Why did it always happen to me? “Uhh… whatever’s… fine. It doesn’t… matter.”

Kurama: Gruel again? Well, less work for me! ^___^

He nodded and disappeared again.

“A burger? What were you thinking?” That surprised us both, because it came from Genkai.

“Hey, I’m an all-American girl,” she responded with a bit of a smirk.

“That’ll clog your pores.”

“And I care, because?” For the one who fears authority figures, she was sure being disrespectful. With a bit of a twisted laugh, she said, “I’m hungry.”

Because hunger gives you the right to be a total and complete bitch. I know that I would be able to get away with it!

I'm beginning to wonder if I switched their characterizations in my sleep or something.

Genkai stood up, shook her head, sighed, wondered why she didn't just kick them out, and carried her now empty dishes in the direction that Kurama had disappeared. “That’ll be your undoing, one day,” she muttered, but we both pretended that we hadn’t heard. We didn’t feel like grim prophecies at the moment.

So let us all ignore Genkai, who knows way more than these dumbfucks, and continue with the wonder that is our two heroines!

Well you gotta admit, they're more interesting in one respect. You never know what they're gonna do next to make you facepalm.

I was sitting normally on the chair when Kurama came back, about fifteen minutes later, and it was just as we were discussing what would happen when they realized that we weren’t joking about being gone and she didn’t show up at school tomorrow like the good little schoolgirl that she was (she wasn’t a slave; she went for her father).

As well as she should, since he's paying for her education and everything.

Hey... Yeah, it is! It's a Kurama-parallel!

Belle had her cheeseburger,

Her cheeseburger
Her yummy cheeseburger

all right, and the thing was huge; and when I say huge, what I mean is, the thing took up the whole plate (and it wasn’t a paper plate, it was a good sized regular dining plate). I had some sort of fish dish… and there was a lot of it. I realized that I wasn’t all that hungry and said, “Did you eat yet? That’s too much for me; I’m not all that hungry… I don’t want it to go to waste… Will you share it with me?” That took a lot of courage and strength, stringing together those few, simple sentences… My face was as red as his hair (yet again).

Okay people, past me and current fantards alike, can we not do that? Thank you.

He smiled. “Sure,” he said, taking a seat next to me. ”You don't mind if I invite Kuwabara to eat too, do you? Poor baby hasn't eaten in awhile, and he does so enjoy my cooking.”

Belle flashed a brilliant smile and gave me two thumbs-up behind his back as he sat down. She was obviously accepting our new way of life better than I was… she was already grabbing it by the horns. She was already adjusting to it, taking it as her own, and it was, to her, as though it had always been this way. For her, nothing was further from the truth. This was her life now. She had never had another life. This was it.

Let me guess, Belle was also abused in one way or another.

Because there can never be an OC that had a normal, happy upbringing. The world as we know it would just cease to exist if an OC didn't suffer some kind of trauma.



Actually, sorry to disappoint, but the only bad thing that happened to Belle was her mother dying. Which was during childbirth.

Disappoint me? Hell no, that doesn't disappoint me! Because if I had to read another OMG!HORRIBLE (but not really) backstory, I would've kicked a small child.

“You go, girl!” was the message that I got from those signs. “Way'ta dream!”

Yeah, I was dreaming all right. Whether I was awake or asleep, I didn’t know at the time, but either way, I had to be dreaming. And this dream was paradise. It was my Valhalla.

I would guess, going by the assumption that you're dreaming, that you're asleep.

That scared me, because I wasn’t used to such dreams. All of my dreams… well, too many of them to be able to count… involved something that brought my world, my dream world, crashing down about my ears. Sometimes I was taken away to a world like this… that was the crash of my normal world. Sometimes I was already here. Something happened that caused that world to crash, leaving me with nothing.

She needs to stop thinking her life is in the internet. OH WAIT

But I hoped that this dream wouldn’t end that way. They all ended in death…

Because her life was very, VERY bad! And bad things happened, and everyone was BAD!

Also, FORESHADOWING FOR THE LOSE!

This post has been edited by Kuramastrass: Apr 26 2011, 05:35 PM

[Kuramastrass]

Chapter Four: Illegally Downloaded Karaoke Hour

Kurama and I were finishing up our shared meal (Belle had been gone for some minutes now). “Thanks,” I said softly, shyly. “It was good.”

He nodded and smiled as he cleared away the plates (hers and ours) and the silverware.

“Here, let me help,” I said, standing up and reaching out to grab a plate.

“No, it’s all right; I’ve got it.”

Kurama: No, no... it's okay. I've... accepted my role as butler. *sigh*

“No, it’s not. I want to help.” Wow. My first few sentences in a row without failing, and they were about chores. I definitely needed to see a doctor; something was definitely wrong with me. I could ask Belle, but I knew what she would say; she would say “Love,” like Kanji from Spirited Away.

That's just as bad as "s/he dodged the bullets like Neo in the Matrix". And I'll do this again too, just wait.

Or she would say you're starting to grow the fuck up instead of being a rebel without good cause, but love is fine too.

And a cat is also fine.

He smiled at me again and my heart melted.

Kurama needs to stop doing that. I mean honestly, is there a single fanfic where he doesn't melt someone's heart?

Also I still firmly believe Meyer stole this (the above part about chores sounds like something out of Twilight too), and she just turned heart melting into dazzling, because do you know how often that happens? [/end rant]

Such a sweet smile… “All right, then, if you insist. The kitchen’s this way.”

I followed him into a room that looked nothing like the rest of the building. Where the whole temple looked pretty… primitive… this one room made it appear as though the year was not 1786.

There was a University of Pittsburgh banner hanging up on one wall.

It looked like… well, it looked like a kitchen. Like something that would be in my house or Belle’s house. No old-fashioned firewood stoves. It had working electricity and a coffee machine and everything. Technology where I least expected it. I was amazed. “Wow,” was all I could say.

He nodded, smiling, as usual, and motioned to where I was supposed to put the stuff. He handed me a rag and said, “You dry.”

Kurama: Because the last thing we want is for you to get wet. ...it's too late for that, isn't it.

I looked in the sink. There was a whole pile of plates in it, some with bits of food still on them. Yich. I shuddered, glad I was drying. That was when I noticed that this kitchen didn’t have “everything.” We were missing a dishwasher. Oh well, we would live.

So the kitchen has an electric stove and a coffee maker, but lacks a dishwasher?
Whatever gets those two together... I guess?

Well to be fair the only dishwasher my Foods classroom (and I took Foods a few years after I wrote this, but whatever) had was my two hands and they had a coffee maker and stoves and stuff. Though the lack of a dishwasher was likely due to the lack of space for one.

“What if I drop one?” I asked. “Or more than that?”

He laughed. “Look at how many plates we have. There are seven of us here right now, counting Hiei, and he hardly comes here. You could break a few. Less to wash and dry,” he joked.

Wait, wait. Lemme count.
Yusuke. Kuwabara. Hiei. Kurama. Genkai. Belle. Alicia.

...where's Yukina? This is set after the Dark Tournament if I'm remembering my timeline right.

I laughed in return. “Okay,” I said, also joking. “I’ll tell them you let me.”

Remember the mean bitch Alicia used to be?
Yeah, I don't either.

Hey Moose, have you heard of speed dating? This is like that, only with character development, and it's four times as dumb.

We both started laughing, and we had a generally good time washing and drying… well, as good a time as you can possibly have when doing chores. It took about an hour, but at least it hadn’t been an hour of torture. And I was slowly getting more comfortable around him… I was slowly becoming less afraid of what he thought and started being more myself…

Because who needs established characterization when Kurama becomes involved?
It's all about them getting together!

I was slowly beginning to be able to say more and more before my voice went out like a lightbulb. Plus, he was fun to be around. Of course; why wouldn’t he be?

Aww, she's starting to warm up around Kurama. How - *blargh*

Sorry, I just threw up from the forced cute.

