Code Evangelion, by tehprognoob Options

[Dr. O]

It's been a long time since I did anything that wasn't Neon Exodus Evangelion. So, as a reprieve from Evangelion fics, I'm doing... another Eva fic!

Hey, it was this or Kyon: Big Damn Hero. And I don't have the stomach for a Haruhi/TV Tropes crossover right now.

Code Evangelion: Shinji of the Angst

Imperial Calendar, year 2010; a mere decade after Second Impact, the Holy Britannian Empire had risen out of its ashes and had once again embarked upon its mission of Pax Britannia. Its first victim was the tiny island nation of Japan, devastated by the Impact but climbing furiously in power through its vast sakuradite trade. It, however, was no match for the titanic Empire. The Japanese military was devastated by the introduction of the first Humanoid Autonomous Armored Knight, the Knightmare frame. Light, fast and deadly, the Knightmare frames devastated the Japanese line of defense for the mainland, and Japan fell to its knees. Prime Minister Kururugi committed suicide and the once-proud nation became known simply as "Area 11."

Yes, I know the background to Code Geass. Except this is totally different because it has Second Impact!

Stage I: Shinji Ikari

Shinjuku Ghetto

Who needs to establish a scene when you can just write the name of where it's set?

The dark-haired boy stooped into the dirty tent.

"Aunty, here," he said softly.

"Thank you, Shinji," the tired old woman answered. She received the bowl of food and sat down tiredly.

Shinji has an ailing aunt? I can't wait for the inevitable emo arms race between him and Lelouch.

"Aunty, are you feeling okay?" the boy asked. The woman chuckled.

"Shinji…you really are nothing like your father; you're such a considerate boy…"

She sighed.

"If only I was born a Britannian," the boy sighed. "Things would be so much-"

Then he could be ostracized and looked down on for his personality instead of his ethnicity. That'd be so much better!

"NO!" his aunt snapped. "NEVER be ashamed to be Japanese! We of Japan are much better than the damned Brits! They invaded our nation, took away our freedom, but we still live, and so our pride lives on with us!"

"Sorry, Aunty…"

The woman sighed again.

"You're right; you're always so sensible and grown-up. True; it would be easier on your uncle and me if we were Britannians, but from a Japanese womb you were born, and to a Japanese grave you shall go."

"Assuming you can afford a funeral," she added. "You'll probably get thrown in a ditch somewhere next to the contents of someone's chamber pot."

Shinji sat down and bowed his head.

XXXXXXXXXX

I... guess this is how the scene breaks work in this. FFN can be weird sometimes.

"THAT JERK HUNG UP ON ME!" the redheaded girl squealed. "I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!"

Hey, it's Shirley. She was such a great character, right?

...

Yeah. I think so, too.

XXXXXXXXXX

Shinji stared forlornly at the gleaming Ashford Academy.

"Stop dreaming, Ikari," he told himself. "You're an Eleven, for God's sake!"

"And WHAT is wrong with that?" a sharp female voice demanded.

Yeah! What's wrong with being part of an oppressed subject race that is used for de facto slavery by an imperialist dictatorship?

Shinji snapped up. A short-haired Britannian student stood angrily before him. Ever the attentive worker, Shinji slipped into autopilot.

"Oh! Good afternoon, miss. What would like? We have a wide selection of-"

"I'd like for you to have some pride in your race!" she snapped. "There's nothing wrong with being Japanese!"

If you can't have pride in your war-torn colony of a homeland, then what can you be proud of?

Before he could offer an apology, she had marched off.

'Good God…her uniform is the Ashford standard, so…'

He broke out in a cold sweat.

'Shit…I think I just insulted a daughter of some aristocrat…but why would the daughter of a Britannian noble …'

Or it's just Kallen.

"Um…Mr. Ice cream man?" a timid, soft voice asked. It was another Ashford girl, this time with long, brown tresses, sitting in a wheelchair.

Hey there, Nunnaly!



"Uh, yes, miss?" he stammered. This one was gentle-looking and somewhat nervous, but still…losing another customer is bad.

The girl coughed embarrassedly.

"Could you push me back to school, please? I came out and got lost…"

Despite having super fighting robots that can fly and shoot big-ass hadron lasers, Britannia has yet to invent GPS.

'What?'

She tilted her face. The large eyes were shut. She was blind. Startled, Shinji moved quickly out from behind his cart.

"Mr. Ice cream man, wait," the girl said. "Can you just tell me your name?"

"It's not important, miss," he said.

"I think that it is. Tell me, please. I'd like to know; I'm sure we could be friends."

It would be the perfect friendship. Shinji could masturbate over comatose girls tables and Nunnaly would be none the wiser!

"It's Shinji, miss. Shinji Ikari."

"Well, I'm Nunnally. Nunnally Lamprouge; nice to meet you, Shinji."

XXXXXXXXXX

"I, Lelouch Li Britannia, order you, all of you, die!"

Hold on! Didn't Lelouch only adopt the Lamprouge alias after he was declared dead in the Shinjuku incident? But that must still be happening, since he apparently just got his geass power. So why is Nunnaly calling herself Lamprouge? Am I missing something?

The soldier jerked back and began to shake and laugh as the boy's left eye began to glow a sinister violet.

"Happily, your highness!" he cried. He and his men pulled their pistols and held them to their jaws.

"Fire!"

Everyone here remembers this part from Code Geass, right? Not that there's anything wrong if you haven't; this fanfic quotes the show frequently. Verbatim.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Tell me, why do you have to sell ice cream instead of going to school?" Nunnally asked gently.

Shinji smiled wearily as he pushed Nunnally down the bustling street.

"I'm an Eleven, Miss Lamprouge; my family lives in the Shinjuku Ghetto. If I don't work, then we'll starve."

On the plus side, he gets to have ice cream every day! He doesn't even have to worry about diabeetus, since he'll likely get shot by a Britannian death squad long before that becomes a problem.

Nunnally looked startled.

"But doesn't the government help at all?" she asked worriedly. "Doesn't father…"

Shinji actually laughed aloud.

"Help Elevens? Britannians, maybe, but not Elevens…"

Come on! What about Euphe- oh right.

Nunnally was quiet for a while. Shinji turned a corner, and they came onto the grand boulevard that led to Ashford Academy.

"Shinji, where do you live?" she asked.

"Shinjuku Ghetto; I told you, right?"

"No, I mean, where? What's your address? I'd like to talk to you some more."

Shinji laughed again, and Nunnally looked puzzled.

"What's so funny?"

Silly Nunnaly, Clovis destroyed Shinji's home - and the rest of Shinjuku - in a fit of rage because CC ran away and left him to foot her Pizza Hut tab.

"You asked for my address?"

"Yes, I did."

The wheelchair slid silently along the boulevard.

"My address…? I live in an oil-paper tent on top of a pile of rubble. It's a nice place; you should visit."

XXXXXXXXXX

I love you too, fanfic. Even if you did leave out the Code Geass theme, which is the greatest thing ever.

JIBUN WO!

The Sutherland was harder to handle than the Ashford Academy's Ganymede. Lelouch gritted his teeth as the machine slid behind a shattered building. His cell phone beeped.

"Uh, Lulu? What in the world have you been doing? Where are you now? If you keep cutting class, you'll get left back," a girl's voice drifted over the line.

Shut up, Shirley! I'm thinking about Colors right now!

"Are you near a TV?" Lelouch asked.

"A TV?" she asked, confused.

"Sorry, but this is important," Lelouch apologized.

The girl over the line snorted, and Lelouch listened to her talking to her friends as she changed the channel to the News.

Ah yes, Channel News: the most reliable source for completely generic information.

"Is there anything about Shinjuku?" Lelouch demanded.

"Um…traffic restrictions-"

"Why is it restricted?" he demanded as Britannian tanks rolled by noisily. If he stayed, then he'll almost certainly get caught, inside a Sutherland Knightmare frame belonging to a knight of the Purist Faction.

"I don't know; they're not saying," the girl said uncertainly. "Oh, you're gambling again, aren't you? I've warned you before more than enough about how dangerous it is!"

You know... author... you don't have to lift lines straight from the source. This is a fanfic. You're allowed to change things up a little.

Lelouch smiled as he spotted a broken chess set on the ground. The King lay in the center of the board, the other pieces scattered about him, all alone, like he was right now, a commander without his troops.

Lelouch liked that.

I wonder if he's ever going to figure out that centering your strategy on attacking with your king is a horrible idea.

"Yep, you got me," he said. "And by the way, tell my little sister that I'm going to be home late tonight, would you? Thanks; bye."

He hung up.

'They need to keep a lid on this information, so it'll be hard to call for reinforcements like this; they'll have to make do with the pieces on the board,' he thought to himself. 'I'm hemmed in here; it'll be hard to break through by myself.'

Oh man, I wonder how he'll escape. Maybe it'll involve geassing Britannian soldiers, shooting Clovis, and escaping in the confusion. That would be a twist that definitely wasn't done in the show.

The Sutherland's hatch hissed open, extending the pilot seat. Lelouch stood up and stared as a Britannian assault VTOL burst into flames, struck by a Slash Harken.

'I want payback for having been dragged into your fight.'

XXXXXXXXXX

Area 18

FUCK YEAH CORNELIA

A bright red Knightmare raced over the desert of Area 18, ignoring the fire pouring out of the gigantic Knightmare frames lined up ahead.

Wait... Red? That means...

"Lady Langley, try to stay in formation," a voice admonished over the comm.

oh no

Girlish laughter drifted over the line.

please no

"Your highness, you said I could have free rein, right? Anyway, what could any of these crusty, overweight shells do to me, the Knight of Two?"

aghghghghghgh fucking asuka

A cannon shell exploded at the knightmare's feet, doing no damage to the machine, which had already soared far ahead. It dug its feet in and fired a Harken that slammed through the armor of the heavy knightmare, twisting the red frame around like a slingshot. Landing on top of the lumbering Bamides frame, the Knight of Two, Asuka Langley, slammed her lance right into the control room. She casually pulled it out and fit a bazooka into the hole. Three blasts emanated from the weapon, and the custom Gloucester slipped off of the dying Bamides, nonchalantly driving away on its landspinners as the lifeless machine exploded, showering sparks and debris over the impassive desert.

Rocket launchers are close-combat weapons, right?

"And again, you charge in like a mindlessly mad barbarian." The voice admonished. "Well, that about does it for Area 18. I believe that Area 11 is up next."

Whoa, whoa, hold on a second. Cornelia only redeployed to Japan after Clovis died. But the previous scene took place before that happened. Which means...

Asuka tied back her long hair and leaned back in her seat.

"Of course, Princess Cornelia; it'll be the same treatment for the Elevens, right?"

XXXXXXXXXX

"Aunty…"

The old woman coughed weakly.

"I was lucky, unlike the others…" she mumbled. "Your uncle is still out working. He should be alright."

I guess the battle is over now. Or something.

She burst into tears.

"Britannians!" she screamed. "It's always Britannians!"

Just last week they stole the remote control. Those damn Britannians!

She rocked with dry heaves as Shinji held her, silent tears rolling down his cheek.

'But not all Britannians are like that…'

Nunnally, the girl he'd met outside Ashford Academy. She'd offered to let him in, hadn't she?

No; that was impossible; no Britannian parent would ever allow it, no matter how sweet their daughter is.

"I need some of that hot wheelchair-bound ass! But how? Maybe if I forge a birth certificate..." Then Shinji realized that he was saying his inner monologue out loud again. "Hey aunt, do you know where I could get something laminated?"

"C'mon; I'm sure the Black Knights or something can help us."

He helped his aunt up. The Black Knights were a new resistance that had sprung up in the wake of the most recent Shinjuku massacre. This one, however, was a great deal more successful, particularly that man, Zero.

What? I... what? If people already know about the Black Knights, that means the last two sections have skipped over Clovis' death, Suzaku becoming the Lancelot's pilot, CC coming back from the dead and showing up at Ashford, Lelouch adopting his anime Batman Zero persona, Zero freeing Suzaku, Suzaku being acquitted, Euphemia showing up in Japan, the hostage crisis, and the formation of the Black Knights. Which means this fic is at least one-third of the way through season 1.

Whoever this character is, he obviously gave a damn about the Japanese. His people should be able to help them.

XXXXXXXXXX

"It isn't every day that I go to a meeting with Numbers," Charles zi Britannia, 98th Emperor of the Holy Britannian Empire, boomed. "Lorenz, your organization has caught my eye."

And now we're back to trying to tie Evangelion into Code Geass. Well, at least they won't have to change the Instrumentality part.

"Yes, Majesty; however, it is Ikari who manages the mundane, day-to-day affairs."

Light lit up on the seat of a dark, heavy-set Japanese man wearing amber glasses.

The Emperor laughed.

"An Eleven, are you? From what Schnizel's reports I deem interesting enough to read, you Elevens have given my people the worst resistance. One of you…that Zero character, even killed Clovis…not much of a loss, to be sure, but annoying nonetheless."

Schnizel is the second-most-feared member of the Britannian royalty, after the dreaded Prince Currywurst.

"Of course, Sire." The man said evenly, resting his face on his white-gloved hands.

The Emperor sipped a drink, enjoying himself.

If he spills any, he can use his enormous wig to mop it up.

"I find that your…projects suit my purpose. Therefore, I have decided that Britannia shall back Nerv's ventures. Turn in your requests for funding to my personal aides later."

He paused for a second.

"And you said that the most likely candidate for the pilot of…Evangelion Unit 02 would be Asuka Langley. She also happens to be the Knight of Two."

Unit 02, Knight of Two... makes sense to me.

"She has been prepared, subtly, since a young age. The Evangelion has also been made to be similar to a Knightmare. Her combat training under your service will be training enough. The rest is simple enough for a lady of her intellect."

They've been prepping a noble to pilot it since childhood, but are just now informing the Emperor? What would they have done if he said no?

"Then move Unit 02 to Pendragon."

"Understood; however…"

"I am aware that Area 11 is the chosen battlefield against these Angels. However, I'd like to observe the Eva for myself. I believe that enough have been said; you are dismissed."

Aaaaaaaaaaaand the Angels are going to show up at some point. Oh boy.

Charles's seat went dark.

In the darkness of the room, only Gendo Ikari and Keel Lorenz were visible.

"Ikari…this is a gamble-"

"That is absolutely necessary; the Empire's support gains us all that we need. Money is irrelevant to the Committee, but influence is crucial."

In Eva, it made sense for Seele to be a multinational effort that gathered funding through the UN. But the Code Geass world is divided between three superpowers. Wouldn't Seele only need the support of one of those? All three have territory near Japan, so it's not like Britannia is crucial.

"Then…we shall take your gamble."

Keel's light went out. Gendo smiled ever so slightly under his gloved hands.

"Of course…"

He pressed a button.

"Captain Katsuragi"

Maybe I shouldn't be too harsh. Maybe the crossover will make sense later. I mean, it can't be any worse than R2.

"Sir"

"Go."

End Stage I

So yeah. That was the first chapter of Code Evangelion. Will Shinji find a way to get into Ashford? Will he become friends with Nunnaly? Does his ice cream stand sell rocket pops? When will the plot stop being ridiculously rushed? Will Lelouch ever learn to read? What's the deal with Asuka? How many Eva fics do I have to mock before I just stop trying? Is there a point to any of these questions? Completely unsatisfying answers in the next chapter! but probably not

This post has been edited by Dr. O: Sep 18 2011, 07:54 AM

[Olympion]

Hilarious mock (you even managed to work Spinzaku into it ), a very enjoyable read indeed.

As for the story...well, in terms of writing and characterization it actually doesn't seem half bad, but the story itself looks like a convoluted mess in the making. Also, while the author seems to have put some effort into the fic, some of the misspellings make it hard to take serious. I mean, Schnizel, seriously? This isn't DBZ, where you can reasonably expect the characters to be named after food (and underwear). Anyway, I'm looking forward to the next chapter.

[Dr. O]

Thanks! I do agree that the fic isn't all that bad, so I wondered whether the mock would be funny. But hey, why not?

Code Evangelion

Stage II: Angel Attack

Wasn't that the name of the first episode of Eva? Except for the "stage" part, which is taken from the Code Geass episode titles. Because this is a crossover, in case you hadn't noticed.

Zero

The man who will destroy the world, and become its master

Those reploids are nothing but trouble!

Lelouch could only laugh as he stood with his Black Knights, addressing the world.

'That's right…a knight for justice.'

I hope the author's next fic will be a Death Note story where Lelouch and Light argue over who is justice.

That's what he would be, until he no longer needed to be.

XXXXXXXXXX

Shinji stared at the tall woman that towered over him. The car that she drove was…unusual for an Eleven.

It was actually a riding lawnmower which, due to a legal loophole, was the only vehicle Misato was allowed to drive after her latest DUI.

"My…father…?"

"That's right; I'm Misato, by the way. Misato Katsuragi."

He looked uncertainly at her.

"But…an Eleven running an organization for the Empire is just…ridiculous!"

The Britannian nobility-run schools in Japan follow Japanese culture much more than western culture. The Britannian occupation government works closely with Japanese businessmen to mine sakuradite. The Britannians gave their best knightmare to Suzaku, the prime suspect in Clovis' murder and son of the former Prime Minister. Euphemia was able to arrange a semi-autonomous Japanese state without intervention from the Britannian government. Though I guess those inconsistencies are more a problem with Code Geass than this fic, but still... Britannia is pretty nice to the Japanese when it isn't actively slaughtering them.

Misato's jaw clenched.

"Have some pride…" she grumbled.

And why does everyone keep telling Shinji to be proud? I don't think patriotism is going to fix Japan's problems.

"Sorry…"

Misato scratched her head.

"We're not exactly under the Emperor, but he supports us. At any rate, you'll go to school, your family will be well-set up and you will live quite comfortably."

No more living in an oil-paper tent. From now on, Shinji will only get the finest Ozark Trail!

'Aunty…'

"I…"

He clenched his fist tight.

"I'll go…"

She smiled.

"Good."

She opened the door to her car.

If it's paraphrasing the first episode of Eva now, does that mean Rei will show up soon? Ooh, let me guess - she's connected to CC somehow. Maybe they'll call her RR or something.

"I imagine you won't have many things to take."

XXXXXXXXXX

Meanwhile, the Black Knights blew up Narita, the Chinese Federation invaded Kyushu, Lelouch found the thought elevator, Mao kidnapped Nunnaly, and Suzaku continued to perform physically impossible spin-kicks at the slightest provocation.

Kallen's Glasgow crashed through the gate of the drug house, scattering the various dealers and workers.

"Knightmares are really amazing. Each one is an army unto itself!"

It's amazing how mecha are able to overpower unprepared drug shippers!

She crashed through the stack of crates and sprayed the insides of the warehouse. The door of the inner warehouse crumpled like tin foil when the Glasgow ripped through the metal.

"What the-"

The inside was completely dark.

Kallen gasped in horror when the Glasgow's night vision activated. Masses of Japanese wandered around like zombies from a horror movie. Their hollow, drug induced voices floated all around her ears.

If this is the refrain part, then that means we're... close to the end of episode 9.

"Yes! I know! I'm getting married next month!"

"I'm going to the Paris office!"

Kallen felt a lump in her stomach.

She wanted to go to Paris!

"Refrain…" she murmured.

'When you add 'em all up, they eventually break you'

Repeating a line that wasn't used previously in the fanfic... Why?

"Careful; it's dangerous to run around like that!"

The woman…it couldn't be…

"Mother?"

The Glasgow snatched the stumbling woman up as she tripped. Groggily, she sat up.

"Really, don't. I need you to keep an eye on your little sister!"

Since the author is reusing lines from Code Geass, maybe I should use my commentary from other fanfic mocks. People like Normal Teenage Life, right? Maybe I can get away with stealing making a crossover between Al's commentary and mine.

Kallen felt tears beginning to rise in her eyes.

"My God, mother, how weak a woman are you? First you give in to a man, then to Britannia, and now to this? My brother is gone forever! Let him go!"

An explosion rocked her Knightmare.

"The Knightpolice?"

She smashed the acceleration pedal and sped away.

Doesn't she know that you can't outrun KITT?

"Shit!"

They began trading fire. The police unit's upgraded equipment showed its superiority as it blasted her weapons off one by one.

"Damn it!"

Kallen tried to drop her mother, but found that she just couldn't.

Not for lack of trying; rather, Kallen found out the hard way that refrain is also a potent adhesive.

"I don't need you…I don't want you…"

But she couldn't drop the woman; she just couldn't. Her Glasgow skidded over the ground, its left leg shot out. Kallen's mother, still in a stupor, sat confusedly on the ground.

"Run, you idiot…" Kallen gasped. The police unit drove its knee into her Glasgow's cockpit block and swiped out a knife, raised high and poised to slice her in halves.

He could arrest her, but do you have any idea how much paperwork that would involve?

"I'm here for you…, Kallen," the drugged woman whispered, seemingly talking to her. "I'm here, as I always have been."

The girl gasped.

'Is that why you stayed here? Stayed in his house? It was…for me?'

No, she became a maid for her husband's new wife because she enjoys it.

She began to shake.

'You fool!'

The policeman's blade stabbed down, the blade glinting in the air.

"Or, maybe, I'm the fool," she whispered.

I won't argue with that.

The Glasgow's arm blocked the downward swipe and locked with the other Glasgow. Kallen fired both her Harkens at the distant shelf. The reel tightened, hauling the struggling machines over the ground until the police Knightmare crashed into the shelf's ledge, tearing apart the cockpit block.

shelf > mecha

XXXXXXXXXX

The Britannians had the mountain encircled.

Lelouch smiled.

XXXXXXXXXX

This might be the most laconic thing ever.

Cornelia's Gloucester tore the Burais apart.

"They're too fragile," she remarked.

XXXXXXXXXX

I mean, really.

"Impressive as always, Cornelia; a very logical deployment; however, excellent sensibilities are also easy to read."

He closed his book. The battle was getting more interesting.

He then went back to reading Dick and Jane. "Oh, see... Jane... Fu- funny... funny Jane..." he read aloud. He would achieve literacy. And then he'd show Schneizel who was the dumb one!

XXXXXXXXXX

"What do you mean, shut off?" Misato demanded.

"Shut up, Eleven! Shut off is shut off!"

I should have known that Ayn Rand is a Britannian.

Her temper flared.

"I'm an agent with Nerv!"

She flashed her ID Card. Shinji gasped in awe, as did the soldiers. On the card was an imperial insignia, a sign of someone working directly for the Emperor himself; the soldiers can disrespect Misato's race, but they can't disrespect her card.

You best not be disrespectin' my card!

"It's shut off by order of Princess Cornelia; there's a battle going on."

Point of interest: isn't her formal title Viceroy? She made a point of making her own sister use the title, so...

'I thought so!'

"Is there any way through?" she asked.

"It'll be dangerous, but you can still use the highway," the soldier answered curtly.

"Many thanks"

Misato sped her way through the roadblock and down the empty path.

Oh, of course! She'll take the highway to the battle! Kind of makes you wonder why Tohdoh didn't do that.

"Just perfect," she grumbled. "And just when we detect the Third Angel!"

Shinji began to ask, but an earth-shattering explosion shook the words out of his mouth. A torrent of thick mud and rocks smashed down the slope, swallowing the Britannian army whole.

When landscaping goes too far.

"Holy shit-"

XXXXXXXXXX

The Gurren Mk. II

I'm pretty sure it's Guren. One r. Gurren is something completely different.

The first truly Japanese Knightmare

It smashed its hand into the Sutherland. Kallen squeezed the switch. A flash of radiant light seared her cameras as the Purist Faction machine ejected; its entire frame melted, and the wreckage erupted into flames.

That hand of hers is glowing red.

"I won't lose; not with this Gurren Mk. II!"

She dashed ahead and attacked the rest of the squad. With its high performance and agile power, it smashed the Sutherlands in front of her effortlessly.

XXXXXXXXXX

Nerv-Centre Command Center

Meanwhile, in the central center of the centre command center...

"The battle is irrelevant!"

Gendo Ikari pushed his glasses up and looked over at Sub-Commander Kozo Fuyutsuki.

Silly prognoob, everyone knows Otto Keller is NERV's second-in-command.

"Where is the pilot?" he demanded.

"En route to Nerv; Captain Katsuragi is trapped by the battle there."

He smiled.

"This is very…inconvenient."

Don't you hate it when your mecha pilot is late and everyone dies? It's so annoying!

He watched as the dot on the map marking the Angel advanced.

"I'm sure this will stop the fight."

XXXXXXXXXX

Shinji's face smacked into the dashboard

This is the best fanfic ever.

"What the hell?"

There was a huge rumble, and the monster advanced further.'

"Misato! What is that thing?" he screamed in horror.

It's Gendo's way of saying sorry for abandoning him: his very own supernatural abomination!

"No…time…now!"

She smacked the car around and barely avoided the foot that crashed down on the pavement next to her.

"Shit! Where are the Britannian forces when you need them?"

XXXXXXXXXX

"What is it?" Princess Euphemia demanded. "What is that thing?"

It's a crossover.

"We don't know! But it's wiping out our forces! We're bringing it up on screen now!"

The entire command center drew in a deep breath when the image of the monster appeared. It was otherworldly, with a sharply beaked face and beady eyes, along with what looked like ribs, and an iridescent orb at its center. Gunfire glanced off of it without ever scathing its hide.

So? The Lancelot can do that, too. Wait...

...

Well-played, prognoob.

