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> True Masters, Another Pokémon harem fic, but with a murder trial
Post #21

Critically Sarcastic

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post Nov 29 2015, 03:19 PM
So, while I was looking in the other direction, for about half a year, Draco122 decided that this story simply couldn’t be left as is. Thankfully, GorillaGamer was kind enough to point it out to me, as it somehow had escaped my notice. So let’s get right back to it.

To recap, Ash is large and in charge as a Frontier Brain, he’s amassing an army for some war he’s predicting without discernable reason, he has adopted a little girl, shamed and hazed Brock because he could, and he is juggling multiple girls because of the author’s harem fantasies. In other words, nothing is right in the world and we all suffer for it. And it’s oh so mockable. Enjoy.


Chapter 9

Ash, Dawn, and Hailey were all at the Village of Dragons to see Iris named as the new Dragon Mistress. (All is made up the title and the training.)

My list is a bit longer. Considering the complete change of authors, this entire story is about as genuine as fake tits on a blowup doll.

It was a title Iris had worked for her entire life and one that she had trained for. To do it she had to be given the chance to undergo a very special training that lasted for at the most two years. She had to pass it to and most failed.

Fortunately for the protagonists, ‘most’ is what’s used to describe other people.

Iris was given the chance and she passed the training. She completed her training in 15 months which was a record. She first had to prove that she was capable of doing it. During her adventures with Ash it was deemed she proved herself. Also Ash going to bat for her and arguing that she was worthy helped out. She did not know how much Ash had defended her and spoke up for her or how much that speaking up for her helped her.

Well, I sure am glad to know she owes all of her success to the author avatar. After all, having her earn it on her own might have made her a much more admirable character by comparison.

Iris was nervous very nervous and not that she was being named Dragon Mistress. No the reason for her nervousness was that her brother Ash had responded via mail that he was coming but he did not call her or contact her at all. For all she knew he was dead.

Why does no one just talk to each other in this story?!

Now some of the readers may be upset at Iris for not being there to support her bother in his darkest hour but hold off on judging her for a few moments please. Things are not always as they seem as the old saying goes.

If she knew her brother was in trouble and needed her help she would have flown over to help him. She knew that he would and had done the same for her and for all the ones he called friends. Careful readers would note the words if she knew and guess correctly that Iris did not know. However I will not tell you all that now I will wait for Iris herself to tell you all that shortly. Till then let us get back t the main story.

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I don’t give a fuck about Iris or what she did, you dweeb! What I care about, is that you just slammed the breaks on your story by addressing the readers, thereby completely breaking story immersion! You don’t just do that! Mind you, this isn’t just breaking the fourth wall. Self-reference in a story can be good, if done correctly, but you didn’t have a character point out to the readers that this is a story. You, the author, directly pointed out to the readers, that THEY are READING a story.

The point of a story is to make the reader feel immersed. The narrative is supposed to occupy the reader’s perceived reality, making them feel as though the events and characters in it are real and have meaning. What you have done, author, is distancing your readers from that, making your words nothing more than colored dots on a screen. And fuck your preemptive assumptions, the only person anyone is judging is Ash.

Iris was waiting for her brother since she refused to start without him being there. Without his encouragement she never would have gone though with the training. She finally finds him with Dawn and a little girl. She goes over to hug him but stops when a shiny Ninetails shoots fire at her.

The homicidal pet bodyguards are back! Everybody run!

Flame had missed on purpose she was sending a warning and nothing more. Next time Flame would not miss. Ash calls out Gardevoir.

Iris is stunned by this. She is stunned by the coldness coming from her brother. She is stunned by the coldness of her friend Dawn. She is stunned by the little girl holding onto Ash. Lastly she is stunned by the Ninetails wanting to attack her and still in attack stance waiting to attack. Iris knew one wrong move and she was dead.

I doubt she has to worry about moving with how stunned she is.

"Why did you not support me Iris? Where were you when I was on trail?" Ash asked softly but it was a deadly and cold softness one that would strike fear into the heart of anyone.

"What trail?" Iris almost shouted.

Speak up, Ash. I think she’s hard of hearing.

"She does not know of your trial. I will let her tell you the rest." Gardevoir said with shock and a lot of happiness knowing that her friend was not betrayed by someone he trusted.

"What trial?" Iris asked once more. So Ash told her and Iris was furious beyond it to be honest.

"I had no idea." Iris said and she then turned to the Elder.

"Why did you not tell me?" Iris said.

For needless drama?

"I did not feel it was important enough to stop your training." The Elder said. Iris was even more furious at this then before.

"Not important my brother was put on trail and it could have resulted in his death and he asked for my help and you did not think it was important enough." Iris nearly screamed. She then turned towards Ash and got one knee in a kneeling position like a knight of old would do.

Why the fuck is she groveling? She didn’t do anything wrong!

"I am beyond sorry. Had I known I would have flown there right away. I have been out of touch for the last 15 months. I ask to be told if anything important happened to my friends. It seems my wish was not answered. I need to find someone I can trust to aid me." Iris said.

"My friend she is telling the truth. Do not get mad at her. She is your sister." Gardevoir said. Iris knew she was in the wrong. She may have not known but it was still no excuse.

The hell?! Yes, it fucking is! Would you have blamed her, if she had been lying in a coma, too?!

So it was with great relief that Ash asked her to stand up and he hugged her. It was his way of telling her that he forgave her and understood.

"Iris a war is coming." Ash started to say but Iris stopped him.

I hope it’s to question what the fuck he’s talking about. Seriously, why is everyone just believing whatever he says without question?

"I am going to be a Dragon Mistress shortly. I will stand by your side in the coming battles. In the days of old the Dragon Master's and Mistress's would find someone to serve it was usually a King but I will gladly serve you my brother. You are the only one that has my loyalty. You are the only one that is worthy of my loyalty." Iris said.

If Ash decided to call himself a king at this point, would anyone even raise an eyebrow at it?

"Ok now we can explain more after your coronation now go. By the way congratulations you have earned this so enjoy it forget everything else but the ones that got your there and your pokemon." Ash said. Iris smiled and hugged her brother.

But she haven’t earned it! You’ve been going on and on about how much Ash helped her get this title. Do you have any idea of what it means to “earn” something?!

"Thanks I am glad you came brother I really needed to hear that." Iris said. Iris said goodbye to her friends and left.

"How do you feel?" Dawn asked.

"Much better now that I have my sister on my side once more." Ash said.

Alright, seriously, can you stop calling her sister already? We get it, your friendship is to the point you consider each other siblings, but you’re starting to make yourself seem delusional.

"Daddy can you tell me more about Aunty Iris." Hailey asked so Ash did as they waited for the ceremony to start and Dawn added a thing or two that she knew. Once the ceremony started it lasted for an hour and Iris was given the title of Dragon Mistress the first since Clair. A dragon pin was given to her. It was the shape of a dragon but it was rainbow colored and had one black eye and one white eye.

The tackiest bargain bin accessory money can buy.

It showed that dragon's were guardians they could be good or evil. It showed that Iris was trusted to be able to wield the power of the dragons and that she understood the importance of the balance of good and evil. Iris went over to Ash and company.

Not to get philosophical here, but what is this overused fictional bullshit about a “balance” between good and evil, anyway? I’ll take as much good as you can get, thank you very much! Whoever says, “Oops, looks like there’s too much good in the world. Time to slaughter some babies,” had better be institutionalized posthaste.

"So Ash I just noticed the little girl that is now hiding behind you. Please tell me who she is and everything." Iris said. Iris saw Ash picked the little girl up and she cuddled up to him.

"Iris this is Hailey she is my daughter I adopted her. Hailey meet Aunty Iris. I also find it funny that you just noticed her now. It seems your observations skills need a little more work. " Ash said. Iris was stunned and Dawn was laughing. Ash told the story.

I guess Iris was so stunned before, that even the author forgot that she had seen Hailey.

"Wow you have been busy. What next you have a girlfriend?" Iris said completely ignoring the crack about her lack of observation skills.

"Actually he has six and I am one of the six." Dawn said. She then told the story.

"Ok I guess I can't threaten anyone not to hurt my brother since three are Gym Leaders, one is a Frontier Brain, one is a League Champion and one is a top Coordinator." Iris said. Iris noticed another little girl that seemed to appear out of nowhere. She looked like Hailey expect she had blue hair. She was talking to Ash but Iris could not understand a word.

Seriously, Iris, if there’s anything you should be acting stunned by, this is it.

"Iris is there a private spot the four of us can go to?" Ash asked. Iris led them to a clearing in the woods.

"This is where I did my training. Now what is it you need?" Iris said.

"Ok Iris you must promise not to reveal any of what you see. She trust you which is why you are be given this chance." Ash said. Iris thought it was odd.

So, it’s not at all odd that a body-double of your “niece” suddenly poofs into existence before your eyes, but when she wants you to keep a secret, that’s where it gets weird?

"Ok I will not, now what is this chance?" Iris asked.

"The chance to fight one of the most powerful dragon pokemon there is one that is not seen by many. One that only appears to ones she finds worthy." Ash said and in a flash the young girl was gone and Latias was in her place. Iris was stunned this was the legendary dragon pokemon.

"So Iris would you like to battle. Think of it as a test to see how good you are as a Dragon Mistress." Ash said and Iris smiled.

Because right after being given the title is the perfect time to either make or break her career.

"I am honored but I am not sure I am worthy of battling Latias. She is already powerful enough and with you Ash as her trainer I am guessing she is stronger. So thank you but I should not battle you." Iris said. Latias smiled and turned into a copy of Hailey and hugged Iris.

"She said that on behalf of dragon pokemon everywhere she considers you worthy of the honor of Dragon Mistress." Ash said. Latias transformed to her pokemon form and took off a scale and then handed it to Iris. She then transformed back to a girl.

"Iris she said this scale you should wear it around your neck it will let all dragon pokemon know you are a true Dragon Mistress and they you have earned the respect of Latias. She also says you are the first to be deemed worthy in a long time. The last was an ancestor or yours." Ash said. Latias turned back and Ash called her back at her request.

So, once more, Iris earns nothing on her own, and Ash basically serves her success on a platter. Is this going anywhere at all? So far it’s all just been pandering to a character, who’s not going to suck the author avatar’s cock anyway.

"Ash can you understand pokemon?" Iris asked and Ash nodded.

"Is there any way I can learn?" Iris asked.

"Yes but I am not a good teacher. I know one that is better at it than me." Ash said.

I’m sorry, Ash, but you’ve convinced even me, that there is no such person in this story.

"It will not be easy but it is worth it. Also I am the newest Frontier Brian, The Grand Battle Master." Ash said.

"That sounds really cool how did you come up with that?" Iris asked.

"Hailey gave me the idea and everyone agreed with it. I figured seven women know better than me." Ash said.

Given that one of them is a child without personality, and the rest are dating you, I question their mental faculties alongside yours.

"Yep so true." Dawn said. On the inside she was happy to see that Ash trusted her. She could read his heart and she knew he did.

"So what are your plans?" Iris asked.

"Well tonight the three of us are going to the Carnival?" Ash said.

Plot? What plot?! Let’s go pander some more!

"Why not let me watch Hailey and you and Dawn can enjoy some time alone." Iris asked and Ash and Dawn smiled.

"I really appreciate that but I promised I would take Hailey." Ash said.

"It is ok Daddy I don't mind going with Auntie Iris." Hailey said. Ash called out Serperior and Flame was already out and so was Gardevoir.

"Sorry but my pokemon are all protective of Hailey." Ash said.

Then teach them some goddamn restraint! You’re their trainer, for fuck’s sake! TRAIN THEM!

Iris nodded that she understood. Hailey had called out Spark who was on her shoulder now.

"Ok you can go but listen to Auntie Iris and everyone else ok." Ash said to his daughter. He handed her some money to enjoy the carnival with.

"Ok I will daddy have fun you to Auntie Dawn." Hailey said and she ran off with Iris. Hailey had taken to calling her dad's girlfriends aunties until her daddy married them then she would call them all mom or mommy which everyone felt right at the time.

How about they have the wedding first, before you tell us what she’s going to call them?

"So little one tell me about yourself and what do you want to do? Also are you sure you do not want to spend time with your daddy here?" Iris said.

"I do but I think you are fun to. Plus daddy has given me so much I need him to find love and happiness." Hailey said and Iris marveled at how mature and bright this young girl was.

But where the fuck is all this saccharine, special little snowflake, too-good-for-this-world, wunderkind bullshit coming from? She acts nothing like an actual child!

"Ok we will give them a little while and then you will go and spend time with your father." Iris said.

"He thinks that is a great idea." Gardevoir said. Iris was shocked that should could understand the pokemon.

"I am using my powers. I have placed the knowledge of the poke language in your head you will have to learn the rest on your own and it will take time. Your pokemon will be easier to understand due to the bond that you have with them." Gardevoir said. The group went to play at the carnival.

Yeah, let’s totally ignore that Gardevoir used mind control on Iris without her consent.

Meanwhile Ash and Dawn were enjoying the carnival just having fun. They were holding hands and Dawn was happy about this. She had fallen in love with Ash a long time ago in fact a few weeks after she met him. They went on a few rides and had some food. They loved the merry go round riding the different pokemon. Right now they were on the tunnel of love.

Something about confining two people in a tight space, in the dark, for a prolonged amount of time, tells me the entire concept was thought up by a prison warden.

Dawn had her head on Ash's shoulder and Ash had his arm warped around her stomach holding her close to him. Both Dawn and Ash thought this was perfect. After that they got a snack which was cotton candy and a hot dog. After they rode the Ferris wheel and Dawn used his shoulder as a pillow once more. Ash rubbed circles in her hand the whole time. They just had fun and it was a great feeling. They went to play games afterwards.

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Romance by Draco122, everybody! Nothing but your best, middle school love clichés.

They did the knocking a stack of bottles down with a ball. There were five stacks to knock down with seven balls. Dawn could not seem to win and she had tired at least five times. On the fifth try she had knocked down three stacks but could not get anymore and that was the most she hit.

Ash being the good boyfriend he was attempted to do it. On the first try he failed and got only one stack down. On the second try he also failed but he got better and was able to hit three stacks. It was on the third try he had figured it out and won. Dawn got the stuffer pokemon toy she wanted so she was happy. It became her most prized precession and she never let it go.

Given that precession is the wobble of a spinning object, I hope she doesn’t let go. Autocorrect is nice, author, but it doesn’t always know what you want your words to mean.

Dawn smiled a happy smile. She sadly had a contest to do in the next two days so she had to go. She kissed Ash.

"I love you and thanks for everything. Now go and get Hailey. See you in a few days." Dawn teleported away and Ash went to find his daughter and sister. He found them playing a game that Iris lost and Hailey won. It was the ball toss game. Hailey had won a little ninetails plushy.

Kid’s got a mean pitching arm. How many clues must we be spoon fed, before she reveals herself as a midget agent from Team Rocket or something?

"Hailey let us not tell your daddy that or else I will never live it down." Iris said.

"Sorry Iris but I saw it." Ash said with a smirk. Iris groaned at that.

"Don't worry sis I will not make fun of you. Some people are good at some things and not good at others nothing to be ashamed at." Ash said. Hailey ran over to Ash and asked to be picked up. So Ash gladly did pick her up.

Dude, she just aced a carnival game. She has to be too old for being carried.

"How was your date Daddy?" Hailey asked.

"It was a lot of fun. So is there anything you want to do." Ash asked. They heard an announcement.

"Parent and children tag battle tournament." A random voice form out of the blue said.

"Can we do that daddy? Can we use Flame and Spark?" Hailey asked.

Oh boy, how convenient. Can’t have it be a perfect date without having the perfect father and daughter bonding evening too, huh? Why must I pine for another terrorist attack from Team Rocket?!

"Even if we lose it will be fun." Hailey said. Ash looked at the two pokemon in question.

