Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

2 Pages V   1 2 >  
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> A Rose By Any Other Name, Seems like Batman should utilize a chastity belt instead.
Post #1

I'm very concerned.

Group: Members
Posts: 609
Joined: 3-January 13
From: Denmark
Member No.: 787
Gender: Male

post Nov 2 2016, 08:49 AM
Well, I can finally move on to something new. And for once I seem to be dealing with a finished product. This fanfic is set in the Arkham Asylum game, possibly also the following game(s) by the look of the reviews I glanced at to decide to mock this. I sincerely hope it sticks to just Batman, though. Last time I attempted to mock something related to this fandom, I ended up with a Bioshock, Twisted Metal, and Young Justice crossover instead. But let's get going. There are heaps of chapters to go through in this thing called 'A Rose By Any Other Name' by the author DeamonPrince. Here's Chapter 1, The Asylum Event.

This is my first fanfic, Italics are flashbacks

And this story took 3 years to come to an end while you gained experience with other fanfics, author. You’re going to have to forgive my cynicism, because I don’t expect the plot of this fanfic to maintain cohesiveness from beginning to end.

This is a Batman/Poison Ivy Mature 'Romance', If you don't like that then you have been warned...again

I wouldn’t want to bait people on this premise. Mostly because by now it’s a lie. This fanfic ends in a harem, lemons and all.


Bruce Wayne was sitting at home in his mansion after the Arkham Asylum event trying to remember everything that happened that night.

”Shit, did I do 240 Riddler Challenges, or 239?”

He was having trouble remembering a bits and pieces. He was sitting sipping his herbal tea when he remembered part of what had happened. He dropped his tea and grabbed his head.

"No…That didn't happen! It didn't happen."

I see that even Batman is in denial about the Titan Joker boss fight finale.

Alfred came rushing into the room where Bruce was.

"Master Wayne? What happened?"

"I-I-I don't know. I really don't know what happened Alfred."

Poor guy must have hung upside-down from a gargoyle one time too many.

Ten minutes of Bruce pacing back and forth telling himself it didn't happen, and Alfred cleaning up the spill. "Master Wayne? What didn't happen?"

"I was sitting here trying to remember parts of the night that I couldn't remember…and I suddenly remembered what happened…I-I just hope what I remember didn't happen."

So, that’s what didn’t happen, or is Alfred still being denied a proper answer because the author thinks this is how suspense works?

"And what would that be, sir?"

He did not answer but only looked down. After a long silence all he had to say was, "Ivy."

Alfred was slightly confused then he understood. "Sir!"

”I shall get the rash creams right away.”

"Yes. Alfred, regrettably it is true."

"How are you sure?"

"I remember it."

"Sir, What do you mean? Please tell me."

Bruce laughed. "Ok Alfred. I'll tell you."

Fucking finally. Since when did Batman turn into a soap opera actor?

"It must have been I was alone after my fight with Scarecrow for the second time…I was unconscious for a minute and I remember the smell of fresh cut grass and roses."

Nice to know that Ivy shaves her bikini area.

Scarecrow had just fled and the drug's effects wore off as Batman fell asleep. When he was in the gardens and vines tightly gripped around his wrists and his ankles.

Because falling unconscious warps you to the garden from the top of the clock tower, apparently. And Ivy isn’t even out of her cell at this point. Too busy jacking off to play the game, author?

"Ivy." Is all the Dark Knight said as he began to saw through his restraints.

Okay, I was not quite prepared to suddenly read a chapter of Fifty Shades of Green, but I can probably roll with this.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. My 'Babies' are quiet hungry." Ivy's voice rang in his head as she appeared around a rose bush making the flowers bloom.

"Let me go Ivy." He threatened her as he struggled to get free.

I’m sorry, Princess Peach, but could you please give Bruce Wayne back his cape and cowl?

"But I was hoping 'We' could have some fun…as you know dear I have been alone for a long time." She smiled as she walked over swaying her hips back and forth.

Batman, understanding what she was saying behind her words, only laughed. "'Have fun'?" He mocked her.

Bad choice of words, Ivy. You should have easily guessed that his foreplay primarily involves scowling and brooding.

She was standing over the Masked Vigilante and she leaned forward exposing her braless cleavage and she grinned. "If I must…I'll force you."

His eyes widened as she blew him a kiss. Covering him with her mind control powder, he was now at her mercy.

Yeah, I’ve already been imagining the role of Ivy in this story to be enacted by Uma Thurmann, due to my uncontrollable childhood trauma that is Batman & Robin, so you don’t have to reinforce it, author. Do I need to remind people that this story’s genre is ‘romance’?

"Ivy!" He held his breath but eventually he was affected. His mind went blank but he was conscious and aware.

"Sir, did she unmask you? Does she know who you truly are?"

Bruce laughed, "I'll tell you Alfred."

”I’m trying to tell you how a villainess drugged and raped me, Alfred, so stop reminding the author that there’s a reason for plot concerns in his spank material.”

She backed up and released the grip of the vines. "Stand." She commanded him and he obeyed. "Good…now kiss me." She stepped forward and he did too. He grabbed her bare hips and pressed his firm rough lips against her oily soft ones as they kissed. Eventually Ivy broke the kiss to breath and then demanded it again.

Well, we can scratch off all believability at this point, what with Batman succumbing to Ivy before she gets a dose of Titan, and the fact that Ivy is currently passionately snogging a male primate of the non-plant variety.

~Why am I doing this? ~ He thought as he unwillingly pressed their lips together again. ~What is she going to do now? ~ Her tongue was pressing against his lips and he let it in so their tongues could rub and lick each other.

I don’t know what’s most adorable. Batman’s virgin-like, questioning naiveté, or the fact that pretty much all incarnations of Poison Ivy has the first part of her name be very literal when it comes to her lips.

Ivy's hands were now removing Batman's cape and armor. As they kissed deeply, she rubbed her hands on his iron chest making him grunt. Batman's hands were now massaging Ivy's breasts in circles teasing the nipples making the peaks rock hard and erect. Ivy broke the kiss again to drop to her hands and knees to remove Batman's belt and pants.

You say remove, but I can only assume they teleported from his body at the pace this shit is going. I had at least assumed in her dominant position she could make him perform a strip tease, instead of undressing him like a toddler restrained by winter clothes. Oh, right, a horny dude wrote this. Nevermind.

~No! Stop! ~ He thought as she massaged his cock through his boxers. He grunted and ran his hands through her hair. ~NO! ~

Ivy had now removed his boxer and was now licking Batman's seven inch cock from the base to the head. She smiled at her work as she continued and Batman was stroking her hair a lot now.

Not to seem like a prude or anything, but what the hell is making Bruce retell this scene in such badly written, yet graphic details to Alfred?

~I-I have to stop her…But it feels so good! ~ He thought as she sucked on the head of his seven iron. ~Maybe this is ok…She…Wait what am I saying! ~

Yeah, what are you saying? Seven Iron? Apparently golf terminology is suitable enough for eroticism nowadays.

Ivy was now sucking on almost all of his cock. She could feel it pulsing, getting even harder as the blood. He was already almost ready to come. ~this is too quick she thought. I wonder if he is still a…nah can't be. ~

A premature ejaculator? Nah, probably not. But the author is most probably a virgin and an idiot, for bullshitting us with his personal sex-fantasies, while inserting himself into a billionaire philanthropist playboy superhero.

She stopped sucking as he was about to come in her mouth. "Time for the fun." The vines covering her 'goods' had now disappeared and she removed her prison shirts. Batman wasted no time pushing her down and pumping his cock all the way in tight pussy

Who is supposed to have lost all control at this point, may I ask? Batman, or Posion Ivy? Trick question, it’s the author. He‘s certainly not wasting any time, and by that I mean he’s wasting mine even more by hilariously rushing this for the sake of reaching a climax.

~Oh, yes…he feels so good. ~

~She is…so, tight! It feels great! ~ He moans loudly as he continues to thrust harder and harder. ~I am going faster…I am going to come if I do. ~

Does this actually arouse anyone? The stock and quite cliché statements of ‘feels good’, ‘so tight’, ‘go faster’, ‘thrust harder’. ‘I’m going to come’? This is the undetailed and literary equivalent to bland junk food.

Batman thrusts harder and faster making them both moan and scream. As Ivy gyrates her hips to increase the pleasure she receives she lessens her hold on Batman's mind. Suddenly He flips her around and begins to pound her pussy from behind making her scream even louder. Batman slaps her ass a few times as he pounds her heat deeply.

Attached Image

It’s sad that I’ve already pulled this joke now, when this story has 38 chapters after this one.

~YES! Oh Ivy is so tight…I'm gonna come! ~ Ivy pushes Batman off and he lays down as Ivy begins to straddle him "Don't forget to play with my tits to 'Big Boy'." Batman starts to cradles and massage Ivy's big bouncing breasts, twirling his thumbs around her peaks making her wetter and wetter.

I still don’t know what ‘her peaks’ are, since the author already mentioned them apart from her nipples. And that moisture had better not be her lactating glucose syrup.

~He is so big…I am rubbing all the right spots! I AM GOING TO COME! ~ She straddles him harder pounding their crotches together. She gets really tight as they pound each other and she finally releases and comes all over Hero.

Is this just some generated script you sloppily rewrote, author? On second thought, I think something like that would convey sex better than you do.

As her come flows and she tightens Batman begins to moan louder and finally after pumping her as she straddles him he blasts her with his come making the Villainess come again. And they both fall asleep.

If you’re quite done playing house with your dollies, author, maybe I’ll finally stop cramping up from my laughing fits. How fucking cheap and uninvested do you have to be to end a scene like this with five words of exposition? Bonk like robotic rabbits and tumble over like fainting goats, no sense or reason or even a mention of them collapsing from their climax. End scene, lights out, cut to black. Ed Wood had better presentation on a worse budget than you, author!!

When Batman awakens he is fully dressed and back where Ivy found him. She strolls up to him and he stands up and they embrace and kiss.

Of course they do. It’s not like one of them is a murderous psychopath whom the other should currently be escorting to a cell, or anything. You just keep pretending that rape leads to romance, author. I see far too much of that in fanfics, no matter the genders involved.

"Sorry dear. But can't have you remember tonight. Can't let you know." And with a final kiss Batman's memory is erased back until he feinted.

Huh. So that’s where Superman got that power from. Exactly how does a plant lady have that kind of ability again?

"Scarecrow's drug, won't stop me…I must stop him and the rest of these criminals." He jumps down and takes out two armed criminals while Ivy watches from a balcony.

"I just hope 'We' can have fun again." Ivy turns and walks into the mist of the night back to the gardens where the glass shattered from their screams.

And I am to suffer 38 more chapters of this cheesy, eye-rolling schlock. I guess Arkham Asylum is as good a setting as any, as I’ll need a madhouse by the end of this.

(Thanks for reading, no flaming in your reviews please this is my first Fanfic ever)

”Exempt me from any angry outbursts, officers, this is my first murder.”

(PS. I might make more chapters to continue the story of Batman X Ivy, Let me know what ya'll think.)

I think that your first publishing of fanfiction shouldn’t be attempted by your dick, author. If you think that all fanfiction is about is dressing your ego up in tights and have hot girls rub you all the right ways, I’m sorry to admit that the majority of the Internet mouth-breathers agree with you. Case in point, this mock.

This post has been edited by ConcernedGamer: Nov 21 2016, 06:41 AM

Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #2

I'm very concerned.

Group: Members
Posts: 609
Joined: 3-January 13
From: Denmark
Member No.: 787
Gender: Male

post Nov 13 2016, 10:39 AM
So, how do we move on after Batman somehow broke a memory-erasing kiss to recall how he got raped by a villainess? Why, by even more brainless sex and little to no actual plot. Here’s Chapter 2, In the Sewers.

It was a few weeks after the Arkham Asylum event and Batman was patrolling the city.

Why the time skip? Did Batman just spend that long sobbing in the shower?

He was listening to the police scanner when he heard that there was a giant rampaging plant in downtown. Immediately he drove off through the alleyways arriving a mile from the bestial plant was attacking.

He wanted a chance to chicken out of the fight with the monster still several city blocks away from him

He emerged and the homeless people began to run. He locked the Batmobile and walked over to the sewer grate.

"Alfred. You sure it began in the sewers?" Batman asks softly into his headpiece.

"Yes Master Wayne I am sure. Remember, there can't be any communication once you go underground." Alfred said from the Batcave as he read the seismic reports.

Uhm, hello? Giant, rampaging killer plant in the middle of Gotham, with civilians and cops in immediate danger, so how about taking care of that first? At least make an attempt to throw weed killer at it? This isn’t the casualty limited, resource restricted setting of an insane asylum island, author.

"Ok Alfred, heading out." With that he opened the grate and dropped in turning his NV goggles on first.

I guess Detective Vision is just too OP for this fanfic.

Above him the monster was being dealt with by the GPD, but Batman had to find the source…Poison Ivy. Just a few weeks ago Batman and Ivy had a very strange encounter.

Yeah, let’s call it that. What’s another set of suppressed issues with you, anyway, Bruce?

He wanders the sewers in search for any signs of her. All he found were vines, so he followed them. Eventually leading him to a well lit garden with Ivy's plants, the pod plants had devoured a few of the employs of the sewer system. Then he found what he had been searching for.

"Ivy!" He grunted and pointed at her.

Do you think this is a fucking anime, author?!

She giggled, "Every time I try to have fun, you gotta stop it. Well almost every time."

He scoffed, "Fun, not really. I stop you from terrorizing people." He throws three batarangs at her knocking her over then he pins her down and ties her up.

What’s that? You think the author is only writing this fanfic in order to fantasize about boning Poison Ivy while wearing black tights? What gives you that idea?

She was unconscious and he was tried of walking. He would wait until she woke up to make her walk herself out.

You are embarrassingly pathetic when it comes to your excuses for your lemon setups, author. How about you let your author avatar have a better cardio than your own?

An hour later Poison Ivy woke up, and was not happy. "Why did you hit me!"

"You're a villain!" Batman shouted at her.

"Ahhh…um…true…So what now big man?"

Attached Image

What is this, the Dark Knight as interpreted by kindergarteners?

Suddenly some of the pods broke open and he was hit with on of the spores and landed with his face in Ivy's tits. "oh so forward."

"Shut Ivy, before I get angry." He threatened as he picked her up roughly.

Am I to assume that the lead-up to the lemon is for us to slap our sticks to slapstick?

"Come on Bats. I have been dying to have more fun with you." She flirted. "I promise to be a good girl afterwards."

"You, a 'good girl', don't make me laugh."

She pouted and gave him puppy dog eyes and spread her slender legs. "Please, I just wanna have some fun. And I know you'll make my day."

It seems like the author fantasized so much about memory erasing kisses that he forgot about them, too, seeing how Ivy acts. I should honestly abandon my hopes for consistency, posthaste.

Batman grinned, "Ivy, you just don't get it."

"What, what don't I get?"

Batman walked over to the captive villainess. "I am in control."

”Just like that plant monster situation left ignored while I took a full hour break from walking a mile, just so I could get out of carrying a 110 pound woman. Complete control.”

Her eyes widened and she tried to move away playfully. But he pushed her down and ripped her shirt off revealing her ample green tinted breasts. He bit her nipples hard, as he squeezed her breasts together. "Oh your so rough with me."

"I have to be, to teach you right from wrong." He removed the panties she was wearing and began to violently finger her making her very wet.

Before I even can be bothered to ask what is up or down, who does what and how, sitting, standing or tied up, care to tell me how these two suddenly got in the mood for this in the sewers?

"Oh yes! I need to be punished for my crimes!" She shouted and moaned as he sped up. Her hips were shaking as he went along.

"Have you learned your lesson yet?" He asked as he stopped his sexual assault.

Does the author’s mind just perceive the words ‘criminally insane’ as meaning ‘short on cock’ or what?

"No. I have not. I will just keep doing what I…" She stopped suddenly and squealed, Batman was licking her slit nibbling and prodding with his strong tongue.

"Well then…I'll just have to try harder." He removed his belt and upper armor and then sucked on her ripe nipples and rubbed her wet warm heat tenderly.

You’re giving me mixed signals here, author. Either that or cuddling is the first step towards BDSM. Tenderly, indeed.

She shouted loudly and happily as he fingered her slightly teasing her. "Just do it Bats. Please punish me!"

He grinned and tore his pants and boxers off revealing his massive erection. She yelps, as he rubs his cock on her slit. She cringed as he rubbed her deeper and deeper. "Oh I am gonna punish you."

People are dead! Your cock can’t avenge shit!!

She smiled and opened her legs wider and moved her hips in motion with his. Her breath was getting heavy and she moaned as her crotch got wetter and wetter.

Any more wetter and the plant lady will have a sprinkler system.

"Oh yea, It feels so good." She was really turned on, so close to coming already. Suddenly Batman stopped and got off her. "What are you doing?"

He laughed and then turned her over roughly, he slowly slid his cock deep into her pussy from behind. She groaned and cringed as she was roughly pounded into. She was tightening on him and screaming in painful pleasure.

Pleasure or pain, tease or cringe, front or behind, cause or effect, every sentence in these types of lemons seem as interchangeably assembled as a bunch of Lego bricks. I’ve read the same motions with the opposite effects in other works.

He pounded his dick deeper still, making him cringe as it made Ivy squeeze even harder. He grunted as he felt his precum spill into her.

Because that’s the result of Batman’s inhuman athletic training, his multi-disciplined preparedness, and his hard-earned skills and scientific expertise. The ability to tell when a drop of lubrication moves from the tip of his pecker into an already over-watered flower pot!

"Mmm…Yes! Ivy you're so tight! I love it! Oh Yea!"

"It is tight cause your so big baby! Damn your pounding me hard!"

It’s dialogue like this that makes me wonder why every script writer for a porn movie isn’t ceremoniously shot dead on set upon such cringe-inducing line delivery, so that every witness might be able to feel any human emotion again.

Her voice was lewd and cracking as he went faster and stronger. She arched her back and screamed extremely loud as she soaked Batman's cock with a forceful cum. She slumped down but the Bats was still pounding deep into her tight wet grip.

"Damn Ivy! Oh baby!" He picked her up and bounced her on his hard dick vigorously. He moaned loudly as she tightened on him. "Ivy! I'm gonna cum!"

Attached Image

I have already mentioned the number of chapters in this story back in the first chapter. However, I have no idea if each and every one of them are going to be containing lemons. Part of me hope it will be so, just for the hilarity, but another part of me is in agonizing despair.

"Fill me baby! Fill me with your cum!" She squealed as he bounced her faster and bite her neck.

He smiled a mile wide grin and released moaning loudly as his `hot cock broth shot into her pussy.

Hot cock BROTH!! I might just have died from laughter because this is certainly comedy heaven. I’ve already reached my personal limit for reaction gifs, but trust me, I feel like using twelve of them for this one.

The feel of it made Ivy shiver and cum again, tightening on Batman's cock forcing more of his cum out. "OH IVY! YES!"

Hey both collapsed and batman freed her from her bonds. "I think I learned my lesson for now Batman." She smiled as they embraced kissing gently slowly falling asleep. An Hour later Batman awoke to find Ivy leaving.

Are there only hour hands on your clocks, author? By now, my only hope is that you got your dick wet sometime over the course of writing this story, in order to vastly improve your narrative through personal experience.

"Where are you going Ivy?" Batman asked kindly.

"I'm Back to the asylum." She said grimly.

"Why? I'm letting you go." He said as he stood up and walked to her.

"It's my home. My babies are there. It's all I know."

Author, her babies are everywhere, you imbecile! Plant life of any kind in any place under human thumb is a sin to her. She’s out to take over the planet if she could get away with it. She’ll be locked up, separated from them, and prodded by psychiatrist at Arkham. Stop finding excuses for twisting all that is Batman in order for you to prod her, too.

And with one final embrace she sighed and knocked Batman back with one of the massive vines, pinning him to the ground. He tries to move but he can't, Ivy has a perfect chance to kill him but she leaves and Batman finally emerges from the sewers and notices it is dawn.

So, she’s being let go, announces she goes to the asylum, hugs her water-headed fuck buddy, then out of nowhere knocks him to the ground like he was protesting and leaves under the pretense that she could have killed him instead. Yeah, I know she's insane, but I'm not sure that was what the author intended to convey.

"Sir! Are you there?" Alfred's voice pierced the peace.

"Yes Alfred, I'm here."

"What happened sir?"

"A very long story, when I get home I'll tell you."

I wasn't so sure about this chapter, oh well. If you have any suggestions please post them. Any requests same thing.

How about a single word that wasn’t written for the express purpose of allowing for, or getting to the point of you having yourself a crotch tug.

I'm already looking forward to more attempts of this author at feigning eroticism. For better or worse, he writes like a shamelessly oblivious, porn-addled virgin.

This post has been edited by ConcernedGamer: Nov 21 2016, 06:42 AM

Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #3

I'm very concerned.

Group: Members
Posts: 609
Joined: 3-January 13
From: Denmark
Member No.: 787
Gender: Male

post Nov 19 2016, 04:08 PM
Let's move on to the next chapter. The titles, I have noted, seem to be a tad half-assed, where the author probably thought it too blatant to admit that ‘fucking’ could be appended to them to better describe the chapter itself. Here’s Chapter 3: Relaxing by the Pool.

Bruce Wayne was sitting by his pool, thinking deeply about what had happened not long ago with Poison Ivy. It had been absolutely wonderful but confusing. She seemed happy but sad as well, something was definitely wrong.

Are you failing at conveying that your imaginary fuck-doll has depth and character, or conveying that your self-insert is a horrible lay, author?

"What are you hiding Ivy?" He lay back on the lawn chair, sighing deeply. For a strange reason he was genuinely afraid for her.

Any man would, if their slam piece could use Leech Seed on your balls. That’d be super effective, I tell you what.

"Master Wayne! You have a phone call." Alfred was shouting from the third floor balcony.

"Thank you Alfred." He sat up and picked up the phone from his side and pressed talk, "Hello?" There was nobody there. He shrugged and hung up.

Figures that the author would make his skin-suit deaf to reason.

Alfred told Wayne that he needed to go get some food since the fridge was being emptied rather quickly.

Attached Image

Okay, this has got to fucking stop, author. Alfred is not Bruce’s slaving, rape-exposition roommate. Alfred doesn’t go to the grocer when working for a billionaire. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t shout from the balcony about phone calls or forgets to ask who the fuck is calling, either. He’s a sophisticated, dedicate, tactful butler, among many other things. Fuck me, your lemon-fic is probably going to make the first bumbling incarnation of Alfred have more class and dignity by comparison, isn't it?

Things being eaten without either of them knowing, he acknowledged this and laid back down to get his tan.

The best detective in the world, ladies and gentlemen.

After about an hour the sun was suddenly blocked. "Alfred, can you please move." The only response was a schoolgirl giggle.

Bruce opened his eyes and saw a woman, as his eyes adjusted he saw it was Ivy. "Hey you." She giggled again and kissed his cheek, laying next to him.

Wayne Manor is apparently just as secure as Bruce’s pants.

"You're Poison Ivy!" Bruce was acting scared trying to keep his identity as Batman a secret but it seemed to be no use. "W-w-what do you want?"

"Oh shut up. I know who you are; you don't have to worry Batman. I won't tell." She giggled and lay back, her back arching pushing her breasts against the Schoolgirl outfit she was wearing. It was bright blue with black lines and a few tears on the thin button up shirt.

And now the author has grown tired of his chosen spank material and is tailoring it to even more clichéd porn fetishes.

He unconsciously grinned and started to stroke her body tenderly massaged her lower sides, making her moan slightly.

I mean, it’s just a secret identity, so who cares if some crazy slut learns about it if she’s into you?

"How did you figure it out?" He asked softly as his hand made its way across her back.

"Well, I just followed you here one day. And I have been waiting for you to be alone. That old man seems to always be here."

Fuck you, author. Now you’re just insulting even the most depraved wanker reading this shit. Either you intentionally made a misguided attempt at a troll-lemon, or you just might be the most obtuse fan of Batman, ever, bar none. She ‘just followed’ Batman to learn his secret identity, you say? Boy, I sure hope you can masturbate to the arrival of the Penguin or Two-Face, once they finally figure out what one plus one is, since that’s the only possible thing that could prevent them from making the attempt!!

He laughed, "Yeah, sorry about that." He smiled kindly at her.

"Um yea, actually I'm sorry."

"How come," He sat up slightly?

