The Daughter of Red Haired Shanks (One Piece), Capt. Obvious and his crew of Mary Sues Options

[xoxjoanxox]

Because someone has to put these stupid Mary Sues in their place.

Dividing this story into thirds since the first chapter is too long.

I don't One Piece, I only own my character

Thank God for that.

Enjoy!

Hahaha, no.

One Piece

... That is seriously what this person put as an opening title. Can you imagine how creative and imaginative this story will be?

"Luffy, out of all the places we could have slept, why here?" I asked Luffy in the barrel next to me. We were both in barrels floating in the ocean.

What an amazing way to start, tossing us right into this story like a baby into a pit of fire.

Read: You suck at writing, thank God that you've only unleashed one horror unto this world.

"I don't know Yuki, it just looked comfy in here" Luffy answered.

Yuki = the Mary Sue you never bothered to introduce, as if you expected everyone to automatically know who that was, you arrogant prick

"WE'RE IN BARRLES YOU MORON" I yelled back.

Barrles are quite comfy, I'll have you know. They're like hotel rooms, but without the hotel... or the room.

And who the hell are you to insult the main protagonist of a quite popular and well-liked manga series, you miserable excuse for a self-insert.

A few hours past and I could here seagulls squawking, as I listened to them I began to drift she -- What the, did you just shift from first person to third person?! -- felt something catch the barrel I was in and lift me up.

"Ugh, man this one is heavier then that other one" a voice was heard as he lifted her up (again, your inconsistency with POVs! And what the hell, did Luffy disappear or something? Don't you mean lifted 'them' up?! This angers and infuriates me!).

'I'm not that heavy! I'm only 400 pounds, those weaklings!' I thought angrily with an anime angry mark on her head.

What the ... This author is hitting another pet peeve, using the phrase "anime (insert action often seen in animes)." YOU DON'T DO THAT, OK?!!

"SHIP OFF THE STARBERD BOW AND THERE FLYING A PIRATE FLAG" some yelled.

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU SAY JUST SAY?" others screamed.

"I DON'T KNOW EITHER!" some replied.

The person dropped me and ran off. "OW" I yelled, but no one heard.

What the... seriously, where's Luffy?! Again, people are disappearing!

Then firing sound came from the east. As the blasts came the ship began to tip and the barrel that I was in started to roll. The barrel rolled down a flank of stair. "ow, oo, eh, ouch, agh" I chanted as the barrel rolled down the stairs. May the Devil come to my aid and devour the souls of those that dared to call me heavy. It's only shame that the words I'm uttering are complete nonsense.

As the barrel continued to roll, it banged into a door and began to spin, and stopped.

"Agh" I moaned. "Hello?" a younger voice heard. 'ah man' I thought. "I really hope there's no one in here… [sigh] <- WHAT IS THIS? *destroys with ancient Egyptian laser beams*

That's a relief" he said.

You're not even worth my editing.

Got to get off now, but I will continue to flame/mock this ... thing. It almosts makes me miss 'Pikachu's New Love.'

This post has been edited by xoxjoanxox: Sep 25 2010, 04:31 AM

[Sniper_Queen]

I hate this so much because it's basically the complete script from the first episode. And the title...
No. Just no.

[Soren Highwind]

Well that was lame.

[xoxjoanxox]

Well that was lame.

My mock or the story?

[xoxjoanxox]

Continuing where I left off.

It was a dark and stormy night when a young Asian girl sat in front of her computer, browsing through fanfictions in hopes of finding a decent one. She saw one:

The Daughter of Red Haired Shanks

It seemed innocent enough. How bad could it be? She clicked on the link, unknowingly sealing her fate . . .

'kid you're not alone' I thought. She then heard foot steps getting closer. "Wow, those are some big barrels"

That's what she sa-- *shot*

I heard the kid say softly. He began to push the barrel beside me. 'Luffy' I thought.

As I hear him rolling Luffy's barrel I heard him stop and heard other voice.

'Pirates' I thought.

'This is stupid.' I thought.

The pirates were talking to the boy asking him if he was trying to hide again.

"No way, I was just trying to get these two big barrels of beer stuffed with the dead bodies of the real Luffy and his crew over to you guys" the boy said in fear.

One of the pirates said he was getting thirsty. "You can't, Lady Alvida will kill us if she ever found out" the young boy said to the pirates.

'Lady Alvida' I questioned herself.

... I questioned herself.

I QUESTIONED HERSELF.

"She won't if you keep your mouth shut" one of the pirates said to him.

The boy sounded like he was nervous. As one of the bigger pirates lift up Luffy's barrel, I was trying to figure out who Lady Alvida was.

When I heard knuckles cracking she I turned her my head to see a pirate standing over the barrel. "Luffy" I whispered softly.

Has Yuki been dumbed down so much that she can only say one word per sentence? Well, as long as she doesn't start talking about her long ebony hair and limpid blue eyes, I'm cool with it.

"Hold on boys, I'll open her the old fashion way" the pirate who cracked his knuckles said.