"Yes I am in. I am always looking for a battle. It is a problem I have I guess. " Flame said.

"Me to." Spark said.

I wouldn’t define it as a problem. More like a condition. Are we sure Pokémon can’t get rabies?

So Ash, Hailey, Flame and Spark went to sign up. The tournament was 32 teams in all. Iris sat in the stands to cheer her brother and niece on. She did not know who would win.

Glad to see the story hasn’t become self-aware yet.

Figuring Ash would want this she pulled out her camera and started recording the battles. Down on the stage Ash was speaking to his daughter.

"It does not matter if we win or lose. All that matters is that we have fun." Ash said.

"Ok Daddy let us go." Hailey said. Ash held up his pokedex.

"Spark, knows tail whip, tackle, growl, ember, head butt, iron tail, scratch, and dig." Ash said to his daughter. He also made a note he needed to get her a pokedex.

Hopefully one that works, because Vulpix can only learn half of those moves, and one of those needs to be from a TM.

"Ok we can do this daddy." Hailey said.

"Mommy I am nervous." Spark said.

"It is ok Spark you do not have to fight." Flame said.

"I want to fight but it is my first battle." Spark said.

"What if I mess up and she hates me?" Spark asked. She felt Hailey pick her up and cuddle with her.

"I will never hate you Spark you are my friend." Hailey said.

Brock used to be Ash’s friend. Just saying.

"If you do not want to fight I will not ask you to fight." Hailey added.

"No I want to fight." Spark said.

Baby fox wants blood!

"Don't forget this is my first battle to and I am fighting with my daddy one of the strongest there is." Hailey said.

"Yep we were right she is like you." Flame said.

"Agreed I am already proud of her now let us battle with our daughters." Ash said.

The first match was Ash and Hailey battling a father and son pair. The father had a Blastoise and the son had a Feraligatr.

Something tells me they came with the expressed purpose of wrecking this carnival tourney.

"This will be easy dad." The son said.

"Agreed we have the advantage and they look weak." The father said.

"Type advantage does not almost mean an easy win." Hailey said and Ash smiled.

We know already. Ash’s castle gym is built upon suckering people into this fucking shtick!

"I could not have said is better myself." Ash said. The battle started.

"Hydro cannon." Both father and son shouted.

"Underground." Ash and Hailey said calmly. Hailey had learned quickly to be claim in battle. The attacks missed.

It’s called Dig! Why do you keep calling it something else?!

"Ok Hailey you need to analyze the attacks and the pokemon tell me what you can gather but you need to be fast. Sometimes you will have only a second to gather the data." Ash said.

"Both are big and strong, they have power but not speed." Hailey said.

They’re also not owned by anyone important, so why should even the fans of this story care?

"Good one more thing to add, Flame head butt on Blastoise." Flame jumped out and hit Blastoise hard with her head sending him flying into the dirt. Blastoise was able to get up but he was not doing well one more attack like that and he was down.

"They have little defense any lower and Blastoise would have been defeated." Ash said.

Thank you, Ash, for restating what we were just told.

"Spark head butt as well on Blastoise." Hailey said. Spark jumped out and hit Blastoise. Spark was nowhere near as strong as her mom but she was able to hit Blastoise hard enough to knock him out. The father was stunned.

"I am sorry for my words." He looked to the ref and spoke.

"We give in. They are just too good." He said.

"Dad I can still win." The son said.

"No son you can't. The ninetials was holding back we have no chance." The father said.

“Be a quitter son. No one can stand before the Marty Stu. We are but mortals tempting the wrath of god.”

"Ladies and gentlemen after just two attacks the first battle is done. I am really looking forward to the upcoming battles. " The announcer said. The battles raged on and a lot of fun was had by the contestants. Ash, Hailey, Flame and Spark were too good. It came down to the final battle. Ash and Hailey vs a mother and her daughter. The mother had long curly red hair and hazel eyes and the daughter was a near clone. The mother was Kana and the daughter was Rose. Kana had an Arcanine and Rose had a Growlithe.

Must all children have pre-evolutions of their parent’s Pokémon now? Or same type? Can’t they just do their own thing?

Kana winks at Ash but Ash ignores her.

"Daddy what was she doing?" Hailey asked.

"She was trying to distract me with how she looks." Ash said.

Or maybe she’s genuinely flirtatious and not actually trying to cheat, did you think of that?

"The aunties are much prettier than her." Hailey said.

"I agree." Ash said. Kana smiled.

"It seems I have found a real challenge. This should be fun. Lets' make it more interesting adults vs kids." Kana said. Ash looked at Hailey, Flame and Spark all nodded that they agreed. The announcer came on and spoke.

"It is the final battle of the tournament between Ash and Hailey Ketchum and Kana and Rose Smith. Let the battle begin." The announcer said. Spark and Growlithe stood off facing each other and both were smirking, both pokemon knew this would be fun.

Is it supposed to be, though? Is it supposed to be fun pummeling each other into bloody pulps? Because I think I’d disagree.

"Ember" both girls called out. Both fire canines shot the fire attacks at each other. The met in the middle and canceled each other out.

Proof that you can fight fire with fire?

"Spark use scratch." Hailey called.

"Growlithe dodge and use bite." Rose said. Now the scratch hit but so did the bite and both pokemon took damage.

"Spark iron tail quickly." Hailey said. The attack made contact before Growlithe could dodge. It was a pretty serious hit.

Why wouldn’t Growlithe just take a hint from Hailey shouting out the attack?

"Use head butt Growlithe." Rose said and Spark not expecting an attack so soon took it head on. Both pokemon were tired.

"Iron tail." Hailey called.

"Headbutt." Rose called. Both attacks hit and both pokemon fell to the ground with swirls in there eyes. Hailey ran out to get Spark and Rose did the same.

"I am sorry." Spark said.

Shush! You have swirls in your eyes, you can’t talk!

"Don't be you did wonderfully." Hailey said. Ash had handed her a max potion. He handed one to Rose as well. Both pokemon and humans returned to their sides.

"That was fun lets be friends." Rose said. Hailey smiled.

"I agree that was fun and yes let us be friends." Hailey said. The two girls shock hands.

Well, they both talk like robots, and apparently shake hands like robots too.

"I must say that was good now it is our turn." Kana said.

"I agree are you ready Kana." Ash asked.

"Yes I am Ash now let us go at it." Kana said.

"Arcanine use fire blast." Kana said.

"Flame use fire blast as well." Ash said the two attacks meet in the middle and a huge explosion occurred. Neither pokemon was hurt.

The crowd sprayed by stage shrapnel was another story.

Both pokemon were females and both were smirking. Both had been looking for a real fight.

"Metal Claw." Both Ash and Kana shouted. The claws struck each other once more canceling each other out.

Don’t aim for the paws, you dumb shits!

"Flame underground." Ash called. Kana smirked.

"Arcanine fire blast in the hole." Kana said and she was smirking thinking she had won. However she stopped when she saw a smirk on Ash's face.

"Now Flame head butt." Flame burst from the ground and hit Arcanie with a fully powered head butt. Also the fire blast hit Arcanine and hit her hard. She took a lot of damage in a few short seconds. She got up on shaky legs and got ready to strike.

Why the fuck would Arcanine’s own attack hit her? And why would it hit hard when she’s a fire type herself? Why the fuck do you abuse Dig as something it isn’t?!

"Flame iron tail." Ash called.

"Arcanine use fire blast." Kana called the fire attack was sent at Flame who dodged it and smashed her foe with the iron tail. Arcanine fell to the ground with swirls in her eyes. Kana rushed to her friend's side. Ash handed her a max potion. He also used one on Flame.

Ash Ketchum, flaunting his wealth. Next he’ll probably throw around Ultra Balls like they were Skittles.

"Arcanine is unable to battle Flame is the winner. The winners of the tournament are Ash and Hailey Ketchum." A referee called. He handed Hailey a medal. Hailey was happy she had gained a new friend and earned a medal and her daddy's respect. She had her first battle and tournament. Sadly things were about to get bad.

Author, do you talk during movies too, saying what’s going to happen next, so no one will miss it?

An explosion was heard and the ferris wheel was hit with a missile. Thankfully no one was on it since it was closed due to the tournament but it was still destroyed.

Aw, come on, man! The previous author could at least pretend to be edgy. Please, promise me this war of yours is going to have casualties.

Ash looked over and saw a sight that made him mad. It was Team Rocket, the remaining five hundred of the once fifty thousand strong force some had rockets launcher which is what hit the ferries wheel and leading them was none other than Giovanni.

Hey, if I were five hundred people who couldn’t get your attention by standing within your line of sight, I’d have blown up something too.

Cliff hanger

More like a cliff jumper. This ending seems just as desperate as I was for it to happen.


Finally, Team Rocket got off their assess and delivered some much needed action and drama. Well, they started some, how it plays out is still uncertain. I’m morbidly curious as to how the author plans to fuck up this incredibly one sided battle, but if there never comes another chapter, I’ll be just as satisfied.

This post has been edited by StabbyKobold: Nov 29 2015, 03:35 PM

"So... preparing to storm into the room, you jostle your badger, kick down the door, and throw it at the thug standing inside." - Moment from my D&D campaign.

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Post #22

Shillin' Best Girl from Fire Emblem: Echoes

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post Mar 29 2016, 09:10 PM
Sorry to bother you once again, but the author had updated again.

List of mocks can be found here: Here

QUOTE (AnItalianGuy @ May 27 2016, 02:03 AM) *
Jesus man what is up with you and all of those waifus! Are you secretly the "Ultimate Pimp"?
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Post #23

Critically Sarcastic

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post Mar 30 2016, 12:22 PM
Oh, is that so? I usually do a double check for updates whenever I'm done with my current mock, but I appreciate you calling my attention to it nonetheless.

I'll see about getting it mocked soon. In the future though, you can just send a private message to inform me. No reason to necro old threads prematurely.

"So... preparing to storm into the room, you jostle your badger, kick down the door, and throw it at the thug standing inside." - Moment from my D&D campaign.

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Post #24

Critically Sarcastic

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post Apr 7 2016, 01:33 PM
As GorillaGamer so helpfully pointed out, this fanfic has gotten an update, so let’s dish out some mocking, shall we?

To recap, Ash is a Marty Stu, he’s got several girlfriends, adopted a Mary Sue daughter, have all the Pokémon he could ever want, and is completely paranoid about a team of evil villains that have yet to even do so much as jaywalk. When we left off last time, Team Rocket had just showed up at a carnival that Ash was attending, making themselves known by blowing up a Ferris wheel, since an army of five hundred people is apparently something you easily overlook. It’s time for a stand-off of predictable and contrived proportions. Enjoy.


Chapter 10

So I know I left you guys with a huge cliff hanger in the last chapter.

If I recall, you explicitly wrote the words “cliff hanger”. You knowing this is somewhat implicit.

Stay tuned the final show down between Ash and Team Rocket is about to start. As usually I do not own Pokemon.

If you’re feeling philosophical, you could argue that no one does, since it’s a piece of fiction. It’s probably why it’s called ‘intellectual property’.

I made a mistake a few chapters ago and called Gary Grey so it should be Gary.

I appreciate you becoming aware of this fact. What I’m baffled by is why you don’t go back and edit it.

Ash was furious not just mad but furious and so was Iris. She got down to Ash and Kana and the girls. She knew that they were in for a long fight.

In most cases, five people against five hundred would not be a long fight, but I guess their egos will take a while to whittle down.

However she knew it was a fight they could win and had to win. It was also a fight she knew Ash was waiting for and for a very long time. If she was being honest with herself she had wanted this fight as well. She wanted a chance to end Team Rocket once and for all.

"So Ash is this the battle you meant?" Iris asked and just by the way he held his eyes she knew it was not even close.

"No this is just a warm up if you will. The war has not even started yet. This is the opening act." He said.

"So what are they doing here?" the Dragon Mistress asked.

Probably wondering why they aren’t killing you yet. I know I am.

"They are gathering children and plan to brainwash them to be loyal Team Rocket agents." The Frontier Brain spoke.

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Wow. That’s a moronic plot point that came the fuck out of nowhere. I mean, I understand that they need to fill their ranks after their losses, but the utter failure that is Team Rocket still astounds me, to the point that I wonder how they’re still a functional crime organization. Just to reiterate, this is the same group who staged a mass terrorist attack in order to steal some fossils from a museum. Now they’re staging a massive, public kidnapping of children at a carnival. I’m no kidnapper, at least you can’t prove otherwise, but I know that succeeding as one is dependent on people not know who took the victim or to where, and it would also help that there isn’t anyone around who could possibly prevent the abduction. So why, fucking why, would Team Rocket assault a carnival full of children accompanied by their parents, when literally hundreds of kids are roaming the Pokémon infested countryside unattended?!

At this point everyone including the village people had gathered around Ash.

If you thought of the same joke as me, then you are no young man.

Team Rocket was not to them yet. Everyone was talking and shouting trying to figure out what to do. It was quite so quite that no one had a hard time hearing what Ash said despite the fact that Ash was peaking really softly.

Yes, I’m certain it’s very quiet with a crowd of screaming people nearby. Are those two sentences happening in different locations, author, or do you not know what a contradiction is?

Flame lunched a blast of fire into the air.

Fire, a lunchtime favorite.

It got everyone to stop talking and look at Ash.

"Look everyone are first priority is to get the children out of here for they are the ones that are being targeted right now." Ash said. Many started asking where the kids could go. Flame lunched more fire since it was getting out of hand.

"They can go to my home, I have pokemon they can take them there. Now gather the children and let us get them out of here." He said. Ash called out his Espeon and she stated to teleport the children out.

And now Ash is the one kidnapping people’s children, how wonderful. Why can’t the parents just come with them?

Ash looked at Hailey.

"I know you want to fight but you are not ready yet. Once this is over we will start to train together and soon you can join me but for now I need you at home and helping everyone else." Ash said.

Maybe make sure the kids don’t tear your home apart, too. Just saying, a full carnival must have like hundreds of them attending.

"Call Grandma and the Aunties and let them know what is going on." He said. Hailey understood she hugged her daddy really tightly, recalled Spark and joined the others. Rose went with her after being hugged by her mother and recalling her friend.

"Ok everyone it will take time for the children to get to safety in the meantime we need to hold Team Rocket off." Ash took a pause.

I’m wondering what’s holding them off right now. Seriously, they blew up a Ferris wheel in the last chapter, and now it’s like they’re just soaking in the acknowledgment of their presence. They should be trying to catch the rapidly disappearing kids, what’s the fucking holdup?!

"Call out your pokemon and show no mercy to Team Rocket for they will not do the same for you. Take down as many as you can." He said and ended his speech. Iris stepped up.

"Remember this is our home and we will not let them get away with this." Iris said.

Yeah, here’s another idea. CALL THE COPS!!

"I agree for too long they have caused trouble let us take them down. One way or another this battle will be the final battle for Team Rocket." Ash said. Kana walked up to him.

"A very nice speech, I wish to join you in battle however promise me one thing." She said. Ash promised. She handed him a packet. Ash sent it with his pokemon.

Is that… did she… is this all a cover-up for Ash’s drug trade?

"I am dying and my daughter does not know it. I feel this battle will be the final nail in the coffin so to speak. I had only a few more days anyway. Something told me to come here form a dream I had. So I did come here. I can tell that you will care for my daughter and care for her the right way and that you will make her be the best she can be." Kana spoke and took a pause. Ash had a feeling he knew where this was going but he waited.

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No! No, no, fucking no! You’re not doing this again, author! You are seriously not dumping another child into Ash’s care! I cannot handle another bundle of preciousness and perfection! Get this woman whatever medical treatment she needs, so she can raise her own kid, instead of dropping the girl off with a person she only met not even an hour ago!