”It starts with an ‘H’, ends with a ‘V’, and has an ‘I’ in the middle. Given time, you might figure it out before your doctor does.

"I have been eating your food while you sleep…I have been really hungry lately."

No, please don’t author. I’ve been down this road before. I can’t take another stupid instantly-signaled pregnancy plot.

He chuckled, "Its ok, at least you're here."

She kissed him deeply; their tongues circle each other rubbing tenderly. They moan together and she begins to remove his shirt as he undoes her button up shirt slowly. She giggled and stood up off of him by the pool.

"Come play with me." She laughs and takes off her shirt and throws it at him.

Is there any chance of this being another one of the Mad Hatter’s pacification attempts against Batman, by drowning him in a ton of immature, badly structured, mindless wet dreams?

He catches it and laughs taking off his clothes. She smiles watching him as she gets fully undressed. He looked up and saw her ample breasts bouncing, immediately his cock sprung up and his eyes widened. She began to get really wet as she watched his cock bounce with precum already flowing for her.

What is there even left to say about this author’s answer to eroticism? At least these two have an equally bare minimum requirement for getting in the mood. Just watch flappy bits bounce, on comes the sexing.

She pulled him close, his dick pressing firmly against her burning wet slit. He massaged her left breast tenderly. Her moans quickened as she rub his cock with her slit, exciting her quickly, making her wetter.

"I-I'm r-r-ready. B-baby." He voice cracking slightly as she spoke.

Wait, hold up, what happened with her going back to Arkham of her own will? Is that going to happen again, once the author finishes jerking off and realizes post-euphoria that she’s an actual insane, criminal murderess?

"Ok Ivy." He slowly slid his cock deep into her pussy, the deeper he went the tighter and wetter she got around his dick. "Someone's excited."

"Yea…I am!" She squealed slightly as he squeezed her ass hard. She gets off him and stands by the pool and smiles. "Wanna swim baby?"

"Hell yea."

Bruce Wayne. Batman. Sorry, I just feel like it’s important I remind someone what universe this is set in, since Wayne’s World over here won’t fuck off!

He stood up and tried to kiss her but she jumped back into the pool. She laughed and swam away. Bruce jumped in after her and swam towards her.

Eventually he caught her and she lowered herself and she began to suck on his unit under the water. He began to moan loudly.

But only because he got a cramp. For his sake, I hope he’s in the end that’s as shallow as this writing.

She surfaced and took a deep breath, then quickly kissed him. Their bodies pressed together firmly and they grind roughly.

He slowly slid his heavy cock into her slit making her squeal again.

If you can juggle so many adjectives for sexual organs, author, you have no excuse for making Ivy act like a green, stuck pig at every physical interaction.

She tightened and he groaned as he continued to slide his unit into her. He slowly pulls out and pumps it back in. Her lewd voice, cracking with pleasure, the feel of his soaked cock pumping in her under the pressure of the water was too much for her. She bit down on his shoulder and screamed into him as she came hard. He groaned and cringed holding back his own orgasm.

Cringing is what I do at this fanfic, author. The word you are looking for in your plethora of sex slang dictionaries is probably ‘tensed’. If you cringe during sex, then it’s no surprise how you are so poor at portraying it, too.

"Did I hurt you?" She asked carefully.

"No baby…I just didn't want to cum yet."

"How come honey?"

He smiled at how she said 'honey',

It's almost as if having these two saying ‘baby’ and ‘honey’ to each other constantly, is the only way the author can convince himself that they have chemistry.

"I wanna have some fun." He slowly pulled his unit out of her making them both moan, and she pouted, "Don't worry sweetie, we're gonna have some fun."

"OK baby."

He swam to the stairs and sat down and looked at her. "Come here." She smiled and swam over and stood over him, her tight pussy in his face. He sits up rubs her gently. "Any requests baby?"

The sweet release of death, comes to mind.

"Eat me out." She commanded.

Who wants to bet it’s mulch flavored?

He smiled and quickly buried his face into her slit, kissing her clit, sucking on it making her moan loudly. He smiled and began to lick around the edges of her pussy. She ran her hands through his hair soothingly, tenderly but kindly forces his head closer to her tender, wet, warm area. He follows suit and finally plunges his thick tongue deep into her, making her wetter moaning loudly.

She was already drenched before she went into the fucking pool. Not even the rainforest can compete at this point, author!

She fell forward, now bending over. Her ass up in the air, her ample breasts bouncing up and down as she breathed heavily. Bruce began to massage one of her breasts in his left hand as his right wrapped around her ass, one of his fingers mischievously playing along her bare ass. His tongue delved intensely into her. He was immersed by her taste; her pure wet pussy flavor was exciting him, making his cock bob up and down with a sense of hunger.

Bat-dick. It’s the penis she needs right now, but not the one she deserves. Honestly, we might as well imagine it dressed up in a cape and cowl, since it’s the main star and plot-instigator at this point.

"More baby! Oh Bruce! Give me more!" She was screaming, her course lewd voice being music to his ears. It had inspired him and he dug his tongue into her, sucking on her pussy, teasing her little clit again. He bounced and ecstatically massaged her beautiful breasts fondly and affectionately.

Just treat your sexual partner like jello and jiggle everything until they burst.

While his left hand massaged her top, his left was massaging her bottom. It was kneading her raw ass, slightly fingering her making her shout every time in complete utter pleasure.

How many hands does this guy have to do this with, again?

Finally she stood straight up spread her legs and forced her pussy deeply into his face.

Okay, this imagery made a sudden, dark turn from ‘knockoff porno’ to ‘Saw with genitals’.

He moaned with complete delight and bliss. She began to scream louder and pulled on his hair. He began to suck on her pussy and clit, her eyes widened and she came hard. Her juices flowing out of her into his mouth and over his face, she covers her face, embarrassed. "I am sorry baby."

Yeah, you’d better be, serving this guy fruit punch without a glass.

He swallowed some of her juices, "Its Ok baby. It was surprisingly luscious." She smiled and knelt down and slowly slid his cock into her pussy as deep as she could. She kissed him then licked her lips. Bruce smiled and moved his hips to make her moan again. She bit his neck and then began to lick her cum off his face. He shuddered from how sexy it was that she was eating her own juices.

What is it with fanfic authors not even attempting to hide the fact, that these stories of theirs essentially are their fetish portfolios?

He stood up and she wrapped her legs around him. He began to bounce her and she pulled herself closer to him moaning loudly, tightening her pussy around his huge cock. He moaned and was breathing heavily, feeling his cum building up about to burst. He kissed her deeply, their lips locking, their tongues dancing like furious flames.

So, flickering and flapping separately about in the air? Consider yourself unique, author, because Google tells me you are the only person to ever use such a brain-fart of a metaphor.

He squeezed her hard as his cum spilled out of his unit and filling her raw pussy. They both cum again together shouting loudly and they begin to collapse. She was limp against him but he carried her to his room.

He has had his one hour rest by the pool before this, so now he can carry her, and avoid dropping unconscious, too.

And lay down with her.

"Cuddle me, please." She sheepishly asked.

"Of course baby." He smiled and pulled her close kissing her lovingly.

I don’t ask for much, author. Honestly, I’d ask you nothing but to fucking stop, but here’s one thing you are sorely missing: Any and all suspension of disbelief. What is love to you? I’m sorry to tell you this, but your sorry, desperate excuse for quenched lust won’t cut it.

She smiled as she moved his cock into her pussy, they both sighed deeply and she fell asleep quickly in his gentle hold. He kissed her head then fell asleep himself.

I’m trying to figure out the source of this part. The overused ‘sleep straight after sex no matter the time’ trope. I mean, what else but the most ignorant of virgins think that’s what happens once the credits starts rolling on a porno? Is it just because the authors have no other transition methods? Is it because they only masturbate in bed at night? What?!

Another chapter down. I did a quick, half-blind word search on the other chapters, and I do believe that not all of them will have lemons. Or the author gets very creative in his synonyms for genitalia, who knows? But, I have to admit, the author seems to have outdone himself on this one, greatly boosting his word usage to depict the sex scene. The fact that it has no positive effect and I despise the setting more than month old spinach is a different but more important issue, however.

Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #4

I'm very concerned.

Group: Members
Posts: 609
Joined: 3-January 13
From: Denmark
Member No.: 787
Gender: Male

post Dec 1 2016, 11:22 AM
Who wants another chapter where a talentless author pretends to have cosplay-sex in a mansion with a slutty chick? This is quickly hitting fuck-overload as we stumble through yet another chapter, this time with even less filler and more lemons than usual. Here’s Chapter 4: Bed Bath and Beyond.

Bruce Wayne woke up the next morning frantically.

Sorry Commissioner Gordon, Batman had some tail yesterday, so Gotham had to fend for itself for a night. I’m sure only two dozen people died as a result, so no biggie.

He looked around and Ivy was gone. He stood up and put his robe on. As he walked out the room he heard the shower running. He headed back into his room and towards the bathroom. He heard a light humming and moaning. He slowly opened the door, "Ivy?"

Or it could be Alfred. You know, the guy who went for groceries yesterday and apparently hasn’t returned after sex put you in a twelve hour coma?

"Yeah hun? Did I wake you?"

"No it's…I thought…you um…" He stammered trying to find the right words to say to the woman.

The words you are looking for are probably 'impregnated', 'ditched', and 'child support'.

"Oh." She giggled, "Why would you think that?"

”I have to take the spawn with me after it bursts from your chest, silly.”

"Well you are you, and I am me…It is kind of hard to explain."

One word; Fanfic.

She laughed again and her head popped out. "Why you dressed? You need to take a shower baby." She smiled and undid his sash on his robe.

Already? At this rate, the next chapter will be opening up on their next romp’s climax.

He chuckled and his robe fell to the floor. He pushed the curtain aside and she shrieked like a schoolgirl splashing him with water.

You evidently have a type, author. And it’s not Poison Ivy, so why is she here? Turned on by chlorophyll that much?

They were laughing as he did his best to stop the water. He stepped in and pulled her to him.

Her meek slim body next to his titan-like body was a bit comedic.

Excuse me, have we played the same games, author? There’s only four inches difference between them. Did the Joker hit Batman with Titan? Do you have a hyper-muscle fetish? Look, pretending your skin-suit has a bigger cock than yourself, that I get, but your wish-fulfilment gets even more glaring at each world-altering, projected inadequacy.

Her slender hands began to gently massage his abdomen, slowly lowering them until her hands were wrapped around his monster cock.

It’s not the size of the monster that counts, it’s how it mauls you.

She got on her knees and began to give his a deep massage, gently rubbing the entire shaft, teasing the tip of the head with scarce light licks. The massage made Bruce clench the metal shower head and her speed increased.

"More baby?" She asked teasingly, he only nodded.

If I honestly have to sit through this uninspired meat circus, I’d at least appreciate some variety for entertainment sake. You can call it a massage all you want, but handjobs, blowjobs and vaginal honestly grows pointless to repeat, as you might as well reread your previous chapters to get yourself off, author. Make this sex scene have a point, would you?

Her speed slowed and she looked down at her. Her silky curly scarlet hair covering her beautiful face. She innocently looks up and him and bats her eyes. Immediately his cock begins to bob. She wastes no time teasing it, licking the shaft.

She looks up at him again to see his face contorted with pleasure.

Attached Image

Look, I know every porn actor seems like they are having a stroke, but could you please realize which words you are using to try to set this scene in a positive light, author?

She begins to suck on his cock, her lips only pass the head of it and she begins to just suck on it,

I know you are baffled by this turn of events, too, author, but you’re supposed to be the one writing this mess.

her tongue licking it vigorously. He let out a long groan as he ran his hands through her soft hair.

She pulled his cock out of her mouth and she took a deep breath. "Ready…baby?" She asked slowly standing up.

Well, shit, that was quick. How are you going to pad out the remaining two thirds of this chapter, if your blowjobs span no longer than what can be found in a fortune cookie?

He nodded and lifted her up. She giggled as he pinned her to the wall and began to slowly grind his cock's head against her clit. She begins to moan and scream loudly. In the midst of her shouts of bliss he kissed her, his tongue violently and assertively assaulting hers making them moan through the kiss.

His tongue would later find itself charged for sexual assault, her tonsils being the only witnesses daring to step forward.

His hand releases one of her hands as he begins to massage her breast tenderly. She moaned loudly, "Oh baby!" Her arms pulled him closer.

She looked at him, his eyes were scanning her body slowly, and her green cheeks turned a strange shade of red.

'Tomato', author! She’s a plant for fuck sake, how can you pass up your own setup for a joke like that?!

He looked into her eyes and he smiled. His grin was teasing to her, she leaned into his gentle yet hard thrusts, letting him have her completely, her tight pussy getting tighter with nearly every thrust.

It wouldn’t be a lemon without logic and contradiction fucking each other over too, huh?

He groaned through his teeth, she giggled and began to bounce slightly on him. They begin to moan louder, his lips firmly pressed against hers and she plunged her tongue deep into his mouth. Their tongues danced as his cock pounded her very tight pussy and his hand massaged her breast as the other held her up to the wall.

You know, I think we’ve been here before. For the second time. In this very chapter. Rub, thrust and moan, repeat. Tic-Tac-Toe has more complexity than this.

Suddenly she through her head back and her juices began to flow swiftly from her. This greatly excited Bruce and he pulled her close and his cum filled her up. The feel of his warm cock broth made Ivy scream, begging for more until she climaxed again.

Okay, do you even know what a broth is, author? I don’t care what kinky dictionary you pulled this from, not all sexual slang is made to arouse. If next you’re calling Ivy’s secretions for soup, I’m out of here.

Afterwards in the bedroom, under the covers of their bed Bruce was softly rubbing Ivy's body while she slept.

You know you guys need to eat, right? I think you’re falling unconscious from dehydration, too.

He slowly began to fall back asleep when Ivy turned to him.

"Bruce? You awake baby?"

"Yeah. What's up?"

"We're a couple, right?"

"Of course…why do you ask?"

Because it’s totally unbelievable and unjustified to you, too? Yeah, that’s sounds about right.

"I just wanted to make sure."

He chuckled and kissed her nose, "We are a couple. Don't worry dear."

"Honey?" She was quiet and shy now.

"Yes sweetheart?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too"

And to convince us beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is about love and not just about sex, let’s just have another fucking sex scene!!

She smiled and kissed him deeply. She laid on him and pressed her body closer to his. He smiled and bit her neck gently, she moaned and her pussy became moist. She lowered herself and began to lick the head of his cock again.

"I just love going down on you."

Said the author through his Kermit hand-puppet as he moved his arm down for round two.

"I can s-s-see that." His voice was cracking from the pleasure. She started to take some of his length into her mouth, twirling her tongue around it slowly. His hands viciously grabbed at the bed. A long groan began to escape him, when there was a knock at the door.

It’s probably Robin and Nightwing with drum of lube and a crate of condoms. It’s usually at this point in a cheesy, low-budget porn parody that the gangbang happens. Watching the Cinema Snob taught me that much.

"Master Wayne? Is everything ok?" Alfred was there and the door began to open. Ivy quickly dropped off the bed and hid. "Are you ok, sir?"

Bruce sighed. "I am absolutely fine...a bit pissed and in pain from Blue balls but fine."

I’m rather surprised that you can’t nail comedy, author. After all, your entire sex fic is a joke.

Alfred raised and eye brow then noticed a green foot and chuckled, "Sorry, sir. I didn't know you had company. Also good morning miss Ivy." He smiled and then left.

She’s a fugitive, insane murderess, Alfred. I know Bruce’s lifestyle and latest retold endeavors have probably left you more randy than a hermit, but don’t just walk away to jerk off like the author would!

"How…umm…Honey?" Ivy popped up and had a very confused face, "What was that? How did he know it was me?"

"He has his ways. He just does…don't question it."

The story plainly sucks, so I really don’t need to question what I already know.

She giggled and stood up, her breasts sprang up slightly and her hair teasingly covered her lustful expression. "Well what do we do now?"

Bruce sat up and smiled, "How about we have some fun."

Oh, it’s one of these things, you know, where the story repeats itself out of complete unoriginality. I think it’s called a 'déjà fuck you'!

She smiled and pounced on him, "Sure baby."

Bruce smiled and rolled on top of her. Ivy's eyes widened and she smiled. His broad arms by her sides, she kissed them softly as she rubbed his iron hard cock gently with her smooth soft hands. Bruce was moaning delightfully as she did, he smiled when she spread her legs and threw her arms around his waist. He sat on his knees, in between her legs, staring at her wet slit.

If you make him stare without actually describing it, author, I won’t even be convinced you actually know what a vagina looks like.

"Stop staring. I get embarrassed." She was covering her reddened cheeks.

"Sorry. You're just so cute."

She giggled then screeched as he lifted her legs onto his shoulder.

Unless you are turned on by pterodactyls and car breaks, author, please learn the meaning of the words before you just do a lazy synonym roulette.

He slid forward so the head of his mammoth cock was at her slit, slowly rubbing it teasing her.

How its tusks would fit was anyone’s guess, but at the author so transparently defends his writing, 'don’t question it'.

"Oh just fuck me already!" She finally said through her cracking voice. He chuckled and slowly thrusts into her. She grabs at the blankets holding in her shouts. He quickens his pace and her beautiful breasts bouncing rapidly in rhythm with his thrusts. "More. More! Oh, Baby! MORE!" Her pussy was getting wetter and tighter around his cock.

"Oh Ivy! You are so tight!"

"It's because you are so big!"

Apparently neither of you two sex-maniacs have read the script, which tells us it’s literal author-dictated sex-magic somehow changing the sizes of your genitals, constantly!

He smiles and begins to thrust harder making her scream loudly.

"Baby! I'm gonna CUM!" Bruce grunted.

"Cum with me!"

He nodded and held back his cum pounding her. She took a deep breath and Bruce knew she was ready. He smiled and she smiled back brightly and she nodded.

Telegraphed, climax choreography. The only thing left is for them to synchronize their watches for this Mission Impossible.

He thrusts as fast as he could make them both moan and scream loudly until she came. Her Orgasmic screams and her cum excited Bruce. He cringed as she tightened and as she released his cock from her pussy's grasp; his lust and love flowed out forcefully.

And guess who has to clean up that messy attempt at purple prose? Poor Alfred.

He pulled his cock out, the mixture of their cum coating it, letting her legs down. She sat up and smiled devilishly.

He lay down next to her and she lay in between his legs. Her tits were firmly pressed against his dick as she smiled towards it.

"What are you planning to do?"

Solve the issue of world hunger – what the fuck kind of fanfic do you think we’re reading right now?!

She giggled and crawled up and lay on top of him. "I was debating licking my cum off you cock." She ran her hand softly across his chest, "But…I'm a little tired."

There are only two settings in this universe. Fucking or Asleep, and whatever gets from one to the other. Will this stain-ridden snooze-fest never end?!

She smiled teasingly. She stretched and fell asleep on him while he was cringing from the beautiful thought.

Which human did you abduct to tell you this was how you convey the English language, author?!

He fell back and drifted off. His last thoughts being how wonderful the days have been lately.

And then he cringed at that, too.

Holy shit, how unbelievably repetitive and off-putting can this story get? I can’t even see the point in it. What makes a man write this trash with so little competence and originality, only to repeat himself five fucking times? I’m not one to give up on this, but I have to say that the author better hand me something of some substance soon, before I consider picking up a side-project to distract myself from the cringe with.

Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #5
Billybob Mcjoe

I'm not a psychopath, I'm a high functioning sociopath.

Group: Members
Posts: 66
Joined: 15-November 16
From: A friendly desert community where the sun is hot, the moon is beautiful, and strange lights dance in the sky while we all pretend to sleep...
Member No.: 1,976
Gender: Male

post Dec 1 2016, 06:37 PM
My God. 39 chapters and you've encountered basically the exact same thing with a different background what, OVER 9000 times (I'm not sorry for that) in the first four chapters? Maybe the dude is gain8ng inspiration from the power rangers, which does basically the exact same thing every episode.

congratulations! You just found a mostly invisible message!

I have a tendency to act like a pretentious asshole without realizing it. If you think that's happening at any moment, feel free to just tell me.
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #6

I'm very concerned.

Group: Members
Posts: 609
Joined: 3-January 13
From: Denmark
Member No.: 787
Gender: Male

post Dec 8 2016, 11:13 AM
QUOTE (Billybob Mcjoe @ Dec 2 2016, 03:37 AM) *
Maybe the dude is gaining inspiration from the power rangers, which does basically the exact same thing every episode.
That may be the case, but I wish the author could have paid attention to anything else than just Bulk and Skull, what with how idiotic this story is.
Anyway, let's get on with this, since we still have a lot of chapters to cover. Here’s Chapter 5: Very Nice Gifts.

A year later, Batman is still fighting crime yet Poison Ivy seems to have disappeared.

Another fucking time-skip. Well, I hope this means the author forgot about his hinted pregnancy subplot, but I doubt it.

However the world does not know that Poison Ivy is now a different person.

Yeah, and that should include both you and me, bucko, because if you think Batman’s justice stick could convincingly change her in anyway, you’re literally braindead.

Bruce had created a potion of sorts that would allow her to appear normal with out all the vines and green tint to her skin. She had been living her life as Pamela Isley.

So, Batman shat out a magic potion designed to make her look normal, she drank it, and then she went about under the identity of Pamela Isley? If only you put half as much effort into your asspulls as you do your foreplay, you’d maybe have a shot at not being completely incompetent, author.

Bruce was out and about, making public appearances at dozens of places and had now stopped in a hotel he owned. He requested a room and he lay down for a bit. He sat up after twenty minutes realizing what tomorrow was.

But Bruce, how could you nearly forget the anniversary of the total death of your canon character traits?

He left immediately almost forgetting his girlfriend's birthday gift. He bought her a specially crafted necklace made of gold and emerald and a ring to match it. The necklace created the word "IVY" and then he left on his flight back to Gotham.

I’ll ignore how you nearly forgot a birthday despite carrying the gift, but are you telling me Bruce Wayne’s girlfriend, having both the looks and name of a local villainess, wouldn’t finally tear apart the veil of ignorance of any paparazzi spying on her, by wearing that bling?

He finally arrived home to be ambushed by his loving girlfriend. She kissed him ecstatically as he held her up. After ten minutes of kissing she stopped, "Hi honey!" She said happily.

"Hey baby?" He smile and pulled out the box for the necklace. She was overjoyed at her gift. "Do you like it?"

”Oh, of course, you know I love cute little pet tags, honey. But why aren’t you wearing it?”

"Yeah! It's beautiful!" She smiled and saw him drop to one knee.

"That's good…because…I umm…want to ask you something." His voice was cracking because of nervousness.

Currently, the next step in convincing me you two are even in a relationship would include you learning what her favorite color is, so ask wisely.

Her eyes widened, hands went to her mouth and she let a screech lose quietly. "Yes!"

"Uh…Pamela Isley…I Bruce Wayne…Ask for your hand in holy matrimony, Batman. Sweetheart will you…marry me?" He was nervous again but for other reasons then before.

"YES YES YES!" She was jumping all around screaming. "OH MY!" Let loose another screech as he opened the box revealing the matching ring and put it on her finger. She tackled him, "I love you! I love you! YEAH!" She giggled and looked at her ring.

Well, I hope you like death threats from the League of Assassins, Ivy.

After enduring ten minutes of her banshee like screams and harpy reactions,

How can you not realize your language skills are so pathetic, that I can’t tell whether you are turned on or revolted by your own fantasy scenario, author?!

he grabbed her and kissed her deeply. She calmed down and leaned against him staring at the ring. "I can't believe it."

"Well you should."

"Well I guess the present I got you will be for this as well."

"Present, what present?"

Is it Batman-themed? Because in this sex-fic specifically tailored for someone who wants to imagine Batman boning a villainess, there’s suddenly a sore lack thereof.

"You'll just have to find out. Give me ten minutes and meet me up in our room."

He smiled and sat down, looked at his watch, "nine forty five left." She squealed and ran off upstairs. After the ten minutes were up he wandered upstairs and casually strolled into his room with a smile on his face.

On his bed was a scantily clad clothed Poison Ivy, green tinted skin and a lacy teddy

Well, congratulations, you’ve already discarded your potion-excuse to have your self-insert parade his eye-candy to the public, author. It only took you half a chapter to let your dick rule it out.

and on top of her was another woman. The second woman turned her head and looked at Bruce. It was Harley Quinn, she was dressed in a small nurse outfit, panties around one ankle her top unbutton almost half way down revealing her cleavage and her lipstick was a bright red and was all over Ivy.