I went back to our room to find Belle waiting for me. She nearly jumped on me when I came in. “Well?” she asked, not bothering to hide the anticipation in her voice. ”Is it sexy time yet?”

“We washed dishes,” I said, in a “what-else-would-we-have-been-doing?” voice, even though I knew perfectly well why she was so excited.

We were silent for a few minutes. “Do you think Hiei likes me?” she finally asked.

”Oh, definitely,” Alicia answered, rolling her eyes. “He's barely gotten to know you, but I am definitely sure he's into you.”

I laughed to try to break the small amount of tension that had accumulated. “I know that he doesn’t like me.”

“Why not?”

I shrugged. “I dunno; I guess we just didn’t hit it off.”

Alicia: Probably because I'm trying to steal his man.

“Oh. Well.” There was more silence. Then she said, “I think Kurama likes you.”

“Do you really?” I asked, desperately hoping that she wasn’t wrong.

“Ya. He made you that dish, and you said you didn’t care, remember? It looked like he really enjoyed it. Like it was one of his favorites.”

Or he was just being cordial. No? Well, he must like her then.

Hey look! It's our good friend "I'm-pretty-sure-I-stole-this-from-A-Date-with-Kurama"! Hey buddy!

“Maybe he was just good at cooking it and was too lazy to make something else?”

“Alicia, you’re so stupid when it comes to boyseverything.” She said that with wonder. “He likes you, trust me.”

“And why should I?” I asked, kidding sarcasm.

“Because…” The look in her eyes changed. “Because…” She jumped at me and we landed on the bed. She grabbed my sides and squeezed gently. “Because I’m your best friend and I said so!” she proclaimed. ”Now less talking and more undressing!”

At first I misread that as "less talking and more understanding" and God knows a healthy dose of that is something this story needs.

I was laughing, shrieking, and afraid that, if she was right, he would come running to my rescue. “Okay, okay,” I was finally able to gasp.

She let go. “So… I guess we have training, starting tomorrow?”

When did anyone say they were training Belle? Oh right, she wanted spirit energy, and that apparently made it so. Forgot Sue logic here.

You can't train one OC twin and not the other, that's not how it works in BadficLand.

“Yup,” I agreed.

“Let’s have some fun, then. Want to sing? The computer’s hooked up and I have a bunch of greatness.”

…does Genkai even have internet?

I laughed. “Sure! Part-tay!”

A small part of me just died.

She laughed, turned it on, and got to work. “What do you want first?”

“Oh, I dunno…” I rolled my eyes slightly and looked at her with a sly smile. “Wild Wind, of course!”

“Wild Wind, huh? Good choice.”

Annnnnnnnd... yeah, yeah, I think that was the rest of me dying.

Once it was set up, we went to giving our lungs a good workout. Wild Wind is a song that is sung by the voice-actors for Kurama and Hiei for the Japanese version of the anime and stuff. (Who, if we were as obsessed as was stated earlier, we would know the names of. Wikipedia? What’s that?) It’s in Japanese, but it’s still a really cute duet.

Do we ever get an explanation as to why their favorite manga suddenly comes to life? Because this is aggravating me to no end.

It wasn't coming to life so much as it was set in another plane of existence and the two planes crossed. That's the short and non-stupid version. And no, other than that, there's no explanation. Because, Moose…?

You just wouldn't understand.

You're right, I wouldn't. And... with that explanation, I don't even want to.

It was always one of our favorite songs. We looked up the lyrics on the internet and learned the words for our respective man as soon as I first downloaded it.

Because as all Project A.F.T.E.R. members know, pirating things is the best way to show that you love something. The fact that this is so true and such common knowledge is the true reason we aren’t allowed to go around saying “Hi I’m Arc the happy pirate.”

Hiei starts it, so she does as well. And we sing on pitch with them, which is a little hard for Belle, I think, since she’s a soprano and Hiei’s a… whatever he is closeted homosexual. But it’s almost deep to insanity. I can hit those notes, but I’m an alto… actually, I don’t know what I am anymore. I can hit just about every note known to man. But she’s a definite soprano, and singing that deep… I don’t know how, but she does it.

Me neither, since it would take YEARS to be that good.

Also, just because you KNOW the Japanese lyrics doesn't mean you can sing them well. Well, unless you're Alicia and Belle, Sue Extrordinaires!

I know how she does it! Bad writing!

“Kaze ka hashiru ore o yobuna koto no arike
Are wa sei n kesen no ai zu darou.”

OH MY GOD IT'S STARTING Moose hold me

No way, sister! You're the reason this is happening! D:<

Then it’s my turn. Kurama sings. He’s got a higher range than Hiei does, which makes him a… tenor? I don’t know… but whatever.

I love how it's assumed that I give a shit about how anyone can sing. Makes me feel special.

“Sou kono inochi yori aa omoi yume o
Kanaeru tame no higarita saa.”

Then they both sing. That’s the pattern the song follows. But when they both sing, they get louder, as do we. The only difference is, they just get a bit louder, and we get louder to the point where our singing is more like screaming at the top of our lungs.

And then Genkai kicks them out of the temple, because they are annoying as fuck. The end.

“Kokoro no mama ni tada fighting to dream
Dare ni mo ja ma sasenai
Unmei nado jibun te kimete yaru
Kaze no you ni tada shooting to dream
Tako no kizu mi tachikitte
Kono tede ima mirai mo kimete yaru
Get chance!”

I'm starting to suspect these lyrics are actually wrong in places, but hey, what's one more fail flower to the fail icing on the fail cake?

“Kizu-darake no yume ga ore o kari tateta
Kieta mune ni mokoru ki oru you ni.”

“Sou atsui omoi ga aa mune o tataku
Marude kienai arashi no you ni.”

“Yasai no mama da ima fighting to dream

Okay now I know these are wrong

Zetsubo nado homette
Kemono o nishiku hita hashiru
Kaze ni natte ima shooting to dream
Hoshi mo no wa jiyu sa
Ore-tachi kono kokoro wa damasenai
It’s truth!

Kokoro no mama ni tada fighting to dream
Dare ni mo ja ma sasenai
Unmei nado jibun te kimete yaru
Kaze no you ni tada shooting to dream
Tako no kizu mi tachikitte
Kono tede ima mirai mo kimete yaru
Get chance!”

For all of the songs that we like, we have a random dance that goes along with it. They mostly involve a lot of jumping, which is why we only dance when we’re hyper. And… we were hyper. We had grabbed each other’s

Oh my!

shoulders

Oh.

and were jumping along to the music during the combined singing, singing at the top of our lungs. We were wiped out at the end. But, because we hadn’t been thinking, we had left the door open. That meant that everyone could hear us.

I'd imagine that if you were screaming your lungs out, it wouldn't have mattered even if your door was closed.

Although it's not like our princesses will get in trouble for being so inconsiderate.

Seeing as how this is a well-planned story with actual consequencesshit...

Kurama came by at the end of the song. “You have a lovely singing voice,” he said to me.

“Uhh…” My face turned the color of the sakura petals dancing in the wind outside forced shit that's supposed to seem deep and not the color of his hair, for once. “Thanks.”

“What about me?” Belle asked, pretending to be all put out.

“Yours is nice, as well.”

“Thank you,” she responded sweetly. I rolled my eyes and laughed. What a ham.

He laughed too. “Yusuke wants you to shut the door. He says he’s trying to sleep.”

“He can tell us himself,” Belle answered. “You’re not his slave.”

Saying as how he seems to do every other menial chore, I'd say that he kind of is.

“Yeah,” I chimed in.

“We should go down there and sing in his ear!”

Kurama and I laughed again. That Belle. What a card bitch.

“Nah, I’m just kidding. But if he wants us to stop, he can tell us himself. He has legs.”

“Yeah,” I said again.

“If you’re having fun, don’t stop,” Kurama said. “You have training tomorrow, and, especially if you ask Yusuke, it’s hard. You won’t have much time for fun; just time for training, eating, and sleeping.”