"Take care of Rose for me and treat her as you do Hailey. If I die I rather make sure Team Rocket goes with me. The note is all that you need to know. When she is sixteen let her read the letter." Kana said. Ash nodded.

"I hope it does not come to it by I promise Kana. I will take care of Rose." Ash said. She smiled.

No, what you should do is hand the kid over to child protective services, and tell them a delirious mother went to a carnival to abandon her child before spontaneously considering martyrdom!

"I know and that is why I asked you. I know many will say I am being stupid I just met you but I can sense your heart." She said. Kana had no other family left so Rose would have been an orphan anyway. No more time could be spent for talking for Team Rocket had gotten within range.

Hailey and some of the other children got to the Battle Kingdom and she ran to the phone and called her grandma. She answered after a few rings and she was shocked to see her granddaughter.

Shocked, even before she knew why Hailey was calling. Such foresight she has.

"Grandma can you come over? Daddy is fighting Team Rocket. Please I need you there are a lot of children and more are coming." Hailey said but what shocked Deila the most was not what was going on it was that Hailey was claim very claim about the whole thing.

She finally realized the child was an automaton without emotions or the capability of love.

Deila felt like she was looking at a younger female Ash. She could tell that Hailey was scared out of her mind but she was claim.

Could you maybe lay claim to a dictionary, author? I’m not claiming you’re illiterate, just that you may not be of scholarly acclaim.

Pikachu was on her shoulder helping her and protecting her. As one of the strongest Ash had it was agreed that he would stay with Hailey. He stayed in case getting the children to safety was what Team Rocket wanted in case it was a trap.

Did they even know that Ash was at the carnival? Because if they did, they would be even stupider for making the attempt.

"Of course I will be right over." Deila spoke to her granddaughter.

"Before I come over I am very proud you are handling this very maturity."

I don’t think this is the time for the “you are becoming a woman” talk, Delia.

Deila spoke and hung up she gathered a few things and had Mimey teleport her over to her son's house. In the meantime Hailey had called all of her aunties and told them what was going on.

All were sacred but all knew what to do.

Okay, seriously, this has to be the longest streak of hilarious misspellings from this author yet.

Dawn and Anabel went to help the children Erika, Sabrina, Cynthia, and Whitney teleported to the village of the dragons. Dawn was strong but she was the one Hailey trusted the most and Anabel knew how to comfort people better. Plus having two powerful fighters with the children was a good idea in case Team Rocket attacked the children.

What good is it to build your home and gym in the shape of a castle, if it can’t handle a siege?

The others were fighters and were ready to fight. (It took about ten minutes for all this to happen.) Team Rocket had made their way slowly to the center of the festival. They wanted to inspire fear. Fear was their best tactic after all and the basic tactic for most criminal organizations or anyone wishing to be evil and cause harm.

Because when you want to kidnap someone, you want to scare them off first, since you want to be evil like that, right? Why can I never get a fanfic where the villains are actually competent and multidimensional?

However Giovanni did not count on one thing and that was Ash. Ash was tired of Team Rocket and all the other Teams he had fought during his journey. They have caused nothing but trouble and had hurt and killed many. Each team was worse than the last with Team Element or Night Fire being the worst of them. They had yet to kill as many as the other teams but Ash knew they were only waiting for the right moment.

We have yet to see them do anything, and you’re fully willing to throw ‘innocent until proven guilty’ right out the window?

Teleporting to Ash's side were Sabrina, Whitney, Erika, and Cynthia. Iris and Kana were by his side as well. Iris remembered the last times she fought these people. Giovanni got to the front and he was shocked to see Ash and the others standing and ready to fight.

"Hello Ash how nice to see you. It seems you are going to become a thorn in my side once more." The Rocket Leader spoke. Ash did not bite he was not mad at all he was claim very claim.

He was furious, not just mad, but furious, but now he’s not mad, he’s- CAN YOU MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND?!

He had entered battle mode. During his training he was taught to be claim in battle mode. It allowed him to see all situations and all outcomes. Plus if you remained claim your foes could not affect you.

Please then, remain calm while they reload their missile launcher, then we can test this hypothesis.

"It is good to see you as well Giovanni how has life on the run been? You are look well so it must have been ok." The Battle Master asked. Ash and others you see lunched an attack on Team Rocket Headquarters. Sadly Giovanni and many others got away. It was during his training and a final test. Ash passed it since the old Ash would have focused on taking down Giovanni only and the ignoring anyone else. The new Ash did not he focused on taking down as many Team Rocket members as he could and saving the lives of the people caught by Team Rocket. Giovanni was not thrilled to hear that question if his face was any indication.



Are you seriously telling us that Ash had a showdown with Team Rocket, without the story ever mentioning it while it was happening, and you’re injecting this bit of non-triviality just so Ash can be snide towards Giovanni?! Do you have any respect for the written medium, author?!

"Give us the children and we will spare the town." Giovanni said calmly.

"Do you honestly think any parent would choose a bunch of buildings over their child?" Iris asked.

"I know I would not." Kana said.

“I picked death instead of spending my last days with my child.”

All at once Team Rocket called out mighty pokemon. Many of the townspeople were scared at the display. Rydon's, Nidoking's,Nidoqueen's, Golbat's, Raticate's , Kangaskhan's and Fearow's.

And yet the scariest thing remains their apostrophe use.

By Giovanni's side was the famous Persian. Iris threw three pokeballs to the ground. Out came Dragonite, Druddigon and Haxorus. She had caught the Druddigon that had given her trouble before. Haxorus had evolved from Axew. All three pokemon were powerful. All three Pokemon wondered why they were called until they saw the reason. All three pokemon had experience with battling Team Rocket. However all three knew that this time these members of Team Rocket were actually good.

If they remembered to bring more than one missile, sure. Because not bringing more ammo or other weapons would be completely stupid, right?

Kana had called her Arcaine and a Pyroar. Ash smiled at that it seemed Kana liked fire cats. (Arcaine is based on a tiger and Pyroar is based on a lion.)

Arcanine, a cat? In what reality? It looks nothing like a cat. Its color pattern is inspired by tigers, true, but its physique is that of mythical dogs that breathe fire. The Pokémon police, including Officer Jenny, uses their pre-evolution as police dogs. One of its Pokédex entries mentions that it barks. The word ‘canine’ is in Arcanine’s fucking name!

Flame stepped forward and join Arcaine and Pyroar. She was thrilled that her daughter was safe with Hailey. She like Ash wanted Spark to fight but she felt that Spark was not ready yet. However both Ash and Flame agreed on this fact that would change soon. Their daughters would be powerful soon or least be able to hold their own in a fight.

Sabrina called out Alakazam, Jynx, Hypno, and Espeon. Whitney called out Kangaskhan, Miltank, and Tauros. Erika, called out Serperior, Venusaur, and Leafeon. Cynthia called out Glaceon, Garchomp and Milotic.

Quick question, where would you even find space to fit these five hundred Team Rocket members and all these Pokémon?

Ash threw out some pokeballs. Charizard, Pidgeot, Aerodactyl, Serperior and Blastoise came out looking ready to fight. Iris looked to her pokemon.

"Dragonite, Druddigon take to the sky and bring them down. Haxorus work on the ground" The newly named Dragon Mistress spoke. Her pokemon nodded. At the same time Kana spoke.

"Arcaine, Pyroar help Haxorus." She spoke Ash spoke up to his team.

"Pidgeot, Areodactyl take to the sky, aid Dragonite and Druddigon. Charizard, Serprior and Blastoise take the ground." The grand battle master spoke.

Gun. Bullet. Ash’s face. It would be so damn easy, Giovanni, you have to listen to me!

Team Rocket was a little nervous until they saw that only seven had called out pokemon. The rest of the town had backed away and went into hiding. Iris was beyond furious. However she had no time to worry about the fact that her village was inhabited by a bunch of cowards. Even the elder had left.

Maybe they went to look for the children, whom Ash spirited away to his Neverland Ranch.

Drake and her best friend were all gone not able to come to the event so they were never there. She knew they would have fought to the death. Giovanni was smiling now since he figured he could win. Ash raised his arm in the air and tapped the bracelet on his wrist.

"Charizard, Pidgeot, Aerodactyl, Blastoise mega evolution engage. " He called out and the smirk on the Rocket leaders face was wiped away as all of the pokemon Ash called out glowed and changed into their mega forms. After Ash had gotten all the ancient pokemon he spent time bonding and training with them. Aerodactyl warmed up to him very fast. It shocked Ash.

And I’m shocked you keep dumping exposition into what is supposed to be an action scene.

Since Ash remembered the time he was nearly eaten by an Aerodactyl. Yes he had recalled it the training after the deaths of Prof. Oak and Tracy had helped him unlock it. It helped him unlock a lot of things. Ash and Aerodactyl talked about it and the relationship became stronger as a result.

Sabrina, Whitney, Erika and Cynthia all taped the bracelets on their wrists. All had mastered mega evolution. They did it since the league asked for it that and they wanted to help Ash.

The author not mentioning any of this before now was just part of his brilliant narrative. And by brilliant, I mean it’s like a floodlight in your face – glaringly annoying.

"Mega Evolution engage." All four women shouted. Alakazam, Kangaskhan, Venusaur and Garchomp all glowed and flashed and trued into their mega forms.

"You fools we still outnumber them." Giovanni said to his troops. This simple speech or threat rallied Team Rocket. It was true for it was about 3000 pokemon on Team Rocket's side to the 24 on Ash's side.

I’m still not seeing any conventional weapons here, so I bet Team Rocket is going to lose.

Ash looked at his sister, girlfriends and new friend and his pokemon.

"No mercy." He said

"No mercy." The others spoke in unison.

"No mercy." The Pokemon said.

You guys are aware, that if Team Rocket’s plan was to kidnap kids and brainwash them, that there is likely to be brainwashed kids in their ranks right now, right? Right?!

Back at the Kingdom Anabel was doing her best to comfort the kids. However she had stopped for in flashed many adults. Ash's Espeon was the one that brought all of the them.

She was on the ground with swirls in her eyes. Anabel and Hailey ran to her to make sure she was ok. She was exhausted that much was clear. Anabel took her into her arms and Hailey got her some food.

"What is wrong? What happened? Are the others ok?" Anabel asked.

"I do not know. The adults turned tail and ran. They bullied me into getting them out." Espeon said with tears in her eyes worried about her friends. Upset that she was forced away from helping her friend and that now she had no energy left to fight or teleport.

You know what? Fuck this shit, and fuck you, author. Cowards or not, there is nothing fucking wrong with wanting to escape from an army of terrorists. You can’t just demand that they stay and fight, when we don’t even know if they had as much as a Magikarp to fight with. You had Ash take their children away from them, their fucking children, to some unknown location, and you seriously want us to dislike them for demanding that they get to flee as well?!

"Hailey you and Rose take Espeon to your daddy's bed. She will be ok she is just exhausted a little sleep will make her feel better." Anabel said.

"Espeon take a rest our friends will not break." Anabel said. Espeon nodded and she allowed Hailey to pick her up and carry her to her trainers bed and be tucked in. She was asleep before she was put into bed.

Dawn had watched the whole thing. She knew a lot about Anabel. All of Ash's girlfriends knew a lot about each other expect for Erika but that would change with Erika. The others got to know each other during the time Ash trained. So Dawn knew that Anabel was furious right now.

Gee, I don’t know how else she could have figured that. No, really, the author never bothers to describe even a single facial expression on these people.

The Salon Maiden looked at the parents and spoke.

"Why did you leave?" She asked them. One guy stepped forward.

"It was impossible to fight them. Even with the mega evolutions." He said. Hailey had come back and heard that the people were cowards.

"When Daddy is not here I am in charge at least until he marries. So I want all of you out of here. You have your children now leave and make your way back to the village." Hailey said.

And now the tiny girl is bossing around grown adults, telling them to get lost without so much as offering them cab fare for the trip from Kanto back to their homes in fucking Unova.

She had brought with her some of her daddy's other pokemon. They did not like that Ash was left to fight on his own. Hailey turned to Rose.

"Rose you can stay." Hailey said. Once more Delia was in awe by her granddaughters spark.

"I will not have daddy's, and my aunties actions disrespected like that." Hailey spoke. The pokemon took that as the signal to chase and chase they did.

This is like abducting people from their homes, dumping them five states away, and then kicking them out onto the street without so much as a point in the right direction. Why are we supposed to find this a good thing?!

Anabal, Dawn and Deila were all in shock. Anabal went over and pulled Hailey to her in a hug. It was one Hailey was glad to return. She also pulled Rose into a hug.

Anabal could sense and feel the sadness and the fear form the little girls. Dawn could feel it as well so she hugged the girls as well.

"They are strong it will take a lot to take them down." Anabal said.

I don’t know, Anabel, I hear bullets are super effective against flesh-types. Now, if only Giovanni knew that, too.

"Ash has fought Team Rocket many times. This time he has powerful friends at his side." Dawn said.

"What about mommy?" Rose asked.

"She was able to go toe to toe with daddy. So she will not be taken down easily. " Hailey said. The five just sat and hoped. None of them liking the fact that they had to wait for word from their friends and family. Hailey and Rose were both scared of losing their parents.

Speaking of parents, where’s Rose’s father in all of this? Kana didn’t exactly mention him, when she basically handed Ash custody of her child.

Back in the village of the dragons the stare down had stared. It was a deadly staring contest kind of like the famous showdown at high noon seen in western movies.

And the only way you attempted to replicate the tension of the cliché, was by drawing direct comparisons instead of emulating it yourself. How cute.

Both sides were waiting for the other to crack. The pokemon on both sides were waiting for a fight. The Team Rocket Pokemon were not nervous they felt this battle was in the bag.

The good guys pokemon were ready for this battle. (I need a name for Ash's army that is not Ash's army or any other such name like that. So send me your name ideas.)

If this fight is going in the direction you’re alluding to, then sure I have a name idea for you – Murderers.

Some of them have been waiting for a long time. It was payback time once and for all.

"I wish to know Ash how did you know my plans?" Giovanni asked. Ash smiled.

"I am sure you know the answer to that question." Ash said. Giovanni got angry once more he was not going to be able to get Ash to lose his cool. To answer the question Ash had a spy in Team Rocket that was feeding him information. (Will be reveled soon.)

Oh my god, author, are you seriously so excited about this, that you can’t wait with spoiling your own asinine asspulls, which you already revealed several chapters ago?

He gave the order to charge. All the pokemon on both sides charged for each other. The good news is that Team Rocket had more pokemon but precious few of them had ranged attacks. The Golbats were the only ones that worried Ash due to their speed and size. The good guys side had less pokemon but more ranged attacks. So the good guys could hit far and close.

Artillery fire isn’t going to help here, if both sides were so close that Ash and Giovanni could have a conversation with each other. Ash’s side isn’t going to survive a simultaneous Tackle from three thousand Pokémon!

Team Rocket's forces had to get close. The good's guys team had no plan of letting them get that close. Both sides prepared for the final fight. It was about to begin the final battle Ash and company vs Team Rocket.

End of chapter and I know it is not what you wanted but the final fight will have its own chapter instead of rushing it. This chapter is meant as a filler. I am sorry writers block.

Don’t blame writer's block if you’re the one who’s written yourself into a corner with no plausible way of escape. But, by all means, carry on. Seeing what comes next should be amusing.


At this point, the story is building up to what should be the easiest victory for Team Rocket in history. Yet, with how this author restrains his villains to be complete dumbasses, it’s obvious that Ash will pull through, because he’s just that good / fucking invincible. I’ll be keeping my eye out for future updates to this story, because whatever comes next can only end up in nonsense.

"So... preparing to storm into the room, you jostle your badger, kick down the door, and throw it at the thug standing inside." - Moment from my D&D campaign.