Well, at least it’s Batman themed, sort of. I’m honestly underwhelmed. I had at least expected some kink from her actual outfit, rather than a regular pinup model look. Why must this amateurish, smut-saturated fanfic bore me with how vanilla it’s content is?

Immediately, at seeing this beautiful sight, he was struck with an iron hard boner.

Oh, Robin is here, too?

They crawled off the bed and over to him slowly. Harley unbuckled his pants while Ivy nibbled his neck and undid his shirt. He let himself be taken by the sexy woman. They brought him to the bed and through him down onto the bed. "Ivy…honey…"

She leaned close to him while Quinn tore off his boxers and licked the shaft. "Yeah sweetheart?" she softly whispered lustfully in his ear.

"D-d-does she know?"

You are assuming conflict exists in this universe the author uses to rub one out? I didn’t even throw a fit about that because it has dawned on me how off-the-rails this story already is. We are way past the point of giving a fuck. At least I haven’t been outright insulted, yet.

"Yeah…but she's my best friend. She promised not to tell anyone until you're ready."

Spoke too soon. What the fuck kind of excuse is this, author? Even the phrasing indicates she was told first, then sworn to secrecy. Even stripping away everything that makes Harley Quinn who she is that should obstruct this turn of events, as a bare-bones stick-figure of an antagonist, what worldview do you have that equates ‘criminal’ with trustworthiness?

"So B-man… You ready for some fun?" The harlequin nurse lustfully asked.

Bruce was stripped down to nothing but his tie and socks.

Because fucking specifically in socks and a tie is sexy, I guess? What?

Ivy pushed his head back and sat on his chest leaning back slightly. Harley positions herself over his huge iron cock and slowly lowered herself on to him. She let out a painful yet delighted scream. Bruce began to lick and suck on his fiancé's delicious pussy while she kissed Harley, their tongues twirling around each other and Harley bouncing up and down on his massive cock.

This is like that carousel ride you for some reason always end up riding, but it sucked even the first time and has only gotten monotonous since then. I can only assume that’s why Ivy brought Harley along, so as to escape the apathy that I’m currently feeling.

The first to cum was Harley, her juices spewed out with force. She through her head back and let out a deafening scream.

Fanfic Sex: Hazards may include bouncing, tightening, loss of canon traits, zero logical consequences, excessive expulsion of fluids, cringing, and loss of hearing.

Ivy sucking on her breasts upside down finally came, soaking Bruce's face. Some of her cum got into his mouth; she smiled as she watched him swallow it all in one gulp. Harley continued and Bruce returned to hungrily eating his girlfriend out.

"Bruce! You're so fucking big! I can't even put your entire length in me!" Harley said her lewd voice cracking was delicious music to both Ivy and Wayne's ears.

Oh, has the repetition of Bruce’s name become grating to you too, author? How about maybe make Batman make an appearance in his own damn fanfic, then?! And wouldn’t Ivy be named Wayne, too, soon?

"I told you. Wait until he cums!" Bruce nibbled her clit, "Oh Bruce! Baby!"

"Ivy! Kiss me! I want to taste some of that honey you call lips."

Smooth as gravel, author. I can’t tell if you read too little or too much smut for you to compose these sentences.

Ivy smiled and leaned back; laying her head on Quinn's tits so they could kiss roughly while Bruce pumped his heavy cock slightly deeper into her. He licked Ivy deeply sucking on her cute little clit slowly fingering her.

Attached Image

I might have lost track of this sex scene, but I’m pretty sure we’ve entered Penrose-levels of sex-positions.

Harley began to scream loudly and began to cum hard. She bounced up and down on Bruce's hard rod even though her pussy had tightened. Her extremely tight grip on Bruce's tool made him cum again, deep inside her.

This is the first time Bruce came, author. Stop counting your own wank-sessions into this mess.

Ivy looked down with her red hair covering her lewd expressions. "Oh Bats!"

"Ivy! Harley!" Bruce moaned into his girlfriend's pussy as she came again. Ivy and Harley fell over onto one another and began to passionately kiss rubbing their crotches together. Bruce stood up walked behind them and began to thrust his cock in between the pussies that were firmly pressed together.

Since the ship has already sailed on Bruce sticking his dick in crazy, he might as well go for broke and do the double decker insanity sandwich.

"Oh Damn!" Their pussies pressed together acted as one to please the cock.

"Cum on us!" Ivy said lustfully.

"NO! Cum in us!" Harley begged lewdly.

There are two kinds of women, I’m sure we can all agree. Those that exists and those the author fantasizes about.

He pounded into the pussy of pussies

It has a melee three squirt attack, increased AC, and a plus ten to grapple. Honestly, this is actually starting to sound like a sex scene as played by a pen and paper ruleset.

while the two horny nymphos kissed and massaged each other's breasts tenderly. Bruce let a moan escape as he massaged Ivy's ass making her press down on his cock harder. The two moaned as their pussies rubbed on another and his cock penetrated them both.

Schrödinger’s cock, as long as the author doesn’t care about physics or descriptions, it is simultaneously in both pussies at the same time.

Bruce let out a long drone and the girls screeched as they came hard. He fell over in between them and they crawled to the head of the bed. He laid back and the two girls cuddled up with him. Ivy fell asleep first, and Bruce and Harley were still up.

You can at least attempt to sell me on this newly introduced participant of this story, author. Go ahead, polish your harem.

"Thanks B-Man." She said playfully.

"Anytime Harley…just get permission first."

"She really loves ya…so you better not mess this thing up Bats."

You’re a year late with that spiel, Harley, but it’s not like the author know how relationship-talks are like.

"I know…and I love her too."

"Just so ya know she's been trying to have a kid."

The fact that a condom was never mentioned is of course a completely unrelated concern.

"I figured that out…but what does that have to do with you…wait…"

"That's right B-man." She giggled. "Thanks again big boy." She gave him one last kiss then fell asleep.

"Well this is gonna be fun." He said as he fell asleep.

You know, I find the idea of surrogacy as a wonderful thing. However, I had expected planned, informed consent for this type of shit, author.

The source of these vapidly empty-headed character behaviors is one I find a masochistic delight in studying, and I think I get it now. The reason why every single thing annoys me about this author’s writing is that things go as per his fetish. Every new thing that’s introduced is excused as being fine and dandy, because it’s the author’s fetish. Even if logic dictated something was off, it’s okay, because things have been preplanned and cleared before even being introduced, and nothing makes anyone – not even the Butler - bat a single eye, because all of this fanfic is the author’s fetish!

The line between fantasy and a story is a fine one, author. The first one is for you, the other is for everyone.

This post has been edited by ConcernedGamer: Dec 8 2016, 11:14 AM

Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #7

I'm very concerned.

Group: Members
Posts: 609
Joined: 3-January 13
From: Denmark
Member No.: 787
Gender: Male

post Dec 13 2016, 08:11 AM
This story still progresses. With how much lubrication the author has made these nymphomaniacs produce, there’s really no stopping it sliding downhill. But, there seems to be something brewing. Apparently the author himself has realized that just having stick figures bumping uglies is not enough for a fanfic. Let’s get to it. Here’s Chapter 6, Garden Bed.

Bruce Wayne and Ivy were in the pool relaxing, their naked bodies pressed firmly together.

Because the craving for naked flesh is the only thing making this author return to his keyboard.

The weather was humid and warm; Ivy's garden was in full bloom,

A brazilian should fix that right up.

so she was in a very good mood. She kissed his neck gently as he massaged her breasts lovingly. They were in a blissful trance like embrace when it was loudly interrupted by Harley. "Comin' through B-man!" She cannonballs into the water splashing everything. When she finally rose out, Bruce saw she was naked,

Are you implying that clothes actually has a purpose in this fanfic?

her firm tight breasts gently moving with the water, her daisy yellow hair covering her cute little face, and her hands were gently massaging her growing bump on her belly. "When we getting some foods?"

Right after you get a haircut, missy. Seriously, I can’t tell if it’s just the author’s kink to have women’s hair constantly covering their faces, or he doesn’t know the word ‘framing’.

Bruce and Ivy were exiting the water, "Go get some if you want." Bruce said kindly. He walked over to the flower bed with Ivy.

"Well fine then." She kept floating around watching the two hide behind the bushes.

"Sweetheart, come here." Ivy said lewdly, her legs spread wide open and she was spreading her pussy open with her slender hands.

That has got to be one of the most bland, rapid paced, non-sequitur transition into a sex scene that I’ve ever read. “I’m hungry.” “Whatever.” “Take me!”

Bruce smiled and crawled to her. He began to lick her slit gently, massaging her clit with one of his hands. She began to moan lewdly and ran her thin fingers through his hair. He suddenly stopped and looked at her, "More?" He asked teasingly.

Are you intentionally tempting her to ram a root straight up your cheeky ass?

"What kind of question is that? Of course I want more!" She pleaded lustfully.

"Ok sweetness." He mounted her and her eye widened.

The saddle was the most bewildering part, of course.

He pumped his mammoth cock deep into his fiancé's pussy making her beg for more. She clawed his back as he pumped her hard. Both of their lewd cries rang through the garden and backyard. There was some splashing in the pool but it was overshadowed by another loud scream from Ivy as she released.

So, is this going to devolve into another unsurprising threesome, or will the walking incubator have to depend on a similarly sex-starved butler in the near future?

"Oh! Looks like fun." Harley was watching them closely; licking Bruce's cock and Ivy's slit. They both groaned and Bruce released letting a low groan out making the girls shiver with excitement.

"Keep going baby!" Ivy begged him in her sexy voice.

Better find a backup plan, Bruce. I won’t doubt your ability to perform, but you should know that there is still four pages of this shit to go through.

Bruce nodded and pumped though the cum in her pussy, she began to scream as it gushed out of her. Bruce looked back to see Harley getting really turned on by their hardcore fucking.

The term is about how much is depicted through a lens or similar. All actual fucking is by definition hardcore, author. Unless you do it through a sheet or something, maybe.

"Harley…what you doing?"

She smiled as she stripped off the panties she was wearing and began to finger herself watching Bruce drill her best friend. "Just enjoying the view." She moaned as she continued deeper.

Suddenly Ivy flipped them over and began to bounce on his cock.

Wow, how unexpected, imagine my surprise.

"Harley baby come here so we can eat you out." She bounced harder as Harley crawled over to them.

She was on all fours. She put her knees on Bruce's arms to stop him from moving. Ivy began to lick her back and ass while bouncing vigorously on her fiancé's dick. Harley and Bruce both moaned loudly. Bruce lifted his head and began to suck on Harley's clit and tongue her slit as best she could.

Did we jump back to the previous chapter or something? Can’t you even throw in a strap-on to spice things up, author? I don’t care who has to get pegged in this boring shit, just up your fucking game!

Harley was overcome with pleasure almost knocking her over. She began to crawl away but the other two wouldn't let her.

"Where you think your going?" Ivy demanded in her dominatrix voice.

"Its, its too good!" She continued to crawl.

I always had this notion that you could actually let an author-favored protagonist’s sex abilities embody the Marty Stu trope. This confirms it.

Bruce walked behind her and began to pump his cock into her while Ivy sucked on Harley's swelling tits.

"Damn! She's almost as tight as you Ivy."

"No! You're just…Huge!"

I know your brain might need the precious, south-going blood to produce coherency, author, but did you honestly not realize you just told us that Ivy and Harley’s nether regions are loose as all hell?

Harley wailed as she began to cum from the pounding Bruce was giving her. Ivy chuckled and began to suck on her nipples vigorously. Harley let out a loud pleasurable cry for more. She clenched her hands tightly in Bruce's hair.

This character did something. Then this other character did something. Then that character did some other thing. That’s what I’m reading here, all the time, no stop, it never ends, send help!

"Sounds like someone is having fun." Bruce said as his hips pounded into her again making her squeal.

"I'll say. Maybe we should stop?" Ivy said with thick sass.

"No!" Harley begged. "Please keep fucking me! It feels so good." She looked deep into Bruce's eyes with as much lust as she could muster under the burden of Ivy's suckling.

Okay, not quite the first step I expected, but if we suddenly get into breast milk kink territory, this author might start earning this attention that I’m giving this sex-pit of boredom.

"Or we could fuck her until she can't walk straight." Bruce suggested to his fiancé.

I can’t believe that I’m on the bitter verge of using an abortion joke right now.

"Sure…We better get started." And with that Ivy dove into Harley's chest, sucking and licking her even more.

Bruce smiled and began to pound into her extremely fast and hard making them both cry out. Harley pushed Ivy down and began to eat her out vigorously, he tongue exploring as much as it could. Ivy cringed as she released. "So quick, getting to loose their?"

At this point, I’d ask you to wear a condom whenever using the English language, so as to not make it contract whatever strain you have, author.

"No. Just watching all this then getting her tongue put me over the edge." She ran her hands through Harley's hair. "She has talent." She smiled at the innocent looking blonde. Suddenly both women began to shriek. Harley plunged back into Ivy and Bruce took her from a different angle ramming her sweet spot.

Was there even a connection between these things? From my perspective Ivy got a spur of exposition, they both got a charley horse, and Bruce had too many of the wrong fucks to give.

"So fucking good!" Harley began to thrust against both of her lovers, sucking on Ivy in her upper mouth while swallowing Bruce in her lower.

No matter the misrepresented anatomy, just mind the teeth, okay?

"Oh! Fuck!"

"Baby, Harley Im gonna cum again!" Ivy sang, her lewd voice ringing in their ears.

"Lets all cum together!" Harley demanded.

Let’s say we’ll do it, and then just do it. How magical. Literally.

"Yea!" Ivy smiled to Harley, then gave Bruce the puppy dog eyes.

"Fine, give me a sec, cause I'm almost there." He pumped into Harley hard as she tightened around his length.

"OH! Sweet mother of mercy! So rough! I'm coming!" Harley shouted against Ivy's slit.

According to the author, vaginas seem to conduct sound very well, contrary to my own apparently rather muffled misconception.

"Me too Harley!"

"OH! Here it comes!" Harley and Ivy screamed out loud as their lustful juices flowed from them. Bruce groaned as his cum was squeezed from his cock. Harley was full of Ivy's juices in her mouth and Bruce's milk in her little pussy. They were in a sex induced heaven.

Do I even have to mention where that places me at this moment? It hasn’t frozen over yet, either, so this author is still fucking awful.

When Bruce awoke he was in his bed alone.

I know you have to relate to this character in some way, author, but it’s starting to become rather cliché.

"Ivy!" He called out look around his home. "Harley!"

"Master Bruce." Bruce faintly heard his friend from the outside. He ran out there and found his backyard destroyed and Alfred under some rubble.

This is how I expected the baby shower to go, to be honest. But really, what the fuck is going on?

"Sir, they came and took the two away. When I got out her they knock this over on me." He stained to move, "I am so sorry sir."

"Its ok Alfred. Who was it?" He asked as he lifted the toppled pillar so he was free.

"I think it was Two Face and Joker."

"That could be bad."

"Not as bad as Joker looked."

"So I've heard."

Attached Image

Never have I felt myself so excited to get screwed over by an author’s asspulls. This turn of events borders on absolute absurdity, comes out of nowhere, makes no sense, is implemented with fury-inducing incompetence, and yet I’m overjoyed. I’m livid too, but isn’t this just a marvel? This story finally has my attention. A plot. Conflict. Granted, Bruce both teleported to his bed, slept through an entire debris-causing kidnapping, and takes the actions of Joker and Two-Face with the same wise-cracking chill as I do when realizing I’m fresh out of milk, but there’s finally a fucking plot that’s not just about fucking! I despise your work author, but thank you for finally making it into something which can support the kind of vehemence I can dish out.

An hour later, "What now sir?"

"We get them back some how."

Bruce needed to contemplate a decision for an entire hour, did he? Have you heard of these time-measuring units called minutes and seconds, author?

"Might I suggest bailing them out of Arkham?" Alfred gives Bruce the morning paper. It said, 'Ivy, Two Face and the Family of Clowns caught at last and back in Arkham'

Okay, who drugged me, what was that funny tasting stuff in my drink, is this real life – what the fuck is going on?! Did Bruce slip into a sex-induced coma and Alfred waited an entire day under those debris? It’s been an hour and today’s paper has already shifted kidnappers and the kidnapped to where they should have been in the first place, and all without Batman’s assistance might I add. This shit is scripted like a fever dream!

"First off, my kid, not Joker's. Shit…if I bail them out, then Gotham will never let me live it down. But If I don't then Ivy will never forgive me and my kid will be raised by the Joker."

Yes, I’m sure the authorities are going to let them have a crib installed in the padded cells, too. Are you simply divorcing yourself from logic so you can pretend to have half its custody rights, too, author?

"Sir…for the greater good…you know what you must do."

”I’ll get the bat-coat hanger.”

Bruce sighed, "I know. I just hope Joker doesn't hurt Harley, I know Ivy can handle herself." Bruce sat down and after ten minutes of silence he punched the table breaking it and shouted, "FUCK!"

Your ability to produce and convey drama has the depth of the shallow grave it deserves. I can’t wait for the potential miscarriage to be punctuated by a low-muttered utterance of ‘shit’, to let us know how utterly empty of character everyone in this cum-stained trash fic is.

This is a strange roller coaster of emotions. This fanfic was dragging along with sloppily written sex, boring me to death half the time. Now it tickles my interest as it gives reason for even more disappointment, yet having a faint hope of entertaining me as it does so. I’m glad, I’m mad, I’m fucking insane, that’s what I am.

Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #8

Advanced Member

Group: Members
Posts: 1,328
Joined: 14-April 12
From: Charleston South Carolina
Member No.: 631
Gender: Male

post Dec 13 2016, 08:49 AM
You'd think at some point he'd get bored with writing what is essentially the same sex scene over and over again. Maybe just spice things up a bit by throwing in a bit of gratuitous violence here and there, as one would expect from Batman. Nah, just whatever.

Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #9

I'm very concerned.

Group: Members
Posts: 609
Joined: 3-January 13
From: Denmark
Member No.: 787
Gender: Male

post Jan 5 2017, 05:56 AM
I’m back from study deadlines, holidays, New Years, and I’m dodging exams left and right. Hopefully no one missed me and panicked, binge watched their favorite soap opera and ate ice cream or something while I was gone. I don’t secretly fantasize about having that effect on people, no siree. But joking aside, there is stuff to be mocked. And also:
QUOTE (truthordeal @ Dec 13 2016, 05:49 PM) *
You'd think at some point he'd get bored with writing what is essentially the same sex scene over and over again. Maybe just spice things up a bit by throwing in a bit of gratuitous violence here and there, as one would expect from Batman. Nah, just whatever.
No can do, I'm afraid. The only thing this author can accomplish is to do like a junk food junkie and progressively enlarge the size of his bland meals in order to satisfy his appetite. This guy has no sense of porn palette, by any stretch.
Anyway, let’s see if the spark of conflict is all just a red herring meant to give this author more fish to fillet. Here’s Chapter 7, Arkham City part 1. That’s the title, by the way. I had no part in splitting these up.

It had been almost six months since Ivy and Harley were taken from Bruce. He was now on his way to give a press conference about Arkham City. He was still upset about the horror of it all, how his beloved Ivy was torn from him and his unborn child taken with its mother by Joker and Two Face.

Author, you do know you planted your fleshlights in Arkham Asylum in the previous chapter, after failing at convincing us they were not insane, right? Guess what gets people out of Arkham? A medically sound mind. Either they aren’t sane, or you’re once again scrambling for porn setting excuses.

They made no attempt to escape the asylum, and now the four of them were now in Arkham City.

"I'm sorry Ivy. I really wish I could have gotten you out."

Oh, I don’t know what you could have done there, Bruce. You are only a multi-billionaire and masked vigilante who’s above the law. Your hands were tied, to your bed, I’m sure.

About an hour later Bruce had finally gotten into Arkham to find Joker and Harvey.

Yes, an hour after the ‘almost six months’. What wonderful transitioning this fanfic has. And what happened to that press conference?

He was on the infamous Ace Chemical Building overlooking a small section of the neighborhood. He dive-bombed into a thug robbing a political prisoner. "Batman, what are you in here for?" The young man said to the Dark Knight.

He’s looking for a calm and collected guy to direct him to the plot, apparently.

"I'm here for my own reason. Now stay out of sight."

"Yes, sir." The young man ran off and hid inside the dumpster. Batman turned and flew off using his new boost grapnel.

Nevermind then. Here I thought this guy was some Exposition Ed, or a Segway Seth, but no he turned out to be Norman the Non Sequitur!

He glided high above the rooftops searching for Ivy or Harley.

A real shame there are no locals around you could ask about that, right? No, honestly, what the fuck was the point of that previous scene?

He noticed the Joker Thugs in front of the makeshift Medical Center in the church. He dive-bombed them as well leading into a series of brutal blows knocking them all down, writhe with pain.

With this grammar, how could they not?

He marched into the church and was greeted loudly by Harley. "Comin' through B-Man!" She attacked him and he pulled her close, she kissed his cheek then he tossed her aside. "Geez, Bat-Brain!" She began to tease him, shaking her ass back and forth as she walked around him.

You know, there’s this miscarriage theory going around about this particularly transcribed scene, author. I’m starting to question whether Bruce actually wants that kid.

After her monologue and she left, Batman went to work.

Attached Image

Forget what I just said, I’m starting to lose my damn mind, author, because you’ve now let your masturbation-fic succumb to a complete railroading of the game, to the point where you demand your readers to recollect the transpired events themselves. And you could have warned me a sex scene had started, because you just raped logic in the ass, you dingbat! Bruce is here to get Harley out of Arkham City. What just happened?!

He flew behind the two hostage holding thugs and took them down. He then smashed the heads of the other two together. "Thanks Batman. We owe you one." Aaron Cash retorted as the thugs fell to the ground, unconscious.

"Its fine Cash, just make sure you all stay safe."

”I’m off to save my fuck-buddy by meeting with her and then do a bunch of other stuff for no reason. Seriously, I have no other reason to even be here tonight.”

Batman then climbed to the top of the tower and found the remote control rifle.

You know, the one that has probably killed Catwoman by now, if she didn’t drown in acid first. I miss the lazy sex scenes already with this awfully executed game transcript.

The entire time that Batman was listening to Joker's speech he was thinking of the pain he was going to put Joker through. ~I am going to beat the living shit out of this asshole…I put him in another fucking full body cast…this time for life!~ He had not realized that the countdown had reached three before he began to jump. He dove out the window and glided to the near building as the entire top of the steeple exploded.

Am I supposed to be impressed that your brainless self-insert Bat-replacement persona mentally masturbated about revenge, to the point where he almost got himself killed, author? Everything you attempt to write is going to be a turnoff, isn’t it?

He landed and tumbled a few feet from the blast wave. He turned over onto his back and from nowhere Harley sat on his chest. "Hiya B-man."


I have to conclude her pussy somehow magnetized him to land on this specific rooftop. “Out of nowhere”, no fucking shit!

"I have some questions…but I'll wait a few." She rolled backwards and landed so her face was in perfect alignment with his cock.

"Harley…listen…I'm sorry I didn't-"

"Shut up Bats. I never was angry…neither was Red."

”Mr. J said that kidnapping your bride and unborn child would be the perfect prank, and we know how you like jokes, right?”

"Well I'm relieved."

"We're still gonna make you pay though."

I can deal with mixed signals author, but not this mess of static background noise you call dialogue.

Batman's eyes widened. Harley began to pull his pants off with the boxers. She licked the top of the head, pushing it down with her thick tongue. Batman moaned loudly, she began to shove the entire length into her mouth as deep as it could go. She sucked on it hard. Batman took off his cowl to cool down from the heat of the pleasure; he ran his hands through her soft blonde hair.

I do wonder if you have any other nuance than sex only involving the words hard or soft, author. It’s like you flip a coin half the time to decide it. Oh, I tell a lie; it feels like that all the time.

She looked up at him with nearly innocent eyes and she undid her top. "I really like the new outfit."

"Thanks baby." She sandwiched his cock between her beautiful breasts. She squeezed them tightly and began to bounce them up and down as some of her milk flowed from her nipples.

Ah, lactation fetish, there you are. What took you so long? What do you mean you needed an actual pregnant woman? Well, why did the author care about realism all of a sudden?

She flipped them both over and Batman began to pump in between her breasts. "Oh Bats! You are pumping so hard! I love it!" Her hands fell from his arms to massaging her crotch tenderly.