And occasionally a sexy romp in the courtyard when no one's looking. ;D

Obviously, I rather have Alicia/Belle and Kuwabara/Kurama then the actual forced pairings.

Well, twincest is wincest, so I guess I can ship that...

“We’re having loads of fun. Right, Alicia?”

“Right,” I agreed.

“Yeah… That’s our favorite song, Wild Wind. Love to sing it.”

“I’ve never heard it, but you two were very lovely.”

“Thank you,” Belle said in her suck-up voice.

“But it is getting late. Yusuke has good reason for wanting to sleep.”

“You kidding?” Belle asked in mock horror. “He sleeps all day!”

Belle, sweetie? I think you confused Yusuke and Hiei.

Kurama laughed. “Yes, well, he sleeps at night, too. Like the rest of us.”

Kurama: So why not be decent human beings and kindly shut the fuck up?

Alicia: Only if you silence me with your penis in my mouth.

“Oh, uhh…” I had been fine a minute ago, but now I was reverting back to before. I could hardly speak. “Master Genkai, we’re not keeping her up or anything, are we?”

I take back what I said. This isn't Speed Characterization, it's Bipolar Characterization.

“She would like some sleep, yes,” he replied.

“We’ll be quiet, then. We’ll catch up and stuff. Then sleep. You know.”

“Yes, well, I’ll see you two in the morning.”

“Okay, sounds good. Night, Kurama.”

“Goodnight,” I said.

“Goodnight, you two,” he said, though more to me than Belle.

RAGE

When he had gone, shutting the door behind him, she nearly screamed, “Did you hear that, Alicia? He said goodnight to you!”

OHMIGOD, HE LIKES ALICIA!!!!! WHEN'S THE WEDDING? I HOPE THEY HAVE TONS OF KIDS! MAN THEY ARE SO IN LOVE!

“Yeah, well, he’s Kurama,” I said, making excuses, though I had heard it, too. In his voice… “He’s polite that way. Anyway, he said, ‘you two.’ As in, you, too?” I started to crawl into the bed.

“Oh, Alicia, you’re so stupid.” That was the second time that she had said that today. I had a feeling that I would hear it again in the near future. She got in on the right half.

That was when it dawned on me. “Are we seriously going to sleep in the same bed?”

Belle: But... surely you don't forget all those nights together, right?

Alicia: Lying close to you, feeling your heart beating... And I'm wondering what you're dreaming, wondering if it's me you're seeing...

Yusuke: WILL YOU TWO BITCHES SHUT THE FUCK UP?

“Sure, why not? We’re practically sisters.

Hey look, foreshadowing.

Besides,” she said, yawning and turning over to sleep on her side, “I’m not sleeping on the floor.”

That was reasonable, and neither was I. “Okay. Goodnight.” I got comfortable.

“Goodnight, Alicia.”

And they never awoke.

The end.

Dude, I only wish...

[Kuramastrass]

Chapter Five: Alicia III and Shopping

We woke up to the light rapping of knuckles on our door.

As I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping...

“It’s nearly noon,” a familiar voice called. “Even so, I hope you’re not too tired to eat and will accept a breakfast?”

Alicia: If it’s not a vanilla milkshake, I’m not interested.

“In bed?” Belle responded, completely awake at the mention of food. “Woo!!”

He came in carrying a tray of food with just a single breakfast. “You can have yours, too, if you’d like,” he said to Belle.

Whoops, someone forgot to say who was coming in!

Although knowing he's basically the butler, I just know it's Kurama.

“Yeah, okay.” She was crushed because she wasn’t the one getting to eat in bed, but I could tell that she was relieved to find that the one breakfast that he had brought wasn’t for her.

Because Kurama looooooves Alicia, and totally would not be kind and bring Belle her food.

“Genkai is in the kitchen now,” he said. “I can attest to the fact that she is also an excellent cook.”

“At least it won’t have fish…” she grumbled as she left. I could tell that no matter what he said, she still thought that Kurama would be the better cook, hands down.

“Well, it can’t be any worse than my cooking!” I called after her, and I heard her laughing as she headed toward her breakfast.

Belle: Alicia's bad cooking amuses me for no reason whatsoever! AHAHA!

He looked at me. “How bad is that?”

Alicia knew she had to be honest with her love interest, so she took a deep breath and revealed her deep dark secret. “I managed to set an Easy-Bake Oven on fire once. Totally on accident.”

“Uhh… well, let’s just say that… well, some people are talented at cooking and some… aren’t.”

He laughed.

“But it doesn’t take talent to eat,”

Coop Cooplowski of New Jersey would like to disagree with you, Miss.

I said, grabbing a fork and forcefully stabbing the pancake on top of the stack. “Are these out of a box?” I asked, cocking my eyebrow, fork halfway to my mouth.

“No,” he said flatly.

“Good. I don’t eat pancakes from a box. They taste bad.” I thought for a minute, and then added, “Most of the time.”

Most of the time meaning it's fine when she makes them.

He sat on the edge of the bed and watched me eat. I didn’t care. It was another wonderful breakfast, this time consisting of pancakes, hash browns, and grape juice.

Why hello, favorite breakfast. It seems Alicia and I have something else in common.

“Even better than yesterday,” I said as I finished, and he smiled.

“Thank you.”

“Dude, I should be thanking you.” Did I just call him “dude”? I don’t call anyone that. “You don’t have to cook for me… oh… wait… if you didn’t cook for me, I’d cook, and, well… I’d, uh… burn us down… I’m no Hiei… can’t… control… fire…” I laughed nervously.

Why isn’t Kurama suspicious? When did Hiei ever demonstrate his control of fire in her (or Belle’s) presence?

Oh wait, that’s right. They know that they know, as Hiei established back in chapter one.

...so why does Alicia care so much about them not finding out?

So my original comment for this was basically the same as yours, Kura, except you sent me your part before I could send it.

OMG! WE MUST BE LYK TWINZ JUS LIKE BELLE AND ALICIA!!111 AND WE UNKNOWINGLY HAV A TELEPATHIC LINK!!!111111

“It’s no problem,” he said, oh, so sweetly. Maybe Belle was right. Maybe he did like me. I hoped she wasn’t wrong.

He took the tray and carried it back. I slid out of bed and followed him. “What are we doing today?” I asked. “I mean, as training?”

“Do you feel like learning how to use a weapon, or sparring?”

“Weapon!” I responded joyfully.

“You know what I got?” Belle demanded, as we entered the “dining” room. She didn’t seem happy.

Smacked in the face for being an annoying twit?

“Uhh…” I started, trying to think of a breakfast she didn’t like as Kurama slunk into the kitchen to drop off the tray. “Oatmeal?”

“How’d you know?” she asked. She wasn’t mad, just curious.

No, you’re wrong, she was mad.

“How the hell did u no i had oatmeal.” she shooted angirly.

I shrugged modestly. “I guessed. You don’t like oatmeal.”

“Yeah. Especially old people oatmeal.” She made a gagging face.

“Aww, poor baby,” I said, pulling her into a hug.

Belle: Just because you’re a cannibal, doesn’t mean I like your damn oatmeal.

“You can go pick a weapon you would like to master,” Kurama said, reappearing. “This way.”

She's Alicia motherfucking K'Karo; she'll master ANY weapon, and way faster than should be logically possible!

The room was huge. It was like a giant shed from a farm. It had a few suits of knight’s armor, the stereotypical ones from stereotypical medieval castles, and the walls were covered in stereotypical weapons like stereotypical garage walls would be covered in tools.

“What do you think I should get?” Belle asked me. We were standing in the doorway to get the best vantage point to see them all, and Kurama was waiting outside (the door was closed).

Also, locked.
And it smelled like gasoline, oddly. But the girls noticed nothing.

“Uhh…” I scanned the walls for something that would suit her. “How about a bow?”

“You’re more of an archer. Not me.”

“Am I really?”