He then smashed open the barrel that Yuki was in, cracking her skull in and causing instant death. Immediately, everyone felt a flood of relief, as if everything had become right with the world.

As he was getting ready to strike, something burst through the barrel. It was Luffy.

Isn't this suppose to be first person, how the fuck does Yuki know that--oh forget it!

He had black hair with a straw hat and black eyes with a scar under his left eye, he wear jean shorts and a red button up tank-top with arms pump up in the air,

That's for the unneccasry description that you should have included earlier on in your story. General Pointless strikes again!

as he bursted through the barrel he punch the guy who was going to break the barrel.

I sighed in relief 'thank goodness' I thought. "Huh, who's that" Luffy said looking at the pirate he just punched. I saw Luffy's head turn toward other two pirates standing in front of him.

Must I mention that would be impossible if you're inside a barrel unless there's a hole?! And if there is, would you care to mention it, Ms. I'm-so-important-you-should-already-know-me.

"Who the heck are you guys" he asked stupidly.

"WHO THE HECK ARE YOU" the other two pirates shouted.

You know, if I wanted to read a fanfiction that pretty much follows the exact same script as the manga, I might as well read the actual manga. Less Mary Sues and better grammar (hell, even a two-year old can write better than you).

"Your friend will catch cold sleeping like that" Luffy replied as he stepped out of the barrel

"YOU'RE THE ONE WHO KNOCKED HIM OUT" the pirates shouted back

'That's Luffy for you' I sweat-dropped. As I tried to figure how to get out, I saw Luffy go over to the kid and said "I'm starving, you got any food". 'Bingo' I thought as I then busted the second barrel, everyone in the room looked over at me. I stood up from my crotch, now wasn't the time to give myself a blowjob, I was 5 ft. 8 in. and 18 years old. I had long crimson red hair was into a fish-tail braid tied with a ribbon, with a white bandana over my head shadowing my eyes, and I wore a white t-shirt and black trousers that were tucked in my black boots with a red sash around my hips. I was an eighteen year old slut pirate who was flexible enough to give myself blowjobs.

"Oh hey Yuki, how do you feel" Luffy asked as he smiled at me.

"I been a barrel for the whole day what do you think Luffy" I replied as I stretched with a smile.

"Uh, you're hungry"

"YOU'RE DARN RIGHT"

Your wonderful and interesting dialouge has compelled me to give you a thumbs up:



Oops, wrong finger.

"You little brats" both of the unknown pirates came at Me and Luffy with swords. The boy was scared and covered his eyes. Luffy looked to them coming right at him with no emotion on his face. Everything went white. The boy looked… to see me in front of Luffy with the swords chopped in half.

Oh, so Luffy doesn't even do anything, he just lets his bitch do all the work for him. What. The. Hell.

I smirked and lifted my head to show them my eyes. My eyes a piercing emerald green and on my left eye were three red lines tattoos. The men recoiled in disgust. I then remembered why I didn't show my blood-shot, mutated eyes with snake slits to others.

The men were in shock as their own swords were pulled themselves away from them and floating in the air.

The pirates were on the floor looking at me in terror. Luffy looked over my shoulder with questioning look on his face. "What is wrong with you two" he asked them.

"We were reduced to mere plot devices to show off that slut's 'zomg supa awesome POWERZZZ,' WHAT DO YOU THINK?!"

"W-who are you" one pirate said hyperventilating.

Luffy came around to my left and stood beside me.

"Us? Oh our names are Monkey D. Luffy and Crimson S. Yuki, Hi" Luffy said before he smiled proudly.

Both Pirates started screaming bloody murder while dragging they unconscious friend the door and through the hallway.

It was true, she was a Mary Sue! They had to warn the rest of the characters!

There was moment of silence between the three of them.

"So… what just happened" the boy asked them.

"You got me/I don't know" Luffy and I answered at the same time.

The boy gasped and stood up quickly.

"Quick, you gotta run. if those guys come back here with their buddies, then they'll kill you both on the spot" he yell at us.

Did you just not see that bitch leviate their swords? Do you seriously think they can do anything to this Mary Sue and her victim 'love interest?'

"I don't care about that I'm hungry" Luffy said smiling at the boy.

"Me too" I said to boy with a smile

"How can you blow this off like that, there are hundreds of them up on deck, they're waiting opportunity to kill anything" he said while trying to hold back Luffy from walking forward.

'Luffy must smell some food nearby' I thought walking behind them.

In actuality, Luffy was looking for a way out of this horror of a fanfiction, but because Yuki was watching him, he had to be careful.

A few minutes later

"HA HA HA, ITS A GOLD MINE, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD, FOOD" Luffy said laughing while looking around to see what to eat first.

Luffy is being reduced to a pig with only food on his mind. Great.

"Who knows maybe we'll be safe in here, as long no one else gets hungry" the boy murmured.

I smiled at Luffy as he found a crate of Apple.

He laughed, "Looks tasty" He turned to me and tossed me an apple.

"Here Yuki"

Yuki, being the bimbo she is, didn't react in time and the apple hit her right in the face.