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Post #25

Critically Sarcastic

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post Sep 30 2016, 09:36 AM
Surprise, surprise! True Masters has gotten a new chapter. I was about to return to my other mocking project, when GorillaGamer tipped me off to this update. Might as well get it out of the way. Are you excited? I’m excited. We’re finally getting to see the author’s take on a large scale battle. Team Rocket, five hundred strong, versus Ash and the people that worship the ground he walks on. We all know how it’s going to end, it’s just a matter of ‘how’, so let’s find out. Enjoy.


Chapter 11

I do not own anything if I did I would be rich

Considering ownership usually comes at the expense of spending money, I’m not sure that would be the case.

Final battle Ash and good guys vs. Team Rocket.

Oh boy, I haven’t been this uncertain of a future outcome since I waited for the sun rise this morning.

"Ok everyone we need to take down the Golbats and Farrows first. We need to gain control of the air. If they have the air then they will have the advantage over us. Also hitting the ground forces will be hard. Also take out the rocket launchers but carefully." Ash said.

“Also, just pretend I have the slightest idea of what I’m doing, and that I am not drawing my tactical genius from either the blatantly obvious or the brain farts of a pretentious fanfic author.”

Everyone nodded. The flying pokemon took to the sky. Team Rocket forces fired the rocket launchers. However, all missed the targets which where the pokemon.

Not a single hit from an entire salvo? I’d question why Team Rocket would employ blind soldiers, but then again, I’d also like to know if it was just two or two hundred grunts that shot those rocket launchers.

Sadly, five buildings were hit. Two of them were small and they were damaged badly. A couple more hits and they would be gone. At this point the five buildings were still able to be saved they would cost lots of money but they could be repaired.

Oh no. Won’t somebody think of the real-estate?

Really? This is what we’re worried about? Okay.

Three rocket launchers were hit by Pidgeot with an aerial ace and were destroyed. The humans holding them were knocked out. Ash called out Gardevoir and she teleported the three downed humans to a jail cell in the Battle Kingdom.

I thought the word of the day was “no mercy”. Don’t pussy out on me now, author.

She then waited on the battlefield for the chance to aid. Persian moved to attack but he was hit hard with a powerful punch form Lucario who had come out. He was protected Gardevoir. Gardevoir teleported him away. She was happy for Persian was dangerous and now he was out of the battle. Four more rocket launchers were hit by fire attacks form Flame and were melted.

The humans holding them sadly dropped them and were only brunt slightly.

Come on, author. Nothing should be holding back your post-adolescent bloodlust. It’s a big, climactic battle, and you’re keeping it disappointingly PG by not letting a single drop of blood be spilled.

Flame took them out with an iron tail to the stomach and they dropped like flies. (I know it sounds like I am evil at this point however keep in mind that team rocket is evil and plans to hurt and kill others. They were aiming to harm children.) Gardevoir does the same thing with these humans. The cells could only be opened by certain people.

Evil? You? I’ve seen crueler intent from kitten-cuddling toddlers. You’re about as edgy as a soup ladle!

In a matter of seconds Team Rocket was down by 7 with a total of 493 troops or agents remaining on the battlefield. All of the pokemon were still in action however. Also of the 30 rocket launchers 8 were gone.

Oh, finally we’re getting the metrics. Now we know that thirty jackasses couldn’t hit more than five buildings of indeterminable size, let alone the FOUR Pokémon in front of them.

15 Golbats move in to protect the humans with the rocket launchers. The humans with the rocket launchers fired once more. This time all rockets hit buildings and four were destroyed completely.

Does Giovanni pay them for doing property damage or something? Aim for the fucking enemy, you idiots!

Sabrina's Alakazam had seen this and was annoyed. Using his power's he grabbed seven rocket launchers and destroyed them. He would have done more but eight Golbats moved in on him. Pidgeot seeing this struck with his aerial ace and took out the eight that attacked Alakazam.

Because the protagonist’s Pokémon are the only ones that are allowed to dodge anything.

"My friend you need to destroy the launchers one hit form any of them and all of us are dead. I will protect you from the Golbats." He said. Alakazam nodded his head thankful to have the help. All of the pokemon that Ash's girlfriends' partnered with had befriended each other. They were all a family. So they were protecting the family.

I wish the good guys packed some heavier artillery than just “the power of love”.

Unfortunately, this small exchange allowed the remaining 15 rocket launchers were able to be reloaded and refried. Thankful none of the allied pokemon or humans where hit.

What are the odds? No, seriously, I want to know. Even Neo couldn’t dodge this many projectiles.

Instead more buildings were hit. Another 2 were destroyed and six more damaged. In total seven buildings were destroyed and about ten were damaged. In all lots of money would have to be spent to repair the buildings.

What is it with this weird focus on property damage? Come to think of it, what even are these buildings? What are they used for? Who owns them? At least the Ferris wheel was properly justified in existing, but these are just random, non-descript, presumably abandoned buildings.

Alakazam had been able to destroy the remaining rocket launchers and with Gradevoir 's help was able to transport the humans to jail. Pidgeot in that time had taken out more Golbats about 15 in all and the two physic pokemon had transported them to a jail in the Battle Kingdom. It was a jail only for pokemon it was like a giant pokeball meaning they could not escape. The humans were in a similar jail. With pokeball like qualities. The only reason Ash sent the bad guys to the jail in his house was he knew that Hailey was safe.

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Okay, I think I need a moment. First off, nice to know that all these incapacitated villains are not teleported to regular jail, because the police would be probably just release them; since no one has bothered to inform the authorities of what’s happening. Secondly, Ash having a jail with Pokéball-like qualities, while sensible, is just yet another asspull the author seemingly thought up on the spot, in order to logically get out using lethal methods. What will be lethal, however, is putting human beings in a similar jail, because humans need certain things in order to survive. Things that a Pokéball just doesn’t afford them, and I’m not just talking about elbowroom here. Third, they are now Ash’s prisoners. In his personal jail. Inside his castle. The same fucking castle that he expects his daughter to be safe in. I certainly hope that jail is sturdy enough to contain them, otherwise Ash just caught himself a Trojan Ponyta. My confidence in that never happening, however, leaves me gnashing my teeth, as these prisoners are now guests in Ash’s torture dungeon and are unlikely to ever get a fair trial. Honestly, author, just letting Ash kill them all would have saved us both a headache.

Alakazam forgot about the Farrow's however Pidgeot did not. Three Farrow's moved to attack but were hit with an aerial ace attack and knocked away. Alakazam seeing this shot with a pysbeam taking the three out and transporting them to jail. Pidgeot moved with great speed and attacked more of the Farrow's. He had fought a lot of them so he knew how to fight them.

But not how to spell their fucking name!

He also knew they were dangerous. As leader of his flock he had to help protect them from Farrow's.

Alakazam and Gradevoir took this time to take a break.

Excuse me, I think there’s about 450+ enemy combatants that would beg to differ. Do you have any concept of actual warfare, author?

The Golbats and the Farrow's were busy fighting Pidgeot. Even the combined power of the two groups was having a hard time with Pidegot. Aerodactyl was watching and laughing. He charged up his power and bite into a Farrow that was sneaking up behind his friend. The Farrow's body shock with lighting and fell to the ground for Aerodactyl had used thunder fang. In a matter of moments Pidgeot had taken down half of the Farrows.

Fun fact, a ‘farrow’ is the term for a litter of piglets. Might as well make use of the author’s garbled vocabulary.

Alakazam and Gravdevoir transported them away. The remaining Farrow's flew back and got into several V formations and charged up a powerful gust attack. It was harmless with only one Farrow. More of an annoyance but with many Farrows it was equal to a category 3 hurricane. There were 7 formations. Pidgeot and Aerodactyl were hit with the attack however it was only the tips of their wings so it did some damage but it was not a lot of damage.

Ignoring how this situations continues to be a non-threat to Ash’s Pokémon, I don’t think Newtonian laws allows for those birds to create that much wind without shunting themselves halfway across the country.

The Farrow's thankfully had been trained to use powerful attacks and put as much power as they could into each attack.

Now this was good and bad. It was bad if their foes were hit. If their foes were not hit and taken out, then that meant the Farrows and all of Team Rockets pokemon were in a position to be hit hard.

Why? Putting themselves at risk I can understand, but why should this affect ALL of Team Rocket’s Pokémon? It’s not like artillery missing their targets somehow makes ground troops less effective. What kind of pseudo logic are you working from?

Aerodactyl took aim and hit one formation with a hyper beam. Pidgeot using mirror move copied the attack and a second formation was taking down. Both of the formations were taken out and transported away.

Pidgot was not use to using hyper beam so he needed to rest. He landed and used roost he would be ready to fight in about 2 minutes. Aerodactyl on the other hand or wing was able to use it and still fight. He needed time but less time. However, the remaining five formations all moved to attack.

None of them could use strong attack but all figured that they could take out one pokemon. However, they were wrong. Aerodactyl was dodging all the attempted hits aimed at him. Now he was back to full strength he unleashes a powerful thunder attack taking out three more Farrows. Areodactyl followed that up with a steel wing hitting another. He then flew under another Farrow and hit it with a thunder fang attack.

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Is this all this battle is going to be? Ash’s Pokémon flexing their super moves, Team Rocket’s Pokémon either missing or grazing their targets, rinse repeat, while everyone else is lost in the void?! More than one thing happens on a battlefield at a time, author – this narrative is bordering on being solipsistic.

However he did not noticed the three Farrows that were sneaking up on him with drill peaks ready to be used. It would have done a lot of damage had it hit Aerodactyl. However the three Farrows were taken out with three aerial aces form Pidegot who was back at full strength and full speed and able to move once more.

"I am not sure I can do that again. It took more out of me then I thought it would." Pidegot said meaning using the hyper beam attack. Areotdactyl nodded his head. He ducked and flew around and hit the attacking Farrow with a wing attack.

Why are you so incompetent at spelling these Pokémon names, author? At least the Fearows you’re consistent with, but just about everything else has had like three different spellings by now. Is a single re-read really too much to ask of you?

"I have a plan. I can use it and you can protect me while I recharge." Areotdacytl said.

"Agreed I will horde them for you." Pidegot said. He used an attack that not many would think he would know. He used taunt and it worked for the Farrows all focused on attacking him.

Probably because they realize that Pidgeot can’t learn that move, marking him as another Gameshark junkie.

The remaining all grouped together in a huge formation. It was perfect for it was what Areodactyl wanted. He unleashed a powerful hyper beam. It struck the targets and the remaining Farrows all fell to the ground and were transported away.

Giovanni was not happy for he lost all of his rocket launchers, and all of his Farrows plus 30 of his agents. Now his troop numbers were only 470 left. He still had hundreds if not thousands of pokemon however.


Also the morale of his troops was falling and falling fast. It was still high but it was falling. Giovanni could not believe it. After all that he had built and worked to do it was all being destroyed.

He lost thirty men, and you just pointed out he has plenty left. He lost six percent of his troops, and he thinks he’s losing? What the fuck are you on about, you mathematically deficient lunatic?!

Ash was focusing on the battle. Three team Rocket Agents attempted to take him down. He dodged one and followed it up with an aura infused punch to the gut. This caused the agent to fall to the ground. He then turned and kicked with an aura infused kick to the gut of another agent which caused the same result as the first guy. He was sadly hit with a punch by the third guy and was knocked down. It looked like it hurt.

So, what I’m getting from this, is that Giovanni brought thirty rocket launchers but no other weapons, and while he has hundreds of soldiers, none of them understands the basic principle of strength in numbers. Are you fucking kidding me?

Ash got up and with quick speed charged and took out the third guy. The three were then teleported to jail. The reason Ash got up so quickly was well the attack did cause some pain it was not a lot. Ash had taken stronger blows then the one he just got. It was a part of his training. His many pokemon and he would have battles and he took a lot of hits. Every attack that his pokemon knew he had taken a hit form at least once. (Yes even Latias hit him with her attacks.) None of the pokemon wanted to do this but it helped make their friend stronger so they did it.

Isn’t it nice when the recent past is just a blank slate, which you can fill out as you need to, in order to empower your protagonist – all to explain the simple effort of shrugging off a blow from a random mook? Seriously though, Ash already had superpowers before draco122 took over the story, so this display is rather tame by comparison. Did he just not read what Tracker-02 wrote?

"Ash call me to battle." Latias said in Ash's head. She could do that it was not easy for her but she could do it.

"I do not want you to be exposed yet." Ash said.

"I understand but you need to use all that you can. Seeing me will cause the agents to lower their morale. I joined you to fight these battles and bring some peace." Latias said.

Lower their morale? How? Mind you, they aren’t just a bunch of terrorists with Pokémon, they’re a bunch of terrorists with Pokémon whose goal is to steal other Pokémon. Springing a powerful or rare Pokémon on them would only be a bigger incentive for them to fight you.

Ash nodded she was right. He was in a war this battle may have been small one in comparison to what was to come but he needed to use all that he could or else the ones he loved would be hurt. So he reached for her pokeball.

"Go my friend it is time show them what you can do." Ash called. Giovanni was curious he was also amused. He felt that he had the upper hand since Ash was calling out another pokemon. He figured he was winning.

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My god, author, can you keep anyone’s thought processes straight for five goddamn minutes at a time?! Last chapter, you had Ash be enraged at Team Rocket, but then completely calm while talking with Giovanni. Now you have the mobster despair at losing a pittance of his forces, only for him to feel emboldened when Ash pulls out another Pokémon, when Team Rocket has yet to even cause significant harm to any of the ones already out fighting. He might as well have acted smug at Ash pulling out a second gun to blow out the other kneecap!

He may have lost some of his forces yet he felt he was winning. Until he saw who appeared and what he heard next. It was Latais the legendary dragon pokemon.

"Mega Evolution engage." Ash called out. All of Team Rocket was now worried. Latias by herself was scary. However,in her mega form she was scarier. All were scared until they heard there boss shouting.

"You fools we still out number them. Rydon,s, Kangaskhan's Nidokings and Nidoqueens use hyberbeam's." Giovanni said.

How much you want to bet this does absolutely nothing? Yeah, didn’t think so.

All as one thousands of hyper beams were lunched at Latias. She brought up a shield for she used protect and that was able to block all of the attacks not a single beam made it pass her protect and it still held up. The combined attacks would have been able to wipe out the Village of Dragons and the surrounding area.

And a single bomb shelter does not a city save, so why isn’t everyone aside from the über powerful Pokémon reduced to dust right now?

Latias lowered her protect thinking that she was safe for now. However she did not know that Team Rocket had trained there pokemon to be able to use hyper beams one after the other without recharging. Once more thousands were lunched. She was not able to use protect for it failed when she tried.

So she did the next best thing. She dodged them all. It became a game of not getting hit.

Your crippling lack of literary wit is matched only by your unoriginality, author.

She was able to dodge all of them with her speed. Yet they kept on firing them. She needed to do more than dodge she needed to attack but she was not able to get close enough. The attacking pokemon had become like cannons that were constantly being reloaded and fired.

Eirka's Venusaur lunched a solarbeam at a Rydon and he was knocked out and teleported away. However, that was just one and it did not do much to aid Latais. .

Why is the hyper beam artillery not redirecting their fire at the new threat? Or, fuck, any of the more stationary targets, like Latias’ fucking trainer?! Why can there never be competent villains in these stories?

Ash seeing this had an idea. It was risky but Latias agreed it was the best solution. She flew up high, higher than the beams could reach and got ready to launch her most powerful attack. Charzard, Pidegot and Dragonite flew up to add her.

"Latais, Charzard counter attack with draco meteor. Pidegot use mirror move." The attack was instant.

My disdain likewise. In fact, it came so fast, it arrived an hour ago.

An untold amount of meteorites fell from the sky. Now many were hit by the hyper beams which were once again dodged by the allied pokemon. However many more made contact. The result was bad for Team Rocket.

The Golbats flew in front of the attacks to act as shields. None wanted to do it but orders they had to follow them. All of the Golbats were hit and taken out of the fight. All were transported away.