"I want to pound your pussy!"

"I'll let you eat it…but it still tender from birthin your kid."

Yes, well, about that, how about keeping it in your pants and start addressing the KIDNAPPED NEWBORN currently being nursed by Joker and Two-Face? I mean, you are only the FUCKING PARENTS!!

She chuckled as she removed her skintight pants; she was wearing no panties at all. He lowered himself and began to plunge his tongue deep into her making her moan. "We really shouldn't continue!" Bruce stopped and laid his heavy cock on her slit.

"How come?"

"I promised Red I would let her have you first."

Attached Image

These cum-soaked priorities are making me tear my hair out. Alright, I have a very multi-layered question for you, you amateur-smut Energizer bunnies. What are you even doing here? What are you even doing? What are you even? What even? What?!

"Where is she?"

"She is always at her hideout…thing is she locked it down." She stood up and walked around, "You'll have to find a way inside."

Of her hideout. I feel you need to be specific, since the guy in the Bat-outfit will assume you meant her pussy.

A few miles away Catwoman had been searching for Ivy to help her break into the vault. She had finally found her hideout, taken down her guards, and snuck inside. She fought off the mind controlled goons and Ivy eventually captured her.

And somewhere else, more of the plot has presumably gone undescribed as the author has no care for what the game was originally about.

"You never watered them!"

"Red, it's not my fault. You knew I was never good with plants. I got a lavender….or rose…or something at home and I don't remember the last time I watered that thing."


"I shouldn't have said that."

Are you trying a joke or finding the lamest excuse for tentacle porn yet, author?

"No you shouldn't of. Now you're gonna pay."

What, because her grammar is better than yours?


Ivy sighed, "What now?"

”Girl, could you please stop distracting me when I’m about to kill you?”

"Don't kill me. I'll do anything." Catwoman pleaded.


"Why do I suddenly have a really bad feeling about this?"

Nothing sudden or questionable about it.

Ivy turned away and thought to herself. ~You perfected the spore you used on Bruce. Use it on her. You need a quick lay. ~

Yeah, mind control and rape another victim, that’s sure to make you even more endearing and prove you are no longer a villainess.

Catwoman was trying to lick the tip of her nose with her long tongue, Ivy grinned devilishly. At the tip of the vine that was, holding Catwoman, a bud grew. "Time for your punishment Selena."

"Um…thanks." Catwoman closed her eyes and the bud sprayed her with a pink and purple powder. She began to cough and Ivy dropped her. Ivy tore off her shirt and lay down on her flowerbed.

Well, at least I’m suspecting no plant vine penetration. The author’s fragile libido would probably be rather bruised if his masturbation fantasies could survive without his self-insert’s dick.

"Selena. Come here sugar." Ivy's voice rang with lust as she watched Catwoman crawl over to her. "I want to see what you got under that pretty little suit." Catwoman stood up and took off her cowl. Ivy moved to the Pussycat and began to slowly strip her. First, her ample breasts fell out, larger then her outfit shows them.

Usually you’d want to leave it in-between the lines that you are intentionally exaggerating her feminine assets for the sake of your character-altering, lustful cravings, author.

Ivy moans and begins to suckle them. "Oh! I can't wait until Bruce gets here to have some fun with us."

Okay, have any of you even heard of the concept of a secret identity?

Catwoman nodded and moaned softly as she continued to remove her suit, revealing her pink and purple fluffy panties. Ivy giggled and begins to rub their crotches together. "I wonder what Batman will do to use when he, 'rescues' me?"

He will fuck you and then fuck off, despite being here to save you and Harley, I can tell you that much. There are still two more chapter parts with this one’s title.

~He will be saving me Ivy! I cannot believe your doing this to me Red! ~ Catwoman moaned loudly, ~I must say though, she really is making me feel good. ~

As soon as Catwoman and Ivy were complete naked eating each other's pussy's Batman walked in.

Wow, you can’t even whack off to a lesbian porno without needing yourself to enter the frame, author? The only thing that’s original here would be the unintended self-parody as Batman teleports between sex scenes.

Ivy peer over Selena's ass and smiled, "Hi honey! You are just in time. We were just starting. Where's Harley?"

Batman smiled, "Well this is a wonderful sight." He was staring at Ivy's pussy being gently sucked and licked by Catwoman. "She'll be here soon enough…she has to check in with Joker." Batman began to take off his armor.

Why? No, you complete fucktard, explain why? Maybe it’s because of your child, sure, but you can’t even stop breeding to mention whether this particular spawn of your pathetic fetish fantasies is important to you!

~ Batman… ~ Catwoman thought to herself, ~ He's so hot right now…Thank you Red, you came through for me. ~ Catwoman crawled off Ivy and towards Batman. She pulled off his pants and began to suck on the shaft of his cock.

Since they are only mentioned when they come off, I wonder why these pants even exist.

He pushed her off and laid down on the flowerbed, Catwoman laid her pussy on his face and Ivy slowly slid his cock deep into her. Both Batman and Ivy screamed pleasurably. "Oh Bruce! Have you gotten bigger?"

"No sweetness, you've just gotten tighter!"

We still have more than 30 chapters left and these cheesy genital compliments are still being repeated. That pussy will be able to compress coal into diamonds by the end of this story.

Ivy began to bounce up and down slowly on his unit as she and Catwoman kissed. Batman moved in rhythm with her thrusts and began to delve into the pussycat's warm pussy with his tongue and lips.

~ Holy! Shit! He knows how to make a girl scream! ~ Both of the girls began to scream and moan loudly. ~ I want his cock so bad now! ~

These sequences of events are getting so mundane and repetitive that you could make a bingo game out of it and get seven in a row every time!

Catwoman bite Ivy's neck and Batman began to suck on her clit and his deep thrusts made Ivy scream louder. The door creaked open and Harley walked in,

Where are we, exactly? And are there a slew of brainwashed guards still nearby watching as another blowup doll is added to the pile?

"Hey! You started with out me! Hey Kitty!" She quickly tossed her clothes aside. Catwoman turned around and Ivy rested her head on the thief's tight ass, kissing it gently. Harley laid her self so her pussy was rubbing the top of Bruce's head and Catwoman began to eat her juices and Bruce orally pleased her.

I think even a Venn diagram would have trouble depicting this scene, let alone your flawed descriptions, author?

"Bruce baby! Pump me harder!" Ivy begged as she bounced on him. He brought his knees up and she rested back on them, putting her feet near his shoulder. His thrusts into her deepened quickened and were loud, making Ivy shriek and her full breasts bouncing violently. "Oh! Yes!"

Someone should be in contortions, what with them all doing head-straddling, shoulder-standing, ass-resting and hip-thrusting, all the while lying down on a floor. Either that, or Newtonian physics is getting gut-punched right about now.

Catwoman began to moan into Harley's pink pussy. ~ I am so coming to Red much more often because this is so fucking fun! ~

"B-man! Oh Yes, Kitten, Red! YES!" Ivy was playing footie with her best friend, Catwoman was lapping up all her pussy juices and Bruce was thrusting his fingers deep into her tight warmth.

If the hand is what he is thrusting, then I’ve lost track of the dick. One should never lose track of a dick in an orgy, author!

"I'm coming!" Ivy shouted.

"Me too!" Harley moaned.

~ Mother of hell! We are all going to come! ~

Would you also like to tell me I won the lottery, just to go for complete and utter inexistent believability?

Suddenly all four of them screamed and their lust flowed and juices erupted.

You know, author, this description is rather timeless, what with its possibility of applying to any possible biological anatomy in the universe.

Batman's was covered in their juices and he pumped his lustful juices into his lover. They all collapsed and began to lick their juices off him.

Juice. Juiciest juiced juicing. Juicier juice juicy juices. Are we done yet? I’m all out of juice.

Catwoman looked around and realized she had control the entire time. ~ Clever Red, clever. ~

Fuck you, author. Your homemade ‘get out of jail free card’ is revoke when you in narration declare Ivy’s intent to be controlling someone, you undeserving, smug, fluid-obsessed asshat.

They looked into Batman's eyes. "We love you." They said in sync and all passionately kissed him, playing with his tongue with their own

Be honest with me, author. Is this even intended to invoke anything but eye-rolling scoffs at your unrehearsed, purely coincidentally performed, perfect harem, even as you introduce yet another cosplay bimbo who has also been told of Batman’s secret identity without his awareness or consent?!

And the well-lubricated train wreck slip another track, coming to a halt before everyone falls unconscious as is the norm. What the heck kind of excuse will the author have for splitting these up for the following pair of chapters, I do genuinely wonder. I’ll do my best to get to mocking them soon, but being in the middle of exams can be a bit hindering on the mocking mood.

Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #10

Advanced Member

Group: Members
Posts: 1,328
Joined: 14-April 12
From: Charleston South Carolina
Member No.: 631
Gender: Male

post Jan 5 2017, 08:22 AM
QUOTE (ConcernedGamer @ Jan 5 2017, 09:56 AM) *
We still have more than 30 chapters left and these cheesy genital compliments are still being repeated. That pussy will be able to compress coal into diamonds by the end of this story.

am crie

Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #11

I'm very concerned.

Group: Members
Posts: 609
Joined: 3-January 13
From: Denmark
Member No.: 787
Gender: Male

post Jan 13 2017, 05:49 PM
Well, wouldn't you know it, there's more batshit insanity lying in wait for us. The author is a complete sex-fixated imbecile who, it turns out, can't even transcribe game events properly when he tries. Here's Chapter 8, Arkham City part 2.

When Batman woke up in Ivy's lair his head was throbbing and his ears ringing.

You are neither selling me on the orgy angle, nor do you sound like one who has actually experienced sex, author. Maybe date rape, but that’s about it.

He could still hear his lovers' lewd cries. He looks at Ivy who is curled into a ball in his arms. Catwoman and Harley were spooning right above his head; Harley's soft backside was firmly pressed against his head. He shook Ivy awake and told her he had to leave.

Oh, you’ve got somewhere to be? Good to know you had a nap and left a dozen villains to do their thing unhindered, then.

She complains and reluctantly lets him up.

Harley is woken up and she and Catwoman clung to his legs begging him no to leave. Ivy smiles and joins in jumping and wrapping her legs around his waist and his arms around his neck. The three young women cried out to him, "Please don't go!"

If anything, both he and you three should be out looking to rescue his kidnapped child! What is wrong with all of you?!

"I got to." He kissed them each lovingly, holding each kiss to ensure their bliss was sufficient. He finished getting dressed and left the building. He headed for Park Row, to see if there was anything he missed.

If this had been a game transcript, we would have gotten inane and irrelevant details. If this had been plot relevant, we would have been told of an actual plot. If the events of this universe leading up to now were meant to transpire remotely differently than in the game, we should have been given an indication thereof. At this point, this is barely even a fanfic as much as the author's imagined roleplay.

He arrived and examined every detail of the thug's defenses. He chuckled to himself; ~ These guys are so stupid, leaving their right flank wide open. ~ The Dark Knight dropped down and slowly took out each of the thugs, unseen, unheard. He slipped into the courthouse and immediately turned on detective vision, he scanned the building, and it was empty except for a large man in the cellblock. ~ Looks like Dent got out. ~

Such as shame, and here you were in such a hurry to find him. I guess he must have left because he actually knew when he was supposed to be here!

He slowly picked apart the courtroom, examining the windows and bullet, entry and collision point.

He was so slow in doing this, in fact, that he travelled back in time to let himself witness the shot and know where to find Harley.

He found nothing, "Well then, time to find Joker."

Wow, the tense, emotional sense of urgency here has me at the edge of my seat. And with a noose around my neck.

He left the courthouse and began his trek to the harbor.

While Batman was out the girls began to argue, Harley leaving to make sure Joker was ok, Ivy brought up the issue. "Eh…Quinn…sweetheart?"

Truly the most affectionate of exchanges, where petnames and last names have equal placement.

"Yeah Red?" Harley was pulling up her tight leggings when she turned to see Catwoman on the ceiling naked, looking for her panties and Ivy remaking her bed.

"Why do you still help the Joker? Don't you love Batman?" Her voice sounded sincere.

Unlike that last time she asked whether there was any emotional attachment to that child Harley recently pushed out her snatch.

"Of course I love him…but I also love my Mistah J." She said with sass in her voice. Catwoman landed next to her and chuckled.

"Sugar, listen, Joker is really mean to you and Batboy is so good."

One gives her orgasms, the other doesn’t. You really don’t have to pretend your story is deeper than that, author.

"Joker is not mean! Just can get kinda cranky." Harley's voice was shrill.

Ivy walked up and wrapped her arms around Selena, kissing her neck, enjoying the flavor.

”Kitty litter, my favorite.”

"She's right Harley, Joker treats you like trash…remember when he pushed you out the window, or when he ratted you out to get him out."

"He was a bit upset when he accidentally pushed me out of the window. And he 'ratted' me out because he was gonna bust us all out of Arkham." She was fully dressed and had a big frown on her face. "All Bat-Brain's ever done is put me back in the slammer."

Oh, he slammed you, alright. And you know his secret identity, too. I know you are insane, but even you should notice a blackmail scheme when it’s doing you doggy-style.

"Same to me. But I just opened his eyes to the bliss I could give him…Now I'm married to him." She smiled, "You just need to think a bit." Catwoman began to think and scratch her head.

You liked him, wanted him, and got him through the power of coitus. Harley regards him as a good lay on a bad day, had his child but obviously doesn’t care. What is your argument, again?

"I'm gonna go now so I don't hurt either of my friends." Harley stomped out and left Catwoman and Ivy alone.

"So Ivy few questions."

"Lay 'em on me while I lay on you." The vines pulled Catwoman to the bed and Ivy grinded her hips against the Feline Heroine.

I don’t care what sweet nothings you whisper to your stroking hand, author; Catwoman is anything but a heroine in this setting.

"Oh Ivy!" She caught her composure and finally spoke through the pleasure, "We gonna break into the vault? Also you think Batboy will kinda…marry me too?"

”Let’s do some crimes, also, could I piggyback your gold-digger life style?” What the fuck am I reading?!

Ivy laughed, "Maybe." Her voice was cracking with laughter.

"For wh-which?"


"OK!" She screamed as Ivy's vines began to play with the supple body.

"By the way…what happened to my orchids?"

And another obviously anticlimactic attempt at comedy is leaving me to squint at the screen in disbelief at the author’s screwed skewering of in-game details. Catwoman was punished for her plant neglect already and Ivy’s orchid is in Strange’s Vault, you whackjob.

Catwoman froze. Silence was deathly thick in the air, "Sorry…what did you ask?"

"What happened to my orchids?" Ivy crossed her arms and frowned.

"Well Red…you see…I'm not any good with plants…and you see…"

You know, you could lie until you got out of range of the author’s sudden onset of tentacle sex fantasies.

"YOU KILLED MY ORCHIDS!" Ivy's voice was shrill and painful, the vines thickened inside her and tightened around her. Catwoman let out a deafening scream from the painful pleasure.

"Yes, I'm sorry!" she was crying out in pleasure from the pain. "I forgot to water them!"

Did you reset your game, author? We’ve gone over this already, in-between your caricature of the Great Cornholio jumping around fucking everyone and chuckling at how awesome doing Batman stuff was.

Ivy released her hold on the Feline and tossed her clothes at her, "I need time to myself…please leave so I can think."

Attached Image

I’m so fucking conflicted right now. I don’t want this to suddenly delve into plant tentacle porn kinks, but Ivy just jammed vines inside her friend, painfully so, and then nothing, no point, not even a comprehensible reason to have it included. At least have the fucking decency to finish what you started. Or is it because you already finished, author?

Catwoman obeyed and quickly dressed, leaving her bra and panties off and ran off quickly.

Batman was in the museum speaking to Mr. Freeze after defeating Grundy and Penguin.

WHY?! Stop jerking off and actually tell the story you are shamelessly driving your fuck-wagon of a trainwreck across!

"I know exactly what you need. A man named Ra's al Ghul has exactly what you need in his blood."

Suddenly a container behind them shatters and a woman falls out, "How dare you speak of the great Ra's al Ghul. It is heresy!" She darts away leaving a long trail of blood that Batman follows.
Batman finds the ninja and battles her, tricking her and setting a tracking device on her. She, and the other ninjas are attacked by the Boy Wonder, Robin.

Even game transcript summarizations are more detailed and explained than this, author. Are you really this anxious to skip to the next sex scene? It’s going to be with Talia, isn’t it?

After the guard left, Bruce spoke with Tim. "Why are you here?"

Good question. I had taken this author to be a ‘one dick many chicks’ kind of fellow. Then again, who’s to say Robin isn’t part of Batman’s harem in this fic? I won’t judge, author.

"Oh no, I didn't just save you."

"I had it under control." He shows him the tracking device on his interface.

"Oh…well here." Robin hands him the Line Launcher. "I could stay and help."

"You're needed in Gotham."

”You’re not getting laid mooching off of my dick, bucko. Now leave, before it becomes obvious that the author left out entirely why you’d even want to be here, or why you are needed elsewhere.”


"Go!" Bruce kneeled over and clenched his side, groaning.

"You need to get to the hospital."

"GO!" Robin stepped back and nodded, beginning to leave.

Wow, that kidnapped child has put him in sympathetic labor pains, apparently. Or all the sex has given him a hernia. Or Joker somehow used magic to put his blood into Batman’s to let the author have an excuse to stick with the game. What the fuck is happening?!

"If ya need me. You know where to look." Robin dove off the side of the building and began traveling the city. He was overlooking the museum when one of the ninja from before tackled Robin and put a knife to his throat. "Hi there. Nice eyes."

He has a surprising ability to articulate through a punctured, blood flooding jugular, you’ve got to give him that.

The dangerous assassin giggled and tossed the knife aside, "Thank you, Robin…my name is Kyna." She sits on the electric box.

Robin is looking around, "That's nice…why didn't you kill me?"

"I think your cute…I'm not suppose to have any relationships though."

Okay, I’m putting my foot down now. I declare this the Bimbo Zone. Many a fanfic I’ve mocked embody or invoke it. Through it, every woman is just a pussy on legs, with a flaunting, flirty attitude at the drop of a hat, acting like a no-obstacle clam buffet for whichever protagonist whose shoulder the author is looking over at the time. It’s nonsensical, it has no place in fiction, and is an obvious open documentation of the author’s masturbation schedule. It’s a joke, catering only to fetid fantasies that would shrink away the moment is doesn’t objectify women. I would only be further insulted if it wasn’t because this author can’t even write men as characters, either!

Robin chuckled, "You think I'm cute? So your not gonna kill me?"

"Nope. I was hoping you could help me." She shuffled her feet.

"With what exactly?" Robin sat next to her and smiled kindly.

She probably wants you go give her Batman’s phone number and secret identity, Cuck Wonder.

"I want to be free from the assassins…I want a real life." She lowered her head, "Could you help me break free from them?"

"Haven't you already?" He looks around, "You're here alone. Just keep going."

"My commander always knows where I am."

"A tracking device? I could help If I knew where it was."

”Let’s strip and do a cavity search. My dick functions as a tracking device detector. Trust me.”

"I wish I could tell you." Suddenly a thug fell down, he had slipped on some ice, Robin and Kyna stared at the foolish thug.

They both sat there in silence, wondering where the fuck the author was going with this.

The thug stood up and shot at them, Robin cover Kyna with his own body and was hit with dozens of rounds, Robin collapsed and Kyna knelt down to him, he was unconscious.

A dozen rounds fired at him in a split second rendered him unconscious? Dude, even by video game logic, he’s fucking dead.

"You. Hurt. Him." She turned to the thug who was reloading his assault weapon, "YOU HURT HIM!" She dashed at him and sliced him across the chest with her blade knocking him off the roof and into an open man hole.

Yeah, sure, and he jumped out with a Goofy yell from Killer Croc biting his ass. This is a cartoon. And not even in the good sense of what the animated series was. You master neither porn, parody, or drama, author. You barely qualify as a novice.

When Robin came to he was in a small apartment in bed, he looked around the dark room and saw the outline of Kyna exit the bathroom. "You're safe here. This is one of our safe houses in Gotham."

Robin laid back, "Thanks…the blood!"

Oh, don’t worry, as a professional she has probably put tarp down so you don’t make a mess. Oh, wait, you are referencing the plot of the blood sample Batman should have given you, but as evidenced by the previous scenes it doesn’t even fucking exist!!

"No worries, I told them what to do." She walk over to Robin and sat down next to him. She turn the light on, blinding Robin for a moment before his eyes adjusted. She was a beautiful fair-skinned girl. About nineteen years old with big bright blue eyes and jet black hair. Her lips were full and dark red. She was wearing a tight bright pink night gown that hugged her body. Robin pulled her to him and they embraced in a slow passionate kiss.

I hate to be the one to tell you this, author, but since this fanfic started out as a Batman/Ivy fanfic, by now I can only conclude that your dick has ADD.

"That's for my thanks." Her cheeks flushed with bright roses and she laid next to him and they fell into a blissful trace like sleep.

Yeah, that’s the usual state these automatons are put into, until the author once more craves the delusions brought forth by their hastily cobbled descriptions and stiltedly narrated humping.

This is the end of Part 2! Yes I will have a RobinXOC side story every now and then to add a sense of innocence.

Ah, yes, innocence, delivered by a love story less credible than 'Romeo and Juliet' as directed by Michael Bay. Which, of course, is meant to distract us from the constant, manly and mature main orgy of villainesses spreading their legs en masse, while the kidnapped child of the pantsless hero goes unmentioned for several chapters as no plot establishes itself. I don’t know if I should pat your head and call you adorable, or laugh openly in your face, author.

I know it left you hanging with Bats and the Gals, but no worries. 3;)

Yes, author, I’m completely flaccid. Thank you for acknowledging your fanfic’s shortcomings.

I've begun to notice that I'm becoming more cynical and hostile towards this thing as the chapters go on. I'll probably distract myself with something else in the future at some point if it gets critical, as a minor reprieve can only be healthy at this rate.

Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #12

I'm very concerned.

Group: Members
Posts: 609
Joined: 3-January 13
From: Denmark
Member No.: 787
Gender: Male

post Jan 24 2017, 10:10 AM
So, who here wants another grating reiteration of sex and idiocy? The author is still sticking one foot into the canon, while the other is wiping off a turd on the fanfic itself, doing splits in order to pretend that either thing is even remotely connected. Here's Chapter 9, Arkham City part 3.

Catwoman woman returned to Ivy's lair, "Red baby? You ok now?" She walked to the flowerbed, but Ivy was not there. Catwoman turned around and a vine wrapped around her and hung her upside down. "Not this again."

Funny, I was thinking that very thought seven chapter ago.

"You shouldn't have come back Selena. You killed all my orchids! Now I have only one left and Strange has it now!" She moved her hand and the vines tightened around the Feline Heroine.

Is this Groundhog Day? Did anything in the previous chapters even happen? Do any of these girls even have a reason to stick around, other than wait for the caped cunt-plower to remember he went here to save them?

She shouted in pain, "I can get it back!"

"What?" the beautiful rose haired woman loosened her grip on Catwoman.

"I need you to help me break into the Vault. I could get your flower for you."

"Why not. But you had better not trick me Selena." Ivy released Catwoman, "Or I'll punish you." Her voice was thick with sass.

Because injecting some sort of attitude was the only way the author could maintain his erection, I guess.

Selena smiled and ran off to pilfer from Strange's Vault. A few minutes passed and Harley returned. "Is the Kitty Cat gone?" Her voice was gentle.

"Yes, she is on her way to raid the Vault." Ivy sat back in her seat and opened her arms.

You had your helping of Bat-dong mere hours ago and you are already relapsing back into crime. Batman is getting sloppy with his redemption dickings, it would seem.

Harley quickly ran over and hugged her, "I'm sorry for being so mean earlier."

"It's ok sweetness. You care for the clown, I understand."

Harley sobbed quietly into Ivy's shoulder, "You're like my best friend! I shouldn't of been so mean."

”I was sassy and shrill and walked out in a huff because you insulted me. I’m the worst scum of the Earth. There, that’s established, the author can make us have lesbian makeup-sex now?

"Quinn!" Harley stopped and looked into Ivy's loving gaze, "You did nothing wrong. And you're more than my best friend, you're my lover."

You were fine with Catwoman potentially marrying your already wed fuckbuddy, then hate-fucked her with plant vines. Sorry if I’m questioning your rationale, lady.