Luffy commented, "I guess that's another way you can eat it."

I caught it with my left hand. "I know how much you like apples" he said with a smile.

"Thanks, Luffy" I said beginning to munch on my apple.

"Hey, My Name's Coby, You're Luffy and Yuki, right.

Yuki smiled, "That's right. And I don't recall asking for your name, you pathetic little bitch. Now get me another apple!"

That was pretty neat what you did in those barrels back there" Coby said us as I ate my apple slowly while Luffy inhaled his apples. He walked toward us.

"These are awesome" Luffy said turning to Coby.

I looked at Coby. "I speak for my Captain when I say 'Thank you'" I said to him bowing my head a little.

"So are we on a pirate ship or what" Luffy asked still stuffing he face.

"No, it's a Passenger ship that being raided by pirates, pirate under the command of Lady Alvida" Coby answered him.

"Who cares anyway, what I want to know is there any boats on board"

"I think there are a few" Coby answered again

Luffy tossed two more apple at me and I caught them. "Great, cause ours got stuck in a big whirlpool" I said tossing my second apple at Coby.

Your what? Your raft? Your apples? Your food supply? Your creativity? All of the above?

Coby looked at me shock. "The one outside no way, no one could have survived that"

Two people who survived are right in front of your face. That's like saying, there's no such thing as Santa Claus to Santa Claus himself...

Luffy turn to face us. "Yeah, I gotta say it was a big surprise" Luffy said laughing.

I laughed along enjoying the memory. It was wonderful to get stuck in a whirlpool for hours on end as our oxygen levels slowly decreased. Good times.

"So, are you one of the pirates, Coby" I asked

"Or one of the passengers" Luffy added.

Coby looked down. "it was on a faithful day, long ago.

Luffy said, "Boring, let's go shopping!"

That day, I stepped out on to a small fishing boat on the out skirts of town, to go catch my dinner. It turn out that particular boat was actually for a pirate ship. That was two years ago. In exchange for letting me live, I'm forced to live a life of a cabin boy" he finished still looking down. Luffy and I were sitting on each side by him. An emotionally confused and wrecked boy? Rape time!

After a moment of silence Luffy broke it.

"Your pretty stupid you know that" Luffy said truthfully.

I reached behind Coby and smacked Luffy on the head.

"Gee, thanks for your honesty" Coby said sadly bowing his head more.

"If you hate so much, then leave" I told him.

So Yuki, a.k.a. the spot-light stealing squad, is taking all of Luffy's action scenes and memorable dialouge. Not even going to try to give her original lines or scenes? What a lazy bitch.

"Are you kidding, I can't do that, no way, nuh huh, not a chance, just the thought of Alvida scares me so bad, I wanna throw up" He said shaking his head back and forth.

"That's gross" I said while gagging.

Luffy smile and said, "You're a moron and a coward. Haha, I hate people like you"

He was still laughing. He had already jumped off the slipperly slope of sanity once this fanfiction started.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure Luffy wasn't this callous in the manga...

Coby had anime waterfall tears coming down his eyes.

I stared at Luffy shaking my head. 'You're a moron' I thought.

"Yeah you're right, if I had the courage I could drift alone in a barrel and be rid of these pirates, I actually have my own dream. Someday I like to live out all of them" Coby said with nervous smile on his face.

Luffy and I stared at him, he looked up at us.

"So what about you guys, what was it that first got you out to set sail in these seas"

Luffy and I perked up at his question, we both smiled.

"Well, we're gonna be King and Queen of the Pirates" we both said at the same time.

Coby stared with a gawking mouth and look at us like we were crazy, which we were (well, really just Luffy who, as stated previously, had already gone insane a long time ago).

"A King and Queen" he asked nervously

"Yep" Luffy answered

"Are you serious"

"Yeah" I said still smiling.

"But-but that would mean that you guys are pirates too"

"Right" we both said.

"Y-your crew"

"Dead and stuffed into the barrels we were riding. Nothing keeps you warmer on a chilly night at sea than the still-warm bodies of your friends. The only drawback is that the warmth fades away after a while."

"Don't have one yet, but I'm looking for one, Yuki is just the start, she's my first mate hoe" Luffy told him.

I smiled proudly.

We noticed his jaw slightly dropped more. We stopped smiling and frowned a little.

Luffy scooted close to him began waving his hand in front of Coby.

Coby stood up. "King and Queen of the Pirates is a title given to the ones who obtains everything this world has to offer. You guys are talking about seeking the great treasure of wealth, fame and power. The treasure that you seek is the One Piece" Coby yelled at us. We nodded.

"Yeah" Luffy answered with a smile.

"'Yeah' that's it, pirates from all over the world are looking for that treasure, ya know"

"Yeah, so" I asked.

"NO WAY, ITS IMPOSSIBLE, IMPOSSIBLE, IMPOSSIBLE. THERE IS NO WAY ANYONE LIKE YOU GUYS CAN REACH THE PENTICLE DURING THIS GREAT PIRATE AGE, THERE'S JUST TO MANY OF THEM OUT THERE MEANNER AND BADDER-"

LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S CAP LOCK BUTTON BROKE!