“Yeah! You have the build of one.”

What the hell does that even mean. Alicia’s a Capricorn, not a Sagittarius.

I had no idea archers had specific builds.

“Okay… how about a mace?” I asked, pointing to the object of which I was referring, just ahead of us and near the floor.

She laughed. “Do I look like Hawk Girl to you?”

“Well, no…”

“Besides, they went out of style as soon as Marvel killed her.”

I sighed. She was just so difficult. “You pick something, then.”

“Katana,” she said, pointing to the sword high above us.

Katana is a type of phone.

“Are you sure you can handle that?”

She sighed. “No; you’re right. How about…”

She probably can't, but that's kind of why they're training her.

But then, Belle isn't a perfect genius like Alicia, so I can understand the concern.

“Shuriken!” I shrieked with excitement, pointing to the object.

She ignored my outburst. “How about… nunchucks,” she said, spying the two weapons (there was a pair) and pointing to them.

I laughed. “You think you look like Michelangelo?” I asked, referring to the ninja turtle, not the great Renaissance painter.

“Nope,” she replied.

“Well,” I said, with just a hint of disgust. “Are you strong enough to handle close combat?”

“No,” she sighed. “I’ll take the shuriken, then.”

If Belle ever goes emo, I will call her Sasuke Uchiha.

I love that Belle has no opinion of her own, and is letting Alicia push her around for what kind of weapon to use.
Yes sir, I sure am enjoying it! I am not gnashing my teeth or anything in rage.

She grabbed the shurikens, the bow, and a quiver of arrows, handing the latter two to me. We walked out the door, and she said, “Can you believe it? Alicia took forever to pick a weapon. I said, ‘Alicia, just pick nunchucks,’ but she was all, ‘Nooooo, I don’t want those.’”

“Me?” I cried. “You took forever, not me! I suggested, like, ten things!”

Kurama just laughed in a good-natured way at our childish arguing. “Well, if you two have picked your weapons, you can begin training.”

That's code for: Ladies, I don't give a shit about what went down; let's just get this over with.

We followed him to the courtyard. “Genkai made sure to give us all brief instructions on how to use each weapon, just in case something was to happen,” he said.

Foreshadowing…

“That’s as much as I can teach you. I may be able to get ahold of, through her friends, a master of each of your weapons, but… I think you two are capable enough.”

“That’s good to know,” Belle said as we reached our final destination. “We haven’t even started and you already have faith in us.”

“The proper way to hold shurikens is like this,” he said, grabbing one to show her how, “but you may find that another way is more effective for you. And you should just barely flick your wrist, but again, another way may be more effective for you.”

Kurama: This way is the best way to do it, but... you know, whatever you wanna do... whatever gets you bitches killed faster.

“Uh huh.” She nodded. “Got it.”

“Now,” he said, turning to me, “the proper way to hold a bow is like this.” He stood behind me, so close that we were physically touching,

Alicia: And I could feel his sweet, sweet, sixteen-foot erection poking into my ass.

placing my hands on the proper spots. “Place an arrow in the bow, stretch, and release.” He gently gripped my wrists and pulled my arms through all the motions. “Have you got it?”

And of course he would get all touchy-feely with Alicia! Who was expecting anything else?

“Yeah,” I said, staring at the ground, knowing that my face was slowly turning pink.

“I may be able to find a target for you to aim at…”

“Yeah,” she responded. “Alicia’s so clumsy; she might break something.”

Which is a total lie, but I digress.

I shot her a harsh glance as he left, and we waited for him to come back. Sure enough, he was able to find a wooden target, which we could use to practice our aim. We had been practicing hard for nearly an hour before he came back again. “Would you two like to go shopping?” he asked.

Anyone remember when Alicia said she would train harder next time when Yusuke was sparring with her the previous day? What? Alicia is a perfect princess who shouldn't have to work her poor delicate body too hard?

Oh, okay then.

Pointless shopping sequence, goooooooo!

We glanced at each other and screamed, “Yes!”

He laughed and turned to go out the front. We followed him. He led us out the front and down the path which I had followed in the opposite direction in the dark, Hiei by my side. We came to the very entrance and saw a red sports car parked out front. He smiled at our shocked expressions. “It’s three hours to the nearest mall, if you walk.”

“Then let’s not do that,” we both answered at the same time.

“That’s right!” said a voice from the front seat of the car. “Kurama hardly uses this thing! Don’t turn down an offer!”

“What do you need at the mall, Yusuke? You don’t strike me as the shopping type,” Belle said.

Yusuke: I need to pick up hot chicks, duh! Just, uh... don't tell Keiko. Hehe!

“Well, uh…” he was saying as we crawled in the backseat.

“Oh, I get it,” she whispered to me, loud enough for him to hear her. “Something for his girlfriend.”

“Yusuke, you shouldn’t have.” Then we both burst into fits of howling laughter. He just scowled at us.

Kurama got into the driver’s seat and started the car. Then I remembered. “Hey, we don’t have any money.”

“It’s alright. I’ll pay.”

Belle and I looked at each other. Shopping, without paying for anything? This was going to be great.

Knowing these two bitches, they'll get whatever the fuck they want without caring for about Kurama's financial state or anything.

Yusuke turned on the radio and put the volume almost all the way up. He started flipping stations like most do channels on TV, a rather annoying male habit. “Wait, I know this one,” I said over the music as Kurama was backing out into the road. He stopped his flipping and I started singing along.

And here’s another pointless music sequence.

“All day… staring at the ceilin’
Making… friends with shadows on my wall
All night… hearing voices telling me
That I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good… for somethin’

Hold on… feelin’ like I’m headed for a… breakdown…
And I dunno why…

But I’m not crazy; I’m just a little unwell
I know, right now you can’t tell
But stay a while and maybe then you’ll see…
A different side of me
I’m not crazy; I’m just a little impaired
I know, right now you don’t care
But soon enough, you’re gonna think of me…
And how I used to be… me…

Talkin’ to myself in public
Dodgin’ glances on the train
And I know; I know they’ve all been talkin’ ‘bout me
I can hear them whisper
And it makes me think there must be somethin’ wrong… with me…
Out of all the hours, thinkin’…
Somehow… I’ve lost my mind

But I’m not crazy; I’m just a little unwell
I know, right now you can’t tell
But stay a while and maybe then you’ll see…
A different side of me
I’m not crazy; I’m just a little impaired
I know, right now you don’t care
But soon enough, you’re gonna think of me…
And how I used to be…

I’ve been talkin’ in my sleep…
Pretty soon, they’ll come to get me…
Yeah, they’re takin’ me away…

But I’m not crazy; I’m just a little unwell
I know, right now you can’t tell
But stay a while and maybe then you’ll see…
A different side of me
I’m not crazy; I’m just a little impaired
I know, right now you don’t care
But soon enough, you’re gonna think of me…
And how I used to be…

Yeah, how I used to be…
How I used to be…
Well, I’m just a little unwell…
How I used to be…
How I used to be…
I’m just a little… un… well…”

^ You can tell I typed this out rather than copy-pasting from a song lyric website because of all the ellipses.

I've stated this before, and I'm going to state it again.

NO ONE CARES WHAT ANYONE IS LISTENING TO EVER! Just say what's playing and be done with it! What? Then how can anyone compliment Alicia on her wonderful singing?

Well... I suppose I forgot about that. Never mind, then.

Kurama muttered something about me having a nice singing voice, and I could tell that he meant it though I could also tell that he hardly knew what he was saying. He was too focused on the road. That made me feel better, knowing that he was such a careful driver; I despise seatbelts and wasn’t wearing one. I felt that my life was in capable hands.

Except that we've learned in tons of shows that even the most careful of drivers can still get in an accident if another driver is being a maniac.

I mean, let's take one of the latest episodes of Criminal... oh, move on? Gotcha.