"To all Britannian forces, this is Gendo Ikari of Nerv. Please withdraw your forces at once. The thing you just saw cannot be destroyed by conventional means. Nerv, on the other hand, has all the means necessary."

"Why, you-"

The Eleven on the screen stared intently at them, not blinking even as he beheld Princess Cornelia.

"Again, Highness, please withdraw."

"Euphy!"

Euphemia turned in surprise. Her sister's comm. link appeared next to the man who called himself Gendo Ikari.

"Withdraw your forces! That thing's a monster! There's no way we can beat it!"

Let's see...

I think NERV will use an N2 bomb, which doesn't work, and then Shinji will show up and have to be cajoled into piloting Unit 01 against the Angel.

Why is it these things always end up being either too derivative or nothing like the original shows?

Another picture snapped up. It was a red-haired girl, younger than even Euphemia, but she sat in what was obviously a knightmare cockpit.

"Your Highnesses, Asuka Langley, Knight of Two, humbly at your service."

"Asuka!"

Cornelia sounded happy.

You know the situation's desperate when people are happy to see Asuka.

"What happened? You were ordered away by father, weren't you?"

"And now I'm back," she said. "With instructions from his Majesty; let Nerv handle this."

"Lady Langley, I hope that you will follow the plan exactly?"

It's nice to know that they have a plan after half their army has already been wiped out by the Black Knights and the other half is getting smashed by a giant monster.

"Of course; Langley, out!"

Her screen disappeared.

"Lady Langley's personal forces have arrived! And…"

The soldier gagged on his own words.

"That signature—her IFF—it's the same as the monster!"

Time for some good old-fashioned friendly fire!

Gendo Ikari peered at them.

"There is no need to worry; her Ladyship will come with your forces for now. We simply need to carry out a test on this target. In the meanwhile, I beseech you, graciously follow Lady Langley's instructions and assist us in our battle."

"Understood, Mr. Ikari," Euphemia replied before her generals could say anything.

"Thank you, Highness."

Excuse me, her proper title is Euphinator.

XXXXXXXXXX

Asuka tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.

"Let the battle commence!"

The part where a mountain blew the fuck up? That was just a skirmish. Now it's a battle!

Her Gloucester dropped down and fired its thrusters. The knightmare glided down gracefully, without any use of her harkens. She landed neatly on a ledge on the road and hoisted her VARIS rifle.

"Let's see what you can do!" she snarled savagely. "All forces fall back and form a defensive line at the edge of the mountain!"

"Yes, my Lady!" her soldiers chimed in unison.

The Angel stepped around the mountain and began to advance.

"Listen up; we won't be able to destroy it. Don't throw away your lives for empty glory! I don't want to see a single one of you dead."

Then a defensive line is kind of pointless, isn't it?

She looked at the humongous monster looming ahead of her.

"We're going to keep it coming at us. Nerv will launch an attack when the target reaches the predetermined point."

They're going to launch a Suzaku-tipped missile at it. The torque alone should be enough to vaporize the Angel.

Lady Asuka Langley, heir and last daughter of both the Langley and Zeppelin bloodlines, kicked her machine into battle.

"Launch the attack!"

Her VARIS rifle spat a green globule of energy at the Angel. A shimmering octagonal barrier of light flashed into place.

'That must be its A.T. Field.'

Her soldiers opened fire simultaneously, followed by artillery and aerial bombing from both across the mountain and from the remnant Britannian forces.

Good idea. Maybe it'll stop being invulnerable it you do the same thing long enough.

Asuka pressed down hard, barely avoiding a shaft of blinding that that vaporized a chunk of the mountain, along with a sizable part of her knightmare squadrons.

"Fall back! Second squad, cover the retreat!" she snarled.

'This isn't good! How long is it going to be before that damn Unit launches?'

Meanwhile, Misato had to pull over and have Shinji hold her hair back while she threw up her breakfast of Jell-O shots and Skittle Brau.

The monster's arm fired a spear-like shot at the ground, scattering a squad of stragglers. One Sutherland tripped and fell, struggling helplessly as the monster drove its arm spear down. At the last second, Asuka's Gloucester snatched it by the head and avoided destruction of the cockpit block. The knightmare's legs were vaporized by whatever it was in the monster's arm.

"My Lady!" the soldier sounded young. Most likely, he was some kind of rookie.

As opposed to all those Britannians who have experience dealing with otherworldly monsters.

"Shut up and get out!" she snapped.

"Yes!"

The pilot ejected, and Asuka cast away the ruined Sutherland.

"These things cost me good money from my family estates!"

There were way too many rookies like him hanging around in the Imperial armed forces. Asuka fired her bazooka to no avail, and could only watch helplessly as the escape pod with the newly rescued soldier disintegrated in another of the cross-shaped beams. She felt like screaming. Losing a soldier of any caliber hurt her.

Training new soldiers is expensive, you know.

"Where the hell is the Eva? At this rate, I'll take out my own Evangelion!"

"No, my Lady," Gendo Ikari said smoothly. "The pilot has already arrived. It shouldn't take so long to relieve you."

The cannon fodder has arrived!

"My soldiers are dying! I'm falling back!"

"As you wish. In fact, withdraw completely."

"Huh?"

I will admit that I like Gendo's detachment. He's probably playing Fruit Ninja and only pays attention to communications when someone says "Evangelion."

"Yeah, mhm, withdraw- Did you see that combo, Kozo? High score, here I come!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Lelouch's Burai screeched down the winding dirt path, accompanied by the Gurren , Lancelot and Cornelia's Gloucester.

"So that thing is not from Britannia?"

"I was going to ask if that was your weapon."

Zero glanced at the Britannian knightmares.

"If it's not yours... and it's not ours, then..." Lelouch thought for a moment. "It must be magic!"

"Then whose weapon is it?" he wondered.

Nina's been inventing stuff in Ashford's basement again.

"Sir, is it…even a weapon?" Kallen interjected. She had just attempted to engage the thing, and it had…looked so weirdly at her. Something had glinted, and she just jumped away in time to avoid being vaporized. Still, her Gurren had taken quite a bit of damage.

She should have combined with Lagann.

"What do you think it is?"

"A…living thing…its eyes were staring right at me."

Zero gripped his controls hard.

'A living thing…a paranormal…supernatural creature…'

Don't worry, I'm sure the Winchesters will be along to take care of it.

Cornelia glanced over.

"Zero…any tricks up your sleeves?"

"Not quite…"

I want to see him try geassing it.

A Black Knights Burai sped up next to them.

"Zero! The Britannians are all retreating!"

A moment later, Cornelia hissed in surprise. On her screen was a message from Asuka:

Get out of the area now. They're going to blow that thing up.

"With what?" she demanded out loud.

Bombs, probably.

"What was that, Highness?" Suzaku asked. She ignored him

"Zero, we're going to have to get out. Nerv is going to blow this thing up!"

Lelouch snapped sideways.

"Impossible! No explosive can damage it! We've tried!"

I think this chapter would have been more interesting if the Angel showed up earlier and the Black Knights triggered the landslide to bury it instead of the Britannians (except, of course, that it wouldn't hurt the Angel). It wouldn't have just been copying stuff from Code Geass and it would have been a nice illustration of how unstoppable the Angels are. It's that whole "show, don't tell" thing.

I know that wasn't funny in the least, so here's a video.

Overhead, high-pitched whines signaled the fleeing Britannian air forces. On land, the remaining knightmares streamed away at maximum throttle.

"My Lady, if the Second Knight is going to retreat like this, then maybe…"

"Zero," Cornelia snapped. "We have to go!"

'A retreat…no…running from the battlefield…with my enemy…how strange'



He sat back and hit maximum speed on his Burai.

"All unit, get out of there!"

XXXXXXXXXX

Euphemia looked back, scared, as her forces hauled away from the monster, which was being peppered by distraction shots. There, clear against the blue sky, was the red Gloucester, hopping about and firing its VARIS rifle. That girl…Euphemia knew her. She was only thirteen when she officially became a Knight of the Round. Now, she was out there, almost alone, yelling at her men to abandon her while facing off that indestructible thing singlehandedly.

I would just like to point out that Gloucesters are a little over four meters tall. Evangelions in contrast, are anywhere between 40 and 200 meters because I guess the animators didn't understand scale. Anyway, at a minimum the Angel is ten times taller than Asuka's knightmare, which I think makes this part kind of funny if you try to imagine it.

"Asuka Langley…you are a brave girl; a true knight at heart," she murmured.

"Highness, the civilians have been evacuated."

She nodded.

"Mr. Ikari, please commence your operation. Lady Langley, kindly retreat now."

I will admit that the author made an effort to keep everyone in character, like how Euphemia is really polite here. I like that sort of thing and it would be nice if more fanfic authors tried it.

The redhead's forehead was covered in sweat and a grim satisfaction.

"Got it"

XXXXXXXXXX

XXXXXXXXXX

"All friendlies have been evacuated."

"Good. Commence the N2 Mine test."

Called it!

"Roger"

Gendo Ikari watched the screen impassively as a single ballistic missile launched from a secure Nerv launcher building.

Only NERV would deliver a mine via ballistic missile.

XXXXXXXXXX

Asuka winced as her Gloucester's hatch was sliced open by the recovery crew. Her machine was totaled beyond repair, and towed out of the immediate danger zone. A few seconds later, a streak of light flashed across the sky. It was a missile of some sort, and it was headed right at the monster.

"All personnel, take cover. I repeat, take cover," the speaker announced. Lacking a better place to go, Asuka ducked back into the Gloucester's cockpit. As the sound of the missile faded, a blinding flash seared her eyes despite the protection of the knightmare. A moment later, a shockwave lifted the knightmare off the ground and hurled it away. Asuka screamed in fear and pain as she was smashed against the walls of the cockpit. After what seemed to be infinity, she crumpled onto the ground outside her knightmare. The rescue crew's truck was badly damaged, and they crawled out slowly, looking on in awe at the hellish landscape. The entire mountain had gone, replaced by a deep, glowing crater. It was ringed by circles of blasted and glassed earth, encircled by clouds of thick smoke, and burnt black.

Man, they wrecked that thing more thoroughly than the brony thread.

Asuka cradled her ringing head and got up, trembling.

"Mein gott…what the hell did they just use?"

Even the sky was stained bloody red by the simple power of the weapon.

The N2 mine's most important components, by volume, are U235 and Red Dye #40.

XXXXXXXXXX

Zero jerked out of his seat as his Burai was thrown through the air and down onto the ground.

"WHAT THE HELL"

Cornelia's knightmare was down as well. Where there had been a mountain, there was now a glowing crater.

"Is that…Nerv's attack?" Lelouch gasped.

Nah. Suzaku just forgot to turn off the gas on the oven again.

"It would seem so…" Cornelia gritted her teeth in pain.

"The monster…they went to such lengths to destroy it."

Lelouch slapped the Burai's controls.

"My Burai is damaged. What about your machines?"

He should hit it again. Come on, Lelouch, bitchslap that knightmare into working order!

"Lancelot is operational."

"Gurren is combat-capable."

"My energy filler is empty," Cornelia hissed. Her machine fell to its knees and collapsed.

Suzaku glanced at Lancelot's power meter. It was also running low.

"All of the Black Knights forces are currently non-operational," Kallen reported. "We've lost contact with almost all our people. We're alone here."

Oh no, something might have happened to Ohgi and... uh... Oh no, something might have happened to Ohgi!

Lancelot's factosphere sensors rapidly scanned the crater for any sign of movement.

"The sensors are jammed; there's too much interference, but…oh, God…"

The wind's howl changed pitch.

A shadowy figure stood hunched in the distance; a bright orb glowed at the center of its chest.

You know, maybe the Britannians should just pack up and leave. The Japanese want to be independent? Let them deal with the Angel.

XXXXXXXXXX

Shinji stared at the blonde leading them in the small boat across a strange, lake like body of red liquid. The boat slowed and parked itself next to a huge metal wall, from which an arm can be seen to protrude.

Hey there Unit 00, how's it going?

"So you think Unit 01's going to be able to activate, huh?" Misato asked.

"It isn't likely, but the probability is not zero."

"Honestly, Ritsuko, I think that a 0.000000009% probability of activation is a bit too low…it'll take a miracle."

It's a good thing that in Evangelion, the lower a chance something has of succeeding, the more likely it is to work (in a dramatically appropriate fashion, naturally).

The boat docked at a small dock attached to the wall. The occupants of the boat exited their boat and entered the wall through a small side door. Suddenly, the door hissed shut and enveloped them in darkness.

"Hey! Why is it so dark in here?"

A single, bright light blazed on, and Shinji screamed.

"A surprise party? For me?"

End Stage I

I'll be honest; this fanfic is much better than any of the others I've mocked. The concept is decent, the author tries to keep everyone in character, the crossover makes sense, and the writing is serviceable. If the author slowed down and fleshed stuff out instead of rushing all over the place, and if this were more original, it would be pretty good. Compared to, say, Garden of Eva, it's a masterpiece.

This post has been edited by Dr. O: Sep 22 2011, 08:19 PM

[KillerLoli]

Hmmm, so far not too bad, but I bet it will get worse trying to make the crossover work.

[Zana]

I hope the author's next fic will be a Death Note story where Lelouch and Light argue over who is justice.

I would much rather read that.
Not to say your mock isn't funny, though. But the story alone...eh. It's written well enough, but it's kinda boring.

[Dr. O]

I would say I'm sorry for taking so long to post this, but I'm pretty sure nobody cares.

Code Evangelion

Stage III: I'll Pilot It

The face was terrifying. Two glowing eyes set over a wicked smile, and s horn topping it all.

... Smoochy?

The purple robot glared at the occupants of what can now be seen as a bridge.

"Is-is this my father's work?"

"Correct," Gendo Ikari's imperious voice stated. Shinji looked up. There was the man, standing behind a thick pane of glass, aloof and inaccessible to Shinji as always.

I imagine that Gendo's constantly thinking "damn, it feels good to be a gangster."

"So…this is why you…left us?"

Maybe he just doesn't like you very much, Shinji. Ever think of that?

He had said he needed to work, to build a weapon…Shinji had assumed that it was going to save Japan…

Yeah, how'd that work out for you?

So this was it; the weapon

A weapon handed straight into the hands of Britannia.

Maybe that was why it looked so furious.

I dunno. It's pretty hard to look angry when you're purple. Believe me, I've tried.

"Why, father…?"

He was looking down, afraid to look up and meet the man's gaze.

"Why did you abandon me? You knew the invasion was going to reach where I was. Why did you leave me then? And why did you call me here now?"

Jeez, abandon your kid in a bombed-out ghetto for years and suddenly he gets all resentful.

He clenched his fists.

"GIVE ME AN EXPLANATION!" he screamed.

Right now, Shinji is channeling everybody who has ever watched Evangelion.

"You were a burden to me then. You are useful now." Gendo said calmly. "It is as simple as it sounds. I have a use for you, so I called you."

Shinji looked back down.

"So, in the end, you just wanted to use me…is that all I am to you, a tool?"

To be fair, Shinji is kind of a tool.

"Is that what you believe yourself to be in my eyes?"

Shinji was silent. Far-away explosions shook the facility.

"It's moving again."

"What?"

"The Angel, the thing that you just saw; it should have recovered from the N2 mine blast," Gendo said. "It wouldn't be long before we are attacked."

"So, how about you go out and stop it?" Gendo asked.

Another explosion, this time more distinct, hit the base. The overhead lights trembled.

"Come on, it'll be fun!"

"And…"

Misato intervened.

"Wait, commander, what are you going to do? Unit 00 is still in cryostasis!"

She gasped in horror.

"Again? We have regulations against trying to turn Unit 00 into a giant popsicle! This is why we have orientation, people!"

"You're going to use Unit 01?"

Ritsuko stepped in.

"It's our only option. That Angel must be destroyed."

Negotiations failed when the Angel refused to budge on its controversial "exterminate humanity" stance.

"But…"Misato struggled with the facts. "Rei can't pilot…Lady Langley is with Princess Euphemia's forces…we have no pilot!"

"We just got one," Ritsuko said coldly. "Shinji, you will pilot it."

That can't be comforting to anyone present.

He was surprised and scared, despite the fact that he knew, in the pit of his stomach, that something like this will happen, since they showed him this machine.

"You're telling me to take this thing and…and fight that monster?"

"Correct"

He shook with rage.

Hora biribiri ikarasu ka? Biribiri ikarasu ka?
Biribiri ikarasu ka? Ningen
Hora biribiri ikarasu ka? Biribiri ikarasu ka?
Biribiri ikarasu ka? Ningen

"Father…how can you do this to me? I thought…I thought that you didn't want me anymore…"

"You are of use to me," he repeated. "Therefore, I have called you."

Gendo's cold logic is probably the best thing about Eva. I mean, if you had to deal with Shinji, wouldn't you act the same way?

"But I can't…I just can't! I've never even…seen anything like this before!"

"You will be instructed"

His excuses were flying out the window, along with his nerves.

Hey, don't just throw those away - they can be saved for later.

"I JUST CAN'T!" he screamed.

Misato…she looked so disappointed. Gendo betrayed a hint of a scowl.

"Fuyutsuki," he said. "Wake up Rei."

The image of the elderly man speared on a screen.

I don't know how an image spears anything, but it sounds cool.

"Can we use her?"

"She's not dead…yet."

Shinji watched helplessly as orders were given to reconfigure "Unit 01" for the mysterious Rei.

Why does every Eva fanfic have to copy the first episode verbatim? Is it too much to ask that people create an original starting point for their stories?

(Don't tell me. I already know the answer.)

"I knew it! I'm not needed after all!"

'But it's my own fault that I'm not needed. I could have agreed…'

'No! It's father's fault! It's father's fault!'

'It's your own fault.'

Something clinked gently in the distance. A moment later, the door to the Cage opened, and bed was wheeled in. On it was a slim girl, with bandages covering one eye and wrapping around one arm. She looked too fragile to fight.

Seriously, this part might as well be a couple of time stamps and a note telling the readers to watch Evangelion.

The nurse and doctor exited, leaving Rei alone on her gurney. Still gasping in pain, she struggled up.

"What are you still doing here?" Gendo demanded. "You've proven yourself unusable. Get out, now. You will only get in the way."

Overhead, a lightning bolt of cross-shaped energy sank through the dome of the Geo Front. Buildings previously affixed to the dome fell inwards, creating a barrage of shockwaves that threw the occupants of the Cage in all directions and dislodged the already flickering overhead lights.

17:29-17:40

"Look out!" Misato yelled. It was too late; the heavy lamps crashed down over Shinji's head. A split second later, the liquid immersed hand of Unit 01 splashed over the bridge. A huge hand loomed over Shinji as he cowered on the ground.

AN: out to lunch. Watch 17:42-17:46 instead.

"The Eva activated itself!" a technician screamed. "It tore off the arm bindings!"

Ritsuko struggled to sit up from where she'd fallen.

"That's impossible! The Eva moved without any kind of interface?"

Can we please get back to the Narita battle? I liked that part. Relatively speaking.

Holding on to the rail of the bridge, Misato stared at the spectacle.

"It moved on its own? Was it trying to protect something?"

Her eyes fell upon Shinji.

'It's him! It's got to be him!'

Misato Katsuragi - master of deduction!

XXXXXXXXXX

He could still feel the pain in his bones from the jarring explosions. They reminded him…of the invasion. Back then, constant explosions had racked his world, too.

Man, we lit up your world like the Fourth of July
Hey, Uncle Sam put your name at the top of his list
And the Statue of Liberty started shaking her fist
And the eagle will fly and there's gonna be hell
When you hear Mother Freedom start ringing her bell
And it'll feel like the whole wide world is raining down on you
Oh, brought to you courtesy of the red, white and blue

The girl called Rei lay limp next to her overturned gurney. Shinji ran to her in fear. It would've been his fault if she got hurt here. With the svelte body in his arms, he could feel the tremble of her muscles. They constantly tightened, released, and twitched as she shuddered in pain. Something hot and wet began to slide into Shinji's palm, and he held it up to see the blood dripping from it.

This is still Shinji in the Eva bay? Then why the scene transition? I'm confused.

Her blood, staining his hand

Because he'd run away.

"I…I mustn't run away! I mustn't run away! I mustn't run away!"

If he can save people…then fighting wouldn't be so bad.

"I'll do it!" he yelled. "I'll pilot it!"

Are we through copypasting Eva yet.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Milady-"

I'll take that as a yes.

"Now's not the time!" Asuka roared. "I want to know why that bastard dropped that bomb while my men were still in the area! What a disgrace! A good dozen of my wounded killed by friendly fire!"

"Milady, about, uh, 35 minutes ago, the commanding general of, uh, Burpelson Air Force Base, issued an order to the 34 B-52's of his Wing, which were airborne at the time as part of a special exercise we were holding called Operation Drop-Kick. Now, it appears that the order called for the planes to, uh, attack their targets inside Area 11. The, uh, planes are fully armed with N2 weapons with an average load of, um, 40 megatons each. Now, the central display of Area 11 will indicate the position of the planes. The triangles are their primary targets; the squares are their secondary targets. The aircraft will begin penetrating Eleven radar cover within, uh, 25 minutes."

"Milady, please; the order to inform her Highness Princess Euphemia of the N2 Mine was given after the missile had already been launched!" the Nerv officer stammered.

"And who the hell dares to be so foolish? Do they not know whose soldiers are fighting out there?"

"General Turgidson, I find this very difficult to understand. I was under the impression that I was the only one in authority to order the use of nuclear weapons."

"That's right, milady, you are the only person authorized to do so. And although I, uh, hate to judge before all the facts are in, it's beginning to look like, uh, Ikari exceeded his authority."

"The order…came from Commander Ikari, Milady."

Gendo Ikari

Eleven

Mad scientist

Cooks a wonderful brisket.

And one of the Emperor's red-hot favorites

"Mein gott…"

Why is Asuka even in this fanfic? Britannia didn't conquer the EU until sometime in season 2. How the fuck is a German part of the nobility of an extremely xenophobic state? And that's not even getting the problems caused by her being half-Japanese. She is the least likely person in the world for Britannia to place in any sort of position of authority.

The Knight of Two was hardly in a position to complain about it.

But instead she's practically at the top of their military hierarchy. This is like if Imperial Japan had put, like, Sun Yat-sen's nephew in command of their air force.

She shut off the line and stalked off. Even the best friend of both Euphemia and Cornelia li Britannia was powerless against a man so deep into Charles zi Britannia's favor.

Oh. She's friends with two princesses for some reason. Which is internally consistent, since Suzaku got absurd career advancement from hanging out with Euphemia, but it's still stupid.

How had that Eleven done it?

She almost immediately chastised herself. It wasn't her noble birth that made her great; in fact, she despised her nobility, the hordes of suitors and playboys that crowed at her feet, and the feeling of having been cheated out of a struggle for her status.

Being born into wealth and power is SOOOOOOOO HAAAAAAAAARD.

"Get me Earl Asplund; see if his new knightmare is still functional. And get me a Sutherland with a prototype MVS on it."

XXXXXXXXXX

Aww, I wanted to quote some more Strangelove.

Shinji gagged as a deep, amber liquid sloshed into his lungs. Each breath strained his lungs, and his chest burned with the effort of breathing the dense medium.

"I think I'm going to be sick…" he moaned.

"Quit complaining! You're a man, aren't you?" Misato chided. "Begin the launch sequence!"

This is the best thing. prognoob is still copying straight from Eva, but he changed the word "boy" to "man" for some reason. Writing!

In the back, Gendo Ikari watched impassively the launch sequence commencing.

"Are you sure about this, Ikari?" Fuyutsuki asked. "The plan isn't certain that this would work."

You know what they say - no plan survives contact with the enemy.

Especially when your plan has zero prep time and the enemy is a towering monstrosity with eye lasers.

I think Clausewitz said that.

"You saw, as well as I, Yui's reaction. There is little doubt that he can do it."

"It all rests on your faith, Ikari…"

Not his faith in himself, I hope.

"No; faith does nothing. You know this as well as I, Fuyutsuki. The future of man must be free from such uncertainties as faith."

"Now who's up for a PZ Myers seminar?"

From the front of the command center, Misato turned.

"Sir…"

Gendo nodded. The Captain turned back.

"Evangelion Unit 01, launch!"

Roll the stock footage!

The base reverberated with the sound and force of the electromagnetic linear catapult that shot Unit 01 away from Nerv's underground Cage towards the surface. The steel frame of the tunnel rattled as the Eva flew past it in a blur. Aboveground, a steel bulkhead ground open, and the end of two rails spat out, locking into place with a clang. Unit 01 rose out of the earth, following its rails, and stopped abruptly as the rail ran out.

The Angel turned as it walked through the street across from the Eva. As it focused on the machine, the Core at its chest glowed.

Shinji shivered in fear

Misato crossed her fingers

DJ chugged a Guinness.

'Shinji…don't die out there!'

XXXXXXXXXX

Lelouch exited the Burai to a desolate sight. There was nothing in front of him; only a giant crater glowing with a sinister, radioactive aura. If the Britannians, or some group affiliated with Britannia, had this, then…then his quest to destroy Britannia is finished…

As opposed to FREYA/FLEIJA/FLAYEIJAUAYLAYE$IUIELYALIEILYEYELAIEEJJEUJIAIE, which was no threat at all, right?

"Cornelia, you say that this is none of your doing?"

Did he just detect a hint of anger from the Witch of Britannia to the suggestion that someone has suggested that she would throw around a weapon of mass destruction?

It's a good thing it was only the suggestion of a suggestion, or she might have been really pissed off.