What’s keeping the psychic Pokémon from doing it straight away? In fact, why isn’t Ash’s old pal Mewtwo here right now, flexing his brain lobes and stopping more innocent buildings from risking destruction?

Giovanni and Team Rocket seeing this took a chance to counter attack themselves. Once more thousands of hyper beams were fired. Latais called up protect to shield her friends and it worked. They were able to fly to safety. Sadly Pidgeot and Aerodactyl were out of the fight for the moment. They had reverted back to their regular forms for they had used too much energy.

In the confusion Venusaur both Ash's and Eirka's attacked with frenzy plant and took out some more Rydons.

Confusion? Is that what we’re calling the mass case of tunnel vision and contrived targeting choices now?

It was enough to stop the hyper beam volley. Flame seeing her chance unleashed a fire blast attack hitting two more Rydon's. At this point all the flying pokemon that Team Rocket had were out of the fight and 33 more agents were also out of the fight. Ash reached for a pokeball and called out Sceptile and tapped his bracelet and he was in his mega form.

He also called Serperior and ordered both to use leech seed on Rydons. The two fired the seeds and they hit the targets. Two more Rydons fell to the ground and were teleported away.

My god, how long are we going to have the protagonists chip away at the opposing army? And how long are they just going to let them?

However instead of the energy going to the grass pokemon they sent it to their flying comrades. In a matter of seconds both Aerodacytl and Pidgeot were ready to go. Both had returned to their mega forms and both had their energy back once more and back to full health. Latais was still in the fight for she was not going down that easily.

Blocking and dodging thousands of hyper beams is easy now? What kind of bullshit does the author intend for Team Nightfire to have, that’ll supposedly put up a challenge? Nuclear Electrodes?

She had trained hard before joining Ash. Ash was her friend someone she cared about and she was not going to let him down or let him die. She wanted him to marry his mates and have many children. She planned to remain by his side until she died or he died and if one of his children was worthy she would join them.

This has been another Moment of Resolve™. Because the author thinks we care.

She charged back into the battle and became a flurry of attacks. She aimed her attacks on the Rydon's. She wanted to take them down first. They were the ones she felt were the most dangerous at this point. Also they were the ones that were annoying her the most.

By now, half of this battle is nothing but unnecessary justification for character actions. Just have them fucking do shit, we’ll assume they have a good reason for it!

"My friends focus on the Nidoqueens, NidoKings and Kangaskhan's. I have these guys right where I want them." Latais spoke to her friends. The others nodded and the Rydons laughed and laughed hard. Now they all knew that fighting Latais was not easy to do but they figured their numbers would be too much for her. Latais flew in hard and fast with her wings she took them down one after the other. The Rydon's were attempting to hit her with powerful fists. She dodged and hit. None could hit her.

It’s easy when space and time warps to you will; isn’t that right, author?

In a matter of moments Latais had taken out all of the Rydons and they were sent to jail. Giovanni was not happy. More of his forces were being taken down. He was trying to figure out the weak point of his foes. He could not. Everyone of Ash's forces was too strong. No one was weak.

Speaking of a lack of weakness, why is no one using any type effective attacks? Hey, Giovanni, I think I found that weak point you’re looking for.

"Everyone focus on Charizard." Giovanni figured that would help a little bit. Charizard was happy to hear this. He looked at his comrades whom were tried.

"Take a few guys I will stall them." Charizard said. All did not like it but they all agreed that they needed time to recover even Latais. The Raticate's attacked him. He shot them with fire attacks. He then flew up high and when he reached about 300 feet in the air he dived bomb and when he got 30 feet high he attacked with a massive fire blast. He took out all of them and they were transported away.

Can we just skip to the end already? This is basically the same crap that’s been happening the entire battle.

The rest charged him and he started to attack with his fist. Sadly he got surrounded and he was in trouble. He was going to go down but he did not care. He heard a roar and landing in front of him was another Charizard it was a female and the two started to work together to us fire attacks to take the enemies.

"You should not have come." Charizard said. As he lunched a fire balst.

"I wanted to." The female Charizard said. As she used her tail to hit another foe.

"You are not needed." Charizard said.

"It looks like I am." She said.

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"Maybe we can talk later. I am busy helping my family." Charizard said.

A Nidoking attempted to attack the two but a powerful amount of water form Blastoise knocked him out. He looked at the female Charizard with a glare. He was not happy. All of the other Pokemon came up to fight and Ash's Pokemon gave her a deadly glare. They had a feeling what was going on and they were making it clear that if you mess with our buddy you mess with us.

Okay, apparently I read the mood wrong. What the fuck is their problem? She’s helping, for fuck’s sake! I may not have watched the majority of the show, but I’m genuinely lost as to how this is a bad thing.

She was a little bit freaked out. Team Rocket's force were quickly falling at this point all the Rydons had been take down and were transported away. All that were left were the Nidoking's, Nidoqueens and Kangaskhan's.

A powerful volley of hyper beams was shot out at the good guy's pokemon and they were protected by Latais with her protect. A quick counter attack was followed up by the Allied team and a few of the Nidoking's were taken down. The tide had turned the allied team was faster and stronger now. They had sensed the battle was almost over so they wanted to end it.

I could go off on how the author has no idea how to use idiomatic expressions, but I want this to be over too.

Ash moved and attacked the agents of Team Rocket head on. His girlfriends joined in this. They had all trained and learned martial arts.

Of course. Why not? Let’s pad out the story by having the humans do some fighting too. Fuck my life.

Three agents moved to attack Sabrina. She ducked a fist and punched that guy in the stomach and he fell to the ground. She had used her powers to make her attacks stronger. She jumped over the leg that was trying to trip her and landed and using the force of that landing she jumped back up and did a jumping side kick knocking that guy out. She quickly took the third guy out. The three were transported away. In the meantime the remaining Nidoqueens were taken down and transported away. This left the Nidokings and Kangaskhan's and they were mad.

This story reads like a fucking five year old describing his personal action hero movie scenario. The ones I’ve heard from actual kids were better.

Ericka was not as strong as the other yet. Ok that was not actually true she was strong she was just not as good in martial arts as she would have liked to be. She was going to fix that after this battle she knew. Despite all that she was still able to side step and knock out the agent that charged at her and then punch and duck and kick and punch again another agent. This resulted in the two being transported away. This left 432 agents left and that was not good.

No kidding, do you have any idea how many paragraphs we have to go through, if this shit goes on like this?

Cynthia charged and knocked out a few of them. She was able to use one punch for a simple reason she had a lot of power behind her. She had gained great strength over the years. She had built up massive amounts of muscles over the years. So her punches were like being hit by a rock. Her kick lets just say you did not want to be guy that got kicked in the family jewels by her and the author will leave it at that.

With the muscle fetish you seem to be building up; yeah, please do.

Whitney was strong she had trained with her pokemon and she took a lot of hits over the years so she was not someone to cross as the five agent's notices. Eight more had fallen thanks to the two meaning the total of team rocket agents left was 424.

The pokemon on team rockets side were falling and there was nothing the agents could do to stop it. After a short few minutes allied pokemon had taken them down and four more agents were taken down. It was now all of the 420 Team Rocket Agents and Giovanni vs the allied team. The allied pomeon had him and his agents back against a wall. The fire arms were taken and destroy.

Author, what kind of number do you think 420 actually is?! How can you think that 500 is intimidating, but that four fifths of it isn’t?! Please, clench your fist, stick out your thumb, and then punch yourself – repeat until my point gets across.

Despite all this Giovanni was smirking. One of his agents had brought a little girl to him. He placed her in front of him as a shield.

I ask you now, is there anything more adorable than an incompetent author trying to write a heartless villain? “Bring me the child! I must shield myself with the life of an innocent, that my enemy may be further justified in opposing my dastardly plots!” This shit couldn’t be funnier unless he drew a fucking target on the kid’s front.

Ash and the others ordered the pokemon to stand down. It was not needed. Even the female Charizard stood down for she did not like children being harmed.

"Let us go and I will let the child go." Giovanni said softly. Ash looked at his girlfriends, sister and new friend and they all nodded. Also the pokemon nodded as well. The choice was clear very clear.

He would have to adopt the child, whether it had parents or not.

Wait, no, don’t tell me that’s actually what’s going to happen. Don’t!

"Ok hand her over to me and I will let you guys go." Ash said. So Giovanni did just that. Many other bad guys would say he was foolish but Giovanni knew that when Ash gave his word he kept it. So the agents fled until it was only Giovanni left.

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As if the author didn’t already chicken out by not having anybody be killed, now he’s just letting four hundred criminals run for the hills, because a fifth of them have been captured, and none of them brought weapons or extra Pokémon. This has been one of the most amazing letdowns of my mocking career.

He pulled out the one lone weapon he had left. It was dart gun and he shot it at the little girl. Ash turned her around so he would take the dart. However Kana jumped in the way and it hit her in the neck. Giovanni got a good look at her for the first time.

Oh, hey, it’s Martyr Mom, just on time.

"You what are you doing?" He shouted at Kana and she just smiled despite the great pain she was in.

"Redemption." She said.

"Mark my words Ash I will return." Giovanni said and ran off.

So much for that “final battle for Team Rocket”, huh?

"Why did you do it Kana? Your daughter needs you?" Ash asked as he took her hand. She smiled.

"I was a top Team Rocket Scientist. I hurt so many and did so many horrible crimes. When Rose was born it gave me the courage to step away and say I need to stop this." Kana said but she started to cough and to cough hard.

"After she was born I got a virus at a lab. I knew I was going to die. I have no family at all. They are all dead. So I came here hoping to convince you to adopt Rose. I had no idea they were coming tonight." Kana said.

"Why me?" Asked Ash.

Oh, please, do tell.

"Despite what you went thought all the horrible things you had to witness you never lost you heart. Rose I knew would do well being raised by you. Please take care of her and please if you can take down Team Rocket once and for all." Kana said and closed her eyes forever. Ash checked for but could not feel a pulse. It only meant one thing and that was that Kana was dead.

Are we sure? With how the author has been pussyfooting through his nice and clean warzone, nothing short of a decapitation is going to convince me, that someone lost their mortal coil.

The little girl was holding on to Ash right now.

"What about me?" She asked in a scared voice.

"Do you have parents?" Ash asked and she shook her head no.

"I am an orphan. They left me behind one of those guys grabbed me." She said.

That doesn’t make you an orphan, that just makes you lost! Fucking hell, kid, what would you say if this separation happened at the mall?!

"What is your name?" Ash asked softly.

"I am Lucy." She said. Ash took a good look at her for the first time. She had long straight black hair and bright blue eyes.

"Do you want a home Lucy?" Ash asked. She nodded her head yes.

"Then come home with me and be my daughter. You will have two sisters hopefully two sisters." Ash said. Lucy ran to him and hugged him tightly.

Fucking hell, another one? Another one?! One daughter adopted out of the blue wasn’t enough for you, now you need to get TWO more on top? You have a problem, Ash!

He looked at Kana's Arcanine and Pyroar whom were by their trainer as she died.

"What about you two?" He asked. Arcanine spoke up.

"Darkness is coming and Rose needs us to look after her. Plus her partner is my daughter. So I am not leaving them. I wish to stay with you and join you." She said.

More daughters, more Pokémon, blah-blah-blah, just end already!

"I wish to aid you as well." Pyroar said. Ash nodded and he accepted the two pokeballs form them. He gently picked up Kana's body and everyone teleported away to the Battle Kingdom. What was once a fair full of fun and happiness was now empty and full of dread and death.

One death. ONE! Are you even talking about the same story here? I bet more people have lost their lives at the actual fair from accidents over the years.

They all flashed in and Hailey ran to her father and hugged him. Rose saw her mom and she knew that her mom was dead.

"I knew that she was sick. I knew she was going to die I did not think it would be this soon."

I’d like to think that whole dart gun to the neck had something to do with it, but I’m not even sure that did anything.

Rose said on the verge of tears. Ash pulled her into a hug as did the others.

"What happens now?" She asked.

"If you want I can adopt you and give you a home. Your mom asked me before the battle started." Ash said. In response Rose hugged him tighter. Lucy spoke up.

"I am sorry your mom died protecting me." Lucy said and she suspected that Rose would hit her. She was wrong very wrong for Rose hugged her.

What better revenge than growing up together with the constant resentment?

"Mom died doing what was right. I hope to someday be able to make her proud." Rose said.

"I think you already have. Hailey, Rose, and Lucy you three are now my daughters and are sisters. I promised to make you all strong and to help you in anyway I can." Ash said. He got back a chorus of ok daddy form all three.

When girls are this quick to call me daddy, I’m usually paying them.

Everyone was exhausted so they all went to sleep. The three girls cuddled up to Ash and his girlfriends did the same thing.

I suddenly regret my inappropriate use of innuendo. Don’t worry though, I can be “a bad boy” for the same price.

Delia went to a bed and the pokemon all just went to sleep. All knew that morning would bring some tuff stuff and a lot of emotions. For now all were happy that Team Rocket was weakened even more then before but unhappy that Kana had lost her life. All felt that despite the evil she had done she had earned redemption.

I would like to remind you all, that all Brock ever did was not to show up at a court trial. This woman, supposedly, did horrible things in Team Rocket’s name. Where is the fucking justice?

End of chapter. Sorry for the wait but writers block is killing me. Next chapter Rose learns the truth about her mother and runs away. Charizard and the female speak and a new pokemon joins Ash. Well old and new. You will see.

I hope I won’t, frankly, but that’s out of my hands. But like with a red-headed stepchild, I’ll put them on it once the situations requires.


What a letdown. Granted, the story has a ‘T’ rating, but that should at least be enough for the horrors of war to be a logical conclusion left unmentioned by the narrative. It seemed like the author was all pumped up in the chapter before this, and everything about this chapter just screams of last moment thought – especially the jail bit. I would honestly not be surprised, if I was told the author’s kid brother took over, that’s how far the narrative has regressed. Let’s hope the author can find a few more dying mothers to rack up the death count for next time.

"So... preparing to storm into the room, you jostle your badger, kick down the door, and throw it at the thug standing inside." - Moment from my D&D campaign.

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Post #26
Darth Nightmaricus


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post Oct 1 2016, 02:40 PM
Oh hey Stabby.

If you're looking for something less...depressing, there's still some WitChan "lemons" around I think. They'll give you a laugh at the sheer stupidity.
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Critically Sarcastic

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post Oct 2 2016, 01:55 PM
As tempting as that is, I've been stalling on my ongoing mock of The Mystery of Francis for long enough. Witchan will have to wait for another time.

"So... preparing to storm into the room, you jostle your badger, kick down the door, and throw it at the thug standing inside." - Moment from my D&D campaign.

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Critically Sarcastic

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post Jan 21 2017, 02:45 AM
Boy, this fanfic just won’t stop. Once again, GorillaGamer tipped me off to its revival, and once again I’m going to mock it. Last time, Ash and his entourage managed to fight off a massive yet impotent attack from Team Rocket, Giovanni escaped, and Ash decided to adopt yet another orphaned girl, bringing the total count up to three. And now, since the author had his fill of pulse-dulling action, the story resumes dragging its heels. Enjoy.


Chapter 12

I own nothing at all about this.

I knew you’d lose both confidence and pride in your work at some point.

Ash woke up with his daughters and girlfriends next to him. He looked at Lucy and Rose. He could tell that Lucy was ok. She was still a little scared but that was to be expected in this case.

What case? You mean the getting spontaneously orphaned and adopted during a terrorist attack, or the spending the night in bed with a bunch of strangers?

Rose, Ash had to watch her for the next couple of days to make sure she was going to be ok. He suspected that she would lose it in the next few days and he knew she was going to be hit hard. She was not last night for the news had not really sunk in. He knew she was lose it but he did not know how hard or when she would he just knew she would.

Because child psychology is totally another facet of Ash’s diverse skillset.