Yusuke began good-naturedly teasing Belle and me, the radio becoming just background noise that no one took seriously. We ganged up on him, making us the victors, mainly since Kurama couldn’t help him, being so focused on the road and the other drivers… and both of us were sure that he would side with us, anyway. Because of me.

I'm really sure he would, sweetheart. Because it's not like boys generally tease girls or anything; you guys are really justified in doing whatever the hell you want with Yusuke.

Didn't you know, Moose? Most authors count Kurama as a girl.

We arrived at the mall and Belle and I scrambled to the window on the right-hand side. “Whoa,” was all we could say. We were amazed.

Every little thing that you do, baby I’m amazed by you~

Both Yusuke and Kurama laughed at us. “Are you going to go in, or is seeing it enough of a thrill?” the former asked.

“Shopping!” we both proclaimed, acting like total girls in our rush to exit the car. They laughed again, because we fell all over each other in our attempts to get out, and we would have gone on like that for hours had Kurama not opened the door for us. And when he did, we fell right out of the car and sprawled out on the cold, hard asphalt. We would have gone swirly-eyed had we not had a greater purpose: raiding the mall and not having to pay for anything we liked.

If was never serious before, I am now:

Please shoot me.

See? They're just going to take advantage of Kurama and not think of anyone but themselves!

We picked up a fast pace and entered the mall, arms around the other’s shoulder, the boys falling far behind us. We didn’t know our way around, but we were determined to have figured out the place by the time we left. Our plan was to aimlessly wander around until we found a store we thought looked promising. We’d look, possibly buy, leave, and look for another store. That was the way we did things.

Um, you two are not special. It's how a lot of people go about the mall.

The first store we came to that was deemed worthy to enter was a clothing store. It was a fancy clothing store, too, filled with evening dresses, tuxes with ties, and the like. We had very few dresses, having never seen a reason to own even one, and decided without a word that this would be as good a place as any to start.

When we finished looking at all of the store’s selection, we ended up with three dresses each; we agreed to refuse to get any more from that one store. Yusuke hadn’t picked anything but had taken a quick look at the dresses,

Yusuke had always wanted to know how a girl felt in one.

and Kurama had hovered behind us at a distance, following us. “Trying to figure out what you like,” Belle whispered to me when I noticed and pointed it out to her.

Or he could just be stalking you

“Not much here, not a dress girl,” I whispered back.

“True, that,” she agreed.

He told him we were ready to pay, and he paid for them all. He also refused to let us carry the bags, and Yusuke ended up doing it.

You mean Kurama isn't being the butler and doing everyone's work for once!? Sh-shock!

We came to another store, another clothing store, but it had casual clothing, the type of clothes that we liked and had a lot of. But, hey, “You can’t have too much of a good thing… unless it makes you sick.” Each of us ended up with four pairs of pants (none of them being jeans), three shirts, and a skirt. Yusuke picked out both a girl’s shirt and skirt, and Kurama had just hung around behind us again. He again paid, and Yusuke again carried the bags.

Haha, it's hilarious because they're taking away his dignity!

The next store was a bookstore. That’s always good to know, where the nearest bookstore is. The volumes of manga that we needed were, of course, out of stock, so we had to order them. When the attendant asked for a number to call when it came in, I, without thinking, gave him my cell number. He frowned. “That’s long distance,” he said.

“Yeah, duh. That’s why I gave you the area code.”

“That’s near the other end of Japan,” he continued.

Oh look, I was wondering when we would see our best friend Bullshit again.

I choked my surprise in my throat (I had had an idea that we weren’t “in Kansas anymore” and in Japan but I wasn’t sure… and how did my area code end up being a Japan area code…?) and answered coolly, “Well, that’s my cell number.” I fished it out of my pocket and held it up for him to see.

Or Alicia could just go to amazon.com and order the manga there no problem.

“I see. Sorry for the inconvenience, miss. Who should be asked for?”

“Alicia’s fine. Alicia or Belle,” I said quickly, glancing at her.

“Last name?”

I started to say, “I don’t have one…” but that would have sounded odd, so I changed sentences mid-sentence and it became, “It’s my cell, for Christ’s sakes. I’ll know who you’re asking for.”

“I need a last name, miss, or you can’t order.”

“Minamino,” Kurama said out of nowhere.

“Oh, hey, isn’t that your name?” the guy asked. “You’re always in here.”

“Yes. Please forgive my sister.”

Is this where you started building Kari, Kura? Because we all know Alicia and Kurama will end up together.

N-no! God, I had long forgotten about these bitches when she first came around.

That silver-tongued fox. I could feel my face slowly changing colors. But did he really consider me worthy to call me his sister and use his name?

“She just came back from out of town. She tends to forget her manners on such occasions.”

He nodded, as though to show his sympathy (to him, not me). “Minamino… Alicia,” he said, fingers clicking on the keyboard. “Got it.”

We walked out of the store. “What was with that?” Belle spat. I was thinking the same thing.

“Sorry. It was the first thing that I thought of.”

“What?”

“You might’ve made a scene. We try not to draw attention to ourselves.” Yeah. That made sense.

I just realized that because they're in Japan, not everyone would just up and know the English language.

Although knowing these stupid weeaboos, they know Japanese by watching the un-dubbed version of Inuyasha and crap.

Silly, this isn't really Japan. It's Japerica. Japerica is a magical land much like America that likes to masquerade as Japan, and everyone speaks the language that the newest addition(s) do, unless it needs to be otherwise for plot reasons.

“I didn’t know you had a last name,” she lied, slightly changing the subject. “Mi… Mi… na… Mina…” She pretended to have trouble pronouncing the name, though I knew that she could pronounce it flawlessly. (So could I.) “MinamiAmi…”

Minami...no. No. As in, no, now get the fuck out of my fandom.

“Minamino,” he said patiently, like a schoolteacher.

“Yeah, that.”

“They wouldn’t’ve believed that you were related to Yusuke. He buys books to watch them burn.”

We sighed, silently agreeing, and pressed on. We went to a few other stores and bought some more stuff… well, Kurama bought it, and it was mostly furniture and blankets and stuff. I did pick up the MCR CD that I saw for Belle. We went ballistic over the jewelry, and we bought some: a few pairs of earrings, a few necklaces. That was it. Yusuke bought (and didn’t let Kurama pay) an expensive diamond necklace, and the two of us cracked up, drawing stares from… just about everyone. And a sharp glare from Yusuke.

Yusuke: I need to look pretty too!

We went back to the car, Yusuke carrying most of our stuff, and Kurama carrying a few things, since Yusuke couldn’t carry it all (let me tell you, we bought a lot).

See? I knew they were going to take advantage of Kurama's kindness and spend all of his money! Damn gold diggers...

It was getting really late, and after a lot of begging, we convinced Yusuke to keep the radio off. We wanted to sleep for the hour ride we had ahead of us. Belle finally accomplished that in the last five minutes of the drive. And I didn’t have the heart to wake her up when we arrived, because she looked so peaceful… and she wasn’t fun to wake up. I knew this from bad experiences. Hiei or someone could do it if she wasn’t allowed to stay. Not even if someone bribed me with money, I wouldn’t do it. Everything she was while conscious, she was not while she was waking up.

So... when she wakes up, she's not a bitch.

“Don’t wake her,” I begged Kurama as he helped me out. “She’s so tired… Don’t make her get up only to go back to sleep.”

Kurama: Sorry; forgot Sues shouldn't be made to do anything they don't want to do.

Wanna make out instead, girl I met just yesterday?

“All right. Can you wait until tomorrow to move everything in?”

“Yes,” I yawned. “It really doesn’t matter to me right now.”

He helped me to the temple, since I was so tired I couldn’t see straight, and once we were inside I collapsed on the couch. (Yes, she had a couch. She might have been old and a bit behind the times, but she wasn’t a heathen.) He sat down next to me. He began massaging my back and shoulders. It was heavenly. I was nearly asleep when he stopped. That kept me awake. “Feeling better?” he asked.