"Zero, I was going to ask you the same thing. I wouldn't have been surprised if your organization precipitated such an attack."

Lelouch laughed to himself; this was a good chance to intimidate her a little.

"Why would we waste a weapon like this on an unknown? For all we know, that thing could have been engineered by the Chinese Federation or the European Union against Britannia. Combined with that, a weapon such as has been deployed would likely wipe out any sized force in the way."

Lelouch, this isn't how you bluff.

Cornelia stiffened at the slight twitch of Zero's head.

'Could the Black Knights have done that? A weapon of that power…could they possibly have one?'

She kept a straight face and nodded lightly.

"Of course not"

XXXXXXXXXX

This better not be another Shinji section.

'Just think of walking…'

Noooooooooooooooooooo.

This was stupid; how did father expect him to pilot this thing? For heaven's sake, he wasn't exactly Amuro Ray, or whatever that kid's name was, from that Gundam show…

ಠ_ಠ

"Walk…" he hissed at the machine. No doubt, the monster, the "Angel," was laughing at him…

Why was he even doing this? He didn't know the Rei girl, yet he had felt the need to protect someone else in need.

That's because you're what people call a "doormat."

The Evangelion's leg wobbled and the entire construct collapsed to the ground. An unearthly bolt of pain shot through Shinji, as if he, and not the robot, had fallen.

"Shinji, get up!" Misato screamed. "Get moving!"

'Get up! Get up!'

You're not driving
Get up, get u-

Sorry. I think I misread that.

The robot wasn't moving.

"Oh, SHIT!"

"I forgot to Tivo Squid Girl!"

The Angel lifted Unit 01 by the head effortlessly. Shinji cried out as his heck received the sensation of dangling several dozen stories' worth of Evangelion.

The Angel hit Shinji so hard that his neck turned into a heck. I don't know what that means, but it doesn't sound good!

The Angel gripped Unit 01's forearm, and its biceps exploded in size. Shinji screamed with the added pain.

"Where is Unit 01's A.T. Field?" Ritsuko demanded.

"Unable to activate; synchronization rate is falling rapidly!" Lieutenant Maya Ibuki cried.

If only they had told Shinji about these things beforehand.

Or maybe tucked a manual under the seat in the entry plug. I dunno, I'm not a giant robot technician.

Unit 01's wrist crunched under the Angel's claw. Shinji's howl pierced the command center with agony. The Angel released Unit 01 and let her dangle for a second, before spearing her in the eye with a strange, beam-like blade. The blade snaked in and out of the back of the thing's arm, smashing into Unit 01's face repeatedly.

"Cranial case cracking, damage to brain—she can't take it anymore!" Lieutenant Makoto Hyuga yelled. "Any more and—"

The spear tore through Unit 01's skull. The machine flew backwards and smacked into a building. The spear retracted, and she crumpled. Twin geysers of blood shot out of both sides of her head.

Episode 2, 2:22-3:12

"Damn it, Shinji!"

Misato whirled to face the technicians.

"What's Unit 01's status?"

"All systems down; no response from the life-support systems. We can't monitor the pilot!"

"It's almost like sending someone in with no training or knowledge of what's going on was a bad idea!"

"Target is advancing!"

Misato felt sweat dripping down her palms. With Unit 01 gone, this would be over in minutes.

I really hope her last words are something along the lines of "this was totally preventable!"

The Angel loomed over the inert Evangelion and lifted its arm.

"Eject the pilot!" Misato yelled. "Save something!"

"We CAN'T! It's completely out of control!"

The Angel's arm boiled into a ball of flames.

Nothing beats char-broiled Angel. Seals the flavor in and makes it nice and tender.

"That fancy robot not working?" a voice yelled sarcastically. A Sutherland with a bazooka fell out of a carrier, rapidly firing.

"Need a little help?"

Asuka threw away the spent bazooka. The Sutherland was a few dozen meters off the ground when she fired both harkens into a nearby building. The line screeched as the Sutherland's vector snapped by ninety degrees. Its landspinners hit the ground running, and Asuka swiped out the prototype MVS into her hand and jumped. Still pulled by the Harkens, the Sutherland plunged its MVS down the Core of the Angel. A blazing shield of glowing octagons slapped the Sutherland to a halt, but the tip of the sword had gotten through before the shield fully deployed.

This would be a tad more impressive if the Sutherland were more than one-fortieth the size of the Angel.

"I'm getting tired of this shit!" Asuka roared. The MVS glowed white with the full power that Asuka pumped into it. At the same time the Harkens tore out of its anchorage, the MVS broke and exploded, throwing the Sutherland to the ground.

"The Sutherland is down!" Maya reported. "Target is undamaged!"

Shigeru Aoba suddenly perked up.

I... didn't need to know that.

"Confirming energy reading from Unit 01; it's reactivating!"

"GOTT—VERDAMNT—"

HEY GUYS, CAN YOU TELL SHE'S GERMAN?

Something huge leapt over the Sutherland and tackled the Angel. The entire mass of metal and monster slid through the streets, leaving a deep gash through the ground.

Unit 01 reared its head and bellowed to the sickly moon. Sharp fangs protruded out of its jaws, slit-like eyes expanded into glowing orbs, and its good arm brought a resounding smash into the Angel's Core.

"Lady Langley!"

"Did you see that? You got owned!"

"One of these days, Rivalz," Asuka said under her breath. "One of these days..."

The Lancelot had landed next to the damaged Sutherland.

Unit 01 tore into the Angel insanely. The earth trembled with the force of each blow.

"We're retreating, milady. Please, let's go!"

Asuka smacked Suzaku away.

Pop quiz: Which is the less sympathetic character, Asuka or Suzaku? Explain your reasoning in 100 words or less.

"I'm not retreating," she snarled.

Unit 01 was thrown into the air by a bright violet beam from the Angel's Core. The edges of the beam vaporized entire blocks into oblivion. The Lancelot snapped out its Blaze Luminous shield and knocked Asuka's Sutherland to the ground. Though they were a good two hundred meters from the Angel, the two Knightmares were lifted into the air by the force of the beam. Lancelot's shield arm broke off as its shield overloaded, and the Sutherland auto-ejected when its legs were melted.

Unit 01's feet dug into the street, and its lower back smashed into the building behind it. She snarled and catapulted back at the Angel. Her left pylon produced an ornate snap-out blade, whose blade lit red, revealing its maser-vibration nature. Approximately three-fourth the length of Unit 01's forearm, it sliced into the Angel's A.T. Field with a burst of sparks.

a-buh- what? Whaaaaaaat? "She?" "Her?" Maser vibrator? What?

"Unit 01's A.T. Field is expanding; it's neutralizing the phase-space."

To quote the venerable Pamachu, "what the fuck does that mean?"

"No!" Ritsuko declared. "It's breaking through it!"

The blade lit orange with Unit 01's Field, and stabbed through the Angel's Field. As it sliced down, it made an unpleasant sound like tearing cloth. Several seconds later, Unit 01 had the Angel by its beaklike face. After grinding it into the ground, Unit 01 heaved it by its bony ribs and ripped a pair out. The bones came loose with a sickening crack, crunch and spray of purple blood. The Eva let them fall limp, held its knife in both hands, and stabbed down. The tip cracked through the outside layer of the Core, and more fluid sprayed out in small, steamy jets when the glowing blade cut into the interior of the orb.

The Angel screeched and, in a last desperate attempt to destroy Unit 01, twisted its limbs around the Eva. Its ruined Core blazed to life.

"It's going to self destruct!" Misato cried in alarm.

I've always wondered how she knew that. Maybe she's magic.

End Stage III

Again, sorry about the long delay, everyone.

This post has been edited by Dr. O: Dec 12 2011, 11:01 AM

[Waffleman]

It seems like with all these Eva fanfics, I now know the first episode of Eva by heart.

[xoxjoanxox]

"I, Lelouch Li Britannia, order you, all of you, die!"

Hold on! Didn't Lelouch only adopt the Lamprouge alias after he was declared dead in the Shinjuku incident? But that must still be happening, since he apparently just got his geass power. So why is Nunnaly calling herself Lamprouge? Am I missing something?

No, he adopted that alias after Japan had been taken over by Britannia (at that time, he was in Japan as a 'hostage' and declared dead after the incident). It's not even Lamprouge for God's sake, it's Lamperouge. Nor is it Lelouch Li Britannia, it's Vi!

This post has been edited by xoxjoanxox: Dec 13 2011, 05:43 PM

[Dr. O]

I can never remember the crazy surnames in Geass, so thanks for correcting me on that. Maybe I should rewatch R1.

And I hope at some point Shinji gets a bizarre title like Ikari Wi Britannia. But I digress.

[CuChulainn1290]

I can never remember the crazy surnames in Geass, so thanks for correcting me on that. Maybe I should rewatch R1.

And I hope at some point Shinji gets a bizarre title like Ikari Wi Britannia. But I digress.

You fool! You've jinxed us!

[Dr. O]

I can't wait to be a useless piece of shit all day month and not mock fanfics. :v

Code Evangelion

Stage IV: Britannia

Suzaku

Ah, yes. Suzaku "the ends don't justify the means except when it's something I want" Kururugi.

Suzaku Kururugi clambered out of Lancelot's cockpit, and was instantly hit with the overwhelming scent of destruction. The immediate surroundings of the Tokyo Settlement lay in ruins, and the afterglow of the cross of fire still dazzled his eyes. Next to him, the Sutherland lay in a twisted heap of metal. Its cockpit was gone, so the Knight of Two was most likely alive.

Maybe it's gone because it was vaporized.

Please let Asuka have been vaporized.

Behind him, the remains of the city glowed like embers. The monsters, both of them, were veiled in a curtain of smoke and dust. Suzaku found it intriguing that even the Britannian settlement can be brought so low. Frankly, it reminded him of Shinjuku.

Thus proving that the real monster is man. I suppose the giant monster is also culpable, but mostly man.

On his wrist transponder, the ejected cockpit's IFF signature signaled him directly ahead. Racing through the derelict streets, he came face to face with a very angry-looking teenage girl, even younger than himself.

"You!" she barked. "Are you the pilot of the Lancelot?"

"No. I just fell into the cockpit and ended up here by accident," Suzaku said, silently congratulating himself for his airtight alibi.

For a fourteen-year old, she was so very bossy and authoritative.

"Yes…my lord."

What else could he say? She was high nobility.

"I suppose I owe you some thanks now, soldier," she replied gruffly.

Oh man, Asuka's turning into Falco!

"Is your Knightmare still working?"

"The shield arm is damaged…but it should move," he said hesitantly. She had on a tight-fitting, elaborately gilded pilot suit with a long black cape, the sign of a Round, though they were now torn and more ripped than he was comfortable with. She was beautiful, even as she hugged her cape around her shoulders against the cool night air.

I see where this is going...

"Lead the way, Major…"

"Kururugi, ma'am; Suzaku Kururugi"

For a second, Asuka seemed surprised at the name, though she quickly brought a blank face back over her disturbance.

Why is she surprised? Her own name is Japanese. Or maybe it's because he's the former Prime Minister's son, in which case she probably would have known he's an honorary Britannian.

"I see. Well then, lead the way, Major Kururugi."

The sound of his name in connection with the Britannian military was enough to elicit a questioning doubt in most people; she took the information, new to her as it must be, with considerable grace. It earned her a healthy dose of respect in Suzaku's eyes.

Asuka

Why yes, that is her name.

As Asuka followed the Japanese man—no, he was still a mere boy—it disturbed her that he was already a Major and in charge of so important a machine, although her fourteen years were in no position to complain—she took stock of the damage to the city.

Euphy and Cornelia were going to have a lot to fix. Asuka winced at the very thought of all that paperwork. Someone had to shoulder the blame for this fiasco.

Silly prognoob, princesses don't do paperwork! Unless Disney lied to me, the only thing they - and all women - do is wait for a sufficiently bland, wealthy man to dote on.

And she'd love to see Gendo Ikari take the fall.

XXXXXXXXXX

The soft hum of Lancelot's engines seems to have lulled the Knight of Two to sleep, and Suzaku was left alone to contemplate the series of events that ultimately put him here, in Lancelot's cockpit, carrying a sleeping Knight of the Round.

Table. Knight of the Roundtable. That's what it should be, right? Because calling them Knights of the Round would be silly.

Light shone all through his darkened world; it seems that no time has passed since he was shot by his commanding officer for trying to protect Lelouch Lamprouge.

Yeah, how did he survive that?

Ooh, I hope the big twist ending is that Suzaku was dead the whole time.

A face appeared; it was a Britannian with brightly white hair and square glasses. He was grinning rather stupidly at Suzaku. In a stupor, Suzaku listened as the man explained how he was saved by his father's pocket watch. It had taken the bullet as it entered his body armor.

Oh. Never mind.

He continued to listen with increasing incredulity as the man, Lloyd, explained that he, Suzaku Kururugi, the son of former Japanese Prime Minister, was to pilot a top-secret experimental knightmare frame.

Lancelot

I like Lloyd. He was amusing without being too over-the-top and I hope prognoob can write him in-character.

…

Prince Clovis was assassinated, and Suzaku was blamed.

It must be "catch up on Suzaku's backstory" day.

I swear, these federal holidays are getting more and more pointless.

"Just confess, God damn it! Confess, and you'll be tried as a human being, not some goddamn Eleven!"

The interrogator probably had more pleasant things to do than interrogate Suzaku. All the evidence pointed towards him as the assassin anyway, so why did he need to bother conducting a proper investigation?

Then they shipped him to Gitmo. Topical!

Suzaku felt only emptiness on the transport to his trial. Then, a miracle happened.

"My name is Zero!"

"Not to be confused with the reploid. Or that pink-haired chick. Or... screw it, call me One instead."

"It was I who killed Clovis!"

Audible gasp!

Zero's debut, his claim of responsibility threw doubt on everything; enough to have Suzaku acquitted. Suzaku was grateful, but still refused to ally

The ends do not justify the means; Machiavelli's doctrines do not apply to this era.

Suzaku is absolutely right. Compromising your principles for the sake of political convenience will only lead to self-defeating moral degredation. That's why he collaborates with the openly and fanatically racist, imperialist warmongering gove- waaaaait a minute.

Or does it? The nobility certainly behave in that way.

The nobility does a not of things. Like inbreeding.

Nevertheless, Suzaku chose what he thought was right. As a Britannian soldier, he will change the system from inside out.

Even to him, that sounded foolish, but it was better than being a terrorist.

I dunno. I'd say that reducing an entire nation to second-class citizens, heavily restricting their culture and bombing their ghettos might instill more terror than assassinating a political figure who's culpable in those atrocities.

Still, is he just being self-righteous again?

YES.

XXXXXXXXXX

"What a mess…"

"I can't make any sense of this narrative structure."

C.C. raised an eyebrow as she surveyed the impressive amount of damage wreaked upon the settlement. Lelouch, sitting beside her, looked distinctly annoyed.

C.C. understood; the arrival of the monster threw off all of his plans. Now, there was a powerful new force to be reckoned with.

"If this monster can do so much damage, then imagine its potential for destroying Britannia…"

If Lelouch grabs a rope and destroys Britannia while riding the Angel like a rodeo bull, this will instantly become the best fanfic ever. Or at least in the top five.

Well, OK, top ten. But that's still pretty good.

He trailed off, toying with the King chess piece that he always touted.

"Do you expect to control it?"

"Will Geass?"

I, uh, think a word's missing there.

C.C. honestly did not know, although she did observe a symbol on the monster's forehead resembling the mark on her own. Perhaps, they were immune to the effects of Geass, as she was.

Calling it now: the Angels have something equivalent to the immortals' codes.

One could never know.

They sat together on top of the Black Knights' command car, breathing in the fresh night air. C.C. hugged her knees to her chest while Lelouch, ever the former Prince, reclined regally. Neither spoke for a long time.

"So, what are you going to do about the..." CC trailed off when she noticed that Lelouch was snoring. "Oh."

"This will force Britannia to cooperate to some degree," Lelouch remarked at length. "Perhaps we can get more out of this situation that we would otherwise."

It was a dry and formal comment which refused to diffuse the tense, silent atmosphere, until Kallen appeared on the ground.

"Sir, there is a message for you from Princess Cornelia."

Zero smirked.

Well, that plan came to fruition quickly.

"Doubtlessly with an offer of peace"

He swept his cape open.

"Lead me; I shall tend to her Highness."

"If you know what I mean."

XXXXXXXXXX

Several days later, in the Nerv Hospital Center, Shinji Ikari's head still rang with confused noises. In an attempt to quiet his mind, he took a walk in the brightly lit hallway. Such simple cleanliness in itself seemed to him like a strange luxury, compared with living in the ghetto.

They could probably shove Shinji in a dog kennel and he'd be grateful that it's a step above total squalor.

A stretcher passed by, disrupting his thoughts. On it was the girl from Nerv, the blue-haired girl whose condition had inspired him to pilot the Eva.

Rei, wasn't it?

She looked at him coldly. Her calm face made Shinji wonder if she had any emotions at all.

Spoiler: no.

Still, she was a pretty thing; her skin was a translucent, albino white, with a dark red eye set in a delicate face. The other eye was wrapped in thick gauze.

"Shinji Ikari…"

The boy jumped. Her whisper sounded like that of a ghost. The boy was slightly spooked, but by the time he tried to respond, her gurney was out of sight.

I want to know how Shinji knows what a ghost sounds like.

Shinji turned back to looking over the cityscape. Just another of the strange things that continually happen to him; he wondered if Nunnally ever needed to think of anything besides enjoying life.

Life is so enjoyable when you're a blind, crippled exile!

XXXXXXXXXX

"I see your point."

Zero's mask was ever so annoying to Cornelia li Britannia. How dare anyone of his rank show such disrespect as wearing a mask from an Imperial Princess?

I bet he's making funny faces at her behind that mask.

But a deal was needed here; the monsters were, according to Ikari, going to keep coming. The Black Knights must be mollified, if this Area is to survive.

She leaned forwards.

"Sorry, but it'll take more than a look down your shirt for me to cooperate with you. But thanks anyway," Lelouch said.

"Zero, by cooperating with us, you and your organization will be pardoned completely for your acts of terrorism. Not only that, but the Black Knights will be allowed to serve as an independent armed force adjunct to the regular Britannian military."

She scowled.

"What more can you want? Complete freedom for Japan?"

"Throw in a $20 Amazon gift certificate and then we'll see," Lelouch replied.

Besides Zero, Kallen perked at the thought.

Zero snickered.

"As enticing as your Highness's offer is, it is not even in the power of the Emperor to free an Area. I do not believe that you will be able to do such a thing, even if I was to cooperate with you."

The Emperor can't? Then who can? Because I find it hard to believe that anything could be beyond Norio Wakamoto's power.

Kallen's shoulders sank; Zero was right, as always; no Princess can free an entire Area.

'He did his homework alright…'

Cornelia was fast running out of options.

'My dear sister, your unrivaled skill in a Knightmare and valor on the battlefield does nothing for you here.'

Zero continued to gaze at Cornelia without any further comment. His smug look made Cornelia's blood boil.

But... his face is concealed...

"Your Highness, in light of the current situation, it is the lives of people at stake which is most important. Of course the Black Knights will participate, but only on the condition that Numbers in this area be granted their natural rights as human beings, and that humanitarian aid and housing be set up for the Elevens massacred under Prince Clovis' orders."

'What?'

Such easy demands for the full cooperation of the Black Knights…

Trap!



"Shall we seal the deal, Princess? The rights of and help to the people of Area Eleven for a temporary truce as we ally ourselves against these monsters is only fair, don't you think?"

Cornelia paused, pulled back and, shaking her head in wonder, grasped Zero's gloved palm.

Only to discover that he had strapped a joy buzzer to his hand. Trap sprung!

"It is agreed; bring out the documents for signing!"

What fools!

"Little do they know it's not legally binding if I sign as 'Zero!'"

Lelouch mentally patted himself on the back. The conversation was being recorded and will be played live for all to hear. They will not perceive any sort of subtle political duel; only a fighter bargaining for his people, and he did mention "temporary." The Black Knights will have time to reorganize, supply themselves with Britannian supplies and get stronger as the monsters tore down Britannia's defenses. The care for the Elevens, in particular, will heap more laurels on Zero's crown.

He let go of Cornelia's hand.

A good day's work asked for a good day's rewards. Maybe he'll go out with Shirley tonight and lose himself a little in the lives, loves and pleasures of the ordinary people.

Why would he go out with Shirley? Don't people usually celebrate by doing things they enjoy?

XXXXXXXXXX

"Misato…wait…!"

Oh right, Misato's in this.

The woman paused to let him catch up.

"Felling okay, Shinji?" she asked cheerily.

"Yeah, just a bit winded from jacking off over every woman in the trauma ward," Shinji replied. "The janitors are gonna be pissed."

"Fine…"

"No, you're not. Let's go; you'll be living with me now."

"WHAT—what is that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what you think it means."

Bow chicka bow-wow.

Shinji fell silent in wonder.

"I thought…I was to live with my Aunt?"

"Your family has been provided for; Zero secured housing and care for all Elevens from Princess Cornelia."

Zero: terrorist, caped crusader, and the most fabulous philanthropist since Madonna adopted a Malawian.

"Zero…?"

Shinji felt growing respect for the man, even though he was a terrorist.

"It was part of a deal for the Black Knights to cooperate temporarily with Britannia in light of recent events; Zero broadcast it all over the nation, and everyone loves him for it, except the hard-line nationalists."

Thank you for explaining something that was explained ten seconds ago. I really needed that refresher.

Shinji was secretly glad that Zero had risen to power. He was the Elevens' pride and hope, after all.

"Excuse me," a deep voice interrupted. "But are you Ikari Shinji?"

"Yes…"

A Britannian soldier walked up. He wore the standard Britannian uniform, along with the insignia of some great House. Obviously, he is a private soldier of a nobleman.

Hello there, tense shift.

Surprisingly, he had the face of an Eleven.

"I am here with a message from Lady Asuka Langley, Knight of Two of the Holy Britannian Emperor and commander of the forces of the Houses of Langley and Zeppelin," the soldier said stiffly. "She wishes you to know that she gives you all due thanks and acknowledgement for your timely rescue, but also that you have caused the destruction of major sections of a great metropolis, for which you must bear responsibility. That is all."

Now he'll have to work for the Britannian army to pay off the damage.

What?

Who is this person? Did Shinji know her, and…why does a Britannian noblewoman have a Japanese name? A pretty name, granted, but still Japanese…

I know, right? It makes no sense.

"Will you graciously reply to her message?"

"Yes, we will," Misato interceded.

"And you are?"

"Captain Misato Katsuragi of Nerv; I am in charge of Shinji Ikari."

And by "am in charge of," she means "randomly decided to be roommates with..."

"Then you will kindly reply to her Ladyship?"

Misato glanced at Shinji, who was bewildered at the strange, formal tones used in the dialogue.

"Misato, what should I…"

"Thank her, Shinji," Misato hissed. "Keep it short!"

"The city was already destroyed when I got there! I think you should accept responsibility." Shinji protested, quietly congratulating himself. It was the perfect cover.

"Um…well…" Shinji stuttered. Misato winced; the boy is so damn green, he can't even put on a proper show.

"Thank you…Miss…"

Misato ribbed him hard.

"…Lady Langley…" he corrected himself. "Ah…and…"

"Would you... um... go out wi-"

"That will be all," Misato interjected. "Nerv thanks Lady Langley for her heroic actions during the battle, which turned the tide and saved a victory. To her will all due credit go."

Shinji watched in bewilderment as the two adults eyed each other, and the soldier nodded and made his excuses.

As his back disappeared, Shinji tugged on Misato's sleeve.

"Misato, what was that all about?"

Asuka's scoping him out.

Misato glared at him.

"Are you really that stupid? Can't you tell what was going on?"

What, like she really expects Shinji to be on the ball.

"No…"

Misato ran a hand over her face.

"She sent somebody to test you out, to see what you're like; she wants to see what you're like, so as to better deal with you later, and of course she thanks you; it's easy to see that she's interested in winning you over. On top of that, she's making sure that you feel some remorse for the results of the battle."

Hey, I was right!

She opened her car door.

"We've got a lot of coaching to do for you."

XXXXXXXXXX

"My Lady, what do you think?"

"I think the fourth season of Archer looks most promising."

Asuka shook her head lightly.

"Poor child; he might as well have lived in a cave. I can't blame him, though; growing up as a Number living under Britannian rule is hard."

The soldier opened the door of a nondescript van for Asuka.

Only the finest featureless vans for Britannia' royalty.

"Thank you, Kaji. I think that I can survive a car trip without constant attendance," she said wryly.

Wait, what? Kaji?

Ryuji Kaji, her assigned guard since birth, nodded with tolerance for his mistress's sarcasm.

As he revved up the car's engine and drove through the open sections of the Tokyo Settlement.

That battle really opened things up. It's really picturesque, aside from all the piles of rubble and corpses, of course.

"Housing shares here have plummeted ever since last week; my brothers will be furious; they invested so much in the Tokyo Settlement," Asuka commented drily. "I told them that investing here was a bad idea, though for…different reasons."

She sighed.

"This is a mess; I'd hate to have to patch their broken wallets with my own holdings in Area Four."

something something bailouts, something, too big to fail

Just then, her phone rang. A glance at the screen made her smile.

"Well, well, look who's come a-begging!"

She picked up.

"Hello, brother. How do you do?" she asked sweetly. "What may I do for you?"

Wait a second, Asuka has siblings? Are... are they all as bad as her? I'm not sure I can handle that.