Hailey Ash knew would help her sisters so he was not worried about her.

As is to be expected of the golden child, she who is pure and without sin – blessed is all that she touches.

Ash thought about the battle. He, his girlfriends, and sister and they pokemon took down much of Team Rockets forces. However, they still had many agents that got away.

Meaning they can still play stooge villains, while the author figures out what the fuck to do with Team Night Fire.

He was angry about that for it seemed that once again Giovanni was going to harm more. However, he was able to save Lucy and that was enough for him. He wished that Kana had not died. He added her name to the list of people and pokemon that had been killed by Team Rocket. Sadly the list was fast becoming a large one.

I’m sorry, am I reading the wrong fanfic? So far, Kana is the only person we’ve seen killed by Team Rocket, every other off-screen death you attributed to the non-existent boogeymen from Team Night Fire – and even then the total sum can still be counted on one hand.

Ash got up and was able to not wake anyone up how he did that was amazing.

What’s really amazing is that he already had a bed to fit that many people.

He starts to make food. Mew came flying over and hugged Ash.

"What is troubling you?" She asked.

"We were so close last night. Once again he will harm others. I do not know what to do." Ash said.

"That is a lie. You are not worried about that." Mew said as a matter of fact. Ash sighed.

Oh, good, for a moment there Ash almost had a redeeming flaw.

"He, they are going to hurt my family and that has me scared." Ash said.

"I understand but you are not alone we will all fight." Sabrina said as she hugged Ash.

Isn’t it nice how you can have a conversation that abruptly changes partners between sentences?

Ash smiled she was right. The two started to make food and served it to the adults as they got up. The girls were asleep still. Ash was going to let them sleep for they really needed the sleep.

What they need is the police. You can’t just abduct kids and call them yours, Ash.

He went to check on Esepeon or would have but she jumped on him and started to lick his check.

"I am so glad you are ok Ash." She started to cry. Ash pulled her close and hugged her.

"It's ok I am ok." Ash said.

"I could not see your future." She said. This truly scared her for Esepeon's had the ability to see into their trainer's future to be able to protect them.

No, Espeons can’t do that. Their Pokédex entries state that they can use their fine hairs to read air-currents, and thus predict their opponents’ moves. It has nothing to do with actual precognition.

This was what made Esepeon so popular amongst old ruler's of the past. Ash's could see his future mostly but not that time and it worried her and scared her. She jumped on his shoulder. Ash and the others went to sit with the girls to make sure they were ok.

So we’re not going to address why Espeon’s future vision failed? I guess there isn’t a foreseeable point in it.

Hailey was the first to wake up. She hugged her father tightly. She also hugged her aunts and grandmother. She was happy to see her father alive.

Oh, just as happy as when she saw him at the end of the previous chapter?

Lucy woke up next she tackled Ash and hugged him. She was scared that it was all a dream but seeing Ash and her sisters there she was thrilled.

Thrilled that she had been abandoned by her parents in a terrorist attack.

Last was Rose. She woke up and saw Ash and she tackled and hugged him and started to cry. It hit her at last that her mom was dead. She knew it last night but now she knew it was for real. At least she had someone that would take care of her. It still hurt that her mom was dead however.

Such wordplay, such literal finesse, truly this depiction of agonizing loss could only be matched by the tragedy of spilled milk!

Her family hugged her close to them letting her know that she was ok. It still hurt but she would get better in the end.

Meanwhile outside in the field where Ash's pokemon lived a stare down was underway. On one side were Ash's pokemon and his girlfriend's pokemon all around Charizard. On the other side was the female Charizard all by herself. By the way her name was Ruby.

By the way, I don’t give a fuck. At least tell us what their beef is with her.

She was nervous for all the other pokemon were looking at her with an evil glare. Many were in an attack stance just waiting to do that.

"Can we talk alone?" She asked Charizard.

"No these guys are my family or soon to be family. So what you have to say you can say in front of them." He said. All the other Pokemon that had not already done it got into an attack stance. Something Ruby did not fail to notice by the way.

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Am I missing something here? Is there some obscure episode of the show I’m unaware off, where this lady lizard blue balled Ash’s Charizard or what?

"Ok I want to be your mate." Ruby said. This caused Charizard to get very mad. His tail flared and the fire on it got larger and hotter in a matter of seconds. It was for the record the hottest and largest he had ever produced.

"You told me I was not good enough. Why now?" He growled at her. Pikachu was on Charizards shoulder and he was discharging sparks form his checks. He was anger as well. It may not seem like it but Pikachu and Charizard were great friends.

Can we get back to how this female Pokémon’s request for a booty call results in unmitigated hatred, please?

"I was forced to say that. I was forced by another. He wanted me as his mate. He said he was going to kill Liza if I did not." Ruby said. (No Ruby does not belong to Liza. Liza is friendly with all the Charizard's that are in the valley.)

Liza? Wasn’t her Charizard named Charla? Why did you need to go invent a random female Charizard, author?

Alakazam looked into her mind and started to search. Ruby knowing what was going on did not fight at all. She was at this point ready to die. One way or another she was either going to get what she wanted or she was going to die.

Regardless of how completely fatalistic and cooperative she is, can I just point out how fucking inconsiderate and rude Alakazam is? Reading someone’s mind without their permission is breaking privacy barriers beyond any Orwellian fantasy. At least a proctologist will give you the heads up before fingering your prostate; I’d like to think invading your mind has a bit more demand for consent.

"She is telling the truth." Alakazam said. He transferred the memory to Charizard. So that he could see for himself. Charizard was not sure what to do. He sat down, closed his eyes and started to think. He saw it all. The look of pain on Ruby's face when she told him the words that broke him until he was told that Ash needed him.

Did we really need this soap opera, author? Are you really that bankrupt for plot?

He saw the look of joy on her face when the Charizard in question was killed.

How classy. So what list are we going to put this murder on, then?

He saw her look of glee when she found him.(Meaning Ash's Charizarid.) So to him the answer was easy. He loved Ruby and always did. So he spoke.

"Ok I want you as my mate as well." Charizard said. Ruby was truly happy for the first time in months.

"However if you hurt my family I will destroy you." Charizard said. Ruby nodded this was fair.

Ahh, love with the threat of violence – the best kind.

"Also you must join Ash's team and get stronger." Charizarrd said. Ruby nodded once more that was fair. She knew evil was coming and she liked and respected this Ash he had power a lot of power. Ruby could sense it. However, Ash also was kind and caring and did not willing harm others.

I feel like people aren’t just able to read Ash like and open book, but more like they are judging him by the cover of said book.

Ash came out when he was called by his friends.

"How are the girls?" Pikachu asked. Ash sighed.

"As well as can be expected. Hailey is fine she is more concerned about her sister well-being. Lucy is happy she had a home. Rose is hurt but she is holding strong for now." Ash said.

"She is going to break and break hard in the next few days." Ash said.

Then how about scheduling an appointment with a therapist to coincide with her mental breakdown, Mr. Father-of-the-Year?

"Then we will all be there for her." Flame said. Ash smiled at that.

"Ok so what is it you need?" Ash asked.

"I am Ruby and I wish to join your family." She said. Ash pulled out a pokeball and placed it on the ground. Ruby tapped it with her claw and was sucked in. Ash picked up the ball and called her out.

No questions. No curiosity. Ash just sees a free Pokémon and he claims it. Much like potential daughters.

"Welcome to the family Ruby." Ash said with a smile. Ruby smiled as well.

"I am glad to be a part of it." Ruby said with a smile. Ash pulled out his pokedex and scanned her. He discovered that she had all the attacks Charizard had. He also noticed that she had a mega stone it was the same as Charizard. Ash smiled now all he needed to do was bond with Ruby.

Yes, and I’m sure they’ll be great at bonding, what with Ash’s rich personality of the author’s wish fulfillment and Ruby’s one character trait of wanting to fuck Charizard.

Ash had to go back to the pokemon, the ones that were captured and see how much they wanted this fight. The humans were sent to jail and they started to talk and talk fast. The Pokemon were different all but one did not want to fight in the battle. The rest they wanted to just be free so Ash let them go expect for a NidoKing, NidoQueen, Farrow,Rydon and a Kangakhan the rest went free.

In other words, he had his pick from among Team Rocket’s slaves before he discarded the rest.

Persian he was tricky he wanted to kill Ash however Ash pointed out that he had been left behind and that Giovanni did not care about him. Ash showed him the memories and Persian saw how little his old master had cared. Persian was upset he did not know what to do.

"You have two options. Join me or go free but know this. If you even think about harming my family I will end you." Ash said. Persian thought about it. He could have and he could get back at Giovanni. It was a win/win for him. He nodded his head that he wanted to join.

It’s almost like loyalty only exists if it benefits the protagonist.

A collar was put on him that tracked all of his movements. Ash promised if he was good it would be taken off. Persian settled into the family and three days later it was removed. He had found a new master and a new friend.

Things had slowly gone back to normal the next couple of days. Dawn won her contest destroying her foes. Everyone had gone home; Lucy had warmed up to her new home. Kana's Pyroar reveled that she had a daughter a little Litelo who when she was called out bonded with Lucy right away. Her name was Ignite.

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Sure, why not, do go on, uh huh, if you keep expositing maybe the chapter will be over sooner.

Sadly as things were getting back to normal Rose discovered the letter that her mom wrote to her. She noticed that it was sealed meaning no one had read it, Ash was not going to read it. The reason being it was not meant for him it was for Rose's eyes only. She took it out and read it and her whole world came crashing down even harder than it was before.

If it’s telling her she was adopted, it’s kind of a moot point by now.

Dear Rose,

If you are reading this letter then it mean's you are 16 years old at the very least and I am dead. When I was young I wanted to make the world a better place. I wanted one were humans and pokemon lived together in peace. So when I left college after studying all branches of science I joined an organization that was planning on making the world better.

“I joined a hippie commune. The shame still haunts me to this day.”

Sadly, I found out way to late that was not the case or least not what I had imagined it would be. They wanted to make the world a better place but they wanted to do it by taking over the world and making the leader of the organization the supreme ruler of the world. The organization I joined was Team Rocket.

Team Rocket, making the world better by stealing your Pokémon – such a catchy slogan.

I created many machines that they used. I did test on humans and pokemon. I did so many horrible things. I was into too deep. If I left they would have killed me. I did not have the courage to leave. Then you came into my life and I had to leave. I connected Ash and gave him information. I could never tell him it was me for I was afraid that he would be mad for I have created machines that helped cause him pain.

Oh, finally we learn who Ash’s inside informant was. Kind of seems contrived that they’d meet up at the carnival and that Team Rocket attacked when they did, but why sweat the small stuff; why did she write this letter as if knowing Ash would immediately adopt her daughter?!

I am telling you this so you know the truth. Know that I will always love you and wish you will in life.

Love mom.

Rose started to cry and she dropped the letter and ran out of the house and started to run into the forest and the woods and did not look back.

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She could not go back. She felt that her new father would hate her. She knew her mom was a part of Team Rocket but she never knew her mom was evil.

I must have missed the postscript diabolical laughter in the letter. Seriously, what gave her that idea?

She never knew that her mom had hurt her new dad. She figured she would not be wanted.

It was an hour later when Ash called his daughters for dinner that he noticed Rose was not there. He went looking for her and could not find her. He then found the opened the letter and read it. It was at this point he knew what had happened. He goes out and calls his pokemon to him.

"Everyone Rose has left she is missing please find her. Take to the sky, the land and the sea." Ash said.

How about you just restrict the search to the nearby area? She’s a little kid, I don’t think she can get that far in an hour.

All at once Ash's pokemon got into positon and started searching. They could not find her and it had been two hours at this point. Ash was searching along with Lucy and Hailey.

Rose had run into a clearing and she started to cry and cry hard. She had her Growlithe who she named Flare with her. She was as I said before crying hard really hard.

Oh, thank you, I completely forgot what I read just a sentence ago.

She was scared. She wanted to go back to her daddy but she was scared he would reject her. However, she was also scared that she would be hurt in the woods. She was stuck she needed help. Also she had badly injured her leg and walking was painful for her.

"Do not cry little one." Rose heard a voice and looking up she sees a strange yet at the same time a beautiful woman.

The fuck?

She has a long rainbow dress. Her hair is rainbow color and her eyes are a brown. Rose should be scared but this woman was giving off a feeling of safety.

"Why are you upset little one?" the woman asked gently. So Rose started to tell her.

"He won't want me." Rose ended with.

"That is not true right now he, his pokemon, and your sisters are looking for you. He saw the letter he just wants you back." The woman said and that made Rose feel a lot better.

I guess Ash never told her not to talk to strangers.

She tried getting up but the pain in her leg was too great. Flare whom was in her pokeball had jumped out and tried to help carry Rose but she could not.

"Go and get Daddy." Rose said. Flare did not want to leave her friend but she knew it was the best chance. So she licked Rose's check and ran off. The woman came over and sit next to Rose and held her in her arms to comfort the young girl.

Are we at least going to get a name on this mysterious, omniscient stranger? Or should I just go straight to calling her Rainbow Tits?

Flare started to smell and after a few seconds she found Ash and the others including her mom.

"She is this way follow me." Flare said. At this Arcaine, Pyroar and Ash charged forward. The find Rose on the ground and she is holding her leg. Ash can tell that it is in pain a great amount of pain.

Not as much pain as I’m in from your repetitive statements.

He goes to her and gently, without hurting her, picks her up and cradles her in his arms. He finally notices the woman.

"Thank you for helping my daughter. Come on I need to get her home to treat her leg." Ash said.

"Ok Ash." The woman said. Ash did not worry about the fact that this woman knew his name he would worry about that later. Right now his daughter needed him.

Sure, don’t at all question the brown-eyed rainbow that you found in the presence of your lost child; I’m sure she’s no one special anyway.

He reached out with his mind. He had a mental connection with all of his pokemon.

Because of course he does.

"Everyone we have her. She is safe please return home." Ash said. All the pokemon got the message and were happy to hear that news. So they all turned around and made it home. Rose was with her daddy holding on tightly.

"I am sorry for running away daddy." She said sadly.

I’m sorry Ash is such a shitty parent, that he didn’t find a safer place to keep that letter.

"Don't be sorry. I understand the reason behind it. Just please don't do that. Once I discovered you had left I got scared." Ash said and this only served to make Rose feel really bad. Ash gently lifted her head up.

"Don't be upset. You are safe and that is all that matters." Ash said.

Safe? With you? Did you miss the five hundred people that tried to kill you?!

"Also I am not letting you go. I want you as my daughter and nothing will change that. I love you and am happy to be you father." Ash said and Rose smiled and cuddled deeper into her father's arms. Ash and the strange woman and all the pokemon got home. All the pokemon could sense who she really was. She begged them to not tell yet. They all agreed to that for now. Latais made it known that she would tell shortly if the woman did not.

Oooh, shenanigans. Anyone remember when this story had a murder-revenge plot? Yeah, me too.

Ash got home and put Rose on her bed. He then started to use his aura and started to heal her leg. It was very easy to do. She was able to get up and accept the hug form her two sisters. Both of whom told her never to run away again. Ash finally turned to the strange woman.

"Who are you? I am not ungrateful for what you have done but I am confused at who you are." Ash said. The woman nodded.

If she’s someone important, why did she wait for Rose to run away in order to slide into Ash’s life?

"You saw me on the first day you started your journey." She said. Ash started to think. That day he only saw a few humans and all of them he knew beforehand. He had never met this woman he would remember this woman. However he started to think harder and he noticed her hair and dress. Both of which were rainbow colored as a reminder. It was then that it clicked for Ash.

He remembered his first acid trip.

The woman smiled a bright smile when she noticed Ash had gotten it. She bowed her head and a glowing light surrounded her. Her arms turned into wings with rainbow colored feather. Her feet into talons and her face into a beak. Once the light died down a pokemon was standing there. It was Hailey the spoke the name.