“Yeah,” I answered, half asleep again. “Thanks.”

“Do you want to stay here, or would you like to go to your room?”

“I’d like to, but I don’t think I can.”

“I could carry you,” he offered sweetly.

“Okay.”

And that was the last thing I remembered, being lifted into his strong arms as if I weighted nothing at all. Then I was out like a light. (So cliché.)

This whole story is cliched. And the more I re-read it, the more I hate these two bitches. I'm starting to feel the same hate for them that I feel for Bella "Mary Sue" Swan.

Cliche and unrealistic as hell!
No guy would honestly offer to carry someone they barely knew to their room, whether they liked them or not.

Kura, I am so glad you don't write like this anymore. I want to punch past you so hard.

Well, if I ever get to go meet past me a la Back to the Future or something, you'll be the first to know. Promise me I can throw the first punch, though.

I promise, as long as I can yell out witty one-liners.

[oneluckyduck]

Tada! My review of your review, up until the point I decided that I should finish my homework...

Wait...barb wire fence? Where the heck do you live, Kura?

I guess I could explain to you why Alicia is still somehow far more likeable than Kari, but... sorry, you wouldn't understand, Moose.
I laughed.

I just realized why I love this mock. Besides the wonderfulness of the mock itself, you two are two of my favorite people on here. ^_^

Poems? I wrote some poems today. A couple of haiku, a sonnet...
But no, I'm just a cliché angsty teen. nothing to get worked up about oh please, ask me about these works of art, for I must sob out my story of woe!!!1!!1!1one!!!!


My platonic sweetheart
I think I am going to kill,
or at least maim you.
----
Haiku are easy,
But I think you messed them up.

You'll die for your sins.
----
But wait: a Mary Sue
She is so wonderful, perfect,
A force that won't fail
----
There once was a girl named Alicia
And she definitely wouldn't want to meet-cha'.
She wrote a haiku-
no, three of them, too!
For her, I will call the militia.

I hate Alicia. She is literally the most repulsive character I have ever had the displeasure to meet. >:[

Who changes schools in the middle of the year? That’s retarded.
Bitch, what if his father just died and his mother moved due to extreme sadness, or there is a cancer treatment center in your town and he needs to go there, but is too ashamed to admit it? Oh wait, I only have average intelligence.
Sorry, I'll stop insulting the story for you. XD

The walls were painted black but in most spots it was blue, a reminder of the way I used to be.
So it's...blue...mostly? :confused:

I'm shocked! I thought for sure she would apologize profusely, and then go on a twenty minute rant about how stupid and wrong it was of her to so foolishly assume it didn't belong to anyone.
Best way to fight against your enemies. Non-sarcastically apologize. :thumbs up:


"Twenty minutes after you should have shut the hell up."
I shteal dis line! :3

toast, with butter and cinnamon.
Fudge, this is my breakfast tomorrow!


“To Heck with etiquette” is my motto.
T-shirt ahoy!

[Kuramastrass]

Oh my God you replieded again!

You think Alicia's worse than Kari? Or Bella "Mary Sue" Swan? Really? Duck, then you and I need to get to work on another fic similar to this one.

Either that or I need to introduce you properly to Kari. She's the worst by far, I promise.

Or even better, how about my old Mary Sue who scored OVER THREE HUNDRED on the same litmus test Kari scored 146 on?

But yes, I will agree that Alicia is terribly irritating and a horrible person, but I don't think she's the worst of the bunch. (Actually I like her better than Belle, she's the one really pissing me off.) And if you do, we need to show you a few more awful Sues.

This post has been edited by Kuramastrass: May 9 2011, 04:18 PM

[oneluckyduck]

She's just so...GAR! "I hate you, you suck, you fail so much, it takes all my strength not to deck you" inspiring...damn good song, there...
So, yes, if you go back in time I want a puch, also. I'll even stop myself from saying the witty one-liners!

[Kuramastrass]

I'm now going to try my damnedest to find a fic featuring Kari prominently, and you and Moose can do it all by yourselves.

There are no words to convey the hatred I have. Or how awful she is. Maybe Weatherhead could do it, I'll try to get his ass in here, but I think you need to really experience this bitch.

[oneluckyduck]

Ah, here it is!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G6hiKSJvHl4

[Kuramastrass]

Chapter Six: Major Bullshit Part One, or The Obligatory Clothing Chapter

We moved everything in early the next morning, but we didn’t unpack anything. We didn’t have time.

After everything got moved in, we ate breakfast (a feast prepared by a certain redhead, of course) and then we started training.

About time.

Belle sat on the lowest branch in the great oak, her bare legs dangling, watching me shoot. I shot and missed. “C’mon, Alicia, you can do better than that!”

Bitch, did you dare insult Alicia the Grand!?

That line is eerily similar to the opening line of another major badfic of mine. The only real difference is that that Sue was named Samantha.

“Let’s see you try, Ms. Supreme-Archer-Know-It-All,” I muttered bitterly. I re-shot and groaned as my arrow missed the target by a mile. Again.

OMG U GUYS STUP FLAMMING ALICIS ISNT PREFECT OK SHES A SATANIST

She hopped down for the tree, grabbing the bow from my hands and plucking an arrow from the quiver on my back. As quick as a fleeing deer, she shot the arrow and I again groaned as Belle hit dead center, just as she had all yesterday,

Yes, yes, we know... she is slowly becoming all perfect like Alicia in a matter of days. And Hiei will bow down to her AWSUM POWURZ!!!!11

Or at least, he would if the fic weren't centered around Alicia and her OMGLOVE for Kurama.

with my arrows and her shuriken. “Don’t shoot so quickly,” she offered, handing back the bow. “Take time to aim.”

“You don’t stop to aim,” I argued. “You just shoot and hit.”

“Yes, well, I used to go hunting with my father, remember?” She hopped back in the tree. “Besides, isn’t that how you got the high score on Gun Maniac? By shooting and hitting without aiming?”

Because playing a video game is just like shooting in real life! Duh, don't you know that?

I sighed because she had forced me to see that I was wrong. That was always a nasty habit of hers. She always found a way to prove that she was right. But I took her advice. I took longer to shoot this time, taking time to carefully aim, as I had during my early days at the arcade. I shot with the perfect precision of a surgeon and hit the center, just under Belle’s arrow. That was where I had aimed.

I’m imagining the Rupee game in LoZ:OoT, because that is far more interesting.

“Great!” She beamed at me from her place in the tree. “A few more like that, and you’ll be as good as me!”

Yes, I'm sure just another hour, and you both will be pros!

I laughed, because I was pretty sure that it would take something closer to a few hundred more.

At least Alicia is thinking about this more realistically.

What? Sometimes Sues actually have valid points.

Then someone entered the courtyard. It wasn’t one of the guys… it wasn’t any one of us. He stood underneath the overhang, where it was impossible to see his facial features… actually, it was impossible to see anyone’s facial features when they stood there, unless they were as short as Hiei. The good news is that it also works the other way… you can’t see much of the courtyard from there. “Hello?” he called. “I’m looking for Master Genkai.”

The voice reminded me of someone Belle and I had known back in second grade. His name was Tom, and, because it was before I came to know Kurama, I had been in love with him.

Yes, because seven year olds know about love, and just fall in love at the drop of a hat.

You know, why can nothing ever be a crush? Sues always need to be in love; they can never just like someone.

He was pretty nice, but no one and nothing compared to my redheaded fox-knight, with dark, chocolate-brown hair and striking muddy brown eyes.

Later, Tom became famous as the creeper who started MySpace.

He stepped into the courtyard, allowing the light to pronounce him and his features. He had deep chocolate hair and brown eyes… “Tom?” I asked, astonished. I allowed my eyes to skim all over his body… he had the same build, the same nose… among other things.

SHE'S TALKING ABOUT HIS PENIS!

But they weren’t wandering in the way one might hope. Nope, I was saving those looks for a certain someone.

He laughed. “Alicia? Is that you?”