She pressed the speaker button.

"…am not well, sister. Do you think you can…graciously bail your brothers out? Our…"

"You need me to lend you money to cover your portfolios after your holdings in Area 11 collapsed due to the battles. Yes, I know, brother. I will, of course, as your ever dutiful sister, assist you in your need, but only on the condition that all your holdings which I will bail out be changed under my name as the new owner."

"…What?"

Buying out her brother's holdings. That's... oddly in-character for her.

"You heard me; I intend to buy all your holdings in Area 11 for a price which will satisfy the demands of your creditors. It is only a fair offer, brother. Not even as favors to the heir of Langley will anyone buy holdings as toxic as your lands in Area 11. Your sister, however, will ever attempt to be helpful to her brothers. If you consider this offer acceptable, then you know whom to contact. Good day."

That's just cold.

She hung up.

"Quite well-handled, my Lady; Master Henry has no choice but to agree."

So... she's a Japanese-German Britannian... and her brother has an Anglo name... Her ethnicity and nationality just keep getting harder to pin down.

Asuka picked up a glass of cold water and gulped it down.

"In about a month or so, Area 11 will be a hotbed of military spending from the Emperor; the defense of Britannian territory is no light matter."

She tipped her glass at Kaji.

"And no cheap matter, either."

Hooray for military-industrial corruption!

XXXXXXXXXX

Shinji gingerly met his relatives' disapproving gazes. Suddenly, his Britannian uniform felt as if it burned his skin.

Every Britannian uniform comes with a thin lining of hot sauce and poison oak to prevent on-duty soldiers from falling asleep.

"Well…I…guess I'll…see you later," he said awkwardly.

No one replied. As he exited, several children kicked at him before running off.

'I only did what was necessary…'

"Why didn't you let the Britannians burn?" his aunt asked as he stepped out the door. "Why did you have to save them?"

Because he's a doormat. Duh.

Shinji clenched the doorframe. Could his aunt think of nothing but to kill all Britannians?

Nunnally is a Britannian; she certainly doesn't deserve to die.

Then why is it so funny when she gets spinzaku'd?

The vengeful spirits in the room bore down on him; he felt suffocated by their rage. Without answering, he left.

XXXXXXXXXX

Some ten years ago…

Because if there's anything this chapter didn't have enough of, it's recounting past events.

"Father, why is that brat in our House? Why is she living as a daughter of the House of Langley, even though she is the offspring of a Number?"

Henry Langley, the young son of Grand Duke Pieter Langley, glared angrily at a young, redheaded girl who cringed under his stare.

Hey, an explanation! I was starting to wonder.

"You! Get out of the way!"

He shoved her hard, and the four-year girl old fell head over tail onto the ground. Cursing, Henry drove his foot into her side.

"Why do you live in luxury, you slave? You brat, you daughter of an Eleven whore, how dare you live off of our House without service?"

Social Darwinism at its finest.

The girl whimpered in pain.

"Papa! Help, please!"

Henry's boot ground into her face and a spray of blood stained her shirtfront.

Well, he's an asshole.

"The Grand Duke is my father, not yours!"

"ENOUGH!"

The Duke himself roared across the room as he picked Henry up and threw him away.

That is the best thing to visualize.

"Father, what are you doing?—"

The Duke slapped him, hard.

"What, do you think that the heir to our House may act like a barbarian?" He scolded. "Asuka stays and leaves on my word, not yours!"

"She is a half-breed!"

Yeah, actually, he deserves to have all his shit stolen by Asuka.

"IT MATTERS NOT; SHE STAYS, AND WHILE SHE STAYS, YOU WILL NOT BE SUCH A DISGRACE AGAIN!"

The young boy shot another look at the quivering girl.

"Yes, father"

Henry Langley shook his head. His half-sister had proven to be something of a prodigy in almost everything. Though she is technically still a guest of the House, she is widely accepted as the smartest and most capable of the Langley heirs. Not to mention the fact that, when she was merely twelve, she'd caught the Emperor's eye with an antique Ganymede in a school for aristocrats' extraneous children who were destined to serve under their siblings as Knightmare pilots. The recently widowed Emperor had, upon seeing her performance, gripped his chair for a moment, white-faced and wide-eyed. He had, of course, regained his composure very quickly, found out the pilot's name and, there and then, taken her away to a secluded instruction site. It was the talk of the town. Whatever this girl did had bewitched the Emperor completely, and a year later, at the tender age of thirteen, she was already flying the flag of a Knight of the Round, serving His Majesty.

Can we please decide if we want this to be present-tense or past-tense?

Henry's hand grew white around his cup of tea. He was broke now; even with Asuka's money, he could barely make ends meet. That means that he'd have to disband his soldiers, close down his factories and sell all the rest of his paltry holdings, while that girl held almost all of the Langley family estates in her palm.

Life's a bitch. Coincidentally, so is Asuka.

Henry wanted to cry.

Stupid bitch!

What would Father say? He was his last heir left with any sort of promise…

He failed, his brothers and sisters failed.

And Cinderella is back for her revenge.

You know, this could have been good, if it hadn't been so rushed. Trying to cram this sibling rivalry into a chapter that also deals with the political fallout of the Angel battle, Shinji trying to figure out his new place in society, and Lelouch maneuvering for future advantage against Britannia just makes everything feel muddled and slapped together. I don't mean that this should be a 500,000-word snoozefest like NXE, but just slowing down and drawing things out a little would do wonders for the storyline.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Hey, Ikari"

Shinji turned to find a dark, Japanese boy coming at him from behind a heap of rubble.

Let me guess... Toji!

"Looking fine in that Britannian livery, huh?" he said snidely. "How does it feel, working for the glory of Britannia?"

Before Shinji understood fully, a punch had connected squarely with his jaw, and he flew backwards into the dirt.

Ha, knew it!

"Hey, lapdog," the boy roared. "The name's Suzahara. Your goddamn robot slammed a ton of rubble on my sister, and she's dyin', but the Britannians won't give her no damn treatment 'cause she's an Eleven. She was at home for weeks, her legs crushed, and nobody gave a damn. So how's it feel, betraying your own people? That nice suit feels comfortable, traitor?"

It seems the one universal constant in Eva fanfics is that no matter how well-meaning, Shinji will do something to screw up Toji's sister.

He strode over, kicked Shinji hard in the ribs and deliberately scuffed dirt onto his uniform.

"Don't come here again," he said, and spat on Shinji's face.

End Stage IV

Kensuke shows up in the next chapter. I can hardly wait.

[Dr. O]

Today's my birthday, so my present to myself is that I'm doing a chapter of this instead of Garden of EVA.

Code Evangelion

Stage V: Mustn't Run Away

That sounds like a line from something, but what? I know a character from a mecha series must have said it. No, wait, I got it... It was Ray Amuro!

"He's alright, of course?"

Misato was cross that Section 2 had let Shinji be attacked, but apparently it was not intended to be deadly, so they ignored it. Stiff bastards, she thought. Screw their regulations! It's a shame, seeing him limp home in his ruined uniform.

Screw the regulations, I have tired memes!

"I knew it was a bad idea to send him in that uniform!"

Like putting on a kempetei outfit and walking through downtown Nanking.

"Are you ashamed of a Britannian uniform, Captain?" a voice asked behind her. Misato jumped. The woman standing there was dressed lavishly in a bright, violet coat with golden lacing and a large cape. Her lips and eyes were painted bright, royal purple. Hastily, Misato dropped to one knee in front of Cornelia li Britannia.

Her eyes? Cornelia has purple eyes, wtf?

"Your Highness, I did not expect you to be here!" Misato exclaimed, but Cornelia waved it off.

"You may rise, Captain Katsuragi," she said. "But remember to be careful with our assets. Everything is valuable on the battlefield."

But... Shinji wasn't on a battlefield?

"Yes, ma'am"

Misato rose and put on her coat. The princess moved to her desk and glanced with disdain at the mess that Misato always left it in. Misato blushed, embarrassed.

"As temporary Viceroy of Area 11, I believe that I am privy to a report on the…Evangelions, as I have been told they are called," Cornelia asked. "Just what are they?"

Angel cyborg alien clones with the souls of the pilots' dead mothers inside, duh.

Misato cleared her throat and sized up the Princess before replying.

"You would do better to ask the technical department, ma'am. I really have no idea myself."

Cornelia's eyes narrowed in suspicion. Something smelled fishy, and the Eleven wasn't telling everything that she knows.

"Is that so, Captain Katsuragi? To the best of my knowledge, the Knight of Two, a dear personal friend of mine, happens to be a viable pilot who has consented,"

Asuka is friends with Cornelia? That makes way too much sense.

—Of course, knowing Asuka Langley, this is probably an offer she'd never refuse—

"—and I am highly concerned about the safety of these machines. The last time one was deployed, it seems to have gone out of control, which resulted in heavy mental damage to the pilot that left him in the hospital for nearly a week. It would be…a catastrophe of a grave nature if one of His Majesty's Knights of the Round was lost thus."

I don't see the problem here.

'So, that girl has some pretty high-up friends; the Second Imperial Princess, no less. Not too bad for a half-breed brat.'

"Rest assured, your Highness. That was an isolated incident and will not occur again."

They've activated an Eva one time, which caused mental damage to one pilot. So their rate of not psychologically scarring pilots is 0%. Totally an isolated incident!

"I sincerely hope that you're right," Cornelia said coldly.

A singular wail tore through the room as the alarm went off. The walls exploded into a splurge of red as warnings dotted the screen.

Splurge?

"Alert, alert; enemy has been detected. All personnel proceed to Battle Stations, Level One."

XXXXXXXXXX

"Are you still mad, Touji?" a wiry boy with glasses asked.

Hey, it's these guys!

"Of course! Are you dumb, Kensuke? That kid's a traitor!"

"He's a traitor and a spy, take him away."

Kensuke found it hard to argue with his friend's logic. After all, it was true that the boy had gone over to work for the Britannians, and then dared to come back in a brand-new Britannian uniform. Everyone was angry, and he couldn't blame them.

"Yea, but he did fight to protect us all, Britannians and Japanese alike. That monster sure did kill a lot of Britannian soldiers."

"He's still an idiot!" Touji roared. "Why'd he have to crash that thing through the Settlement like that? Does he even know how to use it?"

I know, right? It's almost like he'd never piloted a cyborg alien angel clone robot before.

He slammed his fist against his knee and, to Kensuke's surprise, began to sob.

"Aww, jeez, man, I'm sorry 'bout your sister. She'll be fine, okay? Zero worked his magic, so everything should be fine."

So Zero really is magic. I knew it!

Touji's back heaved silently on despite his friend's words. Sighing, Kensuke patted Touji's back, not being able to do much else. Then, out of absolutely nowhere, a screeching alarm tore through the air. Both boys jumped, and tumbled over themselves as a pair of Britannian jet fighters sped by at supersonic speed. The pair of planes dipped their wings, pulled around, and flew off into the distance. Following them, six Knightmare carriers and a light bomber followed. The boys stared in terror as they scurried from the machines. Far into the distance, there came sounds of other machines marching in the same direction.

"Ken-Kensuke, what the hell are those?" Touji asked, frightened.

A segue into some action, hopefully.

"Knightmare VTOLs," Kensuke replied. "They're transporting Sutherlands; I think that…there's going to be a big battle…and since the resistance is with the Britannians…"

Another monster attack

Who said that?

"Touji, let's get out of here!" he urged. "If there's another monster, the Britannians will probably drive it at us first!"

Touji lashed out, pushed the other boy back and whirled around.

"God damn it! If they do that kid had better stop it!" he roared. "If he doesn't, then—then—then I'll… "

Stutter at him until he agrees to stop piloting?

He was still rambling as Kensuke half-dragged him back to the heart of the ghetto. Outside, legions of knightmares scrambled into position as the air buzzed with aircraft. Out on Ashino Lake, a gigantic, insect-like thing approached through the air. As it passed by, scores of submarines began the assault. Anti-air missiles accompanied by heavy artillery and air bombing combed over the surface of the Angel to no avail, and the monster continued on its course.

They should try using Raid. I bet that'd work.

In the middle of the Britannian defense, a single Sutherland stood back with its Factosphere sensor wide open. Inside, Asuka surveyed the scene with disappointment, and made the signal to pull back the defense line by five miles. Still firing, the line of Knightmares rumbled away from the approaching Angel, followed by the rest of the Britannian forces.

"How long will it be until Nerv launches Unit 01?" Asuka asked.

"Unknown; there is no word from Nerv on that matter."

Who's talking to her here? I can't follow any of this.

She shook her head.

"Must be playing our patience…and damn it, we do need them," she muttered. "Make our line two miles from the city's edge. Set up a line where the Angel is predicted to land, and have the middle fall back into a pocket; try to tilt it away from the major parts of the settlement and keep that thing pinned down with fire."

Yeah, they'll just kind of... pin it down... somehow.

—Not that it's going to be of much good—

Her Sutherland blended into the caravan of armored infantry and disappeared among the ordinary soldiers. With her public comm. channel open, Asuka listened to their fear, their unsettled minds relieving their distress through doubt. Understandably, they don't trust a fourteen-year-old girl to command them.

Unreliable subordinates? You know what to do...



Her teeth ground up against one another as she scowled. Everywhere she goes, somebody has to doubt her. Somebody always has to force her to prove herself over and over again. A flip of her finger opened her private channel to the Britannian HQ under Princess Euphemia. Time to show the world, yet again, just how capable she is. As she relayed her plan to Euphemia, Asuka could almost feel the worry emanating from the Princess.

Maybe they'd trust her unconditionally if she wasn't an entitled teenager. Just saying.

"So, you're going to personally lure this thing into the Tokyo Settlement and spring a surprise attack from underground? Isn't it dangerous? The last one was able to fire high-energy beams. What if it just decimates our line and moves on?"

From a corner, Zero's voice said, "Your Highness, if it does indeed possess ranged capabilities, then it would have already destroyed all our forces. Since Marshal Langley is still able to speak to us, we may presume that this Angel is restricted to close ranged attacks only."

I don't recall the previous Angel breaking out the laser beams right away, either.

That sarcastic bastard Zero, Asuka thought, concurs with her thoughts exactly, and it annoys her to no end.

Apparently convinced, Euphemia nodded through the video link.

"Be careful, Asuka," she said. "Don't be reckless."

Asuka smiled to her friend and benefactor. It's just like Euphy to be concerned about everything, like a mother. She disconnected and returned to her command channel.

Euphemia's all right. If there's any character who I'd say is least likely to become a mass murderer, it's her.

"Alright, troops. All forces will line up once we reach the city. Your coordinates are being sent out. Once the Angel hits the line, take cover inside the Settlement and get out. Knightmare commanders, Alfred through David squads will use the Eastern Boulevard; Eowyn through Henry squads will take Central Avenue, Ingrid through Nero squads will take Western Boulevard, and Manchester through Wellington squads will use the Ghetto as cover. Retreat quickly and cover your route with cannon fire. Make sure you melt into the city. First Tank Group will go north along the coast; Fourth Tank Group will go south."

OK, I'll admit that naming scheme is a nice little touch.

She tuned in to her naval commander.

"Admiral, Over the Rainbow will send one last round of air raids, and all bombardment will cease once the Target reaches city limits. Understood?"

Over the Rainbow is still a dumb ship name, though.

Besides, considering the setting, it should be HMS Pizza Hut.

'Let's go, Asuka!'

"All forces, you will escape the area immediately. Do not risk yourself in any act of heedless gallantry. My guards and I shall lure the Target into a trap. Get the hell out! Is that understood?"

She shut off the comm. before the replies came in and took off for her small entourage of trusted Langley House troops. Knowing Nerv's commander and her insight, she'll certainly read Asuka's intentions and act accordingly. Now, all she needs to worry about is Nerv's almost useless pilot.

You know your story's an alternate universe fic when you have Asuka making valid points.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Field Marshal Langley is moving towards the city, ma'am, and is requesting the Eva to be launched," Lieutenant Shigeru Aoba informed Misato, who snorted discreetly. Cornelia's hawk-like eyes still bore down on the crew, and, though she wants to, Misato doesn't care to risk calling the Field Marshal a "nosy little girl" in front of her friend.

Hello, present tense. Where'd you come from?

"Where is the Third Child?" Misato asked.

"In Unit 01, ready to deploy, ma'am!"

"And where are the Field Marshal's troops?"

"In Unit 01, ready to dep- Wait, what was the question?"

"Five miles from the city, in a straight line, light armored infantry and Knightmares under heavy cover in the center, heavy armor, gun emplacements and artillery to the wings, and ships to the far sides in the water but within firing range."

She asked for their position, not their full order of battle.

"A classic trap formation; distance from nearest Eva launch pad?"

Nah, a classic trap formation would have all the mobile forces in the wings instead of the center. Like Cannae. This is more like what the Red Army did late in WWII, which was plaster guns all along the front and see what happens. I'm not saying that's an ineffective strategy; it's just that you can't call "attack head-on and cover every square inch of the enemy in explosions" a trap in the classic sense.

"The rear is two miles from block D-22."

Almost directly behind the line, in fact; if she wants to curl her line of defense, she'd come up right inside the city, with an Evangelion ready to attack from below at any time. A beautifully simple strategy: lure the Angel in, kill it with the Eva. The only variable, however, is the Eva itself. More precisely, it is the Eva's pilot, an untrained boy with no experience in coordinated battles who, moreover, shows a dangerous inclination against violence.

Oh, I get it now. The trap is meant for Shinji, not the Angel! In which case, it's a brilliant maneouver and I wish Asuka the best.

"Launch the Eva with the Gatling cannon and high-explosive rounds to block D-22. Don't open the shutter until I tell you to."

I love the reasoning. "Shinji has so little training that he can barely get the thing to walk, so let's hand him a gatling gun with HE ammo. What could go wrong?"

She switched to the Eva's channel.

"Shinji, we're sending you up now. Stay put with the cannon until the Angel gets close enough. Until then, spread your A.T. Field and stay under cover. When the Angel comes within neutralization range, maximize the Field and attack the Core, just like you practiced, okay?"

Sure, if you want to be a camping scrub.

"Okay," the disgruntled, un-soldier-like reply came.

"Launch, Eva!"

Again, the crackle of electricity; again, the jarring passage up the linear rails; once again, Shinji Ikari felt himself being carted off to a battle that he doesn't want to fight. The journey ended as abruptly as it had begun, as the Eva struck the end of the rails. The doors remained shut and, in the darkness, Shinji clutched his controls with sweaty hands. His pounding heart echoed the beeping sensors. With every second, the enemy approached.

XXXXXXXXXX

I keep expecting the scene breaks to read XOXO instead.

As usual, her shelling did little to no damage. High explosives, armor-piercing and even linear cannons and a prototype Hadron Collider Cannon, graciously lent to her by Second Prince Schnizel, did nothing to damage the Angel. As planned, her Knightmares have melted away into the streets, and the Angel is continuously fired upon from the back. Gradually, it is moving towards the Eva launch pad. Her Sutherland crouching on the roof of a nearby building with a few handpicked guards, Asuka waited with her customary bazooka in hand. The Angel nears. Closer…closer…if Misato Katsuragi has any of the rough street-smart attributed to her, she'd know when to make her move…

Schnizel is still the funniest name. And I'm probably misspelling it, but whatever.

The shutter on D-22 crashed open, and the violet giant came crashing through the opening, a Gatling cannon ablaze. The air became filled with explosions as the volatile rounds ricocheted off of the Angel's A.T. Field. Cursing, Asuka's entourage abandoned their cover and rolled away, Landspinner tires billowing with smoke, to escape the destruction.

"Idiot!" she roared. "What kind of attack is that?" Clearly, the thing is taking all of zero damage. Desperately, her soldiers began firing on the Angel from behind, but that damn orange field blocked every shot. As she dreaded, the click of a dry chamber came from the massive weapon, though the Angel was unfazed. The Evangelion seemed to be trembling as it fumbled with its weapon, in full plain view of the enemy. Before Asuka could scream in anger, the Angel's forearms snaked out into a pair of luminescent whips of light that, in one smooth motion, diced the Gatling gun into pieces and forced the Eva to leap back and land unceremoniously on its ass. The Angel's second strike barely missed the Eva, which stumbled frantically away from the lashing whips. It crashed into a building, which immediately disintegrated as the Angel slashed it into pieces. The Eva tumbled out the other side, the severed end of its Umbilical Cable, its sole source of power, flapping uselessly behind the machine. Without it, the Evangelion was doomed to approximately five minutes of activation time, maximum, and only one at full power. Automatically, the connector of the Cable was jettisoned, and the Eva climbed shakily to its feet. Five minutes before it is rendered useless by the lack of power.

Look at that, Shinji's attack failed and now the Fourth Angel has cut his extension cord. Just like in Evangelion! And Rebuild! And five thousand other fanfics! Who could have seen that coming?

Shinji's heart raced; it would not be long before all power expired, and he left to be drawn and quartered by the Angel. If he was going to move, it has to be—

He shrieked in terror when the Angel's whip caught his Eva's ankle and tossed it effortlessly into the air. His head bashed repeatedly against the wall as he plummeted towards the area of the Shinjuku Ghetto. One moment, the sky filled his view screen, and the next, rubble, decay and people's despair, given physical form by the ruins that served as their home.

And now the ruins are even more ruined.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Incoming!" Kensuke screamed as the sky turned dark with the silhouette of Unit 01. He tried to pull Touji away, but the other boy stood rooted in fear as the shadow bore down over their heads. It was going to crush him, crush him beneath its metallic mass, and his sister…his sister would have nobody left to fend for her.

The robot was spinning as it fell. As Touji watched, its face turned towards him, and he gazed straight into its glowing eyes. The sharp, angular face seemed to scowl at him as he refused to move, challenging him to be a man, to survive and take care of his family.

O...K?

Touji Suzahara bolted from where he stood with a roar, streaking away from the would-be impact site. Moments later, he felt himself lifted off of the ground by the tremendous hit, and began to drift over the ground as he was hurled by the shockwave. Boulders and debris cut into his back as he skidded to a halt painfully, blood clogging the back of his clothes. Shakily, he supported himself on his elbow and looked around. By his side, Kensuke looks as if he'd collapsed. Like Touji, he was badly torn up and bleeding, but looked to be alive. The robot's right hand had fallen right over them, although the fingers were spread just so that they missed the two by a few dozen centimeters. Tugging weakly, Touji dragged Kensuke to safety away from the Evangelion.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Damage report, damn it!" Misato yelled. "Is he even alive?"

Well, he has to be. Otherwise the rest of the chapter couldn't play out exactly the same as the episode of Eva it's based on.

"Damage minimal; Eva is still fully functional!" Aoba replied. "Internal battery, 2 minutes and 45 seconds of power remaining"

"Good! Shinji, can you hear me? Retreat! The Britannian army will cover you with heavy artillery," Misato ordered. "Get out of there!"

"Ma'am, wait!" Maya screamed. "There are civilians still down there! He's in the middle of Shinjuku!"

Poor Shinjuku. First the D-Reaper attack, now this...

A side screen unfolded, showing a camera feed of two ragged, injured boys crawling away from the Eva.

"Fuck…" Misato swore. "They're just kids!"

She grabbed the mike.

"Hold your fire!" she snarled. "There are civilians within range!"

Shinji's going to open the entry plug so they can get in, then suicidally charge the Angel and win at the last second, yadda yadda, just hurry up please.

The emotionless reply came from a Britannian field commander.

"Britannian or Eleven?"

Misato wanted to reach through the phone and rip off his face.

"None of your concern; just hold your fire!"

She slammed the phone down.

"Smug little bastards," she hissed. "Always so damn superior…"

I mean, if events have to be the same, then at least change the perspective. Show us what Lelouch is up to, or maybe some of the Britannians. That would be refreshing.

Abruptly, she connected to Unit 01 and ordered, "Shinji, get those two kids into the Entry Plug. Then get the hell out to the nearest Cable depot and hook up. Drop them off at an emergency entrance and get back into the fight. Understood?"

"Captain Katsuragi!" Cornelia barked. "The two boys that you are allowing into the Plug are not authorized to be exposed to Evangelion-related information. On top of that, they are not even Britannian citizens. You have no right to take them into the cockpit!"

Misato turned coldly upon the Witch of Britannia, one of the most feared military figures within the Britannian military, and an Imperial Princess highly in favor with the Emperor.

Is "Witch of Britannia" an actual nickname or title of hers? Just curious.

"Your Highness," she said. "I have no intention of allowing any unnecessary death out there; as Operational Commander of Nerv, I authorize it. Nerv, remember, is not owned by Britannia."

As Cornelia's face clouded with shock, Misato turned back.

"1 minute, 30 seconds. Angel approaching Eva at moderate pace; ETA at forty-five seconds"

"Lock the Evangelion," she ordered. "Open the hatch!"

XXXXXXXXXX

"You two, get in!"

The voice startled Touji's mind into wakefulness, but it could not process the command. Get into the machine? What the hell does that mean?

It certainly can't mean that he should get into the machine. That'd just be crazy!

"Hey! Move it!" Kensuke yelled at him. He dragged Touji's stunned frame towards a rope ladder that snaked out of a thick metal tube from the Eva's back. When they were both secure, the rope rolled them both in. A splash, and the tube sealed itself. The two terrified boys began to kick and panic just as the entire interior lit up, and a voice told them to fill their lungs with the stuff so that they can breathe. With no other choice, they let the liquid fill their lungs, and miraculously, found that though breathing was heavy and difficult, they could breathe the water. They looked in amazement at the quasi-panoramic, 270 degree HUD and view screen, sleek metal cockpit seat, and the kid sitting in the middle of all the technology, shivering like a newborn kitten.