"Ho-Ho" She said and Ho-Ho smiled.

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Ho-ho-holy shit, my sides! How hard is it to look these fucking names up, author?

"You are corrected Hailey. I made the right choice in guiding you to Ash." She said softly her voice very regel. Hailey was confused by this.

"I felt the spark you have and knew that you should be with Ash as his daughter. So I guided everyone." Ho-Ho said.

First Mewtwo, and now Ho-Oh? How many manipulative Pokémon do we need, and why the fuck should they care about Ash’s family life?

Hailey ran for Ho-Ho and hugged her. Ho-Ho was taken by surprise. She turned back to her human form and gently hugged the girl.

"Thank you." Hailey said. Ho-Ho smiled and turned back to her true form.

It looked like a jolly fat man in a red coat.

Hailey then went back to her father and cuddle up to him. Ash smiled and pulled all of his daughters to him.

"Thank you for helping my daughter." Ash said.

"You are welcome my friend. I wish to join your family." Ho-Ho said. Ash's face was stunned he was shocked really shocked. At this all of his pokemon started to laugh.

"You should not be surprised by this." Ho-Ho said with a lot of humor in her voice.

Funny, I was about to say the same thing, only I’m not laughing.

"True, but it is still stunning that this is happening." Ash said and Ho-Ho looked confused by this.

"Why I have watched you your whole life. I have protected you and guided you." Ho-Ho said and Ash was stunned again. He never knew he has this powerful guardian helping him.

"Why did you do that?" Ash asked.

"I saw your heart when you were born. I could sense it and it got me interested. I then watched you and learned all about you. Since then I gave you my blessing and now I can join you and help you." Ho-Ho said.

That still doesn’t explain why. What is so special about Ash? I keep seeing this again and again in fanfics. Ash is the chosen one, Ash is favored by the god Pokémon, Ash is special, but they never bother to describe WHY. I get it though – they use Ash as a blank slate for their wish fulfillment – that’s fine. But could they be fucking bothered to establish what makes him deserving of the attention of the beings, who control the fundamental forces of the universe in the first place?

Ash smiled and placed the pokeball on the ground. She tapped it with her break and she was sucked in. Ash picked up the pokeball and the called her out. Later that night after the girls were in bed Ash was outside in the garden just thinking.

"You are troubled." Ho-Ho said. Ash nodded.

Everyone can read Ash’s mind, psychic or not.

"What was Kana really like? Is it all true?" Ash asked. Ho-ho knew what she was asking. Ash had not yet spoken to Rose on the topic that was there and he wanted as much information as possible to be able to better help his daughter. Ho-Ho sighed and transformed to her human form.

"Sadly yes, it is all true. Team Rocket when they first recruited they were not evil. In fact, Giovanni was not in charge he was second in command." Ho-Ho said and Ash was shocked to his core, something he never thought would happen.

And yet it seems to happen a lot, doesn’t it?

Ho-Ho had to smile it was hard to shock Ash these days that was a win for her.

"I am guessing Giovanni killed the leader." Ash said and Ho-Ho nodded that was correct.

"He also buried all records of the original leader." Ho-Ho added and Ash figured that was the case.

"So Team Rocket started out with a simple goal. There was to protect. They wanted to protect the world. They wanted to build it up and make things better. However, some wanted to take over the world." Ho-Ho said.

Yes, now I can clearly see why they would name themselves after an incendiary weapon.

"Kana she believed that her machines were helping to repair the damage done to the Earth." Ho-Ho said.

"Which machines?" Ash asked. Ho-Ho should have been nervous but she knew how her friend would react.

"About 40 percent of the machines you had to battle with Jessie and James were built and designed by her." Ho-Ho said. Ash was stunned he was truly taking care of the daughter of the woman that had indirectly tried to kill him. The world truly was strange.

By that margin, I’m sure Kana must have designed at least one of Team Rocket’s giant, Pokémon shaped abduction mechs. Repairing the Earth indeed.

"So what happened with Kana?" Ash asked.

"Well it took about five years for Giovanni to take full control and change the mission. Anyone that went against him had themselves and their families killed. Kana did the only think should could think of to protect her parents and later her daughter and that was go along with it." Ho-Ho said sadly.

If you knew all of this, why didn’t you do something, oh Pokémon-of-Christmas-Spirit?

"To protect herself emotionally she had to become cold and borderline evil. When Rose was two she saw what she needed to do. She started to help bring down Team Rocket. After your trial she started to feed you information. She did get sick and she set it up so that you would take care of her daughter." Ho-Ho said.

"She knew it was risky but it was the only way to protect her." Ho-Ho said. Ash had a thoughtful look on his face.

Because, as we all know, the police is merely a myth.

"I am not mad at all at her. I will take care of Rose. Kana never wanted to hurt anyone. She had a good heart and is kind. She did not deserve to die that way. I will honor her wish's and I will make sure she would not have died in vain." Ash said.

“At least we could exploit her death and her daughter’s grief to patch all these plot holes we’ve been making.”

End of chapter. Stay tuned for the next chapter a date and Ash is put on trial by the Village of the Dragons. Also a fight with May and Max. Why did they turn their backs on Ash? Find out next time.

Unless they’ve somehow been recruited by Team Night Fire, I fail to see why the story should waste time on more character bashing.

War count as of now.

Battle of Village of the Dragons.

Good Guys.

Kana killed.

Bad Guys.

Team Rocket lost all Pokemon to being captured and hundreds of agents to the same fate.



So far, nothing more has been accomplished than increasing the complexity of Ash’s household dynamics, and even pretend drama can’t be kept for more than a handful of paragraphs. Also, the name misspellings just hit an all-time hilarity high. This story just keeps on giving. I wonder what rampant mess the next chapter will turn out to be.

"So... preparing to storm into the room, you jostle your badger, kick down the door, and throw it at the thug standing inside." - Moment from my D&D campaign.

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Post #29

Critically Sarcastic

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Member No.: 660
Gender: Male

post Apr 19 2017, 06:23 AM
Surprise! Yet another update for this story has reared its ugly head. My thanks goes out to GorrillaGamer for pointing it out to me. Now, I’m itching to dive right into this, so I’ll lay out the premise real quick for those who might have forgotten. Ash is a child abducting/adopting polygamist, who is out to build an army to defeat not only Team Rocket but also someone supposedly worse than them. Oh, and the story is built upon another fanfic, where Ash was put on trial for the murders of Prof. Oak and Tracey. I think that about covers it. Enjoy.


Chapter 13

This chapter May and Max's reason for staying behind and Ash is put on trial once more.

On kidnapping charges, hopefully. At least this now acknowledges that the trial in Tracker-02’s story did in fact happen, so when are we going to address Ash’s hair-extending aura powers?

Dawn was beyond happy right now. She had won her contest and was now on her way to The Grand Festival. It had been four weeks since the battle of the Village of the Dragons. (As it was being called anyway)

It’s being called that, because that’s its fucking name. It was named thusly due to the local community’s interest in Dragon-types. Why would you even think to second-guess this?

She had a great boyfriend and even greater sisters. Her life was awesome and she was looking forward to the day that Ash would ask her to marry him. She could feel it in her heart that he was going to ask her. All of her sisters had talked about it and all felt it.

More distractions from the plot, how wonderful.

None of them had fully meet Lucy or Rose yet. Ash felt that they were not quite ready yet and they all agreed with that.

And since no dissenting opinion is ever, EVER, brought up, it makes them all appears like brainwashed bimbos.

Lucy and Rose had meet them and they like the women but only thought of them as friends of their dads like aunts. Hailey had been told what they were doing.

Dawn had made it to the Festival, Ash and his daughters were going to come and cheer her own. Dawn's good mood quickly died however when she saw two people. One a woman and the other a boy close to man. It was May and Max.

Ladies and gentlemen, your bashing victims for the evening.

They had not responded to Ash at all since the trail. Ash tried everything and they refused to listen to him.

And by tried everything, the author means only bringing up May once as a reference point about how pissed off he were at her. Truly, Ash has tried his best to mend their friendship.

It hurt Ash a lot that two of his closest friends would turn their backs on him after all they had done together.

May when she saw Dawn a huge smile appeared on her face. She ran up to her friend. Dawn turned around and walked the other way. This caused May to start shouting to her friend who ignored her. May ran faster but Dawn had ducked and hid.

But since the author had ignored any and all scene descriptions, May easily spotted her in the void.

Using her phone she called Ash.

"What is up?" Ash asked.

"Two of the traitors are here." Dawn said.

How many are there on the list at this point? I honestly can’t recall anyone else, and don’t tell me Brock is still on it.

Ash's heat dropped at this.

"Who?" He asked.

"May and Max. She tried to talk to me but I ran form her." Dawn said.

Max was sort of just forgotten, and he blended into the inexistent background.

"You do not have to do that Dawn. She is your friend." Ash said.

"She was your friend to. She would not have made it without you helping her. If you had not given her confidence and kindness and friendship she would have failed." Dawn said.

How many times is Ash going to get the credit for other people’s success?

"Yes but that is no reason for you to not be her friend." Ash said.

"Yes, it is my love. I am your girlfriend. If I am friends with a traitor it says I do not care about you." Dawn said with a gentle voice.

Or it would provide some nuance to the conflict and show that not every issue is purely black and white. But that would subtract from the author’s petty wish fulfillment, so why have that?

"I know how you feel about me Dawn. Your friends do not say anything about you." Ash said also with a gentle voice.

"Look I am not going to tell you what to do but please don't ruin your friendships because of me." Ash said.

"We will see you in a little bit. I love you." Ash said.

"I love you to Ash. See you soon." Dawn said and hung up her phone. Dawn was not upset at Ash for his words. She understood what he was saying.

Had he been speaking Spanish, then she wouldn’t have understood him and would be quite upset.

He was not defending May he was only telling Dawn that she should not give up her life for him. It made Dawn feel happy, she knew she had found the right guy someone that was not at all controlling and someone that loved her for her. It brought great joy to her.

We fucking get it, author. All praise Ash Ketchum, boyfriend of the millennium! There’s no point in establishing how many inches of his cock each one of his girlfriends wants inside of them – we already know.

Dawn walked to her area that had been assigned to her so she could practice and she called out her pokemon. They all came up to hug her and they started to trained and get ready for the contest. Her Flareon started to growl after about ten minutes. (Flareon and Dawn it just fits her not sure why it just works to me anyway.)

You could use those same words in defense of this entire fanfic. And they would be just as uninspiring and weak, if disappointingly fitting.

All Dawn was able to understand was traitor. She did not know what her friend was talking about. All of her pokemon walked to her and got into an attack stance. It was at last that Dawn understood.

She didn’t figure it out from the word ‘traitor’? She used the exact same word ten minutes ago – what kind of brain damage does she have?

For standing before her and her family was none other than May and Max. Now all of Dawn's pokemon really liked Ash. I mean really liked him.

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I don’t have to say anything, you’re already thinking it.

Dawn's pokemon were not the only ones. All of his girlfriend's pokemon liked Ash and his daughters.

So anyone that might have harmed Ash or their other human friends was a goner.

Does the author even know that pets can come in other flavors than rabid?

On another note all of the women's pokemon like each other. All of the pokemon liked the humans in their lives. All would obey any of the humans. Dawn's pokemon looked ready to kill.

Why are we expected to think this is a good thing? This speaks of poor animal training if anything.

May was able to tell this. This did not stop her from trying to talk to Dawn however.

"Dawn there you are I was trying to find you." May said.

"I know did you not notice that I ignored you and hid from you. Also did you not notice that my pokemon want to rip you apart." Dawn said slash asked.

She probably did, but how is she going to get an explanation otherwise?

"Why did you do that?" May asked.

"I do not like speaking to traitors." Dawn said as she and her pokemon got up and walked away.

"What you are talking about? I have never betrayed you." May said. Dawn was about to answer when she is tackled in a hug by a small missile. Looking down she sees that it is Hailey.

Ugh. The golden child. What winsome machinations will she weave this time?

Hailey once she gets up pulls out her phone that her daddy got her and called him.

"Daddy I found Auntie Dawn." Hailey said. Ash smiled and called Lucy and Rose and they all started to head towards the location that Hailey had mentioned. Yes the girls had split up but they had their pokemon with them and one or two of Ash's.

Can you ever not put an addendum to every single paragraph you write, author?

Dawn smiled and pulled Hailey into a hug.

"Ok so I know that you did not leave your father that is good." Dawn said. Hailey looked up and noticed Max and May. She did not know who they were at first until a few seconds had gone by. She called out Spark and Spark got ready into an attack stance. All of Dawn's Pokemon had gotten into an attack stance and many had moved to protect Hailey making very clear that no one was going to harm the little girl with them around.

Okay, seriously, what is it with all of this fucking hostility? I get being angry with them, but acting as if expecting a physical attack at any moment is psychotic. Animal behavior like this would lead to euthanasia in any decent society.

"It is one of the traitors to daddy. What is she doing her?" Hailey asked with an evil look.

Oh-ho! The little bundle of joy is capable of malice – who would have thought? How does she recognize them, though? This is the first time May and Max even appears in this story.

"I do not know. I was about to walk away until you came and tackled me. By the way that was very good." Dawn said. Hailey smiled.

"Daddy says I am getting better at them." Hailey said with joy in her voice. Ash had started to train his daughters in the four weeks since the battle. All of them had gotten stronger.

Yes, it was very good of them not to do the training that would make them weaker.

Now they were not ready to take on anyone yet but they were on the right path. In a few weeks they would be ready to take on novice trainers and win.

May was confused very confused and Max did not care too much at all. He did not understand why he was here expect to support his big sister.

Then why the hell did he come at all? Author, you could at least give the guy a valid reason to walk into your line of bashing fire.

May tried to talk to Dawn but a shot of fire was sent at her. May was not happy by that.

"Tell your fox to not shoot me with fire." May told Hailey.

"She does not like traitors. Auntie Dawn does not want to talk to you." Hailey said.

I doubt she wants to talk to the police either, but that will happen if you keep letting your pets threaten the lives of people around you.

"Why is everyone calling me that?" May shouted. She got an answer but not form where she expected.

"That is what people are called that do not help their friends when they are on trial for their very lives." A voice said form behind her. May knew that voice but she was scared which to her was odd since that voice usual brought her claim and peace. Turning slowly around she sees Ash and two little girls by his side. May is about to run up and hug him but an even more powerful blast of fire is sent at her and miss's her by mere centimeters this fire coming from Flame.

Did May not get her own memo or something? She broke up with Ash, or at least we were told so. She thought him guilty of the murders, why would she act in any way like this?

"May, Max please do not bug me anymore. I wish for nothing to do with you." Ash said. Ash had called out Gardevoir. She scanned the minds of May and Max. She was really hoping that they were like Iris. She was heartbroken when a few minutes later she turned to her friend.

"They knew about the trail. They thought you were guilty of the crimes you were accused of." Gardevoir said with sadness in her voice. Her friend was finally on the road to happiness and now he had to face these traitors.

And yet May was going to run up to Ash an hug him like nothing ever happened. Do you not see a big, fat, fucking glaring contradiction when you write it yourself, author?

"Ash the evidence against you was strong." May said she did not understand Gardevoir she just knew what had happened and guessed what Ash was thinking about.

"Ash you should not help her. She is a waste of your time. She will never amount to anything. She is useless. She will fail. She will fall apart at the first loss." Ash said. May was confused by this.

So am I, when the protagonist spontaneously talks to himself about the person he’s talking to.

"Everyone told me that about you on many different occasions." Ash said. May was stunned and horrified by this.

"You know what I said to these people." Ash asked. May shock her head.

I want to know who those people were, honestly. They seem made up simply for effect.

"I told them that the May I know is strong. The May I know can do it, she just needs to believe she can do it." Ash said.