“You are Tom?”

“Yes,” he answered. Then he said, “It’s been a long time.”

Tom: I haven’t heard from you since you deleted me as a friend on MySpace. How are you?

Hoh boy, was that tone of voice the one I thought he used? I cringed and glanced to Belle, hoping she would either acknowledge that she had heard it, too, or take something up to get me out of it. She did neither. She sat in the tree, as still as stone, a grim set to her jaw. “Why are you here?” I tried.

My guess from this paragraph alone is that Belle was going to be the obligatory future-predictor. I’m guessing because I don’t remember her turning out that way, but then I also forgot that Alicia can apparently read minds.

Because once Alicia falls for Kurama, no one can even dream about liking her! It would be too scary, and she can't just say no or anything. This is Alicia; she's saving herself for an anime character.

“I came looking for Master Genkai.” Then he blinked at me like a girl who wanted her way and was about to cry from not getting it. What a ham, and not like Belle… not in a good way. “You?”

“To train, stupid,” she responded for me as she hopped out of the tree and dug her fingernails into my shoulder. I winced from sharp pain.

I love how two minutes in, and he's a total asswipe for no actual reason that is explained right away. I mean, I know that we are obviously supposed to root for Kurama, but... other than that, this is a silly reason to treat Tom like shit.

Granted, this is happening for an actual reason plot-wise, but take that out, it's what this sounds like.

“Annabelle. So nice to see you.” He always called her Annabelle, convinced that that was her real name, no matter how many times we screamed that “Belle” was the name on her birth certificate.

Pointless crap is pointless.

“Yeah, yeah,” I said, impatient and tired of him flirting with us.

Flirting? Where? *looks around* Oh, is she talking about that tone of voice that was barely mentioned?

Moving on, then.

“She’s here somewhere… in there, somewhere.” I randomly gestured to a door leading out of the courtyard. Any door, to make him leave.

“Thank you,” he said in a silky voice.

“C’mon, Alicia, let’s get back to training.” She again hopped into her tree.

Tom passed by me at that moment, and our eyes met. One second turned into an eternity. A chill went up my spine and my heart nearly stopped. He finally broke away and when I could breathe normally again, I said, “Okay. Let’s.”

Oh, let’s play “How many cliches can I put into one paragraph?”

It went fine for a few minutes. But after that, I couldn’t concentrate anymore. The thought that something wasn’t right kept nagging at the back of my mind. Then I realized what it was trying to tell me.

OxyClean really can make her whites whiter.

It's trying to tell you to drop your petty hatred for your childhood friend, just because he might have developed a crush on you. It's not worth it!

Also, he's actually a killer.

I turned, dropping the bow and the quiver falling from my back as I sprinted into the door Tom had entered just a few minutes earlier. I was hoping that maybe it was just me being paranoid, but when I came to doors that had been torn down and thoroughly decimated as though a giant cat had been let in, my worst fears were confirmed.

The Catbus from Totoro came through?

I cautiously stepped into the battle zone, seeing nothing at first. Then I spotted her underneath a pile of rubble.

Genkai was dead. And I had let the killer in. It was all my fault.

Sadly, this wasn’t the last time I killed her off in some completely stupid way.

Wait, how could... never mind. *munches on cheez-its*

“God!” It’s a rare occasion when Belle says “god” but I, the master of words, couldn’t think of anything better, myself. She had finally caught up to me and I sat with her standing behind me in a moment of silent mourning.

Because Belle wouldn't freak the fuck out, like anyone else would, but rather just stand there like a 'tard.

Yusuke came by at that moment. “What… happened?” he asked, taking in the scene.

“Rando,” I whispered.

“What?” he asked.

“Rando,” I repeated, and Belle realized what I was trying to say.

“What?”

“Rando.”

“What?”

“Rando.”

“What?”

“Never mind.”

“What?”

“He disguised himself as Tom and came in… and killed her… for revenge, you know? For not picking him?”

Ooh, I wanna take random guesses on who could've done this too!

I THINK HIEI DID IT!

“Tom?”

“No one. Just someone we knew a long time ago.”

“Well, you two are here. And you’re a demon, I’m pretty sure,” he said, meaning me. “How can you be so sure that he’s not?”

Because, shut up.

We just sat, even more silent, if that was even possible. We had nothing to say to that. It made enough sense.

No, almost nothing in this story makes any sense.

“Besides,” he continued, “if it was Rando, I would’ve known. And I would’ve come running.”

We glanced at each other. We had to grant him that much.

So I knelt on the floor, head in my lap, crying… no, flat-out sobbing… into my hands… my best friend and sister in everything but blood

The foreshadowing of the whole “they’re twins” thing is really starting to piss me off.

No, Kura, see... IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE THEY ARE SISTERS! Not aggravating at all!

standing behind me with a comforting hand on my shoulder, and her mortified student, not willing to believe it… and, now seeing that demons from my past were returning to haunt me, wondering about what the demons in my future would be like, and how they would affect me and Kurama…

But wait, that sounds like a chapter-ender. That means we can stop for the day and –

In case you guys are stupid and haven't realized this yet...

ALICIA REALLY FUCKING LOVES KURAMA, AND HE LOVES HER BACK IN THE END!!!!!!!!

And then Belle made an amazing discovery.

Goddammit, Belle!

My tears had actually fallen, for the first time ever. And when they fell… they cured cancer.

Alicia is Chuck Norris? What a twist!

“Look!” she cried. “Your tears!”

Yusuke and I both turned to look where she had pointed, and, lo and behold, they didn’t stay tears once they had fallen. As soon as they left my face, they turned into jewels.

“You were right,” I said weakly. I smiled slightly, but tears kept rolling down both sides of my face. “I am a demon. Ice Maiden.”

“We’d better go tell Kurama,” he said in reply, shaken and shocked.

I agree! He might be able to help figure out who killed Genkai, and maybe even come up with a few theories himself!

They dragged me down to what I assumed must be his room. “Kurama!” he yelled.

“Yes?” he asked, opening the door, and then, seeing that I had been crying and still was, a bit, so there was a trail of jewels behind us, in a more serious voice, asked, “What happened?”

“Genkai…” he started to answer, but his voice faltered as he remembered that he would never see his mentor again.

“She’s dead,” she took up for him. “And Alicia… well, you can see that.” She pointed to the thin trail and the small pool beneath my feet.

I'd think Genkai's death would be more important than some stupid wench crying up SPESHUL TEER CRISTULS, but... what do I know? I do not interact with anime characters at all, nor am I a genius.

“Yes, I can.”

“It was all my fault!” I cried. “I let him in!”

No, what you did was give him a very vague description of Genkai’s current location and point in a random direction. He let himself in.

…what scares me is that at one point in time, Alicia’s Bizzaro-World logic made sense to me.

I leaned forward and, grabbing his shirt, pressed my face to his chest… crying harder.

“You’re such a liar. If there is any blame, and there’s not… and you had any part of it… I’d have an equal part. So don’t talk.”

I ignored her and cried harder, set in my belief that I was an unwilling accomplice. I felt his arm slowly move to around my back.

“Here, Alicia,” she said, grabbing the back of my shirt. “Let’s go back to our room.” She tried to pull me away, but I tightened my grip on his shirt. I didn’t want to let go of him. She pulled me harder and I didn’t have the strength… I gave up to her. I put my face to her shoulder and continued crying as she led me away.

Cockblock: successful.

Belle: Bitch, finally! I am going to cheer you up with my naked body, whether you like it or not!

“Hey, Alicia, don’t cry,” she said softly and tenderly as we sat on the edge of the bed. She placed her arm around my shoulders to help comfort me. “As much as I’d like for us to be rich, it’s not worth it if you’re miserable. And you heard how his voice changed when he realized that you’d been crying. The two people you care about most, we’re miserable right now. And it’s because you’re crying like you are. It hurts… a lot. So stop, okay?”