They told Shinji not to play Silent Hill on that thing, but noooooo...

"Shinji, retreat using the D-25 route behind the mountain; there, you will drop off your passengers, get a new cable and rifle, and return," Misato's voice said. "Go, now!"

Shinji did not move; instead, he hunched over and muttered to himself.

"Hey!" Touji yelled. "Move it! She said to run away!"

"Mustn't run away…mustn't run away…"

To run away, or not to run away? That is the-

The Angel bore down on him, whips outstretched. Touji screamed and shook Shinji by the shoulder like a madman.

"GET OFF!" Shinji roared. He slapped Touji away, rolled the Eva over, and barely dodged a pair of arms that boiled several blocks of concrete.

Well then.

0:58:39

The Eva launched itself off of the ground and slam-kicked the Angel in the Core. The Angel slid back a few dozen meters, and its arms lunged into Unit 01's chest armor. Through the bloody spray, Shinji howled. Carried by momentum, Unit 01 lurched right into a blast of energy that came from the Angel's Core.

0:36:20

Why do you have to do a countdown? Now I have to either link to The Final Countdown and look unoriginal, or just try to ignore it.

With its chest armor melted together and its helmet warped, Unit 01 sank slowly down on the two arm blades, which, due to Eva's own weight, was cutting steadily into the torso.

0:30:00

"I MUSTN'T RUN AWAY!"

It's like Shinji as played by Kamina.

Unit 01's remaining eye sparked. Both arms shot up to the shoulder pylons, and a pair of MVS blades snapped into her hands. With a howl, Shinji plunged both blades down into the Core just as another energy blast began to charge. The air shrieked as the disrupted energy spun in a vortex. The Angel's arms slashed upwards impulsively and cut almost halfway into Unit 01's chest. Shinji screamed and slashed the MVS blades down and out of the Core. A split second later, the pent-up energy exploded outwards.

0:10:11

9! 8! 7!

Stumbling, Unit 01 crumpled to the ground. For a second, it seems that the charred Angel was going to strike again.

0:00:00

The Angel's body, burnt by its own broken Core, broke apart at the midriff and, in a shower of charcoal, fell into pieces.

Charcoal? Now the people of Shinjuku will be able to throw as many barbeques as they want!

…

"Yo!" Touji said. "Ya okay?"

He was screaming like a madman just moments before, clutching his face and smashing the controls. Now, he lay crumpled, crying to himself.

There's the Shinji we all know and... uh...

"Stupid; of course he's not," Kensuke reprimanded Touji. "Just shut up; you're not doing any good."

The boy fell into a grumpy silence, although he betrayed an occasional look of regret and concern.

'Dis shit must be hard on him'

Rebuild of Evangelion 4.4444: Dis Shit Must be Hard on Him

XXXXXXXXXX

"Yes, Shirley, I'm fine. I told you, don't worry about me!" Lelouch snapped. She's just a little too into him, at a time when he cannot afford the distraction.

Geez, what's the deal with girls and feelings, am I right?

"Lelouch, as a human male, you ought to show a little more interest," C.C. said slyly. "If you overthrow Britannia, you'll want an Empress."

So, out of all the women in the world... Shirley. Rrrrriiiiiiiight.

"C.C.-SHUT-UP-THIS-IS-NOT-THE-TIME-DAMN-IT!" he hissed, covering his phone.

"Lulu, who were you just talking to?" Shirley demanded. "That sounded like a girl! Oh, goodness, Lulu! I just knew it! You're with some girl, aren't you? They just fall all over you…"

On the other hand, Shirley sure knows the score.

"Sure is hard, being the hottest guy in the entire school," C.C. said in between bites of double-cheese Sicilian with sausages. She reached over for a sip of soda. "Any other boy would take full advantage of his situation…and exercise his evolutionary instincts. You, on the other hand…"

"If you're insinuating that I'm gay, just say it."

"What's that Lelouch?" Shirley asked. "You're gay?"

"No, I'm... If I say yes, will you stop paying attention to me?"

Lelouch angrily threw his mask into C.C.'s face. She yowled and rolled away from him.

"No, Shirley, I'm not with anyone like that. Stop worrying, please. Where are you, by the way? Your signal is breaking up…"

"I'm next to the Shinjuku Ghetto, where the bunker let out. Lulu, you won't believe what I'm seeing! It's that Nerv robot!"

'The Evangelion is right out in the open! What a chance…'

Please let him hatch some crazy scheme to steal it.

"Careful, Shirley. You don't know if it's safe to approach. Wait and I'll come pick you up."

On the other end, Shirley blushed in pleasure, but thought immediately that she had to say something or risk him sensing how pleased she is.

"It's dangerous, Lulu. Wait until the roads are cleared, at least! A lot of the city got wrecked here—"

They wrecked all the rubble! It'll take weeks to restore it to its pristine, ruined condition.

"It's fine; I'll ride Rivalz's bike without the sidecar. I can get through any rubble heap in that. You can ride with me on the way back."

Her blush reddened even more as the thought of holding on to him for the entire trip came into her mind.

'We'll be so close together…'

Wait—"Lelouch Lamprouge, you'll kill yourself riding that bike, you idiot!" she yelled. "You can't do anything physical!"

She has a point.

"I can drive anything up to a Ganymede-Class Knightmare Frame, Shirley, so stop worrying like you're my wife."

He hung up with a sigh.

"Thank God she isn't…"

I think Lelouch's plan at this point is for all his potential suitors to organize a fight to the death in an attempt to win his affection.

Before C.C. could say anything, he strode out, clapping his mask over his face and assuming the identity of Zero. Outside, his chief lieutenant Ohgi greeted him with a frown.

"Zero, sir…"

"What is it, Ohgi?"

"Your mask…it's got pizza sauce on it."

"Oh, thank you."

End Stage V

OK, whatever, I'm going to Outback now. Bloomin onions are so amazing.

This post has been edited by Dr. O: Mar 20 2012, 08:38 AM

[Dr. O]

Stage VI: Let Britannia Deal with It



Shirley Fenette was used to Lelouch being late to engagements with her, and she isn't too perturbed now. With the rest of the shelter, she gazed in awe at the purple giant before her. It looks badly damaged, and isn't moving at all. There was a smoking carcass on top of the robot that looks sort of like a bug of some sort—

It's one thing to have a tense shift within a paragraph. But to change tense in the middle of a sentence? Come on.

"Whoa, man! That shit looks like a big, black dick!"

Shirley whimpered.

Surely enough, she couldn't unhear it. It was the worst possible time for her lifelong fear of big, black dicks to surface.

"Move it!" a voice above the crowd roared. Seven Sutherlands rolled into view, the leader with a crest on its left shoulder. The crowd, especially the Elevens, gave way to the soldiers. The Knightmares encircled the purple robot, and with six guarding the perimeter, the leader rolled up to the purple robot's knee. Though the Sutherland was big and held a large bazooka, machine and weapon together barely come up to half of the purple robot's thigh. Compared to it, the Britannian army's backbone looks like a mere toy.

You're doing it again! Don't make me get the spray bottle - that stuff works on pets, and it'll work on fanfic authors!

The Sutherland backed up and fired its Harken up at the robot's back. The Harkens caught in a notch of the robot's armor, and the Sutherland, finding the Harken's hold sufficient, pulled itself up. Its cockpit opened, and to Shirley's surprise, what looks like a girl her own age climbed out. The girl climbed up the robot's armor to a large block on its back, where, after a moment of probing, she punched something. A panel appeared, and, picking up what seems to be a phone embedded in the robot, barked some words into it. She put down the phone, slid back into her Knightmare with amazing ease, and dropped the machine away. The Harken disengaged itself and rolled back to the Sutherland's chest.

It's amazing how Tokyo-3 and Britannia had all this sci-fi technology, but NERV still built a phone into its giant robot's armor instead of, I don't know, anything else.

Yes, I know they did it in Evangelion. And it was no less stupid for being used in a one-off joke.

"It's a curious machine, isn't it?" a silky voice purred in Shirley's ear. She jumped with a squeak, and was caught in Lelouch's outstretched arm.

I'm trying to imagine Lelouch's "silky voice" purring, but I keep hearing the Code MENT version. Not that I have a problem with that.

"Be a little more vigilant," he said. "If I was someone else, you might be dead already…or worse."

That Lelouch is so romantic, reminding Shirley that he could kill her at a moment's notice. No wonder she's always throwing herself at him.

"Shush!" she scolded. He smiled and leaned in closer.

"Wanna go home now, or do you prefer to watch?"

'If I say home, he might think I'm too eager to ride with him…if I stay, he might think I'm avoiding him…oh goodness, what do I say?' she thought nervously. 'Oh, Lulu is too dense; he won't think that much, right? Besides, this thing is really interesting…'

I was trying to avoid the predictable "Shirley likes to watch" joke, buuuuut...

"You're going to stay, aren't you?" Lelouch said before Shirley could get out a word. It was obnoxious of him, but she was a little grateful that she wouldn't have to say anything. Lelouch resumed his characteristic smirk as he watched two Sutherlands drag a humongous cable from a nearby nondescript building. Lelouch notes the three large holes in the robot's back.

Look, I don't want to be a Grammar Nazi, but this has to stop. Do you want the Illiteracy Communists to win? Well, do you?

'Power supply, perhaps; it first launched with a cable attached, and ejected it after the cable was cut. The robot has stopped moving approximately three minutes after the cable was ejected. This means that the Evangelion must run on an external power supply with a very short-lived battery.' He wishes that Nerv and Britannia would tell him more, but deducing this much gives him an important ace in the hole. Sever the cable, and the Evangelion would be down in a few minutes. It was pretty active, during the last few minutes. It is possible that it can stay active longer if it idles. Lelouch estimates it at around five to six minutes. That is still plenty of time for that monster to wreck an entire army…or procure a spare cable from one of the many depots.

Truly, Lelouch is the Sun Tzu of extension cord-powered robots.

'Depots for the cable only exist in the Settlement. The Evangelion would have a very limited range outside the city. Cables run out, and the battery won't last more than six minutes…and I thought a Knightmare had too little operational time on energy fillers. At least Sutherlands can carry spares.'

Yeah, but at the rate technology progresses in Code Geass, Britannia will have a flying, moon-sized Eva with infinite energy supplies and antimatter bombs within two weeks.

The Evangelion is collapsed, yet the Sutherlands could not reach. Instead, it seems that they'd called for a Nerv truck to come along. It had a large—which means it towered over the Sutherlands the way Sutherlands tower over people—crane-like apparatus, onto which was loaded the handle of a cable. The truck wheeled up to the back of the Evangelion and pushed the cable into its back. Moments later, the Evangelion's eye glowed, and the Knightmares scurried to shoo away the crowd of spectators. Lelouch tugged Shirley away discreetly, having seen everything he wanted to.

"Aren't you going to say?" she asked. "You, uh, like this kind of thing, right?"

I was going to joke about giant robot porn, but deep in my heart I know Japan has already made such a thing.

"It's interesting, but it's going to get moved now. I don't want you caught in the way, so we can watch it as we drive."

She blushed happily as he led her onto the bike, and pushed off the sidewalk. As she held on to him, Shirley felt a calm and happiness that she'd not felt in a long time.

"Hey, Lulu"

Oh no! Shirley missed her period!

"Hmm?"

"I never brought you home, did I?"

Lelouch shook his head. She continued.

"Daddy got hurt because he was at the base of the mountain where the first Angel attacked, but he's alright now…we're going to throw a party for him when he comes out of the hospital. Milly's gonna plan it out; you know she's great at parties. So, uh, Lulu, you want to…come? It's going to be in two weeks. The whole student council is going to be there."

If he was injured instead of dying, then the whole Mao story is going to be different. Is Mao even going to show up? Will he terrorize the Eva characters instead? Because that's something I could get behind.

He was going to refuse—Black Knights business will probably occupy most of his time—but then paused. He deserves a break, doesn't he? Besides, Suzaku had recently joined the council, so he should be there, too. Shirley's parents are somewhat open-minded about Numbers. It's been a while since he'd seen Suzaku Kururugi, and the fact that he is the pilot of the Lancelot…Lelouch still smarted from his surprise when the Lancelot opened, and Suzaku Kururugi stepped out. He needs to know more. Besides, the Eleven boy in charge of the Evangelion is getting lumped into Ashford, too. Lelouch could easily nudge him onto the council and ensure that he gets a chance to get closer to this kid as well.

Shinji can fill the important role of making everyone else feel better about themselves.

'Not a bad idea, Shirley. Thanks,' he thought. Aloud, he simply said, "Sure, I'd love to come." She gasped in surprise, blushed, and mumbled an okay. Lelouch turned away with a smirk.

'Some people are born to be used.'

I know I'm being used
It's OK, man 'cause I like the abuse
I know she's playin' with me
That's OK 'cause I got no self-esteem

The Evangelion is moving slowly into a nearby building. The face of the building had disappeared, revealing a set of rails onto which the Evangelion mounted itself. The building's face slid back into view, apparently from underground, and shut the Evangelion away.

'The delivery system is built into the Settlement itself. Ingenious; they've been cooperating with the Empire for a long time now…yet even the highest nobles did not know!'

Lelouch is astounded by the fact that a secret organization is secretive. Yup.

He'll have to dig at the Britannians for details again. Lelouch shook his head, gunned the bike and, with Shirley's shriek in his ears, blasted off into the streets.

XXXXX

"Why didn't you obey my orders?"

"I didn't hear them. But maybe I would have if you didn't put the phone on the outside of the robot!"

"Hey, we contracted that part of the design to Northrop! Take it up with them!"

Shinji sat on a bench in the Nerv locker room, not speaking. Angrily, Misato grabbed him by the shirtfront and pulled him up. He hung his head, refusing to look at her.

"Answer me, damn it! Why didn't you retreat? Do you know what would have happened if you hadn't killed the Angel?"

Just a guess, but the Angel wouldn't have died, right?

Shinji tore Misato's hands away and pushed her off.

"And what if I did obey orders and retreat? What would have happened then?" he screamed. "If I ran, the Angel would've come into the ghetto! People were still there, but the Britannians would've shelled it anyway! All those people would've died!"

What, the people who hate him? Sounds like a good deal to me.

He glared

"Don't you care? Or are you just Britannia's lapdog?"

Her eyes dilated, her face flushed, and she slapped him across the face.

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

"Alright," he said. "If you don't want me here, I'll leave. I'm not going to pilot."

He pushed past Misato, opened the door, and walked away.

"Are you going to just walk away?" she called out after him.

What else is he going to do? He promised not to run away, after all.

"If the Britannians have a problem, the Britannians can deal with it!"

XXXXX

"He walked out?" Ritsuko asked, sipping a mug of coffee.

"I'm afraid so. He got mad over me ordering him to retreat," Misato said. Ritsuko's eyebrow perked.

It's like Misato's some kind of anti-commisar.

"He doesn't seem like the kind of person to seek heroism," she said. "Why, was he angry that you tried to take away his chance at glory?"

He was mad because the Angel was going to smash a really cool used CD store unless he stopped it immediately.

"No, silly," Misato said. "He's no glory hound; he was angry because taking him off the battlefield meant that Shinjuku would be exposed—well, that's what he told me."

"Not really; I doubt he thought of it," Ritsuko said coldly. "Most likely, it is an excuse for himself about why he didn't retreat. A kid like him cannot possibly comprehend the full range of damage that the Angel could have done. If anything, he probably just wanted an excuse to answer to himself."

Maybe Shinji, like Shirley, just has extreme reactions to big black dicks.

"That's an awfully cold way to put it."

Ritsuko nodded.

"That's the nature of our line of work."

Abusing kids sure is hard work, but the perks are awesome.

Misato leaned against the glass office door, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I hope he returns," she said. "It's a big burden, the survival of mankind. Besides, he's the only one who can do it, right?"

Even if he can save mankind, that doesn't necessarily mean he will.

"Rei is incapacitated, and Unit 02 is yet to complete final inspections in Pendragon, so yes. Unit 01 is our only option should an Angel attack, say, tomorrow. But since the last one showed up after three weeks…well, in two weeks or so, Unit 02 should arrive. If we may believe the rumors about Langley's skill, then there should be no worry at all."

Or, if the fic follows Evangelion closely, Asuka will be completely useless and then go insane.

"Well, that's true, but it would still be nice to talk to Shinji again. We put him through too much to just dump him now. By the way, is Section 2 having any progress searching for him?"

Ritsuko's glasses glinted in the office light.

I thought that was Gendo's thing. That and the animation-saving, mouth-obscuring folded hands.

"They are saying that they have yet to track him down, but I doubt that's true. Unless Shinji is a counterintelligence expert, I find it hard to believe that Nerv's own security has yet to find him."

I think you could call him a "counterintelligence expert," yeah.

"Section 2 has its own agendas," Misato commented. "But I wonder…where would Shinji go?"

XXXXX

Maybe these line breaks are meant to be barbed wire, symbolizing the inescapable nature of war. It's a clever metatextual commentary that lends gravity to the crushing total war the people of Japan have been helplessly thrust into, bringing to mind comparisons to the futile stalemate of WWI's western front. It is shorthand for the dehumanizing, mechanized nature of modern total warfare, a contest of steel in which the might of the combatants' machines matters more than the strength of their convictions. The ideal of noble, romantic warfare our ancestors sought has passed into memory, forgotten on the muddy, wire-strewn killing fields of Flanders and in the smouldering ruins of Tokyo.

With five letters, the meaning of the fanfic leaps into stark relief: we have refined war so thoroughly as to kill honor alongside our fellow man. Torn to shreds on the steel of industrial warfare as represented by giant mecha.

Several trains and a long walk brought Shinji Ikari to the Tokyo countryside. Here, rolling mountains dotted with terraced farms veiled themselves in faint mist, green with growing crops. He climbed up one such hill by means of a small dirt path. An hour or so later, he was at the top of the mountain, whose side was cut into a stepped rice field. He walked to the edge of the step he was on, and sat down there in the mist as wind whipped his hair and clothes about like a playful child. The mist parted, and he saw from a distance the glittering glass-and-steel glory of the Tokyo Settlement, seemingly unmarred by its recent conflicts. Perhaps they really don't need him at all. There was the Ayanami girl, wasn't there? And talk of taking in a Britannian Knight of the Round—the Second, he heard—as a pilot for a brand-new Evangelion that will be imported from the Britannian Homeland. He would doubtlessly be outclassed and obsolete. He has no real business here; he might as well go home.

See? Shinji's spirit has been broken by the revelation. He has, like the members of the Lost Generation, been rendered directionless by the random, meaningless slaughter of conflict between fully-mobilized nation-states.

Footsteps

Shinji froze

Damnit, stop forgetting punctuation. It makes it hard to misattribute important messages to your fanfic.

Footsteps were all but silent on the wet earth, and he did not hear a group of people appear behind him until they were almost upon him through the stalks of rice. He dashed sideways and peered over the stalks. There were five people, four men and a girl. Two were guards, judging by their uniforms, and one was an old Eleven. The other two, the girl and another older man who looked just like her, were Britannians in bright red uniforms with gold trim. Nobility, perhaps, but the girl is walking far ahead of the man, who looked to be her older brother. It was odd, because she was about Shinji's age, and had distinct Asian features in her face. The old Japanese man was explaining something directly to the girl, who was nodding as if she was conducting an inspection of sorts. Shinji tried not to make a sound until they passed, but one of the guards looked his way, stopped, and stared at his hiding spot. The girl cut off the old man, and walked forwards, exchanging brief words with the guards. She looked for a moment at him, as if she could see through the rice stalks, and then pulled a pistol out of her belt, pointed, and shot at him. Stalks snapped backwards as Shinji yelped and jumped out of the patch, the bullet having barely hit his foot.

OK, seriously, I do like this part.

"Look over there, it's the only person who can protect the world against unfathomable murderbeasts! Let's shoot him!"

"Well, what do we have here?" she said. Her reddish-bronze hair fluttered in the sun, glowing with its rays. Her pants were expertly creased and starched a brilliant white, finished off by a pair of riding boots and a red infantry coat. She was beautiful, he thought, but that gun in her hand is also very real. She looked him up and down, and her eyes widened in recognition. Flicking the safety back on—she had undone it in a flash, she stowed it back into a holster on her hip.

"Wow," Shinji said, "whoever does your laundry creased the hell out of those pant- OH FUCK YOU SHOT ME! YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE! FUCK!"

"Who are you, Eleven?" the nobleman asked brusquely. "This is my family's private property! Get lost!"

"AHHHHH! MY FUCKING FOOT! SOMEONE CALL A DOCTOR!"

"Not family holdings, Henry," the girl said lazily. "My personal holdings, and please, restrain yourself; this land is no longer yours. Finish the tour with Mr. Suzahara, please. I will escort our unexpected guest away."

The guards stepped forwards and nudged the man, now livid with rage, on, while the old Eleven nervously kept up his flow of talk. With the others gone, the girl turned on Shinji.

"Move it," she snapped. He began to walk nervously as she marched besides him.

Apparently, being shot in the foot does nothing to impede walking.

"Um…are you…" he began. What was that name again? Misato had said…right. It was Langley. "Are you…Lady Langley?"

"Yes. And I know you are Shinji Ikari, pilot of—" she froze, her eyes darted around, and when she confirmed an absence of prying ears, she continued. "—Evangelion Unit 01 and that you are miles from your post at this moment. Why aren't you on alert? There could be an enemy attack any second!"

"Well why did you shoot me?"

He turned his face.

"I quit," he said. "I don't want to do this anymore. All I do is hurt people…"

"I hurt people, like what you did just now! Seriously, you're such a bitch!" Shinji whined presently. "What's your bitch problem?"

She half turned, stopped, and flushed much as her brother had.

'The rumors were right, and Nerv was covering this up…what is that woman thinking? How has their security not yet caught him? Did they just let him go?'

They decided that even saving the human race wasn't worth putting up with Shinji.

Right now, her Evangelion is still across the globe, in Nerv-Pendragon. Nerv's other Evangelion was in stasis after a severe accident, and the other pilot was incapacitated. She can't afford to let this boy just leave.

If she wants to keep him from leaving, she could always shoot his other foot.

"So you ran away. Don't you know that more people will be hurt because you did not protect them?" she glowered.

"No-yes-they told me that! But…I still can't!" he yelled, stopping in his tracks. "They don't need me anyway, do they? They've got Ayanami, and…and you…and you all are so much better than me…you don't need me!"

Yep.

"Ayanami is barely out of the hospital, and my Eva is in the Homeland, you idiot. You're the only one that can protect this place right now!" she scolded. Facing him, she glowered. "What are you talking about, you aren't needed? Didn't you kill two Angels already? What you did just a few days ago, charging at the Angel and saving those two kids…that was brave. Do you really want to stop now?"

He's doing the smart thing and quitting while he's ahead.

He continued to look away, as if he did not want to meet her gaze. She saw the fear, the timidity, but also a spark of resistance. He, she concluded, was a land mine that won't ignite until stepped on.

"I'll take you back to the Settlement, where your deportation may be arranged," she said coldly. "It's alright; run away and let other people make sacrifices for you." They had reached the end of the dirt path and have come onto a highway, where a nondescript car laid in waiting. Langley shoved Shinji inside, took the front seat, and the driver sped off, looking curiously at Shinji in the rear view mirror. Langley had her back to him, sitting regally at ease, her posture straight and graceful. She had set her hair into a tight bun with a long ponytail cascading off of it. That stream of hair now winked playfully at Shinji, seeming to invite him to stroke its shiny length. It, however, was not the only thing caught in the sun. Langley had seen it too, crying out in surprise and calling for the driver to watch out, as what looked like a giant pyramid of crystal hurtled past them with three missiles on its tail. The whole group passed within meters of the car, which was lifted off the ground and sent skidding over the hard gravel path. Airbags instantly engulfed Shinji's vision as he felt his world spin. Moments later, three thundering explosions shook the vehicle again, setting it rocking on its back like a helpless, upturned beetle. The airbags deflated, and Shinji dangled above the car roof from his seat belt—he was thankful the driver had reminded them to put it on. Up in front, the driver's face was matted with blood, and Langley wasn't moving. Overhead, the sky glows a blue hue as the crystal spun around, opened its pyramidal body and fired a fast stream of positrons, clearing the sky of an entire wave of various projectiles and aircraft. The flames now raining down on the ground splattered the car's bottom, and to Shinji's horror, he could smell gasoline trickling inside it. Ahead, Langley was just now beginning to groan, and the driver seemed somewhat conscious, but neither was moving.

Wow that's a huge paragraph.

"Crap, crap," he whispered, panic rising fast. Fumbling fingers brought him crashing down, the seat belt whizzing back to its holder. Painfully, he crawled out the door. The window was a shattered mess of fragmented glass held together by the inner layers that bullet proofed it, and Shinji had to kick the door hard to open it. Once outside, he saw that the car was already burning over where the front seats were. He felt the urge to flee as fighter jets roared out their anger over his head, but a small twinkle of sunlight on a piece of scrap metal caught his eye, reminding him of Langley's radiant hair. With a supreme force of will, he turned around in his flight, dashed back to the car, and found the front door locked. Apparently, the front airbags have not deployed fast enough, or were damaged by shrapnel, because she wasn't moving.