Before he could continue, Luffy hit on the head, and he hit the ground.

"Ow, why did you hit me" he moaned

"Wait, did I have to have a reason?" asked Luffy.

I just stood there watching them when I walked beside Luffy and looked down at Coby. Literally this time.

"cause I felt like it" Luffy simply said.

He moaned. "oh well, I guess I'm use to that sort of stuff, my ship mate smack me around a lot, all the time. He said while Luffy tilted his hat forward to cover his eyes and smiled.

I leaned against Luffy's side with my bandana covering my eye.

"It's not about if we CAN" I said with a smirk.

Coby looked up at us with confusion on his face.

"We're doing this because we want to" Luffy finished.

Coby's eyes widened.

"I decided long ago that I'm gonna be King of the Pirates, and I want to share it with Yuki so she can be Queen of the Pirates, if we have to die fighting for that, then we die" Luffy said looking at his hat with a smile.

Luffy put his back his head and looked at me with smile, we began to walk away.

"Alright now that my belly is full, I'm gonna go grab us a brand new boat, they might even just give us if we ask nice enough" he said as we walked off.

"Maybe they're generous people" I added.

They wanted to steal beer barrels from their captain and beat up Coby. Yeah, they must have a ten on a scale of one to ten on the morality level.

I must lie down for a while because I can only take so much failure at once.

To be Continued (unfortunately)

This post has been edited by xoxjoanxox: Sep 25 2010, 06:07 PM

[TigerEyes]

'That's Luffy for you' I sweat-dropped. As I tried to figure how to get out, I saw Luffy go over to the kid and said "I'm starving, you got any food". 'Bingo' I thought as I then busted the second barrel, everyone in the room looked over at me. I stood up from my crotch, now wasn't the time to give myself a blowjob, I was 5 ft. 8 in. and 18 years old. I had long crimson red hair was into a fish-tail braid tied with a ribbon, with a white bandana over my head shadowing my eyes, and I wore a white t-shirt and black trousers that were tucked in my black boots with a red sash around my hips. I was an eighteen year old slut pirate who was flexible enough to give myself blowjobs.

That...that was amazing.

Also, Shanks's last name is Crimson?

[Soren Highwind]

My mock or the story?

The story. Sorry for not clarifying. The mock was pretty funny, though.

[xoxjoanxox]

That...that was amazing.

Also, Shanks's last name is Crimson?

I don't think he was given a last name...

[SirMax]

Christ this is awful, reminds me of Bloodstained Blades with the author insert stealing the main character's lines. Good mock, although there are some issues with the formatting so that your lines are in the wrong color sometimes.

[xoxjoanxox]

I was skimming through the reviews and it was packed full of people actually praising this bullshit.

My hopes for humanity has once again been crushed.

"I guess I never thought of it like that, if I put my mind to it, if I'm prepared to die of it, could I do something like that" Coby asked himself.

And by something like that, Coby means growing a pair.

Luffy was helping me up the stairs to the door, ready to stab Yuki with a kitchen knife once she went through the door, when he heard Coby say that.

"Like what" he asked

I turn to see Coby still sitting where we left him.

With his head turned he asked, "do you think, do you think I could ever join the marines"

Luffy and I look at each other, then back Coby.

"Marines" we asked

Coby stood up and turned around to face us.

"Yes, catching bad guys is the only thing I've ever wanted to do. It's been my dream since I was child. I used to pretend to be a cop that punished the bullies in my town, but it usually ended with me getting raped and beaten up. Do you think I could join" he asked

"How should I know that" Luffy said chuckling.

"THEN I'M GONNA DO IT, I'M NOT GOING TO GET STUCK HERE AS CABIN BOY FOR THE REST MY LIFE, I'LL BREAK OUT, AND TURN RIGHT AROUND AND CATCH ALVIDA MYSELF"

COBY, USE YOUR INDOOR VOICE! REALLY, KIDS THESE DAYS!

Just then something punch threw Chuck Norris round-house kicked the ceiling. There was dust everywhere

"Who is that you plan on catching Coby" Alvida asked. "are you actually thinking these twigs are gonna help you, well"

Coby was shaking really hard.

What the... Was Alvida spying on them or something? Why isn't anyone questioning this? And why did she have to punch a hole through the ceiling instead of... oh I don't know? OPENING THE DOOR?!

"ANSWER ME"

I could tell she getting angry just by looking at her.

Luffy and I were about to join him when sword pocked through the door and the wall next to us.

Alvida looked from me to Luffy. "Hm, My guess is your not Zoro the Pirate Hunter"

"Zoro" Luffy asked

"Who" I asked raising a red eyebrow.

"COBY"

Zoro is Coby?



Coby cringed in fear.

"Who is the most beautiful of all on these seas" Alvida asked Coby.

Luffy and I stood there staring at her blankly not paying attention

"Well-I- um-… give me a sec I know this" he shakily

"Is it . . . Gourdy?!"