"B-but Bats? What about him? I helped Joker hurt him." She was startled but happy about what the beautiful woman said.

"He's my husband, and I love him dearly…but you…you are far more than that. You are the closest thing to a wife I am ever going to get. As for Joker he will get his…I promise."

”I know you love Joker, and I’m okay with that, but we’re going to fuck him over, and I assume nothing’s wrong with that, too.”

As if character motivations could breach the author’s libido.

She smiled and kissed Harley deeply, her tongue pressing against Harley's lips, begging entrance. Harley deepened the kiss, allowing her tongue to dance with Ivy's, like a pair of raging flames.

Honestly, this imagery leaves me thinking, that the author’s first ever kiss will leave some poor girl believing she’s swallowing a live eel suffering from Parkinson’s.

Harley torn off Ivy's shirt and began to suck on her peaks, tracing a path from one to the other with her wet tongue. "Oh! Harley!" Her voice was shaking as Harley's inner desire flooded her, ravaging her with pleasure, completely clearing her mind except her new lustful wishes.

"Red! Oh yea!" Ivy pulled down her leggings and panties and began deeply fingering her with three curling, tickling her wet tight insides.

Fair warning, at the first notice of that hole tightening, you’ll be a curling short.

The girls began to scream loudly and Harley collapsed onto Ivy, unconscious.

Nevermind, the author installed her with an off button for safety, apparently. Did you even get to a single pump, chump?

Ivy quickly checks if she was ok, that is when she noticed bruises up and down Harley's body. Ivy laid Harley in her bed and kissed her gently to keep her asleep. She stood up, dressed herself and left the lair. She was going to destroy the Clown Prince of Crime.

Well, if a certain someone won’t bother saving Harley’s kid, why not let it be the fake-reformed villainess who has already been blindly forgiven for murder?

Batman arrived at the temple of the Demon, where he met with Talia al Ghul. "Hello Talia." He sternly said.

"Hello beloved." He held back a grin as Talia drew close to him. She lifted his cowl and moved to kiss him, but not before seeing his infection. "Bruce…what happened?"

Probably some venereal disease. Dude has probably never even heard of a condom. Honestly though, even if I accepted the author’s desperate whiplash re-attachment onto the game’s canon, what brain-damaged buffoon would risk the lives of others by putting their green-veined, diseased flesh pole into any orifice that presents itself?

Batman quickly turned away and moved his cowl down, "Nothing…you know why I am here though."

She smiled, "Finally…you will become his successor and we can rule the League together." Bruce nodded.

He’s dying, no big deal, he’ll take over the legacy and all that junk, for the few hours he has left. How about you actually wrote in the cure, author?

She led him to the door and he entered. She stood outside waiting; her guard had left to ensure her father's preparations were ready. She heard him collapse and unconsciously she entered the room. He was breathing heavily as he slept, resting from the encounter with the Demon's Blood. She removed his hood again`` and saw he was healthy again; she kissed him deeply, forcing her tongue into his mouth, dancing around his own. She lay down onto him forcefully grinding against him, arousing him.

Attached Image

It’s not that I’m surprised at this point, you know. It’s just that I hadn’t figured the author would be this blatant about the fact, that the only reason anyone has any contact is for pure physical interaction with a tube, a hole, or a bag of flesh. That’s all anyone ever is to one another in this story. Awake or unconscious, willing or not, dead or alive, I honestly can’t tell if anyone would care either way.

He awoke just as she removed her shirt, revealing her delicious body. His eyes traveled across her body lustfully, his hands immediately beginning to explore. She moaned gently as he massaged her soft ample breasts. "Oh beloved. I feel like I am floating." She began to remove the rest of his clothing.

You have to admire the clothes removing gymnastics people can do here. No matter what position, how they are rubbing against each other, standing, lying, upside-down, fifty feet under water, these people can just strip each other without interruption or even a minute stumble to their romp, usually with no effort on the author’s part. Or Batman’s, for that matter, but trying to consider them two separate people in this story is pointless.

"Talia. Oh, yes."

"I'm going to take you again. I need it." She stood over him and removed her clothes, slowly, teasingly, almost taunting him. She tossed her pants to the side of the room and she was standing in her bright pink lace bra and panties. Her cheeks flushed and she was as pink as the lingerie itself.

If embarrassment is such a turn-on for you author, no wonder you post stuff like this online.

"Talia…we…" She tackled him and pinned him down, kissing him deeply and lovingly, grinding her hips into him hard. They moaned together loudly.

"Beloved! You're so hard!" She screamed, "I can feel it wanting to enter me." She whispered into his ear, softly.

I’m pretty sure he’s both crippled, deaf and mute by your incessant switches between any and every act the author attests to have happened in the various pornos he has watched.

"Do you want to drill me? Pound your rod deep into me?"

"Yes." His eyes widened and he turned her over onto her back, he quickly removed his clothes as she toyed with hers teasingly.

Okay, keeping in mind my earlier complaint, I was apparently underestimating how many times these people could actually strip down.

"Take them off me." She bit her bottom lips, smiled devilishly, and opened her legs wide. Bruce dropped to her crotch and slowly pulled them off her licking her as he did. Letting his tongue explore the woman's wet heat. "OH YES!" She screamed for more, running her fingers through his hair, forcing him deeper into her.

Unbirthing fetish, here we come.

Batman pulled away off her and she laid there panting, moaning, and reaching for him to come back. "Fine…I'll just fuck your brains out." Her eyes widened and she spread her legs, still moaning from Batman's tongue, now begging for his cock.

I feel like these events are being written out of order. I didn't know you could have worse directing than Batman & Robin.

He laid his heavy cock on her warm wet slit, and began to thrust into her making her scream in pleasure. She rolled them over and she began to straddle him violently, bouncing hard on his unit, thrusting it quickly into her warmth.

Because any speed between 0 or 10 is simply not plausible.

She was intoxicated with the feel of him filling her entire heat. "Oh! Beloved!" She laid down on him and bit his shoulder hard, moaning loudly as she released. She rolled them back over, "More!"

Bruce grunted as he lifted her legs onto his shoulder and began the thrust his meat rod, deep into her, rubbing her special spot, making her tighten and scream. "Oh Talia!"

These sexual synonyms are getting out of control. Half the time they aren’t even correctly used. Is vagina and penis really too common for your sophisticated and oh so mature taste in units and heats, author?

"You're so big! Keep going! Please." Her eyes were tightly closed as he continued to pound into her, "Fill me! Give it all to me!"

Bruce moaned loudly and Talia screamed, "YES!"

Sorry, I’m confused, I haven’t quite figured out whether they are enjoying this or not, could you perhaps make it a bit more clear, of course still without actually describing what they are feeling, I mean.

Talia began to release again flooding herself just as Bruce released.

Is it just a trend for talentless fanfic authors to describe orgasms the same way you can describe people taking a shit?

He pumped his white love, deep into her body. He collapsed next to her and drifted off.

We honestly need to start addressing the reoccurring coma patient in the black cowl, author. Either that, or you need to call your doctor.

When he awoke he was still in the room, but he was fully dressed. "Was that all a dream?" He stood up and noticed a sharp pain in his shoulder and he smiled.

What is even the point? Where is this leading? Why am I reading about some goof in a costume just stuffing his pickled sausage into every hole without a thought, objection or care for anything not immediately related to the meat cleft put in front of him? What is being accomplished? What goals are being reached? Was this even something he wanted to do, came here to do, even considered doing? The thoughts and actions of the characters are blurred and obscured by pure incompetence, but can only be as vapid as they demonstrate themselves to be for the end results. A dick with legs is making visitations with any lay the author can think up, and maybe some stuff is happening on the side because the game happened like that, whatever. That’s all there is to it.

I’m going to take a break from specifically this fanfic, possibly find something to mock alongside, switching every other chapter or so, to cleanse my palate, so to speak. No harems, no sex scenes, no awful lack of plot. Yeah, right, as if any story I find won’t spring at least one of those on me without warning, anyway.

Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #13

I'm very concerned.

Group: Members
Posts: 609
Joined: 3-January 13
From: Denmark
Member No.: 787
Gender: Male

post Jan 31 2017, 04:16 PM
After dulling my senses by starting on a seemingly harmless Steven Universe fanfic with an indulgent self-insert, I’m ready to mock more of this far from harmless Batman fanfic with an indulgent but disguised self-insert. Here’s Chapter 10, Arkham City part 4.

Hey guys sorry for it taking so long. I've been really busy. Anyway, enjoy and I should be concluding Arkham City Chapters soon. Also Sorry about it being so short of a chapter, I just didn't want to advance the plot to far or skip to much, kind of a filler this one is.

Wait, you’re actually telling me you consider your previous endeavors to be their full word count worth in plot?!

Harley Quinn woke up inside one of Ivy's healing pods. She stumbled and fell to the floor she covered her naked body with a giant leaf from one of Ivy's plants. She wandered the lair looking for Ivy?

She was questioning her motives as this scene didn’t even make sense from her prior appearance, and wondered why the fuck the narration had gotten even more stilted.

"Ivy! Where are my clothes?" Harley continued to wander. When she arrived at the top level she saw they hanging, slightly damp as if they were washed recently. She continued to wander about the lair, looking at the cute plants admiring them before they tried to bite her.

She daintily stepped around the piles of fragrant organic fertilizer.

Suddenly there was a huge explosion outside.

Oh, we’re skipping all the way to the next sex scene climax already?

Harley quickly finished getting dressed and ran outside. She immediately feared the worst when she saw the helicopters over Joker's hideout. The billowing smoke made tears flow to her eyes as the image of both Joker dead appeared in her mind. She quickly pushed it away and she left the safety of Ivy's Lair and headed towards the chaos.

Because Arkham City was such a peaceful, unchaotic, smokeless paradise, unpatrolled by helicopters up until now. Shouldn’t you sooner expect the Joker to be the one who set off the fireworks?

Poison Ivy was high above most of Arkham City, looking about for Joker's thugs. She spotted a group of them and attacked them. She dropped from the building and slammed down creating a wave of whipping vines slashing and slamming them against walls and concrete pavement.

So, VeggieTales meets Assassin’s Creed, then?

Ivy took them to the edge of the bridge and hung them over. "How do I get to Joker?" She shouted at them.

You go through the burning crater we’re supposed to believe was his hideout just now, please keep up.

"Like we gonna tells you, bitch!" A young thug scorned. Ivy turned to him and smiled before snapping his neck and dropping him onto the rubble below.

Reformed. No longer a villainess. Had so much dick that she turned over a new leaf. Murders whenever the author feels like jerking it to gore scenarios.

"Anyone else wanna talk back?" She waited, "No? OK…how do I get to Joker?" The thugs stayed quiet, trying not to look at her. She began to get angry as they ignored her and stopped her from enacting her revenge on the Joker. She snapped another thug in half then whipping him against the wall of a distant building. "TELL ME!" She shouted at the two left. She heard one of them whimpering, so she snapped the other's neck and squeezed him, making him scream in horrific pain.

For fuck sake, I thought I was taking it a bit too far in negatively perceiving this scene, then the author one-ups me by giving her the need for a kill-counter!

"OK! Please s-stop!" the scared thug said, "There is a door you could just walk through. Joker leaves it unguarded."

"See was that so hard?" She asked. She put the two thugs down, and walked away. She waved her hand and a huge vine grabbed them both and dragged them under the bridge then under the ground, burying them both alive.

Can’t you even keep track of how many necks you’ve snapped, author? Maybe I shouldn’t complain so much. This is the most active anyone has ever been in this fanfic without spreading their legs.

Catwoman had just gathered the money and was leaving when she saw Batman trapped.

If this author doesn’t realize he needs to announce a scene change, I'll start doubting reality mid-way through every sex scene.

She left the money and ran back to help him. She ran along the buildings as quickly as possible towards Joker's hideout. She saw Harley leave Ivy's lair, she just pushed on, hoping her lover was not dead by the time she got there. She saw Ivy torturing the goons. All she could do was laugh.

Yeah, pause your train of worried thoughts to point and do a Nelson and nothing else, why don’t you. Are you people even meant to be on the same team?

She helped Batman with the rubble that was on him and hugged him close as soon as they finished shrugging off the near death as just a joke.

Maybe because it was presented like one, author.

Ivy soon arrived to find Batman and soon after that Harley was there.

"B-man! Where's mistah J?" She asked sorrowfully.

"Heading towards immortality."

All three of the girls were shocked, and in a eerie unison shouted, "What!"

Since the can all sync up their orgasms, sure, why not go and pick apart the rest of my suspension of disbelief.

Batman turned to leave when he saw the legion of attack choppers, He shook his and began to sway before catching himself and leaving to stop Strange then Joker. He thought to himself, ~I have to stop Joker…or he'll kill Talia.~

And here the chapter stops. What the fuck was even the point of that? This barely even counts as transpired events, rather just the author limply shifting his entire premise to the end of the game, probably because he’s run out of ideas. Where the fuck is Batman’s child!?! Screw it, we’re moving on. Here’s Chapter 11, Arkham City Finale.

Here it is for all my patient readers. the finale of the Arkham City Series. Please give me some feedback.

Sorry, but I don’t have enough blood for what I want to pen in my response letter.

"Batman!" Harley was chasing after him, "what do you think you're doin'?"

”I don’t know! The author has left out ninety percent of the plot!”

"I have to stop Strange…then I am going after Joker."

She stomped her foot, "But you'll hurt him!" She grabbed his ear, "I swear! If he is hurt I am gonna kill you!" Her face contorted and eyes burned.

"Geez Harley. I am going to give him the cure. I won't kill him, but I can't let him become immortal."

The immortality from a Lazarus Pit is questionable to begin with, but you’d think it would be less of a plus all things considered. The one thing the Joker typically hinges his bets on, his win-win plan, is either Batman kills him, or he doesn’t and therefore fails to stop him. Break his neck and let him recover in Arkham, then.

"OK." She let him go, "I'll try to stall him a bit so you could stop Strange."

Batman nodded and quickly made his way through Arkham City. He saw Bane in the distance fighting off some thugs of the Penguin. He chuckled as Bane tossed one of them into the water.

The fact that backs were broken and people are drowning only made him smile more. What the fuck is up with your dips into sadistic satisfaction of random violence, author? Is this your personal foreplay?

Batman dove off a building tackling two thugs, tying them to the light post, and landing softly. Finally, the dark crusader made his way to Wonder Tower. He remembered what had happened with him and Talia earlier this night underneath this tower.

Look at you, author, pretending that this even counts as exposition.

He made his way to the top mercilessly.

Those stairs had it coming!

Knocking thugs off the tower to be hung hundreds of feet up with no escape. He clawed his way through the air ducts around Strange's HQ, popping out to knock out a guard viciously then disappearing back into the floor.

Are you soon done orgasming over your action sequences, author? Because it’s gotten awfully Frank Miller in here.

"Where the hell is he?" The guards were screaming to each other in fear.

He activated an echo device he had equipped to his cowl before entering Arkham City. He smiled and began to chuckle. The dark laugh echoed through the entire room as if he was everywhere at once except where he actually was. The guards were sent into frenzy, one guard was driven into tears out of fear.

The dark knight smiled and dove out of the grates and beat the living bat-shit out of all of the guards. He made his way to Strange and beat him bloody and gasping for life.

Author, it appears you can’t tell the difference between the Joker, Batman, and Scarecrow. And not just on an equipment and technique level. Behaviorally, Batman here takes joy in tormenting his victims. If it wasn’t because you have the indulgence and mindset of a horny teenager, I’d call you sick in the head.

"OK Strange, stop this now!"

"Like hell I will Mister Wayne!" Strange laughed as he lay bleeding on the floor.

Batman walked over to the main control station and inserted a wireless receiver to connect to the Batcomputer.

All this trouble just to find a fall guy for all your illegal porn downloads.

The Oracle began speaking to Bruce, "I am already on it Bruce. Just try getting some more information from Hugo."

I’d need to start making my own grading scale on how much an author hinges their fanfic on people’s perfect memory of the source material. The author can’t even bother mentioning this is done through remote communication upon Oracles first appearance in this fanfic. I guess the author isn’t turned on enough by paraplegics.

"I will Oracle. Just shut this down. Now." He turned back to Hugo, and pressed the man against the glass and broke his arm. "Now tell me who you are working for!"

"I will never!" He chuckled, "And I know you will not kill me. As soon as I am free I will have, once again, nearly unlimited resources!" The dark knight tossed him away and punched the glass, cracking the bulletproof window.

"Hugo, why?"

”I thought we had something, Hugo! Something special!”

"WHY? Why, because of people like you and Joker. You too are criminals and should be cleaned from this Earth."

~Where have I heard this before? ~ Bruce thought to himself,

I can’t tell if that’s a genuine question or erroneous sarcasm on the author’s part to an unrelated tidbit not included in this fanfic, because I might as well be flying blind at this point, and I even played the games!!

"Why me? I am helping this city?"

"Helping? You are the one who created most of these monsters!" Strange stood up and grinned, "If it wasn't for you, Joker, Ivy, Mr. Freeze, and Harley Quinn. All of them were created because of you in one way or another, Mr. Wayne."

”Your insatiable lust for costumed sexual partners could be the end of us all!”

"Strange!" Batman frowned and moved towards him when suddenly a sword pierced Strange through the back and through the chest. He was lifted up into the air and thrown against a server tower.

Bruce looked at the wielder of the blade to see it was the Demon himself, Ra's al Ghul.

And you’ve been so busy ogling curvatures and repeatedly written bland sex scenes, author, that it comes as no surprise to me that you don’t know he’s known as the ‘Demon’s Head’, you dickhead.

He pulled his blade back to him and pulls out a towel. He begins wiping blood of his blade, "Good to see you detective." He smiles as he cleans his blade.

"Strange!" the crusader ran over to the dying man and tried to help him. He turned to Ra's, "Why Ra's! He needs Medical attention. NOW!"

”Oh, but of course, as the Leader of the Guild of Assassins, I have a medical kit with me right here, for all my victims.”

"Fine, if you want. I just kill him anyway. He failed me anyway." He walked to the glass, "at least the end has begun."

”Or was I meant to say ‘this is just the beginning’? Ah, who cares.”

"Ra's…why can't you give…me a second…second chance?"

"Because you did enough but still did not finish the task."

Wait, are we still talking about the neglected canon, or is this a lover’s spat?

"Ra's!" Bruce slammed him against the window.

"I gave you a chance to be my apprentice." He pushed Batman aside, and sliced at him and they fell to the lower level.

Yeah, I couldn’t believe the floor existed either, what with this author’s poor writing skills.


The dueling brutes stopped and turned to Strange, Ra's stepped back and his eyes widened.

"Activate Protocol eleven…password…Wayne" Strange struggled to mutter before collapsing, blood gushing from his mouth and his life ending before the two fighters.

"What have you done!" Ra's ran for the window and dove through plummeting towards the ground. Bruce followed close behind.

I guess he felt triggered enough by his dying lover’s last breath to commit suicide, instead of having Batman notice a countdown and save them both from the explosion. What the hell is making you this sloppy in copying from the canon, author? It’s entirely unrecognizable at this point, and not in the good way a fanfic is supposed to be.

"I won't let you get away!" Just then, Wonder Tower's top exploded and massive pieces of rubble fell past them. Ra's grabbed a chunk and launched it at the dark crusader.

"Never underestimate me Detective." The rubble narrowly missed Bruce as it continued to spread and crash to the ground. Inmates were running scarred beneath them. Bruce activated the spikes on the bottom of his boots and he stepped down onto a massive chunk of rubble. He quickly moved towards Ra's before he launched more rubble at the crusader.

What the heck is happening right now? What is this anime bullshit fight scene doing in my Batman?

"I am taking you in Ra's!"

"I'd prefer not." Ra's landed on the same chunk of concrete and tackled Batman making the rubble tip. Batman pushed him off and he stood up. He sent a roundhouse kick at the Demon and connected with his jaw, sending the old man tumbling and almost falling off the rubble.

How fucking tall did you imagine Wonder Tower to be, author? Even the twenty second cut-scene of the canon fall is ridiculous, when it would take you 8 seconds to drop from the Empire State building.

He climbed back onto the rock and tackled Bruce and they fell off, falling far from the rest of the rubble.

Bruce wrapped his arms around Ra's to gently land; however, Ra's stabbed himself with his sword. Bruce pushed him away and glided to safety as Ra's was impaled on the Wonder Tower Gate.

With this much violence and penetration and pain, it’s no wonder the author hasn’t bothered to write another sex scene already.

"I am sorry Ra's…" He contacted Oracle, "Looks like Ra's is going to need another trip to a Lazarus Pit."

"Bruce. Oh thank god!" I saw the explosion from the Bat Cave. Are you ok?"

Are you okay, Oracle? Last I checked, x-ray vision wasn’t part of your repertoire to let you see a tower blow up from underground.

"Besides a few cuts. I am fine.

"Good, I stayed locked onto the tracker like you wanted me too."

"Thank you Oracle, I don't know how to repay you?

Not that I know why the author thinks this is how question marks work, but let’s not pretend that all conversation in this fanfic has led anywhere but towards sex.

Where is she?"

"She's at the old Theater. You had better hurry. From the satellite views she looks like she could be in big danger…Oh and you'll think of something to do to repay me."

Maybe install a ramp at the mansion so she could actually visit.

"Ok." Bruce ran as fast as he could. Gliding high above the streets and into the Theater.


"Give me my cure Bats!" Joker was hiding behind Talia

You know, you might as well outright explain to us that its Clayface, author. You’ve done jack shit in indicating otherwise.

"Don't give it to him my love!"

"You have the cure!" He stepped forward and the knife from Joker's sleeve appeared.

"Not another move." The blade drew closer to her neck, drawing blood.

According to the author, no one’s moving!


"I am fine my love." She knocked the knife away spun around the Jester of Gotham and stabbed him with the Sword of the Demon.

"No!" He ran to them as Joker fell lifeless to the ground and Talia walked past him then turned to him.

"It is over."

The 28 chapters that are left would beg to differ. Or you might get off easy, depending on how the author wants to get off.

Just then, Batman understood Jokers ploy and tried to dive for Talia, however the sound of a magnum echoed through the theater and in the streets outside. Bruce caught her as she fell. "I am sorry my love…I…I didn't know." She closed her eyes and was deathly still.

Now I just have to wait and see what the author’s stance on necrophilia is.

"JOKER!" He stood up and saw the Clown Prince of Crime laughing then pointing at the 'dead' Joker. Batman turned to him as he rose and revealed the cure. He swallowed the vial and began to transform. "Clayface."

"Hello Batman."

"What are you doing here? You we're supposed to be here."

”The Swingers' Club meeting ended an hour ago, what took you so long?!”

"I decided to try out for the role of the lifetime." He raised his arms and brought them down and Batman dodged just in time, "YOU!"

Now you’re just fucking up on easily understood motivations of Clayface wanting to impersonate the Joker. You’re an imbecile, author.

Batman threw a dozen freeze bombs at the titan, freezing him in place. Batman ran up his back and removed the sword Talia had. He felt a strong presence within the blade.

Batman can feel what now?

He was suddenly filled with the anger of losing Talia and began slicing into Clayface revealing the cure.

He reached for it but Clayface broke from the ice and grabbed him throwing him into the wall. As Bruce stood up a long arm knocked him across the floor, tearing his cape and stabbing him as he slid. He looked up and saw Catwoman perched to attack Clayface, but Batman shook his head and stood back up. ~I have to do this alone. ~

What an ego-stroking ass-hat. Nope, he totally has to do this alone. Though there’s a cure for his illness on the line, this poorly depicted boss fight with Clayface is totally about revenge for Talia, despite the fact that Joker was the one who shot her!

He ran at Clayface with five freeze bombs in each of his hands. Clayface melted into the floor, moved under Batman, engulfed him, and began squeezing him.

Clayface proceeded to flatter Batman for his size, and in return Batman told him he was tight.

Batman closed his eyes and detonated the freeze bombs, encasing himself in the frozen clay. He struggled and finally broke his arm free and grasped the sword from the monster's side. He tore it out making Clayface collapse, freeing him in the process.

Clayface seeped into the floor and disappeared, sliding along the floor, up the wall, and onto the ceiling. He bubbled out, fell, and smashed down through the floor into the Lazarus Pit where he had fought Ra's earlier that night. He caught the sword and sliced into the beast. He roared in pain as he slipped into the pit.

Yeah sure, that was the sequence of events, I guess. This isn’t even cutting corners, the author is actively shoving these rushed events along, so he can get rid of the interruption this plot provides his fap-fic.