It would be pretty funny to subvert expectations by killing Asuka off so quickly. And then the rest of the Eva characters, for good measure. Then the rest of the story could be about crazy Code Geass mecha fighting the Angels. Hell, Jeremiah's flying robo-orange already looked kind of like an Angel.

Unwilling to give up, Shinji ducked back into the interior, which was feeling hot from the fires burning on the roof, and, reaching gingerly, unlocked the door. The heat was intense, and the metal hot. Shinji cried out as he tried to grab the door handle from the outside. Gritting his teeth, he wrapped his hands around the burning metal and wrenched it open. Inside, she was regaining her awareness, and he caught her as she took off the seat belt. Unceremoniously, he dumped her to the ground, and dragged the driver out. The crystal had moved away far enough that there was some peace in the air, and Shinji took full stock of his situation. The driver, the same man who had approached him before, had an ugly cut on his head, which was slightly swollen, but he had already awoken and was wiping the blood off his face. The girl took a much worse head injury and was still moaning. Behind them, the fires crackled maliciously. Without a word, the driver picked up the girl and began to run. When they were sufficiently far away, he laid his mistress down gently onto a bed of leaves, and took out a phone. Shinji sat by, wordless, while the man arranged for a pickup and a medical team. He was around his late twenties, good looking, with a high cheekbone and strong nose, something of a rarity in Japan. His hair was longer than usual, and some of it clumped together at the middle, giving the impression that he may be used to braiding it into a ponytail.

Detail is good and all, but why would you talk about braiding when there's an aerial battle and an Angel and a burning car and so much other not boring stuff?

"I am indebted to you," he said after a while. "And I suppose my mistress, too. Thank you."

"Sure," Shinji replied with total apathy, still gazing at Langley's face.

"She is still beautiful, no?" the man said softly, a little more at ease with his own race. "Even with the bruise." He put her into a more comfortable position and buttoned up her coat, then laying his own over her and tucking it in, much as a parent would a young child.

He looked at Shinji and smiled wanly.

"So, how much longer do you think we can sit here doing nothing before the Angel destroys civilization? I give it two hours."

"It's pleasant work to guard beauty, young man. You'll realize that soon, perhaps already. I'm Ryuji Kaji, by the way, personal manservant to her ladyship."

He seems awful happy, given the circumstances. Maybe he's just glad that he's not being portrayed as an alien rapist.

He extended a hand.

"Shinji Ikari; we've met, haven't we, Mr. Kaji?" Shinji said, shaking his hand. The grip was strong and dry.

"Yes, we have," Kaji said. "'Kaji' is fine when we are without formal company. May I call you Shinji?"

"Yea…sure," Shinji said. He looked worriedly at Langley. "Is she…alright?"

"Where is Asuka? Is she all right?"

"It seems that in your anger... you killed her."

"Concussion, perhaps, but the front panel was soft and cushioned, and the airbag didn't fail altogether. She'll be fine if—"

He looked into the sky, where the giant crystal still roamed the skies, vaporizing everything with its particle beams. Now, it folded into the shape of a flower with countless sharp petals, and in a blinding flash, covered the sky in a barrage of beams out of every one of its petals. The little that remained of the air force disintegrated into balls of oily flames as they were massacred by the thousands of beams that played over the city, itself a patchwork of crisscrossing valleys dug by the beams.

Ooh, it's the Rebuild version of that Angel. I'll probably take flak for not being completely derisive toward Eva, but I like that fight from the end of Rebuild 1.whatever. That was a neat scene.

"I am but a lowly servant, a piece of Lady Langley's furniture," Kaji commented drily. "I am powerless and cannot do anything to stop this carnage. But you, Shinji Ikari, you have a special gift. You can make a difference. You can do what no one else can."

Kaji must be confused about what anime this is crossing over. It's Umineko where the servants call themselves furniture, not Code Geass.

Two strange looking aircrafts skidded to a halt over them, having flown low on their square VTOL engines. Each was marked with the palm leaf logo of Nerv, and one of them had 'medical' printed along its side. Field medics rushed out and carried Langley into the VTOL. As Kaji began to follow his mistress, he turned back.

"Young man, don't you have something to do right now?"

"Oh, right, I should get my foot taken care of," Shinji said.

End Stage VI

To be completely honest, I'm curious in where it goes from here. At least it's not skipping all over the place anymore.

[Dr. O]

Just a heads-up: I'm going to be pretentious as fuck during this chapter of the mock.

Stage VII: A Reason to Fight

"Britannian air force in this area has been wiped out. 35% of the Settlement is seriously damaged; purging is initiation around the entire city."

So, Code Evangelion has actually gotten a response from me that almost no other fanfic has. It's made me think, and for once I want to carefully articulate why it doesn't work instead of just pointing and laughing. I guess I did some of that with NXE, but on a certain level I couldn't take that fic seriously at all. Code Eva feels more grounded, so I'm a bit more comfortable trying to engage it on a level other than "presently DJ CROFT sexed all the ladies with his British charm presently... in the present."

Misato watched helplessly as the large crystal, now identified as the Fifth Angel, screamed down the length of a bridge and razed it to the ground. The worst of the destruction seemed over, as the Angel was now looking around, as if trying to find something.

"Target is right over the GeoFront!"

The Angel spun, opened up into a large claw-like shape, and its center whirled with light.

Anyway, on a metafictional level, combining Eva and Code Geass isn't as creatively bankrupt as a lot of other crossovers. Whatever your opinion on it, Eva did leave a noticeable impact on anime, while Geass is heavily informed by the earlier, even more revolutionary (and influential) Mobile Suit Gundam. Geass was already driven by a conflict of ideologies, which could easily be adapted to reflect whatever message a writer wanted to deliver about the shows or anime in general.

"High energy readings at the center of the target; particle acceleration detected around the edges!"

A beam blasted into the ground, slicing away layer after layer of the Settlement and striking straight into the GeoFront's armor.

"Direct hit, Armor layer 1 is heavily damaged!"

The beam wasn't stopping. It kept drilling on, making a loud screech that shook even the interior of the command center.

Not to say that the characters should say things like "Lelouch, pessimism is bad! And what's up with all this Kabbalah nonsense?" I'm thinking more like Watchmen, which legitimately deconstructed superhero comics by appropriating their archetypes and then taking them to their logical extreme. What I'm saying is, I like it when stories have a purpose. That makes them more interesting for the audience, provided it isn't a platform for the author to preach about how great their own opinions are.

"The beam has been identified as a positron stream directed at the top of the GeoFront armor. The Magi estimates one hundred and twenty minutes before all armor layers are destroyed."

Hyuga sank back in his chair.

"It's attacking everything in a given radius with that beam, ma'am," he said. "We can't get anything in range without it being blasted."

And I will give prognoob credit for avoiding climbing onto a soapbox. There are too many crossovers written specifically to show how one fictional universe could stomp another, which is really petty and almost never interesting. Not that I hate stories where one side is hopelessly outclassed, but Armageddon??? showed that a poor or middling author can't really make that idea work. It takes skill to portray an uneven conflict while maintaining narrative tension. The best way to do that is by focusing on individuals who are in personal danger and have little agency themselves, which is mainly what's happening in Code Eva.

"What about Marshal Langley?" Cornelia demanded.

"Report just in; Marshal Langley was injured in the attack. Her servant called in an ambulance VTOL," Aoba reported. "The car she was in was caught in an airstrike. The medical team says that she is stable but unconscious."

"That's it; I'm assuming direct control of all Britannian forces within the Hakone Region!" Cornelia cried. "Where's the regional commander? Get me a full list of able men and machines!"

Anyway, I thin- Excuse me.



Misato glanced over at Aoba, who continued.

"The Third Child was also reported to have been involved. He is now in a separate VTOL fighter and is being carried to HQ. The servant claims that Shinji pulled the Marshal and the servant himself out of the car while it was burning."

"That's great," Misato said. "Prepare Unit 01 for deployment. The moment he gets here, get him changed and readied. We have two hours to destroy this thing or Nerv is gone."

She glanced at Cornelia.

So, what I'm trying to get at is that maybe fanfic writers don't think things through enough. Just look at Shinji and Warhammer 40,000. The guy who wrote that somehow hammered out like 30,000 words in a week and I'm pretty sure there was no revision involved. Just putting down whatever came into his head and posting it on FFN. It's the NaNoWriMo approach to writing, with speed and quantity prioritized over everything else. Writing thousands of words a day doesn't leave much time for things like "planning" and "not sucking."

"Your Highness, I will need your cooperation on this case."

The two women sized each other up, and Cornelia nodded.

To be fair, there's a new chapter of Code Eva every month or two, if that, which is how I've managed to make some progress on this abysmal update "schedule."

"Make your preparations," she said. "Technician, how strong is that thing's defense? Can a Hadron Cannon shot from the Avalon damage it?" The aerial warship Avalon, under the command of H.I.H. Second Prince Schnizel was currently deployed in the battle, sans his Highness himself, who was in Pendragon. Earl Lloyd Asplund of the Camelot Research Group currently flies the ship. In addition to being flight-capable, the Avalon also had a high output Hadron Cannon capable of astounding damage from its accelerated beams. Also, the Avalon's Blaze Luminous shields could be a great boon in fighting at long distances, as it blocked almost all conventional and unconventional weaponry, including other Hadron Cannons.

"Not possible," Aoba said. "The Angel's A.T. Field reading is at least five times more powerful than the Third Angel's, and from what we've seen, the beam can slice the Avalon's shield like a hot knife through butter. A Hadron Cannon could potentially disrupt the crystalline structure, though, if the A.T. Field was deactivated. Even then you'll run the risk of getting hit by the beam."

Another thing is technobabble. Let's just get this out of the way: numbers don't matter unless you're putting together some kind of writer's bible because you're anal-retentive like that. What matters is a thing's capabilities, that is, the impact it has on the story. It doesn't matter if a Guntech Mecha1911 can penetrate 500mm of armor, assuming a deflection of no more than 13 degrees, or whatever. The important thing is whether it can kill the monster. So good on prognoob for focusing on that more than the technical minutia. If Eyrie wrote this, I know we'd be in for twelve paragraphs detailing the history and manufacture of each and every bit of tech mentioned above, which is just tedious and, from a storytelling perspective, completely irrelevant.

"How about deploying the Gawain and the Lancelot in conjunction with the cannon?" Misato asked, and then turned to the masked man standing in the rear. "Zero, your forces possess a Seventh Generation knightmare frame capable of using energy weapons as well, right?"

"The Guren can only deploy its Radiant Wave Surge in close range," Lelouch said.

"But if you were to bring it close enough while the target is distracted by…say…an Evangelion, two Knightmares and a battleship, then the Guren can destroy the Core directly," Misato finished. The bright core was clearly visible through the crystal.

Man. The most boringest parts of Eva were the ones where Misato or the NERV console techs were like, "this is what we are going to do," and then they did it. Or tried to, because the plan never worked, so the pilots kind of fumbled around until the Angel died. Past a certain point, Anno would have been subverting more expectations if he had something go right for once. But I think a lot of that comes from the Angel-of-the-week format Eva used for much of its run. And in all honesty, monster-of-the-week is a pretty bad story structure.

"Third Child has arrived," Hyuga said. "Estimated ninety-eight minutes until all armor layers are penetrated."

"It's as good as we can get," Misato said. "Ready Unit 01 for subsurface deployment."

Cornelia turned to a comm. station and ordered the launch of the Britannian knightmares, and Lelouch stepped back to communicate with Kallen discreetly.

"Kallen," he said. "You heard everything, right?"

Now, when I was talking about crossovers and themes earlier, I didn't mention that creating interesting and thematically consistent crossover narratives might be a moot point anyway, as fanfiction is fundamentally built on unoriginality and narrative shortcuts. The appeal of fanfiction, from a writing standpoint, is that it allows someone to use prepackaged settings, characters, and plots. It is an exercise in bypassing the difficult parts of writing, so of course it doesn't occur to most fanfiction writers to stretch their creative abilities and go new places. Fanfiction is, like, the literary equivalent of hot dogs. A chef is going to spend their time making an interesting dish, not something that any baboon can cook given thirty seconds and a microwave.

"Sir, they want the Guren to directly assault that thing right next to its beam?"

"A perfect way to dispose of a powerful threat," he concluded. "You will be deployed below the surface on a Nerv launch chute. The Evangelion will attack, and when it neutralizes the enemy's defenses, the Guren will immediately break out and attack the target at close range, after the combined shots from the Britannians break open the shell."

"So, they get to sit back and shoot?" Kallen asked with disbelief.

Part of that is probably because of how hard it is to write setup for a story. I've recently been reading several classics like The Pilgrim's Progress and 1984, and it's obvious that Bunyan and Orwell carefully selected every word so as to impress upon readers the themes and characters explored in their works. They laboriously laid the foundation for their works, which is a time-consuming and creatively exhausting process - a process that fanfiction authors bypass by appropriating an existing work's buildup. In essence, this places the narrative on cruise control; to use an example from Code Eva, look at how closely the plot mirrors Evangelion's and Code Geass's. There are divergences, sure, but the overall pattern is the same because it emerges from the same foundation as the original works.

"Yes. I'm afraid that it's all that Princess Cornelia is willing to do. Unless you wish to withdraw from the mission, you and the Evangelion pilot will be the ones rushing into the fray."

"Understood…"

"Kallen"

"Yes?"

"Be careful."

XXXXX

Part of the unoriginality might be because of the nature of fanbases. There are certain memes that worm their way into dedicated fans' brains and are hardly ever dislodged. Just look at how many fanfics try to turn Shinji into an awesome badass who, instead of fearfully, reluctantly accepting his responsibilities as a pilot, acts like Duke Nukem and slam-dunks Angels into erupting volcanoes. Just look at Nobody Dies, or Shinji and Warhammer 40,000, or my personal favorite, DELTA Invasion (don't - they suck). Prognoob's characterization is closer to the show, but every fanfic I've seen, to some degree, tries to de-wussify Shinji.

The Evangelion spread its AT Field to full power as it approached the Angel from below, carrying the lumpy head of a space shuttle with a handle hastily welded on. It was a reentry-capable piece of metal, electromagnetically coated to resist heat. It will stand approximately sixteen seconds of a beam from this Angel, assuming it did not raise its output. Underneath the shield, the Guren hung on by its Harkens.

'Why am I still piloting…? Why did I come back? Why did I even save that girl?'

It might seem weird for me to drone on about unoriginality and then turn around and attack fanfics for doing something different, but what I'm trying to get at is that even the departures from canon are generally predictable and not particularly adventurous. The idea in the fanfics I mentioned wasn't to tread new ground, character-wise, but to make Shinji more closely resemble a typical hero. This goes back to what I said about narrative cruise control: traditional heroes are easier from a writing standpoint, since there are so many tropes and archetypes to draw from, and which will be instantly recognizable to the audience. And, as most fanfics aren't carefully planned, simplifying the characterization is an attractive option.

Her hair played before his eyes, pretty and magnetic. His whole attention focused upon its length, her round shoulders, held back in a prim position, and the slender neck that sometimes showed its clear skin when the wind carried the golden red strands away.

Unit 01 shot out under the Angel, a block away from its beam, and immediately jumped onto a leg, hooked an arm over it, and carried itself onto the surface. The Angel retaliated wildly, unable to aim at a target moving at high speed on top of its body.

"Unit 01's AT Field is neutralizing the phase space!" Maya reported. "Ten seconds until complete shutdown."

"Gawain, Hadron cannon ready to fire," the pilot said.

I realize a lot of this is very general critique and not necessarily strictly applicable to Code Eva. I've said before that this is the least bad fanfic I've mocked and that prognoob has more potential than, say, Jim Lazar or Uncle Dragon. That also takes some of the fun out of mocking, unfortunately. Maybe there's some laziness there, too, since it's much easier to mock thoroughly, insanely bad fanfics than ones that manage to get some stuff right. Mocking Garden of EVA is like that: I can just bash it without reservation and there's always something to make fun of. It's like a pinata of awful.

"Lancelot, VARIS rifle ready to fire," Suzaku reported.

"Guren, Radiant Wave Surge fully charged," Kallen yelled.

"Avalon, at your service," Earl Asplund's silky voice intoned.

"Five seconds…four…there are energy readings around the target's body!"

The timer clicked to zero.

"FIRE AWAY!"

Gawain, Lancelot and the Avalon opened up with all of their energy weapons, the dark red beams smashing apart the Angel's shell. A shriek filled the air, and the energy drill disappeared. The Angel shot away into the sky, throwing Unit 01 into the streets as it did so.

Also, while I'm on the topic of Garden of EVA, I'm going to go ahead and post the next chapter of Book 1 sometime in the next week. I know Hutch is slated to do it, but he's had almost a full year. And Al's busy with Fallout: Equestria, so whatever. That mock has been stickied forever and needs to be finished already.

"Direct hit—the Angel is still active!"

Her skin was soft when he touched her, Shinji remembered. Lying there on the mound of leaves with the trees all around her, she cast a strikingly beautiful shape, marred only by the ugly bruise. The same went for Rei Ayanami…she was just as beautiful when she was rolled in on a wheeled bed. Damaged beauty…beauty that he was trying to protect…like the man Kaji said.

I mean, I'm well aware that I have no ground to stand on when it comes to lax update schedules, but come on. This is a little ridiculous. It's just sitting near the top of the Fanfic Mocks section, laughing at me.

Beauty, not only of a woman, but of the city, the ghettos, life; he fought the first Angel so Ayanami wouldn't have to, the second, so that Suzahara, Aida and the other Japanese trapped in Shinjuku would survive, and this one so that Langley would continue to be beautiful. He fought because he cared about these things, because he has the power to protect them, and because for the first time in his life, he is useful to somebody.

The Angels were the ugliness that pervaded on his world, tried to destroy it, snatch it away. They were the enemy. Even if he was just another lowly, uneducated Eleven, he could fight these Angels whereas all the valor, glory and power of Britannia were useless.

The side of the Angel was deeply cratered. The Core could be seen, and as Shinji reached for it, he was blasted back by an energy beam. It carved a section off of the shield and sent Unit 01 tumbling through the air, crashing through three layers of the Settlement and into a deep hole. Already, crystal was flowing over the wound. It would regenerate itself soon, and then there would be no hope…

Back on the subject of this fanfic, it actually has improved. The pace slowed down considerably after the first few chapters, which solves one of my big problems with it. I mean, it's still creatively/thematically uninteresting, but at least the technical aspects of the writing are getting better. That doesn't preclude a story being laughably bad (hello, NXE), but it doesn't hurt either.

Also, I'm glad that prognoob reworked the fight so it isn't a simple rehash of the sniper duel from the series and Rebuild. You wouldn't believe how many fanfics basically novelize the fights instead of going new places with them. It's kind of backwards to copy the fights and radically change characterization when the fights were obviously secondary to the characters in Eva. It's almost like fanfic writers are bad at understanding anything important when it comes to the works they write about!

"Guren," he said huskily. "Let go."

He caught the knightmare in Unit 01's hand, and, ejecting his broken cable, threw away the ruined shield as well.

"Evangelion Unit 01, moving out!"

Unit 01 jumped out of the hole, raced across the Settlement's empty streets, shattering countless windows as it picked up speed. In the Eva's hand, Kallen hung on for dear life.

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing?" she screamed.

Anyway, I think I've run out of broad pronouncements on fanfiction, so I'll just mock the rest of the chapter normally. Still gonna pick up the Garden of EVA Book 1 mock, though.

"I'm going to get you into the hole!" he yelled back. "So make it work!"

The AT Field blossomed out behind the Eva in a rose-shaped cloud, propelling the Eva hundreds of meters into the air in one bounce. Pulling back the machine's hand, Shinji bellowed out his pent-up anger and pitched the Guren at the Angel. The knightmare frame spun wildly, with Kallen screaming in terror as the crater on the Angel filled her screen.

What the hell is going on? Did this turn into a FLCL crossover while I wasn't paying attention?

"I'M COUNTING ON YOU, SO PLEASE, DESTROY THAT THING!" Shinji howled.

The Core, the target she'd been told to aim for…it was right there. Right in front of her…that means she can't die in a crash. Mother was waiting…

Actually, Kallen's mother is high as balls on Refrain. On the plus side, that means she probably won't notice that Kallen died.

The Guren's Harkens slammed into the crater, correcting the knightmare's flight path. Kallen squeezed her eyes and slammed the special arm into the Core, shattering the last layers of pseudo-crystal that protected it, and discharging the claw's full load into the pulsing orb. Red waves engulfed her view as the crystal lattice transmitted the energy beautifully, the structure breaking down from the Core, which bulged with the heat pumped into it, cracked and burst into steam. A flash and the entire Angel burst into flames, its body melting in the heat wave. Guren sank right through the disrupted crystal, falling from the sky as the Angel exploded piece by piece, a line of small explosions dotting the sky for many miles, the individual chunks breaking off and igniting. Behind her, the Eva appeared, cupping her hands and catching the falling knightmare, the tumble cushioned by a jet of flames that shot out of the Eva's pylons, stabilizing them and allowing the machines to land without destroying the city. As the Angel's burning remains burrowed through the city's top layer, it slowed, melted into liquid, and with an unassuming hiss, all became quiet.

So, Kallen just squeezed her eyes and pumped her hot load into the pulsating Angel, causing liquid to spray everywhere.







Huh.

…

"We did it," Shinji whispered. "We killed it."

"Don't do something stupid like that again," Kallen admonished. "You almost scared me to death."

Just imagine if Shinji had missed the throw. "Wait, shit. Do we have any more knightmares here? I can do this, I'll just need, like... four more guys. Maybe five, but no more than nine. Honest."

"Sorry."

"Shinji Ikari, right?"

"Yea"

"Sometimes people call me 'hey, bitch,' but yeah, I prefer Shinji," said Shinji.

"I'm Kallen. Kallen…Kozuki. Nice meeting you, Shinji."

"Sure…Kallen"

The Evangelion's battery died off, leaving Shinji cut off inside the Plug. He felt his tension drain away, and let a stream of bubbles escape his lungs into the LCL.

'I did it.'

"And by 'I,' I mean 'not me.' But I participated, and in today's culture that's good enough."

XXXXX

"Well, that was quite spectacular," Lloyd said in his sing-song voice. "He threw the knightmare! How creative of him!"

"Lloyd, please," Cecile said.

"Wow," Suzaku said, gaping. "That was…awesome."

He'll have to crank up his physics-defying spin-kicks to at least seven rotations to match that.

"See, Cecile?" Lloyd seized upon the opportunity. "Even Suzaku sees the grandeur of that move, and you can't call him insensible—he is most sensible, in fact—so you are not justified in scolding me, dear."

Suzaku, whose defining character trait is that he always places blind idealism over practicality, is "most sensible."

Well then.

"Lloyd, did you see that?" Suzaku continued without taking note of Lloyd's antics. "The Angel just…blew apart."

"Of course it did, you foolish boy!" Lloyd cried. "The energy wave disrupted the Angel's crystalline microstructure! A shame, I say. I could have done so much with that crystal. Say, Cecile, you wouldn't know how to get the army to find me a few pieces? I'd like to study it…for science, of course."

They could be setting up some new knightmare tech made by reverse-engineering Angel corpses. Could be. Or this might be Lloyd being... Lloyd.

All this time, the pilot of the Gawain had said nothing. His machine was already on the ground again. Suzaku marveled at the flight-enabled knightmare. With the Float System enabling flight free of a carrier and the Blaze Luminous shield system, the Gawain was a floating armored turret. Apparently, it was being fielded by the Knight of One himself.

Settling down, the Gawain turned to face the Lancelot.

"I believe, Major Kururugi, that our assistance is required in the Settlement," a mellow, silky voice said in his ear. "Come, let us go."

The Gawain lifted off, and, soundlessly, drifted into the night, as if it really had no weight at all. The Lancelot followed it into the burning city, trying to keep up on its Landspinners.

So it's like a blimp? That's not so impressive. Besides, it'll be obsolete in two seconds anyway.

"They are curious things, these Angels, aren't they?" the pilot of the Gawain said. "With their barriers, they are all but gods, without them, they are so fragile that they can be destroyed with one blow."

"Well, I guess that means we know their weakness, my Lord…" Suzaku said uncertainly. The man laughed.

"This is not a problem of knowing the enemy's weakness, Mr. Kururugi. Think, sir. If such powerful beings are so easily reduced, sans a single element of their defense, then how fragile is a human life, a human heart?"

Unless you're CC. Wait, he didn't mean that literally, did he?

"But we must make do, sir," Suzaku said. "After all, this is all we've got, all we'll ever have."

"Quite correct," the Knight of One said. "We are merely human beings, and cannot ask for more than we already have."

"Unless we could hypothetically mesmerize others into doing our bidding unconditionally. But that would just be silly," the Knight of One added.

With that, he shut off the comm. and continued his work silently. Suzaku followed the odd man with some apprehension. He always found philosophizing characters to be over their heads and self-centered, just like…

He mustn't think about it, he told himself. This isn't the right time. There were people to be rescued, and cleanup to be done. Still, thoughts of the elder Kururugi lingered in his mind. He had seen his father organize futile resistance, refuse to surrender even though it would save lives, act on empty principles at the cost of people's lives. He had to stop his father, Suzaku told himself. It was for everyone's good.

"That Captain Tachenko died a long time ago. And this General Tachenko of Duty will follow him... That's justice, I suppose."

Was that really true? That, he did not know, and probably will never know; the truth had been long buried with the body of Prime Minister Kururugi.

Heavy-hearted, Suzaku followed his superior and buried himself in his work, the only thing that really matters now.