Alvida glared, "No." She proceeded to kick him off the boat.

Luffy pointed and I stuck my thumb at her and asked, "Hey Coby" I started

"Who's the fat lady" Luffy finish our question

Is this author trying to show that Luffy and Yuki are so close that they are completely sychronized? Hahaha, no I'm not buying this bullshit.

Everyone in the room stared at with hung jaw.

"You, BRATS" Alvida yelled getting to swing at us, Luffy grabbed me put on his back and jumped out of the way.

There's a wreck on the southbound paragraph so expect heavy traffic and lots of cursing from an angry Asian girl.

He landed in front of Coby. "Let's go" he said.

Coby grabbed his hand and he jump to the deck above us and land on his feet. He then promptly tripped over a bump.

I got off his back and got into a fighting stance. One of the pirate ran towards Luffy with his sword and tried to cut, but Luffy did a backflip, then head butt him. One was coming from behind, in a flash I was in front of him. I jump up, knocking his sword out his hand and punched him in the stomach. I land on my feet with all the grace of a mentally retarded gorilla.

"Thanks Yuki" Luffy said smiling

Under his breath, he muttered, "Bitch."

Luffy and I jumped at the same time from a group attack.

"MISS, ME" Luffy yelled.

That comma DOES NOT belong there!

We landed a few feet in front of them.

Coby screamed and I knew someone was behind us.

Luffy and I dodged the sword and Luffy pick the guy say "It's not nice to attack from behind"

He threw the guy to group in front of us and they fell over from the complete and utter failure that eminated from every letter in this terrible fanfiction.

I jumped forward in the air and flipped. No one notice except Luffy knew that I had taken out six pieces of metal until I land.

Another group was charging at me. I took my six pieces and click then together and created two large Lances (Like Xaldin's FORM Kingdom Hearts II only Black and Red) one in each hand.

"Learn your places in life" I said. I charged twirling my lances and knocked every pirate out cold on the ground.

That's a lesson you yourself should learn, sweetie.

*cough hypocrite cough*

When I turned around I saw Luffy grab a pull and his arm stretch. Every pirate on the ship look from Luffy's arm to him.

"oh this isn't good" I murmured

"GUM-"

"He wouldn't"

"GUM-"

"He would" I ducked but I was too late.

"ROCKET"

He pull back towards the pirates and Yuki and knock every single one of them.

I stood up and brushed myself off and walked to where Luffy was standing. It hurt a bit since Luffy had shattered my ribs and left leg, but that was ok, as long as my face was still the same (hideous and vomit-inducing).

"Way to go, Gum-Gum Boy" I said smirking.

He smiled "You didn't do bad yourself, Weather Girl"

Oh what?! Bitch just stole Nami's position too!

I took my lances apart put them back in my sash.

Lances?! Didn't you have swords?!

Fffffffff----------- If I could I would take a giant bazooka gun and nuke this fanfiction like no tomorrow.

Coby walked "Luffy, Yuki, what are you guys"

"Oh, I'm a rubber man and Yuki is weather user a stupid skank who ripped off Nami's Perfect Clima Tact." Luffy said while stretched is mouth.

I smiled. "So you're… made of rubber, I-" Coby stopped what he was going to say when felt a presents behind him.

He got behind me and Luffy.

"So you've eaten of the Devil Fruits" Alvida said darkly

I'm sorry... I'm running low on creativity. Ugh, I can feel my braincells dying as I read this piece of crap, so I need to break it up again.

Stay tune for the next part! What unexpected and totally original things await us?!

This post has been edited by xoxjoanxox: Sep 25 2010, 07:06 PM

[xoxjoanxox]

Christ this is awful, reminds me of Bloodstained Blades with the author insert stealing the main character's lines. Good mock, although there are some issues with the formatting so that your lines are in the wrong color sometimes.

Would you care to point it out for me please?

[SirMax]

Would you care to point it out for me please?

Looking back, the first one wasn't a mistake, I just mixed up a couple things, but "Did you just not see that bitch leviate their swords? Do you seriously think they can do anything to this Mary Sue and her victim 'love interest?'" is in white when it seems like it should be in red.

This post has been edited by SirMax: Sep 25 2010, 03:35 PM

[Sniper_Queen]

Of course she stole Nami's position. She (and the majority of the One Piece sues) also stole Nami's personality. At least people (usually Zoro) call Nami out on it when she starts acting like a money grubbing bitch, but the OC authors just try to make it cute.

[xoxjoanxox]

Oh God, I hope the other chapters aren't as long as this one...

Luffy pull his mouth back. "Yeah, I ate the GUM-GUM one"

"Uh huh, I heard rumors they existed, but I've never seen any evidence of them today" She smirked.

"What's your point" I said getting in front of Luffy glaring at her.

I ask that question every single time I read this fanfiction, except I replace the 'your' with a 'the.'

"You two are more skilled than the average deck swaber, are you bounty hunters" She asked

"We are pirates" Luffy said looking over my shoulder.