The electricity flashed and surged as Joker prepared to leap into the Lazarus Pit. Batman threw the sword and knocked Joker off and the machine above the pit collapsed dragging the rest of Clayface into the Pit, tainting it. "NO! You've killed me!"

"I could give you the cure, and then take you in. But you'll escape and then kill again."

”Alright, here’s an idea, then. Kill me, and DC Comics drops ninety percent in shares.”

"Just give it to me." Joker's voice was echoing through the room, in the dark. "I know you will. You always will."

"I could just let it fall…Let you die." He opened the top and drank half of the vial.


"You are always going to get out and kill, and I always put you back…just to repeat it every night."

Yes, he already said that, author. Maybe you should watch something else than porn, so you learn what dialogue is.

"Yeah…I know." He began hacking up blood, loud splashing fell to the floor. "Consider it a running gag." Just then, He jumped on Batman and stabbed him trying to grab the cure. The pain made Batman drop the vial and Joker fell to the ground screaming. "NO!" He began trying to drink it off the floor.

"You want to know something funny." Joker lay on his back looking at his counterpart, "I would have saved you."

Yeah, how nice of you. Now can either of you pathetic caricatures tell me where the kidnapped child is in all this mess?!

Joker began laughing and hacking, "You know…that…that is funny!" He began laugh quieter and slower before becoming silent. His body became cold and his devilish grin never disappeared from his red-blotched white face. Blood slowly dripped from his mouth, getting in his dark green hair. Batman picked up Joker, and began slowly carrying him.

And Batman was grinning all the way, hoping Joker suffered until his last breath. Because that’s how you’ve depicted his character up to this point, author!

Harley was running as fast as she could to get to the Theater to stop the men from fighting. She was teary eyed, knowing Joker could not handle a fight with Batman.

And it’s not like she’s supposed to have been in on the Clayface plot at all, isn’t that right, author?

She pushed a penguin thug out of the way trying to get through the crowd. He grabbed her and punched her, knocking her down. He removed a knife and just as he was going to stab her, a vine from the ground behind him wrapped around his wrist and pulled the knife into his chest.

Okay, evidently this author has only two ways of writing his chapters, and both of them involve some form of impalement.

"Run Harley." Ivy helped her up and pushed her towards the theater. "Joker has the key you need." She turned and punched another thug knocking him away. Suddenly a wave of mind-controlled Thugs came to Ivy and Harley's aid. They group of brutish men began savagely beating each other bloody.

Look, I’m done asking what the fuck is even going on. We’re a few short paragraphs away from freedom. So what if the author is vomiting nonsense, probably just to compensate for the previous chapter’s lacking word count?

Harley continued to run wiping the blood from her mouth. She pushed through the mob outside the theater and saw Batman carrying Joker. She covered her mouth and held back tears as she saw her Mistah J, lifeless in Batman's arms. She ran up to him and slapped Batman as her emotions began to boil over.

This was not how she envisioned that romantic bridal-carrying scenario from her love triangle fantasy.

He continued onward towards the front gate and walked out. He walked to Gordon's car and laid the body of his foe on the hood.

”There. He’s your problem now. Read him his rights or whatever, I’m off to fuck something or figure out where the heck Robin went off to.

"Batman…what the hell happened in there?" Batman ignored him and continued to leave, a tear welling in his eye from the pain he had suffered that night.

Blue-balled for two chapters straight. That’s rough.

Rather surprising, too. Here I feared I would have to double up on brain bleach after this. But no, the author just dragged his sorry excuse of a fanfic through the rest of the entire game’s storyline, because it no longer suited as a backdrop for his sex scenes. Maybe the next chapter can redeem itself in some way, before I write this entire fanfic off as a tasteless joke of power fantasies and cheap smut.

Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #14

I'm very concerned.

Group: Members
Posts: 609
Joined: 3-January 13
From: Denmark
Member No.: 787
Gender: Male

post Feb 9 2017, 03:17 PM
Guess what time it is. The bizarre sex-version of the Arkhamverse Batman and his harem continues with yet another chapter. This time we are left to question the author's view on time and event progressions, as he wraps up the results of the prior chapters and leads us into the next set. Here's Chapter 12, Aftermath.

Batman sat at home over a month had gone by since the Arkham City event and he still was recovering.

I swear, these are the only time spans the author knows about; hours and months. No matter what, nothing he writes can take place in-between.

Nearly every rib shattered, his arm was broken, sprang both his ankles and shattered a knee cap in his left leg.

You are ridiculously over-exaggerating this, author. I know we are talking about Batman, the guy who came back from Bane breaking his back, but what you are describing are injuries that, while possible to survive, would have rendered him unable to fucking function at the end of the game. Not that you actually did anything to establish these injuries when they even happened.

Through all this pain he felt it meant it was nothing compared to this new pain he thought could never exist. Grief, not over the suffering of hundreds of people in the city, not for himself, but grief over the loss of the Joker. Bruce couldn't wrap his mind around it, had he actually cared for the murderous clown. Impossible, yet he still felt the grief, as if he and the Joker were more rivals then enemies.

I can honestly not tell if you are going where I think you’re going, author, or if you are trying to reconcile some sort of miscomprehension of the end of the Arkham City game. The death of the Joker was a blow to Batman because it was a defeat of his ideals and goals. Joker was the main representor of the believed incurable criminal element Batman constantly fights to cure without resorting to executing it. Batman sought to cure him, never to kill him. And then there is this fanfic’s version of Batman, who seeks joy in just that and all the torment inflicted up to that point!

"Bruce? Where are you sweetie?" The luscious voice of a woman filled the air, just as he was about to call for her to come, the door to his bedroom swung open and in the doorway was a beautiful green woman.

Oh, have you run out of that magical asspull elixir you made to make her look normal, author?

She was wearing a bright red button up t-shirt, only one button was being used the rightly aligned with her breasts hiding them from Bruce perfectly. She was nude everywhere else, or close to it since she wore plants to cover up slightly more, such as thorned vines and leaves forming very teasing panties.

Then she is not nude, author. You apparently want to jerk off right now, so why not just have her nude if that’s what you are pretending she is while describing the opposite?

"There you are. I brought you some soup." She walked over her bright red curly hair swaying back and forth with each step, her ample luscious breasts bouncing, her smile inviting him but also warning him.

Yeah, she’s worried about spilling the entire bowl with all that inertia the author is forcing onto her body.

Bruce knew to engage with her would be painful delight. Since being saved by Bruce in Arkham City, Ivy became a massive masochist and sadist. She had even made herself a few 'toys' to play with Bruce and Selena with.

Attached Image

Well, this comes the fuck out of nowhere, but I’ve been bored out of my mind with the repetitiveness of these bland sex scenes. Who knows, maybe the author will baffle me with some new kinks, while mutilating the integrity of the canon cast even further, of course.

"Thank you sweetie." He sat up and accepted the cabbage soup, the smell was repulsive but he knew her soups were delicious.

She’s allowing a human to eat a plant. I think she’s into worse things than S&M if this turns out to be her sick sense of foreplay.

He took it and began devouring it quickly, the flavor was delicious and strange, he suddenly began feeling aroused. He looked at Ivy who was unbuttoning her shirt. He put the soup to the side and smiled, "You know I am hurt."

Okay, you need to learn what BDSM means, Bruce, because you’re only leading her on at this point.

"Yeah well I haven't felt you inside me for a month, and I am getting bored of Selena's fingering and tongue. I want cock."

Stellar dialogue, you can truly feel the personality and character the author brings to life through the investments he puts into the sock puppets he masturbates into.

She said with a sense of lust and desire, looking into his eyes. "Please Bruce. Let's make love." She unbuttoned his pants and pulled them down revealing his large manhood. She blushed, "I still am not used to seeing something this big."

And evidently the author is not used to it, either, since he has to repeat the fact every time he fantasizes about his self-insert’s features.

Bruce chuckled then cringed in pain,

Finally you used that word correctly, author.

"I don't think we should risk this. I'm sorry dear." Ivy fell to the side and covered herself with the blankets and turned to face the opposite wall from Bruce. "I'm sorry I just don't want to stay injured." He fell back in bed, still undressed he pulled the covers over himself and began to drift off.

You do realize you started out their relationship with Ivy literally raping Bruce, right, author? Any consent has so far been coincidence, if you ask me.

Just as the sleep had taken him Alfred quickly rushed into the room. "Sir. Sir! Bruce!" Bruce finally woke seeing his oldest friend and care taker.

"Yes, Alfred?"

"We have news. We may of found him." Bruce sat up and nodded, then Alfred rushed out of the room.

What, Bruce and Harley’s forgotten child? Finally, maybe we can get some fucking closure on that, since every wannabe porn actor in this fanfic seriously need to learn responsibility.

Bruce got dressed in black jeans, and a white polo shirt and hobbled quickly out of the room leaving Ivy there sleeping. He made his way to one of his entrances to the Batcave. He saw that Robin was just about to leave, he waved to his young ward as he sped away on his motorcycle. He found Alfred talking to Nightwing. "Well isn't this a pleasant surprise."

Yeah, kinda, since not a single word was dedicated to Nightwing during Arkham City, while Robin got enough focus to imply he’s nailing some fugitive assassin girl we’re probably never going to see again.

Nightwing turned and smiled, "I decided to visit. See how you were holding up after the Arkham City Event."

"Is that what they are calling it?"

”Well, they thought of calling it the ‘Bruce Wayne’s semen was found at every crime scene’ event, but they thought the other one was more child-safe, old chum.”

"Yes. I was personally worried, you could have gotten killed, Old man." Nightwing said jokingly. "But since you seem to be doing fine I should head home. My girlfriend hates it when I leave on a 'business trip'."

Well, I’m glad someone around here knows how to keep a secret identity.

"Good one." Bruce chuckled then clenched his side. "Have a safe trip home."

"Thanks Bruce. And good luck." He said then ran and jumped onto his motorcycle, much like Robin's, and rode off.

I guess color and design died along with everything else that could have been detailed descriptions in this fanfic.

"Now Alfred, you said you had news."

"Yes sir. I do believe we have discovered what happened to the child Harley Quinn was baring when she was taken to Arkham City."

”It took us a month to realize that you actually had gone there for some other reason than that. Sort of slipped our minds, really. Oops.”

"What! Where!"

"From the extensive search I believe I have found him in Metropolis being held by some of Joker's goons and goonettes."

For fuck sake, I would have cross-referenced purchases of clown make-up and baby supplies barely a day after the kid was born, so why have the master detective done less?


"Yes sir…I don't know what to call them. Any way we could have Superman or Flash or someone else get him from their-"

"No. He is my son. I must save him myself."

You’re ditching the dude who can scan the city with his x-ray vision to find your son! Oh, why the fuck should I even be encouraging a crossover and sully other franchises with this trash?

"But sir. You are still gravely injured."

"I don't care. He is mine and Harley's son. I must save him for me and that poor girl. Without Joker she has lost her mind…worse."


”Quiet, Alfred. I’m trying my hand at juxtaposition.

“Exposition, sir?”

“I know what I said!”

"Quinn needs this child, with the loss of Joker and her child…she's become worse then Joker in some ways." He sighed as he remember the look of horror on Harley's face when he brought Joker's body out of the building.

"I agree, sir."

"Alfred…where was Robin going?" Bruce still in the Batman mindset, as always when he is in the Batcave.

What deranged and ignorant perspective do you have on who and what Batman is, author? Honestly, you are treating him like a joke, unintentionally so through all the ways you depict him.

"He says he has, and I quote, 'Stuff to do.'" He then chuckled. "I think he is taking after you now."

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Bruce asked jokingly.

”I believe the appropriate term is ‘manwhore’, sir.”

"Well I am not an expert like you…but I'm quite sure roses, and condoms are not needed in crime fighting." Bruce began laughing hysterically.

He knows that condoms have no power in this fanfic, you see.

"He is really just sneaking out to have some fun? Geez. He don't trust us…does he?"

"He does…maybe doesn't trust her…or would be embarrassed."

Or maybe he would be out of a job, if you idiots realized that this means no one is out protecting Gotham!


"Yes, Master Wayne. Embarrassed. You know you can be very embarrassing at times.

”I mean, look at this entire fanfic. Dear Lord!”

You treat him like you are his father and you do it so well that you embarrass him like his father would have."

Hey, a trip to a strip-joint is healthy father-son bonding, okay!

Bruce began laughing again, "So true." He clenched his side. "I am going to get ready for my trip to Metropolis."

"Okay sir." Alfred and Bruce left the Batcave together, Bruce's mind set on saving his son. Not for himself, but for Harley and her sanity.

Yeah, because she seems so set on finding the kid herself, doesn’t she? What world do you live in, author?

Well, that’s a strange turn of events. The author avatar turning down sex, the kidnapped infant subplot addressed, and the mention of more advanced kinks than ‘insert and wiggle a lot’. Maybe this story can turn over a new leaf and give what amounts to effort, although I highly doubt it.

Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #15

I'm very concerned.

Group: Members
Posts: 609
Joined: 3-January 13
From: Denmark
Member No.: 787
Gender: Male

post Feb 21 2017, 08:36 AM
We are a third of the way through. That’s a tiny milestone in my book. Let’s celebrate with a cringe as the author starts on what I believe he envisioned as a new “storyline”, as he attempts to shape a plot into existence due to having run out of games for his porn shoot backdrops. Here’s Chapter 13 A New Menace Part 1.

The dark road was calm and wet from the rain that had stopped, not even ten minutes before. A small rabbit began to make its way across the asphalt looking for any food that had been dropped from the trees above. As the fluffy creature reached the center of the road, the street began to rumble. Suddenly, the Batmobile blazed right over the rabbit, leaving the innocent creature unharmed but frightened.

I don’t know what it is, but it almost feels like this is no longer a story which owes its entire existence to get the author through his masturbation sessions. Either that, or the author took writing lessons for no good reason.

The black slick vehicle continued towards the grand city of Metropolis. When it descended the final hill, Batman saw the city. As he drew closer, he realized that it was in anarchy.

Yeah, and as we all know, Metropolis has no reporters to speak of capable of reporting this well before he arrived there.

He blazed through the streets dodging traffic of people and other vehicles. Suddenly, the front of his car exploded and the entire vehicle crashed into a convince store. He exited the vehicle as four thugs ran at him.

Nevermind my first observation, the author clearly exhausted what little talent he had at setting a scene in the intro paragraph.

Batman ran at them and as he reached them, released two smoke bombs, the thugs were stunned as Batman swung his fist, colliding with one of their jaws. Both the thug and Batman cringed, but only the thug fell the thug ground unconscious.

This puts a whole different spin on the meaning of the words ‘street crime’.

The Dark Knight lunged at another pair and smashed their heads together, hard. They fell to the ground quickly as the caped crusader kneed then tripped the final thug, all before the smoke cleared.

He began to walk back to the Batmobile when the ceiling came crashing down on top of everything, barely missing him.

You and me need to talk about what part of everything that Batman apparently isn’t, author.

Batman spun around quickly preparing himself for anything. Suddenly he hears a weak groan, so Batman rushes over. Of all things to see he finds, the very man he was looking for to help him, Superman, unconscious and riddled with kryptonite-lined bullets.

Okay, first of all, masturbation is unhealthy for you if it leads to memory loss, author, because you had Batman declare last chapter that he was doing this alone, specifically ‘sans Superman’. Second of all, how convenient for him to crash into a ‘convince’ store and have this guy appear out of nowhere, too. I can’t wait for the bullshit explanation for this mess, either.

Batman knelt down, cringing in pain as he removed his surgery kit and began removing the bullets. After a pain staking time, lasting approximately two hours,

Wherein absolutely nothing happened, no one interrupted in the anarchy-ridden Metropolis, and Superman did not at all die from overexposure and kryptonite poison, yep, nothing but brilliant grade A story telling here, folks!

batman removed all the kryptonite bullets from Superman and placed them in a lead case that he placed back on his belt.

"Bruce?" Superman finally said after regaining consciousness. "Where am I? Why are you in Metropolis?"

I guess the author thinks the board game Operation is a valid representation of a human-like body’s endurance.

"Ironically…looking for you." He sat down and sighed. "I need your help, but obviously something has happened here." He looked up at his comrade, "Mind informing me?"

”I didn’t bother asking Alfred or Oracle to spend those two hours needlessly searching for answers, when the author would have you fill me in eventually.”

"He's got many names, but mostly he's called the Laughing Shadow." Superman sits up and chuckles. "This guy did his homework. His mask is lined with Lead and covers every inch of his face, and uses a voice device to modify his voice beyond fixing using any form of mixing to restore it. He also knows how to give orders and knew to line all the bullets, guns, and even the Kevlar his thugs wear, with Kryptonite."

Seems that this very rare mineral of an exploded planet from millions of light-years away is in such an abundance, that Superman couldn’t even move faster than those speeding bullets. Maybe Lex Luthor had a garage sale.

"Damn, sounds like you need my help." Batman says giving Superman a slight grin as a mock, but Superman nods.

Yeah, no, nice attempt on a terrible OC Villain Sue to justify your story, author, but you might also want Superman to at least add that this chuckling shade doesn’t have fingerprints, or is detective work still a mystery to you and your Bat-sona?

"Actually I do. But you are injured badly, how can you be so active like this?"

”Viagra. That’s what we’re talking about, right?

"I need to find him."


"Yes…my son."

"Son!" Superman stood up at the word, "Since when do you become the soccer dad type?"

Attached Image

Do you even know what the fuck that terms means, author? Misunderstood soccer-term aside, your actual idiocy is that you want to imply that Batman being a father is somehow a new thing. Do you even know how long his adoption list is?!

"I'm not. But I'm not gonna just let my kid suffer."

Is either of you going to produce dialogue even remotely hinting at a double digit IQ?

"Well you got any leads?"

"Joker sent him to a place on the outskirts of your very own Metropolis. Approximately five months ago."

Not that I would put it past the Joker of aborting a few months old fetus from Harley and shipping it to another city, but would it hurt your dick to actually double check your own fucking timeline, shithead? You described her to have a ‘growing bump’ before she got kidnapped, and now you’re saying she gave birth a month after that, and it took Batman 5 months to learn of the child’s location, instead of the single month I deduced to begin with!!!

"That's when the Laughing Shadow appeared and slowly began taking over the streets."

Frankly, I’m concerned for the lead poisoning he must have, if Superman let this guy roam around for five months.

Just then, a group of thugs in black and red hooded jackets ran in holding military grade M16s, and they pointed them at the two Superheroes. Batman stood up and saw that one of them was shaking slightly for fear of the Caped Crusader. He threw down a packet smokescreen and dove at the largest guard, knocking him down before placing twin blows to the base of his neck.

Not that your ego allows a bullet to actually connect to your self-insert, author, but can you not even deign your shitty spank material the illusion of opposition, by having them use your intricately noted weaponry, as you are having your little plot intermission between the sex scenes?

He spun and swept two more of the four soldiers left. Superman dashed at them as they fell sending them wildly to the sides. Batman lunged at the fourth thug pinning him to the wall, hitting his head hard against the wall knocking him unconscious. Finally, as the smoke cleared the scared thug was on the floor whimpering as a puddle formed around him as tears rushed down his cheeks. Batman and Superman muffled there sly chuckles as the big bad thug soiled himself. The pair left the building and continued their conversation.

Have you pleased your petty fantasy ego now, author? Feeling cozily satisfied now that you have had an imaginary mook soil himself just because you can write him to do so in the face of your stolen flesh suit? I can tell you are riding the high of the degenerate euphoria right now, because you are not even having Batman or Superman interrogate the readily available source of information for the source of the terror and child kidnappings! Fucking hell, you’re even worse when you don’t write your vanilla smut.

"Those were Laughing Shadow's soldiers. They must have thought they could finally kill me."

"They would need more then just those guns." Batman continued to walk back to the Batmobile,

No. No they wouldn’t, idiot. That’s the reason for your two hour surgery just now. Did you jerk off to the fight scene, too, if this is how easily you forget the sequence of events, author?

"Kent, do you think there is a connection between Laughing Shadow and my son?"

It’s adorable that the author thinks he has established a dubious coincidence. Who’s the detective here, again?

"Of course, but we need to find him first." Superman pumped his shoulders, "I'll take to the air and try to find him, and you stick to the ground and hunt him down."

"Good idea. Just don't get shot down again."

"You bet." Superman leapt into the air and with a sonic boom, he was high in the sky looking over the city.

I swear, if Batman sticks his dick in anything between now and finding his son, the author owes me a severed finger for each instance. Preferably from his least soiled hand.

Batman ran to the Batmobile and got in. He hit the ignition and the engine erupted in a fury. Within seconds, he was blazing through the city, topping one hundred miles per hour.

Well, if that’s how haphazardly he drives, no wonder the front of the car spontaneously explodes and lets him crash into ‘convince’ stores. I’ll just assume any detail and continuity is at the mercy of the author’s attention span, indefinitely.

The rain began to pour from the heavens in a torrential downpour. The streets became slick and harder to maneuver. Thugs would throw bottles, rocks, and pipes at the vehicle, leaving nothing to tell of damage. Batman hit the brake and slid around a corner. As he finished his turn, he punched the acceleration again, rocketing him forward though the industrial district.

It says a lot about a game if the loading screens are a relief from the gameplay. Call it a non-sequitur, but your travel descriptions of moving from point A to point B has so far been the least grating thing in this story, author.

"Bruce. Careful, it appears there maybe some resistance ahead of you." Superman said through the com-device he had.

You do know that you can scroll back up in your text file and edit in the establishment of these things, right, author? Or are you implying that the Justice League is already a thing in the Arkham-verse?

"Thanks Kent. Just keep searching for Laughing Shadow." He looked up and saw a crowd of people appear, running at the Batmobile full speed. Just then, Batman realized that these were the Metropolis Insane Asylum patients. They continued to charge, some throwing rocks, others firing guns they had found on dead bodies of police officers.

And this story halts itself on a cliffhanger here, it would seem. The only suspense is how much this author wants Batman to accelerate to satisfy his hunger for gore from the untimely demises of shoddily established punching bags meant to invigorate his frail masculinity.

Sorry for the wait. Favorite me and the story, as well as review and check out my other stories. Anyways, thanks for reading.

I will only grant you one of these requests, you ingrate, if but to hope for a reprieve from this ruin. Let’s see what else you have produced, shall we? Let’s see, mostly single chapter stories, some Final Fantasy and Resident Evil, a few crossovers, two of which are with Batman and Devil May Cry, the Elder Scrolls series seems somewhat prevalent with your very own edition of the Lusty Argonian Maid, four submissions are focusing on My Little Pony, and all 22 of your stories are rated Mature. Why am I not surprised?

Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #16

Advanced Member

Group: Members
Posts: 1,328
Joined: 14-April 12
From: Charleston South Carolina
Member No.: 631
Gender: Male

post Feb 21 2017, 02:39 PM
Already a third of the way done? Man, how time flies when nothing happens. Not that it's anything special, but at least he's back to Batman being a superhero rather than Batman fucking everything in sight.

For now.

Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #17

I'm very concerned.

Group: Members
Posts: 609
Joined: 3-January 13
From: Denmark
Member No.: 787
Gender: Male

post Feb 27 2017, 12:49 PM
QUOTE (truthordeal @ Feb 21 2017, 11:39 PM) *
Not that it's anything special, but at least he's back to Batman being a superhero rather than Batman fucking everything in sight. For now.

Indeed. However, looking at how the author now weaves his own plot and introduces his own original villains, this is rapidly turning into not only a poor smut-fic, but an utter train wreck of failure.
Here's Chapter 14, A New Menace Part 2.

The bullets ricocheted off the thick glass of the Batmobile. The Caped Crusader stomped on the brakes and turned, the side of the Batmobile colliding with a dozen inmates and crazies.

Why yes, vehicular manslaughter does indeed sound like a fine addition to the long list of ways you’ve let someone die in this story, Bruce.

He hit the gas and propelled himself into the dark of an alleyway.

Three crazies still holding on the vehicle, slamming pipes and guns on the roof and glass of the car. With a sharp turn from the Batmobile, two of the crazies flew off into the alleyway walls. He turned around the next corner to come face to face with a three dozen Laughing Shadow troops.

Dude, this is just as ridiculous as that one Batman/Bioshock crossover I mocked, where a wannabe-crazy Eleanor caused an unopposed criminal uprising. Where the fuck is the police, military or even other heroes to take care of this?