XXXXX

"Mistress"

Kaji bowed, and entered the hospital room with a tray of tea and sweets. In the bed, Asuka sat quietly, a book in hand. A bandage was wrapped, bandana-like, on top of her head.

She's reading A Night to Remember, a thrilling account of the Titanic's voy-

"Thank you, leave the tray on the table, please," she said.

"As you wish"

Mechanically, she picked up the cup and sipped the tea. It was a weak brew, dilute and watery.

"Kaji, what kind of tea is this? It's almost tasteless," she frowned.

"Milady, you are too young to drink a strong tea," he admonished.

Even though, as a German, she's probably been drinking stuff way stronger than tea for years.

"I'm not a child, Kaji. Don't treat me as one," she scowled. "You know I hate it when you do that." She out the tea down and nibbled on a small muffin.

"Whatever you say will not change the facts," he countered. "You have the body of a child, no matter how great your accomplishments."

Her look darkened even more, and she returned to her snack sullenly. He pulled up a chair and sat by her side.

"Please, cheer up. There's nothing wrong with being young."

She'll just have to sit there and eat muffins until she's 21.

"What happened after I was knocked out?" she asked.

"The boy escaped, but returned and freed us from the car just in time. I carried you up the mountain, where we called for a Nerv VTOL that carried you to their hospital. The boy took a separate route and returned to Nerv. The Angel was destroyed in a coordinated attack by Nerv, the Black Knights and the Camelot Research Group. Here is the full report."

This chapter in one paragraph. Thanks, Kaji!

"The irregulars?" she asked in surprise as she perused the document. "The Lancelot…and the Gawain—Lord Tabris himself came here?"

Whoa whoa wait a second, Kaworu is the Gawain's pilot? Is he going to be a Code too, or is he still an Angel?

"The Knight of One was the test pilot for the Gawain, milady. He generously offered to participate in the battle, which served as a test for the Gawain's combat capabilities."

"Doesn't look like he did much," she commented, flipping through the pages. "He just shot the Hadron Cannon and then went to clean up. This is very inconvenient; I don't need another high-ranking aristocrat giving me orders."

And Kaworu is already trolling Asuka with his mere presence. Excellent.

"Lord Tabris has been nothing but a gentleman towards you, milady. I'm sure he harbors no intentions of ordering you around."

"He doesn't have to," she said sullenly. "He's the Knight of One, the personal champion of the Emperor. He'll get in the way just by being here…as if Cornelia and Prince Schnizel aren't enough already!"

Maybe Kaworu is related to VV somehow. See what just a little uncertainty can do? I actually want to see what happens next, even though I know I'll inevitably be underwhelmed.

XXXXX

Clovis sure did do well in the PR department. His memorial museum was already open, so soon after his death. Princess Euphemia walked hesitantly through the main gallery of the museum, where the finalists of the art expressions week contest were displayed. It was her duty to choose the painting that will receive a position of honor, and she could not. Not that the paintings weren't good; they were excellent, but none of them jumped out at her in any way. Besides her, the museum's curator—a handler, really, a fat, greasy-looking bald man—walked with purpose in his footsteps. She paused at a rather small painting of a simple, thatched house at the base of a mountain and next to a small river. It was the best she had seen the whole day long, she thought. The painting was as serene as it was insignificant-looking. The artwork, however, was executed with expert precision. The straw roof of the house shone under an invitingly warm sun, shadows played over the intricate leaves of nearby trees, and the water seemed to sing out to her, calling her to wash away her worries in its pure waters. It was beautiful to her eyes.

"I like this one," she said.

'Ah, yes, the Monet," the curator said. "Not sure how that one got in here."

"Our investigations have revealed that the painter is one-quarter Eleven," the handler said coldly, sealing the painting's fate. Euphemia's temper immediately flared.

"Well, if that's the case, then perhaps it should never have been displayed at all," she replied hotly.

"We must keep up appearances," the man said with absolute apathy. Disgusted, she began to turn away, but he stepped up.

"Your Highness, please allow me to show you this fine work by the son of Count Nikolai," he said, pointing to a large painting in the middle of the gallery. It was perfectly placed, with a perfect pedigree behind it, perhaps with a few stacks of perfect money thrown in behind the scene, as well. It was ugly, she thought, violent, arrogant and ugly. The painting was a large depiction of Emperor Charles zi Britannia, pumping his fist into the air in a gesture of victory, with a backdrop of the Britannian flag and a blank wall behind it.

OOORU HAIR BURITANIAAAA

Simple, almost crudely colored compared to the intricate, warm work of the quarter-Eleven, and lacking in depth. Yet, because he's Count Nikolai's son, he'll win, no matter what. It made her ashamed to be a noblewoman.

The press was waiting outside. Every question that was considered too complicated for her to answer was either fended off by the curator or by Andreas Dalton, a subordinate of Cornelia who accompanied her. She was intensely uncomfortable, feeling like a powerless figurehead being pulled around from one side to another by the two men flanking her. The time came for her to make her choice by laying a small white flower on the painting she favored. The curator blocked her path to the small painting by the quarter-Eleven, while Dalton guided her to the centerpiece, the work of the son of Count Nikolai. Suddenly, she was angry at her own country, at the culture that it led, and at the people who willingly propagated inequality through power. Even Dalton, whom she knew to care little for Britannia's racist policies, could do little but go along and occasionally make a few words of complaint. Under the cameras, however, she had a way of making a bigger difference. All the reporters were waiting impatiently for her to choose the obvious winner, their eyes fixed on the young nobleman's work. With a turn of her heel, Euphemia strode up to the curator and, on national TV, pushed the stunned man aside. With deft strides, she glided over to the small painting, sequestered in a corner, and laid the white flower on it. All the cameras flashed, the reporters leaping up like hungry wolves converging upon a fresh kill, eager to get at the story first. She glared at the visibly sweating curator, daring him to say something. Behind her, Dalton smirked, his scar quivering as he did. He walked up to the curator, glanced to make sure that the Princess had the full attention of the press, leaned in and patted the man's shoulder.

Wow that's a big paragraph.

"Well done, my good fellow. I'm sure you and the good Count will be right up there for advancement once the whole nation sees her Imperial Highness shove you aside like a little ragdoll."

End Stage VII

Well, so much for that chapter. There'll be more mocking and less long-winded pretention in the next one, really.

[Dr. O]

Somebody's bound to ask, so I'll just preemptively say it: I haven't forgotten about Garden of EVA Book 2, so don't worry - it's getting an update soonish.

Stage VIII: Lamprouge

Champagne bottles were popped, and people cheered as Mr. Fenette entered the house. Everyone cheered the man in crutches, and Shirley hugged her father gingerly. He ruffled her hair and kissed her on the forehead, then hobbled in to greet his friends, family and colleagues. It was a touching scene, a welcome break for Lelouch from all the politics and fighting. As hard as it is for him to admit, he genuinely enjoyed Shirley's company.

I must be too used to the Code MENT versions of the characters, because I can't remember Lelouch actually enjoying being around Shirley. Hold on, I'm going to go rewatch Code Geass to see if-

Uh-huh, that's what I thought. He still doesn't like her. How's it feel being less faithful to canon than purpleeyeswtf, Code Eva?

She could be very bubbly and happy, pleasant company to be with, never begrudging much and always happy to please. Most of the faces in the crowd were those of Shirley's extensive network of friends, relatives, and her parents' coworkers, uninteresting to Lelouch. He watched as Suzaku hung uncomfortably in the back, from where he was fished out by Shirley to introduce to her parents. They showed surprising tolerance for him. Lelouch was not surprised that she chose not to mention him. Her feelings for him probably got in the way of her hospitality, which was fine by him. It was an important day for her, after all. She's always been a daddy's girl. The Evangelion pilot wasn't here, as he hadn't been admitted to the school yet, unfortunately.

Instead, in one of those fitting twists of fate, mistakenly admitted to a mental institution.

On his end, Suzaku was as serious and respectable as ever and there seemed to be nothing to be gained from coming here, except perhaps some relaxation.

Someone lightly tapped him on the back, and he turned to see who it was. It was a girl, with a wide hat and sunglasses covering her face, but she had a head of curiously dressed pink hair. Hair that was very, very familiar to him. She smiled and lifted her sunglasses. Lelouch recoiled in shock and horror.

Wait, let me guess... Nyaruko! Jotaro! Hunnid P.!

"Euphy-"

Damnit! I was so close!

She clapped a hand to his mouth and dragged him into an empty room, where she threw off the cap and fell into his arms.

"Lelouch, you really are alive!" she cried. "We all thought you were dead!"

"No. Just dead inside." A single tear rolled down Lelouch's cheek.

"Euphy, what are you doing here?" he demanded in a whisper. "What if you're seen?"

"It's okay," she whispered. "And I came to see you…Lelouch, aren't you happy to see me?"

He was not; his safety had obviously been breached. Did she know that he is Zero? She could be acting. Then again, Euphy was always the kindhearted girl, wearing her heart on her sleeve and always naïve and innocent. She couldn't act, even if she wanted to. He had some affection for her, and didn't want to push her away.

Yeah, Euphemia would never do anything horrible.

"How did you find me, Euphy?" he asked, returning the hug, mainly to hide her face from curious onlookers.

"Asuka—um, Lady Langley told me about a Lelouch Lamprouge…here at Ashford. Lelouch isn't really a commoner's name, you know. And Ashford; they were the family that you were dropped off with. I just knew, Lelouch. It had to be you."

He should've gone with a less suspicious alias, something like "Weedlord Bonerhitler."

The Knight of Two knows me? How did that happen? Did she find out who Zero is?

Euphy let go of him, though she still leaned into his chest.

"You remember Count Nikolai, don't you?" she asked.

I love how the Britannians are racist enough to build a world empire that dehumanizes subject races by revoking their citizenship and assigning numbers to them, but are also chill enough to occasionally let an obvious foreigner slip into the nobility. They try so hard to be irredeemably evil but don't quite have it figured out yet.

"That buffoon? I played chess with him once," he answered. Nikolai…the name was familiar; he'd heard it recently…oh, right, Euphy chose a part Eleven commoner over Nikolai's son for the art expressions week contest. Langley, a quarter-Eleven herself, would definitely have enjoyed the news, and then looked up the Count out of curiosity. As well networked as she was, she would also have heard the news of the Count's defeat by a student at chess, his favorite pastime. It doesn't take much to find him, he thought. His gambling habits left a clear trail for anyone to follow.

Starting to regret using your real first name, eh Lelouch? You could've at least reversed it like Dracula.

Euphy, though, was the only one so far to realize that he was Lelouch vi Britannia, former Eleventh Prince of the Holy Britannian Empire, exiled to Area Eleven following the bloody assassination of his mother, the former Imperial Consort, Empress Marianne, or the fact that the girl in his arms is his half sister.

Why yes, that is Lelouch's backstory. And, might I add, what an elegant way of conveying that information!

Outside, several girls were peeking in, hands over their mouths in mock outrage. One of them was running off, presumably to get Shirley, as it is well known that she had a massive crush on Lelouch.

'Crap'

"Hey Euphie, mind pretending to be my girlfriend?"

"What, for the next few minutes?"

"For however long it takes Shirley to stop fixating on me," Lelouch said. "So... ten years or so. Maybe more."

They will certainly demand to see the girl they thought was Lelouch's girlfriend, and when they do, everybody will instantly make the wrong assessment. He could not admit that she was his sister—doing so puts him at even greater risk. Now, however, he'll be known as Princess Euphemia's boyfriend…as if it wasn't hard enough for him to sneak away on Black Knights business already!

I guess those are the only two options available to him. There's simply no middle ground between brother and boyfriend, so he might as well pick one now.

"Euphy, let's get out of here!" he hissed, forcing her hat and sunglasses over her head again and rushing her through the gaggle of people beginning to form at the door, unceremoniously shoving them aside and pushing Euphy through. Thankfully, the crowd wasn't thick enough that they were trapped, but a look over his shoulder told Lelouch that Shirley had seen him, and was running off in the opposite direction. Now he's ruined her day…it was funny how he can plan battles and send men to their deaths far more easily than he could make a girl unhappy.

Maybe he could Geass her into never being unhappy. That would be a responsible use of his powers, right?

"Where's your security?" he demanded. "Get out of here! You'll be recognized!"

"Um…I gave them the slip," she said sheepishly.

Lelouch cursed his luck. Of course, his most airheaded and thoughtless sister would find him at exactly the wrong time.

"Then how did you get here?"

"I was driven, and then I got out and snuck off," she said, with almost a hint of pride.

It's a little game she plays with her bodyguards; she runs off and enjoys the illusion of independence while they get a couple hours of downtime.

Well then, the security men couldn't be too far off. There was no way Euphy could slip past professional Imperial guards. As they were walking, two suited men were already approaching.

Even in this crazy monarchical scifi world, G-men still wear suits (and, I assume, sunglasses). I'm disappointed.

"Are those your people?" he growled.

"Yea…I recognize them," she said. He pushed her off.

"You can see me later," he promised. "Just don't show up when there are people around."

She began to protest, but the guards have already escorted her away, taking no notice of him. He waved good-naturedly and turned to go. Shirley waited for him at the door, looking despondent. He felt guilty, almost ashamed that he'd hurt her so. Even he must be human sometimes…

I'm just like you, made by He
Despised by they, I'm almost me
I'm nearly human, look at me
I'm almost a human being

"Lelouch, where did you go?" she asked.

"I went to see a friend off," he answered.

"That's all? She was just a friend?"

He could say many things, none of which would really help, so instead he grabbed her and kissed her.

To quote a modern masterpiece, "they cant troll you if you kiss them. i dont like doing it but it works"

"Of course," he murmured. "It's not like I have room for another woman in my life, you know." It was a farce, one that may or may not have been detected by Shirley. Most likely not, as her eyes were wide open in shocked disbelief. To drive the point home, he held her for a brief moment and let go, smiling.

Of course, he didn't specify which woman...

"I hope I didn't ruin your day?" he asked, as much for his own conscience as for anything else.

"Um, no, not at all…"she was at a loss for words, too distracted by him to think about Euphy.

Little does Shirley know that Lelouch's lips secrete a contact neurotoxin that damages the brain's ability to process short-term memory.

Good; everyone else will forget it soon, as he was a popular guy whom many girls adored. He blew a mental sigh of relief, followed by another mental groan. Now Shirley will be more intent on him than ever, expecting him to fulfill the role of a boyfriend as well. Out of the fire and into the frying pan, he supposed, although this was the better alternative. Putting his arm 'round her waist, he ushered her back in full view of the whole party, trying to look respectable for the sake of Mr. Fenette, who was looking at him with disapproval. Regular life, it seemed, is much harder than running a terrorist organization.

Ha! Women, amirite.

Meanwhile, Euphemia had yet again left the safety of her car and walked off to the school, hoping to perhaps see Nunnally there, too, though she didn't count on the blind, disabled girl to be anywhere but home. Another person was walking out of the school into the courtyard, looking up dreamily at the sky. Euphemia quickly put on her sunglasses, though it was night,
Euphemia must be related to Wesker.

making her unable to see anything, and groped through the darkness to the boy's side, driven by curiosity. Not surprisingly, she tripped, squealing as she tumbled to the ground. The boy started and caught her instantly, displaying amazing reflexes.

"Are you alright?" he cried.

"Ah, yes, I'm fine," a chagrined Euphemia said. "Thank you, mister…"

"Kururugi, miss. Suzaku Kururugi."

I wonder what horrible, contrived series of events will destroy their relationship this time.

Euphemia started, surprised. A close examination told her that he really was Suzaku Kururugi, son of the former Japanese Prime Minister. He was good looking, with a head of tousled brown hair and a pleasantly honest face that made her like him instantly. She patted down her dress and stood up. He looked strangely at her sunglasses.

"Um, miss, it's almost midnight."



She blushed and took them off, careful to hide her face in the shadows cast by the yard's lights. He looked confused in the highest degree, which was only natural considering the oddness of the encounter. Her guards would certainly be approaching right that moment, and would instantly give away her identity. But he was the pilot of the Lancelot, who fought under her command, at least in name. She wanted to get to know him better.

"Call me Euphy," she said. "May I call you Suzaku?"

"Sure," he said, looking more confused. She gave him a reassuring smile and laid her hand on his arm.

I like to think Suzaku is just baffled that anyone would want to talk to him.

"Would you like to give me a little tour around this school?"

XXXXX

"…school?"

It's an educational establishment where young people go to acquire knowledge that will be useful in adulthood. Or, in Shinji's case, a place to be bullied.

Shinji was stunned, finally getting his wish after such a long time of staring at the distant Ashford Academy, where he was now suddenly enrolled. He did not quite know what to say, so Misato simply continued with giving information.

"Rei Ayanami has already been enrolled. To avoid attracting attention, you will refer to her as Rei Aldington while at school, which is her given name in public.

Because her name is the most unusual thing about Rei.

She will be posing as a Britannian student from the Britannian Homeland, while you…there is not much to be done for you, unless you wish a complete face-lift. Otherwise, a private tutor will get you up to par in terms of schoolwork, and you will be lodged with a certain Lelouch Lamprouge through the school's student housing system. He's the only one who would accept Elevens, and we want you to make friends for your own good."

One of them's a painfully shy wimp whose father is conspiring to trigger the apocalypse. The other's a terrorist mastermind with a dark past and a royal vendetta. What will happen when they're forced to live together and go to the same school? Find out in MTV's new show, Teen Mecha Pilot.

She shut the folder she was reading from and handed it to Shinji.

"I know you haven't gone to school, but I believe that you're more than capable. Make us proud," she said, patting him on the shoulder. He flinched at the familiarity of the gesture. "A Nerv car is outside waiting for you. Your belongings have been packed. Good luck, Shinji."

He hasn't gone to school, so this exclusive private academy for the nobility is a perfect fit for him.

The ride to his new home was uneventful. The Nerv agents driving him were as gloomy as always, and he spent most of his time worrying about how he'll cope with school. At the door of the residence stood a tall, lanky Britannian boy, almost scrawny-looking with ebony hair, curiously purple eyes and a murderously sharp look. The boys shook hands.

"Mr. Ikari, my pleasure," Lelouch said silkily. "Glad to have you here."

He won't be for long.

"The pleasure is all mine, Mr. Lamprouge," Shinji replied guardedly. Misato had ground proper manners into him every second they've been together, and warned him to always be warm on the surface, no matter what he thought. The boy led him back inside the home, a lavish affair of red rugs, chandeliers and velvet seats. A maid pushed a little wheelchair into view, with a brown haired girl sitting in it.

How nice of Shinji not to mention either of their deformities: Nunnaly's inability to walk and Lelouch's freaky noodle limbs.

"Hello," she said. "Are you the new guest? Shinji, isn't it? I think we've met before."

"Miss Nunnally!"

Lelouch glanced at the Eleven with suspicion. How does this random boy know his sister? Nunnally seemed to sense his unease.

Nunnaly has ESP now, I guess.

"Brother, I got lost at school, and Shinji pushed me back. He was selling ice cream on the streets. Sayoko, ahead, please."

Onward, ninja maid!

Wait, he haven't gotten to that part yet, have we.

The woman pushed the girl up to the boys, and Nunnally reached out her hand, which Shinji tried to shake, before the girl put both of hers around his and clasped it.

"How are you, Shinji," she asked.

As demonstrated by the lack of a question mark.

"Just fine, Miss Nunnally," he said happily. "Such a coincidence, I guess."

She leaned forwards and touched his face, trying to determine his features. He felt a twinge of pity for the blind girl, and closed his eyes for her inspection. Lelouch looked on impassively, feeling as if he understood Mr. Fennette's apprehensive glance at the party, when he glimpsed Lelouch with his arms around Shirley. Nunnally's hands fell back into her lap, somewhat sadly.

"You aren't a girl, are you, Shinji?" she asked.

"What?"

"It's just that your features are really feminine," Nunnaly said.

"Look, it's not my fault they reused Nadia's character design for me!" Shinji protested.

"Welcome, Shinji. Enjoy your stay," she said, and the maid wheeled her away. Lelouch elbowed Shinji out of the room, much less friendly now. He was hurriedly shown around the school, introduced to the members of the student council, and brusquely returned to his room. The room itself was almost a palace by Shinji's standards. The space it had could hold three families in the ghetto. Lelouch shut the door behind him as he left the room with an unpleasant taste in his mouth. He blamed Sayoko for letting Nunnally get loose, and worried about Ikari being so close to her. He went berserk in his Eva, didn't he? What if he were to—

What if he were to go berserk in her heart?

Lelouch slammed his fist against the wall, cursing himself for turning into a paranoid parent. The mild-mannered Ikari was no threat unless provoked, and certainly Nunnally would never be able to anger anyone. He's probably good company for her, anyway.

"Worried?"

C.C. appeared behind him, stuffed toy in hand.

Lelouch should be worried; CC only shows up to deliver exposition and eat pizza, and I don't see any pizza.

"Nunnally will be fine," she said. "The boy is docile enough. On the other hand, the people he works for aren't. We've finished the probe into Nerv. Their security is almost airtight; there's nothing we can discover past a few basic bits of information. First, Nerv is an organization founded after Second Impact by a special UN charter to pursue some sort of bioengineering. It has strong ties to the Katsuragi Expedition to the South Pole just before Second Impact occurred, and something was brought back—a 'specimen' is all that our agent was told of. Nerv has built the Settlement with Britannia so that the city is filled with launch pads and weapons systems designed to intercept the Angels. It's all very odd, and our agent had gone missing right after he delivered the information. He is presumed dead, as his cyanide capsule shell was found on the sidewalk in a back alley."

You see? Also, why does the UN exist in this world? Lelouch had to found it himself in R2.

Nerv, then, took something back from ground zero of Second Impact that aided them in developing some form of technology…presumably the Evas, as they were clearly synthetic organisms. The Evas themselves seem to have the same powers as the Angels now being fought. This means that whatever was at Antarctica had Angelic ties. Could the Angels have caused Second Impact? Lelouch could not be sure. He knew that no meteor strike produces the kind of side effects that Second Impact left. But if he was right, then Nerv not only possesses a sample of something powerful enough to destroy half a planet in one blow, but has also replicated it successfully three times. It made the hair on the back of his neck stand up to think of the pure power that might be contained in each Evangelion. If this was the case with Nerv, then it would be even more imperative to get close to Ikari.

"Hey CC, get close to Ikari," Lelouch said. "He already hangs out with one neon-haired chick who probably has weird supernatural powers. I need you to do anything necessary to get him to talk. Anything."

"I'm pretty sure he's into guys."

Lelouch thought for a moment. "Bring me Ohgi."

XXXXX

Ayanami…no, Aldington was still wrapped in gauze. She looked as cold as ever, her red eye glinting in the afternoon sun. They were sitting outside, comfortably far away but close enough for conversation. Shinji felt drained. He had burst out in rage during history class because of the propaganda-filled curriculum. Now he felt stupid and afraid. He'd managed to earn the enmity of the Britannians, which was bound to make him miserable sometime in the future.

Isn't he always miserable, though?

"Ikari," Ayanami said in her whispery tone.

"Yes?"

"Why did you do that? Why did you resist like that? It's futile."

Rei being a Borg makes an alarming amount of sense.

"But I'm Japanese…I can't let them demean me like that," he said. "It's pride, I guess. But I still can't just sit there and take it."

"And so, at great risk to yourself and your benefactors, you continue to fight?"

She leaned over the tree they were sitting against. The light played over her unnaturally white skin enticingly, the Ashford skirt showing way too much creamy leg. In her odd way, she was as beautiful as Langley, but cold as the Knight of Two was hotheaded, calm as Langley was passionate and soft as Langley was encased in a hard shell.

I dunno. Creamy legs don't sound particularly enticing to me. It makes it sound like Rei is made out of Cool Whip or something.

"But when you do, you put at risk all those people who've helped you," she said. "We all know that Britannia's curriculum is biased, so what is the point of throwing away even more to regain equality in the eyes of Britannia, which you've never had?"

"You don't understand," Shinji said. "You can pretend to be Britannian, pretend like you're one of them. I can't. I have to face my own identity, face who I am, right?"

THIS IS WHO I AM

"Yet you run away constantly…you backed down when you were challenged by that student. Even now, you look away. Why is that, Shinji Ikari? I do not understand."

"Come on, Eleven, don't you have anything to say except to yell about injustice?" the boy sneered. "Let's hear your argument, then. Why should we treat you as equals?"

"B-because it's right!" he said. "It's because all people are born equal!"

They have the inalienable right to not be unexpectedly shoved into a robotic clone of God and forced to do battle with horrible monsters.

"Then why is there poverty, huh?" the boy asked. "And war, terrorism and conflict? Look at the EU; they embrace equality, and what did it get them? A pant-load of conflict, nothing more! Sit down, Eleven, and don't presume to speak up against your betters!"

The teacher intervened, ending the argument there, and moved on to another topic. Shinji stayed silent. He couldn't say anything beyond the morality of the issue.

He drew his knees to his chest, staring blankly at the ground. Ayanami walked up to him.

Isn't it hard to walk when your legs are made of cream?

"I'm sorry, I really cannot understand people well," she said. Her voice was silky, exotic in its blandness.

OK, I'll just pretend that made sense.

"That's okay," he said with a forced smile. "You tried to" The same, he realized, could be said for him. It made him feel a little bit, but not much, better. She nodded.

"Come, let's return now. I'll go first," she said, with perhaps a small tinge of warmth. He got up and followed her. As they reentered the building, the teacher from the past class appeared.