"Pirates, Ha, all by yourselves on these waters" She asked

Uhh... technically they have each other so they're not all by themselves? This author isn't even trying anymore, she's just copying and pasting from the manga's script!

"Today's just me and Yuki, but I'll find my crew tomorrow, or next week or something. I need like, I don't know 10 guys, yeah 10" Luffy said to her.

Foreshadowing eh?



"HA, tell me, if we three are pirates and we're not under the same flag, then that'll make us enemies, I'm I right" She asked.

I'm I right....


I'M I RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Uh, Luffy let's go" Coby whispered

"Why"

"You saw how powerful her club is, and of all the villainess chief in these water she's easily the most-"

"Coby, do you remember what we told you earlier" I asked now beside Luffy again.

I could tell by the look on his face he remembered.

Yuki smiled, "That's right. And I don't recall asking for your name, you pathetic little bitch. Now get me another apple!"

"Go on, Tell me" Alvida said.

Coby turned from me to her.

"YOU AND YUKI ARE THE MOST (STUPID GIRL, IT'S EITHER MOST UGLY OR UGLIEST!!!!) UGLIEST THINGS IN THE SEA, I'D SAY YUKI IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL OF ALL THE SEAS " He yell at her.



Oh that bitch! Next thing you know, Zoro and Sanji will be at her feet, begging for her love!

Hahaha... NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I looked at him in shock. "That was unexpected" I mumbled while I blushed on his comment. Before I knew it Luffy and I were laughing our heads off.

"What did ya say" Alivda said in anger

"I'm leaving, and going to join the Marines. Then I'm going to spend the rest of my life beating dirty pirate like you and that slut over there!."

"Do ya have any clue what'cha saying to me right now"

Coby replied, "No, not really! I'm just reading the script!"

Luffy and I were still laughing about earlier when we got stuck in the whirlpool. Good times.

"OF COURSE I DO, AND GONNA DO WHAT I WANT AND NO ONE'S GONNA STOP ME, AND WHEN I JOIN THE MARINES, I'M GONNA JOIN THEM. AND GONNA CATCH YOUR LOSY BUTT FIRST"

Losy? Is that slang for huge? Get a fucking spellchecker, it's spelled lousy!

"YOUR DEAD KID,AHH"

We stopped laughing when she started raising her club at Coby.

"Well said" Luffy commented, while we were standing in front of Coby.

Coby smiled, "Thanks for lending me a pair. I felt as if I have boulders between my legs!"

We were back to back smiling at the club heading Luffy's way. It hit his head hard.

Under Luffy's hat his smile turned into a smirk.

What? Luffy's smile is evolving?

Dun Dun Dun Dun DUN DUN DUN!

Congratulations, Luffy's smile evolved into Luffy's smirk!

He chuckled. "That won't work" He taunted her

"WHAT"

"I'm rubber and she's weather a copy-cat Sue."

Question: How does levitating swords have anything to do with the fucking weather?!

We pull our fists back at the same time, he knock her club out of the way while my left arm became covered in wind gust.

"GUM-

"STORM-

"GUM-

"STORM-

We smirked at her.

"PISTOL"

"WIND FIST"

Storm-storm? SERIOUSLY?! That was the best you could come up with? Why am I not surprised?

We both hit her at the same time, sending her flying.

Luffy retracted his arm, and my arm back to it normal form.

Luffy turned to the crew. "Hey, you"

"Yes" they all answered.

"Go find a boat and give it to Coby, he's leaving your ship to join the Marines, and ya not gonna stop him"

"Yeah, sure" they said in fear and relief. They would be out of this crappy fanfiction soon enough.

"Thanks, Luffy, Yuki" Coby said.

All of sudden explosions shook the waters. I looked off in a distance three Marine ships heading out way.

"Look, it's the Marines" I said pointing.

"OOO, perfect timing, head over there and tell you want to join" Luffy said

"Huh" Coby looked at us.

Me and Luffy jumped overboard. "But Me and Yuki are Pirates, so we're outta here"

"No wait, you can't be serious. I approach them like this, they'll capture me like I'm another pirate"

Luffy tilted his head, "Good point . . . Too bad I don't care!"

We all got on to a boat and Luffy let go of the rope hold the boat and dropped down fast. We hit the water causing a big splash.

Later

We were sailing to the next island we saw. I was on top of the pole since I was the lightest only weighing 125 lb. I felt the wind below my hair and bandana.

"We actually mange to get away" Coby said in shock.

Wait, what? Coby followed them?! WTF man, make that clear!

I looked down at on him. "You sound surprised" I said with a condescending smile.

He looked at me. "well yeah a little" He said blushing.

"Say, Yuki"

"Yes"

"What Devil Fruit did you eat"

Smiling I jumped off the pole and landed in front of him.

"I ate the Storm-Storm Fruit, I have the abilities of the weather control and element abilities." I said showing him my hands. One was wind and the other was water.

"Oh and by the way" I said walking closer to him, and kiss him on the cheek.