Yeah! So forget your guilt about letting the murderer in; Belle and Kurama are fucking miserable! How can you be so selfish?

I sniffed. “Okay, I’ll try.” I gently rubbed my right eye with the back of my hand. “Can’t promise anything, though.”

She smiled. “Hey, I know. How about we unpack the stuff we got? That’ll cheer you up, right?”

“It might,” I said weakly.

You want to know what I love about all this?

Alicia's whole personality, the way she's been acting for all... however old she is (I forgot, nor do I care to actually reread to find out) years of her life, is being completely changed around. Why? Not because she's growing up (although I'm sure Kura wouldn've wanted eventual readers to assume that), but because Kurama just wouldn't be able to love such a mean bitch!

...13 or 14.

She smiled even more. “How about giving me a hand with this thing here? I can’t move it myself. Heavy lifting and me don’t mix.” She was talking about the full-size mirror which we had purchased yesterday.

When did this happen?

“Sure,” I said, getting up to help her position it in the room. She picked to place it against the wall by where the door would be when it opened.

She nodded approvingly and went to clothes. “Here, is this yours, or mine?” she asked, going through a bag and holding up a pair of pants.

“Mine.”

She tossed it to me. “These are… mine,” she said, looking at another pair. “Let’s try them on; that’ll be fun.”

“All right.” So we went about trying them on, everything we had bought, and we were generally having a good time until…

A wild Kuwabara appears!

I rewrote the story, adding myself in as a self-insert. I burst into their room wielding a gun.

Kuwabara opened the door at that moment, and we screamed. Of course we would. We were half-undressed. So when we had deemed ourselves sufficiently covered and Kuwabara’s face was black-and-blue as a reminder of girlish fury and manners, he said, “Kurama’s having a special dinner for everyone tonight. You know, for Genkai.” If he thought that I was to blame, his voice didn’t show it. He probably hadn’t heard about that…

Or maybe he just has more brain cells than the two of you combined.

Or he just doesn't care.

“Everyone?” Belle asked breathlessly. “As in, Hiei and everyone?”

“Yeah, the shrimp’ll be there.” He didn’t sound too happy about it. We assumed that that meant that Yukina was going to be there, too.

Us having no more questions, he left, shutting the door behind him. Once that had happened, it took a moment for what he had said to really register in our brains. We stood there, looking at each other, blinking with confusion, our mouths open like a goldfish’s. Then terror took control and we flew into girly-panic mode.

What were we going to wear? What should we do to our hair? What earrings were we going to put in? Did we have time to paint our nails? And on we went like that, until I had had enough and rationality took control. Going on like this wouldn’t get us anywhere.

“It sure as hell isn’t,” I mumbled, upset that I’d been forgotten so easily with this latest stupid plot twist. “Now come on, out to the courtyard. I want to shoot you two where the others can watch so they know who to thank.”

Oh forced fanfic humor, you so crazy!

We had both been tutored in the likes of the other’s. That was so we would never have to worry about what to wear or how to act. The other would be able to calmly explain exactly what should be happening, what to wear, and how to act so we wouldn’t have to worry about messing up royally. We would be able to think clearly about the other because it is not them that we are being judged by. So, I knew exactly what would please… well, maybe that’s not the best word, but… Hiei, while, at the moment, for Kurama I drew a blank. And luckily for me, it was the exact opposite for Belle.

How convenient!

And by convenient, I mean stupid. Mainly because we all know Alicia is obsessed with Kurama, so she would obviously know what would please him.

See, it's funny because Kura made a huge contradiction with her own character's manga-obsessed backstory!

“Here… wear this,” I said, going through the bags and finding the black dress that she had bought yesterday. It looked like something one would wear to a funeral, but it would do for Hiei. Hiei and black are practically married, if you know what I mean. He loves it. It’s his favorite color.

That’s it, that’s it, I give up. Fuck this. I’m going to go look for my N64 and hook it up to a TV so I can play Zelda.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes,” I answered, dragging out my suitcase from under my bed. I opened it so I could look for the black shawl that I had thrown into it so I could lend it to her.

Surely their change in wardrobe will become vital to the plot later!

“Wear this, too.” I held it out to her and she draped it across the nearest chair. As she changed I tried to think of how I wanted to do her hair.

As she was putting on my shawl, she asked me, “What are you going to do to my hair? And my nails? Should I paint them?”

“Yes, red. And sit,” I said, motioning to that same chair.

She obediently sat. I went through the room looking for a hairbrush. When I found it, I began to brush out her long, silky, raven-black hair. After that, I began carefully and lovingly French-braiding it.

“Are you sure he’ll go for it?” She sounded doubtful… she hadn’t worn her hair that way since… second grade, I think.

“Yup. Trust me; he’ll love it.”

Actually, if they were true fans, they'd know that Hiei simply wouldn't care. At all.

After that, she picked out two diamond-stub earring to wear. And I picked out the shade of red (fire-engine red) for her nails. I took a look at her and saw that the black clothing and hair, the pale skin, and the red nails made her look like a vampiress. I nodded approvingly and smugly. Yup, he would love my beautiful creation…

“And now… you,” she said. A strange emotion of fire entered her eyes. I gulped. She had sat patiently while I had helped her… and now it was my turn to play the China doll. “Makeover!”

“Just don’t hurt me, okay?”

She laughed and nodded.

All the meanwhile, though, I could swear I heard her chuckle under her breath. But she wouldn't do anything, right? We were practically sisters! And... AUGH!

The last thing I remembered was the smell of blood before I blacked out completely.

After searching almost every bag, she produced a dress that she found fitting. It was a very pale lavender, with pale pink roses all over it. Its neck came down pretty low and lay flat, like those dresses without straps that the big stars wear. “It’s best to leave your hair down,” she said, brushing it after I had put it on. “Don’t cover your ears, but don’t put it all behind your back, either. Let some of it hang in the front to cover the straps.”

This is dumb! I don't want to read a detailed pretty princess dress me up! Can we get back to Kuwabara and Kurama's magical love affair uh, the training parts?

I nodded dumbly as she continued brushing and styling.

“Wear two pairs of earrings, but don’t overdo it. The top should be posts, and let the bottoms hang. Oh, and don’t paint your nails. Not with a color. Use clear… here, I’ll do it for you.” She grabbed the clear nail polish and in minutes, my nails were looking their best ever.

I looked into the mirror, admiring myself. I thought she had done a great job… I looked beautiful. Then I complained, just to be difficult, “I look like a flower.”

”Haha, deal with it bitch,” Belle replied, also being difficult.

“That’s good. He can make a romantic remark likening your beauty to that of a flower…”

I made false gagging noises. I might have been in a dress, but I was still my tomboy self.

Yes, which is EXACTLY why you were freaking the fuck out about what you were going to wear!

I probably would’ve loved it, though, if he had said it…

What the hell? WHO ERASED ALL THE SAVE FILES?

“Lucky,” she concluded. “You got the romantic one. I got… Hiei.”

“You let me pick first, and I know that you wanted Hiei, anyway, so don’t complain.”

I love how they assume that these boys love them back. Granted, they totally will, but... honestly. And especially since Belle and Hiei have spent little to no time together.

“I know. But still… Hey, you haven’t picked out earrings yet.” She held out all my choices. I remembered her saying that the top should be posts, so I picked two emerald green ones.

Fun fact: Alicia has three sets of ear piercings. Two bottom pairs and a pair of cartilage.

So, since Alicia was basically the bitch I wanted to be, by my count I am 5/6ths Sue.

The bottom two were sky blue and hung to my neck. She looked me over, as I had her, and finally nodded. “You look great,” she told me.

I smiled and said, “You too.”

So we both went down to eat, in memory of the fallen Genkai, who, unlike last time, would stay dead forever more.

Yes, that’s generally what happens when people die.

However, all of that will be forgotten once the flames of romance heat up!

[oneluckyduck]

Oh dear god...Kura, what affronts against fashion! T.T