"Young man," he said. "We all teach what we're told to teach. The rot comes from up high. But I'm proud you spoke out. That was brave."

He grasped Shinji's hand.

When he pulled his hand away, Shinji saw that the teacher had placed a gold star in his palm. And suddenly he felt like everything would be all right.

"Well done, boy."

With that, he ambled away. Shinji flushed with pleasure, knowing that someone at least approved. Holding his head higher than he would have, he himself ran to catch up with Ayanami.

Around the corner, Lelouch nodded with satisfaction. The boy was as easy to mold as he thought. The Geass-controlled teacher walked past him, whistling as he walked.

You don't have to go to all that trouble to manipulate Shinji, man. You can just tell him what to do, and if you're insistent enough he'll give in. Come on.

"Well, Mr. Ikari," Lelouch whispered. "Let's see what you've got in your head."

Insecurity and a heap of self-loathing, that's what.

End Stage VIII

Well, that was a short chapter. I might be able to actually finish the mock if the rest are like this. After another multi-month break, of course, because I'm a lazy shit.

[Max-Vader]

Man, I forgot how astonishingly stupid this thing was. Anyway, good job.

I must be too used to the Code MENT versions of the characters, because I can't remember Lelouch actually enjoying being around Shirley. Hold on, I'm going to go rewatch Code Geass to see if-

Uh-huh, that's what I thought. He still doesn't like her.

Then again, does ANYONE like Shirley?

Lelouch should be worried; CC only shows up to deliver exposition and eat pizza, and I don't see any pizza.

You forgot the fanservice.

[Dr. O]

Then again, does ANYONE like Shirley?

I think it says a lot that Lelouch's first impulse was to erase all her memories of him. He must have come up with that idea beforehand and just been looking for an excuse to do it.

You forgot the fanservice.

Doesn't the fanservice go without saying?


Stage IX: Langley

Pendragon, 1.5 kilometers underground

This had better be foreshadowing for Lelouch going all Darth Vader and chucking the Emperor down a bottomless pit.

"All locks are secure, transport ship is awaiting loading," an operator's voice boomed over the P.A. system. A hum filled the underground factory as a huge crawler made its way up a ramp and onto the front of a massive ocean transport sitting in the long, deep canal with almost a hundred locks that served as a harbor, and allowed even this massive vessel to be brought over a kilometer below ground. The weight made the vessel dip forwards into the water, its propellers barely under the surface.

It's all part of King Charles's plan to build the world's largest water slide.

"Easy, easy, load the deadweights onto the back," the voice commanded. Piles of scrap iron were dumped into the back of the ship, which made it fall even again, albeit lying very low in the water. The contents of the crawler were hooked up to six cranes that dragged a movable frame onto the middle of the ship, which was cut away for this specific purpose. As it was dragged up, the iron weights in the back were hauled away, until the object rested in the exact center of the ship. Giant bolts clamped into place over the frame, and two movable metal covers closed over the entire middle of the ship, the hydraulics groaning under the covers' weight.

The Britannians have spared no expense in their sophisticated Evangelion transport system. They even shelled out for iron weights!

"Loading is complete, Evangelion Unit 02 is secure!" the man announced triumphantly.

Not anyone in particular, mind you, just... y'know, the man.

Cheers erupted among the workers, their jobs complete, and the ship let out a thundering roar of steam. The Evangelion's parts and weapons had long been shipped out, and the bare-bones base was being dismembered, all of its assets transferred to Area Eleven for the battle there. Along with it went workers, military contractors and companies by the hordes. The fight against alien and indestructible enemies cost money, money attracted business, and business needed land.

But you see, money derives from the labor of the working class. Though you can be pedantic and say that the workers would be unable to produce anything without the raw materials provided by the land, the fact remains that the most basic economic activity is the use of labor to extract materials from the land and then transform them into products needed by society. Granted, the ruthlessly exploitative Britannians might think more in terms of land, which is a useful measure of personal wealth in a pseudo-feudal patronage system and I don't have any idea what I'm saying anymore.

Land owned almost exclusively by one person.

Ronove, the demonic earle who gives servants knowledge of rhetoric and commands 19 legions? Wait, I know! It's gotta be James Naismith, inventor of basket-

Asuka Langley sat next to the transport's captain, gazing over her Evangelion with considerable pride.

Huh? A character that's already been introduced? I'm not used to crossovers being so restrained.

The production model Evangelion was fully optimized for combat, with Knightmare-style Landspinners, oversized Harkens and four Factosphere IIs, enhanced Factosphere sensors made into the appropriate size for an Eva. They had the detection ability of an entire land-based radar array and more. Being unable to function without exterior power, Evas' power supplies are their lifeblood. She could slip in custom made energy fillers if she needed to, and some genius somewhere had even found it possible to slip in a Core Luminous and sakuradite electrical system into the Eva, extending activation time by as much as three minutes in Gain mode, and one minute in full power. Whereas older Evas functioned for one to five minutes, she could fight for two to eight.

I'll just move on and assume the above paragraph means something.

The ship trembled, shaking her out of her reverie.

"Milady, we are about to be underway," the captain said. "Do you wish us to take you to your personal ship now?"

Her personal ship, the HMS Shrieking Harpy.

"I'm travelling in the Rainbow," she said. "I can get there myself. Thank you for your hospitality, captain." They shook hands, the weathered seaman's hands easily dwarfing that of the fourteen-year old, and Asuka left the bridge. Before she boarded the helicopter that would take her to the HMS Over the Rainbow, the Britannian Pacific Fleet flagship, she went down to the cargo bay where her Eva was bolted down for the trip. With no one else around, she trotted to the silent head, and sat down on a protrusion of metal.

Why do these fanfics keep including Over the Rainbow as a ship name? Don't. I know it was in Eva, but that doesn't make it a good idea.

"Hello," she said after a while. "So you're finally complete." It was a lame attempt to start a conversation, not that the Eva could respond, anyway. She still felt the need to speak to it, however. This was the project that had taken her mother away from Asuka and caused her to be left in the Langley mansion. In a test with this machine, her mother had gone insane. Duke Langley did not even visit her as she languished in a small mental hospital, and Asuka was the only one who was there to watch as the shell of a woman talked day and night to a small doll, whom she thought to be her daughter. When she hanged herself from a ceiling fan, Asuka was the only one there to witness it. The body was dumped in a public graveyard with naught but a small stone marking. Perhaps the Duke had felt some guilt, for he later adopted Asuka as his own daughter. Her mother's research in psycho-communication had made the Langleys fabulously wealthy after the collapse of the Ashfords, when the field of Knightmare research was up for grabs. Now, Asuka was the one reaping almost all the benefits of that initial wealth, having systematically stripped her half-siblings of much of their holdings. It was her mother's to begin with, after all. She ran a hand over the smooth metal helmet, feeling the cold metal. The machine had deprived her of her mother, yet it was also Kyoko Zeppelin's last true love and the sole tie between Asuka and her.

OK yeah, let's just dump her backstory here instead of presenting it as an actual part of the narrative. Gotta pad out these new short chapters somehow, right?

"What was mama like?" she asked it arbitrarily. After a moment, she chided herself for being so silly. Of course a machine could not have known. Perhaps it did, as she had been told that an imprinted personality was the key to the operation of its computer system, and the designers usually put in their own personalities for ease of control. If so, it would have known Asuka's mother.

Let's hope Asuka never designs a computer, then. "This application has performed an illegal operation! Baka hentai!"

Asuka leaned her weight against the metal, feeling tears warming her eyes. Quickly, she got up and dabbed her eyes dry with her handkerchief. To be seen crying over one's weapon was bound to rouse unnecessary questions. Kaji was waiting outside the door discreetly, and took her silently to a Sikorsky S-76. She was extraordinarily quiet as she perused some paperwork while reclining on the soft leather seat. The flight was over as soon as it began, having no need to go but to the carrier no more than a half kilometer away. The journey would be no older than a week before Nerv-Area 11 sent a delegation to take the Eva as it sailed into the Area. It was time enough for Asuka to catch up on mundane work, but she did not feel like it, not with her mother's last creation right here.

Come on, we're like halfway through this fanfic. It's way too early to have all the characters be crippled by apathy and depression.

Kaji always ably handled her daily affairs.

If you know what I mean.

She glanced out the window at the massive ship that loomed below her, the pride of the Britannian navy, the pre-Impact HMS Over the Rainbow. It was too large, she thought, a target that a good artilleryman cannot possibly miss. For it to survive, it needs the support of a small armada, many more ships protecting its vulnerable body. Though it was tactically vital, she didn't feel as if it deserved the laurels it got. The glory should at least be split up more among the protective fleet, who made it possible for the hulking carrier to survive. It was like the nobles that ran this empire, taking credit but doing not nearly as much as they should have for the amount of praise heaped upon them.

Compare and contrast this Asuka to the canon version, who didn't think twice about flattening her own support ships with an Eva.

XXXXX

Shinji locked the mop back into its closet, satisfied that the floor was squeaky clean. With nothing left to do, he sat back and reclined in his chair. His schoolwork stared mockingly at him, as if daring him to try them. For the newly enrolled Shinji, they were far more difficult than he could imagine, yet he could not speak out, for fear of damaging the Elevens' already fragile intellectual reputation. With some difficulty, he flipped open a random book and looked helplessly at its contents. There was no hope of further insights, not even when the history teacher had taken time to give him extra help. Honestly, if he was just going to take in information and regurgitate it back, it shouldn't be so hard, should it?

The good news is that Shinji has discovered the true nature of the education system.

The bad news is that, being terrible at everything, he still can't grasp the material.

With that mentality, he sat down and got to work memorizing the day's lectures and the next day's work. He wouldn't disappoint anyone, not even the cold and harsh Misato, to whom he owed this improvement in his lot in life. Midnight found him still working, yawning widely and barely taking in any new information. Weariness must be put aside, however, if he was to catch up. It was Friday, anyway. Tomorrow he could sleep long and well.

First Shirley is supposed to be almost sorta likable, and now Misato's "cold and harsh?" Just what show is this fanfic based on?

He didn't; at six o'clock sharp, a bell rang in his head, after a mere five hours of sleep. It did nothing to stir him, so the maid, Miss Sayoko, rapped lightly on the door.

Everybody get up it's time to slam now
We got a real jam goin down
Welcome to the space jam
It's your chance do your dance at the space jam
All right

Wait, it said "on the door," not "at."

"Master Ikari, this is your wake-up call," she said. "Master Lelouch said that you must wake up on the weekends at six for your own reasons." Finding his head again, Shinji painfully tore himself from the maddeningly comfortable bed and answered the maid, who told him to be ready in ten minutes, when she would bring him breakfast, and to please be quiet for the sake of Miss Nunnally. Shinji didn't mind doing it for Nunnally, but was Lamprouge awake already? He was partially angry at the Britannian for making him wake up so early when, rightfully, as a student, he should be snoring away even now.

I bet Lelouch makes up for lost sleep at Black Knights meetings. He could just doze off inside that helmet and everyone would assume he's coming up with a brilliant plan.

His inquiry was answered when Lamprouge himself came to the door and said, "Mr. Ikari, are you awake now?"

"Yes, Mr. Lamprouge," he said, automatically deferring to the Britannian.

"Please, Lelouch will be fine," Lamprouge said warmly. "I'm afraid that your guardian has instructed that you should go to her place today at six forty-five."

But it's Misato. She'd still be nursing a hangover at noon, let alone seven in the morning.

"Oh, alright," Shinji replied. "Sorry about the inconvenience."

Lelouch laughed lightheartedly, saying, "No need to apologize, Mr. Ikari, Sayoko and I wake up an hour earlier."

Is he implying something, or is it completely normal for a servant and master to have the same sleep schedule?

"Please, call me Shinji," Shinji said. "I'm glad I'm not too much of a burden." The exchange of civilities was soon stagnating into empty pleasantries. With a quick farewell, Lelouch broke it off before Ikari set him down as a stiff person, an image he was trying to avoid. Sayoko was walking up when Shinji opened the door, fully dressed but drowsy-eyed. He had forgotten that his breakfast will be served to him in his room, as there was little time to go down. Gratefully, he drank the heavily diluted cup of coffee and dug into the beautifully prepared scrambled eggs, bacon and English muffin. He was slightly annoyed that Misato called him up so early without telling him why. A Nerv car—he could never tell if all the cars and drivers were merely clones—took him straight to Nerv.

NERV's entire motor pool is staffed by Reis, apparently.

Strangely, Lelouch left at the exact same time with a white motorbike, seeming to tail them and them veering off the main thoroughfare.

Nerv was fully swept, the Cage emptied and a new Eva dock opened. Wasn't Unit 02 coming from Pendragon? Did it get here already? Shinji's heart skipped a beat. Langley would be aboard. He was at a loss for what he should say or do when he sees her again.

Or he could avoid Asuka forever. But I guess with these characters the smart option never enters consideration.

Misato met him in the Cage, ran him through some basics of official reception, and ushered him away to change into an official Nerv uniform, a very Britannian affair with a creamy white jacket,

Is everything going to be described as "creamy" from now on?

Mao's creamy silver hair. Unit 04's creamy white armor. VV's creamy pale skin. That's where this is headed, isn't it?

golden trimming and shoulder pads with tassels, and matching pants with riding boots. A golden leaf emblem was stitched into the front. He was to wear a ridiculous, plumed hat that he was to take off with his right hand and hold plume-forwards against the left side of his chest as he bowed. He had a chance to practice when, suddenly, Cornelia li Britannia burst into the Cage. Shinji hastily bowed as he was instructed, well enough that Cornelia did not notice any oddity. They all rushed terribly. Shinji was feeling the weight of his long night. Soon, he found himself onboard a large transport helicopter next to Misato and…

Zero

But Britannia doesn't have robot people until near the end of- oh, wrong Zero. My bad.

Zero appeared right in the helicopter, with his mask and cloak. Shinji jumped, not knowing what to do. Zero waved the formalities off.

"I am not part of your chain of command," he said casually. "So let us forgo the ceremony and get going." Shinji's eyes were more drawn to Zero's personal guard than to anything else. She was a young woman, with her uniform hat cocked down over her face, but he could see bright red hair poking out; familiar hair. Perhaps he'd seen her in the ghetto, but the red hair was clearly not Japanese. It was odd that a Britannian would be working for the Black Knights.

I was going to quip that it's rare but possible for Japanese people to naturally have red hair, but research reveals that I was mistaken! I didn't think I'd learn anything from doing a fanfic mock, but there you have it.

The helicopter's rumbling engine cut off any other thoughts as it ascended. Shinji tried not to look at Zero but found his interest insatiable. For his part, the man was occupied with business, tapping away on a laptop turned against Shinji and Misato. Nerv was a Britannian institution, so why was Zero so calmly working onboard one of its helicopters? Doubtlessly, as temporary allies, Zero would be privy to at least meeting the new Knight to join their collective ranks—her identity was hardly a secret—but the number of Britannian troop carriers meant that he would likely be kept from doing anything but offering his greetings. The Elevens seemed to be left out of the loop, with the essentials of the operation all going to Britannian hands. They were reliant on Nerv for protection, and thus were at a serious disadvantage.

This had all better be a setup for some elaborate plan where Kallen and Lelouch hijack an Eva and run away while giving NERV the biggest middle finger in history.

Lelouch had been thinking along the same lines, sans the concern for Elevens. The helicopter cleared the clouds above the fleet, homing in on the giant floating airfield that was the Rainbow. Onboard, a troupe of Knightmares was already assembled, and even from almost a thousand feet in the air, Shinji could see the light glinting off of Langley's uniform. She had recovered pretty fast in the weeks following the latest attack, considering how badly she was hurt. With a sigh the plane's engines came to a halt, and Misato threw a hand over the door.

That's not going to do shit. She needs to at least bar it or jam a chair under the doorknob if she wants to keep Asuka out.

"Shinji, follow me," she ordered. "Master Zero, you and your aide will follow behind Shinji. This is a Nerv operation, and you are visitors only."

No flash photography, stay on the designated path, that sort of thing.

Zero nodded sanguinely, holding back until Shinji and she exited the plane, then held the door for Kallen as she got off with a hand on her cap, which the buffeting high winds were threatening to tear off. Zero had no problem with his helmet, she noted with some jealousy.

Across the deck, the figure of Asuka Langley seemed to tower over the squad of Langley guards that stood to attention behind her, despite her being barely more than half their average height. Misato bowed slightly, cap in hand, and Shinji followed when his superior had straightened. Langley returned the gesture with a salute. Zero skulked in the back, a mere spectator, though Langley cast her eye in his direction with a hint of unease.

"Don't mind me, just learning the layout of your base and disposition of your security forces so I can take this place over," Lelouch said. "Now go about your petty business."

"Lady Langley," Misato said in her official voice. "It is an honor to have you here with us."

Langley did not seem to mind the Numbers on her deck, but returned Misato's pleasantries as if they were Britannians.

"Captain Katsuragi," she acknowledged. "The pleasure is mine." The women shook hands rigidly. Misato stood aside and ushered Shinji in. A spark of recognition flared between the two, though Langley showed no sign of it. Misato seemed disappointed that she had to continue to scrape at Langley's feet by introducing Shinji.

Misato can relish this moment when the mindfuck Angels appear, at least.

"Milady, may I present the Third Child, Shinji Ikari, pilot of Evangelion Unit 01?" she said. "Mr. Ikari, Lady Asuka Langley, daughter of His Grace the Duke of Langley and Second Knight of the Realm." As he was coached to do, Shinji bowed, deeper this time. Langley nodded to him, a hint of a smile playing about the corner of her lips.

"Mr. Ikari," she said, holding out her hand. "I believe we will be fighting alongside each other now."

It would have been more appropriate if she said "with" instead of alongside.

Shinji stared at the gloved hand, lost. Misato kicked him in the leg—the motion was not lost on Langley, who smirked—and Shinji realized that she meant for him to kiss her hand, which was an action he was taught to perform, though was never expected to exercise, especially not at an official reception. Misato's kick brought him back to the real world, and he took Langley's fingers in his hand and lowered himself to her knuckles, not moving the hand up at all. Misato looked relieved that she taught him how to do it in case some lady decided to play Nerv for fools. Langley withdrew her hand with a look on her face that conceded enough of a victory on Nerv's part that Misato was able to stand taller and play a wider smile. From a distance, Zero chortled.

Truly, Shinji performing a gesture of submission is a great moral victory for NERV.

"They know what they're doing," he said. "Not too bad, Captain. The boy is a good trained monkey. Credit, of course, goes to the trainer and not the beast. You play this game well." Kallen was a little shocked and dismayed at his cold and blunt assertions, but no harm was done as everyone was out of earshot. A tall, red haired man prowled in the far corner of the Britannian honor guard, Langley's often-slighted older brother, who looked as beet-red as ever at his sister offering her hand to an Eleven. Zero laughed at the weak, pathetic man. He was almost penniless for a nobleman of his status, his lands in the hands of his sister. The lands that he had deemed worthless and had sold to Asuka Langley were now abounding with crazed growth stemming from hundreds of greasy military contracts. Henry Langley could squirm, but he couldn't free himself from under his teenage sister's thumb.

Now Henry hates Shinji, looks like. Maybe this will turn into a murder mystery where Shinji turns up dead and every single character has a plausible motive for being the culprit. Then Lelouch would be the detective and have to decide who really did it. That'd be pretty cool.

"Kallen," he whispered. "Do you see the man in the back? That is the best example of the worthless noble scum that drain the life from their country with their incompetence. Ridicule him, for soon he will be lower than scum." The words carried a certain prophetic power, as if Zero seriously intended to overthrow all of the nobility and shatter Britannia's backbone. Even Kallen found that unlikely.

Come on Kallen, didn't you see the Kid Lelouch flashbacks? Guy's gonna obliterate Britannia.

"Sir, don't go over your head," she reprimanded. "You are playing with fire."

"My dear Kallen, if not fire, then what on earth is worth playing with?" Zero shot back in good humor.

"Yes... O for a muse of fire!" Lelouch said, flicking the lid on his lighter up and down. Kallen reminded herself to remove all matches from the academy's storage rooms.

The reception had apparently ended, and Zero was able to creep up and make his introductions. The good lady did not offer her hand, he observed with a laugh. But she did offer a number of polite greetings, which he appreciated. The officials left to speak with the captain of the ship, and Langley excused herself, sending her manservant as her representative. This left Zero, Ikari, Kallen, Lady Langley and the guards alone. She dismissed her guards, and looked towards Shinji. Catching the hint, Zero withdrew to gather intelligence on the ship's weapons as much as he was permitted.

Langley beckoned Shinji forwards, and he followed her off to a helicopter docked at the edge of the deck. There was no pilot, though the engine was humming.

The pilot's just invisible. They wanted something like Wonder Woman's jet but got the order messed up, you see.

"You're very gloomy, Mr. Ikari," she observed. "Does the sea not agree with you?"

She had her full shield of pleasantness up, and was not very open to him. They entered the helicopter together, where she immediately relaxed in the pilot's seat.

"May I call you Shinji?" she asked.

Just as long as she doesn't call him "baka" or some other weaboo bullshit.

"Uh, sure," he said. "I mean, yes, milady." She allowed herself the liberty of a small laugh, though she made no moves to grant him permission to use her first name. The helicopter was on autopilot after takeoff, which Asuka performed easily. Landing was done via remote control by some unknown controller onboard the transport ship.

"Uh, where are we going, ma'am?" he asked with caution.

To a better place...



To a better place.

"To see Unit 02," she said. "Where else would we go?" They walked along a metal corridor into the groaning interior of the ship, Asuka in the lead, her status clearing the way instantly. Before a metal bulkhead, she stopped to punch in a password. The bulkhead hissed open, though beyond it, all that Shinji could see were a mass of metal walls almost completely filling the space, leaving no more room than one thin walkway for people to use.

"Shinji," Langley said with considerable pride as they came around a set of stairs and found themselves over a purple pool with a fiery red Eva lying in it. "This is Evangelion Unit 02, the final Production Model, the first truly combat-based Evangelion, whereas Units 00 and 01 were mere test beds."

I hope this turns out like Eva 2.22 and Asuka's introduction is all about building her up as a SUPER AWESOME UNSTOPPABLE ACE PILOT, only for her entire role in the plot to consist of being replaced by a bland new character and getting maimed.

She turned to him.

"Well, what do you think?" she asked pointedly, abandoning all formality and, in Shinji's mind, her pretension of being an adult and a Lady. She was like a small child showing off a prized toy.

She better be proud. Those damn Revoltech figures cost an arm and a leg.

"Impressive," he said. The only difference that he could see were the color, a set of Knightmare Landspinners, and an even bigger back section than in 00 and 01, more liable to slow her down than anything. Two large rectangles also jutted out by the side of the cockpit block. She caught him staring.

"Energy filler receptacles," she said. "For recharging the internal battery while on the move"

They've bumped the Eva's battery life up from Game Gear to PS Vita levels.

"Neat," he commented, and then catching himself being too casual. She didn't notice, although she was put off by his lack of enthusiasm. Part of her was embarrassed at her own childishness, and she was forced to abandon the topic. Shinji looked her over again and, summoning his courage, asked, "How've you been, milady? It's been a while since I, um, saw you."

Her heart warmed a little, chilled as it was by weeks of hospitalization and dealing with business while bedridden. The boy showed more sincerity than the whole of the Imperial Court put together, she lamented.

Of course the nobles don't care; they're all too busy with superweapon projects and trying to seize the reigns of creation from God.

"Very well, thanks to your timely intervention," she said with a smile, walking closer to him. He blushed like a normal boy and scratched his heat with an awkward laugh.

"Uh, sure, I guess, well…I couldn't just leave you there…" he said nervously. Was he bordering on indiscretion? She sure didn't mind his casualness, and seemed friendly in general. His natural fear of Britannians, of course, was already in shambles.

So Shinji's like a crow living in the city. Only, you know, way less resourceful and endearing.

For Asuka's part, she was glad he could open up more. Fighting alongside a gloomy and closed comrade is not only draining but also dangerous, if the situation arose for them to cooperate. He was harder to talk to than she had expected, from his outbursts on the mountain, though he seemed to be in great distress then. Wishing for the open sea to replace the stuffy metal box of the cargo hold, she led him out into the brilliant light of day. Overhead, a pair of seagulls cruised in the warm air, cawing loudly as they fought playfully. The clouds were sparse, and the sun shone in its full glory, covering the fleet in its bright rays. Shinji was again unable to help but stare at Langley's hair in its golden glory. She let him admire her, secretly enjoying every bit of his naïve wonder, tilting her head back more to show an additional sliver of her beauty.

"Do you like what you see?" she teased. His face reddened even deeper.

What she doesn't know is there's a giant spider in her hair and Shinji's waiting to see if she'll notice on her own.

"Um, I didn't mean to stare," he stammered. "I'm sorry, milady…"

"Women weren't made to be stashed away where nobody could see them," she said with a wink. "Looking is free." She was in such a good mood that she didn't bother putting up an air of superiority, and her friendliness, she observed, was cultivating the pliable Shinji very well.

This is, like, exactly the opposite of her attitude in Eva. Not that I'm complaining. Anything beats her characterization in the show.

"Don't be so stiff," she told him. "We'll be watching each other's backs from now on, so it's important that we are friendly with each other. Do you understand?"

"Yes, ma'am"

In the distance, a destroyer crumpled into a purple fireball.

Eh, I'm sure it's nothing. Now let's get back to this wonderful characzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

End Stage IX