"Thank you for the comment back there"

He blushed and looked down "Y-your welcome"

Little did Coby know that was actually the kiss of death, and that by night time, all the seagulls will attack.

"Ahh, what fun" Luffy said staring ahead.

"So Luffy" Coby asked

"Huh"

"If you're searching for the illusive One Piece, then you half to be heading for the Grand Line, right"

"mm-hm" Luffy nodded

"You know the people that I've talked to call it the Pirate Graveyard"

"Right"

"And that's why we need extra strong crew" I answer as I was sitting down next to Luffy.

I see words, but all I read is blah blah original manga script blah blah blah.

I turned to Coby. "Alvida mentioned some Pirate Hunter, what's he like Coby" I asked.

"Yeah I wonna know too" Luffy asked staring at Coby.

"Oh, you mean Zoro, last I heard was that he was being held prisoner at some Marine Base"

"Oh well, weakling, huh" Luffy said disappointed.

"No, you're so wrong, he as violent as a demon and three times as horrifying'

"Oh, bad boy, I like" I said with smirk.

Hands off Zoro, bitch he belongs to Luffy .

Coby look at me for a second and then looked back Luffy

"Why are asking about him anyway"

Luffy smiled and said, "I figure if he's good enough, I ask him to join my crew"

Coby looked him like he was insane.

Didn't I already establish that he is?

I smiled. "Great idea, Luffy"

"Chasing him down is just plain reckless" He said

And insulting Lady Alvida and fighting with an entire pirate crew isn't?

"You never know he might jump at the chance of joining us"

"He's a bad enough guy that the Marines caught him. No way, not a chance, forget it, no-

I hit him on the head.

"Ow, why did ya hit me" he asked me.

"Cause I felt like it" I repeated Luffy's answer.

SO SHE DOES ADMIT IT! Rejoice, for the Sue has admitted that she just rips off others!

*huff huff* I'm finally done... *falls over*

[xoxjoanxox]

Oh God, I hope the other chapters aren't as long as this one...

Luffy pull his mouth back. "Yeah, I ate the GUM-GUM one"

"Uh huh, I heard rumors they existed, but I've never seen any evidence of them today" She smirked.

"What's your point" I said getting in front of Luffy glaring at her.

I ask that question every single time I read this fanfiction, except I replace the 'your' with a 'the.'

"You two are more skilled than the average deck swaber, are you bounty hunters" She asked

"We are pirates" Luffy said looking over my shoulder.

"Pirates, Ha, all by yourselves on these waters" She asked

Uhh... technically they have each other so they're not all by themselves? This author isn't even trying anymore, she's just copying and pasting from the manga's script!

"Today's just me and Yuki, but I'll find my crew tomorrow, or next week or something. I need like, I don't know 10 guys, yeah 10" Luffy said to her.

Foreshadowing eh?



"HA, tell me, if we three are pirates and we're not under the same flag, then that'll make us enemies, I'm I right" She asked.

I'm I right....


I'M I RIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

"Uh, Luffy let's go" Coby whispered

"Why"

"You saw how powerful her club is, and of all the villainess chief in these water she's easily the most-"

"Coby, do you remember what we told you earlier" I asked now beside Luffy again.

I could tell by the look on his face he remembered.

Yuki smiled, "That's right. And I don't recall asking for your name, you pathetic little bitch. Now get me another apple!"

"Go on, Tell me" Alvida said.

Coby turned from me to her.

"YOU AND YUKI ARE THE MOST (STUPID GIRL, IT'S EITHER MOST UGLY OR UGLIEST!!!!) UGLIEST THINGS IN THE SEA, I'D SAY YUKI IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL OF ALL THE SEAS " He yell at her.



Oh that bitch! Next thing you know, Zoro and Sanji will be at her feet, begging for her love!

Hahaha... NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I looked at him in shock. "That was unexpected" I mumbled while I blushed on his comment. Before I knew it Luffy and I were laughing our heads off.

"What did ya say" Alivda said in anger

"I'm leaving, and going to join the Marines. Then I'm going to spend the rest of my life beating dirty pirate like you and that slut over there!."

"Do ya have any clue what'cha saying to me right now"

Coby replied, "No, not really! I'm just reading the script!"

Luffy and I were still laughing about earlier when we got stuck in the whirlpool. Good times.

"OF COURSE I DO, AND GONNA DO WHAT I WANT AND NO ONE'S GONNA STOP ME, AND WHEN I JOIN THE MARINES, I'M GONNA JOIN THEM. AND GONNA CATCH YOUR LOSY BUTT FIRST"

Losy? Is that slang for huge? Get a fucking spellchecker, it's spelled lousy!

"YOUR DEAD KID,AHH"

We stopped laughing when she started raising her club at Coby.

"Well said" Luffy commented, while we were standing in front of Coby.

Coby smiled, "Thanks for lending me a pair. I felt as if I have boulders between my legs!"

We were back to back smiling at the club heading Luffy's way. It hit his head hard.

Under Luffy's hat his smile turned into a smirk.