They began to open fire with armor piercing rounds and a grenade,

The Laughing Shadow had been so nice to give them all one to share.

damaging the Batmobile's front and sides. The insane inmate that had held onto the roof was now gone as the Dark Knight continued to speed towards the heavily armed Soldiers. The Soldiers would not move and Batman hit the brakes and spun around, colliding with three soldiers.

If you don’t stop having Batman ramming people, I won’t be able to tell your murder sprees apart from your sex scenes, author.

Once again, the Batmobile had extra company, as the Laughing Shadow Soldiers had jumped onto the vehicle and began attacking from on top of the vehicle. With sharp turns and sudden stops, the group of seven who had hitched a ride was now only two.

Oh, come on, even zombies can cling better than these mindless mooks.

Batman looked at the overhead glass and noticed that his attackers had C4 strapped to there chest. The laid their bodies down and detonated the C4. The Batmobile had been propelled into a near by house, fifty feet away.

You’re overreaching, author, you clueless blowhard. Kamikaze army thugs? Really? Not only have you not even described your version of your standard faceless goons, they seem more crazy than your made up Metropolis looney bin escapees. Even if this was a tactic deployed by your Villain Sue, it demands that Batman intended to run over his targets instead of avoiding them. What the hell?!

The Batmobile was destroyed, everything but the Cockpit pod was incinerated.

Don’t worry, a two hour surgery on Superman will patch that unrealistic fender bender right up.

The Batmobile cockpit began to nudge as it slowly opened and a disoriented injured Batman crawled out. He stood up and felt the sudden rush of blood flow to his head, as he fell back down. Suddenly there were bullets flying by his head as more Soldiers came running up. Another dozen soldiers surrounded him and aimed for a kill shot.

I guess the previous bullets from the unnumbered amount of Storm Troopers just intentionally missed his head, then.

"Wait!" The soldiers lowered their weapons and made a path for a man. He was an entire foot taller then Batman. He was dressed in all Black, every part of him covered by the black cloth.

What better way to not bother with character descriptions than to make them into a literal curtain?

"Batman, it is nice to see you." He lifted the Batman into the air so they were eye to eye. "I am Dusk Shadow." He threw the hero across the ground to the feet of another person. Batman looked up and saw a huge pair of breasts.

Boob Shadow, I presume?

"Hi there Bats. I am the Dawn Shadow. Just call me Dawn and him Dusk…that is if you live."

Dusk Shadow, Dawn Shadow, and Laughing Shadow? What next, are they a clan of ninjas, too? Two names are times of day, so I’ll wait for Afternoon or Midday to pop up any second, and Laughing isn’t even in the same ballpark. I’d ask you to pick a theme, but you’re mixing three at the moment, author.

She was only about four and a half feet tall. Thin and her outfit was just as if that of Dusk's, all black, even the eyes covered.

The fact that they wore hotdog suits did make it lose some of their mysteriousness, however.

Batman stood up and looked at them, "Well shit." With that, Batman collapsed and fell into the darkness of sleep.

You are so lazy that you have to nerf Batman and his car this much to get him shipped to his sex scenes, author? I know he has only been training his dick in this fanfic, but I had higher expectations of your fantasies.

Miles away, back in Gotham, Poison Ivy was making her way threw the Mansion. "Harley! Where are you?" She suddenly hears a whimper from the third floor. Ivy runs quickly runs into the bathroom and locks the door.

Care to run that by me again, author? I feel like you cut out a paragraph half-way through.

"G-go away I-I-Ivy. I don't want y-y-you to see me like this." Quinn whined sadly.

”I’m on my fiftieth bowl of ice cream this month and these pregnancy stretch marks are really showing through my outfit.”

"Harley. I wanna help you." Ivy said kindly to her best friend.

"You can't! Nobody can!" She screamed.

Ivy kicked the door knocking open violently swinging, and she sees Harley's make-up smeared and cuts across her arm slowly nearing the wrist. "Harley!" suddenly a vine snags her arms and holds her down. "What are you thinking?"

”It’s up the highway, not across the street, you dummy.”

"I just wanna die! Simple as that Red." Tears began to flow down her cheeks. "Everyone that has ever loved me is dead or is going to die."

”My goldfish only has one week left in it, tops, Red!”

"Hey. Hey! Harley." Harley looked up at her best friend. "I love you. I really do Quinn." She slowly kissed her friend on the cheek.

"R-Red…r-really?" She is shocked as her body relaxes.

Wow, what book did you browse the index of in order to so amazingly handle suicidal thoughts in such convincing capacity, author? How much more do you want to up your edge-o-meter before you can jerk off to that, too?

The Vines release her, she, and Ivy fall into a gentle embrace, gently kissing one another, slowly caressing each other. "Red?"

"Yes Harley?"

"Where did B-Man go?" she asked shyly and child like.

"To get your baby." She says firmly.

Why? By virtue of people's actions in this story, I’m not even convinced anyone wants that child, even after the author had Bruce claim so out loud.

She laid down on the Master bed, spreading her body out, "Now come and cuddle and I'll explain the rest."

A bright smile cut across the face of the twisted harlequin. "Ok." She jumped into Ivy's arms and kissed her lovingly as they cuddled.

And the skilled and talented and even in some cases super empowered women in this fanfic are reduced to passive bed ornaments waiting for the dick-insert to do all the deeds. And here I thought it was murderous women that exhilarated the author, not merely the act of murder alone.

"Oh Harley…you really are messed up in the head." She said gently as she caressed Harley lovingly. Kissing her forehead gently, reminiscing of old times she and her blonde bud would terrorize the men of Gotham.

She shook her head, "I must not think of those times. I am a changed woman." She frowned as an epiphany stuck her hard. "Am I really a changed woman?"

It all depends on how cock starved you are, according to the author. Also, the mass murder you committed in Arkham City, yet which you must have been strangely pardoned for during the time skip, makes the answer a solid no!

Meanwhile in Metropolis broken and bloodied, the Caped Crusader was dragged across the concrete floor. They threw him down and he tumbled across to the wall. When he had finally settled he removed his hood that blacked his vision.

For a moment, the author’s geriatric grasp on descriptions made me not even realize Batman had a sack on his head.

He began to stand, but soon fell over. Groaning in pain, he lays there. Suddenly, ever so faintly, the cry of a young infant could be heard.

"Batman!" A stringy man in black appeared. "Get your ass up." His voice was high and shrewd tearing at his ears. The lanky shadow

He is the fourth member of the Shadow Crew. Chunky Shadow must be up next.

lifted Batman as if he was weightless and three him across the room until he reached a familiar set of feet.

The young girl from before, "The boss wants a word with you Batty-boo."

I can feel my life draining away as I read this uninspired edgy nonsense. Nondescript color-coded villains with ridiculous names, in a laughable setup under unbelievable circumstances, now with likely the least interesting motive and uninspired intent yet.

Let me just throw out a theory or two, just to see if the future can measure up in disappointment. These thugs know who Batman and the kid are - because since when did identities stay secret in this universe – and aim to raise it as their own in Joker’s name, bladibla, they want to make Batman pay in some big capacity of torment or other, yakketyyak, one or two crooks have a flimsy but yet deeply bound lore to the canon, Batman fucks Darth Boobs and makes her squeal before the end of it, something-something, and someone has to help out Batman to start the murder spree, all while Superman doesn’t even consider donning one of his lead suits despite the villains supposedly already using those. I’m probably not going to keep score, but honestly, what does the author even think he could be setting up with all of this?

Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #18

I'm very concerned.

Group: Members
Posts: 609
Joined: 3-January 13
From: Denmark
Member No.: 787
Gender: Male

post Mar 14 2017, 03:24 AM
When we last left off, Metropolis was in shambles, Superman was useless, Batman was playing Carmageddon, and the new original villains had the same charisma as walking Looney Tunes impact craters. And it gets worse. Here's Chapter 15, A New Menace Part 3.

Batman slowly rose as the soldiers entered, they grabbed his arms to drag him but he shoved them off. "Just move." He began to stumble forward. The guards in shock just followed him as they walked through the huge base.

I know this is your ego in spandex you’re writing into the story, author, but how about not having him both shock his captors by a half-drunken stumble and then lead them through their own base?

From building to building Batman looked around and saw dozens of mechanisms and machines on the rooftops.

Come on, you can at least be descriptive enough to call them doodads and gizmos.

"How much further?" Batman tried to inquire from his escort.

”And where’s my latte? This is the least pleasant time I’ve had being a prisoner, yet!”

"We are here." The young girl cheerfully exclaimed. "Honey!" She opened the door. "We go the bastard bat! Can we have some fun yet?"

Suddenly from the shadows a figure appeared. "Batman?" The figure spoke, he stepped forward and revealed himself slightly more. He was entirely dressed in black, even his eyes were covered.

Wow, how amazing, what interesting character designs, author. It’s not like the silhouette look was contrived and try-hard to begin with, no, you had to have four fucking identical Phantom Blots walking around. Is effort just something you use to scratch your ass with?

His pointed chin began to shake as the shadow began to howl. His laugh piercing everything around him. "You are the Batman?"

"Yes. I am."

"No, no, no. You are just a sad little boy who misses his mommy and daddy. It is really quite pathetic!"

"What do you mean?"

The author’s schizophrenia is working against him, belittling his own ego and psychological investment in this story, perchance?

"Don't worry Bruce. We are going to have plenty of time Superman won't find us."

I’m sorry, were we supposed to find anything meaningful in him knowing Batman’s identity, like I predicted? If anything, this marks this coal miner the latest candidate to bed Bruce.

He turns and nods, suddenly the entire city began to hear a siren and a massive cloud began to barrel towards them. "I don't know but I think that over rated jockey won't be able to anything if the air has Lead particles.

He won’t be able to x-ray anything, yeah, but there’s nothing stopping him from taking one big huff and puff and blow away your aerosolized lead clouds. It pains me how much of an smug simpleton this author is making himself into, thinking he can twist Superman’s balls by implementing stuff that was too silly for comic books.

Suddenly the glass breaks and the screams of the soldiers out side can be heard slowly getting muffled. Batman saw one soldier with out his mask slowly have lead dust seep out of his eyes, nose, ears, mouth, and some of his wounds.

As the cloud began to move towards Batman, he jumped backwards smashing the wooden chair, releasing himself to put on his own mask just as the cloud collides with him.

I just got whiplash as now both masks and chairs exists in this nebulous void the author calls a story. I have to play catchup, as I now conclude that not only is this base in the middle of Metropolis, it is also first now relying on a creep cloud to hide their not x-ray proof base, too!

He looks around but sees nearly nothing. A few soldiers screaming in pain as their lungs filled with aerosol lead.

So, the plan that I’m figuring these anthropomorphized ink stains had is as follows: First, invade the city and chase off any citizens or at least eliminate them. Second, suffocate all your troops in your crumbling base by using your trump card Superman repellant, which will all be very audible to the guy with super hearing. Third: As if. Fourth: Profit???

From nowhere the tall Lanky Shadow swung and smashed batman against the concrete wall, putting a sizeable dent. "Damn you are big." Batman stood up and prepared himself. The Shadowy figure came rushing at him, but the Batman sidestepped and tripped him. He fell down and slammed his fist against the back of his head and the man lay there still.

And the winner of the prize for no style or grace and a self-inflicted knockout is Lanky. The author will not be getting a participation trophy for any grammar classes, however.

Breathing but still, "But Bane is bigger."

Batman ran and dove through the window and saw the carnage of the warehouse district of Metropolis.

Should I address the fact that Chin Shadow just vanished, or is the author going to throw even more things at us in a moment to distract us, by once again adhering to the lowest common denominator of establishment gambit words; ‘Suddenly, something happened’?

A group of workers were running for their lives as the Fog trailed them.

I see that Metropolis have stepped up the terrorist-military-invasion paycheck bonuses for their worker unions.

Batman dashed as fast as he could but the little girl from before ambushed him. "Nah ah Bat!" She flipped him and stomped on his arm, breaking it. She giggled and ran off disappearing into the fog. Batman turned and saw the workers get consumed in the fog and slowly suffocate as their lungs filled with lead.

"No!" Batman began to stand but the pressure worsened the arm.

And what was he supposed to do, even with an unbroken arm, exactly? Have them all take turns sucking his dick for air?

Suddenly the little girl ran by and clothes lined him and power kicked his chest before running off and disappearing again. "What is with this girl." Batman tried to stand one last time. And again the little girl from nowhere jumped on his back and began removing his respirator.

Holding his breath as he moved he felt the lead burn against his face as it tried to push through.

Well, since the lead was so polite in ignoring the rest of his face, eyes and ears up until now, maybe it should try and knock, instead.

The little girl prying at the Batman's mouth, he flipped her over and slammed her head against the floor. He bent down, feeling the pressure building more and more. He searched around for his respirator, and luckily found it as his breath began seeping from his lips.

If you’re trying to pass this off as some pressure-thing, author, Batman’s nasal cavity should be pretty clogged by now. You’re writing this as if you’ve never even attempted to hold your breath before.

He put the respirator on and let out his breath. He took one in and looked around as he saw the carnage begin to subside. The fog of lead beginning to fall as if it had finished its job. After five more minutes of rest the Caped Crusader saw daylight, and Superman diving at him.

I’d like to pretend Superman was just taking a breather himself, enjoying the feeling of not being able to accidentally see everyone in Metropolis, including Batman, naked. Well worth the sacrifice, I’m sure.

"Bruce. Are you ok?" Superman asked.

"I'm fine…but I lost him."

Who? Lanky, Chinny, or the baby which we have still barely seen a single proof of its existence in this story?!

"Bruce. You can't blame yourself for that. Or the death of these people."

He isn’t. He can’t make hurricanes by waving his arms to blow clouds like that away. Ahem.

"I got it Clark." Bruce looked up and closed his eyes, remembering the sound of his son. "But that bastard has my son." Batman turned away and began to limp towards the batmobile's location.

You know, the wreck he got kidnapped from possibly miles away from his current location. I told you it would fix itself.

"I will find him and break him."

And that clichéd and limp-dicked attempt at a closing one-liner rip-off is just about the last straw on top of this chapter’s abysmal word count.
We’re doubling down, folks. Here’s Chapter 16 A New Menace Part 4

A figure in the darkness and mist seated high above the ground said in a strange disguised voice." Make him suffer. But make sure he knows it is me."

Because suffocating him to death in a lead cloud after having held him prisoner without harming him, that sure sounds like logical steps with that plan in mind.

Suddenly rising from the mist of the darkness, the Laughing Shadow stood in the darkness.

Let me guess. Dressed in completely dark cloth, even his eyes covered? Or are you just not going to describe him to us since he was supposed to have been that Chin guy from before?

" Yes my lord. All Hail." He turned and departed, heading directly for the Warehouse District of Metropolis.

Standing in front of the warehouse district, he whistled a sharp painful tone. Suddenly, from the woodwork, dozens of Shadow Soldiers swarmed. The tall, toned, angry leader waved his hand and the soldiers immediately began dashing towards the city while three unmasked soldiers stood.

Do they make these guys from an assembly line? Are all these warehouses built by Goons''R''Us?!

The first one walked forward, "Master, I am The Furious Shadow.

New chapter, new theme, I guess. Chapter 17 will probably have Sleepy, Sneezy and Grumpy.

He sent me to strong. His arms the size of a cinder block, with legs like trunks.

English is a language, author. Sorry, I just feel the need to clarify your options.

"I will find him and bring his body to you." He left heading for the Industrial District.

The second one jumped forward, "Master, I am the Shifty Shadow. He sent me to steal away his freedom and bring him to you." He was small and thin. He dashed away towards the Neon District.

How about trying to track Batman first, instead of distributing the name-tagged punching bags to separate locations to be picked off as lazily as this author’s attention to detail?

Finally, the third Soldier stepped forward, "I am the Deceptive Shadow. Master, He sent me to lie to him and bring him to you under my trap."

So, is the plan now to capture Batman individually, when you last captured him with two lieutenants? You’re just violating the Evil Overlord list one entry after the other, you pathetic oafs.

He was average in everything.

Too good to be in this fanfic, is what you’re saying, right?

His face, calm and kind, but his eyes burned with a hate unlike to anyone. He simply walked towards the suburbs and put on his mask.

Is everyone here an edgelord incapable of actually taking a vehicle to their destinations all across Metropolis? They should rename their faction to the Foot Clan with this much cardio.

The Laughing Shadow walked into a dark green and bright red warehouse. He began to examine everything and then began his work. Days later the Laughing Shadow was still working when, there was shouting outside.

He walked to the door and was presented Superman and Batman in a full body straight jacket, while Superman was wearing a straight jacket lined with Kryptonite needles and dust.

This is the epitome of fucking laziness and neglect of your source material, author. I know you’ve shifted track, stroking your ego in how super cool and awesome you think you are at writing villains right now, but you’re literally serving them the same ease and hack contrivances you do for your self-insert. Why do you sodomize every niche in fiction you touch?!

"Batman…" the Laughing Shadow said calmly. "You are a hard man to reach."

Do you also have to insult anyone reading this, too?

The Deceptive Shadow stood there untouched while the rest of the elite soldiers were broken, bleeding or unconscious in a ditch somewhere.

The soldiers dragged them both to a cell where Batman was hung up by his limbs over a fire pit. The flame, burning bright was scorching his flesh.

You call this torture? That’ll make him last an hour, tops. Me, on the other hand, I’ve wasted more than five on this fanfic. You don’t know true suffering, author.

"Now it is time for your punishment for what you've done."

The Dark Knight looked at him confused, "What have I done?"

"Crimes you have committed are not to be something you are proud of and want publicized!"

For fuck sake, author, I can’t even tell if this is an answer or denial of an answer. Stuff your bullshit back up your ass and be direct. If no one understands what anyone’s motivations are, it doesn’t make them mysterious, it just makes them unestablished crackpots!

"What is this? Some kind of cult?" Suddenly a shock passed through Batman's body and he screamed in pain of the inhuman amount of electric passed through his body.

"We are simply a better version of you. We are just not afraid to do what is necessary."

"You are just trying to make the fact that you murder, just!"

Attached Image

Excuse me a moment, you fucktard, but what have you been doing all the while your schlong holsters were cutting a bloody swathe through Arkham City, as you cackled and smirked through broken bones and crushed guts? What pillar of dead bodies do you now craft a soap box out of for yourself, as you wipe off viscera to preach about injustice in murder, you hypocritical lobotomy-candidate!!

"Because it is!"

"No its not!" Again, hundreds of volts of electric passed through the Caped Crusader's flesh and bone.

Really, is this the depth of insight, wit, or even moral character you want to present, author? No deeper philosophical arguments, no sporadic adherence to law and hope for a better future, to not cast aside one’s humanity and never give in to that which you seek to fight? Just a bickering ‘you’re wrong and I’m not’ pissing contest? You just suck at everything, don’t you?

Suddenly the gentle cries of an infant sounded loudly, and Batman perked up and saw. His child in the arms of the Laughing Shadow. "Your crimes begin with deceit. For everyday you lived under the mantle of the bat ten volts of electricity."

The guard's eyes widened, "Master. That will kill him. No human can withstand that."

”Oh, I’m sorry Phil, did you not get the memo when signing up? We’re going to torture Batman AND kill him. Sorry if that last part seem a bit squeamish. This is the last time I hire off of craigslist, I swear to God.”

"Oh trust me. He will. Otherwise his son dies." The villain looked at him and revealed a knife behind his back. "So lets see, fifteen years as the Batman?" he began mumbling, "Ah! Fifty four thousand, seven hundred and fifty volts for ten minutes please."

You forgot to account for leap years, nerd.

The guard obeyed his superior and sent the unbearable electricity into the Hero.

The time passed extremely slow as Batman's horrific screams echoed through the warehouse as the volts continued to flow from the barbed wire, that they tied him up with, into his bare flesh and through his body into the left arm and that barbed wire lasso and the heat from the fire below scorched his flesh.

Come on, up the ante and edge, you cringe-worthy sack of shit. Poke the underside of his nails, waterboard him, have him listen to Justin Bieber. The world is your oyster, when you’re making shit up as you go along, and retroactively establish his restraints to be barbed wire.

Superman, rendered useless began coughing blood as the Kryptonite needles began impaling him slowly.

"And…time!" Batman stared at the villain angrily as the electricity stopped. "Next is your crime of cowardice and fear. For every time you have committed this crime one thousand volts of electricity will pass through you for one minute.

So, you’re giving him less than a 50th of his previous torture session, over just presumably a longer sequence of time. How horrifying?

"What do you consider cowardice and fear?" Batman said in his usual, tough hardened voice.

"You fleeing from the scene every time the police came or your foe had the upper hand. You should have faced them with courage, and died if that is what was needed."

These guys sounds like both his biggest fans and most severe critics, who think they know better than him at what he’s supposed to do. They must be YouTube commenters.

His voice was harsh as if he was angry with him. "One hour should do."

So, this Batman has only ever had sixty of the aforementioned incidents happen to him? Is this guy a temp?

He turned and walked into the side room. He laid the child down, in a purple and green blanket and turned back. He returned sat and watched as Batman struggled, smiling at his success.

You know, behind his still black and identity-concealing solid lead mask. As pathetically bland and obnoxious as this narration and characterization is, the feeling of relief and freedom at having it end truly marks it as something atrocious and akin to torture.

Why must every fanfic I mock turn out worse than expected? This was just supposed to be a lemon-fic, for crying out loud.

Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #19

I'm very concerned.

Group: Members
Posts: 609
Joined: 3-January 13
From: Denmark
Member No.: 787
Gender: Male

post Mar 24 2017, 05:12 AM
Last we left off, the author had us suffering through his torture porn. Let’s see if we can do anything but empathize as we read this dreck. Here’s Chapter 17, A New Menace Part 5.

As the Caped Crusader struggled against the wires screaming in wretched gut twisting pain, his flesh tearing underneath his outfit from the barbs that dug their way into the bone of his wrists and ankles.

Sounds like someone was busy jerking off to The Passion of the Christ.

The heat was finally causing burns on Batman's face to crack across, his flash becoming dry but his blood kept the now low electrical current flowing, however his blood kept dripping from his nose, arms and ankles.

You have no idea how any of these torture methods you’ve implemented actually affects the human body, do you, author?

He had been hung up for an entire day now. The Shadows looking more and more like shambling corpses and they kept him fed and just nourished enough to keep him alive.

The Corpses began to laugh and suddenly Batman felt a sudden surge of electrical power as the faceless bastards splashed him with brine from the Metropolis bay.

No, you numbskulls, you marinate the meat before you barbeque. Seriously, this remake of Cannibal Holocaust is off to a really bad start.

"The night is returning." Batman thought as his eyes began to fail him and he felt the darkness take hold.

Suddenly Batman felt the room get icy cold and he snapped awake, his eyes fully functioning now. His skin tingled, his blood froze, but there was a seeming warm presence in the center of this chill. "Freeze?"

Is the author trying to be obtusely deep with a dream sequence, or is he trying to tell us Batman caught a cold from having no shirt on?

The squeal of an old wheelchair rolled across the concrete. Suddenly Batman was being attacked by a swarm of giant vampire bats with contorted bodies and a terrifying grin. Batman was trying to move away from them and run away.

Somehow he was on the floor now but still forced in the same position. He turned and felt a brain-warping pain and body scaring pain as he turned but noticed his body stayed.

Author, you are not being meaningful, artsy, or even imaginative with these awkward contradictions. You’re vomiting a slew of meaningless and conflicting notions onto your keyboard and pretending it makes sense by it not doing so.

"What is happening?" One of the 'bats' slashed his throat and he felt nothing. Realizing that the bats and his freedom were false illusions, Batman closed his eyes and when he opened them he was still above the fire pit, and still hung up by the dull barb wire.

Author, you do know that symbolism actually has to have a point, don’t you? Just hurling a half-written creepy-pasta into this mess will only make it about as shallow as your taste in porn plots.

A slight chuckle was heard, but it sounded more like an echo, or a memory.

The Laughing Shadow appeared holding Bruce's child, "Batman, you are so sad." His voice seemed to be cracking. He stepped forward and showed that his mask had been sliced into a smile.

Which, of course, is totally different from the absolute empty void of details and establishment it has had up until now.

"You should smile more. I'm sure it wouldn't suit you, but you still need some joy."

Batman tried to respond but the dryness of his suddenly the chill extended and he felt another icy cold wave.

Look, the less I have to read of this emptyheaded nonsense, the happier I’ll be.