"I never once gave up on you. Yet you did on me." Ash said. Max at this point was mad.

And it would be tragic, if it weren’t such a fucking cliché. They had every reason not to side against him, yet they did, because contrived conflict is still a conflict that you can use to make your protagonist unjustly antagonized.

"Ash that is not fair the proof was there it was clear you were guilty." Max said with fire in his voice.

"We had no choice." Max added with much less fire.

"There is always a choice. You could have believed in your heart the truth." Ash said.

Because if every evidence point to a single fact, you should always reserve the right to be stubborn and irrational. Ignoring the defense mechanism of every anti-scientific belief out there, I have a thing or two to say about this whole thing, so I hope you’ll indulge my rantings for a bit.

This goes back to the original story, where Ash was found passed out in a pool of blood in Prof. Oak’s lab. Police shows up, finds him on the scene, and bases the arrest on him being there and a cryptic message written in blood on the wall. Instantly, this evidence is enough to make May and Max, Ash’s girlfriend and one of his best friends, believe that Ash is guilty of murder. Now, from the standpoint of the law enforcement, this evidence is convincing. People are crazy and unpredictable, weirder things have happened. But to someone that knows Ash, who knows his character and relationship with the victims, this evidence is bupkis – it’s laughably unconvincing, ridiculous to even consider, and no one but a two-faced, backstabbing sociopath would jump on it. And yet May and Max did. Because the author dictated it. Why he did is a separate issue, my problem is that it was so contrived and poorly executed; you could see the author pull every string of the marionettes.

The evidence against Ash couldn’t have been less convincing. The entire justification for May and Max’s betrayal is fucking amateurish. But it didn’t have to be. In the world of Pokémon, the potential is rife with tools of manipulation. Witnesses could have seen someone disguised as Ash enter and leave Prof. Oak’s lab at the time of the murder. A grass Pokémon could have dosed Ash with sleep powder and have him dragged along to the scene of the crime. A psychic Pokémon could have forced Ash to commit the murders and made him forget afterwards; a videotape of it would have closed the case. It bothers me that in stories like these, where the author wants to portray their protagonist as the unjustly accused and betrayed victim, that no thought is put into the believability of it – portraying the turncoats as morons as a result. The sense of doubt in the protagonist’s innocence should be so convincing, even the readers should start to question it. Instead, it’s always just the author picking his teams, behind a smoke-screen so thin that it couldn’t trigger a fire alarm.

Max took out a pokeball and threw it to the ground. A Gardevoir appeared. Ash sighed his Gardevoir stepped forward.

Attached Image

"Do you really think you can beat me Max?" Ash said.

"Yes I can beat you." Max said with confidence.

A month ago, Ash helped beat back an army of domestic terrorists. What kind of news media does this world have, since Max seems entirely unaware of this fact?

"Gradevoir use psybeam." Max said.

"Dodge and hit him with your own." Ash said. She did just that and ducked and fired her pysbeam. Max's Gradevoir was knocked into a tree and was out for the count. Max and May were stunned.

I’m stunned, too. That tree is the first bit of scene description we’ve gotten all chapter.

"A lot has changed now if you excuse us we have to go." Ash said.

"Ash look I am sorry. I am sorry ok. I saw the reports and I saw the picture of you with blood on your hands. I saw it all." May said and she started to cry but she stopped herself for now. She could not show any tears she knew.

"I saw it and I was in shock. I was scared. It was not until the trail was over that I saw the truth of what I knew in my heart." May said. She had to take a pause to hold back the tears that were trying to escape.

I guess she just thought not contacting Ash to apologize was the best way to mend their friendship. Why can’t anyone in this story just fucking talk to each other?!

"Once I saw the truth I was too ashamed to face you. I turned my back on the greatest friend in the world." May said.

"I know you will never forgive me and that is fine. Just know that I am sorry deep in my heart." May said.

"She is speaking the truth." Gradevoir said.

Oh, for fuck’s sake, what is with the flip-flopping here?

"What you do is up to you." She added at the end. Sensing that she was not needed she went to stand behind the girls.

"I do not know May at one time you were a great friend. I need time to think. I will let you know." Ash said and May nodded and everyone went different ways.

Hey, you know someone else who had it the same way, yet didn’t get this sort of second chance? His name starts with a ‘B’, rhymes with ‘rock’, and is only guilty of not having a vagina.

"Do you want them to join in the war." Dawn asked. Dawn and the others knew that the girls knew about the war and they were being trained to fight in it.

"May maybe." Ash said and he then smiled.

"Girls what did Max do wrong? Why would I not trust him in battle?" Ash asked.

"He rushed in without thinking." Hailey said and Ash smiled at that.

"Correct. What else." Ash asked.

He has a penis, and the author is turned off by that.

"He attacked a pokemon that was clearly stronger with one that was clearly weaker." Rose said. Ash smiled.

"Plus given your history he attacked a friend." Lucy said and the smile on Ash's face was so big that it looked like it might break his face.

"That is all correct. As all three of you know I can't trust someone like that." Ash said with a sigh.

Because if someone is anything less than infallible, they’re scum. Ever heard of something called ‘learning from your mistakes’, or heavens forbid, ‘character development’? I swear, it’s almost like you expect every soldier joining the military to be fully trained at day one.

"What about May?" Dawn asked.

"I will think about it." Ash said.

While the author touches himself, no doubt.

"For now let us not worry about her. Today is about you not her." Ash said with a smile. Everyone hugged her. Dawn went on to win the Grand Festival.

Could you at least pretend that plot point wasn’t anything but a segway for your bashing, author?

It was a tuff battle for her but with her new training she won. Ash kissed her and then teleported he and his daughters home. He had a date with Cynthia tonight.

"Rose, Lucy I need to tell you something." Ash said so he told both his daughters about his six girlfriends and they seemed ok with it.

I wonder if one of them will be sent to a storage system, if he gets a seventh girlfriend.

All three little girls were looking forward to having a mother or in this case six mothers.

"So who is watching us?" Hailey asked.

"No one. Cynthia wants a picnic out in a spot she knows of. It has a lake were you three can swim and play." Ash said. The girls rush to get their swim suits on. Ash smiled.

He didn’t feel emotions, but his programming was very sophisticated.

"They are wonderful children." Mew said floating up to her brother.

"I agree, I am so glad they are in my life." Ash said.

"We will not let them get hurt." Mew said.

"I know, I do not want them to fight but they will anyway." Ash said with a sigh.

That sounds an awful lot like letting them get hurt to me.

"Is this how mom feels I wonder?" Ash added.

"Yes when you first started out on your journey she was scared that you would be hurt." Mew said. Ash knew that Mew had read his mother's mind.

Government surveillance is less invasive than this. Does the concept of fucking privacy just not exist to psychics?!

"Why did she let me go?" Ash asked he could never get a straight answer form his mom.

"She knew that it was your dream. She knew that she had prepared you for what was ahead and that you could do it. She also knew she had to let you go at some point. It was not easy for her but she had to do it." Mew said.

“The six straight days of partying afterwards was just to put up a brave front for the neighbors – trust me.”

"Above all she had to trust that you would be ok." Mew said. Ash nodded he knew he would have to do the same thing.

"Talk to your mom it might help." Mew said and Ash nodded that was a great idea. The girls all came down ready to go. Ash had the picnic and Mew teleported them away. Once landed Ash let everyone out to go and have some fun. Ash watched as his girls went to play. He felt a pair of arms warp around him and he smiled.

He’s smiling an awful lot in this chapter, but I’ll take it over smirking any day.

"Hello Cynthia." Ash said with nothing but love in his voice.

"How do you know it is me?" She asked.

"I could feel your heart." Ash said.

In any other sappy romance scene, this would just classify as flirting. But we already know this is about his super powers – moment fucking ruined.

He turned around and kissed her. Cynthia gladly returned the kiss. The two sat down and Cynthia put her head on his shoulder and Ash placed an arm around her. Cynthia felt like she was in heaven with this action.

What a nice way to say that you’re dead inside.

She cuddled up to Ash watching the three girls play with the pokemon. She had called out all of hers as well.

An hour later the girls came up and Ash took out the food that he had brought even food for the pokemon. Everyone started to eat and enjoy the food. Cynthia ate with her head on Ash's shoulder. Everyone was right she thought it was a great spot to be on. The girls had gone back to playing.

"This is perfect." Cynthia said.

Yeah, it sure would be bad if someone came and ruined it for effect.

"I agree this is why I will fight so that we can have a world of peace." Ash said.

"I will be with you." Cynthia said.

"I know and I am really happy to have you by my side." Ash said.

"Someday there will be more children in my life." Ash said and he left unsaid that Cynthia was going to be one of the mothers.

Is he going to kidnap more?

Cynthia was on the verge of blushing at this comment. Cynthia was not as good as reading people's hearts as the others were. She knew that Ash loved her she knew it. Also, Ash was able to hide that thought form her and everyone. However she thought about having Ash's children and she liked the thought of it. She started to imagine what her sons and daughters would look like and she smiled at this.

Nice to see she has a sense of humor.

She watched the three little girls and smiled knowing that soon they would be her family. Ash and Cynthia just sat there holding on to each other. The girls dragged the two adults to play with them something the adults were then happy to do. Sadly the pokemon all started to take defensive positions around the girls.

Uh-oh, something triggered the pets. Hide your blunt instruments and vaguely bothersome presences!

The group looks up to see a team of Officers lead by Officer Jenny but not just any. It was the same one that arrested Ash before. She knew he was innocent always did but she also knew that at the time she had to arrest him. After she moved to the village of the dragons hoping to be free form that past. Sadly that morning the mayor ordered her to arrest Ash. She gathered her troops and went to do it.

Wow, those odds are almost more contrived, than the fact that she moved all the way from Kanto to Unova in order to escape her shame.

"Hello Jenny please let me get my daughters home then I will come with you." Ash said and Jenny nodded. One officer steeped forward to arrest Hailey. Flame shot him with fire she missed but the message was made clear. Jenny turned on him.

"I was ordered to bring her in." The officer said.

"No we were ordered to bring in Ash." Jenny said.

"I am sorry but the mayor said the girl was more important than Ash." He said.

I mean, she is the golden child and all, but I have a hard time believing Ash’s status as a Mary Sue could be dethroned so easily.

Ash looked at his pokemon.

"If anyone tries to touch her attack without mercy." Ash said and all the pokemon nodded their heads.

That sentiment rings entirely hollow, seeing as that was the catchphrase of your battle with Team Rocket, and the only one that got killed was on your team.

Ash and the others teleported to his home. He unseen called back some pokemon and hid them on his person. He hugged his girls who did not want him to leave.

"It is ok little ones I will come back. Please be good for Auntie Cynthia and grandma." Ash said. Cynthia had volunteered to watch them and Ash called his mom and she got ready. Ash went with the officers and with a flash the group was off to the Village of the Dragons. Ash was taken to the court room.

Phenomenal scene descriptions, I can hardly tell reality apart from this sublimely written spectacle.

He was charged with destruction of the village. He did not say anything at all. He calmly took out his pokeball and called out his pokemon. Flame, Espeon, Blaziken, Meganuim and a white Ninetails appeared.

"I Ash Ketchum hear by declare my right to trial by combat." Ash said. The Mayor cursed for he knew of course about this. As Mayor when he stepped into office he learned of it. He hoped that Ash did not know.

Attached Image

For fuck’s sake, what is the mayor even thinking? What is the point of this? Ash is being charged with destruction of the village, when everyone and their fucking children saw Team Rocket doing it? And now Ash is invoking the village’s own laws of trial by combat in his defense? Ignoring how fucking barbaric this might-makes-right law is, the mayor has managed to simultaneously put his foot in his mouth and shoot it at the same time.

"Ok Drake will battle you." The mayor said.

"No I will not battle him. I was defeated by him badly the last time. Plus I am not going to fight him for a stupid reason. You attempted to arrest a child. You may battle him Mayor." Drake said. Iris nodded her head saying without speaking the same thing. To further prove her point she sat down next to Ash.

The mayor sighed and pulled out a pokeball. He walked outside and ordered that the police take Ash out. However, his pokemon made the point that they were not going to allow that. Officer Jenny ordered her officers to stand down. She called out her own pokemon to prove the point.

Stop making the antagonists blithering morons! Springing a sudden villain on your protagonist, only to have them deflate like a whoopee cushion is entirely pointless.

"Ok I will be a one on one battle. You win you go free and all charges will be dropped." The mayor said.

"One more thing if I win you will step down as mayor and never run for any elected position every again. If I lose I will pay five times the damage that was caused and still go free." Ash said and the mayor agreed.

Gambling with a corrupt mayor in front of the entire police force? Sure, why the fuck not?

"I will even let you pick which pokemon." Ash said. The mayor called out a Dragonite and picked the white Ninetails. Seen only by Iris, Ash and his pokemon smirked. Iris knew that Ash was up to something and that the Mayor picked the wrong pokemon to battle with.

Has anyone ever chosen the right Pokémon when fighting Ash? It’s pretty hard to care about this, when Ash has a monopoly on competence.

Iris knew that Mayor was not going to win but picking that Ninetails only ensured that fact she could tell. She also guessed that Ash planned for this.

"Dragonite hyper beam." The mayor called. The Ninetails only dodged it.

"Fire blast." The Mayor called. Ninetails only dodged it. Dragonite kept on attacking with Fire Blast and they were dodge.

"Ice Beam." Ash called out and to every other human's surprise Ninetails lunched an ice beam and it hit Dragonite dead on. Dragonite was forced to its knees. Iris was confused but she was not the only one.

"It is simple her name is Ice and I caught her in the Alolan region." Ash said. (I know but that would be awesome would it not be.)

I have no idea what you’re on about, but I’m going with ‘no’.

"In the Alolan Region vulpix are ice pokemon." Ash said.

"In other words Ice use Blizzard." Ash said and Dragonite once more was hit with a powerful ice attack and it was unable to take that much and it fainted. Ash and his pokemon walked away.

"Former Mayor listen and listen well. Come after me and that is fine. However, harm my daughters next time or try to I will end you." Ash said. To show he was serious Ice lunched an Ice Beam and Flame lunched a Flamethrower at the former mayor both attacks missed but the point was made to all. Ash hugged Iris goodbye and teleported away.

Hold on, you’re not going to find out why he wanted you or Hailey arrested? Are you fucking kidding me?!

Once he landed at home he was tackled in a hug by his daughters. It was late so he put them to bed. Cynthia waited when he did this all. Afterwards Ash pulled her into a hug and kissed her. The couple sat down on the couch and she put her head on his chest and Ash stoked her hair.

Why it was on fire was anyone’s guess, but it did save on the heating bill.

"Thank you." Ash said.

"Your welcome." Cynthia said.

"Ash Hailey she is scared something is eat at her. I can't figure it out. Only you can get her to open up." Cynthia said.

If you prop your protagonist any higher on that pedestal, author, he’ll enter the fucking stratosphere. You make it seem like the world will cease to function if he disappeared.

"Thank you I will talk to all my girls tomorrow. I feel that all of them are scared of something."

“One night full of nightmares builds character – everyone knows that.”

Ash said. The two fell asleep that night right there in each others arms. Mew flew over and covered them.

End of chapter.

Next chapter Whitney's date and more.

Hopefully more, because I doubt anyone is reading this for your fantasy romances, author.


So May and Max now have a presence in this story, Ash still has dates with his girlfriends, and a faux threat of a trial was put forward and resolved within a few paragraphs. Pointless chapter, really. I had hoped Team Rocket or Team Not-Appearing-In-This-Story was going to try to throw Ash in jail on more competently falsified claims – serves me right for putting my faith in the impossible.

"So... preparing to storm into the room, you jostle your badger, kick down the door, and throw it at the thug standing inside." - Moment from my D&D campaign.

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Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 22nd August 2017 - 12:42 PM