He chuckled. "That won't work" He taunted her

"WHAT"

"I'm rubber and she's weather a copy-cat Sue."

Question: How does levitating swords have anything to do with the fucking weather?!

We pull our fists back at the same time, he knock her club out of the way while my left arm became covered in wind gust.

"GUM-

"STORM-

"GUM-

"STORM-

We smirked at her.

"PISTOL"

"WIND FIST"

Storm-storm?! Is that the best you can come up with?! Then again, with your creativity levels, that's to be expected.

We both hit her at the same time, sending her flying.

Luffy retracted his arm, and my arm back to it normal form.

Luffy turned to the crew. "Hey, you"

"Yes" they all answered.

"Go find a boat and give it to Coby, he's leaving your ship to join the Marines, and ya not gonna stop him"

"Yeah, sure" they said in fear and relief. They could finally leave this crappy fanfiction.

"Thanks, Luffy, Yuki" Coby said.

All of sudden explosions shook the waters. I looked off in a distance three Marine ships heading out way.

"Look, it's the Marines" I said pointing.

"OOO, perfect timing, head over there and tell you want to join" Luffy said

"Huh" Coby looked at us.

Me and Luffy jumped overboard. "But Me and Yuki are Pirates, so we're outta here"

"No wait, you can't be serious. I approach them like this, they'll capture me like I'm another pirate"

Luffy tilted his head, "Good point... Too bad I don't care!"

We all got on to a boat and Luffy let go of the rope hold the boat and dropped down fast. We hit the water causing a big splash.

Later

We were sailing to the next island we saw. I was on top of the pole since I was the lightest only weighing 125 lb. I felt the wind below my hair and bandana.

"We actually mange to get away" Coby said in shock.

Wait, Coby followed them? DAMN THIS FIC AND IT'S LACK OF CLARITY!

I looked down at him. "You sound surprised" I said

He looked at me. "well yeah a little" He said blushing.

"Say, Yuki"

"Yes"

"What Devil Fruit did you eat"

Smiling I jumped off the pole and landed in front of him.

"I ate the Storm-Storm Fruit, I have the abilities of the weather control and element abilities." I said showing him my hands. One was wind and the other was water.

"Oh and by the way" I said walking closer to him, and kiss him on the cheek.

"Thank you for the comment back there"

He blushed and looked down "Y-your welcome"

Little did Coby know that was actually the kiss of death. When night time comes, all the seagulls will be ready to attack.

"Ahh, what fun" Luffy said staring ahead.

"So Luffy" Coby asked

"Huh"

"If you're searching for the illusive One Piece, then you half to be heading for the Grand Line, right"

"mm-hm" Luffy nodded

"You know the people that I've talked to call it the Pirate Graveyard"

"Right"

"And that's why we need extra strong crew" I answer as I was sitting down next to Luffy.

I see words, but all I'm reading is blah blah blah original manga script blah blah blah.

I turned to Coby. "Alvida mentioned some Pirate Hunter, what's he like Coby" I asked.

"Yeah I wonna know too" Luffy asked staring at Coby.

"Oh, you mean Zoro, last I heard was that he was being held prisoner at some Marine Base"

"Oh well, weakling, huh" Luffy said disappointed.

"No, you're so wrong, he as violent as a demon and three times as horrifying'

"Oh, bad boy, I like" I said with smirk.

Back off bitch. Zoro belongs to Luffy.

Coby look at me for a second and then looked back Luffy

"Why are asking about him anyway"

Luffy smiled and said, "I figure if he's good enough, I ask him to join my crew"

Coby looked him like he was insane.

I smiled. "Great idea, Luffy"

"Chasing him down is just plain reckless" He said

Like riding a barrel in the middle of the sea, insulting a dangerous pirate, and fighting with said pirate wasn't?

"You never know he might jump at the chance of joining us"

"He's a bad enough guy that the Marines caught him. No way, not a chance, forget it, no-

I hit him on the head.

"Ow, why did ya hit me" he asked me.

"Cause I felt like it" I repeated Luffy's answer.

Rejoice, even the Sue admits she's just a copycat!

*huff huff* I'm finally done... *collapses*

[Sniper_Queen]

Well, Sanji would be worshipping the ground this sue walked on because he's just Sanji. But apparently this story is ZoroXOC. So that means that we'll have to sit through Zoro fawning over this...thing.

Back off bitch. Zoro belongs to Luffy.

Best line so far

[SirMax]

illusive One Piece

It's elusive, damnit, the One Piece is hard to find, not an illusion.

So does this fic every break off from the manga or is it " 'One Piece + Plus Me' by Marilyn Suzanne Smith"?

[xoxjoanxox]

It's elusive, damnit, the One Piece is hard to find, not an illusion.

So does this fic every break off from the manga or is it " 'One Piece + Plus Me' by Marilyn Suzanne Smith"?

Judging by the titles of the next few chapters, I think Nami's been taken out.

That bitch....

[Ocil]

I wonder if this would be any more entertaining if she stole from the 4Kids script.

[xoxjoanxox]

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