Suddenly Batman saw Mr. Freeze, in his monotonous voice he rambled on, "And you think you could have done anything? My cure was meant for both of you and you go and kill the man you needed to save."

"I didn't mean to." Batman pleaded.

I can’t help but feel the author forgot half a conversation, changed the subject, and injected the Laughing Shadow since Batman called out Freeze's name a couple of paragraphs ago. While Batman is clearly delirious, I assumed you wanted this internal diatribe to be meaningful, author.

Freeze stepped closer, "You are worthless, you couldn't even save a murderer." He stood on the edge of the pit. The image of Freeze grew fainter, "You couldn't even stop the murderer..."

What genius, what ingenuity, yes, of course Mr. Freeze is the ideal voice of accusation in these mental shenanigans. The murderous maniac who uses ice powers to give people a cold, bitter end. What malfunctioned in your brain and farted out this hallucination you call a fanfic, author?

"Quiet Freeze!"

"You don't deserve to live! So many have died because you couldn't act." Freeze looked up," and because you let him die, Quinn killed my wife!"

"No! She couldn't! She wouldn't!"

"So I slit her throat."

Okay, either Batman’s nightmare just took the piss, or the author missed the entirety of Freeze’s modus operandi.


"And her dying words were so poetic, she had said," he spoke but Batman only heard Harley's sweet voice, "Tell B-man, I'm sorry."

Oh, please, she would have made a Porky Pig impression before doing something so fucking sentimental.

"NO! Freeze she was pregnant!"

Attached Image

Someone is out of their mind at this point, and I’m not even sure it’s not me!!

Batman struggled hard against the wires, the binding slowly eroding against Batman's unnatural force, like the winds of the Sahara.

Do winds erode now, or did the author learn his similes from his crack dealer?

Freeze lowered his head, the image of Freeze flickered and appeared for a second as scarecrow, "I know. It is why I have come asking your forgiveness, and to die."


"Good bye Batman." He stepped forward and plummeted towards his death and the destruction of his suit caused an enormous explosion but suddenly it all was gone.

Who, what, where, when, why?! None of this makes any sense author. This fanfic started out as your fap-material, but now you’re just masturbating to your own pretentiousness.

"What is wrong with me?" The Batman looked his arms and legs remembering the barbed wire. He struggled upset that his mind is breaking he feels himself screaming but at the same time cry out for his mother and begging the shadows to stop hurting him.

"Oh Batman. Quiet! You'll wake the baby." The Laughing Shadow said.

You know, this marks the first time anyone has actually attested to direct concern for that infant, and I’m not even sure that voice was real.

Batman continued to struggle, his body slowly breaking and bleeding. His eyes beginning to fail him. "Please stop this."


Good question. I just feel like this has been a training exercise to prepare Batman for Ivy’s previously exposited sadism.

"Because it hurts...because I think I could help you...because you have my son!"

"I don't care, you can't help me, and who says it's your son?"

Look, I know gender is a social construct or whatever you’re jabbering about right now, but can we at least just get one single patch of skin of this illusive little changeling described to us, so we know if it’s even fucking real?!


The Laughing Shadow got in close,climbing onto the structure and getting inches from each other,his featureless face even more frightening,

Now it all makes sense. The author thinks the less details his fanfic has, the more frightening it is.

"I said, Who says it is your son!" He bellowed into Batman's skull. He jumped across the fire pit and rolled. "I mean it is Harley we are talking about."

"Hey!" Batman shouted.

The Shadow turned and faced the bleeding hero, "What? Do you think that bitch would change just for you? Wow you can fuck her. Whoopee Fucking Do!"

Okay, you just lost what little menace-points your faux-torture sessions earned you, dude. Besides, Harley was just being a surrogate for Ivy. Not that giggle-smear here would know that, but this circklejerk of original villains now seem to only exist for the sole purpose, of pretending the author’s vapid sex-fantasies can pick at heartstrings and carry emotional fallout.

"Why do you care?"

The Shadow turned back and regained his composure. "Not me...I am not the one who lusts after her. I love her yes, but not like..." he looked up and shook his head. "I couldn't do that."

I wouldn’t want this Batman’s sloppy seconds either.

"What are you talking about?"

The Shadowy Villain turned and began talking to himself, holding his head, "Sir? No I couldn't. But...I...ok..." He turns back to the Bat, "You seem to have a very negative fan-base with you." He reveals a gun and shoots Batman just under the knee.

At this point, the only way for this story to make sense any longer, is if Laughing Shadow turned out to be Deadpool.

Batman screams in agony, "Who are you working for? Why were you just talking to yourself. Tell me!"

"Talking? I wasn't talking."

"Shadow! Tell me!" Batman shouted at his captor.

Wait, wasn’t Chuckles specifically told by his leader to let Batman know who was behind the torture inflicted on him? How fucking difficult is it to take one source of motivation and stick with it?!

"I wasn't talking!" His voice was cracking, like he was almost crying. The Elite Shadows began to walk towards him.

"You were. Now tell me or I will beat it out of you!"

The Laughing Shadow stomped, "I was not talking to myself!" He continued to stomp and scream. "I am perfectly sane! I am a good boy, I will not talk to my friends when people around." The villain held his head and scream as if he was being beaten.

Really? Is this how the tables are going to turn? Batman is nearly tortured to death but his captor is so mentally unstable that assured victory puts him over the edge? Lame.

He dropped down and all of the elite soldiers ran to him while the grunts mumbled to each other. "Please no more." He began to sob as he acted as if defending himself. Suddenly he was silent, the elites surrounded him and Batman could only see bits of the frantic man. Shadow of Deceit crouched down and held his hand while the a female soldier who Batman did not know also knelt. "Please I am good boy...right?"

I don’t even know if you’re a man, because the author is constantly forgetting that he made you lot into a nondescript, voice-altered bunch of indistinguishable oil blots. You are at least a better boy than Batman, so far.

"Yes brother. You are." The Deceitful Shadow said.

"You are safe here. We did what he commanded, and the bad people will never find us again." The woman said. She stood up and marched to the fire pit. "This is your fucking fault!"

"What is wrong?"

”A canon Batman would have escaped this torture chamber twelve hours ago. We don’t know where to go from here other than talking out our issues!”

"You and your crusade against the criminally insane!"


"Because of your symbol, thousands of crime fighters were spawned.

Funny how none of them, even Batman’s closest who have been in direct contact with him through his cowl, isn’t coming to his rescue after a full day of torture.

All of us, except our mercenary help came from an orphanage and then we were taken to a mental ward for all beating the living shit out of the bullies. While at the Institution , he was brutally beaten because he had been diagnosed with schizophrenia and the 'security' was evil. They beat all of us for our 'mental disorders' but it was fine, because we were the lower class of people. We were put in the asylum because we were a danger to society."

Because we all know that’s exactly how things are in this universe and the author need not establish one iota of these circumstances to foreshadow this, as he is shitting out these people’s motivations on a silver platter so the master detective doesn’t strain his erection in trying to figure it out. I have Rapture’s Crazy Princess flashbacks as this author also has to resort to have someone slander all of a fictional universe’s society, just to excuse his favoritism towards his OC villains.

She began to tear up, "Batman said that the mentally disturbed should be locked away because of the threat they pose."

"I never said that." Batman shouted.

No, because your method is to fuck them until they turn sane, apparently. How about you offer yourself to the good boy so we can finish this chapter already?

"The Batman said that we were bad people because we talked to our imaginary friends. We were evil because we liked to hurt people who hurt our friends. We are demons because we killed the masked vigilante who decided to try and sneak in and kill us for being evil incarnations." She stomped hard, "And when we killed the Bat-fake we realized we were in danger. Soon after that we escaped and found ourselves as criminals. Then He gave us purpose again and we knew why we were put on this wretched evil planet."

Well, gee, was it to be exactly what you were accused of being, or did you not just burn Metropolis to the ground? Wait, if you guys are specifically out after Batman, why the heck expose yourselves in the town with the overpowered Kryptonian first? You’re not criminally insane, you’re just idiots, and the author with you for making up your motivations on the fly.

"Why? What do you think is your goal?"

"Why to kill the source of evil...you! To kill you Batman!" She unveiled her handgun, aimed and prepared to kill him.

Quick! Pull the trigger before the author forces more exposition out of you again, as if you were the one in the torture pit being interrogated!

"What happened to all of your parents?" batman asked before lowering his head from the pain.

"They were killed in a gun fight between your fans on both positive and negative side."

”All of them, all at once, the whole dozen in that one gunfight. It makes our backstory more convenient and less convoluted.”

She shook the gun, "You are the main source of our pain! Now...DIE!"

"NO!" a very familiar voice shouted, before a string of hacking coughs cut the air. "Not yet deary. We need to make him suffer." Suddenly a man in a wheelchair began to roll to the elites. They bowed down to him as if he was a god.

And the author treats his character descriptions like a low-budget cartoon background character.

"We must make him beg." He struggled to stand then he to knelt down to the convulsing man and removed his mask.

His face was tender, innocent, sweet, his broad chin matching Bruce's own, and his eyes full of pain and anguish. Evil burned behind the eyes with tears of pain. "Master?"

"Yes my child?" The man from the wheelchair asked in an obviously cracking voice as he began kneeling closer, his snow white skin was now visible.

Where did Superman go, by the way? These guys are so caught up in their tender moment and torture session that Clark hasn’t even appeared once in this chapter, despite where the previous one left off.

"I love you master. You have been so kind since father abandoned me."

Yeah, your dad had to get a divorce and go raise those bullets those Bat-fans put in him, like the chick mentioned just earlier.

He tried to reach for his master's face.

The white hand caught the young man's and held it. "I love you to junior."

"Am I a good boy?" He asked as another shock went through him.

"Of course you are. Have you been enjoying your reunion?"

I swear, if this cringey whoopee cushion turns out to be Jason Todd, this author doesn’t even deserve to continue this story.

"Yes, Master."

"Reunion?" Batman thought as he began feeling the lose of blood take over again and flashes of his life as Batman began. Punch for punch ,he saw the face of Dent get fried in court. He saw Catwoman get brutal beaten, he felt the pain of his back breaking as Bane crushed him. Finally he saw the Joker's dying breath and that horrific laugh echo through his skull. "JOKER!"

Suddenly the horrific laugh echoed, "About time Bats."

You’d maybe think this could be some sort of estranged way to introduce the Joker-insanity corruption element, and the overwhelming army of hired goons with a vengeful leader as from the Arkham Knight game, but this chapter was published in 2013, even before Arkham Origins. I have no fucking clue what’s going on with these forced half-expositions and for all I can tell neither does the author, despite his flailing attempts to insinuate otherwise.

Thanks for reading and being patient. It's been hard writing chapters and dealing with school. Also this is the last chapter for this for a little bit so I can work on my other stories.

I hope your studies are the things draining what little blood is actually going to your brain when writing this, because this display of literary skill isn’t worth any recommendations.

If my suspicion is correct and that wheelchair guy was even supposed to be the Joker, because I have successfully predicted similar idiot ass-pulls in the past, it all comes down as evidence to this author's insanely inept storytelling. At most, the hint has been that the voice was 'very familiar', but the idiot author doesn't understand that this is not even a description, because nothing ties itself to it and his readers are estranged from what is supposed to be a narrative. He's being coy with his descriptions, even when he has earned highscores for illiteracy thus far in that regard.

Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Post #20

I'm very concerned.

Group: Members
Posts: 609
Joined: 3-January 13
From: Denmark
Member No.: 787
Gender: Male

post Apr 20 2017, 05:03 PM
As it turns out, it was was indeed the Joker who is behind this grating plot. Aside from the bullshit cop-out and the fact that this seems lengths beyond organization and timing considering the events prior, this seems about as far from the Joker’s motif as possible. I’d call the author an uninspired hack, but I’d might just be repeating myself at this point. Here’s Chapter 18, A New Menace Part 6.

"Joker!" Batman struggles to form as his body begins to burn even more.

I guess the unmentioned flames all of a sudden decided to up their game after that nondescript, unchanging, day-long roasting.

Joker stood up and limped over to the edge of the pit. "How are ya my old friend?" He chuckled and turned back to see that the young man was still convulsing. He hurriedly ran over to him and knelt down.

For a guy who’s both supposed to be dead and in a wheel chair, Joker is certainly spry when the author needs him to be.

"Shhhhh..." He held the boy close.

"How are you still alive?!" Batman struggled to gasp out, "I watched your body burn in the furnace."


"What are you planning Joker?"

Planning? We’re past planning and well into the final phase after anarchy, lead gas, and you being captured, you braindead barbecue crisp. I can’t fucking believe this plot to begin with, but this had better not be the end of the vital question of Joker’s continued existence, which he merely answered with a single word shutdown that might as well have been “asspull”.

"Are you serious right now?" Joker turns and frowns. "I am busy." He turns back and continues to hold the terrified schizophrenic child.

The only child present is still in diapers, author, stop coddling your Villain Sues.

"No!" The boy began screaming and covering his face.

"Quiet my child. Shhh." Joker continues to hold him, "How's my doll Bats?"

"Suicidal." Batman says as he is slowly lowered and the pit covered.

How do you know? You only deemed her to be worse than the Joker after his observed death, then left her unsupervised and uninformed of your mission and the knowledge of her child’s confirmed location. Why can no one communicate in this story without having to lock genitals first?!

"Why are you letting me down?"

"To have fun."

The young men and women surrounding Joker help lift The Laughing Shadow and carry him off into a back room.

"He seems a bit like you." Batman says as he steps on the hot steel grate over the pit.

Like another unconvincing and nondescript ragdoll propped up for the author to exploit for his story? Pretty much.

"He is like that because of you." Joker's head is lowered and his grin his cutting deep, "We are all here because of you. Do you really think you are helping?"

"What do you mean?"

”I mean, when taking the pick for funding an million dollar educational foundation, or getting a new Batmobile, you order two.”

"His dear mother was the only fucking thing that stopped his father from beating him. His mother was killed by Freeze to get your attention." He turned and sat down on the floor laying out. "So his father began beating him and cutting him until you intervened and 'saved' him." Joker pulled out a cut cigar and lit it and took a deep drag. He blew out the smoke and sighed. "He was put in a foster home miles from your protection and it was you who left him there. Well that is where he met his brothers and sisters and found out how hilariously black the world could be."

This is the most pathetic and flimsiest attempt at casting blame and angst onto Batman for what he does, author. This is so try-hard and vapid that I shouldn’t even need to address how empty of a chain of causation it even is. By five degrees of assholery, Batman’s mere act of opposing criminals is supposed to carry the weight of a mentally unstable person’s shitty life, where each step on the way has been a ridiculous cavalcade of blameless tormentors, somehow. But the most infuriating and frustrating piece of corn in this turd, is the author-tract of the resurrected Joker. I don’t care if this is either a fake opinion meant to unhinge Batman, or what the author thinks the Joker could believe. The fact is that this is not in any remote way how the Joker even operates with Batman. The ‘one bad day’ quote comes to mind, which is a far cry from this shit. This whole thing just reeks of the author trying desperately to gain credence to his struggling, original content, by dragging forth the Joker’s corpse and making him the source of it all, thereby making the title ‘A New Menace’ a total fucking lie!

Joker began laughing and wiped a tear away, "He was attacked by the man of the house in one of his drunken raves. Well remembering you telling him to stand up for himself." He took another drag, "Well the boy took a knife and jammed it down the man's neck. Laughing as he done it. I guess he was sick of being beaten and bloodied. Then came the police to take him and his friends away cause they had continued and killed the crackhead whore that slept upstairs all day.

Is this bland and entirely unjustified sob story going to continue any longer, author, or are you going to blame Batman for their puppies becoming roadkill next, since you’re so happy to masturbate to your OC villains’ deeply traumatic lives?

They were put in a psychiatric ward for a while and you showed up since they had fought off another attack on them. They were taken by you to Arkham, the man who save him now condemned him to the crazy house."

"Joker...I didn't-"

"Shut it bat brain." Joker sighed and stood, trowing his cigar at him. Years later he and his bestest friend in the whole wide world wanted to be married. But you wouldn't let the boy marry her since they were evil in the mind and that their insanity should stop with them. That their children would be worse then them. So you had them separated for the safety of the city, and the asylum.

Attached Image

What’s with this made-up out-of-nowhere bullshit, and when will it fucking end? So far everything that’s been spouted is just a simple fact of shitty things happening because it had to be dealt with. If not by Batman, then by the law. Your Villain Sues are horrible psychopathic lunatics, author, and you have the gall to demand they be given sympathy for the consequences of being just that!

I got bunked with the boy and he told me everything. His life story, every ounce of truth, then one day you volunteered him for tests the good doctor I carved was working on. Those damned tests. I got put through them and I am tough." He flicked the still hot cigar at the burning bat. "He was driven deeper into his madness. Harley told me that his lover had tried to kill herself because of the tests. You never really looked into the asylum staff...did you?"

And how can we possible make the villains’ side pitiable and sympathetic unless we demonize the entire world and turn an entire location for rehabilitation into an evil science facility. Author, kindly take your wangst material and shove it.

"Joker...what happened?" Batman asked with a concern for the villain and his creation.

"The doctor tortured the poor boy. Injected him with some drug to increase brain functionality but I knew better that it was really a way to securely weaponize Venom.

The entire plot of the first game – from which you started this fap-fic, by the way - was caused by the Joker being the one behind all the funding of the Venom experiments, author!

Well it only affected his brain, warping it into a massive ball of jelly and yarn." Joker shook his head, "I know this must be strange for you, to see me like this...but I have my reasons."

"He reminds you of yourself?"

Joker begins to laugh grievingly, "Oh what a cruel joke that is. No...someone I never met." The strange clown of grieving joy turned and smiled sadly, "Someone I loved before I touched them. Thats who he reminds me of." He smiles and suddenly a tearing anger cuts through and he screams, "Someone who was torn from me before I, or he was ready!"

If we could dampen the cheesy and exaggerated melodrama that would be laughed out of a poetry club for a moment, could anyone tell me if the Joker is talking about a metaphor, a family member, or Batman right now?


"Shut up! You know you would be no better then me if it happened to you." Joker walked back and forth as the iron grate grew hotter and the caped crusader began to wince. "I tried to prove it to you over and over. Maybe I was being to indirect." Joker turned and his menacing grin carved his face again. "I am going to take Harley back Bats. I just needed a break from you and to see my boy again.

Yeah, okay, fine, had a wheelchair, that’s okay, not dead, why not, somehow no longer affected by Titan without explanation, no biggy. Is anything coming together in this supposed fanfic’s climax to make sense, or will it be as disappointing and haphazard as the sex scenes?

And when I return I will find a priest who is unwilling and force that sonovabitch to marry me and my dearly beloved Har. And then My boy is gonna get wedded and guess what, your gonna be the best man." Joker began laughing manically.

"You are insane."

No, he’s OOC. There’s a subtle difference.

"You know it Batboy." He smiled, "but first I need you to be in the same mindset as us, you know...so you can be one of the pals."

"What do you mean?"

"Pull that bitch back up!" Suddenly batman was dragged through the air and hung high up. "Remember a few years ago when I put a slug through Gordon's girl and terrorized that geezer?"

No, author, you bastard, don’t you dare go and sully ‘The Killing Joke’ with your egocentric angst-boner. Hasn’t this franchise suffered enough?!

"Joker what are you doing!" Batman's last ounces of will and strength were being drained vampirically from him, drank dry of every ounce. "Stop Joker!"

"You asked me if I wanted help and I told you there is no hope for me."

"Yes. I remember. I remember it all!"

"Well guess what. I realized why Gordon didn't go mad!" Joker's grin began to widen and his eyes seemed redder. "His girl lived. She was a paralyzed bitch, but she lived."


Don’t forget to give your toy a wind down before you pull its string again to make it speak, author. There are only so much a single exclamation point can convey in your script dialogue plagued narrative, for fuck sake.

"So I decided to try again, but how could I? Barb and Gordon are still close but they grown apart. I already killed a Robin and watched you caress his lifeless body. Neither of you broke." He began to walk back and forth again, "So I got thinking, and I thought well if one of those two self righteous asses has a kid I could do it then."

”Of course, my first bet was on the dead bloke. Didn’t get very far with that plan, not for the lack of trying, mind you.”

"Joker! No!" Batman began to feel anger beyond himself growing as well as worry.

"So I find out you got my woman, my Harley pregnant during one of our little argument periods." Joker slams his fist on the table, "Oh! Bats you bastard. I needed someway to get to her again and you gave it to me." He laughs, "You 'pawned' her and Ivy off on Bruce Wayne." Joker winks at Batman, "As if I didn't know.

I have literally no idea what the fuck sort of cipher I need to decode these words with, author. You are so full of yourself by thinking being cryptic I deep, when your vernacular borders on gobbledygook.

And Batboy, guess what. I made sure to be the first thing that baby saw."

"You sick son of a bitch!" Batman began to struggle beyond human strength, "I will kill you if you harm my son!"

"Your son?" Joker laughed, "I won't harm him." suddenly the iron grate was being removed.

"Batman..." Superman moans in agony and pity for his friend.

Oh, I see the author had the courtesy to drag your underwear-clad ass out of the Phantom Zone to make an appearance, Clark.

"Save your strength."

The laughing shadow suddenly appeared behind them with Batman's child in arm. His eyes closed, his little body moving slightly.

"Hey Batman." The boy was no longer hearing voices and seeing things, or he just wasn't showing it. "If me and my beloved couldn't have a child because we were mentally demented and insane...then why can you!"

I think it’s called 'author wish-fulfillment'. On the other hand, maybe it’s because he didn’t murder his parents like you did. In either case, I’ve been advocating all along for the fact that he shouldn’t deserve to have that kid, too. No side is right in this fanfic.

Batman tensed as the shadowed jester walked forward with his child. "I was going to be a better father then my own. She was going to be a better mother then her's, but you said no! You tore us away and forced all couples in the Asylum to opposite ends!"

Exactly what do you think an asylum is, author? People aren’t left there to raise children, even if there isn’t ordinarily a gender segregation!

The baby woke up and began to cry in terror. "You are classified as a mentally demented self righteous insane man whose child shares his and that of another insane woman's, genetic signatures."

And you wanted the exact thing for yourself, so what is your point?!

"Please no." Batman pleaded.

"But Batman, you are just as bad as us. Your child thus will be worse then you, like with me and my beloved. Or Joker and Harley."

"What are you talking about?"

He’s talking about genetics being the cause of everything you’re going to become, ignoring how you’d be raised or influenced by the world around you, which was the cause of this guys insanity. If anything, all these nonsensical statements do sound like they are coming from a mad man. But the author demands us to think Batman is even giving it credence by listening to this.

"Oh Batman. My dear savior bastard. Didn't you know?"

"Know what?!"

"You really don't."

"Oh this is rich!" Joker chimed in. "Harley hates you so much right now you know."

"What are you talking about!"

Why the hell are you still demanding reason after the fourth non-sequitur, Bruce?

"Harley is pregnant again."The Laughing Shadow laughed as he spoke the heart breaking words.


Is this a bad thing? Is this a good thing? Who’s the father? How do you know? Why should we care?!

"And you realize that all your girls you have been with hate you now."

"What have you done!" Batman shouts as the pain begins to burn deeper.

"You left, they hate you cause of it too."


"Should of forgotten about it, Ivy is the most pissed too."


I can’t tell if he’s believing or denying these inane and entirely ineffectual statements, author. A fanfic isn’t supposed to act out like a radio drama.

"And now if you will excuse us, we got to go see them."

"Toodles Bats." Joker said with a jump and he grabbed the child and left with the army of psychos.


And Batman gets one last eye-rolling outburst, leaving me still entirely unaware of his actual mental state beyond wanting to point and shout like an angry toddler. No matter the thought the author wanted to come across here, I’m left utterly disinterested and off-put by it all. I’m even at the point where I’m applauding this turn of events, if it was actually true that everyone now hated the misogynistic ass-hat, whose only true act of heroism has been to fuck every pair of tits on legs while acting mildly worried about his kid three months after it was kidnapped.

Another chapter done, and this one disgusted me to the point of procrastinating for weeks. To find this sorry excuse for wish-fulfillment shoot for the stars and attempt an actual story arc, this one had an infuriating turnout. A story arc with a fake, deliberately misleading lie of a title because the author wrote this up as he went along.

Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post

2 Pages V   1 2 >
Reply to this topicStart new topic
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:


Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 23rd August 2017 - 07:41 AM